Bloggin 2 Noggin

A Bitter Sweet End

noreply@blogger.com (Alyssa) — Wed, 04 Jan 2012 22:40:20 PST

So much has happened. I really don't even know where to begin. You may or may not remember that I wanted to have another child. I was scared to go through the process of IVF again. Not that IVF itself is physically painful. It is the emotional roller coaster of fertility treatments in general which was causing me to have fear. The ups and downs of maybe being pregnant. Then getting the phone call from the doctor that you are not pregnant. Having to go through another cycle of shots and medicine that makes you more hormonal than normal. You get my drift.

Well, I took the leap of faith and went back to my fertility doctor. Only to find out that I had endometrial cancer which of course, was not diagnosed right away. So my journey has been bitter sweet. I am cured of cancer. As of now my chance of re occurrence is very low.

I had to have a partial hysterectomy and say goodbye to my dream of having another child. At least a child that I can carry.

Honestly, I have missed blogging and connecting with so many of you. I am just coming back to life. I was and continue to be depressed. I have been putting one foot in front of the other and just trying to get though the day on any given day. I really have been faking it until I make it. This diagnosis, surgery and emotional aftermath have been one of the most devastatingly painful experiences in my life. I could not even begin to express the heartache I have experienced. My life has changed.

I will share more. I hope someone can hear my story and know that they are not alone. This year has to be better than 2011 was for me. I can not take much more of my heart being shattered. To all of you, I wish a beautiful, healthy and happy New Year.

When "Nothin" Is Nothin

noreply@blogger.com (Alyssa) — Sun, 08 Aug 2010 17:33:37 PDT

Do you remember how old you were when you played doctor or nurse for the first time? Think about it...this is a REALLY important question. My husband told me it is when you are older (than 4 1/2) I hope he is right.

For the life of me I can't remember what age I was when I started playing that game.I do remember playing it maybe,um, once or twice ya know! I HOPE this game is no longer popular and kids today are busy with so many other toys that it will not even be an issue. I mean when I was growing up there was not that much to play with; today kids have SO much more than we ever had, right? This is NOT making me feel any better. Sort of like Christmas...there can be a ton of presents but the child likes the box the best...UH OH I might be in BIG trouble.

Little Bits started a camp and has become friendly with this little boy Aiden (whose name I love and it always makes me think of Aiden from Sex and The City...HOTTIE)It started out very sweet. She came home from camp one day and told me Aiden is always trying to hug her, with a huge smile on her face. Then the next day she started talking about him more, then several times after that I asked her about her day and she told me she shared cheese curls with Aiden and played with Aiden.

All week it has been Aiden....Aiden ....Aiden. When I pick her up at camp she says good-bye to Aiden and not to anyone else. The other day I went to find her (at pick-up time) and, um, she was in a room with Aiden (alone) and when I asked her what she was doing she said in a very coy voice "nothin". I have the typical little miss 4 year old who thinks she can do everything herself including driving and forgets that she is not 30. Her "nothin" was suspicious but also the way she looked at me was too.

So, after days of racking my brain, I still can not remember how old I was when I became curious and played doctor. I do remember in my early years of grade school we would pretend to get married. Is this just her first real crush and I have nothing to worry about? I am not ready to handle this...I feel like I am still just cathching my breath from the toddler years.

10/10/10

noreply@blogger.com (Alyssa) — Wed, 04 Aug 2010 13:28:57 PDT

If you are or know someone who is getting engaged this is a once in a lifetime opportunity.

On Oct. 10, 2010, 10 couples will be at the Trevi Fountain in front of The Forum Shops at Caesars on the auspicious date of Oct. 10, 2010. When the clock strikes 10:10 a.m., ten men (or maybe some women!) will drop to one knee at the same time and propose to their 10 significant others.

The Forum Shops at Caesars, the world-renowned shopping venue, and Funjet Vacations, the family-owned business creating vacations far exceeding customer expectations, have partnered to make dreams come true for 10 extremely lucky couples.

Among the experiences the couples will receive:

All expense paid trip to Las Vegas, including flights provided by Funjet Vacations, arriving Saturday, Oct. 9 and departing Monday, Oct. 11, 2010.

Two-night stay at Caesars Palace.

Post-proposal dinner hosted by The Palm-Las Vegas restaurant at The Forum Shops.

A post-dinner event at PURE Nightclub.

Wedding gifts provided by retailers at The Forum Shops.

The once-in-a-lifetime experience to get engaged in the most unique of ways.

Couples are signing up at www.101010at1010am.com; the deadline is Friday, Aug. 13. The ten selected couples will be announced in mid-Aug.

Sort of makes me wish I was getting engaged again!

Summertime, Summertime

noreply@blogger.com (Alyssa) — Mon, 19 Jul 2010 21:26:49 PDT

So MUCH has happened recently I just don't even know where to start.

The move is finally over and what a move it has been.

I must say moving with a child is rather difficult. I know this seems like a no-brainer thing to say, but let me just put it this way...Little Bits has a dog in her future. Yep, that is right. I resorted to bribing her to make her more excited about moving. Ahh, all the things I swore I would NEVER do as a parent, well I can now cross off my list because I have done them. I am hoping to put off the dog until the end of summer (at least) and best case will be that she will forget about the puppy or when push comes to shove she will back out of really really wanting a puppy of her own. Okay, I might be dreaming or wishful thinking but the thought of having to clean up after someone (thing or animal) just is making me crazy.

I finally got up my "brave" and went in for the MRI of the uterus. I am claustrophobic so going into the machine makes me insane. I start to panic. Hmm... wonder if this is related to something from my childhood? Note to self: ask my mother why I am claustrophobic. What did she do to me? Anyway, the results were better than I expected and my uterus is almost perfect. I have a very small arch. Probably something that would never have been picked up had I not had to go through every test under the under the sun before doing IVF. So, after waiting weeks on end for the doctor to call and give me the results, I am now sleeping much better at night.

I have decided to do the foot work and if it is meant to be it will be. Well, I say that for now. I am sure in a day or maybe a week, month or somewhere in between I will be going crazy and get baby obsessed. I do want to thank everyone for their support, love and kind words, and especially prayers. It meant the world to me. You really have no idea.

Furthermore, I am certain that the heat has affected my excellent parenting skills. I found myself telling my daughter yesterday when she said she does not have to listen to the rules, " You know what happens to people who do not listen to the rules? They go to jail!" My hubs looked at me like I had just turned into Dr. Jekyll. I've always prided myself on maintaining her innocence as long as possible. I've thrown killer glares at anyone who's dared to mention something I consider beyond her age. Now, however, I'm teaching her that if she asks for (okay, demands) more ice cream she's on her way to Alcatraz.

It gets worse. I proceed to say, "You have to listen and follow the rules in school - if your teacher tells you to do something you have to...;blah blah blah" I told her Mommy and Daddy have rules we follow. Daddy follows rules at work . I follow rules when I drive blah blah blah. Then I turned to my hubs and said, "This parenting thing is really effed up. You want your child to be a leader - to be their own person but yet you tell them to follow the rules and do what everyone else is doing. At little contradictory don't ya think?"

Wonder if this is why we started becoming such a dysfunctional society.

Thanks for bearing with my in my lapse of posting. I've a Summer Block Party (er, I mean Blog Party) you're invited to in order to thank you. Luxuries like a great new laptop to exclusive bedding...and I genuinely can't wait for you to win...Of course, participation is required. In fact, if you don't, you might go to jail.

Well , Martha Stewart, You Must Try Craigslist

noreply@blogger.com (Alyssa) — Wed, 16 Jun 2010 21:20:11 PDT

So I was at the pharmacy waiting for Little Bits' allergy medicine (the allergist has just put her on Singulair and informed me that she is allergic to cats which, of course, she denies!) Next to me for my reading pleasure was a decorating magazine. Of course being in the process of moving I just had to glance. Featured were several fabulous finds from craigslist and the article continued to explain how you can update your look easily with such fab finds.

Naturally, I had to see for myself what craigslist was all about. After all, hubs could not complain I was spending too much money...blah blah blah if it was a "fabulous find" right? Right. The problem? Well I will let you decide for yourself.

This has to be the all time favorite "fab find"

!!!!!GORGEOUS IS NOT THE WORD SOFAS MARBLEN GOLD TABLES N BRASS LAMPS! - $3800 (HARRISBURG PA)

THIS ONE OF ITS KIND SET IS SPOTLESS FROM A PET FREE HOME N IN EXCELLENT CONDITION RED VELVET MATERIAL WITH GOLD CARVED TRIM , 2 END / SIDE MARBLE TOP TABLES N MARBLE TOP COFFEE TABLE , PLEASE CALL MY CELL 717 319 1582 , TERMS CASH 3800, OR BEST OFFER THE LAMPS ARE ALSO FOR SALE FOR AN ADDITIONAL $ 1800, IF U SEE THIS AD IT IS STILL AVAILABLE

Moving, must sell

I have alot of stuff but the biggest of the bunch is a nice cherry wood dining room set with six chairs in great condition. We are busy packing, I don't have time to put pics on here of everytrhing. I also have nice gun cabinet hand finished, not junk from Walmart. Brunswick pool table(paid $2500) make offer. A shed full of tools, yard blower, weed whacker and so on. I even have a 12' by 20' shed in great condition, yellow with brown shingles(you move it) Also a few items you need a I.D. card for

My note: Hmm wonder what that could be? Do they sell the items you need an I. D. card for at Walmart?

I have a leather sofa and loveseat they are in good condition. the colors are red and black. i plan to move in the next weeks so i need to sell them as soon as possible will take offeres DONT MISS OUT ON THIS CHANCE FOR NICE FURNITURES!!

Sofa and Love Sit/Bunk Bed W/ Matresses - $725 (South Jersey)

Date: 2010-06-13, 8:47PM EDT
Reply to: see below

Must Be sale, bought different sofa and I don't use the bed no more. contact no. 856-753-8330.

My note: I don't think this person paid $725 for this stuff when it was new. Secondly what the heck kind of description is that? Are you trying to scare people away?

DINING ROOM TABLE AND CHAIRS -

IN PERFECT CONDITION 267 394 2070

4 Piece Sectional Sofa - $150

Up for grabs is a fairly large, 4 piece blue sectional couch. The set includes a reclining section, a straight section, a corner and a chaise. Redecorating living room and this doesn't fit the style we're going for. I can't deliver, but I'll help you schlep it into your (large) truck. The dog and my grandma's blanket are not included in the sale.

My note: Hello, are people really that stupid?

Diner Table w 6chairs and Twin Bed w Mattress (Galloway)

twin bed with brand new mattress for free = $125

diner table with 6 chairs =$ 125

call hiren = 609-271-5996 $$$MAKE BEST OFFER AND IF ITS REASONABLE YOU CAN COME PICK IT UP!!!! $$$

furniture - leather sofa and baige corner sofa and appliances = gas dryer and gas stove

My note: Hiren, don't think this ad makes too much sense. Would you care to clarify?

**SOLID MAPLE WOOD ROCKING CHAIR-CHEEP**

Simple dining room set - not fancy! - $375

We have a toy poodle, but poodles don't shed, so no dog hair!

My note: Could you make this sound any more appealing? Don't think "salesman" is in your future.

42" Rd Table & 3 Good Chairs & 1 Bad Chair - $40 (Huntingdon Valley, Pa)

Date: 2010-06-13, 10:11PM EDT
Reply to: sale-sd7as-1746465206@craigslist.org [Errors when replying to ads?]

1 chair has a cracked post and has a split side rail under the seat (See Pictures). Few scratches in top. Available Monday thru Friday Next week 11/21-11/25/2010 .Please send me an email if you are interested and we can make arrangements for you to pick up.

Thanks

My note: Is it not the month of June? How long has this furniture been for sale? Maybe you should give up on trying to sell it already...or lower the price!

5-Piece Bedroom Set (Cherry Hill, NJ

Italian Provincial bedroom set consisting of two end tables, one Full-size (NOT Queen-size, NOT Kking-size, NOT Twin-size) bed headboard and footboard with metal frame, long vanity (72" long x 18" wide) with removable mirror, and tallboy chest.

My note: Could you tell me the size again please?

TABLE ( Octagon Shape - Gloss Black) - $50 (Westville NJ)

Octagon shaped repainted black table/cabinet. Has 2 doors that open and inside contains one shelf plus the base of the unit.
The front has 2 older but very classy dangling handles, nice and clean. The unit is in like-new condition and measures 24
inches tall, 26 inches long and 26 inches wide. Solid Wood (856) 469-5971

My note: What a way with words!

2 lombardy rd turnersville 08012 Longe Chair Stero Cabnet more.. Pick up Tv Cabenet from bottom (under neath) Or top will come off

My note: For starters have you ever heard of spell check and why would I/anyone want to buy a tv cabnet like that?

TABLE SET & 4 CHAIRS CLEAN GREAT CONDITION

TABLE 4 CHAIRS AND LEAF. TABLE IS 48 IN AND 72 WITH LEAF IN. SOLD OAK . CASH ONLY....NO I WILL SEND YOU MONEY ORDER OR OUT OF TOWN. I WILL SPAM YOU. THANK YOU FOR LOOKING

My note: I will spam you...what else is there to say to Mr. or Mrs. Evil?

Dinning room set beach wood Used 5 time!!!!! - $500

You are looking at a very affordable Dinning room set. This set has two lighted cabinets a the leaf for the table and it has six chairs. It is in near new conditon and it has only been used 5 times!! This set is in amazing condition and it is a beautiful shade of cream wood. I paid well over $11,000 for this set brand new and whoever buys it is getting a real steel. Please call me anytime at 856-297-0536 for more information

My note: I fail to believe that someone who can not spell 'steal' was able to purchase a dinning room set for over $11,000; is that wrong of me?

All of the above are unedited and taken directly from Craigslist. I can safely say that I have not found fabulous but I have discovered one of my new favorite sights for entertainment purposes. Laughter is the best medicine. I think docs need to prescribe craigslist to everyone. What about you? Did you find the posts as funny? Or am just losing my mind? On second thought, don't answer that, well, the part about me losing my mind (from packing) I mean!

Limited Time

noreply@blogger.com (Alyssa) — Tue, 15 Jun 2010 07:35:50 PDT

Have you heard?

Jean Diapers are here for a limited time. Huggies has just released them saying they are "very fashionable".

Wonder if the limited time marketing ploy is really going to help sales.

Love or hate? Are you rushing out to buy them? Cute or stupid, what do you think?

How Do You Answer This?

noreply@blogger.com (Alyssa) — Mon, 14 Jun 2010 01:06:51 PDT

I just flunked the parenting test. Big time. It's not even that my answers were wrong. I just didn't have any. Answers, that is. I never knew how much I didn't know. I think I'm a contender for the "World's Dumbest Mom". Today I was confronted by a whole lot of situations for which I didn't know the correct response.

Well, friends, I'm offering you this little quiz for your parenting pleasure. Enjoy and best of luck.

What do you say when.....

1. Your daughter asks how you met your husband. Do you...

a. Tell her you were introduced through a friend (which is half truth) and leave it at that.

b. Tell her mommy and daddy were drunk the night they meet and neither one of us really remember it (the other half truth).

or

c. Make up this wonderful fairy tale story for her.

2. Your daughter says "Look, Mommy! There's a pyramid!" pointing to a pile of dirt(?)that, indeed, looks very much like a pyramid. Do you....

a. Tell her that pyramids are in Egypt, you don't see mummies, and hope that she grasps some of the concept.

b. Just agree with her, enhancing her self-esteem.

or

c. Hope that she forgets about seeing a pyramid in Philadelphia and will not have to discuss again. What I really mean is ....stay off the same road for a really long time.

3. Your daughter turns to face the driver who has insistently honked at you and says "Honk it out your ask!" Do you...

a. Correct the mispronunciation of "ask".

b. Tell her Grammy's a truck driver.

or

c. Tell her, "No, dear. We don't say that". Then proceed to teach her the appropriate sign language.

4. Your four year old makes orgasmic utterings of "Yes! Yes! Yes!" "I love crystals!" when you tell her you'd prefer diamonds to fall from the sky (over meatballs as in "Cloudy With A Chance Of Meatballs"). Do you...

a. Tell her diamonds are a girl's best friend.

b. Teach her the difference between crystals and diamonds.

or

c. Tell her to choose a career and spouse wisely.

5. Your daughter, talking about upcoming dinner plans with your inlaws, says "Mimi and Papa are going to be really excited to see me!" Do you...

a. Respond, "No, honey; they're not. The last time they got really excited was when the stock market was at an all time high."

b. Say, "Yes, of course they are! Everyone is always excited to see you!"

or

c. Just pretend that you did not hear her say anything and start talking about something else.

6. Your daughter has just announced to your husband "Daddy, we're going to surprise you with a cake on Father's Day!" Do you...

a, Cancel the cake and buy yet another tie or cologne.

b. Surprise him by giving him the cake the day after Father's Day.

or

c. Act like you have no stinkin clue what she's talking about.

Finally the one that has me most perplexed:

7. Your daughter asks if the witch in the Wizard of Oz is real. Then, Dorothy and Toto, etc. etc. Note: your daughter insists characters such as Sponge Bob and Dora are real. Do you...

a. Tell her they are all pretend.

b. Try to explain the truth to her for the 100th time even though she has no interest in what you have to say about characters and wants to keep believing what she chooses to believe.

or

c. Just let her keep drawing her own conclusions, hoping by the time she is eighteen she will have figured it all out.

Congratulations! You've completed this quiz.

Are you just as crappy at this parenting thing as I am?

Phew! Who knew it was so much work?

You can tell me. How d'ya do?

Is This Hoarding?

noreply@blogger.com (Alyssa) — Thu, 10 Jun 2010 21:26:46 PDT

Don't know if you remember last week I mentioned I am packing to move. Well, not only am I completely overwhelmed and OUT of my mind, I have a four year old boss following me around telling me what I can throw away and what I can not. This I must inform you, in case you did not gather, does not make for good time management and efficient packing.

I am a little bit of a perfectionist (to a fault at times) when it comes to certain matters. I like to be organized, and I have my way of doing things. Yes, I admit it; I can be somewhat OCD when it comes to containers, labels, and organizing especially toys. Let's face it: toys for children have tons and tons of tiny little parts and pieces that can drive any mother to justifiably drink Johnny Walker and lots of it!

I always try to stay on top of my game when it comes to keeping Little Bits' toys in containers and neatly putting them away in their spot. If she has not played with something for a several months I will bring it back out and see if she has any interest in it or if it is something she has outgrown. I have mentioned over and over to her about giving away her toys that she no longer plays with so another little girl or boy can have some toys. Her response is always the same. "No." Is this only child syndrome? Or is my daughter a hoarder?

I am getting more and more concerned. She does not even want me to donate her clothes that no longer fit her. I put something in a donate pile, she pulls it out saying "no, I want to keep this" even though it is size 18 months and she now wears a 5t. I try to explain that it no longer fits, but point blank she does not care.

Thank goodness my husband's not the same way. I've diligently packed box after box of files, and do you think he noticed that one box was neatly labeled "Do we really need this crap?" Give him anything to pack and he'll toss it...without being asked and without asking...Lucky him......I sort of tried the same thing with Lil Bits, but she caught on. Honestly, I swear she hasn't looked for the pale blue teddy bear for at least six months...until I placed it in the bin to be discarded. I'd gotten so frustrated I finally just flung my hands in the air and dramatically proclaimed, "Is there anything you want to throw out? give away?"

I thought her silence was golden, and her retreat to her room a moment of realization. Less than two seconds later she excitedly ran up to me, her hands full, her eyes wide with anticipation. "Here, Mommy, here. You can throw all these away."
Holding out her arms and shoving every pair of socks she owns in my face.

Have you ever heard of "hoarding school"? I need one, I think, before it's too late.

Here Comes Stanley

noreply@blogger.com (Alyssa) — Mon, 07 Jun 2010 19:35:22 PDT

I NEVER talk sports...I am not one to get all excited over a football game or baseball for that matter.

Confession: I DO like ice hockey. I think it is the only game that really makes sense to me and keeps my attention. My love of the Philadelphia Flyers started when Eric Lindros was on the team. I could watch him all day. The more I watched the game I actually started to enjoy it- go figure!

Now my team is playing in the Stanley Cup Finals and I would love them to win. It really is so overdue.

If you're a Flyer's fan and you know it say "here comes Stanley. Here comes Stanley." If you're a Flyer's fan and you really want to show it say "here comes Stanley."

If you're a Blackhawk's fan and you know it please give him some Benefiber or Metamucil (heard it works just as well) and show him to the bathroom. Please give him some Benefiber or Metamucil and show him to the bathroom. If you're a Blackhawk's fan and you really want to show it please give him some Benefiber or Metamucil and show him to the bathroom.

If you're ambivalent to which team wins and you know it clap your hands and say "Flyered up." Clap your hands and say "Flyered up.". If you're ambivalent and you really want to show it clap your hands and say "Flyered up.".

If your husband likes the Blackhawks and you know it tell him he is rooting for the losing team. Tell him he is rooting for the losing team. If your husband likes the Blackhawks and he really wants to show it tell him he is rooting for the losing team (you won't even have to say "not tonight honey I have a headache" after that one)

If you're a Flyer's fan and you know it watch them fight til the end. Watch them fight til the end. If you're a Flyers fan and you really want to show it watch them fight til the end.

It's not over til the fat lady sings...I don't hear anything. At least in Philadelphia.

Doctor, Doctor, Give Me The News

noreply@blogger.com (Alyssa) — Thu, 03 Jun 2010 23:36:08 PDT

So today I took the plunge and went to see the fertility doctor. I had to prepare myself mentally and emotionally for the appointment. No matter how much I tried to convince myself that I would be okay with the outcome of the visit I still felt anxiety that I am not sure will ever go away.

I had completely forgotten that there is a question about my uterus. Apparently there is a possibility that I have a bicornuate uterus. Could I carry again? Yes. Could there be complications? Yes. Could I end up in pre-term labor again? Yes. Is it all worth it to me? I just don't know.

I think it is, but then there is an underlying fear of losing the baby, because with a bicornuate uterus it is possible depending on how the embryo implants. Also, carrying to term is something that is not as frequent and there can be a whole mess of complications with premature babies. I was very blessed and fortunate my first time. Do I leave well enough alone?

I would love more than anything in the world for my daughter to have a brother or sister. I was an only child and I hated being an only. I always felt different and left out. I wondered why my parents never had another and all of my friends had brothers and sisters. I know this is morbid to think, but what if something happened to my husband and myself? If my daughter had a brother or sister, at least she would not be alone. I also think having a sibling gives a sense of security to family.

Then there is always the dreaded question from other parents or people that we meet. Is she your only? or Do you have any other children? When I say "yes she is my only" there is a silence, almost as if I have to explain myself for having only one child. I guess in a world where most parents have at least two children and being an only child is the exception, people can't relate. Honestly, I don't feel like sharing my whole personal fertility story with every stranger I have just met at the hotel pool. Maybe I just need to get thicker skin. Maybe I need to learn how to let it roll of my back. But it is not so easy.

Of course the doctor did mention a surrogate and to my surprise when I told my husband this tonight he immediately said "no, absolutely not". I was floored. Here he is a man with medical knowledge, and he thinks it is "too weird" (his exact words. Of course he had to mention the few stories or cases he had heard about where the surrogate said she would not get too attached to the baby and then changed her mind because she was too attached.

My head is just spinning at this point, and I want some answers. I really just waIt to have another child. Will it happen? I have no idea. I am going to have an MRI of my uterus to see if I do have a bicornuate uterus and what it looks like exactly. After the MRI the doctor and I will speak again and move onto the next step. (scheduling the MRI was easy, but I had to cancel: it requires "pre-certification before it can be done or insurance won't pay. I don't get it; it seems like unnecessary time/paperwork for what? Obviously the doctor thinks it's necessary. Is the insurance company hoping he'll change his mind? Or that I'll get frustrated and change mine?)

Waiting, waiting again. Not one step closer to addressing the issues.

What the next step will be I don't know. I don't do well with not knowing the answers. It causes me a great deal of anxiety. The only answer I have is that I need to pray for strength and acceptance for whatever the future may hold. Please keep me in your prayers right now.

Brother, Can You Spare A Dime? OxyContin?

noreply@blogger.com (Alyssa) — Wed, 02 Jun 2010 05:32:27 PDT

That said, I am making myself a martini. Join me?

Yup, that's the whole post. That's it, folks. That line above is what remains of "Brother, Can You Spare A Dime? OxyContin?" Short. Sweet. To the point.

But I was making myself the martini last night, not this AM. Can't say you're bored. Or there's too much to read. Or I didn't delete enough.....

I really do want to share the story with you, though, so here goes. Alot of doctors have been arrested or indicted recently, specifically within the last two months. Apparently federal authorities have been cracking down on what they call "pill mills" and illegal narcotics trafficking. In spite of what we'd like to believe, many physicians are involved. Disgustingly some have had their licenses to practice medicine suspended for a period of years, subsequently restored, been found guilty of federal offenses but given probation or other types of relatively insignificant consequences...yup, only to commit the same offense(s) again.

Take for example Dr. Ron S. Brown, 60, a Philadelphia physician whose license had alreadly been suspended for ten years for illegally prescribing large quantities of drugs that were medically unwarranted. Dr. Brown is the hot topic of conversation among the medical community around here. (hey, it's better than the latest appendectomy) He was convicted but given probation, so that in 2002 he was, once again, free to "practice". And "practice" he did.

According to investigative sources, he wrote upwards of 50,000 prescriptions for OxyContin, Percoset, and Xanax in the years 2008 and 2009 alone. He knowingly wrote prescriptions in not only legitimate patient's names, but in those of third parties, or even totally fake individuals. His "patients" loved him, so much in fact that they lined up on the sidewalk around his home. In his office he posted a list of pharmacies willing to fill his prescriptions, for the ease of his well-intentioned clientele.

Furthermore, he was a reasonable man. His charge? $100. Not bad for a doctor's visit, eh? Unfortunately I'm not sure if the charge was per person or per prescription. You see, in many cases he wrote multiple prescriptions for the same individual on the same day, adding up to hundreds of pills...sometimes even close to a thousand. Not one to discriminate, he even wrote a prescription for "Jennifer Lopez". How about that?

All of the above is verifiable and has been substantiated by reliable independent (usually investigative) sources. The following, however, is not. It is rumored that, when he lost his license again in 2009 it was a result of his own drug addiction. For a fact, this abatement of medical licensure was not a result of the investigation that culminating in his arrest and sentencing to ten years in jail just now in May, 2010.

It seems the doctors participating in these "pill mills" are determined to continue and are a significant threat to the health and well-being of our society. They are, in some cases, drug lords in white jackets. Contributors to the decline and disease of individuals far beyond those they see. Hiding behind a veil of propriety.

When hubs told me about this, I thought for sure it was a bizarre, exaggerated, and relatively rare case. Not so.

I wish I hadn't inadvertently deleted my post; if anyone choses to ask for the names, locations, details, and dates, please let me know. In the meantime, for the sake of brevity, suffice it to say I found at least twenty docs, male and female, arrested, indicted, or sentenced within the last TWO MONTHS.

Those twenty? That was just a preliminary search...

Iowa, Denver, Colorado, Kansas, Indiana, California, Florida...I'm hard pressed to think of where the transgressions did not take place. One in Texas fled to Madagascar in the midst of the investigation, hoping to avoid criminal prosecution. He owned four clinics; though not a doctor himself. The medical director he had hired has been charged. He has been located and returned to Washington, D.C. He had written approximately 3 million dollars of illegal prescriptions through his clinic in less than a year.

Some physicians were charged with "trafficking". A woman in Florida now sits in jail, Dr. Lucy Something. She admitted that one patient clearly had nothing wrong and yet she prescribed, repeatedly, strong doses of narcotics. May I say I think she might have done that many times? This particular patient, however, was an undercover cop.

For another female physician a warrant has been issued for her arrest. Among other things she is wanted to "practicing medicine without a license". She lost her license for none other than "illegal prescribing of drugs"...so, of course, what does she do?
Continue pushing pills anyway.

My apologies to the AMA. In no way do I intend this post to reflect badly upon you. In my mind, it's important to distinguish between those who are doing their jobs of healing and those who contribute to the disintegration of our society. Besides, all of us are affected. After all, how many people experience LEGITIMATE pain with a doctor who looks askance at prescribing? Wonder why?

So, if your doctor says "YYYYyyyooooouuuu don' looooookkkkkk so gggooooddddd"....run, don't walk, out of the way. The life you save may be your own.

To conclude, I think I'll have that martini. Tonight. It's still AM.

I think I'll look into a laptop less sensitive to touch. Manual typewriter, anyone?

For now, off to pack. We are moving in the next several weeks...much less exotic than "out of the country", I might add...but still requiring just as much effort!

From The Joisey Shore "In Flanders Fields"

noreply@blogger.com (Alyssa) — Sat, 29 May 2010 16:32:18 PDT

"Let every nation know, whether it wishes us well or ill, that we shall pay any price, bear any burden, meet any hardship, support any friend, oppose any foe to assure the survival and the success of liberty." -John F. Kennedy

In 2004, Washington D.C. held its first Memorial Day parade in over 60 years.

Many of us have forgotten the meaning of Memorial Day. Only some American towns and cities still hold Memorial Day parades, many do not. Memorial Day has come to signify the beginning of summer. I am guilty as charged. Last year we celebrated with sand, sea, and fireworks at the Jersey shore. (not the Joisey shore; they are NOT one and the same). Hey, she was only three. This year I'm ashamed to tell you that we're at an amusement park a few hours from home; it has just opened for the season. But, heck, she's just four.

Patriotic? Not so much. Other than the flag that sits on our lawn, I've not given so much as a nod to the day of remembrance, reflection, and honor. Even the best of my childhood memories, as far as I can tell, recall barbeques, Mr. Ron's coleslaw, and making an adventure of annoying my best friend's older brother.

Tomorrow at 3 P.M. shall I pause for a moment of silence as I've been asked to do? "to voluntarily and informally observe in their (my) own way a Moment of remembrance and respect" Perhaps that's enough. Maybe not. After all I am raising the next generation, along with you, and what, by example, am I teaching?

The VFW stated in 2002: "Changing the date merely to create three-day weekends has undermined the very meaning of the day. No doubt, this has contributed greatly to the general public's nonchalant observance of Memorial Day."

Senator Dan Inouye (HI) had introduced a bill in 1999 to restore Memorial Day to May 30, authorize our flag to fly at half mast, and proclaim Memorial Day (as well as Veterans Day) a day of ceremonies and prayer to honor American veterans. Mr. Inouye again re-introduced the bill in 2007, but no further action has been taken to date.

I don't know if that's what's needed. Or even if it's what I want. But I do know an insistent voice is gnawing inside me. Maybe next year......

In Flanders Fields

By: Lieutenant Colonel John McCrae, MD (1872-1918)
Canadian Army

In Flanders Fields the poppies blow
Between the crosses row on row,
That mark our place; and in the sky
The larks, still bravely singing, fly
Scarce heard amid the guns below.

We are the Dead. Short days ago
We lived, felt dawn, saw sunset glow,
Loved and were loved, and now we lie
In Flanders fields.

Take up our quarrel with the foe:
To you from failing hands we throw
The torch; be yours to hold it high.
If ye break faith with us who die
We shall not sleep, though poppies grow
In Flanders fields.

How about you?

Is The Oil Spill Hurting What We Eat?

noreply@blogger.com (Alyssa) — Thu, 27 May 2010 16:30:37 PDT

What should I make for dinner tonight? This is always one of the questions I struggle with daily. Little Bits is still a pretty picky eater. She has her favorite foods and has been getting better about trying new food. She likes chicken, some beef such as brisket and filet mignon (expensive taste!)

In light of recent events I am not sure if this is the best idea to make for dinner.

I smell a law suit in the very near future.

President Obama has expressed how he feels...wonder if Hilary agrees with me about a law suit.

No More Mr. Nice Guy...Why?

noreply@blogger.com (Alyssa) — Tue, 25 May 2010 21:49:19 PDT

Tired of always being Miss/Mrs. Nice Guy? Sometimes don't you just feel like telling someone the way it really is? Or don't you just wish you could annoy the crap out of the person who wasted so much of your precious time for NOTHING? Well I happen to stumble upon some great ideas that I have not personally tried but would LOVE to as I thought they were very funny. Even just being able to think about them the next time someone upsets me....will make a bad situation much better. Hope this brings a smile and chuckle or two for you!!

Some Ideas To Annoy People and Have Fun:

In the memo field of all your checks, write "for sensual massage."

Specify that your drive-through order is "to go."

Hmm...maybe that is not the best mix???

Learn Morse code, and have conversations with friends in public consisting entirely of "Beeeep Bip Bip Beeep Bip..."

Name your dog "Dog."

Insist on keeping your car windshield wipers running in all weather conditions "to keep them tuned up."

Reply to everything someone says with "that's what YOU think."

Claim that you must always wear a bicycle helmet as part of your "astronaut training."

Forget the punchline to a long joke, but assure the listener it was a "real hoot."

Follow a few paces behind someone, spraying everything they touch with Lysol.

Make beeping noises when a large person backs up.

Finish all your sentences with the words "in accordance with the prophesy."

Wear a special hip holster for your remote control.

Do not add any inflection to the end of your sentences, producing awkward silences with the impression that you'll be saying more any moment.

Adjust the tint on your TV so that all the people are green, and insist to others that you "like it that way."

Staple papers in the middle of the page.

Write the surprise ending to a novel on its first page.

Set alarms for random times.

Change channels five minutes before the end of every show.

Wear your pants backwards.

Decline to be seated at a restaurant, and simply eat their complimentary mints by the cash register.

TYPE ONLY TYPE IN UPPERCASE.

Buy a large quantity of orange traffic cones and reroute whole streets.

Pay for your dinner with pennies.

Tie jingle bells to all your clothes.

Repeat everything someone says, as a question.

Write "X - BURIED TREASURE" in random spots on all of someone's roadmaps.

Repeat the following conversation a dozen times: "Do you hear that?" "What?" "Never mind, its gone now."

Wander around a restaurant, asking other diners for their parsley.

Leave tips in Bolivian currency.

Demand that everyone address you as "Conquistador."

At the laundromat, use one dryer for each of your socks.

Stand over someone's shoulder, mumbling, as they read.

Pretend your computer's mouse is a CB radio, and talk to it.

Ask people what gender they are.

Lick the filling out of all the Oreos, and place the cookie parts back.

Sit in your front yard pointing a hair dryer at passing cars to see if they slow down.

Chew on pens that you've borrowed.

Sing along at the opera.

Mow your lawn with scissors.

Ask the waitress for an extra seat for your "imaginary friend."

Go to a poetry recital and ask why each poem doesn't rhyme.

Ask your co-workers mysterious questions, and then scribble their answers in a notebook. Mutter something about "psychological profiles."

Select the same song on the jukebox fifty times.

Make appointments for the 31st of September.

Invite lots of people to other people's parties.

ideas are from lifesajoke.com

Thinking Of Moving, Anyone?

noreply@blogger.com (Alyssa) — Mon, 24 May 2010 08:36:32 PDT

Do you know Linda Sepp?

Until yesterday neither did I. Her story is unique, albeit divisive. Linda is a 50 year old Canadian woman who for four years has been fighting eviction from her flat. All other houses on her block have been prepared for demolition by the landlord/developer. Only Linda has refused to move, claiming her complete disability has prevented her from finding safe, appropriate housing.

Linda Sepp suffers from multiple chemical sensitives. In order to visit her one is required to wear a haz mat suit, since the odor of shampoo, soap, perfume and such is sufficient to cause her severe illness. Linda claims the medical and legal establishments have refused to understand the complexity of chemical sensitivity. She describes the evidence she has from an environmental physician who declared her medical needs to include a "nontoxic home with clean air and water".

Sound simple enough? Not so fast. Her landlord offered to buy her a house up to $200,000 then rent to her for $500 a month which she could afford on her disability check from Ontario. The seven houses, however, were unacceptable to for a variety of reasons. She requires proximity to organic foods, untreated water, and no odors of any kind. One house was discounted because she could detect the lingering smell of baby powder.

Furthermore, other agencies have intervened. For obvious reasons apartment complexes were unacceptable. Even politicians offered building but the materials didn't meet her needs. Finally May 4 in spite of all the attention her case had gleaned, she was forcibly evicted and chose to stay on her father's balcony

Linda had raised two children in the same rented flat. Apparently she was healthy then. Now, rarely does she leave her home and even refuses to wash her clothes since water and detergent antigonize her ill health. Of course, the medical community is split on the validity of the diagnosis. Nevertheless her own physician has testified on her behalf.

Finally it appears the balcony of her father's house is the only acceptable place she can stay. This would be an easy case for me to dismiss "without further ado" except for the following:

Why has everyone bent over backwards for this woman?

Advocates claim she is the face of all who suffer from chemical sensitivities. She sees herself as a savior of the planet, or the voice for the next generation at least.

Granted she's brought attention to the issue of toxicity in the environment. I'll give her that. Has she gone too far? Is there much more of a psychological component than all choose to see?

Believe me, I neither invented Linda Sepp's story nor embellished it. You can read about her here

As for me the only complete turnoff in household odors would be smoke, cabbage, or the lingering smell of stinky sneakers.

What do YOU think?

The New Dirty Word

noreply@blogger.com (Alyssa) — Sat, 22 May 2010 07:55:39 PDT

In our house we have a "plan". When I need to go somewhere without Lil Bits, I anticipate the whining blah blah blah that's about to take place. Then the pleading begging tears cajoling. The guilt of being the worst mommy ever. The proposed settlements of she-who-sets-the-gold standard of future litigators...ah, yes; my daughter.

I don't give in. Not this one time. Not now. Not ever. In our house we have a "plan". Divide and conquer. Sort of.

If you stay home with Daddy....

If you don't cry when Mommy leaves...

If you let Mommy take a shower...

If Mommy does XYZ ...

If...if...if...

When Daddy leaves? Whole other story. "Bye, Dad. See ya later!" Sometimes "Will you bring me home a cookie?" Know what he answers?

"IF they have one."

What's up with that?

Am I the only mother facing stereotypical gender discrimination from her husband...from her offspring...???

I'm putting my foot down. Scratch that. My Manolos.

So, hubs, here are the rules:

1. If you're old enough to lift the seat, you're old enough to put it down.

2. If you're tired enough to go to sleep, you're too tired to complain that I turned off the tv.

3. If you're smart enough to have earned a medical degree, you're astute enough to change the a/c filter.

4. If you're brilliant. enough to publish, you're wise enough to call your mother, even occasionally.

5. If you have enough energy to go to the gym, you have the stamina to play with Lil Bits. All day.

6. If you have such exquisite taste you chose me as your wife, you know better than to wear that shirt with the skull and crosses.

7. If you're old enough to google, you're mature enough to find a listing other than "antique cars"

8. If you're happy enough with the chicken concoction I make for dinner, you're capable enough of putting it together yourself.

9. If you're worried enough that you've bought minoxidol. you're serious enough to clean your hairs from the bottom of the shower.

10. If you're concerned enough about your health and weight, you'd be willing to share that hidden stash of Hershey's bars. Yeh, I know about them.

See what I'm getting at here?

I'm not finished.

Yet.

Lil Bits, I have this to say to you:

1. If you're old enough to know it needs wiping, you're old enough to do it yourself.

2. If you're old enough to use the computer, you're old enough to google directions to Goofy park.

3. If you're old enough to memorize every commercial for every piece of crap you've ever seen, you're old enough to memorize the house rules. The Declaration of Independence. The Constitution at least.

4. If you're old enough to call me in the middle of the night because your diaper needs changing, you're old enough to change it yourself. Here, here's the diaper. Can't you do it yourself; I am sleeping?

5. If you're old enough to realize a stuffed animal is missing from the entourage, you're old enough to remember where you put it. You're old enough to find it too.

I think there's a dirty word in our house. We use it way too much. If I were brave enough I'd eliminate it.

Don't know the "dirty word"?

"If"

If you don't say it, I won't either.

If

that's

okay

with

you.

COMMENTERS. SAY. The. DARNDEST. Things.

noreply@blogger.com (Alyssa) — Fri, 21 May 2010 11:34:09 PDT

FO-GET ABOUT IT. Nothing you ever said can compare.

Who says I don't read??? I do. Comments from YOU. This is what you said:

On last week's "Commenters":

Chacoy:
"Where have all of these horny, ball sac lovin', sick, fart sniffin', shitmustard, long dong lovers come from?"

Momma Such:
"I'm missing out on SO much! Man, if I wasn't cleaning up boogies off the wall and worm guts off the floor I'd be around more often. I'll leave the boogies for a bit, take a break and pop in every now and then. However, the worms have to go!"

MiMi:
"That one from Candice about Obama REALLY had me cracking up. And then I saw some bruises on my neck and I quit laughing."

Chantal:
"Ya'know, in a world of mediocre crap-ass condiments, it's a comfort to know there's some shitmustard out there to add some flavor!"

Unknown Mami:
"I'm thrilled that I won! Now I feel like I can leave dull comments so that someone else can have a chance."

From "Eeney, Meeney, Miney, Mo...Which Religion?"- You showed reverence. The scintillating discourse became "food for thought" for you:

Molly:
"... matzoh with butter? ...and hammankashan cookies?? and reugela?...and what about that potato casserole thing? You need to stay Jewish just for the food."

freckletree:
"Jew. Every time, Jew. Or else your children might grow up to be George W. Bush."

Kimi@SoManyKids:
"Look at all us Mormon's reading your blog. It's like your being overrun. Seriously, if your doorbell rings, it's probably us."

Joann Mannix:
"All I have to say is, I want to be a Jew, too!
Except for the fasting part, you can keep that."

Mrsblogalot:
"You mean there was a choice???
Oy, and to think of all the guilt I've laid out over the years."

MiMi:
"Oy vey.
I'm not Jewish and this post confused my matzoh balls right off.
Okay, I don't even know if that was in the right context."

Erin:
"Shit, I'm talking about food again. I guess that is all Judaism is to me. My rabbi would curl up and die."

T Rex Mom:
"My two year old prays for/to Burt and Ernie and Elmo every night. What religion is that? Sesame Streetism? That one's pretty straightforward - Santa, rubber duckies, and goldfish are all included with little required attendance, lots of singing, and you don't even have to know your letters or numbers."

Praying wasn't enough for what Sunday wrought. You left kind words of empathy. ("Who's Afraid Of The Big Bad Wolf?"

Kate@AndThenIWasaMom:
"... Woman was crazy. And evidently very, very thirsty.
If you don't mind me saying so: YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO STOP AT THAT SERVICE STATION A THIRD TIME."

Thank you, Kate, and everyone who commented. Like Shell:
"I need to replace my pepper spray. Or remind my kids that it's okay to bite strangers."

Marianne:
"This world is full of creeps. Go to match.com, you can find about 98.36% of them there ;)"

Last but not least:
"I thought you really wanted to be friends...why havent you called yet? I have your water bottles and a doll for your girl! Talk soon? By the way, I really resent you calling me creepy!"

Thanks, Jessica, for adding "hahahaha"... For real.

From the post "Toy Story":

Arizona Mamma:
"I'm convinced the toys are being fed after midnight and exposed to water. They mulitply and are difigured at an alarming rate."

These are the people from whom I take advice???

Astute wisdom from Architectural Digest, er, Much More Than Mommy:
"I like to think of the toys as art deco for the house. That works, right?"

Now I ask you, does this look like mommy bloggers talk only about POOP?

We know ALOT more four-letter words than THAT!

So, doll, ends another edition of Commenters Say The Darndest Things. Readers, be forewarned: You might just see your words next week.

Til then, gotta go. Someone's at the door...who could that be...???

Don't forget Neige's luxurious offer of $100 gift card for boys or girls up to 24 months and girls up to size 12. By former designer for Vera Wang Neige is a must-have for the pampered prince or princess. Click on Gifting Suite For The Petite Elite on sidebar above.

Toy Story: At A Theater Near YOU?

noreply@blogger.com (Alyssa) — Tue, 18 May 2010 22:48:15 PDT

Carpets? Who needs carpets? Hardwood floors? Oriental rugs?

In our house we've redecorated. No carpet. No hardwood. No rugs.

Our floors?

Covered in the latest family-friendly flooring: TOYS. Wall-to-wall toys.

From the living room through the playroom. Guaranteed to protect your floors. You might, however, kill yourself walking across the room. But the carpet? Immaculate.

Even if you fall. WHEN you fall.

Hubs? Picture it.

Broad-shouldered, muscle-man who wouldn't miss a day at the gym...tiptoing like Tina Ballerina (or Tiny Tim)gingerly stepping over the Littlest Pet Shop "salon for dogs", around the Fisher Price Loving Family dollhouse, sidestepping Strawberry Shortcake's vacation house pool, and crashing down on Playmobil's zoo animals...oops, sorry, he's into the Little Tykes kitchen...and he's home...not so fast...tumbles first into the Step Two puppet theater...knocks over the Barbie cruise ship...takes down the Polly Pocket mall...and he's safe, folks, he's safe...

I swear one day he's going to come home to find nothing but a puffy pink mini-sized chair, a pile of Legos, four half-finished art projects, a miniature Calico Critters cottage, a xylophone, a Build-a-Bear dog with skates, and a zillion pieces of furniture each the size of a pea...to hear a small crying voice from underneath...

"Help me."

"Honey, help me."

"Please."

Truer words will never have been spoken.

"Honey, HELP me."

"Please?"

Now if only I could go to sleep......

An Apple A Day....Maybe Not....

noreply@blogger.com (Alyssa) — Tue, 18 May 2010 06:02:14 PDT

ADHD--a diagnosis we'd prefer not to hear. Nonetheless a diagnosis increasing in frequency in children in the United States. That, along with ADD and, dare I say "autism" in varying degrees along the "spectrum". Do you ever wonder what's causing these? Of course you do! I do not believe in simplistic answers. I wish I did. These issues are complex, in their diagnosis, treatment, and etiology.

How I'd prefer, however, that Michelle Obama had seen fit to address the nature of these problems as a significant health issue for our children. After all, we know what makes our children obese and, if truth be told, don't we all know what to do about it?

Shockingly, or not, a new study was just published in an esteemed Pediatrics journal, a very mainstream and conservative publication. The claim? As many of us suspected: our foods, specifically the way they are grown, may well be responsible for making our kids sick. Researchers from Harvard along with those at the University of Montreal conducted the study; it doesn't get any better than that.

The study suggests that exposure to high levels of organophosphate pesticides, commonly used on fruits and vegetables, can lead to a higher rate of attention-deficit hyperactivity disorder (ADHD) in children.

The study analyzed the levels of pesticide residue in the urine of 1,100 children ages eight to 15. Children with the highest levels of pesticides had the highest incidence of ADHD. According to the CDC, Centers for Disease Control and Prevention, ADHD affects about 4.5 million children in the United States.

Most disconcerting? Even children who had any detectable level of pesticide residue in their urine were twice as likely to develop ADHD as those with undetectable levels. TWICE as likely?

The study did not determine where the pesticide exposure originated. Experts from the National Academy of Sciences, however, noted that children are "most likely to ingest chemicals through their diet" (duh) and organophosphate pesticides are found in a variety of produce. Furthermore, organophosphates are one of the most widely used pesticides in agriculture.

Now, of course, the study concluded that the results were merely "associative" and did not indicate a "direct causal link" between pesticide exposure and ADHD. I guess they'd prefer avoiding a myriad of lawsuits. Against farmers, food companies, and, oh no, the FDA.

Furthermore, we are warned not to remove fruits and vegetables from our children's diet (Really! How stupid do you think I am???)

More shocking to me? I found a study that had been done on these same pesticide levels in 2008. Emory University found that children who switched to organically grown fruits and vegetables dropped to undetectable or close to undectable leves of these pesticide compounds in their urine.

Certainly it's time for me to rethink my source of all things medical for Lil Bits. We've seen her pediatrician more than once since 2008 and still she maintained that "organic", in her opinion, of course, wasn't really necessary. If anything, she recommends organic milk, which I buy, along with butter, cheese, and when possible, meat. (no hormones; that skeeves me)

But veggies? Fruit? Juice? Never bothered me a bit. Hate to ask, but what about bread? Isn't wheat sprayed, too? And what about all that strawberry ice cream we've been craving and indulging in lately?

We may not eat much today. But I can promise, at least for now, what we eat will be good.

Who's Afraid Of The Big Bad Wolf?

noreply@blogger.com (Alyssa) — Mon, 17 May 2010 00:05:29 PDT

I don't use my real name. Not my middle name. And I certainly wouldn't tell you my husband's occupation. Or location. Have I ever mentioned that we live in Honolulu? No, I didn't think so. Or that his work as a private detective takes him to Seattle alot? Nor did I tell you my triplets won the "cutest baby contest" 3 times in a row. And that I used to be on a very popular soap.

New to the blog? None of the above is true.

See, personal info is just that. Personal. So when someone shares whatever he/she does in the realm of blogging, it's natural that we take it at face value, in spite of those who warn us as our friends that this blogging world might be filled with venomous pits of stealthily stalking lunatics, or perverts, or scams.

As if to prove this point, the weirdest incident happened today. just after reading a hilarious post about a friend's warning of the pitfalls of taking bloggers as trustworthy. It was strange. As I process it, the odder it becomes.

We were on our way to Sesame Place. Lil Bits was thrilled. A concert by Father Goose was on the agenda, and with a name like that, who'd want to miss it? We were prepared, not only with the stroller, but our friend Stephanie and her son Delaney had joined us. The weather was beautiful, perfect for visiting Elmo and Zoe the first time this season.

Just before reaching Sesame Place we made a stop at a service station. That's when the eeriness started. The line was long, the wait untenable, the lady behind me took it upon herself to initiate a conversation. Not so strange; people have done that before. Fifty-ish, casually dressed, she announced she'd just come from shooting a scene with Robert De Niro. He was in Philly filming and she'd been chosen as an extra. Okay, no biggie. That stuff happens. (Later I googled and found out Bradley Cooper is filming also...oh, be still my heart.)

She continued, however, and my weirdo-meter began getting uncomfortably out-of-sync.
"I'm a psychotherapist" she told me; "I've worked with children for thirty years". Um, yeah?

"Are you going to Sesame Place?" I think that was the only question she asked. "I'm going to Sesame Place, too. My family owns a brewery and I have some business there." Going downhill. Definitely downhill. I begin to feel my pulse racing. Really I don't know if I could at that point identify the nature of the uncomfortable feeling, except to say this lady was offering "too much information" in too short a period of time. I began wishing I could get out of there, and quickly. Her brother was an Oby Gyn; she'd just had her wrist operated on: she lived on -------street; her uncle (?????) was one of the three Stooges.....Get me away! Now!!!

Weird, she seemed to be talking a mile a minute, which made my head spin; at the same time it seemed like her discourse lasted forever...finally in front of the cashier paying for my purchases she still didn't relent. She wanted my number. Hastily I jotted down hers, instead. (who says I'm stoopid?) It's not just that I don't like to be rude. Sometimes if I feel like I don't know who I'm dealing with I think it better not to aggravate a total stranger who may be a few cards short of a deck. For whatever reasons, in her presence, I felt compelled to avoid confrontation.

Phew! I'm outta there. Not so fast. She followed me to the car still rambling on with more info about herself/her family and peered in at my daughter. "Hi, sweetie; oh, you are beautiful. I have a gift for you when you come over. Would you like a doll? Would that be nice? I have a daughter, too. Her name is..." Pushing past her to open the door to my own car....okay!!!

Rattled. Shaken. Lil Bits' eyes wide with wonder, and awaiting her "gift". After relating what happened onward we forged. For a while at Sesame Place I kind of looked over my shoulder; then, being the bird brain that I am, I forgot the incident and focused on cotton candy, instead. Priorities, dears, priorities. We had a fabulous time and it was only when I looked for the water that I realized in my haste I had left them behind. No problem. More than enough stands on the premises.

Exhausted, spent, and sugared-up to the max the four of us left for home. Still unable to shake the earlier encounter, I questioned by paranoia. Was it me? Was she a pathological liar? Was I too distrusting? Too trusting? What's my take on this???

Stopped again, same service station. This time the cashier recognized me and asked if I got the bag I left there. Whatttt? She'd noticed it on the counter and immediately her manager ran out after me. I'd left...but the lady had lingered, told him we were dear friends, that in fact she was going to see me soon and took the bag with the bottles of water to give to me....

Clearly, the above is not my finest writing. Truth? I'm still shaken. This was a disconcerting encounter, to say the least, and approaching my daughter? Even with me there? I know in today's world caution is needed, but other than being watchful and discriminatory in my choice of associations, I'd never have anticipated someone so forcefully entering "my space" in broad daylight, with my family, in a public place.

Think what you will about the weirdos out there on the internet. This was 3 D real. And it freaked me out. Totally. Yup. I still feel a bit afraid.

Eeney, Meeney, Miney, Mo......Which Religion?

noreply@blogger.com (Alyssa) — Fri, 14 May 2010 08:23:54 PDT

I DON'T KNOW.

Warning: This post is not intended for those who are didactic about their religion.
Or those without a sense of humor. You. Yes, I mean YOU. Stop reading. Please.

It costs more to be Jewish. Think about it. Really.

First, consider the surface of a star of david versus that of a cross. Okay, silver's not much of a difference, but suppose it's gold? or paved? And don't forget jewish necks are bigger so....who wants a little nothing that you can barely see? Necks are "bigger"? Yeh, statistically. There are more jewelers in jewish neighborhoods than Chinese restaurants. And they sell more expensive jewelry (read "bigger") So there.

Even a good corned beef on rye outweighs standard ham and cheese. I mean that, literally.

So what's a gal to do? Raise her offspring jewish? Or not.

I want you to know I've given this serious deliberation.

First, of course, the issue of religious beliefs. To that end we've considered the following:

1. Santa is sooooo much fun!

2. Hanukah requires too many gifts. And they don't outgrow it.

3. Have you ever heard of the "Passover bunny"? Didn't think so. Neither did I.

4. Have you ever indulged in the "seven fishes"? Okay, he's not Italian. But might as well take the good with the bad (weekly attendance at church? not so sure)

5. Have you ever prepared gefilte fish? I mean, really, from scratch? And then looked at it? And eaten it to boot?

Enough of the pedagogical analysis. Too deep. My head spins.

I could go on and on...but I won't. Instead I'll consider all I stand to loose if my jewishness is compromised. Think about it. I'll never again be able to say:

"Dawll, I got these rhinestone glasses in Boca."

or

"Do you know how much that bar mitzvah cost???"

or even

Can I live a life without "kvetching" or "oy vey" or Jewish guilt?

How will I express "schmuck" or "mensch"?

How will anybody understand that my great-grandfather, having had a hernia operation at the age of 92, warranted a single room since his roomate thought he was praying all night (he was complaining in Yiddish)

Too much to lose... So much to gain... I think I'll put the decision off.

In the meantime I'll just raise Lil Bits as the "meshugina" mom that I am.

So, dawllface, it ya got somethin to say.......I'm all ears. For now.

Family Four Pack Give-a-way Nickelodeon Storytime Live!

noreply@blogger.com (Alyssa) — Fri, 14 May 2010 02:27:46 PDT

Nickelodeon presents their newest, biggest, most exciting live show ever – STORYTIME LIVE!

Come play along with your favorite preschool pals live on stage. Leap into Fairytale Land with “Dora the Explorer,” journey through Filthingham with “The Backyardigans,” hop into Wonderland with “Wonder Pets!,” and join the Monkey King’s celebration with “Ni Hao, Kai-lan.” Hosted by Moose and Zee, Nickelodeon’s musical adventure, STORYTIME LIVE features four of the top-rated preschool shows on television today and is sure to be the hit live show you and your family have been waiting for!

How cute is this picture? This show is a child's dream come true.

Are you excited yet? Well, I know my daughter is SO tickled pink to see this show. Almost everyday she has been asking me, "Mommy, are we going today?" Well, I have some great news, and I mean EXCITING news, to share with you.

The Kimmel Center has graciously offered a family four pack ticket give-a-way!!!

And if it could not get any better....The winners are invited to the Meet and Greet where you can you meet and take pictures with the cast!!

There will be a Meet and Greet held at 6:00 PM on Friday June 4th prior to the 7:00 PM Show at The Merriam Theater.

To win A Family Four Pack Ticket Give-a-way:

One mandatory entry- Like The Kimmel Center for The Performing Arts on Facebook here then leave a comment below.

Additional Entries:

1.Tweet about this give-a-way as many times as you want (2 entries per tweet)

2.Follow this blog (1 entry)

3.Post about the give-a-way or entering on your Facebook wall . Example (does not have to be exact wording) I hope to win four tickets for The Nick Live Show from Bloggin 2 Noggin. (5 entries per post)*Must already like Bloggin 2 Noggin fan page here on Facebook*

Giveaway ends on May 21st at 12am EST. Winner will be contacted by email. GOOD LUCK!!!

Commenters Say The Darndest Things

noreply@blogger.com (Alyssa) — Wed, 12 May 2010 21:40:53 PDT

Congratulations to Unknown Mami for winning the FUNNIEST COMMENT contest and thanks to all who voted. I could not have chosen on my own. I have to say, though, she's FUNNY!

Now, seriously, if you've been following, you know I've attempted to be all erudite, pedantic, and thoughtful in my posts. Still y'all found something ridiculous to say and I'm not keeping it to myself. I mean, some of you are sort of respectable kind of people. Like Marianne. She has a degree in journalism for goodness sakes. And Linda Medrano. She's old enough to BE my mother. (I just turned 21). Of course there's Joey Res who's really kind of sane. Ususally. You know what she said? She said:

"Where am I? What day is it? I wasn't nearly this confused before I stopped by this blog!'

Then there's a whole bunch more. I'm beginning to take this personally. Here's some of what commenters said:

ON SUMMER RENTALS;

CHANTEL:
Seriously I would pay EXTRA if the bed would fold up on it's own...planted cameras--the videos would make you a mint! (um, not THOSE kind of videos--good grief, what kinda sicko do you think I am!?!)

JOEYRES:
The sitcoms frequently got laughs from the murphey bed swallowing it's occupant into the wall. If we can't believe sitcoms, what is the world coming to?

ON INDONESIA'S, AHEM, MALE ENHANCEMENT:

BOSSY BETTY:
OK, They are not at Wal-Mart, but how about K-Mart? I shall ask the manager next time I go in.

ADVENTURES IN CHINA:
Trees are my friends, I knew it!

MARTHA:
Thank goodness for ah, performance standards. I guess you can't run fast if your nightstick is in your way.

JESSICA:
I was wondering where my husband got his from. He needs a new one.

THE GIRL NEXT DOOR GROWS UP:
What in the world? THis is what they are worried about in Indonesia?

SOCCERMOM:
... anyone else for a trip to Indonesia ?

Cause we all know that SIZE matters!

ON THE BIG APPLE:

MRSBLOGALOT:
I love having the city right in my own backyard. Less the trash and rats of course (-

MIMI:
I just wish I could VISIT NY. I want to go SOOO bad.
And ride the subway. And try to be so freaky that everyone's afraid of ME instead of me bein' afraid of them.

ON MOTHERHOOD:

CANDICE:
Where's the "I like to bone and accidently got knocked up... twice mother"?

Sign me up for that one.

MOLLY;
I'm a combo of natural/lifestyle mom...as well as happy hour mom.

ON MY ONSET OF TOURETTES:

UNKNOWN MAMI:
Take a deep breath. Maybe not, if there is so much fart talk in your home it might not be wise to take a deep breath.

KATE@ANDTHENIWASMOM:
If nothing else, you now have reason to use "shitmustard" in a post. Seriously. That's enough inspiration for a full panel at BlogHer.

ON MOTHER'S DAY:

LINDA MEDRANO:
Sweetie, mail the cards to MIL and Mom and then just say to celebrate you want a day alone to meditate, bubble bath, use drugs, and send hubby off with baby!

ON FUNNY COMMENTERS:

MARIANNE:
SHIT! That picture of me passed out on the picnic table was NOT supposed to go public!!!

Crap, crap, crap!

ON CRITICISM OF OBAMA:

DG AT DIARY OF A MAD BATHROOM:
I am apolitical, therefore allow me to compliment your hair today. You look stunning!

CANDICE:
I'm afraid to agree with you......so instead I'll make fun of Obama's gross balls, because you know they're all droopy, hairy and most likley uneven. This is the reason his wife walks around with a bruised neck, when the rest of us remain safe by donning a chin guard.

(this shit better make best comment of the week or I'm kicking your ass!)

Here I am trying to do my best to bring topical issues to you, and this is what you have to say?

Really. Commenters do say the darndest things!

Here Comes The Sun

noreply@blogger.com (Alyssa) — Tue, 11 May 2010 21:47:40 PDT

What's a Murphy bed? "Mommy....Mommy what is a Murphy bed? I don't understand."

It happened a week ago. Actually 10 days. I had decided that, in order to maintain some semblance of sanity in our house, I'd encourage my mother to rent a condo at the shore for the summer. To me it seemed like the perfect solution. The Jersey shore is not far away, we could visit often, and many people like to summer there.

Furthermore, I wouldn't be "kicking her out"...instead, it would be an "opportunity". Who could argue with that?

And so the search began. For three weeks prior to the "murphy bed" my daughter, mother, and I had been travelling back and forth to Margate, Longport, and Long Beach Island. Not bad, except that each time we had high hopes and each time we left frazzled, tired, and quite a bit more jaded. First we saw a beautifully furnished unit, complete with heated pool and jacuzzi, and absolutely priced right. Alas, it was "too far from the beach" and as my mother claimed she'd "have a heart attack" if she had to walk, I couldn't responsibly get over that.

On to the next: definitely close enough to the ocean: great! But it was on the third floor. And the shower, the only shower, get this, was outside. Yes, that's right. Apparently that didn't bother others. There were four units in the building that were consistently rented seasonally each year. Truthfully? Um, yeh, I'd need a shower, too. Inside. I'm kind of used to that. Aren't you?

The next was in Longport, absolutely lovely, but no a/c?? Not even a window unit?

Then the one in Ocean City. I know, not my mom's dream spot; it's more for kids. But, hey, we need to be flexible here. A box including a futon, kitchen appliances along one wall, and a bathroom. No pool. In barely walking distance from the beach. Loving it? Not so much.

Back to the drawing board. We found a "perfect summer vacation home" if you didn't mind bending your head once inside. Also a "condo on the beach" that faced the ocean, overlooked a pool, had furniture older than my grandparents. Never mind that it smelled more like mothballs and mildew than fresh ocean air, it was the price tag I won't even mention. About to give up, I was afraid to show any enthusiasm as mom excitedly screamed, "I found it! This is it! It's perfect for me!" Hope, though, genuinely grew as the day wore on, and my mother's enthusiasm hadn't waned. Truth be told, I relished the thought that hubby would have a no-grumbling summer and we could have some much needed alone time.

Awkward Moment with Grandma - Watch more Funny Videos

So by the next day, with renewed confidence, again we hopped into the car and travelled the familiar route. Margate, here we come! The air smelled fresh as we approached, the landscaping was pretty, and sure enough the condo was oceanfront. Wow! Could this be true? I've never dream-driven before.

Lil Bits excitedly ran along the path to the beach. "I love it here!" she exclaimed as Grammy proudly smiled. Perfect! Done deal! Til we entered. This was a studio; okay, mom had expected small, but where was the bed? Confused, I looked to her for an answer. "Oh" she said, pointing to the wall, "that must be what they call a murphy bed". Was she hallucinating? I saw nothing but a wall. "Mom, mom???" Gingerly she fingered something, and sure enough out popped a bed which immediately caused the three of us to cower in the corner because no longer was there space in the room. "Not bad" I mumbled, softly, half-heartedly, and waited. Pregnant pause. She closed her mouth. (yes, it had dropped open) "So" Another pause. Raised eyebrows beckoned.
"Mom? What do you think?"

"I think it's time to go, now" she answered, somberly. On leaving, on walking to the car, on driving home she said nothing. Til finally, "I'm not sleeping in that thing!
What if it folds up on me? What if I get squished between it and the wall? Suppose I shift my weight and the bed just goes 'poing'???"

I said nothing. She continued. "Would you let Lil Bits sleep there with me? She's so little; she's so light. Suppose I get up to use the bathroom in the middle of the night? I'll be gone and she'll fold up...the bed won't know anybody's on it...No! No! No!"

At that point Lil Bits giggled and said it sounded like fun. "Okay, Ma, no murphy bed". Fourteen calls, 11 of which, also, had murphy beds, and ten nights of nightmares for me. "It has a murphy bed" has become the common phrase of disappointment around here and mom's explanation that a "murphy bed is something that 'boings' back into the wall while you're on it" hasn't helped Lil Bits...or me....
I've read that murphy beds aren't known to do that, but somehow I can't seem to get the image out of my head. Night. Or day.

So "Here Comes The Sun" may have to turn to "Autumn Leaves" before we consider having her move, even temporarily, again. I think I feel an attack of Tourettes coming on.

Warning: watch what you say. Season II of Commenters Say The Darndest Things Will Air Tomorrow.

Police Barred From Penis Enlargement

noreply@blogger.com (Alyssa) — Mon, 10 May 2010 23:25:03 PDT

Police barred from penis enlargement. What will be next?

Forget about getting a job as a police officer in Indonesia's Papua if you have had your penis enlarged. You will not get it. End of story. According to local media reports citing the Papua police chief an applicant "will be asked whether or not his vital organ has been enlarged. If he has, he will be considered unfit to join the police or the military."

The ban was applied since the unnatural size causes "hindrance during training," said police spokesman Zainuri Lubis, quoted by news portal Detik.com.

Papua is the largest province of Indonesia, comprising most of the western half of the island of New Guinea and nearby islands. Men in Indonesia use a local technique to achieve penis enlargement. They wrap the penis with leaves from the "gatal-gatal" (itchy) tree, which causes the penis to swell ( like it has been stung by a bee).

Many of the men in Papua New Guinea wear Penis Sheath Gourds for ceremonies.

I wanted to know more about Penis Sheath Gourds. Really all I knew was the Penis Sheath Gourd is obviously something you will not find in the Wal-Mart mens wear section.

When I searched on Google here is what I found.

I still have some unanswered questions. How do they wear the Penis Sheath Gourds and clothes at the same time? Apparently now most New Guineans wear westernized clothes.

I wonder how the police verify if a man has used the penis enhancer.

Do we have any itchy trees in America? .. note to self to check. Not that it would matter to me. At all. Not one little bit.

How much is a plane ticket to Indonesia again?