Digging For Fire

Lord, Beer Me!

noreply@blogger.com (PerfectPeaceJai) — Sun, 06 Mar 2011 01:37:00 +0000

When I was girl growing up in church, my parents were very active in my Sunday school classes. They would help the teachers corrale kids into a circle, assist with side projects and take on 'special activities' too. I distinctly remember in my early elementary years, me and two of my gal pals performing as the special music of our evening church service. We couldn't have been older than seven. We sang a song to my grandmother on piano accompianment, and those lyrics have stuck with me to this day.

The song is a true gem and I will recount the exact verbiage below. But I think the reason it has stayed with me this many years later is because of the ad noseum practices we were forced to undergo! I ask you: how 'uncute' can singing 2nd graders be that many, many practices were required? But my Dad has a knack for bringing out the best in kids (he's an educator after all). And I can recall Him reminding us to SMILE! Have fun! Sing it like you mean it! These are all good life lessons no matter the situation; and equally true for our small evening church performance.

Tonight, my husband and I were discussing middle school memories. The angst, the dread, the torture. How does anyone avoid those horrible years? And now as parents, I'm about eleven years early in tensing my muscles to prepare and fight against any middle school ails that may beset my daughter. So, I'm brought back to the lyrics of this song I performed. What an excellent reminder for me, my daughter and us all. We have Someone to turn to no matter the problem. Someone who loves us ALL the time. Thank you Lord for your blessings, and unconditional love! And now, here are the lyrics to our second grade extravaganza:

Isn't it just like Him
to want to walk with us.
Just the kind of friend He is
to want to laugh and talk with us.
Listening to the things we say
and joining in the games we play.
Caring. Sharing. That's His way!

Just like a Father understand His own.
Knows what it's like to be afraid or lost or all alone.
He is up above to watch and heal and help and love you,
that's Him. That's Him.

You can be short, fat, red-haired or freckle-faced;
dressed in a shirt with big holes & your shoes unlaced;
Tall, thin with red, black or yellow skin;
still He loves you. That's just Him.

He likes blue jeans, jelly beans, hot dogs and bubble gum.
He doesn't care what your name is or where you're from.
He is up above to watch and heal and help and love you.
That's Him. That's Him.

He is up above to watch and heal and help and love you,
That's Him. THAT'S HIM!

It's unamazing to me anymore when my mother is proven correct. That's commonplace. But it is still a unique experience to recall past moments growing up when she or my Dad would be mid-discipline, quoting the Bible: train up a child in the way she should go and when she is old, she will not depart from it. Same scene 25 years ago: me full of rage and resentment declaring my hatred via scowl of all they represented. Yet now, I am the unabashed supporter of teaching by repitition.

I can't exempt my daughter from the 'mean girls' of her future, or acne issues or insecurities of any kind. But I can instill in her from the earliest of ages, the deep rooted fact that the Creator of the Universe crafted her JUST SO, special for a purpose, unique among the masses. And truly, I have always suscribed to the WHY BE NORMAL philsophy! This makes sense on so many levels.

So thanks Mom and Dad. Thank you for the songs and the four times a week church services and to a limited extent, the groundings. It helped. I'm molded. And I remember...so that I can teach our daughter (in our own perhaps more strict in some areas - less strict in most, ways) about her heavenly Father who will love her always.

In the meantime, I will continue to pray for wisdom and also ask:

(I am unable to locate the mp3 or author of this song. If anyone has any clues, I would love to be able to purchase a copy and play it for our girl!)

2010 Reflections; Part 1

noreply@blogger.com (PerfectPeaceJai) — Sun, 12 Dec 2010 23:16:00 +0000

I have a very valid excuse for not posting for so long: I gave birth to an amazing daughter. For purposes of this blog, I'm going to call her the Geeb. Ozzie and Harriet had the Beav; we have the Geeb. May she be equally as family friendly, yet nowhere near as unidimensional.

Perhaps my first blog posting post-facto should be about her? Well, this is and this isn't. It's my first soiree back into writing in months, and I'm hoping to reflect on this past year. To do so, I'm following this website's prompts for pontification. I'm sure her presence will be apparent throughout, thus juicing two veggies with one blender (or other nonviolent take on a cliched idiom).

December 1 – One Word. Encapsulate the year 2010 in one word. Explain why you’re choosing that word. Now, imagine it’s one year from today, what would you like the word to be that captures 2011 for you? (Author: Gwen Bell)

In late 2009, I wrote that the upcoming new year would be "Zen in 2010". In a way, I did achieve Zen, but it was not as I expected. My pregnancy brought a new level of awareness and appreciation for what my body is capable of, and an understanding that sometimes, there are things I just can't do. New physical limitations caused me to accept more with less, and ironically those limiting factors culminated in a magnificent display of physicality when Geeb was born. "Acceptance" was my Zen. And it shall be my One Word as well. Within that acceptance is also immense GRATITUDE for my blessings; however, I feel "acceptance" more accurately describes the totality of the year.

For 2011 - I'd like my word to be "Awareness". Be Here Now. Mindful. Conscious. Fully Present. These notions seem deceptively simple, yet I've a long way to go to attain. Daily actions with awareness = adventure where you least expect it. I'm ready to experience the now with gusto, and the Geeb helps me to do this each day.

I downloaded a small chime program on my laptop that randomly emits a gong during the day. It's purpose? To bring me back to the moment. When I hear the chime, I stop and consider where I am right then. Geeb also emits a ~~loud~~ lovely 'chiming' tone of her own randomly throughout day, and I am forced to consider where we both are at that moment, what her needs could be and how I can best address them. She's got a built-in awareness program! She's a five week old GENIUS!

December 2 – Writing. What do you do each day that doesn’t contribute to your writing — and can you eliminate it? (Author: Leo Babauta)

Great googley moogley. Much of what I do doesn't contribute to it, but I can't eliminate much at this point. I'm glad to get in a shower and brush my teeth (and all this time I thought new parents were exaggerating! My sincere apologies to you all). But I can scribble down ideas as I have them and refer back once Geeb is in daycare and I'm back to work. In honesty, going back to work will actually open up pockets of free time I don't currently have: the commute, waiting for clients to arrive at appointments. I carry my journal with me and plan to take advantage of these brilliant moments of freetime to scribble freely.

December 3 – Moment. Pick one moment during which you felt most alive this year. Describe it in vivid detail (texture, smells, voices, noises, colors). (Author: Ali Edwards)

Holding my daughter for the first time. I won't be overtly vivid here, but I will offer up a series of adjectives: overwhelming, slippery, joyous, purple, loud, open, monumentous, united, thankful, infinite, purposeful, grounding...

I'll also add a non-Geeb moment: teaching my first yoga class. A personal triumph!

December 4 – Wonder. How did you cultivate a sense of wonder in your life this year? (Author: Jeffrey Davis)

Attempting child birth naturally. This cultiavate an immediate sense of wonder at how anyone could actually do this! I spent the last two years immersing myself in a very au natural community and thought that perhaps I would be able to push (pun intended) my way through this process without the aid of drugs. Perhaps a more complete birth story is forthcoming for this blog, but let's suffice to say that I was and am confident that my decision to have an epidural after several hours on a pitocin drip was a wise one indeed.

It did generate an entirely new amazement and sense of wonder at those awesome women who forge ahead without the aid of chemistry. To quote myself on this topic, I share a homework assignment from my prenatal yoga certification with Janice Clarfield. We were asked to write one take-away we'd received from the classes. Here's my submission. I love that the theme of awareness is present!

"As a first time mom-to-be, this course has enlightened me as to: questions to ask my midwife, considerations for my own yoga practice and assurance in trusting my own Instincts. Most profound thus far though, is the notion that there need be no guilt in the decisions we make about our birth choices. It is our responsibility to act mindfully; with awareness. But if I or any woman choices a certain path for my birth plan, there need be no judgment.

I’ve been so concerned that if I decide in the heat of labor to get an epidural, that I will somehow be offering my child a “lesser than” entry into this world, that I will be a “lesser than” mom for not being able to withstand the pain on my own. I feel much more equipped with tools to bear the pain and face the fear now. And I am thrilled to take the notion of a GUILT FREE BIRTH EXPERIENCE as my own and to share this with other pregnant women. Guilt is a heavy burden to bear, and not in line with producing optimum conditions. I’m sure the baby feels it. I need not own any guilt for proceeding with a birth plan as best I can; nor should anyone else!"

Amen, sister. Preach it! I hope that I am able to share this with the Geeb. Guilt free experiences made possible from thought-out, aware-filled choices. She came into this world through a series of them, so we're off to a good start.

Serpents & Apples

noreply@blogger.com (PerfectPeaceJai) — Thu, 30 Sep 2010 23:05:00 +0000

The Book of Genesis offers us the famed story of Eve, the serpent and forbidden fruit. As I progress ever closer to our daughter's due date (4.5 weeks as of this blog posting), I'm mindful of this tale's outcome.

Quick refresher details: Adam and Eve are created as perfect beings in the image of God, and placed in the lush Garden of Eden. Everything is theirs for the enjoying save one item. They are instructed by God Himself not to eat of the Tree of the Knowledge of Good and Evil. So our frolicking first friends bliss out in the Garden for a time. Eventually, as humans tend to do, their focus shifted from the countless blessings they had, to the one thing they could not have. Enter the serpent.

The snake slithers over to Eve and slyly suggests she help herself to the fruit of the Tree. When Eve states it is forbidden, the serpent counters with a rationale. Note: the snake doesn't say the Tree's apples are not off limits. Rather, it justifies the taking by a blame game stating God knows if they eat of the Tree, they will have God-like knowledge. Now I ask you, what woman has not been in a position to crave some additional knowledge?

So Eve eats. The first sin is committed. Then Adam eats, and they too play the blame game, pointing out the fault in both Eve and the serpent. The results are excommunication from the idyllic Garden, hard work and toil to make the Earth provide and excruciating labor pains for women. It's this latter consequences that has me all aquiver. I'm not looking forward to the excruciating part.

Meanwhile, these two graphics have recently crossed my path and I thought would share.

VERSUS

I really only like one. I find the apologetic take on Eve's "uh-oh" moment hilarious. My Bad, indeed. Because in all honesty, if it hadn't been her to royally flub up for mankind, or any of the billions of women preceeding me, I guarantee I would be the one to create dire consequences. Who among us can point a finger?

But I can't agree that the serpent was the best thing to ever happen to Eve. Give me a break. Some overly-chatty, legless male beast convinces our heroine that she should do the very thing she knows she should not?! Isn't this just a version of the same story so many women have acted out in their lives? We don't call certain kinds of men snakes for nothing. And which of us in following the sly words of a toothless, footless, slithering wonder has ever been overjoyed with the results? Not many women I've befriended have happy endings from their tales of trusting the untrustworthy. Hmmm...food for thought; and not the rotten apple kind of food.

In summary, I'm about to embark on a wonderful journey of parenthood. It's going to start with some painful pushing and end with our blessed baby! She's no doubt going to encounter some snakes in her time. I hope I can help her, talk to her about her options, her strength and character providing what she'll truly need to obtain knowledge; not the smooth talking of some snake. Apples are quite tasty, but only when picked from a quality tree.

Let's choose our trees and fruit with care. But if and when we do choose without wisdom, let's not write it off as some great event that's happen to us, as victims; let's own our shit, move on with a lesson learned and eventually laugh. "My Bad!"

Idiosyncratic Joys

noreply@blogger.com (PerfectPeaceJai) — Sun, 19 Sep 2010 03:55:00 +0000

Everyone knows what to call small things that annoy us. They are "pet peeves", right? I think it's a shame though, that we don't have any well known phrase to describe the small things in life that bring us smiles over and over again. Isn't it here, revelling in the details, allowing subtle pleasures to sustain, that makes living an elevated experience? So, for lack of a better term, I'm going to go with "idiosyncratic joys".

I'll give you a look see into my brain for examples of unique items that bring me glee!

Nouns with an "i" plural and using them in sentences. Catcus multiplies to cacti; we've all heard that one. How about foci, carci, octopi, sarcophagi, PLATYPI? Even typing that last one gives me pause to grin. Now to figure out a way of offhandedly dropping platypi into conversation. uh-huh.

My favorite colors orange & purple used together in nature, decor or food.

Pet names with meaning. I've no hard feeling towards the Fluffies or Snowballs of the globe. But I adore an animal (& their owner) who has applied a more layered approach to the naming convention. I took this so seriously that both our ten-year-old felines have 2 literary-ish meanings relevant to their names (which are Parker & Ezra. Parker for Dorothy Parker the poet, and Parker Posey the actress; Ezra for Ezra Pound the poet and Ezra the Biblical prophet). Perhaps that's overkill in the precious department, but what can I say? It gives me joy and that's the point!

Maple Nut Goodies.

Hearing a song you've not heard in decades, and somehow your memory recalls most lyrics! Even a crappy song, recalled in full, can have this redeeming quality. Now if I could just recall an old song with platypi used, I'd be happy as a pig in poop....which brings me to my final one for now:

Similes. Love 'em. I love 'em like I love a pumpkin spice soy latte.

What aspects of life bring you idiosyncratic joy?

Ambivalent (and Aircondition-less) in Alexandria

noreply@blogger.com (PerfectPeaceJai) — Sat, 07 Aug 2010 19:19:00 +0000

Oh my how I adore air conditioning! I type this on a sultry summer day from a local restaurant that has restored power and wifi. Almost 48 hours after hurricane winds pummeled our little burrow of Alexandria, the husband and I (and everyone else on our side of the block) are still without electricity. It's in large part due to this tree that snapped in half and landed in our back yard on the power lines. Note this portion of the tree is taller than the 3 story building in the background...

I was at home when the storm hit, and found myself crouched in fear in our pitch black basement with useless cell phone, glass of water and Bible for comfort. Thank you LORD that this tree fell in that direction and not backwards on our house, as many trees nearby did damage owner's roofs. Live power lines littered the roads the next day making even a breath of fresh air a dangerous pursuit. I'm also so thankful no one was hurt. The inconvenience of heat, discomfort and spoiling food seem so minor compared to the troubles that could have been.

Meanwhile, the day after the storm, with hot power lines still rampant in the roads and us homebound, I'd made late afternoon plans to meet up with a gal I know: GirlICan'tBelieveYa. I'd connected with work that I'd be unable to make appointments and why, and was conserving juice on our only means of communication with the outside world: my cell phone. So, I texted her the story of our plight and requested a reschedule for the next day.
Her response: "What time and where?"

Umm....ok. The husband and I are fine and safe. Thank you so much for asking! I answered her with a location suggestion. W/in the hour, power crews arrived out front to remove the live lines. Going outside was now an option. I texted her back an update and that I could now meet as originally planned.
Her response: "Let's do tomorrow. I've got stuff to do."

FANTASTIC. Problem is, I'm not really hip to get together with GirlICan'tBelieveYa in the first place. The below post is one I typed over a year and a half ago, and then took down b/c it was well, true. I didn't want to put that out there for her to see. Unfortunately, it's hard core, true sentiment about someone I feel is completely self-absorbed and therefore hurtful. Those characteristics haven't changed over time. So with some prayer and a call to my mom for guidance, I requested advice for using this heaven-sent-by-way-of-tree-fall opportunity to finally extricate myself from this toxic relationship.

With very little fanfare, I cancelled our plans completely, offering only that I no longer felt safe making plans with her. PERIOD. And I haven't I for many, many moons. It was hard. I cried tears of anger that I'd let this relationshp haunt me for so long, tears that someone who calls themselves my friend could be so callous; then finally tears of relief that I had the strength to just end it.

Now comes additional self-work, for though I no longer have any obligations to connect with this person, there are many lessons to examine and learn. For example:

*Why have I been so reluctant to express my feelings before this?
*Why did it take a blatant disregard/respect for my family's safety to spur me to close a door that should have been shut years ago?

*Is posting this blog appropriate sharing per usual or a passive-aggressive means of ridding toxic remants?

I don't have any of these answers yet, but I'm working on them all.

Romans 12:14 instructs us to bless those who persecute you. Hello, difficult! But I can pray that she is happy and blessed in how she chooses to proceed with her life. I can also pray thanks for providing a means of escape that I don't have to be a direct part of that path anymore.

Yoga Sutra 1.33 suggests we have indifference/neutrality towards those that are wicked or evil in order to clear the mind. I don't think GirlICan'tBelieveYa is either wicked or evil. But, I do aspire towards neutrality in her direction. For I'd love to have a clear mind on this matter versus the nauseous feelings I've dealt with for some time.

Finally, a pre-natal yoga teacher I've studied with Janice Clarfield always offers OMwork to her students at the end of class; picking a regular event of your day and using it as an opportunity to reset your focus. For example, at each red light, return to mindful breathing. If you continue reading this lengthy post, you'll understand my new OMwork self-assignment: Every time I see the large stain on our oriental rug (now 1/2 hidden under a couch after a Saturday of furniture rearranging), I will thank the Lord for life lessons and the ability to move on a better person.

Originally Redacted Post from 2/9/09

How many of us have a friend that just gets under our skin? Regularly? Perhaps without them even trying or knowing what they are doing? I have a friend GirlICan'tBelieveYa that I've known for almost a decade. When I first moved to this area, we were very close. She became by default my best local friend as she always wanted to go out, and in my mid-twenties, that's the space where I was as well. We had a blast on trips, at bars, you name it. GirlICan'tBelieveYa is very social, knows no strangers and is attractive. She's a good person to have at your side when the prime object to is meet guys.

Some other features about her include saying whatever pops into her head at the exact time it pops. GirlICan'tBelieveYa has no real filter on her. She is also scarily thin, yet I've seen her consume 3-4 overflowing plates of food in one meal. People often ask me if she is anorexic, and she is an exercise addict, but GirlICan'tBelieveYa eats... a lot. I always answer "No." I've never seen her purge once; never seen any evidence that she is bulimic. Yet there has always been this vast gap left unexplained as to how she can consume so much food and literally be a size 0, even 00. I admit to having jealous pangs about GirlICan'tBelieveYa's gift for eating without consequence. I am now a Weight Watchers member as I seem to carry my consequences on my gut, butt and thighs. But this has never been an impediment to our friendship. She's lucky in food, and I can accept that.

What has become an impediment, at least for me, is this woman's (she is pushing 40 now) lack of awareness. She opens her mouth and often a lot of nothing-much comes out. Sometimes though, with more frequency than anyone else in my life, very insensive, hurtful things fly out and land on my confessedly fragile ego. It is at these times, I begin to wonder again how and why we remain friends. As an example, last night we had GirlICan'tBelieveYa and husband over to our house for dinner. We invited them over after she had told me on several occassions how much her husband wanted to see our house. So I wanted to make it something special. I planned out a themed meal and yesterday we went grocery shopping and prepped the food and cleaned the house for the better part of our day.

I was also DETERMINED to workout, even if just for a half hour. But one hour before they were supposed to show up, I was just getting to a stopping point with the food/cleaning prep. I ran upstairs, changed into my workout clothes thinking "I'll just do 20 minutes." As I walked down our stairs I doubled back. I realized I wouldn't be able to shower, get ready and start the actual cooking all in time for their arrival. So I gave up my workout and was bummed. (I do realize I could've gotten up earlier on a Saturday to fit in this workout and still get everything else done, so I take responsiblity there.)

20 minutes before they are supposed to arrive, GirlICan'tBelieveYa calls me to say "Is it okay if we are late?" I didn't have much choice in the matter. Even if they left right that second, they were still going to be late. Usually, a friend calling to show up later than expected wouldn't bother me. Except that this was this particular friend who doesn't put a lot of thought into how her actions affect other people. I learned later in the evening that the reason she was late is b/c she scheduled her hair appointment late in the day and still had to get back to the house and get her kids ready. So, there was no planning on her part even though she knew we had dinner plans established for a start time she'd requested to accommodate her kids needs.

During dinner, she asked innocently "So what did you do with your day?" My husband and I exchanged glances and I truly wanted to say "This. This is what I did all day today." B/c it was like she had no clue that our crazy, cool 3 course themed meal or clean house didn't just appear by magic. I'll not say much about the red wine stain she left on my carpet - first thing one sees as they walk through the door of our house. I'll let it suffice that one week and one day later, I'm still trying solvents and cleansers to get the blasted stain out. It's like the devil is living in that stain just poking at me each day out in the wide open "HA HA HERE I AM. Caused by someone too clueless to care."

That is what hurts me the most, I think. I know this person cares about me. I care about her too. I know she is not saying or acting in ways to purposefully hurt me. But how do I excuse her actions? She's not mentally disabled (though sometimes I pause at this...how else do I explain her?). She's bright, accomplished and social. But I've spent years explaining her as "Oh, that's Just GirlICan'tBelieveYa's way." WHY? B/c no one has ever trained her better? B/c like me, no one's ever had the balls to confront her and say "I don't appreciate when you do/say fill in the blank. It hurts my feelings." Why is that so hard for me? As we've grown older over the last decade, both she and I got married. We used to talk about the difficulties of being a newlywed...the learning about your husband's ways and petty fights. But I've found myself unable to relate to a lot of the reasons she and her husband were fighting.

She's had two babies and life has changed for us both for the better. It seems though, that our friendship has not grown with the rest of our life changes. Now that we don't have the go-out-with-a-purpose scene in common, I find we have very little in common at all. For my other friends, my life changes have not created a gap in our friendship. We've ridden the tide and our friendship remains strong and has grown. I don't feel the same here. This very fact has plagued me. Why not? And why does this relationship continually make me feel so bad?

Be Willing to Suck

noreply@blogger.com (PerfectPeaceJai) — Fri, 30 Jul 2010 14:29:00 +0000

Hold your horses! I mean this title in a positive, inspiring way :) A posting on Kris Carr's Crazy Sexy Life site about life lessons got me to thinking; especially #8 which I'm pasting here:

"Be willing to suck at it! If you want to learn something new and get good at it, you have to be willing to suck at it. The key is to “be willing” and put your ego on the shelf while you are learning. So don’t let fear stop you from learning something new. Just be willing to suck as you learn it."

You can't let fear stop you from learning something new. One tenant of my current vision statement is LIVE FEARLESS! I included this because I need a constant reminder that it is ok to suck sometimes. No one can start off as the best at everything. Yet, I really really dislike not being good at things. Umm, newsflash dearheart: You are human, limited and imperfect. Sucking is inevitable, and as the picture prooves, can be cute!

I'm reminded of a high school memory that I feel has embedded a fear of failure in my heart. As a cheerleader (for those that know me only as an adult, yes I did the cheerleader thing ;), I was one of only two sophomores to make the varsity squad. Apparently, I made the team by the skin of my teeth as I was the absolute worst cheerleader of the lot. Our coach would regularly single me out during practices as having shoulders too high, moves off beat, lunges too shallow. I began to dread practices, and deplored the humilating aspects of her approach. After all, I was in the presence of senior cheerleaders, and who wanted to be noticed for their lack in front of respected peers?

I guess I began to internalize all coach's notes and make some changes. One practice towards the end of the season, we were mid-cheer when coach stopped everyone and said "Let's all watch W do this move." I was mortified. Fully expecting another tongue lashing, I repeated the cheer and popped back into a lunge. Coach had me hold the pose. "Look at how deep her lunge is. Watch how she twisted. I want you all to do it like that." H-O-L-Y-J-U-N-K. That was unexpected.

At the end of season banquet, I got the "Most Improved" award (which true to form, I interpreted as "Worst Cheerleader, Let's Throw Her a Bone" award). It came complete with the headstock of someone else's old trophy, no trophy body, no plaque with my name on it...just a goldish figurine trophy top and hearty handshake. However, along with that 20-cent momento, there may have been some actual improvement involved. That part is good. What's not so good is how I may have allowed that humiliation to deter me from trying new things later in life. To this day, if I don't shoot out of the cannon with perfection in round one, I'm loathe to try again. That's just not healthy.

In three months, our daughter will be born. This will be our first go at parenthood, and I'm anticipating I'll be somewhat sophomoric on this team as well. I need to embrace this fact and welcome some humiliations, or I really will suck at parenting. If I can't dust myself off and try again with conviction and enthusiasm, what lessons will I be teaching our girl? So, "Live Fearless" remains a motto with renewed incentive. It's not just me I'm living for, but another generation of fragile feminity is at stake. No! I much prefer powerful females emerge from our youth.

Dearest daughter and all who may someday read this, let's band together us gals, shall we? Let's dive into the deep end of our fears, confront possible failure and enjoy the learnings and friendships along the way. Courage is not the lack of fear, but proceeding ahead in its presence. Maybe I should rephrase my vision statement to "Live Courageous!" Either way, be willing to suck! The only thing we have to lose is a few shallow lunges and our ignorance.

The Name Monster

noreply@blogger.com (PerfectPeaceJai) — Mon, 17 May 2010 00:56:00 +0000

Time suckage. Have you noticed how many things designed to make our lives more efficient, tend to also fill the free time they were supposed to help create? Laptops are my prime example this evening. I have spent way too many hours on mine over weekends. Granted, I've been using my laptop to research and plan our vacation, but really - TWELVE PLUS HOURS? Oy to the vey. (Fortuantely, I've also managed to pack in some fun with an amazing session of yoga on the mall.)

The time suck issue got me thinking about other things that kill my free time buzz. Another example I've experienced is the existence too many options. No one needs 500 sources of the same product or information. Do you remember going with your parents to the grocery store back in the day? There was the name brand item and there was the black and white generic version. That's it: two choices. It wasn't until Malcom Gladwell and his fantastico focus group sessions about spaghetti sauce preference came around that we uncovered a 'need' for 36 varieties of sauce.

Please don't get me wrong. I adore condiments, as well as the freedom to choose. Variety is the spice of life, after all. But what of too many choices? I believe in the law of diminishing returns: the first sip of cold beer is always going to taste best. And in our over-stimulated society, there is often just too much going on. Too many choices could offer a diminshing return on the advantages of variety.

Indulge me as I offer a final illustration: the husband and I are expecting! This news has us beyond the moon with excitement. It is indeed a blessed time, and I am daily thankful for our miracle. Far be it from me to wax poetic about the positive (this would be my excuse for the few and far between blog posts). I'm too busy being happy to worry about capturing the moment in writing. Any literary inclinations I may have usually stem from the ridiculous or the unfortunate.

Like with this wonderous event, I've not yet written a word. But I'm urged to blog about the immeasurable number of car seat/stroller options that exist, and how every manufacturer seems to patent an unnoticable difference in their version. So few things mesh across brand lines. As with weddings, just stick the word 'baby' in a product name and companies have an excuse to jack up prices and prey on your guilt for getting your child the very best.

PUH-LEASE PEOPLE. Did my naked behind need a baby wipe warmer thirty-four years ago? Unh-unh. And depending on who you ask, I came out just fine. Am I tempted to register for a baby wipe warmer for our child? Yes! Because I want only the best for our precious bundle. I'm just not sure that literally blowing smoke up her ass, or to politely rephrase, laying warming vapors on her bum, is going to be the method for success here. Enthusiast purchasers of baby wipe warmers comment that it's changed their lives. I'm tempted to go with the Pray and Play method of parenting (which I've just now made-up), versus the Pray and PAY method which so many companies would prefer me to follow.

Pray and Pay Parenting would be: Pray you have enough resources, and pay through the nose for all things baby-esque. This method ensures your house is filled with plastic junk made in China, and your retirement fund principle grows at 0%. Babies 'R Us shareholder dividends however, grow quite nicely. Disclaimer: I have absolutely nothing against Babies 'R Us, and am registered there. Let's just be rationale, and maybe even sustainable with our purchases, shall we?!

Pray and Play Parenting goes like this:

1. Pray non-stop for baby's health, happiness, present and future. Trust in the Lord to provide as He promised He will.

2. Balance work with lots of play. Babies are babies for a short time only. Revel in the wonder that is this new life. Thank the Lord for His goodness and mercy.

3. Rinse (bums sans warmed wipes) and repeat daily for the rest of your life.

Yep. This event is a life changer. Perhaps by planning and practicing the Pray and Play Parenting Method now, I'll be that much closer to perfecting it by our due date. Final disclaimer: Perfect is Beige. I love this! I'll never be perfect, so I'm thankful and covered.

Causes & Considerations

noreply@blogger.com (PerfectPeaceJai) — Thu, 13 May 2010 13:07:00 +0000

OUCH! With so many wonderful causes and organizations needing assistance, it can make your head hurt trying to decide. The husband and I have used the church to dissemenate our tithes and donations to those in need; however, there are times when certain issues hit the heart hard. It's then that we try to dig a bit deeper with our time and other resources.

Three issues that affect me deeply are:
*social justice - International Justice Mission is an amazing Christian non-profit human rights based org, that literally rescues victims of human rights abuse across the globe.

*clean water - Blood: Water Mission in part builds wells in sub-Saharan African communities where water is multi-mile per day walk. Did you know that $1.00 can provide one African with clean water for a YEAR!

*animal rights - I'm a BIG fan of animal sanctuaries and I la la love Farm Sanctuary, as well as the our local Poplar Springs (where we celebrated our first vegan Thanksgiving in 2008). Today, I received an email from PETA, of whom I confess I'd let my support lapse.

They shared information on circus elephants being abused and my heart broke all over again. I've known that circuses, theme parks and others using animals for entertainment tend to mistreat their 'employees'. One need only consider the recent Sea World killer whale attack or famous the Sigfried and Roy mauling to see that wild animals forced into unnatural habitats are not going to gently respond.

Sign Here to Stop Circus Cruelty

Seeing the video and photos of these elephants spurred me to act as a conscientious consumer as best I could. I'm once again a PETA supporter. I invite you to reflect upon issues that are dear to your heart, and seek out like-minded organizations with whom you can partner. So many of us are blessed with freedom, easy access to food and clean water, some spare time to share with those in need. Where can we make a difference?

"If I am not for others, who am I for? And if not now, when?" - Talmud

"Everyone has the power for greatness, not for fame but greatness, because greatness is determined by service." - Martin Luther King Jr.

"Whatever you did not do for the least of these, you did not do for me." -Matthew 25:45

Blessings, Bounty & Crap

noreply@blogger.com (PerfectPeaceJai) — Sun, 14 Mar 2010 14:11:00 +0000

I have been blessed with another yoga teaching gig; this time in my *almost* backyard. The Alexandria YMCA branch is looking to expand its yoga offerings and have decided to employ lil'ole'me to ramp up the expansion. Starting in April, there will be a new Saturday morning Open To All class at the Monroe Avenue Y. Come one, come all!

I think that's going to do it for new yoga teaching pursuits. With a full time job and teaching 3 classes per week, I'm keeping plenty busy. Yes, the schedule is bountifully full. Several recent additions to the calendar sparked an activity review in attempts to weed for clutter. Spring cleaning of the scheduling sort.

That is why I had a hearty guffaw this past Friday while walking the streets of Old Town. In the window display at the Paper Source, I saw this must have item: file folders appropriately labeled for practical and exhibition purposes. I'm sure I could fill a box of these with appropriate content. 200 emails a day? I've got a file for them. Comcast connections down in perpetuity? Let me stick Comcast in its rightful place. Household cleaners filled with crazy contaminents? Well, I guess I'll have to make a trip to the hazardous waste drop-off, but mentally you've been filed away as well.

On that last point, using some coupons for Seventh Generation, I'm pleased to share we're excavating all non-natural cleaners from the abode, and replacing them with natural substances. This is the first step in a stage of "envirofying" our home more thoroughly. The next step will be to reuse the containers for our own homemade cleansers.

We're progressing one step at time on this journey, with as many laughs as we can along the way. Organization systems like this only help the process. File on!

Yogafied

noreply@blogger.com (PerfectPeaceJai) — Sat, 27 Feb 2010 15:49:00 +0000

Yoga Alliance has made me bona fide. Earlier today, I may have checked the website for the eleventeenth time to see if my RYT was posted. Lo and behold, it was!

I don't know about you, but my lasik surgery of five years past isn't holding up like I'd hoped. I can't read that tiny print! Shall we examine a blow-up to confirm? Yes, let's shall.

Just in time too, as I believe I will be teaching yoga in a formal capacity starting this week. More on that to come, as I've not received the teaching schedule. But it appears that last weekend's audition was met with approval by the students, and I was invited onto Stroga's March teaching schedule! Swaha!

Did you know that bona fide is a Latin phrase meaning “in good faith"? I know it's most often used to mean “genuine” today, but I like the strict definition of origin. As I teach yoga, I am doing so in good faith that this practice is ripe with benefits of the physical, mental and spiritual kind. I'm eager to share those benefits with those eager to learn. What an amazing gift to partake of and now to pass on. I'm "genuinely" honored.

In the movie O Brother Where Art Thou, my husband's doppelganger George Clooney finds himself in a much different position. Let's take a look.

Finally, I've got the papers to prove my registered yoga teacher status. Proving to the world what I've guessed all along: I'm certifiable.

Three Thoughtful Tidbits

noreply@blogger.com (PerfectPeaceJai) — Sun, 21 Feb 2010 21:31:00 +0000

Examining the last two blog entries, one might think I’d had a guest writer. They both discuss the same snow topic; yet approach it from opposite viewpoints. Not yet ready to admit a split personality, I will however confess they both came from moi. The two entries are a testament to the effect that one’s outlook has on everything. Moving on, as those were then.

Today, a beautiful sunny Sunday by any standards, I am giving myself a wee pat on the back. Since completing my 200 hour yoga teacher training (TT) on 12/28/09, I’ve been looking at opportunities to teach in the DC metro area. Most recent TT graduates are unable to find employ at a yoga studio, as many studios require both a 200 hour certificate, and 1-2 years teaching experience. So where is a nubile yoga teacher to gain said experience? Why, yee local gym, of course.

This week I’ve had three auditions; two at gyms, and today’s at a new yoga studio. For the studio opening, I found an ad on Craigs List posting for yoga teacher auditions, and decided to inquire. Last weekend, I attended an informal “so you wanna teach at our studio” meeting. I was the sole teacher not currently teaching, nor with previous yoga teacher experience. I left extremely impressed with the studio management and space, yet less than enthused about my ability in this situation. Who am I to compete with these other, more experienced yogis?

Friends, I ask myself and encourage you to inquire the same within: WHO AM I NOT TO?

With more than a little encouragement from family and friends, I confirmed my audition time and prepared to give this opportunity my all. When I arrived at the studio, I learned that these free classes had been pulling 50-80+ people per class. I about dooked my slacks. I’m familiar with practicing, not teaching, in studios with max capacity of 50. Teaching experience (in the yoga realms) has been limited to much, much, much smaller numbers. Another phrase I like to use in times of potential pant soilage: FAKE IT TIL YOU MAKE IT!

And so I did, but yet not. I guided these wonderful yoga students through an asana practice with everything I had, and found ½ way through that I had to fake no longer. I was having fun, I was sharing the gift that is yoga; and that is why I decided to attempt teaching in the first place. Third choice tidbit of the post: IF YOU CAN’T HAVE FUN, WHY BOTHER?

I won’t know for a while whether or not the audition was a success in the students’ or studio’s eyes. But for me, it was a great success. I overcame fears; big fears. I grabbed at a wonderful opportunity to strengthen my voice as it speaks the God-inspired yoga language. As a newbie TT, I can already say I’ve led large classes through Vinyasa practice. My proudest reflection though, is that I stood fast to my mantra, even when I wasn’t sure it’s what I was capable of doing:

“Love Jesus. LIVE FEARLESS. Seek Wisdom. Create Beauty.”

Yoga is all of the above. Teaching today allowed me to walk the walk; not just talk the talk. Namaste.

The Diving Bell of Being

noreply@blogger.com (PerfectPeaceJai) — Sat, 20 Feb 2010 15:51:00 +0000

Right before the big blizzard set in last week, I went to the library to stock up on books, cds and dvds. Me and everyone else had the same idea; thus, the dvd selection was slim. I ended up choosing a video based solely on its production company, Miramax. In my experience, Miramax films are more artistic, esoteric, thought-provoking and heart-felt than most. Though I’d never heard of this film before, I decided to check out The Diving Bell and the Butterfly.

Tonight, day 4 of snowfall (well it was when I wrote this), snow shoveling, snowed-in and all other ways snowfilled living, the husband and I sat down to watch. I will not share many details in case you too, dear reader, are drawn to watch this film (written in French, but complete with English dubbing and/or subtitles). But I will share that it starts out with a man who is a recent paraplegic. The audience is privy to his thoughts, though he is unable to speak.

Thinking back over his well blessed and lucrative life, pictures of glaciers, hundreds of thousands of years old melt and drop like so many world trade center towers into the ocean. The viewer hears his thoughts:

"Today, my life feels like a string of near-misses. Women I was unable to love, opportunities I was unable to seize, moments of happiness I let drift away. A race whose result I knew before-hand but failed to bet on the winner. Had I been blind and deaf, or did it take the harsh light of disaster to help me find my true nature?"

I can relate to these words. These past few days of being locked away due to snow, I have been writhing in disconnection and isolation from the outside world. Tucked away in a warm nest with my husband, at times I’m sure we’ve both felt like lashing out at the other if only because we’ve been on top of ourselves with little to do for too long.

flipping a bird with all love

And yet, this situation, like so many other wonderful ones that have graced the stage of my existence is nothing short of a great gift. When is the luxury of downtime ever available in droves?

But even as recently as this morning, I was reflecting on how many situations present themselves to me, and I meet them with a seeming built-in sense of dismay, dis-ease, disthymia actually. When all is on top, I still feel as though I’m pulling myself up by my boot-straps. This movie, with the protagonist lying in his hospital bed, brought me back to the days of my mother lying in her hospital bed, halo attached and she in pain.

When I tried to imagine myself in her place, I recoiled. I think I am claustrophobic now just due to snow, yet I have 1600 square feet of space in which to frolic. What of me locked inside a metal cage in which I am literally attached? She was an amazing testament to the ability of mind over matter, spirit conquering self, Self saving soul. I do not want to experience a tragedy to be able to look on current days and revel. I pray for an opening of senses that I may not bury myself in lost opportunity.

How do I do this? This movie is certainly not the first time I've felt I am losing time without appreciation. I was drawn to yoga in large part to help myself be in the moment, to enjoy the now. And while I am constantly reminding myself of the need for this skill, I feel it is ever elusive.

Mine is certainly not an unexamined journey, but I wouldn’t mind a few determinations as a result of all the analyzing. That may just be the very thing that keeps me from the appreciation I seek. Craving an outcome, when the process is the fundamental goal. Perhaps I’d best imbibe a glass of champagne and let the effervescence lift me up. Or, maybe I could just stop thinking so much and start just being more. Yes…just.

Snow Day in Del Ray

noreply@blogger.com (PerfectPeaceJai) — Sun, 31 Jan 2010 19:44:00 +0000

Yesterday I awoke to find a fresh layer of snow on the bedroom skylight. Pulling back the curtains, I was treated to the 4th flurry of the winter season. For the DC area, that's significant, and for this native Floridian it's fabulous! Despite the fact that I don't trust myself to drive in the snow (no 4 wheel drive on my Florida Jeep!), and I'm admiring from inside most of the time, I do so love the snow.

To ensure a successful day indoors, the husband and I bundled up for a trek to Main Street, otherwise known as Mt. Vernon Avenue, for supplies. What does one need for an evening snowed-in? Well wine and cheese of course! Fortunately, Planet Wine is a mere 15 minute walk away. We picked a berrilicious Pinot from South Australia and a smoky gouda wedge to pair. I'm no pro, so perhaps berries and smoke don't play well together; but there's none of either left today so it mustn't have been too terrible.

Then, we headed across the street to Artfully Chocolate. Confessions: this was my first visit to this incredible edible. I'm afraid it would be better named Sinfully Chocolate. We spilt a gourmet hot chocolate for the walk back, and oh my nibs. How delicious! The "Lucy" is a dark chocolate drink with cinnamin and chipolte. The perfect treat of spice and decadence for our snow day. The evening culminated with a fire, dinner of wine, cheese and chocolate and Angelina Jolie...by way of Gone In 60 Seconds on tv.

The Redbox video option at the 7-11 wasn't working. I think the gears froze in the storm; so we were stuck with tv movies. Not even the pitiful acting of this film could damper a beautiful snow day in Del Ray. Did I mention I practiced yoga with Brian Kest earlier on? A flashback to the early 90's when I'd copied his Power Yoga 2 on VHS. All things old shall be new again. And for yesterday, all things snow shall be whoo-hoo'd again. It was a pretty darn good afternoon.

Visions & SugarPlums Danced in her Head

noreply@blogger.com (PerfectPeaceJai) — Fri, 08 Jan 2010 02:58:00 +0000

During an art festival last October, we ran across a series of lovely paper accordion books. Large sizes had been used as wedding albums or memento holders. Opened up they could be hung on a wall, or folded in book form for a shelf. I thought they would make the perfect backdrop for a vision board for 2010. The husband (thank you!) bought me a small accordion book, so delicate and beautiful, for my Christmas stocking. It's the perfect size for carrying in my purse as a regular reminder of the hopes I hold dear, and the visions I wish to manifest.

Soon after the New Year, I set to work at putting visions to paper, collage-style. Starting with my mantra: "Love Jesus, Live Fearless, Seek Wisdom, Create Beauty," I created three foci for each phrase. It worked out quite well as the accordion book had 14 total pages. This was a perfect fit for a verso, 12 focus points (one for each month) and a closing page.

Here are some pics of the almost final product. All that's left is to write is the monthly focus on the other side of each fold.

You can see how wee the book truly is. 1/2 the size of a tivo remote.

Yet opened up, it's almost as long as the futon!

The foldouts are not in mantra order.

See, I'm living fearless already. oy.

"Create Beauty"

"Love Jesus"

"Live Fearless"

"Seek Wisdom"

Thank you Santa/husband for visions & sugarplums for Christmas! This gift keeps giving well into the New Year.

Zen in 2010: But 1st, a look back at 2009

noreply@blogger.com (PerfectPeaceJai) — Sat, 02 Jan 2010 15:33:00 +0000

It’s been a long two months since I last posted to my blog. During that time, I’ve been spending most spare moments immersed in yoga teacher training, which I completed on 12/28 with a 90 minute practicum. It’s no excuse for putting the blog on the back burner, but this 200 hr certification was actually 435 hours of classes, practice and training! Now that I’m back to blog, I thought I’d kick off the New Year by answering the same questions that got Digging for Fire off the ground: a recap of 2009 to bring focus for 2010 goal setting.

1. What did you do in 2009 that you’d never done before? Yoga teacher training! Here's me post-practicum with a Happy Congratulations cake from the husband.

2. Did you keep your new year’s resolutions and will you make more for next this year? I did not keep my new year’s resolutions, but I did chip away at the AblazeyDaisy Do list. And I will make more resolutions for 2010.

3. Did anyone close to you give birth? No, but I have two girlfriends due with their first in Feb and March of this year.

4. Did anyone close to you die? No, and I’m thankful that my grandfather is still with us while he undergoes dialysis.

5. What countries did you visit? Just U.S. trips: Omega Institute in NY, family trips to Florida, music festivals/camping in North Carolina

6. What would you like to have in 2010 that you lacked in 2009? Fearlessness.

2010 Mantra: "Love Jesus. Live Fearless. Seek Wisdom. Create Beauty."

7. What dates from 2009 will remain etched upon your memory, and why?

August 21-23, Being Yoga Conference at Omega Institute. It was deciding factor that I wanted to complete yoga teacher training.

8. What was your biggest achievement of the year? See number 1!

9. What was your biggest failure? Not letting the healthy mind/body tools of yoga change me more fully. It’s a process; I’m a process so I’m still working. I’ll continue to do the work, practice, but I thought I’d be farther along than I am.

10. Did you suffer illness or injury? I dropped a heavy tray on my foot and lost my big toenail. Have you ever tried practicing yoga with a broke-up foot? It’s hard!

11. What was the best thing you bought? Teacher training!

12. Where did most of your money go? Our mortgage will be our largest expense for the next 14.5 years for sure. BUT, at least we have a plan to pay off our beautiful home in ½ the time of the mortgage.

13. What did you get really, really, really excited about? Continuing and deepening my journey with yoga, sharing what I’m learning with others, clarifying how my beliefs as a Christian and the yoga practice are a natural fusion of spirituality in action and communicating same.

14. What song will always remind you of 2009? Lady Gaga’s Bad Romance: Rama-rama-ma!

15. Compared to this time last year, are you:

a) happier or sadder? Happier

b) thinner or fatter? About the same

c) richer or poorer? Richer in friends, love and thankfulness.

16. What do you wish you’d done more of? Jivamukti yoga! I love it!

17. What do you wish you’d done less of? drunk less red wine. Me and tannins don’t agree like we used to.

18. How did you spend Christmas? In Florida with my grandparents, aunts/uncles, cousins and beloved parents. It was a wonderful Christmas! Here's dad doing guyan mudra at the Christmas table :)

19. Did you fall in love in 2009? I fall in love with my husband over and over again.

20. What was your favorite TV program? Top Chef, Biggest Loser

21. What was the best book you read? Heart of Yoga by T.K.V. Desikachar

22. What was your favorite film of this year? The Earthlings documentary…not that I enjoyed watching it. It was absolutely awful. But in terms of affecting me, it was profound. The husband and I have cut meat from our diet and are slowly phasing out animal products like eggs and cheese…slowly.

23. What did you do on your birthday, and how old were you? I turned 34 in September and took the day off work to chillax, practiced Jivamukti and attended teacher training that night. The class chanted Om Tryambakam Yajamahe in my honor. Very cool!

24. What kept you sane? Yoga.

25. Which celebrity/public figure did you fancy the most? Sharon Gannon.

26. Who did you miss? Papa. Still. Always.

27. Who was the best new person you met? The 15 teacher trainees of Pure Prana’s 2009 class and our teachers Natasha & Kathy.

I'll post back with more 2010 thoughts, but it's Zen in 2010 for me. Namaste.

Alternative Alphabet

noreply@blogger.com (PerfectPeaceJai) — Thu, 15 Oct 2009 00:19:00 +0000

What a weird, bassackwards week it's been. Perhaps you remember that my parents were in a terrible car accident about this time last year? Two days ago, the man who hit them and ran from the scene accepted a plea bargain and was put in jail. For his crime of "leaving the scene of a crash involving injuries", followed by crimes of "carrying a concealed firearm" this fine member of citizenry will receive four months jail time and two years probation.

My father's tenacity is the sole reason he's getting any jail time at all. The court was willing to bestow several previous pleas of mere probation. But my dad continued to attend hearing after hearing on my mom's behalf to convey the damage caused by the defendant while still on probation from previous crimes. Clearly probation was not acting as a successful deterent. Four months seems like so little punishment for a man who almost killed my mother and caused months of agony for all my family. It is not my place to pass judgment though; I am thankful a measure of justice was served. I'm also grateful for some closure for my parents.

Gratitude: it a first step to releasing anger. I've have some major anger issues with this guy. So, I've been trying an exercise while taking slightly longer, hotter showers during the cooler fall season. Based on a poster I'd seen advertised by Syracuse Cultural Workers, I've been reciting 26 reasons to be thankful; one for each letter of the alphabet. I love their idea that this alphabet is for the grown-ups too. Why not leverage the notion to help me focus on the many reasons I have to give thanks, instead of on any animosity I may have toward another? Here we go:

AblazeyDaisy's Alternative Ahimsa Alphabet
Action - taking some rather than talking makes change.
Bass - I love me some hubby low octove grooves.
Cats - my boyz who comfort me no matter the situation.
Del Ray - my town, my community, so hip and beautiful.
Employment - as in gainfully so in these tough times.
Friends - who support me & pray for my concerns.
Grandparents - I have three living!
Home - I love mine and those in it.
India - I have great respect for the yogic traditions of this country.
Jesus - My Lord & Saviour.
Kisses - I enjoy 'em both human and chocolate style.
Laughter - the best medicine and great for stomach muscles.
Music - the universal language that transcends words & makes emotion tangible.
Namesake - maiden name & all I've come from, married name & husband are gifts from God.
Oxygen - deep back rib breathing to chillax & center.
Piano - my grandma gave me hers to play.
Quest - life is an amazing journey w/ great ups along w/ its other-thans.
Radical - the noun version, as in why be normal?
Simplicity - usually the best answers are the simplest.
Time - a good balm for what ails.
Upright bass - my favorite instrument courtesy of the husband's passions.
Verses - Bible quotes to heal: Philippians 4:6, Hebrews 12:28
Water - quenches thirst like nothing else & we've got clean H2O at our fingertips.
Xanadu - a place where nobody dared to go; a love that we came to know.
Yoga - I'm constantly growing & knowing thru this (& I'm keeping this poster choice as my own!)
Zero - # of days we have to go it alone. God neither leaves nor forsakes!

It is a successful tool to refocus. Thank you Lord for bringing my family back to health.

Fried & in need of Fries

noreply@blogger.com (PerfectPeaceJai) — Wed, 14 Oct 2009 21:44:00 +0000

Today's work schedule (some by choice, some by force) had me eating my lunch at 4:15 pm. Back at my home office, we had some cut up veggies leftover from our weekend camping escapade, so I quickly threw those together into a salad. Mere salad, however, does not fill the depths of hunger brought on via a four-hour meal delay.

Unfortunately, besides the leftover veg, there wasn't much else in our fridgedaire. So, I found myself rifling through both pantries for some good grub. Nothing was fitting the bill. Back to the fridge I go to check again for any previously unseen food treasure that is cheese or potatoes (to make awesome french 'fries' baked in the oven). Yours may be different, but you know the type of family fave items that always go first after a grocery run. There was nary dairy nor tuber to be found.

Repeat pantry shuffling. 2nd pantry pilfering. Back to the fridge...standing in front of the open fridge door I began singing this made-up verse in old-timey country twang:

I wish I had potatoes in my friiiidge,
I'd make french fries & eat 'em all night looooong.
But there's nuthing here except some veggggg,
So I'm jest left here with this french fry sooooong.

Realizing I'd almost worn a circular groove in our kitchen floor doing laps between the pantries and fridge, with no can left unturned and no new food to speak of...I gave up the search. I asked the husband, "How many times do you think I can open this refridgerator door before I understand nothing new is going to appear?"

He responds, "Right? Where my magic fridge is?"

Where is my magic fridge indeed? I know you can relate.

Guess I better get with the changing times, and see that my veg sticks were the way to go in the first place. Hmmph. I might have to change my tune, literally.

Beast Reality

noreply@blogger.com (PerfectPeaceJai) — Mon, 12 Oct 2009 13:59:00 +0000

I'm cleaned up, rested and sipping coffee that wasn't boiled outside. These are all signs that I'm back home, and our camping trip is over. This weekend the husband and I were back at Shakori Hills for the fall music festival. We had a great time and the weather held out for us, only raining the last night we were there. Eating fresh veggies and homemade hummus, J strumming bass at the campsite, taking in new bands, hooping to the live music...these things all equal my festival fun.

J also let me lead us through some asanas, so we could stretch the air mattress sleep kinks out of our system, and so I could practice a bit of my yoga teacher training intake. Have I mentioned that yoga practice outdoors is the absolute best? Maybe, but it's worth mentioning again. I think that we're going to institute a regular backyard-yoga practice! I am so thankful to be married to someone with similiar interests; it's a treat to share music, yoga and more with my main man. I love him extra for that special look of surprise caught upon exiting our publicly shared bathroom. Chatham county portables, I'm glad to leave you and your antibacterial hand sanitizer in NC.

As for the music, one band we enjoyed most this go-around was The Beast. They have a politically charged hip-hop sound with serious funk bass lines kicking the background. We've seen them at Shakori before, but this year they were playing at the headline stage. Picked up their CD pre-release (yes, old school cd purchases still abound in our household), and listened to it on the drive home. The group's original name was The Beast Reality, which leads me to my final focus for this entry.

An overarching theme to this festival is sustainability. Throughout the weekend, Shakori offers a sustainability, peace & justice discussion series with offerings on solar power, living low carbon, and local food production. The "Beast Reality" is that there is a lot of unfortunate nastiness going on in the world, and it can be easy to insolate yourself, isolate really; perhaps thinking that one person can not make a difference. Yes, one person can!

So many of our daily decisions can influence outcomes, not just for us singular, but for the greater US community. Our purchasing power influences the way massive corporations do business, our volunteer and church participation positively affects thousands in our local realms, even the simple act of actively listening to someone speak can help ease a burden. Thinking along these lines, how the small things we do each day can cumulatively create a changed existence is empowering! I love this picture of umbrellas decorated by festival goers. Placed together they are an art installation of ideas. One umbrella reads "The opposite of war isn't peace, it's creation". So true. If war is destruction, then creation would be its literal opposite. What decisions can I make today, tomorrow and onward to promote sustainability, to create positive change?

*spend more grocery dollars at local farmer's market

*reach out to neighbor whose husband is out of country for a month on business

*smile more

*practice yoga. it changes you on a cellular level!

*let go of anger. control what I can, and admit/submit what I can't.

small ex: for the person(s) who stole our camping stove this trip, a 10 year anniversary gift from my company - may it serve you as you need it to. I can be thankful that we have the means to acquire another, and be done with it. There. Belly boil no more. Coffee boil no more. I'm back home to the drip pot, no anger rot, and positive thought.

La La Love the Library!

noreply@blogger.com (PerfectPeaceJai) — Thu, 01 Oct 2009 00:24:00 +0000

May I please share a true cheap thrill? A positively pleasant, won't woe your wallet, guaranteed glee? My neighborhood's library branch has a bi-annual book sale. Two weekends a year, they display months' of effort in collecting donations, classifying (loosely) inventory and rallying community. As an official "Friend of Duncan Library", I have the privilege of shopping one night early, before all the best finds are swept up.

In past book sales, I'd not yet held "Friend" status. I learned serendipitously that the last hours of the Saturday sale, the library is just eager to get rid of their stock. They have half price on top of sale price, and I've walked out with a literal box of books, videos and cds for $12.00! This year, I'm supporting the library more directly both as their "Friend" and by paying full sale price. Still a bargain: Hard backs $3.00, Large paperbacks, $2.00, Small paperbacks, videos and CDs $1.00.

I just walked off with an opening nights' steal for the paltry sum of $21.00 (see pic above). Cheap entertainment in shopping, and crazy R.O.I on the hours I'll invest reading and watching. I love you library. For you Alexandrians, the library sale continues for the public from Thursday - Saturday, October 1st - 3rd. Saturday also coincides with the annual Del Ray Art on the Avenue. This is one block from the Duncan library branch, and last year over 10,000 people attended. I bought some snazzy silver earrings - handcrafted at a song! Oh Del Ray, how I love you too.

Now I gots to go affix my self-designed book plates to the new acquisitions. Oh yes, that was on the AblazeyDaisy Dos list and I actually did it. Do they resemble say....a blog decor (if you can even see thru the craptastic blur of my camera)? How did that happen? It's called a design rut and I'm happily rooting around in it. Blog, Twitter, Bookplates - BOOYAH!

Mind Flux

noreply@blogger.com (PerfectPeaceJai) — Tue, 29 Sep 2009 01:52:00 +0000

I've not blogged once this month! Allowing for certain excuses such as busy, traveling, dog ate my blog (some of which are actually true); an actual reason I've not posted recently is due to my yoga teacher training (TT). On September 4th, I embarked upon a four month journey to become a 200 hour registered yoga instructor. 5 days a week, every other week we attend classes to learn about anatomy, history, philosophy, nadis, mudras, pranayama, asana...and that's just some of the content I knew would be included in the program.

I was unprepared for the depths we would mine, both in class and on our own time. I'm la la loving it; learning so much. Meanwhile, there is a flip side to every coin. We are a quarter through our TT classes now. I've started to assess how much I've changed and where this program is taking me. The past few days I'm woe to report that my mind is expanding with wonderful new insights, yet I'm applying it poorly. And I have the same excuses.

Am I using the centering and breathing techniques to calm my senses? Sometimes. Am I using them often? Not exactly. I'm usually one to pray and bring my troubles to the Lord. I'm still doing this. Yoga, whose very definition is to calm the fluctuations of the mind, helps me with my prayer life. In addition to family health concerns and general petitions, I've added my yoga practice into the prayer mix. It's a beautifully, holistic system that allows me to pray while I practice and practice while I pray. That core spiritual aspect of yoga, that I can be practicing my yoga while not even 'striking a pose,' was a main draw for me to enter a TT.

This whole process is a step by step, pose by pose, breath by breath endeavor. Thank the LORD the breath by breath part is truly an autopilot action. One less thing the "me" needs to contend with. "me" being the ego-driven self that is misidentifying with all this external circumstance and not focusing on the I AM of God. There is no question I am meant to be in this program. My type-A, high stress, goal-setting self would like to project that I'll soon be further along in quieting-the-mind, ridding it of all its chatter, and focusing more on the meaningful. Each day is a new opportunity to learn, give back and listen. There's been a lot of mind chatter to hear lately, but I'm working on it. And that is me practicing yoga daily.

On a another yoga note, purple is the color associated with the 7th chakra (which for Western anatomy, is associated with the pineal gland). This weekend I was all about the purple. Bought purple beans from the Friday farmer's market, which unbeknownest to me promptly turn green with heat!

Saturday, we went to a 70's themed bday party where I decked out the purple maxi dress with purple eyeshadow and sequined headband. I was dedicated. By eve's end, my teeth were purple to match courtesy of Gnarled Head vino. If I haven't yet opened my energy flows to my purple chakra, I can just act as-if until I do ;) Pic to prove as-if acting:

Canvases for Art

noreply@blogger.com (PerfectPeaceJai) — Mon, 31 Aug 2009 22:08:00 +0000

Isn't it a wonderful blessing how many aspects of life provide opportunities to insert your personal signature/stamp? Paradoxically, I also believe there is nothing new under the sun, but I can subscribe to limitless variations on a theme. I think we're all capable of multiple variations of 'newness' and having physical space upon which to illustrate those variations is vital. Consider:

The Physical:

the walls of your home and their decor
the dishes and flatware you eat with each day
your office knickknacks

Recently, I've considered adorning a blank wall of my closet (not enough depth to hang clothes on, yet mocking me with it's bareness...hah! closet puns: bare :) with small frames of inspiring pictures. Perhaps I'd be more inclined to take a few extra steps with work attire if my closet urged me to look my best despite any daily grind.

The Virtual

your email background and/or signature
blogs, facebook, twitter, myspace, etc. themes
avatars in forums/chatrooms

I recently updated my twitter page to coordinate with this blog's color scheme and imaging. Such fun for no cost! Another cool addition was when Sting decided to follow ME on twitter!! Be still my beating heart. No, I don't think this makes me special in any way other than I was one of the first to follow him and he's reciprocating in kind...but as of this posting, only 70ish folks in the world can claim that THEE STING follows their Twitter feed. Or as my dad would call it "fluttering" or "social nitwitting". Love you, Daddy!

The Epidermal

your wardrobe
tattoos. I love how we can use our bodies as a canvas!
piercings

Even in the places most folks may not regularly notice or view, we can be creative in our expression (toe polish color selection, under-garments - 'holy' or otherwise, ink strategically inserted above the sleeve line...) All options for artistic assertion!

Last blog entry, I shared my Moleskine journal adornments. This falls into the last of my classifications, the lump-sum category:

The Unusual

the inside of a high school locker - may be long forgotten, but we each had our imprint back in the day
journals - why the heck not? I fell into this b/c my cardboard cahier looked so forlorn all empty and brown
modes of transportation, after a certain age, become ripe for sticker placement

To the latter point, I offer two quick stories.

1) My first car was a 1974 shit brown Chevette. Manual transmission. $1000 back in 1991. I LOVED this car and called it (based on color alone) my Shitvette. B/c no one was ever going to be bidding high dollars to obtain this vehicle in the future, I slathered it with stickers, joking that they were holding the beast together. My Dad built me wood speaker boxes, and I had the backseat permanently laid down, speaker boxes close to the front blaring cassette versions of the Pixies, Husker-Du and Echo and the Bunnymen. That thing was the bomb, until it literally bombed on a night drive home from college freshman year; leaving me to stand roadside on I-4 holding the back of a car visor with the words"PLEASE GET HELP". I had to take a ride from a fortuanately kind stranger to the nearest gas station so I could call home. Two weeks later, I was given my first cell phone (the size of a boombox and for emergency purposes only as it was crazy expensive) and my mom's Corisca. That car, I did not love; but I loved the price (free to me, thank you parental units), and I was thankful to be mobile.

2) One of this past weekend's chores included "back-to-blacking" my Jeep Cherokee bumpers. I adore my 1999 purple Jeep Cherokee, but the sun has faded her hind and front ends and this product promises a color restoration. B/c she is 10 years old, I told myself it would appropriate to institute beloved-car policy and apply stickers. After reblacking her bumps, I went protesting by way of bumper stickers. The Cherokee looks great! Black backsides, political grafitti for folks to read in DC traffic. What more could a fool ask for? perhaps a camera that take clearer pictures...nevertheless I offer you these as evidence of my most recent canvassing efforts. On which medium will you share your signature statements with the world?

Fire Chronicles

noreply@blogger.com (PerfectPeaceJai) — Mon, 31 Aug 2009 00:48:00 +0000

I have been a journal writer since my pre-teen years. Journaling is not often an every day thing, but I do so love to go to a coffee shop and put pen to paper. Over time, the journals themselves changed along with my age and interests; from flowery hardbacks with lock and key, to simple spirals, to Mead composition books, to leather bound works of art. Regardless of what journal version I may be using at the moment, I have never been able to pass by a selection of blank books without stopping to touch and examine each one. I've been like this with school and office supplies, planners, basically anything paper-based and organizationally-purposed. It's a sickness.

For our wedding, the items I may have spent the largest total of time on were the invitation and program. HOURS were invested choosing card stock, font, swirl size, inserts, tassels and more. It was a delicious agony I dragged on as long as possible. The husband was kind and smart enough to let me have sole control of those decisions :)

Lately, I've come to a rather surprising acceptance of using just one kind of journal for both personal and professional jottings. Moleskine has been my go-to for the past three years! I still sneak over to the blank book aisle of any bookstore I frequent, but I don't buy unless it's a Moleskine. For work, I prefer the original black leather bound "ruled notebook, large". Wonderful elastic cord closure, 180 pages, pocket in back, sturdy cover, very classy looking.

For personal musings, I've been smitten with Moleskine's "set of 3 cahier -kraft-, large". These are soft brown, light brown cardboard covers with 90 pages each. What I love most is that they are so portable and customizable! That cardboard cover is just itching to be decorated. While I can't say I've ever bedazzled a cahier (or an anything), I have definitely taken cards, quotes, stickers and other ephemera from events or places I've enjoyed and slathered the covers with same. It's such fun to pull out of my bag a book whose front page speaks to where I am right now. Here is a picture of my current cahier (pronouced KAI-YAY; it's french for notebook). I've only written about 1/2 way through it, but the covers are almost fully coated in thises and thats of interest.

This Friday, September 4th, I am starting a yoga teacher training program at pure prana yoga studio. I'm very excited to learn more about this practice I've been digging into for the last several whiles. I've ordered my books, but had not yet aquired any 'supplies' until today. I made a new cahier 3-pack purchase and have adorned one as my designated teacher training journal. The end result is viola! It kai-yay takes your breath away...Calgon, don't be jealous.

National Yoga Month

noreply@blogger.com (PerfectPeaceJai) — Thu, 06 Aug 2009 04:45:00 +0000

National Yoga Month is almost here! I've always liked September: new school season with fresh supplies, my birthday, the start of fall and crispy air one can both feel and smell. Now there's another reason to appreciate September. Several large corporate sponsors including Lucy and YogaFit, along with hundreds of yoga studios across the country, are partnering to share the benefits of yoga with the masses.

Perhaps the best short-term benefit is the opportunity for a WEEK of FREE YOGA! Hopefully, for anyone new to this amazing mind-body activity, this open access will foster a long-term love affair with the practice. For me, I'm taking advantage of the free week to try out a new-to-me studio in my area. Click here for more information on the studios participating in your area, and to sign up for your free week of yogamazing movement.

September also purports the beginning of yoga teacher training! I've narrowed down my options to two incredible studios and will submit apps mid-August. I'm excited and a tad trepidatious. My increasing flexibility is not shielding me (completely) from my inner klutz. Tonight, after a yoga class no less, I thrust myself onto the bed for a good read. Minutes later when I went to roll over onto my back, I could not. In my eagerness to literally jump into bed, I'd pulled something along my hip and had to crawl to the loo for pain meds leftover from an earlier foot injury.

As I type, I'm loosened up on 1/2 a percocet and a fistfull of icy-hot. Better living through chemistry is what my mom always says. I trust that with a good night's sleep and a repeat of the half pill, fistfull routine, I'll be able to go back to my other routine of oh...walking upright. I haven't determined the proper script to allievate the klutz in me. But more yoga can only help, so I'll be back at it manana. Even if my tomorrow's practice begins and ends in easy pose.

Pavers on the Path to Glory

noreply@blogger.com (PerfectPeaceJai) — Mon, 03 Aug 2009 20:16:00 +0000

Walking the National Mall is an item on the AblazeyDaisy Do list. I didn't want to just go to the Mall and stroll by select momuments, but rather walk around its full circumference. You know, for exercise and something to do unique for this area. I did this a few weekends ago, and took several pictures along the way.

I'm sure tourists and locales alike thought I was a crazed lady or at least had a penchant for poo as I bent down to take this lovely.

I thought it so oddly (and unfortunately) appropriate that the majority of the 'road' to momuntalism was literally paved with waste. There were dozens of Canadian geese hanging out by the reflection pool. And it seemed that they, and all their molt and anal seepage had been unattended for a looooong time.

note the dried up corners up the Reflection Pool and the gathered nasty of molted feathers.

Today, I was searching the web for some professional pics of 2009 DC Yoga Week's cumulation on the Mall. I attended that event, and the MC promised pics. I've yet to uncover them. My searching did lead me to this article from South Carolina's paper The State, confirming my witness. The National Mall is in dire straights. I love that the public gets to play on and enjoy the Mall. I think it's cool that these geese have a place to rest, feed and swim.

But shouldn't some of our Parks and Recreation tax dollars be allocated to the maintenance and preservation of our Nation's Capitol? Seeing as how some of these birds have passed on due to botulism contracted by the very waters in which Forrest Gump waded (not to mention the hundreds of thousands of real people who visit the Reflecting Pool each year and no doubt dip their piggies in), I think there is probable cause for tossing a few Stimulus Package dollars DC's way.

Yes my friends, our National treasures are in need of a spruce. Or at the very least a scat squad to pick up after our Capitol's 'pets', who ironically are from Canada.

August AHA! Moment

noreply@blogger.com (PerfectPeaceJai) — Sun, 02 Aug 2009 14:54:00 +0000

Day 2 of the new month, and I'm actually excited about August! For me, this is a big thing. I'm not a huge warm weather person. One would think that growing up in Florida, I'd be not only used to but perhaps even immune to the heat and humidity. One would think wrong. I high tailed it out of the Florida heat as soon as life allowed me. Of course, I ended up in another swampland, the DC metro area. But this swamp comes complete with seasons, which I la la love!

Nevertheless, August here is the thick of summer heat, and I'm usually spending most of my days trying to cool my overactive sweat glands indoors. Not this month! I've got plans galore, and I'm ready to get raring on them.

Concerts: Pat Benatar/Blondie/The Donnas at the outdoor Wolf Trap venue, Kasey Chambers and Shane Nickolson at Birchmere (see #14 of link).

Vacations: Back to Florida to celebrate Dad and Grandma's birthdays (she's turning the big 9-0!), a solo vacay driving to upstate NY for the Being Yoga Conference and visiting close girlfriends in Connecticut and NYC.

More Free Time: The Husband is putting the finishing touches on his Masters thesis even while I type. Once he submits that puppy, I plan to howl at the moon. He'll be around more with less stress. YEE-HAW! I'm so proud of him. And there's so much to do around here For our upcoming August pleasures: drum circle and outdoor yoga in Malcolm X park, Screen on the Green at National Mall, author talks on climate change at Busboys & Poets, First Thursdays in Del Ray, hoop dance in Rosslyn, local, organic food fare for DC Restaurant Week...and besides the restaurant week dinner, have I mentioned that all this is FREE!

So the A-HA moment is this: I don't have to have an entire month of lovelies planned out to take advantage of right now. I happen to be really excited about the future. But even when that's not the case, all I can really count on is the now. I can make this moment its very best with my attitude and outlook. Even if I'm not in tip-top shape or absolutely adore how my bum looks in summer shorts (too often a key factor of my mind-set). This moment isn't coming back. I can either embrace it with the same adoration I'd use for a full champagne flute, or I can use it to flop prone on the futon with the a/c kicking into overdrive. Either way, soon the moment will be gone. In which state of mind would I prefer to spend this precious time?