Get Real

Haiti: Jesus or Judgement?

2010-01-22T20:20:00.000-06:00

Is God judging Haiti? After all, this is a country known for its witch craft and child slavery. Did God finally get fed up and zap them?

I had a college professor who once insinuated that God doesn't do things like that. In the cafeteria of my Baptist college, some students were debating whether or not AIDS was God's judgement on homosexuals. Some felt a loving God would not do such a thing. I pointed out that God once sent poisonous snakes as a wake up call to his children in the wilderness.

My professor was incredulous, "Do you think God actually did that?" he asked.

"The Bible says he did," I replied. (See the book of Numbers chapter 21.)

The fact is, our loving God sometimes takes desperate measures to get the attention of the people he created.

So, what about Haiti, or AIDS for that matter?

My answer is this: Be very careful about drawing any conclusions.

Does that sound like sitting the fence? Perhaps it is. But to me, it's fearing God.

To say that God would not do such a thing is to subject God to our human and limited understanding of love. He is simply not bound by our definitions.

But to say that he has judged another person, or another people group, is kind of like reading another person's mail, only worse...much worse. It's presuming a higher level of holiness than those you think are being judged.

Jesus addressed such an issue in Luke 13. Some people were talking about a group of Galileans who were killed by Pilate. We don't know exactly what they said, but they must have implied that the Galileans were experiencing God's judgement. Here's what Jesus said:

Do you think that these Galileans were worse sinners than all the other Galileans because they suffered this way? I tell you, no! But unless you repent, you too will all perish. Or those eighteen who died when the tower in Siloam fell on them—do you think they were more guilty than all the others living in Jerusalem? I tell you, no! But unless you repent, you too will all perish.

In other words, when calamity strikes, soul searching is the proper response. To check out the other guy's guilt is wrong. To evaluate your own relationship with God is right.

The other response is compassion. God is always glorified by the loving responses of his children. Now is the time to extend a hand of love to Haiti. Two of my favorite charities are Samaritan's Purse and Compassion International. Of course the Red Cross, the Clinton-Bush fund, and a number of other charities are helping, too. I hope you will do what you can.

And don't forget to pray, pray, pray.

Gettin' Real!
Melodie

Christmas Clashes Can Shell Shock the New Year

2010-01-09T17:26:00.001-06:00

Have old family battles pranced merrily into your new year? Sometimes Christmas trees bring more than lights and tinsel. Opening brightly colored boxes is fun, but opening old wounds of dysfunctional relationships is definitely not. When the carols are all sung out and the ornaments are back in the attic for another year’s wait, Christmas clashes can still leave us shell shocked long after the holidays are over.

In my post Does Christmas Highlight Family Pain?, I examined Jan Silvious's description of the the fools in our lives. In her book Fool-proofing Your Life, Silvious uses Proverbs, as well as other Biblical passages, to help us understand that some people habitually relate foolishly with others. Whereas the Bible calls us to love our enemies, what to we do with friends, co-workers, and family members who aren’t exactly enemies, but who drive us crazy just the same? Here are some tips from Silvious to help us deal effectively with the impossible people in our lives:

1. Put away your own childish reactions (p150). A foolish person likes to engage in verbal battles. Don’t join in. Resist to the urge to engage. It takes two to argue. Refuse to be one of the two.

2. Determine that you can live with or without your fool (p152-153). This doesn’t necessarily mean you will divorce your spouse or kick out a rebellious teenager. It means you have an inner change that results in abandoning clingy behavior.

3. Stop trying to change your fool (p153).

4. Turn away from evil (p167-8). Turn away inwardly by choosing your steps wisely. Turn away to a safe location if your fool is violent.

5. Overcome evil with good (p169-171). Your goal is not to appease the fool. Instead practice godly kindness. Perhaps your kindness will expose his or her folly and bring repentance. Perhaps not. Either way, you are growing.

6. Detach (p171-2). Don’t open yourself up to intimacy. Speak with the civility and kindness that you use with a waiter or sales associate. Be polite, exchange pleasantries, but don’t engage in combat.

7. Speak the truth with strength and dignity (p173-4). The goal is not to convince the fool. The goal is the feed your spirit with the strength that truth brings. Perhaps the fool with change as a result, perhaps not.

8. Pray.

Silvious’s book is packed with wisdom on every page. The list above is great, but it barely scratches the surface of the solid advice she gives. Each chapter is filled with Scripture and each ends with a short Bible study. This is the best book I’ve read on this subject, and I highly recommend it to anyone who is dealing with difficult people.

Enjoy!

Gettin’ Real!
Melodie

This book was provided for review by the WaterBrook Multnomah Publishing Group.

Prayer Power Winner and Surprise Gifts Announced

2009-12-21T13:12:00.001-06:00

Congratulations to Carole Shepherd! You have won the drawing for the book Prayer Power: 30 Days to a Stronger Connection with God. Carole, email me at melodiefleming@sbcglobal.net with your snail mail address, and I'll ship you a copy of the book.

Carole was entered into the drawing along with all others who commented -- via this blog or my social networking sites -- on the Prayer Power series. However, as a special Christmas surprise, I entered all followers and subscribers for to Get Real! into a drawing for two Christmas books.

And the winners are...Jeanie R and Kurt.

Jeanie R will receive A Scrapbook of Christmas Firsts: Stories to Warm Your Heart and Tips to Simplify Your Holiday.

Kurt will receive Christmas Miracles by Cecil Murphey and Marley Gibson.

Keep reading the Get Real! blog for more opportunities to win free books! All followers and email subscribers are automatically entered into occasional surprise drawings. Other contests will also be announced.

Coming up on Get Real!

(1) The second installment on the two part series: Does Christmas Highlight Family Pain?

(2) An interview with Dr. Craig Von Buseck, expert in religious journalism for http://www.cbn.com/.

(3) My review of and inspirational comments related to Terror By Night by Terry Carrey. (The true story of the brutal Texas murder that destroyed a family, restored one man's faith, and shocked a nation.)

To learn more about any of the books mentioned above, click on the title of the book to go to author or retailers sites.

My thanks to Kathy Carlton Willis Communications for providing review or gift copies of all of the books mentioned on today's post. Visit http://www.kathycarltonwillis.com/ to learn more about this author marketing firm.

Thanks and Merry Christmas!

Gettin' Real!

Melodie

Does Christmas Highlight Family Pain?

2009-12-18T21:08:00.000-06:00

Do the holidays put you in the path of someone who brings chaotic ups and downs? Perhaps you walk on eggshells in your home much of the time already, but Christmas stress brings even more confusion. We all have people in our lives that make us feel crazy and off balanced. Sometimes, we are able to keep these people at a safe emotional distance from us. Other times, we love these people so much, we feel we've been taken hostage.

You might be surprised to learn that the Bible talks about hard to deal with people. No, I'm not talking about the "turn your other cheek" passages or the "love your enemy" passages, though we might choose to apply those at times. I'm talking about passages such as, "A fool finds no pleasure in understanding, but delights in airing his own opinions." (Prov. 18:2) That's right. Some people are fools. That's what the Bible calls them.

But, what is a fool? Author Jan Silvious identifies several qualities of fools that can be found in Scripture:

1. Self contained -- Their full trust is in their own resources.
2. Deceitful -- They hid their true nature until they get what they want.
3. Complacent -- They are satisfied with their own way of thinking and will accept no challenge to it.

Underlying all of this is a foundation of selfishness. The fool must protect his or her own interest no matter what.

We are all fools at times, but for some foolishness is a lifestyle. According to Silvious, relationships with a fool are full of anger, strife, destruction, and slander. When a person we love chronically makes poor choices, always thinks he or she is right, and is closed-minded, spiritually empty, or hard-hearted, our lives can feel like runaway roller-coasters. In December, the coasters are decorated with silver ribbons and splashed with eggnog.

Maybe your difficult person isn't as bad as I've described. Most people can't easily be catagorized. We all have God's image stamped on us. So, even fools can have their up side. On the other hand, you might be saying, "My fool is all of this and even more!" Either way, is there hope?

Absolutely, God's word doesn't merely define the problem. It offers solid advice. In my next post, I'll be sharing tips from Fool-Proofing Your Life, or you can click on the title and order a copy straight from Random House. This is one of the best books I've seen on the topic of dealing with difficult people. Silvious has created a text that is easy to read, loaded with Biblical truth, but doesn't preach at the reader.

And it's just in time for all those happy holiday family reunions!

Gettin' Real!

Melodie

This book was provided for review by the WaterBrook Multnomah Publishing Group.

Two Books to Help Keep the Holidays Real

2009-12-12T00:31:00.002-06:00

When WaterBrook Press sent me a review copy of Treasured, I tried to skim it, but I had a problem: I kept getting interested in it! Leigh McLeroy is a talented writer and kept drawing me into her book. One reason I'm happy to recommend it to Get Real! followers is that her concepts relate directly to the theme of this blog: Connecting God to Every Day Life. In each chapter, McLeroy examines a concrete object from Scripture, such as a fig leaf, a riding crop, or a golden bell. She briefly (and beautifully) tells the Biblical account and then uses real life stories to connects the ancient symbols to 21st century living . Every life lesson reveals some new aspect about God. The fig leaf, for instance, teaches that he is the God who covers us. The Shepherd's harp string reminds us that he is the God of the little guy. The book is not themed around Christmas, but it would make a great present for someone that needs a hug from God. Enjoy!

Do you need a Christmas gift for a youngster in your life? God Gave Us Christmas by Lisa Tawn Bergren is a delightful book centered around a conversation between a mother polar bear and her cub. Using the beauty of nature, Mama Bear explains how God reveals himself everywhere through his creation. When the northern lights brighten the sky, Little Cub learns that God sent Jesus to be the light of the world. This beautifully illustrated story is a unique way to learn about Christmas. In my home, God Gave Us Christmas will go into the special basket of books we get out every year and enjoy during the holiday season.

Hope this helped with your last minute Christmas shopping!

Gettin' Real!

Melodie

These books were provided for review by the WaterBrook Multnomah Publishing Group. Click here to learn more about these books or to purchase them.

Prayer Power: When Silent Nights Aren't Holy Nights

2009-12-06T18:27:00.000-06:00

Ever feel like your prayers are bouncing off the ceiling faster than you can say the words? I do. Sometimes my times of prayer are tiny glimpses of Heaven. When I get up from my chair, I know I've been with my Savior. He filled me up. Other times, I wonder if God put me on hold while he was taking other calls.
Don't get me wrong. Theologically, I know that God always hears my prayers and always answers them. I can quote any number of verses to back that up. But what I know in my head and what I feel in my heart do not always match.

The Christmas season can be an especially erratic time for prayer. Sometimes, worship during this season is intense. When I find the time .. make the time ... to focus on the miracle of Christ's birth, I'm overwhelmed by God's grace and creativity. The bread of life (Jesus) being born in the City of Bread (Bethlehem). The birth of the lamb of God announced to a group of shepherds. A star. A virgin. A group of traveling wise men. Only God could orchestrate all of that. And for what purpose? So that God could show his love up close and personal. Wow!

But then, there's all the other stuff. Shopping and shipping. Baking and budgeting. Getting off schedule and out of control. Even songs can hurt. This week at ensemble practice, I got choked up while singing "Away in a Manger." It conjured up images of my family singing around my grandmother's Christmas tree, a moment that will never again be recreated. My grandmother went to Heaven this year. Her precious kitchen sits vacant. No tree adorns the living room. The house is up for sale.

So, what's the answer? Keep praying, but don't try too hard to be religious while you're at it. As Peter Lundell says in his book Prayer Power, "The Bible never teaches us to pray politely...We may offend him with our sin, but never with our boldness." (p166)

Yes, sing about the Little Town of Bethlehem, but remember the Christ Child is no longer in the manger. He can handle your deepest hurts and greatest disappointments. Don't send God your Hallmark prayers. This Christmas give him the darkest part of your heart.

He'll send you a new one. It will be all wrapped up and placed under the tree. The Easter tree that is, the one shaped like a cross. After all, that's why he came in the first place.

Gettin' Real!
Melodie
PS This is the fifth installment in my Prayer Power series. You can still win a copy of Peter Lundell's book Prayer Power by commenting on this or any other entry about prayer. There will be one more installment in this series.

Touched by a Vampire

2009-11-24T22:07:00.016-06:00

Any language arts teacher is eager to find a book that motivates kids to read something .. anything! .. more in depth than the text messages they secretly send in between classes. Last year I noticed my middle school girls going giggly over the Twilight saga. Some of these kids were reluctant readers, yet they lugged around vampire books which were twice the length of the novels I assigned. Hungrily, they sped through the first novel, then the second, and chatted eagerly about how they were dying (no pun intended) for the next to be released. So, I borrowed a copy Twilight to check it out for myself.

I discovered an artfully written book sure to intrigue any romantic teen into the mysterious world of love and forbidden dreams. Stephenie Meyer is a powerful storyteller and has done her job well. But even as I found myself caught up into the plot, something disturbed me. Many of Ella's responses to Edward mirrored real life women I have counseled -- or wished I could counsel -- in my role as a pastor's wife. These women in abusive relationships gave themselves completely over to their men in a kind of distorted self abandon. Edward, by choosing not to remove Ella from the danger he posed to her, mirrored many abusers I have known.

On the other hand, I found qualities in the book I could admire. Meyers created a character with an inner conflict between good and evil. He committed himself to the good in spite of tremendous cravings for evil. I relate to that struggle and find it refreshing to discover a hero in the pop culture that is willing to endure the challenges of delayed gratification.

So, I am happy to recommend Beth Felker Jones's book Touched by a Vampire: Discovering Hidden Messages in the Twilight Saga. Jones, a professor of theology at Wheaton College, has done a wonderful job of exploring the themes found in the Twilight series such as dangerous romance, abstinence and sex, gender roles, marriage, parenting, and the universal search for purpose in life.

Jones does not attack Meyers or her books. Instead, she carefully challenges Twilight fans to filter the books through a Christian worldview. She speaks of the characters as though they are real and asks us to evaluate their perspectives and decisions through the lens of Scripture. Sometimes, we'll discover that Ella, Edward, or the other characters, have acted in ways that well illustrate Biblical principles. Other times, they represent ideals that subtly run counter to Christian thought. Jones also points out that Meyer's own Mormon beliefs are woven into the plot.

Touched by a Vampire is a short, thought provoking book. Any parent, teacher, or Twilight fan will find this a helpful aid to creating meaningful, non-threatening conversation about the Twilight saga.

Gettin' Real!
Melodie

This book was provided for review by the WaterBrook Multnomah Publishing Group.

Vampires for Christians?

2009-11-19T19:10:00.001-06:00

When I received an invitation to review a Christian book about vampires, I had my doubts. Personally, I'm not into blood and fangs. I did read the first Twilight novel, but only to check out the hype. So, when I received a copy of Tracey Bateman's new novel Thirsty, I wasn't expecting to particularly like the book.

Sometimes it's nice to be wrong.

Bateman kept me turning the pages. The plot hints of romance without the sap, flirts with vampire without the gore, and explores God without the sermon. In other words, it's good drama.

Get Real! readers will be glad to note that Bateman has a knack for weaving a connection to God into her characters' everyday lives. Marital struggles, family tensions, parenting issues, and battles with alcoholism all plague the life of main character Nina Parker. Bateman doesn't rescue her with a few cute Christian platitudes so that everything turns out wonderful. She lets Nina battle her Creator for his place in her life. Important corners are turned, but no one rides off into the sunset to the tune of "Happy Trails to You."

If you are looking for a good story that illustrates how real people struggle to make God relevant in the gut-hard issues of life, this book is for you...vampires and all.

For you Twilight fans, check back soon for my review of Touched by a Vampire: Discovering Hidden Messages in the Twilight Saga.

Gettin' Real!
Melodie

This book was provided for review by the WaterBrook Multnomah Publishing Group.

Prayer Power: Diving Deep with God

2009-11-03T06:32:00.044-06:00

Pray continually. That's what the Bible tells us to do. But how?

My friend Mike talks to God all day long. In fact, he doesn't even say Amen after his first daily prayer. "It's my way of reminding myself to keep on praying," he said. "I start praying when I wake up. Then, after I finish my morning prayer time, I just get up and go about my business and keep talking to God about whatever is happening." Just before falling asleep Mike finally says Amen, with an awareness that God has been with him the whole day.

Pat, a busy preschool director, connects with God while she drives. "My friends think I'm crazy, but I never listen to to the radio when I drive," she told me. "I'm so busy all day long. My time in the car may be the only time I'm alone all day. That's my time with God."

God is with us all day, and he us to be aware of him. Talking to him as we go is an integral part of being in relationship with him, but there are some habits that can help deepen this process.

Peter Lundell offers one simple tip to help develop all day communication with God. He calls them breath prayers: "Short prayers that can be said with one breath. They are often repeated in order to keep attention on God." (p76)

One of my breath prayers is "God is near." When I feel anxious or frustrated, I use these negative feelings to remind myself that I'm not alone. God's spirit lives within me and will provide the resources I need to face the situation with grace. Sometimes, I alter this to "God you are near. You will give me what I need. I can do this with patience." (A two-breath prayer!)

Other Christian practices can deepen our daily communication with God. They are spiritual disciplines and take more time than conversational praying. Lundell explains these concepts, such as Biblical meditation, fasting, and praying God's word, in his section titled "Internal Helps." These habits are doorways to adventurous living.

Lundell often quotes another helpful tool for learning about the spiritual disciplines is Celebration of Discipline by Richard J. Foster. I've read this work and go back to it from time to time to grow in my own practice of the disciplines. I love this thought from Foster:

Superficiality is the curse of our age. The doctrine of instant satisfaction is a primary spiritual problem. The desperate need today is not for a greater number of intelligent people, or gifted people, but for deep people.

I want to be one of those deep people.

Don't forget to comment on the blog, my Facebook, or my Twitter about these posts. If you do, I'll enter you in a drawing to win a free copy of Prayer Power.

Gettin' Real!
Melodie
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Prayer Power: Life is Tough

2009-10-27T21:57:00.002-05:00

Recently, a desperate man entered a check cashing store looking for money. According to Robin Roberts of Good Morning America, the robber planned to make a withdrawal using his loaded gun. But he hadn't counted on a tender hearted teller who started praying on the spot. Less than a hour later, clerk and thief were on their knees together, asking God to help them in their troubles.

In his book Prayer Power, Peter Lundell says, "Hardship is probably the most common tool God uses to grow our character." Although I've never stared down the barrel of a gun like Angela Montez (the clerk), I sometimes feel life is making more withdrawals than deposits! But how do I respond?

To be honest, sometimes I grumble and gripe. Character growth takes time and practice. But Lundell is right, hardship a the common tool found in the hands of God. So, instead of resisting difficulties, the best response is to rejoice.

Rejoice? I've got to be kidding, right?

But that's what the Bible says:

Consider it pure joy, my brothers, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith develops perseverance. Perseverance must finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything. (James 1:2-4)

In other words, when life hurts it also provides opportunity for growth. Learning to worship in the midst of every circumstance can be the pathway to inexplicable intimacy with God. Lundell calls it praise power.

Angela Montez told reporters that she felt God's presence during the robbery. If you are like me, you'd rather feel God's presence in church! But that's the whole point isn't it? Life is all about connecting to God, whether we are in church, in our car, in in the midst of a stick up! God is a breath away. Every experience is an opportunity to grow closer to Him.

Gettin' Real,
Melodie
Everyone who comments either on the blog posts, through personal email to me, on my facebook, or on my Twitter will be entered into a drawing for a free copy of Prayer Power. At the end of the series I will congratulate the winner.

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Prayer Power Series: Are You Hungry?

2009-10-22T06:45:00.000-05:00

I’ve never been a morning person. Even so, I get up at 5:00 every morning to write. Why? There’s only one answer: I am hungry to write. If I want to write, I must get up and do it before the demands of my children call me away.

What hungers drive your life? What do you love so much that you will do no matter what? Perhaps it’s your job, or your family, or a TV show. Maybe you love to read, or golf, or play an instrument. Or maybe, like me, you just love to eat!

Have you ever thought of being hungry for God? I admit, some days I struggle to give God even the slightest thought. Others, I am consumed by him. Either way, I need to connect with him every day. Why?

Colossians 1:16 says that all things were created by God and for God. So, if we were made by him and for him, then doesn't it make sense to connect to him on a regular basis? We need God. We are pre-programmed with a God-search in our hearts and minds.

Each day is a new gift. When we slam off the morning alarm, stumble to the shower, and race to coffee and toast, we are experiencing fresh compassion, newly baked in the oven of God's unending love. (See Psalm 118:24 and Lamentations 3:22-24.) Usually, we blast through our day completely unaware of the mercies extended to us.

In his book Prayer Power, Peter Lundell discusses the importance of developing a hunger for God. "Hunger for God," he says, "is that deep desire to know and experience more of God...[it] is a lot like hunger for food: we can wish for a snack or starve for a feast. I found that the hungrier I was, the more of God's presence I felt." (p17)

I've also found this to be true. However, the difference between physical hunger and spiritual hunger is that the physical results from a lack of nourishment. Spiritual hunger, on the other hand, grows greater as the nourishment grows greater. The hunger itself is gratifying. As we feast upon our Savior's blessings, we find both a satisfaction and a craving for more. This paradox can only be explained through communion with God.
If you want to develop a hunger for God, the best place to start is in the Bible. Check out the book of Psalms. There, you will find raw emotion, anger, love, passion, and longing. All of it drives the reader to find answers and satisfaction in the God.

Today, I pray that God makes you and I hunger for him. It's a craving that satisfies!

Gettin' Real,
Melodie
Everyone who comments either on the blog posts, through personal email to me, on my facebook, or on my Twitter will be entered into a drawing for a free book. At the end of the series I will congratulate the winner.
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Win a Free Book from Get Real

2009-10-17T14:27:00.000-05:00

In my last post, I discussed a Peter Lundell's new book Prayer Power: 30 Days to a Stronger Connection with God. This is a great resource for helping anyone develop a closer daily relationship with God. Over the next few weeks, I am going to create a series of posts springing from Lundell's book. Reading the book will not be necessary in order to understand or enjoy the posts. However, I will be offering an opportunity to win a free copy. Everyone who comments either on the blog posts, through personal email to me, on my Facebook, or on my Twitter will be entered into a drawing for a free book. At the end of the series I will congratulate the winner.

By the way, Congratulations to Bill S who won my last drawing for a Starbucks gift certificate. Bill, I am still waiting for you to email me your physical address so that I can send you the gift card.

Check back soon for my next entry about getting hungry for God. Don't forget that you can subscribe to Get Real and have it delivered to you personal email account.

Gettin' Real,
Melodie
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melodiefleming@sbcglobal.net

Gamevance Ads Aren't From Me

2009-10-12T05:46:00.000-05:00

In my previous post, a couple of words were highlighted in green and underlined. When a reader clicked on these words, a Gamevance advertisement popped up. I did not add those advertisements to my blog. Although I did visit the Gamevance site once this week, I did not play any games. I am not a user of this service and do not endorse any of their products. I don't know how the links were attached to my blog and have sent them an email to complain. I will attempt to take of the links, which may result in the same content being emailed out. I apologize to anyone who was inconvenienced.
Thanks,
Melodie

Connecting with God

2009-10-07T07:43:00.003-05:00

Sometimes we treat prayer like a giant, intimidating mystery. In one sense, this isn't a bad thing. God is the Creator of the universe. From his perspective, we are smaller than ants viewed from the top of the Eiffel Tower. That he stoops to get involved with our lives, that he invites us to join our hearts with his, this is a great mystery. Even so, he's hasn't fogotten that basically, we are just little walking dust piles. So, he's made prayer attainable for anyone. Even a small child can pray. If we really want to connect with God in our everyday lives, we need to converse with him throughout the day.

Yes, but how? First of all, just talk. God isn't standing beside the door of Heaven with a cosmic shotgun waiting to blow away anyone who dares try enter without the magic words. If we want to connect with God, we just start. He is listening. We don't even have to speak out loud. He can hear our thoughts. In fact, he hears them whether we are praying or not. So, we might as well use them to connect with him. It's all a part of getting Real with God.

Think there must be more to it than that? You're right. Talking to God as we go along is a vital part of a great adventure. God wants to commune with us on levels we don't even know exist. He wants to invade our day and annoint it for use in his Holy Kingdom. He wants to transform our hearts and sanctify even the smallest moments: the drive to work, the trip to the grocery store, washing dishes at the sink, story time with the kids. All of these can be connected to The Divine. So, just talking is only the beginning. There's more.

Peter Lundell has been pearl diving in the ocean of mystery. His well, written book Prayer Power: 30 Days to a Stronger Connection with God is loaded with little jewels brought up from the depths of God's heart. I'm going to do a series of at least six posts based upon gems of wisdom found in this book. In the meantime, I encourage you to pick up a copy of your own. Next time, I'll tell you how to win a copy from me.

Gettin' Real,
Melodie

Gettin' Real with Jesus

2009-10-03T14:59:00.000-05:00

In his blog post The Call to Follow Jesus, Nathan Crietz asks, "What aspects of Jesus’ relationship with His twelve closest disciples were meant to be universal to all of Jesus’ disciples?” In other words, when Jesus challenged the twelve, was he also challenging us?

He points out that while followers of Christ face vastly different lifestyles from that of the twelve disciples, the call for radical discipleship remains the same.

I've invited Nathan to be a guest blogger today. I've picked up his blog a few paragraphs in. Enjoy!

The Call to Follow Jesus
By Nathan Creitz
GroupLife Coordinator at Grace Community Church
Student at Gordon-Conwell Theological Seminary
Author of The ChurchEthos Blog

Boston

...We know that some things are probably going to be a bit different two thousand years later in our modern society. Most of us aren’t going to be asked to abandon our businesses, leave our families for months and even years on end to travel the dusty countryside and not know from one night to the next if we are going to be sleeping in a random person’s home or sleeping outside with a rock for a pillow.

On the other hand, in many of our churches today, the most that people are asked to commit to by church leaders is to attend a large gathering for one hour a week and tithe so that we can pay the light bill.

Radical discipleship for us today doesn’t really look like either of the above scenarios. We often consider the relationship that Peter, James and John had with Jesus, but we forget about Lazarus, Mary, Martha, Bartimaeus, Susanna and Joanna. These were men and women whose lives were transformed by their encounter with Jesus but it didn’t compel them to be with Jesus every minute of the day. More importantly, it didn’t compel Jesus to ask them to have the same relationship with Him that the Twelve had. In other words, they weren’t invited to spend the next 2 or 3 years wandering around with Jesus.

Of course, church leaders today aren’t promoting that sort of commitment anyway. Today, it is more common to bend to the lowest common denominator. A weekly service, a challenge to give to the church and to the needy, a 15 minute quiet time, and be a good father, mother, husband, wife, and don’t cheat on your taxes. We don’t do too good a job asking people to go deeper in their commitment because we don’t really know what that means.

Oneness

So what was it about Jesus’ relationship with His twelve closest followers that we are meant to continue today? When Jesus’ prayed for His disciples in John 17, He asks the Father that He protect them (from stumbling?) “so that they may be one as We are one.” Then, for all disciples, He prays the same thing: “May they all be one, as You, Father, are in Me and I am in You. May they also be one in Us, so the world may believe You sent Me.” (17:21) A relationship with God and with each other takes time. It takes sacrifice. It takes love. Certainly, in my marriage, I don’t leave it at one hour a week. Relationships take effort and we are asking way too little if all we are asking is a couple of hours a week.

But relationships aren’t scripted either. That’s why we can’t say that a disciple is more committed if she shows up at the church building 10 hours a week rather than 3 hours a week. We need to help people “practice the presence of God” and show a willingness to get together with other believers. Invite a couple over for dinner. Meet someone for coffee. Volunteer together at the homeless shelter. Gather for Bible study and prayer at someone’s home. Be consistent. Be available. Do it because you love your family and want to know how to pray for them.

The universal call to discipleship may not look exactly like the Twelve, but it is every bit as radical and transformational. It affects how we work, how we play, and how we live. For some, it may involve more time than we are currently giving, but for others it may simply be the quality of time spent that needs to change. The most important thing is that we are in relationship with God and with the Body and Jesus prayed that we would all be One. Oneness won’t happen with the back of someone’s head, it happens face to face.

Thank you, Nathan, for helping us Get Real in our walk with Christ,
Melodie

To read more from Nathan, check out his blog ChurchEHTHOS, which exists to encourage "thinking Christianly about the habits and customs of the Church and about our reputation with the unchurched."

Are Young Adults Active in Your Church?

2009-10-01T15:57:00.000-05:00

Young adults aren't sticking with church. So reads the August 8 online edition of USA Today. The article reports that currently seven of every ten Protestant churchgoers leave the church by age 23. Seven out of every ten!

The 18 to 30 year olds who were surveyed, attended church regularly during their teen years. Few saw church members as caring, welcoming, or authentic. Most said church members were judgmental, hypocritical, or insincere.

Astounding.

True, people in their late teens and early twenties are highly idealistic in their expectations about many things, including their views on how a true Christian should behave. Our current culture is highly relativistic, and the newest generation of adults has been consistenly fed the lie that any reference to sin is categorically judgmental and unloving.

Clearly, the truth cannot be altered in order to accommodate an over-sensitive worldview. But this reality does not solve the problem. Knowing we are sometimes unfairly labeled by our culture does not absolve us from the responsibility to be above reproach in our attitudes.

The statistics quoted in the article come from several sources. The numbers do not represent a few disgruntled folks who don't want to repent, so they lash out. They aren't referring to a few people on the outskirts of Christianity who are making judgments about something they know nothing about. Nearly 70% of our churched young adult population feels unloved at church. Teenagers are going to church looking for authentic, loving faith. They can't find it, so they leave!

Notice that judgmental attitudes are not the entire picture. Young people not only feel judged at church, they feel judged by Christians they percieve as hypocritical, insincere, inauthentic, and unloving.

They may have a point.

Why would I say that? Because it's Biblically sound. Jesus told us that people know we are his disciples if we love each other (John 13:35). Nothing undermines truth more hideously than a lack of love.

The love we Christians are to have must be REAL. This isn't "yeah but" love. You know what I mean, "Yeah, of course we have to love each other, but ..."

Followers of Christ are called to a deep, deep love. Christ defined it for us in the John 13:34. We are to love each other as he loved us. When we love each other like that, we show we are the REAL deal to anyone who may be quietly watching, regardless of their age.

In case we missed the point, Paul makes it clear in I Corinthians 13. He tells us that everything we say, everything we do, everything we teach, everything we give, and everything we sacrifice is worthless if not done from a loving heart. To keep us from giving a little non-committal nod of assent, he goes on to define Biblical love: patient, kind, not envious, not boasting, humble, not rude, not self-seeking, not easily angered, not record-keeping, truth-rejoicing, protecting, hoping, trusting, persevering, and unfailing.

Later, the Apostle Peter said, in effect, "Great job in the obedience department guys. I'm glad you love the truth. It purified you and caused you to love each other sincerely. So, now that your love is real, love each other deeply. Make sure it comes from your hearts." (I Peter 1:22)

In other words, there is no competition between absolute truth and genuine love. Biblical truth will result in Biblical love -- sincere, deep, from-the-heart love.

When our churches abound in this kind of love, the truth about tough issues is more likely to be heard. If the person who is calling for repentance is obviously repentant, the listener is more likely to hear. If the person announcing the truth is doing so in love, the truth is more likely to be received. Strength is shown most powerfully when it framed in meekness.

Of course, there are no guarantees. Our job is to become like Christ and leave the results to him. After all, no one was more loving than he was, and he ended up being crucified.

Hmm, adds a whole new dimension to taking up your cross, doesn't it?

Gettin' Real!

Melodie

How to Win a Starbucks Gift Card

2009-09-24T06:28:00.001-05:00

Sunday marks the three month anniversary of Get Real!

I'm having a blast, and I pray you are finding encouragement as we journey along together. To celebrate this milestone, I'm giving away gift cards. Keep reading to find you how you can win one.

For starters, I want to thank Edina Lara for being the first person to post a comment on one of my entries. Edina is also one of my most faithful readers, following along with every post. Thank you Edina. A Starbucks gift certificate will be in the mail to you soon.

If you've been blessed by this blog, consider passing it forward. Send a favorite entry to a friend, post a link on your Facebook page, or Tweet the blog. When you do, let me know in the comments section below, by direct message, or at my email address (melodiefleming@sbcglobal.net). Everyone who does this and notifies me within the next three days will be placed in a drawing for a Starbucks gift certificate. You can enter more than once, and if you post a link to my blog on your own website, I'll enter your name three times.

Don't forget that you can sign up to have Get Real! delivered directly to your email account every time I post. Just follow the directions at the top right of the blog. Let me know you did this, I'll enter you name twice. (If you are already signed up, you'll be entered automatically.)

Gettin' Real!

Melodie

What We'd Like to Forget

2009-09-05T22:29:00.004-05:00

Several years ago I stood in Tienanmen Square. Kites flew in the air. Flags waved in the breeze. Handsome soldiers marched in rigid but peaceful formation. I tried to picture huge tanks barreling down on college-age protesters, but my imagination failed me. I knew that horrible things had happened right where I was standing, but the atmosphere seem more ripe for a family picnic than a holocaustic memory. Behind us a centuries old palace memorialized ancient Chinese emperors, but no historic markers mentioned the occasion that blasted itself onto television sets around the world a few decades ago.

While I was trying to take in the scene, another haunting image crept into my mind. My trip to China had been full of breath-taking scenery, exotic food, and rich history. But amidst all the fun, I looked across Tienanmen Square to the offices of the Communist regime. What was happening behind the gray walls? Were there interrogation rooms in the basements of those buildings? While I enjoyed watching kites soar against the backdrop of an Asian sunset, was some Christian brother or sister suffering for their faith just a few feet from where I stood?

Each month I receive a newsletter from the Voice of the Martyrs organization (VOM). When I started receiving the publication, I admit my heart would sink when I saw it in the mailbox. The stories are sad. People all over the world suffer imaginable horrors because of their faith in Jesus Christ. VOM doesn't spare the details in describing what these brave believers undergo because of their love for Christ.

The first few times I read the publication, I cried. Sometimes I couldn't finish the articles. For a while, I quit reading them altogether. They sat in a pile, accusing me. I knew that the Bible says that we are to remember those who suffer for their faith as if they are our own family members. What if these stories were about my real brother? I'd read every word...and pray fervently.

So, out of obligation, with guilt and reluctance, I began reading again. The stories often made me feel inadequate. I asked, "Could I take this type of persecution?" I doubted it, which made me feel even more guilty. When I compared my faith to theirs, I didn't measure up.

Then a change began to take place. A thought occurred to me, which at first added to my guilt, but then began to free me. If these people can suffer torture, imprisonment, and death for Christ, I thought, the least I can do is suffer a little discomfort each month to read their stories and pray for them.

That's when it began to dawn on me: by praying over these people each month, and even crying over them, I was partaking in their suffering in a small way. In so doing, I was also partaking in their sacrifices for Christ.

I've not been called, at least not yet, to make great sacrifices for my faith. But one small sacrifice -- to obey God's call to "bear one another's burdens" -- this I can do.

When I recognized my struggles and sadness as small gifts to Jesus, I began to have victory over my reluctance to read the articles. Then things got even better.

As I prayed over the articles, pity and sadness began to be replaced by a feeling of empowerment. Every time I read a story, I prayed for the person in the article. I began to lay hands on the photographs and ask God's mercy on the individuals pictured. I prayed for the salvation of the persecutors. I prayed for strength for the suffering. The miracle of God's great Christian community became real to me.

My heart beats faster even now as I write these words. Here, in this very study, I can pray for a brother or sister in Ethiopia, or Pakistan, or Chiapas, Mexico . .and that brother or sister can feel the effects of my prayers. The thought astounds me.

I'm so stunned by that, I've had to stop typing and just meditate on the joy of it. By God's grace, I can sit in South Texas and make a difference in world missions, international relations, comforting the sick and suffering, setting the captive free, bringing salvation to the worst of humanity, comforting widows, educating orphans, bringing medical treatment to the injured, and encouraging a missing Christian in solitary confinement somewhere.

So, I've found joy in a strange place. Now, when the VOM newsletter arrives, my heart leaps. "It's from my martyrs," I think. A strange way to put it, I know. But I feel like I've received a letter from a long, lost friend.

Now, I look forward to reading the stories and praying. Yes, I will probably be sad. I might even cry. But the joy of connecting, of making a difference, of experiencing the power of God while I pray...these things overwhelm the sadness. But it gets even better.

One day, I'm going to meet these people. I really am. I'm going to hug them and thank them for challenging me to keep my faith real. I'm going to give God glory while I hold the hand of a genuine hero of the faith.

They will say, "Thank you for praying for me."

And I will say, "It was an honor."

Then we will cast our crowns at the feet of our Lord.

If you would like to join in, go www.persecution.org and sign up. You can have the newsletters mailed to you as I do, or you can participate through their Internet services. Resources appropriate for children and teens are also available.

Gettin' Real,
Melodie

PS Thank you for your patience with my lack of posts this month. Please pray for my husband's family as they have experienced the tragic loss of his cousin. Please also pray for my family we adjust to our new life as homeschoolers.

Are Words Necessary for Prayer?

2009-08-09T21:47:00.007-05:00

Over the years, I've found that some of my most sincere prayers were the ones for which I had no words. Sometimes language gets in the way of a real heart to heart with the Creator.

For example, when my friend Cheri was killed in a car accident, words could not express my grief. To say, "This hurts...this can't be...this is horrible, etc." would all have been reasonable responses. But they didn't express my soul. My feelings ran deeper. So, I just curled up on my bed, closed my eyes, and sent my grief to God without words. Or I said, "Oh God, Oh God, Oh God" over and over to him.

Other times, I have been filled with unspeakable adoration and praise. Private moments of wonder cannot always be put into language. In fact, the Zondervan Pictorial Bible Dictionary defines adoration in terms of physical, not verbal, expression. (To show adoration, one kissed the hand or fell down prostrate.) King David once worshipped God by joyfully dancing in the streets. (2 Samuel 6:14)

What about overwhelming gratitude? When my children were placed into my arms for the first time, no words could express my gratefulness. Tears, sent heavenward, can say thank you more eloquently than Shakespeare ever could.

Brother Lawrence, in his classic work The Practice of the Presence of God, wrote of an abiding awareness of God's presence while he went about his routine household chores. He mastered the art of simply attuning his spirit to God's constancy.

Of course, the Scriptures are full of model prayers and instructions for things to speak of in prayer. I am not discounting engaging in language when praying. I'm advocating other modes of communication with God as well. Sometimes simply being still and listening may be the best, albeit the most difficult, exercise of effective prayer.

As for me, I'm glad that words aren't always necessary. I don't always know what to say. I see a problem, but I don't know the solution. I see a hurting heart, but I don't know the correct spiritual salve to apply. I don't have to. The Bible says that both Jesus and the Holy Spirit are interceding for us before the throne of God. Often, I simply admit my ignorance of how to pray, confess my need of help, and ask them to do the asking.

By the way, the members of the Trinity might also choose to pray without using words. Romans 8:26 says, "...the Spirit helps us in our weakness. We do not know what we ought to pray for, but the Spirit himself intercedes for us with groans that words cannot express." (NIV)

Gettin' Real!
Melodie

A Testimony of Tears

2009-07-31T21:16:00.018-05:00

Tears. My son's science book tells me they wash away germs and impurities from our eyes. Perhaps. But I've found them equally effective as soul cleansing agents.

This week someone close to me went to Heaven. You might think that had something to do with my last blog entry, "Does Heaven Smell Like Brownies?" But my friend Jim felt just fine on the day of that post. Today, after a sudden illness, he's gone.

Jim is the third close friend or family member of mine to die in slightly over a year. So, eternity and grief have been on my mind a lot lately. At today's memorial service, I started thinking about God's gift of tears.

Tears are often a testimony to the affections of the heart. When my long awaited son was finally placed in my arms, my eyes over flowed. When my husband and I married, our joy streamed down our faces while the musicians sang. When I watch my father play with my children, I feel a lump in my throat and a sting in my eyes. In each case, tears are a testimony of love.

Sadness, of course, also brings weeping. If a friend hurts my feelings or if I fail to reach a goal I've set, I might cry. Parenting can bring many opportunities for a good wail, and of course marriage can bring happy tears and sad. Again, these tears tell me something about my heart's affections. Sometimes, they also testify to a misplaced affection or a lack of faith.

Which brings me to today's thoughts. When a Christian dies, are we allowed to cry? Many of us would quickly respond, "Yes! Of course we can cry. We are happy our loved one goes to Heaven, but sad to live without him for a while." And I agree. But I think there's more to it than that.

When a person dies, he or she leaves behind the decisions made during a lifetime of choices. Our tears are a testimony to those choices.

Consider a man, for example, who never received a hug from his father. When the father dies, his son cries not only from the loss of his father's presence but also from the loss of a certain kind of hope. The hug will never be. It's a second death.

Or consider a husband and wife who argue before she stomps angrily out of the house, slamming car doors and squealing tires down the street. If she dies before coming home, her husband will not only grieve her absence but also the lost opportunity for forgiveness.

I've been blessed this year. Each funeral I've attended has been an inspiration. The circumstances that caused the funerals were different, and the deceased did not know each other. Yet, there was a common thread. All three lives elicited smiles through the tears. All three lives were lived in such a way that they comforted those of us who were left behind.

Cheri, taught us to live intentionally. She smiled all the time. She blessed people on purpose every day.

Grandmother taught us to face life courageously. She loved God's word and never gave up on even the most wayward of family members.

Jim taught us to live out loud. Whether at home, work, or church, he did all for the glory of God. And while his faith was unmistakable, his generosity was a quiet but very real help to those in need.

All three were lovers of family. At each funeral I attended, children rose to the platform and gave tribute to the impact of the departed parent. Lifetimes full of choices that blessed children who grew into adults blessing others.

And so, I cry. I cry because I want to pick up the phone and ask Cheri to pray with me, but I can't...and I miss her laugh. I cry because I want my children to eat Grandma's famous sugar cookies and open zany presents at Christmas time, but they won't...and I miss the mischievous twinkle in her eye.

And Jim? His death still doesn't feel real to me. It seems like I'll be seeing him at church on Sunday. But I won't. I'll miss his hearty singing and ringing "Amen's." I'll miss his Sunday hugs, and the way Linda looked at him like he hung the moon...he was almost tall enough to have done just that! And as I type, I realize that I'm surrounded by Jim's love. My credenza, my book shelves, and the desk at which I write these very words were all crafted by his loving hands. I was once -- no, many times -- a recipient of his godly generosity.

And so, our tears can be a tribute to a life well-lived. When someone beautiful is taken from our lives, it's fitting to cry. I can't really explain why, but there's something cleansing about that... something that cleans up the grief and helps us stand and face another day.

Tears testify to love. What better reason to cry?

Gettin' Real!
Melodie

Does Heaven Smell Like Brownies?

2009-07-14T17:16:00.014-05:00

Or perhaps it's more like jasmine, or the way an orange orchard smells when the fruit is blooming.

My son once asked me, "If you bounce a ball in Heaven, will it fall out?" What a great question! I liked the fact that he took it forgranted that he would be bouncing a ball.

The other day, my daughter and I were talking about friends and relatives who have gone to Heaven recently. We agreed we missed the people we love but are glad they are happy with Jesus. "Mommy," she said. "Heaven is the best place in the world, right?"

Perhaps she doesn't have the location correct, but she certainly has the right idea.

Some people think Heaven will be boring. I've been asked, "Are we just going to sit around and worship all the time?" But that question reveals more about a lack of enthusiastic worship here on earth than it does about the quality of excitement in the hereafter.

The Bible gives us a few glimpses of Heaven. They are anything but boring. The elders and alien beings do worship, worship, worship. But the scene seems more like the cheering of a great happy host, than a somber, serious place to snooze. Think football stadium rather than quiet cathedral. But the "rock" star on center stage is the Stone that the Builders rejected (Jesus). He's the one who is worthy of our wildest applause.

Don't get me wrong, there is a place for quiet contemplation and serious reverence in our worship. I'm sure we'll experience sensations of God-centered peace and quiet like none we can fathom on earth. But here's my point: the God who created our home on earth is the God who created our home in Heaven.

Speed, excitement, bouncing balls, beautiful sunsets, athletic exersion, color, wind on our faces, gentle mists on warm afternoons, hugs, romance, the aroma of brownies baking in the oven -- all of these where created by God. Why do we expect anything less in Heaven?

Which brings me back to the the five-year-old perspective. Until we get to the real Eternal Home, God give us little glimpses of it here on earth. Every time we stop and take note of his temporary gifts, we have an opportunity to taste a little of what the eternal gifts might be. The Bible says that whereever our treasures are, our heart will also be. If you think about it that way, we carry a bit of Heaven around in our hearts every day.

So, maybe Hannah wasn't so far off after all. Heaven is the best place on earth.

Gettin' Real!,
Melodie

Life is Hard

2009-07-13T23:03:00.021-05:00

Preachers, Bible teachers, and Christian writers all share a similar danger: the appearance of more godliness than we possess. Those of us who are called to speak God's truth need to keep this always in the forefront of our minds. It's the light that is holy, not the light-bearer. I hold the torch over my head; it is higher than I.

Of course, that's no excuse to go out and do whatever I want. Teachers, according to the Bible, are to be held to a higher standard of conduct. Even so, my humanity courses through me. I will never escape it. I am in the same process of transformation as any other believer.

So, in the interest of authenticity, let me Get Real! and admit that sometimes my pastor-husband gets on my nerves and I on his (although I can't imagine why). Sometimes I gripe at my kids, and they gripe back at me. (But they start it!) I have to fight not to say critical words about others. I often think too much of myself or too little of myself in Christ. Frequently, I care more about what others think of me than what God is doing in my life. And just yesterday, a driver wouldn't let me into the lane I needed -- so I called him a jerk, under my breath. (After all, isn't everyone else supposed to yield to my personal agenda?)

To top it all off, I've gained two pounds since the school year ended, which explains why I couldn't get into those pants I really wanted to wear the other day. (But that didn't stop me from brownies last night...or this afternoon.)

What's the point? I'm amazed by the God who loves me, even when I'm the one who's being a jerk. He extends grace to me, even when I hesitate to extend it to others. He doesn't excuse my sin, but he does draw me to repentance and cleanse me. His Spirit lives within me, patiently convincting, correcting, and encouraging.

He transforms from the inside out, and I can see the changes. I know how I responded to stress two years ago, and how I respond to it today. I can find my way to peace more quickly than ever before.

Then there's joy...an undefinable bubbling fountain...that is beginning to well up even on tough days. I know I found it more often when I was younger, but adulthood has a way of trying to fill it with mud. I'm learning to find it again, in spite of the muck. And when I plunge in, I find the mud was an illusion all along. The reality is pure, inexplicable, cleansing joy.

My daily joy is a bit wobbly. Daily peace is a little stronger, but I still have to battle my way to it sometimes. The more I exercise these things, they stronger they grow. Funny thing, though, to exercise them, I must identify my weaknesses and God's strengths. In prayer, I declare my neediness and God's sufficiency.

Life is all about God. Connecting with Him is the way to purpose and peace.

Gettin' Real!
Melodie

Michael Jackson -- Great American Tragedy

2009-07-07T21:29:00.016-05:00

The King of Pop lay in a golden coffin today, eulogized by the stars. Video montages, press coverage, metallic gold brochures, and mourners who won a ticket lottery all combined to create a memorial service like none other. Hours before the service, the circus quite literally came to town. But the lumbering elephants in downtown LA were upstaged in the days leading up to the funeral. Ring masters of the media circus analyzed, hailed, and hashed Jackson's life and career, calling him everything from a genius to a pervert. The adults were caught up in the frenzy. It took a broken-hearted little girl to Get Real! about the true importance of Jackson's life.

Paris-Michael Jackson, a child consistently shielded from media eyes, finally took the stage. "Daddy has been the best father you could ever imagine," sobbed the-eleven-year-old. "And I just wanted to say I love him."

God created people to love and enjoy Him forever. We are intended to be a reflection of his glory and a celebration of his personality. All of us are created in his image. Jackson's talent and creative genius were a reflection of that image.

Review the media coverage since his death and you'll see an often repeated phrase: God-given talent. People, even those who don't often talk publicly about God, recognize that when extraordinary talent is all bottled up in one person, something supernatural has taken place.
Herein, lies the glory and the tragedy.

Talent, creativity, beauty, inspiration, and "star quality" are meant to draw attention to the Creator. All too often, we worship the creature instead.

When we use the word "idol" to describe a pop star (or any other kind of star), we are more correct than we realize. The problem is, human beings are not created to be idols. And when they step into that role, they crumble from the inside out.

Consider Jackson's life. His parents saw the star quality in their children from the start. Instead of nurturing the family by building healthy relationships, molding character, and drawing the children to a vibrant relationship with God, the Jacksons sacrificed the talented siblings upon the altar of show business. All else took second place. Fame and fortune were the goals, and the goals were realized. But what was the cost?

Michael Jackson may be buried in a golden coffin, but even that didn't go with him beyond the grave. Fame and fortune are past now. What does his future hold?

We are eternal beings. We do not end when our life is over. We face our God. The only treasures we take with us are the ones we send on ahead. (See Randy Alcorn's book The Treasure Principle.)

Talk like this seems rather old fashioned, I suppose. People often think that if we emphasize living for Heaven, we somehow minimize the abundant life God promises for the here and now. However, I'm beginning to realize that a rock solid faith in God's promised eternal rewards is the path to today's abundant life. If I know that every heart ache has eternal pay off, that every sacrifice for the higher good is not really a sacrifice at all (because it brings a great reward later), that every loss is actually a gain, it's hard to be less than joyful. The challenge is learning to live out that kind of faith on a daily basis.

How would Jackson's life have been different if his parents had put more emphasis upon building for eternal reward than in clamoring for fame? How would it have been different if Jackson himself had stopped looking backward for a lost childhood and inward at an empty heart and started looking upward toward the God who always had a hand of love stretched out toward him.

The image of God was still in Michael Jackson, however distorted it may have been. Somehow he managed to shine some of God's Father-image upon his daughter. She knows that the real value of Jackson's life was bound up in his relationships. At least she knows in part. I pray that she and his other children discover the rest of the truth: relationship with God is the ultimate source of life's value.

Whatever suffering this life brings can be endured with joy if we are connected in vital union with our Creator. Whatever treasures we send ahead will be enjoyed forever with the Father who never dies.

Gettin' Real!
Melodie

The Pastor's Wife

2009-07-03T09:11:00.045-05:00

Yesterday, I read The Pastor's Wife by Diane Fanning (St. Martin's Press, 2008). In one day, I read cover to cover about the murder of Matthew Winkler, pastor of Fourth Street Church of Christ in Selmer, Tennessee. Today, I can't get his wife Mary out of my head.

Seems Matthew and Mary possessed all the external appearances of a great relationship. Most acquaintances thought the Winklers were great people with a great marriage. A handful of friends thought Matthew might be a little overbearing. One or two now claim they suspected abuse. No one imagined that the quiet, shy pastor's wife would grab a shotgun and blow her husband away.

I read the book looking for answers. What would drive a respected, well liked woman with no criminal background to commit such an act?

An abusive home life growing up? Her father was a dominant figure in her childhood home. So what else was new in most Tennessee homes of the 1970s?

A trauma ? Post traumatic stress disorder was the diagnosis of Dr. Lynne Zager. Unresolved childhood grief over her sister's death compounded by several stressful moves, the more recent death of her mother, a domineering father in her childhood, and a domineering husband in her adulthood all caused Mary to snap.

Well, okay, I guess. I mean most of us have experienced significant losses and stressors. But is this the cause of murder?

What about the the doctrines of the Church of Christ? Fanning asserts that in that denomination, the husband's headship is emphasized and wives are expected to be obedient. In addition, divorce is not an option unless adultery has been committed.

But if Church of Christ theology creates murderers, then why aren't the prisons filled with wives from this denomination? Besides, doesn't this church also prohibit murder? I mean, why stick to the "I can't get a divorce" rule but completely ignore the "I can't shoot my husband in the back" principle?

Then, of course, there is the suspicion of spousal abuse. The abuse alleged in court, while not healthy, was certainly not enough to warrant lethal self defense. There was shouting and verbal degradation. There may have been some pressure for unwanted sexual experimentation. There were allegations of excessive discipline of the children. Inexcusable, all of it, if true. But I've heard much worse from tearful friends in my own living room. Some of my friends eventually needed outside help to get away from their abusers. None picked up a shot gun.

Mary Winkler, herself, stated that she wasn't afraid of Matthew at the time of the killing. He was in bed. She shot him in the back.

So, I didn't find any obvious answers to the question, "Why?"

Throughout the book, family members, parishioners, and friends talked about what good people the Winklers seemed to be. Good works abounded. Counseling. Preaching. Rule following. Ministering. Visiting the sick and elderly. Obeying. Parenting. Touching lives. But in all the quotes author Diane Fanning recorded, there is no single reference to Matthew or Mary Winkler's personal relationship with God.

They appeared to be good people. They did religious stuff. But in quiet moments of their lives, what went on with God? We may never know.

To grow with God, to praise God, to glorify God, to go hard after the Creator -- this is the purpose of our lives.

Grammar teachers reading this want me to correct that last sentence. It should read "these are the purposes of our lives." But in this case correct grammar blurs spiritual truth. These things -- growing, praising, glorifying, striving --are all connected. They are the same purpose. They all share the same root: relationship with God.

We are needy, needy people. We need to Get Real! with our faith. God must be the focus and the purpose behind everything we do and every relationship we build.

Religious activities are easily confused with divine relationship. But all of our activities, whether religious or secular in nature, need to spring up from a well of living water found only through connecting with our Creator. For the heart that pursues God every day, every activity is sacred.

I was reminded of this just the other day by a landscaper I know. Every day he mows lawns for the glory of the one who created the grass!

During the trial of Mary Winkler, Dr. Zager pointed out that Matthew Winkler followed a typical abusive pattern by isolating his wife from her family and other possible supporters. I appreciated Diane Fanning's comments in the book's afterward. She urged church members to be aware that ministers' wives are particularly vulnerable to isolation and need to be provided with opportunities to network with others who understand their unusual lifestyle.

Amen to that! In addition, let me challenge all women, clergy wives included, to be cautious about keeping family secrets. All of us need to find someone with whom we can Get Real! about our marriages and get guidance about the inevitable struggles we face. Far better to get counseling than to grab a weapon!

Thanks for staying with me to the end of an unusually long post. As you can see, this book sparked much thought for me. Check back soon for my next post: Michael Jackson -- A Great American Tragedy.

Gettin' Real!

Melodie

(To learn more about staying connected to God, I recommend Bruce Wilkinson's helpful little book Secrets of the Vine, Multnomah Books, 2006.)

God is Not Religious

2009-06-27T22:33:00.016-05:00

Went to church. Sang a song.
Heard a sermon. Said a prayer.
Drank the wine. Ate the bread.
Passed the plate. Shook some hands.
Church is over. I feel better.
Where's the remote?

Zondervan's Pictorial Bible Dictionary defines religion as "the services and rituals and rules by which faith in and devotion to God" is expressed. The word comes from a Latin root meaning "to hold back or restrain."

Services. Rituals. Rules.

Check 'em off.
Get 'em done.
Just be sure,
to have no fun!

But Jesus calls his children to a full life. He said that worship of God must be in spirit and truth. In other words, he wants us to Get Real! with our faith. He wants us to come with a seeking heart.

In his devotional series Invading the Privacy of God, Cec Murphey writes about prayer as an adventure. Cec addresses God by titles that relate to his personal interaction with God. Bible stories and prayer are connected to daily living.

For instance, when struggling to hear God's voice like Elijah did in the wilderness, Cec addressed God as The God of Whispers. The Lord became The Wholly Other when Cec related to God's unexplainable love for the children of Israel in the Old Testament. And when Cec wrestled with the tyrany of the urgent, just as Abraham did centuries ago, he prayed to The Big Time Operator.

Cec gets it. God isn't about rituals and rules. God is relational.

The Zondervan dictionary says that the Old Testament has no word for religion. The words translated fear and worship refer to attitudes of the mind and acts of adoration.

Attitudes. Actions. I like that.

Went to church,
because I need my Christian family.
Sang a song,
to celebrate my God.
Listened to the preacher
connect the Word to daily living.
Talked to the Lord,
and listened for his voice.
Took the bread and wine,
to remember what he did.
Passed the plate,
after I gave to God's work.
Shook a lot of hands,
and hugged a friend or two.

Church is not over.
I take it with me as I go.

Gettin' Real!
Melodie