Heather's Hodgepodge

Weeks in Review, Part II

noreply@blogger.com (Heather) — Tue, 22 Jan 2013 04:04:00 +0000

Here the parade of pictures continues, with a few words thrown in between...

I have had this throw since I was 14 and my parents allowed me to redecorate my room. I thought this throw and the wooden shelves, lace-trimmed pillows, and candles hanging from pegs was very stylish. Why yes, it was the early 1990's....

Hobby Lobby fabric

Don't you just love the look on her face? This quilt is a bit better, but not much. This is a store-bought quilt that I bought when I was a teenager. Yep, I was a typical teen who saved up her allowance to buy home decor...

Yet another store bought quilt. And a super cute baby.

I've always admired double wedding ring quilts, but I never owned one until DH bought this for me many Christmases ago. At the time, our entire dwelling was done in white, blue, yellow and green I still love the color combination, but in much smaller doses.

Just in case you couldn't tell, the next few pics were taken around Valentine's Day.

My little Sweetheart.

The background for this picture was two swaddling blankets. I really like the Aden and Anais blankets.

This picture, taken right at the 6 months mark, has a very special background. My MIL cross-stitched the Precious Moments pictures on this throw when she was pregnant with DH. DH, his siblings, and all of the grandkids have had their pictures taken with the throw when they turn 6 months old. I was terribly nervous the entire time the throw was in my possession and I was relieved to return it to her.

This is Hobby Lobby fabric,

still Hobby Lobby fabric,

...and, more Hobby Lobby fabric.

This is a Peanuts bed sheet that has an around-the-world theme. I use this as a curtain in the schoolroom (which is currently serving as BB's playroom until Grace learns to not eat Legos).

I LOVE this fabric - and her pose! To me, this fabric is so sweet and vintage-inspired. I really want Grace to have a dress made out of this fabric - something with lace trim, puffed sleeves and a sash in the back perhaps. I bought this fabric at Hancock fabric years ago, and have kept it just in case. So glad to have a chance to use it!

This is another fabric I love. I either want to use the fabric to make an outfit for Grace, or to make toddler bedding for her.

Whew! You have made it to the end of this installment! This quilt in the background is a lap quilt that I made. I hand-stitched the top when I was still teaching. I didn't get around to attaching it to the bottom and hand-quilting it though until we moved into this house. I spend many a night staying up late watching Buffy and Angel on Netflix while sewing this, as I am not a fast sewer at all!

Meal Plan Monday

noreply@blogger.com (Heather) — Mon, 21 Jan 2013 14:12:00 +0000

Monday - ham and sweet potatoes (we didn't get to this last week)
Tuesday - dinner with the in-laws
Wednesday - homemade beefaroni and salad
Thursday - pancakes and eggs
Friday - fish and vegetables
Saturday - turkey and vegetables

My Two Jobs

noreply@blogger.com (Heather) — Wed, 16 Jan 2013 11:30:00 +0000

If you would have asked me to pick a word for the year for the past few years, it would have been failure. Some of this was due to other situations going on, but a lot was due to homeschooling. I couldn't understand how other homeschoolers got anything done around the house. I was perpetually behind on where I thought I should be regarding laundry, dishes, cooking dinner, and so on. As I am currently only homeschooling one of my kids, I was panicked at the thought that this was going to be my life for the next two decades. I wanted to throw my kid into school. Some days I wanted to run away.
Then I read an article LoraLynn wrote for Simple Homeschool. In it, she equates homeschooling to being the equivalent of holding a job. For some reason, I had never thought of it like this before. I knew she had a point.
In my state, I am required to homeschool my son for 4 hours a day, 180 days a year. That comes to 20 hours a week, aka, a part-time job. Granted, some of the work my son does is on his own, but he still needs a good bit of supervision even with a worksheet. For people with more than one student they are homeschooling, I can easily see the hours spent homeschooling as being equal to a full-time job.
I know that there are a lot of moms out there who stay home full-time and send their kids to school. These moms stay busy too. I know, because I have had the privilege of being a full-time SAHM since my son was born. And I have stayed busy! Why, then, was I surprised when I stayed home full-time, spent 20 hours a week doing school, and then couldn't stay caught up?
When I did work full-time outside the home, I wasn't surprised if I had dishes that had spent the day in the sink, or laundry was undone at dinner. I was gone all day, so of course I wouldn't have had time to do the stuff I would have done had I been at home. I realized that I had been equating homeschooling my son with a regular day at home, with an extra chore thrown in. No chore takes 4 hours, though; at least not any that I have to do!
With my revelation that I wasn't just a full-time mom, I was a full-time mom with a part-time job at home, I began to think differently about how I set up my days. When I worked, I got up early and got ready before my job began. I didn't show up in my pjs and try to shower when my students were at recess. When I worked, I had my lessons planned and the corresponding resources pulled days in advance. I didn't turn to the teacher's guide and read what I needed the day I taught the lesson. When I worked, I did laundry and shopping on the weekend. Now, I will most likely still do a load most days, but if I have to do laundry on the weekend, that's fine. Big projects like cleaning my son's bathroom, or cleaning all the floors, wait until the weekend too, barring a major disaster.
This may not be a major thought revolution for anyone else but me. But just in case someone out there is reading this and was just as surprised as I was, don't give up. Maybe you just need to change how you are viewing your situation. I have no doubt that when my youngest starts being homeschooled, I will be thrown for a loop once again as I try to juggle teaching two kids who are five years apart. :)

Be sure to check out LoraLynn's article that inspired all of this over at Simple Homeschool. Without her words of wisdom, I never would have found what "Works for Me!"

I am also linking up to Edie's Time. On Purpose series. Be sure to check it out!

Christmas 2012

noreply@blogger.com (Heather) — Tue, 15 Jan 2013 13:57:00 +0000

Our intrepid blogger continues to play catch-up with pictures from the past year...

What a difference a year makes! Last Christmas, Grace played in her little infant gym on the floor while we decorated the tree. This year, she thought the tree decorating was the best day ever.

"Ball! Ball!"

Each year, I give the kids an ornament that reminds us of the past year. For Grace's ornament, I chose a pinwheel, as she had a polka-dot and pinwheel first birthday party (the pinwheel is actually a present embellishment I found at Hallmark).

Grace was deeply touched by my thoughtful present of bubble wrap.

As I remarked on Facebook, my kids seem to take turns looking good for pictures. Finding one that has both kids looking at the camera is a challenge.

This was the best I could get of the kids on Christmas Eve. We tried again on Christmas Day with even poorer results.

Here, you can see the toll getting two kids ready for Christmas has taken on poor DH...

...and just to prove I was there at Christmas, one of the kids and me.

What awaited the kids come Christmas morning. Grace's present this year was my old doll furniture that DH fixed up and painted white. In one of the big boxes are the chairs that go with the furniture. The little box out in front is the first present that we open Christmas Day - the baby Jesus that goes with the nativity set on the mantle.

Christmas Day breakfast, snowman pancakes. Frosty's scarf was a little burnt this year, but what's Christmas without the smoke detector going off?

Grace was still asleep when BB got up Christmas Day, so he opened his presents and we got breakfast ready. When she woke up, DH took a picture of her before he got her up. She was not amused.

I had placed one of Grace's dolls in the doll bed. She seemed more thrilled about seeing her doll than she was about the new presents.

Christmas Day outfit, minus the bow. She will ask to wear bows, but they only stay in 5 seconds. Don't you just love the socks that look like shoes?

Christmas Day night. These were the pajamas I wore for my second Christmas. I was 22 months when I wore them. Grace just barely fit into the pj's at 15 months. I have tall kids!

The Gingerbread house of 2012. Not pictured is the Godzilla DH made out of green fondant to go with the house...

Monday Menu

noreply@blogger.com (Heather) — Mon, 14 Jan 2013 11:49:00 +0000

Sunday - spaghetti with Italian sausage, salad
Monday - chili
Tuesday - dinner with in-laws
Wednesday - OUT!
Thursday - Senate soup, garlic bread
Friday - ham and sweet potatoes
Saturday - leftovers

Clearly, this is riveting stuff. I know I had you on the edge of your seat the entire time!

Little Sister

noreply@blogger.com (Heather) — Thu, 10 Jan 2013 15:31:00 +0000

Not every girl can make hand-me-downs look this good...

Especially if the clothes used to belong to an older brother...

Fortunately, I've got the cute to pull it off!

A Bricktastic Birthday

noreply@blogger.com (Heather) — Tue, 08 Jan 2013 12:58:00 +0000

BB turned 6 half a year ago, and I'm just getting around to blogging about it. Better late than never! BB has been into Legos since he was two years old. As Lego bricks typically come in 2-dot interval, picking a theme for BB's 6th birthday was a snap. I really had fun decorating for this party. Actually, I have fun decorating for all parties... :)

This was the present/goody bag table in the kitchen. I wrapped our presents to BB (more Legos, found for a fantastic price at a yard sale) in solid paper to resemble Lego bricks. I thought about making coordinating 3D dots for the tops, but decided against it since they would only be thrown away.
I don't know how well you can tell in the picture, but the bags are supposed to look like Lego minifig heads. They were a snap to make - just buy some solid yellow bags (I got mine at Target), and cut part of the top off and draw on a face. One of the attendees is a girl, so her person received a bow. The party guests each received a mini Lego coloring book that I found online and printed out, some Lego-ish brick crayons that BB and I made from recycled old crayons, some Lego stickers, and Lego candy. I initially was going to buy a real Lego mold for the crayons, but then I saw the silicone mini-brownie sheet for 50% off at Michaels. I decided that a smooth square was close enough to a Lego brick for me. I bought the Lego candy off of Amazon. It really does stack up like Lego bricks, and it taste kinda like bottle cap candy.

When the guests arrived, I had several Lego and birthday-related items on the table by the front door. Each year, I have the birthday guests sign a children's book related to that year's party theme. When BB has children of his own, I will give him the books for his children. This year, instead of a Lego book, I had guests sign "Now We Are Six" by A.A. Milne. As part of the decorations, I put pictures of BB at different ages in solid colored frames around the party decorations.

Guests were invited to guess how many Lego bricks were in the jar and place their guess in the Lego box. The winning guess won a small Lego kit.

I don't know why Blogger is being dumb and not allowing me to rotate my pics, but this is what BB wore both at his party, and on his actual birthday. I got the shirt from a lady on Etsy. I had the option to have BB's name put on the shirt, but I don't like having my children's names on display.

For years, BB has wanted a pinata at his birthday parties. I told him 6 once upon a time, as it sounded so very far away. Of course, he remembered that, so there was no way we were going to get around that this year. The pinata went great, though. I think the fact we only had a few kids helped.

The birthday cake, of course, was Lego too. I got the idea off of Pinterest. The bricks are pound cake and the dots are marshmallows held on by toothpicks. Other than cutting the cakes straight, assembly was a breeze. Icing, however, was not. I kept accidentally getting one color onto another color as I was icing the bricks. I had a hard time getting the right color for the icing as well. Next time, I will spring for the actual food coloring you are supposed to use with icing.

I wasn't a fan of this cake, but BB loved it so that's all that mattered. For the candles, I used some Lego-looking candles I found at Target (in the party section, not real Lego brand). I also cleaned some minifigs up to use on the cake to look like they were putting the candles on the cake.

On the morning of his actual birthday, we followed tradition with birthday donuts. We had to get up early that morning, as we were headed to Atlanta for the rest of BB's birthday present - Legoland Discovery Center in Atlanta!

BB had fun at the center looking at the Lego creations. The Lego version of Atlanta was especially amazing.

Some of the parts of the city moved, such as planes for the airport, and most of the buildings had lights. Each discovery center has a Lego version of it's city.

One of the biggest hit with BB and other kids who were there that day was the quake center. Kids could build a Lego building on the platform and then spin the dials to simulate an earthquake.
I don't know if we will return to the discovery center; as it's a bit pricey for what is offered. But it was a good way to end a very Lego birthday!

What's for Dinner?

noreply@blogger.com (Heather) — Mon, 07 Jan 2013 17:55:00 +0000

As part of my 2013 Resolutions, I thought I would post my meal plans for the week as an accountability measure. Exciting, isn't it?

Monday: chicken patty sandwiches and mixed vegetables
Tuesday: dinner with the in-laws, no cooking
Wednesday: French toast and bacon (because I need a meal with no complaints by the middle of the week)
Thursday: roasted chicken and vegetables
Friday: fish and vegetables
Saturday: spaghetti, bread, and either salad or vegetables (depending on when I've been to the store)
Sunday: fend for yourself, mama's not cooking!

Weeks in Review, Part I

noreply@blogger.com (Heather) — Fri, 04 Jan 2013 13:55:00 +0000

I apologize in advance for the pictorial onslaught. As one of my reasons for blogging is to document my kids, I have serious catching up to do...
Something that I saw online and decided to emulate with Grace was the idea of a weekly picture. I am so glad that I did this. Seeing Grace grow and change in these 52 pictures is just amazing. Rounding up 52 different pieces of cloth, blankets, etc. was a challenge, but worth it.

In this picture, Grace is on one of my baby blankets. I only have a few pieces from my babyhood, and just a couple of pictures, so this was really special to me.

The quilt in the back is a quilt that my incredibly talented friend Saige made for Grace. I love, love, love this quilt. I will have to do a future post just on this quilt so you can see all of the extra-special detail she included. I am so blessed to have the friends that I have, even if our kids do keep us from seeing each other very often.

This picture brings tears to my eyes. This is a picture of hope. The fabric in this picture is actually a sheet that I bought years ago, before I was even pregnant with BB. I bought it because I hoped to one day have a daughter and be able to use it in her room. After 6 years, I was finally able to use it. This sheet will pop up again in Grace's birthday pics ;)

This is just some random fabric I picked up at Hobby Lobby. There are several pieces of fabric that coordinate with this that I might, one day, turn into a quilt - if I ever get over my love/hate relationship with sewing machines!

This is a throw that my birth mother gave me when I got my first apartment.

Yet another Hobby Lobby fabric.

This quilt was made by a group of women in Appalachian Kentucky who make quilts to raise funds for their community. My mother's side of the family comes from this area. If you've ever read the book "Christy," you know the type of people who live there.

My great-grandmother made this quilt for me when I was a little girl. It was the next to last quilt she ever made.

This quilt was also made by my great-grandmother, for my mom. This is my favorite of her quilts.

This is another Appalachian quilt.

More Hobby Lobby fabric.

Just a pretty Christmas-colored throw. I wanted the background fabrics to give an occasional clue about what time of year it was when the picture was taken.

This is the fabric I use for the kid's Christmas tree skirt. I love the original "Charlie Brown Christmas" and watching it together is a family tradition.

Random Christmas throw - the look she has in this picture just cracks me up.

This is actually my Christmas tablecloth. I ended up using several different tablecloths during the course of the year.

Yet another Christmas tablecloth. I bought this the first year DH and I were married.

And, once again, a tablecloth. I really liked this tablecloth, as it was PVC. Tacky, I know, but when you have kids, easy clean is the way to go. Unfortunately, I set a hot cookie sheet on it this year. We now have a Christmas drop cloth for our next painting project.

Resolutions 2013

noreply@blogger.com (Heather) — Wed, 02 Jan 2013 19:58:00 +0000

As part of my attempt to get back into blogging, I'm going to be completely original and post some resolutions for the new year. Exciting, right? In no particular order...

Wear a smaller jean size by my birthday - if I lost 15 pounds, I could wear everything in my closet. I've lost 33 pounds since Grace was born (yeah breastfeeding!), so I just need to get stricter and keep on top of what I eat. This probably means keeping a food log, which is no fun, but it works
Not eat out so much - if money was no object, I would gladly eat out every meal. I was doing great about cooking nearly every night, but then pregnancy and new baby derailed me. Now that the baby is 16 (!) months, I don't have so much of an excuse anymore :-I
As part of eating at home more, meal plan. If I commit to planning something, and have it written down, I feel (slightly) obligated to follow the plan.
Drink less soda and coffee shop coffee. I don't keep soda at home, but it's not uncommon for DH to be nice and bring me something a few times a month. Those few times do add up, both in my wallet and on me. The drinks also start to feel more like a need and less like a treat. By limiting soda to when we do eat out (which will be less), and coffee to special outings with DH, they will both seem more special.
Physically move more (see the first item on list). I don't know if that means finding time to walk around the neighborhood (which I don't want to do with the kids by myself, or all by myself), or if it means doing something inside the house (to the amusement of BB, I'm sure)...
Find a church and stay there. My family and I have visited nearly every church in our area, and there's just no perfect church. There really isn't. We kept expecting to feel "led" to a certain church, but as that hasn't happened, it looks as though the best thing to do is just find a church that has the least objections and attend. I realize that this is a complex issue and I am simplifying it a bit in interest of this list. I will probably write more about this item on a later date.
Budget. I think we do okay spending-wise except for eating out and drinks. But we do have a little bit of debt that has lingered around that we have been slow to pay off, and we don't have as much in the emergency fund as we should have. So, by being more conscious of our spending, we will hopefully end 2013 with those items taken care of.

Well, that's my completely original list. I just know that no one else has a list like this ;)

A Better Number...

noreply@blogger.com (Heather) — Tue, 01 Jan 2013 03:22:00 +0000

One of my resolutions for 2013 is to get back into blogging. Upon review, I found I only posted 6 times for 2012. So I'm going to call these sad few sentences a post and bring my number up to 7. That sounds so much better, doesn't it? :)

Cloth Diapers

noreply@blogger.com (Heather) — Wed, 03 Oct 2012 03:26:00 +0000

When BB was a baby, I considered using cloth diapers. However, at the time, I thought them too intimidating for me to try. Since then, I've read what other bloggers have had to say about cloth diapers and they made it seem doable. When I found that I was expecting Grace, I knew that I would give cloth diapering a try. So if you are undecided about cloth diapers, perhaps this post can help.
After a year of cloth diapering, here are a few things that worked for me, as well as a basic how to. Of course, what works for me may not work for you, but this is what I have been doing.
The Diapers:
The diapers I use primarily are all-in-one (AIO) one-size diapers. Mine are homemade from a shop on etsy. The diapers are adjustable, designed to fit from newborn until Grace is potty trained. Right now, Grace weighs around 23 lbs at 13 months and there is still a good bit of room to grow with the diapers. In addition to the pocket diapers, I also have some Gerber prefolds that I pair with a Bummis Super Whisper Wrap diaper cover. Grace primarily wears the prefolds with a wrap on wash day. If you prefer to buy name brand cloth diapers, I have heard excellent things about the Bum Genius line of diapers.
The Extras:
For diaper cream, not all diaper creams are compatible with cloth diapers. So far, I've used California Baby and Burt's Bees products on Grace with good results. These products are a bit more expensive, but they seem to wash out well from the diapers and are free of parabens and other nasty stuff.
One thing that I have been doing for about a month is using a liner with the diapers. Now that Grace is almost exclusively eating and drinking "people" food, her solid diapers have a bit more substance. To make things easier to clean, I cut some flannel cloth into 6"x12" rectangles and hemmed with hem tape (if I had a sewing machine, I would have just serged the edges, but I don't and I'm lazy). There are flushable as well as washable liners for sale on Amazon, but I wanted to use what I had on hand. So far, the ones I made have held up well so I will probably just continue to use them.

The Nitty Gritty:
After I change Grace's diaper, I put the used diaper in her diaper pail. I use a pop-top trash can paired with a nylon laundry bag. When I wash the diapers, I wash the liner (I have two liners). When I take the diapers and liner out to wash, I spray the can with lysol and then wipe it with a Clorox wipe. So far, we've had zero issues with diaper pail smell and we've had some DOOZIES of diapers!
In the event of a dirty diaper, I spray the diaper and liner off using our diaper sprayer that is attached to our toilet. You can buy a premade diaper sprayer (BumGenius is supposed to have a good one) for around $50. DH made ours, though, for around $25. If you prefer to make your own, these tutorials are helpful: http://gidgetgoeshome.com/2008/08/25/diy-tutorial-make-your-own-diaper-sprayer/
http://kickert.info/blog/2010/03/16/do-it-yourself-diaper-sprayer/
Some people love diaper sprayers, some hate them. I've only used a diaper sprayer, so I have no experience with the swish and flush method. One word of advice: experiment with the water pressure settings before use. Too much water pressure and you will be cleaning the walls of your bathroom. Not that I ever had to do that...
How to Wash:
I wash diapers about every other day. Grace wears disposable diapers at night and when we leave the house. In my experience, a baby usually goes through 8-12 diapers a day. Many people feel that 24 diapers is a good number to own, and that you shouldn't wash more than 20 at a time in order for maximum cleaning efficiency. I have a Kenmore top-loading machine, and 20 seems to be a good number. To wash them, I first make sure that the diapers are rinsed well. I do this by running them through an entire cycle on hot water with no detergent. After that cycle is complete, I run them through an entire cycle again, this time using hot water and Seventh Generation Natural 4x Free Clear laundry detergent. I only use half a cap of detergent. Then, to avoid detergent build-up on the diapers, I run them through another entire cycle using just hot water. I do not stain spray the diapers or use any type of laundry booster or bleach. After each run through the machine, I take the diapers out and rearrange them in the washer. I feel as though they get cleaner that way and do not clump together in the machine. But that may just be my washer.
Once the diapers are clean, I either run them through the dryer on hot (with a dry towel thrown in to improve dryer efficiency), or I hang them out to dry. In addition to line drying being cheaper, the sun will also take care of any stains that may linger on the diapers. After I take the diapers off of the line, I toss the absorbent liners in the dryer (usually with another load) to make sure that they are truly dry and to help them not be so stiff. The outer part of the diaper dries quickly and does not need this extra step.
$$$:

I estimate that the water used for the diapers plus the detergent adds about $5 a month to our expenses. For me, the money saving benefits alone make cloth diapering worthwhile. As of right now, we go through about one box of disposable diapers a month. When BB was in disposable diapers, we went through a box of diapers every week and a half. In other words, we spend about $25 a month diapering Grace (extra water usage, detergent, 1 box disposable diapers), compared to the $50 a month we would be spending on only disposable diapers. That's a savings of $300 a year. Even if you take out the initial cost of the diapers, $200, I still come out $100 ahead, and that is for the first year alone. I don't know anyone who has been potty trained at one, so the savings will continue ;)Cloth diapering is not for everyone. If I had two babies in diapers, I doubt I would cloth diaper. Good moms do what works best for them. What works with one kid might not work with another. I'm getting crunchy in my old age with natural childbirth, cloth diapers, breast feeding and homeschooling. But my kids are also 5 years apart, which helps tons. If you have any questions, ask! :)
and for more tips, visit Kristin every Wednesday for Works for Me Wednesday!

How to Build a Sandwich

noreply@blogger.com (Heather) — Tue, 11 Sep 2012 16:05:00 +0000

(by BB)
What you need butter bread knife cheeze
Put the bread and plate. then remove the bread. then shake it. so the bugs will crawl off. (out of your house) then put butter on the bread. (on aech side) then put the cheeze on then put another pice of bread on then put the sandwich on the stove for 1/4 munets then you... HAVE IT! go to www.howtomakethangs.com for more manules

So Very Lovely

noreply@blogger.com (Heather) — Sun, 02 Sep 2012 21:09:00 +0000

Isn't she lovely?

Isn't she wonderful?

Isn't she precious?

More than a minute old ;)


Isn't she lovely, made from love?

Isn't she pretty?

Truly the angel's best

Boy, I'm so happy,

We have been heaven blessed.

I can't believe what God has done


Through us He's given life to one

But isn't she lovely, made from love?

(excerpted, of course, from "Isn't She Lovely? by Stevie Wonder)

Black, White, or Gray?

noreply@blogger.com (Heather) — Mon, 27 Aug 2012 18:59:00 +0000

Until my 20s, my theological stance was very black and white. I could state with conviction where I stood on issues, and unequivocally state that anyone who thought differently was wrong. However, I was also limited in my exposure to other points of view. As a child and teen, any exposure to an opposing view was given in context of how to argue against that viewpoint. Doubting and questioning were discouraged and viewed with suspicion.
While there are instances in which a person's doubts and questions have led them astray, I do not think that such a thing is always the case. For the past five years, I have found myself wondering why I believe what I believe, and whether or not my belief is the only "right" way to believe about an area. Certainly there are some things that are not up for debate, such as the nature of God and the identity of Christ. But in other areas, is there actually a "right" point of view, or is it a matter of preference?
The ones I have met that hold different views quite often appear to be following the dictates of their own conscience. When I have taken the time to read about their point of view, I often find that I cannot discredit their point of view. I might not switch over to their viewpoint, but neither can I clearly state that it is absolutely wrong.
My increased willingness to accept other views as valid has given me cause for concern. On one hand, I would like to think that as I mature, I am becoming less judgmental, more loving towards others. Yet on the other hand, I fear that I am merely becoming more lax in my faith and less willing to call things out for what they are. Admonishments against the easy path, the wide gate, fence sitting, or becoming lukewarm ring in my head with the voices from my childhood. Voices of people that I respect.
I want the love of Jesus to be the guiding principle of my life, not legalism.
I know to search the Scripture when I have a question about an issue, yet in so many cases, two people can read the same verse and come away with differing views. Also, not every issue is addressed in Scripture. Sometimes the verses used to support a point of view have been taken out of context. So unless one view clearly contradicts something clearly stated in Scripture, how do I know which view is true? Does it (and I mean no disrespect) actually matter which view is right when it comes to some issues? Is there truly one view that is right for every issue, or are there some issues where it is a matter of personal preference?
My background tells me that there is one way for almost everything. I was raised with a fairly literal interpretation of the Bible. A lot of C(c)hurch tradition was viewed as suspect, and in some cases, used as examples for why people in other denominations were not Christians. Re-reading familiar passages while balancing how I was taught, the historical context of the text, and church history is overwhelming. I wish I was the type of person who continued to believe the way that I was raised and never had a question about anything beyond that. I never wanted to be the person with doubts. I would much prefer unquestioning, blind faith. But I have come to realize that just because I was raised to believe a certain thing does not mean that it is right and everything else is wrong. Just because some hold a viewpoint doesn't mean that it is the Christian viewpoint; it may be a denominational viewpoint.
I just wish there was a simple way to separate the two.

Well, he is funny...

noreply@blogger.com (Heather) — Thu, 23 Aug 2012 02:28:00 +0000

Perhaps someone else out there knows what it is like to wake up one morning in opposite land. You could have sworn you said one thing, but your child acts as though you said the opposite, At my house, we've been in opposite world for years now. But on the bright side, my contrary kid is at least funny...

6/9/11
I'm going to close your door because you don't need to hear what I'm playing. It's too violent.

6/22/11
When Grace is a kid I'm going to ask God for Joshua so we can be twelveplets (he meant triplets).

6/25/11
Mommy! You have tiny spikes all over your legs!

7/18/11
BB: Can I have something else to eat?
Me: Sure, you can have fruit.
BB: No fruit!
Me: How about some cherries?
BB: Oh yeah, I love cherries!

7/21/11
Squedgy: the condition of wearing a wet shirt that is hard to get off.

7/31/11
BB wisdom: If you stick a fork in an outlet you would be electricicuted.
BB fact: Ben (his uncle) gladuated from high school.

8/11/11
Mom, dinosaurs were around when you were a little girl, right?

8/27/11
Mommy, don't bother me. That's a bad habit to get into.

8/28/11
(upon seeing a picture of a corded phone) Mom, what's that?

9/28/11
Mom, that's not a Martian it's an alien!

10/5/11I know everything except what I do not know. I am serious.

10/5/11
(regarding schoolwork) I can't think about that. I don't have any brains today.

10/21/11
BB(on a long car ride): What does the P with a line through it mean?
DH: No parking.
BB: Oh, I thought it meant don't pee on the road

10/31/11
Mommy, why do you still have a big tummy? Grace is out.

11/10/11
I'll never eat a possum. I'll only eat spam.

12/8/11
Grace is my favorite sister.

12/10/11
Hey I've been looking for this block for thousand and thousand and thousand of years.
12/13/11
I changed my mind about wanting a baby brother. I might as well have a baby sister.

12/14/11
Grace is the calmest person in my world. And she's pretty.

12/20/11
Remember the spider that was four feet long and one foot tall that was crawling along the living room and I got scared and died?

12/22/11

I'm gonna get u a long sleeve shirt that says I love mommy on it and that's gonna be the bestest shirt a mommy can wear.

1/23/12

The only thing I want to eat is meat. I'm a meat eater, just like the t-Rex.

1/25/12
Is the candy wax made out of ear wax?

2/4/12
Haven't you gotten tired of telling me what to do yet?

3/29/12
I wish I was wearing long sleeves so I wouldn't have to get a Kleenex.
5/8/12
Have you gotten your mother's day present yet? It's jewelry.

(tap, tap)

noreply@blogger.com (Heather) — Thu, 16 Aug 2012 20:59:00 +0000

... is this thing on?
I'm still here, still alive.
The online school turned out just fine for BB last year. Thanks to all who prayed about that situation. I'm still dumbfounded at the lack of Christian charity given by the school, but people are flawed. I do wish I didn't live so darn close to the school though. I don't exactly enjoy the sight of it every time I leave my neighborhood.

This year, we are continuing to homeschool, as was our plan all along. We are using Sonlight curriculum for first grade. So far it's been very easy for him. BB tested on a 3rd grade level prior to the beginning of the school year. I probably should have him doing 2nd grade work at least. But his maturity level is lacking behind those of his peers, so I hesitate to move him ahead academically when so many things for children are sorted according to grade.
And Grace.

I have treasured this year with her. I can't believe that in 2 short weeks she will be one. I'm not ready for her baby year to be over. Part of the reason why I haven't blogged is that I've been enjoying my year with her. Instead of worrying about documenting things for future blog posts, I just experienced life. I still took pictures, and I still wrote some things down. But the compulsion to capture and share everything with the world at large just wasn't there. Not to say that I won't be sharing some of this past year with all of you... ;)

I will be honest and say that the past two years have been some of the most difficult for me. For all of my excitement over my pregnancy with Grace and her arrival, there was a lot of disappointment as well. Things that I'm still working through, processing. Things that have caused me to feel the need to simply circle my wagons so to speak.
So if anyone is still out there, thanks for sticking around. I'll try to come back again soon and post.

Back to Square One...

noreply@blogger.com (Heather) — Thu, 22 Sep 2011 01:09:00 +0000

It turns out that my apprehension about posting our schooling choice for the school year was for naught. On day 20 of kindergarten, BB was asked to not return to school. He was not expelled, he could have come back, but the school personnel made it clear that one more infraction and he would be expelled. As DH and I do not want a school expulsion on his record, we withdrew him from the school.
With the exception of hitting a student on the playground, the infractions were things that I considered minor, such as failing to put both feet flat on the floor, drawing on his desk, and making engine noises when lining up. To me, while these behaviors were not appropriate for school, they did not merit such disciplinary action. Especially when the student in question is only five years old and has been in school for less than a month. I know that with my students, it was not uncommon for some students to have a period of adjustment to school.
The school's decision to send BB home with essentially the promise of upcoming expulsion came to us out of the blue. Every day when DH or I picked BB up, we would ask his teacher how he had behaved. His teacher did inform us when he hit another student, and BB was punished for that. She also told us about any issues she may have had regarding his schoolwork that day. But she never once gave us the impression that BB's behavior was a big deal, asked us to come in for a conference, or did anything to signal that BB's enrollment might end. All we got were passing comments delivered in a casual manner that did not convey (at least to us) any hint of what we were blindsided with. According to the school handbook, there is a set procedure to follow if a teacher is having trouble with a student, and the teacher did not follow that procedure.
Initially, part of me wanted a meeting with the teacher to come up with a plan that would enable BB to continue going to school. But after some reflection, I do not think that it would have been beneficial. The teacher clearly did not wish to continue interacting with BB and any attempt to get her to do so would not have been good for BB.
The school's take on BB's behavior was that it was repeated instances of defiant behavior. BB is certainly capable of that, as are all children. If that was the case with BB, however (and honestly, I don't think it was), then the school's response is even more puzzling. Removing the student does make things easier for the teacher, but it does nothing to help the student who has been removed. As BB's school is a private, church-run school, I would have made the assumption that the school would be interested in developing a student's character. But clearly that is not the case. BB has yet to ask any questions about why he no longer goes to school, and the only explanation DH and I have given him was that we did not think that the school was the best place for him. If BB does ask any more questions, I am not sure how I will answer honestly yet in a way that does not negatively affect him.
Starting tomorrow we will begin our new school plan for the year. As I had not planned on homeschooling this year, I had not selected any curriculum. When the school surprised us with their decision, I was thrown into a state of panic (also being 1 week postpartum did not help any). So rather than some thoughtful customized curriculum, BB and I will be participating in our state's online academy. Most of BB's schoolwork will be traditional pencil and paper, but some work will be done online. In addition, we have a supervising teacher that we will periodically submit work and assessments to. My motto for this school year is to just survive. Next year will be better, right?

Grace's Birth Story

noreply@blogger.com (Heather) — Sat, 17 Sep 2011 23:46:00 +0000

I am pleased to say that Grace's birth went nothing like her brother's birth. For those of you who are unfamiliar with that story, you can get started on that story here.
I was scheduled for induction with Grace on August 31st at 5:00 A.M. My midwife had stripped my membranes the day before in the hope that it would encourage further dilation. She said that if I dilated to a 3 on my own, then all she would do at the hospital would be to break my water and have me walk around to encourage active labor. If I had not dilated to 3, however, she would administer a dose of Cytotec and see if that moved things along. I was not crazy about the idea of Cytotec, as it can cause serious (although rare) complications. But if a dose of Cytotec did the trick, then it would still permit me to have the natural childbirth experience that I wanted.
The afternoon of the 30th, my midwife called me to tell me that due to an emergency induction of another of her patients, I would be bumped to 11:00 P.M. on the 31st. With the extra time on my hands, my MIL graciously offered to take me out to lunch and a pedicure that day. My parents watched BB, and the day went by without dragging too much.
DH and I left to go to the hospital that night at 10:00. By midnight, I was admitted and set up in a room. After taking some blood and giving me a Hep lock, the nurse checked my dilation. Unfortunately, I had not progressed any since my midwife checked me, so a dose of Cytotec was given. I was instructed to stay still so that they could monitor me for an hour, after which I could move around.
When I was checked again a few hours later, I had dilated to two. Another dose of Cytotec was given, and when I was checked again at 8:00 A.M., I was dilated the requisite three. My midwife broke my water, and after a brief period of monitoring, I was told to get up and walk around.
By this point, I had started to have some intermittent contractions. Nothing too painful, just the equivalent of some bad cramps. After my water was broken and I started walking around, however, the contractions picked up. DH and I walked the loop of the L&D floor at the hospital, pausing every few minutes for me to stop with a contraction. I had been a little apprehensive about natural childbirth, but the contractions, while painful, were manageable. I tried to remember what I had read about breathing steadily and relaxing my muscles during contractions.
When I was checked at 10:30, I had dilated to four. Back DH and I went to walk around some more. I noticed that the contractions were coming closer together and were becoming more intense. At 11:15, I was five and my doubts about natural childbirth were beginning to reappear.
Sometime soon after I was checked and found to be five, my friend C arrived. C is a doula, although she is not currently practicing. She had graciously agreed to by there for me, however. I knew I was supposed to keep walking around, but I no longer wanted to leave my hospital room. I instead opted to try swaying from side to side, wrapping my arms around DH's neck when a contraction came. That did not seem to help, so I tried sitting in a rocking chair. The rocking motion was great between contractions, but the hard surface of the chair seat was too uncomfortable during the contractions for me to stay there long.
I started to feel a little panicked about my abilities to handle things as I realized that the contractions were every 3-4 minutes. My steady breathing and relaxation practicing went out of my mind as I began to dread the arrival of another contraction. C tried to help me remember to relax my face, allow my mouth to fall open, and relax my shoulders during contractions. I tried to follow her instructions, but found it hard to do as my brain had decided to freak out and was slamming the panic button.
Not too long after C's arrival, I had to get back into bed for a period of monitoring. Being in bed seemed to make the contractions worse. I started to feel trapped and even more panicky, as I could now watch the monitors register my contractions. With my contractions continuing to come every 3 minutes or so, I felt as though I did not have a chance to collect myself before another contraction began. I began to wonder what if I got to a point and then stopped dilating but kept contracting? How long would I have to push? Would I have the energy to push when the time came?
With these questions in my head, all ideas of a natural childbirth vanished. I requested an epidural. All I could think about was what if the contractions lasted another 5 or 6 hours. I felt certain that if I had that much more ahead of me, there would be no way I could push effectively and then I would have to have a c-section. I wanted to be able to push when the time came. My nurse left the room to call the midwife, and came back in the room with an IV bag that she hooked up to my Hep lock. She explained that before I could have an epidural, I had to have a bolus of fluid first. She also told me that my midwife was on her way over to check me before my epidural was administered. Part of me felt wimpy for chickening out and asking for an epidural, but part of me was just impatient for the pain to go away.
After what was probably only a few minutes, but seemed like an hour to me (and everyone who was within earshot of me yelling; I do not do silent labor), my midwife arrived. She checked me and told me that I was already dilated to seven, and that Grace would be here shortly. There really was not time, she explained, for me to get an epidural and for it to have any effect before it was time to push. As I heard her speak, I wondered if she was telling me the truth, or if she just said that to all of her patients. I did not ask her, however, as another contraction came right along.
A few contractions later, I started feeling the urge to push, which surprised me as I had just been at seven. When my midwife asked me if I felt the need to push, I managed to nod my head. She told me that if I felt like pushing, to push. As the next contraction came, I was instructed to take a deep breath, hold it and bear down. I tried to do that, but found it hard to hold my breath. Throughout the pushing phase of my labor, I needed repeated reminders to keep holding my breath during pushing.
Although I had pushed with BB's delivery, I still felt as though I did not know exactly what to do when it came to pushing. I found it tremendously helpful when my midwife put her hand where I needed to push and told me to push against her. I initially tried pushing while sitting nearly upright. My midwife instructed me to grab my legs behind my knees and pull back, but in my addled state her instructions sounded humanly impossible. DH tells me that during this phase I gave my doula and my midwife several "die, woman, die" looks.
After a while of pushing like that, my midwife suggested flipping over and holding onto the top end of the bed while kneeling. As soon as I got into that position, however, the urge to push left. I stayed like that for several minutes just to regroup a little, and then I went back to my sitting nearly upright position. This time, however, my midwife had me place my legs on the bed's leg supports. At the next push, my midwife told me that Grace's head was visible and to give a big push. I did, but nothing happened. My midwife asked one of the nurses standing by if one of the doctors in the practice was still around. When told that he was not, she inquired about another one of the doctors in the practice, stating that the doctor had stronger hands than she did. Her comment made me afraid that Grace's birth would mimic BB's, and I silently prayed, "God, help!"
The next contraction came and I pushed down as hard as I possibly could, encountering the infamous "ring of fire." I have never felt anything so aptly named in my life. I knew it was a good sign, though, and I kept pushing. Sweet relief followed, and Grace's head emerged. The umbilical cord was around her neck, and my midwife quickly unhooked it before telling me to give one more push. With that push, Grace fully emerged after about 45 minutes of pushing. The midwife suctioned her quickly and placed her on my chest. Grace was a little purple and was crying from being suctioned, but she was the most beautiful thing I had ever seen. I was so relieved to have her birth behind me as I said several times, "It's over, it's all over." I felt overwhelming feelings of relief and awe. I held Grace and rubbed her as my midwife took care of the rest. I only needed 2 stitches, which was a wonderful change from BB's birth.

As I held Grace, the people in the room speculated on how big they thought Grace was. It was generally agreed that she was over 9 pounds. DH thought so too, while I held that she weighed around 8 pounds, 9 ounces. All too soon, it was time for the nurse to place her on the warmer and find out her weight for sure. I hated to let someone else hold her, even if I was dying to know how much she weighed. She came in at 8 pounds, 13.3 ounces, proving all estimates wrong. After a brief more snuggle time, she was whisked off to the nursery to get cleaned up.

My recovery from Grace's birth has been 180 degrees different than with BB. I instantly felt human after her birth, and while I was stiff and sore for several days, I could move around without much difficulty. Grace's birth was ideal - except for the pain, that is! I will never believe anyone who says that their natural childbirth did not hurt. But as long as labor does not drag on for hours on end, I think that most people could deal with the discomfort.

It's worth it :)

My Pregnancy with Grace

noreply@blogger.com (Heather) — Sat, 17 Sep 2011 23:46:00 +0000

In the process of writing Grace's birth story, I found myself adding so many pre-birth details that I decided to write a post about my pregnancy with her. All in all, my pregnancy with Grace went smoothly. Prior to becoming pregnant with Grace, I moved from the doctor practice that delivered BB (more like I ran screaming) to a practice that included a midwife. After gathering my medical history, my midwife felt that I had most likely had undiagnosed gestational diabetes with BB, which helped to account for his large size. She was confident that my previous labor and delivery experience could be avoided by closer monitoring during subsequent pregnancies. When I became pregnant with Grace, she made plans to test my glucose tolerance level earlier in the pregnancy and cautioned me about not gaining weight excessively.
The first five months of my pregnancy passed uneventfully. Other than morning sickness, I felt fine and everything was going well. When it came time to test my glucose tolerance, I failed the test with flying colors, earning myself a diagnosis of gestational diabetes (GD). Even though I knew what my midwife had said about my pregnancy with BB, I was still surprised that I failed the test. I was more than a little bummed that I now had to check my blood sugar 4 times a day and carefully watch what I ate. It was at this point that I decided that 36 weeks gestation would be "cooked" enough for me, and I started praying that I would go into labor as soon as it was safe for Grace. For me, there were few things worse than having pregnancy cravings and not being able to give in to them. On the plus side, thanks to the strict GD diet and my ever-present morning sickness, I only gained 5 pounds during the pregnancy (before you start hating me, keep in mind that I was fat to start with).
At 32 weeks, I had a 3D/4D sonogram which revealed that Grace was breech. My midwife told me that they would give her until 36 weeks to turn, and then they would want to do an external cephalic version to flip her around. I did not like this option at all, especially after I Googled it and read the risks associated with the procedure. At my next chiropractor appointment, I happened to mention that Grace was breech. My chiropractor suggested a chiropractic technique called Webster's technique that has a good success rate at encouraging babies to turn on their own. I agreed to let him try the procedure, and started going to him twice a week. At my 36 week appointment, the sonogram showed Grace head-down, just as she needed to be.
As time went on, I became increasingly concerned about how large Grace was going to be. While my blood sugar levels and weight gain were ideal, I was still very worried that history was going to repeat itself in the delivery room. The technician guesstimated Grace's weight to be 6lbs., 12oz. at 36 weeks, and by 40 weeks, she guesstimated 8lbs. Predicting the size of a baby via sonogram is in no way an exact science, as BB was estimated to be 8lbs. right before birth, only to weigh in at 10lbs., 5.2oz. at his birth. I asked my midwife if there was anything that she could do to go ahead and speed things up. As my cervix was soft and I was dilated to a one, she went ahead and stripped my membranes and scheduled me for an induction the following morning...

Introducing...

noreply@blogger.com (Heather) — Fri, 09 Sep 2011 15:27:00 +0000

Grace.

Born September 1, 2011.

God is faithful to keep His promises. More to come later, but for now I'm enjoying my sweet baby girl.

Ch-ch-ch-changes

noreply@blogger.com (Heather) — Tue, 09 Aug 2011 01:57:00 +0000

I've had this post in mind for at least 3 months, and I'm just now getting around to writing it out. Mostly because I've become flat-out lazy about posting, but also because I haven't quite known how to go about it. While I am devoted to homeschooling, DH and I have decided to enroll BB in a local church's half-day kindergarten for the upcoming school year.
The decision wasn't an easy one and it is not one that we are entering into lightly. We only plan for BB to be in school for this one year. Mostly to gain some much-needed socialization skills. I know that many homeschool parents feel that socialization is over-used as an excuse to place children in school. For the most part, I do agree. However, they are also not BB's parent.
Something that I have not mentioned on my blog before is that BB is autistic. You probably wouldn't immediately guess it upon first meeting him, unless you have had experience with such individuals before. BB is high-functioning, and is merely on the spectrum of autism. In other words, he comes across as quirky and precocious. He knows far more academically than most of his peers, yet is a year or more behind when it comes to interpersonal skills. The school has a small class size of 12 students, and the 3 hour school day should move quickly enough to prevent BB from becoming too bored academically or overwhelmed from social interaction.
There is also the fact that Baby Deux is due any day now. I don't quite trust my abilities to maintain a consistent homeschool schedule with an infant in the house (although I know many who have done so). During my postpartum with BB, I really struggled with depression, far beyond typical baby blues. In an attempt to avoid that this time around, I think placing BB's education in the hands of someone else temporarily is wise. I am already feeling conflicted about adding a sibling to BB's life; I do not need to feel as though I am failing him in his education as well.
I am sure that there will be drawbacks to placing BB in a school setting. While he will gain some much-needed interaction skills, he will also learn things I will wish he hadn't. There is no perfect solution. But this solution has what we believe to be the fewest drawbacks. Prayers for BB, his teacher, and his classmates are appreciated. :)

Nursery Sneak Peek

noreply@blogger.com (Heather) — Mon, 16 May 2011 20:39:00 +0000

I'm going to blame my horrible blogging on my current lack of brain cells. Have any of you ever seen the movie, "Momento?" I'm starting to really empathize with that character.
Anyway, as a feeble attempt to make up for my lack of posts, how about some quick pics of the nursery? We still have a ways to go, but things are starting to take shape. DH finished painting the room and arranging the furniture this weekend, leaving pretty much just some picture and shelf hanging to do.
The "theme" for the nursery is vintage. I wouldn't say that it's true vintage, because most of the stuff is from the late 70's, early 80's. And if the stuff is near my age, it can't possible be vintage, right? ;D

I found the baby scale in the above picture at Goodwill for $5 several months ago. The scale, along with an amazing nursery I found at ohdeedoh, gave me the inspiration for the nursery. The two books on top are Winnie the Pooh books I found years ago at an antique store. The two books on the bottom are a couple of Dick and Jane readers that originally were my mother-in-law's when she was in elementary school. The lamp was purchased new from Target.

With the exception of the TV, the abacus, the xylophone, and the bear toy, all of the above toys were mine when I was a baby. These toys, along with some others, will be on some shelves out of baby's reach.

The fabric on the bottom right is one of the crib sheets that I will be using for the crib. I plan on a future post solely about the crib bedding at a later date. The other fabrics were mine as a child and will be used to display/picture purposes only.

Here's a brief hint about what the nursery walls look like, along with some darling light switches I found. The light switches were made in the 50's or 60's by a company known as Nursery Plastics. The same company also made crib mobiles and nursery lamps. I have a coordinating crib mobile that I will use for the crib that you will be able to see when I do the post about the crib bedding.

Hall Light

noreply@blogger.com (Heather) — Tue, 26 Apr 2011 15:54:00 +0000

Almost as soon as I saw the two lines on the stick, I knew it was time to make some more changes to our house. Specifically, the hallway that leads to the bedrooms. Someone had previously installed this light on the wall in the hallway:

Every time I saw this light, I couldn't help but think that it belonged outside at a beach motel. In addition to the style not being what I would have picked out, the light wasn't very efficient:

True, the hallway did get brighter, but I never really had a need to illuminate 6" of the hallway ceiling. Not to mention that the placement of the light prohibited us from hanging more pictures in the hallway. Since there is soon to be another reason for pictures, this problem had to be fixed.

Moving the light from the wall to the ceiling took a bit of doing, but DH was up to the task. Our hallway is now actually lit, AND I can see so much better into the hall closet!

But best of all, moving the light allowed us to add 10 more picture frames :D

He is Faithful

noreply@blogger.com (Heather) — Thu, 07 Apr 2011 13:11:00 +0000

Those who have been reading my blog for a while know that back in January of 2007, I felt as though God was telling me that I would have a daughter. A daughter that I would name Grace. As Grace is not a name that I would have picked out, I felt like I really had heard from God. While I wasn't crazy about the name, I was thrilled with the idea of having a daughter.
As time went on, I felt led to share what I thought I had heard from God with others. As someone who hates being wrong, this was a big deal. I struggled with telling people for a while. After all, who was I to claim that I had heard from God, especially when I had no proof? I didn't feel "holy" enough to purport that God had spoken to me. But I did tell - first a close group of friends that I used to have Bible study with, and then to my readers. I held onto a bit of hope that maybe telling others was an act of faith that God was requiring of me. That maybe once I was willing to embarrass myself, God would give me what I wanted. I waited so eagerly that month, certain that I would have joyous news to share in just a few weeks.
But that didn't happen.
As my 29th birthday came and went, I was crushed. Especially since I have long held 30 as the cut-off date for when DH and I would stop trying for children. Only a tiny ray of hope stayed. I thought that just maybe, God would bless me with another child that would be born just before I turned 30. A child that I could say, "Look! Just in the nick of time, mere weeks before my self-imposed cut-off date, this miracle child of mine was born!"
February, March, April, and May came and went. No child was going to be born right before February of 2011.
I felt like a failure. I felt like a liar. I thought that I must have imagined the whole conversation with God. I was one of "those" people - people who claim to have words from God that don't come true.
I cried, I prayed, I questioned. I cried over my dream of a little girl with curls and frills that apparently wasn't going to be mine. I prayed to God, asking Him why He let me be so foolish. I questioned myself as to how I could have been so prideful to have claimed that God spoke to me. Who was I to make such a claim?
I never could shake the feeling though that someone was missing from our family. As those around me and in blogland announced intentions to adopt, I thought that maybe that was what we were meant to do. Yet DH and I never felt a peace about that decision.
Through the summer and fall, I came to acceptance that perhaps we were meant to be a family of three. There are advantages to having one child, and having colic and potty training behind us was nice. I nearly convinced myself that what I had thought was God was just my own heart's longing. Except for some fleeting moments of jealousy when friends announced their pregnancies, I was relatively at peace with my only, lonely child.
Then one morning in December, I woke up with a compulsion to pee on a stick. I had no symptoms, and I had even taken a test 3 days before with a negative result (I had colored my hair and wanted to make sure it was okay to do so). Before the toilet flushed, there were 2 lines. A miracle.
Part of me thought that this must be Grace. Why else would I get pregnant after all this? A few long weeks passed and I was finally far enough along to take an over-the-counter gender test. The test said there was an 80% chance I was having a boy. Boys are good, boys are fine. Perhaps I was supposed to have this boy, and then adopt a little girl. I thought how fun it would be for BB to have a little shadow trying to be a "big boy" like his brother. I got out BB's old baby clothes and thought how sweet a new baby would look.
Weeks 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, and 19 c-r-a-w-l-e-d by. Finally, week 20 arrived and with it, the sonogram!
So yesterday DH and I sat in a dark room as the technician smooshed and squished around. We saw the head, the heart, the arms, the legs, and finally she worked her way to the middle. Wouldn't you know it, the baby was shy? But after some manuevering, we got a good shot. And there were 3 lines. Three breath-taking lines.
God is faithful. God keeps His promises. Not on our time line, not on our plans, but His. I don't know His reasons for having us wait so long, but it was worth it.

Grace always is.