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With Presidential Ambitions Up in Smoke, Can Uhuru Be Effective Kingmaker?

2012-01-27T00:07:00.000-08:00

That is the question political observers are asking themselves since Uhuru Kenyatta's resignation as finance minister yesterday.

Unlike the emotionally reckless William Ruto who has openly declared he will be on the presidential ballot paper, Uhuru has not made any such direct declarations and remains as guarded as ever on his immediate political future.

As he exited his luxurious red-carpeted Treasury House office yesterday, Uhuru released a statement which indicated that he "looks forward to meeting you all at the grassroots as I traverse the countryside to reassure you all that our mission to give hope to the youth of this country, our vision of seeing a peaceful Kenya and our firm resolve to transform Kenya into a modern first class economy is still on course".

While Ruto has yet to appreciate the gravity of the charges facing him at the ICC, Uhuru appears to have an understanding of how high the stakes have been raised. Power politics is not an easy game to play when one has been indicted by the International Criminal Court. And for anyone to imagine that they can be state president and deputy state president in Kenya while they attend court sessions at the Hague is taking ambition and hope beyond utopian dreams.

Many legal minds, including CIC Chairman Charles Nyachae, have argued that there is nothing legally to bar Uhuru or Ruto to run for president. Even ICC Prosecutor Ocampo has asserted that the issue of elections in Kenya is something for the Kenyans to decide. But here at Kumekucha, being the sober political analysts that we are, we believe the presidential dreams of Uhuru and Ruto have hit a brick wall. Let us examine the reality:

If an Uhuru who is already indicted by ICC cannot serve as as a mere Finance Minister of a grand coalition government - despite presidential back-up to do so - and in a constitution that is in transition, how in God's name will Uhuru be president in our constitution when it is fully functional? How will Uhuru run to be president when he is charged at the ICC with the worst criminal cases that anyone can face in this world?

Granted that the KANU Chairman has his core support among the counties populated by the Agikuyu in the former Central and Rift Valley provinces. Uhuru has also steadily gained popularity ratings on some of our dubious opinion polls and was last reported as closing in on Raila Odinga. But the fact still remains that in the new constitutional dispensation, anyone who wishes to be president must come with a lot more than his ethnic support. The bar has been raised and sadly, both Uhuru and Ruto fail in most of the basic requirements the constitution demands for presidential contenders. The Hague baggage does not help matters.

In a country that is constantly baby-sat by western powers and one that the stability of the entire horn of Africa hinges on, how will someone who is on the same list as Ugandan sadistic warlord Joseph Kony be in the running to form a government in the republic of Kenya? Someone must be sleep walking to imagine this!

Uhuru and Ruto have only one way to go. They can only support a preferred presidential candidate, and sponsor as much parliamentary and senatorial candidates as they possibly can in 2012. Those candidate must be people they can control like puppets. And that president must be someone they can dictate to. That person is not Kalonzo Musyoka and neither is it George Saitoti. It could be either Raphael Tuju or Eugene Wamalwa, perhaps a pairing of both as candidate and running mate. The possibility of forming the next official opposition could never have been clearer.

Let us see how today's rally at Eldoret's 64 stadium turns out!

Breaking News: Uhuru Kenyatta and Francis Muthaura Have Resigned

2012-01-26T04:55:00.000-08:00

As predicted by Kumekucha less than 24 hours ago, Uhuru Kenyatta has handed his resignation to President Mwai Kibaki. Also handing in his resignation was fellow ICC indictee Ambassador Francis Muthaura who was the immediate former Head of Civil Service and Secretary to the Cabinet.

President Kibaki has this afternoon accepted decision by Uhuru Kenyatta to step aside as Finance Minister. Uhuru will however stay on as Deputy Prime Minister without portfolio.

Robinson Njeru Githae takes over at Finance while Francis Kimemia takes over from Muthaura as Head of Civil Service. Mutea Iringo will be Acting Permanent Secretary for Provincial Administration and Internal Security.
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See also: Kibaki handlers in sixes and sevens

Using your idle hours to make extra money on the side
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Full PPS Statement is reproduced here:

PRESIDENT MWAI KIBAKI ACCEPTS DECISION BY HEAD OF PUBLIC SERVICE AND SECRETARY TO THE CABINET AMBA. MUTHAURA, AND DEPUTY PRIME MINISTER; MINISTER FOR FINANCE HON. UHURU KENYATTA TO STEP ASIDE

His Excellency the President has accepted the decision by Hon. Uhuru Kenyatta, EGH, M.P. to step aside as the Minister for Finance. However, Hon. Kenyatta will retain the position of Deputy Prime Minister in accordance with the Constitution.

His Excellency the President has appointed Hon. Robinson Githae, EGH, M.P. Minister for Nairobi Metropolitan Development, to be the Acting Minister for Finance.

His Excellency the President has also accepted the decision by Amb. Dr. Francis K. Muthaura, EGH to step aside as Permanent Secretary, Secretary to the Cabinet and Head of the Public Service.

In this regard, Mr. Francis T. Kimemia, CBS Permanent Secretary, Provincial Administration and Internal Security will be Acting Permanent Secretary, Secretary to the Cabinet and Head of Public Service.

Mr. Mutea Iringo will be Acting Permanent Secretary for Provincial Administration and Internal Security.

PPS

26th January, 2012

Kibaki Handlers In Sixes And Sevens

2012-01-25T10:02:00.000-08:00

Presidents Mwai Kibaki And Omar Al Bashir. If this was a page in Facebook the caption would most likely read; Omar Al Bashir Likes this.

Vengeance is mine, says the Lord.

Any close observer of the politics of the land since January 2008 would be excused for being very angry and wondering what the heck was wrong with Kenyans. Their anger would stem from the great injustice in the land.

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How people are launching lucrative part-time businesses even as they remain in employment

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As you read this, victims of the 2008 post election violence are still in camps, refugees in their own country. And yet over the last few months several individuals have proudly announced their intention to contest for the presidency in the general elections which had been scheduled for this year. The most prominent in the race for the presidency are individuals who were involved in one way or another with the election troubles of 2008. These are Raila Odinga (widely believed to be the winner of those elections but who was denied when the incumbent used state machinery at his disposal to quickly get himself sworn in), William Ruto and Uhuru Kenyatta.

What would you be feeling hearing these presidential ambitions in the media every day even as you cow in a corner of a torn tent somewhere in the republic that you call your home country?

Indeed the Kenyan people have for all intents and purposes forgotten these poor IDPs some of whom were wealthy landowners and employers before tragedy struck and wiped out all their hard work and industry in one deadly swoop that left thousands dead (Kumekucha figures).

There are many readers of these popular blog who do not fear God. Rather their intellectualism does not allow them to acknowledge the existence of the almighty. Some of them have often said that religion is the opium of the masses (obviously meaning the uneducated masses).

However it would appear that a recent chain of events still rapidly unfolding in the country is divine intervention working out a terrible revenge against those most responsible for causing the deaths of so many innocent Kenyans in January 2008.

Fascinatingly until the announcement by the ICC confirming the very serious charges against four Kenyans, most in the political class did not want to believe that the charges would never be confirmed. In fact two of the most prominent accused persons were busy plotting their elaborate presidential campaigns.

The happenings after the events of yesterday afternoon have pushed the country into an extremely dangerous position. Already there is massive panic amongst several prominent camps all of which could easily cause trouble to muddy the waters. The Kenyatta family whose massive wealth can be traced back to serious corruption and unprecedented land grabbing during the Jomo Kenyatta presidency, is feeling the heat the most (read this Kumekucha exclusive) and chances are very high that Uhuru Kenyatta will be resigning from government within the next day or so.

The William Ruto camp is not any better and using the same old abrasive Kanu tactics his advisors have crafted two political rallies for this Frdiday as a response, one in Eldoret and another in Thika. You do not need to be a rocket scientist to guess what the agenda of those pubic rallies will be. The objective will be to show that the duo (Uhuru and Ruto) have not been affected by the ICC ruling to go ahead with their trials.

But all that is nothing compared to what will happen if the trial does proceed. The president’s aides are the ones who are most worried about this eventuality. And with good reason. If the confirmation hearings are anything to go by, we should expect the names of the two principals to come up lot in those hearings. And especially the president’s role in the January 2008 troubles. Already the media is awash with the State house meeting involving representatives of the Mungiki terror gang which the ICC judges believe took place based on the evidence that they have. State house Nairobi has once again strongly protested that any such meeting took place although the denial story has changed dramatically this time round when compared to the last official denial.

Additionally if one was to care to take a closer look at what special prosecutor Luis Moreno Ocampo did in the Sudan cases, State house has a lot of reasons to be terribly worried. The strategy was to indict lesser government officials who after cross examination during the trial provided enough evidence and reason for the ICC to issue an arrest warrant for President Al Bashir. Kenya may not be Sudan but here is way too much evidence to suggest that that is exactly the direction we are headed to.

It is naive for those expecting justice i Kenya to be excited about such an eventuality. To me it is way too dangerous and could easily plunge the country into the kind of chaos that will make 2008 look like it was a Christmas party.

Plotting a Great Business Comeback While Keeping Your Day Job

2012-01-25T07:54:00.000-08:00

Kumekucha Exclusive: Mama Ngina Kenyatta Orders Uhuru To Resign

There are those entrepreneurs who in the course of their struggles to succeed in business end up being forced to go back to employment. Many times for these kind of people, their only hope of entering into business in the near future is by doing so on a part-time basis, at least to start with.

And you really can’t blame them. Jobs are very difficult to come by these days and when one is lucky enough to land one, leaving it for the uncertainties of business becomes very difficult. The protests alone that one is bound to receive from a spouse and relatives for abandoning a job to take the risk would probably be enough to kill any entrepreneurial spirit before it has had any chance of getting started.

Although great successes in business come to those who are ready to risk all and burn all their bridges so that there is no alternative for them other than success, there are also a lot of advantages in doing a part-time business.

Maybe you are so busy in your full time job and are sure that there is no way you are going to be able to get the time to launch a part-time business or income generating project. Maybe you even work in shifts and are sometimes on night duty. You will be pleasantly surprised to discover that you too can launch a lucrative part-time venture.

This proves that there is nobody who cannot go into business, if they are determined enough and thus plan carefully.

And with the money pressures that employed people have these days; it makes a lot of sense to pursue some extra income on the side.

There is yet another group of people who can benefit from a part-time business and that is people who are already in business. One can easily start a side business to supplement the income of their main business. Or if you are in a partnership with other
people, it might make a lot of sense to have a side business where you are sole proprietor and can make all the decisions on your own. In fact there are cases where people have started many prosperous businesses in addition to their already thriving one simply by starting it off as a side business that prospers and grows into a full-time occupation.

It has given me great pleasure researching and writing this book. Let me admit that even I was amazed at the vast untapped range of opportunities that are available for a part-timer today. As the book progressed, I got more and more excited and I trust that the same thing will happen to you as you read on.

For those who have the experience, running a part-time enterprise is littered with many pitfalls and many have learned some very bitter lessons about the multitude of things that can go wrong. I know what I am talking about because personally I have also lost quite a bundle in part-time businesses I once tried that went wrong.

To start with many have learned that you cannot leave somebody else to run your business for you. If they do not steal from you, then they will almost certainly be incapable of getting anything done. The only successful absentee-business-persons are those who have had many years experience or those who once ran the enterprises themselves and thus when they pass it on to another person, the systems are already in place for the continued smooth running of the business. It also becomes very easy to supervise your employee.

The solution is to create the time to run the business yourself. Just like the Dutch reclaimed most of their land back from the sea, you too can do the same with time.

It must be realized that there is plenty of time during the day that is normally wasted and can be put to good use running your part time operation. You can wake up earlier in the morning or you can stay up later in the evening. By simply doing this, most of us can comfortably gain as much as five extra hours for work daily without too much strain. You can even gain more time if you use both evenings and mornings.

This has actually been done very successfully by people in the past. Let us look at the case of a few part-timers whose line of business was writing. This should interest you even if you are not a writer because the examples illustrate the fact that even tiny chunks of time, reclaimed can add up to the hours needed to achieve a really major
project.

The French chancellor D’Aguesseau noticed that his wife was habitually 10 minutes late coming down to dinner. He decided to make use of the 10 minutes ( 3,650 minutes a year or more than 60 hours) and wrote a 3 volume book which became a best seller
when it was published in 1668.

Anthony Trollope spent most of his life working as a postal clerk, but he would get up at 5:00 am each morning and write 3,000 words in the 3 hours before beginning with the mail. If Trollope finished writing a novel before it was time to go to work, he would simply start another one. He finished 50 books this way.

Even more amazing was British crime writer Michael Gilbert who managed to craft 23 books during his daily 50 minutes commute to his ‘real job’ as a lawyer. You might be saying to yourself that you would never manage to do the same in a packed Matatu or bus, but you would be missing the point.

Then during the day itself there is still more time to be reclaimed. Take the lunch break. This is normally one hour long and you will be surprised as to how much can be achieved if this time is planned for and used to the maximum.

Only recently I came across this youngster who distributes magazines and books part-time while working on a very taxing full-time job elsewhere. One would wonder when he gets the time to distribute his wares to newspaper vendors and book shops. He actually
manages to do it very effectively by using his one hour lunch break every day and then the evenings between 5 pm when he leaves his work-place and 6 pm when most vendors and bookshops close. He also works on Saturdays and usually manages to see a few newspaper vendors after he leaves work at 1 pm. So you can imagine the advantage most of us who do not work on Saturdays would have.

Is this not too much hard work, many may ask? There is really no two ways about it. You just have to make the sacrifice. Too many people, still believe in something for nothing. It is not realistic to expect to achieve anything worthwhile without making some sacrifices and working hard for it.

Unfortunately the work ethic seems to be very weak in Africa and everybody wants to believe that they should prosper without too much hard work. This is a myth that seems
to be very deeply buried in the minds of our people.

That should be very good news for any would-be-part-time entrepreneurs because it means that anybody who is willing to put in just a little hard work has a huge advantage over others.

So hard work and good planning can create the time you need to devote to your enterprise to make it a success.

Some people claim that the great disadvantage with a part-time business is the lack of inertia and focus. Because one has another job, they can only devote little small time
frames to it which have to be broken regularly for them to go back to their employer. This creates a lack of inertia which a full time entrepreneur has.

Actually on the contrary this can be looked upon as an advantage by some entrepreneurs because every time a part time entrepreneur turns to their business, they bring in a fresh look making it possible to have a high degree of creativity. And besides with discipline, one will quickly adjust and get used to the unique situation of “juggling two balls in the air at the same time.”

Another disadvantage is that for many part-time enterprises, the scope for expansion appears to be very limited.

In actual fact, this is not true for all businesses of this nature and many of them can be expanded simply by employing people on a full time basis.

In fact rather than just concentrate on pitfalls, the part-timer has many valuable advantages that can go a long way in helping them to establish a business on a
sound footing. The first being that he or she will most probably already be employed somewhere else and will be earning money on a regular basis, thus they can continue to capitalise the business and need not interfere with the cash till or even draw a salary for expenses until the business is established. Interestingly, it has been established that raiding one’s own cash till is one of the major reasons for the demise of many small businesses all over the world. This is when the business-owner thinks that what he or she has on hand at the end of the day are profits which they can play around with. Forgetting that salaries have not been paid and neither have other expenses for the month been settled. Thus anyone using money on hand from their business is actually using up the capital of their business and it is inevitable that this action will sooner or later ground the business.

The tools you will need to make your part-time enterprise a success are the ideas and the correct thinking required for a part-time entrepreneur. There is plenty of that kind of information as well as inspiration and tips in our Facebook page. Just like it to get regular updates on your Facebook news feed.

Uhuru Kenyatta Contemplating Resignation As Kibaki Return Awaited

2012-01-25T06:31:00.000-08:00

In his Facebook statement soon after the ICC bombshell, DPM and Finance Minister Uhuru Kenyatta promised to issue a "more comprehensive statement" in the next few days but with his continued silence and William Ruto taking it upon himself to announce joint thanksgiving rallies with his co-accused in Eldoret and Kiambu, sources close to Uhuru intimate that the DPM is actually contemplating resignation from government.

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See also; Mwai Kibaki running scared

How people are launching lucrative part-time businesses even as they remain in employment

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Following an emergency family gathering called by family matriarch Mama Ngina Kenyatta, a resolution was passed that Uhuru should take a sabatical from politics, forego presidential ambitions and instead work to defend himself at the ICC and restore the good name of the late Mzee Kenyatta for the sake of younger Kenyatta siblings.

TeamUhuru.co.ke which was previously very active on twitter and facebook has hardly sent out any updates for the last 48 hours.

Interestingly, Uhuru is now deemed internationally as the most prominent indictee in Africa going by the prominence his name and that of his late father has received in global coverage including BBC, CNN, NYT, FT, FORBES and others since the announcement of the pre-trial chamber decision. BBC World Service even featured Kenyan case on its popular 'Have your say' talk show which has the widest reach of any radio talk show in the world and is very popular with African listeners.

Some Kenyatta family members are upset that Uhuru continues to take the flack and bear responsibility for a presidency which Kibaki is enjoying and apparently enjoying ICC immunity from despite having been the one who issued orders for co-operation with Mungiki. The hostility being shown towards Kibaki by some Kenyatta kin is understable given Uhuru has always been the favourite and heir apparent of the Kenyatta sons.

Sources also inform us that the Kenyatta family is apprehensive about a possible asset freeze of the extensive Kenyatta estate by the ICC for purposes of compensating post elections violence victims. Having already profiled the assets of all suspects and now Uhuru reportedly being advertised as the wealthiest Kenyan in the world, the ICC indictment could not have come at a worse time for Kenyatta family. Uhuru's personal wealth was subject of close courtroom examination my ICC prosecutor Moreno Ocampo during the hearings in 2010.

The Kenyatta family takes the threat of asset seisure by ICC seriously and would rather fight to defend the family wealth than finance another unbankable presidential bid by Uhuru in 2012 against an opponent like Raila Odinga. Some Kenyatta family members have even suggested sending an olive branch to the ODM supremo given the history between their fathers and that the senior Odinga actually gave up the presidency of Kenya to Kenyatta during independence.

Meanwhile, Kibaki was this morning reportedly addressing members of EA Legislative Assembly in Kampala, Uganda and his return is currently unknown but Uhuru is said to be weighing his options following stern orders from Mama Ngina as he await Kibaki return.

Why The Ocampo Four Must Prepare For The Ugliest Of Trials

2012-01-25T03:00:00.000-08:00

Things will move very fast, reliable source tells Kumekucha

Snapshot: President Kibaki wrote a personal statement to the ICC court in defence of Muthaura. So indicting Muthaura is a loaded statement to Kibaki. And he is no fool.

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Most of us missed the big story yesterday. It was the delay in Kenyans receiving the news of the verdict after everybody else in the world and the big speech by president Kibaki very shortly after that basically trying to throw cold water on the ICC verdict. What happened to our communication in Kenya yesterday afternoon? Was somebody trying to buy time?

Create a caption for this photo and post it in the comments section below and you can win a hug from Kumekucha himself if you are a nice looking lass.

It is instructive that Kumekucha was the first to break the story with the post being made from somewhere in Europe. Just do you research and get back to us about that delay will you?

And to confirm that the daggers have truly been drawn the immediate response from the US (in response to Kibaki’s strange speech) was telling. The US urged Kenya to co-operate with the ICC. Read the story HERE

Now why would the US say that? Cast your mind back to the president’s statement and the answer is there in black and white. Kibaki just stopped short of saying that he would not co-operate with the ICC because he did not recognize their ruling. Indeed he said that in different carefully selected words.

I have said it here before several times that the real target of the ICC is President Mwai Kibaki and if anybody was waiting for a confirmation, it came yesterday. Granted, former police commissioner Ali is not in the Ocampo four, but the man who issued the orders in the first place, Francis Muthaura is. So where did Muthaura get his orders from?

At this point it does not matter whether the four will be found guilty or not, Kenya has changed forever. Those famous words from ICC special prosecutor Ocampo have come back to haunt the guilty. He said he wanted to use Kenya as an example and true to his word the whole world is reeling with shock today that an actual sitting deputy Prime Minister of a country can stand trial at the ICC, it is unprecedented. It tells the whole world that we have crooks seated in the government in the banana republic called Kenya. And the president unknowingly confirmed that script by making the statement he did.

I must say that it is laughable how some people can be stuck in a time frame and stubbornly refuse to move with the times. President Kibaki in his mind is still in the Kenyatta days when it was a very serious thing for the president to interrupt all programs to make an unscheduled address to the nation.

During the Kenyatta presidency it happened only once when the country was falling apart after the assassination of Tom Mboya. During the Moi days it never happened. But during the Kibaki presidency it has happened so many times (the most memorable was the one where he disowned his second wife and his own children by her, just to please his first wife) that they are no longer of any significance. Personally I would pay more attention to the "Rambo" police spokesman issuing a statement because I have come to expect the president’s statements to be hot air speeches playing politics and pretending that he is addressing grave national issues. Who advices the guy anyway (they should all be sacked because they are a total waste to tax-payers funds). Although in mitigation there is a source who persistently tells me that the president is always ignoring the sound advice he receives and doing things his way because he has the “long experience” which some of the young men advising him do not.

I am also reliably informed that things will move with speed from here on. If the appeals fail (which they will because legally an appeal at this stage is on very thin ice given that the accused persons have not even seen all the evidence against them. It will make more sense to go to trial and then appeal if there is a conviction) then the trail that will follow will be “brutal”. Brutal in the sense that Kenyans will hear things that will make their ears “ring” or is it buzz. Terrible terrible things that were done to fellow Kenyans as old man impunity raised his ugly head in all its’ ugliness.

A Kumekuchan summarized the whole scenario perfectly. The ICC will single handedly and neatly solve all our political problems. That is what the old guard including Mzee Mwai Kibaki do not want to hear.

But whether you want to hear it or not, that is the truth. Over the last couple of months old fat overweight (from 40 years of feeding very well) impunity has taken quite a beating but always remained on his feet. I have great pleasure in announcing to you that he received the knockout blow yesterday afternoon and is out for the count.

Folks, I have to stop there, this is a post I will have to finish later (there is too much to be said and so I will take it easy so that we are all able to absorb it all, no?

So you can look out for part 2 very soon where I will talk about the mysterious powerful figure behind the blinding speed of the proceedings at the Hague and why Ocampo would win any election in Kondele.

ICC: Uhuru, Ruto, Muthaura, Sang to Stand Trial

2012-01-24T02:00:00.000-08:00

Updates

President Kibaki is playing hard ball after ICC tried to get to him through proxy. You see technically, in government operations, Muthaura is the President’s ‘enforcer’ and meets and talks with him daily. So convicting him amounts to convicting the boss albeit indirectly.

In response Kibaki has smartly hinted to the ICC that he is changing the goal posts following their ruling on the Ocampo 4. You don't have to be a genius when you read in between the lines of the statement: ''The President said with the new Constitution, Kenya now has a "RADICALLY" transformed judiciary system as well as a functional witness programme along with a police service that is undergoing reforms. In other words the ICC may be told as dissenting Judge Hans‐Peter Kaul pointed out the charges are equally actionable before Kenyan laws and will be dealt with LOCALLY.

President Kibaki has gone further to make the ICC ruling a government project. It is no longer about individuals accused and Kibaki has accordingly ordered the Attorney General Githu Muiga to immediately form a legal panel that will advice government on how to respond to Monday's ruling by ICC pre-trial judges. The President has also for the umpteenth time ordered resettlement of IDPs.

Well, even the dissenting Judge Hans‐Peter Kaul has indirectly declared Kenya a failed state by acknowledging the gravity of the accusations which could be tried (but unable) locally.

The hot air about resettling the IDPs is another indictment of the government's inertia in addition to instituting local prosecutions to other PEV suspects.

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Wow, ninety years can surely arrive sooner in less than three calender years. Nobody saw this coming. Nobody predicted this verdict either. The post election violence victims had long resigned to their unfortunate fate of life in squalor. The IDPs have been left starring at another five-year wave of displacement. The suspects were thumbing their big chests rubbishing the ICC and mocking its ruling to have no bearing on their political careers. Most Kenyans had retreated to their tribal enclaves spoiling for the next polituical fight.

Well, the party has been rained on heavily. That soft-spoken diminutive figure, the Bulgarian Law Professor Ekaterina Trendafilova has struck hard where it hurts most. The International Criminal Court (ICC) has finally confirmed charges against four of the Ocampo 6. The ICC ruled that Uhuru Kenyatta, Francis Muthaura, William Ruto and Joshua Sang will stand trial over violence after the 2007 election. Meanwhile charges were not confirmed for both Henry Koskey and ex-police boss Hussein Ali. A sigh of relief but maybe not an acquittal.

All the Ocampo 6 were accused of crimes against humanity, including murder and persecution. What a delicate balancing act for the Judges to acquit and convict one and two from both sets of suspects. And that definitely opens the floodgates for imaginative conspiracy theorists.

The ICC ruling has been long coming and Kenyan politics will never be the same again. One thin is for sure impunity has been dealt a deadly blow. The cycle of political violence has been consigned to a very deep grave.

The ICC has made both political and legal statements. Kenya is bigger than the sum of her various tribal warlords and nobody is above the law. It has been a long time coming let the game begin.

One fundamental fact is discern able from this ICC ruling and that is court battles are never won with the press nor with theatrics. The only common denominator between Koskey and Ali was their humility and legal focus to fight their corner. On the other hand the convicted four had all their molars out playing to the gallery. Well, the judges had a different persuasion albeit unpleasant.

Thank God for small mercies, a Kenyan court would have seen plethora of counter injunctions by now. Don't mind the fact that such a case would have not taken off in the first place.

One thing is for sure, the 2012 general elections will be like no other and the face of Kenyan politics will never be the same again.

Wapi WIPER?

Make no mistake, the ICC verdict has just opened a can of worms. So far all we know is from Ocampo's redacted dose. Kenyans must brace themselves to handle the bitter and nasty truth when the true full trial begins. That is when suspects will cut deals and when the s*@t hits the fun your guess is as good as mine, NOBODY (repeat NOBODY) is safe nor immune to ICC coolers.

Now that ICC has separated the apples from guavas, Kenyans will predictably interpret the ruling under three themes: political, ethnic and personal. Well, the often forgotten fourth dimension that never mutates remain the TRUTH. Take your pick.

Verdict on the Ocampo 6: Evidence the ICC Should Not Miss

2012-01-18T00:53:00.000-08:00

BREAKING NEWS: ICC Confirms charges against 4 of the 6

We have been told that the Kenyan anti-riot police are on full alert in readiness for the announcement by the ICC on whether the Ocampo 6 will stand trial or not.

Why?

Why should anybody riot and cause chaos when some super rich (ill-gotten wealth) Kenyan individual is found to have a case to answer in a court of law that has to be more impartial than the Kenyan judicial system which has time and again declared that our corrupt leaders are actually clean "Kama pamba"?

The answer should be obvious. Only a tribal war Lord can provoke that kind of reaction (or is it organize those kind of chaos). No?

And that is exactly the kind of evidence that the ICC should be looking for to strengthen their case when they confirm the charges against the Ocampo 6 shortly.

So let them bring it on. Let them go into the streets and cause chaos and give us a glimpse of exactly the kind of things they got up to in January 2008. ICC prosecutors please pay close attention.

* *

Folks are asking me to make a prediction on what the ICC verdict will be and I don't think it is fair for me to do so. But what I can say is that the evidence against two individuals (both presidential candidates) is so overwhelming that if they go scott free then all 6 should go free.

What You Didn’t Know: Virginity Can Easily Be Restored

2012-01-15T00:23:00.000-08:00

Kumekucha Weekend Features
For centuries a very important do-or-die part of a wedding was where the man would get a moment in private with his bride and penetrate her for the very first time. This would be done under supervision by elders and close to white sheets which would naturally be bloodied and then brought out and displayed before all the distinguished guests. Only then would the Champagne be brought out so to speak. No bloody sheets no wedding, it was as simple as that.

Indeed this is still being practiced in many cultures the world over. But still, today most of the world has changed and virgins are an extremely endangered species, some would say they are almost extinct. Or so you may have thought.

And you would be wrong in this assumption because the truth is that the number of virgins are currently growing at break neck speed courtesy of a simple surgical procedure that completely restores a woman’s virginity and thus destroys any evidence that any man has ever been there before. What is left of the hymen is stitched together and reconstructed in a simple procedure called hymenorraphy. In cases where the hymen is not enough, additional tissue from the vaginal wall is used to make a complete hymen and restore precious virginity to any lass who wants it back.

Done properly, even another doctor examining the woman will be fooled and certify her a virgin medically.
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Read all about The meaning of they year 2012… and other interesting views on the next general elections from both experts and pretenders in the comments section of this post. Just scroll down to the end of the main post.
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Although this procedure is not considered a part of gynecology, it is making some shrewd surgeons a fortune literally overnight. More so in cultures where there can be no wedding without a hymen. It is also widely available in some plastic surgery centres in the West and especially in the United States.

Some pretty amazing statistics are being touted by supporters of this crafty cheat-a-man-and-get-your-own-back procedure. It is said that it has been single-handedly responsible for reducing the number of women being murdered when a bride is found not to be a virgin, by a staggering 80 percent in Egypt alone over the last 10 years. Wow!!

But even more fascinating is a deft touch added to the procedure. Apart from reconstructing the hymen, a gelatin capsule which contains a blood-like substance is added for effect. And so when the hymen is ruptured by the cheated man “blood” spurts out. Probably enough to soak a good white sheet and delight the wedding guests about to take in Nyama choma and bloody mutura. (what an appetizer the virgin blood on the sheets must be!).

This fake but effective virginity costs between US $100 and $600. At least that is what women in Egypt are gladly paying. In Turkey getting your virginity back is estimated to cost between $140 and $1500 a pop.

Now there are a host of issues that are raised by this procedure. Proponents point to the fact that there are many ways the hymen can be accidentally “punctured” even without sexual intercourse and this procedure has saved the lives of many innocent women who have never had sex but still end up dying on their wedding night any way. Critics point to the obvious fact that a lot of men will get cheated. But then many women will counter back that women get cheated all the time by men who never have to carry any visible and obvious signs that they are not virgins.

I can already see the advertisements for this procedure which should be with us very soon;

- Cause a man to worship you, get married virgin even if your immediate former profession was an escort girl.
- Get the wedding night that was intended for you from the beginning of time.
- Get your own back on men prove to him that you are a virgin while being careful not to cause him a heart attack.

In neighboring Zanzibar it is common for young girls under intense pressure to have only anal sex with their boyfriends until their wedding night. The health repercussions of this kind of sexual activity, which includes passing stool without any control, are enormous. And so those who can afford a flight to Egypt and $100 will have another way of having their cake and eating it as well.

Surely the end of the world is not too far off!!

Court Rules 2013 Most Likely Election Year

2012-01-14T01:00:00.000-08:00

Updates

The law may be an ass but how do the so-called constitutional court reconcile these three conflicting provisions of the new set of law if they are to avoid being seen as fenceseatters or partisan at worst :

1) They went y Section 9 of the Sixth Schedule which states that the first elections for the President, National Assembly, Senate, County Assemblies and Governors shall be held within 60 days after the dissolution of Parliament at the end of its term (do we have we have Senate, County Assemblies or Governors presently?).

2) They state that the Sixth Schedule is independent of the provisions of Article 101 which provides for elections in the second Tuesday of August hence the term of the National Assembly cannot be shorter that five years and that (new wine bottled in old wine skins?).

3) As per Article 255 of the Constitution, an amendment to the Constitution affecting the term of the President cannot be effected into law without a referendum (Kibaki's term ends on 30 December, 2012 so elections in March 2013 leaves a vacuum?)

I hope there is an IVY LEAGUE lawyer out there to please clarify!

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The much awaited court ruling on when Kenyans will go the polls came in a few moments ago and the initial reaction is that it is NOT good news for most.

Essentially the ruling says that unless the two principals dissolve the coalition then we will have to wait until the expiry of the current parliament which will be January 15th and then go to the polls 60 days after that which will be mid March 2013.

The vast majority of Kenyans on the ground sense mischief in pushing the elections to 2013. But naturally they are not aware of the fact that the law is the law. And it can hardly be twisted to suit anybody’s whims. The law which brought about the coalition government that we have suffered under for the last four long years (which actually feels more like 8 years) superseded many other laws of the land, including the new constitution it now seems.

But some important points to note here so that we don’t loose perspective;

• The most likely mid March 2013 election date is barely 3 months after the most popular suggested date for the general elections so far which is in December 2012.

• It is also about 7 months or so after the August date the new constitution talks about.

• It is NOT a whole year later.

Still the mood on the ground is that any extra hours longer than necessary that the current parliament and leadership remains in office is too long. And to most people it seems that the elections have been put back a whole year!

To be very honest there is still too much to be done legislatively so much so that the most realistic date for Kenyans to go to the polls is after January 31st 2013. That is the truth.

But then who cares about the truth when it is politics and the mood of the country we are talking about? Long suffering Kenyans have good reason to feel what they are feeling after decades of very bad leadership and this is the main reason why there is always so much excitement and anticipation whenever a new election comes up. It offers new hope to the people that things will change for the better. This time round the anticipation is at fever pitch because of the new constitution Kenyans so unanimously passed into law. A constitution written mostly with the blood of the people of Kenya a fact which many of us conveniently chose to forget way too often. Although just now it may be a little easier to remember because neighbouring Tanzania is clamoring for a new constitution and already it seems that the road is going to be very long and treacherous probably even more so than what Kenyans went through because baba na mama CCM (Chama Cha Mapinduzi) will not let go of power that easily. And unlike Kanu in the 1980s this is a party that has tentacles reaching into every small nook and cranny of Tanzanian life. So much so that many ordinary Tanzanians wryly call house flys “CCM”. The CCM juggernaut is the very heart beat of this vast underdeveloped sleeping giant of a nation whose citizens mostly envy Kenyans just because they can speak English. But that is not Kumekucha’s jurisdiction and so let us come back to Kenya shall we.

My take is that the ruling of the constitutional court on the next general elections has had the effect of causing the very unpopular leadership in the country to become even more unpopular in the eyes of the people.

Political joke of the week;
Little Njoro of Buru estate in Nairobi wanted Kshs 1,000 badly and prayed to God for two weeks but nothing happened.

Then he decided to write God a letter requesting the Kshs 1,000. When the postal authorities received the letter addressed to God from Buru buru in Kenya, they decided to send it to State House.

The letter never even got to the president but an aide was very touched and so he sent the boy Kshs 200. He felt that this was a lot of money for a small kid.

Njoro was delighted when he received the Kshs 200 and sat down to write a thank you note to God, which read:

Dear God,
Thank you very much for sending the money.

I don’t want to sound ungrateful but I noticed that for some reason you had to send it through State House and, as usual, those crooks deducted a whole Kshs 800. My teacher tells me that you never forget, but did you not this once forget that Kenya is one of the most corrupt countries in the world and that as my dad is always saying corruption starts at the top?

I suggest you send an angel next time.

Thanks,
Njoro.

Why Baraza is Still in Office: Kwenda Rokota Hio Mtu

2012-01-10T20:56:00.000-08:00

One of the pet subjects of this blog right from inception has been how there are two completely different laws. One for the Kerubos and another for the Barazas. This is in keeping with the Kenyan tradition of having two of everything; businessmen have two books of accounts one for the KRA and the other for personal use, majority Kenyan men have two women, one to bear their children the other for “hepi”.

Over the years I have given many examples including the one where the police are a favourite option for debt collection. In one case I personally witnessed a couple of years ago, this guy was owed 700 bob for some products they had given on credit. He bribed the police 1000 bob to have the guy picked up. He was locked up until a relative turned up to pay 3000 bob (includes interest). Nice tidy profit and they got paid. Was this Kenyan a genius or what?

In the spirit of the new constitution many Kenyans had hoped that the law would start being a little more equal but alas, the Nancy Baraza saga proves that this is just not the case.

We know that in the Baraza case the police have said they have enough evidence to prosecute. So what are they waiting for? If Ms Baraza was an ordinary Kenyan she would have been in police cells for the last 11 days waiting for the police to make that decision.

Kwenda rokota hio mtu (go pick up that person) is a well known Kenya police mantra. If you were some nobody Kenyan resisting being searched at the Village market on the date that my birthday falls on, a phone call later somebody at Gigiri police station would have been barking that order; Kwenda rokota hio mtu. That would have been due process for them.

Instead 11 days later Ms Baraza is still at large,

One good thing that has come out of this whole episode is that Kenyans have learnt the true character of their deputy CJ. She has not had the common decency to read the writing on the wall and hand in her resignation. Instead she has opted to cling to her office as if she were clinging to dear life. Very Kenyan and very disgusting.

And then some brute of a man comes out and makes a statement to the effect that “big people” are always being harassed by small security people in the country every day. Had Hon Fred Gumo been an ordinary Kenyan he would now be rotting in jail serving multiple sentences. The man has assaulted so many Kenyans (including the famous slapping of a returning officer who happened to be a woman during a general election) that using the term “brute” to describe him is being very kind. Is he trying to make excuses for the deputy CJ just because she comes from his part of the world (tribalism?)? Or is it because the DCJ let off Kerubo lightly with only a pinch of the nose when Gumo angechafua?

Why don’t we change the constitution so that we constitute committees (or even better commissions to enquire into the conduct of…) to deliberate every time somebody commits a crime?

P.S. Fred Gumo... suggested that security guards be trained on how to treat VIPs.

He said it was unfair that some of them were subjected to public embarrassment by guards who do not know them. “In this country we have people who are important. If you are an important person – if you are a minister like me, fortunately I am known by most of the security people. There are people who have just been appointed. They should handle people with care, not roughing them .”

The part that had be rolling on the floor was when he said; "fortunately I am known by most security people.”

Of course Bwana Gumo, you are known for your extremely violent ways.

Nancy Barasa Update: Why Nose Pinching Says Something About 2012

2012-01-06T23:05:00.002-08:00

Observe the signs carefully and you will know the future, we are told by those who predict stuff. We are also informed that the gate of anything is very important, observe carefully what happened at the “entrance to 2012” and you will know the future.

This is gibberish to most of us but if for a minute we humour this mumbo jumbo then the incident at the village market last Saturday and more importantly the repercussions which are still unfolding could mean that we have entered the year of the under dog.
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See earlier post on this subject: Why Nancy Barasa must resign
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This will be the year when humble Davids will fell Goliaths. Who knew Rebecca Kerubo Morara before Saturday? And before her nose was allegedly pinched. A nobody security guard stationed at the Village market to frisk all lady’s (albeit the less violent and non-serial nose pinchers) entering the up market mall. As you read this the Deputy Chief Justice’s job hangs on the balance and even if she remains in office the rest of her term is bound to be extremely shaky. All because of a small nobody security guard called Rebecca Kerubo Morara.

This could just be a sign of things to come. Great news for the long suffering down-trodden Kenyan. It could mean that if indeed elections are going to be held this year then we will see nobodies elected, probably up to the highest office in the land. The mood on the ground certainly supports this theory.

Meanwhile the chief justice and JSC have already received at least one private petition to sack Nancy Barasa from a Mr Peter Gichira Solomon. He says in his petition;

“My petition for the removal of the Deputy Chief Justice from office is informed by my worry that, on one hand, public dissatisfaction with the way this issue is dealt with may strike a fatal to confidence on the Judiciary and the rule of law at the very inception from the New Constitution,

On the other hand, if the law is given the highest priority and justice is done, then a reputation for the Judiciary and the new dispensation will forever have been established.”

Why Nancy Barasa Must Resign

2012-01-05T00:38:00.001-08:00

…Opium sessions have to end

What happened at the Village Market last Saturday is the big problem we have with our leaders past and present. And it is a problem that we must correct NOW if we are to change the destiny of our dear beloved nation.
Impeccable sources close to the late Mulu Mutisya assured me several times that there was nothing that used to jazz the King of Ukambani more than the kind of attention his entrance anywhere elicited. I was once in an office when Bwana Mutisya walked in and everybody stood up to attention and those who were wearing hats removed them. He arrogantly waved his hands and walked into his office. A man who never saw the inside walls of a classroom causing such ripples used to give Mutisya the kind of “high” that was well above what one can expect from opium or cocaine. And so it is safe to assume that he must have had a shattering and memorable orgasm the day a very well educated man and learned friend called Kalonzo Musyoka knelt down before him in seeking a career in politics. And there is evidence to prove that the kneeling was super effective in achieving its’ objectives because there were no general elections in site but a couple of weeks later Musyoka was seated inside parliament. The MP he replaced in Mwingi was shot dead by a crazed administration policeman in an incident that has never been fully explained to this day and in the hurried by-election that followed Wiper was in Bunge. Just like that!! But that is a story for another day.
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How did Miguna Miguna's financial problems vanish so suddenly?
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Our leaders have these opium sessions from being called mheshimiwa and from making grand entrances in public places where business comes to a stand still because of them. Like the time shortly after the President of the Republic of Kenya went on national TV to talk matters of national importance in the form of telling Kenyans lies to the effect that he had only one wife called Lucy and that anybody else claiming otherwise was an imposter. About two days later “the Imposter” Mary wa Munene (better known as Mary Wambui) made a grand entrance at a supermarket at the Sarit Centre allegedly to do some shopping accompanied by some heavy GSU protection.

I am persuaded that a poor security guard called Ms Kerubo tried to interfere with one of these opium sessions last Saturday and that was the crux of the problem and the real reason why all hell broke loose. She claims at one point she was on her knees begging for her life to be spared gun pointed at her. What really terrified her was the fact that her late father who was also a security guard had lost his life identical circumstances.

While confusion surrounds the allegation that the deputy CJ fetched a gun from her car which she used to threaten the guard (because CCTV footage does not capture this) it is clear that the deputy CJ threatened the guard and she also refused to be frisked.

People who refuse to be frisked in public places amaze me and I tend to doubt their intelligence because after all for whose benefit is the frisking being done? Is it not to protect you? And so by refusing to be frisked you are actually saying you do not want to be protected from possible terror threats which are very real in Kenya just now, especially in public places like shopping malls.

In the minds of a vast majority of the folks seeking political office this year the furthest thing on their minds is serving the people. Instead they are ejaculating just thinking of all the wonderful opium sessions they are going to enjoy once in office. In presidential motorcades, governors’ motorcades etc. The people’s agenda is a distant third on their to-do-list. No prizes for guessing what number two (or number one on some lists) is. It is getting rich.

Now is a good time to rudely interrupt these ongoing opium sessions by asking Ms Barasa to resign immediately. You can be sure that it will not stop this human vanity nonsense, but at least it will be a wake up call and we must start somewhere.

My dear fellow Kenyans, let us call for the immediate resignation of the deputy CJ. No stories, no excuses, no delay.

For the record the deputy chief justice and vice president of the Supreme Court of the current banana republic of Kenya hails from a place that is not far away from the village of my late mother and my relatives over there are very proud of her and her achievements. Naturally they will not take kindly to this post. The Bukusu are much more violent than the cowardly Akamba and I am sure if I went ahead with my planned visit there soon I am bound to find myself in a situation where something much more lethal than a beer bottle will be flying in my direction. But alas I love my country more.

Breaking News: Chief Justice Mutunga Calls Emergency JSC Meeting To Discuss Barasa

Moi Leading In Kumekucha Polls?

2012-01-03T03:42:00.003-08:00

My spiritual advisor was giving me some advice the other day. Excerpts…

“Chris, this being an election year there will be plenty happening and I notice that you take some of these things very personally. Too personally. Kwani who are you? Anyway it is not good for your health. And what you feel will not change anything. You should take yourself less seriously? Why don’t you post jokes in that Kumekucha blog of yours?”

Jokes in Kumekucha? But that is ridiculous.

But 3 weeks later I have chewed on what that wise Tanzanian said. It is true I take myself too seriously. And so you will also find a political joke at the end of this post. Enjoy and quit taking yourself so seriously, life is too short for that.

* * *

I have spent the last 3 months or so down on the ground with ordinary Kenyans trying to discover the most popular presidential candidate. It was an interesting experience because after a while I started getting the feeling that I was trying to stuff presidential candidates down the throats of Kenyans.
Martha who? Eti Raila? Ukitaja jina ya huyo mtu tena itabidii utoke hapa (if you mention that man’s name again you will need to leave).

And so I threw away my elaborate forms, notes and papers and started listening to the people. Really listening. What emerged may be a joke to most folks, but it is an accurate representation of what the majority of ordinary folk feel right now.

My poll results show that former President Moi is the most popular presidential candidate in the ghettos of Kenya today. The feeling amongst the people is that during his tenure they had a lot more cash in their pockets. The people are desperate to return to those days.

Huyu mtu Moi hawezi kurudi? Constitution mpya inasema nini? (This man Moi cannot come back? What does the new constitution say?)

Tying at second place in the Kumekucha poll is Professor George Saitoti and Rev Mutava Musyimi. Ordinary folks believe that if Moi cannot be brought back then the next best person who knew what Moi did that made it possible for them to have cash in their pockets is GeorgeSaitoti who was his VP for many years. It was not immediately clear to me why Musyimi ranked so highly in my poll but my guess is that it still has to do with getting the money to return.

I emerged from my tour of Kenya very confused but very clear on one thing. This presidential election is going to be about money in the people’s pocket, presidential hopefuls take note.

The really bad news is that evil Moi is going to carry a lot of clout in Rift valley politics this time round. No governor is going to get elected without his blessing. I find that really really sad.

* * *

Joke ya kusindikiza post….
While walking down Haille Selassie Avenue one day a pot bellied Kenyan MP is tragically hit by a speeding matatu and dies on the spot.

His soul arrives in heaven and is met by St. Peter at the entrance. “Welcome to heaven,” says St. Peter. “Before you settle in, it seems there is a problem. We seldom see waheshimiwa around these parts, you see, so we're not sure what to do with you.”

“No problem, just let me in I am a lawmaker from the republic of Kenya,” says the MP who was at the forefront of voting several times for indiscriminate salary increments for MPs.

“Well, I'd like to, but I have orders from higher up. What we'll do is have you spend one day in hell and one in heaven. Then you can choose where to spend eternity.”

“Really, I've made up my mind. I want to be in heaven,” says the MP.

“I’m sorry, but we have our rules.” And with that, St.Peter escorts him to the lifts and he finds himself going down, down, down to hell. The doors open and he finds himself in the middle of a green golf course. In the distance is a clubhouse and standing in front of it are all his friends and other politicians who had worked with him. Everyone is very happy and in evening dress. They run to greet him, shake his hand, and reminisce about the good times they had while getting rich at the expense of the people. They even sing Kanu yajenga nchi for good measure. They play a friendly game of golf and then dine on nyama choma, mukimo and Tusker. Also present is the devil, who really is a very friendly and nice guy who has a good time dancing and telling jokes. Everybody is shocked after all they have heard about Satan before.

They are having such a good time that before he realizes it, it is time to go. Everyone gives him a hearty farewell and waves while the lift goes back up...The lift goes up, up, up and the door reopens on heaven where St. Peter is waiting for him. “Now it's time to visit heaven.”

So, 24 hours pass with the corrupt MP joining a group of contented souls moving from cloud to cloud, playing the harp and singing. They have a good time and, before he realizes it, the 24 hours have gone by and St. Peter returns.

“Well, then, you've spent a day in hell and another in heaven. Now choose your eternity.”
The MP reflects for a minute, then he answers: “Well, I would never have said it before, I mean heaven has been delightful, but I think I would be better off in hell.” So St. Peter escorts him to the lift and he goes down, down, down to hell.

Now the doors of the elevator open and he's in the middle of a barren land covered with waste and garbage. He sees all his friends, dressed in rags, picking up the trash and putting it in bags as more trash falls from above. The devil comes over to him and puts his arm around his shoulder.

"I don't understand," stammers the MP. "Yesterday I was here and there was a golf course and clubhouse, and we ate juicy nyama choma, drank cold Tuskers, and danced and had a great time. Now there's just a wasteland full of garbage and my friends look miserable. What happened?"

The devil looks at him, smiles and says, "Yesterday we were campaigning....Today you voted. Si you know politics?"

Only the Stupid Are Poor: Beware of Folks Whose Second Name is Also Their First Name

2012-01-01T21:06:00.001-08:00

Christmas holidays are a time for showing off and letting your family and village folk know just how well you are doing. This family I know are no exception.

Do you have any idea what a Prado costs?

There is a son who has been trying to make money doing business for decades. He still doesn’t drive and he still does not have money. Then there his sister who is super rich. She works for a top corporate entity in Nairobi. You see the son is stupid because he does not use his opportunities well. Some principled pauper. The sister drives a Prado which she turned up with in the rural home for the Christmas festivities. (Do you have any idea what a Prado costs? The villagers would have fainted this Christmas if they knew). She is no fool, she simply uses what she has to get what she does not have. She has the looks and so after completing some secretarial course some decades back and tarmacing for a job without any luck, she got smart. There was this bald headed influential CEO who was extremely well connected and he just wanted a small favor to facilitate a well paying job for her. And so she dropped her panties and after taking his weight on her marital bed (I kid you not) for ONLY about 10 minutes or so everything changed. She got her first major break. Briefly told she just dropped her now silky expensive panties to the top.

But who cares how she made her money? Or rather who wants to know? The parents believe she is very hard working and smart. Their first born son? Well he’s hard working but stupid and poor. He doesn’t drive and he doesn’t bring them shopping from Tusky’s. He just talks a lot about principles and a clear conscience. But then talk is cheap.

Many Kumekuchans will agree with this analysis especially when they realize that the poor son has turned down numerous mega-deals just because his conscience did not allow it.

With that kind of background we can move straight into politics.

This guy called Miguna Miguna is very smart. He is certainly not like the poor son in our true story at the beginning of this post. The guy uses what he has to get what he does not have.
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Other recent posts by Kumekucha Chris;
Warning to those seeking political office in 2012

Kumekucha's head stops a flying beer bottle from a Kalonzo Musyoka die hard
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Picture the following. Last week he went into a very lengthy meeting with the Prime Minister to negotiate his re-instatement back to his old plum job complete with body guards etc. Bwana Miguna came out of that meeting with his old job literally in his pocket. And so why was he calling a press conference barely hours later to announce that he had rejected an offer to reinstate him? Emphasizing that it was the PM who looked for him and not the other way round?

Miguna assures us that the PM is extremely corrupt (which Kenyan politician isn’t? Besides I will publish a post that exposes him soon) but Miguna loves working for the corrupt PM and is prepared to spend a lot of time negotiating for his old job back.

You see Miguna is smart and NOT like the poor son at the beginning of this post because he simply uses what he has to get what he dose not have.

Did double M do some calculations which he was not able to do on the table during the meeting with the PM and realize that he could make much more money from his upcoming book and other deals in his role as whistle blower? He’s probably listened to this Kenny Rogers song called the gambler. “Never count your money on the table coz they will be time enough to count it when the dealing is done.”

And while we are trying to answer that million shilling question, here is another more disturbing one for you.

When Miguna was “suspended without pay” the man was broke. Impeccable sources told this blogger that that was the main “beef” he had with the PM. You see he was very hurt because the PM knew very well that suspending him without pay would hurt him badly and leave him a pauper since he had sacrificed everything for Raila. Folks, all of a sudden double M’s financial problems have vanished into thin air. So what exactly happened?

My fellow Kumekuchans I have no idea what came down (at least not yet) but this I can tell you for sure; chances are that the smart man simply used what he has to get what he does not have.

Why 2012 Will Continue To Be My AHA Year

2011-12-31T23:22:00.000-08:00

Happy New Year Kumekuchans!!!

Most of us imagine that we are fairly intelligent and will never lose an opportunity to point out how “slow” others are in grasping stuff. But the truth is that we are all NOT very clever. The whole lot of us.

How do you for instance explain full grown men huddled in a small bar with no ventilation just to watch the images of 22 full grown men chasing around an inflated cow hide beamed onto a screen in the room from a very far away land? And then some of them have the audacity to go out and kill themselves just because some of the vicious leather-kicking-chaps did not hack the damn cow hide between two posts. Humans can't be that bright.

And I can give many, many more examples that prove that the human race is nothing short of idiots who think they are very clever.

But once in a while people do admit how dumb they have been and that is what I call the “aha” moment. When you see things so very clearly for the first time. For Isaac Newton an apple had to fall from a tree above and hit his soft mzungu head hard for him to “see” that there was something called gravity (why had nobody thought of that all those centuries?).

For yours truly it may have been a flying beer bottle colliding with my head on New Year’s Eve thrown with uncommon venom by a Kalonzo Musyoja die-hard supporter. This rabid tribalist-beer-bottle-thrower did not take kindly to my insightful observation that it was easier for my dead grandmother to be elected the fourth president of Kenya posthumously than it was for one Kalonzo Musyoka to win the presidency even after all his possible opponents were conveniently locked up at the Hague and the key thrown into that river I hear passes close to that famous city.

Anyway the details of that bottle collision with my head and the resultant injuries are nowhere near as important as what happened immediately after impact. I had one of those major “aha” moments where everything became so crystal clear to me. Especially the idiotic Kenyan politics I write about in this blog.

Kumekucha readers can expect to benefit tremendously from this great aha moment in the posts to follow and every single one you will read here in this very political year.

I take this opportunity to apologize to you all for all the dumb posts of the past. I promise to shape up in 2012.

Kindly share your “aha’ moments of 2011 in the comments section below even as you look forward to my upcoming aha posts of 2012 on Kenyan politics and politicians.

Of Re-branding and ‘Pigs in Lipstick’

2011-12-30T13:15:00.000-08:00

Recent post by Chris: Kumekucha's warning to those seeking political office in 2012

Guest Post : By Michael Mwaura.

President Obama, revered here by some and disdainfully dismissed by others, had this to say about his Republican rival during his campaign for the presidency, “You know, you can put lipstick on a pig, but it’s still a pig”. This was in reference to the policies being offered by Senator McCain being similar to those of President Bush, thus implying that a vote for McCain was actually a perpetuation of the old regime.

The above quote aptly mirrors the goings on of our political parties here at home. Re-branding is the buzz word. Recently our Vice President changed the name of his political party to Wiper Democratic Movement from ODM-Kenya. Reason being, he did not want confusion at the ballot box with people intent on voting for him, voting for ODM instead. He changed his symbol from one and a half oranges to an umbrella. I think an appropriate symbol would have been an old rag or some baby wipes in keeping with his ‘Wiper’ name.

Next, the Finance minister proposed changing his party from KANU (Kenya African National Union) to KANU (Kenya Alliance National Union) How clever! I can clearly picture the everyday voter discerning the difference. Our good professor has also has been busy. He held a recruitment drive on a day after a major holiday. How well attended was this affair? We can only hazard a guess. A central theme runs through all these shenanigans being marketed as re-branding. They are still the same wolves whatever they decide to call themselves. And they want to be put in charge of the hen house called Kenya. I can positively predict that none of the chickens will make it to market.

What ails political parties?
-All are devoid of manifestos addressing the genuine concerns of the citizen. Most manifestos, if they have one, are drafted by lawyers. They are wordy yet say nothing.
-All political parties thrive on the whims of their founder. Remove the founder and that party is rudderless or dies immediately.
-All parties are detached from the grassroots. In the cases cited above, they all opened their secretariats in Lavington or thereabouts. How is the voter in the far flung areas of our country supposed to interact with their party? Well, an answer to that would be, “I will fly in on my chopper two months to election time and then its bye until the next election cycle”.
-All political parties treat campaigns as carnivals. Politicians doing road shows like aging rock stars, atop a truck, music blaring, looking pathetic trying to do the jig in vogue, dishing out blankets and cash. This does not add any value to their campaign nor does it help voters make informed decisions. This is but a tiny fraction of the ills that plague our political parties and our politics in general.

What way forward?
-We propose manifestos be prepared with the input of those they hope to represent. This can be done through informal polling using samples. The benefit of this is that we can hold politicians accountable when they take positions contrary to our wishes and demands.
-We propose political parties be structured like corporations. That way they are free of personal influences and can thrive and grow long after their founders have departed.
-We propose that political parties have a permanent presence at the grassroots. This will enable party members to interact frequently with their party and party officials can disseminate party policy more effectively.
-We propose a different method of campaigning. How about town hall style meetings? Potential candidates can make their pitch and voters can voice their opinions in a back and forth type of interaction. How about televised debates for presidential candidates like those held in North America? This would help voters differentiate the dunce from the well informed as regards their grasp of topics, ranging from the important such as the economy to the mundane such as how do we get our people to adopt a different staple food.

Lastly, and this may be contentious, I don’t think social media such as face book or twitter will any add any significant numbers to any candidates tally. I won’t defend this position, it just is so.

Comments are most heartily welcome. Please keep them civil and on course. I am sure African Teacher will not miss this opportunity to give us the unabridged version of the ‘The history of politics’.

What Chris Kumekucha is Reading: Mwau wants to block Githongo Demos

Kumekucha’s Warning To Those Seeking Political Office in 2012

2011-12-29T21:14:00.000-08:00

In the next few months President Emilio Mwai Kibaki will leave office. The truth is that the Kibaki administration has done quite a few useful things when it comes to development and getting Kenya to the next level, but sadly all those achievements will be swallowed up by the numerous blunders and errors of judgment made by a man who was way too eager to lead the nation.
Please bare with me as I tell you a little story. Some years back I had the privilege of taking a brief spiritual course that involved Bible teachings on leadership, spirits, demons and the occult world. The instructor was a man who took every chance to comment on Kenyan politics and the major players involved in it. I took his comments very seriously because he had a track record of correctly predicting presidential results in Kenya for over 20 years including the dramatic 2002 elections that were unexpectedly peaceful and also surprisingly ushered in the opposition dethroning Kanu for the first time since independence. In 2002 he did not make his prediction at the last minute when it was so obvious Narc was going to win. He made it before the famous Kibaki/Wamalwa/Ngilu meetings to seek unity had even begun.

Anyway my point is that my instructor kept on emphasizing that people should always be very wary of those who are too eager to lead. Whether it was in the office or in national politics, the best leader was always the person reluctant to take up leadership because they were fully aware and almost frightened of the responsibilities involved.

I have proven that observation to be 1000 percent correct. In neighbouring Tanzania one Jakaya Mrisho Kikwete has always been very eager to be president and his ambition had to be cut short by none other than the founding father of that Nation Mwalimu Julius Nyerere who told CCM delegates in Dodoma that the man was not ready as he opted for a William Mkapa presidency instead. The Mkapa presidency is today viewed by the vast majority of Tanzanians as the golden years and this is just one of the reasons why Kikwete will go down in history as one of the most unpopular presidents in Tanzania as he has staggered down his presidential term with no clear priorities, agenda or workable plan to build on Mkapa achievements. His ame plane seems to have been simply “I will do better.” The poor man was way too eager to land in state house and was so sure that he could do an excellent job that he just stopped short of rubbishing his predecessor’s presidency. I am sure where he is now he has a lot more respect for President Mkapa and his presidency.

President Kibaki is no different. I have done countless posts here detailing how he arrogantly brushed off the Moi presidency assuring Kenyans that he could do a much better job. As you read this, if there was an election today pitting Kibaki against Moi, Moi would win by a landslide very close to 100 percent of the votes cast.

Beware of those who are way too eager to lead. Look for the reluctant humble candidate who respects and almost fears the grave responsibilities that leadership thrusts on anybody’s hands.

The worst mistake Kibaki ever made in his political career was in December 2007. Way back in 1969 Mwai Kibaki lost his Bahati parliamentary seat in Nairobi to a woman and just couldn’t take it and so he rigged himself back into parliament. That little story was forgotten and history would never have remembered it. Indeed Mwai Kibaki was a very respected politician in the run up to the 2007 general elections. So respected that nobody wanted to believe that he could rig an election. Not even when the writing was clearly on the wall in 2007 as he ignored the opposition and hand picked commissioners to ECK.

In retrospect history would have treated Mwai Kibaki as one of the great Kenyan presidents had he accepted the people’s verdict in 2007 and left office peacefully. For starters nobody would have died. And poor Raila Odinga would have taken the blame for a lot of the things that have happened over the last four years or so that are beyond anybody’s control, like the ugly world economic recession that persists and has brought much suffering to Kenyans. The Kibaki presidency of 2003-2007 would have really looked good. Now the member for Othaya not only has blood on his hands but also has a possible appointment at the courts in the Hague after he leaves office hanging over his head (and that is one of the reasons why he is always protecting a serial rapist and mass murderer called Al Bashir).

My message to all those seeking political office in 2012, including my dear younger brother who has always been way too eager to lead the family (although he is not the first born) and now wants to extend his “leadership qualities” to the electorate somewhere in Ukambani, is simple. Learn from Mwai Kibaki and let it go before it is too late. If you find that you are too eager to lead and are daydreaming about being called muheshimiwa or having a motorcade go with you everywhere you go… STOP. Take some aspirin and lie down and carefully think of the Kibaki and Kikwete presidency and hopefully the crazy urge will pass and you will be cured of this life-threatening condition.

Kivuitu blames Kibaki for 2007 Polls Chaos

Fairytale Year and Kumekucha Awards for 2011

2011-12-28T12:00:00.000-08:00

What a year it has been for our motherland and this blog. Well it has been an eventful six plus year since the site kicked off with the singular call to leave no subject as a taboo. Well, the jury may still be out there but when they dock the verdict will no doubt be resolute. Kumekucha blazed the trail and even though some of the founding bloggers have of late been inactive, the heat has never diminished.

Starting on a sad note the year 2011 saw more than 100 Kenyans perish in that infamous Sinai slums in Nairobi in September. Just before that we lost Nobel Laureate and environmentalist Wangari Maathai. The late Wangari was both history and determination embodied in one fabric. But that courage succumbed to the terror that is breast cancer just like it claimed renowned novelist Margaret Ogola during the same month. Speaking of death, the universal equalizer claimed world Olympics gold medalist Samuel Wanjiru in one of the most unpleasant of circumstances. And we capped the year with the ongoing war in Somali in pursuit of the militant Al Shabaab.

Back to Kumekucha, Kenya lost an inspiration behind the blog's name. The late Habel Kifoto gave and left us his voice as we soldier on in attempt to transform this beautiful land into a better future.

This political blog continues to breathe real fire just like when it was launched way back in 2005. We all owe it to Chris despite his occasional disappearing acts which hopefully will end soon. Give it to Chris, he never minds opening the raw nerves of Kenyans in exposing taboo subject that populate our personal and/or communal cupboards.

Next comes one Mwarang'ethe. Even just mentioning that name sends emotions flying here. His tenacity and fidelity to matters economy and history is legendary. And his detractors won't miss threaded quotes which he religiously weaves to support his takes. Mwarang'ethe's provocative posts and comments remains and exercise into mental enquiry that often stands hitherto held theories stand on their head. He may be no philosophy nor general but conviction is Mwarang'ethe's stock in trade. For his calibrated and certified PASSION he has earned his spot at the top of Kumekucha awards for the second year running.

Neither Chris nor Mwarang'ethe will ever escape with any trace of explicit post thanks to our one and only e-cop. A founding blogger, Luka will never tire reminding all and sundry of the basic tenets of decency. In his book, the numerous kids and nannies visiting this blog must never be abused in any by way of explicit adult language or photos. And he grabs the KK vigilante ward.

While Phil may have gone mute for the last several months, regulars like Philip won't let Mwarang'ethe have his day without challenges. You see Philip believes in what is achievable and the baby steps before that eventual leap into nirvana which earns him the KK feasible award. Meanwhile expect Phil to come back in style and in full political combat as 2012 takes political shape.

The blog would be incomplete without the numerous anonymouses who often come with loads of both tit bits and vitriol to spice it all up. Their custom makes the site a must-visit venue to anybody who wants to feel the pulse of Kenya from without. You cannot fail to read the exported village bias (with a touch of sophistication) from these faceless Diaspora (majority). The anonymouses constitute an important cog in the big wheel reconnecting readers here with home from without. Kudos to them all.

Having lived through the historic and botched 2007 elections, Kumekuchans can only expect more fireworks from within these e-pages. Brace yourselves folks as the sun sets on 2011 and we usher in election year 2012. The faint-hearted may not survive the chocking heat from the kitchen in the next 8-12 months. Fasten your (political) seat belts please.

The Toxic Ethnic Subject Kenyans Won't Touch

2011-12-22T12:00:00.000-08:00

Hassan Omar Hassan has touched a raw nerve with his claim that President Kibaki has ethnicized Kenya like never before with key appointments to Finance, Security, Energy and Transport dockets populated exclusively by his tribesmen. Not that what he said was new if anything the same material had gone viral in the cyber world many years before. But why all the fuss for this otherwise mundane claim from the former student leader?

Omar is no stranger to controversy as Moi University authorities would attest when he took them head on as a student leader and they ended up expelling him. True, the constitution does not discriminate against any tribe occupying any position. Also the President may have appointed these people because they are qualified. Omar has chosen to bell the cat by taking this emotive subject out of the web into the mainstream media and now many cannot stand the heat.

So is Omar just a roublerouser or simple standing facts on their feet? It may be either one or both or even neither of these two propositions depending on what language you dream in. But one thing is true, Kenyan kings hate to be reminded that they are nude. And in cue the tribal activists have found a handy (mis)use of Mzalendo Kibunja's commission by referring Omar to it as a perpetrator of hate speech.

Which leaves the question whether acknowledging and broadcasting a problem is a crime. We have seen many nominees of various commissions created in the new constitution not picked simply on the basis their ethnicity. The so-called face of Kenya is a gimmick pulled and played when convenient to mask the real tribal undertones.

If its is true all the above four ministries can have their boardroom meeting conducted in their mother tongue, which it is, are Kenyans like Omar right to bring the same for public notice and debate? Again the answer will mostly depend on your ethnic origins.

But one thing is clear about this toxic tribal debate. The hollipolloi fans it when they suffer most as their tribal lords ride on their back when caught with the principal intention of only serving their selfish interests. Moi did it and Kibaki has not made any pretense to change it but the ordinary Kalenjin and Kikuyu will militantly defend them to the hilt.

Well, two wrongs never made a right and the joke is squarely perched on the ordinary Kenyan who is used as a poodle to advance this poisonous state of affairs at our collective expense.

Omar Hassan's brave exposition is just the tip of the iceberg and as 2012 polls draw near the heat is destined to intensify only in one direction, up. How many can stand the temperatures in the kitchen? Brace yourself, tic toc.

Corruption: Now MPs Invent a Measure of Passion

2011-12-16T13:30:00.000-08:00

So what is the standard unit of measuring passion? If only being voluble PLO-style is symptomatic of superlative passion then corruption would have been eradicated even before he assumed office. But alas, there is more to passion than just mere words and good (albeit empty) intent.

Just when you thought our MPs have had their full they have now invented a measure of passion as a yardstick to fight corruption. Seeing them falling over themselves and waxing patriotic in demanding the very virtue they lack in plenty is a sight to behold.

Trust the smart Alec's to always clothe their sectarian interests in very glossy garbs. In demanding that Ceaser's wife be beyond reproach, the new proposed anti corruption chief has been hit with allegations of impropriety while at KRA. If proven true, the KES 2.4b that he never collected as tax from Kingsway Motors (read Kamlesh Pattni) will come to haunt him big time.

And if you thought the bull fighter is alone in demanding transparency, lady MPs are seeing the whole charade as a scheme against women given that two of the three nominees are their ilk. We haven't heard the last of these lot yet.

As we near 2012, political battles will take all forms and shapes. No effort will be spared even if it means exporting out village politics to the global arena just like the Kenyan Diaspora discovered this week the hard way in the US with regards to ICC and Ocampo.

Back to the anti corruption saga in parliament. It is all heat with no intention of generating any trace of light. The whole thing is flawed all the way from top to bottom. Otherwise how else do you explain the fact that the new constitutional offices are all being filled using every criterion except merit.

Well, the engine is revving and we are just glancing the steep slope to 2012. Brace yourself ladies and gentlemen.

Bashir: Kenya Unwittingly Spoiling for Costly War

2011-12-12T13:30:00.000-08:00

By KK Blogger

At the risk of being painted an apologist to murderers and genociduers, I beg to ask some fundamental questions with regards to the present political and diplomatic heat threatening to consume Kenya-Sudan relations. Excuse my belting out a confession as if I were a faithful adherent of Sunday observance, namely, for this I believe;

First international justice should not be limited to selective current and former presidents, but all presidents and prime ministers who have committed, sponsored, supported, abetted, and engaged in crimes against humanity, and are known to have been signatories to crimes against humanity in their own countries and abrioad.

Again excuse my belated Sunday evening service that's panctuated with dry prologues, monoloques and epilogues asking;

What Are The "Hidden Variables" of Kenya Trying To Arrest The Sitting President of Sudan?

As well as highlighting the ICC's tenacious designs of wanting to prosecute the powerful King of the lost Kingdoms of Nubia. There have always been real dissatisfactions with the kind of interpretation of all things to do with the current lopsided ICC's prosecutorial justifications with regard to the pressing issue of crimes against humanity and war crimes.

So, the real question is why al Bashir and not George Bush or Putin?

Or even the leaders of Bahrain, Colombia, Syria, Yemen, Zimbabwe, DRC, Uganda, et al, and former presidents like Daniel arap Moi?

Why not? Crimes against humanity are still crimes against humanity regardless of who committed them, where they were committed, and when they were committed.

It's not an issue of cowardice or our favourite theater of the absurd, that of engaging in false brado when we are faced with to critical issues, such as whether to try and pick fights with people like al Bashir and so forth.

As meantioned earlier on, al Bashir, the sitting President of the Republic of Sudan is not our problem, he has never been and never will unless we try to start barking at his shadow with the encouragement of certain European and North American entities.

All that's been started from the get go is a cautionary wake up to those concerned and especially the so called very ambitious high court judge who is still dreaming of landing a job at the ICC.

Kenya has two options, one is to let the ICC deal with al Bashir, in the same way it's going to deal with the leaders of the PEV in due time, all things considered.

The other deadly option, would be to mess with al Bashir and his supporters, the people of Sudan, at Kenya's own peril.

Case in point, protracted instability along the north-eastern corridors of the Kenya's porous borders.

al Bashir is who he is, we known what he has done in South Sudan and continues to do in Western Sudan, unfortunately al Bashir is not our pilipili as far Kenya's internal security is concerned.

Bashir's Ransom Wins, Court's Warrant Rubbished

2011-12-01T08:00:00.000-08:00

Update: Now that Fatou Bensouda of Gambia is destined to succeed the voluble Louis Moreno-Ocampo, Kenya has been left with her face plastered with eggs after the 'brotherly' support of Tanzania's CJ Mohamed Chande Othman flopped. The shuttle diplomacy can only save Bashir and no more (read Ocampo6).

------------------------------------
High court Judge's decision to issue a warrant of arrest to Sudan's sitting President Omar Al-Bashir is the ultimate test on judicial independence from executive meddling. The Government never saw it coming or if they did they must have dismissed it with a wave of the hand confident in the old ways of doing things. No wonder they wasted no time to trivialize the not only as insensitive but irresponsible and unpatriotic too.

With predictable impunity and bravado, Foreign Affairs Minister Moses Wetangula, a lawyer himself, has indicated Bashir is headed to our shores courtesy of Kenya Government's invitation. Hiding under so-called IGAD head of states meeting will not fool anybody from the masked brinkmanship. In plain language the executive is reminding the courts who is the boss, period.

Where others see judicial activism, Wetanguala reads destructive insensitivity to national and regional matters of peace. Omar Bashir wouldn't have been happier holding the whole region at ransom with regards to peace in Southern Sudan. And he has neighbouring allies who are more than ready to irk ICC for obvious reasons.

The script is so predictable seeing foreign hands lurking in every shadow. While Bashir sponsored the Janjaweed to butcher (ethnic/black) Africans, our ears will be assaulted with drums of war castigating the West for imperialism. In the process the butcher of Khartoum will have his bloody hands cleansed with sectarian and racial detergent in the name of IGAD and/or AU.

By inviting Bashir to Kenya again the Government is rubbing salt to the wound it inflected on our national body in August 2010 during the new constitution's promulgation. If we ever thought that act of obtuse impunity was unfortunate and regrettable, well the Government is reminding all and sundry KENYA IKO NA WENYEWE.
You see with no spine to remind Sudan that the ruling was an act from our independent courts, Wetangula is circumventing the core issue to serve political expediency by throwing the balderdash that expulsion of ambassadors is a normal thing.

Poor Prof Githu Muigai must be precariously dangling between the rock and the dark blue sea. Like Wentangula he knows the LAW is LAW but again he knows which side of his bread is buttered and by whom. Damned if he acts professionally and damned if he does an Amos Wako.

Kenya Engages Reverse Gear on New Laws

2011-11-25T11:30:00.002-08:00

Kenyan leaders must be world beaters in speaking through both sides of the mouth. While on one hand we want to be seen as modern by adopting electronic voting in the 2112 election, we cannot hasten the process by 100 days. While Mutula is promising eradication of dead voters from the election register, he is can only guarantee mayhem if the polls are held next August and not his preferred December. According to the good lawyer those four months defines the difference between chaos and order.

And by sanctioning the official mutilation of the new constitution even before its full implementation, the Speaker to Parliament Kenneth Marende has laid the foundation to golden pavement of Kenya's ruin. He completed the national betrayal by using the flawed logic of innumerable amendments to the disgraced old constitution.

True we get the leaders we deserve and Kenyans must be feeling left home and dry. The present leadership has collectively conspired to butcher the very tenets of the constitution which was painstakingly promulgated after so much bloodshed that lasted over two decades. They better know now who will never serve their national interests.

The drafters of the new constitution must have seen the present monsters coming by leaving no room for ambiguity about the election date. But alas, now our good Justice Minister Mutula Kilonzo will not stop waxing legal about the Armageddon that will be averted by four months.

We are our own worst enemies by electing the very dogs who will never stop salivating at the Kenyan carcase. These wolves provide ready and rich cannon fodder for conspiracy theorists who gleefully expose their post molars laughing at every predicament armed with hammers to which every local, national or international development is a nail.

We can author all the grand theories available in our heads but implementing them demands focused leadership. But with our present set of so-called leaders shepherding us to hell, Lucifer may consider himself dethroned from his own territory. What is more, the simplistic corruption of CON-stitution may have been very apt after all.

While the hitherto loud-mouthed NGOs lost their collective voices when they got embedded in the Narc government, the new constitution has provided yet another fertile ground for not only political horse trading with posts but obscene salaries for both the well-connected and the home boys. Meanwhile the rest of Kenya are all on their won. OLE WETU.

Throwing Stones On Behalf Of The President?

2011-11-16T03:05:00.000-08:00

Raphael Tuju's chances of becoming president of Kenya are slimmer than those of my Grandmother, so why throw stones?

In the days of President Jomo Kenyatta the old man would settle his scores with nothing less than blood. That is a why a poor man called Pio Gama Pinto (amongst other slowish Kenyans) lost his life for simply retorting to a Jomo Kenyatta insult. Kenyatta called him an idiot and Pinto replied; you are also an idiot in front of witnesses.

Daniel arap Moi was the first to come up with the idea of having hooligans emphasize his political stand to those citizens who were a tad slow in catching the drift.

Uhuru Kenyatta’s handlers are said to have emphasized to their boss that there is now way you can become a big man in African politics without a hooligan wing to take care of business. The dreaded Mungiki are the folks who have been handling that end of affairs for the son of Jomo and it all culminated in the sad events of January 2008.

Now assuming that Raila Odinga becomes the next president of Kenya like some Kenyans believe he will and Kumekucha introduces himself somewhere in the province where I was in fact born by a strange twist of fate (although I am NOT a Luo), chances are that yours truly will suddenly find that it is raining stones on him.

What Kenyans need to discuss on a very serious note are those presidential candidates who do things in the old hooligan ways and those who do not. Sincerely in this day and age there are some issues that should be pretty clear cut. Raphael Tuju should be allowed to carry his presidential campaign anywhere in the country he wants to go and if I was a presidential candidate and folks claiming to be my supporters did such n idiotic thing as to stone a nobody with no chance at coming anywhere near the presidency in a century, then I would step down from running for the presidency. Pure and simple. But alas, there is nothing simple about Kenyan politics, is there?

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