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Are You A Tribalist? Take this test and find out for sure

2013-05-14T06:37:00.002-07:00

The Kenyan Tribal Test
Are You A Tribalist? Here is a quick test to help you find out for sure…

(a) At the sight of this article headline, you sigh and wonder why this blogger just keeps on bringing up this boring topic of tribalism and why he keeps on insisting that it is the major issue in Kenya today while you know every well it is not. You don't need a psychologist to tell you that every time you hit a raw nerve or you start getting touchy, iko kitu.

(b) What is the tribe of your spouse? Did you fall in love with somebody else first (of a different tribe) but chose to marry your current spouse because "it was the wise thing to do?"

(c) Even worse, are you married to a member of another tribe but view the marriage as temporary and look at your children as belonging to a different tribe from yourself? Do you frequently make comments of your children like; "you certainly did not pick up that habit from our people."

My first wife was a Kikuyu and in the first few years of our marriage her friends used to greet her with the remarks, "Are you still with that Man?"

(d) Do you get a warm comfortable feeling whenever you see on TV or read about a presidential candidate hailing from your tribe?

(e) Do you get abusive to this blogger over his comments on tribalism in Kenya?

(f) When you meet a person for the first time, do you subconsciously reserve your judgement until you find out what tribe they are? The way to tell this is when the first question you really want to ask every time, is what tribe they are, but instead you ask leading questions like, how do you spell your second name? Or "who do you think should be the next president?"

(g) Do you remain unmoved when Kenya wins yet another 3,000 metres steeplechase race, just because the winner reminds you of Moi's tenure as president? The facts are that no tribe has brought more positive international glory to Kenya than the runners who mostly hail from the Kalenjin tribe.

(h) Are you one of those people who made a certain tribal radio station an overnight success? Are you one of the people who saw red when it looked like President Moi was about to ban that particular radio station?

(i) Do you always look at the national soccer side selections in terms of which tribe has the majority of players?

(j) Do you feel irritated whenever you hear a certain tribal language being used in your presence or within ear shot?

(k) Do you believe that some tribes are more corrupt than others?

(l) Do you always love to talk your mother tongue at the least excuse?

(m) Do you use your mother tongue to gossip about people even when they are within hearing range?

(n) Do you get a warm fuzzy feeling every time somebody talks to you in your mother tongue?

(o) Do you insist on conversing in your mother tongue even when you know that there are several people in your company or around you who do not understand it? It matters little that you take the trouble to translate what you have said later.

(p) Look at your email in box now. Is most of the mail you receive from members of a particular tribe? Could that tribe happen to be the same tribe that your mother and father belong to?

(q) Do you always visit a certain web site that bears the name of your tribe?

(r) Or even worse, does your email address contain the name of your tribe somewhere?

If you have answered all these questions honestly, and have answered at least 50% of the questions (9 of them) with a "NO" then there is hope for you and I want to give you a free gift to encourage you to shed every element of tribalism in you and those close to you. To claim your FREE gift send an email now to; kumekucha@listwire.com

If you have answered all the questions "NO" then you are a true non-tribalist patriot and no reward can be good enough for you. You are amongst the very few in our banana republic that the country needs very, very badly just now. Kudos and please let's join hands to make a difference in our country.

Mourning marehemu free press in Kenya

2013-05-14T04:29:00.000-07:00

The initial Nairobi Star that birthed the national The Star: Is this the only free independent newspaper remaining in Kenya?

I miss the old Moi days when the press in Kenya was free but restrained and threatened only by the authorities. For those who know what is really going on today and are able to compare and contrast there can only be one reaction when you see today’s “vibrant” press release media at work. You will need a bucket to throw up in.

For younger Kenyans who were still in their nappies (that was before disposable diapers) during the Moi days there is very little that is wrong with the Kenyan media. Or so they think.

What happened to investigative journalists in Kenya save for Mohamed Ali and John Allan Namu? I will give you a straight answer; they were fired and restrained by newspaper publishers keen on not upsetting the board and their powerful friends in corrupt evil government.

Once upon a time the Daily Nation sold close to 300,000 copies of the newspaper on a good day. In those days it was a thin usually 32 page newspaper all in black and white without a single colour photo save for very important days (like when Jomo Kenyatta was buried). I was truly fortunate to have caught the last days of that truly golden era of journalism in Kenya when copy was written by sub editors from notes taken by legendary journalists. Let me explain that. When I joined a daily newspaper as a freelance journalist straight out of school I came across copy (typed from those old Remington manual typewriters) written by a very senior well known journalist. Not only was it full of typos, it was the kind of writing you would expect from a struggling class three pupil. I was in shock until the sub editor explained that that was typical copy and it was the sub-editors in a Kenyan newspaper in those days who actually wrote the newspaper with their red ink subbing biro pens drowning the original typewritten copy all the way.

Still in those days the media in Kenya had not yet prostituted itself. Today many years later the full colour Daily Nation packed with numerous pages hardly sells 150,000 copies on a good day. Blame it on technology and Facebook if you must but the truth is that it has become a very boring newspaper packed with advertisements, company write-ups and carefully re-worded press releases, even from politicians. The truth is that when I am not throwing up I yawn a lot when trying to read a Kenyan newspaper these days. I much prefer Ugandan newspapers.

Chances are that you are a little like me and enjoy reading The Star, the daily newspaper that belongs to the Radio Africa group. This newspaper is probably the only truly free and independent newspaper remaining in Kenya. Little wonder that it does not bore to tears.

Anybody who was familiar with the Russian press and a newspaper called Pravda, during the cold war years will see many similarities in the Kenyan press today.

If you doubt this consider what you have been going through in recent months (if you still like to use that wonderful tool between your ears to analyze news as you read it).

Leading up to the elections it became increasingly impossible to find any unbiased independent analysis of politics in the banana republic. During the actual elections it was worse because there was a complete news blackout under the pretext of avoiding incitement of the electorate). The result is that many weeks after the general elections, most Kenyans still have no idea what really happened. Unless you've read Mystery Monday.

And as if that is not enough, currently it is impossible to really find any investigative journalism and analysis. This coming at a time when there is so much happening in the country and it is all very confusing.

It is odd that at a time when we have a much better educated hands in the media (the subs no longer write most of the copy) things should get so terribly boring with self-censorship and corporate interests taking over our newspapers. Why was it that when the media was populated with self-educated folks things were so different?

Take the late Anthony George Mbugguss as the perfect example here. This was a Kenyan pioneer journalist. We are told that intelligence is inborn. Knowledge is what you acquire with it. Education is the method by which you acquire knowledge. But education doesn't have to be formal. Self-education - especially on the job - can often be pretty effective.

With the scantiest formal education - a mere Standard Eight - George Mbugguss was among the most knowledgeable Kenyans in his profession, rising to become group managing editor of the largest media house in East and Central Africa, the Nation media group. And yet Mbuguss started out serving tea in the news room.

If what I have just said here is not true and our "vibrant" free press is indeed alert and awake why have they not helped us solve the following recent mysteries?

1. When a president who has been under so much pressure that it has taken it's toll on their health retires what would you expect them to do? Get away from it all naturally. But President Kibaki is still very busy doing something in Nairobi that has prevented him from leaving town? What is this thing that even with modern communication technology makes it difficult for him to leave town? The answer will surprise many. A retired president remains in the public limelight for the rest of their lives more so because taxpayers continue to pay millions of shillings every month for their upkeep. So this is something that you have a right to know and should have been covered in the daily press but it wasn't. Why???

2. Retired President Moi missed the late Mutula Kilonzo's memorial church service in Nairobi and the funeral in Mbooni. His official excuse is that he was busy with other matters. A retired president is too busy to attend a funeral and yet a sitting one is not? If you know half the story about the history of Mutula and Moi this is something that does not make sense and will not make sense in 100 years.

3. When a new president settles into office you would expect them to stay put for the first few months as they get their administration running and functioning properly. Yet president Uhuru Kenyatta has been operating like a foreign cabinet secretary. Hours after he landed back in the country from London last week to attend Mutula Kilonzo's funeral, he was off again to South Africa. Politicians at that level do not do things without a good reason and President Uhuru Kenyatta has a very good reason for behaving the way he is and it is definitely not anything you might be thinking about. The startling heart-stopping answers to these questions are all in my latest raw notes.

Believe it or not, all these three news items are linked.

For those few who still love to think let me leave you with a typical Kenyan story that is food for thought. A Mama Mboga struggles to educate her children right up to University level. You would think that with children who are much better educated than she ever was, they would figure out a better and more efficient way to sell the sukuma wiki that educated them through the years. But instead those kids sit at home and continue to be fed by the same sukuma wiki as they desperately look for “comfortable” jobs out there. Is this what happened to journalism in Kenya? That better educated journalists don’t have a clue or desperately want to belong with the crooks and thieves who have messed up our banana republic?

So you think you know EVIL Kenya?

2013-05-14T03:44:00.000-07:00

If you think you have heard the very worst possible with the story of university girls at the Coast having sex with a dog as they are filmed for some porn movie, then think again. Today's Kenya would easily make the ancient Sodom and Gomorrah look like nice kindergartens for well behaved kids.

Chris Kumekucha visited a place in Kenya where the beautiful young women openly ask strangers for sex and do not demand any money for dishing out their favours. Then there are the increasing number of young professional women paying men to do what a bull on heat would do to a herd of female cows. Not to mention the strip joint open to the public where men do things to the strippers in public that you would be ashamed to do in your own bedroom.

Finally do you really know what goes on in Nairobi red light district of Koinange street at night? I don't think so.

The dog story is really nothing... The shocking report (not to be read by people with heart conditions) is in my latest raw notes.

Mutula's Mysterious Last Visitor

2013-05-06T08:27:00.000-07:00

What is the identity of the mysterious visitor at Mutula's Maanzoni home? That is the question on everybody's lips. More so because it is now emerging that the late senator may have spent the last moments of his life with the mystery fifth witness.

Other sources are now suggesting that this person may have in fact been the one who raised the alarm that the senator was in distress and was probably still on the scene when he died.

Why has the identity of all the other witnesses at the home been revealed by police and yet this particular one has remained a closely guarded secret? What exactly is being kept away from the public about this mystery visitor and why? Those questions including startling details about them are discussed in great detail in the very latest raw notes released earlier this morning (see details on how to get them at the bottom of this email).

The good news is that a possible cover up is becoming increasingly difficult to execute. More so because the mainstream media have now decided to ignore the suspect orders (usually used for cover ups in our banana republic) for Kenyans to quit speculating about Mutula's death and wait for 8 to 10 weeks for the results of the autopsy to be officially made public. The media has now even picked up the Polonium 210 story. It has been claimed that this is the radioactive poison that was used to kill the late senator.

The fact that death from trauma related to the heart has now been ruled out means that Kenyans can comfortably throw the Viagra overdose theory into the trash heap where it belongs. It also means that those who were so determined to dismiss my painstaking investigations (which started minutes after the discovery of senators body was made public) into this matter as just some conspiracy theory have now been left with mud on their faces.

Indeed all the unfolding developments solidly corroborate the contents of my explosive special report detailing why Mutula was murdered.

But there is an even more disturbing question that concerned and less gullible Kenyans need to ask. Why is the CORD high command so lukewarm and quiet about this murder? More so when senator Johnstone Muthama has revealed that in a meeting with Mutula barely 48 hours before his demise the late senator told him in the presence of former Prime Minister Raila Odinga; "My life is in danger, and all our lives are in great danger."? That means Mutula also revealed exactly who wanted to kill him. CORD's silence on this matter is therefore deafening to say the least.

Exit poll proves that Uhuru did NOT get 50+1

The truth cannot remain hidden forever but even I am amazed at how quickly conclusive evidence has emerged that President Uhuru Kenyatta did not get the 50+1 threshold required by the constitution although he won the first round. JUBILEE supporters were livid when I revealed that information here shortly after the elections. But CORD supporters did not spare me either because they wanted me to say that Raila won the first round convincingly and that the elections were stolen from him once again. As I have consistently stated, the truth is a little more complex than that. Now an exit poll conducted by an American professor from Harvard University in the US has fully corroborated the details in my book Mystery Monday: Unlocking the 2013 presidential polls secrets which details exactly what happened in the March 4th presidential elections and why it happened.

The exit poll whose findings are all over the main stream media (read the Daily Nation report HERE OR read a more detailed report HERE ) show that Uhuru won narrowly but neither of the candidates attained 50% let alone 50% plus one.

Mutula Rumours

2013-05-04T03:26:00.003-07:00

This Mutula issue is already getting tiresome and one of the main reasons are all the rumours circulating around about his death. They range from the ridiculous to the plausible.

Who is spreading and promoting these rumours obviously designed to promote confusion? Who is this so determined to divert attention and to ensure that this issue is forgotten by the Kenyan public as quickly as possible?

Those with long memories will remember that during the Moi administration a rumour emerged and quickly suffocated Nairobi that Moi had throat cancer and was actually dying. To fuel the rumours even more President Moi abruptly stopped making public appearances. Many Kenyans started speculating on who the next president could possibly be (which is what I suspect was the motive of those who launched the rumours in the first place). Tensions and anxiety in the country rose to fever pitch. And then suddenly Moi reappeared as healthy as ever and going about his business of roadside declarations and appointments as if nothing had happened.

There are the usual rumours idlers start on social media and then there are those detailed rumours that are launched and aggressively promoted with a clear objective and motive in mind. It would seem that the current rumours on Mutula's death are designed to muddle the waters, cause confusion and divert attention from the plausible motives and real killers of the late senator for Makueni. And it is working like a charm more so because the official news on the issue is boring and full of the usual cover up rhetoric. Rumours will always escalate when you keep information away from the public.

Meanwhile news that is official points to the fact that Mutula was poisoned. Now when you were very busy being tribal with the just concluded presidential elections the Rawal commission report on the Saitoti/Ojode helicopter crash was quietly released after gathering considerable dust in Kibaki's state house. Even if you paid attention to the release of the report and it's findings which concluded that the whole thing was pilot error, chances are that you had already forgotten what pathologists told that commission. They found traces of poisoning in the charred bodies of the six victims of that chopper crash. Even more shocking was the fact that they said they suspected that the victims died in the air from poisoning before the helicopter even came down. Wow!!

Now there seems to be an emerging link between the Saitoti assassination and the Mutula assassination. And that is apart from the obvious which is that both were poisoned, they knew each other and both were linked to crucial ICC evidence to prosecute a prominent Kenyan.

Meanwhile the rumours rage on. And "clever" people are saying that suggesting that Mutula did NOT die a natural death is just a conspiracy theory that has no basis. They add that it is too much for two prominent Kenyans to die one after the other and for both to have been murdered. Every Kenyan from a superstitious family never dies a natural death but is always killed even if they were 150 years old, they emphasize.

As the clever people debate the body count linked to the ICC cases continues to rise. But whose paying attention?

Mutula, murder it most probably was plus vetting shockers being cooked by the desperate

2013-04-30T01:32:00.000-07:00

They say what goes round comes around. Former Internal security minister George Saitoti was an expert at cooling off public interest on issues where a cover up was imminent. So much so that you would predict with a great deal of accuracy exactly what he was going to say;
"It would be wrong to speculate at this juncture and I urge wananchi to be patient while thorough investigations are carried out... blah blah."

Well the same tactics were used to cover his own heinous murder and to add insult to injury the report into the inquiry on his death was released by the Kibaki administration at the height of the 2013 political campaigns. That should tell any intelligent person that there was mischief in the timing meaning that the government must have been involved in the murder. Few Kenyans even noticed that the verdict was pilot error. My heart goes out to the families of the gallant pilots of that chopper because we are now being told that they were incompetent and dead people can hardly defend themselves can they?

Some Kenyans who in this digital age are accustomed to listening to the news and repeating what was said like parrots and without using the great tool the Almighty gave them that is between their ears are anxiously telling others NOT to speculate about the death of Senator Mutula Kilonzo. Some are even threatening others and insinuating that there is a law against speculation. These "bongo lalas" are playing right into the hands of those keen on covering up their tracks. When people are told to wait, time passes, important details are forgotten and evidence is obliterated. Months from now when the issue will be brought up again Kenyans will have moved on and that will be the end of the story. And as Waititu would say; hio ndio style yetu (that is our way of doing things in the banana republic).

It is important to realize that thinking for yourself does not cause sheering pain in the brain. Indeed the brain is like a muscle where you stop exercising it and it will go all "flabby" and continuously ineffective. This is one of the reasons why reading habits are critical to the development of a person, irrespective of their age. Crossword puzzles are excellent too. But that is a story for another day.

There is nothing wrong with the public asking questions about the strange death of an important public figure in the reform agenda of the banana republic. Especially when we know that those reforms are being fought very strongly by some very powerful people. People whose gravy train is going to be greatly compromised by some of the "inconvenient" laws in our new constitution.

We know that people who are teetotalers (like Mutula was) and in perfectly good health do not just suddenly die in their sleep. kwani Mutula was as old and sick as Jomo Kenyatta was in 78? We know that when people foam in the mouth it is one of the classic signs of poisoning. We also know that the government pathologist who messed up with evidence from the Saitoti crash site is the same person who took vomit samples from the late Senator's house on Saturday (so we should prepare ourselves for anything). We also know the names of the people who are set to benefit from the death of the late senator. Indeed two of those individuals can be linked to convenient sudden deaths of others in the past. There is a clear pattern that I discuss in great detail in my latest raw notes.

In the old days the Kenyan public were sold all kinds of stories to explain away murder and there is no reason to expect different in Mutula's case. Probably the most hilarious such story was that of the Robert Ouko suicide theory. Government officials told Kenyans with a straight face that they had conclusive evidence that Ouko committed suicide. Taking into consideration the facts that were available to the public even then, swallowing this theory would have meant that Ouko broke his leg, shot himself and then set his body ablaze. You can't beat that kind of determination to die can you? And in those days in the banana republic you could be picked up by the special branch for contradicting the government position on such a sensitive national matter.

Kenyans should NOT tire of asking questions about Mutula's death and those questions MUST be asked now. In the event that the post mortem shows that he died of a cardiac arrest, Kenyans should NOT be naive enough to end the issue there. We know that heart attacks can be induced on perfectly healthy people. It has been done many times even in Kenya (including very recently indeed when a very well known public figure very conveniently died just before the general elections).

Just two more quick things I want to say today.

Let us mourn Mutula, a great son of Kenya and console the family for their devastating loss but even as we do so Kenyans need to be aware of the fact that extremely powerful political forces on the ground are busy plotting to make sure that neither Kalonzo Musyoka nor Harun Mwau end up taking over Mutula's senatorial seat. These forces know that thye have considerable support from the voters on the ground. Nothing new about that the secret weapon they plan to use will surprise some and delight many others. Details in my latest raw notes.

Lastly vetting of the cabinet secretaries starts tomorrow and must end within 14 days, according to the constitution. Some members of the opposition are busy gathering "evidence" to embarrass the nominees (whom they know will comfortably pass the vetting process thanks to the tyranny of numbers). This "evidence" will come from members of the public. Hope you catch my drift.

See intimate controversial profile of Mutula Kilonzo (not recommended for those who sanitize the dead)

Was Mutula Murdered?

2013-04-28T03:13:00.000-07:00

Why did the late Mutula keep wild lions at his Maanzoni home? Here he is seen feeding them.

No death of a politician has caused so much shock and anxiety in Kenya since the assassination of JM Kariuki in 1975. Even the death of Vice president Kijana Wamalwa in a London hospital in 2003 did not have quiet the same impact as the sudden and very unexpected death of Makueni senator Mutula Kilonzo who went to bed and failed to wake up Saturday morning.

It also needs to be pointed out that even in life the late Senator Mutula Kilonzo was a man full of surprises.

He first came to the limelight as one of former President Moi's most trusted and accomplished lawyers and went on to build a reputation for being a very conservative and strong defender of KANU evils during the Moi era. How he re-invented himself successfully to be one of the most consistent and vocal voices for reforms and changes in Kenya is well worth studying and analyzing. And not just for PR experts and spin doctors.

In his long and distinguished career as a lawyer Mutula also built a reputation for never losing cases that he defended. There are those who will be quick to point out that he was involved in corruption and questionable deals but then the question would be if it was just a matter of paying off judges why didn't other lawyers do the same and win a reputation to rival Mutula's? The bottom line is that nobody can dispute the fact that this man was one of the sharpest legal minds ever produced on these shores.

Kenyans are a strange lot and will usually be quick to sanitize the dead so that any student of history looking to create a true picture and profile of a dead public figure will quickly learn that they all die saints in Kenya. Alas, Mutula's weaknesses are very well documented in this blog including the fact that during his entire tenure in parliament all his salary and earnings went straight to the Kenya Revenue Authority to settle a colossal long standing tax bill he had with the taxman. In addition to that his fondness for pretty female ankles was legendary.

Still the odd thing here is that I find it difficult to dwell on his weaknesses and misdeeds and most who write about Mutula will find themselves in exactly the same position. I have asked myself why, even as I struggled to write this piece. Twice I read it through and failed to recognize the usually tough and very critical Kumekucha who always ignores the pact the Kenyan public have made with their dead public figures to speak no evil. At the end of my revisions I was unable to add the kind of venom that helps bring out the truth about a person.

I suspect the reason is that Mutula was too rare a breed in Kenyan politics. He always spoke his mind without fear of raffling feathers and he always stuck to his position on matters no matter what kind of pressure he came under. That just doesn't happen in Kenyan politics and no other politician has taken that path.

In my raw notes I currently have a series on Mutula running from an in depth investigation into what may have caused his death and his possible enemies to little known facts (including the very sensitive case involving President Moi and a scandal where he managed to "kill" a planned international expose using his legal and negotiation skills). They make extremely fascinating reading and will greatly help anybody to understand what has just happened and possible reasons as to why it may have happened.

Indeed many will find good reason to analyze the life of senator Mutula Kilonzo in the next few weeks and months and even in many years and decades to come.

Hardly surprising because when all is said and done this man was different and that is why too many Kenyans across the political divide are anxiously awaiting official word as to his cause of death and will be appalled if it is indeed true that somebody somewhere cut short the senator's life.

Fare thee well Mutula, great son of Kenya.

Big Problem Ahead With One Nominee NOT Ngilu or Balala

2013-04-26T05:41:00.000-07:00

A very fascinating and almost unbelievable thing is happening in Kenyan politics.

Uhuruto are rapidly picking up a massive additional support base from people who voted for CORD in the just concluded presidential elections but now seem to have fallen in love with the JUBILEE government. Still it is too early in the life of this administration to draw any long term political conclusions. One of the reasons being that every political administration goes through the initial crisis phase or as some would crudely put it; the-shit-hitting-the-fan phase. This usually changes everything and is yet to happen to our honeymooners although the pressures of the office are beginning to mount rapidly.

Why this rapid rise in popularity? Young Kenyans say that this administration "has swag." Actually it can all be attributed to the new approach and way of doing things which has turned out to be the much needed fresh air in the stuffy room called Kenya that people have been waiting for, for such a long time.

Meanwhile it is emerging that there are major challenges and hurdles ahead for Uhuruto when the vetting process for their nominees commences in parliament next week. Everybody knows that the JUBILEE alliance has an overwhelming majority in parliament which would suggest that numbers will be used to quickly approve the president's nominees. This is true BUT that is NOT the issue. The big worrying issue for the duo are the facts and extremely embarrassing accusations that will be brought to light during the public vetting of the cabinet secretaries and in particular one of the nominees (NOT Ngilu or Balala) who can be linked to massive corruption mega deals in the past. But even more damaging is a claim that he was involved in a very recent fraudulent and very fishy deal according to CORD legislators in the vetting committee. What exactly did he do and why will it have such a huge impact on Kenyans? I discuss this in my latest raw notes published just a few minutes ago.

The said individual is said to be very close to Deputy president William Ruto.
Meanwhile speculation is rife about which individuals will fill in the last two cabinet slots. However Kumekucha has very credible information about who they are (discussed in my latest raw notes) and there is a problem once again because both are politicians.
This is bound to raise temperatures considerably in parliament and Kenyans should expect a very interesting two weeks to come with some heart-stopping revelations being made against some of the nominees.

Uhuru's Cabinet Nominees So Far 16 (2 to go)

2013-04-25T02:56:00.000-07:00

Here is President Uhuru's list of Cabinet nominees so far:

Fred Matiang'i (Information, Communication and Technology (ICT),
Henry K. Rotich (The National Treasury)
James Wainaina Macharia (Health)
Amb Amina Mohamed (Foreign Affairs)
Adan Mohammed (Industrialization)
Ann Waiguru (Devolution and Planning)
Davis Chirchir (Energy and Petroleum)
Amb. Raychelle Omamo (Defence)
Eng. Michael Kamau (Transport and Infrastructure)
Phyllis Chepkosgey (East African affairs, Commerce and Tourism)
Prof. Jacob Kaimenyi (Education)
Felix Kosgey (Agriculture, Livestock and Fisheries)
Prof. Judy Wakhungu (Environment Water and Natural Resources)
Dr. Hassan Wario (Sports, Culture and Arts)
Najib Balala (Mining)
Charity Ngilu (Lands, Housing and Urban Development)
Ministry of Labour, Social Security and Services (Vacant)
Ministry of Interior and Coordination of National Government (Vacant)

Confused Kenyans

2013-04-25T01:30:00.001-07:00

Kenyans are their own worst enemies.

Kenyans are also very confused just now and stuck like the proverbial phonograph record with the needle circling the same spot again and again.

We also have some politicians who do not understand the role of an opposition. They think it is like in a school debate where just because you are on the opposing side you have to rack your brains to find ONLY good points to oppose. Always oppose for the sake of opposing.

These three things are about to derail what would have been a wonderful new beginning in the right direction for the banana republic called Kenya.

"Now Kumekucha has been paid by JUBILEE," I can hear some of my faithful readers from those dark 2007 days saying in their minds. And so let me start by stating my position clearly.

I am for the people of Kenya and anybody who looks like they are serious about improving the lot of ordinary Kenyans will get my attention. I have fought against bad governance for a very long time and I will continue to do so. But I will not oppose or criticize something for the sake of criticizing. Or based on my personal emotional feelings from the last elections. So you can go ahead and shoot me or stop reading this if what you are after is a piece that shoots down JUBILEE so that you can feel good. You will find plenty of those pieces on the web and in social media. Besides there are any ways to feel good without frustrating efforts to improve the lives of impoverished Kenyans, even if it is in a very small way.

Uhuruto had started very well with clear indications that they intended to focus on what they promised the electorate. Indeed they have been fresh air in the very old, tired smelly room called Kenya by attempting to do things differently. Alert Kenyans have been excited but many others have been waiting for them to trip and stumble. The latter have not been disappointed because as I write this, and despite the president's firm assurances just yesterday that the cabinet list would be out by 9am at the very latest, the full list of nominees has not yet been released. What is the delay all about? What is really going on? Why has it taken so long?

During the Moi days all kinds of people were appointed to the health docket in his cabinet. Mwai Kibaki an economist and former Chief of general staff General Jackson Mulinge were some of the best performers in that docket. They had no previous training in the medical profession. Indeed doctors are usually NOT good managers. They are not trained to manage the health of an institution, they are trained to manage the health of an ailing human being.

The problems we have in health currently require a manager. Indeed the JUBILEE promises of free maternal care require colossal funding and financial management and so it makes sense to appoint a money man as cabinet secretary.

Yet doctors have been very loud in protesting the appointment of somebody who is NOT a doctor to the health docket. They are saying that they would like "one of their own" to be appointed. My question is what if the president chose to appoint a politician? What would they have said?

The behaviour of doctors this time round is strange and any keen observer cannot help but wonder what the real motive here is. It is quite possible that our good doctors are bang in the middle of our emotional politics. It is no secret that many powerful doctors supported a Raila Odinga presidency, could this be an extended protest over what they saw as a stolen election? If it is then they are doing grave injustice to the common man in Kenya as are all others who want to oppose everything the new government is doing for the sake of ensuring that they fail.

We are all aware of the dangerous buggage that Uhuruto are carrying with them, but you tell me how it will help us opposing and frustrating them in their work? Will it change the presidency before 2017?

Okay assuming that we all decide to work very hard to make the JUBILEE government fail, who will benefit? Naturally it will greatly satisfy the emotional needs of CORD supporters. But how will those CORD supporters benefit at the end of the day apart from feeling good? The ordinary Kenyan has many problems and what will benefit them most are initiatives that will make their lives better even if that change for the better is miniscule. I keep saying that somebody who eats three square meals a day and has some money in the pocket and in the bank can never understand the plight of a hungry man who can't even fart because there is nothing to fart.

You will not believe it but there are way too many Kenyans who are very distressed by the fact that we do not have an all powerful president who is flexing their power and giving road-side directives. Or one that is arrogantly calling the people who elected him mavi ya kuku and basking in the fact that nobody can dare do anything about it. In a way you can't blame them because they do not know anything else.

You'd Better Behave Yourselves Male Mpigs

2013-04-24T07:59:00.001-07:00

In the 10th parliament the most stunning "chics" in the house were Kathiani legislator Wavinya Ndeti and nominated MP Rachel Shebesh both are married but had to endure endless passes and lewd remarks from some crude legislators. Is that why Ndeti developed a serious pot belly just a few months into the life of that parliament (to have some peace of mind)? Now the current house of representatives has numerous drop-dead gorgeous ladies. Among them is Muranga women's representative Sabina Wanjiru Chege (pictured) who is a former CORO FM presenter. Word on the street is that certain legislators were falling all over the place asking her to posh hotels in town on sighting her during the campaigns. What will they get up to now that they are elected and in the house with her? Could this be linked to the stubborn insistence by the MPigs to be paid at least a million bob every month?

Behave yourself male MPs and in case you lawmakers forgot, the new constitution clearly criminalizes making unwelcome passes at female Kenyans.

Who Is Afraid Of Shackles of Doom?

2013-04-22T05:00:00.000-07:00

A scene from the controversial Butere Girls play.

The Kenyan education system is cr**. If you doubt this just look at the comments on Facebook on any given day. With all the emotions flying around after the elections instead of people venting with their creativity the vast majority choose the easy lazy way of being abusive.

Even our institutions of higher learning always reward students who are best at surfing the web and cutting and pasting, those will always score much higher marks than those who seek to produce a thesis that is completely original. I guess it also has a lot to do with the times we live in where we are all rushing for Chinese copy cat spin offs instead of the original even when the price difference is just a few hundred shillings.

Naturally this education system is what has produced some of the characters in decision making positions today who go round banning plays or stopping their live broadcast. Folks whose idea of national healing is for people to shut up and take what is coming to them. Genuine protest today in Kenya is hate speech at best criminal at worst. We should go ahead and ban all mirrors in Kenya while we are at it because any great play, novel or work of art that will now be quickly banned for the sake of national healing will tend to mirror the Kenyan society today.

Well some lasses from Butere girls school have just opened the window wide and allowed lots of fresh air into the room. The reaction from Kenyans has been instant. Their play “Shackles of Doom” is a runaway hit. Everybody is talking about it and everybody wants to see it. Some Kenyans don’t agree and are livid that anybody would even want to discuss the play because it is against Kikuyus and we want national healing. I really get sick at how idiotic and simplistic most Kenyans are. At this rate we will be a banana republic well into the year 3000 and beyond.

Butere Girls have demonstrated what should be obvious to those who care to study a little history. That the pen will always be mightier than the sword and that creativity will get a message across a lot more effectively than writing abusive comments on social media. The play was “banned” (I am not sure what this means in today’s Kenya) and needed a court order to be performed in Mombasa yesterday at the national school drama festival.

Shackles of Doom is a play that depicts the production of a film in Kanas, an impoverished country with large unexploited oil reserves. The people of Kanas refer to themselves as the True Kanas and they languish in poverty unaware of the riches that flow in the ground beneath their feet.

Lopush who is a True Kana is in search of a bride and his prayers are answered when a delegation from a neighboring country arrives in Kana and offers him a beautiful lady, Wamaitha, to be his wife. The delegation asks for the True Kana’s land as bride price and promises to build them an oil refinery to foster the relationship between the two countries. What Lopush does not know is that his bride is 3 weeks pregnant and Kimani, who claims to be her guardian, is the father.

The oil refinery is constructed and during the hiring process, none of the the True Kanas clinch administrative positions. Kimani is appointed the CEO of the refinery and the highest ranked True Kana in the refinery is a security guard.

On the eve of Lopush and Wamaitha’s wedding, Kimani has an order of 600 barrels of oil and orders all the factory employees to work the day and night shifts to fulfill the order. Lopush is not spared either and is forced to work as the security guard.

The employees are hard at work when Kimani sneaks away to Lopush’s house and tries to talk Wamaitha into having sex with him before she is married off and an argument ensues between the two.

Lopush defies Kimani’s orders and leaves the refinery before dawn to prepare for his wedding and walks in on Kimani and Wamaitha.

Wamaitha is at pains to prove that she did not fornicate with Kimani. A crowd gathers and just as they were about to descend on Kimani, news of a fire at the oil refinery reaches them. Lopush had left with the keys to the installation and he is needed to aid in the evacuation process. The villagers rush to scene of the accident only to find that the whole refinery and its occupants had burned to the ground. A “technical glitch” is blamed for the horrific accident.

“CUT” yells the film director, signifying the end of the shooting. A cast member points out that the film has no credible resolution. Her suggestion is an ending where all communities at peace, there is harmony, truth, justice and equitable distribution of resources. The cameras are still rolling as the cast member makes her plea but in full glare of the camera the director declares his resolution was credible!

Very, very powerful message. Can you dare discuss the important message in this play without being offensive? Chances are that your schooling and exposure cannot allow you to. Poor you its' not your fault is it?

Harsh comment with praises for Kumekucha?

MEANWHILE Yesterday somebody left an interesting comment on one of my Facebook pages. It had kind words for my latest book Mystery Monday but very harsh words for me. You can post your comment below on what your views are on this again your schooling will come out very clearly and I will dish out awards later;

Before I read this book I hated Kumekucha with a passion and I have disagreed with most of his crazy diarrhea that he calls posts in his blog. This book is different. I read it at work and did nothing that whole day. I just couldn't stop reading it. This guy has insights into the way Kenya works and most of the burning questions I had about those strange presidential elections were answered in this very revealing read. Best political book I have read in a very very long time. I really hesitated before writing this comment because Chris Kumekucha is an erratic blogger and my deepest fear is that this honest view from my heart will go into his head and he will disappear once again from the blog as he frequently does which would be a disaster at a time when our mainstream media is so shallow and biased. Prove me wrong Chris.
- Biashara Daktari - (visit THIS PAGE on Facebook to see the comment)

Mystery Monday: Unlocking the 2013 Kenyan Presidential Polls Secrets Part 2

2013-04-21T02:45:00.004-07:00

Read Part 1 of this post

Nobody can hope to analyze the 2013 polls in any way without
prominently including at the very least a whole chapter on former
Eldoret North legislator and now deputy president elect William
Ruto.

Later in this book we shall see how Ruto was incorporated into the
plan to neutralize the other threat. But in the business of spooks
sometimes allies go rogue and that is what Ruto did at one point.
But let us start off with a much better understanding of the man first.

In recent times he has managed to successfully re-package
himself to the Kenyan electorate and amazingly even to the
Kikuyu community who held him very deeply responsible for the
slaughter of Kikuyus in the Rift Valley during the 2008 skirmishes.

The truth is that nobody (including this blogger) believed that the
Kalenjin would vote in such large numbers for Jubilee.
This is a man who played a very major role in what unfolded
during the 2013 presidential polls and even defied and frustrated
the NSIS and became one of the very few people who have gotten
away with it. To begin to understand how he managed this and
many other feats, it is useful to remember the chapter on the
Kalenjin that highlights their crafty nature. Time and again people
have greatly underestimated Ruto (including this blogger) and
have ended up being shamed.

Ruto got his start from the massive amounts of cash that Moi
printed in 1992 and which was mainly distributed by the notorious
YK92 (Youth for Kanu 92) lobby group of which Ruto was an
official. Numerous eyewitnesses have described the scene at the
Anniversary Towers offices of the Youth For Kanu where large
cartons neatly stashed with 500 bob notes (the biggest
denomination notes in circulation at the time) were stacked up right
to the top of the high roof and occupied most of the space. The
campaign cash was being distributed in carton loads rather than envelopes.
An interesting aside here is that 2013 presidential candidate Peter
Kenneth also had his financial start with the Youth for Kanu group.
To his credit while others in YK92 squandered their sudden new
found wealth, driving around town in flashy cars, Ruto followed it
up with other deals like getting land allocations from Kanu for free
and re-selling the land at exorbitant prices, mostly to government
agencies. In a few short months it became difficult to link Ruto to
the man with blood-shot eyes yawning from pangs of hunger while
“tarmacking” on the streets of Nairobi looking for a job. In those
early days he would frequently be seen seated dejectedly on the
public benches outside the Hilton hotel popularly known by
Nairobians as the jobless corner.

The hugely ambitious Ruto then quickly moved into politics which
appeared at the time a grave mistake because many Kenyans
have had their business fortunes wiped out by politics and some
have been reduced to paupers. In yet to be explained
circumstances Ruto the MP was soon sitting in cabinet meetings
and still holds the distinction of the only Kenyan who is not a
cabinet minister known to have attended cabinet meetings.
Observers point his then closeness to Gideon Moi as being a
possible explanation. Whatever the reason he also fully exploited
that relationship with Gideon Moi to quickly climb up the ranks
of the KANU party.

He was to later fall out with Gideon who accused him of
amongst other things enriching himself with cash that was meant
for the Kanu presidential campaign in 1992. There are claims that
at one point his life was even threatened by people associated
with Gideon. How he repaired that relationship is yet more proof of
Ruto’s craftiness and an uncanny ability of somehow turning a
setback that looks like it will destroy him to his advantage. Another
case in point are the ICC charges which he used to form an
alliance with Uhuru who has also been charged. It is unlikely that
the union would have been accepted by both the Kalenjin and
Kikuyu communities if both Uhuru and Ruto did not have ICC
troubles. There are very few other mortals who would have seen
the opportunity and exploited it the way Ruto has done thus far.

Ruto is famous for his “short fuse” and is the man who did the
unimaginable in State House, Nairobi when he attacked and
punched Reuben Chesire, an elderly man who could have passed
for his father. Ruto had accused the old man of going around and
tarnishing his name by telling people that he was a con-man.

In the 2007 general elections Ruto gave former president Moi
(who was supporting Kibaki) a serious political hiding in Rift Valley
and bagged most of the votes there in favour of ODM and Raila
Odinga to the surprise of many political analysts who had already
started writing his political obituary.

Ruto fell out with Odinga soon after those elections in what was
clearly a carefully crafted NSIS operation to dismantle ODM and to
remove the militant Kalenjin from the party so as to avoid a
possible repeat of the 2008 blood-letting.

Gideon Moi somehow let the cat out of the bag in 2010 when he
said at a public meeting;

"In 2007, Ruto fiercely criticized Kanu for
supporting Kibaki yet he is now a frequent guest at State House. I
urge Ruto to use his newly found friendship with the President to
have innocent youth languishing in jails and police cells released
following their arrest for alleged role in post-election violence.
Please Bw Ruto when you take tea and githeri with the President
at State House remember to address the issue of the suffering
Kalenjin youth".....

The Museveni link
At the time of doing the final editing for this book President Yoweri
Museveni was scheduled to be the only foreign dignitary to speak
at Uhuru Kenyatta’s swearing in ceremony. Very telling indeed
when you also consider the frequent visits Ruto has been making
to Uganda for a very long time.

Kenyans will also remember that it was Ruto’s great influence
with the Ugandan leader that secured the release of a Kenyan
Muslim political activist held by Museveni. It is said that the release
was a personal favour to Ruto.

This close relationship with Museveni has puzzled many Kenyans
and Ruto has played his cards very close to his chest finding
clever official reasons to visit Uganda even as he has made
numerous other private visits in secret. The truth about the true nature
of this relationship will shock most people right up to their bones...

Interested in FREE details on this book?

See also; Are all the kinky stories about Shebesh true?

Mystery Monday: Unlocking the 2013 Kenyan Presidential Polls Secrets

2013-04-20T00:13:00.001-07:00

DEDICATION
To all the Kenyans who ignored tribal affiliations and cast their vote based on issues. Our time may tarry but it will certainly come

=======================

Truth buried is like a seed. It will disappear and rot in
the ground but you can always be sure that one day it
will come shooting out of the ground forcing its’ way
through all the rabble to shame the peddlers of
falsehoods. Sometimes it happens right away, other
times it may have to wait a long time for the next
rains. But grow it will one day…

-The blogger known only as Chris Kumekucha-

Introduction

On Monday March 4th 2013 at about 6:15 am I went to the polling
station and found a huge crowd stretching onto the road. The
doors were still closed and voting had not even started. Since I had a
responsibility that I take very seriously of covering the elections on
behalf of my Kumekucha Raw notes readers I went back to work
where I was staying for the duration of the election.

I returned in the evening bracing myself for a huge crowd but
found the polling station almost empty. I had already made a
decision to vote with my conscience for the candidate that I
thought had the best qualities to deal with the problems facing my
beloved nation just now. And so without hesitation I made a mark
next to Martha Karua’s name and did not pay much attention to
the other 5 people I voted for. I was just careful to avoid those
whose record I already knew. I was out of the polling station in 5
minutes.

I went back to where I was staying and soon the results started
streaming in on the TV with Uhuru taking an early lead. Based on
the information I had gathered weeks before this did not surprise
me. But I also kept a very close eye on Musalia Mudavadi’s votes.
I assumed that this thing was going to end quickly with Kenyans
being told to prepare for a run off.

It was not to be. By the second day to my horror I saw the same
signs that I had seen in December 2007. My wife was nervous.
What was happening? That was the beginning of a long string of
continuous questions that had no ready answers. More so
because the press went quiet and there was a news blackout
save for the results streaming in on the TV. The newspapers had
more but not nearly enough to answer any of the big questions. To
date the media has remained mum about many aspects of those
strange mystery elections

I worked my contacts and the information started streaming in. I
shared most of it with my Raw notes readers. A disturbing picture
was beginning to emerge and I continued to ferociously dig around
for even more information without knowing that I would end up
writing a book. But I did and here it is.

I love my country to bits and writing this account has been
emotionally draining and even confusing some times because the
truth is complex and raises even more questions about the
decisions that were made by people whom I believe were mostly
acting for the good of the country as far as they were concerned.
As you are about to discover it is complicated and there are no
clear black and white positions to be taken here. This is probably
what most things in our world have come to these days. You will
read and make up your own mind.

There is no doubt that the presidential results of the just
concluded elections split the country right down the middle and
the Supreme court petition that followed widened the gulf between
the supporters of the two different candidates even further. Half
the country went into wild celebrations while the other half felt so
dejected and crushed by the verdict that days later the wounds
are yet to heal. On some people I know they probably will never
quite heal. And yet we have a new president who is fresh and
different from what we have seen in the past and the feeling of
many is that despite the baggage he brings with him to the office
he should be given a chance.

Still the questions linger and they are important ones. It matters
little on what side you were, you still deserve an explanation as to
what really went down.

Were the IEBC computers hacked? If not what produced the
results that were mathematical impossibilities forcing the IEBC to
go manual as far as tallying of the votes was concerned? Who
really won those elections? What was so difficult about carrying
out a simple non-controversial presidential election? Why did we
start off with the promise that the presidential poll results would
come first and yet they ended up coming last and many days
later? What were the intrigues behind the scenes? Were the NSIS
involved? And if so how?

Questions, questions and more questions.

In this book I answer them all and I go deep to do so and well
beyond the surface. Some of those answers will amaze you.
Whatever happens one promise I can confidently give you; you
will come away from this experience with a much deeper
understanding of the forces that were at play and plenty of
answers about what really happened on mystery Monday. What
you will be left with will be questions on whether the decisions
taken were the right ones or not and for any neutral Kenyan who
wants the truth those questions may not all be very easy to
answer.

Still it is my hope and desire that you enjoy reading this. I have
done my best to make it as interesting and easy to read as
possible. I have made the effort to write concisely and clearly
without filling in plenty of words that really say nothing, like many
books I have read in the past that have bored me to tears. Yet I
have said everything that was to be said.
ENJOY!!

God bless the nation of Kenya,

History of rigged elections

Elections have been rigged on a small scale for years in Kenya
but this has been limited to constituencies in parliamentary seat
contests. There was no need to develop sophisticated systems
for falsify a countrywide poll because during the Kenyatta days
and most of the Moi years there was no presidential contest.

Nobody could dare challenge the presidency and so after every
general election the incumbent was declared unopposed and
therefore duly re-elected.

However when Kenya succumbed to intense international
pressure and returned to multi-party politics in 1991 things
changed rather suddenly. Some analysts predicted that then
President Daniel arap Moi was in serious trouble. They pointed to
the fact that he had never been in a competitive election in all his
long years in politics. This was true because it is his people in
rural Rift Valley who prevailed on the then school teacher Moi to go
into politics in 1957. His people had overwhelmingly decided and
so he was not opposed. After independence the next general
elections came when he was already Vice President and so he
easily used this influence to remain unchallenged until he took
over the presidency. Now Moi suddenly found himself in a fiercely
competitive election at the highest level in a pretty hostile
environment where opposition to his government had spread
virtually countrywide save from his own Kalenjin community.

Moi had to do something. If he had any illusions about what would
happen to him if he were to lose those very first multi-party
elections of 1992, then it was spelt out clearly for him by the then
opposition. Lawyer Paul Muite went public and told Kenyans that
he was already preparing charges which would be filed the minute
Moi was out of power. With the heavy support the opposition was
receiving then from the West most notably the United States,
including very generous funding, it seemed almost a certainty that
Moi would end his long political career rotting away behind bars.

He was cornered and cornered animals are extremely dangerous.
The result was a desperately rigged poll that ended up with Moi
being quickly sworn in for his first term under a constitution that
had been amended to limit the presidential term to only two five
year tenures.

And that is how presidential election rigging was born in Kenya. In
the following years it was to thrive and grow in sophistication
leading to the 2013 case where an attempt to use computer
software was made but did not quite work due to a few hitches.

There is one very significant point that anybody who wants to fully
understand how presidential elections work in Kenya must grasp.
It is the elephant in the room that every analyst tends to miss.
Ever since the country returned to multi-party democracy and
competitive presidential elections, there has never been a free
and fair presidential poll in Kenya save for the ones held in
December 2002. That is the sad truth.

It is instructive that magical 2002 was the only year when there
was no petition challenging the election of the president. Indeed
historians will note that Mwai Kibaki was the first president in the
history of the country to be popularly elected directly by the
popular vote of the people. Jomo Kenyatta the first president
swept into power in 1963 by virtue of the fact that he was leader of
the party that won the majority number of seats in parliament.

Daniel arap Moi succeeded him on his death and ruled without
elections until 1992 when he was forced to manipulate two
elections that kept him in power until his retirement in 2002.

It should also be said 2002 was the only presidential election in
the history of Kenya where the tribal factor was absent because
both front runners were from the same tribe. Both Kibaki and
Uhuru are Kikuyu.

Go to Part 2 of this post

Interested in FREE details on this book?

See also; Are all the kinky stories about Shebesh true?

This Woman Shebesh

2013-04-18T05:04:00.000-07:00

Beautiful Rachel Shebesh, and in the other photograph with musician Kenzo at a popular club along Mombasa Road.

It is said that she was once slapped by Ida Odinga and then only recently she was kicked out of State house by Mama Ngina Kenyatta. The truth is that newly elected Women's representative for Nairobi Rachel Wambui Shebesh is never far from controversy.

But who is she? Are all the sensational stories about her true? Which high profile Kenyan men has she been linked to? What numbingly shocking thing did Miguna Miguna say about her and the ODM high command? Why is it that some political analysts are predicting she is the closest thing we have so far to a possible first woman president of Kenya? See all the rather unexpected answers to those highly sensitive questions HERE.

Those who know her well say that Shebesh is extremely intelligent and gets very impatient with people who are a little “slow” to grasp things. Add that to the fact that she does not fear to speak her mind, and it doesn’t matter who you are. And then mix this explosive recipe in a Kenyan pot and you will begin to understand why “trouble” is never too far away from Shebesh.

Kenyan voters do not attach to much importance to the personal lives and morals of their politicians. Indeed there is evidence to suggest that characters like Charity Ngilu have had their popularity boosted partly by their rather colourful perceived after hours image. It seems that voters on these shores admire the human aspect in their politicians and to them this tends to make them even more lovable and electable. Thus the kind of scandals that would end political careers in the Western world tend to do the opposite in Kenya.

There is no doubt that Shebesh is hot. She has what the young people call “swag” and her taste in everything that she surrounds her life with is admirable. The truth is that it is very rare to find beauty and brains at such a high level combined in one explosive package and this is the reason why you can be sure that Shebesh has a very bright future in Kenyan politics even if she fails to ascend to the presidency.

Not to mention the fact that she has played her political cards very smartly indeed teaming up with the likes of popular Mike Mbuvi Sonko to cut an image that made her unbeatable in the recent general elections in a very crowded field for Nairobi women’s representative. But even before that she used every opportunity that came her way, turning a simple introduction to Raila by Reuben Ndolo into a coveted nominated member position which she used to cut out a niche for herself in Kenyan politics.

See also; What Shebesh said about drug traffickers and those who killed the late Prof George Saitoti

Chinedu Drug Arrest Linked To Daring Politics

2013-04-17T05:17:00.000-07:00

Why would the arrest of a controversial Nigerian who has for a long time been linked to the drug trade in Kenya be of such far reaching significance? After all drug suspects get arrested (only to be quickly released and charges dropped) all the time in our beautiful banana republic of a country.

What is the link to politics and political figures? Who in government is after Anthony Chinedu and who are the people protecting him? Was George Saitoti a victim of powerful drug cartels in Kenya who did not want to be exposed as is widely believed?

These are just some of the questions going through the minds of political analysts in the know after the dramatic events of last weekend.

On Saturday night at about midnight anti-narcotics policemen raided the home of Nigerian Anthony Chinedu in the leafy Kileleshwa neighborhood in Nairobi. Although they identified themselves as policemen, Chinedu refused to open the door leaving the police with no option but to break into his house. They found equipment that is usually used in the drug trade like weighing machines and packing materials. They also found 10 grams of a substance believed to be heroin. Interestingly when Chinedu appeared in court on Monday there was no mention of the drugs.

Actually Chinedu’s troubles as well as the powerful friends already working behind the scenes to make everything go away are both working side by side in the current government and naturally they have names. This is the highly sensitive information that is contained in a special issue of my raw notes just published a few minutes ago that includes lists of names.

It is no accident that journalists in Kenya shake in their boots and break into a cold sweat whenever they are faced with an assignment to write about the drug trade in Kenya. Only the very brave like Jicho Pevu’s Mohamed Ali and John Allan Namu have dared at great risk to their personal safety. Although drug barons still found a very creative way (NOT a bribe) to stop the drug exposes on KTN (information that can be found in back issues of Kumekucha’s raw notes).

It is no secret that seemingly harmless drug Lords operating the shadows as “prominent local businessmen” have not only eliminated those who dare stand in their way but in other countries these kind of people have also destabilized and even brought down powerful governments who have tried to go after them.

All indications are that the extremely powerful people in government who instigated the arrest are determined that the Nigerian be deported from the country.

It is only in Kenya that the people so respect money that they quickly start worshipping those who seem to have plenty of it without caring where the money came from in the first place. Without the benefit of any evidence where does all the bottomless wealth that is flouted in our country come from? The time has come to interrogate all those characters we see spending the whole day hanging around in restaurants and entertainment spots just spending money and calling themselves businessmen. Yet they have no known factories or brands to justify their cash flow. In any case other Kenyans who own such assets and toil for long hours can never afford the kind of lifestyles these idlers enjoy.

I will not even begin to discuss the huge number of foreigners with dubious backgrounds who pour into Kenya every day, are rude to locals, push them around and sometimes assault and kill them and yet nothing is done.

Indeed Kenya already has a reputation for being one of the most attractive “investment destination’ for criminals because everybody knows that all you need to do is show a little cash and you will be untouchable quite literally able to do what you cannot do in your own home country.

This is all very sad and the worship of money in Kenya can only be classified as extreme and legendary. The story is told of a very wealthy man based in Kitui in the 70s and 80s who would deliberately answer calls of nature (the longer version) in bushes and then he would wipe himself with 100 shilling notes and leave them there next to his smelly waste. Minutes later there would be a scramble for the “soiled” notes. That is the kind of jostle regularly happening in Nairobi when you consider how some people earn their money.

And the worst thing of all is that the drug trade and politics in Kenya are joined at the hip.

See also:
Is it okay for a drug baron to be in government?

Supreme Court Judgment on The Presidential Petition Analysis

2013-04-16T07:10:00.000-07:00

After reading Mystery Monday a book that gives inside information about what really happened in the just concluded presidential elections a reader commented thus last Saturday (which was the day the judgement of the Supreme court was expected);

"...Many pieces now fit perfectly in place after the gaps have been joined together. Oh my! Oh my!

...Now I know the kind of response we will get from the Supreme Court judges today."

Those words have proved very prophetic indeed as a few hours ago the Supreme court finally released its' detailed judgement that upheld the election of President Uhuru Kenyatta.

Interestingly lawyers and other interested parties had come to court bracing themselves for a long stay as the judgement was read through. It never happened. Instead it was all over in a few minutes as Chief Justice Willy Mutunga released a 300 page booklet of the judgement for everybody to read in their own time. You can read it NOW in full HERE.

The reason why judgements and verdicts are so long is because law courts are all about evidence and proof and just as parties present evidence to prove their cases, judges too have to present "evidence" to support their ruling. This is one reason why summarizing entire judgements is such a tricky and dangerous thing to do. More so in such a sensitive case that had such a far-reaching impact on everybody who lives within the shores of the country called Kenya and well beyond.

Still I will attempt to do it in one paragraph.

In acknowledging that the just concluded presidential elections were "NOT perfect" the Supreme court judges still unanimously ruled to retain the status quo because there wasn't sufficient evidence to prove that the said imperfections impacted on the final results. The office of the president of Kenya is a very high office and nullifying the results of such an office requires solid conclusive evidence that the results would have been different. That is really the crux of the judgement.

It is at times like this that everybody suddenly becomes a seasoned lawyer in passing their own quick judgement about the fairness of the verdict. More so in the Kenyan situation where there have been plenty of bad experiences from the past where courts previously controlled by the executive have passed questionable verdicts clearly favouring those in power. This is what over the years eroded the confidence of Kenyans in their justice system.

To make matters worse the just concluded elections split the country right down the middle with CORD supporters feeling that the election was stolen from them. JUBILEE supporters on the other hand were convinced even before the elections that they had the numbers to win this contest, never mind what the "highly scientific opinion polls" were saying different. Many of them pointed to the fact that JUBILEE has a clear majority in both houses as further evidence that their man won the elections.

In defense of this some CORD supporters said that while JUBILEE "MAY have won" the first round of the presidential contest they did not attain the constitutional requirement of 50 per cent of the total votes cast plus one.

This kind of scenario put the newly constituted Supreme court of Kenya in an impossible situation where whatever ruling they were going to make a huge chunk of the voters would have felt justice was not done. Some Kenyans advised the judges through the press and social media to pass a Solomonic verdict (remember the famous wise King in the Bible?) But this is a court of law, how do you ignore the evidence and pluck out a Solomonic verdict from the air?

This blogger has for the last few weeks continued to face the wrath of many previously faithful readers who analyzed every sentence down to the last word and punctuations to quickly pass judgement on which side I was favouring. With emotions so high an analysis of the just concluded elections has been impossible. How do you do such an reason in an environment so charged with emotion and expect readers to take in the cold facts? The judges faced a situation that was not too dissimilar.

Going by the laws of the land the judgement of the Supreme court is final but in the next few days and weeks it will not escape the same fate I have had to live with of most Kenyans analyzing it purely based on what side of the political divide they fall. And that does not spare highly trained and qualified persons in law. Sadly even the few who are impartial on this matter will not be able to attract any attention on valid points they make from most of the country who will read their views with their minds already made up and will label them accordingly.

CORD leader Raila Odinga said at the beginning of the process that his main interest was for Kenyans to know what really happened on that all important March 4th 2013 day. This judgement hardly gives the answers that so many neutral Kenyans and a few supporters on both sides with an open mind have been seeking. And so that Monday will remain a mystery for seekers of truth (who have not read Mystery Monday) at least for now.

However for those still interested in the facts, the Supreme court has done its' job. Law courts work with evidence and not emotions. And the truth (go ahead and call me a JUBILEE supporter) is that even if there was a higher court it would have been difficult to challenge this ruling without introducing new solid evidence. Any level-headed layman can agree that there wasn't enough evidence presented to the court to overturn the election of President Uhuru Kenyatta.

Still it is also true that analyzing carefully the events leading up to the elections and after as I have done in my latest book; Mystery Monday; Unlocking the 2013 Kenyan Presidential Polls Secrets will leave you with no doubt that something wasn't quite right. Even more fascinating is how the distinguished CORD lawyers were outsmarted so that what started out as "a water tight case that will bring an end to the rigging of presidential polls in Kenya" (the words of lawyer and now senator Mutula Kilonzo) ended up being a case that was struggling, scrambling and scrounging for half-baked evidence to prove their case. Where did the evidence disappear to? Did it end up as one commentator on social media dramatically put it; "at the bottom of the Indian Ocean'? Or was it just missed? Actually it was missed and the lawyers looked in the wrong places for it. It is something totally unexpected and I dare say it is all in my book.

But for now what needs to be done very urgently by both houses is to bring bills to the house that will shut the loopholes that were exploited once and for all. The bitter truth for our dear CORD supporters to swallow at this time is that it would be counterproductive to get stuck like an old record on the elections that are now over. It will help absolutely nobody least of all that political coalition. Brethren that is the nature of this life there are times to retreat and take up the fight with a different strategy and on a different level with your eyes firmly fixed on the future because that is where you are going to live the rest of your life.

To JUBILEE supporters it is wise to remember that as sweet as victory is, the truth concealed is like a seed buried in the ground. It disappears and dies inside the soil. BUT one day it MUST grow. This may have to wait a very long time until the next rains or even many rains in the future. But one day it will surely come shooting out of the ground to shame even peddlers of half truths. I write this words consoled by the fact that the written word lives a long time so that even if it is derided, dismissed and ignored now, if it holds any water one day (even if it is centuries from now) somebody will dig it out and honour its' value.

Kumekucha hangs his head in shame as Ruto defies his analysis yet again

2013-04-15T04:28:00.001-07:00

If you have been a regular reader of Kumekucha you will have known a long time ago that Deputy president William Ruto is an extremely passionate and emotional man.

You will also probably know that only real men cry. Forget that cr** African children are brought up with that deludes them into believing that men never cry. Indeed let Ruto's frequent tears NOT fool you because behind them is a man who gets things done, indeed nobody else played a bigger role than the former Eldoret North MP in getting Uhuru Muigai Kenyatta into State house as detailed in my latest book Mystery Monday complete with the Yoweri Museveni link that turned an impossible presidency into a reality.

This is the man who has turned set backs into huge game-changing advantages again and again. You underestimate the man at your own peril (as even this blogger has found out and been forced to eat his words more than once). For instance there is a pretty amazing tale behind the reason why he achieved the impossible in the just concluded presidential elections and got the Kalenjin community to vote for Uhuru even as they still refuse to welcome back some displaced Kenyans to the Rift Valley. What he said to to the head-strong and unpredictable community in the Kalenjin dialect (detailed in my raw notes) worked like a charm. He is the same man who has outsmarted some very powerful and dangerous people in Kenya today (including the "dark forces" that President Uhuru talked about at one point during the campaigns). And he has done it again and again.

The good news for all Kenyans no matter how you voted is the fact that this amazing brain has now been unleashed on the enormous problems facing the country.

Hate him or like him this is the man who will be driving forward the agenda on our shores and making decisions that will have far reaching effect and impact on your life as a Kenyan. This is the reality whether you like it or not and so you had better start paying more than casual attention to him and what he does.

Indeed the story of Ruto is a modern day rags to riches tale made only in Kenya that proves the important point that anybody can lift themselves up by their bootstraps from being a nobody to anything including becoming the most powerful man in Kenya. Today it is hard to recognize the man with blood shot eyes yawning from hunger pangs and hanging around at the famous jobless corner near Hilton hotel barely 10 short years ago.

So the question that I am sure is lingering on your mind as you read this is; what did Ruto ell his people in his mother tongue that caused them to do what many (including this blogger) has said time and again was impossible? What role exactly did he play in the just concluded elections that I have christened Mystery Monday? The answers are astounding to say the least and many who have discovered the truth have said that to them it was totally unexpected. "Oh My oh My" one reader wrote to me in a recent email. It is a long story that I cannot tell here but what is important is to get one fact firmly on your mind; NEVER EVER underestimate Bwana Ruto. NEVER.

Admittedly there are many who are reading this and wondering whether this blogger has forgotten who Ruto really is, especially his dark side and the evil that he has done in the past. Well I haven't. In fact that track record is well detailed in my blog for posterity and for those who in the excitement and astounding achievements that are coming may be tempted to forget. Indeed this is why it is such a good idea to make sure you read Mystery Monday to discover the devious ways old man impunity used to bring confusion to what should have been a simple straight forward presidential election to find the successor of President Mwai Kibaki. Instead what happened is that there was a huge unprecedented famine as far as information from the media was concerned and some very clever people got everybody scared and singing peace, peace even as we shouted 'hate speech" every time some alert fellow Kenyan tried to give us information. The truth is that while the attention of Kenyans was diverted we were defiled and repeatedly raped.

It seems that we have all forgotten one critical truth. The post election violence of 2008 were NOT caused by voters who did not want to accept the election results. Actually they were caused by a handful of very powerful individuals who got away with daylight robbery in full view of everybody and did not care much that the price was multitudes of innocent lives lost. The voices of those innocent dead will not stop crying out to the Almighty from the blood drenched soil of our country... even if we pour heavy duty concrete on that screaming dirt and put up a gleaming prosperous twin tower skyscraper that will create millions of brand new jobs for Kenyans.

Breaking News: Great Odinga photo shoot at State House

2013-04-13T07:09:00.002-07:00

This seems to confirm what was published in Kumekucha's raw notes just a few hours ago. This photograph came up in the KTN website about an hour ago and was taken at State house after the CORD luminaries met with their JUBILEE counterparts for the first time since the just concluded presidential elections.

The Raw notes piece read; "There is another shocking possibility in the works. About two days ago visiting Rev Jesse Jackson from the United States met with Raila Odinga in a top secret meeting. The agenda was to discuss the possibility of him joining the Uhuru government in a bid to patch up the bitter differences that have emerged between the two after the elections. Impeccable sources have told me that Jackson said that he was aware that there was some fiddling with the elections but felt that Odinga and Uhuru should bury their differences for the good of the country. Jackson later went to see President Uhuru at State house. At the time I was writing this post Odinga had not made a decision yet on whether he was ready to work in Uhuru's government."

Read another recent Kumekucha article;
Drama at State House na bado

High drama in State House... na bado

2013-04-12T01:12:00.000-07:00

Plus were the "scientific" opinion polls skewed to fool Raila Odinga into complacency?

The amazing transformation of Ngina Muhoho (Mama Ngina): From the top; Mama Ngina "the gift" from Kikuyu elders to detained Jomo Kenyatta in Kapenguria, At her husband's swearing in as Prime Minister in 1963, With former Malawian President Kamuzu Banda whom she was so fond of that tongues were constantly wagging (also in the picture is young Uhuru who never left his father's side), with Paul Ngei (the man Mama Ngina brought back from certain political death by getting the president to change the constitution) and powerful Mbiyu Koinange in Mombasa in 1971. Incidentally Koinange was grandfather to today's well known media personality Jeff Koinange.

Nairobi women's representative Rachel Shebesh a staunch insider and supporter of the Jubilee coalition had to watch the garden party proceedings on TV like many other Kenyans after she had earlier (on Monday) been forcefully ejected out of State house and the security personnel given staunch instructions that she was never to be allowed in again... EVER.

The incident clearly illustrated the fact that anybody who takes the president's mother for granted will be stepping on very shaky ground indeed. Eyewitnesses say that all Shebesh did was to raise her voice (as is her nature) while discussing Uhuru's inauguration arrangements on Tuesday. Rule Number One: You don't raise your voice when talking to the president's mother and Kenya's first ever first lady. You just don't.

Incidentally Mama Ngina Kenyatta has an extremely fascinating background little wonder that she is as tough as nails. Given to founding father Mzee Kenyatta as "a gift" she became his third wife and not only met the president's second wife Briton Edna Clarke but was in fact the one who welcomed her into the country during the independence celebration and was her gracious host. Indeed Mama Ngina had to undergo surgery to correct her hanging ears which had already been pierced in the traditional way causing them to dangle the way the Masai women ears usually hang. I tell her full amazing story in my raw notes as well as predict the exact nature of her influence during the Uhuru presidency. Below you will find her story in pictures;

Were the opinion polls skewed to fool Raila Odinga into complacency?
Just to remind you the just concluded elections were probably the most puzzling in Kenyan history. For instance opinion polls consistently showed CORD well ahead and then suddenly without any concrete explanation the gap started closing in. Then analysts (including this blogger) emerged to point out that there was something very wrong with the polls because they contradicted the tribal numbers and Kenyans have always been known to vote according to tribal inclinations. Shortly after this controversy emerged the polls suddenly started showing Jubilee slightly ahead of CORD. What was that all about? The answers to critical questions about the just concluded presidential elections will greatly surprise you and are all in Kumekucha's latest sizzler of a book; Mystery Monday: Unlocking the 2013 Kenyan presidential polls secrets

President Kenyatta II Takes Office, Starts Work

2013-04-10T08:18:00.000-07:00

See also; Uhuru's cabinet

Uhuru Muigai Kenyatta has been sworn in as Kenya's 4th President. Boy, what a journey and odessey for Jomo Junior it has been for the last 10 years.

Pity to those who were waiting for sound bites full of heat but bereft of any trace of light. Kids are already rubbing their hands in glee waiting for Samsung laptops as promised by Jubilee. Add that to free Nyayo milk from Brookside and you have a healthy nation.

Instead of parables, Kenyans are better advised to pray for the poor opinion poll president who must be on a suicide watch.

Uhuru finds himself in very good company. Both his mentor ex-President Moi and his predecessor Kibaki could not hide their joy. Clad in smart dark suit with a fitting RED tie, Uhuru politically arrived after his grueling battles with numerous obstacles.

Forget the political tantrum by his opponents who chose to fly to South African to demand refund from their witchdoctors, Uhuru delivered his inaugural speech with authority that made Jomo Senior proud from yonder. A true four-in-one presidency.

Uthamaki niwacoka

The script was so crisp so much so that even Museveni talking on behalf of other guests took a swipe at ICC while congratulating Kenya for showing imperialists the middle finger. What a fitting putdown from an hitherto West's blue eyed-boy.

Sat in the VIP dias coyly listening to the new sheriff in town were the those NOISY envoys who had threatened fire and brimstone. Well, Kenyans call their bluff with a choice and pleasant consequences.

Uhuru has already ordered the KES 6B ear-marked for runoff to be disbused to Youth and Women enterprise funds. If that is not Kusema na Kutenda then what is.

And who said a Kikuyu cannot succeed another as president. The lethal Uhuruto combination has ensured real power is retained strictly between the two tribes with ruling experience.

You cannot afford nor risk experimenting with Kenya leadership. And this time unlike 2002, the transition was flawless and could as well been done in mother tongue. Mtado.

Uhuru's cabinet and the brand new power brokers in town

2013-04-10T05:42:00.000-07:00

It has still not dawned on many people but Uhuru Kenyatta is now the most powerful man in the land. That fact also means that two more people whom Kenyans do not know too well have also become extremely influential in our politics and the decisions that will be made for the next 5 years. Namely Deputy President William Ruto and the president's mother Mama Ngina Kenyatta.

During Jomo Kenyatta's administration Mama Ngina's power was demonstrated rather dramatically when she engineered a change in the constitution just to rescue a close friend in the cabinet who was in serious trouble and could only be saved if the law was changed. Indeed it is said President Kenyatta left State house and rode with his motorcade to the presincts of parliament and instead of entering the August house summoned then leader of government business Daniel arap Moi and AG Charles Njonjo outside just to make sure that the constitutional amendment was on course to be passed by parliament later that day. See more details in my latest raw notes.

Most Kenyans think that they know William Ruto fairly well. A chapter in my latest book; Mystery Monday; Unlocking the 2013 Kenyan presidential polls secrets reveals a lot that is not known. For instance government officials who deal with the deputy president will have to be careful because he is a very emotional man and has a temper to match. The chapter details an incident on the very grounds of State house Nairobi where the Deputy president attacked and punched a Rift Valley politician who was also a close ally to retired president Moi. But this impatience in Ruto also has a good side to it in that he gets things done in half the time that others get round to doing anything. Prepare for a major transformation in the way the government works.

For starters the cabinet that is expected to be announced today or tomorrow will be a cabinet like no other in Kenyan history. The names of some of its' possible members also revealed in my latest raw notes will just blow the minds of Kenyans. Whatever your political affiliations in the just concluded polls you need to know that good things are coming (even with the inevitable bad because at the end of the day politics is a game of survival).

Admitedly about half the country can only see the negative and expect the worst. For starters the truth about what really happened on March 4th is still unknown to many. At least those who are yet to read my latest book; Mystery Monday; Unlocking the 2013 Kenyan presidential polls secrets.

The truth about the elections is mind boggling and shocking. But it is also something that many who have read the book say was totally unexpected as far as they were concerned. Sample some of the initial email comments from those who have read the book;

"No other book has opened my eyes more about Kenyan presidential elections than this Kumekucha expose."

"I bought the book expecting a bashing of Uhuru and Jubilee instead what I got was a balanced view of what must be the truth about March 4th..."

"I always wonder where Kumekucha gets his information. A lot of things I read in his raw notes appear far fetched only for me to open the newspapers weeks later and see it in bold headlines. This book answers many questions Kenyans think they know the answers to only that the real answers will totally surprise..."

"Wow, so that's what happened... is this really true?"

"What amazed me most was that the evidence was staring at us all the time even as we were being taken for fools. It was all there in the news media and statements from certain people we ought to have watching closely."

"Vintage Kumekucha"

"It was so gripping that I forgot to proofread and had to do it on my second read... Easily the most informative and entertaining political book I have ever read...okay I have to admit I have never read boring predictable Kenyan politics in book form before."

"Why don't you try and write novels Kumekucha?"

"A book that Kenyans need to read, it may just help us to stop fighting amongst ourselves when we see the real and evil enemy who is against us all."

"Always a pleasure to be one step ahead of the chasing pack who rely more on rumors, innuendos, tribal bigotry and heresay to take an (ill)informed position on matters that they understand little about, thanks to your informative and impartial insights and comments."
- Comment from an avid addict of the Kumekucha brand -
Get FREE details about the book and how to order.

Uhuru Appoints Raila Envoy to Tame Tension

2013-04-08T16:35:00.000-07:00

President-elect Uhuru Kenyatta has measured up to the bigger call of duty by walking the talk of healing a divided Kenya after the bruising elections. Appointing Raila is not only statesmanlike but a decision that defied all conventional political modus operandi.

With a single act, Uhuru has smothered the tyranny of numbers into magic of numerals and digits. Uhuru's actions puts to shame those destructive elements who took to the streets to protest the decision by Supreme Court to dismiss the petition against his election as Kenya's fourth president.

But credit too goes to Deputy President-elect William Ruto who agreed to joining hands with a hitherto political enemy who almost rendered him political irrelevant where it not for his shrewdness to gang the Kalenjins to play for him.

Raila now must show respect the boss who showed exceptional magnanimity in victory to heal Kenya. He must renounce his activist traits and join hands with Jomo Junior's winning team to help propel Kenya to the next level.

A time to heal

2013-03-30T09:29:00.001-07:00

Emotions have been pretty high over the last few weeks. I launched my raw notes in 2008 and all these years I have never received a single angry email. In recent weeks I have received several from both sides of the political divide. From CORD when the info I gave seemed to favour Jubilee and from Jubilee when I publish something that seemed to side with CORD.

Clearly this is the wrong time for any analysis because it will be read by Kenyans asking themselves the question; which side is this guy favoring?

Those who have known me long enough know that I favour Kenya. I am patriotic to the bone and I worry about the future of our great nation. That is what Kumekucha is all about. Even on 4th March I did NOT vote for either Raila or Uhuru.

Indeed it becomes difficult to discuss politics with people who are not familiar with the history of our country and more importantly the biography of old man impunity who is still very much in charge of Kenya. But that is a story for another day.

That is why this post is not about any analysis. It is a cry to all Kenyans of goodwill to make a huge effort towards healing our country. Defeat is terribly devastating, especially when you believe that there was foul play. But we must all make the effort to put the elections behind us and move on.

Jubilee supporters and indeed the Jubilee government must take the lead in reaching out to their crashed brothers and sisters and lifting them up from the dust to console them. Loud celebrations must include CORD folks who are also Kenyans. Indeed if you voted for Uhuru make the effort today to call a CORD person and wish them well.

We must accept the Supreme court ruling and wait for the detailed reasons in 2 weeks time.

My dear brothers and sisters healing must be at the top of our minds now because that is the only place we can start from on Tuesday morning as we return to nation building.

Yes, it is Uhuru

2013-03-30T07:21:00.001-07:00

The Supreme court president and chief justice of the republic of Kenya has just read the verdict of the court. It took his just about 10 minutes to read the decisions of the court because the reasons (full ruling) will be given in 14 days as per the requirements of the constitution.

The court has ruled that the election of Uhuru Kenyatta was valid.

This means that Uhuru Kenyatta will now be sworn in as president without hindrance.

The court also ruled that it has no jurisdiction to decide on the issue of whether or not to include rejected votes in the vote tally.

Another more detailed post will follow to analyze the impact of this ruling.

President elect Uhuru Kenyatta will now be sworn in on 9th April.

BREAKING NEWS: Skirmishes with police in Kisumu but contained running battles. No word yet from Kibera.