A Chocoholic's Piece of Mind

I Quit!

2008-07-27T19:59:00.006+02:00

You might be wondering why I haven't posted in the last few days, it's not hiatus or boredom, it's just that I am quitting.

Blogger, that is.

Like Therry, I have also relocated to a self-hosted domain, you can visit by clicking the picture - of what it looks like - below:

I have bought a hosting account early this year, but didn't know how to set up a site, and thanks to my dear blogging buddy WOELANK (who has stayed up the past several nights just to help me with my new site. Thanks Woolie!! You are the bestest!)

Please visit my new playground, where I will write many, many more crazy ass things, and also please change my address in your blogrolls (If I'm in yours) to

http://rimafauzi.com/blogs

Thank for reading my stuff in blogger, and I hope I will see you in my new home too!

See you there, y'all!!!

Amy Winehouse: Better than the real thing

2008-07-24T16:43:00.008+02:00

Amy Winehouse has apparently been immortalized in Madame Tussaud's Wax Museum in London.

Now, I have been to Madame Tussaud's London and Amsterdam, and let me tell you, the wax statues there are really good. Some of them are freakishly lifelike, but however good they maybe, you can still see the fakeness of it.

But not this one.

This one is magnificent! I mean, this is a WORK OF ART! It's more beautiful than the Mona Lisa!

The wax artist should really get a Nobel Prize for this immaculate conception.

"Why" you ask?

Well, let's compare the picture above which we will from now on refer to as "exhibit A" with pictures or exhibits B,C,E and F below
(Why no "D"? You sure ask a lot of questions. Because I don't like the letter D, that's why!)

The wax artist created that beautiful human-like piece above, from this trashy junkie of a walking stick!

Now, THAT's what I call talent!

Have you ever?

2008-07-24T11:54:00.003+02:00

A meme I got from Bilbo, just to show you guys how pathetic my life is cos I can only claim to have done 65 out of a possible 150. The ones in Bold are the ones I have done. How about you?

01. Bought everyone in the bar a drink.
02. Swam with wild dolphins.
03. Climbed a mountain.
04. Taken a Ferrari for a test drive.
05. Been inside the Great Pyramid.
06. Held a tarantula.
07. Taken a candlelit bath with someone.
08. Said “I love you” and meant it.
09. Hugged a tree (while climbing it).
10. Bungee jumped.
11. Visited Paris.
12. Watched a lightning storm.
13. Stayed up all night long and saw the sun rise.
14. Seen the Northern Lights.
15. Gone to a huge sports game.
16. Walked the stairs to the top of the leaning Tower of Pisa.
17. Grown and eaten your own vegetables.
18. Touched an iceberg.
19. Slept under the stars. <-- does sleeping under A STAR count? *winks*
20. Changed a baby’s diaper.
21. Taken a trip in a hot air balloon.
22. Watched a meteor shower.
23. Gotten drunk on champagne.
24. Given more than you can afford to charity.
25. Looked up at the night sky through a telescope.
26. Had an uncontrollable giggling fit at the worst possible moment.
27. Had a food fight.
28. Bet on a winning horse.
29. Asked out a stranger
30. Had a snowball fight.
31. Screamed as loudly as you possibly can.
32. Held a lamb.
33. Seen a total eclipse.
34. Ridden a roller coaster.
35. Hit a home run.
36. Danced like a fool and didn’t care who was looking.
37. Adopted an accent for an entire day.
38. Actually felt happy about your life, even for just a moment.
39. Had two hard drives for your computer.
40. Visited all 50 states.
41. Taken care of someone who was drunk.
42. Had amazing friends.
43. Danced with a stranger in a foreign country.
44. Watched whales <-- does watching myself count?? Yes, I'm so fat now I could be a whale! 45. Stolen a sign. 46. Backpacked in Europe.
47. Taken a road-trip.
48. Gone rock climbing.
49. Midnight walk on the beach.
50. Gone sky diving.
51. Visited Ireland.
52. Been heartbroken longer than you were actually in love.
53. In a restaurant, sat at a stranger’s table and had a meal with them.
54. Visited Japan.
55. Milked a cow.
56. Alphabetized your CDs.
57. Pretended to be a superhero.
58. Sung karaoke.
59. Lounged around in bed all day.
60. Played touch football.
61. Gone scuba diving.
62. Kissed in the rain.
63. Played in the mud.
64. Played in the rain.
65. Gone to a drive-in theater.
66. Visited the Great Wall of China.
67. Started a business (I was 7 and had many books. Made a library where friends can borrow books for a small sum of money)
68. Fallen in love and not had your heart broken.
69. Toured ancient sites.
70. Taken a martial arts class.
71. Played D&D for more than 6 hours straight.
72. Gotten married (twice).
73. Been in a movie.
74. Crashed a party.
75. Gotten divorced (once).
76. Gone without food for 5 days.
77. Made cookies from scratch.
78. Won first prize in a costume contest.
79. Ridden a gondola in Venice.
80. Gotten a tattoo.
81. Rafted the Snake River.
82. Been on television news programs as an “expert.”
83. Gotten flowers for no reason.
84. Performed on stage.
85. Been to Las Vegas.
86. Recorded music.
87. Eaten shark.
88. Kissed on the first date.
89. Gone to Thailand.
90. Bought a house.
91. Been in a combat zone.
92. Buried one/both of your parents.
93. Been on a cruise ship.
94. Spoken more than one language fluently.
95. Performed in Rocky Horror.
96. Raised children (my brothers).
97. Followed your favorite band/singer on tour.
98. Passed out cold.
99. Taken an exotic bicycle tour in a foreign country.
100. Picked up and moved to another city to just start over.
101. Walked the Golden Gate Bridge.
102. Sang loudly in the car, and didn’t stop when you knew someone was looking.
103. Had plastic surgery.
104. Survived an accident that you shouldn’t have survived.
105. Wrote articles for a large publication.
106. Lost over 100 pounds.
107. Held someone while they were having a flashback.
108. Piloted an airplane.
109. Touched a stingray.
110. Broken someone’s heart.
111. Helped an animal give birth.
112. Won money on a T.V. game show.
113. Broken a bone.
114. Gone on an African photo safari.
115. Had a facial part pierced other than your ears.
116. Fired a rifle, shotgun, or pistol.
117. Eaten mushrooms that were gathered in the wild.
118. Ridden a horse.
119. Had major surgery.
120. Had a snake as a pet.
121. Hiked to the bottom of the Grand Canyon.
122. Slept for more than 30 hours over the course of 48 hours.
123. Visited more foreign countries than U.S. states.
124. Visited all 7 continents.
125. Taken a canoe trip that lasted more than 2 days.
126. Eaten kangaroo meat.
127. Eaten sushi.
128. Had your picture in the newspaper.
129. Changed someone’s mind about something you care deeply about. 130. Gone back to school.
131. Parasailed.
132. Touched a cockroach.
133. Eaten fried green tomatoes.
134. Read The Iliad - and the Odyssey.
135. Selected one “important” author who you missed in school, and read.
136. Killed and prepared an animal for eating.
137. Skipped all your school reunions.
138. Communicated with someone without sharing a common spoken language (details not PG-rated *winks*).
139. Been elected to public office.
140. Written your own computer language.
141. Thought to yourself that you’re living your dream.
142. Had to put someone you love into hospice care.
143. Built your own PC from parts.
144. Sold your own artwork to someone who didn’t know you.
145. Had a booth at a street fair.
146. Dyed your hair.
147. Been a DJ.
148. Shaved your head.
149. Caused a car accident.
150. Saved someone’s life (I didn't feel like I was doing anything major, but they told me I saved their lives).

On Sex, Assholes and Bitches

2008-07-23T21:20:00.002+02:00

After the last two entries from my favorite anonymous blogger Jakartass' titled "Double Booked - Shopping and Sex" and "Asshole eaten by stoned crocs", which I assume are tests to see whether the 'catchy' titles help get more traffic, I have once again decided to do the same in hope of 'selling' my blog and to even out the number of my blog reader to 10 (I currently have 9 readers)

So here goes.

On Sex.
Although I have written about it's benefits, I still think sex is overrated.
It's a boring 'in and out' routine,
it doesn't bring you money (unless you are a prostitute),
it creates a lot of problems (when you are not doing it with your legal partner, especially when you do it with someone of illegal age),
it is dangerous (can bring you all sorts of STDs and get you arrested if you do it in public),
it's messy (don't even get me started on this),
it's annoying when you are asked for it when you are half asleep (mr. huband, if you are reading: how many times do I have to tell you, I NEED MY BEAUTY SLEEP!)

On Assholes.
Can't live without it, it's an extreme necessity.

The other asshole? Not so much.

I knew one who used to date my bestfriend and then talks about what he does with her in bed to his buddies behind her back, making her the laughing stock of our circle. MAJOR A-hole.

If there is a rank for assholes, Mr. Husband's former employers will make the General assholes blush in shame. I'm so fortunate my employers are cool (yeah Rima, smooth... just in case they read your blog, right? *winks*)

On Bitches.
Don't even talk to me about this. I have met so many of these in my lifetime that I have developed a char-dar (character radar), a radar that can smell one a mile away.
And why is it while the four legged bitches are extremely cute, lovable and cuddly, the two-legged ones are nightmares?

Can't really complain much about this one though, because three days a month, I become a scary bitch-zilla. Mr. Husband is extremely scared of me during those three days because I constantly bite his head off for what he thinks as 'no apparent reason' but what I insist as 'legitimate and necessary'.

So there it is, my take on sex, assholes and bitches, none having anything to do with another, which is good because if they did, this post would be something of a totally different vibe (and ratings).

Orang Indonesia kok begitu sih?

2008-07-23T12:16:00.001+02:00

Sebelum gue ~~ditimpuk rame rame~~ di protes orang orang yang baca, ini bukan generalisasi SELURUH orang Indonesia, ini hanya sebagian saja, tapi lumayan banyak.

Gue baru aja kelar chatting sama salah seorang sahabat gue dari jaman kuliah dulu, yang sebentar lagi mau dateng ngunjungin gue disini. Kita ngebahas pergaulan masing-masing, yang dimana gue tinggal di Brussel dan dia tinggal di Amerika.

Pas dia bilang kalo dia itu gak bergaul sama orang Indonesia di kota tempat dia tinggal, gue sama sekali gak kaget. Soalnya gue juga begitu, sama sekali gak bergaul lagi sama orang orang Indonesia di kota tempat gue tinggal.

Masalahnya bukan gue yang sombong gak mau bergaul sama mereka, tapi selain gue dianggap sombong sama mereka (padahal mau nyombongin apa coba, emang gue siapa?), merekalah yang sebetulnya sombong sama gue. Dulu gue udah nyoba sih bergaul, tapi terus terang, GAK TERANG bergaul sama mereka, alias bikin otak gue gelap dan gak mudeng. Mungkin kesukaannya beda kali ya? Yang jelas sih gue udah cacat lahir dari dulu, jadi mungkin untuk mereka gue sedikit 'aneh' dan 'sakit'.

Tapi menurut gue, sebetulnya mereka itu yang aneh. Gue baik baik ke mereka, digosipin. Pas akhirnya gue narik diri dan gak bergaul ama mereka lagi, digosipin dan dicap sombong pulaks. Yah mendingan gue narik diri dari pegaulan, toh tetep digosipin juga, tapi at least gue gak ketemu lagi muka-muka ~~sepet minta ditabok~~ senyum di depan tapi jahat di belakang ituh.

Nah, sohib gue ini juga begitu, orang orang Indonesia yang di sekeliling dia juga katanya 'rese' dan tukang gosip, dan yang parah, suka ngelaporin sesama orang Indonesia yang tinggal dengan ilegal di Amerika sanah. Gue TAU banget sohib gue ini, dan dia orangnya baik, minds her own business dan gak gosipan, gak kaya gue deh (cuma kalo gue saking narcissistnya, yang gue gosipin ya diri gue sendiri hahaaha)

Setelah sebentar gue chatting sama dia (boong ding, gue lama banget tadi chattingnya), gue lanjut chatting sama Therry. Nah kalo sama Therry sih sebetulnya bukan chat lagi, tapi udah daily bread gue. Dia juga gitu, malah dia gatel2 dan kudisan kalo sehari aja gak chatting ama gue. Eksim katanya, kalo kata gue sih emang jorok aja.

Back to the topic mengenai orang Indonesia yang rese2 ini, pas gue chat sama Therry, kita jadi ngebahas ini juga. (Para pembaca jangan prasangka buruk dulu, gue ini di kantor ~~jelas terlihat betapa gue gak ada kerjaan dan makan gaji buta doang ini~~ chatting melulu bukan karena tidak ada kerjaan, tapi semua kerjaan gue udah kelar, maka waktu luang gue pake untuk update blog dan chatting) Dia ternyata kaget denger cerita-cerita pengalaman kita bergaul sama sesama orang Indonesia disini (Sombong banget sih si Therry itu, dulu di ostrali pasti gak bergaul sama orang Indo! Ih males deh gue begaul sama dia, sombong siiiiiih!!!! <--- contoh gosip orang Indonesia yang gosipin orang Indonesia yang gak mau bergaul sama orang Indonesia. Bingung kan? Sama dong!)

Yang aneh, waktu gue masih tinggal di Indonesia, temen-temen gue di Jakarta, gak rese kaya orang-orang kita disini. Tapi si Therry paling kaget pas gue kasih tau soal orang Indonesia yang ngelaporin temen senegaranya yang tinggal secara ilegal di Amerika. Gue akhirnya jadi nyeritain salah satu temen gue yang dulu sempet tinggal ilegal di Amerika, dan dilaporin sama sesama orang Indonesia, sampai dia dan bapaknya dipenjara dan akhirnya dideportasi ke Indonesia. ITU JAHAT BANGET!

Therry sempet bilang gini, "Ih kok gitu sih orang Indonesia? Susah liat orang seneng tapi seneng liat orang susah." Itu menurut gue brilliant banget dan sangat menggambarkan kebanyakan watak orang kita (tapi gue yakin para pembaca dan orang orang yang ada di blogroll gue sama sekali gak gitu).

Yang gue alami dari dulu juga banyaknya orang kita yang sangat sirik dengan sesuatu yang kita capai, tapi bukannya membuat itu jadi motivasi supaya mereka juga maju, malah gimana caranya temen yang telah maju itu ditarik supaya jatuh lagi.

Ada satu analogi yang pernah gue baca dan gue pikir sangat cocok utk menggambarkan hal ini. (Sebagian) orang Indonesia itu seperti ratusan kepiting kecil (apa sih namanya?) yang ditaruh dalam ember. Walaupun ember itu dibiarin semaleman tanpa ditutup, tidak akan ada satu pun kepiting yang akan behasil keluar ember itu. Kenapa begitu? Karena begitu ada satu yang terlihat sudah sukses memanjat dan menggapai bibir ember, yang lain akan beramai-ramai menarik si kepiting itu hingga dia akan jatuh lagi ke dalam ember.

Yang menyedihkan bagi gue itu adalah, gue SERING banget denger cerita2 begini dari temen2 yang tinggal di luar, mau di Amerika, di Eropa atau di manapun. Apalagi kalo udah menyangkut ibu-ibu Drama Wanita di kotanya masing-masing (tau dooong ini golongan yang kerja dimana?? *wink*) beserta suami2nya. Udah sombong, gosipan, jahat pula. Kalo yang ini sih, gue ngalamin dan ngeliat dengan mata kepala sendiri, ampe udah eneg dan ketok2 genteng sambil teteriakan, "AMIT AMIT JABANG BAYI!!!" saking ngeliat kelakuan mereka yang BIKIN MUNTAH!

Sebetulnya, kenapa sih ada orang Indonesia yang suka begitu? Saling menjatuhkan sesamanya di tanah rantau? (cieee bahasanyaaa) Kok gak bisa kaya orang Vietnam atau Cina atau Filipin yang saling menjaga dan membantu satu sama lain di luar tanah kelahirannya? Gue mikir terus dari tadi, dan bingung apa jawabannya. Gue kali ini gak bisa menyelami pikiran mereka, soalnya gue sama sekali gak kaya gitu. Lebih gampang menyelami pikiran seorang PSYCHO daripada menyelami pikiran orang Indonesia yang mboten2 kaya ginih!

Stupid questions and my snappy answers

2008-07-22T14:29:00.012+02:00

I hate it when people ask me stupid questions. I REALLY do.

Mr. Husband called me at the office today because he wanted me to take care of some bills for him. This was the beginning of our conversation, but I'm not going to post the rest because it is not interesting (not that this is),

Me (picking up phone): Rima speaking, how may I help you?
Mr. Husband: Hey babe, so you're at the office now?
Me: Nope, this is an extremely intelligent automated recording device that will let you have a conversation like you can with the real person.
Mr. Husband: ....

I have very limited patience for that kind of stupidity. Mr. Husband knows, yet he often makes the same mistakes, over and over and over again.

On Friday night, he told me his right arm hurt, in the middle of my watching the Miss Universe pageant. He knows me well enough not to interrupt when I'm engrossed in a program with that many beautiful women, especially in the bikini competition segment.
I might be a woman, but both he and I suspect I have more testosterone than many men.

Mr. Husband: Hun, my right arm hurts when I do this (lifts his arm up high)
Me (engrossed in the bods of the pageant contestant and making mental note to work out more): Then don't do that.
Mr. Husband: ....

Ok, that's enough Mr. Husband stories for you. Now on to a colleague story.

I have a male colleague who ALWAYS wants to know what you have in your hands, who you are talking to on the phone, what you are eating, what you have in your hand bag if he sees you putting something in it, and so on and so forth.

He's not a bad guy or anything, but I find it annoying to have someone asking you stuff like that. One day as I was fishing out my new cell phone/slash PDA from my hand bag, he saw me and asked, (this happened early last year)

Male Colleague: What's that?
Me (annoyed at him and wanted to say "It's none of your bloody business, now stop annoying me you twirp") : It's my liver.
Male Colleague: ....

Now, my brother Rama, who is as snappy as I am (maybe more) goes crazy when I answer his questions this way, even if he was not asking a particularly stupid question (Rams, if you are reading, I love you very much even though you are that stupid)

So there I was at the airport picking him up the last time he visited me, and I was wearing a new orange coat I'd just bought (it was February and freezing). When he saw me he ran over and we hugged. Then he took a look at what I was wearing and said,

Rama: Cute coat! Where did you buy it?
Me: At the butcher's.
Rama: Bitch!

And then there was that one time when I was still working in Jakarta. I had a very annoying colleague who is a real ~~bitch~~ work of art. One day I was so sick (and looked it) that my boss sent me home to rest. She took a look at me in her usual bitchy way like I am faking being sick and said,

Work of art of a Colleague: Are you really sick?
Me: Nope, I purposely look this way today so you can feel better about the way you look everyday.
Work of art of a Colleague: ....
Other Colleagues around us: Meooww...

If you are anything like me, you'd have these kinds of experiences too. Let me know your snappy answers to the stupid questions thrown at you. And while you are trying to remember them, click here for other snappy answers just like mine.

Odd News: Today's Stupid

2008-07-21T20:34:00.008+02:00

You know those sagging pants kids nowadays have on like this pic on the left? I hate that trend, and apparently, I'm not the only one.

Yahoo news reported today that people wearing saggy pants in the south Chicago suburb of Lynwood would be fined $25, in an ordinance passed by Village leaders.

Eugene Williams, mayor of Lynwood, says young men walk around town half-dressed, keeping major retailers and economic development away. He calls the new law a hot topic.

The American Civil Liberties Union says the ordinance targets young men of color.
Young adults in the village, like 21-year-old Joe Klomes, say the new law infringes on their personal style. He says leaders should instead spend money on making the area look nicer.

While I usually dislike busybodies who infringes on the rights of people ~~like our government that minds everybody else's business except their own~~, I really applaud these Village leaders. I imagine these Village leaders in their cool outfits of police officer, native American chief, sailor, construction worker, cowboy and military men and leather-clad bikerman, coming together firmly and passing the ordinance to ban these ridiculous young man with their pants hanging down esposing their bony asses. I also love their songs.

I have one thing to say to the American Civil Liberties Union: "Fyi, all men (and women) are "colored". Nobody is transparent, except for maybe Michael Jackson. And Clay Aiken. So, don't be such a whiny bitch about it!"

As for 31 year old Joe Klomes, "Umm Joe... they did spend their time making the area look nicer, which is why they went on and imposed a $25 fine on the sight of your 99¢ boxers which make the area look REAL bad." (why do I suddenly hear Kelso say, "BURN!!!" ?)

Another stupid is a guy who is sued over misspelled tattoo.

Alfonse Wingfield, filed a suit Friday in Cook County Circuit Court alleging artist Mike Edrington of Jade Dragon Tattoo and Body Piercing gave him a tattoo reading "Tommorow Never Promised Today. John P. R.I.P.," the Chicago Tribune reported Saturday.

The suit is seeking a minimum of $30,000 in damages, the newspaper said.

Wingfield, 30, claims he forked over $250 for the misspelled body art in 2006.

Edrington argues he inked the tattoo precisely how Wingfield wanted it.

"As I recall, he came in here with the word already misspelled. I took (the wording) right off of the piece of paper he brought in with him," Edrington said.

The Tribune said Jade Dragon was recently taken to court on separate occasion when a customer claimed he was given a tattoo reading "CHI-TONW" instead of "CHI-TOWN."

(For those confused as to which word was misspelled, tomorrow is spelled with one 'm')

Boy oh boy, I'm glad I didn't go as planned with my tattoo. I was gonna get one in Bali that said, "Life is worth it!" But knowing how some Indonesians misspell English words, I was bound to end up with a tattoo that read, "Live is worthed!"

The last of the stupids today is not so stupid. A British high school student received credit for writing nothing but a two-word obscenity on an exam paper because the phrase expressed meaning and was spelled correctly.

The Times newspaper on Monday quoted examiner Peter Buckroyd as saying he gave the student — who wrote an expletive starting with f, followed by the word "off" — two points out of a possible 27 for the English paper.

"It would be wicked to give it zero because it does show some very basic skills we are looking for, like conveying some meaning and some spelling," Buckroyd was quoted as saying.

"It's better than someone that doesn't write anything at all."

Buckroyd said the student would have received a higher mark if the phrase had been punctuated.

He said the expletive was used in 2006 by a student in response to the question: "Describe the room you are sitting in."

OMFG! if I had two points for everytime I write "fuck off," or, "fuck you," or, "bugger off," or, "screw you," on my exam papers, I'd have graduated with a cum laude! Plus, I'd definitely punctuated it with a nice "!" sign and a heart to replace the dot, or a question mark with a flower to replace the dot!

Not only was I good with expletive obscenities followed by the proper punctuation mark, I was also very, very good in saying the lord's name in vain. Very, very blasphemous I know, but I do fancy the thought of meeting my blogging mates in the after life. I know none of you guys will end up in a place where angels play stupid and boring tunes on a harp, so we might as well party together! *winks*

Obviously this British high school student will not have a future in the Jade Dragon tattoo parlor. He can obviously spell 'fucked', and that Jade Dragon guy doesn't. I know he will go and get 'FCUKED' all over his clients.

Sunday Irony

2008-07-20T01:26:00.009+02:00

It's Sunday, which is perfect for these pictures.
Enjoy boys and girls! And don't let me convert you to Rima-ism!

Dialog kakak-adik bukan kriminolog

2008-07-19T22:59:00.011+02:00

"Sssst, lo udah dengar belon soal ahli kriminologi di Republik Ngendonesyah yang namanya Antianus Tralala? Dia lagi kondang nih gara-gara ngeluarin suatu analisis jawara!"

"Masa sih dia kondang, kak? Siapa sih dia, gue kok belon denger yah?"

"Yah, itu sih elo aja yang bloon! Makanya, baca koran itu jangan Kompas atau The Jakarta Post mulu! Sekali-sekali ngerakyat dong lo, baca Pos Kota keq, Lampu Merah keq, atau yang sejenis deh, paling gak yang editor-in-chiefnya konservatif-romantis-autis..."

"Editor-in-chief itu apa sih kak? Itu orang hebat bukan? Kalo iya, kok orang autis bisa jadi begituan?"

"Bego banget sih lo! Ngaku-ngaku baca JP, editor-in-chief aja gak tahu. Bosnya tukang edit lah! Udah deh, jangan banyak tanya, dengar aja napa? Jadi ceritanya, gue kemaren baca koran gara-gara penasaran ama berita pembunuhan mutilasi potong 7 yang lagi heboh itu. Ternyata pembunuhan itu dilakukan sama satu cowok gay yang cemburu pasal pacarnya yang ditaksir cowo lain. Nah katanya, dia jadi berantem sama yang naksir terus dia bunuh dan potong-potong badan cowok yang naksir pacar dia itu."

"Nah, lantas apa hubungannya sama ahli kriminolog itu?"

"Menurut koran yang gue baca, dia bilang gini nih soal kasus ini: Dari sisi akademis hubungan cinta sejenis bukan hubungan yang sehat, seperti egosentrik. Kalau kita bilang cinta itu bukan berarti memiliki, tapi bagi pasangan sejenis cinta harus memiliki.
Terus, dia juga bilang gini: Pasangan sejenis ini kalau pasangannya selingkuh atau punya pacar baru, karena cintanya platonis dari pada pindah ke orang lain atau kehilangan pasangan maka berpikiran lebih baik dimatikan saja atau berprinsip lose-lose. Jadi tidak ada yang dapat pasangannya.
Gimana menurut lo? Lucu gak?"

"Ih... dia itu kriminolog atau psikopat.. eh, maksud gue, psikolog, sih? Ngomong-ngomong, platonis apa sih artinya, kak?"

"Duh beneran deh, lo tuh kadang pinterrrr benget, tapi kadang dogolnya gak ketulungan... Platonis itu yee cinta yang murni, yang gak ngelibatin fisik atau seks. Misalnya nih, elo sama si Gadis sobat lo itu. Lo bedua kan sahabatan dari TK, lo sayang banget sama dia, dia juga sayang banget sama elo, kalo udah lama gak ketemu, lo kangen ma dia, dia juga gitu. Tapi lo kan gak esek-esek sama dia, walopun lo butuh dan sayang atau cinta sama dia, paling sebatas lo ngeliatin dia dengan kangen sama ngeremes tangannya, itu juga karena lo kangen dan suka gemes ma dia. Nah yang kaya gitu itu yang namanya cinta platonis!"

"Loh, kalo gitu sok tau banget dong itu si mister tralala. Jelas-jelas hubungan cinta antara kedua orang gay maupun heteroseksual itu bukan platonis. Lagian yang ngebunuh itu kan jelas-jelas takut pacarnya direbut sama yang dibunuh. Kalau emang pacaran sih kayanya gak platonis deh. Gue aja sama si noni baru pacaran dua bulan boro-boro kuat cuman nyentuh tangan doang.."

"Ya ampuuuun, gue lagi nerangin soal ini lo malah mimpi basah di siang bolong. Bangun, nyet!"

"Yah elo, kaya gak tau gue aja, makanya kalo ngomong ma gue jangan yang nyerempet-nyerempet gitu dong. Enggak nih, gue heran aja ma ni orang, katanya kriminolog, tapi kok sok-sokan mau jadi psikolog. Udah gitu, analisa psikologisnya berantakan lagih! Dan sok taunya itu loh.. Koran apa sih yang lo baca? Kok mau aja memuat pendapat blunder kaya gini?"

"Yah, itu juga yang gue bingung, kok sepertinya editornya kecolongan, atau mungkin memang mencari sensasi ya? Yang parah, kalo editornya berpendapat yang sama dengan si mr. tralala ini. Nah, kalo gitu ya gue gak bisa komen apa-apa deh. Tinggal bengong aja. Apalagi di koran itu ada lagi tambahan ini: Tralala lalu memberikan contoh dari kondisi jenazah Heri yang terlihat rusak yang dilihat sebagai perwujudan rasa geram. Dan sebagai catatan pasangan sejenis ini akan bertindak keras pada orang yang mengganggu pasangannya."

"Wah, gue juga bengong nih jadinya. Kok hari gini masih ada sih orang bloon yang mikirnya korslet ya? Terus, sejak kapan kalau cinta itu tidak memiliki? Kalo si noni pacaran ama orang lain, gue sih bakal putusin. Lagian, itu juga tuh, yang pas dia bilang 'pasangan sejenis akan bertindak keras pada orang yang mengganggu pasangannya' Apakah ini mutilasi pasangan sejenis? Nah ini, gay dari Hong Kong? Kalo cewek hamil yang dibunuh ma cowoknya ini gimana? Terus, yang ini gay dari mana? Duh ngeselin banget sih ahli ini?"

"Iya, makanya gue cerita sama elo. Tiap hari gue baca berita selalu ada yang aneh-aneh. Tapi yang kaya begini ini bener-bener bikin gue bingung plus kesel. Bisa naik nih darah tinggi gue gara-gara yang bego bego gini!"

"Udah udah, lo tidur sana! Gak usah dipikirin lagi, bikin capek!"

Nb: Cerita di atas hanyalah fiksi semata, namun saya ingin memberikan support kepada rekan-rekan gay dengan cara menyertakan gambar berikut ini:

Which one is your car?

2008-07-18T14:30:00.005+02:00

After ranting yet again to nobody specific, I need to put a smile on my, and your faces, again. I hope this very cute list of acronyms of automobile brands will do just that.

My dream car is an Audy Q7. Which one is yours?

ACURA - Another Crummy, Useless, Rotten Automobile

AMC - A Morons Car

AUDI - Accelerates Under Demonic Influence

BMW - Big Money Waste

BUICK - Big Ugly Import Car Killer

CADILLAC - Crazy And Demented Idiots Like Large American Cars

CHEVROLET - Cheap, Hardly Efficient, Virtually Runs On Luck Every Time

DODGE - Dead On Day Guarantee Expires

EDSEL - Every Day Something Else Leaks

FIAT - Failure In Automotive Technology

FORD - Fast Only Rolling Downhill

G. M. - Generally Miserable

GMC - Generally Mediocre Cars

HONDA - Had One, Never Do-that Again

HYUNDAI - How Your Usual Nerd Drives An Import

JEEP - Junk Engineering Executed Poorly

KIA - Kills In Accidents

M.G. - Money Guzzler

MAZDA - My Another Zany Detroit Assassin

MERCEDES - Most Eccentric Rich Capitalists Enjoy Driving Expensive Sedans

MITSUBISHI - Mostly In The Shop Undergoing Big Investments, Sometimes Halfway Incomplete

MUSTANG - Men Usually Stand Together And Never Go

NISSAN - Needless Innovations, Silly, Stupid, Automotive Nonsense

OLDSMOBILE - Overpriced, Leisurely Driven Sedan Made Of Buick's Irregular Leftover Equipment

PINTO - Put In Nickel To Operate

PLYMOUTH - Police Laugh, Young Men Ogle, All Underestimating This Heap

PONTIAC - People On Narcotics Think It's A Chevy

PORSCHE - Proof Of Rich Spoiled Children Having Everything

SAAB - Sad Attempt At Beauty

SUBARU - Screwed Up Beyond All Repair Usually

TOYOTA - Too Often Yankees Overprice This Auto

VOLKSWAGEN - Very Obsolete, Losers Knowingly Suffer With All German Engineered Nonsense

VOLVO - Very Odd Looking Vehicular Object

VW - Virtually Worthless

*More can be found here.

Dear Diary: A letter to (bitter) patriots

2008-07-18T14:17:00.001+02:00

Dear Patriots,

For the patriots who, if able, choose to make people like me keep our 'dirty laundry' under the rug.
For the patriots who accuses me and people like me of not being nationalistic enough.
For the patriots who think we should not learn from other cultures, take the good and try to apply it to our own.
For the patriots who think critiques towards the government, the corrupt or the negative aspect of our culture/mentality should not be made.
For the patriots who think people like me can only criticize and nothing else.
For the patriots who think that comparing (bad) things that happens in our country with another is blasphemous.
For the patriots who think we exaggerate about our lives outside (or in) Indonesia.
For the bitter, bitter patriots who can't think of anything better to do but criticize people like me who has nothing better to do but criticize the government, this is for you.

I have actually quoted this here, but I will do so once again, just because it is so beautiful and because I think it is relevant to this post.

When I was young and free and my imagination had no limits, I dreamed of changing the world.
As I grew older and wiser, I discovered the world would not change, so I shortened my sights somewhat and decided to change only my country.But it too seemed immovable.
As I grew into my twilight years, on one last desperate attempt, I settled for changing only my family, those closest to me, but alas, they would have none of it.
And now as I lay on my deathbed, I suddenly realize – if I had only changed myself first, then by example I might have changed my family. From their inspiration and encouragement I would then have been able to better my country and who knows, I may have changed the world

That, up there, is what you (dear patriot) should do, instead of trying to change others. Change yourself first and be the inspiration to others.

ps: I am but a mere ugly housewife who leads a boring life not worthy of attention or critique, certainly not enough to become somebody's pet peeve. ;)

I don't get people who...

2008-07-17T12:45:00.012+02:00

I don't get people who think they are smarter than others, thus they MUST get more recognition than their stupider counterparts.

I don't get people who like to eat moldy cheese infested with maggots.

Which is why I don't get the French.

I don't get all the hype about sushi or the Olsen twins. I think the Olsen twins look like trolls.

I don't get Indonesians who claim to love the country and culture but throws trash everywhere/pollute and go crazy over imported stuff/imported culture. (At least I ADMIT I love western culture)

I don't get men.

I don't get men's obsession with their dicks.

I don't get men who don't get our obsession with shoes.

I don't get Indonesians who think exotic looking women that caucasians find attractive are ugly. (There is beauty everywhere)

I don't get terrorists who think they are killing to please God and are sure of the virgins waiting for them in heaven.

I don't get Indonesians who criticizes other Indonesians for criticizing the government and accusing them of 'constantly criticizing the country and not doing anything to make it better', as if THEY are doing anything to make the country better.

I don't get many Indonesians' intense aversion to dangdut.

I don't get people who won't admit they are wrong when they are and won't apologize for being such a bitch.

I don't get Indonesian Muslims who drink alcohol, commits pre-marital sex or adultery, does drugs, has abortions, steals/is corrupt, does bad things, but WILL NOT eat pork. Does not eating pork overrides the other 'haram' factors?

(To show I am equally offensive with Christians as I am with Muslims)
I don't get Christians who, like Bush, hates stupid radical Islamists but are stupid and radical themselves.

I don't get men who think women are beneath them.

I don't get McCain, nor do I Obama.

I don't get people who think gays/HIV+/prostitutes/democrats/liberals/atheists/polytheists have any less rights than their narrow-minded, bigoted sorry little asses.

I don't get people who judge others in a minute by the cover.

I don't get Indonesians who think warteg food is so 'kampung' but is inclined towards American warteg foods such as McDonalds.

I don't get people who INSIST that people like me are living life as we wish, in sin and other orgasmic delights, just because we do not adhere to any religion.

I don't get people who says one thing but does another and constantly acts all holier than thou.

I don't get my bitchy colleague who I just described above.

I don't get churches with signs like this (but I like it..)

I don't get how some people can spend so much money on something frivolous like gambling while not wanting to spend on necessities.

I don't get why people don't like pepsi but like coke. I think they taste almost the same.

I don't get stupid and slow people.

Which is why I don't get myself.

Jaman dulu dan jaman sekarang

2008-07-17T12:33:00.000+02:00

Gue kemaren ini browsing blog rekan rekan yang berbahasa Indonesia, dan nemu blognya Ingki, yang linknya gue dapet dari Therry. Di post itu, Ingki menulis soal dirinya yang merupakan generasi TVRI, dan mengutip banyak hal yang hanya kita-kita para anggota generasi itu yang akan tahu dan ingat.

Gue jadi ikutan bernostalgia sesaat mengingat betapa banyaknya hal hal yang menurut gue dulu merupakan hal yang oke banget, dan sekarang sama sekali tidak oke apalagi oke banget.

Mungkin banyak diantara para pembaca (ciee, kaya banyak aja pembaca gue.. hehehehehe) yang tidak kenal nama-nama tokoh, acara TV, Majalah maupun judul-judul buku di bawah ini:

Losmen
Keluarga Cemara
Ria Jenaka
Pak Tino Sidin
Majalah Donal Bebek
Bobo
Album Minggu Kita
Hai
Srimulat
Si Huma
Gadis
Mode
Unyil
Komik Nina
Lima Sekawan

Rumah asa Depan
ACI
Septian Dwicahyo (nama orang ini gue lupa sebetulnya, berhari hari kepikiran, nanya suami, dia gak inget juga.. akhirnya gue inget temen SMP gue si Erwin yang gue YAKIN banget pasti inget nama ahli pantomim kita yang satu ini, trus tadi gue liat dia online di YM and then gue tanya.. eh bener loh.. dia ingetss!!! Thanks winn!!! Ternyata elo itu ada gunanya selain utk hal-hal porno!!!)

dan lain lain...

Gila, gue inget banget jaman itu, those were the times.

Waktu dulu, boro-boro playstation atau wii, punya Atari atau gamewatch (gimwoc) aja udah seneeeeng banget. Terus, kalo siang siang ke rumah temen ngajak maen, cukup dengan main karet, bekel, congklak, monopoli, kartu (cangkulan) dan sekali-kali tukeran kertas surat (Sanrio!!!) kita semua udah puas.

Uang jajan Rp. 500,- udah bisa beli es jolly, rambut nenek, otak otak, bakso atau somay, maenan keong yang diiket ke becak-becakan kecil, teh botol plus gulali warna ijo dan oranye yang bisa dibentuk-bentuk keren banget ama si abang-abang yang sudah hampir pasti tangannya selalu kotor dan penuh bakteri dan juga air seni (dan anehnya, tiap hari makan gituan gak pernah bikin gue sakit)

Hari minggu pagi, pasti gue udah bangun cepet, mandi dan bedakan (ini gue paling bingung, kenapa harus dibedakin ampe cemong? gak ada fungsinya sama sekali menurut gue, apalagi di muka), terus duduk anteng di depan TV untuk menunggu Si Unyil dan Little house on the Prairie. Itu tuh udah 'highlight of my weekend' banget (sembari weekend kita jaman itu cuma hari Minggu doang, Sabtu tetep sekolah, dan pake seragam pramuka).

Kalo malem, acara TV yang ditunggu itu sudah pasti Oshin, ChiPs terus Aneka Ria Safari (es a- ef a- er i, safariiiiiii!!) bersama Eddy Soed. Sekali sekali, kalau ada tayangan langsung yang sebenarnya tidak langsung seperti American Music Awards, Grammy atau Oscar, itu sudah membuat minggu, bahkan bulan itu menjadi sangat berarti, dan jadi bahan omongan di sekolah sama teman-teman selama beberapa hari setelahnya (Gila gue inget dulu ada siarang langsung fight Mike Tyson di thn '89, pas gue baru balik dari New Zealand, itu kita di sekolah gak belajar, yang ada guru guru dan murid murid nonton semua di sekolah. TV dibawa ke aula dan ditaruh di atas gitu, sementara kita nonton semua. Terus pas Mike Tyson menang, kita ramerame jalan keliling sekolah sambil teriak-teriak mengelu-elukan dia... hahaha)

Selain acara TV (yang pada saat itu sangatlah edukatif, tidak sampah seperti jaman sekarang), gue juga suka banget baca buku. Mulai dari komik Kho Ping Hoo, komik-komik Belgi macan Lucky Luke, Smurf, Tintin terus komik wayang mahabrata sampe novel macam Lima Sekawan, serial Noni, Lupus, Nancy Drew, Agatha Christie dan lain lain.

Dulu juga kayanya gue gak begitu banyak nonton film film barat, malah banyaknya nonton film seri kungfu, banyaknya nonton film Indonesia malah (gue inget banget pas bulan puasa dulu, mungkin sekitar tahun '85, bokap gue ngasih kompensasi 1 hari puasa dapet duit Rp. 1000,- dan jaman itu kalo sewa video- masih betamax, bukan VHS- sebiji masih gopek. Jadi gue 30 hari puasa dapet duit 30 ribu, dan seluruh duit itu gue pake untuk sewa film kungfu ulat sutera :p)

Aktor favorit gue saat itu jelaslah Yennie Rachman, Yessi Gusman, Roy Marten, Rano Karno dan Lidya Kandau. Walaupun gue juga suka (sembunyi-sembunyi) nonton film-film Barry Prima, Eva Arnaz dan Susana. Baru pas udah rada gedean (teenager) film Indonesia generasi 'baru' macam Catatan si Boy dan Lupus (dan Lola?) menjadi tontonan gue juga, dengan bintang bintang idola baru seperti Merriem Bellina, Paramitha Rusady, Dede Yusuf dan Onky Alexander.

Setelah gue nostalgila sesaat, gue jadi bandingin semua itu dengan hal-hal yang dinikmati anak-anak jaman sekarang. Anak-anak jaman sekarang kan hidupnya penuh dengan kecanggihan game consoles tuh, dengan generasi baru teknologi dan entertainment-lah. Belum lagi jajanan mereka yang maha mahal di mall-mall, akses mereka ke komputer dan internet, dan anak kecil masih TK sudah punya HP, plus beragam macam acara televisi dan juga film-film di bioskop maupun DVD yang bisa mereka tonton setiap saat.

Tapi anehnya, udah enak gitu, gue masih sering banget ngeliat anak-anak tersebut seperti bosan dengan semua yang mereka miliki. Asli, itu gue bingung banget. Kenapa jaman gue kecil, maen maenan yang simple, baca buku dan nonton hiburan yang 'katro' udah seneng banget, tapi anak jaman sekarang sepertinya (mungkin) selalu kurang?

Gila, gue ngebayangin kalau jaman gue kecil itu udah ada wii, ada internet, ada film-film kartun kaya jaman sekarang, udah orgasme kali gue...

Nah, menurut lo, apa yang membuat anak-anak jaman kita dulu dan generasi sekarang begitu berbeda? (ya selain jamannya lah..)

XXX Wedding Cakes!

2008-07-16T22:01:00.015+02:00

If I had known they made cakes like these, I'd have gotten one for our wedding. Which one would you like to have on your wedding???

*Warning: prim and proper people might not like these pictures, but then again, if you are all prim and proper, you must be lost here cos this blog is definitely not for you!

A psycho's 10 step guide to get a husband

2008-07-16T12:34:00.011+02:00

You smell romance in the air. You are on day 4 of your break-up and are finally over that one-testicled crazy sonofabitch who left you after ~~two months of your precious time invested in a cheap no-good hairy bastard~~ a two month relationship. All just because you used his credit card in a shopping spree with your mother, his ex-future mother-in-law, in the sales because you were being such a good girlfriend and was thinking of ways to save him money yet he had the guts to call you crazy while you were in fact saving him even more money by buying your mother christmas presents now while prices are slashed rather than December when prices are the highest.
You are going out again with your only 2 girlfriends, one of which is as psychotic as you are, the other people tell you is an imaginary friend because apparently only you can see her. You think people are mean to say this in front of her, and even meaner that they act as if she really is invisible. You are convinced the only reason people can hardly see her is because she is so thin as a result of one or four eating disorders.

You are feeling vulnerable but ready to fall in love again. You and your girlfriends are scanning the room for the next ~~poor bastard~~ love candidate but not quite sure of what to do. You scour the internet and you find nothing, no guide to help you, nada, zilch.

Well, fear no more my dears, because Dr. Strangelove aka gay caucasian male in a catsuit a la Freddie Mercury trapped in my body is queer... and here.

Below are the 10 steps I have written for you, from how to find the right guy to ensuring your marriage to him sooner than getting a mortgage loan approval from the bank.

1. Check his fingers for a wedding ring. If you can't see any, check his friends' fingers for any wedding rings. If you see none, walk away.
A surefire way to easily win a man's heart is do so with a married man's heart. When you are in a bar and spot a man, be sure to chat up a married man. The fact that he is already married proves he is not a commitment freak, plus a married man's heart, especially one who is married to a pitiful excuse of a woman who looks like Borat's fugly first wife, is easier to win, thus will give you a self-confidence boost. If you have your eyes set on a married man surrounded by single friends, it's a no-go. His single friends will influence him into picking a girl who is hotter than you. You are a wolf waiting for a herd of stupid sheeps, therefore, find a herd of married men, preferably who are half-assed drunk. You will conquer them easily.

2. Be Clingy and Possessive. When you have finally found ~~the poor shmuck of the month~~ the man of your dreams, do not let him go easily. Contrary to popular belief, men love their women possessive and clingy. It makes them feel all important and godly. If he tells you not to call and text all the time, especially when he is out with friends or in a work meeting, you should not listen to him. You have to keep texting and calling him to prove how much you love and miss him. Men ALWAYS say no when they mean yes, and his saying, "Bitch, do not contact me anymore, I have put a restraining order against you" is just a way to test your tenacity. In the end, if you show him you are persistent enough, he WILL make you his wife.

3. Do NOT wait to put out. No man likes to wait too long for what he can get easily for $20. Let him know you are ready and available but be imaginative and mysterious while doing so. For example, leave him yellow post-it notes with sexy messages or photos of you in sexy lingerie in his wallet, inside the pockets of his jacket, back pocket of his pants and other places to make him anticipate his time being with you when he finds them. If his wife finds the notes or photos and feels even more inadequate because of your smoking hot photos, that will be nice a bonus for you.

4. Stop talking in "I"s and start using "we"s to let your beau know you are serious. If there is one thing men hate is a woman who is aloof and values herself too highly. Stop being all independent and focusing on yourself too much and instead start acting that you are an extension of him. Dumb down a little to make him feel good a superior and ALWAYS refer to yourself as "the missus" and talk in "we"s all the time. It will boost his self-confidence and make him love you even more.

5. Show him how jealous you can be. You have to be imaginative and play up the drama. Act like you are really jealous when you pick him up from his office and see him talking to a female colleague, then threaten to stalk or harass her. Be EXTRA jealous of his wife. Show him you can't live without him by threatening to commit suicide or terrorize his wife and children if he ever tries to leave you or sleep with his wife. Trash talk all women, especially his female colleagues. All this pretend jealousy will unconsciously make him love you even more, but you must be patient.

6. Even if you earn more than him, do not let him know about it. Instead, pretend like you are poor and need financial help. Ask for money, clothes, jewelry, an apartment, a car, a new wardrobe and other extravagant things. This will show him how you need him and when he buys you all those stuff, it will leave him feeling like Donald Trump, all rich and important. Do not forget to reward him with sex every time he buys you something over $20.

7. Trash talk ALL your exes, your father and brothers too. To make your new ~~victim~~ boyfriend feel even more important, like he is the only man - the BEST man in your life, you must never say anything good about any other man. This is possible by letting him know that all your exes suck, their penises are as minuscule as their bank accounts, your dad is a mean drunk and that your brothers (if any) are good for nothing incestuous wife beaters.

8. Let him know you are interested to meet his family. Even if he wants to keep his relationship with you a secret, we all know honesty is the best policy. To pave the way to a healthy and honest relationship, go behind his back and visit his parents, siblings and even wife. Do not forget to bring homemade cookies with you to show them you are an invaluable asset if you are to become his second wife.

9. Try to get yourself pregnant with his baby as soon as possible. If he is inclined to have a baby with you, you have to think of other creative ways to make that happen, one of which involves a turkey baster. E-mail me for details on how a turkey baster can help you get pregnant without him knowing about it.

10. Let him know of the good news with careful planning. When you are finally pregnant, careful planning on how and where you tell him the good news is crucial in the whole plan to make him your permanent beau. You can tell him to meet you somewhere romantic, where you will wait for him in a wedding dress, bringing with you 10 positive pregnancy and paternity test results. He will be even more ecstatic if you have your wedding all planned in which you can just hand him the bill to save him from all the fuss and stress of wedding planning.

My top 25 favorite songs of all time

2008-07-15T22:53:00.009+02:00

I am feeling very sentimental tonight and spent many hours browsing youtube for videos of my favorite songs. I listened to a bunch of songs and decided to make my top 25 list of favorite songs of all time.

I thought of putting all videos here, but since there are too many, I thought I'll just put links instead. Do click and listen to these amazing songs because these are examples of GREAT music from the past. Musicians don't make music like these anymore.

In case you are wondering, I mainly listen to progressive rock, jazz, soul and funk from the 1970s and 80s, which is why (maybe) some of you are not familiar with the names of the artists or the songs.

1. King of Pain - The Police (I am absolutely in love with STING - since I was 10!)
2. Street Life- Randy Crawford
3. Faithfully - Journey
4. Woman in chains - Tears for Fears
5. Louisiana Sunday Afternoon - Diane Schuur
6. Carpet Crawlers - Genesis
7. River Man - Nick Drake
8. Move on up - Curtis Mayfield
9. Gypsy woman - Brian Hyland
10. Breathe - Pink Floyd
11. Telephone line - Electric Light Orchestra
12. Your latest trick - Dire Straits
13. Good Enough - Sarah Mclachlan
14. Ruthless Queen - Kayak
15. I talk to the wind - King Crimson
16. River - Joni Mitchell
17. Through the Barricades - Spandau Ballet
18. Proud Mary - Tina Turner
19. I'm in you - Peter Frampton
20. Prophet Song - Queen
21. Higher Ground - Stevie Wonder
22. It's Alright (Baby's Coming back) - Eurythmics
23. Juicy - Roy Hargrove fet. Renee Neufville
24. Down on the street - Shakatak
25. I don't know - Noa

There you go, my top 25 favorites, I hope you enjoyed it as much as I did. Some people say that they can tell how a person is from their favorite songs. I don't know whether it's true, but if it is, then you be the judge.

*Update: I would love to see you guys make your own top 25 (or 10, or 15, or 30 or whatever) of your favorite songs of all time! Please let me know if and when you do!

My analysis on the current security situation in Indonesia

2008-07-13T16:31:00.016+02:00

Apparently Washington has liften its travel warning to Indonesia in May due to "objective improvements" of the security situation, althought the US Ambassador to Indonesia said on Wednesday that Terror in Indonesia Still Exists.

Well, I, for one, am glad the the US has liften its travel warning and things that there are improvements of the security situation in Indonesia, despite the recent arrest of 10 terror suspects with a cache of powerful bombs in South Sumatra.

Maybe the 10 terror suspects and their powerful bombs has nothing on gangsters and terrorists in the US what with their UZIS, bazookas, c4 explosives, M16s, missiles, biological weapons, and nuclear warheads (this top secret info was given to me by agent Jack Bauer of the Los Angeles Counter Terrorist Unit, which automatically makes it reliable and very true) which has never deterred any Indonesians to travel to the US.

I think it's about time the realized it's safer to travel to Indonesia where the biggest thread for a mr. bule is to be chased by a flock of chicken for a bit of what is inside his wallet. No bombs there, although a visit to the friendly STD specialist after he gets back is highly advisable.

Our dear President Susilo Bimbang Youdontknow has urged Australia to lift its similar travel warning to no avail with Canberra citing persistent threats to foreigners.

I think Canberra has a reason, considering the 10 terrorist suspects detained Bukittinggi was targeting to bomb 'Cafe Beduda' in Bukittinggi, Sumatra, a once popular cafe among European, Australian tourists, but has since 1999 been more popular with local patrons (a.k.a. Indonesian Muslims) which was why they changed their minds and didn't go ahead with the bombing as planned, as it would result in more Muslim victims and only 4-5 infidel victims, tops.

Maybe Canberra could lift the travel warning but advise Australians who wants to visit Indonesia, its' cafes, clubs, strip clubs, hotels, spas, Taman Mini Indonesia, Malls, Monas and any other tourist destinations to go in small groups of maximum 5 persons and at all times stay close to a big groups of Indonesians, preferably Muslims (and do not at any time go in a church, temples and synagogues) as to lessen the attractive factor for terrorists to attack them.

Although Indonesia has improved and became safer now compared to 2002, I can't help but notice that the country is no only safer for tourists and the majority peace loving Indonesians, but also for trouble makers like FPI (Islamic Defenders Front who funnily defends violence and ignorance and tarnishes the name of their own religion), terrorists with bomb fetishes and the corrupt.

As for the corrupt, I have written about this in an earlier post about how the corrupt will walk free because even now, we still do not have a strong law that will pin them down and punish their sorry behinds.

And then there are the FPI loving Ministers of this country, and the fact that somehow, Indonesia has become a safe haven for terrorists on the run.

An article in the Jakarta Post have reported an alleged Islamic militant, Mas Selamat Kastari, who escaped from a Singaporean jail, may have fled to neighboring Indonesia.

Indonesian police Chief Sutanto said "it was possible" Kastari may be in Indonesia, where he could try to link up with other members of Jemaah Islamiyah, the regional terror group blamed for the 2002 Bali bombings and other attacks.

Kastari is a Singaporean citizen but of Malay ethnicity. Indonesia's nearest islands are a 45-minute boat ride from Singapore.

Singapore says he is a key Jemaah Islamiyah leader wo once plotted to crash a jetliner into the country's international airport.
"Kastari may well prefer being in Indonesia because he speaks the same language and has a similar face to people here," he said."It is easier to hide here than in Singapore."

The last paragraph is kinda racist, as if all Indonesians look like Kastari. A serious slap in the face for Indonesia Chinese, Indonesian Eurasians, Indonesian Arabasians, Sundanese, Irian Jayans, Balinese, Menadonese, Nusa Tenggarans and any other Indonesians who look nothing like Kastari. What an awful generalization, Chief Sutanto, you may look like him, but the rest of us surely don't. Shame on you!

The reason why Kastari has fled to Indonesia is not because he allegedly looks similar to the average Joko, but due to the many Osama and Saddam loving Indonesians out there that will gladly offer hospitality once they know who Kastari is and how busy he has been in his efforts to wipe out dirty infidels and non believers from the face of the earth and then unite under OsamabinLadenism.

Don't believe me? Just ask these guys yourself!

Make no mistake, Indonesia is a country with a set of tough laws. Tough when it comes to drug smugglers like Schapelle Corby (life imprisonment), people who murder many to gain magical powers (death penalty) but a rather lenient set of laws when it comes to terrorism (Jemaah Islamiyah leaders, responsible for the Bali bombing getting only 15 years)

But these do not matter, as long a the US (and hopefully Australia) lifts their travel warnings and their Ambassadors publicly attesting to the improvement of Indonesia's current security situation.

With that being said, I'd like to say, "Hooray for our all new and improved security!"

'Age that I wish to get back to' tag and a blog award

2008-07-13T07:25:00.003+02:00

The sweet Bilbo just honored me with this award. I told him that I was an XXXtraordinary blogger, as I am sure others would agree with me.

Thanks Bilbo, it is so sweet of you to acknowledge me and my blog!!

And while we are still talking about blog awards, although every single blogger that I have in my blogroll deserve this award, on this particular day I would like to give out this award to:
- Rob Baiton for his consistency in updating his blog with many interesting and witty daily posts,
- Mbak Elyani for her inspiring blog posts and to show me how a woman can be so graceful and not boring (a skills which I have not been able to master..lol),
- GJ for being the charming and dashing banana loving monkey blogger who has a penchant for Batik,
- Loraine aka yoyen for showing us how married women can be inspirational and intelligent in her wonderful blog,
last but not least,
- Miss Lai lai whose blog posts make me smile, think and sometimes, sad...

Bravo to you guys!!

Now for the tag I have gotten from Woelank, in which I have been tagged to write about a particular age that if possible, I could go back to..

The rules are:

Title: Age That I Wish To Go Back To

Requirement: Write about the one age that you wish to go back to and why?

Tag Mode: 5 bloggers

1st - You list 5 bloggers you want to tag and link their blogs

2nd - Let the blogger you want to tag know they been tagged by comment in their blog or etc.

I wish to go back to when I was 9, (not naming the year here lol) but on one condition: with the knowledge and wisdom I have now.

I won't get into details, but I think that age was crucial for me, it was the start of my demise.
That was also the age I was when our family moved to New Zealand. I have many fond memories of those days and I would love to be able to relive it all again. One of my fondest memories was when I was a student at Kelson School, I have a teacher named Don Crampton who is by far the best teacher I have ever had! This here is a picture of me and my class (If you see closely, the year has been erased, this is so that I could 'protect my interests')

Those were the good old days.

Some of you maybe wondering what I meant with "the start of my demise", well, I have made some stupid decisions in my life, and I know that it all started when I was 9. If I could do it all again, I might have been what I wanted to be by the time I was 21. Now I am several years older than 21 (yeah, I keep on lying to myself..) and I still haven't achieved what I wanted.

I haven't a lot to say about my 'stupid decisions', at least, not here anyway. But despite those decisions, I still have plenty to be grateful about, as you can see from my 100 things posts.

I know I'm sounding a bit incoherent today, I apologize. It is the result of the late night I had with mr. husband and a bottle of wine.

Ok, so the bloggers that I am tagging now for this are: The writer, Diny Patterson, Katadia, Ecky and Dotsson.

Enjoy reminiscing your earlier days guys!

My reply to John Orford

2008-07-11T09:43:00.007+02:00

This is something I wrote as a reply to John Orford's latest blog post titled 'So Special'.

________

Indonesians are special, in our own way, as you are in yours.

Infidelity doesn't belong only to Indonesians, those who think that way are either really dumb or really stupid. I know plenty of americans, british, australians etc that can't keep their self extensions in their pants.

Some parts of Indonesia are really dangerous, as are some parts of Europe, America, UK etc.

Indonesian food is the BEST. Indonesian food can kick Thai food on it's butt, and Malaysian and Singaporean and Chinese and Korean and Japanese and still have enough strength to kick other foods from other countries.

Indonesian women rate themselves so high cos some expats in Indonesia think all Indonesian women are 'chickens'

The 99% of spooks and magic that 'vanish' into thin air is because European soil reeks of sceptisism, it's people too. One word about all this hocus pocus, and they think we are loco Asians.

On the religion bit, I agree with you completely.

About the pribumi bit, also on board with you.

Many in our country are corrupt and dishonest, especially the government and the people in it. But it has slowly turned into a common mentality, which is very dangerous. You having been put up by many Indonesian families, many you didn't know that well, are either pretty lucky or because your skin color is not brown. You will not be able to see this very clearly unless you have found a way to become a real-life brown Indonesian man, or live there for a long time.

Contrary to popular belief, so many of the street hawkers and poor people in Indonesia have honest hearts compared to those who travel in a chauffered-driven sedans.

But for the last part you said about how good and bad are everywhere, not only in Indonesia, that is very true, although I still think Indonesia is pretty special.

News to make you smile

2008-07-11T07:21:00.001+02:00

I want to share a news that made me smile. I think it will also make you smile, not a 'because it's funny' smile, but a 'because kindness and compassion still exist' kind of smile.

The Jakarta Post have reported of poor patients getting free surgery.

Hundreds of patients lined up Saturday for free surgery at the Defense Ministry's Suyoto Rehabilitation Center in Bintaro, South Jakarta.

The free surgery program is being held to mark the center's 40th anniversary, Dr. Indrayani, a member of the program's organizing committee, told the Post.

"This social service activity involves 50 specialist doctors, 13 general practitioners, 94 nurses and 302 volunteers serving the patients over the two-day period," she said.

All registered patients were required to undergo a series of health tests at the center. Only 640 out of more than a thousand who registered met the requirements for the free surgery.

"Today, we plan to operate on up to 233 cataract patients, 70 hernia patients, 14 cleft lip patients, 96 minor tumor patients and 69 major tumor ones," Dr. Indrayani said.

She said Sunday's surgeries would include 106 cataract, 10 labioschisiz and 42 major tumor patients.

Defense Ministry spokesman Brig. Gen. Slamet Riyanto said this was the largest social service program of its kind ever held at the center, while Defense Ministry secretary Lt. Gen. Syafrie Syamsudin said lower income patients deserved access to the center's medical facilities.

Internet interesting finds of the day: Upside down words and TV links

2008-07-11T06:08:00.004+02:00

I got this link from richoz, (thanks choz, many friends are asking what I did to make this happen! You da man!! lol)

¡¡ǝɹǝɥ ʞɔıןɔ ¿sıɥʇ ǝʞıן ǝdʎʇ oʇ ǝןqɐ ǝq ɐuuɐʍ

Ok, now on to links with streaming TV Series and Movies. As I promised Rangga Praduwiratna in his tech blog, I will now give out links to enable you to watch movies and TV series before it even hit your friendly neighborhood pirate DVD vendor. Yes, I am aware of sounding like a TV/Movie junkie or pirate myself, but I know so many of these links that I feel guilty not to share it with you guys. For those of you living in countries in Germany and the Netherlands where you can no longer download stuff, these links are very useful.

For obscure and artsy movies, I still opt for torrent downloads and such, as it is still not very easy to find available streaming links.

The top links for TV Series are:
Surf the Channel (also for movies)
Sidereel
TV Shack (also for movies)
Great Stuff TV
Project Free TV (also for movies)

The best link for Movies I have found so far is 66 Stage but you can take things further by visiting OVGuide, which is a search engine for streaming TV and Movie links and find all sorts of stuff there. OVGuide has links to sport, comedy, cartoon, Asian channel and all sorts of other channels as well.

I recommend the following summer movies for you to see; Hancock, The happening, Wanted and In Bruges, all of which you can find in 66 Stage.

As for TV Series, these are what I recommend; For dramedies, be sure to watch Burn Notice, Breaking Bad, Eli Stone and Weeds. For action/horror drama, Life, Fringe and Supernatural aren't bad at all, and for drama, catch this summer's Swingtown and Secret Diary of a Call Girl. No reality show recommendations from me except for She's Got the Look, an american otp model-like show with a twist, all contestants have to be above 35 yrs old. For this one, you can go to this you tube channel to get all the episodes.

By this point, I know it is obvious I am a TV/Movie junkie, I unashamedly admit that I am. Mr.Husband and I try to watch a program together every night before we go to sleep. This will be that one hour of watching something we both love, (or something one of us do and influenced the other to love it as well) while cuddling under a blanket together (it's a strange summer this year, 11th of July and the weather is still between 12 and 23 degrees, so sue me for still needing a blanket!)

So there you go everybody, I hope this link can keep you occupied this summer (for those who have nothing better to do, of course!) ENJOY!

*take note, Veoh TV cannot work in Indonesia, so people residing in Indonesia should try megavideo, youku an tudou links instead. (let it load for a while). Veoh works fine in Europe, and the quality is probably the best. **some links like hulu and direct links from cbs and abc only work in the US, but there is almost always another link that will work in your area. ***AVOID links that require you to install something called ZANGA. This is a no-no.

Have we lost the right to a blog topic?

2008-07-10T07:03:00.004+02:00

I have recently discovered here that apparently there are different kinds of bloggers (And no, not 'personal' or 'niche' bloggers, because according to this, all blogs are niche blogs. Your niche can be rants or chick-lit or politics or technology, it doesn't matter. By definition, niche is: a position particularly well suited to the person who occupies it; "he found his niche in the academic world". This clearly makes a food blog FULL of recipes a niche blog too!) You can see Mack's list below:

1 - The Godfather. He invented blogging, and then wrote the first book on the subject. One link from him will give your blog as much traffic as it gets in a month. Likewise, if you piss him off, he will flame you, which is the same as credibility-suicide. As a result, no one has the stones to tell him that he hasn't made a lick of sense since at least 2003.

2 - The Conference Groupie. Attends each and every blogging conference, clapping furiously at every A-Lister's speech and giving meticulous accounts of how he met every A-Lister that attended, although none of them will admit to meeting this blogging everyman on their own blogs.

3 - I call bullshit. The blogger that loves to hit every A-Listers' blog, trying to knock them out of their ivory towers, and back down to earth. Calls them all windbag assholes, but secretly envies their superior links and traffic.

4 - Diamond in the rough. The blogger that no one has heard of, that makes more sense than all the other A-Listers combined. Since she has authored no books, and doesn't work for a major company, she isn't taken seriously. Of course, when she finally reaches a few hundred links (or starts doing the blogging conference circuit), other A-Listers can then acknowledge her existance, and she becomes an A-Lister overnight.

5 - The namer. This blogger knows that no true A-Lister has ever achieved this elite status without publishing a book. Since he realizes that he has nothing book-worthy to say, he re-names existing concepts thinking that a new name to an old idea, will equal a new idea.

6 - The pseudo-sage. States the incredibly obvious, while other bloggers act like he just invented String Theory. Such as:'We overlook the simple things. The key to selling more soap is marketing to people that take baths'.

7 - The Tipping Point - Blogger who suddenly realizes that he's now getting love from A-Listers and his every post, no matter how banal or meaningless, is getting link-love. TP is perplexed by this sudden rush of blog-love, until he realizes that he just got his 500th link.

8 - The hack. Has built her empire by posting 20 times a day, not by saying anything memorable. She's an A-Lister, but wants to be taken seriously for her knowledge, not traffic and links. As a result, she is constantly trying to get meaningless memes started, with the disclaimer that 'I think we need to start a conversation about this'. No one ever takes the bait.

9 - The would-be consultant. Constantly blogs about how every major company is 'getting it wrong'. No matter what they say or do, this blogger is convinced that they could do it better. Scratch that....they could do it better IF THEY HIRED HIM.

10 - The lister. Constantly makes lists in a cheap attempt to start a meme.

I am not sure which category I fall into, but I'm pretty sure I'm not in the nasty categories.

I posted several months ago about the reason I blogged and some people commented with their reasons as well. Although I do not care so much for rankings (well, maybe a wee bit, but I don't obsess about it) I do enjoy the popularity and the new friends it brings me.

When I see the visitor count drop, I try to come up with posts I think people would like. When I feel to tired to write, I don't. When I see something or have something on my mind I think would make a good blog entry, I will make it into one. It's as simple as that.

I have been blogging since '97, but more diary and photo blogging, not like what I do now. I have blogged in geocities, in friendster and two other blog providers which names I don't remember.

I have started this blog 5 months ago, and find it a real relief from everyday stress because I can vent out and say anything I want, within normalcy.

I have great respect for my fellow bloggers, no matter what they blog about. They may blog about politics, religions, social issues, human rights issues, technology, design, daily life, opinions, fashion, diary, personal stuff, song lyrics, recipes, photos or any other topics, I still think each and every single one of us are special, have special talents and are able to shine and attract visitors in their own ways.

For those of you who are first time visitors, Hello, I am an Indonesian blogger. FYI, many Indonesians blog. Which brings me to the Indonesian blogosphere, a funny funny sphere.

There are many intelligent Indonesian bloggers out there, not surprising for me - being one myself (yes, I am aware of appearing like a big headed blogger, but my head is bigger than average since birth), but some take their blogging, well, way too seriously.

There have been a mention about how some of us are posting hateful, snarky posts concerning a certain religion, social status and a certain stereotype. Personally, I dislike any kind of radicalism, no matter what religion, cult, belief it comes from. I also dislike our corrupt government, which is why I rant a lot about that. I could care less about social or marital status, and stereotypes, well, most of us stereotype whetherwe are aware of it or not.

Back to the previous paragraph, I don't think I'm one of those hateful bloggers, but maybe other people see it differently? Perhaps, but perhaps not. One thing I believe for sure is that we are all free to voice out our opinions.

If I am mistaken, and we are not allowed to write what we want in our own blogs, then I apologize. But the last time I checked, we can do whatever we want in our own blogs and of course, suffer the consequences of our posts and actions, if any. So that is fair enough, methinks.

I think I have the right to post any topic I see fit in my blog. Although different people have different ideas of what is 'fit' and what is not. But that is another topic for another post.

Today, I just want to ask you all, have we lost the right to a blog topic? What do you think is a blog topic taboo and why? What do you think should be the line? Why do you think what you blog about is more important than others? Come on, I want to hear from you!

20 signs you're a blog addict

2008-07-08T11:27:00.000+02:00

1. You wake up in the morning and the first thing on your mind is, "I wonder who've read my post last night and how many comments it generated!"

2. You have many 'friends' whose real name you don't know

3. You have more 'friends' whose face you've never even seen.

4. You get a panic attack when your internet connection is down.

5. When your internet is down, you check your computer every 2 minutes to see if the internet connection is back.

6. You don't know what to do when the internet is down, although you have a perfectly working TV, radio, karaoke machine and a bunch of books.

7. You still don't know what to do even when you have a perfectly functioning man beside you asking you for 'cookies and cream'.

8. You become a more observant person if only to see whether or not your observations will make a good blog post.

9. You develop 'sore wrists' from a perfectly normal repeated activity that you are not ashamed to do even in front of your boss.

10. As your blog visitor number increases, you think of buying your own domain and generate income from it.

11. Soon, you will not be content with just one blog, you will have several.

12. You will be obsessed with your technorati rank and visitor stats.

13. You will talk about your blog(s) with your real life friends and convince them to read it (them).

14. You will use your blog URLs as your e-mail signature.

15. You publish a risqué entry only to think about whether you should delete the post or let it be.

16. If you delete it, you will regret it.

17. If you let it be, you will have your stomach in a knot when you check the comments it generated the next day.

18. You try to be as witty as possible, although sometime people might think you are desperate.

19. No day passes by without blogwalking to your favorite blogs, sometimes night, morning, evening, dawn you name it.

20. You know by heart at least 10 of your favorite blogs URLs and/or the title of their latest entries.

ps: if you identify with at least 7, you are a blog addict. Don't be ashamed, I identify with at least 20 of them!

About us: A(n almost lesbian) Love Story

2008-07-07T11:03:00.004+02:00

She visited my blog, and commented in one of my Indonesian movie reviews. I saw what she wrote and was a little bit intrigued.

She came to my blog more often and always commented on my blog entries. By then I was more than a bit intrigued.

So, I started coming to her blog too, and tried to sum up what kind of person she is from her blog entries. I liked what I saw and also left comments.

We started chatting a few weeks after our 'blog connection' and found out that we have so many things in common. But what is most important was, I felt comfortable chatting with her, as if I've known her for ages!

She even kept me company well into the still of the night when Mr. Husband was thousands of miles away (and when he was back, which made him a bit jealous and thought she was a 'he', but then I showed him her blog, facebook, pictures and pictures of her dog and her man. That did the trick in convincing him she was a female friend)

She and I might have been sisters or lovers in another lifetime, I don't know. But having two brothers and no sisters, I have had quite a hard time fitting in with girls. To be this in sync with a girl made me happy.

Now, four months into our 'relationship', things are so comfortable between us that we sometimes finish each other's sentences. Another funny thing, I start to worry if I don't see her online for more than a day.

We have such similar sense of humor and sometimes, even similar thoughts, which is something eerie because it's what I have only with my brothers and husband.

I don't even share this kind of connection with my best friend!
I guess she is my best blog friend.

If you are curious as to who this wonderfully cute girl who claims she has wonderful luvly boobies is, click here to visit her blog.

What's in a name?

2008-07-05T17:39:00.003+02:00

Nothing. Except when it's God's name.

According to the Jakarta Post, a Sikh group in Malaysia is demanding the right to use the world "Allah" as a synonym for God and has joined a legal battle by Christians against a government order banning non-Muslims from using it.

The Malaysian Gurdwaras Council filed an application at the Kuala Lumpur High Court on Tuesday seeking to join a suit by The Herald, a Roman Catholic newspaper, against the government over use of the word "Allah," said council President Sardar Jagir Singh.

The Home Ministry previously ordered the newspaper not to use the word "Allah" in its Malay-language publication as a translation for God, saying using the word would confuse Muslims. The Herald then filed suit, claiming it had a right to use the word.

Jagir said his council, representing more than 100,000 Sikhs, wanted to join the suit because the ruling would affect them.

The word Allah appears on "numerous occasions" in the Sikh holy book, Guru Granth Sahib, he told The Associated Press. "Not a word can be altered. It's our holiest book ... it will mean we can't practice our own religion."
The Herald - which publishes in English, Malay, Mandarin and Tamil - says "Allah" is an Arabic word that predates Islam and has been used for centuries to mean "God" in Malay.

The government has not explained how the use of "Allah" by other religions would confuse Muslims, but apparently wants to draw a sharp distinction between the Islamic God and all other deities.

The case is an example of increasing complaints by religious minorities in Malaysia that their rights have been undermined by government efforts to bolster the status of Islam, the country's official religion.
In a separate case, the Sabah Evangelical Church of Borneo has filed a lawsuit in an effort to be allowed to use "Allah" after officials last year banned the import of books containing the word. Hearings in that case are still in the preliminary stages.

I know unlike their Malaysian counterpart, Indonesian Muslims have no problem with their God's name used by Christians in Indonesia, mostly because Indonesian Christians are not familiar with their God's name, which according to the Old testament is YHWH or Yahweh..

I have a friend who is a devout Christian who refuses to use the name 'Allah' but chooses to use the original God's name as written in the Old testament. He was in a group that was trying to educate their fellow Indonesian Christians of this name, and to put it in wider use.

One day, we had a debate about this with his group and some Indonesian Christians that would not give up the name 'Allah'. Their argument was that God, doesn't think how the name is pronounced is crucial. What matters is that they call to Him with a sincere heart. Of course, that made sense. That's what many people have been saying all this time, we pray to the same God, only we call him different names.

But the minute my friend argued back, what he said made more sense to me at the time. He said, "Does God care what we call Him? Of course He does. He will not hear your prayers if you call him 'Lucifer' or 'Satan', will He? For example, if you ask Satan for help, Satan's help is what you will get. So you have to be careful of what you call Him."

However, that was then. I am now unassuming enough not to insist that I know God's 'real' name and just call him God, Lord, Father or even 'The Creator' whenever I speak of Him/Her or on the times I remember to pray, just to be on the safe side.

What's in a name? When it comes to God, everything.