The Sensible Garbage

Just Another List of Questions - Open letter to Mr. Kejriwal

noreply@blogger.com (Unknown) — Fri, 07 Mar 2014 19:21:00 +0000

Dear Mr. Kejriwal,

Since you have a penchant for asking questions through a list, here are a few that I would like to get answers for. Before you dismiss it or trash my letter, let me also remind you that I am one of the many 'common man' who had voted and campaigned for you in Delhi Assembly elections. Your actions of late have left a lot to be desired. I don't know where you seek your feedback from these days but as a well wisher let me tell you that your current coterie that gives you a positive feedback about your methods may prove to be your greatest undoing.

1. You said that corruption was the biggest problem that plagued the nation. i was convinced about the same. However, you chose to change your stance in a meeting some days back and said that it was communalism and not corruption that was the biggest problem. This leaves me confused. On what basis did you change your stance? Was it the crowd that you wanted to appease or was it the tougher competition in the form of Modi who would otherwise have been difficult to pin down with corruption talks?

2. If communalism is indeed the biggest problem, tell me a single point in your manifesto for Delhi elections where you had addressed it? I didn't find a mention of anything remotely related to communalism in the 18 points for which you sought support from other political parties supporting you in the Vidhan Sabha.

3. Janlokpal, as proposed by you, will not get passed in the Vidhan Sabha even if you have 70 MLAs as it needs the Centre's approval. Will you resign again if I vote you in Delhi assembly elections?

4. Before coming to power you had talked about 50% reduction in my electricity bills and free water supply. I also knew that you were dead opposed to Ambani's way of working. Hence, I did not suspect that there could be riders to your freebie marked with a "conditions apply". Why shouldn't I feel cheated by the treatment meted out to me? You had also said during your campaign that the water meters could be manipulated. How do I believe that the faulty meter gives a correct calculation of 667l of water?

5. You are against paid opinion polls. There was a survey conducted by your party member, the well known psephologist Mr. Yogendra Yadav. We took it seriously as it came from someone as popular and learned as him. He predicted 47 out of 70 seats. The results however were not as forthcoming. Would you also club Dr. Yadav's poll survey with the other paid poll surveys and trash it? Will he do another one for you prior to the Lok Sabha elections 2014?

6. You failed to sight 'opportunists' like Binny and Tina Sharma. Isn't there a bright chance that there will be some more moles in your lists for Lok Sabha elections? Can you vouch for each of your candidates? We need a clarification because a lot of your candidates don't have a political background that we can dig into to find their previous leanings. We have suffered immensely at the hands of unscrupulous leaders and had pinned hopes on you because of your credentials. But we had a sense of deja vu with some of your MLAs like Binny (who looked opportunist), Rakhi (who made a mountain out of a mole hill when a ball hit her car) and Somnath Bharti (whose language was unbecoming of an elected representative and a minister).

7. After the Binny incident just after your decision to form Government, you said that all was well and Binny had not asked for a post. But later when he quit your party, you did a U-turn and said that Binny had asked for a post. I take your point that Binny was an opportunist but did you too lie the first time around? You have always talked about truth and transparency in politics. Was it political compulsion that forced you to say so earlier or was it just the inexperience at play?

8. This question is not a direct one but related. I have seen Somnath Bharti, my MLA once when he came to campaign. I went up to him, shook his hands and confirmed my support without knowing him personally. I was risking my good personal relation with my close neighbour who is a functionary with BJP. But it was okay, as personal relations shouldn't actually matter when you choose a Government for a larger cause. It's been 3 months now. Mr. Somnath has never come to my area. Since I have not seen him, can you let me know on his behalf if he was elected MLA for Malviya Nagar or only for Khirki extension? Or, did he visit us as a batman at 3 in the night on a cold winter night and I failed to sight him?

9. Did your office really request for the two 5-room duplex flats or was it just a fake letter they showed on TV? Did you actually live in a 4 bedroom house in Kaushambi? That's pretty huge for a 6 member family living like a common man.

10. What was the date on which you received the letter from an African commission where they thanked you profusely? You gave us a glimpse of it but didn't let the camera zoom on it like you did to highlight the Adani aircraft in the background of a picture of Modi.

11. On your recent visit to Gujarat, I heard you giving a first hand account of the Modi rule in Gujarat. Your overall experience was negative. You said that people in the state were terrified and felt that the opposition didn't exist in Gujarat. Modi either bought them, scared them or got them killed. It is hard to believe. Modi got 120 seats in the 182 member Vidhan Sabha. That is a whopping 66 percent seats. It couldn't have been possible unless a lot of people had faith in him. How come you didn't find anyone saying good things about him? Also, if the majority voice was negative (or opposition), going by your understanding that Modi scuttled the negative voices, these people should have already been bought, scared or dead! I hope you do remember that you got 28 seats out of 70 (accounting for 40 percent seats) and still believed that you were leading a majority Government. Please show some respect for the mandate given to a democratically elected Government (3 times over) before casting aspersions on it. You would also agree that a one day visit cannot give anyone a comprehensive picture, can it? I am afraid your Gujarat report looks fudged. Or, did you conduct your survey inside Congress or AAP offices in Gujarat?

12. Did you or the India Today group pay for your private flight from Ahmedabad to Jaipur? If you paid it, you are at par with the rich men of India and can no more be called an AAM aadmi. If you didn't, why did you accept such a favor from a media house? If Modi using Adani's flight is wrong, why is your private jet flight not wrong?

13. What is your opinion on Kiran Bedi and Anna Hazare? Do you regard them honest, upright and devoted to the cause of fighting corruption?

There are a few other questions too but I would not ask questions purely based on rumors floating around or just for the heck of it. Mr. Kejriwal, you were my hero till a few months back but now no more. If you care, introspect why things have suddenly changed. Why did you develop this self confessed intellectual disconnect with people who were earlier your supporters? You were right when you said that these people probably still feel emotionally for you. But being emotional is not being a fool. Just like being non-corrupt is not only about not accepting money directly from someone.

Stop asking questions before doing anything concrete on the ground level. If you feel great just by filing an FIR against Sheila Dixit or denouncing the CM's post, think again. By running away from the power and position where you could have brought about significant changes in the lives of many, you have not helped your cause. You betrayed the trust of people who enthusiastically came out to support you. You were our leader. Don't go down the spiral so soon. If you feel that all of it is simply a campaign to malign you and discredit the good work (of creating political awareness among the youth) done by you, take it from me - no one has ever cared to buy me out even with a 10 rupee note!

Hope better sense prevails upon you.

Best,

Aam aadmi with no affiliation to AAP!

Rockstar - A review

noreply@blogger.com (Unknown) — Mon, 14 Nov 2011 09:34:00 +0000

Watching the overstretched love saga unfold in three hours confirms one thing - Rockstar is literally Imtiaz Ali’s “labour of love” that everyone will not enjoy. Creative film-makers who want to make money spinners walk a tight rope. On one side is their creative thirst that they have to satify and on the other there are market compulsions that need to be addressed. After watching Imtiaz Ali’s Rockstar, I believe the product became a victim of walking on this tight rope. The marketing hype gave a wrong impression of what the film was about.

To begin with, Rockstar is not a story of a rock star and the characteristics associated with it (like drug overdose, booze, babes and stuff like that). It’s a love story that’s not new. Neither does it offer anything that could give it cult status. If you have watched all of Imtiaz’s earlier films, here too you will see the commonality – “they love, they separate, they meet again and then they unite..forever!” The only difference is that the “forever” in Rockstar transcends physical boundaries.

Ranbir has delivered a credible performance. His histrionics as Janardan Jakhar and later as Jordan are worthy to watch but I sensed a problem with the character. If the director’s intent was to show Jordan as a rebel like Jim Morrison, the attempt failed miserably. In fact Jordan, the rockstar, was tamer than Janardan Jakhar, the no one. Janardan had the guts to go and propose to the most beautiful girl on campus in a snug fit jeans and desi hair cut but the rockstar Jordan could do nothing to make his girl leave her husband and come with him.

Jordan

was tame and blew his top only in front of the press and no one else (if you discount one contract burning scene). There is a middle finger act inside a court’s premises but I wasn’t convinced watching

Jordan

do it. This was not because Ranbir couldn’t carry it off but because the character of Jordan wasn’t sketched that way.

Nargis Fakhri is beautiful and has a pout but I don’t know why she spoils it all with a stooped posture? All the foreign imports have a problem speaking the alien language Hindi and Nargis is no different. She struggles with her dialogues and ends up killing it most of the times. Coming to the other important question of whether she is better, worse or at par with Katrina, I must say with a bias that Katrina is better looking than Nargis. Acting wise, for her first film, she is better than Katrina in her 5^th film. Nargis will possibly catch up with her in the days to come if she gets a few lucky breaks.

The rest of the cast (which is like minimal) – Piyush Mishra, Aditi Rao and Kumud Mishra is okay. Nothing or no one that stands out.

The film looks abrupt at places. I don’t know whether it was an effect that Imtiaz wanted to create or was it unintentional. I say I am doubtful because I think Imtiaz Ali is intelligent enough to not allow that to happen. The film was a bit too long and the story moved at a snail’s pace and I think there was a reason behind it. There is a place in the film where Kumud Mishra or Khatana Bhai tells Jordan that music comes from within when you feel the pain of heartbreak in love (shiddat honi chahiye mohabbat mein). Imtiaz set out to bring out that “shiddat” on screen and I must say that he was successful in doing that. When the end credits rolled, I could empathize with Jordan’s pain and the emptiness around despite the world cheering for him. The side effect was that it stretched the film a bit too much for the liking of people who went there to get entertained. Despite an entertaining first half, Rockstar falls way behind Imtiaz’s earlier films - Jab We Met and Love Aaj Kal on the entertainment quotient.

The music of the film is good. Sadda Haq has been well accepted by the youth today and looks set to become a youth anthem in the days to come. The other tracks are very well interwoven in the story. However, the music which is of rock genre and is youth centric may not appeal universally. This does not take away anything from the music that A.R.Rehman has composed. Mohit Chauhan’s voice suits Ranbir to the T.

If you are prepared to watch an the same old love story of “boy loving girl and the girl dying” retold with good music and good acting and are an Imtiaz Ali fan, the film is worth a watch. I give three stars out of five - one for the music, one for Ranbir and the third because I am an Imtiaz Ali fan!

Ra.One : Partly In Defense of SRK

noreply@blogger.com (Unknown) — Mon, 31 Oct 2011 07:37:00 +0000

For a nation that savors trash such as Ready and Bodyguard, Ra.One shouldn’t be an untouchable. I saw the 3-D version of it and before I get into the details, let me play the Devil’s advocate and argue that Ra.One isn’t as bad as some people are making it out to be.

If you watch it as any other children’s film, you will not trash it as much as you do it now. In fact you will appreciate SRK for spending so much on a children’s film. The VFX is better than any of the Bollywood films. The action is not juvenile, though watching the romance king SRK in a superhero’s garb is! Ra.One is undoubtedly a film that takes the use of visual effects in Bollywood cinema to another level. The songs are good (a must for Hindi films), SRK and Kareena have acted their parts well and Arjun Rampal impresses in his “cameo” as the main antagonist Ra.One. Several of these pluses helped Ra.One sell its satellite rights for 35 crore and distribution rights in excess of 77 crore. The holiday weekend ensured that Ra.One garnered enough to stay afloat solidly at the BO. On what basis, then, should we trash SRK’s dream project?

I must admit that I felt that the film rides purely on the basis of marketing gimmicks. That is probably its biggest undoing. SRK has been all over the place in the last couple of months talking about Ra.One being the next best thing to have happened to Bollywood. That raised the expectations. People went in hordes to see the “change” that he was speaking about only to find themselves surrounded by a web of complex plot, poor direction and shoddy script (if it existed!).

Ra.One is a superhero film that stretches for three hours. Had it been all about the thrill, I would have relished it but a lot of the screen time was spent in catering to the inanities that constitute a typical Bollywood film. There was a comic sub-plot involving Satish Shah that was not only unnecessary but also retarded the film’s progress. The opening scene with Priyanka Chopra and Sanjay Dutt was intended to attract audiences but it only left them yawning even before the film took off. There was this last scene in the film that involved SRK’s son working on the HART of G.One to bring him back to life that made the job of creating superheroes look all too simple. It gave me a feeling that if a 10 year old can do it, so can I! That took the sheen off the superhero G.One.

Arjun Rampal who was supposed to be the main antagonist was reduced to playing a cameo role. I would have loved to see him in the chase scene in the film involving Kareena and SRK’s screen son. But that was not to be. The climax was a dud. When you build the atmosphere for a grand climax in the first 2.5 hours only to hand out a hurriedly executed end with no punch, tell me how can you be lauded for that? The 3-D is the biggest dampener. I can’t recall a single scene with genuine 3-D effect. That’s simply fooling the audience SRK!

Ra.One comes at a time when SRK bashing has become one of India’s favorite pastime. As a nation we revel in creating icons and then pulling them down their own pedestal. SRK is passing through a similar phase. Salman and Aamir have taken over the mantle in terms of BO returns in the recent past and Ranbir Kapoor looks set to be the next lover boy on screen. Much of it probably has to do with the self proclamation of SRK as the Badshah of Bollywood time and again. As Indians we like our heroes to be modest or pretending to be modest. If they are not, we change them at the first opportune moment. Hope this change is not rapid in case of this man who has given us the biggest romantic film (DDLJ) of our lives.

Performance wise you cannot fault SRK. As a producer he is top notch. What fails him is the absence of a good script and direction. Anubhav Sinha’s ship seems rudderless. I guess that is the reason why SRK invested so much on its marketing knowing fully well that Ra.One didn’t have much to speak about itself. The songs in the film are good. Especially Akon’s tracks but the same cannot be said about the choreography. Chammak Challo has been ringing in our ears from time immemorial but its signature step still hasn’t registered all that well.

All said and done, Ra.One may not be a losing business proposition for SRK but it has failed to satisfy the demanding audience on the creative front. Hopefully SRK will have a chance to redeem himself soon with Don II.

For the people who have decided to still watch it for SRK, just do it and get done with it. And if you go, please don’t go for the 3-D version and then cry over the overspent moolah like I did!

I Am..

noreply@blogger.com (Unknown) — Tue, 23 Aug 2011 09:44:00 +0000

Moved the article to: http://www.theunrealtimes.com/

Little India Restaurant Story

noreply@blogger.com (Unknown) — Thu, 18 Aug 2011 06:07:00 +0000

Mr. Bharat was an enterprising young man who decided to one day open a multi-cuisine restaurant called "Little India" in his home town. The restaurant opened to a rapturous welcome from the local people. He hired staff to care of the guests coming in. 10 waiters to take care of the 30 tables, a team of three chefs, a manager and two security guards. Business started to grow and there was a steady stream of guests daily to the restaurant. Within a short span of time, the restaurant became famous in the whole city.

Buoyed by the success of his restaurant, Mr. Bharat expanded his restaurant. He hired additional staff to manage the affairs. Two more floors were added to the single floor restaurant and different set of staff appointed to manage each floor. Business grew manifold but the profits didn’t soar. Mr. Bharat being an enterprising man soon figured out that something was going wrong. He called his chief manager to explain what was going wrong with the business. The chief manager feigned ignorance of any wrong doing in the restaurant and attributed the decreased profit increase to lack of sufficient infrastructure. “Sir, the chairs are old, the utensils limited and the salaries of the employees are less than other upscale market restaurants”, said Jag Mohan Singh, the chief manager at the restaurant. Bharat ordered additional budget to take care of the shortcomings. Jag Mohan being a busy man, delegated the task of getting the facelift to his subordinates and decided to keep a tab on them while the work was underway.

A few months later the facelift was complete but the profits still didn’t soar. Jag Mohan was again called by Bharat to explain.

“Jag Mohan ji, I have been out of the town for some time now and couldn’t check the work personally. I understand that the facelift work got over sometime back but I still don’t see any surge in the profits. Has there been any wrong doing going on?”

“No sir, I personally supervise the things. Nothing is beyond our control. You will soon see the surge. Believe me. I had been a topper during my hotel management course and managing restaurants is a cake walk for me. This one’s no different,” replied an assuring Jag Mohan.

“One of the patrons of the restaurant came to me saying that nothing much has changed post the temporary closure we have had after the renovation,” rebutted a tensed Bharat.

“I think it’s a perception. There is no truth to it,” replied a confident Jag Mohan.

“I take your words!” said Bharat.

The slide continued despite all the assurances. More money was pumped but to no avail. It was then that Bharat decided to take a stock of things. He got the inventory made for the articles bought for the renovation work and checked the accounts. He was surprised to find that the chairs bought for the restaurant were bought at 5 times the price at which they were available in the nearby market, the three floors of his restaurant acted independently and there was growing discontent amongst the patrons of the restaurant. Bharat summoned Jag Mohan again.

“Jag Mohan ji, what are you paid for? The furniture bought is at an exorbitant rate, there is a lot of infighting amongst the waiters working on different floors of the restaurant and you never got a whiff of it?”

“Sir, don’t you worry, we have thrown out the guilty. As soon as you sent me the details of the market price of the furniture among other things, I acted swiftly and fired the erring employees. All is well now.”

“But what about recovering the costs? Shouldn’t we sign a contract with all employees, including waiters, managers, security staff and chefs making them liable for the loss they cause to the restaurant? I have even heard that the dishes are ill-prepared. Everyone should be accountable now that I have made you all stake holders in the restaurant’s profits.”

“A very fine suggestion indeed Sir. I am not averse to getting the contract signed by all waiters. Let us keep the managers out of it. They are responsible people and need not be bullied like this,” suggested Jag Mohan.

“No, but if the talk is about accountability, everyone is a party to it. The employees who have been fired were not waiters, they were managers! I also plan to have the guests’ feedback act as an input while fixing the accountability to improve our service. They are the masters after all,” added Bharat.

“There will be severe complications. Guests will make frivolous charges if the food is not as per their liking, will blackmail all of us and act as if they own the restaurant,” replied a sweating Jag Mohan.

“But this is how it works. They are in fact the masters. We serve them to survive. Why would it be any different now?” asked Bharat.

Knowing that Bharat was too busy to come to the restaurant, Jag Mohan threw a bait. He requested Bharat to come to the restaurant himself and decide take a stock of things. It was more of a delaying tactic by him rather than any solid move to check the slide of the once famous restaurant of the city.

“Fine, I will be there!” replied Bharat. This stunned Jag Mohan.

Bharat thought of a plan. He decided to ask one of his friends to visit the restaurant as a guest and see what was not working before he went himself. The friend obliged and went to the Little India restaurant. He ordered a three course meal that was served stale and cold. Surprised at the service being offered, he summoned Jag Mohan to his table. Jag Mohan refused to heed to his request and sent a message instead – “Sir, with due respect, the servicing of food among other things is not my task. It is a delegated task and will be handled by my subordinates appropriately."

The guest was surprised at this behavior. He called the junior manager and asked why the food was served cold and tasted stale? The manager replied curtly – “Sir, understand that we have been hired for the upkeep of the restaurant and hence allow us to decide how to serve it. You can of course write your complaint in the guest book if you didn’t like it. But how we service it is our prerogative.”

“But doesn’t the guest have a say in all this? I pay for the damn food!”

“You were not forced to come here and now that you are here, you need to go by our rules. Today you teach us to serve the food, tomorrow you will try to teach us to cook it too! This is a bad precedent. To cut the story short - buddy, here it’s our way or the highway”, the junior manager was sterner this time and there was a finality in his tone.

“I will not pay for this kind of service,” replied the peeved guest.

“Well, then be prepared to be served by our security men,” replied the junior manager as he ordered the security men to throw the guest out. The guards came and shoved the guest out of the restaurant. Over the next couple of weeks, the news about the attitude of the hotel staff at Little India spread like wild fire in the whole market. The once popular restaurant was forced to shut down.

Of Shattered Pride and Neverending Hope

noreply@blogger.com (Unknown) — Fri, 15 Jul 2011 09:39:00 +0000

Pathetic may be a small word to define the despicable act of covering up for the failure of State and Central machineries in the recent Mumbai blasts. But who cares! Mumbai’s resilience and ability to fight back may be spoken of but do the people really have an option besides picking up from where life and its uncertainties left them on the dark evening of 13th July? India’s restraint is being talked about in international media but truly speaking it is not an option that the State is exercising but a compulsion.

The Prime Minister may mutter something about zero tolerance in a meek tone standing safe in between the commandos that he has for security but the ground realities are for the people to face. India’s zero tolerance is mock worthy. Go and ask Afzal Guru and Kasab about it. The State spends crores of rupees for their upkeep. The same amount could have been used to deploy more security personnel and for their up gradation. I think the Government must be heaving a sigh of relief after the blasts. What these blasts have done is that they have taken away the focus from the talk about corruption. Now, for the next few weeks, there will be debates on how India’s foreign policy should be aligned. We’ll warn Pakistan using “strong” words and then call them over for cricket diplomacy. The same old story that we have been seeing since the Kargil war will follow.

As a citizen, I have begun losing my faith in the idea of a strong nation, a nation that I can proudly call mine. At times I feel that I live in India only because I own a piece of land here and have my livelihood here. The idea of a nation and the sense of pride get dampened by the acts of apathy, corruption and inefficiency by those in-charge of uplifting the nation. When I was a child, there was a competition held at school to decide on who will sing the national anthem on Independence Day. All of us with all our exuberance fought hard to get a chance. Singing the anthem instilled in a feeling of superiority, pride and confidence because we believed in every word the song conveyed. The words “Jaya he” resounded the school assembly and gave each one of us goose bumps. But that was a long time back. Each time that I now sing "Jaya he", the enthusiasm dies down due to the realization of our failures as a nation and inability to stand strong.

Going back to policies and citing rules and regulations is nothing but an excuse for not taking strong action. Why aren’t the terrorists who were captured live on camera killing people not dealt with severely? Why aren’t corruption cases against high profile ministers fast tracked and brought to a closure? Why is there so much of a hue and cry over introducing (I talk of an introduction only, the remedial steps to strengthen it can come in later) a strong bill to nail the corrupt?

The sad part is that inaction is being passed off as an act of restraint and careful treading of the path. I read recently that the PM works for 16 hours a day. What use is it if he has failed to control three most problematic areas for us - prices, terrorism and corruption! By saying that he is a workaholic and going by the results, it doesn’t require you to be a rocket scientist to decipher what use is he to the nation. He is at best a worker and not a leader. A worker can slog his way through and achieve individual targets set for him but he cannot give a vision that can take the nation forward.

In such a circumstance what could be the best way forward? If we replace the present lot at the helm of Governance, will we get a better replacement? Probably no. So how do we cleanse the system? One of the ways would be to create a model which allows incapable people to be chucked out soon enough. Stringent laws and fast tracked courts can punish the corrupt and push them out of the system and prevent them from joining back. This will probably give a chance to credible and capable people to come at the helm.

Ministers should have a report card and follow a transparent appraisal cycle like we have in corporate organizations. They should be given goals to reach. If they fail to deliver the goods, they must be thrown out of the cabinet and not allowed in. The citizens must push for greater transparency and stronger laws. With better communication gaining ground in India and the way the nation rallied behind Anna Hazare, we can formulate a stronger public opinion and put forward our case. It is definitely a long drawn battle and will take a while before the muck is cleared but the sense of pride may spring a comeback. Who knows the world may one day sit up and take note of how a billion people rose to re-write their destiny!

The Ring Master

noreply@blogger.com (Unknown) — Mon, 21 Feb 2011 10:14:00 +0000

An honest man doesn't become an able leader by default. One of the biggest living examples of that has to be our Prime Minister. Manmohan Singh seems a bit too frail and powerless for a guy with a 20 year long political career (during which he never faced a public election) with stints as the Finance Minister and the Prime Minister of a country. He recently was on air to lay the onus of inept governance on coalition politics. He said that compulsions arising out of coalition politics had tied him down badly and were impeding his fight against corruption. All this came a CWG, Adarsh, IPL-Kochi fiasco, 2-G and Devas later!

The only 2-G I know of are Sonia G and Rahul G

Should we really believe him for what he says? Go back slightly in time to read what he had to say on rising food prices. The Government issued several deadlines for controlling prices only to admit later that they were no magicians. As grains rotted in granaries, the Government sat back on its asses jostling hard to fend off the corruption charges leveled against its ministers. The Supreme Court rapped the Government on issues of governance. This was something unheard of. Does all of that give us a reason to believe him or not believe him?

Even though the PM talked about bringing the corrupt to justice, it is anybody’s guess as to how the probe will unfold. The CBI acted against Kalmadi and his affiliates. In the crackdown CBI sent Darbari, a Kalmadi aide, to jail. They also quizzed Kalmadi to show that they meant business. A few months down the line, Darbari is out on bail because CBI failed to file a chargesheet and with new scams coming to the fore, the focus on CWG has shifted. Kalmadi may breathe easy for having braved the storm! Yes, he did lose some seat in the Congress Working Committee but that’s hardly a price to pay for the corruption that he was charged against. Making a mockery of the whole process, Kalmadi is even asking a JPC probe on CWG saying that he will “resign” if found guilty. Even if no one is able to prove his direct involvement in dealings, shouldn’t he be sent packing for his inept administration of the CWG?

Raja is the current flavor of the season. After trying all its might, when the Government couldn’t defend itself, it removed Raja from the Cabinet only to be replaced by a guy who declared that Raja was not guilty right after assuming office. Sibbal, the lawyer and wannabe education reformist, went on, in his own inimitable style, to give discourse on his ‘zero loss’ theory propounded at the behest of forces that may be. Poor Sibbal didn’t have an idea that his zero loss theory will raise the next logical question to which he will have no answer – “Why was Raja removed from office if he did not cause any loss as is believed?” If we believe what Sibal has got to say, doesn’t it imply that the PM is so weak that a whimsical demand from the opposition made him stutter and give in to their demand?

It’s probably true that Manmohan Singh is a man of values and tremendous grace. His intellect cannot be doubted given the fact that it was he who introduced India to globalization.But should that make us stand by his "I didn't know it, I can't help it" stance? The PM may have time and again said that he didn’t fear any inquiry as he had nothing to hide and that is the least that he should have done to come clean. But when you are leading a country, your personal transparency and honesty cannot make up for the lack of accountability you display in handling a team of people running an entire nation.

A Public Statement or a Public Sentiment!

The recent appearance of PM in a televised press conference to come clean is being projected by the Congress as a one of its kind show. They feel that the forthrightness of the PM in coming on TV without a mediator should send out a strong signal among the masses that are livid with the rise of corruption that the country has witnessed in the last one year or so. Singh’s - “We promise strict action against the guilty” stand that was described by the as “excellent, lucid, to the point, statesmanlike, candid and forthright” is at best only a statement.

The intent is not questionable, but the execution sure is. After all, didn’t the PM himself admit that he is tied down by the compulsions of running a coalition Government. As I write this, the Government has decided to annul the Devas contract and the JPC probe on 2-G scam is likely to be given a green signal.

Sitting in the present, we may question – Is it a good enough action to get rid of the corrupt image of our state?

History has an answer to that one and my fear is that the future will only reaffirm it!

To Hell and Back!

noreply@blogger.com (Unknown) — Tue, 09 Nov 2010 11:11:00 +0000

Laloo and Nitish

My first memories of Laloo take me back to watching him ride a bicycle to the Bihar Vidhan Sabha during the Iraq-Kuwait War. I remember Dad saying that this may just be the recipe that Bihar wanted. A poor man’s son who started his politics with JP could re-write Bihar’s destiny. No one could gauge that it could be a gimmick until seven years later, when he rode a cycle rickshaw to the court. The image of a simple young man with a purpose was replaced by that of a shrewd, plump looking middle aged man who had perfected the art of playing to the gallery.

The next phase of his regime was slated to be murkier. He made his barely literate wife take over the mantle from him while he chose to run the show from the background. Bihar’s transformation from a land rich in education to the land of jokers was complete. Laloo happily chose to become the mascot of this new found image. The term “Bihari” was used as an alternative for the word foolish.

Bihar may not have been a prosperous state to begin with but what it was left with after 15 years of anarchy is something that one may shudder to think about. Back in 2002, when I visited Patna, I was passing through a market nearby my place. The shopping plaza facing the road had 7-8 showrooms facing the road. I was amazed to see gun toting police security guards outside each of these showrooms. The plaza and all similar shopping plazas across the city bore the same look. In the 15 days that I spent there, never did a day pass when I didn’t read about extortion calls and murders. Extortion calls were a weekly fixture at our home too. No one ventured out of their homes after 8 in the night. Our family outings to our favorite restaurant were a thing of the past and I felt uncomfortable moving around with bodyguards when at home. I pressed hard to leave Bihar but Dad just wouldn’t move. “I have spent 50 years of my life building what I have today. I do not want to spend the rest of my life starting afresh again.” There was reason in his point but sadly no hope of things changing.

Bihar was burning from within and its tormentors were ruling the roost. The caste based politics in Bihar needed someone who could beat Laloo at his own game. It was then that Nitish sprung up as a choice. Nitish had a similar background. He had risen among the ranks after the JP movement, was a member of parliament and from a backward caste and he too gave an impression that he could bring about a change. The change that was eagerly awaited came about when Laloo’s party was relegated to the third spot in the last assembly elections in Bihar. Nitish was shrewd. He created a divide by targeting minorities within Laloo’s majority base.

NH-57: Forbesganj

Five years hence, Bihar is deciding again. The elections this year may well be an affirmation of the fact that Bihar has finally come out the shadows of the Jungle Raj that had left behind a land full of extortionists and hooligans. This time the talk is not about caste and religion. It is about development and Laloo seems to have lost the debate on Bihar’s development even before it started. He banks on his clownish acts – “EVM ka button dabayenge to awaz aayega peeeen...” Yes, this is what Laloo has to talk about in his election rallies.

Laloo had once said that he may not have given heaven to the poor people of Bihar, but he had given them a voice. To a large extent that is true. He created a support base for himself by bringing the backward castes to the fore. The mistake - he could not retain their loyalty. Nitish cashed on Laloo’s inability to keep his flock together. Laloo’s caste equation was shred to pieces as Nitish managed to usher in a new dimension of development to the whole game. Nitish being an engineer by vocation is all about facts. Laloo on the other hand is all about wishful thinking. Nitish’s serious outlook and no-nonsense attitude give weight to what he says, Laloo’s non-stop humorous repartee and joker like mannerisms make him look at best like a joker. Laloo’s lavish display of wealth at his daughter’s wedding and the cases of disproportionate assets didn’t do any good to his image as the poor man’s savior.

An aerial view of Patna

I was reading one of Nitish’s speeches on TV during the election campaign trail in Bihar this year. He conveyed a vision that he had set for Bihar. He talked of nailing crime in his last regime and looked forward to tackling corruption in the next term. His speech had substance considering the fact that he got a corruption bill passed from Bihar Vidhan Sabha last year to deal with corrupt public servants. Laloo and Rabri on the other hand resort to using foul mouthed language and accusing Nitish of loot and corruption and taking time to introduce their son Tejaswi as the young face that will take over the mantle of the party in the years to come. Nitish has an agenda when he speaks, Laloo just has a stand up comic act to accomplish!

Though all the positivity about Bihar’s upsurge seems a bit exaggerated with agriculture and industry still not ‘shining’ as much as the perception is, Nitish’s regime has instilled the faith that the change, big or small, is for the better. With good infrastructure in place, we can be hopeful that investments will come to Bihar now. As the elections reach the final stages, the perception is that Nitish may well be set for another term in office and he too probably knows it. It looks as if Laloo and Paswan may end up filling the numbers this time.

P&M Mall to be opened in Patna in May next year

When I visited Patna this Diwali, I was like a child exploring the same city that I grew up in. There is some good news for NRB’s particularly from Patna. You can be hopeful of enjoying happy vacations in your hometown in the days to come. There are bridges all around, lighted roads, bustling market places, multiplexes and food joints coming up.

For all socialists cringing at the capitalist items being assumed to be measures of prosperity and a city being singled out to define a state’s success, I am no Karl Marx. It’s just the child within me that’s itching to rave about the place that he once saw dying!

Dabangg

noreply@blogger.com (Unknown) — Tue, 14 Sep 2010 11:06:00 +0000

Hum yahan ke Robinhood hain, Robinhood Pandey

Watching Dabangg was like coming a full circle. I remember watching full-on masala potboilers in the single screen theatres of Patna as a young kid. Theatres in those days had two audience sections. The front stall for the whistle blowing junta and the balcony for the more civilized family gentry. While the hero played to the gallery, the audience played its part by applauding the insane dialogues and situations arising on screen. Bollywood then underwent several transitions and one of them was fuelled by the springing up of multiplexes in big cities and opening up of the overseas market.

The subsequent breed of filmmakers got so much carried away with targeting their products for a particular segment that they unknowingly created a divide between the front stall and the balcony audience. The elite group of filmmakers whose middle class wore designer labels started to make films for the multiplexes and the overseas market while small time film makers stuck to the B and C centers which still had single screens continuing to showcase the hero as the wronged man forced to take revenge.

Just when it seemed that Bollywood of the yore was long forgotten and the front stall-balcony divide was cemented, Dabangg announced itself on the big screen. It opened to 1584 screens and mustered a record shattering opening week collection. The money collected was more than what the biggest grosser of all times – 3-Idiots could muster in its opening weekend. Do the collections indicate that Dabangg is a class act? Definitely not! There is a need to look at Dabangg from a different perspective.

Dabangg is not about the cinema that we analyze based on its story, characters, message, picturization or anything technical. Dabangg scores low on all these points. It is about coming back to where it all began. Its film makers have remained true to their subject and not succumbed to the pressure of catering to different audience types created over the past two decades. This is not in the league of films that may be about husband-wife relationships going bad but are based in New York suburbs just to win its NRI share of audience. That is its biggest scoring point.

It is a film that scores well with both the front stall and the balcony people because there are no pretensions. In a sense, Dabangg brings them back together again and the success of the film is a manifestation of that coming together. I went to watch the late night show of Dabangg on a Monday night at PVR in Delhi. All but a few seats were packed and yes, the whistles and claps took me back to my childhood days.

I have read in some reviews that you need to keep your mind out when you go and watch Dabangg. That might be true but isn’t that true for most of our films? Having said that, there sure have been some intelligent guys behind the making of Dabangg. Abhinav Kashyap, the director, seems to have worked on the premise that cheeky dialogues and action can still be a hit if done with conviction and he has been proved right in his thinking. Salman has once again given us a signature dance step that has already become a rage with the masses and then there is an item song that’s a monster hit. In many ways Dabangg does borrow a lot from Wanted. However, there is a difference between the two. Wanted was not a quintessential desi film while Dabangg is unapologetically desi.

Dabangg’s success cannot be attributed to its story line, direction, screenplay or the portrayals. The three pillars on which the film stands are – marketing, music and the biggest of them all – Salman Khan! The film’s promos have been a rage, the music has been a chartbuster and Salman has been made to occupy every single frame of the film and he doesn't bore you even for a minute.

Dabangg is also about defying norms. When you get to talking about its weaknesses, every rule in the book seems to have been broken. Unlike a story that binds the proceedings, Dabangg has a string of Salman histrionics put together to entertain you. The direction reminds you of Anil Sharma potboilers of 80s and early 90s, the support characters in the film are like fillers in a solo act by Salman Khan. The heroine gets to mutter at most 10 lines (mono syllables must not be counted as lines) in the whole film. The dialogues are cheesy to say the least and many a times make no sense. In the name of emotions, you have Arbaaz showing his dead mother’s asthma breather to brother Salman to evoke anger in him. The result – Salman’s body swells so much with fury that his shirt tears under pressure. The second gem is when Salman asks his would be father-in-law to ask his daughter to marry him. The drunkard says that she won’t do it until he lived. The result – the drunkard jumps off a tower so that his daughter gets married happily and true to her words of marrying when he dies, she does!

Talking about the villain played by Sonu Sood, he gets as much screen space as Ramu Kaka got in Sholay. Imagine the impact that he would create. He ends up looking juvenile in front of a seasoned Salman in full flow. It is not as if the film has bad actors but these characters are bumped off without a second thought and the extra amount of time generated is given to Salman to come and mouth something like – “Chedi Singh tumhare mein itna ched karenge ki confuse ho jaoge ki saans kahan se lein aur paadein kahan se.” Who can match that?

Ye dhai kilo ka hath jab kisipe padta hai to uthta nahi..uth jaata hai

All said and done about the weaknesses, if its Salman, you bet no one really cares! This one’s for true blue Salman fans and for the return of the macho man on the screen with the formula film that comprises of action, comedy, drama and everything predictable. What's the difference you may ask. Well, this macho man, unlike the upright bloke who was forced to fight for the cause of his raped sister, dead father and captive mother and beloved, is as real as one can get. He is corrupt and disrespectful. He wants a revenge not because he is forced to but because he doesn't like being intimidated. This film also underscores the importance of publicity and marketing gimmicks in today’s entertainment world. The collections for Dabangg will die down slowly but not before Dabangg etches its name as one of the big grosser of all times in India.

Ratings for Dabangg - who cares :)

Of CWG and Spot Fixing

noreply@blogger.com (Unknown) — Fri, 03 Sep 2010 11:04:00 +0000

It is difficult, almost impossible to mind just your own business. So when Pakistani players were charged with spot fixing, everyone in the world started to voice their experiences and opinions. The keepers of good conscience, the Aussies that is, started to speak at length about how they were approached and how they declined. The Pakistani board sounded proactive then dismissive and then attacking, yes they now think that all of it is India’s doing! There is nothing wrong with having an opinion. We all have one.

Come to think of it. What was your first reaction when Md Asif, Salman Butt and Md Aamer were charged with spot fixing? Didn’t you want them out of the Pakistan team till the investigations were completed? Had they been allowed to play, would you have accorded any credibility to the matches they went ahead and played? Wouldn’t you have termed the Pakistan board as colluding and corrupt had they allowed the tainted players to continue? What is your general opinion of the board considering their lackadaisical attitude in dealing with fixing?

Now let us compare the fixing scandal to the lootfest at CWG. Kalmadi and his team are in a somewhat similar position as that of the tainted Pakistan players who are ‘alleged’ to have brought disrepute to the Pakistan team and sports as a whole. When I ask the above questions with reference to the CWG, I begin to question why I should support the Delhi 2010 CWG Games. With tainted people at the helm and a Government that showed no intent in clearing the muck but only in passing it under the carpet, I wonder if the games have any credibility left. Through appeals appearing in media, people are being asked to support the games and not campaign negatively about it. It is being linked to national pride and what not. Why should I do support it when I can easily sight the incompetency, rampant corruption, false claims and cheating on the part of the people asking me to support it?

Agreed that the failed games will dent India’s image but supporting them after widespread corruption has been reported through credible sources will dent the nation’s psyche. We may boast of a clean Prime Minister but what use does he serve if he cannot bring the corrupt to task? The Government’s logic of letting Kalmadi continue until the games is flawed. With accusations flowing thick and fast, this guy is seen spending more time in the offices of news channels and giving interviews rather than looking at the daily progress of the games. The purpose of him being at the helm despite the maligned image is defeated again!

Till sometime ago I hoped that there was a semblance of a chance that things could be turned around but all seems lost with the way corruption has been handled and swept under the carpet to paint a rosy picture to the world outside. Till about sixty years back we were slaves to tyrants, by offering our tacit support now will make us slaves to the corrupt and incompetent.

Let us take the comparison of CWG 2010 to the latest spot fixing a step further. Pakistan Cricket board has initiated action against the tainted players. Hopefully the Government of India too will do the same at an ‘opportune’ moment. In due course, going by the past records of Pakistan Cricket, all the banned players, even if found guilty of some malpractice, will be brought back from exile. The same Md. Asif will play again for them until a new allegation comes knocking at their doors. There will be some firefighting and then the ‘dousing the fire’ exercise. Like an ostrich that immerses itself under the sand seeing danger, Pakistan will choose not to accept facts (remember they need a dossier for everything!) and claim moral uprightness. Will we tread the same path when dealing with the muck on our face? In all probability we will!

Once Upon A Time In Mumbai: Review

noreply@blogger.com (Unknown) — Mon, 02 Aug 2010 05:01:00 +0000

Successes and Failures aside, Milan Luthria’s works so far reflect his penchant for exploring new vistas. Starting as a Mahesh Bhatt protégé and later venturing out on his own with films like Kache Dhaage, Chori Chori, Taxi No 9211, Hattrick, Deewar and now Once Upon A Time In Mumbai (OUATIM), Luthria has shown diversity in his work. His films had something about them that got him noticed. With OUATIM, he is sure to earn respect.

OUATIM is a fresh look at gangsterism (if such a word exists). Weaved around a plot showcasing the rise and fall of the empire of Sultan mirza (portrayed by Ajay Devgn and based on Haji Mastan), the film culminates with a new don Shoaib (portrayed by Hashmi and based on Dawood Ibrahim) taking over the mantle from him. What lies in the intervening two and a half hours is a cinematic treat for a Bollywood buff. Loud but clapworthy dialogues written by Rajat Aroraa, hummable music by Pritam, wonderful art by Nitin Desai, good production values, riveting performances and excellent direction make this a film worth the money you spend at the theatre.

Though this is not the first time that a gangster film has been made, there is a novelty factor in OUATIM. Unlike the other films based on the underworld, this one is not about bloodshed and foul mouthed dialogues. It is also not about deft camera angles or idealistic preachy stuff that make you twist and turn. OUATIM is about how Mumbai, a city that Sultan Mirza is in love with, falls into the hands of a hot headed rogue Shoaib who rules it and then destroys it. Although the story doesn’t seem new, watch it for the treatment. There are a host of reasons why I liked it:

Performances: This is the second Emran Hashmi film that I watched to completion. The other one being Murder and that had nothing to do with Hashmi for sure! This guy has been a consistent performer if you look at the money that his films have made so far. His biggest drawback was that he was glued to the Bhatt camp only. The stamp of “Just for Bhatts” was proving detrimental to his rise. With this film, Hashmi has come of age. His portrayal of the non-repentent, hot headed and wicked Shoaib is excellent.

Kangna Ranaut is good while Prachi Desai still looks the TV star who is not coming to terms with her leap to the big screen. That is probably because her promotion was not earned but gifted by her mentor Ektaa Kapoor. She has more to do to cement her place in the industry. The support cast is able. Randeep Hooda is a revelation. In the few opening sequences, he makes a mark with his portrayal of ACP Agnel Wilson. A strong performance that fades in the second half not because of weaker performance but lack of focus on his character. The scene where he shuts down a film shooting and the one where he blasts one of his juniors in the police station are notable. There are a couple of scenes where he gets to rub shoulders with the larger than life character of Ajay Devgn and I must say that he holds his own.

The high point of the film is Ajay Devgn. After a really long time do we see the flamboyance that is the mark of a veteran performer. He was splendid in Rajneeti too but the character was very subdued. Here he gets to portray a character who rules a city. He got to play one in Company too but the portrayal here is different. In OUATIM he is more of a Robin Hood than a mafia don. He looks convincing with his body language and speaks with his eyes. A sterling performance and a strong contender for the best performer of the year awards this year.

Direction: Milan Luthria is top rate. He does not let the interest of the audience wane despite a predictable story line. A complete masala entertainer who doesn’t think that his audience is low on IQ. His stocks are set to sore in the industry after this one.

Music: One part of me just loves Pritam for the superhit music he gives and the second loathes him for being a copy cat and a big one at that. Of late, the first part of me is taking over strongly. There is something about this guy that no one else possesses. Even though he is not revered as a musical genius but when it comes to popular music, all competition pales in front of him. If you count the number of hits in the past 3-4 years, more than 50% will belong to this guy. That cannot be a fluke and not all of it can be copied.

Dialogues: Rajat Arora is the next big thing in dialogue writing. He has wonderfully recreated the magic of the 70s era with loud dialogues that draw claps in the cinema hall. They remind you of the Salim Javed era.

Sample these:

Prachi (when she sees Emran drinking): “Tum to party mein aate hi shuru ho gaye”

Emran: “To main koi tent kursi wala hun jo sabke jaane ke baad piyunga?”

Emran (talking about his dreams of ruling Mumbai): “Fir duniya raakh ki tareh neeche aur main dhuen ki tareh upar”

Randeep Hooda: “Main koyle ki khan mein mashal leke nikla tha..sab kuch jal gaya”

Randeep Hooda (when he switches his loyalty from Police to Sultan Mirza): "Khan, itne saal tak tumne prasad (bribe) nahi khaya aur ab Bhagwan hi badal diya?"

Ajay: “Maine apne jeene ka tareeka badla hai, tewar nahi”

Also, the climax speech by Ajay Devgn is noteworthy.

Art: Nitin Desai has wonderfully recreated the 70s era through his sets. The film does look like one straight out from those times.

One of the negatives of the film, as I see it is the climax. It left me feeling a bit incomplete. As Bollywood fans, we are used to a prolonged climatic sequence. This one doesn’t have one that makes the audience feel satisfied.

The character of Randeep Hooda is left in the lurch in the second half. I can understand that it might have been the need of the script to emphasize more on the two protagonists but building and then leaving a strong character somewhere midway made me cringe a bit. The role of the police in the rise of Shoaib doesn’t come out well in the film. The romantic track of Emran and Prachi looks half baked and not necessary.

All said and done, no film can cater to 100% of the audience demands. However, Once Upon A Time In Mumbai lives upto the demands of a large section of the audience and that is a reason enough for you to watch it. 7.5 out of 10 is what I will give to the film.

As an aside, let me vent some ire on the state of affairs in Delhi during rains. I missed close to first 25 minutes of the film, thanks to the rains and the resulting Delhi Traffic snarls. This time around, the newly built roads in the city didn't get submerged under water, they just cracked wide open to swallow cars for a change!

Common "Wealth" Games

noreply@blogger.com (Unknown) — Fri, 30 Jul 2010 08:11:00 +0000

Global recession couldn’t slow down corruption and people involved with the CWG-Delhi seem to have made the most of it. As per the investigations by CVC that has X-rayed 16 Commonwealth Games projects, there is brazen corruption and inefficiency in the handling of the Games in India. What was seen as an opportunity for India to showcase the strides it has made in the global arena, has only helped in exposing India’s dirty underbelly that smacks of corruption.

Having said that, there are several aspects to the hosting of the Commonwealth Games in India and the need is to look at everything from Suresh Kalmadi’s eyes rather than Mani Shankar Iyer’s. Even though Transparency International rates us at 84 (where no 1 stands for the least corrupt country) among all nations on the corruption index, let us take some solace in the fact that the ranking is still better than our FIFA ranking.

All black behind the white veil!

I have been a witness to the change that Delhi has undergone for the games and I pay my taxes. That gives me a license to give my two cents on the positives that have come out of the game. So, here I go!

Delhi got the much needed facelift: A swanky new airport terminal, metro rail, flyovers, wider roads and wider pavements. Do you need more? If you are asking for a cure to your day-to-day problems such as growing price rises, water scarcity, electricity problems, worsening law and order situation and the herculean task of curbing corruption, aren’t you being a bit inconsiderate? Facelift, as the word suggests, stands for cosmetic changes. Chennai doesn’t need it until it has Rajni to keep them happy, Mumbai is in desperate need for it, Kolkata can only crave for it, Delhi got it! That’s a reason enough to rejoice. Worried about the pile of rubble out on the streets? Won’t your life be void without them?

Here's presenting 'The Man of the Moment'

The Man, The Mission, The Kalmadi: Suresh Kallu Kalmadi has been a high flyer quite literally right from his early days. If General Musharraf could rise to the rank of becoming the President of Pakistan after fighting in a losing cause for his nation in 1965 and 1971, Kalmadi, who fought and won against Pakistan twice in 1965 and 71, has every right to spend the rest of his life atleast as the Indian Olympic Association President. Notwithstanding charges of corruption, malpractices, incompetence, Kalmadi continues to rule the roost. Such is the enormity of his stature that even an ‘M’ consortium comprising of Sports Minister MS Gill, Former Sports Minister Mani Shankar Iyer, CGF President Mike Fennell and CGF CEO Michael Hooper couldn’t harm him despite repeated attacks. I am sure that with Kalmadi at the helm, India can hope for bigger achievements in future. There is a rumor doing the rounds that Kalmadi may bid for the 2020 Olympics on his own after having amassed considerable clout to conduct it in individual capacity.

Money well spent: For all those people crying hoarse about mismanagement of funds and overspending, take a chill pill. The outcome of CWG spending is much better than the glitzy money garlands that Mayawati wears on her birthdays. The amount spent is a pittance in comparison to the 2G scam.

The CVC report talks about poor quality material used in construction projects and irrational decisions being taken without proper thought going into them. Who needs quality anyways? For a nation that struggles hard to make ends meet and doesn’t guarantee its citizens the access to resources, something is better than nothing at all.

Let us also not get into the debate of asking whether India should host events such as these or spend on uplifting the poor. We are rich enough to drain the money down any corruption channel. CWG is just one of them. Had it not been CWG, it could very well have gone wasted through some other misappropriation in the name of education, telecom or health. Why cry over the spilt milk that would anyways have turned sour?

India’s best shot at winning medals: Someone rightly said that CWG are the Shahid Kapoor of International sports. A lot of buzz but no substance to back it up. The Kalmadi factor and security threat together have combined to make sure that top atheletes stay away from the games for good. The positive out of it – India gets its best shot to win some more medals and that gives us a chance to go Jai Ho! True we have winners like Saina Nehwal, Abhinav Bindra and Vijender Singh in our ranks but a little more doesn’t harm anyone!

...and thus spake Suresh Nostradamus Kalmadi

On a more serious note, in a country that lacks civic sense and where the people don’t think twice before breaking laws and then paying bribes to escape being booked for the same, the CWG is just a reflection of the culture. That is why no one seems to care. Corruption is a way of life for us and so is the reluctance to accept our follies and improve. Everyone has his own agenda here. So, we have the disenchanted people taking no pride in the hosting of an international event that supposedly has the country’s pride at stake, an egotist Mani Shankar Iyer praying for a failed CWG and a Suresh Kalmadi posing defiant despite obvious wrongdoings in the management of the games.

With less than 65 days to go, it’s probably not the right time to debate the relevance of a Mani Shankar Iyer or a Suresh Kalmadi. The success or the failure of the games will be attributed to the city that we all are a part of. Sadly, it may all turn out to be a blot on the face of Delhi. Hope it doesn't come down to that.

Breaking News

noreply@blogger.com (Unknown) — Fri, 07 May 2010 04:30:00 +0000

I vaguely remember reading a story in a magazine sold on railway stations that talked about a man killed by his own bullet 20 years after firing it. And no, I was not reading any of Rajni film scripts. The man in question had fired a bullet on a person who ducked and the bullet pierced a tree trunk. 20 years later, the same man stood before the tree trying to blow it off. Why not cut it rather than blow it off. Probably the country was Afghanistan! Anyways, when the man blew off the tree trunk, the bullet lying dormant for all these 20 years took its revenge and shot back at him, killing him on the spot.

Today, when I see India TV, I am always reminded of that story and then everything India TV shows in its BREAKING NEWS starts to look plausible. Rajat Sharma, the honcho and his creative colleagues with their haunches, think and spin fabulous stories that catch the fancy of the nation. It’s a battle for TRPs after all and India TV looks confident enough to surge ahead.

When I caught a glimpse of India TV earlier, I felt it was old wine in a new bottle. Ramanand Sagar and B.R. Chopra had done it all in their epic stories Ramayan and Mahabharat. There was no fun watching a BREAKING NEWS story about a man walking on water after watching Duryodhan make a fool of himself in the wonderland called Indraprastha laid out by the Pandavas. Neither did the flying woman create any impression after watching Dara Singh as Hanuman fly over the Indian Ocean to meet Raavana. But slowly, the channel earned people’s respect and made its way up the ladder to emerge as a 500 crore brand. I am sure many of you still don’t believe in the stories carried by this channel because they don't look real. But as Amitabh Bachchan said in a film – “Bahut hi ajeeb-o-gareeb hota hai yey sach, aksar. Asamaanya, adbhut, Kalpana se bhi zyada vichitra hota hai ye sach, aksar!”, I can excuse you for your ignorance. Here’s one story that will probably make you re-think.

Sometime ago, India TV had shown a recorded video of a cow being sucked up in an alien spaceship.

Fools like you and me mocked at them. Yesterday, when Kirsan LLyumzhinov spoke about talking to aliens after being captured by an alien spacecraft in Russia, Rajat Sharma passed a winning smile sitting here in India. It’s time we realized that India TV is way ahead of its times. Kirsan LLyumzhinov would also vouch for that.

News was never so interesting and salvation never so easy to attain but India TV has made sure that we get it all. Today, we can proudly say that WE are aware. We know which area of our city does the onion seeking witch stays, we know how much does Dhoni measure and we know the path to the stairs of heaven and the gate to the hell. Ascetics in the earlier eras relied on penance and resorted to prayers for ages to know where heaven and hell were. Thanks to television and India TV now, we are just a click away from doing so. I believe this has led to the modern day saints like Ikshadhari Baba and Nityanand Swami being left with a lot of idle time to kill which they utilize to devise innovative methods like Tantrik sex to preach to their followers.

India TV is a channel with a golden heart and I don’t have to look too far to convince you. It has, time and again acted as a communication channel for animals to voice their feelings. Take for example the BREAKING NEWS that showed the twisted love affair between a lion and a lioness. It was able to successfully decrypt the lion’s roar and showed its viewers how the lion proposed to the lioness. Maneka Gandhi has endorsed the channel and now PETA wants India TV head to appear in the buff to support the cause for animals that PETA has been fighting for. PETA for sure couldn’t have found a better ally.

Then there is the very famous celebrity performance show, Aap Ki Adalat. Though the name and the set up give the impression of it being a show where people are grilled, it is not. It is a light hearted show where Rajat Sharma plays a Ram Jethmalani wannabe while the guests do a performance of their choice.

Rajat Sharma: Daler Ji aapPe aarop hai ki aapne kabootarbaazi kari hai. Iske baare mein aapka kya kehna hai?

Daler Mehndi: Bolo tarara ra..

Rajat Sharma: Raju ji suna hai aap politics mein aa rahe hain?
Raju Srivastava: Mera naya item hai Sholay ka Gabbar wo main aapko sunata hun

Rajat Sharma: Shashi ji kya aap Lalit Modi ke khilaaf court mein move karenge?
Shashi Tharoor: I will show you my favorite move..how about a chiggy-wiggy?

All criticism withstanding, the hair on Rajat Sharma’s head might not stay for long but his India TV will!

Oh God, Yahan Par to Laash hai!

noreply@blogger.com (Unknown) — Wed, 05 May 2010 09:46:00 +0000

As I switch on the TV, a familiar voice echoes from the speakers, "Oh Gawwd! Yahan par to laash hai". I do not panick because when ACP Pradyuman is at work, you need not fear. The bouncer alike Inspector Daya stands by his side as Inspector Abhijeet goes to minutely observe the lifeless corpse lying at the scene of the crime. C.I.D. amazes me with its consistency for 12 long years but what amazes me more is that despite the commendable work put in by these guys, they don't get promoted in ranks. ACP Pradyuman is ACP from time immemorial!

"Khoon Tumhi Ne Kiya Hai" - ACP Pradyuman scares the shit out of the suspect

I hestitantly pause for a second before making my mind to change the channel. There is hardly any need to wait to watch the proceedings further. If you have watched a few episodes of this iconic serial, you will know that the next step CID team would take up would be to go and chat up with Dr. Salunkhe. But I still keep my fingers, eager to press the change channel button, in abeyance until a commercial break comes as a mark of respect for the legendary serial.

If you discount the influx and outflux of lesser mortals in the serial, the only thing to have changed in C.I.D. over these 12 years besides Ashutosh Gowariker's exit is perhaps the hair on Dr. Salunkhe's head. Dr. Salunkhe's expertise lies in providing dramatic explanations for the cause of the death of the laash in question. He would dig deep into the viscera, injury marks and propound his theories which would later serve as the lead for CID team to work on. ACP and his team with Inspector Abhijeet at the helm start unraveling the mystery in a clinical fashion. They question the clueless security guard on duty, gather soil samples and drive through Mumbai streets to get clues on the suspects and motive of the murder. As the gripping and sordid tale of debauchery unfolds before your eyes, Fredericks comes on the scene to lighten the mood of the proceedings. The man is funny, not because of his sense of humor but purely because of his senses.

Fredericks emoting a tough scene

As if it was not enough for CID to be in the record books for shooting an entire episode of 111 minutes in one take, the creative team is hell bent on setting the bars higher. CID is the only serial in the history of television that remakes its own episodes every once in a while with the similar dialogues but changing a couple of guest artistes and their names. Just when I begin to get engrossed in the scintillating crime investigation, a commercial break ensues and I am shaken out of the CID trance. I switch the channel and land on something more engrossing..keep reading :)

Dr. Salunkhe explaning the autopsy report

ACP: Daya humein ye pata lagana hoga ki khoon kisne kiya hai

Daya: Sir, khoon pakke se khooni ne kiya hai

Abhijeet: Sir, humein qaatil ko dhundhna chahiye

ACP: Is khoon ke peeche koi to wajeh rahi hogi jo qaatil ne itni berehmi se qatl kar diya hoga.

Dr. Salunkhe: Wajeh nahi, bahut badi wajeh rahi hogi..tabhi to iske galey pe 5 nahi 6 unglion ke nishaan hain. Iska matlab ya to qaatil ne dono haathon se iska gala daba ke maara hai ya fir qaatil ke ek haath mein 6 ungliaan hongi.

ACP: Dr. Salunkhe aapki report aur kya kehti hai?

Dr. Salunkhe: Litmus test se ye bhi pata chala hai ki khooni ne baayein haath se qatl kiya hoga

ACP: Abhijeet, saare naake seal kar do aur pata karo ki sheher mein kitne log baayein haath se kaam karte hain
CID rocks!! (Inspiration: A C.I.D. community on facebook)

Indian Paisa League

noreply@blogger.com (Unknown) — Wed, 28 Apr 2010 04:54:00 +0000

IPL has ended on-field, another one just started off it! Despite all the ramblings, IPL has, in the last year three years of its existence established itself as a potent brand. BCCI’s coffers have swolen seven fold in these years and the filthy rich of the country have got an alternate money minting route. Establishing itself among the top rated professional sports league of the world, IPL has had a meteoric rise. Where does that leave the stakeholders of the big league? Let’s have a look.

Stakeholder 1: Lalit Modi and BCCI. They ought to be one entity but the way BCCI has treated Modi like a pariah, they need to be looked at separately.

Before this IPL, the only thing people knew about Modi, the man, was that he was a high flying cricket administrator with a penchant for getting photographed with Bollywood beauties and that he was rumored to be have been the de-facto chief minister during Vasundhara Raje’s reign in Rajasthan. Lalit K Modi has made sure that after IPL3, we know him as a man who single handedly brought about the downfall of a Union Minister and valiantly fought out the pressurizing tactics of the political as well as BCCI top brass. Despite being bowled out as the ICC Commissioner after the last ball of IPL-3 was bowled, Lalit Modi has ensured that he did not go down like a wimp.

There is certainly every chance the man with shady antecedents maybe as corrupt as he is being made out to be but its funny how people have flocked together to single him out and banish him into exile. Assuming that every charge being leveled out against him is true, isn’t it a reflection of the lack of administrative capabilities of the BCCI top brass who sang paeans about this man and his deeds until recently? If the rules were flouted, if the style of functioning of Lalit Modi was autocratic, why didn’t the officials raise eyebrows earlier?

There are two age old habits that we suffer from. First, our way of finding a solution to a problem is to find a scapegoat and blame it for all our ills. Second, we always look to try and bring down a man who is on the rise. Lalit Modi may not just be a victim here but the buck doesn’t stop at him. It’s the whole circus to blame. What the hell was Sharad Pawar doing all this while by patronizing Modi? He failed to check rising price rises being in Government and he couldn’t monitor IPL being in the BCCI. Shouldn't he step aside as well? The defense mechanism of politicians is that when you shoot allegations at them, they respond with confusing terms like a parliamentary probe, an inquiry commission and conspiracy theories to ward off the danger.

The IPL circus led to Lalit Modi raking in a lot of moolah and also bad name while BCCI, it seems, raked the moolah and ashamedly didn’t care for the bad name. Funnily, BCCI itself adjudicated in a case where it was an accused and declared itself holy as cow. The truth is that we all have short memories. The IPLGate may cause minor blemishes on the already stained BCCI but the power of money will write off the ills being spoken of against the stalwarts of BCCI. As for Modi, the shrewd guy will definitely fight his way back I assume.

Stakeholder 2: Franchisees

It was good going for the franchisees upto a month back when the Kochi lid was taken off. It opened a can of worms and all the franchisees caught the eye of I-T. As trials and tribulations follow, the franchisee owners now have a lot more to do than just sit back, cheer for their teams and laugh their way to the banks.

The valuation of teams has risen three fold over the last three years and that’s no joke. Watching Mukesh Ambani personally attend a lot of matches and spending a good three hours at the stadium convinces that serious money is involved.

The I-T investigation withstanding, IPL also guarantees free publicity to a few big names. Preity Zinta and Shilpa Shetty might not have had a single release in 2 years but they are in circulation only due to IPL. Lalit Modi, it is rumored, used to keep a camera following him throughout his stay at the stadiums.

These might be some tough days for the franchisees but the bucks keep flowing and that should keep them interested and happy.

Stakeholder 3: Players

They gained and gained some more. The amount of money that has flowed into the game has risen by the day. Imagine someone getting paid a million dollars for a 45 day period in a country where the per capita income is $1,032 and you will know what I am talking about. IPL has become an excuse for players to retire from an international career and focus on minting money. It’s a haven not just for the current stars but also for fringe players and other veterans missing out on international action. To add to it, there are after match parties and a lot of fun stuff to keep the young fresh blood engaged. IPL is one big party for these guys and they stand to only win from the money spinner called IPL. I reckon if you pay them half as much as they are being paid now, the players will still love to play.

Stakeholder 4: Media

IPL has guaranteed a surge in TV viewership. People love to read about the IPL, both on and off the field. Dedicated shows and special capsules with pre-analysis and post-analysis garner a lot of TRPs. The ad rates have sky rocketed and the news folks don’t have to venture out too far to get news. It is easier to report how Yuvraj received a peck from Preity Zinta than travel down to Dantewada and report from the massacre site there. Media has had a field day in all these three years of IPL, fanning controversies and spreading news on false innuendos. IPL has provided substantial fodder for them. IPL 1 gave the slap-gate, IPL 2 gave the fake IPL player blog and IPL 3 had the tweet.

In the land where news channels talk about a visit to the “steps to the heaven” and “aliens kidnapping a cow” without accountability, no one is bothered to question them when they claim “insider info” on wrongdoings within IPL during the news prime time to boost TRPs. Sitting in cozy air conditioned news rooms and having drawing room discussions on match results, the party scene at the IPL and new rumors floating every now and then, the media has had a field day over the past three years at IPL.

Stakeholder 5: The viewing public

The basic business rule says that for a business to be successful, the customer has to be treated like a God. IPL presents a paradox here. The IPL viewing public has been taken for granted over these three years but they still continue to throng the stadiums and TV sets to cheer for teams.

When you go to a multiplex theatre, you pay Rs. 150, get good seats and an air conditioned theatre to sit and relax while watching a movie. Compare this with what you get when you go to watch an IPL match. You have to spend at least double than what you pay at a theatre, have to wade your way through the security to gain entry, get a side on view of the match, have bad seats to content with and use pathetic washrooms. All of the problems cited may not be accredited to IPL alone but that’s the value for his money that a paying fan gets.

On the face of it, there seems to be widespread money laundering and tax evasion involved in IPL. All that money is public money. To add to it, we have the match fixing allegations in circulation. If any of it is true, who pays for cheating the cricket buff who invests not just money but also his sweat (April is indeed sweaty in India!) to watch a match.

There is law that talks about balance of nature. When someone gains, somebody else has to lose. Sadly, it seems that in the IPL, it’s the viewing public that has to lose the most.

Being his father's son

noreply@blogger.com (Unknown) — Thu, 01 Apr 2010 05:03:00 +0000

Without taking anything away from Abhishek Bachchan for being his father's son or his wife's husband, let us all be fair in declaring that there is much more to the man than the fake accent he painstakingly put in Delhi 6. Sadly, the guy has always been at the receiving end, his nemesis being the reputation (at times good and at times bad) that his father carries so humbly on his shoulders. The recent case in point being the WWF Earth Day fiasco.

(Courtesy: img.india-forums.com)

Junior B has indeed been one face (literally!) who is seen in several ad campaigns revolving around environment protection in India. One day he talks about saving tigers, the second day he gets in the garb of a tree for “What an idea sir ji” iDea campaign and then dons a feather in his cap by becoming the brand ambassador of WWF Earth Day campaign. No, he wasn’t required to become a panda for the WWF. He simply had to endorse their campaign and make appearances saying good things about them. But fate had other plans.

If it was not enough that his subdued performance in his solitary release for the year, Paa, was not even discussed while Vidya Balan and Big B walked away with all the awards, Gandhi FAMILY’s (Trivia: What is it that they refer to as FAMILY in Italy?) growing animosity with Big B cast a spell on what was supposed to be his solo celebrity stage appearance as the brand ambassador for the Earth Day campaign. On the day he was to come over to Delhi, his posters were removed and expectedly, no one knew on whose behest it was being done. Much hue and cry was raised, initiated by Big B and Junior B themselves through their respective blogs and tweets. I happened to watch a debate on NDTV where Abhishek Manu Singhvi, the Congress spokesperson was asked if the treatment being meted out to Junior B was actually correct. To this he answered – “Isn’t Abhishek Bachchan his father’s son?” True, Junior B has tortured us all to no end through his game show Bingo and had refused me an autograph on Shimla schedule of one of his films (that film tanked big-time) 8 years ago, but this ain’t just right. Give the guy a break. Why should anyone penalize him for being his father’s son? We can digest it for a fact that the wife of a former Prime Minister can become a party president or his son, who had hardly spent anytime in India, become a part General Secretary without any prior experience but castigating someone for his lineage and that too for a personal issue is not done.

Someone told me that it was strange that there wasn’t much public angst against the injustice meted out to a national icon and his family. But does that mean that the people are approving of the way Bachchans were treated? Yes, it is definitely not much of an issue in the larger scheme of things but just go back in time to the recent past when people came out to shut out Shivsena after SRK’s MNIK release. The film didn't warrant all that undue attention but it still had become a national issue. I am tempted to believe that the less media coverage/lack of public sympathy is not all owing to the apathy of people. The platforms the Bachchans chose to raise their voices had limited reach. SRK came out openly to talk about it and got the support while Big B and Junior B made veiled attacks through their blog.

It cannot be denied, despite whatever he says that Amitabh Bachchan has some political affiliations. He rubs shoulders with politicians, endorses their states, calls one of them his younger brother, his wife is an M.P. and he himself was one and yet he claims to be apolitical. It is not always possible to have one’s cake and have it too. Big B must understand that. Until then Abhishek will continue facing the brunt of it while taking solace in the fact that there are a lot of positives in being his father’s son. He gets to romance one of the world’s most beautiful women. He carries no liabilities of buying a home, clearing off debts and stuff that his Dad had to do. Most importantly he gets to be in the thick of things in Bollywood despite not being as deserving if I may say that.

(The author of this piece harbors some ill-feeling against Junior B and enjoys venting it out. The few words of support come out while attempting to be more "balanced" as they say)

Kolkata Kolkata burning bright

noreply@blogger.com (Unknown) — Wed, 24 Mar 2010 09:15:00 +0000

Stephen Park building in Kolkata's Park Street got gutted in fire yesterday killing over 15 people and injuring many more. It resembled a mini Twin-Tower blast sight with people jumping off the multi-storeyed building to death. This being the election year, a bevy of politicos made it to the sight and sighed at the loss of potential voters.

Stephen Park - Gutted!

Keeping in toe with the age-old habit of using old buildings, old modes of transport and having old people at the helm, the WB Government had an incapacitated Kolkata Fire department on offer. The department was adequately equipped to counter a nineteenth century fire breakout and it lived upto the expectations. The stunted hose pipes, delayed response, absence of nets were some of the highlights that are sure to feature in a probe that’ll be ordered sometime soon, strikes withstanding.

Freedom of speech has its advantages. You can say anything you want to if it works for you. Taking a cue, Mamta Banerjee chose to ask railways to pitch in with help. Don’t know if the railway disaster management will be better equipped! She shouted so much that other questions related to the derailment of Orissa bound Rajdhani Express couldn’t be heard. Buddha Babu didn’t want to speak all that much. He cares less now and doesn’t even attend the drawing room discussions of the Politburo. He has geared up for the retirement that looks imminent now.

Meanwhile, on his ride back to home on a two rupee ticket in the dilapidated tram that resembled like a dustbin on the move on the road, a Communist comrade remarked proudly – “In the era of capitalism and globalization, India might have lost its glory but not Kolkata, we have retained the very essence of our past. That’s our culture.” He logically concluded that just like you don’t change your parents, why would you want to change things that matter to you? The more than a century old Writer’s building, the battered trams, the frequent strikes have all been preserved to date. No fire exits, old circuit design, absence of a building map to help in rescue operations. Maybe incidents like the Stephen Park are not that big a price to pay in order to keep up with the traditions sometimes!

South Africa and Sachin reaffirm their status

noreply@blogger.com (Unknown) — Thu, 25 Feb 2010 05:49:00 +0000

Gwalior: South Africa have a tradition to keep. The tag of chokers that they have held on to with elan for all

these years sits pretty on their head after the much hyped India series. After the surprise innings win over India in the first test match, the choker title seemed under threat but South Africa clawed back with back to back losses to reaffirm their status. Greame Smith and Jacques Kallis worked overtime to ensure that the South Africans made Bangladesh's performances against India look more solid and competitive.

"This one's for all Indians who supported me"

The stand-in captain Kallis praised his team mates for playing a good samaritan and allowing Indians a chance to improve their records left, right and center. The biggest recepient of their largesse was the master blaster who got a chance to pile on to his ever evergrowing stack of centuries. Speaking at a press conference after his mammoth 200 run epic innings in the second one dayer against South Africa, Sachin was at his humble best reminding us of Amitabh Bachchan who is an epitome of humility. "People say that I am like an old wine that gets better with age. But all that is their thinking and I don't believe so. Life has not changed for me," said Sachin. His wife corroborated his claim saying that Sachin has preserved not just his simplicity but also his boyish charm. "People still take him to be Mrs. Sachin Tendulkar when he answers the phone at home," Anjali remarked.

Shiv Sena has lambasted Sachin for his efforts in Gwalior. "Had he been a true Marathi, he would have scored each of those runs on this soil of our forefathers. Why should he entertain non-marathi people and then come back to get felicitated in Mumbai?" wrote a Shiv Sena leader in Saamna.

SRK snaps ties with Lux Cozi

noreply@blogger.com (Unknown) — Thu, 25 Feb 2010 05:42:00 +0000

Kolkata: SRK has snapped ties with Lux Cozi even before the IPL begins. SRK had earlier replaced Sunny Deol as the brand ambassador of Lux Cozi and had also signed a deal to endorse their products through his IPL franchise. The news from the Knight Riders' camp suggests that ever since SRK, or king as his cotorie calls him, heard about Kolkatans protesting against Lux Cozi underwears he became restless. He did not want a repeat of all that he went through during the release of MNIK.

SRK getting cozy - ye andar ki baat hai

The story goes that a study has suggested that the fabric used in Lux Cozi underwear causes itching and redness of skin. The Trinamool Congress decided to make it into a poll issue, sighting the discomfort that every redness in the world causes to the well being of people. Even though the communists denied having to do anything with the redness described in the study report saying that they anyways preached wearing indigenously made Shakti Kapoor underwears, TC went to the streets with its protests. SRK does not want to get embroiled in another political controversy and has therefore decided to snap all ties with Lux Cozi and focus on his team instead.

All players have been asked to return the complimentary Lux Cozi undergarment packs that was presented to them along with the Knight Rider helmet at a recent function. A fringe player in the team had this to say - "I am in a fix as I have already used the complimentray pack as you never say no to a SRK gift. Should I return the used ones?"

Tiger Woods to break silence on Friday, claims agent

noreply@blogger.com (Unknown) — Fri, 19 Feb 2010 04:18:00 +0000

Los Angeles: Golf star Tiger Woods will be speaking publicly for the first time since the news about his liaisons came out in the open. Confirming this news, his agent said that Tiger will speak at length about his love for the skin.

Shit happens buddy!

The 34-year old has given a go-ahead to a press conference and will be treating it as an opportunity to hone his public speaking skills. It is learnt that several top MBA schools have been hankering to get Tiger on board to take up sessions and speak on his people management skills.

Life seems to be getting back on track for the golfer of late. There have been speculations about Tiger getting back with his wife to revive the romance. Rumors also have it that Paan Parag is keen to sign Tiger for reviving their yesteryear Paan Parag sachet advertisement featuring Jalal Agha that had the famous tag line – “Ek se mera kya hoga?”

News agencies to boycott IPL, Bollywood in focus

noreply@blogger.com (Unknown) — Fri, 19 Feb 2010 04:15:00 +0000

New Delhi: News channels in the country have decided to boycott the upcoming IPL as a mark of protest against the new broadcast rules. The news channels are enraged by the restrictions imposed on them by the official broadcasters of the matches. The new rules do not allow the news channels to immediately broadcast footage related to a match.

"You gotta be kidding me. Does it mean that my noodle strap and no strap show will be confined to just one channel?"

All the news channel call the ploy unfair and have decided to go ahead and focus on the bankable Bollywood to churn out “special” stories as the show must go on. Primetime special news programmes such as Match ka Mujrim and IPL ka sikandar will be replaced by equally investigative and intellectually loaded Mumbai ka hero and Entertainment ka sikandar.

Commenting on the stand taken by the news channel fraternity, the IPL commissioner Lalit Modi said that it was the news channels’ loss and not his. “With almost half the Bollywood buying teams and getting involved in IPL, I wonder where the news channels will fish out their Bollywood stories from,” said Modi. Rajat Sharma laughed off Modi’s comments saying that his channel will continue focusing on providing researched wholesome news experience that is drawn from real life as it has been doing all these years. He said that his journalists have got leads from aliens and they will be designing programmes showing life on these planets during IPL.

India draw level against South Africa, retain top test spot

noreply@blogger.com (Unknown) — Fri, 19 Feb 2010 04:10:00 +0000

Kolkata: The entire Indian team came to the party to pull off an amazing innings victory against South Africa. Harbhajan Singh came to the party to grab five crucial wickets and rip the South African batting apart. At the end of the match, Dhoni however chose to credit Gary Kirsten solely for this win.

Eden Garden: The Happy Hunting Ground

As per news emanating from sources within the team, Gary took it upon himself to make it happen for India after rain Gods almost wreaked havoc. Gary got videos of Harbhajan’s magical performance against Australia in the 2001 series played in all the rooms of South African cricketers by conniving with the hotel staff last night. The performance played on their minds and they meekly surrendered to Bhajji’s spin bowling.

South Africa missed the chance to nail India and win back the top test spot. Hashim Amla was the most disappointed of the lot as he had to toil the hardest and the longest for the same pay as other South African cricketers. Gawk Eye, a new technology much similar to the hawk eye showed that Amla stayed so long on the pitch for his heroic effort that the length of his beard grew by and inch and a half from the time he came on to bat till the last ball of the day was bowled. "Shehwag would have hit 400 runs in the time that Amla hit 120 odd runs. We are pleased he will stay back for the one dayers," beamed an Indian cricket enthusiast.

We should play more against Bangladesh: MSD

noreply@blogger.com (Unknown) — Fri, 12 Feb 2010 09:58:00 +0000

Dada playing a good samaritan in Kolkata: Indian team taking bath at the Digha beach on the auspicious occasion of Mahashivratri

"Indian cricket needs as much support from its cricketers as its administrators," said Indian captain Mahendra Singh Dhoni at a press conference in Kolkata. Ruminating the fact that India got just two tests to play against Bangladesh, MSD said that such administrative guffaws could cost India its number one ranking in tests. "I mean everyone was getting in the groove, Mishra's slow turners looked menacing, Sachin was having a good time and all our moves were paying off well. Just when it started to get interesting, the series got over!" lamented another cricketer on condition of us maintaining his anonymity.

On being asked how Sachin felt after getting out on 100, Dhoni said that with so much of experience behind his back, the little genius was no stranger to finding himself in such a situation at times. He was perfectly normal and even went to watch the premiere show of MNIK on Thursday night in Kolkata fearing that the film might not be released in Maharashtra.

Harbhajan, it is learnt, has been asked by team management not to act like another Kumble in the making. Bhajji's love for the doosra which spins as much as Anil's stock delivery and his other variety which is the regular gentle medium pace stuff is being criticised by all and sundry. "Everyone knows that Anil was respected for his behavior more than his bowling, I don't know what Bhajji will be respected for," said Mr. Cholaram Mandalam, a neighbor of S.Sreesanth. Ramesh Powar, another legend who played a few international matches and holds the distinction of balancing his entire body weight on his belly, has offered help to Bhajji. Harbhajan will probably accept the offer as he is said to have received an Uddhav Thackeray ultimatum on accepting or perishing. It must be noted here that Bhajji earns crores of rupees by turning up for Mumbai Indians (a misnomer some may say during current times). Looking at what happened to SRK, Bhajji is expected to agree.

On India's innings defeat against South Africa and decline in spin bowling ammunition, Bishan Singh Bedi, the Indian spin legend expressed deep concern. He believes that the advent of T20 is behind the decline. "How can such a vulgar form of cricket be allowed to usurp the puritan version? I think children should be kept away from it. If this is entertainment, we should have censorship."

Mulayam's hindi prem is as deep as my love for socialism: Amar

noreply@blogger.com (Unknown) — Fri, 12 Feb 2010 05:20:00 +0000

Amar and Jaya Prada before embarking upon their Chambal visit

Amar Singh has once again come out praising Mulayam saying that his love for hindi is as deep rooted as Amar's love for Socialism. In order to substantiate his claims, Amar said that Mulayam sent his son to Australia for higher studies as he feared that Akhilesh's hindi might suffer if he spent his learning years with his father and picked up his garbled musings in hindi.

The benevolent and intellectual Amar has also praised Sonia and Mayawati recently. In a quiz contest arranged by a local hindi daily in Azamgarh, Singh displayed his admiration for the iron ladies by asking this question to the crowd in the “Guess Me” round - "Both of them are political personalities in their own right. One lady has proved herself in the state of Uttar Pradesh against all odds and the other has proved herself in the country against all odds. Who are they?" When the crowd screamed Laxmi Sehgal and Indira Gandhi, Amar slammed the answer pitying the sorry state of political awareness in the country. He went on to declare that the correct answer was Behenji and Sonia ji. Citing his “patthar ke sanam” quote used for Mayawati long back during election campaigning, that EC had taken a strong exception to, Singh said that he was actually praising the rock like strong personality of the lady and nothing else.

My Name is Khedekar

noreply@blogger.com (Unknown) — Fri, 12 Feb 2010 05:13:00 +0000

The pain written all over his face. SRK makes a passionate plea as an Indian

Fresh news coming from Mumbai suggests that popular Marathi actor Sachin Khedekar, known for his much forgotten portrayal of Netaji in Shyam Benegal's Bose:The Forgotten Hero, has come out to help Dharma productions come out of the current mess. All SRK images in MNIK posters in Maharashtra will be replaced tonight with Khedekar's. Mahesh Manjrekar has also been roped in to don his Shivaji attire (from the superhit film Me Shivajiraje Bhosale Boltoy) and visit cinema halls to pacify the psyched Shiv (In)Sainiks who, like the Na'vi of Pandora, believe that human beings from the rest of India are out to upstage them from their own land.

Despite assurances from the Government, the public is not too keen to venture out and face the heat at cinema halls. Sensing the mood, the Chief Minister Ashok Chavan is mulling on the idea of declaring a public holiday on Friday and asking Government employees to go and compulsorily watch MNIK to prove his point. In a two pronged attack, the Government also mocked Shiv Sena's page 3 kind of demonstration saying that Raj Thackeray was probably more of a pain in the ass than this photographer Thackeray who has in many ways given a fresh lease of life to Congress in Maharasthra. The home minister, Mr R.R.Patil had this to say on the protests - "Bade shehron mein aisi chhoti baatein hoti rehti hain". This reminds us of the last time he used the same statement and was shown the door. Hope there is nothing more to it this time around.

Meanwhile, SRK has published his individual demographic data on twitter to reaffirm his nationality that is being questioned by Uddhav and his band. His latest tweet goes on to state his nationality, his place of birth, information about his livlihood, his desires among other things. He has also requested people to shun violence and go and watch Rann instead of MNIK if that helped. The oh-so-humble Big B on his part has decided to tread the path of silence and not even thanked SRK for this gesture fearing a backlash from Shiv Sena.