Headaches, Hotflashes & Hormones

An Experiment

lbrochstein@comcast.net (Lee the Hot Flash Queen) — Tue, 10 Nov 2009 11:25:00 +0000

**DISCLAIMER - I am sick. So, I won't be around much today or maybe the rest of the week, which means my commenting will be off. But, I will be checking my emails when I can drag my ass to the computer. I have posts ready to go for the rest of the week, so I hope to entertain you all!**

As most of you know, I am all about the comments....I give and I like to receive. I'm a giver and a taker. I do for you, you do for me. Yada Yada Yada.

Before I get into my little experiment, I want to say that YOU ALL ROCK! Last Tuesday I got 85 comments!! Holy crap, Batman!! Of course, the keeping it up might be an issue for those that peeked out of the woodwork, but hey, it's a start!! LOVE YOU ALL!!

Now, on to my experiment. Like I said above...I comment. I comment a lot. I spend hours commenting and replying to all the comments from you...at least the ones that I can reply to. I have made it my personal mission to achieve blog domination before I can achieve world domination, and I feel the way to do that is to comment and reply. Also, I really get off on doing things that I don't get paid for but take up a ton of time like blogging and raising kids. I roll like that.

I have 304 blogs in my reader. 304! Is that insane?? And, not nearly half of those comment or even visit or even acknowledge my tiny existence. Now, I realize that some of these katz have lots of visitors and may have a life outside of this bubble we call blogging, but I don't, so there!

So, the question is...is it worth to keep the ones that don't acknowledge me and haven't since I started this little adventure in my reader?? It takes time to go through each of these blogs and clear them out of the reader. On Monday mornings it is a NIGHTMARE!

This is what I'm gonna do. I am going to visit each and every blog on my reader and leave a comment...give em a friendly reminder that I am alive and well. If there is a comment or reply back...they stay....if not...they go. I will of course give them some time to get around to it, after that...buh bye.

I don't know about the rest of you, but it is tiring to wave your hands in the air while jumping up and down screaming "Over here...yoo hoo....here I am....notice me.....hey, you.....look over here....overrrrr heeeerrrrreeeeeee....."

I need to get a life, don't I??

Now, I want you all to follow Tiffany at On The Verge...this gal is HYSTERICAL!! She is witty and smart and oh so funny. I get excited when she comments...which is every time, because she always has something great to say and also I love her posts. Seriously...if you don't go over there and visit her, you will SO regret it!!

She is my first commenter on the list!! Now, for you Snarklers...don't worry, your time will come, but let's be honest...everyone who follows me follows all of you!! Yes, you know who you are!!

Oh, and if you are following and haven't let me know, please do so I can return the favor....I can always use more blogs to beef up the old reader!!

Love you all!! You all ROCK!

I Lost My Shirt....

lbrochstein@comcast.net (Lee the Hot Flash Queen) — Mon, 09 Nov 2009 18:56:00 +0000

This weekend Hubby came home from work and said....

"Let's go to Lake Charles and gamble."

Well, those are my favorite words, so we boarded the dog and got in the car. Hubby drove 115 mph all the way down there, and I knitted about two rows. We played the can you guess who sings this song game and arrived in Lake Charles in record time.

I searched high and low to come up with something to blog about, and just when I was about to lose hope, it happened.

There was a man putting out his room service tray wearing a wife beater and tidy whity's. Okay...they weren't so white. Hubby and I looked at each other and I said....

"He must have lost his pants gambling."

At least I only lost my shirt. Walking around in a bra is not so bad...just pretend it is a bathing suit top.

Estrace Hormone Replacement Tablet - Review, sorta

lbrochstein@comcast.net (Lee the Hot Flash Queen) — Mon, 09 Nov 2009 13:04:00 +0000

Okay, so it's not an official review. It's not like I have a giveaway of Hormone Replacement Therapy or anything, but now that I am on this tablet I thought I'd put in my 2 cents, which is really worth 1 cent, on this little thing...for those of you who are doing the Menopause Shuffle.

First, some background on this, and just for the record, all I did was cut and past from Drugs.com. My comments are in red.....

Estrace (estradiol tablets, USP) is indicated in the:

Treatment of moderate to severe vasomotor symptoms associated with the menopause. (note it is called THE menopause)
Treatment of moderate to severe symptoms of vulvar and vaginal atrophy associated with the menopause. When prescribing solely for the treatment of symptoms of vulvar and vaginal atrophy, topical vaginal products should be considered. (Vaginal atrophy...in other words, dried up like a 90 year old virgin)
Treatment of hypoestrogenism due to hypogonadism, castration or primary ovarian failure. (castration is the nice way of saying you are a eunuch)

There are others, but they don't pertain to this review, so I left them off. I'm like that, after all, this is all about the Hot Flash Queen.

The following additional adverse reactions have been reported with estrogen and/or progestin therapy.

1.Changes in vaginal bleeding pattern and abnormal withdrawal bleeding or flow; breakthrough bleeding, spotting, dysmenorrhea (if your lady parts ain't workin, you ain't bleeding. If you are a eunuch, like me, not an issue)
Vaginitis, including vaginal candidiasis (Itchy coochie)
Change in amount of cervical secretion (ummm, like NONE)
2. Breast Tenderness, enlargement, pain, nipple discharge (ENLARGEMENT...WHERE????)
3.Gastrointestinal (yup, can't stop shoving food down my throat into my gastrointestinal tract)
bloating (from over eating)
4. Skin (ZIT city)
Loss of scalp hair (Maybe that will help my hair issue)
5. Headache, migraine, dizziness (check!)
Mental depression(check!)
Nervousness, mood disturbances, irritability (Double check)
Dementia(checking that....did I check that??)
8.Increase or decrease in weight( See above)
Reduced carbohydrate tolerance( Maybe that explains the weight gain?)
Arthralgias; leg cramps(Oh yes...those are fun in the MIDDLE OF THE FRIGGIN NIGHT!)
Changes in libido(Ask Hubby)

Oh.....and I can't sleep all night, still have hot flashes and have to remember to take it every night. Other than that...it's GRAND!

Humbled and Honored

lbrochstein@comcast.net (Lee the Hot Flash Queen) — Sun, 08 Nov 2009 11:50:00 +0000

I am humbled and honored by all the bloggy love that was thrown my way this week. I love to click in my reader on a blog and see an award for my little old blog. Have I mentioned it makes me wet??

I don't do rules, so if you so desire, take em show em and give em out!

This week I am going to shower these awards on some of my original peeps. Love you guys and you all started the hot flash madness!! All the blogs...both the receivers and givers are phenomenal. They all make me laugh and comment and laugh and smile. I command you to follow each and every one of them! The Queen has spoken...I love saying that....hehehehe.

Have a seat, make a drink and please hold all applause until I am done!

I have Honest Crap...errr Scrap! Thanks to Straitjackets are slimming and Living my Glamorous Life!

I think that Daffy from BATCRAP CRAZY has some honest Crap...so this one's for you!!

I have the Best Blog! At least according to Confessions from a Working Mom, Project Mommyhood and One Cluttered Brain!

I think that Chief at (hiding from the kids) has the Best Blog...this one's for you!!

I Shoulda Been a Stripper! At least It's gonna take more than a hamburger to make me happy thinks so.

I think that Erin at The Mother Load Shoulda Been a Stripper....This one's for you!!

I am a Bad Ass Blogger! At least Leigh over at Leigh Vs. Laundry.

I think that Holly at 504 Main is a Bad Ass Blogger...this one's for you!!

I have One Lovely Blog, According to Frugal Mom Knows Best, Project Mommyhood and Pink Flip Flops & Wine.

I think that Leigh over at Leigh Vs. Laundry has one lovely blog...this one's for you!!

I am a Friend according to Frugal Mom Knows Best.

Allyson at Pink Flip Flops and Wine is a great Friend...this one's for you!!

I am a Kreativ Blogger according to Crazy Little Thing Called Life.

I think that Supah at Adventures of a WannaBe SupahMommy is a Creative Blogger...this one's for you!!

I should open a Lemonade Stand! Thanks to Living My Glamorous Life for this one!!

I would only want to open a Lemonade Stand with my Partner in Crime, kys at Stir -Fry Awesomeness...this one's for you!

I am a Friendly Blogger. At least Every Day in Gray says so.

Happily Ever After is another upbeat gal and a totally Friendly Blogger...this one's for you!!

This Blog is Fabulous according to My Life With Kids.

I think that Jenny Mac at Let's Have a Cocktail has a Fabulous blog...this one's for you!!

I give Good Blog. Ask my hubby, he'll tell and also Hearts Make Families!

I think that Matty at Matty Thoughts Gives good blog...at least that's what his wife says...this one's for you!

I am a superior Scribbler according to Hearts Make Families and Who Has the Thyme?

I think that The gals at Life Laugh Latte are superior talkers, so I am giving this one to them!!

My Blog is Over The Top according to Menopausal New Mom...I have to say....she BLEW me away with what she wrote about me, and I am awed and honored!! FOLLOW HER NOW!

I think that Steph at Steph In the City is Over The Top, so this goes to her!

If I forgot anyone, I'm so sorry!! I write them all down when I get them then combine them in this one post and try to include everyone!!

Love you all!!

A Lovely Story About Me

lbrochstein@comcast.net (Lee the Hot Flash Queen) — Sat, 07 Nov 2009 15:47:00 +0000

One day, long, long ago, there lived a woman who did not whine, nag or bitch. (That would be me... )

But that was a long time ago, and it was just that one day.
THE END.

Mammogram - What they don't tell you

lbrochstein@comcast.net (Lee the Hot Flash Queen) — Fri, 06 Nov 2009 12:22:00 +0000

When getting a mammogram everyone talks about boob squishing, the freezing room, the holding your breath. No one tells you about the band-aid that has to be placed over your nipples.

That shit hurts when you have to rip them off. Just letting you all know.

**********************************************

Pre Teen Angst

lbrochstein@comcast.net (Lee the Hot Flash Queen) — Thu, 05 Nov 2009 12:35:00 +0000

We are hitting that pre teen angst stage with Sassy Gal, so I am going to chronicle it for your viewing pleasure. One day, when she gets married, I am going to collect all of the pre teen angst posts and make them into a book and present them to her...right before they check me into the looney bin.

Sassy Gal has a TON O HAIR. It is getting long and it is wavy and thick. Every morning, she wakes up and takes a shower and her hair is so knotted in the back that you can hardly brush it. So, last night I decided to brush her hair before she went to bed.

My theory....it would be easier to manage in the morning.

Fast Forward to the morning.....

Me "SG what would you like to drink in your water bottle?"
SG "Blue Gatorade, in my new water bottle, and add ice."
Me "Got it."

I go about my business, pouring the Gatorade in the new water bottle and adding ice.

SG "Did you put enough ice in?"
Me "Yes, your Highness."

I got the evil pre teen stink eye.

Me "What? I called you a princess. You are a princess!"

Stink eye multiplied with lower lip protruding and upper lip starting to snarl.

Me "I could have called you your Heiny." pointing at my butt.

Stink eye not laughing at all...getting snarlier and squintier.

Me "So, was it easier to brush your hair this morning, since we brushed it last night?"
SG "NO, it was More Knottier than usual because you brushed it last night!"

I could help but laugh! Then she laughed and our pre teen angst session was over. I am not looking forward to the next few years.

Her hair was easier to brush, just in case you were wondering and she set up a gmail account so she can email her friends....god help us all....

Watch out Ladies....

lbrochstein@comcast.net (Lee the Hot Flash Queen) — Wed, 04 Nov 2009 22:49:00 +0000

Why is it...Wednesday - Part 2

lbrochstein@comcast.net (Lee the Hot Flash Queen) — Wed, 04 Nov 2009 12:42:00 +0000

** WOO HOO to Leigh from Leigh Vs. Laundry!! She was my #300!! What's so funny is that she has been following without hitting the follow button!! Love you, Girlfriend!!**

Okay, gang, here is my second installment of Why is it Wednesday. Note the cute little button I made above. If any of you want to ever do a Why is it Wednesday, feel free to steal.

Why is it that every single sentence MUST start with Mommy? Seriously....every. single. sentence. I would prefer if some started with Hey or Woman or even Mother once in a while. But not in my house.

Let me give you an example....this is a string of sentences from my offspring....

Mommy, I need to go to the bathroom.
Mommy, I am going to shut the door to the bathroom.
Mommy, I am pulling down my pants.
Mommy, I peed some on the seat.
Mommy, should I clean it up?
Mommy, will you clean it up?
Mommy, why is there toilet paper.
Mommy, I flushed the potty.
Mommy, will you help me button my pants.
Mommy, I am going to go and play outside.
Mommy, I forgot to zip my pants.
Mommy, can I get something to drink?
Mommy, will you open my drink?
Mommy, I am going outside.
Mommy, I changed my mind, and I am going to stand next to you.
Mommy, where are you going?
Mommy, I am going to follow you around.
Mommy, what are you doing?
Mommy, am I driving you crazy yet?

And it continues...every day all day without a break, a breath, a beat.

So, I decided to look up the word Mommy at dictionary.com. This is what I found....
moth⋅er
–noun
a female parent.
(often initial capital letter) one's female parent.
3.a mother-in-law, stepmother, or adoptive mother.
4.a term of address for a female parent or a woman having or regarded as having the status, function, or authority of a female parent.
5.a term of familiar address for an old or elderly woman.
6.mother superior.
7.a woman exercising control, influence, or authority like that of a mother: to be a mother to someone.
8.the qualities characteristic of a mother, as maternal affection: It is the mother in her showing itself.
9.something or someone that gives rise to or exercises protecting care over something else; origin or source.
10.(in disc recording) a mold from which stampers are made.
–adjective
11.being a mother: a mother bird.
of, pertaining to, or characteristic of a mother: mother love.
13.derived from or as if from one's mother; native: his mother culture.
14.bearing a relation like that of a mother, as in being the origin, source, or protector: the mother company and its affiliates; the mother computer and its network of terminals.
–verb (used with object)
to be the mother of; give origin or rise to.
16.to acknowledge oneself the author of; assume as one's own.
17.to care for or protect like a mother; act maternally toward.
–verb (used without object)
18.to perform the tasks or duties of a female parent; act maternally: a woman with a need to mother.
—Idiom
19.mother of all, the greatest or most notable example of: the mother of all mystery novels.

Origin:
bef. 900; ME mother, moder, OE mōdor; c. D moeder, G Mutter, ON mōthir, L māter, Gk mtēr, Skt mātar-. As in father, th was substituted for d, possibly on the model of brother
Related forms:

moth⋅er⋅less, adjective
moth⋅er⋅less⋅ness, noun

Synonyms:
17. tend, nurse, mind, raise.
moth⋅er

–noun
a stringy, mucilaginous substance consisting of various bacteria, esp. Mycoderma aceti, that forms on the surface of a fermenting liquid and causes fermentation when added to other liquids, as in changing wine or cider to vinegar.

Also called mother of vinegar.

Origin:
1530–40; prob. special use of mother1 , but perh. another word, akin to D modder dregs, MLG moder swampy land; see moth⋅er

–noun Slang: Vulgar.
1.motherfucker.
2.a person or thing that is very large, powerful, or impressive.

Origin:
1945–50; euphemistic shortening
mom·myn. pl. mom·mies Informal
A mother.

The American Heritage® Dictionary of the English Language, Fourth Edition
Copyright © 2009 by Houghton Mifflin Company.

Main Entry:
momnoun
Definition:
mother

Synonyms:
child-bearer, grandmother, ma, mama, matriarch, matron, mommy, mum, mumsy, parent, mammy
Main Entry:
mother
Part of Speech:
noun
Definition:
female person who has borne children
Synonyms:
ancestor, child-bearer, creator, forebearer, mom, mommy, origin, parent, predecessor, procreator, progenitor, source, mammy

Antonyms:
father

Roget's 21st Century Thesaurus, Third Edition
Copyright © 2009 by the Philip Lief Group.

Note to self....Mother is derived from Mammy.....that explains it. When you become a mother, you are sold into slavery. Just call me Mammy.

To My Followers and My Commenters...

lbrochstein@comcast.net (Lee the Hot Flash Queen) — Tue, 03 Nov 2009 13:11:00 +0000

I really do have the best commenters. I mean you all step it up and just comment away, and make me laugh and make me think and just generally MAKE ME!

If I could do you all, I would. It would make a great movie, don't you think??

Now, for the lurkers. Don't get me wrong, I am HAPPY you lurk, which is far better than not following at all, but my goal is for blog domination and that means I want each and every one of you to comment. I'm going to get there if it kills me, and long live the Queen and all that jazz, so I can't die!!

Here's my theory.....take it for what you will.....if you have a blog, you have it for yourself first, your family maybe, your friends possibly, for others usually. I am not here to make an online diary of my life for my children to read or for me to remember. I am here to entertain, make fun of the hubby, complain and snark.

And, I *think* you all dig that....right, right right??? Please tell me I'm right?? Pretty please??

The best way to entertain is to have people read your posts. The best way to do that is to comment and let people know you are reading, so they will come to see your little corner of this great big blog world. If you are following blogs, it's usually because you have a blog. Well, unless you are here for the giveaways, which I don't do, so that rules that theory out for this blog anyway!

Yes, there is a point to this madness. I am going to feature one commenter a week....I am going to leave them over there on my sidebar....I want you all to follow that person, if you aren't already. Like I said, I have the BEST commenters, so if I tell you they are the best, then they are and then they are worth the follow!! And, that benefits all of you, because hopefully all my followers will follow you because I have THE BEST FOLLOWERS also and yes, I am KISSING your ASSES BIG TIME!

I am not going to let you know when I am going to pick you or what day of the week...could be a Monday or could be a Friday. Could be more than one in each week. I am just going to throw it into the mix of one of my posts. Ooooohhhhhhh, now you will all have to REALLY read every day...HAHAHAHA. Double Whamy!! BOOYAHHHHH!

So, what is the point?? Well, I want ONE post where I have EVERY SINGLE FOLLOWER comment. I realize that some of these followers might not be on blogger or wordpress or whatever else can be used anymore, which is understandable, but 75% probably still are...is that a fair number??

I will leave my list up on the side bar FOREVER. What do I want in return other than undying devotion?? NOTHING! I am hoping to add more followers and commenters along the way, after all, your comments are what keeps me going and stops me from taking my valium every day! Yes, YOU and the pressure is ON!

Do I sound manic?? Do I sound crazy?? Those that have been with me since I became Lee the Hot Flash Queen know that I am manic and I am crazy! I am hoping I am not Lee the Flash in the Pan Queen or Lee the Flashing my Goods Queen, cuz I like being a hot flash queen, even though it makes me crazy!!

Stay tuned and keep reading and keep commenting and keep making my day, cuz THIS queen has spoken, sent out a directive and I am hoping (please please please) to reach my goal of having ALL OF YOU COMMENT ON ONE POST AT SOME TIME IN MY PATHETIC LITTLE LIFE!!!!

The Queen is out!

PS. Free soap for My 300th Follower!!

Inspiration Point and Good Sex

lbrochstein@comcast.net (Lee the Hot Flash Queen) — Mon, 02 Nov 2009 12:21:00 +0000

So this Monday I am going to participate in SupahMommy's and Mommy Brain's All About MEme Monday. I know, I usually am not a MEmer, but it gives you an opportunity to hear from hubby, and according to my little poll over there on the side, you want to hear from him. More importantly it gives me a chance to talk about SEX baby, and that I can never pass up!

Supah & the Brain gave us two prompts, and I am doing both, so get comfy.

Inspiration.....
Answered by hubby...and I swear I did NOT tell him how to answer...I think he wants to get lucky later....

1. I admire you for...your dedication and perseverance to what you seek; plus, your ability to get things done!
2. Your laugh is ....cute, funny and contagious.

3. It makes me smile when I see you ...smile.

4. I love that you ...love me in spite of my faults, quirks and baggage.

5. Your heart is...big, and worn on your sleeve.

6. I hope that you know...that I love you, even when I don't show it.

7. When we first met ...you took my breath away.

8. You are...one of a kind: a loving wife, a dedicated mom, strong-willed, sarcastic, funny, beautiful, smart, mean, sexy, wonderful.

Isn't he sweet?!?!? So, now I am going to tell you about the time we were having some hot and serious sex on my couch in my living room!

A little background. At the time, I had a clear glass door. One solid pane. You could see all the way through the glass into the family room. The house is pretty open. Anyway, there is a clear view of the couch. Yes, the same couch that we got cleaned.....yup, not JUST because of the dogs!!

So, there we are...doing the dirty, when I look up and see two little urchin faces staring at me and waving wildly....my ex had brought the kids home. Early. Without calling me. 2 hours early. We are stark nekkid. I scream to the kids just a second, and we are both on the floor in front of the couch, so they can't see, rolling around putting on our clothes as fast as we can!

To this day, I have no idea if the kids saw anything. Shortly thereafter I replaced that piece of glass with glass that is frosted, cause you never who is going to come a knockin while you are a rockin.

It's Over

lbrochstein@comcast.net (Lee the Hot Flash Queen) — Mon, 02 Nov 2009 01:28:00 +0000

I am a party pooper. I HATE Halloween. Although I have thoroughly enjoyed visiting all your pumpkin patches and hearing your ghost stories and listening to your Halloween adventures, I am glad it is over.

So, here is my picture from my Halloween. First the kids and the second picture just pretty much sums up the rest of the evening.

Lee the Homornal Halloween Hater Hot Flash Queen

Roll Out the Red Carpet!

lbrochstein@comcast.net (Lee the Hot Flash Queen) — Sun, 01 Nov 2009 03:24:00 +0000

Yes, my bloggy buddies, it is that time again!! This past week I was shown so much bloggy love!!

I get so excited when I get these awards. Seriously, I get a little bit wet. And, I have the best readers, followers, commenters and bloggy friends in the universe!

Once again, I don't follow rules, so I hand em out and you take em and do what you want with em!!

I LOVE my friends!! I got the Friends Award from Erin at The Mother Load, who I have this kinship with. It was instantaneous. All I had to do was stalk her till she gave in and now she can't resist me!! I also got the Friends award from Lissaloo at One Step At A Time, who followed me from my now defunct craft blog to here, and I gain weight just by visiting her blog!! LOVE YOU BOTH!! FOLLOW THESE TWO!

I would like to give this lovely to Stacie over at Stacie's Madness. Something about this girl I LOVE! I think she is my sister from another mister!! Check her out!!

I can't believe that people think I have the Best Blog!! Seriously! But, A Starbucks A Day Keeps Life at Bay and Every Day in Gray gave me the Best Blog award, so they must think I do, and frankly I think THEY do! LOVE YOU BOTH!! FOLLOW THESE TWO!

I want to give the Best Blog award to Short Mama over at Family of Shorts. She is not short on humor!! Check her out!!

Some of you think my Blog is Over The Top! Well, it is, and I love that I can get an award for it!! Thanks to Holly at 504 Main and How to Survive Life in the Suburbs. These are my girls and I love them!! They are over the top with sweetness!! LOVE YOU BOTH!! FOLLOW THESE TWO!

I think that K.Law: Inspired is Over the Top and I would like to pass this along to her!! Check her out!!

I am a friendly blogger, at least I try to be. Holly at 504 Main and Lisaloo over at One step at a Time gave me the 2009 Friendly Blogger Award. These are two totally friendly gals and welcome new visitors. LOVE YOU BOTH!! FOLLOW THESE TWO!

I want to pass this award to Hearts Make Families. She is THE friendliest blogger and she is so sweet! Check her out!

The Crazy Baby Mama Likes how I tell It like is, and she gave me an award for it! She also tells it like it is, which is why we get along so well!! LOVE YOU!! FOLLOW HER!

I would like to pass this award on to InJaynesWorld. This girl cracks me up!! Check her out!

And, I want to thank Think Tank Momma who came up with an award and gave it to me. Honey, you Touch my Girly Parts too!! SmOoCh! LOVE YOU! FOLLOW HER!

These girls touch my girly parts, but she already knows it so I am giving it to kys over at Stir-Fry Awesomeness and Daffy over at BATCRAP CRAZY. You both know how I feel about you and because you touch my girly parts, I don't need to say more. If you aren't following these two, please do so!!

Last but not least...I want to thank Speaking From the Crib who nominated me for an award over at Plain Ole Bob!! Thanks chicky!!

If I left anyone out on either end, I am so sorry!! I love all of you and truly you all make this blogging sitting down at the computer for hours on end and getting nothing else accomplished in my life SO worth it!!

Hope everyone had a great weekend!!

The Hot Flash Queen is Out!

The Hot Flash Queen is a Soap Queen

lbrochstein@comcast.net (Lee the Hot Flash Queen) — Fri, 30 Oct 2009 12:26:00 +0000

Some of you might wonder what I do with the spare 10 minutes of time I have when I am not blogging. Okay, so maybe you don't wonder, but I'm going to tell you and give myself a plug at the same time!

Personalized soap!

And here it is again!

And again!

And one last time! So, here is my new gig.

Personalized soap! Any two colors, any two lines saying anything you want...as long as it fits....4 bars of yummy smelling goats milk and glycerin soap. All natural. All made my little old me.

Don't you think this would be a great gift for the holidays?? For a kids bathroom, a guest bathroom or even your bathroom!

I think $25.00 + $5.00 for shipping and handling. They will come in a great box that has a see through lid...all so cute, so all ya gotta do is nuthin!!

So, what do you all think?? And, please be honest!! Oh, if any of you want any...you can email me at lbrochstein at gmail dot com. I am open for bidnez and taking orders!!

I hope this doesn't lose me any of my peeps, but hey a girls gotta eat!

Last Night I went hunting for treasure and found gold!! Of course, the second I removed the ring...HOT FLASH!

No, not there....HERE!

lbrochstein@comcast.net (Lee the Hot Flash Queen) — Thu, 29 Oct 2009 12:22:00 +0000

Glory Be and Hallelujah...my days of inserting it here are over!! That's right, I have moved on to greener pastures. I am now going to be getting my hormones orally...and for those of you with dirty minds, no they will not be coming from the hubster!

What will be good about this? I thought you would never ask!

First, I won't have this ring stuffed inside the Vjayjay, which without the kegals and some serious leg crossing, I am afraid will go shooting across the room at the speed of light. I swear I have the strongest VJayJay muscles in the land, which will make hubby very happy once he starts inserting it here again.

Second, I won't have this infernal pressure on my bladder that not only makes me pee more than I normally do, but also makes me feel like I have a constant infection.

Third, and this is a biggie, my sex life might actually start to improve and this will make hubby very happy. You see, every time we ever did anything, I kept thinking about the ring. Can he feel it? Can he taste it? Is he shoving it up into my stomach? Now, I can stop thinking about that and start thinking about hunky Brad Pitt.

Now, the drawbacks...

I have to remember to take it every night.

I have to wait for it to work, which means that Lee the Hot Flash Queen will be wearing all her robes and her crown all. the. time. This means that I will be a nut case. Which then negates number three, because I won't want to have sex, I'll be too busy being Sybil.

I have to go on a treasure hunt for that darn ring. I am hoping I will find it easily, but if not and you don't hear from me again, you know I got swallowed up by the VJayJay.

So, everyone wish me look as I look for X marks the spot and start my new regimen. Oh, and could you all remind me to take that damn pill every night?? Thanks!

The Power of Persuasion

lbrochstein@comcast.net (Lee the Hot Flash Queen) — Wed, 28 Oct 2009 12:37:00 +0000

It amazes me how powerful a bit of persuasion from peers makes you do things you didn't want to do.

No, I didn't run naked through the streets...or jump off a cliff.

Some background for you.....

Sassy Gal is scared of everything. And, that is NOT an exaggeration. On the one hand, it has been good...I have never had to worry about her hurting herself, on the other, it has been bad. She was scared to learn how to swim, ride a bike, go down a water slide, go down a regular slide, do gymnastics and the list goes on and on.

She finally learned how to swim after countless lessons and to ride a bike after lots of screaming. She still will not go down a water slide or do gymnastics.

I have been begging her to get her ears pierced. My mother made me wait until I was 12 years old and it was torture...in fact, I am fairly certain that is why I am the way that I am today {twitching}. Anyhoo, she was adamant about NOT getting them pierced. I had the only child in America who's mother was begging her to get their ear's pierced and she was saying no!

We happen to live right by a Claire's...ya know that place they pierce ears and have lots of crap you can buy your kids....and I said to her on the way home from school on her Birthday...Let's go and get your ears pierced. You would have thought I had committed a mortal sin. She screamed at me and cried and told me to leave her alone.

Fast forward to the next day after school.....

SG "Little E got her ears pierced yesterday."
Me "Really? For her Birthday?"

Little E and SG share the same birthday and are best friends. Cute, huh??

SG "Uh huh."
Me "That's exciting." No WAY am I going to bring it up after the day before when she bit my head off!
SG "So, I want to get mine pierced."
Me "Really?? Right now??"
SG " Yes. Right now."

Me maintaining my cool while doing a happy dance right there in the driver's seat.

SG "All my friends were asking me when I was going to get it done, so I decided to ask you."
Me "Did you yell at them?"
SG "No. They don't bug me."

And did she chicken out after all that peer pressure only to go to school in defeat with her hair covering her ears??????

A+ for Effort

lbrochstein@comcast.net (Lee the Hot Flash Queen) — Tue, 27 Oct 2009 12:45:00 +0000

I have THE BEST followers!!

Last week, I posted about the irritating no reply at blogger dot com. MOST of you changed it....for those that didn't, here it is again (this is not supposed to be a subtle hint, by the way)...

1. Go to your Dashboard on Blogger dot com.
2. Hit your edit profile, right next to your picture, avatar or whatever else you have showing.
3. Scroll down to the line that says : Show my email address and CHECK THE BOX.
4. Hit save.

I think that 99% of you turned off Word Verification, which made my week of leaving thousands of comments SO MUCH MORE PLEASANT! And, for that I need to bestow kisses on YOUR butts!!

For the new followers...don't be afraid!! This is what you do, and I promise you won't get spammed, and if you do, send em my way for a spanking.

1. Go to your Dashboard at blogger dot com.
2. Click on Settings, which is under the name of your blog.
3. Click on Comments, which is on the top of the page.
4. Scroll down until you see this: Show word verification for comments?
5. Click the box that says NO.
6. Click Save settings at the bottom of the page. Please do not leave this page until you have saved settings.

As you all know, we are on the world wide internet of everyone has a different browser. Not all browsers are the same, and thus, I have another *small* change for you to make. Now before you go groaning and thinking, Lee must really think she is the Queen, this request came from the fabulous Jenny Mac from Let's Have a Cocktail, and because she is the bees knees of blogging, I am going to honor her request!

Oh, and if you haven't heard of Jenny Mac, you must have been blogging under a rock, so get your tush over there and show her some love!

If you all make this change, then every Tom, Dick and Jane will be able to leave you comments. There will be no word verification and you should see a HUGE increase in those comments that are our crack, cocaine and heroine all rolled up into one someone is actually reading my blog and likes it drug.

This allows your comment window to pop open in it's own separate window when someone leaves a comment...

1. Go to your Blogger Dashboard.
2. Click on Settings, which is right under the name of your blog.
3. Click on comments at the top of the page.
4. Scroll down to this: Comment Form Placement and click on pop up window.
5. Hit Save.

See, so easy!! Now EVERYONE can comment!!

Jenny Mac, that's for you, doll!!

I DO have the BEST followers, and love all of you that leave me comments!! Imagine if every single follower left a comment. Hmmmm....now that is a challenge!! So, I am going to challenge the shy followers who like to sit at the back of the room. Come on down to the front of the class. It's a great view, and I don't bite...well, I might bite, but I promise I won't draw blood.

I challenge the shy ones to comment!! I ALWAYS comment back on your blogs, and if I CAN I will try to respond to each comment with an email. Also, if you are new here and have just started to follow, let me know!! I don't check the follower list, and I like to follow those that follow me.

Here's hoping you all have a great week, comment lots and make the changes above!!

Today is Her Birthday!

lbrochstein@comcast.net (Lee the Hot Flash Queen) — Mon, 26 Oct 2009 15:36:00 +0000

Nine years ago today, our foreskins...oops, sorry, wrong speech.

I could wax poetic about the joy of finding out I was pregnant with Sassy Gal. The day the ex and I got back from the honeymoon and it was like ummmm yup, honeymoon's over! I could go on and on about how much I enjoyed the pregnancy experience, especially the 40 + pounds I put on my ass. I could spend hours reminiscing about labor and how no one told me the epidural would make me paralyzed from the waist down and how I just hoped and prayed I wouldn't poop on the table.

But, I won't.

I could show you eight gazillion photos of Sassy Gal, spanning her now nine years of life. How she didn't smile one time for the first year of her life. The amount of drool that came out of her teething mouth so she was completely wet on top and bottom. I could show you pictures of her sitting, those chubby arms and legs not moving because she refused to crawl or walk until she was 14 months old. I could show you the guns that I got from hefting her around all the time because of her lack of crawling and walking.

But, I won't.

I could talk about how she liked to stand in this one certain corner every time she had to poop, and how she was never afraid of any dogs. I could tell you about when she started school, get her first haircut and every single growth spurt over the past nine years.

But, I won't.

What I will tell you is that Sassy Gal is 9 today. She is wise beyond her years. She has survived things that I never wanted her to have to deal with. She is beautiful and smart. She has too many of my personality traits and yet so many that are just hers. She has friends and family that love her and that she loves. She has a brother that she loves to hate and hates to love. When she does smile, it lights up a room and when she laughs you can't help but laugh with her.

Happy Birthday my Sassy Gal. Mommy loves you.

Conversations - Part III

lbrochstein@comcast.net (Lee the Hot Flash Queen) — Mon, 26 Oct 2009 01:42:00 +0000

You never know what you might here around my house. Let me set the scene....

It is 7:45 pm on Sunday evening. I am in the kitchen with hubby, Sassy Gal, Brattitude Boy and Abbe. We are all gathered around the island, as I am trying to ice cupcakes for Sassy Gal's class for her birthday on Monday.

Hubby and Sassy Gal had gone to the grocery store while I had taken BB to a Birthday Party earlier that day....

Hubby "I did great at the grocery store, didn't I SG?"
SG "You talked to everyone."
Hubby "But I did great. We had fun, didn't we SG?"
SG "You talked to everyone."
Hubby "Who did I talk to?"
SG "You talked to a chinese dude. You asked him where the baking soda was."
Hubby is laughing.
Hubby "What did he say?"
SG "He ignored you. I think you scared him. You were yelling like he was deaf. He was just Chinese, not deaf."
SG "You asked a lady where the frozen vegetables were."
SG "You asked a kid where the frozen chicken was."
Hubby "Mommy said I couldn't call her and ask her questions."
Me laughing "That's right. You would have called me every 10 minutes."
SG "So, he asked every person we saw a question!"

We all laugh.

Hubby "We had a good lunch though, right?"
SG "Yup, chili with crackers at the store."
BB "Where did you eat lunch?"
SG "We went to this place. Called a grocery store. We ate Chili."
Sassy Gal rolled her eyes. The eye roll. She developed this the other day. It's part of being nine.

Hubby "But we did a great job at the grocery store."
Hubby "Did you see all that we got?"
Hubby goes to the pantry and proceeds to read every single label of everything he got. He is very proud of himself.
Me "You did a great job at the grocery store."

It's the little things that make you laugh and forget the big things that piss you off.

A Toast....

lbrochstein@comcast.net (Lee the Hot Flash Queen) — Sun, 25 Oct 2009 13:03:00 +0000

Grab a drink and raise your glass....I have toasts to give out along with awards!

I have to start by saying thank you to everyone for following, commenting and just supporting. To my new followers, welcome to the Queendom, to my old followers, be nice!! I started this blog as an extension of my business, and it has turned into my full time non paying friend making snarkler spot. And I LOVE IT!

I love that you all take the time to visit and comment. I love that I can make some of you pee a little in your pants. And, if any of you ever feel neglected, please let me know!! Blog domination is time consuming, but I don't want to forget who put me on the throne!!

Because I am a rebel and a rule breaker, i am making new rules for all these awards....take it, show it, spread it.

Thank you to Steph in the City for the Silver Shoe of Sincerity Award. She is an awesome blogger with great posts every. single. day. Love her blog and love shoes!!

RAISE YOUR GLASS to Daffy at BATCRAP CRAZY.

Thank you to Hearts Make Families, ShallowOcity and I'm Not Judging - I'm Just Saying for the Best Blog Award! Love these women, and you must read them DAILY!

RAISE YOUR GLASS to Puppies, Pearls and Poolside with the Girls.

Thank you to Hearts Make Families for the Honest Scrap award. I don't know how honest I am, but I am scrappy!!

RAISE YOUR GLASS to MiMi at Living in France.

Thank you to Hearts Make Families for the 2009 Friendly Blogger Award. Seriously, why are you still here...you should have gone and at least started to follow her already!!

RAISE YOUR GLASS to Stacie over at Stacie's Madness.

Thank you Chrissy at I Should Have Been a Stripper for the One Lovely Blog award. Her blog is also lovely and she is a RIOT! RUN DON'T WALK to follow!!

RAISE YOUR GLASS TO Think Tank Momma...she rocks!

Thank you to Allyson at Pink Flip Flops and Wine for the You are Flipping Fabulous award. This gal is flippin fabulous! And, I don't blow smoke up anyone's ass...she is so great, you will come back here and kiss me all over for leading you to her blog!

RAISE YOUR GLASS TO kys at Stir-Fry Awesomeness.

So, according to Kys over at Stir-Fry Awesomeness, I give good blog. And she outta know, cuz she's my secret luhvah...that's right folks...I'm coming out!! Thanks babe, you know how I feel about you!

RAISE YOUR GLASS to Travis at I Like to Fish... pssstttt ladies...he does give good blog!!

I also got the Friend award from MJ at Dirty Little Confessions and kys at Stir-Fry Awesomeness. These are great ladies and a great reads! Their humor is sharp! GO VISIT!

RAISE YOUR GLASS to Mrs. Sister over at The 5th Sister.

This blog is one of the best reads was given by King Max cried "Let the Rumpus Begin!" How could you not love a blog with a name like that! GO FOLLOW!

RAISE YOUR GLASS to Short Mama from A Family of Shorts.

And, Silver's Heart thinks that this blog is over the top. Thanks so much!! Another great blog!!

RAISE YOUR GLASS to Menopausal New Mom.

WHEW! If I left anyone out...my sincere apologies!! I love all of you!!

The Hot Flash Queen Has Left The Building.

SORRY SORRY SORRY!

lbrochstein@comcast.net (Lee the Hot Flash Queen) — Fri, 23 Oct 2009 17:41:00 +0000

Bloggy Buds!!

I have to apologize!! Today I will be lax in comments and responses! Please forgive me! Don't unfollow me! Still love me! It's just one of those days.

I'll back in full force Monday!

I love you all and have a fabulous weekend

lbrochstein@comcast.net (Lee the Hot Flash Queen) — Fri, 23 Oct 2009 09:00:00 +0000

Welcome visitors!

I am hosting an anyonymous post for
bLerApy © day
Hosted by

Princess of Sarcasm and SupahMommy

*Please remember that the post for today is written by an anonymous blogger and not by myself. The views, ideas and opinions expressed are exclusively the anony-bloggers.

* however i might just have a post floating around in the mix
winkwink

After you read today's bLerApy© post: please feel free to snoop around my blog. Here's a post you might like!

http://www.headacheshormonesandhotflashes.com/2009/08/insert-it-here.html

I hope to see you again.

___________________________________________________________________________

Mother -IN -Law IS...

My mother-in-law (henceforth referred to as simply "MIL") really gets my goat. I know that I should, like, be all grateful to her and stuff since she is the mother of my husband; but honestly it's just so hard to see past her huge helmet of fake blond hair. It is so cemented by hair spray that it is completely incapable of even the slightest movement.Yet the hair is only the icing on the cake. She's also been having a torrid love affair with her orange-hued foundation for years. I assume she thinks it makes her look like she has a tan. And then there's the rest of her makeup. Lots of bright orange and red lipstick to match the cakey foundation. She reminds me of a clown. A very scary clown, indeed! It's gotten so bad in fact that she's forbidden to kiss our children on their cheeks because it takes hours of serious scrubbing to remove the remnants of her atrocious lipstick.

MIL is quite social for her age (63) and often goes out to lunches and dinners with friends on a daily basis. This could be one reason why her constant diets don't work for her. We recently took her out to dinner for her birthday. We ordered two appetizers: fried calamari and some salmon dip. Although she insisted she would not be partaking of these fattening food items, she decided to "just take a tiny taste" upon their arrival. Once she started, she couldn't stop. Our server came to remove the mostly empty dishes, only to have MIL sneer at her and say, "Hey! We're not finished here!" Cute waitress turned pink, apologized, and darted off. MIL proceeded to pick up the last pieces of calamari (without so much as offering any to us) WITH HER FINGERS, rake them through the salmon dip, and shove the crumbly mess into her mouth. Licked and smacked her fingers to boot. And then reapplied her lipstick at the table using her handy dandy compact.

My brother-in-law and his partner, Jeff, were also present at this dinner. At one point my brother-in-law leaned over to Jeff to whisper something in his hear. He gently rested his hand on Jeff's arm for a very brief second. MIL nearly jumped out of her chair and hissed, "You promised no PDA!" BIL quietly sat back up, removed his hand, and said nothing. I snorted and stared hard at her, but she didn't notice because she was so wound up. It wasn't like they were making out in the middle of the restaurant (nevermind that they've been in a serious relationship for over 5 years). And this is 2009, not 1985. Gay people are everywhere. Who cares? Get a grip. It was very disturbing to me that she still hasn't accepted her own son even though he came out at least 7 years ago. She can't just be happy for him because she's all worried about what people are going to think. I was also a little sad that my BIL didn't stand up to her/for himself. I still think about this all the time and wonder what it says about their family dynamics---what all I missed before I became a part of the family. But that is another BLerapy session.

MIL has been battling her weight a lot recently in her life. When you can't stick to your diets because you're too busy eating out every night, and you don't break a sweat on your treadmill because you don't want to ruin your clown face----well, then it must be time to call the plastic surgeon. I'm not knocking plastic surgery, peeps, trust me. But I think it's a cop out for some people (i.e. MIL) who fail to listen to their bodies and take proper care of themselves. She has had a few rounds of liposuction on her arms, legs/thighs, buttocks, and stomach. To her, this is the solution. But it's only temporary because she doesn't change her diet or her lifestyle. I imagine she'll be calling her surgeon again soon. Weight Watchers is taking her money, but she doesn't care. It's all a front. It's just so she can say she's on a diet. It's really very sad.

MIL only wears designer duds: matchy matchy twin sets, slacks, sweaters, blouses, Donald Pliner shoes, you know the drill. I don't believe I've ever seen her in a pair of jeans, a t-shirt, or even tennis shoes (my go-to wardrobe staples). In my defense, I clean up real good. For example, on the night of her birthday dinner, I donned a black pencil skirt from the Gap, paired it with a white blouse and a black belt, and some knee-high black boots. Simple and maybe a bit boring, but definitely nice. At one point I got up to use the ladies' room (I have to drink a lot when we're with MIL, so that means lots of trips to the potty) and found out later that she used that opportunity to tell my husband that I dress like crap. He defended me (hooray!). MIL is appalled that I shop at The Gap, Banana Republic, and Ann Taylor Loft. She turns up her nose at these places. She will only set foot in high-end department stores with marble floors. She even has her own personal shoe salesman at one of them. He calls her whenever new inventory arrives and will hold shoes in her size until she can come and check them out.

To add insult to injury, MIL bought me a sweater from her favorite department store for my birthday. I'm no dumbass; I know it's because she hates the way I look and dress. This sweater is awful. It has sequins. Need I say more? Just because something is expensive and from a fancy establishment doesn't mean it's any better or higher quality than anything else. Ever since she gave it to me it's been riding around in the back of my minivan so I can return it. Only I can't even stomach the idea of setting foot in that store. Her store.

What MIL forgets or fails to understand is that at my very core, at the heart of it all, I'm a mother. I have young children. It is not comfortable, realistic, or smart to wear really nice or expensive clothes on a daily basis. I'm dealing with snot and spilled drinks, I'm rolling on the floor wrestling with my munchkins. I'm a hands-on mom. So most of my everyday things are actually from Target. Why spend a lot when it's just going to get stained/ripped/ruined/washed a bazillion times over? Is she so far removed from motherhood herself that she can't see this? MIL is superficial. She cakes on her makeup and hides herself under her clown face & her sweater sets. While it's true I could put a little more effort into my daily appearance, I do so when it counts (i.e. dinner out, a party, special occasion, holidays, etc.). And that is what should matter most. Besides--people who matter will care enough to look beyond my ponytail, rumpled jeans and naked face. They will listen to things I say, see the things I do, watch me with my children. Those are the important things. Not where I shop, what I'm wearing, and what brand of shoes I just bought.

Me? I'm here. I may be frumpy, but I'm fun. I'm a good mom. I love my kids. And she can suck it.

__________________________________________________________________________

Below you will find a linky list of anony-musings of famed bloggers world wide. Please visit each host listed below - to view a showcased bLerApy© blog.

coined by Princess

Awww...don't cry.

Join us for the next round!

November 6th 2009.

Blog submissions are due

November 4th 12 midnight.

Find out more by clicking the link below and submit your own!

Un Follow

lbrochstein@comcast.net (Lee the Hot Flash Queen) — Fri, 23 Oct 2009 00:32:00 +0000

I am a loyal follower. Even if you don't comment...ever....I will still nag you and stalk you until you notice me. I think I have only unfollowed maybe one blog. But, not this time!

I have been following this blog...who shall remain nameless because I'm nice that way....for a while. I left comments in the beginning, let them know I loved their blog and was following them....because how would they know otherwise and of course you hope for some kind of reciprocation....don't judge, you know you do!!

They never followed back, but that was okay, because seriously, this was a great blog. Eventually, I got tired of leaving comments. After a while, when you are sitting there with your hand in the air yelling pick me pick me while jumping up and down, you get tired. So, I stopped commenting. No biggie, she didn't miss me. She didn't even notice I was gone.

Then she did a post that I loved. You see, I still read her everyday, I just lurked. But, this post called to me and I left a comment.

This is what I got....

Hello!

Thank you for commenting on The Blog That Doesn't Care About You! I am happy that you took the time to enter a contest or leave me feedback on my site. I hope that you continue to come back and get to know us on a personal level. 
 

Oh, and our twitter is @theblogthatdoesn'tcareaboutyou if you have a twitter account. Another way to keep in touch!

~The Blogger Who Doesn't Care About You

That's right.  A form letter.  WTF?!?!?!  ARE YOU SERIOUS?!?!?!  A FORM LETTER!!

Here's a lesson in etiquette....if you want to answer an email...don't send a form letter.  Be personal.  It makes us feel good to know you read the comment and got the comment to begin with.  A comment back on the blog that commented on yours is always nice, and if someone follows you and TELLS you, please follow them back!!

We work hard to write our posts and get them read.  It is a full time gig to travel the blogosphere and comment and keep up and stay in touch.  I feel as if I have so many new friends out there, and love the report (is that spelled right??) I have with all my bloggy buds.

I get excited, yes, actually excited when I see new comments on my posts.

Show some respect...don't do the form letter thing.

The Hot Flash Queen has spoken! (Sorry, I always wanted to end a post with that!!)

Car Poo

lbrochstein@comcast.net (Lee the Hot Flash Queen) — Thu, 22 Oct 2009 12:07:00 +0000

My life is a toilet bowl of Poop. And, no I don't mean it's shit. It's a toilet bowl of Poop. First, to refresh your memory of Poop and Brattitude Boy, please read THIS. Don't worry, I'll wait here for you to get done. I'll just check my emails or blog hop for a bit....

Oh, hey, didn't see you come back...you lurkers are great at lurking. I could hear the commenters from miles away...yes, you know who you are and I love you lots!!

Back to my life being a bowl of poop. Something about my truck, my kids and the urge to go. I don't know what it is. Here is the poop on the latest poop.

I am driving at 5:55 pm with Sassy Gal and Brattitude Boy to meet the parental units for dinner. And, yes, the waitress stuck her finger in my dang salad! But, that is not what this story is about....

So, if you live in Houston, have visited Houston or are familiar with Houston at all, we have traffic. We have traffic at 2 in the afternoon and at 5:55 pm we have parking lots on the streets of our fair city. We are sitting in the parking lot, which is otherwise known as a street. I hear moaning from the back seat. I turn around.

Sassy Gal is squirming and moving around. She has a look of sincere agony on her face.

Me "SG, you okay back there?"
SG "Noooooooooo."
Me "What's up Chickadee?"
SG "I have to go doo doo. Really bad."

The panic sets in which immediately sets off a severe hot flash. I feel the sweat rolling down my back. I look around wildly. Cars to the left, cars to the right, cars in front, cars in back. RED FRIGGIN LIGHTS EVERYWHERE! THERE IS NO ESCAPE!

I take a deep breath.
Me "Squeeze the cheeks love. Can you do that?"
SG " I am, but I think I might poop in my pants!"
Me "Honey, we are stuck here in traffic. I can't do anything to help you. You have to just hold it in. Can you hold it?"
SG "I'm trying!" She is now seriously squirming and moaning and groaning. She is about to cry.
Me "Do you want me to turn the music off. Will that help you concentrate?"
SG nods and scrunches up her face in concentration.

The light turns green. Our lane doesn't move. MOVE MOVE MOVE I am thinking. I see a car 5 ahead of us who wants to turn left and is in the wrong damn lane!! The left turn light is red. Mine is green. I can't get around the other cars because of the traffic.

SG "Go around, Mommy!"
Me in full panic "SG, I can't. This moron up there wants to turn and he is in the wrong lane. DAMMIT MAN DON'T YOU KNOW I HAVE A CHILD THAT NEEDS TO POO! I can't get over!! There are cars coming non stop!! Just HANG ON! I'll get you there. But, there is no place to pull over. You kids pick THE worst times to have to poo. Don't you know how nervous this makes Mommy??"
SG "Okay, I'm okay. Just hurry!! I don't want to poo in the car."
Me "I don't want you to poo in the car either!!"

FINALLY, the light turns for the left turn lane and moron gets over. The car in front of me is going so slow! He can speed up some and ride the bumper of the dude in front of him, but NO, he is putzing around as if he doesn't know there is a true emergency behind him!!

Me "Okay, SG....we made this light...here comes another...it's green....we made it!! Almost there. Keep it clenched! OH SHIT! DUDE! YOU COULD HAVE GONE THROUGH THE YELLOW AND THEN I WOULD HAVE GONE! WHY DID YOU HAVE TO STOP!?!?"

Moaning and groaning and clenching and concentrating from SG.

Me "SG, do you see the sign up there. There is the restaurant. Almost there. I will pull up to the front and you RUN in and go. I'll park and BB and I will meet you right inside. Okay?? You got it?? This is the plan, can you make it??"
SG "I think I can make it. But hurry."

I see green...I see the sign...I turn in in front of tons of cars coming my way. They are honking and giving me the finger.

Me " Sorry. Sorry." Waving at them "This is an emergency people!! Poo about to explode!! I am in a Land Rover for a reason!! Go on and TRY to take me out! "

We make it. She runs inside. I park the car. The poo crisis was averted. The moral...none, other than I am always polite, even in the midst of a car poo.

Why is it Wednesday?

lbrochstein@comcast.net (Lee the Hot Flash Queen) — Wed, 21 Oct 2009 12:28:00 +0000

No, I am not asking the question, WHY is it Wednesday. I know it is Wednesday, because it comes after Tuesday, and yesterday was Tuesday. Right??

Today I am going to do a little theme meme all on my own. I have several questions that have popped up into my head recently, and I was wondering if any of you smarties out there could give me answers. You can leave the answers in the comment section below or you can just lurk and read everyone else's answers without joining in on the fun.

So, today's question for "Why is it ...." Wednesday.....

Why is it that whenever I get into the car with my kids they start to fight? Is it the car? I drive a truck, so there is plenty of room. Is there some kind of odor in the air that when they breathe it in, they turn into sumo wrestling monsters? They fight over the music, the air conditioning, the seat belts. This is their fight every single morning...

"Don't touch my back paaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaack."
"Get your back pack awaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaayyyyyyyyy from me."
" Brattitude Boy...Don't TOUCH my back pacccccccccccccccccccck."
"It's in my wayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy."

Pushing and shoving of the backpack ensue and before you know it one of them is crying.
EVERY. SINGLE. MORNING.

I know, you are thinking....Idiot, put it in the front seat or on the floor of the car! Like I haven't thought of that!! BB's is on the floor in the middle. SG's in on the seat in the middle. The reason they aren't in the front is that when you drop off, they must have their back pack's in hand and be ready to jump out of the car before you stop or else the car pool maven's get very POed!

So, why not put SG's on the floor? It doesn't fit on the floor in the middle, yes, it is that big. Why not put it under her feet? Now, that's just stupid to even ask THAT one! If you did, then

A. You obviously don't have kids that are old enough to complain about the back pack taking up their foot space.
2. You enjoy being kicked in the back while you are driving!

This same fight ensues on the way home every afternoon as well. But, on the way home, they try to get me involved.

"Mommy, he touched my back pacccccccccccccccck."
"Mommy, she pushed the back pack into meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee."
"Mommy, he called me a naaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaame."
"Mommy, she hit meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee."
"Mommy, tell him to move his fooooooooooooooooot."
"Mommy, she is annoying meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee."
"Mommy, he kicked meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee."
"Mommy, she is laughing at meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee."
"Mommy, he is licking the seatbelt!!"
"Mommy, she is copying meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee."
"Mommy, stop singing so loud!"
"Mommy, roll up the windows!"
"Mommy, don't drive over the bridge!"
"Mommy, WHAT ARE YOU DOING?"
"MOMMY, THE CAR IS SINKING!"

Oops...sorry...got a little carried away. Why is it that my kids fight whenever we get into the car?