COOL SMS & JOKES

Biggest Guru Mantras of Life

noreply@blogger.com (Imran Malik) — Mon, 15 Feb 2010 10:10:00 +0000

"A person should not be too honest.
Straight trees are cut first
and Honest people are victimised first."

There is some self-interest behind every RELATIONSHIP.
There is no relationship without self-interests.
This is a bitter truth."

Before you start some work, always ask yourself three questions - Why am I doing it, What the results might be and Will I be successful. Only when you think deeply
and find satisfactory answers to these questions, go ahead."

As soon as the fear approaches near, attack and destroy it."

Once you start working on something,
don't be afraid of failure and
don't abandon it.
People who work sincerely are the happiest."

Love Quotes

noreply@blogger.com (Imran Malik) — Tue, 17 Nov 2009 19:22:00 +0000

today in the morning i spoke to someone very special to me
and suddenly a thought came to my mind why not to start this thread where all can express their feelings for these special one, wheather their "special one" be Fotn Members or out siders

i request all to express yours here in a poetic way
you need not to be a very good poet for paticipating here
just write what you feel.............

before submitting your poem, just give a brief introduction of your "special poem"

+k to all participants

so let me start

this poem i have written when i wasnt member of FOTN
this was written for "innocent face" just after a month
of meeting him

The first mail u sent
Hard to believe we met on the net,
I am glad to internet for that………..

Since then we have moved so far
Still don’t know who u r

Every day hoping to see ya online
I am so lucky that I have seen ur “innocent face”

Now ur so close to my heart
See how it happened so fast

U told ur story I told mine
That made both of us feel fine

Don’t know where we lead at last
All argument we did is belong to the past

U r there as someone to care
I felt lonely when ur not there

relationship like this is so weird
But its something we never get tired . . .

I am glad I am the first one to reply here...... I am the lucky one to reply over here as the first one......

the way you said

the way I listened

all the time

all the tears

all the smiles

the memories

the thoughts

the feelings

the emotions

all so sublime
inter-woven in fabric

called life.....

life... i think
it is life

when I touched u
in my mind

the feeling of closeness
the emotional affinity
the candid smile
the moody thoughts
the sweetness of memories
the courage to stand united
the hope in the tears

that's called friendship
yeah I think it is friendship
above all realtions

May be my words donot qualify for a poem, still I think I am able to convey my heart to you

You are the one with whom I feel a nearness of heart, I know i can always depend on you, we stood united in all circumstances without question of right or wrong........

I owe you so much my friend

I wish I cud hug you

and kiss you and feel u

u and the warmth u carry

the fragrance of hope u have

the healing touch of ur hands

the soothing effect of ur vioce

the calmness I feel in ur lap

Although we have not met ,

still I can feel all that

You may not have ever seen me
But you know that I am here
You can feel me in your heart
As you enter each new day
I will always be there for you
I am your friend your buddy
Someone to share the good times
As well as the bad
I make no judgments by what you say
I just listen with my heart
I'm here to listen,to talk
With happiness With Smiles
And always please remember
I am your friend

Top Love Quotes & Sayings of All Time

noreply@blogger.com (Imran Malik) — Tue, 17 Nov 2009 19:04:00 +0000

"A kiss is a lovely trick, designed by nature, to stop words when speech becomes superfluous."

Love is a temporary madness. It erupts like an earthquake and then subsides. And when it subsides you have to make a decision. You have to work out whether your roots have become so entwined together that it is inconceivable that you should ever part. Because this is what love is. Love is not breathlessness, it is not excitement, it is not the promulgation of promises of eternal passion. That is just being "in love" which any of us can convince ourselves we are. Love itself is what is left over when being in love has burned away, and this is both an art and a fortunate accident. Your mother and I had it, we had roots that grew towards each other underground, and when all the pretty blossom had fallen from our branches we found that we were one tree and not two.
- Captain Corelli's Mandolin6. "Love is the beauty of the soul."

"My night has become a sunny dawn because of you."

"She walks in Beauty, like the night
Of cloudness climes and starry skies,
And all that's best of dark and bright
Meet in her aspect and her eyes..."

"... See there's this place in me where your fingerprints still rest, your kisses still linger, and your whispers softly echo. It's the place where a part of you will forever be a part of me."

"The hours I spend with you I look upon as sort of a perfumed garden, a dim twilight, and a fountain signing to it...you and you alone make me feel that I am alive...Other men, it is said, have seen angels, but I have seen thee and thou art enough."

"From every human being there rises a light that reaches straight to heaven. And when two souls that are destined to be together find each other, their streams of light flow together, and a single brighter light goes forth from their united being."

"The most wonderful of all things in life is the discovery of another human being with whom one's relationship has a growing depth, beauty and joy as the years increase. This inner progressiveness of love between two human beings is a most marvelous thing; it cannot be found by looking for it or by passionately wishing for it. It is a sort of divine accident, and the most wonderful of all things in life."

"Love is like a friendship caught on fire: In the beginning a flame, very pretty, often hot and fierce, but still only light and flickering. As love grows older, our hearts mature and our love becomes as coals, deep-burning and unquenchable."

" Find a guy who calls you beautiful instead of hot, who calls you back when you hang up on him, who will lie under the stars and listen to your heartbeat, or will stay awake just to watch you sleep... wait for the boy who kisses your forehead, who wants to show you off to the world when you are in sweats, who holds your hand in front of his friends, who thinks you' re just as pretty without makeup on. One who is constantly reminding you of how much he cares and how lucky he is to have YOU... The one who turns to his friends and says, thats her... "

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Find a guy who calls you beautiful instead of hot, who calls you back when you hang up on him, who will lie under the stars and listen to your heartbeat, or will stay awake just to watch you sleep... wait for the boy who kisses your forehead, who wants to show you off to the world when you are in sweats, who holds your hand in front of his friends, who thinks you' re just as pretty without makeup on. One who is constantly reminding you of how much he cares and how lucky he is to have YOU... The one who turns to his friends and says, thats her...

LOVE: We think about it, Sing about it, Dream about it && Loose sleep worrying about it. When we don't know we have it, we search for it. When we discover it, we don't know what to do with it. When we have it, we fear loosing it. It is the constant source of pleasure and pain. But we don't know which it will be from one moment to the next. It is a short word, easy to spell, difficult to define && IMPOSSIBLE to live without.

What I needed most was to love and to be loved, eager to be caught. Happily I wrapped those painful bonds around me; and sure enough, I would be lashed with the red-hot pokers or jealousy, by suspicions and fear, by burst of anger and quarrels.

One who has not only the four S's, which are required in every good lover, but even the whole alphabet; as for example... Agreeable, Bountiful, Constant, Dutiful, Easy, Faithful, Gallant, Honorable, Ingenious, Kind, Loyal, Mild, Noble, Officious, Prudent, Quiet, Rich, Secret, True, Valiant, Wise; the X indeed, is too harsh a letter to agree with him, but he is Young and Zealous.

Do not cry, because we are destiny, because we are everything that can be above this world. And now, the angel of my life, please let me fly so that I can fulfil the vanity of this world, of this dream, of this nightmare that eternally took you from me.
I didn’t thought you will come now at this age and time of this Illusion of Life, but between these bars I tell you how much I love you and do not ever doubt me.
I will be yours in every moment of this life, which I give to you.

A lover, when he is admitted to cards, ought to be solemnly silent, and observe the motions of his mistress. He must laugh when she laughs, sigh when she sighs. In short, he should be the shadow of her mind. A lady, in the presence of her lover, should never want a looking-glass; as a beau, in the presence of his looking-glass, never wants a mistress.

Madame, it is an old word and each one takes it new and wears it out himself. It is a word that fills with meaning as a bladder with air and the meaning goes out of it as quickly. It may be punctured as a bladder is punctured and patched and blown up again and if you have not had it does not exist for you. All people talk of it, but those who have had it are marked by it, and I would not wish to speak of it further since of all things it is the most ridiculous to talk of and only fools go through it

Everybody can be great... because anybody can serve. You don't have to have a college degree to serve. You don't have to make your subject and verb agree to serve. you only need a heart full of grace. a soul generated by love.

I think about you in every moment and every image of you hurts me horribly. I want to feel every thought, every whisper you say in the deep silence of the eternity of you soul. To be able to cry in me, beside you, beside me in you, to be able to understand why our hearts beat, why we live among moments and not among eternities as if it were different.
To be able to understand every smile which breaks in my just like a wave, which finally breaks against the cliff of my eternity through the blood of my ancestors as my misconducts break in your eternity and that of your ancestors.
And they want to tell you how much I love you, how much I adore you in this vain world.
I know we will never be able to look in the eyes, but only in the hearts.
I know they beat against the infinite precisely because they beat even though we both want the infinite and its truth. Any beat opposes the infinite because it measures an infinity, even if it is finite. And then?

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

What can the love in my soul be compared to another wonderful soul which is so far and yet so close of my self?
What can this symbiosis between two souls can be?
What can love be when you feel you cannot sleep at night, that every drop of dew becomes a crystal in your heart, when every breeze of wind has magical meanings?
What can love be when you feel that you want nothing more in this world that to be with the soul you love?
But what can love be in other transcendental realities? What about our souls?
Are our souls a waterfall, a true Niagara or a smile, a flirt of an angel? Are our souls a mere mood of a fairy or a lightening in a summer rain?
Our souls could be all of this and much more. But what really happens in that transcendental reality when we feel we are truly in love, that we love so much that it hurts? That the air in the room is unbreathable, that the sentimental, spiritual or physical distances kill us? What happens when dawn find us sadder than ever, looking for an excuse or an argument for the person we love so much, our Great Love? What are all thses? What are the looks lost in the desert horizons of unfulfilment or those in the eyes that deeply loose each other in the others inside the souls?

Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil, but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Love never fails. 1 Corinthians 13:4

ROMANTICS

noreply@blogger.com (Imran Malik) — Tue, 17 Nov 2009 18:44:00 +0000


All the arts come from God and are to be respected as divine inventions - John Calvin Quote / Quotation.

Poetry should be great and unobtrusive, a thing which enters into one's soul, and does not startle it or amaze it with itself, but with its subject - John Keats

A poet is the most unpoetical of anything in existence because he has no identity; he is continually informing and filling some other body - Keats Quote / Quotation

Poetry is the breath and finer spirit of all knowledge - William Wordsworth Quote / Quotation

Poets utter great and wise things which they do not themselves understand - Plato

The audience for social poetry is here and waiting on poetry speaking to the new evolving political rhythms of our existence, divorced of obscure references, mythic Greek figures and greeting card mush - Mark Antony Rossi Quote / Quotation

No man was ever yet a great poet, without being at the same time a profound philosopher. For poetry is the blossom and the fragrance of all human knowledge, human thoughts, human passions, emotions, language - Samuel Taylor Coleridge

One demands two things of a poem. Firstly, it must be a well-made verbal object that does honor to the language in whichit is written. Secondly, it must say something significant about a reality common to us all, but perceived from a unique perspective. What the poet says has never been said before, but, once he has said it, his readers recognize its validity for themselves - W. H. Auden Quote / Quotation

Poets are all who love, who feel great truths, and tell them: and the truth of truths is love - Philip James Bailey Quote / Quotation

A man would do well to carry a pencil in his pocket and write down the thoughts of the moment. Those that come unsought are commonly the most valuable and should be secured, they seldom return - Francis Bacon

Poetry is just the evidence of life. If your life is burning well, poetry is just the ash - Leonard Cohen Quote / Quotation

There is a pleasure in poetic pains which only poets know - William Cowper

Not every poem's good because it's ancient, Nor mayst thou blame it just because it's new, Fair critics test, and prove, and so pass judgment; Fools praise or blame as they hear others do. - Buddhist Quote / Quotation

Poetry is language at its most distilled and most powerful - Rita Dove Quote / Quotation

Genuine poetry can communicate before it is understood -T. S. Eliot

Poetry heals the wounds inflicted by reason - Novalis Quote / Quotation

He who draws noble delights from sentiments of poetry is a true poet, though he has never written a line in all his life - George Sand

A poem is never finished, only abandoned - Paul Valery

A poet is a bird of unearthly excellence, who escapes from his celestial realm arrives in this world warbling. If we do not cherish him, he spreads his wings and flies back into his homeland - Kahlil Gibran Quote / Quotation

Poetry is the revelation of a feeling that the poet believes to be interior and personal which the reader recognizes as his own - Salvatore Quasimodo

To have great poets, there must be great audiences - Walt Whitman Quote / Quotation

Poetry is when an emotion has found its thought and the thought has found words - Robert Frost

A poem begins in delight and ends in wisdom - Robert Frost Quote / Quotation

You will find poetry nowhere unless you bring some of it with you - Joseph Joubert

Poetry should... should strike the reader as a wording of his own highest thoughts, and appear almost a remembrance - John Keats

Poetry is the synthesis of hyacinths and biscuits - Carl Sandburg Quote / Quotation

Poetry is an echo, asking a shadow to dance - Carl Sandburg

There's no money in poetry, but then there's no poetry in money, either - Robert Graves Quote / Quotation

Poetry is thoughts that breathe, and words that burn - Thomas Gray

To have great poets, there must be great audiences - Walt Whitman Quote / Quotation

To be a poet is a condition, not a profession - Robert Frost

A poem is true if it hangs together. Information points to something else. A poem points to nothing but itself - E. M. Forster Quote / Quotation

The poets have been mysteriously silent on the subject of cheese - Gilbert K. Chesterton

Poetry is the art of uniting pleasure with truth - Samuel Johnson

Publishing a volume of verse is like dropping a rose petal down the Grand Canyon and waiting for the echo - Don Marquis Quote / Quotation

Poetry is not a turning loose of emotion, but an escape from emotion; it is not the expression of personality, but an escape from personality. But, of course, only those who have personality and emotions know what it means to want to escape from these things - T. S. Eliot

Poets are soldiers that liberate words from the steadfast possession of definition - Eli Khamarov Quote / Quotation

It is the job of poetry to clean up our word-clogged reality by creating silences around things - Stephen Mallarme

Poetry is the journal of the sea animal living on land, wanting to fly in the air. Poetry is a search for syllables to shoot at the barriers of the unknown and the unknowable. Poetry is a phantom script telling how rainbows are made and why they go away - Carl Sandburg Quote / Quotation

A poet's work is to name the unnameable, to point at frauds, to take sides, start arguments, shape the world, and stop it going to sleep - Salman Rushdie

A poet dares be just so clear and no clearer... He unzips the veil from beauty, but does not remove it. A poet utterly clear is a trifle glaring - E. B. White Quote / Quotation

A poet is an unhappy being whose heart is torn by secret sufferings, but whose lips are so strangely formed thatwhen the sighs and the cries escape them, they sound like beautiful music... and then people crowd about thepoet and say to him: "Sing for us soon again;" that is asmuch as to say, "May new sufferings torment your soul" - Soren Kierkegaard

A poet can survive everything but a misprint - Oscar Wilde

You can tear a poem apart to see what makes it tick... You're back with the mystery of having been moved by words. The best craftsmanship always leaves holes and gaps... so that something that is not in the poem can creep, crawl, flash or thunder in - Dylan Thomas Quote / Quotation

Poetry is ordinary language raised to the Nth power. Poetry is boned with ideas, nerved and blooded with emotions, all held together by the delicate, tough skin of words - Paul Engle

A true poet does not bother to be poetical. Nor does a nursery gardener scent his roses - Jean Cocteau

Good morning SMS

noreply@blogger.com (Imran Malik) — Wed, 15 Jul 2009 21:46:00 +0000

Hindi SMS's

noreply@blogger.com (Imran Malik) — Wed, 15 Jul 2009 21:42:00 +0000

Ek bandar ne apni shakal aaine mein dekh li aur usne suicide kar li, tum mujhse waada karo ke tum kabhi aaina nahin dekhoge plz plz plz promise me plz...

An
Elephant
Cow and
a Khota

Arguing whos the Best

Elephant:
I help move heavy loads

Cow:
I give milk
.
.
.
.

kuchh bol yar

Its ur turn now!

Chaiwala: Bholi si surat,Aankho me masti, Door khadi sharmaye, Hai Hai.
Ladki: Kali si surat,Hatho me kitli, Door khada chillaye chai chai.

U r miles
away from me.
Still im
watching ur everymovements by 3different
channels
1.Discovery
2.National Geographic
3.Animal Planet

A : u r Active
B : u r Best
C : u r Cute
D : u r my Dearest
E : u r Excelant
F : u r alwayz First
G : u r Great
Sorry cant lie till Z...

Husband aur Wife Hotel me gaye tabhi 1 Lady ne Hello kiya,
Wife-Koun Thi Wo?
Hus-Tum dimag kharab mat karo, main pehle hi pareshan hu ki woh bhi Yehi puchegi.

Laloo goes 2 a shop n asks: "Ye Bandarva ka Photu kitne ka hai re... ?" Shopkeeper : voh phutva nahi saheb" Woh to Seesa hai...!

Dil ko pata Tha woh zarur Aayegi, Dil ko Pata Tha Woh zarur Aayegi....Par kabhi Socha Na Tha ki... Surprise me KAMBAKHT Apna "Husband" Bhi saath Layegi!!...

Baharo phool barsao mera "DOST"aya hai. Hoto pe muskan, gali me mehak laya hai. Barso tak thi jise pani se "ELERGY" vo aaj "LUX" se nahaya hai.

Itne kamjor ho gaye teri judai se,
Itne kamjor ho gaye teri judai se
Ki saala ek din macchar hi utha le gaya charpai se.

Hothon se jo chhoo liya, Ehsaas ab tak hai
Aankhein nam hain, Aur saanso mein Aag ab tak hai,
Aur kyon na ho, Janaab...
Khaayi bhi to 'HARI MIRCHI' hai!

Log kehte hai pyar mein neend nahi aati
are koi hamse bhi pyar kar lo hame neend bahut aati hai

Zid apni naa chodi par,
pyar bhara dil tod diya.
kuch paiso ke liye zaalim,
tune sms karna chod diya.

Gadha jo khaaye wo Ghaas ho tum,
Buddhe ka Chyawanpraash ho tum,
Idiot, stupid, bakwaas ho tum,
Par jo bhi ho! Yaar! Dost Jhakaas ho tum.

College ki galion mein ajjeb khel hota hai,
Class ke bahane dilo ka khel hota hai,
Notes ki jagah luvmail hoat hai,
Isliye to Pappu har saal fail hota hai.

Ek aap ho ki sharmate bahut ho,
Ek aap ho kii itrate bhi bahut ho,
Dil to karta hai ki aapko Dinner pe ley javein,
Kambakht ek aap ho ki khaate bhi bahut ho

Pyar na rahe to wafa kaun karega,
Dost na rahe to dosti kaun karega,
Khuda salamat rakhe tumhe varna,
bandar ki tarah uchal-kood kaun karega

hum bhi dost tere lie TAJ MAHAL banaaenge..
Gaur farmaaiga..
hum bhi dost tere lie TAJ MAHAL banaaenge..
Ek cup shubah.. or ek cup shaam ko pilaenge

Dosti ka safar lamba hua to kya hua, thoda tum chalo,thoda hum chalenge,
phir.... rickshaw kar lenge

palkon pay apni bhitaya hai tumhain
bary duaon ke bhaad paya hai tumhain
aasani se nahin melay ho tum
international ZOO se chuarya hai tumhain

Miss u sms

noreply@blogger.com (Imran Malik) — Wed, 15 Jul 2009 21:41:00 +0000

Message: * some text missing* Sender:* Name Missing * *Number Missing *Sent: * Date missing * Missing U a lot thats y everything is missing....

Do u know, what i say, what i think, what i feel, what i think, what i wish, U want to know? I MISS U SO MUCH.

Wat makes some people dearer is not just de happiness dat u feel when u meet them but de pain u feel when u miss them.. MISS U........

I hide my tears when I say your name, but the pain in my heart is still the same. Although I Smile & Seem Carefree, There is no one Who misses you more than ME!

A B
C D
E F
G H
I J
K L
M N
O P
Q R
S T
V W
X Y Z
have I missed
something?
yes..
i missed "U"

If u wanna know how much I miss u,
try to catch rain drops,
the ones u catch is how much u miss me,
and the ones u miss is how much I miss

Last night i wanted to send u a msg, but all i could write was: "noh ss!w !". it didn't make much sense until i read it upside down...

Whenever I miss You, Stars falls down from the Sky.
So any day if you find the sky empty, don't blame me!
It's all your fault; You made me Miss You So Much!!

Close your Eyes,
Relax your Body,
And stop your Breathing as long as you can...
NOW BREATH......
I Miss you as much as YOU MISSED THE AIR!

In The Flower My Rose Is You,
In The Diamond My Kohinoor Is You,
In The Sky My Moon Is You,
I'm Only Body My Heart Is You,
That's Why I Always MISS YOU!

U must b tired coz u hv been running through my mind, u gotta b a thief coz u hv stolen my heart n I must hv been a bad shooter coz I keep missing u.

I MISS YOU in every beats of heart,
In every blink of my eyes,
In every second of Time and...
In every moment of the Day !

n ss!w ! ,n ss!w !
n ss!w ! ,n ss!w !
n ss!w ! ,n ss!w !
n ss!w ! ,n ss!w !
GOT CONFUSED!
OH!B SMART FRIEND:
ZARA MOBILE KO ULTA KAR K DEKHO

A B C D E F G H I J K L M N O P Q R S T " " V W X Y Z.Did i miss something.No, i put 'U' safely in my heart

earth may stop rotating, birds may stop flying ,candles may stop melting,fish may stop swiming,heat may stop beating but i never stop missing u......

If u think i miss u all the time u r wrong i miss u only when i think about u but Damm it i think u all the time i miss u sweetheart

When you feel lonely press 989, when you feel sad press 22, when u need to talk, press 51008 when u press all these together, here i m for u always. Miss u a lot

Just Wondering..!
Wud U Smile At Me If I Smile At U..?
Wud U Say Hello If I Greet U..?
Wud U Talk 2 Me If I Talk 2 U..?
Wud U Add "Too" If I Tell U "I Miss U"..?
Dilbara Really I Miss U From The Core

To forget is heard to do, and to forget me is upto u, forget me forget me never,forget the text but not the sender.Miss you a lot

I heared some whisper ur name,but when i turned around 2 see u who it was , i notice i was alone, i realized it was my heart telling me that I MISS U

Under the sea, there lays a rock. In the rock, there is an envelope. In the envelope, there is a paper. On the paper, there are 3 words... 'I Miss You'

There are 24 hours in a DayNight, 10 hours for work, 8 hours for sleeping, 3 hours for eating, 2 hours for exercise and 1 hour for other activities, But all the 24 hours I do MISS U badly..

when i close my eyes before sleeping i watch u in the dark, When im sleeping i watch u in my dreams, When i open my eyes i found u before my eyes..And then I start Missing u for all the Day...

JOKES RIDE

noreply@blogger.com (Imran Malik) — Wed, 15 Jul 2009 21:36:00 +0000

1 A Teacher lecturing on population - In India after
Every 10 sec a
woman gives birth to a kid.
A Sardar stands up- we must find & stop her!.

2 Sardar-why r all these people running?
Man- This is a race, the winner will get the cup.
Sardar-If only the winner will get the cup, why r
others running?

3 Teacher: "I killed a person" convert this sentence
into future tense.
Sardar: The future tense is "u will go to jail".

4 Sardarji was filling up application form for a job. He was
not sure as to what to be filled in column "Salary
Expected".
After much thought he wrote: Yes!

5 Sardar told his servant: Go and water the plants. Servant
it's already raining. Sardar: So what? Take an
umbrella and go.

6 Sardar wins 20 cr from Rs. 20 lottery ticket. Dealer
gave 11cr after
deducting tax. Angry Sardar: "Give me 20 cr or else
return my 20 Rs
back.

7 Postman:- I Have To Come 5 Miles To Deliver U This Packet
Sardar:- why did u come so far. Instead u could have
posted it....

8 Sardar's wish :when i die,i wana die like my grandpa who died
peacefully in his sleep not screaming like all the
passengers in the
car he was driving..

9 Sardar at an Art Gallery: I suppose this horrible
looking thing is
what you call modern art ?
Art dealer: I beg your pardon sir, thats a mirror!

10 Sardar was writing something very slowly.
Friend asked:" Why r u writing so slowly?
Sardar: "I'm writing to my 6 yr old son, he can't read very fast.

11 Flash news: A 2 seater plane crashed in a graveyard in punjab . Local
sardars have so far found 500 bodies and are still
digging for more..

12 A man asked sardarji, why Manmohan singh goes walking at evening not
in the morning. Sardarji replied "Arey bhai Manmohan is PM not AM".

13 Wife: You always carry my photo in your handbag to the office. Why?
Darling : When there is a problem, no matter how impossible, I look at your picture and the problem disappears.
Wife: You see, how miraculous and powerful I am for you?
Darling : Yes, I see your picture and say to myself, "What other problem Can there be greater than this one?

14 Girl: When we get married, I want to share all your worries, troubles
and lighten your burden.
Boy: It's very kind of you, darling, But I don't have any worries or
troubles.
Girl: Well that is because we aren't married yet.

15 Son: Mom, when I was on the bus with Dad this morning, he told me to
give up my seat to a lady.
Mom: Well, you have done the right thing.
Son: But mum, I was sitting on daddy's lap.

16 A newly married man asked his wife, "Would you have married me if
my father hadn't left me a fortune?" "Honey," the woman replied Sweetly,
"I'd have married you NO MATTER WHO LEFT YOU A FORTUNE"

17 Father to son after exam: "let me see your report card."
Son: "My friend just borrowed it. He wants to scare his parents."

18 A teacher asked her class for sentences using the word "beans"..
My Father grows beans," said one student. "My father cooks beans," said
another.
Then little Johnny spoke up: "We are all human beans."

19 Interviewer to Millionaire: To whom do you owe your success as a millionaire? "
Millionaire: "I owe everything to my wife."
Interviewer: "Wow, she must be some woman.
Interviewer: "What were you before you married her?"
Millionaire: "A Billionaire"

20 Its funny when people discuss over "love marriage" and "arranged marriage"
It is like asking a person if he would like to "hang himself" or "shoot himself".

21 What is a girl friend?
Addition of problems, subtraction of money, multiplication of enemies & division of friends.

22 Guide: "I welcome you all to Niagara Falls. These are the world's largest
waterfalls and the sound intensity of the waterfall is so high, even 20
supersonic planes passing by can't be heard.
Now may I request the ladies to keep quite so that we can hear the Niagara
Falls?"

23 Three patients in a mental institution prepare for an examination given by the head psychiatrist.
If the patients pass the exam, they will be free to leave the hospital. However, if they fail, the institution will detain them for seven years.
The doctor takes the three patients to the top of a diving board overlooking an empty swimming pool, and asks the first patient to jump.
The first patient jumps head first into the pool and breaks both arms.
Then the second patient jumps and breaks both legs.
The third patient looks over the side and refuses to jump.
"Congratulations! You're a free man. Just tell me why didn't you jump?" asked the doctor.
To which the third patient answered, "Well Doc, I can't swim!"

24 As a old man was driving down the freeway, his car phone rang.
Answering, he heard his wife's voice urgently warning him,
"Herman, I just heard on the news that there's a car going the wrong way on Route 280. Please be careful!"
"It's not just one car," said Herman, "It's hundreds of them!"

25 Why do men chase women they have no intention of marrying?
For the same reason dogs chase cars they have no intention of driving.

26 What's the definition of lawyer?
The larval form of a politician

27 Sardar comes back 2 his car & finds a note saying "Parking Fine"

28 How do you recognize a Sardar in School?
He is the one who erases the notes from the book when the teacher erases the board.

29 once a Sardhar was walking and had a glove on one hand and not on other so the man asked him why did he do so. He Replied that the
weather forecast announced that on one hand it would be cold and on the other hand it would be hot.

30 Sardarji bought a brand new Maruti and decided to drive down from Amritsar, where he lived, to Jalandar to meet his friend. He reached there in a few hours.
After spending a few days there, he decided to return, and called up his mother to expect him in the evening. But he didn't reach in the evening and not the next day either. "
When he finally reached home on the third day, his distraught mother ran and asked him " Arre Puttar, ki hoya?
(What Happened, My Son?)

31 The Sardarji got out, obviously very tired from a long journey, and said, "Oy, ye Marutti wale pagal hain, agge jaane waaste chaar gear banaate hain, )
aur pichche jaane waaste sirf ik?" (These Maruti Car people are crazy! They have four gears for going forward, but only one for going back!

32 Santa Singh decided to start a chicken farm so he bought a hundred chickens to begin with. A month later he returned to the dealer for another hundred chickens .
because all of the first lot had died. A month later he was back at t he dealer for another hundred chickens for the second lot had also died
'But I think I know where I'm going wrong,' said Santa, 'I think I'm planting them too deep.'

33 2 Dost Suicide karne gae, Pahala : "Hey Bhagwan muje dunia ki saari
nafrat de Pareshani de Duk de!" Dusra dost : "Abe tu maut maang raha
hai ki Reliance mai Job.

34 Q - What is the Difference Between Mother & Wife ?
A - One Woman Brings U into this world crying... & the other
ensures U
Continue to do so.

35 Sardar to Shopkeeper: - Mujhe India Ka Flag Dikhao, Shopkeeper ne
Flag
Dikhaya, Sardar: - Isme aur Colour Dikhao.

36 .How can a Sardar Kill a Lion ? Sardarji thinks N thinks hard &
comes to a conclusion: I'll drink poison n let lion eat me. O' bolo
ta ra ra.

37 A Chinese pair accidentally had twins without getting married, Guess
what they named them... Jo Hua, So Hua.

38 Wife : Honey ...... What are You Looking for ?
Husband : Nothing.
Wife : Nothing...?? U've been reading our marriage certificate 4 an
hour ...?? Husband : I was just looking 4 the expiry date.

39 Papa : beta har parai stri ko apni Maa samjho to tumhara character
thik ho jaaega.....Beta : Lekin Papa fir Aap ke character ka kya
hoga....???

40 Sardar: O Banno Car ki speed itani ky badha di..? biwi: Oji Car ki
break
fail ho gayi hai, Exident ho jaye iske pahale ghar pahunch jaate hai.

41 Sardar : Sitting on The Top of the Mountain and Studying.... When a
Person asked what he was doing.... He replied... Oye!! Higher
Studies
Yaar...!!!

42 Mayawati came to Lalu's House with a Goat.....
Lalu : Bhaiswa ko kyun Layi ho....??
Maya : Dikhta nahi, Goatwa hai..??
Lalu : Hum Goatwa se hi Puch raha Hun..!!
52
43 Wife : Do you want dinner?
Husband : Sure, what are my choices?
Wife : Yes and no.

44 Man : How old is your father?
Boy : As old as me.
Man : How can that be?
Boy : He became a father only when I was born

45 Teacher : Correct the sentence, "A bull and a cow is grazing in the
field"
Student : A cow and a bull is grazing in the field
Teacher : How?
Student : Ladies first.

46 Customer: If I post this letter tonight, will it get to Delhi in two days time?
Post Master : Yes sir, it definitely will.
Customer : I bet you, it won't.
Post Master : Why not?
Customer : It's addressed to Mumbai.

47 1st thief : Oh ! The police is here. Quick! Jump out of the window!
2nd thief : But this is the 13th floor.
1st thief : Hurry! this is no time for superstitions

48 Man before Marriage I like Airtel...."Aisi Azaadi Aur Kahaan"
After Marriage He's Like Hutch... " Where R U Go Our Network
Follows."

49 Santa : That Cow is a Lovely Colour ,
Farmer : Yes, it's a Jersey.
Santa : Oh, I Thought it was its Skin...!!!
gaya... aur main...SWARGWASI. ..

50 They say that when a man holds a woman's hand before marriage, it is
love; after marriage it is self-defense

51 It is difficult to understand GOD. He makes such beautiful things as
women..and then he turns them into Wives !?!!!?!

52 It takes thousand workers to build a castle , Million soldiers to
protect a country
BUT Just ONE woman to make a Happy HOME! Let's Thank ......KAAMWALI

53 After Finishing MBBS, Dr. Munna Starts his practice. He Chcked 1st
patient eyes, tongue & ears by Torch
& finally said BOLE TO.......... TORCH THEEEEK HAI

54 What is the difference between a woman and a magnet? Magnets have a
positive side!

55 Ladka: Janeman is dil mein aaja.
Ladki: Sandal nikalu kya?
Ladka: Pagli mandir thodi hi hai, aise hi aaja!!

56 It's funny when people discuss LOVE MARRIAGE vs ARRANGED.
It's like asking someone, if suicide is better or being murdered

57 A person who surrenders when he's WRONG, is HONEST.
A person who SURRENDERS when not SURE, is WISE..
A person who surrenders even if he's RIGHT, is a HUSBAND.!

58 Mayawati came to Lallu's house with a goat.
Lallu: Bhaiswa ko kyon layi ho?
Maya: Dikhta nahin goatwa hai?
Lallu: Hum goatwa se hi to pooch raha hoon.

59 Do sardar jee motor cycle per bomb lay kar jarahay thay,
Rastay main speed breaker ki waja say jhatkay lag rahay thay,
Sardar jee ka dost bola yaar aaram say gari chalao kahi bomb na
phatjain,
Sardar jee...Oo tussi fiker hi naker assi kay pass dosra bhi tu bomb
hay. :)

60 aik sharabi raatkay waqat apnay dost kay sath jaraha hota hay. rastay
main talab per nazar parhti hay tu us main us ko chand dikhta hay woh
apny dost say
kahta hay yaar ye kia hay.dost kehta hay chand hay. sharabi hairan ho
ker
yaar hum log itnay upper aagaiy

61 Santa Singh goes to a TV shop and asks, 'Aap ke paas color TV hai
kya?'
'Haan' replies shopowner. Santa Singh says, 'Ek hara vala dena!'

62 A sardar calls another sardar on the phone & says "Hi, Main Bol Raha
Hoon".
The other sardar replies "Kamaal Hain,Ithe bhi Main Bol Raha Hoon!"

63 Ek pathan Cycle chalaty aur gungunaty howe kahin ja raha tha rasty
mein ek Aurat se takra betha.
Aurat chilla kar boli "Break nahi maar sakty thy kia ??? "
Pathan herat se... "Pora cycle mar deya abhi break mar kar kia faida."

64 Burhiya:Aray dekho iss kambakhat maare ko mere sath larki ja rahi he
osse nahi dekh raha kab se mujhe taare chala ja ria he...!

65 Aadmi:Aray.. ! amma darasal ye kabaria he purana maal dekh raha he.

66 Ustaad: Bete, aap jab hanste hen to aap ke dimples parte hen aap bohat
ache lagte hen dil chahta he aap ko piyar karloon.

67 Bacha: Sir, mujhse ziyada dimple to mere ammi ke parte hen.

68 Aik lerki apny boy friend k sath nai garri main long drive par
ja rahi thi
achanak larki kehnay lagi.....suno !
kia tum aik haath se garri chala saktay ho ?
kioon nahi.....larkay ne bare fakher se garden akraaii...
larki ne aahista se kaha........ ..
"to phir doosray haath se apni naak saaf kar lo "

69 Sardar : Apne bete se bola, Bevakuf...kaisa machis leke aaya hai, ek
bhi tili nahin jalti.
Beta : Kya baat karte ho papa, sab tili test karke laya hu.

70 Doctor : App ka aur aapki biwi ka blood group ek hi hai?
Sardaar : Hoga, Jarur hoga; 25 saalse mera khoon jo pee rahi hai....

71 Nurse - "Mubarak ho.. Sardarji.. aap papa ban gaye.."
Sardarji - " Meri wife ko nahi bolna.. main usey SURPRISE doonga..!"

72 Hum Ney Un Ki Yaad Main Ro Ro Kar Matkey Bhar Diye
Wo Bewafa Aye Aur Naha Kar Chal Diye

73 Neend mujhey raat bhar aati hai kam ,
Shayad macharon ko bi mil gaya hai sanam

74 Tujh bin zindagi ka tasawar hi nehi hai ,
Tere sang ho zindagi aisa bi koi scene nehi hai
Iss dunya mein, tum he sab sey haseen ho
mein aur kahon jhot kitna, ke tum ko yaqeen ho

75 rooz khawab mein nazar aatey ho tum
kio mujhey neend mein bi daratay ho tum

76 kal raat machar ne kata mere chehre par,
dil mien junoon tha...aankhoon mien khoon tha,
uthaya ussay masal dene k liye par khayal aya,
kambakht mien apna hi khoon thA

77 hi u all
i hv one puppy 4 u
1puppy 4 ur friend
1 puppy for ur fri ke fri
u know why???
becuz....... .....
ajj hi meray dogi nay 10 puppies ko janam dia hai

78 Civic VTI jisai kehete ho wo gadi tumaree hai
Jisey nokia 6600 kehte ho wo cell tumhara hai
Jinhai tum aamon k baghat kehte ho woh baghain tumharee hain
Kaho ik di kaho ik din
Ager sab kuch ye mera hai to sab kuch dedo ik din
Gari apni mujhe tum dedo cell dedo doosrey din
merey hathon mai kaghzat rakh ker dafa ho ik din
Dafa ho ik din dafa ho ik din...

79 dabe mein daba dabe mein kharghosh,
uncle nae ankh mari anute behosh...... :)

80 teen dost tha phalla patan dosra panjabe or tisra memon.Ramzan ka
maina
tha dostoo na bolaa ka yar zakat dana ha too app log kasa datta ho.too
phala dost patan na bolla ka hum khali maidan ma za kar gol paira
banatha ha or asman ma paisa ushal tha ha zoo paisa paira ka bhair
zata ha
woo zakat kartta ha or zoo andar hotta ha woo humara hotta ha .fer
pajabe na bolla ka hum ak lakir kachtta ha or paisa ushal tha ha zoo
paisa
left hand par zatta ha woo zakat kartta ha or zoo right hand par woo
humara.fer memon dost sa pucha ka woo kasa kartta ha too usna kaha ka
astag feroollha app log assa zakat kartta ho yea lakir fakir keya ha
hum
khali maidan ma zatta ha or asman ma husal tha ha zoo paisa asman ma
gheya woo zakat ka or zoo paisa necha aaya woo humara.

81 Admi Naai Se Meri TERE NAAM Wali Cutting Kar Do.
Naai Uski Tind Kar Deta Hai
Admi Ghussay Se Ye Kya Kiya Hai ???
Naai Main Kya Karoon Main Ne Dekhi Hi End Se Hai.

82 Sardarji is in Delhi. He is walking on a street which has Clock Tower
when someone asks him if he wants to buy the clock on the Tower.
Sardarji says "Yes".
"Give me a thousand rupees and I'll go get a ladder." The man took the
thousand and disappeared. Having waited for several hours the Sardarji
figured he was taken for a ride. On the next day the Sardarji is again
walking along the same street and the same man asks him to buy the
clock. "Give me a thousand rupees and I'll go get a ladder."
The Sardarji gives him the thousand and says "I am not a fool.This
time, you wait and I'll go get a ladder."

83 A lawyer is standing in a long line at the box office. Suddenly, he
feels a pair of hands kneading his shoulders, back, and neck. The
lawyer turns around.
"What the hell do you think you're doing?"
"I'm a chiropractor, and I'm just keeping in practice while I'm
waiting in line."
"Well, I'm a lawyer, but you don't see me screwing the guy in front
of me, do you?"

84 Q: Hear about the terrorist that hijacked a 747 full of lawyers?
A: He threatened to release one every hour if his demands weren't met.

85 Safed saari par jab tum laalbindi lagati ho
khuda ki kasam ambulance nazar aati ho
farq sirf itna hai ke wo ghayal ko le jati hai
or tum ghayal kar jati ho

86 janab patan: eak dookan per jata hai aor kata hai40 wala chawal hai.
dukan daar: je hai
janab patan:eak kulo dado
dukan daar: je janab
janab patan : 40 wala chawal kitna ka diya hai.

87 Aik haseen-o-jameel adaakara ke ghar aag lag gaee ..aag par qabu panay
main 10 minut lagay.....aor. ......aag bujhany walon per qabu panay
main
40 minut lagay

88 Aik aadmi apne dost ki qabar par phool daal raha hota he
Aur brabar men bhi aik aadmi apne dost ki qabar par chawal daal raha
hota he.
Pehla Aadmi doosre se kehta he " Ye tumhara dost phool sunghne kab
uthe ga?"
Doosra dost:"Jab tumhara dost chawal khane uthe ga

89 uncle aik bachay se kehte hain : beta aik acha sa jhoot bolo agar
mujhe
pasand agaya to main tumhien paanch rupay doon ga
bacha masoomiat se : yeh lo ! abhi to das rupay kahay thay .... !!!!

90 aik dost dosray se : yaar har party mien tum yehi kurta kyun pehantay
ho
dosra dost : kyun ke yeh mera khandani kurta hai mere par dada ne
pehna
phir dada ne pehna phir mere walid ne pehna iss liye main bhi pehanta
hoon
pehla dost : ohh acha .. khier yeh batao k tumhari umar hogai hai
shadi
ki tum kartay kyun nahi ..kya koi larki pasand nahi ati
dosra dost : nahi yaar larkiyaan to bohat pasand ati hain
pehla dost : to phir kyun nahi kartay
dosra dost : yaar mere par dada ne nahi ki dada ne nahi ki mere walid
ne nahi ki to phir main kaise karloon ??

91 Banta Singh happened to be in a queue at a railway
station ticket counter with two men ahead of him.
'Ek Punjab Mail dena.' demanded the man in front.
He was given a ticket. 'Ek Punjab Mail dena.'
the second man asked & was handed a ticket.
Then came the turn of Banta Singh, 'Ek Punjab female dena!'
'What do u mean by Punjab female?' asked the clerk.
'It is for my wife' replied Banta Singh

92 The Equation:

7 Glance = 1 Smile
7 Smile = 1 Meeting
7 Meeting = 1 Kiss
7 Kisses = 1 Proposal
7 Proposal = 1 Marriage -
And that 1 Bloody marriage has 777777777777 problems.
So beware of glance!

93 Plan For Future:
Teacher asks children, what do u wish 2 do in future?
Ram: I want 2 b a pilot.
Vinod: I want 2 b a doctor.
Deepa: I want 2 b a good mother.
Ravi: I want 2 help Deepa.

94 Exams:
Exams are like GIRL FRIENDS;
1,Too Many Questions.
2,Difficult to Understand.
3,More Explanation is Needed.
4,Result is always FAIL!

95 A man is dying of Cancer.
His son asked him, "Dad, why do u keep telling people u're dying of
AIDS?"
Answer: "So when I'm dead no one will dare touch ur mom

96 Girlfriend : And are you sure you love me and no one else
Boyfriend : Dead Sure! I checked the whole list again yesterday.

97 Teacher : Which is more important to us, the sun or the moon?
Pupil : The moon.
Teacher : Why?
Pupil : The moon gives us light at night when we need it but the sun gives
us light only in the day time when we dont need it.

98 Teacher : What do you call a person who keeps on talking when people are no longer interested?
Pupil : A teacher.

99 Waiter : Would you like your coffee black?
Customer : What other colours do you have?

100 My father is so old that when he was in school, history was called current affairs.

101 Teacher : Sam, you talk a lot.
Sam : It's a family tradition.
Teacher : What do you mean?
Sam : Sir, my grandpa was a street hawker, my father is a teacher.
Teacher : What about your mother?
Sam : She's a woman.

102 Tom : How should I convey the news to my father that I've failed?
David: You just send a telegram: Result declared, past year's performance repeated.

103 Teacher : Now, children, if I saw a man beating a donkey and stopped him, what virtue would I be showing?
Student : Brotherly love.

104 Teacher : Now, Sam, tell me frankly do you say prayers before eating?
Sam : No sir, I don't have to, my mom is a good cook.

105 Patient : What are the chances of my recovering doctor?
Doctor : One hundred percent. Medical records show that nine out of ten people die of the disease you have.
Yours is the tenth case I've treated.The others all died.

106 Teacher : " Hello boys, Remember !!! Nothing is impossible."
One of the 20 Students: "Ok Sir, You please take out all the toothpaste and put it back into the tube again.

107 Teacher : " Can anybody give an example of COINCIDENCE ?"
One Student : "Sir, my Mother and Father got married on the sameday, sametime."

108 Sardarji opens his lunch box in the middle of the road....why ?
Just to confirm whether he is going to or coming back from the office

109 A woman had 8 sons all named Kevin. On asking how she managed to call one in
particular
She replied: That's easy. I call them by their surname !

110 koi apni biwi ka antim sanskar karke ghar ja raha tha ki achanak bijli
chamki, badal garje, jor se baarish shuru hui dukhi aadmi bola:
Lagta hai pahunch gai :-)

111 Sardar enters kitchen and opens the sugarbox. Sees inside and closes it.
Wife observes the whole episode
Again he comes and does the same stuff. Wife askes Why are you doing this?
Sardar replies: Doc told to check sugar level regularly

112 What is the full form of singh: S-sardar I-insaan N-nahi G-gadha H-hai.

113 Angry sardar-Oye mein is duniya ko mita dunga - mita dunga- mita dunga.
Another sardar standing besides said mein tujhe rubber nahi dunga.

114 Santa singh: Can u spell a word that has more than 100 letters in it?
Banta singh: Post office.

115 Sardar on cycle hit lady accidently, lady says," break nahi mar sakta tha kya?
Sardar replies "break ka kya hai, poori cycle to mar di....."

116 Sardarji zebra crossing ke black & white patte par bar bar idhar-udhar chalte the, woh kya soch rahe honge....think. ......... ...
"SALA YE PIANO BAJTA KYO NAHI"

117 Sardar:Aap kitna padhe ho?
Friend: B.A.
Sardar: kamal karte ho yaar sirf do word padhe aur woh bhi ulte.

118 A friend asks sardar how was ur exam?
Sardar: It was ok but i couldnt answer past tense of THINK. I thought, thought & finally i wrote 'THUNK'.

119 Sardar: Doctor help me, mein jab baat karta huun to muje sirf awaaz sunaideti hai, aadmi nahi dikhta.
Dr: Aaisa kab hota hai?
Sardar: Phone karte waqt.

120 Sardar jhad pe bethkar gaa rahe the, achanak ek sardar jhad se ulta
latak ke gaane laga, dusre ne pucha ki ulta kyon latka he, Sardar bola oye side B gaa raha hun.

121 Sardarni asks her lover,"Santa dear, if we get engaged, will u give me a ring?"
"Sure" replies santa. "Whats ur phone no?"

122 Sardarji is not sleeping with his wife! these days
because somebody had told him that it is wrong to sleep with married women.

123 One day sardarji was sitting in his office on the thirteenth floor of a
building when a man came running in to his office and shouted "Santa singh
your daughter Preeto just died in an accident" ....... since Sardarji was in panic.
Not knowing what to do he jumped from his office window while comming down when he was near the
tenth floor he remembered he didn't have a daughter named Preeto.
when he was near the fifth floor he remembered he was not married.

124 *** Banta Singh finished his English exam and came out.
His friends asked him how did he do his exam, for that he replied "Exam was
okay, but for the past tense of THINK, I thought, thought, thought ... and
at last wrote - THUNK !!!"

125 a sardar was going on the road.Then he sees a man who has met with an
accident.so he picks him up puts him in his car and takes him to the
hospital.Then the sardar realises that the man should have brought by
ambulance.so he takes him back where he picked him
sardar was driving a car. Suddenly one tyre was puncher.he took spear tyre
and changed in the place of punchered tyre. but unfortunately he misplaced
the four screws to fit the tyre on its place . he was so confused ,,now
what to do,, a pagal(mentally retaired) person was watching this incident.
He came near to sardar and said," do one thing,, take each one screw from
the remaining three tyre and fit it in this new tyre.There after u can go
where ever u want to. Sardar was so happy and said aree yaar Duniya tume
pagal kahate hai lakin i dont think u are a pagal. pagal replied sir,, i m
a pagal but i m not a sardar.

126 Once a Sardar ji rescued 6 people from a house burning on fire;
But still the Sardar ji was jailed, why?
Because all the rescued persons were fire fighters

127 TEACHER: Why are you late?
L-JOHNY: Because of the sign.
TEACHER: What sign?
L-JOHNY: The one that says, "School Ahead, Go Slow."

128 TEACHER: Johny, why are you doing your maths sums on the floor?
L-JOHNY: You told me to do it without using tables!

129 TEACHER: Johny, how do you spell "crocodile"?
L-JOHNY: "K-R-O-K-O-D- A-I-L"
TEACHER: No, that's wrong
L-JOHNY: Maybe it's wrong, but you ask me how I spell it!

130 TEACHER: What is the chemical formula for water?
L-JOHNY: "HIJKLMNO"!!
TEACHER: What are you talking about?
L-JOHNY: Yesterday you said it's H to O!
TEACHER: Johny, why are you doing your maths sums on the floor?
L-JOHNY: You told me to do it without using tables!

131 TEACHER: George, go to the map and find North America.
GEORGE: Here it is!
TEACHER: Correct. Now, Johny, who discovered America?
JOHNY: George!

132 TEACHER: Johny, name one important thing we have today that we
didn't have ten years ago.
L-JOHNY: Me!

133 TEACHER: Johny, why do you always get so dirty?
L-JOHNY: Well, I'm a lot closer to the ground then you are.

134 L-JOHNY: Dad, can you write in the dark?
FATHER: I think so. What do you want me To write?
L-JOHNY: Your name on this report card.

135 TEACHER: How can you prevent diseases caused by biting insects?
L-JOHNY: Don't bite any.

136 TEACHER: Johny, give me a sentence starting with "I".
L-JOHNY: I is...
TEACHER: No, Johny. Always say, "I am."
L-JOHNY: All right... "I am the ninth letter of the alphabet."

137 Teacher: "Can anybody give an example of COINCIDENCE? "
L-Johnny : "Sir, my Mother and Father got married on the sameday
sametime."

138 Question: There are 10 elephants swimming in a pond. A boy jumps inside and
swims underneath them and counts the number of legs.
There are only 36 legs.HOW??
Answer: One elephant was swimming BACKSTROKE!!

139 L-Johnny : Daddy, have you ever been to Egypt?
Father : No. Why do you ask that?
L-Johnny : Well, where did you get THIS mummy then?

140 Teacher : What a pair of strange socks you are wearing, one is
green and one is blue with red spots!
L-Johnny: Yes it's really strange. I've got another pair of the same
at home.

141 Teacher: Now, Johny, tell me frankly do you say prayers before
eating?
L-Johnny : No sir, I don't have to, my mom is a good cook.

142 Teacher: Johny, your composition on "My Dog" is exactly the same as
your brother's. Did u copy his?
L-Johnny: No, teacher, it's the same dog!