The Rant

A little Christmas cheer

efclarkeii@gmail.com (E. F. Clarke) — Sun, 25 Dec 2011 08:38:22 PST

It is that time of year when we all reflect on the year past and look forward to the new year. I want to take this time to thank all of the supports of this blog for their commitment to reading this past year. May you and your family have a wonderful new year and may it be better than last year for you and yours. Until next year my friends. Happy Holidays

Top 5 things I could care less about

efclarkeii@gmail.com (E. F. Clarke) — Sun, 13 Nov 2011 06:32:26 PST

I do not want to rant about this list. I do not want to draw more attention than deserved to the following list. The fact that the media has focused their efforts on these five "stories" only proves one thing; Chaos. Chaos has consumed us as a nation and the real struggles of America will never be as important as he person scandals of individuals being humans. Making human mistakes that should never be this publicized in society.

The List:

Joe Paterno in a sex scandal.

Rick Perry making a mistake.

Kim Kardashian's wedding and divorce.

Herman Cain making sexual comments to a waitress.

Tiger Woods place in the latest golf tournament.

These five items make me want to run out into traffic. Lets pull it together people and focus on the issues of the world that mean something.

The death of customer service

efclarkeii@gmail.com (E. F. Clarke) — Thu, 10 Nov 2011 03:28:34 PST

We have become a society of push button dependence. It seems every organization has employed machines to answer calls, take your payment, and even notify you when services are available. So it is no wonder we are becoming disconnected as a culture. But who answers the phone when the service goes down?

I have been with the same cell phone provider for years. How long you ask? Well my first phone was a bag phone. That’s right, one of those tiny suitcase phones that were never popular. My loyalty has been tested over the years. Price increases, outages, and even fees for the latest phones that a new customers doe not have to pay have all made me question my commitment. Today however may be my breaking point.

I have text/called multiple times to reach someone, anyone. I have logged on to the website and tried to use the automated system. All of which have been unsuccessful in meeting my needs. Over an hour has passed and I’m still without resolution. In an era where the economy is shaky is this really the best time to be pissing off customers? Should my problem be addressed for the better of your company or just shoved under a rug somewhere? What is it that I need assistance with this fine morning? I’m trying to pay my bill.

Smoking Joe

efclarkeii@gmail.com (E. F. Clarke) — Tue, 08 Nov 2011 02:53:51 PST

Unless you were alive during the Vietnam War or a boxing fan, the name Joe Frazier means nothing. The man was a boxing legend, partly because of his bout with Ali but mainly due to his presence as a champion. His reign as the king of kings might have been short lived. His presence in the sport will always live on.

No one likes to hear when one of the greats passes. But even the best boxers will lose that final fight. Ultimately you will always go down for the count.

Joe Frazier embodied what a true boxer was, a fighter. Up to the bitter end he gave it is all to stand up to his last opponent. The Cancer may have won this one but only by a split decision.

Men's room etiquette

efclarkeii@gmail.com (E. F. Clarke) — Mon, 07 Nov 2011 08:25:20 PST

Many women will have to avert their eyes for this post. It addresses something that no cultured human being should ever deal with, the public restroom. A mans bathroom is generally an unclean place. It houses everything dirty you can imagine. Magazines, soap bars, toilet seats, and the floor are victim to filth. That is just the home bath. Take for a moment to think about the public men's facilities.

Urine covered seats, wet floors, smeared walls, and a collection of distinct odors make for a horrific experience. I would rather suffer the embarrassment of defecating in my pants then touch a public stall. What can I do to educate my fellow man in public urination?

How about this little tip, sit. When your height to length ratio is greater than 2:1 please sit to pee. Do not attempt to lean over to make up the distance. Avoid the semi stand squat to bring the bowl into range. Simply turn around, sit down, and stand back up for a clean exchange. That way I do not have to hold my needs to wipe away the remainder of yours.

Know your audience

efclarkeii@gmail.com (E. F. Clarke) — Sun, 06 Nov 2011 06:44:47 PST

It an era highlighted with the election of an African American as President of the United States it would be wise to avoid anything racial in nature. The mere implication of referring to the outside of an Oreo cookie could be cause for a public expression of regret. Because though the war ended years ago, the battle for equality lives on.

Lately sports athletes are feeling it is time to experience again the old Jimmy the Greek days by watching closely for a slur. The problem is that when you find yourself looking for equality you never realize when you have it. People accepted into a niche tease each other. It is usually in fun, taken with a laugh. Not the case for Mr. StevieWilliams as his smart little quip about a former employer has made his life hell.

Tiger Woods has spent a good portion of his career defending his race as being more black than Asian. At times his fight has been to prove he is more Asian than black. Mr. Williams was just acknowledging one of your choices, is that so wrong?

A hockey player, who seems to love Jay-Z, is also in boiling water for a Halloween costume. A quick side note for all of those not acquainted with Halloween, it is for dressing up. The one night of the year, you can be anyone you want. Raffi Torres' wanted to be a black rap star. The problem is he is white.

Therefore, by the laws of racism, it is not allowable to dress up or portray an African American in any way. Sorry, those are the rules. So Wayans brothers owe me an apology forWhite Chicks, I will be monitoring my mail waiting for that letter.

Therefore, what it all boils down to is simple. We will always be racists. That black is not a color reference anymore. Black is and will always be some sort of slam. So for all of you coffee drinkers that take it straight you had better learn how to order your brew. Because if I hear you say black, you will be on CNN before it cools.

Truth in commentary dies.

efclarkeii@gmail.com (E. F. Clarke) — Sat, 05 Nov 2011 10:50:10 PDT

Many touchy, feely, liberal, bleeding hearts, pussy willow types will never understand the late great Andy Rooney. His no nonsense approach to conveying a message deemed archaic thinking. Being that open and honest frowned upon because it may hurt someone’s feelings. The way he could insult you while making you question your belief was an awe-inspiring gift. Andy never made any apologizes for being himself. In many cases, he often joked publicly about being too critical at times.

Rooney, for those of us with a desire to annoy people for generations, will always be the “one.” A critic for which all others will measure themselves, I hope that the questions in heaven are not to in-depth. Some just do not take the cynicism that well.

Rest well old friend, we will be seeing you on You Tube.

Wall Street "99%"

efclarkeii@gmail.com (E. F. Clarke) — Sun, 30 Oct 2011 07:58:01 PDT

Sometimes the message delivered in a protest is lost. The focus draws from the passion to the poo. Waist, vandalism, and loitering making the headlines silence the word of the people. When a protest turns into a hindrance, it removes the credibility of those involved.

The sit-ins happening throughout the country are a true testament to just one thing. There are too many people unemployed. To have the ability to sit for days on end should be the true message. Instead of worrying about the arresting and removal of these people why, do we not offer them a position in one of the local establishments? Two birds removed with one stone; crowds diminished and a new taxpayer in its place.

I truly understand the passion and frustration that the “99%” are feeling. To make a difference they must register to vote and remove everyone that is currently in office. Now that is a statement.

All-Hallows-Even

efclarkeii@gmail.com (E. F. Clarke) — Sun, 23 Oct 2011 08:47:42 PDT

With Halloween just a few short hours away, I seem to be having a slight childhood flash back. Plastic suffocating masks held together with a thin piece of elastic and two staples and homemade candy as far as the eye could see. Streets filled with welcoming porches dimly lit and covered in pumpkins half melted from the flame being too large. Cold breeze from the first snowfall that was more than likely going to start any minute made that thin superman costume a questionable choice. The chaperone debate was always the same. “Well I took him last year, you go. I’ll pass out candy this year.” Nevertheless, always someone at my side to make sure the boogieman did not get me. It was truly a grand night for children everywhere.

It saddens me that those days are long gone for so many. The homemade popcorn ball tossed out for fear it may contain a switchblade knife. The costumes must go through FDA trials before approved for wear ensuring the highest level of safety. Trick or treating is now only in areas pre-organized by officials with start and stop times. My favorite of those would be the mall trick or treat. At least it is indoors and climate controlled I guess.

The days of the true feel for what Halloween has to offer are forever lost. The hint of fear and mystery has given way to safety and security. The eerie feeling of what lurks in the shadows replaced with commercialized prepackaged fun. Congratulations Taliban, looks like you won another one.

Your poor multimillionaire

efclarkeii@gmail.com (E. F. Clarke) — Sun, 16 Oct 2011 07:49:37 PDT

The typical median income in the United States is a little over $46,000. If you’re fortunate enough to have two full time incomes it rises to just about $67,000 and some change. This is the yearly wage you must live on prior to taxes. It is all you have to raise your children. After taxes it really leaves just about enough to keep the lights on, feed the family, and take to occasional trip. Not really what I would call living in the lap of luxury.

The typical median income for a professional athlete is $1,598,817.25. Take a moment to look at that number. I used the average yearly salaries of the top 8 sports and created that median number. It would have been higher but women’s tennis and women’s golf are really not super lucrative. This means that the average for athletes yields over a million and a half every year.

I understand the purpose of the strike. It was first utilized in the work place to correct horrible working conditions. Meaning simply it gave people the right to stand up and defend themselves. That is alright in my book. I’m sure if CNN had footage of the pyramids being built it would show the occasional Norma Rae standing up for slave rights. Of course those negotiations were probably quick and painful.

The strike is easy to support when the fat cat boss is exploiting his work force to line his pockets. I can stand behind those acts of justice. But a professional athlete refusing to perform for the fans because they want more money is a little hard to understand.

People pay over 2% of their annual income to support you, the athlete, playing a sport. Two percent of your annual income would pay what they do for a living. Here’s a thought lets go back to roman times when you would compete to just stay alive. Then maybe money would lose some of its zest.

To HOV or not to HOV.

efclarkeii@gmail.com (E. F. Clarke) — Tue, 11 Oct 2011 05:52:47 PDT

I, much like many of you, drive to work each day. The morning and evening ritual of commuting sometimes leaves me staring at that ever famed HOV lane. A section of highway that is just off limits to most of us. This perfectly paved, always open lane seems to mock me in silent. "Hey don't you wish you had a hybrid or a friend," it whispers quietly.

As I sat there in traffic I was able to make one simple observation. Only a few straggler cars were actually in the HOV lane. In fact a few of those did not even have a second passenger. This made me wonder. Why can't we just open up the other lane to regular traffic? Oh sure, those with green bumper stickers are going to blast me for killing the environment. Bring it on. I'm sure those 20,000 pound trucks idling on the "express" way are pumping out leafy green vegetables. It would be interested if someone did a study on the amount of fuel consumption sitting in traffic. Just to see if the empty lane is bringing the Ozone back.

What defines a great writer?

efclarkeii@gmail.com (E. F. Clarke) — Wed, 05 Oct 2011 20:18:36 PDT

I will never be one of the great writers of our time. This little secret was let out of the bag by my many followers and a few “friends”. It’s not from a lack of desire. The fact is that some people on this earth are just not equipped for literary greatness. But it made me wonder what the true measure of a writer is?

Many authors are gauged by the number of best sellers they have. Others gain recognition in having their works transformed into moving pictures. And less we forget there is always that coveted New York best seller list. To me, these things all seem unobtainable. They are the Olympic medals of writing for events that I just cannot compete in. But is it really an accurate measure of a great writer?

Andy Rooney has been writing for over 70 years. Thirty-three of those with a little television show known as 60 minutes. He spanned a career that will never truly be matched by the literary giants of our time. King, Koontz, and Grisham (I couldn’t throw another K out) are all exceptional writers of their time. Rooney can still out write them hands down at age 92. With a heavy heart I say thank you for the commentary Mr. Rooney after all these years. Rest easy knowing I will never interrupt your steak dinner.

Not even in death do they part.

efclarkeii@gmail.com (E. F. Clarke) — Sat, 30 Jul 2011 23:15:52 PDT

A husbands love can be unmatched by any other in this crazy world. He holds dear the love of a great woman. A woman that completes his very being. And no matter what she does he will always love her. The husband in love will defend his wife in life and in death.

But there might a small flaw in that. Diane Schuler, I'm sure, was a wonderful wife. She made her husband very happy and proud everyday she was alive on this earth. Who knows, she might have been the best thing that every happen to her husband. As loving as this woman was certain behavior can never be ignored. For instance, if you get high and drunk and load up your minivan with friends you may be at risk for losing mother of the year. If you take that minivan and enter the wrong way on a Long Island Express way, killing seven people in the process, you definitely lose mother of the year. Also you will lose your life as well.

A good husband will defend his wife's behavior regardless of how stupid it may be. But to sue the state for not marking the exit ramp as the wrong way seems a little much. It is tragic that your wife died in such a terrible manner. It is tragic that she killed other people with her stupidity. It is not the fault of a state. A state that would have never been able to protect your wife from herself. Drunk, high, and stupid will always over come safety no matter what.

Power will get you laid

efclarkeii@gmail.com (E. F. Clarke) — Wed, 27 Jul 2011 05:55:29 PDT

Sex scandals are nothing new in American culture. In fact there is probably one happening as I'm writing this. So when I hear about a politician having some sort of sex with a very young co-ed it really means very little to nothing to me. Except for one small detail in the case of the Oregon Congressman. (No it has nothing to do with it being my home state). Rep. David Wu, 56, had consenting sex with an eighteen year old girl/woman/slut. Which for his age is a very impressive accomplishment. The problem I have is the honesty of it all. See it is my humble opinion that if Mr. Wu was not a man of power he would have never had the chance to be with this young lady. Don't believe me? Check out the article in the NY Times. His pictures there. Go look. And after you look you tell me that this mans position didn't get him laid.

I don't like to Winehouse, but Amy are you listening?

efclarkeii@gmail.com (E. F. Clarke) — Mon, 25 Jul 2011 20:34:15 PDT

The death of Amy Winehouse, however tragic, can not really be categorized as a major shock. A young woman who's career was initially based on thumbing her nose at addiction could have only ended up one way. I'm sure the faithful Wine fans will blast me for this but she may have had it coming. How many lines of Coke in the form of the Andes can you really do before the heart beats no more? How many Fifths of liquor can you slam before the multi-system failure claims your 35 kg body?

The truth is that Amy died much like she wanted to live; fast. She came out of the womb full throttle and never slowed down. As it was for the 27 Club alumni before her, it was her time. The lights went out for this bright star years before her full potential was reached. Of course it would have been hard for her to top her Grammy winning night. But how fun would have been to see her try.

Then again maybe that night was the peak of the mountain and this was the abyss that laid at the base.

In with the new girlfriend, out with the old Caddie.

efclarkeii@gmail.com (E. F. Clarke) — Fri, 22 Jul 2011 06:02:48 PDT

Many of us seem to have trouble balancing a social life and a personal life. We often find it necessary to sacrifice one to succeed at the other. Tiger Woods seems to have this very same problem. Upon acquiring a new girlfriend, one Alyse Lahti Johnston, he has chosen to fire his long time friend and Caddie Steve Williams. A man who gives him money making advice daily. So it made me wonder, "what advice did he give Tiger about the new girlfriend?"

"Never play the back nine without permission." "Make sure you play it in the first cut." "You might want to club up for that hole." These things might have angered Woods. Maybe he likes to hit the back nine first. We have often seen him play his balls from deep ruff. And I'm sure the deal breaker was when he was instructed to club up. After all, you can only work with what God gave you.

Prison may be key to living a long life.

efclarkeii@gmail.com (E. F. Clarke) — Tue, 19 Jul 2011 05:56:45 PDT

I have heard a lot of inspiring stories come from prison. People find god or Jesus there. Some write books about the experience and reap the rewards. Others earn a college education. But for Nelson Mandela it was a little more than that.

After his long prison sentence he went on to inspire a whole nation. He ranks up there with some of the great activists of all time. So it just seems fitting that the people of South Africa would spend his 93rd birthday doing good things. That the celebration of life would inspire so many people.

The sad part for South Africa is that the rest of the year will be war torn, bloody, and dieing of infection. At least Monday was a good day.

The worst possible scenario for a broken date.

efclarkeii@gmail.com (E. F. Clarke) — Sat, 16 Jul 2011 07:15:53 PDT

Now I'm not going to go into a whole president bashing rant this morning. He seems to have enough going on in his life that my adding to it is not a good idea. The poor man is storming out of meetings, trying to balance the country, and being advised to skip out on his dates.

The Dalai is in town for whatever monk business he may have in the states. So while he was here our president felt it would be a good time to sit and meet with him. However the Chinese seem to feel that the meeting between these two is a bad idea. So much in fact they strongly suggested Obama attending this meeting would jeopardize US-China relations.

So what's it going to be man child Obama? Are you going to understand the political implications of your actions for a change and not attend the meeting. Or are you going to thumb your nose at foreign relations and have tea with the Lama. Choose wisely.

Okay, so its a slow day at The Rant.

efclarkeii@gmail.com (E. F. Clarke) — Fri, 15 Jul 2011 08:10:52 PDT

Today seems to lack a real interest for me. I really can't seem to wrap my head around anything that seems even remotely interesting. Sure there is a guy who chopped up a young boy and put him in the freezer, scandal runs rampant in a news room in England, and a Glee member is fired on twitter. But do any of these stories really have any street cred anymore?

The frozen body in a guy's house has been done before. Sure he added a little Chuck Manson in the mix with the whole "voices told me to do it" thing, but still played out. A scandal never shocks me anymore. In fact, you (meaning a corporation) want to shock me? Run your business in a respectable and professional manner. That will completely floor me. Of course it will never make the papers. And for those of you whom watch Glee you may want to stop reading. Do I care that a cast member of a singing show has been dismissed over a tweet? In a word, no. For some these stories might be riveting but for me its just another Friday.

Stand up, sit down, fight fight fight

efclarkeii@gmail.com (E. F. Clarke) — Thu, 14 Jul 2011 07:25:52 PDT

I am the last person on Earth to tell someone they can't do something. If a person has a dream they should spend every waking moment to achieve it. They should work hard and reach for that final gold ring. That is of course if they can actually reach. Some times in life we are given bad five cards to play. We can make the best hand we are dealt, but ultimately we might lose the game. It is just how life is. You can make lemonade from lemons. Without sugar it is still super tart.

In Omaha there happens to be one individual with a great dream. A young junior wants to be a cheerleader. She wants to stand-up beside her friends and cheer on her high school team to victory. Who knows, she may even want to date the captain of the football team. The problem is that she does not possess the required equipment for the job. No I'm not implying she's ugly or fat. I'm not even implying she lacks talent in rhyming words or cute little phrases. She actually is missing four key components to being a successful cheerleader; a right arm, a left arm, a right leg, and a left leg. That's right, she is a quad amputee. Meaning that unless the football field has wheelchair access in the mud and snow, shes out of luck.

Now I know that parents out there want children to succeed and have equal opportunities. I get it, I do. But when this young lady applies for a lifeguard job at your child's pool you may think twice. Or maybe when they strap her in to the cockpit of your next flight. After all, she should get every chance that everyone else has.

Gonorrhea II: This time it's personal.

efclarkeii@gmail.com (E. F. Clarke) — Mon, 11 Jul 2011 09:41:48 PDT

Just when you thought it was safe to take a dip in your local co-ed. It seems that all the rumors are true about the possible existence of a new Super Gonorrhea. This latest antibiotic resistant strain is the result of mankind's unwillingness to finish anything. It seems that those being treated never read the label of their medications. As the course of the infection ran the symptoms subsided. This spurred many to stop taking the prescribed antibiotic before completion of the entire course. As the bug become more use to half-ass treatment it became stronger.

Now the Super "G" looks at the standard course of treatment and laughs its horrible little head. Much like any good super villain in the sequel. So for all you young college bound students here is your warning. That sea of love has one huge shark swimming in it. Let the feeding begin.

The Best Education You Can Get: Cheat To Win.

efclarkeii@gmail.com (E. F. Clarke) — Thu, 07 Jul 2011 06:36:21 PDT

The modern job market is a horrible way to make a living. In fact, if you have a job in this country you are becoming a minority. So the desire to keep one's job becomes an obsession. Which poses the question, "how far would you go to keep your job?"

Educators have had a tough job from day one. The shaping of young minds is not an easy task. It requires time, energy, and passion to plant seeds of knowledge in soil that is unfertilized. Not one teacher on this planet does it for the money. Why? There isn't any money in providing education. Those that teach do it for the passion and love of teaching. Plain and simple it is there love.

As the need for regulation of everything has come to pass schools are no exception. The Government wants to make sure that teachers are teaching. This yardstick to measure success is the AIMS. A tool, or hatchet if your an instructor, that can weed out those teachers that are not making the grade. The problem is that your seed of knowledge you planted in that student may never, ever grow. In fact some soil is just void of any hope of growth. Blame genetics, the Internet, video games, or sugar puffs if you want but some children are stupid. They just will never develop the higher learning functions needed to pass a standardized test.

To blame this lack of possibility on the instructor that is trying hard to grow knowledge in a wasteland is ridiculous. So if teachers need to cheat to keep their jobs so be it. At least some of the students will get a real education on how the new American system works. Guess they did teach them something after all.

Only in America

efclarkeii@gmail.com (E. F. Clarke) — Wed, 06 Jul 2011 09:24:25 PDT

This last weekend and on into Monday America celebrated independence. A yearly display of Chinese rockets to thumb our nose at British rule.

In 1776 a group of men felt that the laws set forth by the Crown were just to harsh. These men felt they could produce a more just set. Laws that would allow the men and women of the new world to be free of such strict guidance.

Fast forward to July 5th, 2011: the day the verdict to the Casey Anthony trial is read. The laws designed to abolish harsh penalties did just that. With damning evidence, such as a rotting corpse smell, this former mother is proven innocent. Lady justice can you lift your blindfold just this one time?

Drinking straight from the 2 liter.

efclarkeii@gmail.com (E. F. Clarke) — Sat, 30 Apr 2011 15:21:11 PDT

I think it's funny how middle age men seem to be such a mystery. Their methods, logic, and unrelenting pursuit of the all night hard-on make for some uninspired life choices. But is it really that difficult to understand?

As our lives change so does the level of aspiration. We all need to feel better than the day before. A continuous pursuit to be great. In the case of man, this search is based in sexual worth. What was once Thor's hammer has now transpired into the rare occurrence of erections long since gone. Any purchases made or behavior exhibited has but one purpose; to regain those glory nights of younger years. To feel something other than self loathing as you reach into the fridge to drink right out of the two liter bottle. Hole filled T-Shirt optional of course.

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Let's get personal.

efclarkeii@gmail.com (E. F. Clarke) — Mon, 25 Apr 2011 09:01:12 PDT

Being lonely can make someone question what is wrong with themselves. What things do I need to work on so that single is not my category for life. This process can make some people look deep into the psyche. Seeking out the root of the problem. This act might be assisted with booze as well which leads me to my point.

Personal ads are a collection of half truths. If we as a society were as good as stated in those ads the world would be perfect. Looks would be based on photos taken twenty years ago. Height and weight would be a completely acceptable lie. Sexual ability would be matched by no one. We would be perfect humans. That is, if personal ads were true.

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