Duck and Cover

That damned Butt Call

2012-01-28T00:00:00.000-08:00

What's Mallard raving about today?

The First Amendment

Thus proving that, like many of Mallard's "strict constructionist" cohorts, he doesn't even faintly understand the Constitution he pretends to revere.

Those damned Sheep

2012-01-27T00:00:00.000-08:00

What's Mallard raving about today?

Catchwords

Mallard, those aren't examples of catchwords.

That damned Devil

2012-01-26T00:00:00.000-08:00

What's Mallard raving about today?

Voters

Considering both the humor and insight on display today, Mallard Fillmore could have gotten the same result by simply posting a wordless picture of a duck head.

Those damned Ears

2012-01-25T00:45:00.000-08:00

What's Mallard raving about today?

Kim Jong Un

I guess Mallard's going to spend all of 2012 making predictions.

It's also probably a safe bet all of 2012 will exhibit the same juvenile sensibility on display today.

Seriously, Mallard. Didn;t you give up schoolboy insults when you left the third grade, like the rest of us?

That damned Logo

2012-01-24T00:00:00.000-08:00

What's Mallard raving about today?

President Obama

Is Mallard Fillmore really complaining that President Obama appears on TV? I mean, he is the leader of the free world, but that's no reason for News outlets to cover him.

That damned Grant

2012-01-23T00:00:00.000-08:00

What's Mallard raving about today?

Anthony Weiner, NEA

Bringing up Anthony Weiner simply indicates there's nothing really to complain about...which won't stop you from trying, of course.

That damned Rodent Day

2012-01-22T14:08:00.000-08:00

What's Mallard raving about today?

Rodents, Holidays.

Someone's over-compensating for missing various patriotic holidays over the years, methinks.

Those damned Explosions

2012-01-21T14:06:00.000-08:00

What's Mallard raving about today?

Hiring, Smoking

On this hand...a desire to avoid second-hand smoke, a desire to inform people of the dangers of smoking, and a desire to pass legislation to discourage a behavior which is know to kill people.

On this hand...hiring practices which discriminate against people engaging in a 100% legal behavior.

And on this wing...a duck who can't distinguish between the two.

That damned Santorum

2012-01-20T00:00:00.000-08:00

What's Mallard raving about today?

Rick Santorum

I'm not sure name recognition is Santorum's problem, at least not in the traditional sense of the phrase.

In other Santorum news, congratulations on winning in Iowa!

That Damned Title

2012-01-19T00:00:00.000-08:00

What's Mallard raving about today?

Kim Jong Un

Mallard, you draw a cartoon Duck (badly), mangle the English language, and make no sense despite feeling as if you are the spokesperson for America and/or Conservative America.

You're hardly in a position to criticize people with delusions of grandeur.

Those damned Kids

2012-01-18T00:00:00.000-08:00

What's Mallard raving about today?

Kim Jong Un

Mallard Fillmore's view of Foreign Policy remains as nuanced as ever.

That damned Rhetoric

2012-01-17T08:27:00.001-08:00

Whats Mallard raving about today?

Republican debates

Republican candidates have some freaky non-human hands, there.

That damned Facial Expression

2012-01-16T00:00:00.000-08:00

What's Mallard raving about today?

Mitt Romney

Jeez, Mallard. You can't even draw the letter "o"? Even for you that's a new low.

Thad damned Clone

2012-01-15T00:00:00.000-08:00

What's Mallard raving about today?

Wooly Mammoths, the 1%

Mallard has completely bought into the Fox Propaganda talking points that this is about an entitlement or a desire for everyone to have equal wealth as opposed to everyone wanting a fair shot.

That damned Mammoth

2012-01-14T10:30:00.000-08:00

What's Mallard raving about today?

Congress, Taxes, Wooly Mammoths

Based on the fact that it will be the only Wooly Mammoth in existence, it will be part of the 1% so Congress will give it a tax break, is what I think you mean.

In other news...Mallard Fillmore decided he needs a significant raise in 2012. Unable to increase his income, he reduces the hours he spends "working" so his hourly rate goes up. The quality of his strip decreases, but only slightly, since there really wasn't much room to get worse in the first place.

Those damned Departments

2012-01-13T00:00:00.000-08:00

What's Mallard raving about today?

The USPS

Once more, Mallard, The USPS is not breaking and/or losing stuff with any regularity for anyone but you.

I leave it to you to come up with a logical explanation.

That damned Discrimination

2012-01-12T00:00:00.000-08:00

What's Mallard raving about today?

Asian-Americans, Discrimination, Civil-Right Community

Uh, Mallard...the article in question is about how some people don't check the box indicating their Asian race because they think it puts them at a disadvantage in college admissions.

Now, I know in your tiny, tiny lizard brain (tinged as it is by a certainty that Christians, Conservatives, and Whites are unfairly disadvantaged and discriminated against in every single human endeavor, a certainty based exclusively on the your feeling that it must be true) this is proof.

But, for those of us with intellects which developed after the 2nd grade, the articles doesn't actually offer any specific proof the discrimination is real.

Those damned Bikers

2012-01-11T00:00:00.000-08:00

What's Mallard raving about today?

Occupy Wall Street

Mallard fantasy that Occupy protesters get the shit kicked out of him is bleeding over into his comic.

That damned Sandwich

2012-01-10T18:55:00.000-08:00

What's Mallard raving about today?

The Election

So, I guess Mallard is trying to say that pretty much anyone can beat President Obama, which may or may not be true.

What's impossible to credit, however, is the idea that a Grilled Cheese Sandwich could possibly engender more unforeseen Constitutional questions than a Black man winning the Presidency did among Right Wingers.

That damned Word

2012-01-09T08:54:00.000-08:00

What's Mallard raving about today?

Words

Ordinary Americans, who need a break not a lecture, are being lectured about proper usage from a waterfowl with only rudimentary language skills.

But, for what it's worth, Mallard. The word awesome lost its meaning long ago.

And, it's January 9, for crying out loud, stop with the psychotic New Year's fixation.

That damned New Year's

2012-01-08T00:13:00.000-08:00

What's Mallard raving about today?

Baby New Year

A week after NewYears, Mallard brings us a New Years message.

Those damned Pears

2012-01-07T00:00:00.000-08:00

What's Mallard raving about today?

BCS

However, as Mallard pointed out recently, all of College Football must be completely disavowed, because of Penn State.

Those damned Names

2012-01-06T00:00:00.000-08:00

What's Mallard raving about today?

Fannie Mae, Freddy Mac

This just in, Mallard reports things which haven't changed as if they were news, lending further credence to the idea that his "job" exists only in his own mind and his newscasts occur from his parent's basement.

That damned Post Office

2012-01-05T10:06:00.000-08:00

What's Mallard raving about today?

The Post Office

I only trust studies from the Fillmore Foundation. These "analysts" of which you speak are probably communists.

That damned Guess

2012-01-04T09:58:00.000-08:00

What's Mallard raving about today?

Guessing

On the evidence of roughly 2000 Mallard Fillmore strips, today's strip is true. A random dude in a bar is far more likely to have a better guess at virtually any topic than Mallard.

I'm not sure that's what Mallard was getting at, but as he hasn't seen fit to provide any means for deciphering, we'll go with literal reading.