Life Choices

Really… can we afford to mind our business?

2010-08-04T01:42:00.001+01:00

Two days ago, I followed a disturbing thread on Egghead Odewale’s Wall that ended with “mind your damn business”. It started with a post about a 14 year old girl who was sexually abused by series of men in Greater Manchester. The first comment to this post was a ‘burst of laughter’, now the writer of this comment may be excused for probably not grasping the subject matter before commenting but not for his next retort when his attention was drawn to it. Facing a rude awakening to his inanity, he fired at anyone who dared reprove him. Each contribution was followed with belligerent profanities.

Ideally this story should elicit compassion, but to think that someone somewhere found it funny and a ‘so what?’ occurrence tells a great deal about the world we now dwell in; a world where the thin line between fair and foul is completely blurred and the misfortune of others brings relief to the mind. Personally, I am horrified at the terrible ordeal of this teenager. For “10 days she was plied with alcohol and drugs, forced to have sex with a number of men, beaten, threatened and treated like a commodity”. While 14 today may be viewed as the 24 of yesterday, she remains a child legally and biologically. It also does not rationalize her coercion into prostitution by these perverts.

The commentator says this case of sexual exploitation is not happening for the first time and has nothing to do with him, so who specifically is affected?
The police, who took time to arrest the suspects, investigate and gather evidence for prosecution? I’m sure the case won’t have been handled any better if the girl’s parent was the Superintendent.

The Judiciary who sat through series of hearings and trials to confirm their guilt? Of course any familiarity, bias or informality to the accuser challenges the jury.

Friends and family who waited for 2 years to get justice for the survivor? They could as well wait until they are abducted and raped before speaking against it.

Or the meddlesome contributors who refused to shut their eye to mortification?

For some reason we must obey this universal law of apathy. Apparently the human mind no longer cringes at the news of bizarre occurrences, and calamities now serve as fodder for other stories of interest. “BradAngelina now known as Brad and Angelina” gets more hits than “Flood kills hundreds in Pakistan”. “3 year old raped to death”… shame I’ve heard of 18 months old!

And we are expected to look the other way by minding our damn business. Don’t challenge injustice, wickedness and crime because they are recurring decimals? The police should as well start selling candies, I mean whoever conjured that outfit should be exhumed and reburied foot out if dead. Teachers and parents should never reprimand but always give accolades if they can’t help looking that way. Robbers and rapist should raid anyone and anywhere they wish to. Governments should lie, loot and kill in lieu of accountability. Countries should invade countries and test their nuclear weapons on the people. Really… can we afford to?

Genetics or Adultery: The Human Race is Regrouping

2010-07-22T00:06:00.007+01:00

Scientists are falling over themselves to explain the rare occurrence that engulfed the online community two days ago. Some say its genetics others think the human moral defect has a role to play, but is nature trying to tell us something?

Black African Parents Give Birth To A White Blonde Baby!

White Mommy, White Daddy, Black Baby (Family Tree)

Black people with blue eyes and blonde hair

Black parents,white-blue eyed baby!

5 Effective Ways to Confess a Wrongdoing

2010-07-21T18:43:00.003+01:00

Ever tried confessing to a bad behavior? You’ll agree with me it’s no mere feat, it is an art that requires excellent communication skills and perfection. Follow these simple steps and you’ll be back in the good books again.

1. Practise:
Unfortunately not all of us can talk smooth when it comes to accepting a wrong and telling the honest truth about it, not even the orators. So prepare, rehearse and rehearse again else when the time comes you’ll be tongue tied.

2. Clear the surface of all throw- able objects:
You don’t expect to be cuddled after confessing do you? In the likely event of a backlash make sure there are no ‘weapons’ in sight, before you drop your bombshell!

3. Get your timing right:
It is important to find a time when the aggrieved or would be aggrieved party is in a bubbly mood. Not the early morning jolt from sleep while dreaming of a blissful life. That may have worked with our fathers (they are the ones always wrong, isn’t it). Cutting one off a fantasy to tell of how they’ve been deceived is fatal in my opinion!

4. Be remorseful:
Well up, shed real tears if possible trust me it works! Of course confessing means realizing you’ve hurt someone or people and want to make amends. Show it.

5. Gobble it up: Don’t try to defend it, gladly receive the bawling-out as it is benevolently given.

And finally, do you really need to confess? If confessing means causing more harm than the evil done, tilting one already on the edge why don’t you let it slide and try NEVER to do it again

Wives Sacrificing Jobs: What Option?

2010-07-14T02:53:00.002+01:00

In most cultures a wife’s main priority is to care for the children and to support her husband. It is therefore not unusual to see women giving up profitable employments so their husbands can take up a new position or that desirable scholarship offer to enhance their qualifications. Often these opportunities mean migrating, and without giving it a second thought the good wife throws in years of hardwork, recognition and potential for the enthusiasm of greener pastures. Without prior experience about work abroad suitcases are packed full of ‘I go survive’ delusions. This enthusiasm is dampened six months later when the routine of household chores and child minding sets in. When friends and counterpart who stayed on advance in their job and earnings. When you realize you can no longer make inputs on issues you ordinarily discuss confidently. When you decide to “smell the cheese” and make the most of it but find yourself staring blank endlessly. When you go sniffing for local gossip and natter in the name of coffee mornings or house fellowship with other stay at home Mums.

‘Of course, you can’t have it all’ ‘you want to change the natural order of things?’ ‘what do you expect, that is how the traditional marriage works’ ‘your husband is earning enough for the family’ ‘it’s your choice, deal with it’ and other loads of balderdash some would argue. But the fact of the matter is few women would “choose” to stop work if it was negotiable. Long before the congratulatory letter arrives it is an “agreed” conclusion that she will move. You can’t stay back and neither can you ask your hubby to forgo that opportunity even if you can support the family more, in short that is the height of impudence. That is what family is about, bond with your kids, the society expects that and that is what happens end of! Much as women love to be with their kids and I mean adore them they don’t want to turn dorky doing it.

So what alternatives do women have when they find themselves in this situation? None! The system makes no room for working women. The few progressives made in the form of maternity leave, flexible hours, are not forthcoming as companies are not running charities and thus not obligated. This is not about self-interest, feminism or equality with the opposite sex but a fair acceptance that all humans need to be constantly challenged and thus should remain in the system. As flimsy as it might sound men go through the same feelings when they lose their jobs and some even handle it worse by becoming wasted or going the shrink route. When we do something by choice it means we want to do it not because it is what we are REQUIRED to do. As it stands, wives are too loving to think of anything else and that's the only pick “love your family with all your heart and remain forever grumpy”.

Is Africa avenged?

2010-07-07T01:48:00.005+01:00

Uruguay is out of the World Cup. I know I shouldn’t but I’m happy, though not as ecstatic. After their devious win over Ghana to snatch the semi-final slot I know I’m not the only one in the world who didn’t wish them good! Reacting to their semi-final defeat by Netherlands the Uruguay president Jose Mujica declares he’s proud of the team. "Uruguay played with great dignity. It was a beautiful game. Five minutes more and we might have drawn,” he concludes. Shame, how would he have known that all of Africa set up a fasting and prayer vigil to get rid of them since their match with the African hopeful? I shudder to think what hideous comments would flood the Internet if Uruguay had won the semi -final and gone ahead to win the cup. Some people say they are not to be held responsible “Ghana was not meant to be in the semi-final”, and I wonder what universal law pronounced thus. Ghana gave it all they had, but whatever or whoever was in charge of awarding goals that day said no.

But are we avenged yet? Why are we excluded from our own masquerade dance? Can we now hold our head up high and say, yes we brought our best masquerade but the ground was slippery?

Parenting: How hard can it be?

2010-07-07T01:05:00.001+01:00

Being a parent comes with its unique responsibilities. It is the most arduous task to ever sign in for – frustrating, emotional, overwhelming and definitely crazy. The only job in the world that comes without a job description but somehow nature hands you the Terms of Reference. You are left with no choice; you don’t think about it, you just do it. Sometimes it means giving up your lifestyle, career, friends, relationship and concentrating on the most important thing in your life – your child. It demands an enormous amount of patience, commitment and time, often making it impossible to balance work, social and other aspects of life. But try as you may you’re always wrong yet you don’t just drop it half way, you keep trying until you are given that dearest award “the best”.

When people moan and groan about how they are not cut out for the job, it sounds cynical to say the least. Before you hold your baby I agree, but once you cuddle your child in your arms for the first time, it’s awesome. The feeling is unimaginable; the rush of excitement and love that flows through you for that tiny being is almost unreal.

No one path is “right” yet everyone is an expert in raising their children whether biological or adopted. Of course you are allowed to speak out, scream, cry if it becomes unbearable because no one is innately prepared for it; never mind what you're told. You learn on the job and develop amazing skills, skills you never knew you had. Qualities that’ll make you look back and think how did I do it? So scrub in and quit whining.

The Rape-aXe Condom: Will you wear one?

2010-06-24T12:05:00.011+01:00

The condom has evolved, from a thin rubber device for birth control and STD protection to a weapon of defense against rape. Earlier this week, while the champions were taking the fields (in the words of K’Naan) Dr. Sonnet Ehlers a South African physician was busy distributing her invention. The new condom designed with teeth-like hooks is very much like a tampon, inserted into a woman’s vagina “waiting” to grip an assailant. Once attached on a man’s penis the rape-axe fastens tighter and can only be surgically removed by a doctor.The condom however is not specifically designed to prevent pregnancy or STD's.

Now who would wear this solely for defense and how often? Do women go out everyday anticipating a rape? I realize in South Africa where rape is an everyday occurrence these questions are irrelevant, but how many women who ordinarily do not feel at risk would wear one? While Dr. Ehlers sees this as her contribution to women's safety it could also be viewed as a confirmation of the vulnerability and helplessness of the female gender. It is akin to handing everyone a bulletproof vest for fear of irrepressible gun men. In my opinion violence shouldn't beget violence but should be punished appropriately. Hopefully this invention will serve more as evidence to prosecute where DNA tests are conducted.

If God is in Heaven, then He is dead like Grandma!

2010-06-01T15:24:00.005+01:00

Conversation between a seven year old and a four year old:

"Harry, why can't I see God?" she said

"because He is invisible" he answered

"so why can't I feel Him?"

"you can, when you close your eyes and pray, you'll feel Him"

"but I want to see Him, I want to talk to Him, I want Him to bring Daddy home"

"He's in heaven but He can hear you when you pray"

"He's dead right, that's why He's in heaven?"

"no"

"but Mummy said Grandma was in heaven when she died, so she's with God"

"yes, no... I don't know Olaa, but he lives in Heaven"

" He's dead, if God is in Heaven then He is dead like Grandma!"

You shall teach them diligently to your children, and shall talk of them when you sit in your house, when you walk by the way, when you lie down, and when you rise up.
Deuteronomy 6:7

ZIMBABWE: The slang of sexual networks

2009-07-10T16:57:00.004+01:00

http://www.irinnews.org/report.aspx?ReportID=85198
Are older men better boyfriends?

Risky sexual behaviour has a language of its own on the University of Zimbabwe's (UZ) campus in the capital, Harare.

When female students arrive, they join an informal sorority known as the "university spinster association", or USA, while their male counterparts are inducted into the "university bachelor association", or UBA.

Their sexual networks are coded in a slew of slang that, according to University of Pretoria researcher Tsitsi Masvawure, masks high-risk behaviours, including multiple concurrent partnerships and cross-generational sex, which facilitate the spread of sexually transmitted infections and HIV.

Masvawure presented the findings of her study, conducted over 15 months at UZ, where she also studied, at the Sexual Violence Research Initiative Forum in Johannesburg, South Africa.

Induction into these risk behaviours comes soon after orientation week, when the "gold rush" begins and first-year female students, perceived to be "sexually pure", are targeted by older male students for a one-night stand, or "one-day international".

These young women are categorized as "gold", those in their second year as "silver", and third-year female students are labelled "bronze" members of the USA.

''I don't want you to rush ... [in making] me yours; don't rush, this is not a land reform programme''
Older female students often engage in multiple concurrent relationships, not to survive in cash-strapped Zimbabwe, but to secure access to luxury goods like expensive hair extensions or high-priced foodstuffs, or because they perceive older men to be better boyfriends, Masvawure told IRIN/PlusNews.

"UBAs are not romantic," one young woman told Masvawure in an interview. "I don't want you to rush ... [in making] me yours; don't rush, this is not a land reform programme."

Younger male students also helped connect female friends with wealthier, older men, often finding potential sugar daddies at transport hubs en route to the university in Harare's city centre – an exercise known as "pimping".

"This disputes the traditional analysis that transactional sex is about money and sex, with boys giving money and girls giving sex. These girls were not from the poorest households, they were from families that, in some cases, were politically connected," Masvawure noted.

She said her study revealed problems in HIV prevention programmes on campuses, and hoped it would lead to more targeted HIV interventions for students.

The government is looking to strengthen sex education to better equip young people before they reach tertiary level. A policy on adolescent sexual and reproductive health is expected to be released in two weeks.

Beszél angolul?

2009-07-03T21:21:00.005+01:00

The old lady in the apartment beneath is always fascinated by my ‘large’ family and the seeming ease at which I stride out daily with them. From her facial expressions I sense a feeling of utter disbelief at this “pro-baby” woman strutting along with her brood undeterred, a situation quite inconsistent with the developed world. Not just her, I had noticed that we inadvertently draw attention to ourselves everywhere we go, just by our numeral. Going by European standard, endorsed greatly by the increasing acceptance of the ‘free’ family lifestyle and the swap of procreation for professional desire, more than zero is too big a number. But, Europe is facing population decline and demographers are already agitated over the inexorable descent of fertility. The alarmists however, are not only concerned about generation replacement but also the looming domination of the Western race by daring cultures.

“Szia” we chorus, bellowing the informal “hello” which is about the easiest word to pick in the language.

“Jó napot” she purrs back formally, in preparation for the linguistic torture.

Each time we come by, I listen as she struggles to converse with the kids in the local Magyar. Usually, I try to figure out what she meant from her gestures and facial expressions, but that in itself does not suffice. While the children attempt to respond in the few words picked, code mixed with English language, I nod and smile awkwardly at the genial but unintelligible rejoinders that leave both parties more puzzled than enlightened.

Hungarians take pride in their varied cultures and distinct language. Contrary to what the travel guide would have you believe, not everyone on the streets of Budapest speak English. The average Hungarian (even the bilingual) would rather avoid the lingo than be ‘ridiculed’ in it. For the first – timer, you’re better off gesticulating to make sense than confronting the Anglophobic gawk! More importantly, your ability to repeatedly mouth the basic question, “beszél angolul”- do you speak English, before embarking on further inanity brings you closer to a response.

The difficulty in communicating effectively, enjoying the culture and walking your way through social interactions, business dealings and significant instructions brings to mind the need for a second language. The Biblical story of Babel that bestowed upon humans increased vocation towards discovering customs and experiences is a reference. People, who understand each other, relate better and ultimately work together. As I write, I am practicing my Magyar as I look forward to the old lady’s next chit chat and who knows, the person responding at the airport when next the question is asked could be me - Én is tud beszélni Magyar!

Between Science and Nature: A case for the Hermaphrodite

2009-06-18T04:57:00.002+01:00

Bessy Ekaete Boniface, a Delta Queens’ player in Asaba, Nigeria was dismissed from the Under-20 female World Cup training camp last year when it was discovered she was a "woman-man". Unable to bear it anymore, since she is supposed to be the bread winner of her family and following the hardship that has plagued the family since then, Ekaete is now asking for help to reverse her gender and possibly return to playing football. Her hope is hinged on a similar incident involving one Iyabo Abade who was also dismissed from the football team but was able to undergo surgical treatment and is now a male. I have also refused to characterise her as a s/he and you’ll understand why soon.

By genetic disorder, hermaphrodites are organisms that possess both male and female reproductive or sexual organs. Biologically, there are no true human hermaphrodites but pseudohermaphrodism as scientists believe no human possess a complete and functional set of both internal reproductive organs, but the external genitalia. They are either one or the other functionally. These set of people are also politically referred to as intersexuals. Unlike the transvestites or transsexuals who undergo anatomical "correction" to bring their physique consistent with their mental state of mind because they feel they are born in the wrong body, intersexuals are psychological aware of who they are and thus do not struggle with their identity internally. To feel "normal" however, they require surgical treatment to the most appreciative gender for societal recognition.

Ekaete’s nature is a product of her creator (by which she made no intervention) who moulded her and ‘dropped’ her into a society. A society where culture and tradition still define the roles of the gender and people are still “surprised to hear that one of their female players was neither a man nor a woman”, where religion and belief in God is professed as the response to a greeting and the next minute devour another for same. Unfortunately for Ekaete also the rest of the world still wants to know where you belong, for classification and identification purposes and where necessary intimidation and segregations as well. Although this sexual indistinctness is common in animals, in humans the mention of the word alone bleeds the heart.

Since God is a God of planning and purpose and to every of His creation is attached a purpose that He alone may be supreme, it is not unlikely that Ekaete’s case is no different. According to the report, her doctors have confirmed she possess eighty five percent female characteristics, it gives her a choice even though she is not under any illusion about who she is. She has chosen to believe the scientists’ verdict and wants to be referred to as a woman.

In spite of the financial benefits, she loves football and has worked hard towards it. It should not be taken away from her, but rather Ekaete and all others alike should be accepted, supported and not isolated. If the world is now becoming comfortable with sexual orientation and "Miss California" can be crucified for airing her negation then 'scientifically proven' gender binaries should too. With or without physiological treatment they should be identified by who they wish to be or dominant features. They are human beings with the same blood, “emotions, desires, motivations, and dreams” and can only excel when they are given the opportunity.

Shelter where you find it

2009-06-17T16:33:00.004+01:00

While we watch, the number of displaced persons around the world continue to increase. Sudan, Congo, Somali, Nigeria, Sri Lanka, Pakistan, Afghanistan, Iraq etc. Senseless conflicts soon degenerate into loss of lives, maiming, rape, looting, destruction of homes and displacement. Reasons for violence remain, contention over natural resources, flawed elections, religious extremism, xenophobia and even individual misunderstanding. Governments in these countries launch offensive since they believe it is in the interest of the nation, and the people continue to shelter where they find one.

- There were 42 million forcibly displaced people worldwide at the end of 2008. This includes 15.2 million refugees, 827,000 asylum-seekers (pending cases) and 26 million internally displaced persons.
- Nearly 25 million people - 10.5 million refugees and 14.4 million IDPs - were receiving protection or assistance from UNHCR at the end of 2008.
- UNHCR identified some 6.6 million stateless persons in 58 countries. The Office estimated that the overall number of stateless persons worldwide was far higher, about 12 million people.
- Some 604,000 refugees repatriated voluntarily during 2008, the second-lowest figure in 15 years.
- UNHCR presented 121,000 refugees for resettlement consideration by States. More than 67,000 refugees were resettled with UNHCR's assistance during 2008. According to Government statistics, 16 countries reported the admission of 88,800 resettled refugees during the year.
- More than 839,000 people submitted an individual application for asylum or refugee status in 2008. South Africa was the largest recipient with 207,000 claims received. Some 16,300 asylum applications were lodged by unaccompanied and separated children in 68 countries.
- Developing countries are host to four fifths of the world's refugees.
- Pakistan is host to the largest number of refugees worldwide (1.8 million), followed by the Syrian Arab Republic (1.1 million) and the Islamic Republic of Iran (980,000).
- One out of four refugees in the world is from Afghanistan (2.8 million) and Afghans are located in 69 different asylum countries.Iraqis are the second largest refugee group, with 1.9 million having sought refuge mainly in neighbouring countries.
www.unhcr.org/statistics

Money

2009-06-11T18:29:00.001+01:00

If there is anything the current economic turmoil has thought one it is the need to appreciate money while you have it. This quote attributed to Woody Allen tells it all, "Money is better than poverty, if only for financial reasons."

Money is a necessity and that is why everybody should have it. It plays a very significant role in our lives as little can be achieved without it. With financial instability or lack comes life threatning difficulties that lead humans to the edge, thus money is good. Not the quantity but the availability, enough to offset your bills before they begin to pile up and if lots of it move your way, handle it positively.

There is nothing as depressing as looking for it when you need it most, when it is a matter of life and death and when you are tempted to go beyond the limit to lay your hands on it. At such times every dime matters and all you remember is when you took money for granted.

The global crisis has led to severe economic hardship for families who ordinarily were financially stable. To such families the argument that "money is not life" might be fallacious. In a new report by the United Nations International Labour Organization (ILO), issued on the World Day Against Child Labour, the crisis would likely expose more girls to child labour it states. It indicates that over 100 million girls are involved in child labour, with many exposed to its worst forms. Other reports have also shown the direct link of poverty with insecurity, domestic violence, sexual violence and other heinous crimes. For these group the inevitable need to survive overtakes morality.

While we are it, Americans are still shooting, and sometimes I wonder if Obama should not ask for stimulus package to provide Armour guard for every one on the streets of America. No thanks to their gun law, another family or families are grieving while some others are reaping selfish gains.It is not money that is corrupt, it is the mind.

What does it take to deliver?

2009-06-08T20:10:00.003+01:00

Politicians all around the world have one thing in common, promises. While they beg for power the voters have a better chance of making them agree to the delivery of a unicorn, once they are in office. What they end up doing with the power when they get hold of it is another issue entirely.

A fine example of what not to expect is the comatose situation of the Nigerian government. Umaru Musa Yar’Adua, the most reticent president the country has ever produced has spent more time analyzing and defending his phantom seven point agenda than implementing it. An agenda he outlined in his inaugural speech and promised the people he was committing himself to, to ensure the country moved from economic recuperation to stability and growth. Two years, nine days and fourteen hours into his tenure Nigerians are back at the table listening to the same rhetoric as the president’s Special Adviser on Media and Publicity react to the constituents of the agenda. A quick draw down,the seven point agenda focus on
1. Regional development of the Niger Delta
2. Power and the energy sector,
3. Transportation,
4. Food Security,
5. Human Capital investments in health, education and training
6. Land Reforms and home ownership
7. National Security and Wealth Creation

The country can't remember the last time it had 2 hours steady power supply. Yes, unashamedly we declare we are still at this stage. It doesn’t matter how far behind we are in the world order of development we are crawling behind and at least “our democracy has made progress” as interpreted by the president himself. The administration lauds its ability to plan and eventually deliver effectively. It needs “planning”, “watching”, “calculating” “analyzing”, “strategizing” and “planning” all over again. From the inactive progress made so far the four years tenure will likely end in road mapping while its corrupt proceeds will be channeled towards re election. Whether credibly or fraudulently conducted, another round of elections will go with a mandate to fulfill these wishes of the electorate.

It’s a continuum, the same wish for improved standard of living, economic advancement, infrastructural development and most importantly political stability, the fundamentals a people desire when they elect their leaders. Unfortunately for Yar’Adua and his cronies, the delivery of these progressive elements and the speed at which the changes take place earns the regime its place in the performance scale.

Tattoo me Hepatitis C

2009-05-08T16:05:00.005+01:00

They say the taste of the pudding is in the eating, but some puddings I’d say are better left without tasting it. Adventures aside, certain things in life are not worth experiencing or finding out its significance, especially when such things have the ability to either ruin your life or keep you enslaved. For instance no one can imagine or understand the amount of satisfaction derived from lighting and stubbing a cigarette except you partake of it. Even those who smoke can’t tell explicitly what pleasure they get from it. Much as it is ‘alleged’ as dangerous to the lungs it is difficult to let go because of the first drag. But that’s my opinion, those who enjoy taking risks and who probably have found ‘success’ out of it will definitely object.

Recently I learnt about hepatitis C while listening to Natalie Cole speak with Larry King on CNN about her health. Singer Natalie Cole has been battling with kidney troubles since February 2008 when she was diagnosed with hepatitis C. Courageously, she admits it was her own doing and takes responsibility for the illness after talking about the causes and how she “underwent chemotherapy in an aggressive way to fight the virus”.

Hepatitis C, a liver disease caused by an infection with a virus often lies in a body undetected for a long time. It is basically transmitted through contaminated needles, such as sharing needles for injection drug use, getting a tattoo or body piercing with dirty tools, accidentally getting pricked by a needle contaminated by infected blood, sharing sharp items, getting blood transfusion, being born to a mother with hepatitis C infection etc.

Tattoos, one of the ways of getting Hepatitis C, HIV etc are decorations or designs made by injecting ink deeply into the skin with a needle. They are beautiful when carved tastefully and the part of the body it is impressed also adds to its beauty. However getting tattoos is another way of exposing oneself to health hazards. Some people have also found themselves 'addicted' to it as they keep yearning for the 'pleasure-pain' that goes with.

It’s good to feel good about yourself if that’s enough reason for going under the needle, but if its only gaudy and you can’t afford a decent and healthy tattoo please forget it! This information may be readily available to everyone, but to those who do not know the side effects and consequences involved, caution. There are other ways of looking good, try seeking one of them.

Kenya Men React to Sex Strike

2009-05-07T16:56:00.000+01:00

Kenyan men should zip up and grow up:True manhood lies above the belt
Wandia Njoya

When the G10, a group of Kenyan women leaders from civil society, called on 29 April for womenfolk to abstain from sex with their husbands for seven days as a fast to force the bickering Kenyan leaders to act like they have some sense, I dismissed it as a poor re-enactment of the ancient Greek comedy Lysistrata. I thought the call was inappropriate and irrelevant, and even dreamed that Kenyans would ignore it or joke about it. I was in for a surprise.

This morning, several Kenyan men called the radio station talk show I was listening to express their anger. Some gave weak lines like their wives are married to them, not to those known as the 'two principals', namely Prime Minister Raila Odinga and President Mwai Kibaki. Like the wives don't already know that. But others boldly voiced their disrespect and outright hatred for and violence against women, with one man boldly saying that 'if my wife refused to sleep with me, she will see' (a euphemism for ‘I will thoroughly beat her up').

The comments were shocking. The first reason is the most obvious – it is unlikely that Kenyan men have sex every night of their married lives. I am sure that some of those men now proclaiming their conjugal 'rights' go for weeks, if not months, without having intercourse with their wives. Others fast for 28 days or more from sex for religious reasons. And now they will have us believe that their marriages will collapse and that they will die because their spouses have said 'no sex'? Please.

The argument that most Kenyan women are not married to Raila and Kibaki doesn't hold. Men seem to have forgotten as much in January and February 2008 when they raped women and children who belonged to the ethnic groups perceived to be on the opposing political side. Other men who felt demeaned by fleeing from ethnic violence are quoted in a report done by the Men for Equality with Women group as saying that they raped their fellow escapees because: 'As men running away to avoid getting killed by other men, the only masculine way of testing their manhood was by gang-raping women escapees in broad daylight without minding whether they were our former neighbours or strangers.' Why didn't the men remember that those women were not Raila's and Kibaki's wives then? Give us a break.

So what is the real issue here? It is not sex, since men do not have sex everyday. Neither is it about concern for politics interfering in marriage. It is about power. The men who are angry with the G10 are angry that women are asserting their right to choose what to do with their bodies and with their destinies. It does not anger them when a woman doesn't sleep with a man, it angers them when she has made the choice not to do so.

The irony is that this model of power relations is the same one that is being played on the national stage and about which men complain. Just like these male callers discussing women, Kenya's leaders have no respect for the wananchi of Kenya . They rape our environment, our public coffers, our food reserves, our dignity and our intellect, leaving millions of Kenyans killing each other or dying from hunger. And instead of men offering an alternative model of manhood and of leadership in Kenya, they are now asserting the right to behave like Raila and Kibaki within their compounds and in their bedrooms. How pathetic.

The other issue is that the manhood of Kenyan men has reduced to their penis, and the same has been done to politics in Kenya . From debates about circumcision versus no circumcision to distinguishing between the ethnic groups of the major Kenyan politicians, to the insane orgies of violence visited upon women during the chaos of 2008, the focus of what makes a man is the engagement of his sexual organ. How savage. I repeat, how savage. And some of these men will be complaining on international platforms about how racism stereotyped the black man as over-sexual and prone to raping (white women). In the same way, politicians have reduced Kenya to such narrow-minded power games that now two men – Raila and Kibaki – have decided to sacrifice our country as they engage in ego-trips and daring each other to see who will be the first to blink.

God made the man with brains and a conscience to think, hands to work for his family, emotions to love his spouse and family and a soul to worship his creator, but Kenyan men have not used the different dimensions of their being to build a more humane Kenya. In 2007 and 2008, they tied their humanity and the identity of Kenya to a single male organ. In addition, they work to enrich themselves; they love themselves and regard the natural and the sacred with disdain. Again, how pathetic.

The G10 have brilliantly proved how pathetic Kenyan masculinity is. For almost two years, women have been trying to get the audience of the country in highlighting the suffering of women and children through petitions, demonstrations and other traditional means, but the only time they have captured the headlines and national attention is when they talk about sex. Shame on Kenyan men, on Kenyan politicians and on the Kenyan press.

The women leaders have a touched a soft spot. In so doing, they have revealed what is ailing Kenya. A flawed masculinity that has corrupted our sense of national identity and threatens to destroy our country. It is high time that Kenyan men zipped up and grew up by employing their brains and muscles to make Kenya a peaceful, prosperous country. And those men who believe they are nothing like the callers to the radio station should talk some sense into their brothers.

Any male species in the animal kingdom can mate and sire offspring. But it takes a man to build a society. True manhood lies above the belt and in every extremity of the male human being. Mere maleness confines itself to a small triangular area below.

* This article was originally featured by The Zeleza Post.
* Please send comments to editor@pambazuka.org or comment online at http://www.pambazuka.org/.

Friendship Uncut

2009-05-03T11:48:00.001+01:00

While I was growing up an Anambra woman living in the opposite apartment often scolded her daughters with this adage “ada a yi oyi nwoke na nwanyi ne fife” meaning (because friendship between the opposite sex is often unclear) a man and woman can not be friends in daylight! I have grown to find out that is not exactly true but still wonder how it is managed. How close can a woman get with a man and still remain friends? How do they talk about the intimate things about themselves only a man or woman should hear from another? What happens when attraction sets in?

Having a friend to confide in, to share your joys and fears could be one of the greatest things that can ever happen to a person. For those involved in it, it means a lot and serves various purposes. It is a relationship or affinity often between two individuals who share mutual respect, love, loyalty, trust and every wonderful feeling that goes with it. Sometimes a group of people share this bond of friendship but even in that group there is a tendency to have two people who enjoy an unbroken tenderness, affection and closely knitted desire. Ideally true friendship knows no bickering, envy or intolerance. When one regards another as a friend he/she has a feeling that such a person would neither harm nor cause you trouble. You are not afraid to share your life with the person because you believe the person is reliable, will always be there for you and will support you when you need them most.

We all need friends to help mould our lives in the right direction. Someone who’ll listen to us talk endlessly, give advice and seek our sincere opinion about issues or even to gossip with. It doesn’t matter how or where one meets them, they grow to fill a vacuum in your life. There are those who have been fortunate to have childhood friends, who have remained true to them, others join you in the course of life.

So back to my questions how will I tell a male friend something, somehow happened somewhere…?

Women Power : Kenya Women's sex strike:

2009-05-01T19:47:00.001+01:00

Thoroughly dissatisfied with the persistent failure of Kenya's leadership to rise above its petty squabbles for the country's greater interest, a coalition of women's groups known as the G10 is calling for a one-week sex strike. In a bid to oblige President Mwai Kibaki and Prime Minister Raila Odinga to settle their differences once and for all and begin to effectively serve the nation they represent, the G10 will be delivering performance contracts to Kenya's leaders at the end of the week-long strike.

The G10 is a Kenyan national women’s movement currently steered by leading national women’s organisations – COVAW, CAUCUS, CREAW, FIDA-K, TCI, WILDAF, AWC, DTM, YWLI, Maendeleo Ya Wanawake and NCWK.[1] The G10 has cells across the country from the local to the national level. The G10 is driven by its vision of a society where women wield political power, and its mission seeks to connect women's voices and actions to leverage an expanded and redefined political space.

The women of this country are frustrated and most perturbed by the feuds, turns and twists of the coalition government, and particularly the lack of political leadership by its two principals – the president and the prime minister – who have continuously shown the Kenyan people the contempt card. This is demonstrated by their apparent lack of goodwill and commitment to the implementation of the National Accord, culminating in the current impasse in parliament over the leadership of the House Business Committee. While the speaker of the National Assembly effectively temporarily postponed the near constitutional crisis in his decision yesterday, he yet again missed the opportunity to show political leadership and instead chose to run away from his mandate by making a 'safe' decision at a time when the country needs tough, decisive action to move it forward on its reform agenda. The decision by the speaker undermines once more the spirit of the National Accord and instead played towards the gallery of those opposed to the common public good and safety and security of the nation.

This country cannot continue to hang on the brink of paralysis, uncertainty, indecisiveness, bad leadership and decisions conceived to preserve an insecure presidency instead of upholding the safety and security of a whole nation. The women of this country will not tolerate and or allow its political leadership to lead it back onto a slippery journey to the country’s deathbed, violence and absolute chaos! This is a journey oblivious to the realities of the nation at a time when Kenya is under attack from pirates in the east, the greedy and unabashed ambition of our neighbours in the west, Mungiki in the interior, and is faced with the hunger and disease of millions of its citizens and the general hopelessness of the rest of the country. Kenyans understand that the paralysis the nation is suffering through these gaffes and feuds will only guarantee renewed instability, violence, desperation and despair.

To the G10 and the women of Kenya, the above and following are early warning signs of a failed state and the imminent collapse of the grand coalition. The poor and woolly political leadership of the executive has led to:

- Bickering, feuds and uncertainty in the grand coalition government
- The brutal attacks and hacking to death of over 30 Kenyans in Karatina
- The elusive fundamental and stalled reforms under Agenda No. 4 and the lack of commitment towards the implementation of the National Accord and the Reconciliation Act
- The lack of an accountability mechanism to hold to account those implicated in the post-election violence, despite the fact that women suffered most through the sexual violence meted against them, among other ills through displacement and death
- Kenyans' considerable hunger, poverty, insecurity and continued desperation
- The controversy around Migingo Island, a controversy that touches on the sovereignty, space and impotence of the government in handling the issue.

We note with sadness that the fights and tussles around each party's attempts to dominate the other within the coalition inhibit the resolution of the critical issues that we face as a nation. It is also obvious that the two principals have no common vision for this country and have instead sacrificed the public good at the altar of a narrow and selfish agenda. For us women, it is not lost on us that this deadlock could easily lead to the collapse of the coalition. Seeing as it is us who continue to pay the highest price for the failed political leadership during the post-election violence in 2008, we condemn the disharmony and selfishness and demand the following:

- That the two principals respect the people and nation of Kenya by ending forthwith the little power games that undermine the dignity, safety and democratic spaces of our country
- That the president and prime minister give respect, full intent, interpretation and observation to the spirit and letter of the National Accord and reconciliation
- That the two principals show commitment, good faith, and leadership in the implementation of the accord by making the interests of the nation paramount
- A responsive, sensitive and people-driven leadership and coalition government that is decisive, clear about the country’s priorities, willing to sacrifice individual ambition for the greater good of the nation and which represents a force that inspires confidence among the country’s people
- That the reform agenda be fast tracked and given priority over all else
- That Vice-President Kalonzo Musyoka step aside and refuse to allow himself be used to defeat the good intentions of the National Accord.

CALL TO ACTION

The G10 will in the next seven days deliver for signature performance contracts to the president and prime minister outlining our expectations as women and as equal shareholders of Kenya. Failure by the two to sign will be seen as confirmation of the presumed lack of commitment, bad faith and contempt for the people of Kenya of these principals.

Indeed, extra ordinary situations call for extra ordinary measures and the G10 call upon the women of Kenya to go on a sex boycott in order to protest against poor and woolly leadership and to demand that the two principals take control and lead this country to its desired destiny. Such a sex boycott is to take place with effect from today – 29 April 2009 – and to continue for the next seven days.

Signed by:

Patricia Nyaundi – executive director, FIDA
Debra Okumu – executive director, Caucus
Carol Angengo – executive director, TCI
Rukia Subow – national chairperson, Maendeleo Ya Wanawake
Faith Kasiva – GMI
Jelioth Karuri – vice chairperson, Maendeleo Ya Wanawake
Ann Njogu – executive director, CREAW
Rosemary Okello – executive director, AWC
Fatma – National Council Women of Kenya
Tabitha Njoroge – executive director, WILDAF
Mary Njeri – executive director, COVAW
Kathambi Kinoti – Young Women Leadership Institute

* Please send comments to editor@pambazuka.org or comment online at http://www.pambazuka.org/.

NOTES
[1] The Coalition of Violence Against Women (COVAW), CAUCUS for Women Political Leadership (CAUCUS), Centre for Rights Education and Awareness (CREAW), Federation of Women Lawyers Kenya (FIDA-K), Tomorrow’s Child Initiative (TCI), Women in Law and Development (WILDAF), African Women and Child Features (AWC), Development Through Media (DTM), Young Women Leadership Institute (YWLI), Maendeleo Ya Wanawake and the National Council of Women in Kenya (NCWK).

Chests of Courage

2009-04-30T20:15:00.004+01:00

Why would anyone in the right frame of mind describe this as a show of shame? Women bitter about the flagrant denial of their rights march out half naked in their hundreds protesting against the delay in announcing the result of the April 25 governorship election rerun violently conducted in Ekiti State, Nigeria. Rather than listen to them, they are branded absurd and primitive. An AK-47 in their hands may have made stronger points. In any case the invocation of curses by these array of mammary glands beats any lethal weapon!

*Picture from Punch Newspapers

Jacob Zuma: Model for Democracy

2009-04-26T14:37:00.000+01:00

It is democracy, pure and simple. Freedom to vote and to be voted for. No one had a second thought about him becoming the next South African President. His support was glaring even to the blind; it only needed the polls to confirm it. The election was free and fair as observed by local and international monitors, so no hanky panky. Despite the smears trailing his personality, family life and political career, South Africans turned a deaf ear and chose the man they all believed would move the country and especially the blacks out of the abject situation they seem to be in.

For them Jacob Gedleyihlekisa Zuma has got it all, charm, charisma, compassion, wit and he certainly has got ‘moves’, more than Michael Jackson. But that’s not all; the Msholozi understood quite early what his people wanted and cashed in on it. They wanted a man who identifies with their roots and struggles but hope for a better tomorrow. A man who listens as well as understands the ‘language’ they speak. That man is Jacob Zuma

By all human perception and judging from Zuma’s antecedents he was not fit for the job. The majority may not be right, but it definitely has shown that the people’s voice echoes deep. He has been through squally times and evidently did less to wade through it. From a barefaced polygamist to corruption and rape charges, unacquainted AIDS campaigner back to corruption, his cup was full. Politically he was grounded but the electorates voted him and their votes were allowed to count. In a continent where election, rigging and violence are siblings, that was commendable. African leaders are known for their sit tight and corrupt government. Because of how lucrative the business of governance is especially in the continent it is a “do or die affair”. The Obasanjo’s, Mugabe’s, Kibaki’s etc know the game so well and have defined politics and democracy by the standards that suit them.

Let the people's wish count, the country's economy needs resuscitation and the poor can't wait. If Zuma is not up to the task the same people who let him in will show him the door.

*Picture from MailOnline

Facebook’s “Thanks for the Addition”

2009-04-14T14:32:00.003+01:00

Let’s not go through what Facebook is or isn’t, if you are familiar with it you already know. Its been called ‘the market square’, some refer to it as ‘the town hall’ and others simply identify it as a platform for reunion, connection, re-connection and re-reconnection. There is nothing wanting in the network, as long as you have the courage to post or share it you are likely going to get a response in a blink. It is the fastest growing means of communication, addictive, with a very agonizing withdrawal syndrome. Everyday the management introduces new deals to make it more confusing for the user rather than keep them, endears them the more.

The number of friends each user has also grows by the hour whether familiar or not, thus the purpose, to “connect and share with the people in your life” is no longer valid. Now, that is not wrong since the world is turning into a global community. Sticking with your friends prevents you from making new friends and also keeps you in the dark about peoples experiences, culture and lifestyles you only learn through travelling. So the click and add phenomenon continues.

A dilemma about it however is yet to be resolved - the burden of gratitude for the friendship or networking soliciting if you will. On whose shoulders should it be borne? Who should be more thankful, the person adding the friend or the person accepting to be added as a friend? Why go out of your way to attach an unknown person to your list and expect to be thanked and why be so ‘magnanimous’ to confirm a mysterious request and also accompany it with a “thanks for the addition” missive?

The dialogue box for the request warns about adding and confirming only friends, with two tabs below it giving you the option to either confirm or ignore the request. Some people overlook the request doing neither until weeks, months and even ‘years’ later you wake up and “pop, in your face, Tom, Dick or Harriet has confirmed you as a friend”. Then you begin to wonder, when again did I add this person, can’t recollect! Why wait? Save the ‘seeker’ the trauma of watching their dead and forgotten request resurrect by ignoring it, and if you confirm, the remove button is always there to check.

Methinks the ‘addee’ should grope at the feet of the ‘adder’. If you are sought after, it means you are appreciated and something in you has been recognized as worthy of association and emulation. That doesn’t stop you from being wary of the motives, besides it is a social space for interaction and you are not expected to display your family secrets on it. You are entitled to your Wall and suddenly deciding this person has earned the right to view it after all, puts you on a pedestal equal with the Almighty. Don’t wish for that.

You want to write about Africa?

2009-04-09T08:44:00.002+01:00

My friend Emilie wrote this and I can't agree more. You may also want to read more here.

You want to write about Africa?
Be humble
Because it will take time
Don't go in it like young men eaten away by ambition, to make a name for themselves
Go in it because you care
Over many years and not in a fortnight
You cannot do Nigeria in a week, nor any other place
If you attempt it, you'll be so fooled, you won't even realise it
People will feed you stories, and you'll write them down, without understanding that this ''African'' is just a person like any other - with an agenda
Don't be fooled, unlike a President said, Africans have an history and you should learn from it
Can you 'get' France if you do not know its revolutions?
Why do you think you can get Congo, if you don't know Kongo?

Be humble because you know nothing and be humble because you care.
These stories you put down, they will be read, and some will believe them.
And many will be wronged because of them.
Because of your arrogance, your impatience, your ambition
Because of your ''white'' power, you'll be listened to, and you'll be acknowledged.
And you will be cheating those whose voices you did not listen to

Africa is not 'mysterious' for those who take time
Africa is not 'dark' for those who listen
But Africa is wronged again and again because of people who care only about themselves.

If you want to ''do'' South Africa in a year, stay home.

Emilie Serralta has worked as Campaigner on Conflict and Natural Resources in several countries in Africa.

What keeps these Women going?

2009-04-04T14:44:00.003+01:00

A woman’s desire for children often defeats
all other rationale pointing to the opposite
Age, health, finance or the lack of it does not sway them
Neither is adoption, surrogate, babysitting nieces
and nephews, or volunteering enough
In their quest for their biological children
they go through all sorts of medical and unorthodox interventions

They listen and endure as 'concerned' in - laws, family,
friends and neighbours suggest one alternative,
sexual position, herb or another.
The fortunate ones have spouses or partners
who support them all the way,
others are plagued with men who either withdraw
and allow them seek the solution or
find the ‘easier’ solution themselves

As months draw into years without conception
they hope that the next ovulation or appointment will favour them
Sometimes this hope is hinged on religious belief,
medical advancements or both
In communities where this is a stigma they bear the insults,
threats and isolation that go with it
They are labelled childless, barren, infertile, fruitless
and every other imaginable name under the sun

Even as they agonize, they put up a cheerful and optimistic façade
They bury themselves in their work or businesses
and evade discussions or anything that may lead to it
At pregnancy celebrations, deliveries and baby birthdays,
they rejoice the most and give the finest gifts
so nobody accuse them of jealousy

I look at these women and I can’t help but wonder
what keeps them going?
How do they manage to hide their exact feelings?
How long can they continue?
Who is to know the yearnings of their soul?
The midnight tears, anxiety, loneliness,
and pain of miscarriages?
Who?

No April Fool

2009-03-31T23:11:00.007+01:00

I have three loved ones birthday to celebrate this month, my husband, daughter and sister all share the same month. The day has finally come and I must respond in the affirmative to my daughter's question. Everyday she wakes up and it’s the same question "Mummy is today April". Wish I could say otherwise but I can't play the April Fool. She's been looking forward to the first day of the month so she can start counting down to the lovely present her parents promised her for her birthday. Global financial meltdown or not children's demand must be met.

In my days we already 'knew the scores' so we don't expect birthday presents and a birthday party would be running after the mirage. Our parents were devout Christians committed to the denomination's Faith doctrine. Part of these doctrines includes no celebration of Christmas, Easter and Birthdays. Not that we didn't believe in the occurrence but the dates and mode of celebration conflict with the intent. So we'd rather stick to the purpose than the activity. Our father however never forgot to mention a word of prayer during morning devotion for each of us on our birthdays. Looking back now that was sufficient, more than enough and he told us so, but we always wished for more especially when friends and other kids invited us to their parties. As kids we couldn't attend for the same reason that we don't celebrate it, but when we were old enough to 'sneak out', we did.

I am already making plans for the family celebrations these days but if there is something I can't miss it is the Lord's love, prophesies, promises and decrees that will be bestowed on their lives while praying.

Ghana’s Technology War against Fake Drugs

2009-03-30T14:13:00.000+01:00

The war against counterfeit drugs is now fought through mobile phones in Ghana. The campaign which the former Director General of the National Agency for Food and Drug Administration and Control (NAFDAC), Prof. Dora Akunyili probably started in Africa has been taken a step further.

“according to Ghanaian entrepreneurs who will soon introduce in West Africa verification via cell phone text. Consumers who purchase certain medications will be able to send the label code via free cell phone text message and within seconds receive a text response from the drug manufacturer of whether the drug is legitimate and comes from a safe batch”.

The technology does not only tackle Counterfeiters but also empowers the consumer to get involved in the verification exercise.

Counterfeit drugs have abysmal effect on its users as such anything and everything done to oust it is commendable. Through NAFDAC’s effort under Akunyili Nigerians both the educated and the unlearned have become vigilante and protective of their health. While the Counterfeiters like Internet hackers’ device sophisticated means to perfect their crime it is imperative that the government and health agencies are up to date to defy it.

On another note, I don’t know if it’s me but up till now the name of the new NAFDAC DG seems quite elusive. I can’t grasp the name of the successor. This may not be unconnected with the fact that he has not put his acts together. My curiosity led me to the agency’s Website where I hoped to find this information and behold Akunyili’s biography and picture with her sprawling collection of various awards adorn the page three months after she stepped down or is it up. The new DG should at least gather and display his qualifications and awards fast and start work.