Cookies for Breakfast

Dear girl,

noreply@blogger.com (Unknown) — Fri, 08 Feb 2013 20:54:00 +0000

Today, I sat at McDonalds and stared at my daughter. She is beauty personified. The way the sun reflects off her hair. Her long lashes fluttering. The way she brushes her bangs out of her eyes. The beautiful freckles that she hates. The focus required to get every last drop of hot fudge out of her sundae dish. She is so much like me. So sensitive. So trusting. Hurt so easily. Then, I think, “God, what am I going to do when someone breaks her heart? How will I bear that pain? What will I say to her?” Today, love seems impossible. But, life goes on because it must. What I want you to know dear girl….

You. Are. Beautiful. Inside and out. The most amazing girl I know. I’m sorry that he hurt you. Sure, he saw your beauty. But he didn’t see beyond it. He didn’t get to see what I’ve been blessed to experience every day of your life. The kind, generous spirit. The heart big enough to love the world. Wide open, letting everyone in, no matter how many times it gets broken. The soft hands always willing to help. The glorious smile that lights up a room. The melodious laugh that makes me believe in angels. The shimmering tears that are cried for things long lost. The creative soul that can move mountains. He didn’t listen to the articulate and perceptive thoughts you spoke or the happy songs you sang. Someday, someone will take the time to get to know that girl. And they will love you. And they will earn your love. And they will know the incredible joy of being surrounded by the light that is you.

Twilight Parody

noreply@blogger.com (Unknown) — Mon, 09 Nov 2009 04:37:00 +0000

Taylor Swift on Saturday Night Live...funny.

New Moon trailer, part 3

noreply@blogger.com (Unknown) — Mon, 14 Sep 2009 14:44:00 +0000

2 months to go! Who's excited? I'm really liking Dakota Fanning's Jane. I'm very impressed with Taylor as Jacob. Looks like Kristin is overacting, as usual. I think the big disappointment is going to come from Ashley's Alice. Doesn't look like she put much effort into her lines.

I don't remember a fight scene with the Volturi, but there it is in the trailer. Jane did her thing, but aside from that, they were doing their best to provoke Edward, but he didn't want to start a fight that he wouldn't win, which would endanger Bella. We'll see how the wolves look in real time. They certainly didn't show much in this trailer. And, no mention of Victoria. I'm still mad about that whole deal.

I thought the first episode of "The Vampire Diaries" was good. We'll see how the next one goes. Can't wait for the new season of "True Blood" now that Mary Ann is out of the picture. More Eric!!

Moving on....

noreply@blogger.com (Unknown) — Tue, 18 Aug 2009 20:24:00 +0000

New "New Moon" trailer!! Awesome!! I think I'm going to end up liking movie-Jake better than book-Jake. Taylor is just too darn likeable.

Also, these little cuties will be on my daughter's Christmas list. Look how sneaky I am.

And, you'll be receiving this lovely little thing in the mail in a couple of months, as Hallmark releases it's line of "New Moon" greeting cards. Maybe I'll throw a "New Moon" party instead of a Halloween party this year. All the requisite licensed paper goods will be available at Hallmark. Anyone else gonna get in on a piece of "Twilight"? Where is the Limited Edition Edward Volvo?

Three Strikes...I'm out

noreply@blogger.com (Unknown) — Thu, 06 Aug 2009 18:02:00 +0000

Does anyone else watch "Phineas & Ferb" on the Disney channel? It is our favorite cartoon in this house and I think we've seen every episode. The other day, there was an episode where an embarrassing video of the evil Dr. Doofenschmirtz was circulating on the internet. So, he built a device that would remove whatever he wanted from every computer in the Tri-State area, as well as erase it from everyone's memory. The Erasonator, I believe he called it. I sure could use one of those right now to erase my stupid Facebook post and the 36 wonderful comments that followed.

Yesterday, I got results from the blood that was taken last Thursday at my PCP's office. They didn't run an HCG test, but my progesterone level was 11.8, very low. This didn't tell us any more than we already knew. I was still hoping that we were looking at a very early pregnancy. I woke up this morning, eagerly awaiting results from Tuesday's blood tests that should be in today. And...found that I was bleeding. Not spotting...bleeding.

I called my doctor's office and the results weren't back yet. The doctor said that, "The darn lab forgot to run the HCG test," but that they had ordered it this morning and should have results back in an hour. If it only takes an hour to run the test, why does it take 48 hours to get the frickin' results back? ANYway...

The nurse called a couple of hours ago and they found that my HCG level was 6, which she said shows that I had a "chemical pregnancy." This means, she said, that the egg was fertilized, but didn't implant. Chemical pregnancy is the term they use for a miscarriage that occurs before the fifth week of gestation, before a sac can be seen on an ultrasound.

The doc said that since I have now had three miscarriages, she still wants me to see a perinatologist to see if they can find the cause.

Frankly, Roy and I are tired of all this. The past few days have reminded us why we haven't tried since the last incident. It has been HELL. The waiting sucks. Life has to go on like nothing has happened, while we are sitting around wondering what the fuck is going on. Are we pregnant, or aren't we? I've been emotional and moody and taken it out on my poor little family.

It kills me that when I take my daughter to the playground, she looks around desperately for another kid to play with. When they leave, she whines, "Now who is going to play with me?" She refers to her friend Lydia as her sister, and her friend Ethan as her brother (although sometimes they get married). It hurts to see her fawning over babies and knowing how badly she wants one in our house. I hate to think about her lonely middle school years when she will wish there was another kid in the next room that she could whisper to at night. I want her to have the built-in playdate and confidant that I had growing up. I want her to have a best friend that shares the same blood on speed dial when she is grown up, so that she can tell them everything that she can't tell her mother. I want them to be able to talk about me behind my back and plan Mother's Day surprises for me. I don't want to cling to her so much that I suffocate her because I don't have two children to spread the love around to, because I am totally the mom that would do that. I don't want to burden her solely with our care when we are old and decrepit. Roy swears that being an only child was fine with him, but I know how much I love having a sister and I just wanted that for my kid, too.

Roy says he's done. I want to be done, but it feels a little selfish to just give up. I hate my life being in limbo. I wanted to decorate a nursery. Now, I feel like turning that room into a huge, kick-ass closet for my purses. We'll just go on with our life, spoil our daughter, grow our photography business and never think about another kid again. I'm half-tempted to have a hysterectomy.

The doctor's nurse just called to say that the doc wants me to have another HCG test in a week. I said, "Why?"

She paused and said, "Well, to make sure it goes back down to zero."

I said, "What's the point? I'm not going to be trying again anytime soon, so I'd rather not be a pin cushion if I don't have to."

She stammered and she said she'd ask the doctor and call me back. Roy laughed.

Roy has a whole stand-up routine that he's going through now called "Mitigating the Unhappy Times with Crude Humor". He joked that the publishers of "What To Expect When You're Expecting" should sell the book in trimesters because then we would only the need the first part. He's going to write a book called "What To Expect When You're Expecting...To Not Be Expecting" (copyright 2009). He also says he is going to hop the fence and kick the neighbor's dog.

I'm having cramps and back pain, but I need to go buy myself something pretty or maybe something that barks or purrs. "Anna, Here's a puppy since we can't give you a sibling. At least it won't steal your boyfriend." Also, I want to use the word FUCK....a lot.

MY Vagina Monologue

noreply@blogger.com (Unknown) — Tue, 04 Aug 2009 19:28:00 +0000

I'm in a bad mood, so be prepared for a snarky post.

I had my first prenatal appointment with my new OB/GYN today. I decided to go with someone new, even though I used to love the doctor that I've used before, but after the second miscarriage, I didn't feel like she was answering my questions...or returning my phone calls. When I saw my PCP last week, I told her that I needed someone that would really hold my hand this time around, because I was going to be a basket case. So, she suggested this new doc. Yesterday, I stopped by my old doctor's office to get copies of my genetic testing results after the D&C, so that the new doc could have this info, at my PCP's suggestion.

Roy drove me and I spent a lot of time filling out paperwork, of course. They actually had this medical history form that is one of those fill-in-the-dots, machine-read forms. It took me back to grade school, when we had to do those state tests. Use only a number 2 pencil and fill in the entire circle... For "occupation", I listed "stay-at-home mom", much to my delight, and Roy's chagrin. He insisted that it doesn't count as a job. To which I replied, "I'm the CEO of this household!" (That's from "One Fine Day".) He fired back, "I'm the CEO, the COO and the CFO. This is the corporation of Roy in the city of Andreas!" Oh, he's funny.

Got weighed (146, yeah, I don't care who knows. Just let me say--4 pregnancies in 4 years!! Cut me some slack! ;), gave a urine specimen and then met my new doctor, who is very nice. I brought her the test results and she was flipping through them while we talked. My old doctor had told us that everything had appeared normal except that there was some gene that I have that could cause heart disease when I'm older. She said that the results did not indicate any problems that led to the miscarriages.

Well, new doctor is reading the same results and gets to that portion. The gene is called Methylenetetrahydrofolate reductase. Roy joked, "Well, there's the problem. You've been on meth!" The gene is shortened to MTHFR. You can guess what nickname he gave it. (He tries to joke a lot to keep me from crying.)

She tries to explain all this scientific crap about this gene and my eyes gloss over and I hear Charlie Brown's teacher going, "Wah wah wah, wah wah wah wah." But, the gist is that this gene can cause clotting, which we know very well is one of the possible causes of miscarriages. I was told specifically by my previous doctor that I did NOT have any blood clotting issues, so now I'm mad.

My mother had repeat miscarriages and a stroke. Since both can be caused by blood clotting and I may have a gene that causes blood clotting, this seems like a real red flag to me. My old doctor knew all of this and yet didn't mention it. I'm looking at the test results and it actually says, "Consider additional testing..." and "Consider genetic consultation and counseling of potentially affected family members..."

New doc says that given this gene and the fact that pregnancy increases your likelihood of getting blood clots anyway, I need to be sure to take necessary precautions on trips, like stopping every hour to walk around. So, turns out that I made a good decision when I stayed home this past weekend while Roy drove the 12 hours to Detroit. Who knew? Oh, my old doctor knew, but I didn't.

So, new doctor tells me to continue taking the progesterone supplement that I'm on and to add a baby aspirin every day to thin my blood. She says that this same gene may lead to a folic acid deficiency. Folic acid, as we know, is very important in the early weeks of pregnancy, which is why we take prenatal vitamins. She says I should stop taking the prenatal vitamin and start taking straight folate vitamins instead. She also says she will make me an appointment to see a perinatologist, which is someone who specializes in high-risk pregnancies. They will give me more information on the problems this gene may cause.

So, my head is spinning with all this new information that I should have gotten from my old doctor. Then, new doc says that she wants me to go have a sonogram done today, just to see how things are going. She warns that this early, there may not be much to see, probably just a gestational sac, but I already know that. She gives me an exam and warns repeatedly that the speculum may cause a little bleeding and not to be concerned. She obviously knows that having two miscarriages means that I'm watching very carefully for any spotting and will FLIP OUT if I have some. She even goes so far as to tell me that even though sex is not dangerous to the fetus, which we know, that I should probably just go ahead and abstain through the first trimester since that can cause bleeding too, and we don't want to freak me out. Roy nods with too much enthusiasm in the corner because he doesn't want to be responsible for causing a major meltdown. Was that too much information? You should probably stop reading now, 'cause it just keeps coming.

She said that everything looked normal and sent me off to have a gallon of blood drawn for tests. But not before assuring me that this pregnancy would go just fine. I know they think I want to hear that, but I know that they can't guarantee it and I wish they just wouldn't say it at all. I'd rather hear, "Well, we're sure going to do our best to help you get through this." Or something to that effect. I want the truth. I can handle the truth.

Got lots of blood taken from a very good phlebotomist. I hardly even noticed. Then, we went to check out. Doctor said to go ahead and schedule a sonogram for 2 weeks away and 4 weeks away, along with my next appointment. While we're there, the lovely receptionist asked if we wanted to go ahead and schedule future appointments. So, we scheduled our monthly appointments for the rest of the year. She would have kept going if I'd let her. I assured her that December was enough for me. I'm thinking to myself, these are just going to be more appointments that I have to cancel if something goes wrong. Yep. Debbie Downer right here.

Then, we pay a visit to the money lady, who tells us how much our care is going to cost. At least, I think that's what she said. She was incredibly old and I couldn't make out much of what she said, very softly and very slowly, but I nodded after I asked her to repeat herself a couple of times, because it seemed like the right thing to do. She seemed very nice, but again, she could have been cursing me, but she did it with a Grandma's smile on her face. Roy seemed to speak her language and they had a few laughs while I looked at the numbers. I wanted to ask, so how much do we pay if this all goes south in the next couple of weeks? Where is that paperwork? Oh, and since I'm using a new doctor, in a new group, I have to deliver at a different hospital and my pediatrician doesn't have rights there. So, some stranger would be seeing the baby whilst in the hospital. Awesome.

And then we rushed across town to make the sonogram appointment at their other location, since this one was booked. All of this is during the lunch hour, two hours after we arrived, after I've had a ton of blood drawn. I guess I should be thankful that the doctor and her support staff was willing to answer all my questions and spend as much time with me as necessary, but I didn't feel like looking at it that way right then. I only cried about 3 times during the visit. It is all just so stressful and I hate the waiting and the worry and I just feel like I've been at this point so often and it just seems hopeless. It totally freaks Roy out. Sorry about that, Sweetie.

Gentlemen, this is probably where you need to stop reading, if you haven't already. I wish there was a way to make sure only chicks could read your blog. Maybe a personality test beforehand? Would you rather be watching: A-"Terminator" or B-"When Harry Met Sally"? Only answer B will allow you to enter the site... Anyway...

Having had many early pregnancy sonograms, I asked the technician if I should empty my bladder, but she said that she would try to ultrasound on my stomach first. It didn't work, of course because it is so early in the pregnancy, so she had to use the vaginal stick-thing. Even though I knew her answer, I asked her anyway if this was safe. "Of course it is," she says. "But it may cause spotting," I say. "No, it shouldn't," she says, somewhat surprised. So, let me get this right...doc's speculum and sex may cause bleeding, but this big dildo-shaped sonogram thing won't? Doesn't make much sense to me. I just want to know what to expect, alright? If I go home and I'm bleeding, I want to know why because it is frickin' scary to see.

So, she gets started and quickly tells me that I have a tilted uterus. I kind of remember hearing my old doc say that when I was pregnant with Anna, but it "righted" itself during the course of the pregnancy and I hadn't heard about it since. Even with all the sonograms I've had since then, and there have been plenty, no one had mentioned it again until now. I guess that explains why the traditional ultrasound way doesn't tend to work on me.

She's looking around and suddenly says, "So, you had a positive home pregnancy test?" And I say, "No, I had a positive test at a doctor's appointment." "Here?" she says. "No, at my PCP," I say. "Well, the reason I ask," she says, "Is because I'm not finding anything in your uterus." "Oh, swell," I say.

I'll spare you the rest of the dialogue. She moved that thing around every which way and then some ways that aren't even possible and MY GOD was that uncomfortable. Ladies, the feeling of a pap smear--ten times over. It just wouldn't end. She didn't want to give up and I appreciate that, but at one point, I had to ask, "Is there anything I can do to help?" I mean, she was in there longer than it is EVER necessary for ANYTHING to be in a vagina and that is just a plain and simple fact. And I can't even remember her name.

Finally, she repeated that she didn't find anything in the uterus. She had then looked to see if I had an ectopic pregnancy, but didn't find anything in the fallopian tubes or the ovaries. Apparently, my ovaries were lying low or something, which made them harder to look at. She said that there was a lining in the uterus, which either means a pregnancy or Aunt Flo's getting ready to visit.

We got in the car and not even 2 minutes had passed before I got a call from the actual doctor herself. She said that the lining was thin, which, she was sorry to say, could indicate a false positive on the pregnancy test. I told her that with all the symptoms I had, I was pretty sure that was not the case. She said, then, that it just could be really early in the pregnancy. They determine due date by LMP until you have a really good sonogram, so it could be that I'm only a few weeks along instead of the 5.5 that they calculated.

The blood tests that I took today will give them a hormone level that should indicate the age of the pregnancy. I've done this enough times now that I knew the test would then have to be repeated in 2 days so they can compare HCG levels to determine if the pregnancy is "viable." God, I hate that word. So, I should get results on Thursday that will tell us something.

I actually expected bad news on this visit, because I'm just getting used to it, but Roy was pretty upset. He wants to be able to enjoy this pregnancy, understandably. "Why can't we ever get plain, old good news?!" he lamented. I hear ya, Buddy.

Now begins the waiting game. And, I'm spent.

Cool for kids

noreply@blogger.com (Unknown) — Fri, 31 Jul 2009 18:44:00 +0000

I just saw this cute shirt. It has the alphabet printed up-side-down at the hem so that kids can learn the alphabet while wearing their shirt. How neat is that?!

Big News!!

noreply@blogger.com (Unknown) — Thu, 30 Jul 2009 19:36:00 +0000

So...we've been busy shooting engagements, weddings and portraits. Car show this weekend and we have three shoots lined up for next weekend. Fall is just around the corner!! Can you feel it?!

And...yesterday I went to the doctor to confirm my suspicions...and found out that I am indeed, 5 weeks pregnant!! I'm ecstatic and terrified and I will likely be a total monster during the next 9 months, so please forgive me. Expect somethings along the lines of, "Don't smoke in my general vicinity! Are you crazy?!" or "Don't you dare touch my stomach! Do you want me to break your arm?!" If you don't remember why, see this post. In a burst of optimism, I have now added a "pregnancy" label. Yay! (I'm very tired and my back hurts, so don't get angry that you didn't get a personal phone call. This is way easier.)

Normally, I wouldn't share this happy news with people until we reached that critical 3 month mark, but I've put everything else out here, so I might as well document the whole experience.

I'll get results from a progesterone test on Monday, but my doctor has me taking a supplement anyway since my levels were low during the last pregnancy. I have my first prenatal appointment (with a new obstetrician) on Tuesday, so I'm anxious to find out how we are going to go about keeping me sane during this process, especially since I have to quit my happy pills. I think I have Restless Leg Syndrome, which is very uncomfortable. That combined with the lower back pain that is pretty much constant, make me really nervous, but I'm going to try to be positive.

Watch out Martha Stewart!!

noreply@blogger.com (Unknown) — Wed, 01 Jul 2009 19:43:00 +0000

So, this may be the easiest craft project ever, but I'm so amazed that I actually finished one, that I'm posting several pictures to document the occasion.

I saw this trunk at Home Goods and really liked it. I think the price was $25, which isn't bad.

But, my mom had given me this old suitcase, so I decided to decorate it myself.

I still have a program called Print Shop from like a decade ago that has a lot of graphic images. I printed off a ton of vintage postcards and travel posters and decoupaged them onto the trunk.

Yay me!!

It only took a few hours worth of work. Now, I'm going to fill it with some old Halloween costumes and let Anna go wild. Tomorrow, I'll show you how to create a Tiffany-style lamp with popsicle sticks and gum.

Buzz, buzz

noreply@blogger.com (Unknown) — Tue, 30 Jun 2009 19:02:00 +0000

Been a busy bee...

1. Working on the photography business a lot, which feels good. Please follow the blog--I've actually been updating it lately.

2. My child has suddenly reverted back to acting like a baby--, tantrums, saying "uppy, snacky, huggy" and ...not using the toilet. Her doctor says we are locked in a "power struggle". I say, it sucks.

3. I hate summer. Anyone with me? Bugs (I got bit by radio-active mosquitoes, which gave me red/purple baseball-sized lumps all over my legs), heat (yuck), sweating (nasty), grass that needs to be mowed (not my job, but still a bummer).

4. I do like having frequent play dates with our neighbors. Since I'm home and Renee is home for the summer, we've been seeing a lot of each other lately, which is very cool. I LOVE that the girls are friends and so excited to see each other. Anna keeps asking when she'll get to play with Sophia again. And, we are having our second play date tonight with her friend Lydia, who lives not too far away. It cracks me up that these are play dates for the adults as well as the girls, because we really like the parents of these kids, so that's cool.

5. I said I was done with vampires, but of course, I'm not. I'm really enjoying the Sookie Stackhouse series and "True Blood", so....there.

6. I haven't actually finished a craft project in 4 years, so I'm very proud that I have one nearly done and will share pics next time.

7. We are shooting a wedding this weekend, which I'm excited about.

8. Paramore concert is one week away!! Totally stoked!!!

And with that in mind, I give you the lyrics to my favorite Paramore song...

We Are Broken

Album: RIOT! (CD/Digital)

VERSE ONE:
I am outside and I've been waiting for the sun
With my wide eyes i've seen worlds that don't belong
my mouth is dry... with words i cannot verbalize
tell me why we live like this.

PRE:
and keep me safe inside
your arms like towers
tower over me.

CHORUS:
Cause we are broken
what must we do to restore
our innocence and all the promise we adored?
give us life again
we just wanna be whole.

VERSE TWO:
Lock the doors, I'd like to capture this voice
That came to me tonight
so everyone will have a choice
and under red lights, i'll show myself it wasn't forged
we're at war... we live like this.

PRE:
keep me safe inside
your arms like towers
tower over me

CHORUS:
Cause we are broken
what must we do to restore
our innocence and all the promise we adored?
give us life again
we just wanna be whole.

BRIDGE:
ahhhh
ahhhh
tower over me
tower over me

CHORUS:
Cause we are broken
what must we do to restore
our innocence and all the promise we adored?
give us life again
we just wanna be whole.

Retraction and revelation

noreply@blogger.com (Unknown) — Thu, 18 Jun 2009 18:44:00 +0000

I hereby apologize to anyone that ran out and bought The Vampire Diaries series after reading my last post. Sorry Trisha!! That will show me not to blog about something before I finish it.

The first two books (published in 1991) dealt with Elena falling in love with Stefan, but being attracted to his brother, Damon. The vampire brothers struggled against each other to see who would win her. This plot line worked for me. It wasn't too dark or gory, but had some elements of mystery and suspense. And any similarities to Twilight ended after the first book.

The third book got creepier, and frankly, a little unbelievable. (I know--I'm reading a vampire novel, not historical fiction, but she had a vampire possessing the town's dogs to attack their owners.) There was a lot going on and some of it was just too fantastic to be credible. And sometimes, she left things unexplained. (If a vampire can only change into one animal, how was Katherine able to be an owl, a kitten and a tiger?)

According to this interview, Smith originally only wrote the series as a trilogy, but bowed to reader pressure to write the fourth book in 1992. She shouldn't have. The fourth book was straight up scary. And that seemed to be it's main purpose. To scare, not to entertain. It raised several questions that were never answered. (How could Klaus be alive if Katherine said she killed him? Was Tyler killed?) Smith seemed to forget some of the things mentioned in the previous book, as there were several story line gaffes.

Then, there is the fifth book. Ugh. Published earlier this year, 18 years after the first book, the story picks up only days after the end of the last book. From the very first line, I was lost. It seemed like she was writing the story haphazardly, without bothering to explain what was going on. Some questions were answered later, many were not. (What was the point of Bonnie's midnight-backward-strange language-cell phone prediction?!) I found myself flipping back several pages to reread something that she referenced differently later. Again, many story line gaffes (Damon didn't have to ask Caroline to invite him into her house, as he had been invited in by her parents in the 2nd book), as well as typos (Dr. Alpert becomes Dr. Albert for an entire page, at one point.) And the most unbelievable plot lines possible. A guy that chewed off his fingers after being possessed, tree-men that tried to pull a girl's limbs off, tree vines that strangle victims, fox spirits that put people in "snow globes" and magic keys that give you anything you want. Yeah.

There was a lot of focus on sexual solicitation in this book, which didn't fit in with the themes in the other books, was very uncomfortable and didn't serve a purpose. Basically, it seemed like this book was written to capitalize on the recent vampire craze. Fortunately for Smith, the CW bought the plans to make the books into a TV series days before this last book was released. Unfortunately, she is planning to write two more books in this series. Don't waste your time reading these books! Or, just read the first two and I'll fill you in on what happens from there. (Someone dies, becomes a vampire, dies again, becomes a powerful spirit, then becomes a human with angelic powers. You follow all of that?) I'm sure the TV show will end up being better than the books, because, well, it can't go anywhere but up.

Also, we've been watching the first season of "True Blood". It is frickin' scary. I like the story line between Sookie and Bill and Sam, but the rest of it sucks, IMO. I prefer my vampires vegetarians, like the Cullens. I think I'm just going to give up trying to find something like Twilight, because it is suddenly obvious to me that it's popularity is due to the fact that it was new and special and there isn't anything else like it out there. The real draw to it was the impossible relationship between Edward and Bella. I also liked the fact that it didn't scare the piss out of me. I don't need the blood and gore--that isn't sexy. Edward...perfect, beautiful, Edward...is. Stephenie Meyer---write more Twilight!!!!

New Obsession!!!

noreply@blogger.com (Unknown) — Thu, 04 Jun 2009 15:17:00 +0000

Happy Birthday to me, Happy Birthday to me!! Ok, it isn't really my birthday, but it feels like I just got a great present!!

When I was done reading the Twilight series, I wanted to read more, of course. I started several books, but nothing held my interest like Stephenie Meyer's tales. Borders, like everyone else, was trying to cash in on the sudden interest in vampires, so they had huge displays set up showcasing other related young adult books. I took note of the following series:

Blue Bloods by Melissa de la Cruz

Dead Until Dark by Charlaine Harris--inspired "True Blood"

Vampire Academy by Richelle Mead

The Vampire Diaries by L.J. Smith

I hadn't thought much about them for several months. I looked for a few of them at the local library, but they had waiting lists. On Tuesday night, we were in Half Price Books and I spotted the first two books in The Vampire Diaries, so I bought them...and read the first one that night.

I finished the second book last night and I'm hooked! They aren't as good as Twilight, but they are a nice time-waster until Meyer gives in and writes some more. There are some STRIKING similiarities to Twilight, but I suppose there is only so much one can imagine about vampires.

The characters aren't as developed as Meyer's, probably because these books are shorter. Meyer is very fond of building the back story and giving you everyone's history. It slows the books down in some places, but I was always grateful to have that extra information that gave the characters more depth.

Smith's books are darker and focus more on the supernatural aspect and a little less on the love story. The love story is, of course, the reason we loved Twilight. Smith's books are very sexy, though! Hot vampire brothers fighting over the same girl!! HE-llo!!! The "bad" vampire in these books does actually kill people and occassionally the "good" vampire does, too, though he prefers to be a "vegetarian" like the Cullens. While there hasn't been any SEX yet, there are a lot of innuendos and near nudity and you know the characters are totally thinking about it, whereas Meyer's books purposely shied away from that.

A lot of the vampiric lore is different from Twilight, but I will now point out that Smith's first book in this series was published in 1991. Only after the success of Twilight were they rereleased under the Harper Teen label. The series was on the New York Times Bestseller List, but I don't know if that was with the first printing or the most recent. And now I present to you, a passage that sounds an awful lot like the "meadow scene" from Twilight (chapter 13: Confessions).

The Vampire Diaries, "The Awakening", chapter 14:

"That's why you've been so distant with me, isn't it?" she said, holding out her hands to him. "Because you're afraid of what you might do. But there's no need for that any longer."

"Isn't there?" ... You think there's no reason to be afraid?... You don't know what I've thought about you."

Elena kept her voice level. "You don't want to hurt me, " she said positively.

"No? There have been times, watching you in public, when I could scarcely bear not to touch you. When I was so tempted by your white throat... Times when I thought I would grab you and force you right there in the school."

"There's no need to force me," said Elena. "I've made my decision, Stefan," she said softly, holding his eyes. "I want to."

He swallowed thickly. "You don't know what you're asking for." ... He was standing rigid, his face furious, his eyes anguished. "If I once let go, what's to keep me from changing you, or killing you? The passion is stronger than you can imagine. Don't you understand yet what I am, what I can do?"

She stood there and looked at him quietly, her chin raised slightly. It seemed to enrage him.

"Haven't you seen enough yet? Or do I have to show you more? Can't you picture what I might do to you?" He strode over to the cold fireplace and snatched out a long piece of wood, thicker than both Elena's wrists together. With one motion, he snapped it in two like a match stick. "Your fragile bones," he said.

Across the room was a pillow from the bed; he caught it up and with a slash of his nails left the silk cover in ribbons. "Your soft skin."

Huh, huh? :) ANYway, still good stuff. If you've read all of the series listed above, here is another list. It sounds like several of the series will be turned into television shows or movies, so that everyone can get their share of the vampire pie (not that I'm complaining.) I am going to check out the first season of "True Blood" and then the new season starts June 14 on HBO. And then, I will be counting the days until "The Vampire Diaries" comes to the CW this fall! I can tell there are already some changes made from the books, but it still looks pretty hot!! Check out the preview below and then tell me you aren't going to watch that. I predict that my sister will be over at my house at least once a week to partake in this joyous-ness. Now, if only I can get my mother interested....

The Countdown Begins...

noreply@blogger.com (Unknown) — Tue, 02 Jun 2009 17:37:00 +0000

Ok, so I have been reading tweets about "New Moon" for months, but it would seriously be a full-time job to follow each and every link or check every fansite. I told myself that I didn't care and I didn't need to see any of the set photos. I told myself that I could wait for the movie and I didn't need any photos to spoil it beforehand. Turns out, I lied...to myself.

I wasn't expecting much from the trailer, but it was great. So, now I want to see it all. Right now. Because November is just too far away. I remember when I was so excited for "Twilight" and I watched the trailer a dozen times a day. Giggity!!!!!

I nearly cried when I saw this montage from the Italy set. If you've read the book, you know why this particular scene is so important. OME!!!!

New Moon Trailer from MTV Movie Awards

noreply@blogger.com (Unknown) — Mon, 01 Jun 2009 06:22:00 +0000

Movie Trailers - Movies Blog

No doubt you've all seen this by now, but by embedding it in my blog, it is now easily bookmarked for me. I've watched it half a dozen times already and read the frame by frame analysis.

I'm impressed. I'll be honest, I wasn't sure a trailer this early would be any good, but it wasn't bad. I'm especially pleased with the wolf. We all knew that element would be crucial and I think it looks pretty good. What we've seen so far appears to be very close to the book, so that is fabulous. Taylor looked hot. Rob's hair looks better. Not too shabby. Hooray for Chris Whats-His-Name!

BTW...Catherine Hardwicke really thinks she is the bomb. I would disagree, but whatever. Glad to see Kristen drop her award...what was she wearing?! She and Rob couldn't look more disdainful. I suppose it could be insecurity and shyness that comes off looking like disdain, but they are actors. They could act a little more humble. ANYway...off to Bedfordshire.

How To: Mix An Exploding Drink

noreply@blogger.com (Unknown) — Thu, 28 May 2009 16:15:00 +0000

I realize I've been neglectful. My bad. Super busy over here, what with the bathroom remodel that is still underway and the millions of pictures we've been taking for our photo business (Yay!!). So, I will simply leave you with this awesome How To from the June issue of Wired. You are so very welcome, Stephen Lambert. ;)

Also, a shout out to our neighbor (and loyal reader) Dustin. I believe we're going to meet new baby Max this evening. :) Don't be weirded out when I'm obsessively sniffing him. I love the new baby smell!

VeryShortPost, kind of

noreply@blogger.com (Unknown) — Thu, 21 May 2009 04:11:00 +0000

Still reeling from the Idol upset... (I don't care what this article says, it is still an upset.)

We have a lot going on with the bathroom remodel, so I've just got a short post for you. If you are on Twitter, you must start following VeryShortStory. If you aren't on Twitter...WHY aren't you on Twitter?! You can also visit the website. A guy writes "Twitter-sized" stories. Perfect for those of us who don't have time to read actual books. Examples:

"I bought a jaguar today. Not a car, an ACTUAL jaguar. I figure it will impress women more than a car. I got a two seat saddle for it."

"I could tell by her fur she wasn't from around here. We chit chatted. I put on the moves. We went to my place. In Spring, we had cubs."

"Order up, Wolverine." He spent his time waiting tables now, feeling bitter how fast his life had gone downhill. He blamed Star Trek."

"Ty softly tossed a pebble at Wendy's window. In return, a large rock hit him squarely in the head. He would take that as a ‘no'."

"After losing his job, Nigel lived without caution. Even when the forecast called for rain, he refused to carry an umbrella."

"You want to hold hands?" said Bill. "Umm.......Ok." said Ken. They both needed a little comfort. It had been a tough staff meeting."

GLEE-ful

noreply@blogger.com (Unknown) — Tue, 19 May 2009 17:00:00 +0000

I am SO excited about the "Glee" preview tonight! I know I am not the only person that has been singing "Don't Stop Believin'" for a month now. They have been pimping that boy hard! Who ever heard of previewing a show 4 months before it actually starts? Genius! And right after the "American Idol" final performances? They couldn't ask for a more receptive audience. Especially with the knowledge that soon-to-be-crowned winner Adam Lambert started out in musical theater. And did I mention how I shrieked with absolute JOY when Danny left last week?! I'm just disappointed that we don't have an Adam/Allison finale, but I'll take what I can get.

I'm going to see if I can dig up some of my high school choir pics because we had some flashy outfits. I'm remembering with fondness a certain blue sequined dress we wore one year. Alas, I doubt I will be able to find any video to post, as these were the days before YouTube. However, for your viewing pleasure today, I have here probably the best show choir performance I've ever seen. I can't believe these guys are in high school. Powerhouse from John Burroughs High School in Burbank, CA.

John Burroughs "Powerhouse" 2007 - Journey Medley from Show Choir Community on Vimeo.

If you just can't get enough, you can also enjoy these two choirs.

Wave Connection from Tupelo, MS- "Uptown Girl"

Cutting Edge from Urbana, IL- "Just Dance"

Debbie Gibson saves THE WORLD!!!!!

noreply@blogger.com (Unknown) — Sat, 16 May 2009 14:29:00 +0000

Destined to be the BEST MOVIE OF THE YEAR (that is released directly to video.) Now, where can I get some more Electric Youth?

More Macro

noreply@blogger.com (Unknown) — Thu, 14 May 2009 03:06:00 +0000

I played with the macro lens again, but inside this time.

Princess Potato Head...
Eiffel Tower, obviously...

Anna's jewelry box prince and princess...

Aren't they a cute couple?

Fleur-de-lis necklace...

New washer and dryer? Yes, please.

noreply@blogger.com (Unknown) — Tue, 12 May 2009 20:01:00 +0000

Want your chance to win? Visit http://tr.im/frigidaire to read the 5 Things I would do with an extra hour and enter to win Frigidaire appliances.

I'll take anything in pink...especially a new washer and dryer from Frigidaire! I don't even want to mention how old our washer and dryer are for fear that they will hear me and go on strike. So, cross your fingers that this very deserving lady wins these lovlies. I'll let you come over and lick them if you want.

I had a Flare up

noreply@blogger.com (Unknown) — Tue, 12 May 2009 18:55:00 +0000

I had my cry yesterday, but today I've got stuff to do. Just to prove that I'm okee-dokee, here's a completely frivolous post.

I discovered Fred Flare when I was looking for the Twilight jacket several months ago. Yes, you can wear the exact same jacket that Bella wore. (I also know where you can buy her bag, but you'll have to ask nicely. ;)

ANYway...they have such C-U-T-E stuff that I had to share. You may have already known about this website, and if so...Why didn't you tell ME?!

Stuff I Want....

Camera ring, Holly Golightly sleep mask, Hello Kitty nerd wallet, Pac-Man bandages

Stuff for Roy....

Edgar Allan Poe action figure, Pocket Guitar Hero, Jaws shower curtain, #1 Dad trophy

Stuff for Techies....

Mini boombox iPod speaker pouch, USB webcam, Mix tape USB flash drive, Earbuds

I'm blue (da ba dee)

noreply@blogger.com (Unknown) — Mon, 11 May 2009 17:19:00 +0000

Today is May 11. Da da dum. I've been thinking about this day for a long time, but this past week, I thought of it a lot. Yesterday was kind of hard. I wanted to be happy about Mother's Day, but I kept remembering that I was supposed to be a mother of two.

I knew today would be rough, but I had decided that Anna and I would keep busy. We were going to go to the library, make cookies and paint pictures. She decided it was a pig-tail day, so we both busted some out. Then, she decided that she wanted to play with her animals and didn't want to go to the library. I don't have the strength to force her today, so I thought I'd sit down and wait her out. She loves the library, so I knew she'd come around.

Opened my computer to check Facebook and oh, hi, look at someone's 3D sonogram pics. And, that is all it took to derail me. All this after I said last week that I was "better now" and I "wouldn't break down" if the subject came up and people shouldn't feel bad about mentioning their babies to me. I guess I'm a big, fat liar, liar, pants on fire.

I have some pretty strange dreams. Last night's is easy enough to decipher. We were living in a small house by the ocean. My mom and grandma were there, as well as my friend Julie and her husband, Byron. We were watching a TV movie about Nancy Grace (who was a brunette) which was fascinating. I was holding Anna and the moms were watching our 5 month-old daughter (random), who we kept calling "Susie" (after my sister), even though that wasn't her name. All of a sudden my mom runs into the room and says that Susie just said her first words. I picked her up and she looked at me and said, "Where's Daddy?" I was so elated that I ran the girls out to the beach, where Roy (the fisherman) was returning with the other men with the day's catch. I told him the good news and we all embraced as a perfect, shining family. There are a lot of gaffes in this dream, the least of which being that babies don't speak two-word questions at 5 months, but dreams are silly that way.

Last week, we found out that there was yet another recall on the brand of crib we had purchased. I swear, if we found out that the stupid box sitting untouched in our garage was recalled, we were just going to call it a draw. I will NOT be walking back into Babies R Us until I need to buy something for a real baby with a real due date. No more trips for hypothetical babies. It turned out that our new crib was fine, but the lesson here is, DO NOT buy Jardine cribs from BRU. 60% of the time, they get recalled every time.

Some day I'll get over myself and remember that there are far worse things than losing a baby or babies that I didn't know, but today, I'm just feeling sorry for myself. What stings the most is that no one else around me would remember this date. Just me. Not even my husband. I don't blame him. I would have put this out of my mind if I could. I put the two sonogram pictures in the top of the closet along with the "What to Expect" and "1000 Baby Names" books. I haven't looked at them since October, but today might be the day I decide to face those demons. Maybe tomorrow will be the magic day that I wake up and move on. At the very least, you should all demand a sunnier post...or your money back.

I am SAHM, SAHM I am

noreply@blogger.com (Unknown) — Wed, 06 May 2009 21:13:00 +0000

This was my fourth week as a "part-time stay at home mom," meaning that Anna is now staying home with me three days a week. This is a big switch from going to school every day. She still goes to preschool two days a week, but that leaves ME in charge of her nutrition and education for three days. ME. The weekends don't count because we just play around. I knew she was getting a good education and nutritious meals five days a week, so we could be more relaxed on the weekends. Now, I'm responsible for making sure she eats veggies and learns to read. YIKES.

Ever since I became pregnant, my dream has been to stay at home with Anna. I was able to work part-time her first year, so I got to spend every afternoon with her and it was fabulous. But, she was a baby then and easy to entertain and easy to feed.

SAHM. The abbreviation is kind of annoying. Heather has her own version. The most fitting one that I could come up with for myself was: Slightly Anal Hell Monster. Roy would argue that "slightly" is not accurate.

Anna's preschool teachers would definitely be able to comment on my new nickname for myself. They have felt alot of my wrath lately as we've had many "incidents" that they needed to address. That is a whole other issue that I can't go into right now, but I'm sure they call me much worse behind my back. But honestly, she only goes two days a week now! You would think they could manage to follow regulations and keep her safe for TWO DAYS!!

ANYway, I'm proud to say that we've been doing pretty good here though. Anna is certainly enjoying more time at home. The first day she was here, I quizzed her on her letter recognition and we've been working on the ones she had trouble with. We do a letter per week and work on recognizing it, drawing it, and associating a sound with it, as well as words that begin with that letter. It really is fun to see her pick out letters she sees now and to know that I taught her that.

She loves the library, the mall and the park, but we've also had a ton of fun playing dress up and dancing around the house. She does a great job of alternating music with me so that we aren't listening to "Bop Bop Dinosaur" all day. She can sing the "Mamma Mia" soundtrack almost as well as I can. Some days are easier than others, of course. There were a couple of times that we actually yelled at each other, but I know we're closer than ever. She tells me everyday that I'm "her best friend," so I take that as a good sign.

Yesterday was a very good day. We made chocolate chip muffins for breakfast. Then, we decorated Mother's Day cards for grandmas. She practiced writing some letters and was very proud of herself. We got out my beads that have been gathering dust in the closet since her birth and made a bracelet. She picked out all the beads and loved the result so much that she wore it to school and showed it to everyone.

This whole experience is weird for me because I feel like I am in limbo. I don't really consider myself a stay-at-home mom because I intend to get a job and am actively looking for one. However, no one wants me, so it could be awhile. I would like to be a full-time writer and photographer, but while I attempt to refine my skills in both on a daily basis, I feel like I'm not getting very far because I have to split my time between so many things. Marketing yourself online really requires a LOT of time. And then there's housework. Ugh. I just can't keep up with everything, so that suffers the most.

All of this plus the drama that I don't write about and the fact that next week would have been my due date makes me a very blue girl sometimes. So...I talked to my doctor and upped my medication yesterday. I hope this gets me over the hump. I really meant for this to be an upbeat post...kind of screwed that one up.

My Little Beauty

noreply@blogger.com (Unknown) — Wed, 06 May 2009 20:40:00 +0000

I've been going through pics of Anna to hang in adorable mattes in her room. So, I'd like to take a moment to gush over just how beautiful this little girl is. :)

You may notice that I don't share pictures of her face on this website and that is purely because I'm paranoid like that. Take my word for it...she's a keeper.

We were out shopping on Monday and at every store, people were stopping to tell me how cute she is. And, I kept thinking to myself, "They are probably wondering how in the world a gorgeous creature like that could be related to me." And, I'm sure they came to the same conclusion that I did a few years ago...she must have been switched at birth.

ANYway, I love these pics from this past weekend. Sure, I love portraits of her beautiful face, but I also love photos that frame her independence nicely. I still vividly remember the first day she was no longer attached to my hip and suddenly wanted to run and play without me. These pictures just remind me how grown up she is.

Following instruction very well...we said, "Walk over there," and darned if she didn't do just that.

Asking if she could go in and "pet the baby buffalo..."

I LOVE LOVE LOVE her hair. My favorite thing in the world is to brush and stroke her fabulous locks. I WISH my hair had natural curl like this.

I've always thought that it is important to instill confidence in your child. I read it on one of those sappy Mom poems that is hanging on our fridge. You know, the ones that get passed around this time of year and never fail to make you cry? Yeah, so I have been telling her since she was born how beautiful and smart and kind she is. There are times, though, that I wonder if I've gushed too much.

Like when we were at the Tommy Hilfiger store this past weekend. It was the first time I had taken her into a dressing room because I normally just pick out clothes for her. She picked out a pink and white-striped dress and insisted that we buy it. We took it into the dressing room and man did she strike some poses in front of the mirror. Then, she literally strutted out of the room to show her Daddy. I believe there was even a twirl in there. She announced to her reflection, "I look adorable! This is just my size."

At three years old, I don't think I'm going to call it "vanity." We'll wait until she's sixteen and taking a baseball bat to her cheerleading competitors' kneecaps.

I hope I don't pull the short straw

noreply@blogger.com (Unknown) — Tue, 05 May 2009 16:30:00 +0000

We have WAY too many magazine subscriptions in this house. I don't get a whole issue read before the new one arrives. So, getting caught up on the May issue of Wired, I see this story called "American Stonehenge". Am I the only person on the planet who hadn't heard of the Georgia Guidestones?

If you were in the dark as well, you'll need to read the full story at Wired. Absolutely fascinating. The short version: 30 years ago a man representing a wealthy and very secretive organization had enormous granite stones erected in a cow pasture in northeastern Georgia. The stones were created to be a precise compass, calendar and clock and were built to withstand "catastrophic events." Carved into the slabs were "directions for rebuilding civilization after the apocalypse" in eight of the world's major languages. There were also writings in four long-dead languages.

Since they were unveiled, the stones have drawn attention and visitors from around the world. Yoko Ono was a big fan and wrote a song about them. They also have their share of critics. There have been many guesses as to the purpose of the stones and those opposed have come up their own conclusions. While the organization behind them remains a mystery, there are those who believe they were satanists, Nazis and/or wanting to communicate with extra-terrestrials.

The reason for the opposition may lie in the 10 "guides" that were etched into the stones. Number 1 is "Maintain humanity under 500,000,000 in perpetual balance with nature." That means 12 out of 13 of us would need to find another planet to live on. These instructions are meant to be passed down to the survivors left after Armageddon. Who knows how many people that will be, but I'm just saying...who is going to have the job of choosing? Cue ominous music.

ANYway, I found this information very interesting. It sounds like the plot of movie, but someone actually built this thing and the secret organization is probably still protecting their identity and preparing for the end of the world, which may be as soon as 12/21/12? Spooky. (Also, I really loved the opening spread for the article. :) Wired always has such great art design! That font is awesome!)