No Magic Here

Behold the dream, the dream is gone

noreply@blogger.com (Marc Bernard) — Thu, 05 Nov 2015 13:24:00 +0000

Wow, did I ever have a bad dream about the last nine years. Glad that's over...

Android Jeopardy

noreply@blogger.com (Marc Bernard) — Thu, 15 Jan 2015 00:22:00 +0000

I'll take "Why did my build fail?" for $200.

Things they must teach in MBA school

noreply@blogger.com (Marc Bernard) — Fri, 09 Jan 2015 13:51:00 +0000

Instead of taking the opportunity to make the workplace a more attractive place to be when some people leave for greener pastures, you should direct your HR ghouls to creep LinkedIn profiles.

That'll teach the selfish bastards.

Lines converging where you stand

noreply@blogger.com (Marc Bernard) — Fri, 09 Jan 2015 13:41:00 +0000

If your organization chart contains a dotted line, and especially if you value dotted line relationships above all else, you're doing something wrong.

You wore out your welcome with random precision

noreply@blogger.com (Marc Bernard) — Thu, 11 Sep 2014 16:15:00 +0000

There's a special place in hell for you, Lotus Notes.

Conversation of the day

noreply@blogger.com (Marc Bernard) — Fri, 11 Jul 2014 17:06:00 +0000

There is so much wrong here that it almost brings me to tears. I wish I could get away with this on the web app I develop...

CBC web page: Would you like to view the mobile version of this page?

Me: Yes.

CBC web page: I'm sorry, we don't support mobile views of this page. Would you like to view the desktop version of this page?

Me: [sigh]

Meek and obedient you follow the leader

noreply@blogger.com (Marc Bernard) — Fri, 20 Jun 2014 12:39:00 +0000

We know Stephen Harper is a fascist.

Did you also know he's a cult leader?

Truth or dare

noreply@blogger.com (Marc Bernard) — Fri, 09 May 2014 13:07:00 +0000

I dare our PR department to release an announcement - either internally or externally, their choice - that does not contain the word "drive" more than twice.

The path you tread is narrow and the drop is sheer and very high

noreply@blogger.com (Marc Bernard) — Thu, 08 May 2014 14:09:00 +0000

Many business books discuss the idea of failing early, often and quickly. We've decided to embrace that concept fully.

A: That thing you showed me yesterday? Can I get access to that server?

Me: Sure, it's just my dev machine. But it's a little bent right now. We're still working on it.

A: Great. Will it be unbent by Friday? I want to demo it for all our Canadian customers.

Me: [boggle].

I guess if you're going to go down, you might as well go down in flames...

You know you're in trouble when...

noreply@blogger.com (Marc Bernard) — Wed, 07 May 2014 17:58:00 +0000

You know you're in trouble when... it takes you longer to find the software design specification template document in the knowledge management system, than it takes to write the software.

Science

noreply@blogger.com (Marc Bernard) — Sat, 19 Apr 2014 12:32:00 +0000

Stay in school, kids. A science degree will take you far.

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2014/04/17/cow-methane-gas_n_5169903.html?ir=Canada+Living&ncid=tweetlnkushpmg00000067

Any fool knows, a dog needs a home

noreply@blogger.com (Marc Bernard) — Thu, 06 Mar 2014 18:35:00 +0000

Whoever coined the phrase "working like a dog" obviously never had a dog.

Bartender, why am I so out of breath?

noreply@blogger.com (Marc Bernard) — Wed, 05 Mar 2014 14:23:00 +0000

Here's a depressing article from the LA Times. A study has revealed that 1 in 10 Americans thinks HTML is an STD.

Also:

77% of respondents could not identify what SEO means.
27% identified "gigabyte" as an insect commonly found in South America.
42% said they believed a "motherboard" was "the deck of a cruise ship."
23% thought an "MP3" was a "Star Wars" robot.
18% identified "Blu-ray" as a marine animal.
15% said they believed "software" is comfortable clothing.
12% said "USB" is the acronym for a European country.

Why did the grizzly cross the road?

noreply@blogger.com (Marc Bernard) — Wed, 19 Feb 2014 11:04:00 +0000

Banff bears use Trans-Canada wildife crossings to find mates http://www.cbc.ca/news/technology/banff-bears-use-trans-canada-wildlife-crossings-to-find-mates-1.2542362

Photo of the day

noreply@blogger.com (Marc Bernard) — Tue, 18 Feb 2014 14:44:00 +0000

This. Looks. Awesome.

Close to home

noreply@blogger.com (Marc Bernard) — Fri, 14 Feb 2014 18:12:00 +0000

Pharmaceuticals for software developers

noreply@blogger.com (Marc Bernard) — Tue, 17 Dec 2013 13:34:00 +0000

Sprint Retrospective Ibuprofen.

Roar of the Rings recap

noreply@blogger.com (Marc Bernard) — Tue, 10 Dec 2013 13:58:00 +0000

How did I do? My picks:

Men's playoffs: Howard, Stoughton, Koe.

What happened: The exact opposite.

How I went wrong: The favourites crapped out. Too much pressure in their last chance at it, for Howard and Stoughton? Probably. I am quite happy that Brad Jacobs made it - clearly the best team won.

Women's playoffs: Jones, Homan, Nedohin.

What happened: Nedohin came close, Homan stumbled badly, Jones won.

How I went wrong: I thought Homan would repeat their Scotties run from last year, but they looked absolutely awful at times during the week. Completely puzzled by the ice, coming up 10-15 feet short on draws. Miskew was scored a very generous 61% in the semifinal. Again, happy that the best team won.

Olympic predictions next? Do I dare? I nailed it last time, going a perfect 3-3 for the women and 2-3 for the men...

Facebook year in review

noreply@blogger.com (Marc Bernard) — Tue, 10 Dec 2013 13:55:00 +0000

Thank you, Facebook, for reminding me why I am not a member.

Facebook's annual Year in Review reveals what Canadians discussed most in 2013: the Maple Leafs.

The top 10:

10. Chris Hadfield
9. Pope Francis
8. Lance Armstrong
7. Justin Trudeau
6. Royal Baby
5. Rob Ford
4. Boston Marathon
3. Miley Cyrus Twerk
2. Harlem Shake
1. Maple Leafs

Another sign of the impending Apocalypse...

Conversation of the day

noreply@blogger.com (Marc Bernard) — Mon, 09 Dec 2013 23:44:00 +0000

J: Do you have yoga tomorrow?

F: Yeah, it's "bring a friend" day.

Me: Do you need money for that?

F: Yeah. And a friend.

Roar of the Rings

noreply@blogger.com (Marc Bernard) — Fri, 29 Nov 2013 15:02:00 +0000

Prediction time for the Olympic Trials, which get underway this weekend.

The men's field:

Glenn Howard
Jeff Stoughton
Kevin Martin
Kevin Koe
Mike McEwen
John Morris
John Epping
Brad Jacobs

Playoffs: Realistically, any three could make the playoffs. Let's go with Howard, Stoughton, Koe.

Who I'd like to win: Glenn Howard
Who I think will win: Glenn Howard
Dark horse: Mike McEwen.

The women's field:

Stephanie Lawton
Jennifer Jones
Rachel Homan
Heather Nedohin
Chelsea Carey
Renee Sonnenberg
Sherry Middaugh
Val Sweeting

Playoffs: A little more separation in the field here, but it's a short round-robin, and if someone gets hot they'll be around on the weekend. Let's go with Jones, Homan, Nedohin. No huge surprises.

Who I'd like to win: Rachel Homan
Who I think will win: Rachel Homan. Last year was no fluke.
Dark horse: Heather Nedohin.

Tune in next week to see how far off I was.

Thirteen

noreply@blogger.com (Marc Bernard) — Wed, 27 Nov 2013 14:04:00 +0000

Holy smokes, guess who's a teenager?

Happy birthday V!

Road to the Roar, recap

noreply@blogger.com (Marc Bernard) — Mon, 11 Nov 2013 13:34:00 +0000

How did I do?

For the men, I picked the final four to be Jacobs, Gushue, Morris and Laycock. And my picks were bang on. I had Jacobs and Gushue moving on, and I got that half right. Morris didn't look spectacular in his win over Jacobs. That game came down to whoever made the fewest mistakes. Morris will be in tough in Winnipeg.

For the women, I picked the final four to be Scott, Kleibrink, Bernard and Webster. And my picks were half right. I did have a young Edmonton team as a dark horse, but I picked the wrong one. Kleibrink and Webster surprised me with how fast they went out. I had Scott and Bernard moving on, and almost got that half right. Scott looked terrible in the loss to Sonnenberg, and not much better in the loss to Sweeting. Sonnenberg and Sweeting will have a hard time in Winnipeg.

Three weeks to go until the best curling of the year, at the Roar of the Rings.

Road to the Roar

noreply@blogger.com (Marc Bernard) — Mon, 04 Nov 2013 17:24:00 +0000

The Road to the Roar Olympic pre-trials gets underway tomorrow, just down the road in Kitchener. Two teams come out of this event, which makes the predictions a little easier. However, it's a triple knockout so the draw matters, which makes the predictions a little harder. Any one of these teams can beat any other. Whoever gets hot at the right time has a chance of moving on to Winnipeg. The question is, can they do it when it counts?

Men's teams (in order of seeding):

Brad Jacobs
Brad Gushue
Mark Kean
John Morris
Steve Laycock
Joe Frans
Jean-Michel Menard
Greg Balsdon
Rob Fowler
Bryan Cochrane
Jake Higgs
Rob Rumfeldt

The final four should include Brad Jacobs, Brad Gushue, John Morris, and whoever gets hot out of the rest of the field. Let's go with Laycock.

Who I'd like to win:

1) Brad Jacobs - should be in the big show, after winning the Brier and going deep at the World's last year.
2) No preference.

Who I think will win:

1) Brad Jacobs.
2) Brad Gushue. Experience counts.

Dark horse: Rob Fowler.

Women's teams (in order of seeding):

Shannon Kleibrink
Laura Crocker
Renee Sonnenberg
Cheryl Bernard
Crystal Webster
Amber Holland
Val Sweeting
Kelly Scott
Cathy Auld
Tracy Horgan
Barb Spencer
Krista McCarville

The final four should include Kelly Scott, Shannon Kleibrink, Cheryl Bernard and whoever gets hot out of the rest of the field. Let's go with Webster.

Who I'd like to win:

1) Laura Crocker. Laurier curling grad, and a terrific young lady. Will need to take it up a notch, though.
2) No preference, but sentimental favourites in Kleibrink and Bernard.

Who I think will win:

1) Kelly Scott.
2) Cheryl Bernard.

Dark horse: Laura Crocker.

Tune in after the event to see how my picks did, and to see who I think will win the Roar.

Conversation of the day

noreply@blogger.com (Marc Bernard) — Tue, 29 Oct 2013 13:17:00 +0000

F: I'm so smart. And pretty.

Me: And humble.

F: Humble? Does that mean smart? And pretty?