Day of X

Signing off with a Day of X Retrospective

2009-08-03T13:30:00.002+01:00

A fair number of people have joined us just as the blog was winding down, so I thought for their enjoyment, and as a look back for those of you who've been reading from the start, I'd do a little Day of X retrospective/greatest hits post to wrap up.

First, the top 5 most popular posts, based on reader feedback (thanks all of you who emailed in, commented, joined the Red Thing campaign or otherwise let me know you'd enjoyed these):

My own personal top 5, the posts I'm most pleased with (that weren't on the above list):

And finally, I know a lot of you enjoyed the graphics and badges, so here are the remaining posts with graphicky things:

Cheerio!

August the 1st: Girlfriend's Day and Goodbye

2009-07-31T16:41:00.004+01:00

Blah blah blah girlfriends. Blah blah horrible e-cards. Blah blah satire.

Hollow laughter.

Okay, it's time to lay my cards on the table. It's no secret that the quality of the updates here has been dropping lately. Less funny, less original and less good.

I don't know whether it's my general state of mind (not so great lately), my general tendency to lose interest in a project once the novelty wears off, or just that I didn't have as much to say as I thought I did. Whatever the reason, what was once a fun and stimulating daily exercise has become a frustrating and intimidating chore, and I'm rarely ending up with something I'm truly happy with.

I want to thank you all for coming along to read Day of X, especially those of you who've left comments and kind feedback, and otherwise participated - you're the main reason I've kept going as long as I have. It's not you, it's me.

The site will remain here, of course, and there's a fair bit of good stuff in the archives. I may even end up coming back to Day of X in the future, if a particularly exciting new idea or approach strikes me.

If you're interested in what I do next, or on the offchance Day of X starts up again, you can join the email list (I will never spam you or share your details with anyone) and I'll post something on here to let you know what I'm up to.

I have some other web projects I want to look at now I have a bit of extra free time, some old and some new, and I may well have something interesting for you in the next couple of months. The heart of my online empire is Silverknife (also mostly on hold at the moment, for similar reasons), and that's the other place to look for what I'm currently up to and what I'm doing next.

For now, thanks again and take care.

That's your Day of X for the forseeable future.

July the 31st: System Administrator Appreciation Day

2009-07-30T18:00:00.000+01:00

Image by iharfilipau via Flickr

System Administrator Appreciation Day falls on the last Friday of July, and it's the day to appreciate the lucky guy (or occasionally girl) who keeps your computer(s), your network and your internet connection working, often despite your best efforts.

At one time there was pretty much nobody on the internet except system administrators and academics, so as you'd expect there's already a vast wealth of sysadmin humour out there.

The most famous example is probably the Bastard Operator from Hell series by Simon Travaglia, which is not only a fun (if very very wrong) read and an immensely cathartic experience for any techie, but a nostalgic journey through the history of institutional computers and networks from the golden age of Big Iron to the millenium.

So I'm just going to say a big "Hi there and thanks" to all you talented sysadmins out there, and to everyone else: For the love of God think before you open that attachment.

That's your Day for today.

July the 30th: Insulin Appreciation Day

2009-07-29T18:00:00.000+01:00

Image via Wikipedia

Happy Insulin Appreciation Day, everybody!

On this day in 1921, Frederick Banting and Charles Best injected a test subject, a dog called 410 (giving dogs actual names didn't catch on until the early 1930s), with pancreatic extract, and recorded a major drop in its sugar levels.

Sadly they were too busy to give the poor animal a Mars Bar, as they found they had discovered insulin, the chemical which our bodies use to regulate sugar levels.

Insulin Appreciation Day was apparently invented just this year by Clarence Haynes, a 91 year old diabetes sufferer from Canada.

Sadly it comes 48 hours too late to save the lives of the thousands of diabetics who were killed off by Milk Chocolate Day.

That's your Day for today.

July the 29th: Lasagna Day, for God's Sake

2009-07-28T18:00:00.003+01:00

Image by rachel is coconut&lime via Flickr

Sigh.

It seems that the world's population are so desperate to justify their grotesque overindulgence that we're well on our way to having every single day in the damn calendar dedicated to a specific foodstuff.

Is this what we've come to as a society? No life-enhancing Celebration, nothing new to learn, no "try something you've never done before", just cram your greasy maw with more carbohydrates. Whoop-de-doo.

Celebration Suggestions:

Eat lasagna. Stuff yourself with pasta and cheese, and maybe, just for a little while, it will fill the aching void in your soul.

That's your Day for today.

July the 28th: Milk Chocolate Day

2009-07-27T18:00:00.002+01:00

Image via Wikipedia

July the 28th is another of those Days which is called "National" but has become, through the power of the internet, an International event - Milk Chocolate Day.

It's not to be confused with Chocolate Day (assigned variously to September the 23rd, October the 28th, or December the 24th, 28th or 29th), Chocolate Covered Anything Day (December the 16th), Chocolate Chip Day (May the 15th) or Bittersweet Chocolate With Almonds Day (November the 7th). Yes, there are an almost unlimited number of Days on which you are encouraged to stuff your greedy mouth with sweet (or bittersweet) cocoa-y goodness.

There really isn't much you can do with Milk Chocolate Day, apart from the obvious...so in lieu of Celebration suggestions, I'm going to give you a very special honour - a glimpse into the amazing creative process that goes into every single Day this blog brings you. Enjoy, if you will, the Day of X Creativity-Tron! Click on the chart to see the full-size version.

That's your Day for today.

July the 27th: Take Your Plants/Pants for a Walk Day (Weekend Short)

2009-07-26T18:00:00.002+01:00

July the 27th is either Take Your Plants for a Walk Day or Take Your Pants for a Walk Day, depending on which websites (there are several for each) you believe. Intentional parody or viral typo? You be the judge.

July the 26th: Aunts and Uncles Day (Weekend Short)

2009-07-25T18:00:00.001+01:00

June the 26th is Aunts and Uncles Day. I was going to do a joke "Coming Soon" list with other increasingly ludicrous holidays obviously created by the greetings card industry, but all of them turned out to already exist.

July the 25th: World Day of Love and Thanks to Water

2009-07-24T18:00:00.002+01:00

Image by Brandon Cirillo via Flickr

July the 25th is the World Day of Love and Thanks to Water (the original site, now defunct, can be found here on the Wayback Machine), and I'm sure you're with me when I say "It's about goddamn time".

WDoLaTtW is based on the ground-breaking and scientifically unassailable research of Dr. Masaru Emoto (popularised by the film What the Bleep Do We Know?), which showed that water makes prettier ice if you're nice to it.

From this, Dr. Emoto deduced that our thoughts, prayers and music can fill water with magical love energy, and WDoLaTtW was created in order to encourage everyone to direct positive thoughts at all the water in the world and/or the water in our own bodies, in order to make the world a better place.

So, apart from masturbating in the shower, how can we share love with the water in our lives on this important Day?

Take Dr. Emoto's advice, and play it some music. Seawater likes nothing better than a little Beethoven in the morning, while fresh water is hella metal and would rather listen to Slayer. Distilled water likes John Cage, but then distilled water is kind of a dick.
If you're going out on WDoLaTtW, take some water along with you to share the fun. Just don't take it to a rave, or most of it will end up inside sweaty people with Dr Seuss hats.
Dunk Dr. Masaru Emoto in it. He must have more love energy than anyone.
Apologise for peeing in it on a daily basis.
Make it some taffy. Water loves a good piece of taffy.

That's your Day for today.

July the 24th: Cousins Day

2009-07-23T18:00:00.004+01:00

Cover of Cousins

In researching Cousins Day for this post, I have learned five important lessons which I'd like to share with you all.

1. The E-Card "industry" is where all the people with Geocities pages full of animated gifs went in the late nineties, in order to escape the barrage of lawsuits from epilepsy sufferers and readers with permanent retinal scarring.

Example 1
Example 2

2. Perhaps unsurprisingly, these people have a relationship with their cousins that makes me feel subtly...unclean..

Example 1
Example 2
Example 3

3. If you're one of the many people for whom Cousin's Day means gratuitous use of punctuation and semi-naked cuddling little girls, they've got you covered.

4. It's damn hard to remember which day you're making a card for when you're on that much medication.

5. Holy crap I take it all back. That's the most awesome card I've ever seen.

And that's your Day for today.

Day of X Update: New Posting Schedule

2009-07-23T11:55:00.002+01:00

The seven day posting is proving difficult to keep up, so to preserve my sanity, energy and few remaining standards I'm cutting down to 5 full posts a week.

However, I have promised to give you a Day for every day of the year, so I will be doing some kind of short one-line-or-whatever post for Saturdays and Sundays (and I'll be going back to fill in that missing week, better late then never - there'll be an update here to let you know when the Days are filled).

Thanks again for reading my random and occasionally offensive rubbish - and hey, why not inflict Day of X on a friend today? I will personally ensure you get a flying pony in the afterlife. Would I lie to you?

Mark

July the 23rd: International My Chemical Romance Day

2009-07-22T18:00:00.004+01:00

Image via Wikipedia

According to this worryingly large and growing Buzznet group, July the 23rd is International My Chemical Romance Day, celebrating the release of the group's first album. Really, really extensive research has failed to find any other Day for the 23rd of July.

Scanning the forums for popular ways to Celebrate IMCRD, the most common recommendation seems to be "Wear all the MCR merchandise you've got". But I know that, as Citizens of the World, you won't settle for such a pedestrian level of Celebration. You'll strive for the greatest, most memorable and fanatical Celebration you can achieve.

And the first one to skin Gerard Way and wear his head for a hat wins.

That's your Day for today.

July the 22nd: Ratcatchers Day

2009-07-21T18:00:00.004+01:00

Image by beccaplusmolly via Flickr

Ratcatchers Day can actually be celebrated on either the 26th of June or the 22nd of July - it commemorates the events of the Pied Piper of Hamelin story, and which day you celebrate depends on whether you subscribe to the Brothers Grimm version or the one by English poet Robert Browning. Well, June the 26th has kind of gone, so we might as well celebrate Ratcatchers Day on the 22nd of July this year.

As you probably know, the Pied Piper famously (and possibly mythically) rid Hamelin (a small German town) of rats by luring them away with his pipe-playing and leading them into the river to drown. When the leaders of the town refused to pay him, he played his pipes again and this time drew all the town's children away and into a cave in the mountains. The cave then slammed shut, and the townsfolk lost their children forever.

Ratcatchers, of course, have now become Pest Controllers (and most of them have forgotten all about their Day of honour), and their technology has become considerably more advanced, if not more effective. But in the Pied Piper's day, all pest infestations were dealt with using beguiling instrumentation - so how did the Piper and his peers deal with other pests?

Mice, like their larger brethren, are susceptible to the charms of solo wind instruments, but are drawn most strongly to freeform jazz, ideally in 5/8 time.

Ants and Termites can be distracted with a wide variety of percussion instruments, but will follow a set of timbales and a cowbell anywhere.

Cockroaches are tone-deaf and therefore immune to musical lures, but set up a Noh theater on the other side of a river and they'll ramble straight in.

Aspergillus Mold will happily migrate towards the sound of an accordion, particularly if accompanied by hearty folk-dancing. Sadly, the slow rate at which the mold moves virtually guarantees that somebody will have killed the accordionist long before the infestation has vacated the building.

And that's your Day for today.

July the 21st: International Remembrance Day

2009-07-20T18:00:00.002+01:00

Image via Wikipedia

Around the world, July the 21st is recognised as International Remembrance Day for those who have died of drugs, alcohol or tobacco. It's a sad time, but also a time to examine our own lives to see where we are taking unnecessary risks in our substance use.

In honour of the Day, Day of X suggests the following ways to ensure you don't become a substance misuse fatality:

When people start to mistake your needle tracks for an item of clothing, it may be time to take a little break.
Snorting industrial solvents is all good fun, but once in a while why not have a nice chocolate biscuit instead?
Like calories, illegal psychoactive substances ingested at somebody else's house don't count.
Never cook up on an aluminium spoon - aluminium cookware has been linked to an increased risk of Alzheimers.
Switch from pills to suppositories on alternate weeks, to give each end a chance to rest.
If there is more than the usual amount of blood in your vomit, make sure you eat plenty of dark green vegetables to maintain your iron levels.
When injecting heroin into your eyeballs, try not to sneeze.

And that's your Day for today.

July the 20th: Space Exploration Day/Space Settlement Day

2009-07-19T18:00:00.001+01:00

Image by Jim Frazier via Flickr

And we're back! Apologies, Citizens, for the unforgiveable lapse in Day updates. Your humble Daymaster had to take a little personal time to rest and recharge. There is no truth to the scurrilous allegations that this involved seven days in an Argentinian detox clinic, being weaned off a dangerous addiction to synthetic donkey hormones and Boggle.

And what a Day to return to! July the 20th is both International Space Exploration Day and International Space Settlement Day at the same time. Mmm...smell the Dayness. It's almost overwhelming.

Suggestions online for how to celebrate this exciting Day(s) include "Watching a space-related film or documentary", "make moon and star cutouts with your kids", or "blog about space". I'm sorry, internet. Once again, you fall short of a truly worthy level of Celebration. True Citizens of the World won't settle for any lesser celebration of Space Whatever Day than going into space.

Space Day Celebration

For this Celebration (assuming you wish to Celebrate with a standard liquid bipropellant solution) you will need a fuel (hydrogen is most popular these days, and can be obtained relatively cheaply) and an oxidiser (oxygen is ideal, and can be obtained from plain old air with a little work. Just separate the oxygen molecules from the other ones with a fine needle and a microscope.)

Put the resulting pure oxygen and the hydrogen in the freezer until they have become liquid (you may need to turn up the freezer to maximum - ensure any food you are storing there won't suffer from the very low temperatures). Use good-quality tupperware containers if you can't afford thick-walled metal canisters, and make sure the lids are tightly sealed to prevent the propellant escaping before it liquifies.

Then all that remains is to build your vehicle. An office chair is recommended for seating, as the pneumatic action will help absorb the g-forces on takeoff, although you may wish to install a seatbelt for maximum safety. If your DIY skills aren't up to the job, attach yourself to the chair with large rubber bands - if you fall off in space, it will be hard to return to your vehicle for re-entry.

The nozzle for your propellant should be attached underneath, with a hole in the top to pour your fuel and oxidiser into. Use a plumbline to make sure it is pointing directly downwards, or you may find yourself veering off course before you even reach the stratosphere.

If you are intending to return from your Celebration, you will need to deal with considerable heat during re-entry. Wrap yourself and your vehicle in a couple of layers of tinfoil to deflect the heat (don't use cheap supermarket tinfoil - this is not the time to skimp on materials) and wear a light, breathable cotton shirt, not synthetics.

And if you do successfully Celebrate Space Exploration/Space Settlement Day, don't forget to leave a comment here and share your experiences with your fellow Citizens!

That's your Day for today. It's good to be back.

Funny Levels are Critically Low: Taking a Short Break

2009-07-12T18:41:00.002+01:00

Image by donbuciak via Flickr

After more than two months of posting seven days a week, I need a little rest to restore funny levels. Day of X will return in just one week, refreshed and rejuvenated. In the meantime, I'm afraid you'll have to find your Days for yourselves. See you in a week!

Mark

July the 12th: Pecan Pie Day

2009-07-11T18:00:00.002+01:00

Image via Wikipedia

Yes, July the 12th is Pecan Pie Day.

I have absolutely no idea what to do with that.

July the 11th: World Population Day

2009-07-10T18:00:00.000+01:00

Let's face it, we all love a real United Nations sanctioned International Day. It's wonderful that anyone can designate a day International, but like a pedigree dog in a sea of mongrels, like a Hell's Angel amid ordinary bikers, the official UN Day sets the standard.

However, they do tend to suffer from a common problem. They're a bit...nothingy.

What exactly are we celebrating on World Population Day? Or are we supposed to be fighting it? Is it a protest campaign against overpopulation? Or is it supposed to bring the population together in support of...something?

Apparently this year's theme is "Investing in Women", which really doesn't help clear things up at all. Not to mention the fact that I think we already covered that one.

So, just to be on the safe side, Day of X encourages you to celebrate World Population Day by supporting whatever cause you feel is important, in whatever manner you feel is appropriate, to whatever extent you like.

Day of X: No Day too vague.

Day of X Featured at Zemanta

2009-07-10T10:22:00.002+01:00

Image via CrunchBase

The nice guys at Zemanta have made Day of X their Featured Blog of the week. I use Zemanta with all my blogging projects - it's a great content tool that suggests Creative Commons images, related links and tags for you as you type, based on a semantic analysis of your post. Definitely a recommended tool - if you blog, why not try it out now?

July the 10th: International Happiness Day

2009-07-09T18:00:00.000+01:00

Image via Wikipedia

As those of you who read this blog regularly will know, Day of X is a bastion of positivity in the sea of cynicism that is the modern internet. While not always above a little gentle leg-pulling or tongue-in-cheek jokery, Day of X strives to bring enthusiasm, optimism and (of course) Celebration into otherwise grey lives.

Most of all the almighty Day, and the honouring of it, is sacred. Some celebration suggestions you find here may not be entirely serious. Some may be severely ill-advised, highly dangerous or potentially illegal. But we always Celebrate the Day.

Which is why I feel I have earned today's "Celebration recommendation": that if you encounter anyone involved in the invention or celebration of International Happiness Day, you beat them mercilessly with a pickaxe handle.

To select something relatively dull, unpleasant or unlikely (Root Canals, for example, or Whores, or Panic king) and celebrate it, is a joyful thing - bringing happiness out of unexpected places. Equally, using a Day to bring attention to an important and undervalued cause - like Sauntering, or ending Girl-on-Girl Violence - is a splendid gesture.

But this saccarine, empty and bland instruction from on high to "Be Happy!" sticks in my craw like an undercooked hamster. Not least because, as you'll see from the (ugly) official website it's been laid upon us by numerous "Happiness Experts" and the members and CEO of the American Happiness Association, who presumably find it extra easy to be happy since they're actually getting paid (as employees of a non-profit) for creating this kind of vacuous campaign!

JESUS!

Okay, I'm done.

That's your bile for today.

p.s. In case you hadn't guessed, I'm still hungover and it's been 8 days since I had a coffee. This is going to get worse before it gets any better.

July the 9th: International Gun Destruction Day

2009-07-08T18:00:00.000+01:00

Image via Wikipedia

Recent news items about it have proved elusive, but it looks like, as in previous years, July the 9th will be celebrated as International Gun Destruction Day, a day to celebrate and campaign for the destruction of firearms and increased safety on our streets.

I have no idea how guns are actually destroyed (or "put beyond use" as it's often described), and I'm way too hungover to care about looking it up. So here are my best guesses at how firearms are actually disposed of:

Loaded into a rocket, and fired into the sun.
Melted down and made into peace-sign badges.
Dropped into a secret transdimensional gateway under United Nations Headquarters.
Bashed to pieces by specially trained gun-disposal gorillas.

If you have a theory of your own, why not share it in the comments?

That's your Day for today.

July the 8th: Video Games Day

2009-07-07T18:00:00.000+01:00

Image by Kables via Flickr

It's recognised only by a scant handful of blogs and sites, but it's all we've got, and by God we're gonna celebrate it: July the 8th is Video Games Day.

As true Citizens of the World, I'm sure you're already making preparations for a 24 hour gaming marathon to celebrate this auspicious Day. As you ready yourselves, here are a few thoughts to help you game more healthfully and with style on VGD.

To minimise bedsores during long gaming sessions, have a friend rotate your television or monitor by 90 degrees every four hours or so, to encourage you to find a new sitting position.

A catheter is a must for minimising your time away from the console or PC, but medical devices can be expensive (and unattractive). For a cheap, gaming-themed version, just pull the wire core out of a controller cable to leave you with the ideal flexible rubber tube. If it's an original Xbox controller, leave the paddle on the end - it will hold up to 12 pints of your bodily excretions with no need for an additional container. Just remember to wash the end thoroughly in soapy water, and don't insert it during a boss battle as you may become distracted and have to reload.

Many gamers rely on unhealthy, sugar-laden, artificially flavoured energy drinks to keep their strength up during long playing sessions. But a simple IV drip of finely strained mashed potatoes will give you more reliable, slow-release nutrition at a fraction of the cost.

That's your Day for today. I'm off to take my Level 22 Assassin (Martial Arts/Shadow Skills focus) through the Jungle of Kurast. For the good of all mankind.

July the 7th: Bonza Bottler Day

2009-07-06T18:00:00.000+01:00

Image by cobalt123 via Flickr

Created by Elaine Fremont in 1985, Bonza Bottler Day is actually celebrated every month on the day that corresponds to the number of the month, thus it occurs on the 7th of July. But it's international and widely celebrated, so it fits our needs here at Day of X.

However, it does suffer rather from lack of a theme. Derived from the words Bonza (meaning "super", "great" or "fantastic" and Bottler (meaning "An excellent thing") its creator intended it to be a Day merely to celebrate for no particular reason. Which is all very well, but it's left BB Day with rather an identity problem. There is no one tradition, icon or purpose that unites Bonza Bottler celebrations. So here are a few ideas:

Put something original in a bottle (suggestions: one of your more interesting body parts, a small animal)
Find an exciting new use for recycled bottles (suggestions: rather fragile bat for sporting activities, low-powered but inexpensive telescope)
Make a costume out of bottles (bonus: makes cheery jingling noises)
Drink only things in bottles (suggestions: water, Tango, vodka, cleaning fluid)
Bottle somebody

That's your Day for today. Actually, number 5 may not be such a good idea.

July the 6th: World Zoonosis Day

2009-07-05T19:00:00.000+01:00

Image via Wikipedia

On July the 6th every year, we observe World Zoonosis Day. Zoonoses are diseases which can be transferred from animals to humans.

The most well-known zoonoses are rabies and the recent (so-called) pandemics of swine and avian flu. But there are plenty of lesser-known diseases just waiting to mutate and jump the animal-human division to attack your flesh. This World Zoonosis Day, it would be appropriate for all of us to be aware of these potential threats. Here's a selection of five, and the best methods of treatment:

1. Egg binding. If you find yourself unable to lay an egg with your usual level of comfort, a good dose of castor oil should restore your usual laying cycle.

2. Moulting. If you are suffering a greater than usual rate of feather loss, leading to bald patches, this may be an indicator of stress or malnutrition. Ensure you are eating a regular dose of high-quality feed pellets, and consider nibbling on a cuttlefish bone now and then to increase your calcium levels.

3. Aggregata octopiana may cause a parasitic infiltration of your tentacles or gills, leading to necrosis. If you suspect you are suffering from aggregata octopiana, consult a vet immediately.

4. Laminitis. If your hooves are painful, feel hot, or there is a gap appearing between your hoof and the soft tissue above it, you will need to start a course of anti-inflammatories and an antibiotic like virginiamycin.

5. If your tail appears wet and you are emitting an unpleasant odour, you may have contracted Wet Tail Disease. Start a course of antibiotics immediately, and ensure your bedding is changed regularly for clean, dry wood chips or shredded paper.

That's your Day for today.

July the 5th: Build a Scarecrow Day

2009-07-04T15:32:00.000+01:00

Image via Wikipedia

Falling on the first Sunday in July, Build a Scarecrow Day is the day to...um...build a scarecrow.

Human-like effigies have been used to scare birds off crops for hundreds, maybe thousands of years. But in this modern, cynical age, as birds become increasingly jaded through exposure to MTV and graphic violence in the media, a vaguely human shape made out of straw or twigs just doesn't strike fear into avian hearts any more.

The wily crop-defender in 2009 needs to be more creative in order to keep the marauding flocks at bay - if you've got growing things to protect this Build a Scarecrow Day, here are a few suggestions:

Sound

The music of Stephin Merritt will create a dark, unnerving atmosphere around your vegetables. While it won't directly scare the birds away, it will make them feel subtly uneasy and watchful, and shorten their stay in your garden or field.

Video

Tod Browning's 1932 film "Freaks" engages deeply-felt subconscious fears of the "Other" and abjection in society. Sparrows and thrushes in particular find the film deeply unsettling, and will leave your crops well alone if the film is playing on a moderately-sized projector screen anywhere in the vicinity.

Sculpture

Giant egg sculptures placed around your fields will force the ravaging birds to confront the nature of their own birth, and thus their own mortality.

And if all else fails...

A really big gun

That's your Day for today.

July the 4th: United Nations International Day of Cooperatives

2009-07-03T18:00:00.001+01:00

Image via Wikipedia

UNIDoCo falls on the first Saturday every July, which this year happens to be the 4th. There's another holiday happening on the 4th of July, but it's strictly limited to one nation, which someone should explain to the owners of the multiple bars in my (English) hometown who are holding parties for it. ("It's called Independence Day because the Americans are celebrating independence from us! It may have escaped your notice, but you live in England. Well, why not at least call it At Last We Got Rid of Those Colonial Bastards Day?")

Anyway.

In the words of the official UNIDoCo webpage hosted by the Committee for the Promotion and Advancement of Cooperatives, "The aim of the International Day of Cooperatives declared by the United Nations in 1995 is to increase awareness on cooperatives, highlight the complementarity of the goals and objectives of the United Nations and the international co-operative movement and, underscore the contribution of the movement to the resolution of the major problems addressed by the United Nations."

I'm sorry, I slipped into a coma for a moment there.

Celebration Suggestions:

Cooperate on something, I suppose.

Day of X: No Day is Too Dull.

July the 3rd: Stay Out of the Sun Day

2009-07-02T18:00:00.000+01:00

Image by drake lelane via Flickr

Stay Out of the Sun Day is mysterious in its origins, but certainly gaining a following across many blogs and websites, possibly because it fits conveniently with the lifestyle of most internet writers.

Celebration Suggestions:

Stay away from the burning daystar, lest your flesh be seared from your bones. Hide in your cool, dark hole until the wicked fiery ball goes away.

That was easy.

That's your Day for today.

Day of X Update

2009-07-02T10:55:00.003+01:00

The campaign for the Red Cross Diamond Star Crescent Archway with Swastika, Sword-wielding Lion, Unicorns and Lasers has grown steadily to 48 members, but we still need more supporters if we're going to put our proposal to the International Red Cross before next year's International Red Cross and Red Crescent Day! Sign up to the Facebook Cause now, and invite your friends to join the campaign.

The Kellerbot has had a very easy week of it so far (in fact it's spent the last three days lying around drinking gin), but you still have two more days to get your Triumphs in and pay honour to the memory of Helen Keller. Activate the Helen Keller-O-Matic now!

And don't forget that you can follow Day of X @dayofx on Twitter, to receive not only each Day but a plethora (well, two or three) of related links and interesting tidbits.

July the 2nd: World UFO Day

2009-07-01T18:00:00.002+01:00

Image via Wikipedia

July the 2nd, the date of the original (alleged) Roswell Incident, has been chosen by UFO believers as World UFO Day, a day to encourage public interest and debate on the topic of extraterrestrial life and alien visits to the earth.

If you're worrying about a possible UFO invasion, bear in mind these comforting statistics, all drawn from highly reliable sources:

If we've learned nothing else from War of the Worlds, it's that aliens can be killed by sneezing on them.
Space Invaders has clearly shown us that alien forces will attack relatively slowly, moving from side to side before descending towards the earth, and will be accompanied by valuable high-altitude bonus ships which may furnish our world's defence forces with extra lives.
The cheering lesson of 70s TV show Mork and Mindy is that any alien invader will almost certainly be Robin Williams, and we already know how to deal with him.
TV adverts for Cadbury's Smash bear the reassuring message that aliens will be too busy laughing at our method of preparing potatoes to mount a serious attack.
Independence Day taught us that alien technology is virus-compatible with Microsoft Windows.

So be of good cheer! That's your Day for today.

July the 1st: International Moonwalk Day

2009-06-30T18:00:00.001+01:00

Image via Wikipedia

Well, in case you might not have heard, Michael Jackson carked it last week. And the 1st of July has been chosen by fans as International Moonwalk Day in his honour.

While the Moonwalk certainly had its most prominent performer in MJ, the move has been around for over 60 years. The earliest video of the move (then known as the "Backslide") I've found was this clip of Bill Bailey in 1955, but he also performed it in the 1943 film "Cabin in the Sky", and Cab Calloway may have been doing the Backslide as early as the 1930s.

The true Moonwalk/Backslide takes a little practice (this video by AngeDeLumiere shows you how to do it), but if you haven't got the time to practice this historic move for International Moonwalk Day, you can still do the Moonwalk as it is performed all over the world, every Friday night.

Get roaring, staggering, throwing-up drunk.
Wander out of the bar in the direction of a fast food emporium.
Get a sudden stroke of genius.
Gather your friends around by shouting "Look, look, I can do this!"
Staring intently at your feet, shuffle backwards with your arms pinned to your sides.
Fall into a dustbin

And that's your Day for today.

June the 30th: World Whale and Dolphin Day

2009-06-29T18:00:00.001+01:00

Image via Wikipedia

In 2007, Cetacea Defence seized on June the 30th as "World Whale and Dolphin Day". As you can see from their moderately eye-blistering homepage, they have now taken their ball and gone home because nobody wants to play with them, but the baton has been picked up by Veggies Catering Campaign (who seem to have the same web designer). A few highlights from their enthusiastic mission statement:

And the fucking dolphin-murdering.

For God's sake, don't forget the pillage.

(Memo to self: Bad week to pick up dolphin hookers)

Sorry guys, if your having fun, it's not environmentalism.

Three hippies crying and playing the guitar. That'll show those bloody whalers.

"This summer, TERROR will be trawling the seas! NETS OF DEATH, coming soon to a screen near you. Unsuitable for younger viewers."

That's your Day for today.

Yeah, okay, that was unworthy of me.

Hee hee hee hee.

June the 29th: Waffle Iron Day

2009-06-28T18:00:00.001+01:00

Image via Wikipedia

June the 29th every year is Waffle Iron Day (sometimes referred to as National Waffle Iron Day, but there's no reason it can't be internationally celebrated).

The joy (or terrible temptation) of a waffle iron (which it shares with the toasted sandwich maker and the George Foreman Grill), is that you can put anything in it, and it will come out transformed (and with a pretty pattern). Here are a few suggestions for ways to push the boundaries of your waffle iron this glorious Waffle Iron Day.

Making really really coarse-grain ceramic substrates for catalysing your chemical reactions. And who couldn't use some extra ceramic substrate?
Body decoration. Branding's getting quite a following these days.
Casting decorative gold bars. The ability to preheat the waffle iron makes it perfect for receiving molten metal (a room-temperature mould would heat up too fast and probably shatter).
Self-defence. Just try and get attacked while standing near a power socket, and ask them to give you about ten minutes warmup time.
Branding cattle. Well, parts of cattle. Or very small ones. And the name of your ranch would have to be "#####". But I'm sure that's useful to somebody.

That's your Day for today.

June the 28th: World Paintball Day

2009-06-27T18:00:00.001+01:00

Image by Zac Wong via Flickr

World Paintball Day falls on the first Sunday after Father's Day every year, and honours the first ever paintball game, played in 1981.

Countless variations of the standard paintball game have emerged over the years; on this auspicious Day, let's take a look at a few of the more unusual concepts and see how they've fared:

Variant: Underwater Paintball.
Current Status: Quickly abandoned due to being incredibly slow.

Variant: Pacifist Paintball. No guns, flag must be retrieved by negotiation.
Current Status: Failed to achieve popularity with the paintballing community.

Variant: Calvinpaintball. Played with 11 flags, three of which are on fire and two imaginary. Guns may be replaced with rubber mallets, water pistols or cake. Players who get tagged must sing the Painty [body part] Song.
Current Status: Banned due to safety concerns. Total confusion and high-velocity projectiles are a deadly mix.

Variant: War. Flag is replaced with a strategically important area of land or oil-producing nation, and balls of paint propelled by compressed gas are replaced with metal slugs propelled by small explosive charges.
Current Status: Despite being banned by many international organisations due to excessive danger to both players and spectators, this remains the most popular paintball variant, and has actually eclipsed the original form of the game.

And that's your Day for today.

Day of X Reviewed

2009-06-27T09:30:00.002+01:00

There's a very nice review of Day of X posted over at Do You Digg It.

June the 27th: Helen Keller Day

2009-06-26T18:00:00.012+01:00

Image via Wikipedia

Helen Keller Day is celebrated on what would be Helen Keller's birthday, (and has attracted particular interest in the virtual world of Second Life, where there are a series of talks and events going on throughout the Day).

Helen Keller is celebrated for her extraordinary achievements in spite of her disability - rendered deaf and blind by a "brain fever" at the age of 19, she not only learned to read, write and speak, but went on to be a campaigner for the rights of women, workers and the disabled, for birth control and against war.

Few of us can aspire to transcend our limitations in such a dramatic way, but on Helen Keller Day every Citizen of the World can celebrate triumphing over their own personal disadvantages. And to aid you in that aim, Day of X presents: The Helen Keller-O-Matic!

Just fill in the details of how you'll be triumphing over your own odds (examples are provided to get you started), and the Kellerbot will add you to the Triumphs page (this may take a little while, sometimes the Kellerbot is busy), for all to wonder at your fortitude and courage!

Activate the Helen-Keller-O-Matic!

The Kellerbot will remain active for at least a week, to give all Citizens time to share their tales of triumph.

And that's your Day for today.

June the 26th: International Day Against Drug Abuse and Illegal Trafficking

2009-06-25T18:00:00.003+01:00

Image via Wikipedia

The U.N. come through again on June the 26th, with International Day Against Drug Abuse and Illegal Trafficking. (Although ironically, their graphic seems to have been composed by somebody on a mixture of Qaaludes and traffic film remover).

It'd make a great post, but drugs are a very serious matter, and not something to make jokes about. Shame on you for expecting it. Shame.

That's your Day for today.
Pffffft

June the 25th: Torture Accountability Action Day

2009-06-24T18:00:00.004+01:00

Image via Wikipedia

On Torture Accountability Action Day, we highlight the terribly poor standards of torture in our society, and seek to improve accountability and responsibility on the part of torturers. Here are a few of the initiatives being launched this June the 25th:

An industry-funded Consumer Complaints helpline is to be established, allowing victims of poor-quality torture to report their experiences.
The Better Business Bureau will be launching a new website ("The Responsible Rack"), aimed at better educating the torture consumer and naming and shaming "cowboy" torturers.
The setting-up of a new Union of Torturers, Interrogators and Toe-Cutters, offering health insurance and legal support to the torturing professional and guaranteeing minimum standards of workmanship.
Waiting periods to be introduced on purchases of Iron Maidens, thumbscrews and rubber hose (when sold in lengths of less than two feet).
A "Certificate in Basic Torture" will shortly be issued by major universities and training organisations, requiring that the recipient has attended a series of courses on fundamental torture-related skills (proposed topics: "Health and Safety in the Torture Chamber", "Know Your Gouging Implements", "Damp-Proofing Your Waterboard").

That's your Day for today.

June the 24th: Fairy Day

2009-06-23T18:00:00.002+01:00

Image by dawn_perry via Flickr

Fairy Day, according to the official website, is "the official holiday for fairy collectors, believers, artisans and the young at heart".

Fairies (more commonly spelled "faeries" in the original folktales) have undergone a steady makeover and sanitisation over the years, a process largely begun by the Victorians and continued in more recent times by Disney and other producers of overprocessed pap for kids.

In case you should encounter one of these magical creatures this Fairy Day (and what other day is more likely?), it's important that you be able to tell if you're dealing with a modern-day fairy or one of the original breeds:

Fairy: Live in a magical toadstool.
Faery: Live in a network of tunnels populated with monsters and demons.

Fairy: Sup nectar from a delicate flower.
Faery: Drink the blood of unwary travellers from a hollowed-out skull.

Fairy: Ride upon tiny fairy horses or butterflies.
Faery: Ride cows until they drop dead or suffer total paralysis.

Fairy: Carry children off to a wonderland of magical adventures.
Faery: Carry children off to be paid as a tithe to Hell.

Fairy: Give lucky children the magical gift of flight.
Faery: Give unlucky children tuberculosis.

Hope that's cleared things up. That's your Day for today.

June the 23rd: Public Service Day

2009-06-22T18:00:00.003+01:00

Image via Wikipedia

Making the world a better place, one Day at a time, the United Nations brings us Public Service Day every 23rd of June. If you're stuck for ideas on how you can serve your fellow man, here are a few suggestions:

Wash all your neighbours' pets for them. If this seems like a big job, remember that you can comfortably fit five cats in a washing machine even on the Economy cycle.
Take a day off from eating babies.
Give your friends and acquaintances neatly-typed lists of their flaws, so they can become better people.
Put together a Community Drug Action Group - everyone benefits when you buy in bulk.
For just one day, restrain your urge to break wind in confined spaces.

And that's your Day for today.

June the 22nd: World Day of Action Opposing Star Wars

2009-06-21T18:00:00.003+01:00

Image via Wikipedia

Women for Peace are joining with many other organisations in making June the 22nd World Day of Action Opposing Star Wars, and Day of X fully supports these groups in their struggle against the long-running movie franchise, through hunger strikes, demonstrations and other non-violent protests.

It is not yet clear whether these activists are opposed to the entire six-part cinematic epic, or merely to the more recent trilogy (beginning with The Phantom Menace), which has of course drawn much criticism from fans and critics alike. It seems likely that much of their ire has been inspired by the introduction of the annoyingly wacky CGI character Jar Jar Binks, although hunger strikes against Jar Jar do seem somewhat excessive, given that he was only given a very minor role in the two following films.

Fight on, Women for Peace. We salute your brave stand.

And that's your Day for today.

June the 21st: World Humanist Day

2009-06-20T18:00:00.005+01:00

Image via Wikipedia

So, June the 21st is World Humanist Day. Not everybody likes to adopt a label for what they don't believe in, but Humanism as a movement has grown steadily in recent years, now boasting about three to five million adherents worldwide.

That would probably be ten million by now, if it wasn't for this logo:

The "Happy Human", created in 1965 by Denis Barrington (he actually won a competition with this thing) is probably the greatest thing standing between Humanist organisations and real worldwide recognition.

There are two major things wrong with the "Happy Human":

1. It doesn't look like a human.
2. It's clearly not happy. It's going "WOOO!" and pretending to be a ghost.

To fully illustrate point two, let's look at the logo in a slightly different context.

You see?

But Day of X isn't about mocking. It's not about putting down others' shortcomings. When we see something that's not right, what do we do? We step up and we goddamn fix it. And fortunately, it takes only a single addition to make this logo the stirring symbol of positivity it should be. Which is good because I'm really hungover.

Three examples:

1. Jetpack

2. Pie

3. Party hat

International Humanist and Ethical Union, you are very welcome.

And that's your Day for today.

I'm going back to bed.

June the 20th: World Juggling Day

2009-06-19T18:00:00.004+01:00

Image by cRckls via Flickr

June the 20th is World Juggling Day, and what better day to develop those circus skills you've always dreamed of? If you're struggling to keep your balls in the air, here are a few of the most common beginner mistakes:

Problem: Balls take a long time to come back down, or continue going up until they disappear.
Solution: You have accidentally wandered onto the moon, or another low-gravity location. Return to Earth, continue juggling.

Problem: Balls do not return to hand, toes are broken.
Solution: Throw the balls up, not down.

Problem: Balls do not return to hand, windows are broken.
Solution: Stop juggling under the ceiling fan.

Problem: Balls do not go very high, juggling is excruciatingly painful.
Solution: You are using the wrong kind of balls.

Problem: No arms or legs, furniture destroyed.
Solution: You have progressed to chainsaws too quickly.

That's your Day for today.

June the 19th: World Sauntering Day

2009-06-18T18:00:00.006+01:00

Image via Wikipedia

Invented by W.T. Rabe sometime in the 1970s (and nicely offsetting the preceding International Panic Day), World Sauntering Day celebrates strolling, meandering and generally getting from place to place in a relaxed and stylish manner.

Sadly, many people live their lives in a rush, sprinting from one rushed job to another, never taking time to smell the roses and enjoy the journey. If, as you saunter on your way, you are passed by one of these unfortunate individuals, take a moment to trip them up and sit on them.

Explain to them in a calm, relaxed voice that it's World Sauntering Day, and they'll be a lot happier if they just chill out, breathe deeply and take their time. If they resist, put your knee on their windpipe for about 30 seconds. This is a secret pressure point which causes relaxation and a calm, even dreamy frame of mind.

They'll thank you for it.

That's your Day for today.

Day of X is Twittering

2009-06-18T10:26:00.007+01:00

Image via Wikipedia

Starting from today, I'll be running a Twitter stream for @dayofx.

I'll be posting each Day on there, as well as interesting related links and other randomness that I don't want to clutter up the blog with (I'll usually keep it to about 3-5 a day). You can Reply to it with comments and celebrations too!

If you don't Twitter yourself, but still want to read along, you can see the latest five Tweets in the bar on the right of the page, subscribe to the RSS feed or just drop in to the Twitter page.

June the 18th: International Panic Day

2009-06-17T18:00:00.003+01:00

Image by LunaDiRimmel via Flickr

Its origins are obscure, but June the 18th is recognised by any number of fine news institutions as International Panic Day.

In a world where we're constantly bombarded with messages designed to fill us with fear, doubt and paranoia, a little controlled panicking seems like a pretty healthy thing to celebrate. Join me, Citizens, as we panic our way through June the 18th! If you need any inspiration, here's my schedule for the day:

7am: Fuel up with seven cups of espresso to get nice and jumpy
8am: Hide in wardrobe chewing my fingernails at the thought of Global Warming
9am: Two more cups of espresso
10am: Check under and behind every item of furniture in the house for ninjas
11am: Shopping. Run away from an old lady who looks like she might be putting a curse on me.
12 noon: More espresso.
1pm: Sit in a chair in the very middle of my empty living room, turning quickly round and round in case monsters are sneaking up on me.
2pm: Panic break. Take a few deep breaths and try to stop heart racing.
2:15pm: More espresso.
3pm: Dive into cupboard under the stairs when a delivery guy knocks on the door.
4:25pm: Emerge cautiously, checking doors and windows.
4:26pm: AAAAAAH! A BEE!
4:27pm: Back into cupboard for the rest of the day.

And to help you spread the panic, here's an International Panic Day banner:

Full sized version

That's your Day for today.
AAAAAH!

Death Scene Day followup

2009-06-17T10:00:00.004+01:00

Image via Wikipedia

Well, it seems it was a little early to try the International Death Scene Day competition, which (somewhat ironically) died on its arse. There will be more competitions in future, but I'm going to leave the next one until we have a few more readers to participate.

In the meantime, any day of the week you can send in your photos of Celebrations and other Day-related activities to celebrations@dayofx.com, and anyone who does will be featured on the Citizens of the World page.

Oh, and since I haven't said it before...a big thankyou to all of you who've joined me here at Day of X!

June the 17th: World Day to Combat Desertification

2009-06-16T18:00:00.006+01:00

Image via Wikipedia

Most of us in the developed nations see the growth and spread of deserts as something that happens elsewhere. But desertification and its causes can occur in your own backyard - for example, I should point out the community of Tuareg nomads who have recently taken up residence in my herb bed.

Let's look at some of the ways in which you may be contributing to desertification.

Self-sufficiency is a growing craze in more prosperous countries. Keeping a couple of chickens or a vegetable patch is a fine and eco-friendly lifestyle choice, but if you have more than 500 head of cattle in your back garden, intensive grazing and soil compression may be contributing to the loss of topsoil in your area.
Excessive water consumption. In the relatively water-rich Northern Hemisphere we take an ample supply of clean, fresh water for granted. But as the population increases, even our water supplies will become increasingly stretched, so try to be careful with your water use. For example, when washing your car in the swimming pool, three rinses should be more than adequate.
Balding exposes large areas of the head to water loss and dangerous erosion. Men with receding hairlines should try to maintain a fringe or "hair belt" to reduce wind velocity and anchor the epidermis.

That's your Day for today.

June the 16th: International Day of the African Child

2009-06-15T18:00:00.005+01:00

Image by Marco Zanin Maria Tomasi via Flickr

Since 1991, every June the 16th, the United Nations brings us International Day of the African Child.

The child in question is Golibe Ikeotuonye, from Enugu City, Nigeria, and frankly he's getting very tired of the whole proceedings. Although he was 7 years old when the Day was first celebrated, he is now 25 and building a successful career as a junior investment banker in Strasbourg.

Golibe is increasingly irritated at being referred to as a child, and by the annual UN delegations and huge media intrusion into his life. This June the 16th, let's honour the African Child's dearest wish - that we leave him the hell alone to finish the merger proposal for M. Leclerc.

That's your Day for today.

June the 15th: Elder Abuse Awareness Day

2009-06-14T17:20:00.001+01:00

Image by bensons via Flickr

On June the 15th, the International Network for the Prevention of Elder Abuse encourages us to recognise Elder Abuse Awareness Day. Let's look at some of the less-publicised ways in which the elderly are taken advantage of in our society.

Advertising. Older people move relatively slowly and often lack awareness of their environment, which leaves them vulnerable to unscrupulous advertisers. Many an elderly person arrives at their destination with a number of fliers, posters and (in extreme cases) fluorescent signs attached to them.
Guard dogs. The elderly are fiercely territorial, defending their lawns and deckchairs with unusual determination. Sadly, this quality is often exploited by unethical security companies, who will move their grass or towel to a site of their choosing, assured that the elderly person will continue to defend the valued property at least until it's time for tea or snooker is on the television.
Smuggling. Shockingly, almost 38% of illegally imported goods are now transferred hidden in the wrinkles of elderly travellers.
The ongoing exploitation of the elderly population to keep Rich Tea biscuits profitable.
Comedy. The elderly make an easy target for lazy comedy writers and bloggers, providing ample fuel for cheap gags based on easy and out-of-date stereotypes.

And that's your Day for today.

June the 14th: World Blood Donor Day

2009-06-13T18:00:00.002+01:00

Image by Rojina via Flickr

June the 14th is Blood Donor Day, which really needs no further explanation. Blood donation centres and clinics are often overloaded and have limited resources, so here are a few tips to make life easier for their hardworking staff:

Drawing your own blood in advance saves a much-needed bed. But ensure you wipe the bucket down with bleach or a household cleanser beforehand to make sure it's sterile, and try not to let anything fall into it.
The standard approach of placing a needle in the median cubital vein on the forearm is a very slow method of drawing blood; don't put up with it. For a lightning-fast donation, make a small incision across the femoral artery on your inner thigh with a clean penknife or pizza cutter. They'll have all the blood they need in less than 30 seconds.
To avoid contaminating your donated blood, try not to do any meth while you are inside the clinic.
Alcohol is a blood thinner and increases blood flow; a bottle of schnapps will reduce the time taken to draw your blood considerably.
Blood donors are limited to giving roughly one pint by draconian health regulations. Get around them by coming back several times in false moustaches and beards, or with a fake foreign accent. However, when you hear the gurgling noise from the IV, that means you're all out of blood for today.

And that's your Day for today.

June the 13th: World Wide Knit in Public Day

2009-06-12T18:00:00.002+01:00

Image via Wikipedia

On June the 13th 2009, knitters will be exposing their naughty yarn in public places all over the world. Actually the World Wide Knit in Public spreads itself over two weekends, but June the 13th is the major consensus Day, so we're going with it.

Like many harmless pastimes, knitting actually originated as an art of war. The first ever knitting needles were in fact eighteen-foot-long poleaxes favoured by the Qin warlords of China during the Warring States period (the word "knitting" has evolved from the ancient Chinese Ni Ting or "Impaling Rod")

After the Battle of Julu, when the Qin Dynasty finally came to an end, Qin soldiers were driven underground, fighting a losing guerrilla war against the warriors of the rising Han Dynasty. Naturally any weapons they carried had to be easily concealed, so over time the Ni Ting became smaller, eventually evolving into the small, thin rods we are familiar with today.

Like the Viet Cong in more recent times, the Qin armies had considerable underground support in the civilian population, in particular from the older generations who retained fond memories of life under the Qin Dynasty. The old women of Qin were feared for their secret Ni Ting skills, luring Han soldiers into their homes with the offer of a bowl of rice and a warm fire then executing them with a well-placed needle to the jugular or eye.

In particular, scrolls held at the British Museum speak of Lóng Pó, the "Dragon's Grandmother", who would reportedly use her Ni Ting needles to weave chainmail from steel rods, and once killed 47 Han warriors in a blind rage after one of them trod on her cat.

The skills of the Ni Ting were passed down over the centuries from grandmother to grandmother, and have finally evolved into the harmless craft technique we know today. But this Knit in Public Day, maybe we should take a moment to look back on the years of bloodshed that contributed to our nice warm mittens.

That's your Day for today.

June the 12th: World Day Against Child Labor

2009-06-11T18:00:00.002+01:00

Image via Wikipedia

June the 12th is World Day Against Child Labor, the global initiative which aims to completely eliminate child labor across the globe. But great aims are achieved in many small steps, and there are numerous ways you can improve conditions for underage workers in your own life.

Suggestions:

Give your chimney sweep an extra thruppenny bit this week. Go on, he's earned it, the cheeky little urchin!
Almost all major brands of trainers/sneakers are made in third world sweatshops, often by child workers. If you see someone wearing NIKE, punch them in the throat.
Sadly, many child workers have been effectively brainwashed to the point where hard labour is the only life they know. If one of these poor unfortunates comes to your door trying to sell you cookies, or offering to wash your car or mow your lawn for "a bob", it's your duty to capture, restrain and deprogram them.
According to an International Labor Organization report, one in six children in the world is a child worker. Improve that terrible ratio by having as many children as possible; if you're unemployed too, all the better.
Always ask your Thai lady-boy for ID.

And that's your Day for today.

June the 11th: There Is No June the 11th

2009-06-10T18:00:00.011+01:00

Image by нσвσ via Flickr

Well, once again there is no International Day for June the 11th. UN regulation 417/c prohibits inventing two new Days back to back, and since Every Day is the International Day of Something that means that sadly, there will be no June the 11th - the world will simply proceed directly from Wednesday to Friday.

If you do encounter people who believe it's June the 11th, try to let them down gently.

That wasn't your Day for today.

June the 10th: Drop Dead, Win Fabulous Prizes - It's International Death Scene Day

2009-06-09T18:00:00.006+01:00

Image by rbieber via Flickr

We've been well-provided for the last couple of weeks, but we've once again come upon a day that is yet to be claimed by any international organisation, pressure group or charity. And of course, where the international community falls behind, Day of X picks up the slack.

June the 10th is now designated:

International Death Scene Day.

IDSD is the day for you to practice (and share with the world) your very own dramatic death scene. Time to get creative!

Death Scene Suggestions:

For the beginner, start out simple. The beauty of a good dramatic death scene is that you can try it out anywhere: Walking down the street, shopping, in class, or on the bus! Just clutch your heart, throat or other vital body part and slump to the ground.
If the simple approach isn't enough for you, incorporate some props. Carry a bottle with a large skull and crossbones pasted on the side, and at an opportune moment (maybe at a classical concert during the third movement of Beethoven's Symphony No. 9) leap to your feet, scream "I CAN'T TAKE IT ANY MORE", drain the bottle and abruptly collapse. (Variations: Retractable stage sword, cap gun, Alien "chest-burster" puppet).
A death scene can be an effective form of social protest. If you're eating at McDonalds, ask a few people if your burger smells funny then fall over convulsing on the way to the door.
Have a good heroic speech ready for your "dying moments". You might just change somebody's life.

Now, here's where you come in. Join us in celebrating International Death Scene Day and send your death scene photos (or better still a video) to celebrations@dayofx.com! All death scenes will be displayed on the Citizens of the World page, but the sender of the best death scene (judged on style and drama) will win this rather nice diecast metal cap gun (with caps):

And the two runners-up will receive a "cleaver through head" prop and a bottle of stage blood, to bring a touch of class to your death scenes all year round.

And while a Day may last for only 24 hours, the celebration can last a little longer - you get 7 days in which to submit your dramatic death scenes!

It's time to get your death on, people. Day of X awaits your submissions!

June the 9th: International Accreditation Day

2009-06-08T18:00:00.007+01:00

Image via Wikipedia

On June the 9th we find ourselves experiencing International Accreditation Day, a joint initiative of the International Accreditation Forum (IAF) and International Laboratory Accreditation Cooperation (ILAC), "to raise awareness of the importance of accreditation-related activities."

Let's face it, we all love a good accreditation. There's nothing like the feeling of paying a substantial fee for some bunch of people you never met to declare you officially competent at something you can probably do a lot better than they can, or recognise that you meet some arbitrary set of standards they dreamed up on a napkin at a luxurious restaurant which will be paid for by your registration fee.

But accreditations are, by their very nature, exclusive. You have to jump through hoops, pass tests, actually change something to meet those arbitrary standards. They are designed specifically to create a divide between the nobly accredited and those sad outsiders who are merely talented, skilled or knowledgeable.

To my shame, even Day of X is responsible for perpetuating this state of affairs. To be officially declared a Citizen of the World, you have to prove you've celebrated a Day in style. Becoming a Unicorn Knight is harder still. And the Honours which are to come will suffer from the same problem.

Which is why, on this International Accreditation Day, Day of X presents an accreditation scheme for the rest of us, with its own truly open and inclusive certificate. There are no tests, no standards inspections, no fees. You're already in.

Do you feel a little different today? That's because you, and everybody else in the world, was just accredited as a Pretty Damn Regular Human Being by the Day of X Institute.

Feels good, doesn't it?

Here's your certificate, which you and anyone else in the world is welcome to download and print out. Best of all, this is possibly the world's first ever hereditary accreditation, which means all future generations are automatically covered.

Congratulations. That's your Day for today.

Day of X in the Press!

2009-06-08T15:00:00.001+01:00

Dr Judy Stone is the author of Conducting Clinical Research: A Practical Guide for Physicians, Nurses, Study Coordinators, and Investigators and a well-known speaker on infectious diseases and clinical research, and in a recent blog post she mentions Clint the Clinical Trials Guinea Pig!

She doesn't seem to be entirely positive about our cheery little clinical trials mascot, but it's great that the medical community are recognising Clint and prompting debate. Thanks Dr Stone! I'm declaring you a Citizen of the World.

June the 8th: World Oceans Day

2009-06-07T18:00:00.005+01:00

Image via Wikipedia

On World Oceans Day, we are encouraged to celebrate the ocean, its myriad lifeforms and varied environments, and the many ways it supports and enhances our lives.

But Days are not just about celebration. On World Oceans Day we must also recognise the danger of the ocean, and the potential harm it can do - particularly the imminent threat of global warming.

A huge amount of research and some of the most brilliant minds of our generation have been dedicated to the problem of global warming and the rising seas. But sometimes it takes a layman to see a problem in a new light - and propose a solution. And on World Oceans Day 2009, Day of X brings you that solution.

Let me explain.

As you can see from this detailed diagram, oceans are part of the beatiful natural balance of our environment. There's the ocean, and the city with some little people and a dog - as you can see they are perfectly happy. There are some fish and a kind of octopus-thing in the ocean, and up in the trees at the top of the hill is a monkey, they're all doing just fine.

Wow, these whiteboard markers smell really strong.

Here's the world after global warming enters the equation. The ice caps have melted, and the seas have risen. Now the little people and the dog are dead, which is bad. It's important to note that the fish and the octopus-thing are still happy, and the monkey is fine because he's still higher up than the ocean is. Also now there's a rocket ship, but it's not really helping the situation, it's just sort of flying around.

That's the total extent of our current understanding of global warming. But let's look again at that diagram - what do you see?

That's right. The specific area which is causing this problem is only the top part of the ocean! The bottom part is fine, because that's where the ocean was before, when everything was great. When we sang and danced all day.

And of course, having realised this pivotal fact, the solution is obvious.

The UberPump 7000 will suck water from the problematic top part of the ocean, and pump it down to the bottom, which is where we want it.

The markers smell like happy.

Of course, there is no perfect solution to the problem of the melting ice pops. As you can see, the octopus is sad now because he's being sucked into the UberPump 7000. But everyone else is going YAY! and having parties and things.

Then Godzilla attacks and eats everything, but there's nothing we can do about that. He's a giant lizard. Even the Martians couldn't defeat Godzilla.

Thats a picture of my foot I dont know why that's there

And that's your Dave for toadie.

I'm going to go and have a lie do

June the 7th: Cancer Survivor's Day

2009-06-06T18:02:00.005+01:00

Look, bunnies!

Image via Wikipedia

Image by locket479 via Flickr

Image by go to /theworldsaddress/ instead via Flickr

And that's your Day for today.

And definitely the last time I'm going to get away with that.

June the 6th: International Day of SLAYERRRRR!

2009-06-05T18:00:00.001+01:00

Occasionally, a day comes along which Day of X cannot improve in any way. Such a Day is upon us. For June the 6th, starting at the 6th hour, is the (formerly National but now gloriously International) Day of SLAYERRR!

Find out more at the official website,

A couple of videos to get you in the mood,

Now get your metal face on, and prepare to mosh. That's your Day for today.

June the 5th: World Environment Day

2009-06-04T18:00:00.005+01:00

Image by davesag via Flickr

World Environment Day is one of the biggest events in the Big United Nations Calendar of Important Stuff (the website has graphics and everything). Which means this June the 5th you're likely to be bombarded by all kinds of pro-environment messages and advice. But here are a few green tips that are often overlooked:

The best way to combat global warming is to evaluate everything in your life, and see whether it brings you enough benefit to justify its carbon footprint. If someone in your life isn't really contributing to your happiness or wellbeing, why not wrap their head tightly in a recycled plastic shopping bag until the end of World Environment Day, reducing their carbon emissions to practically zero?
Growing your own crops is the latest green craze - why not turn over part of your garden to growing your own crop of marijuana? The marijuana will attract hippies, who are apparently good for the environment somehow.
Much of our food is now shipped thousands of miles round the world by air and sea, consuming a huge amount of natural resources. Instead, arrange to have all your groceries fired to you with a giant catapult.
As a society we use millions of plastic shopping bags every year, most of which end up in landfills or polluting the environment. Yet one quick, inexpensive operation can give you a marsupial pouch in which you can carry several pounds of shopping at no cost to the earth, and leaving your hands free.
Two of the most dangerous pollution sources are cars and the energy used to heat our homes. By burning cars to keep warm, you're striking a double blow for the earth!

And that's your Day for today.

Day of X Update

2009-06-04T16:41:00.005+01:00

The Grand Unified Red Thing

The campaign for the Red Cross Diamond Star Crescent Archway with Swastika, Sword-wielding Lion, Unicorns and Lasers has made excellent progress, with the Facebook Cause at 46 supporters and growing daily! I've created a spanking new poster for the campaign, which you'll find on the new dedicated GURT Campaign Page, along with slightly tweaked versions of the old sticker/badge thingies. Print them out, display them with pride and spread the word!

Clint the Clinical Trials Guinea Pig

Sadly I've had no response to my email to Jacques Demotes-Mainard (the Programme Coordinator of ECRIN) and Christine Kubiak (the Executive Manager), offering them the use of Clint to promote International Clinical Trials Day. I feel I've done all I can, maybe they'll come round before next year.

World Turtle Day

Again, no response to the email I sent to my MP, Patrick Hall, asking that parliament recognise the tragic deaths of the many seafarers who sail off the edge of the world. But things move slowly in politics, and this may be on the list for a future governmental working group. We can but hope.

International Whores Day

The votes for the "What to call a prostitute" poll seem to be mostly in (you can see the results here), and "Shag Fairies" is the clear winner with 54% of you in favour ("Relief Troops" was a distant second with 23%). I've contacted the Media Officer for the International Union of Sex Workers (you can see the email here), and I'll let you know if and when I hear back. I'm sure they'll be excited about our suggestion.

June the 4th: International Day of Innocent Children Victims of Aggression

2009-06-03T18:00:00.002+01:00

Image by Aislinn Ritchie via Flickr

Once again the UN have bestowed upon us a world-changing International Day. June the 4th is the International Day of Innocent Children Victims of Aggression.

And who is the most frequent aggressor in the sad history of violence against children?

Other children.

So this 4th of June, let's recognise the terrible toll of child-on-child violence, and call for an end to the following atrocities:

Weapon: The Indian Burn
Description: A two-handed twisting motion, using friction to induce a burning sensation in the arm (or occasionally the leg).

Sounds like minor discomfort, doesn't it? But every year hundreds of children are hospitalised after their limbs literally catch fire from excessive friction.

Weapon: The Dead Arm
Description: A sudden punch to the upper arm, causing numbness throughout the limb which can last for several minutes.

More than just an immature and cruel prank, this technique is teaching our children to strike powerful "nerve points" on the body long known to the world's deadliest martial artists. A dead arm is bad enough, but a strike to the wrong nerve point can induce unconsciousness, paralysis, or even cause the entire body to explode in a shower of blood up to five minutes later.

Weapon: The Swirly
Description: The victim's head is inserted into a toilet, which is then flushed.

Not only is this technique uncomfortable and emotionally traumatic, but every year many of these callous aggressors lose their grip on a victim, who is then flushed abruptly into the sewage system. Over 85% are eaten by alligators before they can be recovered.

Let's end this cycle of violence. That's your Day for today.

June the 3rd: World #tweetbump Day

2009-06-02T18:00:00.003+01:00

Image via CrunchBase

On the whole, I try to cover Days which everyone can enjoy. But sadly, today, there just ain't any. So if you loathe Twitter in all its guises, I apologise.

(Henceforth we shall refer to this period as "The Great Day Drought". Because it sounds better than "The point where Day of X's basic premise started to totter dangerously on the edge of total collapse")

In the US, June the 3rd is being celebrated as Fist Bump Day, in honour of President Obama's trademark knuckle bump. But Day of X is about international celebrations, and blogger Sarah Evans has proposed an internationally accessible holiday for the same date - "World #tweetbump Day".

On W#tD, you are encourage to tweet something (anything - share your views, message someone you haven't spoken to in a while or start a debate about an interesting subject) including the hashtag #tweetbump, and by the magic of Twitter all those conversations will be collected under the #tweetbump tag page, creating a global conversation.

If you're stuck for ideas, here are a few suggestions for what you might tweet on #tweetbump Day, which should cover pretty much everyone's technological preferences.

Complain about the many ways Twitter is inferior to Facebook.
Reminisce about the days when Myspace ruled, before it started turning into Facebook which is turning into Twitter
Wax nostalgic about your LiveJournal
Lament the loss of your Geocities page.
Sulk about how much better things were when every homepage had flashing fonts, animated gifs and marquee scrolling
Tell everyone the World Wide Web ruined the internet for everyone.
Demand a return to Bulletin Board Systems with one phone line and 250k of file storage.
Campaign for the return of the Acoustic Coupler.
Declare a jihad against all computers weighing less than 75 tonnes and useable by people without a PHD.
Preach for the return of crank-handle calculating machines.

And that's your Day for today.

June the 2nd: International Whores Day

2009-06-01T18:00:00.010+01:00

Image via Wikipedia

International Whores Day commemorates the day in 1975 when a group of prostitutes in Lyon, France took over a church to protest being treated as second class citizens, and were joined by local women in a gesture of solidarity. On June the 2nd, sex workers around the world campaign for recognition, respect and better treatment.

The title of the Day brings our attention to the greatest problem we have with prostitution in this day and age: What do we call them?

"Whore" is one of those adopted insult-names (like the N-word) that you can't really use unless you are one. "Prostitute" is too officious, "Sex worker" is painfully politically correct. "Prozzy" sounds like some kind of biting insect, and "Hooker" conjures up images of William Shatner, which to me at least is a horrendous turn-off.

To that end I'm putting forward the following alternative euphemisms, and encouraging every Citizen of the World to vote for their favourite option.

Edit: I am now officially sick of messing around with this damn form. It's staying like that.

And that's your Day for today.

June the 1st: International Children's Day

2009-05-31T18:00:00.005+01:00

While there isn't a real international consensus on when to celebrate Children's Day, the majority of nations celebrate it on June the 1st.

Children's Day is mostly used to promote issues of child welfare, but I feel they've overlooked an equally important way to use the day. As adults, many of us have forgotten what it's like to be a kid, and Children's Day is the ideal Day to regress to your childhood. It's therapeutic, educational and fun! Here are 10 suggestions to get you started:

Get yourself a really good stick, and poke things with it. Bonus points if you find something dead to poke.
Buy yourself something you always wanted when you were a kid; A catapult, a remote control car, maybe a dog!
See how long you can go "La la la la la la la la la la la la la" before somebody yells at you to stop.
Take something apart to see how it works.
Matches.
Look at things from underneath. See what's on the bottom of your table, your bed, your car. Advanced version: Lie on your back and explore your house or office by pushing yourself around with your feet.
Eat your food in alphabetical order, or by colour, or pretend you're a giant eating things (don't forget to do the screams of tiny eaten people).
If you're cooking, mix together everything in the kitchen that looks interesting. When you get bored, put it in the oven and go do something else.
When you sit down, reject the conventional sitting position. Drape your legs over the side of the chair, tuck your feet under you (then slowly pitch forward until your hands are on the floor), stick your legs straight out in front of you and wave your toes around while grinning at people, or best of all sit upside-down with your head on the floor (at least until your vision starts blurring)
Eat ice-cream until you throw up.

You may be challenged on some of these behaviours by your family, friends, co-workers or in extreme cases the police. Which is why you'll need to print out and carry your Temporary Kid Licence Card.

UK version:

US version:

May the 31st: World No Tobacco Day

2009-05-30T18:00:00.006+01:00

Image via Wikipedia

The World Health Organization has chosen "Tobacco Health Warnings" as the theme for this year's World No Tobacco Day. An honourable enough cause, but how do we, as Citizens of the World, celebrate tobacco health warnings?

The obvious answer would be "collect the whole set", but that's hard to do in one day and may run counter to the purpose of the campaign. Instead, I've taken the liberty of creating some new health warnings, covering issues which the WHO have so far overlooked.

You are encouraged to download them, print them off (they should fit neatly on a standard (hard) cigarette packet - if not, let me know and I'll run off some adjusted versions), and display them with pride, in honour of another glorious Day.

May the 30th: New! Global Day of Apathy

2009-05-29T18:00:00.006+01:00

Some random picture from Wikipedia

Well, the world's campaigners have clearly been slacking off, because we've barely washed the Oobleck from our hands when another unclaimed Day is upon us. Intensive research has failed to unearth a single International, World or Global Day of anything on May the 30th.

In honour of this significant international lack of interest in anything happening on May the 30th, Day of X is designating it the Global Day of Apathy.

Having conceived this Day, further research indicates that a couple of people have already tried to launch a Day of Apathy, but nobody cared. This seems perfectly appropriate.

Suggestions for Celebration

Do some stuff. You know, whatever you feel like. I don't really care.

Stickers

I was going to make some stickers, but I couldn't be bothered.

That's your Day for today.

I suppose.

Meh.

May the 29th: International Day of United Nations Peacekeepers

2009-05-28T18:00:00.001+01:00

Image via Wikipedia

United Nations Peacekeepers are working around the globe, supporting negotiations, preventing outbreaks of conflict and giving aid to troubled peoples. But nobody becomes a Peacekeeper overnight. Most future Peacekeepers start out small, honing their Peacekeeping craft in more local confrontations.

If you think you might be a future Peacekeeper, the International Day of United Nations Peacekeepers is the perfect day to find out. If you need some inspiration, here are some of the Peacekeeping operations I will be carrying out on May the 29th.

0900: Negotiating peaceful settlement between stomach lining and third mug of coffee - often a flashpoint for conflict.
UN support requested: Blue helmet, large packet of Tums.

1130: Border hostilities between lawn and gravel pathway. The lawn has repeatedly violated border restrictions by invading the pathway with unauthorised creepers and seedlings.

1400: Press conference to announce the return of my parking space, annexed by the bloke two doors down while he sold his BMW.

1700: Containment and extradition of dustbin containing rebel lifeforms practicing biological warfare.

And that's your Day for today.

May the 28th: International Day of Action for Women's Health

2009-05-27T18:00:00.007+01:00

Image by Smabs Sputzer via Flickr

It's generally accepted that the International Day of Action for Women's Health was founded in 1987 at a meeting of the Women's Global Network for Reproductive Rights. But further investigation shows that there have been several less successful attempts to launch this Day. Today, I'd like to take a brief look at the troubled history of this significant event.

That Daye on Whyche Wee Celebraite Thee Goode Helth of Womyn And the Continuashon Of That Condishon Ywis

Created in 1392 by William Courtenay, then Bishop of Hereford, this turned out to be a cynical cover for a mass nun recruiting program (the population having been decimated by a tragic outbreak of Habit Fungus in 1389).

Courtenay's methods became increasingly heavy-handed, and the Daye was finally discontinued two years later, after a public outcry when the Earl of Worcester's favourite niece was hit over the head with a crozier while attending a lecture on "Thee Future ov Fumigashon" and was found wandering the grounds of a nearby convent, mildly concussed and wearing a cheap mass-produced wimple.

Day International for the Investigation of the Health of Lady Folk

Taking place in 1633, the identity of this Day's founder remains a mystery as everyone involved was immediately burned as a witch.

Day for Attending to the Health of Women

Proposed by early feminist (and author of The Rights of Women) Mary Wollstonecraft in 1794, this was largely a promotional tool for the launch of her next book, The Rights of Women 2: Bumper Popup Edition. Wollstonecraft lost interest after the first year when the book failed to enter the London Morning Chronicle bestseller list.

And that's your Day for today.

May the 27th: World Multiple Sclerosis Day

2009-05-26T18:00:00.008+01:00

Look, kittens!

Awww.

Day of X: Never afraid to tackle the tough issues.

May the 26th: New! International Messing Around With Oobleck Day

2009-05-25T18:00:00.005+01:00

Image by mike fischer via Flickr

Yup, we've struck another date which has remained sadly unclaimed by the international community, special interest groups and campaigners. Which means it's time for another Day of X Brand New Day(tm)!

Join us this 26th of May to celebrate...

International Messing Around With Oobleck Day!

You might already know Oobleck, although you may not know it has a name. It's a mixture of cornflour (cornstarch) and water, usually about one part water to one and a half parts cornflour.

This simple mixture becomes a non-Newtonian fluid, meaning it defies the normal behaviour of liquids. Left to itself it flows just like any thick liquid, but when you apply force to it, particularly in quick bursts, it becomes a solid. You can let it flow smoothly over your hands, then break it into chunks as though it was clay.

(The name Oobleck comes from a Doctor Seuss story, Bartholomew and the Oobleck, in which the name refers to a green, incredibly sticky substance that falls from the sky when the king wishes for "anything but rain".)

Well, you know what to do...you can find cornflour or cornstarch in pretty much any grocery shop, and all you need to do is add water, bit by bit, until it forms a thick liquid. Then it's playtime!

If you need some inspiration, check these out:

And that's your Brand New Day for today!

May the 25th: Towel Day

2009-05-24T18:00:00.001+01:00

Image via Wikipedia

This is one I'm not going to mess with.

Douglas Adams, creator of the Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy, died on the 11th of May 2001. He was a fascinating guy; brilliant, troubled and very human, and his books have given happiness to generations of readers.

A group of his many fans decided that a day must be set aside to remember him, and that the best way to honour his memory was to carry a towel, which Douglas himself identified as the most important thing one could possibly have around (particularly when hitchhiking across the galaxy).

The day chosen was the 25th of May, giving everyone plenty of time to get their towels together for the first celebration. And so Towel Day was born, and every year on the 25th of May, devoted fans carry a towel everywhere they go.

There's nothing I can add in terms of celebration suggestions - if you want to learn more about Towel Day and some of the special events that are going on, check out the great Towel Day Website.

And that's Douglas's Day for today.

May the 24th: International Women's Day for Peace and Disarmament

2009-05-23T18:00:00.002+01:00

Image by Solar Wind Studios via Flickr

On May the 24th, we join the International Fellowship of Reconciliation in celebrating International Women's Day for Peace and Disarmament.

It's widely put about that men are the more violent sex. But on IWDPD we must acknowledge that women are responsible for equally tragic and reprehensible violence. To that end, on this 24th of May, Day of X calls for an end to the following female-driven conflicts:

Catfights of all Kinds

Hair pulling. Slapping. The screams of "You're not good enough for him, you slag!" It's all good fun while you're standing around cheering. But what kind of future will our children inherit, if this violence continues?

Jello(Jelly)/Mud/Oil/Mashed Potato Wrestling

It's time this (largely female) activity was recognised for the bloodsport it is. There are countless campaigns to end the sport of boxing, claiming it is outdated and barbaric. Yet mud wrestling and its countless variants flourish across the world largely unopposed, despite the high toll in ruined skimpy clothing, minor bruises, and sometimes one of the combatants (or even a spectator) gets some mud or jelly in their eye, which must really hurt.

Pillow Fights

Enjoyed by hot women around the world, often in little pants or pyjamas, Pillow Fighting may seem like harmless fun. But the annual toll on men falling off their ladders or out of trees, often destroying expensive camera equipment, paints a very different story.

And that's your Day for today.

May the 23rd: World Turtle Day

2009-05-22T18:00:00.001+01:00

Image by Lamerie via Flickr

Tomorrow, May the 23rd, is World Turtle Day, the day on which we celebrate and honour the enormous turtle who carries the Earth on his back across the galaxy.

Sadly, it is of course impossible to actually reach the World Turtle to offer our support and love, due to the dangers involved in reaching and descending the huge waterfalls where the sea pours off the edges of the world.

But each of us can take a little time on May the 23rd to make the world a better place, by addressing an ongoing humanitarian disaster which receives almost no press.

Every year, thousands of sailors are lost forever when they sail off the edge of the world and into space, or are dragged down by the waterfalls to crash on the World Turtle's shell. Yet the world's governments refuse to acknowledge this state of affairs, or pay reparations to the sailors' families.

On this World Turtle Day, Day of X encourages you to write to your local representative (if you're in the UK, you'll find excellent tools at They Work For You, US readers will find similar facilities at GovTrack) and ask what they are doing to promote attention and action on this issue.

If you need some inspiration or a template to start from, here's my own letter to my MP, Labour Minister Patrick Hall:

Join me in this important campaign, and let's end the tragedy of world's-edge maritime deaths. It's what the World Turtle would want.

And that's your Day for today.

May the 22nd: International Day for Biological Diversity

2009-05-21T18:00:00.004+01:00

Image by doug88888 via Flickr

Paralleling today's International Day for Cultural Diversity, tomorrow the United Nations urge us to celebrate Biological Diversity.

The U.N. aim to support biodiversity by protecting endangered species so the range and variety of living things on our planet isn't reduced. It's a nice enough objective, but pretty passive. As always, Day of X recommends that you celebrate proactively, and actually increase biodiversity.

By breeding everything with everything else.

Mmmm...you feel that? It's going to be a good Day.

Your mission is to create at least one completely new species by the end of the day. It may be best to start small, with lifeforms that are at least physiologically compatible - for example, the dogcat has remained an elusive dream for hundreds of years. Maybe this is your day to break that cycle of failure! And all you need in terms of equipment is a pair of heavy gloves and an REO Speedwagon CD.

If you get more ambitious and want to move on to species which are physically unable to mate, you may wish to try DNA recombination. This requires some additional supplies:

1. Agarose gel electrophoresis supplies and equipment
2. One MJ PTC-200 thermocycler
3. A QIAEX II gel extraction kit
4. DpnI restriction endonuclease
5. A reaction buffer

(This is assuming, of course, that you wish to employ a conventional Polymerase Chain Reaction to amplify the DNA segments before recombination).

For the integration process, you will naturally need a recombinase. If you're a beginner, Day of X recommends you go with a good oldfashioned Cre recombinase. Sure, your neighbour may be lording it over you with his flashy RecA recombinase. But at the end of the day you're the one who'll be planting the seeds of a majestic Sheepdog Tree, while his glow-in-the-dark Amphibious Passionfruit remains a distant dream.

And that's your Day for today.

May the 21st: World Day for Cultural Diversity

2009-05-20T18:00:00.004+01:00

Image via Wikipedia

This one comes straight from the United Nations, the very wellspring of International Days. Tomorrow is World Day for Cultural Diversity, and what greater, more noble or all-encompassing statement could there be?

As you can see from the official program, the U.N. member countries will be celebrating with lectures on fine wine, concerts, Kung Fu demonstrations, art exhibitions, and all kinds of displays of cultural tradition.

The problem is, it's all still awfully homogenous. I mean, we're talking about nations here - there are only 203 of the buggers (according to Wikipedia) and those are awfully big chunks to divide the world into. It's a bit of a stretch to say that celebrating some general culture of each of those 203 huge divisions is honouring cultural diversity.

I'm sure there are people in France who have no interest in fine wine whatsoever, and indeed are quite happy with a bottle of meths and somewhere quiet to throw up. There are, no doubt, Italians who would happily forgo an evening of opera for an evening in front of the Playstation 3. Or cleaning out the garage. Or a warm bath and a good sharp razor blade.

Having said that, every single person in China is actually a master of Kung Fu, although they will naturally conceal their true abilities until the last minute, when you're about to get away with the Sacred Amulet of Wan-Chu. Then they rise vertically into the air and kick your kidneys out through your armpit.

On this World Day for Cultural Diversity, I feel we should be celebrating true diversity - not on a racial, national or even local basis, but an individual one. Celebrate how different you are from everybody else (particularly that guy sitting next to you on the bus, stroking a plastic hippo and reciting Delia Smith recipes under his breath).

And as always, if you're not culturally diverse enough already, make up a culture for yourself and celebrate it. Create your own folk dance, or costume, or a unique dish that no culture has previously enjoyed (possibly with good reason).

To get you started, here's the culture I will be celebrating tomorrow:

My traditional costume, a heavily used blue Baja hoodie with a faint smell of cigarettes and a red stain on one sleeve where I forgot to roll it up before eating spaghetti bolognaise.

My cultural dish, a ham sandwich with Branston Pickle, dunked in a mug of tomato soup.

An ancient traditional folk dance I just invented, which mostly consists of moshing to The Who's "Baba O'Riley".

Go forth and Diversify!

And that's your Day for today.

May the 20th: International Clinical Trials Day

2009-05-19T18:00:00.007+01:00

Image via Wikipedia

Tomorrow, May the 20th, has been chosen by the European Clinical Research Infrastructures Network as International Clinical Trials Day, "with the objective to stimulate debates...in order to improve the patients' and public awareness on the challenges raised by clinical research."

This is probably the first time you've heard about this important Day; sad to say, ECRIN aren't doing a lot to promote International Clinical Trials Day. And I have to be honest, the current image of the Day lacks friendliness, public appeal. It needs a mascot.

So, it is with great pleasure that I introduce to you...Clint, the Clinical Trials Guinea Pig!

And Clint already features in this range of high-quality promotional materials. Show you care, print them out and display them! Click on the images for the full-sized version.

I've already sent an email to Jacques Demotes-Mainard (the Programme Coordinator of ECRIN) and Christine Kubiak (the Executive Manager), offering the use of Clint free-of-charge to promote their important Day. I'll let you know the result as soon as I hear back. Sadly, there probably won't be time for them to produce a line of merchandise for this year's International Clinical Trials Day, but look out for Clint t-shirts, caps, cuddly toys and marital aids next year!

May the 19th: World Hepatitis Day

2009-05-18T18:00:00.002+01:00

Image via Wikipedia

Tomorrow, May the 19th, has been chosen as World Hepatitis Day. Hepatitis is a condition in which the liver becomes inflamed due to damage from a disease or toxins (like excess alcohol), sometimes leading to scarring or other permanent harm.

There isn't another Day for May the 19th. I looked. A lot.

Soooo, celebration suggestions.

Liver and onions?

Wince.

Get your friends round for tequila shots?

Nervous look around.

Yellow body paint party?

Whimper

I'm going to go and hide under the bed now.

That was your Day for today.

Shhh....hiding....

May the 18th: International Museum Day

2009-05-17T18:00:00.006+01:00

Image via Wikipedia

Since 1997, the International Council of Museums has designated the 18th of May International Museum Day.

The ICoM have actually provided their own list of ideas on how to celebrate, but I have a few concerns about their suggestions:

Schools 'adopting' a museum or monument

Many schoolchildren lack the maturity necessary to take care of a museum. A museum is a challenging pet, requiring special feeding, constant attention and frequent donations to keep it in the peak of health. It is ill-advised for children under the age of 13 to take care of a museum, even with supervision by their parents and curators.

Cyberschool

I don't know what this is, but I'm pretty sure putting "cyber" at the beginning of things was outlawed by the U.N. in 1998.

Folder of teaching materials

That's your whole celebration, huh? Shame on you, you cheap bastards. Would a party hat be too much to ask for?

Equally, there are many glaring omissions from the list. Here are a few ideas for your IMD visit that the International Council seem to have overlooked:

1. Many things in museums have been sitting around for years or even centuries, and may have gone off. Help out the curators by sniffing everything in the building to make sure it hasn't passed its sell-by date.

2. Art museums are a great place to pick up hot college chicks. Carry a sketchpad and wear a scarf and a pensive look, you'll be beating them off with a stick.

3. Museum tour guides are often chronically overworked. Why not bring a hat and provide your own tour? If you don't know what an exhibit is, just make something up. As the old saying goes "History is written by the winners", and you'll be a winner in your awesome hat.

4. Food and snacks in most museums are criminally overpriced. Fortunately, many museums provide free jerky for hungry visitors; look for areas marked "Egyptology" or "Natural History".

And that's your Day for today.

May the 17th: International Day Against Homophobia

2009-05-16T18:00:00.002+01:00

Tomorrow, May the 17th, is the International Day Against Homophobia.

It's a good thing. Go celebrate it.

That's your Day for today.

May the 16th: International Day for Sharing Life Stories

2009-05-15T18:00:00.000+01:00

Image via Wikipedia

In 2008, the Museum of the Person and the Center for Digital Storytelling declared May the 16th the International Day for Sharing Life Stories, as a way to promote equality and diversity. This is a cool thing.

IDfSLS comes round again tomorrow, and Day of X encourages you to spend the day sharing the story of your life with friends, co-workers and complete strangers, for as long as they will sit still. The problem is, some people have relatively uninteresting life stories. Who wants to hear about your twelve-year struggle with your fear of paperclips, or that one time you went to buy milk, but accidentally bought carpet shampoo instead?

The solution, of course, is to bring a little creativity to the mix. After all, how does the person sitting next to you on the bus know that you didn't invent coathangers? Or whether you really survived eight months in the Amazon Rainforest living only on powdered custard? You'll be making their day more interesting, and promoting equality and diversity. What could be wrong with that?

To get you started, here's a brief exerpt from the life story I will be sharing tomorrow:

Born to a family of nomadic Uzbequistani charcoal burners, I spent my early years travelling through the forests which surround the majestic slopes of the Gissar Range. It was a peaceful, idyllic existence, until my father was tragically killed while attempting to invent a 5-second charcoal production process. I still carry his charred left ear with me for luck, the only part of him that was still identifiable.

Coming to England to study, I excelled in foreign languages and set several local records for the 500 meter dash. But after losing all my toes in a game of Whist, I was forced to turn down an invitation to represent Britain at the 1992 Olympics.

I became increasingly depressed, and turned to snorting packets of silica gel to relieve my feelings of despair and self-hatred. Fortunately, a friend discovered the piles of unused stereo equipment I was hiding in my flat, and encouraged me to enter rehab, but not before my nose became so dehydrated that I required three consecutive nostril transplants.

You see how easy it is? Now get out there tomorrow and make someone's day more interesting with your exciting new life story.

And that's your Day for today.

May the 14th: New! International Day of Making Happy Faces With Your Food

2009-05-13T18:00:00.006+01:00

Image via Wikipedia

We're just over a week into the Day of X project, and we've hit our first unassigned day - the first of those sad, lonely dates that hasn't yet been adopted by some special interest group, action committee or self-promoting philanthropist.

It's a sad moment, people. Shed a tiny tear for the 14th of May.

But all is not lost. Because Day of X is here to give that neglected date a purpose - after all, every day is the International Day of SOMETHING, right?

I hereby declare tomorrow, May the 14th...

International Day of Making Happy Faces With Your Food

Can you hear the choirs of angels? That's the sound of a Day being born.

I'll be posting photos of my own happy, smiling meals, but International Day of Making Happy Faces With Your Food will be stillborn without your help. Send in your photos of grinning comestibles to celebrations@dayofx.com and you'll be added to the Honours page as Day Pioneers!

Day Pioneers are those noble, forward-looking Citizens of the World who help a new Day get its start in life - the midwives of the calendar. As a Day Pioneer you will receive both a certificate denoting your new, honoured status, and a badge of honour to print out and display, telling everyone which Day you helped bring to the world.

Go forth, Pioneers, and let's make this the best first International Day of Making Happy Faces With Your Food ever!

And that's your Day for today.

Edit: My Faces

Breakfast:

Dinner:

Yeah, okay, that one came out kind of terrifying. But it seems happy. In its...terrifyingness...

And supper!

May the 13th: Root Canal Appreciation Day

2009-05-12T18:00:00.001+01:00

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Root Canal Appreciation Day was created by Dr. Chris Kammer (D.D.S.), the "Rock and Roll Dentist" and creator of the tooth brushing anthem "Get Out the Brush" (sadly I couldn't find a sample of this meisterwork for your appreciation), who celebrated the first ever RCAD in 2005 by performing a live root canal on the home plate of the Madison Mallards baseball stadium.

People, this is where our mettle is tested. This is where we come into our own.

It's easy to celebrate International Belly Dance Day. Millions of people celebrate No Diet Day by accident every year. But when Root Canal Appreciation Day rolls around, it's a true Citizen of the World who steps up to the plate (to use a metaphor I'm sure Dr. Chris Kammer (D.D.S.) would appreciate).

Of course, the hardcore Citizens will have booked their celebratory root canals well in advance, and tomorrow buffet tables crowded with endodontic party favours and vials of ether will be laid out around the world by dizzy, mumbling celebrants trailing delicate strings of saliva.

But what of those unfortunate individuals who haven't developed a massive root infection at the necessary time? Worry not. Root Canal Appreciation Day is a day everyone can enjoy. Here are some suggestions:

1. Fill your entire mouth with Bonjela gum ointment. This will replicate the pleasant numbness that follows a really good root canal.
Expert tip: Don't swallow the Bonjela, as this may cause a less pleasant numbness and/or death.

2. Go about your day with several cubic inches of cotton wadding tucked into your cheek.
Extra challenge: See if you can order lunch without receiving something inedible or actively dangerous.

3. The best thing about major dental work is that wonderful suction tube that saves you so much tiresome swallowing. An ordinary aquarium pump hooked into the corner of the mouth will give you a suave, saliva-free smile all day long.
Beginner's advice: Clean the fish poop out of it first.

And that's your Day for today.

May the 12th: International Nurses Day

2009-05-12T00:01:00.005+01:00

Image via Wikipedia

Nurses are probably the most hardworking and under-appreciated people in healthcare, often working long, physically exhausting shifts with few of the opportunities for advancement, wealth and golf enjoyed by doctors and consultants.

My mum's a nurse, and I've learned that while many nurses experience a deep sense of satisfaction and personal fulfillment in their role, the work they're given is often relatively mundane - changing sheets, emptying bedpans, dressing boring wounds and giving out the same medications day after day.

That's why, on this International Nurses Day, I'm asking you to take a little time and effort to make a nurse's life more interesting, whether it's a nurse at your school or college, at your doctor's clinic or in the Accident and Emergency department (or equivalent) at your local hospital. A few suggestions:

Many people have tried inserting and subsequently losing various objects in their nose, ear or anus, providing hours of entertainment for medical professionals. But the navel or "belly button" is a relatively unexplored area in this field, mainly because it is relatively shallow and therefore provides little challenge in extracting the mislaid item. A dab of superglue will ensure that your toy soldier, coin or handcuff key provides an exciting challenge for a lucky nurse.

If you live in the northern hemisphere, your nurse is probably bored stiff dealing with dull cases of chicken pox, measles and mumps. Why not bring some variety into your nurse's life by catching something more exotic, like Ebola or Congo Crimean Haemorrhagic Fever?

Vomit. Most nurses have been there, done that and cleaned it off their t-shirt. But swallowing a couple of teaspoons of inexpensive food colouring will bring a cheery new hue to your emesis. Show you care, and go the extra mile by colour-coordinating with your nurse's uniform or office carpet.

And if (with a nurse's unerring sense of duty and humility), they try to refer you to a doctor, just say "No. It's International Nurses Day. And I'm here for you."

And that's your Day for today.

Sorry Mum.

May the 11th: Eat What You Want Day? Really?

2009-05-11T00:01:00.001+01:00

Hmmm. Well, according to my intensive researches (five minutes on Google), today is Eat What You Want Day.

Frankly, it sounds a lot like "International No Diet Day" which we celebrated on Wednesday. Less than a week in, and we're already duplicating Days? This doesn't bode well.

But let us not be deterred. We are Citizens of the World, and we don't give up in the face of even the most halfhearted Day! Am I right? Let's make the best of this. Hey, why not send someone you love an Eat What You Want Day E-Card?

Oh. That page is kind of empty.

Then why not one of these two cards? Which were apparently drawn by a small child with serious depth perception issues. They're...fun...right?

Sigh.

You know what? I'm just not feeling this. I've already spent more time thinking about Eat What You Want Day than anyone involved in its conception. Do whatever you like. I don't care. I'm going for a drink.

That's your Day for today. If you don't like it, tough.

May the 10th: World Lupus Day

2009-05-10T00:01:00.001+01:00

Today, May the 10th, is of course World Lupus Day, the day on which we celebrate the wolf family in all its magical variety.

The wolf species is found across the world, thriving in environments as diverse as the northernmost parts of Greenland (the Arctic Wolf) and the mountains of Ethiopia and Eritrea (the highly endangered Ethiopian Wolf, formerly misidentified as a member of the jackal family).

Many people are not aware that the domestic dog is actually a direct descendent of wolves. Recent research shows only twice the genetic variance between wolves and dogs as there is between the sub-breeds of domestic canine, and experts have theorised that all modern breeds of dog were actually created by selective breeding of domesticated wolves.

Your local retail outlets will of course already be stocking the accessories of World Lupus Day:

And you should consult your local listings to find Lupus Day parties in your area, where fans of the noble wolf will gather to drink the traditional rum and coke (or a blackcurrant cordial for the kids!) and howl at the moon.

Happy World Lupus Day, everybody!

And that's your Day for today.

May the 9th: International Belly Dance Day

2009-05-09T00:01:00.004+01:00

Image via Wikipedia

What could possibly be better than knowing that it's Saturday? Discovering that it's also International Belly Dance Day.

I actually hung out with a professional belly dancer a couple of years ago (Manca Pavli from Slovenia) and was surprised to learn that there's a great deal of internal politics in the world of belly dance. Ethnic belly dancers deride Cabaret dancers for being oldfashioned and cheesy, Tribals think the Ethnics are inauthentic and fakey, and Ethnics and Cabarets are a bit scared of the Tribals because they have tattoos.

The potential for violent conflict here is very serious - belly dancers are generally muscular, extremely flexible and agile, and covered in sharp pieces of metal. Those finger cymbals can sever an artery long before you hear the ringing of ankle bells.

You laugh now, but when the Belly Wars begin and you come round a corner to see a crazed Egyptian dancer performing a Walking Shimmy around the body of a Cabaret, the fresh blood on her face merging with six layers of stage makeup, you won't think it's so funny.

This International Belly Dance Day, make some time to appreciate the alluring displays of these talented performers. But listen for the jingle of a gypsy coin skirt in the distance. This fragile peace may not last much longer.

And that's your Day for today.

May the 8th: International Red Cross and Red Crescent Day - And A Call to Arms!

2009-05-08T00:01:00.009+01:00

Today is the day on which we celebrate the world's most well-known humanitarian and aid organisation, the Red Cross, founded by Henry Dunant in 1863.

The full name "Red Cross and Red Crescent" is a hint at the serious branding problem around this universally recognised symbol.

The original red cross flag was chosen as an inverted Swiss flag, in honour of Henry Dunant's country of origin:

But during the Russo-Turkish war, the (Muslim) soldiers of the Ottoman Empire objected to the use of the cross, so the Empire adopted the Red Crescent:

In 1924, Iran decided they wanted their own symbol for their national humanitarian organisation, and introduced the Red Lion With Sun:

And not wanting to be left out, seven years later Israel proposed their own Red Star of David, shortly followed by Afghanistan with the Red Archway:

Both were rejected by the International Red Cross and Red Crescent out of concerns for "symbol proliferation".

So were requests by India and Sri Lanka in the 50s to introduce a Red Swastika (the Hindu, Buddhist and Jainist symbol meaning good fortune, not the Nazi symbol meaning "We are in your country killing your dudes"):

In 1980, Iran (following the Islamist Revolution) switched from the Red Lion with Sun to the Red Crescent:

Then in 2006 the ICRC introduced another new symbol, the Red Crystal or Red Diamond, and finally recognised Israel's Red Star of David, which is combined with the Red Chrystal when displayed overseas:

Clearly we have a little branding problem here. Which is why, in honour of International Red Cross and Red Crescent Day, I have created, for you and for the world, a whole new symbol. A symbol that will bring a new age of unity and peace to this troubled organisation. A symbol that encompasses the power and beauty of all these designs, and adds...just a little something extra.

Oh yeah. Breathe it in. You know what you're smelling? Unity.

I present to you the Red Cross Diamond Star Crescent Archway with Swastika, Sword-wielding Lion, Unicorns and Lasers, henceforth to be known as the Grand Unified Red Thing. Download it, print it, display it with pride, spread the word.

Here's a badge to get you started:

You can further support the cause by signing the petition: Adopt the Grand Unified Red Thing
Or by joining the Facebook Cause: Support the Grand Unified Red Thing

Tell your friends, spread the word. We can change the world, if we only believe it.

I'll be tracking the progress of the campaign here on Day of X, and I confidently believe that in a year's time, we'll be celebrating the International Day of the Grand Unified Red Thing Movement.

And that's your Day today.

May the 7th: International Specialisation Day at Roskilde Universitet

2009-05-07T00:01:00.003+01:00

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As I'm sure you're already aware, the 7th of May is International Specialisation Day at Roskilde Universtitet (translation: The University of Roskilde) in Denmark. In 2007.

And damn it, if that's not something to celebrate, I don't know what is.

From the RU website: "International Specialisation Day is a chance for you to get information about which specialised degree courses are offered in English at the level of Bachelor's degrees and at the level of Master's degrees. Furthermore you will meet other international as well Danish students planning to study their specialised degree course in English."

Celebration Suggestions

This one may be a little challenging for the beginner. You will need to travel to Copenhagen, and from there take motorway 21 towards Roskilde. Exit at number 9 (Trekroner/Hedehusene V), and follow the signs to "Roskilde Universitetscenter RUC". Avail yourself of the excellent parking facilities throughout the campus (if busy, there should be some spaces in the area east of the Kommunicationsvej), and locate the Lille Auditorium.

Note: You will need to arrive before 10:30am in order to receive advice from the Student Guidance Office.

At the Auditorium, demand to be given the promised information about specialised degree courses and to meet other international and Danish students planning to study their specialised degree courses.

The staff may attempt to fob you off with statements like "Men International Specialiseringsaftaler Day kun fandt sted på denne dag i 2007!" or "Hvad har du været at ryge, er du sindssyg udlænding?" Do not be deterred. Your sense of satisfaction at a Day well celebrated will far repay some minor inconvenience at the hands of those who are not true Citizens of the World. I'm proud of you.

May the 6th: International No Diet Day

2009-05-06T09:48:00.011+01:00

Yes, it's your very first Official "Day of X" Day Announcement. So what is the day we're celebrating?

It's International No Diet Day.

I'm proud to say I'm so in tune with the spirit of the Day that I started celebrating this before I even knew what it was. Yeah, be impressed. Because my breakfast this morning was a leftover piece of breaded chicken, two mugs of strong black coffee and a cigarette.

Celebration Suggestions

Thousands of people around the world will be honouring No Diet Day passively, just by thinking about the dangers of diets and body fascism. That's all very well, but here at Day of X we say "celebrate proactively!" Let's take some active steps today to honour the principles of this important diurnal segment.

Don't Just Break Your Diet, Violate It

If you're on a diet right now, break it. But break it with style. A few suggestions:

Breatharian: Hold your breath. All day.
F-Plan: Wait, you're still on the F-Plan diet? Are you wearing shoulder pads too?
Macrobiotic: Eat only very small things. Okay, I admit it, I have no idea what this diet consists of. I just inferred from the name.
Alkaline Diet: Battery acid.
Feingold Diet: Eat the first thing you can find that's bright blue and keeps for twenty years without refrigeration.
Diabetic: Two words. Corn syru...ah, wait. Crap, forget this one.

Undermine a Dieter

The obvious choice if you're not on a diet yourself is to taunt dieters with pies and cake, but let's face it, that's cruel, and it's not big or clever. Instead, why not plant seeds of doubt in their mind by commenting that they're "looking a little anaemic today", or attach weights to their household items so they think they're losing muscle mass.

And that's your Day for today!

Welcome to Day of X!

2009-05-05T13:57:00.009+01:00

There are few faster-growing cultural phenomena than that of dedicating every single segment of the calendar to some cause, group or idea. And I feel that, as citizens of the world, it's essential that we honour every single one of these important milestones.

For example, we are currently living in the International Decade To Roll Back Malaria in Developing Countries, for Eradication of Colonialism, for a Culture of Peace and Non-violence for the Children of the World, and the Decade of Literacy. Which is why, since I'm English, I'll be spending the entire decade drinking gin and tonics* while reading about how to peacefully bring self-determination to the Falkland Islands.

It's the International Year of Astronomy, Reconciliation, Sharks, Science and Natural Fibres. I just can't figure out a way to honour them all at once without the sheer level of awesomeness tearing a hole in the space/time continuum. Any suggestions welcome.

And, of course, it's National Composting Awareness Week. If you're not aware of composting this week, you should be feeling a subtle sense of shame. I'm proud to say I'll be aware of composting every time I go out in my garden for a smoke, look at my compost heap and think "I should really turn that one of these days". Then I'll get on with my life, because it's not Composting Action Day till Saturday.

The problem is, there is no single, central resource which will tell you which of these vitally important Days you are currently living in. What if you found out, at one minute to midnight, that you've been wearing shorts throughout the International Day of Trousers, having mistakenly thought it was an ordinary Thursday? How could you look yourself in the eye after that fiasco, knowing that everyone in the world has been laughing at you all day?

Day of X is here to help.

Every single day of the year, I'll be keeping you up to date on what Day you're currently living in, and providing helpful advice on how best to celebrate it. And if it's one of those few, scarce and sad days that isn't yet dedicated to some worthy idea? I'll make one up.

You're very welcome.

Day of X. Because every day should be special. And it's not special until it's recognised by some abitrary action group.

* Tonic water contains quinine, which was the first treatment for malaria. The East India Company's soldiers started adding gin to it because tonic water tastes like evil, and thus the gin and tonic was born. Here at Day of X, every day can be the International Day for Education.