Spiritual Evolution of the Bean

"She is Light" Work in Progress Part 7: Awaiting the Next Vision

noreply@blogger.com (Biffybeans) — Tue, 21 May 2013 09:00:00 +0000

05/16 I don't know what to do next so I import the latest image into Procreate on my iPad and play around.

I will definitely be painting mantras over those black lines and adding the red and orange to the face. Unsure about everything else.

I sort of like the yellow triangle with the black line down the middle of the arm because I could turn it into an arrow - which is a repeating symbol in my art from my arrow breaking ceremony two years ago.

05/17 (Back to the real painting) More tweaking and cleaning up. I erase the charcoal lines in the arms as I don't yet know how to proceed but I know that I don't like what I had planned. (Because I tried it in ProCreate and didn't like it.) I painted in her hands and they are uneven and rough but at least I got them started. For what it's worth, I'm pretty uncomfortable when I don't know what's next - especially when there's a deadline involved. I haven't even touched the six 18x18" mandalas because I want them to "match" the detail of the figural piece which um, doesn't yet exist in my head.

My friend Deb came to visit my studio today. She took one look at the painting and said, "That's you." This time I owned it. "Yes, it is. The me that only others can see."

Wouldn't it be great if we could see ourselves the way others see us?

Stay tuned for more updates on the progress of this work. JUNE 7TH SAVE THE DATE! First Friday in June is when this exhibit will open. It will then be on display until July 3rd.

You can also view all my photos from this project on Flickr.

"She is Light" A Work in Progress Part 6: A Layer of Protection

noreply@blogger.com (Biffybeans) — Mon, 20 May 2013 09:00:00 +0000

05/15 Leveling the green.

More yellow - connected the halo. White w/ silicone brush. Listening to Ozzy, Sabbath, Dio, etc. while working on it. I'm feeling like the white layer protects her. Starting to visualize the small details that may or may not be added to the white "blocks". I may try working on one of these digital images in ProCreate in my iPad to see which direction to take it.

Stay tuned for more updates on the progress of this work. JUNE 7TH SAVE THE DATE! First Friday in June is when this exhibit will open. It will then be on display until July 3rd.

You can also view all my photos from this project on Flickr.

"She is Light" Work in Progress Part 5: Perfection at Our Core

noreply@blogger.com (Biffybeans) — Sun, 19 May 2013 09:00:00 +0000

05/11 Added yellow (golden) halo. Charcoal sketch to block out next layer. Added black to head, chest & belly. Doodles w/ white charcoal pencil.

05/11 Conceptual notes update: Green is often identified as the color of healing - and also of the heart chakra. I can't help but think "Self-Love" when I see this - something I am notoriously bad at providing to myself. Green is also the color associated with the Archangel Rafael. (who in the Judeo-Christian tradition performs all manners of healing) I am contemplating changing the title.

05/13 Added black body lines with willow charcoal. What a mess! I will use a graphite pencil next time. I am unsure what to do with arms yet. Did a lot of little touchups throughout. Added yellow to face & body.

The yellow (Gold) is representational of our unrealized self - of perfection at our core. Of the person that others see when they look at us.

Stay tuned for more updates on the progress of this work. JUNE 7TH SAVE THE DATE! First Friday in June is when this exhibit will open. It will then be on display until July 3rd.

You can also view all my photos from this project on Flickr.

"She is Light" Work in Progress Part 4: "I am That"

noreply@blogger.com (Biffybeans) — Sat, 18 May 2013 09:00:00 +0000

The mural "She Continues to Grow" I created for my featured artist exhibit last year was all about transformation. I was struggling to move from one part of my life to the next and was desperately missing the people connected to the part I was moving away from. My thinking was that I would be less of a person without them in my life. To put things in perspective, many of these people I'd only see once a year or would talk to them on the phone once every six months or so - but since I'd had great experiences with them at a time when I was discovering myself, I felt like I needed them to feel whole.

Then one day, it occurred to me to contemplate the qualities I most admired in each of these people. The easiest way for me to do this was visually, so I made up a chart with each person's name and started listing each quality or trait that I loved the most about each of them.

The realization came quickly - most likely because I've read Debbie Ford's book "Dark Side of The Light Chasers" (Quotes below from that book)

"The world is a mirror of our internal selves."

"There is a “light shadow,” a place where we have buried our power, our competence, and our authenticity."

"Once the shadow is embraced, it can be healed. When it is healed it becomes love."

"If you are inspired by someone’s courage, it is a reflection of the courage within you."

In that moment, I realized that every word I'd written on that list, I AM THAT. I am courageous and brilliant and beautiful and honorable and trusting and sexy and honest and generous and inspiring. For the longest time I couldn't see these things in me - I could only see them in other people.

"We each need to become our own hero. The only way to do this is to take back the parts of us that are plugged into someone else, the parts of us that we have given away."

While I'm sure I'll need to be reminded of this from time to time, I'm proud to say that I have a clearer understanding of the way I had disowned and been projecting my positive qualities on others.

This is why I added "I AM THAT" to "She is Light"

Stay tuned for more updates on the progress of this work. JUNE 7TH SAVE THE DATE! First Friday in June is when this exhibit will open. It will then be on display until July 3rd.

You can also view all my photos from this project on Flickr.

"She is Light" Work in Progress Part 3: Mantras, Affirmations & Blessings

noreply@blogger.com (Biffybeans) — Fri, 17 May 2013 09:00:00 +0000

05/10 Finished the green rays all the way around. *Added special blessings, mantras, affirmations and intentions w/ white charcoal pencil. Added blue layer.

* These all have special significance to me. Ra Ma Da Sa Sa Say So Hung is a Tibetan Healing Mantra. Happy Healthy Calm & Strong is my own personal mantra. Ad Guray Nameh, Jugaad Guray Nameh, Sat Guray Nameh Siri Guru Davey Nameh Waje Guru Ji Kay Khalsa Wahe Guri Ji Ki Fateh is a mantra of protection. Om Mani Padme Hum means love is everywhere/everything. Om Amogha Voirocana Mani Mudra Mani Padme Jvala Pravartaya Hum is the mantra of light. Om Hum So Hum is a mantra to balance our male and female energies and interestingly enough, "So Hum" or "Soham" also means, "I am that."

The "Om" on her throat relates to the sound that is used to activate the throat chakra.

"May all be happy, May all be at peace, May Peace Prevail on Earth, So be it and so it is" is a mindfulness prayer. I am not aware of it's origin but I am aware of at least two different versions.

Initially, I conceived of the figure's pose being related to release, of letting go of things that no longer served me. (As "She" is of course, Me. And you, and you, and you as well.) "I am fearless" is a reminder to me that I have at times been incredibly fearless in my actions and that I can tap into that at any time I wish.

05/11 Added 2nd coat of green. Changed the bottom so she was no longer floating. Added light blue layer.

Stay tuned for more updates on the progress of this work. JUNE 7TH SAVE THE DATE! First Friday in June is when this exhibit will open. It will then be on display until July 3rd.

You can also view all my photos from this project on Flickr.

"She is Light" Work In Progress Part 2: Drawing Her In

noreply@blogger.com (Biffybeans) — Thu, 16 May 2013 17:02:00 +0000

Stay tuned for more updates on the progress of this work. JUNE 7TH SAVE THE DATE! First Friday in June is when this exhibit will open. It will then be on display until July 3rd.

You can also view all my photos from this project on Flickr.

"She is Light: Who I Am But Only That Others Can See" New Major Work In Progress

noreply@blogger.com (Biffybeans) — Wed, 08 May 2013 18:53:00 +0000

I am at it again... creating another big transformative piece.

Every 15 months or so, each resident artist at The Banana Factory Arts and Education Center have an opportunity to exhibit their work in the main corridor inside the front entrance. Last year I went far outside my comfort zone by creating a 5x9 foot mural specifically for this event. This June will again be my opportunity to display my work and this initial vision came to me on May 1st after being inspired the day before by a specific color combination on a small (4x4") unfinished piece in my studio. I woke up and envisioned a woman surrounded by green light... I immediately grabbed my iPad and created a rough sketch (shown above) in an app called Procreate.

The next day, (May 1st) I start to explore different color combinations to match the initial "sketch". This is acrylic paint - Golden and Liquitex brands over Golden Black Gesso on a piece of recycled mat board.

To have the opportunity to try a few different color/design combinations, I take three more gessoed mat boards and sketch out the approximate proportions.

Of the three, this becomes my favorite.

I doodle over the paint - a likely direction I will head once I get all of the color on the canvas.

This is a black gessoed unstretched canvas that I currently have stapled to the wall in my studio. It is 64 inches high and approximately 52 inches wide. I created this first sketch by finding the center point. (Centering myself?) I use a white charcoal pencil to create the sketch.

I am less concerned with the figure being perfectly anatomically correct but I would like it to be somewhat balanced in all the right areas.

I use a sponge brush with black gesso to "erase" areas so I can re-work them.

For our First Friday open house, I decide to put all of the design and concept elements on display.

These elements could end up on display in the final exhibition. (See the little 4x4" canvas that inspired the color combination?)

I create a description for this work in progress to be part of my in-studio display.

"She is Light" (working title) Concept and design notes:

Large figural piece to be flanked be 4-6 18x18" mandalas in complementary colors. All pieces to be on unstretched canvas primed with black gesso. Colors inspired by small 4x4" piece. 1st mockup was created on my iPad in the ProCreate App. (Initially envisioned a bright green background)

Color swatches tested to choose colors (and determine what I will need to buy) 3 "sketches" created to work on form, design and composition.

On the theme: (subject to change)

Woman/female form representational of "self" body image, self-awareness, divine feminine, universal consciousness (all connected) - "light" pure of heart, divine spirit, we are energy, the body electric. Projecting positive energy, Love and Light, "At your core, you are perfect." - JD

Physical body posture inspired by "Miraculous Mary." Body halo (Our Lady of Guadalupe) is known as a "mandorla"

Large body over smaller - symbolic of armor, protection, fear, resistance. Yellow core = golden = perfection. Acceptance "Who I am but only that others can see" SMS 050213

These are the six mandalas I am creating to be a part of the overall exhibit. I'm envisioning three on each side of the larger piece.

They too are a work in progress.

Working with a palette knife, I begin to add the green to the background.

So you can see the design sketches.

I question why I didn't just paint the whole background green and then add the black to separate the green rays of light. This is where I've stopped for the moment.

More work on "The Six"

Closer look at some of "The Six".

Most people associate my art with the mandala since they have been such a huge part of my life for the last 6+ years, but my women figures have also played a large role in my personal growth as well as my growth as an artist because they are all in some way, self portraits of a woman discovering herself.

Stay tuned for more updates on the progress of this work. JUNE 7TH SAVE THE DATE! First Friday in June is when this exhibit will open. It will then be on display until July 3rd.

You can also view all my photos from this project on Flickr.

A visit from Nigeria's Art Ambassador Ibiyinka Alao

noreply@blogger.com (Biffybeans) — Tue, 30 Apr 2013 18:22:00 +0000

Nigeria's Art Ambassador Ibiyinka Alao ("Call me Ibi") visited my studio this past Sunday and I was overjoyed at his positive reaction towards my work.

He kept looking around at my work with a huge smile and saying, "Yes! Yes!" as if in complete understanding of who I was and what I was doing with my art. I told him that my mandalas were an extension of my drumming- of the rhythms I loved to play, and that's when he told me how his people believed that "art was music frozen in time." Can you believe that? I love it! We spoke about Nigerian (Yoruba) drum rhythms such as Ibo and and of the late great Babatunde Olatunji.

I currently have a large canvas on my wall primed with black gesso and he asked about it. I told him that it was awaiting a vision and how I preferred to work on black because of the bold way my colors look over top of it. He told me how Nigerian artists from the Osohgbo tribe often work in a similar manner.

Ibi was visiting the Banana Factory to teach a workshop as part of their new heART Series. You can read more about him and view his work here.

Donna's Mandala

noreply@blogger.com (Biffybeans) — Tue, 23 Apr 2013 09:00:00 +0000

This is Donna with her new mandala painting. I am calling it "Donna's Mandala" because it was untitled when she purchased it from me during a recent First Friday event at The Banana Factory.

I'd started this piece sometime around June of last year (2012) when I was still in studio #249 - right around the corner from where I am now. Notice that I was playing with the same colors as in the piece with the three girls.

I had no real intentions, just me and a palette knife.

A thin brush adds additional elements.

Closer.

Adding more details with a brush.

Adding red.

Closer

Closer yet.

Pondering how to proceed.

From another angle

Waiting patiently to be finished,

I decide to do my trademark white details over black and I declare it finished.
The off-center mandala. I've noticed that people seem to comment more on the off-center pieces than the ones I "try" and center. I wonder why?

Closer.

This piece had been included in a recent exhibition called "Impromptu" in the Hallway to the Arts on the 1st floor of the Banana Factory. That's also my piece on the right.

Frequently Asked Question: How did you start making mandalas?

noreply@blogger.com (Biffybeans) — Mon, 22 Apr 2013 09:00:00 +0000

How did you start making mandalas?

I had seen a drawing labeled as a mandala on a photo sharing website. It included the description: “this is a meditation i do … begin in the center and work out, breathing and praying, until i think i am finished. must be finished in one sitting.”

This was at the beginning of 2007- right around the time I was becoming much more serious about personal growth and once I tried this “meditation”, I was instantly hooked. I had already learned to access what I like to call “my higher self” through drumming and the repetition of energetic mantras so it was easy to see how this circular art form would become a natural extension of the work I was already doing. With my brain constantly working in hyper over-drive, the rhythmic nature of these creations has been one of very few things which has allowed me to shut down the chatter.

“Finished in one sitting” meant instant gratification and that’s something I needed at that time - to see physical proof of my transformative progress. And since the description of this exercise didn’t offer any specific rules on the construction of the mandala beyond working from the center out, this gave me permission to make them in any way I desired without ever feeling like I had to judge their quality. By removing the element of self-judgment and critique often connected to traditional art making, mandala art would prove to become a huge foundational element in helping me open up not only to myself, but also to future artistic possibilities.

Mandala above was the first I'd consciously created 01/06/07 after learning of the mandala meditation.

Intention is Everything

noreply@blogger.com (Biffybeans) — Sat, 20 Apr 2013 09:00:00 +0000

I choose to believe that we can greatly increase the quality of a situation by setting a specific intention prior to its inception.

Do you agree?

The mantra in the background of this piece is "Om Gum Ganapatayei Namaha" a devotional mantra to the elephant headed Hindu deity Ganesh. The mantra is repeated to bring about change and transformation.

Mixed media art (acrylic, colored tissue paper on recycled mat board) by Stephanie Smith. Original art currently in a private collection.

A Constant Work In Progress

noreply@blogger.com (Biffybeans) — Fri, 19 Apr 2013 09:00:00 +0000

We change, we grow- we are always a work in progress. What I think I know today, may very well be challenged tomorrow. A year and a half after emerging as an artist in the Lehigh Valley, I thought by now I would have a better idea of what I was doing and what I wanted to accomplish, but the truth is that I still don't really know.

So what do I know? What have I come to learn about myself? Here's a few things:

It makes me feel really good to share my knowledge and experiences. Whatever I create, that's my legacy. If I offer you a new way of looking at things or help to guide you towards your own creativity- I feel successful in my "work".
I enjoy writing and I enjoy making art. It feels good to make things.
I am mind-numbingly self critical of all my actions. I must hear "You're too hard on yourself" at least once a week. My husband is a saint for living with someone (for 26 years!) with such ridiculously high standards.
I recognize the courage required to be a sustainable/successful self-employed creative because there's no set path to follow. One must be opportunistic, resourceful, business-minded, self-motivated, forward thinking, able to communicate both written and verbally, AND have a marketable creative skill.
My time management skills need improvement. I often feel like I have too many things going on at once and I don't think each "thing" gets the proper amount of attention. This also hinders my ability to fully develop new ideas.
I learn and assimilate knowledge very quickly by observing the world round me.
My mind is constantly "on" and as productive as that might seem, I often feel like I can never really relax and "let go".
Per one of the freebie Meyer's-Brigg's tests online, I recently discovered that I am equally introverted and extroverted. (ENFP for those who want to know) I always thought I was more of an extrovert - especially having worked in retail, customer service, as a trainer, event organizer, workshop facilitator... Over the last few years, it seems as though my journey of personal growth and transformation has led me more in than out and these days, I often feel like my introverted tendencies are suffocating me.
I'm not sure I know what "happy" is. I know what it is to be content, but joy and happiness seem fleeting.
As empowered as I felt when I'd first started drumming, as an artist I often feel an awkwardness that I haven't experienced since childhood. Of not fitting in anywhere.

This was a piece as it was finished it in November of 2011.

And this is what it looks like now. As it was, it no longer seemed to fit the rest of my work, so I changed it. This leaves me to question the idea of "fitting in" and of judgment, but while I totally believe in creating for the sake of creating and creating without judgment and creating without regards to quality, there may be a time when it feels natural to improve upon what came before.

Now is that time.

This piece is on display in my studio (yet untitled) and is not yet available for purchase.

Lights Out: Reworking an old piece in a new way.

noreply@blogger.com (Biffybeans) — Thu, 18 Apr 2013 17:41:00 +0000

This is a close up of the center of a painting I recently finished.

I started this piece it in my kitchen during the Halloween Snowpocalypse of 2011. I was using a palette knife and just pushing the paint around to see what might develop.

This was as far as I got because the power went out, (it was out for days) and I somehow never got back to it. Before I had a studio, it hung in my living room along with a lot of my other art but once I moved to the Banana Factory, I took everything with me. I never wanted to sell it because I liked that it came to represent a particular moment. I told myself that once I'd created enough new work I'd take this one down and bring it back home.

A few weeks ago I brought it home and hung it in it's old spot. I expected to feel happy about this but instead, all I could see was an unfinished painting. So I took it back to my studio and decided to see what I could do with it.

No real plans, I just start expanding on what's there.

Many things I try don't seem to work and at least 5 times I'm tempted to just paint over the whole thing. I keep feeling I've "broken it" but I press on because there is no reward without risk. The worst that can happen is that I learn what not to do the next time.

I get to this point and I am somewhat satisfied with the overall balance but I push on...

and end up working in an intentional illusionary way that I've never done before and I am thrilled with the results. It reminds me of the Mayan calendar.

This piece is currently available for purchase - please message me for details.

Updated Review: Pentalic A La Modeskin Traveler's Pocket Sketch Book (Older Version)

noreply@blogger.com (Biffybeans) — Wed, 03 Apr 2013 01:04:00 +0000

*Update 04/02/2013 This review was originally published in November of 2008 but I had somehow deleted it and only just now found a backup of of the original content. I have since added a few more images of the book since finishing it in late 2010/2011. FWIW, this journal sat unused for a VERY long time because I didn't like the cheap cover material but once I started using it, I fell in love with the paper. I think it was the first blank book I used as a journal/sketchbook and blank has been my preference ever since.

I am coming back to this because I saw them in the Blick catalog and ordered one - only to discover it was a completely different product. The Pentalic Traveler Pocket Journal Sketch has different binding and whitish recycled paper. (Not my favorite paper at all.) Looking on the Pentalic website, the The Pentalic® A La Modeskin Traveler's Pocket Sketch no longer seems to be in production though I just quick snagged a few from Rochester Art Supply/FineArtStore.com - and they were cheap!

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"The Pentalic® A La Modeskin Traveler's Pocket Sketch books are economical, ecological and practical for artists, students, list makers and note takers! Acid free, recycled 60# (100 gsm) cream colored paper is perfect for writing or sketching with pencil, crayon, charcoal or pastel. Perfect bound - stitched in sections for lay flat writing or sketching ease. 160 pages/book, ribbon page marker and an elastic closure to hold the waterproof cover closed."

Flexible vinyl cover has rounded edges but the paper edges are squared. Elastic band for closure, long ribbon bookmark. It comes in the following sizes: 3x4", 4x6" and 6x8". (Sizes are approximate)

Moleskine, Pentalic and Rhodia ePure with Lamy Safari

Size comparison. Large Moleskine, Pentalic, and Rhodia ePure.

Pentalic logo on bottom rear of book.

Notched cover firmly holds the elastic band in place

Cover has rounded edges, paper edges are squared.

Extra long ribbon bookmark

Large expandable pocket inside rear cover

160 pages of 60lb/100gm cream colored unlined acid free recycled paper. Unlined is the only option. (It is meant to be a sketch book) The book opens very flat, but lays almost flat because of the design of the book's cover. (The spine creates a bump)

Sewn binding, with each signature having 12/24 stitches per signature. (Yes! Really!) Flexible cover allows it to be easily folded backwards.

Multiple inks tested in various fountain pens. Smooth paper, ink dries average. Minute feathering that required a magnifying glass to see it. Reverse of page shows only 2 tiny blood dots - so yeah, I'd say it's pretty darn fountain pen/ink friendly.

The paper happily accepted a light watercolor wash, little buckling and no bleed through. The colors blended nicely on the page.

Inside the front cover.

Watercolor and acrylic pants.

Watercolor and acrylic paints.

Markers and colored pencil.

In conclusion - this is a SEVEN DOLLAR JOURNAL. It's fountain pen ink friendly. It may not have all of my preferred features, but I'd definitely consider buying another in the future. It is made in China, which may explain the low price - but it also might have something to do with the fact that they are doing one product, with one kind of paper, in 3 sizes. That might make production more cost efficient than other manufactured that have plain/lined/graph papers. Either that, or we are just paying way too much for our Moleskines. *Note 04/02/13 I no longer use Moleskine journals

Angels in the Architecture, Spinning in Infinity

noreply@blogger.com (Biffybeans) — Wed, 06 Feb 2013 10:00:00 +0000

Neocolor crayons and acrylic paint on 8x11" colored paper, I really enjoy making these angel images because they help me to remember that we are always surrounded by love - especially at times when we are not fully able to believe in ourselves.

All of these images are currently available for purchase. Please message me for details.

Unafraid of Change

noreply@blogger.com (Biffybeans) — Sun, 27 Jan 2013 07:58:00 +0000

Every day I'm growing, transforming. I learn to compromise, yet stand up for what I believe in. I learn to speak and also when to keep my mouth shut. I learn to take more risks - like with this painting. It's the same one as shown below but I've since changed it. I always thought it was too dark and so today when I was taking down and re-hanging all the art in my studio, I decided to change it.

There is a moment that occurs in my mind whenever I take something I had previously declared "finished" and start to tinker with it. It's something along the lines of "you are going to wreck it so what do it anyway I am about to do something stupid no, you are about to do something great seriously, what's the worst that could happen? I'll just paint over it but you will have wasted all that paint so what you've got to break a few eggs if you want to make an omelet" Whew, I exhaust myself. Then I do it. But until I officially call the changes "over" I struggle all the way- hoping I've made the right decision.

This piece was previously called "Measure of Will." It was one of four pieces I created as "practice" prior to competing in the 2011 Lehigh Valley Art Wars. This was a live art competition where I had two hours to create a finished piece and since I had been fairly new to working with acrylic paints, I wanted to see what I might be able to accomplish within 120 minutes.

The now finished "Unafraid of Change" was originally painted with artist grade acrylic paints on a canvas panel. A white gel pen was used for the small detail work and a spray sealant applied over top. The "changes" included additional red paint and the use of Posca acrylic paint markers.

This piece is currently available for purchase - please contact me for pricing and additional details.

Don't Be Afraid to be Yourself

noreply@blogger.com (Biffybeans) — Wed, 23 Jan 2013 08:03:00 +0000

Just be you.

Acrylic paint and Posca markers on matboard. This piece is unavailable for purchase.

The Grass is Greener

noreply@blogger.com (Biffybeans) — Thu, 17 Jan 2013 10:00:00 +0000

October of 2008 was when I finally made the decision to quit my day job and pursue a a full-time career in the creative arts. When making a decision such as this, I can't stress enough how much it helps to be surrounded by people who will be both honest and supportive of your actions - because I don't know if I could have ever done it without them.

I can clearly remember the phone call that finalized my decision. I was discussing my tentative plans to quit with someone who cared about me but who wasn't really a part of what I would call "my support team" when they said to me, "You know... the grass isn't always greener."

This comment made me furious! My response? "Sure - you could end up in lush green pastures or a barren desert - but YOU WILL NEVER KNOW IF YOU DON'T TRY." That was my breaking point. I had been going to work every single day to sit at a desk wishing I was dead because I didn't have the courage to get out - and because of someone else's fear of living, I was being warned against fulfilling my purpose and utilizing my god-given gifts? No way. No more. Not now, not ever. I will NOT subscribe to your self-limiting beliefs.

Is it easy to work independently? Hell no! Does it make me feel like I have a purpose? Hell yes!

Will I do it forever? Who knows - this path seems like it could lead anywhere I build it. I look at the words I write, the art I create, the participants in my workshops and I still feel like I'm doing the right thing so I continue to move forward.

The image above, entitled "The Grass is Greener" is another piece that started out as one thing and continued to evolve until it reached its current state. This was one that I chose to completely obscure and begin anew because I saw no need to hang onto something I wasn't comfortable with.

It is currently available for purchase unless I decide to paint over it again. :o)

The Grass is Greener - in its current state.

The Grass is Greener prior to the final details.

What is under/obscured by "The Grass is Greener. I do not believe I ever gave it a title.

I remember being so furious at using (wasting) all that yellow paint and having it not turn out the way I intended.

Red Man: Art and Judgment

noreply@blogger.com (Biffybeans) — Tue, 15 Jan 2013 18:33:00 +0000

One late night in my studio not long after I had moved in, I placed a new canvas on my easel and started painting when my feelings about what I was doing started to spiral out of control.

I used the wrong paints and the wrong colors. I tried to paint one of my female figures in red but it came out hideously deformed and ended up looking like a twisted man. Looking at the mess I had created, I quickly closed the door to my studio and cried. Just who the hell was I to think that I was any kind of artist at all? I felt so foolish and I felt like a fraud. As a self taught artist whose works are a spiritually based expression of my soul, it is all too easy to feel intimidated by the quality of work being created by my peers - mostly because of my assumptions that the rules they've learned about artmaking somehow makes their art better than mine.

That night I pulled that piece from my easel and hid it because it was just to painful of a reminder of all the things I felt I was lacking as an artist.

Then one day, I decided to pull it back out. I could have easily painted over the whole thing but decided against it. The only thing I painted over was the Red Man because I was determined to not let him get the best of me. The blue circle came first, and then the white hand. I can remember two older women poking their head into my studio as I was pulling my hand away from the canvas. They did not seem very interested in my work and quickly moved along down the corridor. At times like this, it makes me feel as though the vulnerabilities I reveal through my expressions have no value. (Gentle Reminder To Ego: Create for ME and no one else! Also, try working with your studio door closed.)

In every workshop I teach, and with every person I coach, I talk about creating without judgment. Creating art because it feels good and resisting the urge to judge the final product. People often put a great deal of pressure on themselves with regards to quality - that something isn't worth doing if it's not done well.

At times, it feels as though I am at constant war over my wanting to create and wanting to please.

The hand felt significant. As if it somehow represented my my willingness to reach out and touch the most challenging parts of my existence. Some time later, I added the black.

More time would pass and I would add the red - a reminder that the Red Man lives within all of us.

Lastly, I added all of the tribal elements and called it complete. This piece is currently available for purchase.

Embracing my Insecurities

noreply@blogger.com (Biffybeans) — Wed, 09 Jan 2013 22:07:00 +0000

I would often find myself saying something along the lines of, "I don't know what to do with this" when I would feel a certain way about something. I would go on and on and on in my head and to anyone who would listen seeking to rationalize with the way I felt or attempting to intellectualize the situation. I would walk around feeling as though I were wrapped up in a tangled ball that I might never break free from. This would cause great pain and much suffering.

What was happening to me?

Resistance.

Not resistance as in being afraid to move forward, but resistance as in not knowing or understanding how to deal with a particular feeling/emotion. (And also maybe being afraid to move forward.)

Today, I was feeling the familiar ball starting to wrap around me as I was thinking about a particular situation I have confusion/mixed feelings about. I felt myself starting to fall back down the dark hole when a voice in my head clearly said, "Just be confused." Whoa, what? Right. I was resisting moving through the feeling of confusion by fighting with it - asking questions such as, "Why am I confused? "I don't like this thing, I don't understand how this situation should work" - so okay, be there. Be in that. It's okay to not know. It was at that moment that I made the decision to embrace that feeling: "Confusion? I love and honor you. Welcome."

I'm getting the sense that fighting one's feelings do not make them transform any faster. In fact, I'm guessing that it actually prolongs the experience because we waste energy by not simply accepting that it's okay to be where you are.

This revelation makes me wonder how in touch with my emotions/feelings I really am. Is it possible that I've been stuffing my emotions? Perhaps, but it seems as though I'm so emotional all the time! I cry easily, get angry and feel resentment and sometimes feel depressed. Sometimes I'm happy but it seems fleeting. I seem to feel more serious than anything. I express myself in a million creative ways and perhaps I think that's enough - that my writing and art allows me to move through how I feel- but if I never really acknowledge and accept where I am, it might not be enough.

Am I alone in this? Do you ever experience frustrations at not understanding your emotions/feelings?

A part of me left behind?

noreply@blogger.com (Biffybeans) — Fri, 04 Jan 2013 05:19:00 +0000

This is going to be difficult to explain, but I'll try.

Tuesday, July 31st- the day before I'd leave for the Summer Rhythm Renewal. My husband and I had just finished lunch at a local restaurant and we were walking back to my car (which was parked on the street next to this parking lot) when I saw this. Strange as can be, these footprints started just on the other side of the sidewalk where my car was parked - as if this person had exited the passenger side of my car.

Odd, oh yes indeed. I felt a strong urge to check this out since I was pretty darn sure they weren't there when we first got out of the car. I rubbed at one of the footprints with the toe of my shoe - it dispersed easily yet I couldn't figure out what it was made of. Chalk? Cement dust? Flour? It wasn't sand. I even wondered if it could be ash but it was more white then gray. And where was the origin of the "dust?" The footprints were not on the sidewalk next to the car or in the street- they seemed to just be contained to the parking lot.

The footprints crossed the entire parking lot with almost the same amount of "dust" on each footprint until last few when they finally started to fade - and even then, just a bit.

What kind of "shoe" would disperse the same amount of dust for over 40 steps? I started playing CSI looking at the size of the shoe and the distance between steps and my guess was that the shoes belonged to a small woman or younger girl.

I kept saying to my husband, "I don't understand, I don't understand... is this a joke?" The whole thing was just so strange... so surreal. For what it's worth, I was borderline obsessed with trying to figure out the origin of the footprints while my husband was almost completely disinterested in the entire situation.

I would walk back and forth across the parking lot parallel to the footprints three times trying to understand how they "appeared" there. All the while, I couldn't stop thinking if it was part of me that I was leaving behind... Maybe there are some things I'm just not supposed to understand.

My 1st Mandala of 2013: Intention :: Evolve

noreply@blogger.com (Biffybeans) — Wed, 02 Jan 2013 04:22:00 +0000

In choosing a word to represent my 2013, I selected "Evolve". This is my 1st mandala of 2013, created on 01/01/13 - also marking the start of my 7th year of mandala making. (My first ever was back in January of 2007.)

The first element of my 2013 evolution includes the way I created this mandala -one I'd never done before - which might strike you as odd, since I've created thousands...

In the very beginning, (and for a very long time) I would start with a blank page and work from the center out. The one thing I've never done until today (at least that I can remember) is to work within a pre-determined circular space. (I used a cereal bowl as my template.) I never wanted to work this way before because I didn't like the idea of be limiting possibility. And while think it can be wonderful to work with endless possibilities, but I thought it also might be time to experiment with setting boundries.

(I had also divided the circle into 8 slices, as I wasn't initially sure what I was going to do with it. That's two new things in one single piece!)

I never intended to work this piece to this extent - I think by limiting myself to keeping the mandala within the circle, it allowed me to get creative with the remaining space.

I used a single blue colored pencil and a torn and folded sheet of black paper. I think it might be Rives printmaking paper - I got it at Blick a while ago. The surface texture was great with the pencil.

The pencil by the way, is from that set of Colleen brand pencils I bought on Ebay. They are made in Thailand and I like them because they are very smooth to work with - though I'm pretty sure they are not artist quality. The lead kept breaking as I tried to sharpen it - which is why I was left with such a tiny stub.

Since I set such intention with the mandala and my chosen word for 2013, I decided to create something on the reverse as well. "Om Amogha Vairocana Maha Mudra Mani Padma Jvala Pravarttaya Hum" is the mantra of light. See the way I put her inside a pointed circle with rays (of light) emanating from it? A halo that surrounds an entire figure (rather than just the head) is called an aureola. When this almond shaped surrounds Christ or the Virgin Mary in traditional Christian art, it is known as a mandorla.

I created a similar image last year with the same words, "She is adorned in light."

What is your word for 2013? Will you immortalize it within your journal/sketchbook? Hang it on your wall? Make copies to hang at work or in your studio?

Wishing you all a year filled with abundant blessings. Happy New Year!

A New World

noreply@blogger.com (Biffybeans) — Fri, 16 Nov 2012 20:46:00 +0000

I've just come to the realization that right now, (early Nov.) is the 4-year anniversary of my having left my last "regular" job to pursue a wholly creative path. (Regular as in set hours, a steady paycheck, paid time off, health benefits, etc.)

When I was young, all I understood about the world was that you needed regular employment to survive and how more often than not, your job would be a sucky one. For the longest time it just never occurred to me that I could have a say in how I chose to provide for myself. I'd look at people who went to college and feel like their whole existence was foreign to me. That they were specially privileged in ways I could never hope to access. I can remember always being drawn to all things art related- wanting to spend as much time as possible in art class and around the art teachers in general but never imagining for even a second, that I myself could be like them. It just wasn't possible.

During high school, I applied but was not accepted into the Vo-Tech Commercial Art program. I'd also sent away for college materials from the Art Institute of Philadelphia but the booklets went unnoticed by my Mom who was doing everything she could for the two of us to barely scrape by. (I knew nothing about college loans/scholarships.) Though I had been tested early in elementary school and been given the designation as "gifted" I was a highly unmotivated student who grew more and more uncomfortable with my surroundings until I would drop out of high school literally days following my 16th birthday. Soon after, I'd start my first full-time job having moved out of my house to live with a boyfriend.

The three jobs I'd work for the next 24 years paid little and had no real room for advancement, but in every scenario I'd learn as much as possible, mostly because I get bored easily and have the need to be continuously challenged. In that time I'd learn retail sales, photography, photo-finishing on a mini-lab, customer service, merchandise display, order picking/shipping, inventory control, how to use a computer, accounts receivable, commercial collections, relationship building, how to write training manuals... In my spare time I'd learn to sell on Ebay, then started my own business making and selling jewelry at craft shows and art festivals. I'd facilitate drum circles and organize events for other facilitators, all of which included the marketing of said events via internet user groups and social media sites. I'd build websites for myself and help others maintain their web presence. I learned to play percussion and would play local festivals with a drumming group. All while working a full-time job, I'd also begin helping a friend write a book.

November of 2008 was the first time I'd come to really recognize and accept that it was possible for me to become fully self employed. That I could, and would, always figure out how to do whatever it takes because that's what I'd been doing all along to survive. Now I would just be doing it for me.

Once I set myself free, I'd continue helping my friend with his book for another year or so and would also start writing for Rhodia Drive. I'd also develop and begin to facilitate my art empowerment workshops and be invited to teach them at retreats in PA and NY. I'd begin to sell my art on Etsy and then one day, I had an idea to apply to become an artist in residence at a local arts & education center - which I would be granted just about a year ago. Another November anniversary.

During this first year of my residency at The Banana Factory, I've met wonderful people and learned more than I would have ever imagined. It's allowed me to connect hundreds upon hundreds of people to my art, and has also offered me teaching opportunities I ]wouldn't likely have discovered on my own. (Sometimes hard to realize the value of what you know.)

But even though I'm "living the dream," it's not without challenge. Overall, it's a world very much unlike any I'd ever really been a part of because you absolutely MUST be completely self-motivated, organized and disciplined with all of your actions (creative and business related) to ensure sustainability. My biggest challenges include not allowing (and maybe I just don't know how) my brain to turn off. It's all work, all the time, 24/7. I haven't really taken any time off since moving into my studio at the BF and trust me, I know how bad that is for stress and anxiety levels. (I recently started taking yoga classes which is definitely helping...)

Another big challenge is the art itself. Not the creation of it, but the WHY. I often feel like I don't belong/can't relate to other artists because I'm so unlike them. Many of the artists I come into contact with are in some way replicating what their eyes can see. They have been trained in art, (history and technique) and can translate from their eye, via what they've learned, onto a canvas and then are able to speak knowledgeably about what they have created. Lacking any formal art training, at times it makes me feel "less than" despite the billion hours I've spent creating and learning on my own because art is so often defined by historical parameters. I find myself constantly searching for words and labels like "visionary artist" and "non-objective" to help me feel like my work has value. (Dear Stephanie your work has value because YOU created it!)

The mandalas first started for me six years ago as a self-soothing exercise- a creative meditation which through their ever expanding rhythms and patterns, would help me gain focus and clarity to help transform outdated ways of thinking. (I quit my job, quit smoking, learned Reiki I & II, got my GED...) They would also allow me to connect with a higher part of myself which would in turn, make me feel whole.

While researching material for my workshops, I'd learn how mandalas are utilized across the globe for a wide variety of cultural and religious purposes - defining my own creations as process based and spiritual/therapeutic in nature. My initial pleasure was in the creation itself- in the experimentation of the form in all different kinds of media with no real fixed notion on an outcome. (Despite the fact that their quality was improving due to the sheer quantity I was producing - literally thousands...) Up until the spring of 2011, I had not "shown" any of my work locally - it had all been accessible on the web which at the time felt very freeing, but in retrospect, was pretty safe.

The most confusing aspect of my current artistic life pertains to my expressions and how they may be influenced by my perceived need for my "self-employment" to be sustainable. I'll find myself creating complimentary pieces which in turn allows for a pleasing display in my studio, but I don't know whether or not that's driven by my retail background or a refined artistic sense which has developed as part of my over all "process."

I wish I knew of others like me so I could learn from them. I'm not necessarily looking for any specific answers, just that it would be a great feeling to know that I'm not alone. Any suggestions? I probably should take a drive down to the Visionary Arts Museum in Baltimore...

The painting at the top of this post is entitled "A New World" and is available for purchase in my Etsy shop. In celebration of my 4 year anniversary as an independent artist, I'm offering FREE US SHIPPING on everything in my Etsy shop from now through 11/23. Simply enter the code 4YEARS at checkout.

A New World indeed.

Something New: Collaged Mandala

noreply@blogger.com (Biffybeans) — Mon, 15 Oct 2012 09:00:00 +0000

I got this far and wasn't sure how to proceed.

About a dozen years ago, I bought a scrapbook at a junk shop filled with old Hollywood beauties like this but I never knew what to do with them. It was time... (The center image is dated 1937)

I'm not sure what to do next. People visiting my studio this past First Friday said they liked it like this but I don't know... I think there's more to come.

This is the only ever thing I used any of those old images for. This was created as part of the 2011 Moleskine Exchange project.

Fearless ArtMaking Classes begin Sept. 20th Are You In?

noreply@blogger.com (Biffybeans) — Mon, 17 Sep 2012 01:53:00 +0000

Fearless ArtMaking is a program designed by Stephanie Smith to help you build your creative confidence. Stephanie leads this small group through a five week series of creative activities intended to encourage a fearless attitude towards personal artistic expression. Adults of any skill level need only be willing to try new ways of thinking and can in return, expect a safe and noncompetitive environment in which to create.

This is an experimental class with an emphasis on the mindfulness of the activities rather than on the quality of a finished product. Fearless ArtMaking activities will be varied and may include paint, collage, mark making, and found object assemblages.

This series will be held on Thursdays from 6:30-8:30pm 9/20-10/18 in studio #250 at the Banana Factory, 25 W. Third St. Bethlehem, PA 18015

Class is limited to 5 students. Adults 18+ Cost is $149. Materials provided. No art experience necessary. Registrations can be made via cash/check/credit card and must be made prior to the beginning of the first class. Please call Stephanie at 484-893-0336 to register.

Why Fearless?

It was my friend Jaqui MacMillan that first called me a fearless artist. When I asked her to elaborate, she explained that through her experience of art world (she was an art major in college) that many artists play it safe with regards to trying new things. This was one of the greatest compliments that I’ve ever received because she took notice. My mantra with art is “What’s the worst that could happen?” if the project doesn’t work I walk away with, “Well, I know not to do that again.” Either way, I’m always happy to share my experiences so others can feel confident when wanting to try new things.

What exactly will you be teaching?

A traditional art class may focus on teaching you a technique or developing a specific skill. Fearless ArtMaking uses mindful activities such as "Playing With Color" "Found Poetry" or "Mandala Making" to emphasize the joy of being creative without regard for quality.

What can I expect to gain from this experience?

In the past 4 years that I have been teaching my workshop "Mandala: An Artful Meditation" I can't tell you how many times I've heard the following comments: "I'm not an artist" "I want to create art but I'm no good at it" "When I was young, my art teacher told me I couldn't color the trees red and so I stopped making art." More than anything, it's comments like these that inspire me to help people take their creative power back!

EVERYONE can be an artist because to be an artist, one simply has to make art. (Art as a profession is a different topic of conversation and one for another day.) Right now, I only want to speak to the benefits of allowing yourself to be creative without anyone (including you!) being critical of the quality of your efforts. Just think about it, our lives are FILLED with responsibilities that require us to perform them to a certain degree of quality. From raising children, to performing a job, to managing a household, you get the picture. Allowing yourself the freedom to express your creativity in an unedited way- whether through art, playing music, dancing, singing, or writing, these are the kinds of activities that nourishes your soul.

Fearless ArtMaking is a journey that we will be taking together.

Participant testimonials from my past mandala workshops can be found here.

The video below shows one way that I play with color. The image above shows another.

Questions? Or want to talk to me about private lessons or a mandala workshop at your location? Call 484-893-0336 or e-mail stephanie@biffybeans.com.