Vacation is what you take when you can’t take what you’ve been taking any longer. – Lion from Wizard of Oz

Time to hang up the Wii remote and put away Super Mario Galaxy 2.  Life starts up again tomorrow.  Eli is back to school.  Marc will be back to the warehouse.  And Brenna and I will resume our weekly juggling of her naps and my availability to take merchant calls.  Add to that dogs who are tired of being cooped up in the house, cats who are constantly seeking out any sunbeam and/or warm spot to claim as their own.  And lets not forget the bills that need to be paid, property taxes that are due, and other financial issues that seem to loom over most every decision we make.

In other words, it’s a return to stress - the every day kind and the not so every day kind.

Often my first reaction to a stressful situation is to overcompensate and overwork to overcome whatever it is.  I am a big  believer in formulating a plan and then working head-down-nose-to-the-grind-stone diligently towards the end goal.  Call it the control freak in me (not out loud, that would be rude), but I find comfort in knowing “the plan” and being able to see clear progress as steps are checked off along the way.  However, there are times when the plan doesn’t seem to be coming together.  Progress can seem slow or even feel as if it’s sliding even further downhill.  When that happens, I tend to hunker down even more.  I withdraw.  I become distant, distracted, and obsessed with finding the solution.  I can become short tempered, resentful of others who appear to be taking things less seriously than I think they should.  I become a grouch (or some other word that ends in ch).

Sometimes though, the best thing I can do is step away, take a breath, and come back to tackle the problem with a clear head. And this weekend (really, the last 2 weeks), I did just that.  I stifled the urge to focus on making lists of steps that needed to be accomplished right this very minute (at least according to my plan) and tried to just breathe.  I thought this would be especially hard since it was also New Year’s weekend.  In years past, I would have been in a serious slump looking at all the things that needed to be done.  I would have then turned drill sergeant-ish and began to bark orders to all those within earshot in an attempt to get us back on track.  And I would have told those same people and myself that I was doing this because I loved each of them and that we had to keep our eyes on our (my self proclaimed) family motto of working now so we can play later.

Replacing important things in your life with work only causes anxiety to build up–not to mention that it takes the joy out of life.  Contrary to my self proclaimed family motto, sometimes in order to get the work done, one has to take some time and play now.

This holiday season has really been like a vacation – or a staycation – for me.  Vacation does not have to mean physically leaving your everyday life and jet setting to the beach. Whatever relaxes you, brings more clarity, or calms your mind during times of stress can certainly be enough to rejuvenate! When logic tells me to quicken my pace and pile on the extra work, yet my heart is reminding me of the meaningful time I am neglecting with family, friends, and myself, it’s time to slow down.

That brings me back to Mario Super Galaxy 2.  If you haven’t played it, it’s a 2 player (3 player the way we play it) Wii game that requires you to work as a team to solve puzzles in order to advance.  I remember being very, very bad at the Nintendo 64 Mario Bros games, but I love this one.  I loved the time we spent working as a team… hearing my son say, “ahh drats!  Don’t worry, we can try again.”  I loved feeling like even though it was “just a game”, somehow we had joined forces and become a super team.  We were unstoppable.  And we managed to laugh a lot.

So, like I said, tomorrow life starts up again, and tonight I will probably lay in bed making lists, but right now, I am relaxed and feeling very connected to my family.  And that’s the first step to solving pretty much all our problems!

What relaxes you, brings more clarity, or calms your mind during times of stress?

Downshifting Sometimes IS the Solution is a post from: Deliberate Legacies

Today we were having fun as a family playing Super Mario Galaxy 2.  We started playing around noon, took a small break to put Brenna down for a nap close to 2pm, and the next thing I knew, it was 5:15pm and suddenly dinner had to be dreamed up and prepared.

Nothing had been thawed out.  Neither Marc nor I had any real desire for anything in particular.  Eli, as always, was eager to throw his vote in for Burger King but with the outside temperature hovering around 5 degrees and wind gusts up to 30 miles per hour, leaving the house was out.  So, I did what many a woman has done… I stood before the pantry willing it to give me some inspiration.  That’s how “Lumberjack Hash” or “Hodag Casserole” was born (sort of a shepherd’s pie).

Thawed (LOVE, LOVE, LOVE my microwave which has an excellent turbo thaw feature) 1lb of ground turkey meat and browned it in a skillet adding a bit of salt and pepper. 

Because the turkey was very lean, there was no grease or fat to drain, so once browned, I immediately added one can of Manwich and warmed it through.  That became the bottom layer in my casserole dish.

Next I drained the juice from a can of corn and dumped it in the skillet that I had used to brown the meat without even rinsing it out -gasp!  I have to admit that I love corn… and I especially love the smell of roasted corn.  [As an aside, THE BEST PIZZA I ever had was in Ireland where they put corn on it as a topping along with the peperoni and black olives we had requested.  It was amazing!!] 

Once the corn was warmed through, it became the second layer of the casserole.

By this time, I felt things were starting to come along quite nicely.  I mean, how can one go wrong with Manwich and corn??  But still, something seemed lacking…

We are in the cheese state after all!  So, I added 6 slices of cheese.  It was quite beautiful.  Oh sure, I used Kraft, but if one was really making this for royalty, then I’d suggest using real Wisconsin cheese.  I had slices on hand.  And if you recall, it was too darn cold to venture out.  Kraft slices it was to be, and that was that, giving us the third layer.

Deciding from the beginning that this was just a variation of a shepherd’s pie, I wavered briefly between the choice of mashed potatoes or cornbread stuffing before deciding on the cornbread stuffing.  While the corn has warming in the skillet, I had prepared the stuffing according to the package directions.  Now, I added it as the fourth layer.

The final layer was a sprinkling of shredded cheddar.  Popped it into the oven which had been preheated to 375 degrees. 

After roughly 15 minutes (give or take because I multitask and therefore it’s nearly impossible to keep an accurate eye on the clock), things were warm and bubbly.

It looked and smelled good to me – all it needed was something green paired with it like a tossed salad… and the next time I fix this, I will do just that.  Instead, we had green beans.

Here are some final pictures…

What about you?  Have you ever had to improvise a meal because you either forgot to plan one or time got away from you or you just weren’t in the mood to cook anything?

Name That Casserole is a post from: Deliberate Legacies

When my brother was born, he had to spend a few extra days at the hospital because he was born with a clubfoot.  When my mother left to go get Corey and bring him home, she told me that she was leaving to get me something she knew I really wanted.  It is said that the look of excitement that shown on my 16 month old face could not have been mistaken for anything else other then sheer delight.

When my mother returned later with a bundle of “something I really wanted”, I came running to the door.  “Puppy!  Puppy!  Puppy!” I shouted as I stopped before my mother and the bundle.  My mother leaned down to show me what was wiggling inside that blanket.  I peered inside anxiously awaiting my first glimpse of the puppy I had so longed for.  There, peering back at me or perhaps at nothing at all was a pink furless Corey.  “Puppy?” I asked timidly.  “No, no puppy.  This is your new little brother, Corey.” This announcement prompted me to shriek out loud as I took off running for my bed where I spent time crying over the disappointment of not getting a puppy – the one thing I had really wanted.

How funny children are.  My little heart had been set on “something that I had really wanted” which surely everyone had to have known was a puppy.  How could I have known that at age 37 I would be sitting here thinking about how very lucky I am to have a little brother?

Corey and I have never enjoyed a “typical” relationship.  Growing up, we seemed to both exist in a state of hell that only we could see and understand since no one seemed that keen to step in and rescue us.  But no matter how bad things were, the one thing that Corey and I knew deep down was that it was us against the world.  We were a team even if there were times when we had no idea how to function as a team.

Eventually, Corey and I grew up and moved away from that environment and into situations where we had more control.  Sometimes we made bad choices and sometimes we chose wisely.  The one thing that was always constant was that I was his big sister, he was my little brother, and we loved each other no matter what choices the other made.

Now, as we both crossed over that mid-30s marker, have settled down in our married lives, become parents and grown into adulthood, it’s amazing how close we are.  What is also amazing is to have had the opportunity to go along for the ride, watching Corey grow into the man he’s become, and to share in the vision of the man he wants to be.  Over the years I have watched as my brother went from scared child to rebellious teenager; from know-it-all young adult to maturing, productive man, loving husband, caring father.  It has been a truly amazing transformation, and I am privileged to be a part of his life and growth as a person.

The little brother that I once saw as a pink, furless “puppy” has grown into a self assured man who questions life, seeks out answers, strives for improvement, shows compassion to those around him even though it was something he, himself, was rarely shown while growing up.  I have come to know and admire Corey for his willingness to change the things he can change, and his constant struggle to let go of the things which he has no control over in the first place.  I continue to be in awe of his talents.  Even though Corey has lots of “excuses” he could use to write off certain behavior, he is chosen to take responsibility for his own actions.  I have seen him turn into a loving husband and a wonderful uncle.  Most importantly, I have seen my brother go from being my great disappointment to my kid brother to being my dear friend and loving brother.

I am proud of Corey.  I am proud of who he is and of who he’s striving to become.  He is my brother – the something I may not have thought I really wanted, but the one thing I’d never give up now.

Happy Birthday, Little Brother! is a post from: Deliberate Legacies

HAH Bloggers:  Please share with us a memory or impression that has stayed with you after having attended a Hearts at Home conference or after having read a Hearts at Home resource.

My readers:  Please comment below and let me know how Hearts at Home has left an impression on you whether it was a speaker, Mom’s Night Out, girl time, or a resources!

Once you’ve blogged about your Hearts at Home exprience, come back here and link your entry. One lucky blogger, selected randomly, will win a free registration to the upcoming North Central Hearts at Home Conference!!!  You can either use the free registration for yourself or offer it to one of your readers.  Deadline for entries is Friday, October 22nd at noon central.  Winner will be announced later that afternoon.

Hearts at Home…FOR FREE! is a post from: Deliberate Legacies

Finding places for these works of art can be a bit difficult especially when I am in the midst of a OCD decluttering session.  I’ve been known to secretly toss scores and scores of future highly sought after collector’s pieces only to later face a very stern little boy who demands to know why they were in the trash.

Yes, I know that these gems can be sent to grandparents, aunts, and uncles.  Some of the better pieces are earmarked for just that.  And, of course, we’ve saved quite a few pieces for our own albums to embarrass him with later to enjoy in years to come.  But what does one do when every little scrap of paper with only one little speck of color on it is considered a masterpiece?

I read this idea the other day in a magazine (I’ve forgotten which one – probably one of those Family Life or Family Fun ones) that just made sense…  Digital photo frames!  They’ve come down considerably in price over the last few years (these have been showing up pretty regularly in Black Friday sales).  Take a picture of each masterpiece (or scan it in if it’s small enough to scan) and then just load it up on the digital photo frame.  Display the frame in the family room or in a child’s room.  Additionally, now that you have these works of art in digital format, you can also add them to any computer’s screen saver option and create a digital slide show there as well.  I like this idea so much better than the dynamic photo frames (which open up and allow you to change out a picture easily) because the pictures are ever changing.  I love when Eli comes to my desk and talks about all the pictures hanging on the wall… and I can only imagine the stories he’d tell as he watched image after image scroll by (and the noticeable improvement in his art skills).

Oh to be sure, I still hang a few prized items on my wall above my desk, but I can already tell that I am going to run out of space before long, so I’ll be switching to a digital gallary pretty soon.

Got Art? is a post from: Deliberate Legacies

Let He Who Is Perfect Cast The First Stone is a post from: Deliberate Legacies

I was pretty sure it was my last can, but I wasn’t entirely sure, so I decided this was the perfect excuse to clean out the pantry.

Cleaning out my pantry can be quite an ordeal… the pantry is the entire length of my back room and pretty much floor to ceiling (although I only keep food in the main section of the pantry).  The above thumbnail was taken as I faced the food section of the pantry.   With the doors closed, things look pretty ok.  But once you open the doors…. well, not so ok.  I tend to keep it fairly well stocked (blame that on my childhood – a lack of food then has created in me a need to stray a bit too close to the hoarding side of the line now) but not necessarily all that organized which doesn’t help when I am in need of something fast or when a friend calls and asks for some canned pumpkin.

Here are the before pictures (yes, the pictures are smallish – you don’t need to see exactly what I stock in my pantry… trust me, if it was healthy, it probably wouldn’t actually come in a can or need to be stored in a pantry but if you really must know what’s in there, just click on the image to see a larger version):

And here are the after pictures:

Here is a picture of the entire food section of the pantry:

All in all, it took me about 30 to 45 minutes to go through the pantry.  My pumpkin needing friend will be glad to know that I also looked at the expiration date of my pantry products and tossed out the ones that I felt were exceptionally old.  [Confession:  I am not a stickler for "best if used by" dates - again, blame it on my childhood.  We were happy to eat food that came from a dumpster so the manufacturer's use by date isn't quite that alarming to me.  Brownie mix should have been used by December 2009?  Holy smokes how did we go this long without making these?  Big whoop!  Bring it on!!  However, I do realize that for some people the thought of using something beyond it's "best if used by" date makes their skin crawl.  I promise that when you visit me, any food and/or beverage I serve you will be as fresh as possible and will not exceed it's manufacturers "best if used by" date. I will even save the packaging for you just to calm any fears.]

With a new and cleaned out pantry, I was able to quickly identify what items I was low on and what items I had an over abundance of – which was clearly soup… we don’t seem to be a soup eating family and yet I have cans and cans of the stuff.  I quickly added grocery items to my phone app (OurGroceries) so that next time I am at Walmart or Aldi’s I will have my list with me (woohoo no more paper lists which I would make but then leave on the kitchen counter).  If I was still using my binder system, I’d have updated that to reflect the quantities I had on hand so that I could use the binder for meal planning in the upcoming weeks.

It was odd to see items with store brands on them from stores we don’t even have in our little town (yes, THA’S how old some of these things were – we’ve lived in this town since 2004).  The oldest item I tossed out was a jar of pickle slices that had a “best if used by date” of June 2006.

Next job to tackle:  The Play Room

What about you?  What does your pantry look like?

Pantry Party… Well, Sort Of… is a post from: Deliberate Legacies

Hmm this might be worth a read.  I mean, I could always use smart advice, if nothing else, so that I had good tidbits to pass on to my friends and family, some of which would be totally lost without my constant if-I-were-you opinions sound advice (whew… barely got that typed before the belly laughs erupted – trust me, I am in no position to be giving advice to anyone), and I tried to think of any smart advice I’d received lately but couldn’t so this was truly a timely article as my reserves were running low.

The advice came from Donna Brazile – author, political commentator, and veteran campaign strategist.  I didn’t know of her (I try to stay out of politics), but the picture of her seemed charming, and l really liked her hair cut, so I read on…

Be the buffalo. Wilma Mankiller, the first female principal chief of the Cherokee nation, once told me how the cow runs away from the storm while the buffalo charges directly toward it – and gets through it quicker.  Whenever I’m confronted with a tough challenge, I do not prolong the torment.  I become the buffalo. – Donna Brazile via LYBL, June 2010 page 38

Wow.  OK, that was good.  Be the buffalo, huh?  I’d like to pretend that I am a buffalo more often than I am a cow (OMGosh!  Did I just call myself a cow?? Although to be fair, neither a buffalo nor a cow is really all that attractive.) but lately I’d be lying to myself and you if I did.

This past year and a half has been one HUGE storm for us, and it feels like I start charging at the storm to get through it faster, but suddenly the storm changes direction and force and suddenly, like the cow, I am running away from it… or at the very least chasing after it but getting no where.

Every night, I go to bed determined that “tomorrow” I will be the buffalo… I will forge on, focusing on the problem and not the distractions (my favorite line so far from this season’s Leverage), seeking to fix the things that I can fix and leave the rest to God (although I reserve the right to explain to God what I think the fix should be…I am a buffalo, not a saint).

Each morning, I wake up and by about 9am, I’m done trying… I’ve become so overwhelmed with bills, collection calls, legal notices, children, pets, “work”, dinner plans, yard work, housework, etc. that I often times don’t know where to start – what to charge at – that I curl up in the fetal position (figuratively most of the time) all the while clicking my heels and chanting, “There’s no place like home!”   It should be noted that I do that more in an effort to comfort myself than to actually get transported back to Auntie Em.

Continuing on with the article….

Go help someone. My mother wasn’t a very patient woman.  If I complained about being lonely or bored, she’d tell me to go help someone, anyone.  To this day, when I start feeling sorry for myself, I look for a good deed to do.  But I keep in mind one thing…

Ask the turtle. I’m proud to call Gloria Steinam a friend, and this advice came from her.  While on a field trip in college with her geology class, she discovered a giant snapping turtle that had climbed out of the river, up a dirt path, right to the edge of a road.  Worried it would be run over, she wrestled the enormous reptile off the embankment and back down to the water.  At that moment, her professor walked up and asked what in the world she was doing.  With some pride, she told him.  He said that the turtle had probably spent months crawling up that long dirt path to safely lay its eggs in the mud on the side of the road and that she had destroyed all that effort with her “rescue.”  Gloria tells this story to illustrate the most important lesson (political or otherwise) she ever learned:  Always ask the turtle.” – Donna Brazile via LYBL, June 2010 page 38

Two more good nuggets back to back.  I might be on “good advice” overdrive.  No, really, I do get these two points… helping others often makes me feel better about my own circumstances, if for no other reason than it takes the spotlight off of me and my issues and directs my focus onto something/someone else for a while, but before I rush out and help the first John or Jane Doe I see, I need to make sure they WANT my help otherwise I might be setting them back and making things even more frustrating for everyone.  It’s good advice to keep in mind and in practice.

What about you?  What good advice have you received lately?

Be the Buffalo and Ask the Turtle is a post from: Deliberate Legacies

My husband’s birthday was July 1st and while I threw together a very impromptu dinner (“Haystacks”) and bought him a really cute cake (from the clearance rack at Wal-Mart… cute AND 40% off!), I never properly expressed just how thankful I am that he’s a part of my life.

Dear Marc,

Hey babe!  Hope you slept well last night despite the three or four times I “nudged” you so that you’d roll over and stop snoring.  I did feel bad the first time I nudged you because it was my fault that you had stayed up so late – you were trying to help me find an image to go with yesterday’s blog post – so I waited a good 5 minutes before nudging you a second time.  It was the longest 5 minutes of my life, but totally worth it in appreciation of all that you do for me.

I know that you have been worried about a lot of things lately:  the discovery that you only have one kidney, while it makes a great joke, is concerning because of what it could mean, our finances, gathering up and sorting through all the items in the barn that we plan to sell including your prized Landcruiser and many of your clocks, and all the while still trying to be an engaging dad to our children and a loving husband to me.

I know that your love language is pretty much a tie between words of affirmation and physical touch, and I am sorry that I’ve neither had the time nor made the time to really speak to you in either language lately.  And even though the saying goes, “It’s the thought that counts…”, in marriage, I know that just the thought(s) alone are not enough (until you hone your psychic abilities more, that is).  And I forgive you for looking so surprised the other day when I announced that the baby was sleeping in her pack-n-play and we had a good 30 minutes to bring sexy back.   I know I said it in practical mode tone of voice, but sometimes my switch gets stuck in the on position… just view it as a challenge!

I want you to know that even though I am on edge – a bit more worried about things than I usually am – that I do know that together we are a pretty dyn-o-mite team, and there is nothing we can’t conquer so long as we do it together.  Besides, who else would love our quirks?  And even though you aren’t a big fan of musicals, even you’ve gotta admit that we go together like rama lama lama ka dinga da dinga dong… remembered forever… as shoobop sha wadda wadda yippity boom de boom… chang chang changity chang shoobop… that’s the way it should be, wha oooh, yeah!

I love watching the way you make being a dad look so easy… when we know it’s not (at least not all the time).  It is exhausting at times being the parents of a 5 year old boy and a 5 month old baby girl, but you never complain.  Your patience, goodness, generosity, strength of character, and caring make you THE BEST daddy our children could ever have.

Knowing that you will be here day after day for me and for our family fills me with hope and happiness – even if I sometimes hide it under grumpiness, worry, and my ever present “practical mode” personality.  I am truly blessed to have found such a perfect partner… a perfect daddy for our children… a best friend. 

I love you.

Your wife,

Thankful Tuesday – Dinga de Dinga Dong is a post from: Deliberate Legacies

Too many people miss the silver lining because they’re expecting gold. – Maurice Selter

We love food in the Benzakein household.  Eli will often come and ask me what healthy food he can eat in order to have the junk food that he really wants.  There have been times that I’ve made his favorite foods including his favorite dessert, and he would tell me he suddenly didn’t like what I knew was his favorite foods or that he was full after 3 bites but could he still have dessert?  Can’t say I blame him?  I’ve been known to rush through some darn tasty meals because I was in a hurry to get to the yummy dessert.

As the one who ususally prepares the meals, I’ve even been complimented before with the following:  “This is great, but what’s for dessert?”  (As I’ve said before, a compliment is NOT a compliment if it contains a “but”.)

How many times are we blind to the good in front of us because we’re looking past it for something better? It’s like having that really great meal but not really tasting any of it because you’re dying to get to that really good dessert.

How often do we really take the time to appreciate the good things in life… the things right in front of us or around us right now?

Take a second look at your goals.  Are they building on the good already in your life?  Are you taking full advantage of the strengths you already have? Is it worth giving up what you have for what you might have? In many cases, the answer is yes. To that I whole-heartedly say “Go for it!”  Those are the meaningful goals.

If the answer is no, try reworking your goals to include ones that complement your present life rather than substitute for it. Whatever the answer is for you, we could all use a little more appreciation for the pieces of silver in our lives.

This Is Great, But… is a post from: Deliberate Legacies