berg with fries

Then and Now

Thu, 05 Nov 2009 14:10:00 -0600

Last week Gapers Block had a link to a great Flickr set Chicago photos from years past (including a cool photo of the Hancock building being built).

Looking over the photos it was interesting to see how different the city looks now (duh), and it gave me the idea to look for more old photos of the city (most I discovered are from the 1960s) and go take photos in the exact spot the original photo was taken.

What I was struck by most once I started looking at the photos side by side was how crowded things look now. Trees, signs, powerlines, bike racks, flower boxes, streetlights, etc. Obviously things change, but it's rare that you get to look at photos of the exact same spot, side by side, from 50 years apart.

Below are the results.

Michigan Ave., looking north from Superior St. [The Water Tower in the current photo almost completely blends in, and the Palmolive Building on the right is the only real way to tell that it's even the same spot.]

Michigan Ave., looking north from Jackson Blvd.

State St., looking north from Randolph St.

Michigan Ave., looking north from the Chicago River

Looking south across the Chicago River at Wacker Dr.

The northwest corner of Dearborn and Ontario [The former home of the Chicago Historical Society from the 1890s until 1931, this building now houses a nightclub named Excalibur.]

Beards & Blogs

Wed, 04 Nov 2009 11:48:27 -0600

Pulling a Brett Favre

Tue, 03 Nov 2009 07:04:16 -0600

So remember how yesterday I said I was done with blogging? Well I had to share this.

Last night somebody commented on one of YouTube videos: "Good idea but the goofy jewish guy is a bit much."

He's probably just trying to be funny, I thought to myself. But then I looked at the person's YouTube page. And you know what? He's a Nazi.

Now you may be thinking, Josh, I'm sure the guy isn't a Nazi. But he is. Proof? He has videos with titles like European White Beauty that are filled with swastikas and photos of Hitler.

I really wanted to give this guy the benefit of the doubt. "Maybe that's just a German thing," I told the wife. "That's a Nazi thing," she reassured me. "German people do as much as they can to distance themselves from Hitler." That's what I was afraid of.

"I can't believe you just got Nazi'd," she said, shaking her head as we watched TV. Which, by the way, would be the worst idea for a spin-off of Punk'd.

Too much for my first day back?

So Long

Mon, 02 Nov 2009 09:56:04 -0600

When I first started blogging back in 2002 blogging was on the new side. I had a Blogger account back then and I remember that titles were a special feature. That's right, in order to put a title on an entry (like that 'So Long' up there) you had to upgrade to a premium account. And me, being the nerd I was am, I paid that $14.95 for the year in order to put titles on my posts.

A little bit after that Blogger realized that titles were a god given right and gave everyone free titles. And to make up for me spending $14.95 they sent me a Blogger hoodie, which I may or may not still own.

Hoodies aside, I've made friends through blogging, I've made enemies through blogging, I've raised money through blogging and I met my wife through blogging,

Over the almost eight years since I stared blogging I've written 1,507 posts, moved 5 times, started my own business and gotten married.

And now I think I might be done. Granted, I may occasionally need a place to share my movie ideas (and photoshopped posters) or to post a funny list I came up with, but for the most part I think I'm through.

I'll still be on Twitter, but while I think of Twitter as tiny blogging I know that's not the same.

You may not have known me and I may not have known you, but I appreciate it. So in case I don't come back, thanks for reading.

The Theater!

Tue, 13 Oct 2009 11:26:13 -0600

Movies that should be turned into Broadway musicals:

- When Harry Met Sally (starring Matthew Broderick and Kristen Chennowith)
- Dog Day Afternoon (starring Nathan Lane and Matthew Broderick)
- The Life Aquatic (starring Nathan Lane)
- All The Presidents Men (starring Matthew Broderick and Neil Patrick Harris)

Teaching What She Wants

Fri, 09 Oct 2009 10:07:42 -0600

There's a class of visiting foreign students that regularly crashes the coffee shop that I frequent downtown. They're herded in by their teacher, an older woman who looks like she used to be a hippie and hasn't quite let go of it. She sits with them over tea and talks with them about America. Sometimes it makes me a little angry.

Today she was talking about Michael Moore. "Has anyone here seen Sicko?" Everyone stares at her, their faces blank. "Sicko," she repeats. "It's that Michael Moore movie about America's arrogant health care system." I can't help but roll my eyes. Don't get me wrong, I'm not thrilled with heath care in this country, but I'm not going to shove propaganda down foreigners' throats.

One student recognizes what she's talking about and says. "Ah! Michael Moore. He is American trouble maker, yes?" The teacher scowls at him and says "He's an activist and a genius."

My eyes roll so far back in my head I can see my brain.

"Well don't worry," the teacher continues, "I'll show you guys Sicko next week."

No wonder the rest of the world hates us.

Testing 1, 2, 3

Thu, 08 Oct 2009 08:50:52 -0600

Scene: The wife and I are in bed, falling asleep. Her phone beeps in the other room.

Wife: (despite the fact that I'm half asleep and don't have my phone) Did you just tweet?
Me: Uh huh. It's this new program called BrainTweet. You just think it and it gets published. It's still in beta but it works well.
Wife: (elbows me) What's beta?
Me: You know, when software has some kinks and bugs and they're still working them out so they just call it beta so people know that things can go wrong.
Wife. But FarmVille is in beta.
Me: So?
Wife: What about those people that have huge farms?
Me: They've been playing for a while.
Wife: There are some inconsistencies in your story, Eisenberg.
Me: Even though something has been out for a while it can still be in beta. Some programs can be in beta for years while they're being testing.
Wife: (nods in understanding) Our marriage is in beta.

Not As Funny

Tue, 06 Oct 2009 09:21:40 -0600

Last night, while driving home from work, Wife calls me. In an excited tone she announces that the car in front of her has the license plate "MYCOUGAR".

"Wife," I say in a calm tone, "does the car in front of you happen to be a Mercury Cougar?"

There is silence. Then: "Yeah. Yeah it is."

I hate ruining a cougar joke as much as the next guy, but it had to be done for the sake of accuracy.

Too Bad, So Sad

Mon, 05 Oct 2009 10:48:58 -0600

In the early 20th century Chicago won the bid to host the 1904 Summer Olympics. This did not sit well with St. Louis. The latter city planned to launch it's own event, informing Chicago that its international sports activities would eclipse Chicago's Olympic Games unless they were moved to St. Louis. Pierre de Coubertin, the founder of the modern Olympic movement, gave in and awarded the games to St. Louis.

Chicago was also in the running for the 1952 Olympic games, but in 1947, at the final presentations in Stockholm, no one from the city showed up. Not the mayor, not any of the organizers, no one. Needless to say we didn't get the '52 Olympics either.

Friday afternoon Chicago was eliminated from the running to be the 2016 Olympic city in the first round, even after we trotted out Daley and Obama.

I love you, Chicago, but face it: The likelihood of getting the Olympic games is about the same as the Cubs winning a World Series. Why not just stick to what you do best and indite a politician.

Too Much?

Fri, 02 Oct 2009 13:34:50 -0600

Last night the wife and I are watching a commercial for the wedding reality show Say Yes to the Dress.

"You know what I'd like to see?" I ask. "A show where the groom's best man is a jerk that nobody likes and the groom has to get rid of them. Call it Say No to the Bro."

The wife chimes in: "I'd like to see a show where there's a gay guy that wants to be the wedding planner but he really doesn't have any talent and they have to fire him. The title can be Say No Way to the Gay."

I add: "What about a show where the bride and groom to be already have a kid together and they're not sure if they want to include the kid in the wedding. It can be Say Maybe to the Baby."

The wife turns to me. "That sounds like a show about abortion."

White Like Us

Wed, 30 Sep 2009 10:13:34 -0600

The wife and I are extremely white. We shop at the Gap, we watch the Food network, we read design blogs.

The neighborhood we live in, according to city-data.com, is not that white (slightly less than 20%). Which is fine by us. But I can't help but feeling that sometimes we stick out like sore thumbs. The other day for example:

"What are they staring at?" the wife asks as we drive past a stoop full of people staring.

"We're two white people in a Prius listening to Billy Joel," I tell her.

You can't argue with that.

"No Dad, What About YOU!?"

Tue, 29 Sep 2009 09:34:59 -0600

Let's cut to the chase: Hollywood is out of ideas. You think they made Spiderman 3 because they thought it was a good idea? No. It's because they couldn't come up with anything better.

But in the past few years Hollywood has moved beyond making sequels that didn't need to be made and gone one further: Completely remaking movies that were fine, if not better, as they were. Did Halloween need to be redone? What about Fame? Well I'm about to do Hollywood one better and ruin a beautiful memory from your youth in the process.

The Breakfast Club: Back 2 Detention! Bam!

As you can see in the above poster, I've even done all the legwork. James Pattinson as bad boy Bender, Michael Cera as awkward nerd Brian, Zac Effron as the emotionally tortured jock, Kristin Stewart as the shy girl Allison and Taylor Swift as preppy Claire. And because Hollywood can't just ruin a classic, but has to defecate all over it, I'm sure they're going to want to cast someone like Russel Brand as the principal.

From there you just throw in some references to Twitter and Facebook, add in a sly "C'mon dude! This is real life, not a John Hughes movie!" line of dialogue, and maybe write in a gratuitous sex scene, because hey, why not.

Seriously Hollywood, why haven't you called me yet?

Spiderlurgist

Fri, 25 Sep 2009 06:57:47 -0600

Last night, while making the wife a mojito, I unknowingly muddled a spider in with the mint.

"Dude, there's spider in here," she tells me. We both stare at the tiny, broken up pieces of spider for a second and then try and get it out, her with her fingers and me with a spoon. While we're scooping I suggest "Maybe this is how you get your superpowers." She laughs and we continue scooping.

When we're done we head to the living room, and as an afterthought she tells me, "Oh, and earlier today I microwaved a fruit fly with my coffee."

"Dude!" I yell, "You're totally getting superpowers!"

Thrifted

Tue, 22 Sep 2009 06:35:14 -0600

The other day the wife and I stopped by a thrift store in our new neighborhood. She got a beautiful old cabinet that we devoted our weekend to, stripping the layers and layers of paint off of (we're still not done). And while she found beautiful furniture to enhance our home I walked around looking at the crap.

It's nice when you can get all the clothes that your group needs to be the Village People in one place, isn't it?

You might have noticed this on the first photo, but for some reason they keep writing 'Obama' on all the price sheets. If you have any clue what this is about please share the knowledge.

And then there was this beauty. Boy, oh boy, do I hope they were just abbreviating jewelry box. [Places index finger into collar of shirt, pulls exaggeratedly, flexes neck, makes unsettled noise.]

Limited Engagement

Mon, 21 Sep 2009 11:02:01 -0600

While I would by no means consider myself a small business consultant, more and more my job has found me working with small businesses as they get their start. Working with places like restaurants, bakeries and bars you get a sense of what works and what doesn't. The other day I went to check out a new coffee shop a few blocks from my apartment that opened a last week. Unfortunately I don't think the place is going to make it.

For starters the place has "24/7" it it's name. Which is not bad, except for that fact that it's only open from 6 in the morning until 3 in the afternoon. That's more like 9/7. It doesn't have outlets. It doesn't have wifi. It doesn't have tea (iced or hot) which I greatly prefer to coffee. On top of all that (and this is just a matter of personal preference) it plays the smooth jazz station.

It's businesses like this where I want to take the owner aside. I want to sit him down over a cup of tea (or, in this case, coffee) and tell him everything he's doing wrong. I want to let him know that shoving a sofa up against a far wall and throwing a blanket over it doesn't give it a "coffee house vibe", it makes it feel like a basement kids hung out in during high school.

I want to tell him that he needs to invest in things like wifi if he wants people to become regulars, and he needs to buy more than just one brand of sugar (Sweet & Low). And I want to tell him not to spend his money on unnecessary things like the thick, fancy napkins (which, sure, are nice, but not as nice as the internet).

I want to say all this to him, but more likely, the next time I stop by the coffee shop it will just have a sign on the door that says something like "Closed for remodeling" and never open again.