Women, Clarity & Power

Austin, Kathryn Bigelow, and International Women's Day

2010-03-09T01:04:17Z

Austin, Kathryn Bigelow, and International Women's Day

I'm still basking in the reflected glory of "Hurt Locker" director Kathryn Bigelow's unprecedented win as Best Director last night. Seated right in front of her ex-husband, favored heavy hitter James Cameron ("Avatar"), she swept away the evening's biggest Oscars, including Best Picture. Success is sweet.

When Barbara Streisand, who herself was passed over for the Best Director honor, opened the envelope, she said it all: "Well, the time has come."

It was a great overture to today's celebration of International Women's Day.

Here in Austin we always think globally and act locally. So the Austin Commission for Women is celebrating Women's History Month with "Living Legacies: Honoring Women's Activism Across Generations." Speakers include GENaustin executive director Julia Cuba and Chicana librarian and activist Martha Cotera. I'll be attending, and I hope to see you there, at 5:30pm on March 23 in the Austin City Hall Atrium. Click here to register.

Top 3 Signs You're Overdue for a Do-Over!

2010-03-08T02:01:02Z

Are You Overdue for a Do-Over!?

As a life coach, I'm privy to the situations and conditions that prompt women to claim their Do-Overs! I'll tell you now: these are the top 3 signs that you're overdue for your Do-Over!

1. Exhaustion. When we're at our best, doing what is meaningful to us, we feel energized. When we're just going through the motions, we feel drained. Maybe all those naps you're taking aren't about the change in season after all.

2. Envy. Do you find yourself feeling jealous rather than elated when even your dearest friend shares her success stories? That doesn't mean you're a bad person. It means you're trying to tell yourself there's something missing in your own life. So listen up!

3. Tears. This one is a vivid memory for me. Remember the triumphant final dance scene in the movie "Flash Dance"? You know, "Oh, What a Feeling"? Well, instead of jumping to my feet and clapping, I started crying. Deep down, that was a feeling I knew I was missing.

(PS -- If you're overdue, come to my Do-Over! mini-retreat for women on March 27. Click here for details.)

Backward Glance

2010-03-02T14:07:18Z

Backward Glance

Usually, I'm exceptionally good at staying in the moment. I never look back. But this morning I'm feeling fretful, wishing it were still the weekend.

Ross and I took a long one on the ocean in Santa Monica. Each morning we walked down the beach, past the pier, to a crepe cafe, where I ate all my favorite breakfast ingredients on a baguette. Saturday we spent at the Getty Villa and Getty Center. Sunday we spent at the Huntington Botanical Gardens. Some of our favorite spots in the world. Each evening we crawled into the most perfect bed in the world. I could live in that bed.

I wish I had photos to include here, but we were so absorbed in each perfect moment of being that we didn't bother to record it. This backward glance will have to suffice.

Friday's Do-Over! Workshop Featured on "Austin Live"

2010-02-23T00:11:39Z

Friday's Do-Over! Workshop Featured on "Austin Live"

Host Michelle Valles made me feel right at home on set with the smart girl-talk. Click here to hear our conversation about women's Do-Overs! and my advice on the top three Do-Over! mistakes for you to avoid.

And don't forget to register online for Friday's workshop, before we sell out!!!

Would His Girlfriend Work There?

2010-02-21T23:37:03Z

Would His Girlfriend Work There?

I met a smart, engaging young man at a tweet-up the night before the Texas Women Lawyers annual conference in Houston last Friday. He's a future litigator, in his final year of law school. Amongst other things, he told me that he won't accept an offer from the big-law firm he worked at last summer.

Because his girlfriend wouldn't work there.

Do tell, I urged him.

Said girlfriend is also a lawyer, just out of law school. Her mom is a lawyer, too, with the same horror story that all women-lawyers-of-a-certain-age tell about trying to get their first job. "There's a reason," he explained, "that my girlfriend's initials are ERA."

Anyway, he described this firm as the kind of place where "the partners had married their secretaries." And, he added, he'd like to work at a place where he could share with his girlfriend the stories he'd heard at work that day. Obviously, the stories he did hear weren't repeatable to a professional woman with the initials ERA.

My two immediate thoughts: First, why don't these dinosaur law firms understand the obvious? Second, it's these kind of enlightened young men with ambitious girlfriends, wives, and daughters who will be mission-critical to achieving real gender-equity in the workplace.

As he took his leave, I said good-bye feeling quite a bit more optimistic than usual.

One Week Until Do-Over! Benefit for GENaustin

2010-02-19T10:49:05Z

One Week Until Do-Over! Benefit for GENaustin

I can't believe we're counting down the days until my Do-Over! reinvention workshop for women. I've been planning it with GENaustin since last fall.

Would you help to spread the word by sharing this post? The more women attend, the more money we raise to help middle-school girls develop the confidence they need to make wise life choices. As a life coach for women, I like to joke that the mission of GENaustin is to put me out of business!

Is it time for your Do-Over!?

In this fun & informative workshop, you'll hear stories and strategies
to inspire and guide your reinvention
from my new audiobook
Do-Over! How Women Are Reinventing Their Lives.
Whether you're looking for a major overhaul or a minor adjustment,
you'll leave with your own reinvention roadmap.

Friday, Feb 26
8am - 9:30am
El Sol y La Luna
600 E 6 Street
Austin, Texas

$25. per ticket
$20. girlfriend discount (2 or more registrants)

Click here for details & registration

All ticket proceeds benefit GENaustin
(Girls Empowerment Network)

Free Do-Over! Workbooks Available Online

2010-02-03T17:37:48Z

Free Do-Over! Workbooks Now Available Online

As a coach, I'm all about the practical strategies--concrete, actionable ways for you to create the change you want.

So I wrote four companion workbooks to go with my new audiobook, Do-Over! How Women Are Reinventing Their Lives. Listen to an essay, then go to the workbook for corresponding exercises and tips.

If you're wanting to reinvent any part of your life, the workbooks will help you design your own reinvention roadmap. Your four options:

TRANSITION, for women who are reaching for something more
CAREER, for working women with ambitions
MOTHERHOOD, for moms who do it all
PRIME TIME, for women over 50 who know the best is yet to come.

You can download any or all of the workbooks FREE online. Click here to download.

Do-Over! Featured in Austin American-Statesman

2010-02-01T13:54:42Z

Do-Over! Featured in Austin American-Statesman

I always love a conversation with the Statesman's Life Guide columnist Sarah Beckham. She's curious and smart, so she goes right for the questions in the central nervous system.

This morning she writes about our last conversation, all about my new audiobook, Do-Over! How Women Are Reinventing Their Lives. You'll learn how I define a Do-Over! and how to notice the signs and symptoms that you may be ready for a Do-Over! of your own.

Click here to read the article.

(PS--I hope to see you at the book launch party this Thursday, Feb 4, at BookWoman bookstore, 5501 N Lamar, Austin. Free and open to everyone!)

My Do-Over! Sign from the Universe

2010-01-30T15:27:58Z

My Do-Over! Sign from the Universe

I didn't need a sign from the universe to confirm my Do-Over! I knew in my bones it was the right decision. But I got one anyway.

It came my last year in academia. I intended to resign in May, after 17 years on faculty. Early that fall, a young man showed up in my class wearing only his skivvies. And I do mean, only his skivvies.

I politely asked him to go get dressed and return, but he refused. "I paid for this class," he replied, settling into his seat. I spent a few more moments trying to persuade him and quickly realized that this must be what it's like trying to reason with a two-year-old. Impossible.

I didn't think of any of the strategies the Monday-morning quarterbacks later suggested: to summon the campus police, or tell the other students to handle the situation. Instead, I took a few minutes to gather myself, and gave a kick-ass lecture. I wasn't going to let him cheat the entire class out of their day's education.

Sometimes the world makes our Do-Over! easy to embrace. A partner cheats, or a boss gives the promotion to someone else. Or a boy shows up in his tighty-whiteys

(PS: My new audiobook makes its debut this Monday. Do-Over! How Women Are Reinventing Their Lives. It's filled with more Do-Over! stories.)

Your Career: How to Boost Your Confidence

2010-01-29T17:09:52Z

Your Career: How to Boost Your Confidence

Yolanda Sangweni, the "Career Fridays" columnist at essence.com, interviewed me for today's column.

In "How to Stand Out in the Workplace," I outline a half-dozen strategies you can use to boost your visibility, your value, and your confidence. Click here to read my advice!

(More career coaching: "Top 10 Unwritten Rules That Could Sabotage Your Career")

That Darned "Woman Problem"

2010-01-29T00:53:29Z

That Darned "Woman Problem"

One of my smart, successful lawyer friends forwarded me a recent report from Above the Law: A Legal Tabloid. An uber-articulate big-law partner, all she could manage to write: "absolutely incredible!" It seems that the New York State Bar Association was offering a double-header of conference panels to help women lawyers fix their problems. (Well, they offered as much as help as they could, since apparently the fundamental problem is: you're a woman!) In brief:

Panel I:
THEIR POINT OF VIEW: TIPS FROM THE OTHER SIDE
A distinguished panel of gentlemen from the legal field will discuss the strengths and weaknesses of women in the areas of . . .

Panel II:
WHAT'S OUR PROBLEM: CURRENT ISSUES FACING WOMEN

Oh, but wait! You haven't read nuthin' yet. If you want to know what men really think of women, read the comments. Warning: some are highly offensive.

What Would Julia Do?

2010-01-27T01:42:05Z

What Would Julia Do?

I've been mumbling this mantra lately, and today I came across the perfect greeting card to share the sentiment. It's produced by Cara Scissoria, out of Los Angeles. Artist Catherine McNight has designed a really smart and fun collection of collages that offer a twist on iconic images, many of them political. (You can buy the Julia Child card online at a reasonable $3 each, and no shipping charge!)

I recently published an essay on "Julia Child's Devotional Life" in my monthly "Get Clear" eletter. If you missed it, click here. If you're not already a subscriber, make sure to sign up for the free eletter--that's where I post my longer pieces.

Last Chance for Houston Mini-Retreat

2010-01-23T02:26:55Z

Last Chance for Houston Mini-Retreat

If you haven't already heard, I'm holding a "Return to Clarity" mini-retreat for professional women next weekend, in Houston. Just wanted to let you know that registration closes on Monday, Jan. 25, if you're wanting to attend. I'd love to have you join us!

RETURN TO CLARITY
mini-retreat for professional women

Take your success to the next level:

embrace ambition
take back your 'mirror'
replace outworn strategies
control your time
refocus on what matters most

several seats still available!
CLICK HERE TO REGISTER

Saturday, January 30
10am to 1pm
Houston, Texas
$149. per person

Details and registration:
http://www.anndaly.com/workshops

sponsored by the Houston Association of Women Attorneys

Zen Advice from Working Mother magazine

2010-01-15T22:27:26Z

Zen Advice from Working Mother magazine

Working Mother editor-in-chief Suzanne Riss tells a fun and instructive story in her column this month:

After a particularly exhausting battle to get her five-year-old son to dress appropriately, Riss overhears a woman on the morning train talking about "Zen parenting." She considers the commuter guru's instructions: "Try to see what's going on through the child's eyes."

The next morning Riss gave it a shot, listening intently to what her son had to say about super-hero T-shirts and boring pants. The conversation may have been circuitous, but it was civilized. Even her son acknowledged success: "I didn't yell."

Here's the lesson Riss draws, and it's one we can all use, whether we're tussling with kids, partners, or colleagues:

"I've found out it's hard to truly listen when I'm thinking about what I have to get done and what I wish I'd gotten done yesterday. Multitasking is clearly antithetical to being Zen. So this New Year's, I'm taking a vow to be completely present in the moment."

Ask Not "What Are You Doing?"

2010-01-13T01:10:28Z

Ask Not "What Are You Doing?"

I'm suspicious of people who like to tell everyone how "busy" they are. And I'm uncomfortable with those who are constantly moving and doing. (This is my husband's existential challenge to me. In our decade together, I think he's become less fidgety and I've become more tolerant. Or at least I know when to leave the room.)

Instead, I admire those people who can float through the morass with grace and poise. Or weather the chaos with both feet planted sensuously in the rich earth. That's something that attracted me to modern dancer Isadora Duncan, the subject of my first book. Strong at the center, light at the edges. That's how she comported herself. She never, ever hurried.

Remember those TV commercials? I think they were TV commercials, for an anti-perspirant. "Never let them see you sweat."

The other day I heard this poem by Oscar Wilde read on ABC Radio National, Australia's public radio. (We're visiting Ross's rellies in Sydney.) Wilde was another turn-of-the-twentieth-century artist who moved calmly through tempestuous tides with exemplary self-possession and style. Here's what he says about doing nothing:

Action is the refuge of people who have nothing whatsoever to do.
Its basis is the lack of imagination.
It is the last resource of those who know not how to dream.
Action is limited and relative.
Unlimited and absolute is the vision of him who sits at ease and watches,
Who walks in loneliness and dreams.
So completely are people dominated by the tyranny of this dreadful social ideal
That they are always coming shamelessly up to one at private views and other places that are open to the general public and saying, in a loud, stentorian voice,
"What are you doing?"
Whereas, "What are you thinking?" is the only question that any civilized being should ever be allowed to whisper to another.
Contemplation is the gravest sin of which any citizen can be guilty.
In the opinion of the highest culture it is the proper occupation of man.
Let me say to you now that to do nothing at all is the most difficult thing in the world.
The most difficult and the most intellectual.
It is to do nothing that the elect exist.
The contemplative life--the life that has for its aim not doing but being--
Not being merely but becoming--
This is what the critical spirit can give us.
The gods live thus.
-- Oscar Wilde, 1890