Last year at this time, I was very pregnant and very miserable. Josh and Jude took me to brunch, and during the week following the holiday, I was treated to a massage, manicure/pedicure, and a hair cut. It was wonderful and just what I needed. This year was different.

This year, all I wanted was to spend time with my family. I had spend the better part of the past six weeks stuck in bed, and I was tired of missing out on, well, everything. So, last night I threw some steel cut oats into the crockpot and turned it to low. I grabbed the overripe bananas from the freezer and put them in the fridge to thaw. I made sure the kitchen was only a bit of a wreck instead of a hot mess. And then Josh and I went to bed.

This morning I woke up to the smell of apples and oats and cinnamon and brown sugar. The kids slept in. I made banana bread. The kids woke up. We ate. The four of us went to the park together (and brought the banana bread to share). For the first time in a long time, I was able to give both Jude and Ramona my undivided attention. Josh pushed Ramona in the swing, and Jude and I played ball. While I pushed Ramona, Josh and Jude ran around the park. We strolled home, played on the bed together, ate lunch, went back to the park. Tonight we ordered pizza. Simplicity was today’s watchword.

I love being “Mama” to Jude and Ramona. I can’t imagine that any other profession would bring me a fraction of the joy they do. These kids of mine make my heart so unbelievably happy. Oh! And my husband! My amazing, loving husband. I am indebted to Josh for his ability to know, without me saying it, that what I needed on this day was his presence so that I could be more present with both kids. I have somehow ended up with the most stellar family, and for them, I am so, so grateful.

So, the boy started t-ball four or five weeks ago. Today was the first day I was able to take him. I’m finally up on my feet and getting around. In my infinite wisdom, I decided to take the bus to the park field house so that I didn’t have to walk nearly two miles round trip. What I neglected to take into consideration is the considerable pain in the ass taking a stroller on public transit is. We’ve lived in Chicago for three and a half years, and today was the first day I took a stroller on the city bus. And Science help me, I never want to do that again. The ride to the field house was only bad. The ride home was terrible. More on that later.

After walking (in the rain) and hauling the stroller onto the (overcrowded) bus, we arrived at the field house. We were a bit early, so I encouraged Jude to run, run, RUN off some energy before his t-ball clinic started. All went well and when it got close to three o’clock, we headed inside. After getting Jude situated, Ramona and I went to play in the pre-school room. It was lovely. She was having a great time playing with the other babies and putting everything she could find into her mouth. Ten or fifteen minutes into the clinic, Jude came into the pre-school room. He wanted to check on me. (Sweet) He wanted to see Ramona. (Adorable) He doesn’t want to play t-ball, he wants to play with Ramona in the pre-school room. (What?) COME ON! Here’s the thing-normally, I wouldn’t care. Really. If he doesn’t want to do whatever it is we’ve set out to do, fine. We can change course. But! I’m hurting so, so much right now. And getting to t-ball really stretched me physically. And the whole thing just frustrated me. AND! Then things got worse.

We packed up and headed home. I checked the bus tracker, and it told me I had eight minutes until the next bus. We got to the stop and waited. And I checked the bus tracker again, and we waited some more. And then we waited. And Hey! Look! Bus tracker says a bus should be approaching. But it never did. Twenty or so minutes later, we were still waiting for the bus, and Ramona was screaming because she wanted to eat. Fine. I took her out of the stroller and latched her on. And then the mother fucking bus pulled up. So there I was, supporting a nursing Ramona in the cross cradle position with one arm, driving the stroller with the other, and wrangling Jude verbally. The bus, of course, was packed (again), and we got all the way to far end before someone offered me a seat. Thanks MisterOnlyGuyOnTheBusWithAnyManners. Finally, we got to our stop, and I somehow get us all off the bus and eventually, home.

So here we are. Honestly, my frustration has waned even since I started writing this post, but still! Child of mine! First-born whom I adore… Please. Cut me a break. I do understand that in his not quite five years on this planet, Jude really can’t grasp how much traveling today took out of me. He just doesn’t understand. And the nuance between being angry because I’m hurting and had a shitty time getting to and from t-ball and being happy to suck it up and get him to where he needs/wants to be even though I’m hurting is lost on him. But after all his talk this morning about being excited that I was going to take him to t-ball and how he wanted me to see what he was doing, he just wasn’t happy to be there. And that’s where I’m stuck.

Why, oh why didn’t that boy of mine tell me he didn’t want to play t-ball today before we schlepped it to the bus?

I’m happy to report that after nearly a month of bed-riddenness, I’m starting to feel better. Today I took care of some breakfast duties, got lunch ready and served, folded and put away towels, played with the kids in the playroom, did three sets of my PT exercises, and took care of most of dinner. I was on my feet more today than I had been in the previous three weeks combined. It was great to play with Jude again and to let Ramona play somewhere other than the bed. Additionally, Josh was able to work nearly three full days this week. On Wednesday and Thursday, Helen and Cathrine took turns hanging out and helping us while Josh was gone. Today, we survived alone.

So! Goals for the next few days:

1. On Sunday, accompany Jude to CeCi’s birthday party
2. On Tuesday, take Jude to t-ball
3. On Wednesday, take the kids out for coffee with our neighborhood artist friends
4. On Thursday, take Jude to soccer
5. Get the kids to the park on nice-weathered days

Wish me luck!

Welcome to your ninth month of life and your first “Dear Ramona” post on this blog. I started writing letters to your brother when he was about eight months old, so I guess it’s fitting that I’m getting a late start with you, as well.

This past month, you welcomed your fifth tooth into your mouth. Those sharp suckers sure do make you cranky. Luckily, you have a super cute amber necklace and chamomile homeopathic remedy to help with the pain and fussiness.

You’re a very, very talkative child. You babble and squeal and sing all. the. time. I think you’re going to be an early talker, though time might make a liar out of me.

Solid food doesn’t agree with you, but that doesn’t stop you from wanting it ever so badly. So far, you’ve liked everything you’ve tried (except maybe carrots). Avocado was your first food, and then you tried bananas. You’ve also had blueberries, strawberries, apples, pears, black bean soup, split pea soup, lentil soup, and curried eggplant and lentil soup.

In March, you accompanied me and Uncle Shawn to a 10pm showing of The Hunger Games. I wasn’t thrilled with the film (Come on. Woody Harrelson as Haymitch? Really?), but I was so happy that you slept the whole time. I love the age you’re at–you’ll still sleep wherever we are, as long as you can eat and get snuggly in my arms.

You been crawling and standing and cruising for a while now. Both Papa and I think you’ll be walking sooner rather than later. Whenever Jude plays the pre-set songs on his keyboard, you stand up, wave your arm(s), and bounce around to the best of your ability. Signing seems to come easily to you. You learned to sign “milk” and “more” really, really quickly. You’ve been waving and clapping for a while now. You’ve almost got the “high-five” down pat. I’m amazed by all you’ve learned in these first nine months of life.

Ramona, life since your arrival has been… hectic. And wonderful. And tiring. And amazing. I didn’t know (and still sometimes don’t know) how I’d manage with two children so far apart in age, but now that I’m in the midst of it, I’m happy. That’s not to say that at times things aren’t tough. I can’t get over the guilt of not being able to give both you and your brother all of my attention, but I’m trying my best. I know things will get easier, eventually, and for now I’m going to do what I can to live in the moment and soak up every minute I can with you.

I love you. Love,

Mama

Good news! Today I was able to assemble and cook a quesadilla for Jude. That means I was on my feet for a solid… 7-10 minute. Progress, people. Progress.

Bad news! I had gotten word about a PT clinic that operates on a sliding scale for payment. Unfortunately, I live outside the area the clinic makes that option available to.

Good news! The chiropractic adjustment that I got yesterday seems to have done something good. Bonus good news! I have another appointment in the morning.

I’ve really felt disconnected from Jude since this flare-up began. Ramona and I spend our days together on the bed, but that’s just not interesting or exciting enough for a nearly 5-year-old kid. So, Jude has been fending for himself–playing his DSi, watching videos, building, pretending, etc. We’ve had a number of friends come by at various times to take him out to the park or story time or t-ball or soccer. That’s been especially rough for me. I’m missing out on a ton of stuff, and I’m sick of it. Jude also seems to be having a tough time being without Josh or me. Today he told me that he needs to have his parents at t-ball or he’ll cry. So, my goal is to get him to t-ball myself next week. I don’t know what will happen with soccer tomorrow. Maybe he’ll skip it, or maybe I’ll be scrambling to find someone to take him when he (inevitably) changes his mind at the last minute and decides he wants to go.

I’m really hopefully that I’m on the mend, though I hesitate to write that out loud. Keep the good thoughts coming, if you don’t mind. Jude’s next t-ball practice is just around the corner.

Thanks to our good friends Cathrine, Louise, Meg, Helen, Joslyn, and Christine, we’re pretty well set on food for this week.

Yesterday, Cathrine brought over pasta with marinara sauce-enough for dinner last night and lunch today.
This afternoon, Louise brought over a fritatta-hello dinner tonight!
Just now, my neighbor Meg left a pitcher of curried eggplant and lentil soup outside my door-tomorrow’s lunch.
This morning, I received a message from my friend Helen saying she wanted to bring lunch over tomorrow.
Yesterday, my friend Joslyn offered to bring us dinner on Thursday.
Also-Christine brought us cookies two days in a row. I love her. (Hey, Christine! What’s the first rule of baking chocolate chip cookies? Don’t leave the kitchen!!!)

On Friday we’ll probably finish up the quinoa/black bean burrito filling and pasta for lunch, and by the looks of the pitcher Josh just retrieved from outside our door, I’ll say there will probably be enough of the soup from Meg for us to have it again for Friday night’s dinner.

I am continually blown away by the generosity of our friends. I think I said that last night, but it bears repeating. Thank you, thank you, thank you, friends. Without you all, we’d be in a whole lot of trouble.

Yet, in the midst of all this suckiness, I’m happy and grateful. We’ve had friends offer their help and support in so many areas: taking Jude to the park/t-ball/library/story time; coming over and massaging my back; bringing us food; coming over to sit with me and lend a hand with Ramona while Josh is off at meetings. The list goes on and on and on (and I haven’t even mentioned my incredible acupuncturist, David, and his great staff who got me in to see him the same day I called, or Dr. Meggie, my chiropractor, who saw my distress posted on Facebook and called me to schedule an appointment). Our community of friends is incredible. I have never met such a generous group of people.

So here’s a public thank you to all of you who’ve helped and to those of you who’ve keep us in your thoughts and sent me healing vibes. We’re lucky to have you in our lives and we hope that if you ever need any help or support, that we’re able to do for you what you’ve done for us. Cheers!

So! Here’s what’s cooking this week!

Katrina Soup (Lentil and vegetable soup-super easy to make and really freaking yummy!) -From the freezer
Quinoa and black bean burritos/quesadillas -From the freezer
ALTs (Avocado, lettuce, and tomato sandwiches)
Breakfast for dinner-Scrambled eggs with tomatoes, peppers, and spinach and bagels with cream cheese
Black bean tostadas

Later in the week, if I can physically manage it, I’ll likely make the following:

Stacked roasted veggie enchiladas
Curried Vegetable and Chickpea Stew

Both of these recipes are ah-maze-ing, and, bonus, they’re chock full of veggies! If you end up trying any of the recipes I link to, please leave a comment and let me know how it turned out!

Happy eating!

Jude has energy, and lots of it. He go, go, goes from the minute he wakes up in the morning until the second he falls asleep at night. Finding ways to meet Jude’s need for movement and exercise and one-on-one interaction has been a real struggle since Ramona’s birth. It still is today, nearly nine months later.

Physically, I’m still struggling with the herniated disc issues I wrote about back in 2010. Actually, I’m in the midst of a really terrible flare-up that has had me bed-ridden for two weeks. Even taking these specific, acute injuries out of the scenario, I still have a hard time running and climbing and physically playing with Jude. Some of it can be blamed on the fact that I’m always wearing Ramona. An extra seven, ten, fourteen pounds make for hard running and climbing. Beyond that, I’m just out of shape. Simple movements, like bending, are hard for me in the best of times. So, once this back/leg pain lets up, I’m going to just commit to exercising. I’ll do my physical therapy exercises daily (and hopefully get to go for some instructed PT somewhere), and I’m going to start jogging. At thirty years old, my body is failing me. I need to figure out how to support it so that I can start interacting with my children the way I want to.

Emotionally, it’s hard for me to not be giving either child all that I can give. Jude ends up playing on his own a lot more often these days because Ramona won’t nap unless I’m lying right next to her (this is one way that she is very similar to Jude as a baby). Ramona doesn’t get all the cuddles that Jude got at her age because I’m constantly trying to direct my attention toward Jude, who most definitely needs and desires more of my focused energy.

Still, we’re making it work. One thing I’m really grateful for is Jude’s smooth transition to being an “only” to being  a big brother. Sure, for the first few weeks he had more meltdowns than usual, but considering his world had been turned on its side, I don’t think that was an inappropriate reaction. Luckily, he has only shown his sister love and affection since her birth. He relishes the chance to help me take care of her, and will even consent to letting her play with his plush Pokemon toys. I think that speaks volumes about his love for her.