http://www.oprah.com/shiftyourlife/strategies-for-getting-unstuck/all

Harvard Business Review

How Perfectionists Can Get Out of Their Own Way

GOOD Magazine

Full article archive

Mind Body Green

3 Tips To Stop Taking Criticism So Personally

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Full Instructions

Mindfulness is about paying non-judgmental attention to either (A) whatever comes into your awareness or (B) focusing on a specific sense, like sound.

I’ve written slightly more detailed instructions below, than what I could fit into the calendar. If you have physical limitations or injuries, obviously skip anything that isn’t safe for you.

Day by Day Plan

Day 1: Pay attention to the smell and feel of the lotion and the sensations of rubbing it onto your feet. If un-related thoughts enter your mind, gently refocus on the sensations of the foot rub. If judgmental thoughts enter your mind, like “This feels good” gently refocus on the moment – to – moment sensations your experiencing.

Day 2: Same as above but for showering. Pay attention to the sounds of the water and the feel it making contact with your skin.

Day 3: Pay attention to the sensations of your body moving e.g, gravity as you lift your leg. Notice any external awareness that comes into your mind (e.g., sounds you hear) and let these sensory experiences come and go however they do.

Day 4: Pay attention to the sensations in your face as smile.

Day 5: Pay attention to the face of someone smiling at you, and perhaps their body as they smile.

Day 6: Focus on a particular aspect of the song, like the drums, or let different aspects of the song come into and out of your awareness however they do.

Day 7: Like the walking example, but for getting out of bed. Notice your body, how it makes contact with the sheets, floor etc.

Day 8: Notice the sensory experience of taking two bites of food.

Day 9: Notice the sensory experience of taking two sips of a drink. You’ll likely be more mindful as you consume the rest after consciously being mindful for the first two sips.

Day 10: Same as for getting out of bed.

Day 11: Listen to any sounds you hear, it could be the hum of an appliance, the sound of your breath etc. Don’t judge any sound as good or bad. Listen to one sound until another sound comes to the front of your awareness.

Day 12-14: Self-explanatory.

Day 15: Concentrate on the sensations of breathing out slowly. Allow your breath in to take care of itself and pay attention to those sensations.

Day 16-18: Self-explanatory.

Day 19: Notice when you have any self-critical thought. Give yourself some compassion for the fact you’re experiencing self-criticism and allow that self-critical thought to pass through your awareness in it’s own time.

Day 20: Pay attention to the sensations of exertion and your body working.

Day 21: Notice how any pleasant emotion (e.g., joy) feels in your physical body, perhaps including your face, shoulders etc.

Day 22: Same for any unpleasant emotion. Gently soften your body anywhere you notice tightening in response to an unpleasant emotion.

Day 23: Slowly roll your neck clockwise, then counterclockwise a few times. Close your eyes. Pay attention to the sensations.

Day 24: Self-explanatory.

Day 25: Sit outside and let anything come into your awareness however it does, whether that’s sounds or physical sensations. Let whatever it is come into your awareness until it is replaced by something else.

Day 26-30: Self explanatory.

The post 30 Days of Mindfulness Printable PDF appeared first on Dr Alice Boyes.

Helpless Core Beliefs

such as:

“I’m incompetent”
“I’m needy”
“I’m weak”
“I’m defective, I don’t measure up”
“I’m a failure”

Unlovable Core Beliefs

such as:

“I’m unlovable”
“I’m different”
“I’m bound to be abandoned/rejected”
“I’m defective, so others will not love me”

Worthless Core Beliefs

such as

“I’m worthless”
“I’m bad”
“I’m evil”

How to Begin Changing a Negative Core Belief

Step 1: Pick a new core belief that you would prefer.

For example, if your old belief is “I’m incompetent,” you would likely pick “I’m competent.” Don’t pick “I’m mostly competent” or “I’m sometimes competent.”

Step 2: Rate how much you currently believe the old negative core belief on a scale of 0% (= I don’t believe it at all) to 100% ( = I believe it completely) and do the same for the new positive core belief.

For example, you might say you believe “I’m incompetent” 95% and believe “I’m competent” 10% (the numbers don’t need to add up to 100%).

Step 3: There are two types of negative core belief. Which type do you have? (both can be changed)

One type is the very stable kind. For example, you believe you are incompetent and you have never believed anything else, not even when you are in a positive mood.

The other type is the type that goes up and down with your mood, anxiety, and stress. When your mood is low, you believe the negative core belief much more strongly than when you mood is positive. If your negative core belief changes due to transient things like your mood, anxiety, or stress, it can help you start to see that the belief is a product of these things rather than true.

Step 4: The most useful goal is usually to work on strengthening the new positive core belief rather than dismantling the old negative core belief.

Thoughts are funny things. The more you try to not think about something, the more you’ll think about it, so trying to eliminate negative thoughts completely doesn’t work. Instead, when you experience the negative core belief, you can learn to experience it as “just a thought” rather than as something that is true. Thanks, Mind!

Step 5: Positive Data Log.

For 2 weeks, commit to writing down evidence that supports the NEW core belief. For example, if you are trying to boost your belief in the thought “I’m competent” and you show up to an appointment on time, you can write that down as evidence.

Don’t fall into the cognitive bias trap of discounting some of the evidence. For example, if you make a mistake and then sort it out, this is evidence of competence, not incompetence, so you could put this in your positive data log.

Step 6: Re-rate how much you believe the old and the new core beliefs.

Hopefully there will have been a little bit of change.

For example, you might now believe “I’m incompetent” only 50% instead of 95%, and believe “I’m competent” 50% instead of 10%.

You’ve probably had the negative core belief for a long time, so change usually takes a period of a few months concerted work. You’re unlikely to be there yet.

Step 7. Tell Someone You Trust.

– Tell someone you trust what the old belief is and the new one you’re trying to increase. This helps decrease shame.

– If you have a partner, practice being able to let your partner know (in a self responsible way) that your negative core belief is activated. For example, “My negative core belief that I’m incompetent is activated right now, and that’s why I’m feeling embarrassed or why I’m avoiding. I just need a moment to figure out what action right now would be consistent with my new core belief.”

Step 8. An historical data test.

You can do this for either the old core belief, or the new core belief, or both.

I’m going to direct you to the example in this pdf rather than reinvent the wheel here. See column 2 of the page labelled page 275. The example is for the negative core belief “I’m abnormal.”

Step 9. Pick some other tools to try.

The pdf mentioned above has lots of other great examples of therapy techniques used to help clients change core beliefs. It’s designed for therapists but, if you’re a confident reader, you can read it too.

You might pay particular attention to the section on “Constructing Continua Criteria” that starts on Page 271 and continues onto Page 272. This will help you develop more flexible thinking.

Step 10. Where Did the Negative Core Belief Come From?

They usually come from childhood experiences. I might regret sharing this personal example but here goes anyway… Like I said anti-shame…

For example, I’m an introvert and as a kid I didn’t like to go to other kids’ houses after school. My Mum tried to explain that it might make it hard to have friends if I kept refusing to come over to play, but I accidentally interpreted this as no one was ever going to like me because I’m an introvert. (I get wiped out by too much social interaction, so I was completely over other people after a whole day at school.). My Mum is the best Mum in the world, but she’s not an introvert so she didn’t understand that I wasn’t capable of more social interaction after school. I chose to share this example because sometimes it’s not “bad parenting” that leads to negative core beliefs, rather it’s more related to the child’s temperament/sensitivity and parent-child temperament fit.

You can use imagery role plays in which you replay these painful incidents from childhood to help heal the wounds. Play both you and your parent, alternately. Set up 2 chairs and switch chairs when you’re in the different roles. When you are in the parent role, say what your parent might’ve said if they’d been able to completely understand LITTLE YOU and give you exactly what you needed (without providing any dishonest reassurance). Your parent should try to help LITTLE YOU understand and accept your emotions. When you’re in the child role, feel what it feels like to be responded to in a useful way, allow yourself to soak it up.

This tends to be quite a hard exercise so you might need to do “multiple takes” of your role play to figure out what would be a responsive but not dishonest thing for a parent to say, or you might need a therapist to help you.

Step 11: Self monitor when you are OVERCOMPENSATING for the negative core belief and choose more moderate behavior.

For example, keep a spreadsheet to record times when you observe that you are overworking to try to compensate for the belief “I’m incompetent.” Track how often this happens over time and try to reduce the amount.

When you notice it happening, step back from your activity, and choose a more moderate action. How would you be acting if you believed “I’m competent.”?

Do this for 4-6 months. Patterns that you’ve had for a long time take more than 5 mins to change.

Step 12: Self monitor when you are SURRENDERING to the negative core belief.”

In psychology PhD-speak, this means when you are acting as if the negative core belief were true. Related to the negative core belief “I’m incomptent,” surrendering might be not opening your VISA bill because you don’t trust yourself to keep track of your finances.

Behave how you want to feel. Behaving competent > feeling competent. Choose moderate, reasonable, doable behavior. What would be the single next action/step that a competent person would take? Try just thinking of the next step to help you not feel overwhelmed by the negative core belief.

Again, use some type of self monitoring to record when you observe yourself surrendering to the negative core belief, and try to reduce it over time. Think in terms of 4-6 months of effort.

Step 13: Self monitor when you are AVOIDING situations or behaviors that trigger the negative core belief.”

For example, you might avoid taking positions of leadership or not seek help from a professor on an essay, if doing so would trigger your “I’m incompetent” beliefs.

Again, behave consistent with your new core belief. What would you do if you believed “I’m as competent as other people.”?

Step 14: If you notice your mood is low or your anxiety is high, ask yourself “How much am I BUYING my negative core belief right now?” (0-100%)

“Buying/believing” a negative core belief is different from HAVING a negative core belief. You can have the experience of it, without believing it/buying it.

Asking yourself “How much am I BUYING my negative core belief right now?” (0-100%) when your mood is low or your anxiety is high, can help you see low mood/high anxiety as a product of believing your negative core beliefs.

More Info

1. You can read some more common negative core beliefs by looking at the Amazon book preview here and choosing the result for page 233.

You’ll need to sign into your Amazon account, and when you select the result for page 233 you’ll see a table of core beliefs. I got there by searching the word “unlovable” in the preview. Page 232 shows up first so go forward 1 page. Just hit the right arrow key once to do that.

2. This book (not the same book as above) is good. Reinventing Your Life: The Breakthrough Program to End Negative Behavior and Feel Great Again

3. Also make sure you checked out the pdf.

Check Out My Top 4 Books for Changing Your Core Beliefs

Reinventing Your Life
Reinventing Your Life: The Breakthrough Program to End Negative Behavior and Feel Great Again

Emotional First Aid

Emotional First Aid: Healing Rejection, Guilt, Failure, and Other Everyday Hurts

Cognitive Therapy, Basics and Beyond, 2nd edition.
Cognitive Behavior Therapy, Second Edition: Basics and Beyond

The Anxiety Toolkit (my book.) The Anxiety Toolkit: Strategies for Fine-Tuning Your Mind and Moving Past Your Stuck Points

The post How To Change Negative Core Beliefs: A Straightforward Guide to Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT) appeared first on Dr Alice Boyes.

CBT Model of Perfectionism

Perfectionism is not the same thing as conscientiousness.

For example, in a recent study of older adults, perfectionism was both associated with increased risk of mortality whereas conscientiousness was associated with decreased risk of mortality (Fry & Debats, 2009).

Perfectionism often results in avoidant coping – leading to people being less contentiousness!

Perfectionism is not only a risk factor for developing psychological disorders like depression, anxiety and eating disorders, but it can also be a poor prognostic factor for treatment success (unless it is actually dealt with in treatment, which we can do).

Cognitive Behavioral (CBT) Model of Clinical Perfectionism

I thought I’d explain some of the psychological mechanisms involved in clinical perfectionism:

– The person’s self worth is often overly dependent on one area (e.g., Person’s self worth is almost solely dependent on academic success, career success, or shape/weight/eating).

– Perfectionists often have inflexible standards and dichotomous thinking (e.g., getting one B grade among many A grades feels like evidence of being a complete failure).

– When clinical perfectionists meet their standards, they typically reappraise the standards as having been insufficiently demanding (and therefore never feel good enough).

– When clinical perfectionists fail to meet their standards, they typically engage in self criticism rather than self compassion. We know from research studies that self criticism depletes willpower (hence a possible pathway from: higher perfectionism > higher self criticism > lower conscientiousness)

– Clinical perfectionists often use counterproductive safety behaviors that actually make their situation worse. For example, they may do some or all of the following:

– constantly compare their performance relative to others
– get stuck on details that don’t matter that much
– avoid objective performance feedback
– do excessive checking (which increases perceptions of possible danger and can impair memory).

(It’s common for people to do a combination of excessive checking/comparing and avoiding feedback. For example, sometimes excessively weighing self and sometimes avoiding weighing self).

– Clinical perfectionists sometimes avoid situations and tasks when they fear they might not be able to meet their own standards (this can result in missing out on opportunities or might create problems in their life or relationships).

Cognitive Behavioral Therapy Treatment for Perfectionism

– Treatment for perfectionism doesn’t necessarily involve reducing your own standards (e.g., a very capable student might still aim to get As) if the standards are attainable without causing distress or impairment.

It does typically involve:

– Reducing the extent to which self evaluation is exclusively based on meeting your own personal standards.

– Reducing the extent to which self esteem is based on only one or very few domains (e.g., work performance and weight/shape/eating) (Try some self help right now with this simple exercise).

– Helping the person reduce dichotomous thinking, selective attention, and other cognitive biases, and increase cognitive flexibility.

– Helping the person reduce self criticism.

– Helping the person learn how to resolve tension between goal striving and avoidance tendencies.

– Helping the person shift focus and effort away from unattainable goals.

– Experimenting with investing time & energy into goals that are not performance related.

– Doing behavioral experiments so that the person can see what it’s like to not use their current safety behaviors.

– Addressing underlying Assumptions & Negative Core Beliefs.

– Because perfectionism can get in the way of treatment for depression, anxiety, and eating disorders, it should typically be addressed early in treatment.

Want to learn more about CBT for Perfectionism? Here are my Top 3 Tools.

The Anxiety Toolkit – My book. Has an entire chapter on perfectionism and many of the other chapters are also relevant to perfectionism.

Overcoming Perfectionism – The paperback is out of print, so this is Kindle only.

Self-Compassion – Get this book to learn why self-compassion skills are one of the best and fastest ways to overcome problem perfectionism.

Clinician Tools for Mastering Cognitive Behavioral Therapy for Perfectionism

This book has great info for helping clients with extreme perfectionism using CBT.
Cognitive-Behavioral Treatment of Perfectionism

The post Cognitive Behavioral Therapy Model of Perfectionism appeared first on Dr Alice Boyes.

One of these is checking. I’m going to go explain the role of checking in a selection of common mental health problems.

Checking in Health Anxiety

Examples:
– Person goes to the Dr for blood tests.
– Person looks at themselves in mirror to see if they look pale.
– Person frequently asks their partner if they look unwell.
– Person researches disorders online or calls healthline frequently.

What happens:
– The checking causes the person’s anxiety about possibly having a health problem to increase.
– Eventually a test may return a false positive, causing distress.
– They start to feel like they’re going crazy.
– People get mad at them.

Checking in Eating Disorders

People with eating disorders often do lots of types of checking. For example:

– Excessive weighing.
– Pinching skin on stomach to measure fat.
– Looking in the mirror to see if their thighs touch or they have a double chin.
– Obsessively reading labels or measuring food.
– If they binge and purge, eating a marker food at the start of a binge to try to ascertain if they have vomited up all they ate (not effective).
– Rigidly doing a set amount of exercise no matter what the circumstances, such as running in a blizzard.

What happens:
– Person’s obsessionality gets worse.
– Person withdraws socially.
– Natural fluctuations in weight cause great anxiety.
– Person starts not feeling satisfied with their checking and therefore does extra checking (similar to in Obsessive Compulsive Disorder)
– Person may skip opportunities such as overseas holidays if they think they won’t be able to do their checking (e.g., won’t be able to measure food, go to the gym etc).

Checking in Sleep Disorders

People with sleep disorders typically do both excessive nighttime and daytime checking.

Examples
– They might look at the clock excessively frequently at night.
– During the day, they might over monitor things they see as signs of tiredness, such as yawning or not being able to find a word.
– They might excessively monitor worry thoughts because they relate worry thoughts to not being able to sleep.

What happens
– Person’s anxiety about getting to sleep prevents getting to sleep.
– People with sleep disorders often overestimate their sleep deficit.
– They may develop counterproductive safety behaviors, such as falling asleep with the TV on to try to prevent worrying, but this increases fears of worrying.

Checking in Panic Disorder

Examples
– Checking to see where the exits are on entering a new building.
– Checking own pulse.
– Reassurance seeking to make sure other people will be there to help them if they have a panic attack.
– Checking whereabouts of partner at all times, just in case needs them in an emergency or if has a panic attack.
– The examples listed for health anxiety often also apply to people with panic disorder.

What happens
– Person becomes fearful of their own internal physical sensations (such as feeling hot or elevated heart rate).
– Person loses confidence in themselves.
– Person avoids fun things. Their opportunities to experience pleasure get restricted.
– The checking does not make the person feel safe, and over time the person avoids more and more, putting them at risk of depression.

Checking in Depression

Examples
– Person over monitors feelings of lethargy or low mood. They bail on commitments, work that needs doing, or social gatherings if feeling tired or low.
– Person starts looking for clues that their partner might be going to leave them due to their depression.
– Person feels mentally foggy and therefore over-checks their work, such as rechecking numbers multiple times.
– Person over monitors feelings of anxiety and avoids when they’re feeling anxious.

What happens

– The avoidance generates stress e.g., people get mad at them bailing.
– Person loses confidence in themselves even further.

Checking in Relationships Problems

Examples
– Asking “Do you love me?” or “Do you promise you won’t leave me?”
– Checking their partner’s phone, email, or Facebook.

What happens
– ‘Pursuing and demanding behaviors’ cause partner to attack or withdraw.
– Partner realizes they wield all the power in the relationship. Power imbalance becomes more uneven.

Checking in Obsessive Compulsive Disorder

Example = person triple checks all their electrical outlets are switched off before leaving the house because they’re worried about a fire.

What happens:
– Person starts to think they’re going crazy.
– Their family get irritated at them for taking so long to leave the house.
– Their fear of fires gets worse.
– Their excessive responsibility taking and intolerance of uncertainty gets worse.

Avoidance of Checking

People with all the above disorders often flip flop between extra checking and avoidance of checking. For example, someone with an eating disorder might go through phases of weighing themselves multiple times a day and then other phases of avoiding weighing themselves. Or, in depression, the person may avoid checking their VISA statement, because “they don’t want to know.” Avoidance coping is stress generating.

Seeing a Clinical psychology PhD

The examples above aren’t exhaustive (this post was getting long). The advantage of seeing a clinical psychology PhD is that clinical psychology PhDs are trained to understand the types of mechanisms illustrated above, which differently trained people may not understand as thoroughly.

The post CBT: How Checking Contributes to Mental Health Problems (Eating Disorders, Depression, Anxiety) appeared first on Dr Alice Boyes.

1. Don’t catastrophize knock backs

– If you get a rejection, it doesn’t mean you’re never going to be successful.

– If you get negative feedback on a piece of work, it doesn’t mean you have no capacity to become better at it or that you’re not talented.

If you find yourself personalizing, ask yourself whether you’re catastrophizing.

2. Be gentler to yourself about your imperfections, mistakes, and times when you’re not as good at something as you’d like to be.

If you can learn to be nicer to yourself about your imperfections, you won’t automatically jump to feeling attacked when other people make comments.

3. Frame not personalizing as a positive goal

For example, frame not personalizing at work as part of being professional and robust. Recognize that if you show that you don’t excessively personalize negative feedback (at work and in your personal relationships), people will be more likely to give you accurate feedback rather than give you confusing feedback because they’re attempting to protect your feelings.

4. Learn to label your emotions accurately

Emotions drive thoughts as much as thoughts drive emotions.

What emotions trigger personalizing for you? e.g., anxiety, embarrassment, disappointment, anger.

If you can label your emotional reactions accurately, you can then focus on doing some appropriate self care to deal with that emotion. Once the emotion subsides, so will the personalizing. A lot of the time, appropriate self care for emotions just involves accepting that you’re having the emotion and patiently waiting for it to pass. The things people do to try to “get rid of” their emotions usually end up causing more harm than good.

5. Put yourself in situations in which rejection is likely (but doesn’t have any major negative consequences)

Doing things like making requests when you expect you might be told “no” will help you learn that rejection often isn’t personal. Learning through doing behavioral experiments is the BEST way to change thoughts.

6. Don’t try to overcompensate for fears of not being liked by being excessively eager to please.

People who personalize often have attachment anxiety. If you act excessively eager to please, you’ll just end up believing that it’s the only way to be accepted. Be warm but have good boundaries.

7. Believe in your capacity to become someone that doesn’t excessively personalize things.

I see a lot of people who seem to have accepted that they’re doomed to a life time of being ruminators etc. You can change your cognitive style.

Pin this post to save it for later.

The post 7 Tips for Not Personalizing appeared first on Dr Alice Boyes.

1. Do some kind of mindfulness practice.

Try this or any of these. Learn enough about the philosophy of mindfulness meditation that you know what you’re doing. Since most people won’t want to do formal practice everyday on a permanent basis, do it everyday initially until you feel confident with it, and then do it when you’re stressed and at least every now and then to stay familiar with it.

How it helps: You’ll be less prone to exploding when triggered. You’ll find it easier to let thoughts go. You’ll be able to recognize more easily when you’re reacting to a distressing thought that has been triggered by someone else’s behavior, not just the behavior per se.

2. If you’re going to respond to someone when feeling irritable, “soften the start-up”

This phrase is from couples expert John Gottman. Example: Try “Babe – I’m annoyed you didn’t take the rubbish out” instead of just “I’m annoyed you didn’t take the rubbish out.”

How it helps: Obvious

3. Don’t try to figure out your thoughts or problem solve when you’re really fired up.

Don’t attempt to problem solve while ruminating. Problem solving quality is impaired while people are ruminating.

How it helps: You’ll make better decisions.

4. Think about the emotional experience of the person on the other end of your outbursts, sulking, or withdrawal.

What’s it like for your partner, kids etc when you snap at them? If your irritability is directed at your partner, ask them what it’s like for them when you’re irritable. Does it make them feel nervous/alone/want to withdraw etc?

How it helps: Empathy and perspective taking.

5. If you’re good at containing your irritability sometimes but slip up other times, do some gentle exploration of that.

Do you have any issues with sense of entitlement (you’re getting irritated because other people aren’t doing exactly what you want)? Are you leaving yourself vulnerable to irritable outbursts by not eating regularly etc?

How it helps: Less blaming others. More taking personal responsibility for not leaving yourself vulnerable to irritability due to poor self care, taking on too much etc.

The post 5 Tips for Irritability appeared first on Dr Alice Boyes.

– I’m someone who values being successful. I never valued positive emotions much until I read the research and realized that learning to cultivate positive emotions was going to be essential to being maximally successful in life. Yes positive emotions make people happier (obviously) and healthier, but it’s the idea that they’ll make me more successful that motivates me personally. So, I now actively work on cultivating positive emotions – basic things like gratitude, humor, and fun. Believe it or not – these seemed a bit pointless before.

– My relationship with my thoughts has completely changed. I was a ball of anxiety as a child but now when I experience anxiety and anxiety-related thoughts, I’m more interested in them rather than upset or ashamed (and if I’m upset or ashamed, I’m interested in my feelings of upset and ashamed!). Realizing I’m having a thought distortion is a nerdy thrill for me (because I know how to cope and respond).

– Thanks to the research, I now use self-compassion rather than self-criticism when I make a mistake or want to motivate myself to improve in an area. Like I said, I’m motivated by knowing this will result in greater success. I could still kinda care less about feeling better, it’s mainly a positive side effect for me.

– I’m much less of a black and white / all or nothing thinker.

– I know myself extremely well. I know how to rein in some of my qualities and I actually do this. For example, my best qualities include my persistence, resourcefulness, and tendency to feel emotions strongly, but the flip side of persistence is that I’ve got a tendency to be obsessive. I’ve found through experience that putting some limits on my behavior solves the problem of obsessive thinking and overwhelming feelings.

– I’ve realized I have some endearing qualities and that the thought that “People might be attracted to my smartness, but once they really get to know me, they won’t like me” is just a thought. Having a thought, doesn’t make it true.

– All the the above happens naturally now. Cultivating positive emotions feels kinda just like showering and sleeping.

Back when I was a new grad psychology PhD I was quite scared to reveal anything about myself (since it’s not really the done thing in psychology), but I seem to have found a niche of readers who like knowing a little bit about me and that it’s possible to still have some anxiety-related thoughts AND be happy AND be successful.

The post Changing Your Cognitive Style appeared first on Dr Alice Boyes.

1. Eat at regular times, that are not too far apart. It will help you learn to recognize that if you have the urge to eat between these times, it’s probably psychological hunger rather than physical hunger.

2. Find some light (low-ish calorie) winter lunches, dinners, and desserts that you like. When salad ingredients are expensive, what do you want to eat instead? Things like soups can work, but you’ll probably want some variety.

3. Find affordable ways to eat fresh foods. The NZ apples (Eve, Jazz, Smitten) are awesome at the moment and relatively inexpensive. Find little tricks that punch up flavor and freshness. Adding fresh coriander/cilantro to a soup can give it an extra sense of freshness. Some herbs freeze well. You can just take some out of the freezer and add it at the end to add a dose of sunshine to your food.

4. Take your breaks at work. Go for a 5 minute walk around the block even though it’s cold. This will refill your willpower tank. If you really don’t want to take a walk, do anything relaxing during your break time, but take that break.

5. Put together a set of clothes that will keep you warm during exercise. I go walking with 3 jerseys on at once, a balaclava & another hat, trackies, socks, & gloves. These things get dumped on a table near the door and I just put them all on each time I go out. Exercising in cold weather is often not actually unpleasant when you have proper clothes on.

What works for me is going out for a late night walk with my significant other. We get a chance to do our connecting time and moving time simultaneously. We do a shorter walk if we’re not keen for our usual longer walk “Come on let’s just do 20 minutes” is a common phrase on really cold nights at our house. 20 minutes of exercise is the most important thing you can do for your health. If I do nothing else for my physical and mental health in the day, I do this. Most studies on the benefits of exercise are done on walking, just plain walking.

Ideally walk at morning tea or lunchtime so you get some daylight. Leave an old pair of sneakers and some warm clothing at work.

6. Don’t bring junk food to work during winter – it helps no one, even though it might seem like a nice thing to share.

7. Find a winter hobby. Something that gives you pleasure e.g., snow boarding.

8. Don’t have food in close proximity that you don’t want to eat. It’s asking too much of your willpower. Decide your portion size before you’re in the presence of the food, serve your portion, then put the rest away. There are a few foods I actually weigh e.g., I weigh my portion of potato chips in a bowl and put the bag away in the cupboard.

9. Don’t have any forbidden food. It’ll just cause you to binge.

10. Plan some things to look forward to, to keep your mood up.

The post 10 Practical Tips for Avoiding Winter Weight Gain appeared first on Dr Alice Boyes.

Examples:

Time: look into the eyes of someone alive in the 1400s by visiting an art gallery.

Space: A walk/coffee somewhere with an expansive view, a drive.

Both time & space: A trip into the mountains (they’re giant & they’ve been there a long time).

2. Get hooked on a TV series you missed but got raves.

A little light hibernation can sometimes be just what you need to weather the storm of a disappointment or recharge if you’re feeling exhausted from over stimulation.

Snuggle on your sofa and binge watch something you missed when it ran on TV e.g., Battlestar Gallactica, Big Bang Theory, Nurse Jackie, Homeland, Modern Family.

3. Do An Act of Love

I prefer “acts of love” to “acts of kindness” for boosting mood. You’re likely to get more benefits from investing love and kindness in one of your important relationships than from a random act of kindness.

Examples

– Leave a love note somewhere surprising (My significant other gets up earlier than me and I like to leave a sticky note attached to the jug)
– Email or call a relative you care about but you’ve lost touch with.
– Get some chalk and draw a giant heart on your significant other’s parking space.

There are heaps more of these types of suggestions in Fun Love Project for Couples – Max Your Relationship in 30 Seconds a Day (9.99)

4. Hit Up A Salad Bar

If you’re depressed, making a salad from scratch might be too hard but going to a salad bar and selecting yourself some greens and proteins reinforces the message that your wish is to treat yourself kindly and well. Think of it as an act of love to self.

5. Give Yourself Self Compassion Rather Than Self Criticism

A basic self compassion statement is:

This is a moment of suffering. Suffering is part of life. May I treat myself kindly in this moment. May I give myself all the compassion and kindness I need right now. [Source]

Research has shown that self compassion increases self improvement motivation. Self criticism, or even attempting to boost your self esteem after a failure, typically does not.

Why You Should Typically Focus on Actions in the First Instance Rather Than Changing Your Thoughts.

Your thinking will naturally become more flexible, expansive and balanced if you can boost your positive emotions. If your mood is currently a 2 out of 10, if you do something that lifts it to a 4/10 your thinking will naturally become less negative and stuck.

How the Cycle Works (> means leads to)

Positive behavior > positive emotions > more positive thoughts without necessarily a lot of extra effort to change your thoughts >
positive behavior > Positive emotions, successes, and you’ve built skills through your positive behavior > more positive thoughts….

Why You Generally Shouldn’t Try to Think Your Way Out of Rumination

Studies have shown that rumination impairs both the quality of your problem solutions and your motivation for problem solving, so it’s generally best to improve your mood a bit first & then try to straighten out your thoughts.

If you liked this post you might also like
– 10 Effortless Stress Relief Techniques (free)
or a low cost, paid option

100 Fun Things To Do If You’re Bored or Depressed (4.99).

The post 5 Practical, Creative Tips for Soothing a Low Mood appeared first on Dr Alice Boyes.