a hippie with a minivan

Pumpkin Chocolate Zucchini Bread

paxye — Tue, 15 May 2012 16:16:20 PDT

Zucchini bread, like banana bread is something that I am often wary about…

I love both of them but what I hate is sitting down and taking a bite of an overcooked, dry piece of zucchini flavoured bread. I want my zucchini bread to be moist and tender inside and have a nice crisp crust all around with tons of flavour. I basically want it to be like a bread shaped cake that you can have for breakfast.

This is that kind of bread.

One of the secrets… ok, ok, it is not really a secret… but the reason it is so moist is the pumpkin… you can replace the oil in many baking recipes with pumpkin purée and what you most often end up with is a super moist cake or bread. Seriously… try replacing the oil in your favourite chocolate cake with pumpkin and making cupcakes (or muffins) They turn out so gooey and satisfying. And, best of all, when you swap out the oil for something like pumpkin (or applesauce) you are also making it a lot healthier…

(can you see how crisp the crust is…but there is nothing dry about any of it)

Pumpkin chocolate Zucchini Bread

3 cups all-purpose flour
1 tsp salt
1 tsp baking soda
1 tsp baking powder
3 tsp ground cinnamon
3 eggs
1 cup pureed pumpkin (I used 1/4 of my dehydrated pumpkin powder, rehydrated in 1 cup boiling water)
2 cups sugar
3 teaspoons vanilla extract
2 cups grated zucchini
1 cup dark chocolate chips

Grease and flour two loaf pans and Preheat oven to 325.
Put flour, salt, baking powder, soda, and cinnamon together in a bowl and mix with a whisk (quicker than sifting)
In another bowl, beat eggs, oil, vanilla, and sugar together and then add sifted ingredients to the creamed mixture and beat well.
Stir in zucchini and chocolate chips until well combined and pour batter into prepared pans.
Bake for 40 to 60 minutes, or until tester inserted in the center comes out clean. Cool in pan for 20 minutes and then remove bread from pan, and completely cool.
(You can find my Banana Bread recipe here)

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Great TED talk demonstrating the essence of unschooling…

paxye — Thu, 10 May 2012 07:23:34 PDT

“Education is a self-organizing system, where learning is an emergent phenomenon.”

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13 years ago today…

paxye — Tue, 08 May 2012 06:46:12 PDT

Simon and I were getting married…

Happy Anniversary my Love…

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Full day… full moon… Life goes on…

paxye — Tue, 08 May 2012 06:28:25 PDT

On Saturday it was my uncle’s burial. A few of us met at the cemetery where I went countless times when I was young.

My ancestors arrived in Canada in the 1600′s and settled around an area on the north shore of the St-Laurent river. (Emigrated in 1658 to be exact). Then, about 30 years later, one my ancestors choose to take on the name of “Bellemare” representing the geographical area, translating as “beautiful marsh” and until a few years ago when my great-uncle sold the family land, it was the land my family had occupied for nearly three centuries.

Quebec is a very Catholic province, and my family is no different. The town where my name comes from, where my family has its roots, is known for its worship of the patron saint, Anne, Jesus’ grandmother. The day that Sainte Anne is celebrated is July 26th, my great-grandmother’s birthday, my birthday. When I was young, we would head to Yamachiche on that day to celebrate the day with the whole family and in the evening, we would head to the festivities in the village, complete with a candlelight vigil and fireworks, all done around the church and graveyard. I would sit on my grandfathers grave and listen to stories about our family and those long gone and watch people enjoying the day into the night. It was a great way to spend my birthday each year.

When I go to the cemetery, it is not a sad place for me. It is a place full of great memories, it is a place of history and wonder. It feels comfortable and familiar and now my uncle, who spent years studying our family history is part of that. And though it is hard to think he is gone, it felt right to say goodbye to him there.

(Colin saying his final goodbye’s)

My four at the foot of the Statue of Sainte-Anne, steps away from the family grave

I love walking through the cemetery and trying to read the oldest tombstones. This one dates back to 1847.

We spent some time with family afterwards and then headed back towards home the long way and soaking up the scenery on the way… Though I long for the mountains of BC where I spent my childhood, Quebec is quite beautiful…

(St-Laurent river)

Geese

We had a quiet picnic supper and then in evening we headed out to the park to watch the Super Moon rise and I was able to take a pic pictures…

I love how it look entangled in the branches here…

I wish I had a telephoto lens, but I am really happy with the results I was able to get…

It was a full day… and I would even say it was a great day…

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And now… my dad…

paxye — Wed, 02 May 2012 10:11:01 PDT

The morning my uncle died I got the news that my dad was missing from the hospital. He had received an overdose of meds and had received bad news and decided to go home. He called the ambulance a few hours later and was returned but was in end stage renal failure and refused to go through dialysis. I talked to him briefly that night and he said he would call me back.

(My dad and I when I was about 9 months old)

My Dad was another that had a hard life. Drugs, alcohol, partying, jail time and countless other hardships. My mother left him and took me with her in the middle of the night when I was about 18 months old. He tried for years to find me and to get me back. I met him again at the age of 9 and we had some rough times and times that I stopped all contact. Finally, in the years before I got married I let him back into my life.

(My dad, brother, Xavier and I the last time we were all together)

Over the week I prepared for my uncles funeral and waited for my dad’s call but my mind was elsewhere. He was in and out of the hospital often because of his COPD so him being there was not a shock especially since he spent 2 1/2 months there around the holidays. I won’t go there with the kids so I told myself that I would go see him on the weekend. Saturday was the day of my uncles funeral. In the afternoon, I got a call from my aunt saying that things were not looking good. I needed to stay at the funeral but I decided to head to the hospital before heading home. It was nearly 10pm and the security guard wanted to stop me but I told him that I was going up anyway. It was a shock to see him. His legs and belly were so swollen because of the fluids and he was suffering. It tool him a few seconds to realize I was there and who I was but when he did he sat up and for 15 minutes he said goodbye to me. We held each other and said “I love you’s” and then I left to let him sleep.

On Sunday, I decided to go spend the a bit of time with him and then go to supper with a friend to change to give my emotions a bit of a break. It was a rough time at the hospital with him. The swelling was at a point where water was coming out of his skin and dripping down. He was hallucinating and seeing people who were not there. He was alternating between talking about current events, talking about the future, talking about death and repeating over and over that he wanted to die and then being completely confused and not there at all. He told me that he wanted to go be with his mom… he had always said he would not die before her, but now that she was gone, he wanted to go be with her. He was tired but could not sleep as much as he tried. I knew that being there was not helping him relax so I said goodbye and helped him lay down and gave him a kiss and left. I talked to the nurses just before leaving and I knew that he was nearing the end. I told them to call me if there was any changes.

I went for supper and talked with my friend for a few hours which felt great and then drove the hour back home arriving at about 11:30… I looked up what my dad was going through and it confirmed what no one wanted to say. Simon asked me if he should stay home Monday and I said no, that I would call him if something happened and he said “I just hope that it doesn’t happen in the night again”… I told him… “It always happens in the middle of the night”

I wrote my half-brother on Facebook (he doesn’t talk to our dad) and told him in a few words that it probably wouldn’t be around much longer… and the 5 min later my cell phone rang. I just knew why. The nurse on the other end told me that he could not wake my dad up and that though his oxygen was at the highest setting, his breathing was laboured and that I should come in.

I left within minutes and like 8 days before I drove down the highway in the middle of the night to say goodbye to a loved one. I talked to Annie and my mom on the highway to keep my mind occupied and arrived at the hospital at about 1:25am. The nurse met at the elevators and I went to be next to my dad. He had been agitated but as I arrived he calmed down. He had suffered for so long and I didn’t want him to suffer for longer than he should. I asked the nurse what was the best way for him to go. He told me that if we took him off the oxygen he would be gone within a few minutes. I told him to do it.

I held his hand, I kissed his forehead and watched him take his last breaths and said goodbye to him for the last time. He died just before 2am.

I gathered his things and went to my car and wept and then headed to my grandmother’s house to try to relax a bit before morning. I fell asleep around 4 and woke up at about 7 and started to make a few phone calls. I went and got my aunt and headed over my other aunt’s house and we talked about what he would have wanted and I then realized that being his daughter, I was the one that needed to make all of the decisions and do everything. I knew that he didn’t want anything special, he didn’t want the funeral at a funeral home and all that comes with it. So I decided that we would forgo that, even though one of my aunt’s doesn’t understand, and instead, everyone that wanted to honour him memory would gather at a restaurant and we can raise a glass to him and be together and think of the good times.

(with Xavier, Colin, Khéna and Wilhelmina)

My grandmother, his mom, who died on new year’s day, had not been buried yet, so their ashes will be buried at the same time, next to each other in the family plot. He will be next to his mom.

I have so much to think about now… so much to do and so much to process… He was just 60 years old and he too is gone…

I’ll miss you Normand…

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A Treasure-Trove of History is Lost…

paxye — Sun, 22 Apr 2012 15:34:59 PDT

I have talked about my uncle Marc here before. I have shared his Roast beef recipe and his struggles with diabetes.

He was a man of extremes and suffered from depression and didn’t lead a happy life. He would rather be alone then with people, but with those he loved, he opened up to. When we moved back to Montreal when I was a young girl, we lived in the apartment below my grandmothers. He lived upstairs with her along with my other uncle and I spent hours and hours talking with him and learning from him. He loved classic movies and history. He loved genealogy and for years I knew I could alway find him at the library, he spent hours and days looking through books and microfiche, spanning hundreds of years retracing our roots, not only our family’s history but everything he could get his hands on. He was a treasure-trove of history.

The last few years were hard on him. He battled with his depression and could not keep his diabetes under control. He was in and out of the hospital and near death on more than one occasion.

At 3am thursday morning my grandmother called an ambulance after finding my uncle in pain, confused and hyperglycaemic and hypothermic. He was unresponsive by the time the ambulance arrived and had went into cardiac arrest on the way to the hospital. He went into shock, was placed on a ventilator, his heart rate was high, his heart blood pressure was dangerously low so he had machines and medications to control his blood pressure, and he was in a coma. On Thursday evening he developed a fever of 40.6 (105.8) and stopped moving, even in a coma he was always agitated, so it was very different that he was not moving at all. We saw that he was stable so there was no reason to stay so my mom and I headed home at 3am…

He remained stable on Friday and my mom headed to the hospital to be with him in the evening. I decided to wait for a call and head there in the morning. My grandmother showed up at the hospital at midnight, it was the first time she came to see him, she never wanted to see him like that, but something made her go. Just before leaving she told her friend that she felt that he was not coming home this time.

He was still stable when my mom left the hospital to go get some rest, but was called just minutes from her front door. Even the machines could not keep his blood pressure up… there was no oxygen getting to his brain. It was the end. She called me just as I was going to bed at 2am. She was an hour away from the hospital and was scared she would not make it in time. I called my other uncle and told him and his girlfriend to head to the hospital, I got dressed and drove parallel to my mom with St-Lawrence river between us.

We arrived within minutes of each other and had about half an hour with him until the resident-on-call came to see us. We had to make the decision to prolong his life with no hope of recovering or let him go in peace. He was not there anymore, there was no hope. We gave the permission to stop the medications and take the ventilator out. He never took a breath. He died at exactly 4am Saturday morning.

We said our goodbyes and then headed to my grandmother’s to give her the news. She knew the second she saw us in the hall. We took turns holding her and comforting her. I saw my grandmother as a fellow mother. A mom that has just lost her child. Something that no mother should ever have to go through. He had never really left home so she had him close for 52 years and she was realizing that he will never walk through the door again.

There are only a few times in the last few years that we saw him really and truly happy and taking care of himself… One of those times was when he spent the summer with my mom at the cabin…

I will miss you Marc…

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Amazing Apple Fritters

paxye — Mon, 16 Apr 2012 13:35:21 PDT

I had used my wok for frying supper but the oil was still good, so I wanted to use it for something before I had to discard it.

The first thing that came to mind was Apple Fritters. I had a bunch of apples in the fridge and while looking through my recipes I found the perfect one..

Oh gosh…

and yes, I said oh gosh…

these are really, truly, amazing…

What you need…

1 cup + 2 Tbsp of all-purpose flour
1/3 cup sugar
1 tsp baking powder
dash of salt
1-2 tsp cinnamon
1/4 tsp nutmeg
1 tsp Vanilla
1 tbsp melted butter
1 egg
1/3 cup milk )I used Almond
1 – 1 1/2 cups of your favorite apple, chopped into tiny pieces (I use Gala)
oil for frying
apple cider and confectioner’s sugar for glaze
Cinnamon and Sugar to coat

Directions:

Chop apples into small pieces. Mix dry ingredients together in one bowl and then wet ingredients together in another (I use a measuring cup) and then slowly add the wet ingredients, and stir until combined, taking care not to overstir. Gently fold in apples. It should look like a light cake mix.

Heat oil to about 375 degrees. Use a wok or a pan that will allow dough to be completely submerged while frying. (To test oil is ready when you drop a bit of batter into it and it rises to the top.) Using a spoon, scoop golf size balls of dough into oil, being careful not to overcrowd. Watch for underside to turn golden brown, and then using tongs, flip over and continuing to fry until done. Test one fritter to ensure they are frying all the way through. Adjust the cooking time if necessary.

Apple Fritter Glaze
1-2 cup confectioner’s sugar
1/4 cup apple cider (I didn’t have any so I juiced an apple to make some fresh cider)

(1 apple ~ see how little pulp is left!)

I decided that I was going to use less powdered sugar and instead dunk them into some cinnamon sugar to make them even more decadent… but if you want a true glaze, then use all of the powdered sugar.

Whisk cider and sugar together until combined and glaze is smooth. Straight out of the oil, dunk fritters into the glaze. If you are using the cinnamon sugar after the glaze, do that now…and then immediately set on a baking rack with parchment paper underneath to catch drippings.

These are best served warm but are great when cooled too…

Amazing Apple Fritters

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Praise and the proverbial carrot…

paxye — Thu, 12 Apr 2012 17:55:38 PDT

Someone asked me why I am against praise… what’s wrong with showing someone you are proud of them?

Not praising doesn’t mean that you never show someone you are proud of them. It just means that you put the emphasis on them being proud of themselves and doing things for themselves instead of doing things to make others happy or proud. Like discipline and punishment, it is about external motivation vs internal motivation. Like punishment, praise only works in the short-term, it ultimately fails and does harm in the long-term.

I could write so much about it but I think there are great articles already written that say it all… Here is one by Alfie Kohn “Five Reasons to stop saying “Good Job!” and here is another on the Natural Child Project called Rewards and Praise: The Poisoned Carrot… go ahead and read them! I’ll wait :)

So now, what is wrong with saying “good boy!” or “good job!” or when a baby does something new, or a child draws a picture, or rides his bike?

Basically it’s that it has the opposite effect that parents want it to have, it isn’t helping them accomplish new things or feel better about themselves. It is focusing on the outcome instead of on the effort. Children come to expect it and do things for a reward or praise instead of just doing it. Alfie Kohn’s article some great suggestions on what can be said instead…

So instead of writing on about why I don’t agree with praise, I thought I would give a personal example…

Personally I don’t deal well with manipulation, I know that, and if someone tries to manipulate me, it just makes me want to do the opposite. I think it is a normal reaction that many people have.

As you may know, I have been working on decluttering our house and I am finally getting into a routine to keep the house manageable and easier to clean.

When my mom comes into my house, every.single.time says “wow! it’s so clean here!” it makes my toes curl. I often answer, “yeah… so?” and deep down I feel like making sure that my house is messy before her next visit.

Why does she say it? To compliment me a job well done? isn’t that weird? Why is she so surprised or happy that my house is clean? Does she think that pointing out that my house is clean now will affect how I keep it in the future? Does a clean house reflect who we are?

When I really thought about it I understood that I was reacting to her comment, her praise, in the same way I react to manipulation. I want to dig my heels in and do the opposite. When she says “wow, it’s clean in here” I hear her say that she was expecting to walk into a messy house and that comment, that praise, is her saying that she is pleased. Her praise is about her, not me. She is making a judgement on the state of my house and pointing it out as being good.

That is what praise is… it’s about that proverbial sugar-coated carrot that is put up to keep you on the right track.

But, you see, under that sugar-coating there is a rotten carrot underneath.

So what could she say instead? Actually, I would rather she say nothing at all. It would mean a lot more to me.

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Butterflies go free….

paxye — Fri, 06 Apr 2012 09:23:34 PDT

On Wednesday we met up with Simon’s father, his father’s girlfriend and his sister and went to the Montreal botanical gardens to see the butterflies roaming free..

It was absolutely beautiful.

I have tons of pictures from the day so if you want to see, continue to the full post…

The kids were excited to go… even Wilhelmina was excited when we said we were going to see butterflies..

The butterflies are in the Montreal Botanical Garden greenhouses. First you go through the more tropical part of the greenhouse filled with beautiful flowers and plants and trees including citrus trees, cinnamon bushes. vanilla, cardamom, nutmeg, coffee, sugar cane and many other spices and foods that we use everyday…

When you get to the end, you are in the first butterfly exhibit which represents the night butterflies and Moths.

This is a Cobra Moth. It is one of the largest moths on earth with a wingspan between 15-25cm. It is called a Cobra Moth because the outside of its wings resemble two cobra heads… Can you see them? This moth is not something I would feel comfortable being with while sleeping… it is huge!

This is the Owl Butterfly. You can see why, I couldn’t get a picture with its wings open but you can imagine the two large owl eyes peering at you…

There was a feeder in which we were able to see how they eat. Xavier was fascinated by them and watched for quite a while. Though they are definitely not as large as the Cobra Moth, they are not small either as you can see with the size of the banana.

I haven’t yet found the name of the brown moth… but I loved watching it eat with its bright red proboscis. The Cocoon is that of the Cobra moth, it’s size is almost as impressive as the moth itself.

Here are the boys under the waterfall at the end of the night butterflies exhibit… It was time to head to the Butterflies of light.

You make your way back through the greenhouses seeing more tropical plants and flowers and then head through to a drier climate and all of the cacti and bonzi trees…

Though the butterflies of the night were beautiful, the butterflies of light were spectacular. The whole room was a flutter with butterflies of all colour and in particular the Blue Morpho.

When the wings of the Blue Morpho are closed it doesn’t look all that special…

but when they are open… It is the most amazing shade of blue.

They were literally everywhere… and it was magical…

There is also the White Morpho

and the Rice Paper Butterfly… (which is also the first butterfly of the post)

and here is the Julia…

and of course the Monarch

and the Tanzanian Diadem

the Pink Rose (yes, it is completely black)

the Small Troides

and the Great Morman

In all… more than 2000 butterflies and dozens of species roam the two butterfly room of the botanical Gardens.

Afterwards we headed to the Insectarium to see some insects. Usually there are great ant and bee exhibits but both were temporarily closed. So we saw many stick bugs and beetles and spiders and other crawly creatures.

In the botanical gardens Xavier started to get interested in all of the signs everywhere, so him and I trained behind often reading the details about what we were seeing. He was very intrigued by all of the insects that we saw…

All of the colours…

Can you see him?

Stick insect

Simon and the kids looking at some beetles…

It was an amazing day and something that the kids will not soon forget..

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I love my juicer!

paxye — Sun, 01 Apr 2012 21:07:14 PDT

I had been hesitating buying a juicer for a long time before i finally took the plundge. You hesitate before buying an specialty appliance like this because it is expensive and you have to go out of your usual way to use it and make it into a habit. If you don’t do that it will just gets stuck in the cupboard collecting dust.

So, I bought it because I love the idea of juice and I really think that it is an amazing way to get more veggies in my diet. I like veggies well enough but I really don’t eat as many as I should. But now i do and I can feel the difference. I make juice on *almost* a daily basis.

This is the is the Omega 8600, it is not the most expensive high end juicer but I did a lot of research and it was the one that best fit my needs a a reasonable price.

The boys enjoy fruit juice and don’t mind if I add spinach to our smoothies but they are not really the green juice fan just yet. Hopefully that will change. However, Wilhelmina loves it which is great because she eats like a bird most of the time.

My usual juice is as follows…1 head of romaine, 1/2 cucumber, handful of baby carrots, 1/2 lemon, a few handfuls of spinach and kale if I have any, a bit of ginger, an apple and a pear. I also add bits of other veggies that may be in the house. This makes a Litre of juice… Isn’t that amazing! I can eat all of that in one easy meal…

Because I have a masticating juicer, the juice could technically last up to 72 hours, but I drink it right away as a meal. Willa has a large glass and I have the rest, sometimes adding a tsp of chia seeds to it to to give the extra nutritional punch.

I have been buying the veggies at Costco to keep costs a bit down. I can buy a weeks worth of juicing veggies for about 25$ and we don’t just use them in the juice but in other meals as well so many of them enter our meal plan. The great thing is that we don’t lose many veggies either because I use them us easily when I see then need to go.

Another fun thing about this juicer is that it has the ability to make pasta… Well… You can make a quick pasta dough and put it in it and it comes with the little plates with different pasta size. I am not a big pasta fan, but I made a chicken noodle soup with homemade noodles when we were feeling under the weather and it turned out amazing,

It also has the ability to make sorbets and nut butters and more… With the blank plate, you just place frozen fruit such as bananas, strawberries, pear etc through the feeder and what comes out is like a soft serve ice cream. Especially bananas. It makes a quick, easy and healthy dessert that all the kids love. And for nut butters, groud seeds etc you just put them through… The more times you do it the more it breaks down and becomes creamier…

I am loving the machine…

Do you juice? I would love to hear about your favourite combos!

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