Why is it that everybody gets so excited at the beginning of a new year? Simply stated, people love the idea of renewal. The mindset of: “out with the old, in with the new” is very appealing for several reasons. If the previous year has felt stressful or tedious, then the prospect of a new beginning carries the feeling of renewed hope and possibility.

If the previous year has been rewarding, then there is the anticipation of even greater rewards in the year to come. It seems to be a basic feature of human nature to be optimistic about the future. Is that how you feel? Are you looking forward to positive changes in the year to come?

The beauty of optimism

Optimism is a beautiful state of mind. When we are optimistic we become more alert to new opportunities. Optimism allows us to focus on possibility. Because we keep track of time on a calendar, the dawn of a new year has come to represent a kind of emotional rebirth. It’s a new opportunity to shed old, unwanted aspects of life, and embrace something a little closer to our perceived ideal.

Think about the thought process that most of us go through this time of year. We reflect on the last 12 months and analyze whether or not we are satisfied with the results we produced. And regardless of whether we are satisfied with those results or not, we make adjustments in an attempt to ensure that the next 12 months will be even better. Then we project that new, improved vision into our immediate future.

Making good use of optimism

Optimism alone is not enough to make positive changes in our life. That’s why most New Year’s resolutions tend to fall by the wayside after a few months. The intentions are good, but there’s a big difference between intentions and results. So, what does it take to turn our intentions into results?

If you’ve been making the same basic resolutions year after year, then obviously you didn’t produce the results you wanted. And you know what they say about doing the same thing over and over again and expecting a different result. So, what does it take to turn our intentions into results? Well, let me ask you this…

What do you think it takes?

Chances are you already have a pretty good idea of what it takes to turn your intentions into results. After all, it’s not some secret formula that’s been purposely hidden from the general public. It is however, a formula that often goes ignored by the general public. Why? Simply stated, because effort is required, and many people are not willing to put forth the effort.

We all like the idea of making positive changes in our lives. And when we see that others have accomplished the things that we’d like to accomplish, we are encouraged. But to produce the same results that they did, we must be willing to put forth the same amount of effort. When you combine the effort with intention you produce results. If you don’t get the results you want, you simply change the way you apply your efforts.

Could this be the year of results for you?

Yes, it could! All you need to do is apply the formula. Like any formula, there are several factors involved. Let’s take a minute to review some of the more important ones in order to make sure that you have what you need to produce the results you intend.

1) Clearly defined goals. Before you can design a plan to accomplish your goals you need to be very, very clear on exactly what it is you intend to accomplish. When setting goals you need to be as specific as you possibly can. Include precise details so that you know exactly what it is you’re working toward.

2) Commitment. Never say you are going to “try” to reach your goals. The word “try” opens the door to failure. Make a commitment to see your goals through to the end, no matter what. Put a high priority on your goals, and make a determination not to allow anything to stop you from reaching them.

3) Understand your reasons. In addition to clearly defining your goals you also need to clearly define the reasons why you want to reach those goals. The underlying reason is more important than the goal itself. How will this goal affect your life in a positive way and why is that important to you? A person can accomplish just about anything if they have a good enough reason.

4) Create emotional anchors. What positive emotions are associated with your goal? Once you identify those emotions, be sure to associate them with your goal. Your goal needs to represent those emotions to your nervous system. Emotions are the horsepower of motivation. To stay motivated you need to do more than think about your goals, you need to feel them.

5) Establish some milestones. You need a way to determine whether or not you are on course toward your goals. The easiest way to do this is to identify certain notable features that you will encounter as you move toward your goal. These will be your milestones. Identifying them ahead of time will help keep you on track and provide a sense of accomplishment along the way.

6) Make a timetable. One of the biggest problems with New Year’s resolutions is that people know when they’re going to start, but they have not set a time of completion. How long will your goal take to accomplish? Having a set timetable is one of the most effective ways I know to keep you focused on the task at hand. Before you start, establish a time for completion.

7) Identify success. What will successfully reaching your goal look like? What will it feel like? How will you know when you get there? These are all questions that need to be answered before you begin. If you don’t know exactly what success looks like, and how will you know when you arrive? Don’t take this for granted. Take the time to clearly identify what success he is before you start moving forward.

Success is not an accident

If you’ve been disappointed in your results in the past, chances are you ignored one or more of the important factors above. If you’re feeling optimistic about your future, and would truly love to make some positive changes in your life, then you should definitely capitalize on that feeling. In reality, there is no reason to wait for a new year to put this process to work for you. But it is a new year, so why not take advantage of it?

I want you to have the most rewarding, productive, result producing year of your life. I truly do! I also know that wishing won’t get it done. Yes, effort is required, but what meaningful aspect of life doesn’t require effort? Everything worthwhile in this life requires some form of effort. Now that you’ve got the formula, there is still…

One more vital element

You must take consistent, focused action. Start now, and don’t stop until you reach your goal regardless of the challenges or setbacks you may encounter. Remember, results are a combination of intention and applied effort. If you don’t get the results you want, you simply continue to change the way you apply your efforts until you produce the results you want.

If you are really serious about finally producing meaningful changes in your life, I encourage you to pick up a copy of 7 Simple Steps. The whole process is laid out for you in an easy to follow format that is guaranteed to help you transform your life. Instead of just making resolutions this year, why not decide to turn your intentions into tangible results?

What kind of year do you intend to have?
How serious are you about making positive changes?
The lines are open!

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With the prospect of a brand new year laid out in front of us, many people are busy setting goals for the future. Why is this such a common practice this time of year?

Because the nature of people tends to be progressive. We all enjoy the sense of accomplishment that comes from making positive changes in our lives. The desire to improve seems to be hardwired into us.

Is it goal setting or just wishful thinking?

Sad to say, even with the best of intentions our goals often fail to become reality. It’s happened to all of us at some point. What can we do avoid repeating that scenario? First, we need to recognize that effective goal setting involves many different elements.

Today, I want to focus on just one of those elements. Let’s talk about various ways of measuring our progress while working toward a goal. It’s relatively easy to create goals for ourselves, but without a way to keep track of our progress, goals can quickly be reduced to nothing more than wishful thinking. I want to help you avoid that outcome.

How will you gauge your progress?

Without some way to gauge our progress it is impossible to know where we are headed. The truthfulness of this is not restricted to our individual goals. It actually applies to every aspect of our entire life. If we want our life to be progressive, then we need a way to measure our progress. Makes sense, right?

Many people go through life never measuring their progress. Where does this lead? More often than not, it leads to massive disappointment when they finally take the time to look back and analyze their life course.

It’s very easy to get so caught up in day to day living that we never stop to get our bearings. The problem with this approach is that we can be completely off course without ever realizing it. So, what’s the best way to keep track of our progress?

Is this how you gauge your progress?

There are basically two ways that we can keep track of our progress. While both of them have their place, they also need to be kept in their place. One way to gauge progress is to compare where we are to our ideal. For every area of life there is usually an ideal that we would like to strive for. There is nothing wrong with this concept, unless you try to use it as a way of keeping track of your progress. Why?

Because as you move toward your ideal it will change. It’s like moving towards the horizon. Even though you are covering ground, you never get any closer to the horizon. Ideals are just as elusive as the horizon. Even if we are making progress, our evaluation of what is ideal tends to evolve in proportion to our progress.

Regardless of the fact that we may have accomplished some notable changes in our life, our position with relation to our ideal never improves. It’s far better to use ideals to establish a general direction. Much like a compass pointing to the North Pole, ideals can help us stay on a particular heading, but they really don’t help us gauge our progress.

Here’s a more reasonable approach

A far better way to gauge your progress is to compare where you are to where you were. This type of comparison makes it very easy to identify how, or if, things have changed. This approach also helps you avoid the trap of comparing your progress to someone else’s. Remember, personal development is personal, it really doesn’t have anything to do with what other people are doing.

On the other end of the journey, if you have established a specific goal, or milestone, you can also compare where you are now to your intended outcome. Looking back at the progress that you have made can motivate you to keep moving toward your goal. Progress is encouraging. So, having a way to gauge your progress can provide you with just the right motivation to keep moving forward.

There’s more to goal setting and just measuring progress

Obviously, there is much more involved in learning how to set and achieve goals than just finding a way to gauge progress. Goal setting is a multifaceted life skill, with several vital aspects. We’ll talk about some of those other aspects in future articles. For now, I invite you to examine the way that you currently measure your progress in life. Perhaps this would be a good time to analyze your past performance and get your bearings.

Before you get all wrapped up in setting new goals, why not take some time to celebrate your accomplishments? As you look back on this year’s activities, don’t forget to give yourself credit for the progress you’ve already made. Chances are your life is changed in many positive ways over the last year. Reflecting on your personal achievements will likely inspire and motivate you to to keep moving in the direction of your ideals.

Got goals? Feel free to share them!
How will you keep track of your progress?
Did you accomplish something important this year?

Giving is big business right now, so let’s look a little closer at the whole concept of giving. Once you back away from the commercial aspect of giving, what comes to mind? Could it be that people are spending a fortune on giving and still missing the point?

The wisest man who ever lived said: “There is more happiness in giving than in receiving.” Do you believe in this principle? If so, then perhaps you have wondered what kind of giving is the most valuable. What kind of giving really produces that deep sense of happiness that eclipses receiving?

Giving that has real value

The kind of giving that provides real value does not go on sale at the end of the year. In fact, it’s not even for sale. You can’t put a price tag on it, nor can it be mass produced. And it certainly doesn’t require gift wrapping. Not that I have a problem with gift giving, because I don’t. I just know that the concept of real giving cannot be commercialized.

Let’s consider a few avenues of giving that can bring a sense of joy and satisfaction beyond the retailers bottom line.

1) Honesty. When you give others the gift of being honest with them, you honor them while honoring yourself. The world is full of smoke and mirrors. Everyone is on the lookout for deception. What a precious gift honesty is in the midst of so much dishonesty. To be honest with others requires that you be honest with yourself. What an incredible and far reaching gift honesty is!

2) Respect. Everyone on the planet wants to be treated with respect. And what usually happens when you give someone the gift of respect? Most of the time, it is returned to you. Doesn’t it make you happy when someone treats you respectfully? So giving respect is a great way to experience the true happiness of giving.

3) Openness. By this I mean allowing others access to the real you. It’s the opposite of guarded or reticent. When you give the gift of openness, you make yourself receptive to inquiries, suggestions, or ideas. It means being willing to relate to the other person in a way that goes beyond impersonal small talk. Openness can provide the basis for new opportunities and relationships.

4) Concern. Being self-centered is fast becoming the norm in many cultures. What outstanding gift could you give someone in a world full of people wondering “what’s in it for me”? How about acting interested in them as a person? Don’t you feel good when someone expresses a genuine concern for your welfare? It’s heartwarming, isn’t it? When you take a moment to listen to, and empathize with another person, you are giving them a gift of great value.

5) Enthusiasm. There is a lot of apathy around these days. The stress of life seems to have stripped many of their passion and excitement. What gift could you give them to help combat their feelings of apathy and provide a jolt of positive energy? How about some genuine enthusiasm? Have you ever noticed how contagious enthusiasm is? If you demonstrate a little excitement toward someone else’s efforts, it can be very encouraging.

6) Assistance. Everybody needs a helping hand from time to time. This is a fantastic way to make good use of your experience, talents or assets. There will be times when others will ask for your help, but why wait? Why not offer to help when you sense that there might be a need. Let them know that you are both willing and available. Even if they never ask, the fact that you offered can be quite a meaningful gesture.

7) Time. This is a biggie because time is the most valuable thing any of us has. Now, I’m not suggesting that you give away vast amounts of your time indiscriminately. But there are those who deserve your time and it’s important that you make yourself available to them. At the top of this list is your family. Giving the gift of time to your mate and children is one of the best investments you will ever make. If you want to fully experience the happiness of giving, make this a priority.

What’s the common denominator?

What do all these different forms of giving have in common? They all come from the heart. This is the true essence of giving. When you give from your heart, you put yourself in line to experience a deeply rewarding truth. There really is more happiness in giving than there is in receiving.

Now it’s your turn…
How about the gift of commenting?

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We live in challenging times, how’s your self confidence holding up? Let’s face it, maintaining your self-confidence when life is relatively normal can be challenging enough. But when we are confronted by unexpected challenges, it can be very difficult to avoid giving in to self-doubt and uncertainty.

When we feel confident, it makes us more resourceful. Challenges seem less threatening and have much less impact on our sense of security. Take away our self confidence and we become unsteady in our ability to make decisions and take action. Do you have enough confidence in your own abilities to meet challenges head on without giving way to doubt and fear?

How much self confidence is realistic?

In all areas of life, balance is always the key, the same is true with self confidence. With that in mind, let me ask you a question. Do you think that it’s possible to have a realistic, balanced view of one’s own abilities and still have enough self confidence to see you through unexpected challenges?

Many people wrestle with the line between reality and fantasy when it comes to self confidence. This works two ways. A person who feels that they have no real abilities is not being realistic, but neither is a person who believes that they can fly. While I know for a fact that most people are capable of amazing things, I also know that gravity cannot by overpowered by confidence. That’s just not realistic.

Self-confidence is personal

Short of flying, I know from personal experience that we are all capable of doing many things that are thought to be impossible by most people. The point is, popular opinion is not an accurate way to measure the upward limits of human potential or your own abilities. So please, do not allow the limiting beliefs of others to influence you.

Remember, self-confidence is an inner feeling of certainty about what we have to offer, and what we are capable of accomplishing. It has absolutely nothing to do with what anybody else thinks. No matter what our abilities, some will believe in us and some will not. Self confidence is about what you believe; it is your personal perception that’s important.

Self confidence is empowering

Self confidence is a form of personal empowerment. It gives us a sense of certainty in our ability to bring about a favorable outcome. As a result, we have the energy to pursue our dreams and the personal power to overcome obstacles. But it also changes how others view us.

When you carry yourself with confidence, people are naturally attracted to that quality. When they sense your confidence in yourself, others tend to have confidence in you as well. When you speak and act with conviction, it changes the way the way the world responds to you. This response creates opportunities that would not have existed otherwise.

Self confidence is the opposite of doubt

When people doubt their abilities it creates a very limiting dynamic. Many people are afraid to go for the life they truly desire. Lacking self-confidence they fear failure, worse yet, they actually anticipate it. Their lack of confidence stifles their willingness to reach out for their dreams.

These feelings of doubt and inability will also change the way others see them. It is easy to sense when somebody doubts their self. Even if their words don’t give them away, we can feel it on a subconscious level. It’s very hard to put confidence in someone who doubts their own ability. This means that they will not be exposed to the same opportunities as someone who radiates confidence.

What influences self confidence?

Self-confidence is influenced by several factors. Identifying these factors will allow us to use a variety of approaches to build exceptional confidence from every angle. Here are seven things that exert a strong influence on your sense of self-confidence:

1) Self-esteem. In a general way, self-confidence is influenced by self-esteem. Feelings of worthlessness (low self-esteem) will have a limiting effect on overall self-confidence. However, you can still experience high levels of self-confidence in specific areas in which you excel. On the other hand, a healthy self esteem makes it much easier to feel confident about your abilities in all areas of life.

2) Past results. If we have a record of producing our intended result in any area, we will be inclined to feel confident in our ability to duplicate that success. However, if we have tried and failed repeatedly, it will be difficult to feel confident in our ability to succeed. So, confidence tends to grow or shrink based on the results we produce.

3) External feedback. When the people around you, especially those you respect, express confidence in your abilities it really boosts your self-confidence. The same thing can happen when you see a peer, or even someone less qualified, accomplish something you want to do. This can create an attitude of: “If they can do it, I can do it.” It may not seem like much of an influence, but this kind of attitude has given people the confidence to accomplish things they never would have attempted otherwise.

4) Body Language. You may be thinking that your body language only affects the way other people perceive you, but there is actually more to it. Your body language, including your posture, gestures, facial expressions, gait, and attentiveness, all send powerful signals to your own nervous system. Every attitude and mood has corresponding body language, including self confidence. If your body is sending signals to your nervous system that correspond to self-confidence, your attitude will adjust to harmonize with those signals.

5) Speech. Besides body language, what usually alerts you to the confidence level of another person? It’s what they say, and how they say it. There is a huge difference in the speech of those with exceptional confidence when compared to those plagued with self-doubt. Like body language, your speech also sends powerful signals to your nervous system. Your speech has a direct influence on your level of self confidence.

6) Self talk. This is the communication that no one else sees or hears. Self talk is what composes those silent conversations we have with ourselves. Little internal phrases like: “All right, way to go” tell our nervous system that we approve. Other phrases like: “You idiot, what’s your problem” send a completely different message. We can use self talk to build up our self confidence or to tear it apart.

7) Expectation. Whether or not we feel confident about our own abilities is directly influenced by the expectations we put on ourselves. If we expect to excel at some extremely difficult task the first time we try it, we could be setting ourselves up for failure. Do this too often and your confidence will take a beating. If we have more reasonable expectations and experience success, our confidence will grow. This is an area where balance is vital.

The benefits of self confidence

Learning to develop and display exceptional self-confidence will change your life on every level. Self confidence is like a powerful magnet. When you have confidence in yourself and your abilities, you attract new opportunities, resources, and people into your life. You will find ways to open whatever doors are needed to create the life you truly desire.

We have taken a close look at what self confidence is, some of the things that influence it, and how it can change our lives. In future articles we will look at each of those influential areas and consider some practical ways to minimize self-doubt and build exceptional self confidence.

How’s your self confidence holding up these days?
What challenges have tested your self confidence recently?
The Lines are open!

This is the first in a series of articles on:
Building Exceptional Self Confidence.

Editor’s note: This is a guest post from Tim Enalls of Inspiration Pro.

According to numerous surveys, approximately 85% percent of our success in life is directly attributable to our communication and relationship building skills.

That means that no matter how ambitious someone is or how much they overcome their fears or how high their level of education, they’ll still have a low probability of going far in life without effective communication with skills needed to really connect with people.

And when I say connect with people, I don’t mean the ones that you naturally connect with from time to time. It is likely that those people have values and temperaments that closely match your values and temperaments. It doesn’t require much effort or skill to connect with those people.

Communication and success

I’m referring to the people that you like but you often find it more difficult to build a connection with them because you’re not sure what to say or do.

It takes skill to expand outside of that small circle of people that you’re used to and learning how to connect with the majority of people you come across. It is this kind of power that is guaranteed to catapult your success in life.

Developing your communication skills

When you’re trying to connect with the majority of people, you need to ask yourself 5 questions:

- Are you finding a common ground between you two?
- Are you making them feel comfortable?
- Are you making them feel understood?
- Is your relationship clearly defined?
- Are they feeling positive emotions as a result of interacting with you?

In order to fulfill these goals, you might want to consider the following…

14 Effective communication skills

1) Give them the impression that you’re enthusiastic about talking to them — Give them the impression that you would rather talk to them than anyone else in the world. When you give them the impression that you are excited about talking to them and that you care about them, you make them feel supremely positive and confident about themselves. They’ll be more likely to open up to you and have deep, personable conversations with you.

2) Ask open-ended questions about their interests — Ask questions that will get them to talk about their interests and their life in a way they never have before. Go into as much detail as possible and help them gain a new perspective about themselves and where they want to go in life.

3) Adapt to their body language and feelings — Get a feel for how they are feeling at the moment by observing their body language and voice tone. From this standpoint, you can tailor your words, body language, and voice tone to the ones they are more likely to respond positively to.

4) Show them approval: Tell them what you admire about them and why — One of the best ways to instantly connect with people is to be forthright and tell them exactly why you like or admire them. If being too direct isn’t appropriate, insinuate with a few indirect statements here and there. Either approach can be equally as effective.

5) Listen attentively to everything they say — Don’t focus too much on what you’re going to say next as they are talking. Instead, listen to every word they say and respond back as relevantly and smoothly as possible. This shows people that you are truly listening to what they have to say and you are fully engaged and in the moment with them. Also make sure to ask questions whenever there’s something they say that you don’t quite understand. You want to avoid all possible lapses in communication if you want to develop a fully engaged relationship with that person.

6) Give them prolonged eye contact — Strong eye contact communicates to the other person that you are not only captivated by them and what they have to say but that you are also trustworthy. When done in moderation, they will also assume you are confident in yourself because of your willingness to face them directly. As a result, people will naturally want to pay more attention to you and what you have to say.

7) Reveal as much about yourself as possible — One of the best ways to earn someone’s trust is to reveal yourself as openly as you can. Tell stories about interesting events from your life or just describe zany instances from normal everyday life. As you do this, make sure not to mention things that stray too far from where their interests and values lie. You can let them find out more about you as the relationship progresses.

8) Give the impression that you’re both on the same team — Use words like “we, us, we’re, our, and ourselves” to instantly build a bond. When you use those words, you make it seem like you and the other person are on the same team while everyone else seems more distant from the two of you.

9) Give them your best smile — When you smile at people, you communicate that you like them and their presence brings you happiness. Smiling at them will cause them to subconsciously want to smile back at you which will instantly build rapport between the two of you.

10) Offer helpful suggestions — Recommend restaurants you’ve been to, places you’ve been to, movies you’ve seen, helpful people they’d like to meet, books you’ve read, career opportunities and whatever else you can think of. Describe what was so great about those people, places and things and how they might appeal to the other person. If you suggest enough ideas that interest them, they will look at you as a “go to” person when they need to make a decision about what to do next.

11) Give them encouragement — If the person you’re dealing with is younger or in a more difficult position than you, they might want to hear some words of encouragement from you since you are more experienced or you seem to be doing well in life. This helps even out the relationship. If you want to have a healthy relationship with that person, you don’t want to seem like you have it all while the other person has nothing. Convince them that they can surpass their problems and limitations and they will look forward to having you as a person to talk to.

12) Appear to have a slightly higher energy level than the other person — Generally, people want to be around those who lift them up, instead of bringing them down. If you consistently have a lower energy level than other people, they will naturally gravitate away from you in favor of someone who is more energetic. To prevent this from happening, consistently indicate with your voice and your body language that you have a slightly higher energy level so that they’ll feel more energized and positive while around you. Don’t be so energetic that you put people off, but have just the right amount of energy and aliveness that will slightly build up their enthusiasm.

13) Say their name in a way that is pleasing to their ears — A person’s name is one of the most emotionally powerful words for them. But it’s not necessarily how often you say someone’s name that has an impact but how you say it. It may help if you practiced saying a person’s name for a minute or two so that you’ll induce just the right emotional reaction you’re going after. Invariably, if you state their name the most eloquently out of everyone they know, they’ll find you to be the most memorable.

14) Offer to take the relationship a step further — There are a number of things you could do to advance your friendship with someone: offer to eat with them, talk over a cup of coffee, see a sports game, have a beer or two with them, etc. Even if people don’t take you up on your offers, they will be flattered that you like them enough to want to take the friendship to a deeper level. In a way, they will look up to you because you have the guts to take charge of your life and build friendships instead of expecting those friendships to magically appear for you.

Become a skilled communicator

If you can develop only a few of these techniques, you’ll dramatically improve your ability to connect with people from all walks in life and social circles. Take some time to observe the most sociable people in your life and you’ll see many of these methods in full use. And they aren’t done in a way that is rigid or in a way that would be too noticeable by most people. They are done naturally and in a way that fits in with the current situation.

For the best results, just relax and let these techniques flow out of you naturally. Be as close to your true self as you can. Choose the techniques that fit best with your personality and what your motives are when you interact with people. Learn to get a feel for which ones to use for particular situations and the ones that don’t match so well with who you are as a person.

Communication skills lead to new opportunities

Since people play such a big role in your life, your entire life will go much smoother if you develop not only the techniques that fit best with who you are as an individual but the ones you can think of that aren’t on this list.

Before long, you’ll learn to connect with the people you’ve always wanted to get to know better but couldn’t because you weren’t quite sure what to say or do to build a more meaningful relationship with them. And as a result of these new relationships, you’ll open up an abundance of new opportunities for yourself that weren’t available to you before. That’s the power of effective communication skills.

Would you like to read more articles by Tim Enalls ? I feel that Tim has the talent to write deep subject matter and  still keep the writing interesting and motivating. I encourage you to visit his blog Inspiration Pro, or subscribe to his feed

When looking for ways to improve our lives, what is it we usually focus on? Don’t we tend to focus on things that will move our reality in a more positive direction? Typically, we look for ways to experience greater happiness, create more leisure time, or increase our level of success.

Regardless of the area we focus on, the intent is usually to make some degree of positive improvement, to notch things up to the next level. While this is a very important part of personal development, it is really less than fifty percent of the big picture. Why do I say that? Because in reality, the greater part of personal development comes from learning…

Negative life lessons

I know, it sounds strange and even a bit counter productive. After all, why would we want to focus on the negative side if our goal is personal development? But, what do I mean by “negative life lessons”?

Simply stated, a negative life lesson is when we learn what not to do. Maybe you are wondering: “How does learning what not to do help with my personal development?” To answer that question, let’s consider a few real life situations.

It starts when we are children

Most parents teach their young children not to play in the street. In this case, teaching them what not to do could easily mean the difference between life and death. All the positive things that child learns will be meaningless if he runs out in front of a car.

Later, when the child’s awareness has grown, he will learn not to go into the street without looking both ways. So, even though his perception has grown and changed, learning what not to do is still a vital part of his personal development.  

You can’t move forward while losing ground

Essentially, negative life lessons are designed to keep us from losing ground in our personal growth and development. In the illustration above, the value is obvious. It involves life itself. In other situations, the benefits of a negative life lesson may be more subtle.

Sometimes we learn how to avoid physical or emotional pain. Or, we might learn that certain approaches waste time and resources. Successful relationships belong to those who figure out what not to do, and thus avoid needlessly hurting the feeling of the other person.

It doesn’t matter whether we are talking about raising children, building a business, or nurturing a meaningful relationship. Learning what not to do is an important key to success. Making progress in any of these areas means avoiding the things that undermine our positive efforts.

Shortcut the process for quicker results

Just as we can learn valuable new techniques and skills from those with previous experience, we should also learn from the mistakes of others. Look around at the abilities of the people you know. Some of them can probably serve as perfect examples of what not to do.

By analyzing why the efforts of others fail to produce good results, you can save yourself a bunch of time and energy. Whether it’s a dysfunctional family, a failing business, or poor health, there is always something you can learn. They’ve just shown you what not to do, and that is extremely valuable.

All life lessons are positive

I used the term “negative life lessons” only because they are the opposite of those life lessons designed to produce forward momentum. In reality, all life lessons are positive if we apply what we learn. Thomas Edison discovered 10,000 ways not to make a light bulb before he finally figured it out. What can we learn from his example?

Figuring out what works is often a process of elimination. By identifying and eliminating the thoughts, emotions, and actions that are not productive, we move ever closer to our desired outcome. You can apply this to specific goals, or your life in general. Avoiding what doesn’t work is at the foundation of all success.

A positive view of negative life lessons

Realizing the incredible value of learning what not to do should have a profound effect on our attitude. Every time we discover what doesn’t work, we move closer to solving a problem, overcoming an obstacle, or making a personal breakthrough. Every life lesson we learn, negative or positive, is a personal development treasure.

So, the next time your efforts don’t produce the exact result you were hoping for, take a moment to analyze the value of what you have just learned. Think of all the time and effort you will save because of that lesson. Consider how much more effective your future efforts will be. Now, aren’t you grateful for all those wonderful, negative life lessons?

What’s your favorite negative life lesson?
What have you learned from watching others?
The lines are open!

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Have you ever wondered where fear comes from? Most people feel some sort of fear on a regular basis, but it’s rare that anyone questions the source of that fear. Since fear wears so many different faces, is it possible for all fear to come from the same source?

Before we look at the actual source of fear, let’s talk about three of the more common broad categories of fear. I think you will find that most fears fit into one of these general categories:

Impending danger. This is the fear associated with the “fight or flight” response. Much of what happens in the face of impending danger is automatic. That doesn’t mean that we all respond the same way, not by a long shot. Just that our response in the face of real impending danger is usually dictated by our own unique emotional reflex. Some will feel paralyzed by the fear, while others will take flight. But whatever the response, it tends to be automatic.

Unexpected tragedy or loss. When we are forced to face unpleasant situations, it can easily trigger feelings of fear. This often happens in the face of loss or tragedy. It might be the loss of a job, a loved one, or an opportunity we were depending on. It could also be a serious disease or accident. Whenever circumstances take an unexpected and unwelcome turn, we can easily see things in a fearful light.

Uncertainty, the what if syndrome. This is the broadest category and it includes many of the most common types of fear. For example: fear of failure, fear of loss (not the same as actual loss), fear of rejection, fear of embarrassment, fear of loneliness, fear of disease, and so on. This category is unique because none of the huge variety of fears included in it are based on existing realities. Instead, they are the result of dwelling on a possible negative outcome. They are all based on an imaginary “what if.”  

A common source?

Realizing that fears come in such a wide variety, it might seem unlikely that they could all stem from on e common source. Especially considering that some are based on real situations, while others are nothing more than figments of our imaginations.

Well, as unlikely as it might seem, all fear is based on one core emotion. In fact, it is the granddaddy of all human emotions. What is it? It is the inherent and insatiable desire to feel safe and secure. Anything that threatens that sense of security creates feelings of insecurity, and all fear is based on insecurity.

Real or imagined, it doesn’t matter

Let’s go back and identify how insecurity is involved in our three categories of fear. When it comes to impending danger, on an emotional level we feel like our very existence is being threatened. The “impending” aspect means there is a strong sense of urgency involved. This is why we tend to react automatically. It’s programmed into our survival instinct. Our sense of security is directly linked to our survival instinct on the deepest level.

Tragedy and loss rock the very foundations of our world. Our sense of security is deeply rooted in our physical wellbeing and our close relationships with loved ones. Any threat or loss in these areas triggers a corresponding sense of insecurity.

Uncertainty has a different relationship with our sense of security than the other two categories. Fears included in this category are an expression of an existing sense of insecurity that is being projected into the future. If you want to reduce the level of fear in your life, this is the place to start.

Dealing with the “what if syndrome”

Changing the way we deal with impending danger or tragedy is very involved. These are either major emotional events that involve a healing process, or sudden, unexpected situations. However, most of the crippling effects of fear that limit people on a daily basis fall under the heading of uncertainty.

There are an almost limitless host of emotional conditions that depend on the what if syndrome for their existence. Anxiety is one of the more prevalent. Even depression is often based on a sense of hopelessness about the future. Changing the emotional anchors we attach to our perception of the future can work wonders.

Negative thoughts produce negative results

What if syndrome is a negative mindset being expressed in a future tense. Since the mind is only creative, this is an extremely dangerous way to project your energy. It can easily become a self-fulfilling prophecy.

This is true even if your thoughts are something like “I hope I don’t… (lose my job, get cancer, spend the rest of my life alone,etc).” What you are really projecting is “I’m afraid I might…” So, right away your creative mind goes to work looking for a way to manifest the very result you are fearful of.

Change your focus, change your outcome

The obvious solution here is to stop projecting fear into your future. I suggest a twofold approach. First, you need to shift your focus in a more productive direction. Additionally, it’s a good idea to identify things that encourage feelings of insecurity and eliminate them from your life. This second step can have a huge impact on your overall outlook.

Replace negativity with curiosity

What’s so great about curiosity? Several things! It allows for many possibilities without trying to dictate or force an outcome. Curiosity is almost emotionally neutral, leaning slightly to the positive. And curiosity is inquisitive instead of judgmental.

The ability to view life as a journey is greatly enhanced by a curious nature. This mindset allows life to unfold naturally. Once we are comfortable with the unfolding nature of life, we begin to feel secure in the process. Change becomes something to embrace, rather than something to fear.

Reduce your exposure to negative input

What do you gain by watching distorted sensationalism on the nightly news? How is your outlook improved by long conversations that focus on problems you can’t do anything about? How does listening to chronic complainers and fault finders help you adopt a less fearful mindset?

Constant exposure to these things will only make you feel less secure about your life and your future, why go there? I’m not suggesting that you hide your head in the sand. I am simply saying that being bombarded by negativity will increase your feelings of insecurity and fear.

Get over the “what if syndrome”

Most of the things people tend to worry about never happen. And, even if they do, worrying about them never helps. It just robs you of your joy and fills you with fear. Truth is, most fear is nothing more than a figment of our imaginations. It’s an expression of insecurity based on pointless speculation.

In other words, most of the time “there is nothing to fear but fear itself.” Do yourself a giant favor, let it go!

What makes you feel fearful?
How do you keep fear in check?
The lines are open!

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I was 21 years old and felt like I was on top of the world. Several months earlier I had packed up my jeep and set out on a quest that would change my life. Having returned successful, I was now preparing for the greatest adventure of my young life. To put it mildly, I was full of eager anticipation and excitement.

But wait, I am getting ahead of the story. So, allow me back up a bit and fill in a few details. I had dropped out of college and was working for a big construction company doing custom interiors on high rise buildings in Los Angeles In September of ‘72, with a thousand dollars in my pocket, I loaded up my jeep and went north in search of my own personal promised land.

My quest had a purpose

I left with the intention of locating and securing property in the forests of southern Oregon. I spent a glorious two months camping in remote areas, and trying to let myself be led in the direction of my vision. I knew where I belonged, I just needed to find it. Well, guess what…

I did find it, and everything came together like clockwork. Soon, I was on my way back to southern California to get ready for the big move. After having lived in the woods for two months, I found it almost impossible to venture back to work in the big city. Finally, I was so broke that I had no choice. I finally went back to work and began cleaning up loose ends so I could leave in the spring.

Everything was just perfect

One Friday afternoon I was working, but my mind was elsewhere. I was looking forward to the weekend and running on autopilot, dreaming of the new life that awaited me. On that particular afternoon I was using a tool called a ramset. It uses 22 blanks to shoot steel pins into concrete.

Now, to operate this tool required a special license, which I had. It also required safety glasses, which I had, but wasn’t wearing. Can you see where this is going? Let’s look at the facts. I knew what I was doing, but wasn’t paying attention. I needed eye protection, but wasn’t wearing any. The scene was set for… 

Wham, I was hit in the eye by flying concrete

Now I was paying attention, but it was too late. Somehow, I had flown clear across the room and was laying on my back, holding my eye. I had a feeling it was bad. Then a workmate ran over and said: “Let me see your eye.” His next words were no comfort at all. He said: “OMG don’t move, I’ll get the foreman.”

Can you feel the tension of that moment? Even though it probably only took a few minutes for them to return, it seemed like hours. I had a lot of time to ponder the situation. I was thinking how stupid I was to not wear those safety glasses. I was wondering if I would lose the eye. And I was too scared to move my hand off my eye to find out if I could see.

My integrity was about to be tested

When they returned, the foreman responded very quickly. He looked at my eye, ran to the tool box, grabbed the safety goggles, and said: “Which eye is it, I’ll poke a hole in the safety goggles and you will never have to work again. You can sue their butts off and you’ll be rich.”

Ever notice how tests of our integrity usually come to tempt when the chips are really down? All of a sudden I had a choice to make, and it needed to be made fast. If I went with his plan, I would probably get a big insurance settlement, which would have been justified if the goggles had failed. But there was a problem! The safety goggles weren’t to blame, it was my own negligence.

Sometimes integrity costs!

In this case, being honest would mean taking personal responsibility for my predicament, even if it cost me my eye and a big insurance settlement. Everyone standing around, including my boss, was telling me to take advantage of the moment. What would you do in a situation like this? Think about that for a minute. What would you do?

Some people feel that it’s okay to take advantage of insurance companies. They feel that a different standard applies when it comes to big corporations. Kind of an integrity sliding scale. How do you feel about that? Should we play by different rules when it’s a faceless mega company? These are good questions to ask ourselves ahead of time.

So, what did I do?

I told the foreman not to mess with the goggles. I knew there was a valuable lesson in this experience. I also figured that if I didn’t learn it then, there might be an even higher price to pay down the road. They took me to an eye doctor who told me that the whole eye was filled with blood and looked like a red golf ball. He said that the blood needed to clear before he could asses the damage. That would take about two weeks.

I spent the next two weeks with a patch on my eye, waiting and wondering. You know, I never did lift that patch up to see what the eye looked like, I just waited.

The day of reckoning

As it turns out, when there is an injury, the body responds by rushing nutrients to the affected area. That sounds good, right? Unfortunately, one of those nutrients is calcium, and too much calcium in the eye can be a problem. As a result of the accident, I now had what’s called a trauma cataract. It looked like a white map of the United States on the lens inside my eye. My eye was fine, but the vision had gone from 20/20 to 20/400. I could see blurry shapes and colors, but that was about all.

When you lose the vision in one eye it has a dramatic effect on your depth perception and sense of balance. It took some time to adjust to these changes, but we are incredibly adaptive creatures. I challenged my mind to find new ways to triangulate, and it responded. Eventually, I was even able to fly airplanes, although landing is difficult when you can’t judge distance accurately. But that’s a story for another day. Let’s get back to…

Maintaining integrity

No matter who we are, our integrity will be tested. Look around and you will quickly notice that the integrity of many has been bought and paid for. When they were tested, they sold out. Their integrity was for sale and someone or something met their price. That’s a personal choice, but my advice is DON’T DO IT! Once you lose your integrity it’s a difficult thing to get back.

Yes, keeping mine cost me a potential windfall, but that’s a shortsighted viewpoint. What we gain in the long run for standing by our values and ethics if something worth more than money. You can sell your integrity, but you can’t buy it back. Integrity is a personal treasure that seems to be in very short supply these days. Self-respect and integrity go hand in hand. Remember that when circumstances ask – is your integrity for sale?

How important is integrity to you?
Has your integrity ever been tested?
The lines are open!

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Today I’m going to be interviewed by my friend Dragos Roua. No, he’s not here conducting the interview, but he did provide the questions. Some of my fellow bloggers have answered these same questions, and I have really enjoyed reading their answers. So I decided to join the fun.

If you have ever wondered what makes me tick, perhaps the answers to these questions will provide a glimpse.

1. What Do You Do For A Living?
I know this question is really asking what I do to create an income. From my perspective, living is what I do with my life every day, generating an income is just one aspect of that. Fortunately, in my case the two are closely related. I teach advanced life skills and personal growth techniques through a variety of channels. There is my ebook, 7 Simple Steps. I am almost ready to release a 26 week coaching program called Mastering Your Midlife. And I do a tiny bit of affiliate marketing, but only with products that I really believe in.

2. Who Do You Love?
The two greatest loves in my life are my wife and my creator. Beyond that, I strive to feel love for every person on the planet. Obviously, love is something that is felt on different levels and to varying degrees. The important thing for me is to make sure that love is the dominant motivating force in my life.

3. Do You Have Enough Money?
Like most people, I have had a surplus at times, and I have had some lean times too. Since I have never suffered because of extreme financial hardship, I would say I have always had enough. Would I like more money? Well, there are things I would like to do that cost more than I have, so in an indirect way the answer is yes. Honestly, I don’t really focus much on money. Rather, I choose to focus on creating value and the money usually takes care of itself.

4. Are You Healthy?
I am extremely healthy and good health is something I work at daily. As we get older, age becomes more a matter of health and fitness, than how many years we have been around. When I think of health, I include not only the physical aspect, but also the emotional and spiritual aspects. Health is the whole package.

5. Do You Think You Are a Good Person?
I think this question is best answered by those who know me. I strive to be true to my values and ethics, and I try to treat others with respect and kindness. Like most people, I consider myself a work in progress. To a large degree, the advanced life skills and personal growth techniques I teach came from my constant personal quest to become the best possible version of myself.

6. How Old Are You?
It depends on how you measure age. I have an ageless attitude, but chronologically I am 58 years old. Do I feel like a 58 year old? Well, I have had a lot of learning experiences in my life. So, experience wise, I would say yes. Physically no, I have the stamina and strength of a person half my age who is in good shape. Emotionally, I feel ageless. My life is rich with creativity and excitement. In many ways I feel that I am in my prime right now. Most importantly, I feel fully alive. Consequently, age isn’t something that has much meaning to me.

7. Who’s Your Best Friend?
This one is super easy. My wife is my best friend in every sense of the word. A position she has occupied for the last 26 years.

8. How Often Do You Laugh?
Every single day! In fact, we try to end each day with laughter.

9. What Makes You Smile?
This question for starters, in fact all the questions make me smile. I try to be entertained by most of what goes on around me. There is a lot to smile about if you find life entertaining. We have two crazy cats that make us smile daily. I love my life so smiling is easy.

10. Where Do You Live?
I live in the mountains of southwestern Oregon on 15 wooded acres, with a million dollar view. I love to be at home, it’s my favorite place. We live in a house that we designed and built, and are currently remodeling.

11. Do You Think You’re Strong?
My greatest strength is that I know I can be whatever I want to be. Having accepted total responsibility for my life, I feel liberated. I live in a world of limitless possibilities and opportunities.

12. Do You Love Yourself?
Yes, I love being me. Even though I accept who I am, I still feel compelled to grow and become more.

13. What Do You Fear The Most?
I can’t really relate to this question. I’m open to change, and certain changes would be more preferable than others. But I’m not harboring some dark fear of ‘what if.’

14. What Is Your Favorite Word?
I’m not sure, but the word ‘fantastic’ is up there.

15. When Was The Last Time You Cried?
When innocent people suffer needlessly because of greed or power struggles, I feel it deeply. Even if I don’t shed actual tears, I’m crying on the inside.

16. What Is The Best Thing That Could Happen To You Right Now?
I’m not sure it’s the absolute best thing, but here’s a good one. If everyone reading this, who feels that their life could be better, would buy my book and put what they learn into practice. That would truly be a win-win situation.

17. What Is The Worst Thing That Could Happen To You Right Now?
I make it a habit not to project any energy into some imaginary negative scenario. Remember, the mind is only creative, so why go there?

18. Picture Yourself In 5 Years From Now
Wiser, simpler, more loving, and having a great time.

19. Do You Regret Anything?
Given the advantage of hindsight, there are things I might choose to do differently. But then again, that would have put me on a different path altogether. If I didn’t learn from my mistakes, that would be regrettable. I think, as long as we keep learning, then every experience is valuable.

20. What’s The First Thing You Do In The Morning?
Give thanks for another day of life, and think about all the things I am grateful for.

21. What Are You Thinking Just Before Going To Bed?
Same answer as last question.

22. What Was The Highest Point You’ve Ever Been To?
I’ve been to almost 18,000 feet in a hang glider, that was exhilarating.

23. What Are You Proud Of?
I am extremely proud of my marriage. We have walked the path of life together for a very long time. We have shared so many experiences and continued to grow closer in the process. It’s the kind of relationship that most people dream of, and very few experience.

24. Sum Up Your Life In One Sentence
Fantastic!

25. What Is Your No 1 Question To God?
He’s already answered them.

26. Do You Have Secrets?
Possibly.

27. What Makes You Laugh?
For me, the happiest sound in the whole world is hearing my wife laugh. Gets me every time.

28. Are You Happy?
Extremely.

That’s enough about me, but what about you? If you want to do a little self-discovery, why not copy the original 33 Questions For An Interview With Yourself, and then answer them. Yes, I discarded a few. You can do that when you interview yourself!
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So far in this series we have focused mainly on the role of our internal map of reality. We have also talked about how our beliefs serve as our internal map makers.

Learning to create a reality that empowers us, rather than limiting us, is certainly a powerful and advanced life skill. This skill, perhaps more than any other, has the ability to totally transform the quality of our lives.

Editors note: This is the fifth and final part in a series of articles about
How Your Beliefs Create Your Reality.
Here are the links to the other articles:
Part 1: What We Believe to Be True
Part 2: Your Internal Map of Reality
Part 3: Defending Your Beliefs
Part 4: Upgrading Your Beliefs
Part 5: Beyond the Map

But wait, there’s more!

Creating an internal map of reality based on empowering beliefs is definitely something everyone should endeavor to do. With that said, I don’t want you to conclude that mastering this ability constitutes the final frontier, because it doesn’t.

In fact, the real key to a life of wonderment and awe is not found within the confines of a intricately detailed map of reality where every square inch is ruled over by some established belief. That wouldn’t be much fun! The real key to such a life actually lies…

Part 5: Beyond The Map

The problem with being too locked in to a minutely detailed map is that everything is (seemingly) accounted for. Perhaps this point can be best made by looking at our earth.

What happens to people’s perception in areas where every square inch of land is accounted for? Don’t they tend to live by, and be restricted by, precisely drawn boundaries? And doesn’t that reality have a way of fostering preconceived ideas about how things are supposed to be? To a large extent, those boundaries put very real limits on their life experience. 

A different perspective

Now, what happens to our perception of the earth when we view it from space? About the only boundaries we can still see are the continents and oceans. And from that vantage point, what is our impression of the planet? It’s beautiful, right?

The point is, too many details and boundaries tend to shrink our focus. They can easily blind us to the beauty that surrounds us. If everything is precisely defined, we can quickly lose our sense of wonderment and awe.

Balancing boundaries

What does it take to experience life in a productive and meaningful way, and still maintain our sense of discovery and adventure? At what point do the boundaries on our internal map of reality cross the line from empowering to limiting?

In parts 3 and 4 of this series, we established that it is our beliefs about who we are, and what we are capable of, that are either empowering or limiting. So, once again, it all comes back to how our beliefs create our reality. Only this time, we are looking at the concept of limiting and empowering from a completely different angle.

Treasure Hunting

When you think of a treasure map, what kind of image does that conjure up? Usually, it’s a map with some notable place markers, but not too many details. At least that’s how it is in the movies!

Finding the treasure always involves an adventure of discovery. The treasure hunters have barely enough details to keep them moving in the right direction. Everything else is discovered along the way. It’s an adventure that keeps them fully engaged and living in the moment.

Your internal treasure map of reality

For life to be an adventure of wonderment and awe,we need to treat it like a treasure hunt. We need our empowering beliefs to keep us headed in the right direction. To maintain our sense of adventure, we also need to avoid the trap of too many precise boundaries and preconceived ideas.

Living beyond the map does not mean that we don’t have a map. It means that we choose to discover the details along the way, rather than try to fill them in ahead of time. It means approaching situations, people, and experiences with a sense of open curiosity. It means that we look for the treasures that are unfolding with each new day.

A shift in perception

When we are truly empowered by our beliefs, life gets simpler. We tend to let go of judgments and expectations, and replace them with compassion and curiosity.

When we look at the earth from space, there are no national boundaries, conflicts, agendas, or disappointments. There is only beauty! Once we learn to view life from beyond the map, it’s pretty much the same scenario. It’s a beautiful treasure of wonderment and awe.

I hope you have enjoyed this series of articles!
Your comments make the circle complete.

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