And usually the first reaction from us as humans is usually, “why me?!” Well, I myself also falls under the same category as well.

I was born with a weak heart, thus my immune system has not been strong since birth and now, it seems like things are getting worse after I knew I had another disease.

It’s been more than 10 days already for now that I have been conscious of the illness, and the effects of the manifestation of the virus seems to be even louder as each day passed. With the loss of appetite and lost of interest in things, I got a lot of mood swings and often ‘complain’ to God about many things, especially my sicknesses.

But I thank God for the bible- it gives me a lot of encouragement at this season of my life.

I have to admit that I am actually having a wanting to go back to my eternal Home where Jesus is. I many times wish that Jesus will, if willing, take me home where I can find eternal rest and where there is no more sickness or tears.

But a lot of times, the Holy Spirit in me keeps reminding me, although to die is gain, but to live is Christ (Phil 1:21) Although I have been a believer for more than 10 years, I have been living in an out of the grace of God and never really experience that to live by the grace of God until I am sick. As much as I am conscious about my illness, I am also conscious that now I all the more need the strength of Christ to be manifested in my life in my weakest. His grace is always sufficient for us (2 Cor 12:9), and His power works best in my weakness (NLT).

I am thankful that although it’s not the will of God for me to be ill, but I get to know myself more in times of sickness and I want to depend on His strength, love and grace until God has healed me or until God has worked in my life in His ways.

I know that  in all things God works for the good of those who love him. Rom 8:28

VERSE 1
すべての真ん中に　イエスがいてください
世の始めから　終わりまで　すべては主イエス
イエス

VERSE 2
人生の真ん中に　イエスがいてください
世の始めから終わりまで　すべては主イエス
イエス

PRE-CHORUS
イエスの他に　何も答えはない
すべては動く　イエスを中心に
主イエス　あなたのために

CHORUS
心から天まで　イエスがすべて
あなただけ　そう　あなただけ

VERSE 4
教会の真ん中に　　イエスがいてください
主の御前で　ひざまずき　ほめうたう
イエス

The past months have been awesomely peaceful personally, although still in personal crisis (yeah, I’m also counting up like pk is doing hahaha)… Sometimes I do feel I’m traveling in the road of wilderness like the Israelite.

These few months, I’ve been learning to let things “go with the flow”… Although many times I wish some great miracle will happen and bam, I could do all the things I wanted to do. I have lots of dreams I wanna fulfill, but in the meantime, I feel the best thing for me is to really be patient and wait upon the Lord.

Work has been great, been pushing myself to learn new things, refresh my memories of what I’ve learned and put them into practice in my current job. Things are moving slowly and surely. I don’t know when my project will go live yet but according to my boss’ schedule it should be still on the timeline. Not much worries yet

The past month I’ve also been thinking a lot about my future, as to where I want to head for the next few years. I’m still in the uncertainty mode right now so I can’t give a concrete answer yet.

That also reflects on my spiritual life… In my mind I always want to do something, but as I was thinking about this it looks like time is still not ripe. It’s been moving very slowly this time round cos I don’t wanna push myself too hard and hit on my head. Uncertainty seems to be the keyword here.

I’ve been keeping up with my routine after my tooth extraction, need to follow up with that real soon.

I need to spend time outside at some beach or something to draw some inspirations!

It’s time for updates! The 3rd month of 2012 has just past and man, time pass real fast yea?

It’s already my 2nd month to my new job and I’m still pretty much enjoying the life here, although everyday I would love to dream that if I ever lived near my workplace (Marsling) then I’d have saved lots more in traveling! My colleagues were either staying at Woodlands or Sembawang, the farthest is just CCK! Man, I just wish…. haha.

My last lesson at gym has been postphoned! Actually, I can’t bear to part with the place actually, cos it was where although my flesh was like “screaming” almost every time when it moves, I kinda enjoy the training and of course, there is someone who’d guide me in the techniques of how to train different muscle groups that can grow my overall weight/ mass.

I am not too satisfied with my results cos I’m only halfway through my goal, which is 60kg. But nevertheless, I’m happy that at least, I’m not the over-scrawny guy (although I still am, but not so anymore)… I hope to look slightly bigger when I meet my friends this month!

What’s up this month – I guess I should start meeting people! Announcement: I am available for lunch, please meet me for lunch! HAHA. Call me and we’ll arrange.

Other than lunch, I’m planning for other kinds of meet-ups! Let’s see how it goes.

I’ve signed up for JLPT N2 again for the July paper! It’s the 3rd time I’m going to take but it doesn’t matter cos I’m very sure I will pass this time! If I go study now!

Catch up again soon!!

I was glad 2011 ended, now with a new year, comes a new beginning!

Just recapping for the past 3 months… I sacked my boss last December, left the company that seemed to be an impulsive decision, but decided to leave anyway without having to confirm a job. The down economic news that was circulated didn’t really affect much of my job hunting, really thankful that there were lots of job openings despite of that. I even went to big companies like KPMG, and although I wanted to be working in town area, these interviews I went for doesn’t seem make me succeed in landing me a job.

I am quite relaxed about the provision because I know that I will be provided for. Thus, I decided to take a break during the last few weeks of last year, met ex-colleagues for Christmas, updated them on how I fare my job hunt. I love these people because they have been close to my heart during the past 2 years, in my ups and downs. Frankly, I couldn’t bear to leave the company because of these people, but for certain reasons, I had to leave so that I can continue to grow in my career route. I knew from my heart that I wasn’t heading anywhere, not even moving ahead, even though I very much wanted to stay.

I’m pretty much thankful in January, when I landed on my new job. although I didn’t really want the job (considering the venue and timing, 8AM start work – don’t it feel like NS days?!), but it looks like God has arranged this job for me, so after a day of hard consideration and all those things that had happened – I decided to sign the contract, although I suggested that the pay wasn’t as fantastic as I had. But I told myself, little better than nothing, thus I decided to sign the year contract.

I have to adapt the new lifestyle, head to work (without having to iron my clothes now cos don’t need to wear formal! YAY) in 45mins, adapting an environment not filled with Singaporeans (still adapting well)… My team is pretty small, just me and 2 other senior engineers. I’m sitting with the other Application teams, under the same head, though.

Life’s pretty easy for now, with many new things to learn since now that I’m the major coder there. Definitely a different environment from the previous company. Many things have to be independent and from scratch. But still loving my job, anyway.

Oh, did I mention I have friends working around the same company? Although they’re at different levels, I think it’s quite a surprise to have met them there! Pretty surprising. Maybe I’m still on “honeymoon period”, so things are probably working out fine.

My weight gaining process?

Nature has taken its course… It’s been pretty slow but I’ve always been talking my mind that I’m growing in every part of my body and… Now I’ve reached close to 54kg! YAY. I had a rounder stomach though. But it don’t stop me from eating more, taking the supplements for muscle growth and more exercise. My hope is to go till 60kg at least, cos that’s the desired healthy weight for my height, at least.

That’s pretty much happened in the past 3 months.

Thinking of the future… I do have plans actually. Moving forward, I think I’ve decided to go for further studies in 2 years’ time, either to Australia or Japan, whichever comes first and whichever works well for me. Now I have to start saving up some $$kachings$$…

And also, with much OTs from previous job, I’ve deprived myself from home for the past 2 years… Thus, this year, I’ve decided to focus more on family matters – stay at home as much as I can, except for days I go for gym. Boy my mom will be glad if I stay home for dinner! lol.

Here’s about it, update soon!

Like many of the people out there, the past 2 years had not been an easy route for me.

It was a poor decision made as life had just been too stagnant for me then, and everywhere looks like a status qua.

But thanks to my fleshly decision my life had changed its course and it decided to be more challenging. (I decided to not go into details cos it’s the past)

2011 was a year of “valley of baca”, I suddenly felt like I had to go through challenges alone. I had to handle work and “life”single-handed.

A blessing in disguise happened, when I decided to meet my secondary school friend whom explained to me about things.

I decided to head back to church on the church’s 22nd anniversary.

It was the Word of God that changed my heart.

Life wasn’t like much easier after I decided to go for the church services, but God gave strength so I could pass by each day.

I decided to do something about my life too – physical health – that was, to gain weight/ mass. I engaged a trainer to train me.

I decided to quit my job and took a break… But decided to get one after that cos economical news was saying it will turn bad this year.

Overall, thank God for His grace that pulled me through 2011.

It felt like I’m counting down toward ORD 4 years ago hahahahaha… The feeling of “hey I’m gonna leave this fr**king place soon”, “I’m gonna miss everything here” kinda filled every part of my being even though I wonder if my other colleagues would feel the same. Even if they don’t it’s ok cos in a matter of time my name will be in their archive list haha.

“为什么这么冲动?!” (why are you so impulsive?) is the most frequently asked question pertaining my resignation…

If you’re not in the loop… Yes I’m resigning and serving my tender.

My colleague even came and talked to me regarding this while I had this decision in mind.

Basically… it was a mismatch of whom I’m working with.

I don’t mean to shoot anyone down cos while I was saying that, I have to explain further – it’s not his fault, it’s just that I don’t feel the growth or I don’t really “see” myself moving being there.

Perhaps it’s just a feeling, you’d say. Feelings aren’t accurate, you may ask…

But somehow… it keeps me thinking that my time seem to be “up” in here and I’d probably do more mistakes and prove more disappointments more than I could shine myself there. I’ve been feeling more overwhelmed to look for approval more than seeking myself to grow in work, of which the balance didn’t seem to be there.

Thus my reason for tendering.

I know it’s definitely NOT WISE to do that and I’m already feeling the pressure as the days draw near without having a job ahead of me. There are a lot of cases that I could think of if I don’t find a job right now.

But on the other hand, I know there is something to expect and there is definitely hope in the near future so I’m scared and not scared at the same time… How ironic.

I definitely need more prayers in this area. I need to find what I love to do and do it with extra mile without feeling tired even if no one is looking.

Hope to hear good news from my side here too!

It happens to me…

Career, relationships, and everything else…

Sometimes I do want to give up on everything, since everything is not going the way it should be.

I’m now really, in the state of confusion and chaos…

Don’t know how to carry on already.

Comfort song of the day:

There is nothing very new now, still working hard to get my muscles growing up (argh, hope it grows quickily!), getting my Japanese vocabulary right and spending time with myself in singlehood (I seriously need to get attached again lol) and enjoying the days of weekends just doing the things I love – sun tanning (when there is sun – it’s gone to hide these few months – fall season is here and winter soon. [What am I talking about? It’s all rainy season :P]), gym on Sundays and spending the rest of the weekends studying. Looks pretty much mundane here but it’s ok! I’ll take it as preparation for the future, that’s why I’m studying Japanese for!

Regarding to the earlier post I wrote last month, I actually got to consider what I should be doing for the coming future… It seems like, the time for changing career is not ready yet, so I’m sticking back to the old job I’m doing right now. Praise God, I mark my 2 year working job experience after graduating and it’s the longest surviving job ever since I graduated from my diploma.

Having said that, I actually got an offer from the company to extend my contract. I would have had wished for a perm but thinking about my near future, actually having an extended contract will be fine with me too becuase it is as good as working as a perm stuff. Furthermore, it won’t be nice if I decided to quit halfway after my boss decided to give me the perm position.

And since I’ve gotten the job, I’ve decided to delay my job hunting until I find it’s the right time to do so.

Actually I love the way things are right now, because it’s really been a roller coaster ride in my life around this time, a year ago… It really felt like a tsunami hit on me too… But thankfully, things are better now and life is as usual.

And although time has been passing so fast, I just can’t wait for December to come! I’d probably plan for a short get-away to Batam or something, if anyone is interested, let me know! Otherwise, by default, I’ll go by myself for some presonal refreshing time

Write soon when I’m inspired!

While things are seemingly fine and alright, I feel that I haven’t been moving on much in sense of growth and vision in my career path. While I still prefer the previous life, having the group of friends at work etc, it seems like I have been missing out quite a lot of things while I’m in the new place. I was still wondering if I’m in the correct place now, since now that there isn’t much company as it used to be…

Perhaps I’m feeling more lonely, since there wasn’t much people whom I know here, except for times when people come for courses and meet me for lunch etc.

The current work life is pretty much different from what I visualized… Perhaps, it’s a sign of time for a change?

I haven’t been making any decisions yet… In fact, I am still very uncertain of what I wanna do if I tendered my resignation letter. As I don’t want too much disaster in my life, I’m really taking this decision very seriously…

Although I have a very blur decision that I would like to do something Japanese (something that I’ve always wanted to do), there aren’t any precise job matching my qualifications and all.

Everything seems to be uncertain for now, that I don’t know what’s going to happen in 2012.

But God is good, He’s always giving me the assurance that He will provide in His time.

While my flesh still worries, my “intuition” tells me that everything is still alright.

And it’s gonna be alright, cos Jesus You’re my light. You have shown me Your way. All of my troubles, all of my life I give it to You my King!