The Adaptation of Life

Faith and Doubt

noreply@blogger.com (JillEE) — Sun, 18 Jul 2021 20:57:00 +0000

I gave this talk to my congregation on Sunday, July 18, 2021.

*********

I love speaking in Church. I know that most people don’t admit that over the pulpit, but I really do love it. Speaking in church gives me the opportunity to have an experience with God and I truly believe that faith and belief are built through our experiences. I am grateful to be here today to talk with you about some of the personal experiences that have shaped my faith:

A little over 11 years ago my husband and I were several years and several procedures into trying to start a family. We had gotten pregnant after our first round of IVF, but shortly after I had a miscarriage. When we did the next round of IVF, I was full of nerves. When I actually got pregnant, I was too anxious to really enjoy it or even let myself hope it was real. So we asked our home teacher to give us both a blessing. I don’t remember Jeremy’s, but I vividly remember mine. Our home teachers put their hands on my head and I felt a spirit of peace and calm. They said that I shouldn’t be afraid. That this baby would grow and develop and they blessed me to be able to carry the baby to term. This filled my heart with peace and I let myself feel happiness and hope. Two weeks later I suffered another devastating miscarriage. I couldn’t understand it. Did I not have enough faith? Through my pain and devastation, I faced hard questions about my belief - my faith in priesthood power, and God’s plan for me.

Four years ago my parents, my sisters, and all their families gathered at a lake in Montana and watched my nephew get baptized. His sisters sang a beautiful song about the Garden of Gethsemane. And I remember how strongly the spirit testified to me that day about the love and power of eternal families. Since that experience, two of my sisters and most of their families have left the Church. I love them with all my heart. They are good women who are trying their best to find truth and inspiration. This experience, this reality, has presented me with hard questions about what it means to truly believe in an eternal family.

Three years ago, I lovingly embraced my nephew for the first time since his transition to using male pronouns and presenting as a boy. I’m not here to tell his story, but just to say that I had seen the behind the scenes struggle for my sister and brother in law. I knew the study and deep thought they had put in to support and love their child and their commitment to accept and affirm their child’s identity. I felt the spirit overwhelmingly testify to me of the importance of giving my unreserved love and support to my nephew and his family. That God loves this little boy and he expected me to love him unconditionally too. This wasn’t a challenge for me - it wasn’t and isn’t hard at all. But I did find it challenging to face the Church members and Church leaders who made my nephew’s existence harder. I already had a lot of questions about the Church and LGBTQ issues, but this exploded a whole new world for me of questions that I desperately desire answers for.

Maybe you are not like me. Perhaps in your life every prayer is answered, every challenge is easily survived and surmounted, every question is easily resolved. If that's your life, maybe this talk isn't for you but it might help you understand the person sitting in front of you, behind you, or even right next to you.

But if there’s a chance that you are a little like me, that you live in a balance of belief and unbelief, of faith and doubt, and of questions and more questions, and some answers, well then I hope that this talk, this experience, will help you on your faith journey.

I started by saying that these experiences have shaped my faith and they truly have. Let me explain how I can describe these as faith building experiences.

First, I want to talk about the nature of faith. God could have made his truth clear beyond all doubt, but He chose not to. Why would he do that? Why would he leave room for doubt? A wise friend once told me, “He chose to leave room for faith, and the only way he could truly do that was to leave room for doubt. Because faith is only active in the dark.” My friend further explained, “ Faith is like courage. You cannot have courage without fear. Courage is not the absence of fear, courage is the acknowledgment of fear and the conviction to act despite fear.

Similarly, you cannot have faith without doubt - by which I mean an absence of perfect knowledge. Faith is not the absence of doubt, it is the acknowledgment of doubt and the conviction to act despite doubt. Indeed, it is when we recognize the limitations of our knowledge and choose to follow God in spite of what we must admit we do not know, that our faith is most active and most powerful.”

This is an empowering thought to me. As I studied these words i was reminded that there was a time where I viewed faith as a destination or a crop to harvest. That faith would come when I conquered my doubt, my questions, and my unbelief. But what I have come to realize is that faith is NOT a destination or a plant. Faith is a relationship. The first principle of the gospel is NOT faith! We often shorten it to that, but we need to clearly state that “We believe that the first principles and ordinances of the gospel are first, faith IN THE LORD JESUS CHRIST.”

What is it that we have faith that Jesus will do exactly? It is not as simple as saying that if we have faith in Jesus, everything will be just fine. For every Shadrach, Mischak, and Abednego who are saved from the fire, there is an Abinadi who is burnt at the stake for his testimony. For every Alma the Younger, saved by the pleadings of a faithful parents' prayers, there are Laman and Lemuels who continue their rebellion and stray. For every Esther who is lauded for saving her people, there are millions of nameless and faceless women whose service to God will never be written. For every Ammon, who converts thousands, there is Mormon and Moroni who labor all their lives without ever seeing the fruits of their labors. If our faith in Jesus is contingent on a desired blessing or outcome, then we may miss out on the relationship with him that is the true blessing of faith and trust. When we have a relationship with Him, we can say, like Nephi, "I know in whom I have trusted...My God hath been my support; he hath led me through mine afflictions...He hath filled me with his love,"

So, how do we develop this relationship with him? For me, this relationship has come and been strengthened as I have asked hard questions and looked to him for answers. Not every question has been answered for me, but EVERY question has been met with a feeling of increased love and increased peace.

Elder Uchtdorf explained it better than me when he said, “What about doubts and questions? How do you find out that the gospel is true? Is it all right to have questions about the Church or its doctrine? My dear young friends, we are a question-asking people because we know that inquiry leads to truth. That is the way the Church got its start — from a young man who had questions. In fact, I'm not sure how one can discover truth without asking questions…Inquiry is the birthplace of testimony. Some might feel embarrassed or unworthy because they have searching questions regarding the gospel, but they needn't feel that way. Asking questions isn't a sign of weakness; it's a precursor of growth. God commands us to seek answers to our questions and asks only that we seek "with a sincere heart, with real intent, having faith in Christ."

Why is it so important to center our faith relationship on and in Jesus Christ? This is some hard won insight, but I am offering it to you for free. Other things and other people can let you down, can bring disappointment and confusion, but when you develop a trusting relationship with Jesus Christ you know he never will. In Mark 9, we hear the story about a father, a desperate father. His child was afflicted and the family was struggling. His son suffered from convulsions and fell in dangerous places, hurt himself, and was suffering. In his faith, this father had gone to the disciples and humbly asked for healing for his son. And they couldn’t do it. I imagine this as a crushing disappointment, a circumstance that could cause someone to walk away or lose any faith they had. But this faithful father, even in his imperfect faith, speaks up when Jesus joins the crowd. He recenters his faith and his pleading towards the Savior and says,

“If thou canst do anything,” he said, “have compassion on us, and help us.

“Jesus said unto him, If thou canst believe, all things are possible to him that believeth.

“And straightway the father of the child cried out. said with tears, Lord, I believe;

Hoping for the outcome of healing for his precious son, he proclaimed his absolute faith. Then, looking at the Son of God, perhaps he felt compelled to recognize the doubt in himself.

With tears in his eyes he added, "Help thou mine unbelief.”

And the Lord did help his unbelief. He filled in the gaps of his faith, healed his child, and changed his life.

When we turn to him, questions, doubts, heartache, unbelief, and discouragement can be wrapped up in the arms of his love. There are many things I wonder about, many things I question, but this I know from my own experience.

Two months after the miscarriage I told you about, I was still struggling. I couldn’t feel the spirit. I was angry with God. I didn’t know how to feel peace or if I would feel it ever again. I sat in my Relief Society meeting and I listened to the teacher talk about how we feel the Holy Ghost. Someone told a story about praying to find something and being led to it. Someone else told a story about being inspired to take a loaf of bread to a sister. Someone said that she loved having the peace of the Spirit as a constant companion. And I just sat there feeling dead inside, with some scorn and resentment for the lives of my Relief Society sisters, and in my heart I asked. “But how? How can you feel peace when you just don’t?” And a thought came to my mind, “Ask them.” I told you how I love to speak in Church, and I love even more to comment in Relief Society, but i didn’t really want to tell everyone in my ward that it had been a long time since I felt the Spirit, that I was struggling with questions, and that my resentment towards God was growing. But the thought came again, “If you want to know, ASK.” So I raised my hand and cried through telling these women my weakness and asking how I could ever feel the peace of the spirit again. It was quiet for just a second, then hand after hand shot up telling stories of struggling through different trials to find peace. Three different people handed me tissues, and many others dried my tears with their own testimonies and encouragement. It was as if I had turned to the Lord and cried, ``Help my unbelief!” and through my ward members, he did.

I have a relationship with Jesus. More than a testimony that he lives, I know he lives in my life. When I come to these other moments of questions and unbelief, I have Him as a friend, a guide, a Savior.

He left room for doubt, because he truly knows the power of putting our trust and belief in Him. Elder Holland gave us this encouragement: “Hope on. Journey on. Honestly acknowledge your questions and your concerns, but first and forever fan the flame of your faith, because all things are possible to them that believe.”

I am on that journey with you sisters and brothers. I hope we have the strength to journey together. To help each other as we seek faith and peace in Jesus Christ.

He gives us hope

When hope is gone

He give us strength

When we can't go on

He give us shelter

In the storms of life

When there's no peace on Earth

There is peace in Christ

In the name of Jesus Christ Amen.

I Know That He Loveth His Children

noreply@blogger.com (JillEE) — Sun, 07 Apr 2019 13:37:00 +0000

I gave this talk in my congregation on February 24, 2019. My fellow Church members were overwhelmingly supportive and loving.
*****

During the last General Conference, we took our family on a trip to Palmyra to see the Sacred Grove, Hill Cumorah, and lots of other Church sites. We planned our days to make sure we could watch all the sessions. I love General Conference and the peace and clarity I feel while listening to our leaders. And I felt that during our time in Palmyra. Except when I was listening to President Oaks' talk. I love President Oaks. I've met him and I have a testimony of his divine calling. But as I listened to him speak, I felt my stomach tightening, my mind racing, and tears building behind my eyes. I am positive that this wasn't everyone's reaction, and I wouldn't expect it to be. But I have spent the last little while watching my amazing sister navigate some complex waters as she has protected and nurtured her transgender child. My nephew was born a girl, but since the time he could first talk has clearly, consistently, and insistently been a boy. I know this is a hot topic and a politicized issue. But for me, it has been as simple as loving this little person. Affirming who he is, and that no matter what, I love him and God loves him.

Elder Oaks' talk had some remarks about gender that I found difficult to understand. And when I got the request from Brother Sunia to speak today, I almost said no. Which would be completely weird for me, because I love speaking in church. But as I sat looking at the email, I thought about all the times I'd told the youth to ask questions, to be seekers, and I could hear Sister Dew in my head saying, “Will you engage in the wrestle?”

In May of 2016, Sister Dew gave a devotional at BYU-Idaho. She said the following, “My dear friends, questions are good….We all have questions. Some are doctrinal, historical, or procedural. Some are intensely personal….May I answer these questions, and any questions you may have, by posing a question: Are you willing to engage in the wrestle? In an ongoing spiritual wrestle?” She gave an example of her own wrestle when a policy change was announced. I can completely relate to her feelings. She said, “I was confused. I did not question the Brethren or doubt their inspiration, but neither did I understand the doctrinal basis for the policy. So I asked the Lord to teach me.” (https://www.byui.edu/devotionals/sheri-dew )

So I approached this talk the same way, I asked the Lord to teach me, to help me find answers. And the last couple weeks I've truly been taught and uplifted. From scriptures and prayers, to insightful and understanding friends, children wise beyond their years, a few tears shed in a Sunday School class, and even a few trials, I feel like my understanding has increased and I've been given some answers..

Though I am still immersed in this particular wrestle, I do know I have been taught. Let me share just two things that I have felt the Lord teaching me.

The first came as I talked to a friend about this assignment. She made a comment that struck a chord: you don't know what you don't know. That might seem simplistic, but again and again the spirit brought to my mind some words from 1 Nephi. We usually think of Nephi as a spiritual giant, a leader, a prophet, a devoted son. But a lot the the beginning of Nephi's story is clearly showing him as a seeker. A person engaged in wrestling with truth's before God and learning step by step what exactly God would have him do. He gives us an example of how to seek, when he is literally talking to angel. The angel asks him a question about what he's just been shown, “Knowest thou the condescension of God?” Nephi doesn't launch into a recitation of everything he learned in Primary. He doesn't fake his way through it. He clearly states: “I know that he loveth his children, nevertheless I do not know the meaning of all things.”

“Nephi’s faith was not shaken because he couldn’t answer this question.” I want to say that again, Nephi’s faith was not shaken because he couldn’t answer this question. “He responded by sharing something he had experienced. Being aware of the fact that he did “not know the meaning of all things” actually opened the way for Nephi to be an excellent student of the gospel as the Spirit of the Lord taught him.” (David L. Beck, https://www.lds.org/youth/article/5-keys-to-answering-tough-questions )

“When we have unresolved questions, our challenge doesn't lie in what we think we know. It lies in what we don't yet know…”

In a different conference talk, then Elder Oaks made the following statement, “...after all we can publish, our members are sometimes left with basic questions that cannot be resolved by study...Our ultimate reliance must be on faith in the witness(es) we have received from the Holy Ghost.” I am grateful that I have had sacred experiences with the Holy Ghost that give me a sure foundation. I can say that do know what I do know - I know that Joseph Smith was a prophet led by God to restore his church and translate the Book of Mormon. I love the Book of Mormon. And most importantly I know my Savior Jesus Christ. Like Nephi, my faith is not shaken because I can't yet answer a question

Which leads me to the second thing I've been taught as I've been engaged in this spiritual wrestle. I told you I sat staring at Brother Sunia's email asking me to speak on this talk. I almost didn't read past the talk title, but I'm glad I did. After the title of the talk was this invitation: You may expound on the question – "How does our gospel knowledge help our families be centered in Christ?" In my mind I thought, what does this have to do with the talk I watched President Oaks deliver? The painful feelings I had during his talk felt hot in my throat. The anger I felt knowing some members would use his words to justify mistreating and excluding my nephew. And the devastating knowledge that this would only push my sister, who I love so much, further away from the Church I love. How could I use This talk to answer that question?

I didn't have an answer, and when I don't have an answer, I want to find one. So I accepted the assignment, knowing what I was seeking for: a connection to the Savior. As I read President Oaks talk again and again, the negative feelings I had began to subside as I focused on the question, “How does this help me stay centered on Christ?” Again and again I came back to this same passage, “God’s great plan of happiness provides a perfect balance between eternal justice and the mercy we can obtain through the Atonement of Jesus Christ...A loving God reaches out to each of us. We know that through His love and because of the Atonement of His Only Begotten Son, “all mankind may be saved, by obedience to the laws and ordinances of [His] Gospel”.

There are many times in this talk from President Oaks when he testifies of the Savior. I may still be wrestling with his other words, but I felt the power of his love for the same Jesus who is the center of my own life. I felt the power of his apostolic witness of the same Jesus who I know calls apostles and prophets. I remembered how spiritually electrifying it felt to shake then Elder Oaks hand and have him quiz my new fiance on our dating story. I was reminded of my own profound experiences with a Living, Loving Brother who has the power to forgive my sins and heal my heart.

The day before I got the invitation to speak, I was able to listen to a broadcast for seminary teachers, where Elder Rasband gave a talk he titled: Jesus Is The Answer. In it he said, “that is the Savior I know, that I love and revere with all my heart. From the depths of my soul I bear testimony of Him and of His goodness and mercy. He has promised, “For you are my friends, and ye shall have an inheritance with me.” In reality, brothers and sisters, Jesus Christ is always the answer.” I was reminded that Jesus IS the answer. How can I keep my family centered on Christ? By keeping my life, my faith, and my testimony centered on Christ. If I am centered on Christ, then my questions and things that “are yet to be revealed” never become the most important thing. Christ is the center, Jesus is the answer.

I'm not sure that I filled the assignment that the bishopric meant to ask for, but I'm grateful for the direct invitation to engage in the wrestle. I'm grateful for the reminder of my Savior. And I'm so very grateful to know that though I don't know all things, I do know that God loves his children. He loves my sister and my nephew. He loves me. And he loves President Oaks and I know he has given him a divine responsibility to testify of his Son. And mostly I'm grateful for my own knowledge that Jesus truly is the answer to all we seek and search for and that a life centered on him will be full of joy and peace no matter what.

1/1/18 First Day, First Hike

noreply@blogger.com (JillEE) — Tue, 01 Jan 2019 18:05:00 +0000

We went on a first day, first hike adventure at Mason Neck Park. Windy and beautiful, happy, healthy kids, super muddy shoes, and new 2019 memories. Happy New Year!

Shameless Shilling (Vote for Me!)

noreply@blogger.com (JillEE) — Tue, 04 Feb 2014 14:05:00 +0000

I love Shutterfly. And I buy their stuff, a lot. I entered a photo of each girl in a contest for v-day to help subsidize this habit.

I chose one of CJ taking care of her dolls - because sometimes love means taking care of someone who may not appreciate it. http://goo.gl/pJgCJ6

I chose one of Liza with her Grandpa Dave, because love lasts through generations.
http://goo.gl/Zu84SR

If you have a minute, please click on this link and vote for my girls. THANKS!

My Biggest Mother Fear

noreply@blogger.com (JillEE) — Thu, 09 Jan 2014 04:14:00 +0000

We sat in the white room waiting to hear the test results from the Doctor. He'd been really great - calling us himself, interacting with CJ, fitting us in at the last minute. The kind of health care provider you want to be treating your child. I felt like I was holding my breath.

"I'm sorry. The results just take a little bit to load."

Then there it was. Pictures of the inside of my daughter's head on the screen. The Doctor patiently walked us through her brain. "Here's the stem. Here's the -something else-" (not what he called it). "Everything looks normal.....Except for this little spot here."

The Doctor explained to us about different types of seizures then told us CJ's seizures were called focal, or partial, seizures, because only part of her brain was seizing. That meant her seizures wouldn't look like her falling on the ground and shaking all over. More likely just part of her body would have tremors (her first shaking seizure was just her neck and face) or she'd zone out. She wouldn't respond to her name or a touch or anything while she was seizing and she wouldn't know anything had happened. She'd just come right back and continue on her way. She could also experience seizures while sleeping. All of these were things that COULD happen.

Which led me to ask the doctor a simple question, "How can I tell if she had a seizure (at night, when I'm not looking, etc)?

His response cut to my heart, "You'll know."

*******
Mother's live with lots of fears. We try not to let it rule our parenting or our lives. I still want my kid to ride a bike, see the good in most people, try new things, and be brave. I don't let fear run my family.

But can I let you in on a secret. My biggest mother-fear isn't that someone will get sick, or hurt, or lost. My biggest fear is that I won't know.

What if I don't know if she is getting enough milk? What if I don't know the best way to soothe her? What if I don't know that she's supposed to be learning something? Or when someone shouldn't be trusted around my kid? Or don't know what happens when I'm not there to protect her? Or that she is sick? Or that someone is hurting her? Or that she shouldn't go somewhere?

What if I just don't know?

Leading up to having CJ, I got a lot of parenting advice and heard lots of times, "Trust your instincts. You're the Mom. You'll know what to do." Which sounds really nice, but what if I DON'T KNOW?

My instincts are to google it. Or find someone who has blogged about it. Or see what some chat forums might say. Surely I'm not the first mother to think about this problem? The internet always shows me another mother who has my same question.

"But, women have been doing this for thousands of years. It's part of your maternal instincts."

To which I say, sure, some things are. And yes, women have been taking care of babies for well, all time. But they used to do it differently. Mothers and sisters and grandmothers were close. They had collective wisdom on their side. Most of us don't have that anymore. So we turn to each other online. Because we're all scared of not knowing.

We turn to God. But in His infinite wisdom he lets the rain fall on the just and unjust. And the hard times and uncertainty rain on the believer and unbeliever alike.

So most of the time we live a rich, full life. With falls and scrapes and triumphs and joys. But in the back of my mind the question lingers.

"How will I know she's had a seizure?"

"You'll just know."

What if I don't?

E.R.B. Annual Report

noreply@blogger.com (JillEE) — Thu, 02 Jan 2014 21:37:00 +0000

Click Here for the full report: http://goo.gl/IDmcjd (download the PDF from Drive for best quality pictures):

Here's our cover photo

Thanksgiving Day 26: Technology

noreply@blogger.com (JillEE) — Thu, 28 Nov 2013 04:48:00 +0000

Today CJ had an MRI. Because she is little and incapable of holding still, she was sedated for the procedure. It was hard to leave her lying there, my baby girl. She looked so little on the big hospital stretcher and so vulnerable. She was of course in wonderful hands and well-taken care of. As we sat and waited for our buzzer to go off (they gave us a pager, like the kind you get at a restaurant) I couldn't help but think how amazing it is that we can look inside of people's heads. I'm so grateful to live in a time when technology makes miracles like that happen everyday.

(Also thankful that CJ did great and was so brave. She woke up asking for more bubble-gum (the flavor of her anesthesia) and a Popsicle.)

Thanksgiving Day 25: Bedtime

noreply@blogger.com (JillEE) — Tue, 26 Nov 2013 04:41:00 +0000

Jeremy had school today, so he didn't get home til close to 10. I love my girls like crazy but on days when it is just me from sun-up to sun-down I really look forward to bedtime. They sleep and I get a little break. Ahhh.

Thanksgiving Day 24: Grace

noreply@blogger.com (JillEE) — Mon, 25 Nov 2013 03:36:00 +0000

Today I am grateful for grace. Both the kind that God gives me and the kind I hope that other people extend. Sometimes I do things without thinking and say things that I wish I could take back. Today I had one of those days, so I'm hoping for grace. And I'm also thankful for it.

Thanksgiving Day 23: My Mommy

noreply@blogger.com (JillEE) — Mon, 25 Nov 2013 02:04:00 +0000

The older I get (32 today!) and the longer I parent, the more I appreciate my mom. The fact that I made it past 14 is pretty amazing! So on my birthday, I am grateful for my amazing mommy!

Thanksgiving Day 22: My CJ

noreply@blogger.com (JillEE) — Mon, 25 Nov 2013 01:59:00 +0000

CJ had to have a sleep-deprived EEG today, because of some seizures she had about a month ago. She was so brave: she held still when she was supposed to, slept when she was supposed to, and chatty when she was trying to charm the tech. She can be so precocious when she wants to be (sometimes she'll just be shy). I watched her sleeping with the EEG leads attached to her little head and thought about how much I love this girl. I'm so grateful for my little CJ.

Thanksgiving Day 21: Winnie the Pooh

noreply@blogger.com (JillEE) — Mon, 25 Nov 2013 01:25:00 +0000

Keeping CJ up late was hard, but Winnie the Pooh made it easier. Thanks A. A. Milne!

Thanksgiving Day 20: Basketball and Getting Cut

noreply@blogger.com (JillEE) — Mon, 25 Nov 2013 01:16:00 +0000

I am helping coach our YW basketball team, and it is a lot of fun. I'm so grateful that I played sports growing up, and that I learned the basics from the best coach in the world (that would be my Dad). My Dad started coaching me when i was in 2nd grade, for our city rec team. I find myself repeating a lot of the things that he used to tell me when I'm teaching the girls some basic skills.

On the flip side, I am grateful (now) that as I was cut from the basketball team my senior year. It was at the point the most painful experience of my life. It also paved the way for my high school romance - which I still don't know if that was a good or bad thing. But most importantly, it gave me perspective. Basketball and sports were my life then suddenly they weren't and I had to figure out what my life really was about. I will always be grateful for that experience.

Thanksgiving Day 19: Books

noreply@blogger.com (JillEE) — Mon, 25 Nov 2013 00:51:00 +0000

Tonight I had my book club meeting. We talked about a really interesting book, The Black Count: Glory, Revolution, Betrayal and the Real Count of Monte Cristo. The book was so good, the discussion was interesting, and the ladies who came were (of course) wonderful.

Tonight I am grateful for my love of reading and good books. I love a story (fiction and non-fiction) that just pulls me in, so much so that I forget the world around me. This happens enough that Jeremy and I have a code - if I'm reading and he wants me to listen he has to start with the words "Jill, listen to me this is important." I love books - and I am so grateful that there are so many good books left to explore.

Thanksgiving Day 18: Unexpectedly 68

noreply@blogger.com (JillEE) — Tue, 19 Nov 2013 04:49:00 +0000

It was a GORGEOUS day. I wore short sleeves and walked around the National Zoo in 68 degree weather. It was such a blessing to have another opportunity to be outside and to get CJ and Liza out of the house. I'm really anxious about some medical tests CJ has coming up, so I feel grateful for distractions and also for the memories we made today.

Thanksgiving Day 17: Amazing Young Women

noreply@blogger.com (JillEE) — Tue, 19 Nov 2013 04:47:00 +0000

I feel so lucky to get to work with some of the most amazing girls. Today one of them gave a talk at Church and I sat there blown away by her maturity and poise. But mostly blown away by how incredibly moved I was by the message she gave . "Now that is fair" will stick with me for a long time.

Thanksgiving Day 16: Turpumpkin

noreply@blogger.com (JillEE) — Tue, 19 Nov 2013 04:42:00 +0000

I got to go out with a bunch a girlfriends and get our craft on. So much fun painting and chatting and snacking. I also love my finished craft project.

Jeremy dubbed my craft a Turpumpkin. :-)

Thanksgiving Day 15: Pinterest and old baby showers

noreply@blogger.com (JillEE) — Tue, 19 Nov 2013 04:37:00 +0000

I taught CJ's preschool today and couldn't find the book that I was going to use so none of my planned activities made much sense. I grabbed another book off our shelves to use; then jumped on Pinterest and found activities to go with it.

As I looked at the book I chose I was taken back three years to my amazing baby shower - we have the best library in town because of that shower (and because of doting grandmas!). Still so grateful for good friends and amazing family that have given so much to our little girls.

Thanksgiving Day 14: One Man's Junk

noreply@blogger.com (JillEE) — Tue, 19 Nov 2013 03:50:00 +0000

Tonight I got to trade my junk for some other people's treasure. I put together a little toy swap and ended up with some great things for the girls Christmas!

Thanksgiving Day 13: GGma

noreply@blogger.com (JillEE) — Thu, 14 Nov 2013 04:12:00 +0000

The girls have a painting of butterflies that hangs in their room. Every day I tell Liza, "See those pretty butterflies. Do you know who painted them for you?" Liza never answers, but CJ always chimes in, "My GGma painted them! She painted them for me!" Which is, of course, the right answer.

Jeremy's Grandma Rhoda, my girls GGma, is such a kind, wonderful, and generous person. It has been an honor to get to know her and to be part of her family. She loves my husband, and because of that she has extended that love to me. Now she is an amazing great-grandma to our little ones.

When I had my second miscarriage, Grandma Rhoda sent me a blanket she had knitted. I still remember how I felt when I opened the package and saw her note and the blanket. It lifted my spirits at a time when I really needed it. Since then I have seen just how thoughtful she can be. She serves us and others willingly. She is strong and determined, and nothing (not even serious illness) can keep her down. We are so grateful that our girls have been able to spend time with her and feel her love and strength.

Today, on her birthday, I am thankful for GGma and all the ways she has blessed our family.

Happy Birthday GGma!

Thanksgiving Day 12: Perks of Being a Washington DC-er

noreply@blogger.com (JillEE) — Thu, 14 Nov 2013 03:51:00 +0000

We took CJ to a specialist today. I don't always like living far away from family, but one of the perks of living here is having some of the world's best health care at your fingertips. Which is comforting when your kid needs it.

Today I am grateful for great doctors, great facilities, and some of the best health care in the world.

Thanksgiving Day 11: Brady Howell and Other Heroes

noreply@blogger.com (JillEE) — Thu, 14 Nov 2013 03:29:00 +0000

Today we got to go to Arlington National Cemetery. Every time I go there I'm struck by an overwhelming sense of humility. This time was no different. What you don't realize until you actually go there is how big it feels; how many graves there actually are. We went to the 9-11 Memorial to put flowers in honor of Brady Howell (more on him in a minute). We got out of the car and I noticed 3 ladies taking turns snapping pictures together. I walked over to see if they wanted a picture all together. They did, and I snapped a few pictures for them. The oldest lady, who looked like Mom to the other two, thanked me and said it meant to so much to get that picture. Her husband has passed away in January from complication due to his service in Vietnam. I thanked her for being a military spouse. She gave me a hug and teared up a little bit. We talked for a little bit longer then I went to join Jeremy, CJ and our friends.

We stopped to lay flowers by the 9-11 memorial in honor of Brady Howell. Brady was killed in the Pentagon on 9-11. He grew up in Sugar City, just outside of Rexburg (where I'm from). I didn't know him, but his life has managed to touch ours in many ways. If you're interested in learning more about Brady's story you can listen to an interview with his parents here: http://goo.gl/OIbLdc

When Jeremy started looking for a job post 2008 campaign, he was lucky enough to be interviewed by the admiral who Brady had worked for at the Pentagon. Later, after Jeremy had worked for him for almost two years, he told him that he had taken a chance on Jeremy because he knew Brady. The Admiral knew Jeremy had gone to school in Rexburg, and he had visited there when he spoke at the Brady K. Howell lecture series. Because of the type of man Brady was Jeremy got his job, met people who changed our lives, and got to go the Arlington Cemetery for Veterans Day.

So today I am thankful for Brady Howell and other heroes (known and unknown) who have protected, influenced, and blessed our lives.

Thanksgiving Day 10: Laurels and Bleach

noreply@blogger.com (JillEE) — Mon, 11 Nov 2013 03:59:00 +0000

I couldn't decide which I was more grateful for today, so you get a double dose.

I got to teach the 16-18 year old young women's class at Church today (the age group is called Laurels) and was yet again impressed with what amazing girls they are. They are thoughtful and faithful. They are confident and beautiful. And, no joke, every week I kind of wish I could redo my teenage-hood just so I could be more like them. Today they bore such strong testimonies of what it means to be a daughter of God - and how that helps them every day. I can't say enough how much I love these ~~girls~~ women.

The other thing I'm grateful for....I walked into CJ's room this morning to get her out of bed and was hit by the smell. There was poop in her bed, all down her legs, on her hands, and all over her clothes. Poor thing. She hadn't broken into her pull-up, she's just had really bad tummy troubles the last few days and it, uh, spilled over.

During Liza's nap, she decided she wouldn't be outdone and had her own "leaky incident" (she actually had 3 today). So. Much. Poop.

So today I am also extremely grateful for bleach (and an automatic washing machine). Thank you Clorox.

Thanksgiving Day 9: Wide Open Spaces and Wide Angle Lenses

noreply@blogger.com (JillEE) — Mon, 11 Nov 2013 03:49:00 +0000

Our friend Chance (of Chance Hammock Photography fame) took some family pictures for us today at one of our favorite places, Green Spring Gardens. Chance is so talented (and reasonably priced!) and we are very luck to benefit from his talent. Plus every time we get pictures done we get to spend more time with his lovely assistant (and wife) Jenny. I'm sure he didn't need a wide angle lens, but we are grateful he used his new lens to capture our growing family.

BONUS:
Chance came over after pictures and treated us to his famous hot chocolate. It was so rich and delicious. So I went to bed tonight being grateful for temperatures cold enough to inspire hot chocolate!

Thanksgiving Day 8: Story Stars

noreply@blogger.com (JillEE) — Mon, 11 Nov 2013 03:39:00 +0000

I loved being at CJ's little Story Stars class today. When we started out little preschool group I was really skeptical about it all working out with all the different age and ability levels, not to mention all the different mom personalities. But it has come to be something we really look forward to (and really miss when it's cancelled!). It is so fun to watch my little girls mind at work and to see her interact with her "teachers."

I'm very grateful for all the mommies and kiddos who make Story Stars possible!