FSUE WRITES

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noreply@blogger.com (Unknown) — Thu, 18 Aug 2022 12:56:00 +0000

Oh how much I missed you, my blog! It has been almost 2 years. I miss writing. I just do not have the time and convenience to write. Posting on Instagram or Facebook does not feel the same as blogging.

I shall make a return soon.

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noreply@blogger.com (Unknown) — Sat, 31 Oct 2020 16:11:00 +0000

OMG can't believe that the last time I blogged was exactly 2 years ago!

I do miss blogging but seriously, with all the things happening at the moment, I can barely find time to even bathe, let alone write a blog.

Quick update. I am now a MOM OF TWO! Who would've thought? Alhamdulillah. It was something Hilmi and I joked about actually.

"Hey wouldn't it be cool to have a 2020 baby?"

"Yes. The baby would be our own Wawasan 2020. We can say that we did produce something great in 2020" #lame

Fast forward to last month, I gave birth to a beautiful and healthy baby boy. Still juggling between taking care of both my kids and my sanity ha ha ha

Baby boy's name is Hadid Fardeen Mohd Hilmi (the radiant iron). May he lives up to his name in shaa Allah.

He is the best thing that has happened to me in 2020. It has been a whirlwind year with all the COVID-19 cases. May Allah protect us all.

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noreply@blogger.com (Unknown) — Wed, 31 Oct 2018 22:03:00 +0000

First day of November. Hilwa is 50 days old today and I have twelve days to go before my maternity leave ends.

Her progress: She sleeps soundly at night, alhamdulillah, which means we can rest longer then. She still likes to be carried and cuddled after she had her milk, which sometimes can be up to an hour or two. I got really tired by then but I still need to pump, have my meal, shower, have a nap. I can't decide which one to do first and the cycle starts again before I know it. She doesn't cry when we bathe her but she gets cranky when being dressed. And the best part is she smiles often these days and have been cooing as well!

The worrying part is that she had colic twice so far and she inclined to face her left side more than her right. The first time she had colic was because I always had my meals late. I didn't know that it would affect the baby, so I only ate when I'm hungry...which can be very late sometimes. Turns out I must eat on time regardless if I am already hungry or not. The second time was because of my milk. As for her tendency to face to the left, I have tried massaging her neck and back but I don't want to force her. I hope that this is just a stage and slowly, she will face her right naturally.

To date, she has used about 4 packets of diapers, which is roughly around 280 pieces of diapers (whoaaa). She drinks between 2-2.5oz every 2-3 hours. She doesn't mind drinking room temp milk (good, because reheating the bottle every time would be super tiring!). She has wayyy too many clothes at this point hahaha people just can't stop buying her clothes, it seems. I have not bought her any clothes in Malaysia at all since I bought a handful from UK for her to wear at least until she's 1 year old.

We have met her soon-to-be babysitter and in shaa Allah, I hope she can take care of my daughter like how she would with her own daughter. It's too risky these days but parents don't have a choice but to send the kids still.

We're heading back to Shah Alam this weekend to sort our stuffs before I start work. I will definitely miss my home and my family. Sigh, already a mom and still a crybaby when it comes to this! Lol.

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noreply@blogger.com (Unknown) — Mon, 15 Oct 2018 15:43:00 +0000

My labor story.

I was told many times that I might deliver sooner than my EDD (which was 6th September) but turned out that I gave birth five days later.

I read that when your water broke, it would feel like you peeing. A warm gush of clear water coming out from your vagina. That was exactly what I felt that Saturday morning. Luckily Hilmi was still up at 2am playing games so I calmly went to his desk and told him, "I think my water just broke". He didn't panic and responded, "just now?". I nodded and asked him to get some sleep as it might be a long night/day ahead of us soon.

As he was sleeping, I found myself struggling to close my eyes. I was so worried. "Should we go to the hospital now? Should we wait until I feel some kind of pain?" I did read that when your water broke, you should go to the hospital immediately as your baby might suffocate in the womb. I can't figure who to ask at 3am. Thank God for the time differences and I immediately texted my friend in York, asking her if I should go to the hospital right away. She advised me to wait for at least an hour or two. That's exactly what I did.

By 5.30am, we were out of the house and had a quick meal at the nearby mamak. Then we went to Hospital Shah Alam and the waiting game began. Various tests were made as they weren't really sure if I was just leaking or my water actually broke. Hilmi went back around 3pm and promised to come back after Maghrib. I was transferred to the ward around 8pm and it was actually one of the saddest moment in my life. I was so upset that I won't get to see Hilmi until 12pm the next day. I was afraid of the what ifs. I mean, I was glad to finally got a bed and was able to rest properly. But I didn't expect that I would get a bed this soon, based on prior experience.

The next day, doctors were making rounds and called me to the room for evaluation. It seemed that I need to be induced as I still wasn't progressing. I had been at 2cm since yesterday. Fast forward to 12pm when the visiting hours started, Hilmi and my parents-in-law arrived. I was sobbing when I first saw Hilmi and he hugged me. Then my mom, dad, and sister came. I was happy to see them. Then everyone went back except Hilmi, he stayed until 7pm. I didn't cry this time around. I made some friends with the ladies in my ward so I no longer felt scared or alone.

The next morning, Monday 10th September, after I had my breakfast and shower, I was surprised to know that I was being called to the labor room. I wasn't prepared for this! I mean, wow, already?! Unfortunately, we weren't allowed to take our phones with us to the labor room so I quickly texted Hilmi to come and to update our family group. This is it.

At 9.30am, I was still at 4cm. I had tubes and wires all over me - the CTG monitor, blood pressure monitor, drips. I was reciting prayers and zikirs all the time. I was super nervous. Hilmi was allowed to enter the room at around 11am. Every time the nurses or doctor would want to examine me, he was asked to step aside. We were chatting and occasionally, Hilmi went out for prayers and to eat.

Hours went by, and the nurses and doctor kept asking if I would like to have a painkiller. I said no. This went on several times, until they said "you're very strong. we already gave you the highest dosage (induce) yet you still refused the painkiller". I simply told them that it was not painful, probably because my period pain was this bad. Lol. At about 5pm, they asked me again and this time they mentioned that the painkiller is also a muscle relaxant. It could speed up the cervix opening. Why didn't you tell this earlier? I would have said yes sooner!

So Hilmi and I agreed to take the painkiller solely for the latter reason. I was stillll at 4cm by 5pm, you guys. It was taking too long and it was dangerous as my water broke since 9.30am. Once the painkiller started kicking in, yes, that's when the cramp became crazy. It is true though when they said that contraction is like a very very bad period cramp. I was mentally drained by this time because I have not had any meal and drink since breakfast.

Poor Hilmi, every time the cramp kicked in, I could see that he was too scared to say anything to me. Lol. I wasn't screaming but I was pleading to him to please do something about all the wires on me. It was very uncomfortable. I wasn't allowed to lie on my sides as it could give the machines the wrong readings. I was progressing at about 6cm at this point (10pm). I was getting cranky because I was worn out. I remembered telling Hilmi that I don't mind going for a c-sec as I just couldn't bear the discomfort and the cramps any longer.

Luckily by 11.55pm, I started feeling like there's something coming out from my vagina. From my readings, people said that if you feel like pooping, it means that your baby's head is emerging. I didn't feel like I was going to poop and I certainly didn't think that my baby was already coming out as I was sure that I was only at 6-7cm at that point. So I informed the doctor, "doc, I feel like something is coming out but I am not sure what it is". They quickly gathered the equipment and all, and I was asked to push. Wow, already?!

I didn't remember how many times did I push, but I know that I didn't feel anything. Probably the cramps were so bad that everything else was just a breeze. At 12.07am, after almost 15 hours in the labor room, our baby girl was out. Alhamdulillah! I am now a mom! At one point I had a glance at Hilmi and he had his hands on his face. Not sure if he was crying, or a sign of relief. Baby girl did not cry when they put her on me but I could see that her hands were moving. She was rushed to the NICU and was warded. Alhamdulillah, she was out after 3 days.

The first thing I said after the baby was out was "nak air". Damn I was thirsty.

Overall, my labor experience was an easy one. I was expecting the worst, thanks to the videos and blogs that I watched and read. I am happy and satisfied with the top-notch treatment I had from everyone from Hospital Shah Alam. The facilities are also wonderful and comfortable - something that I underestimated prior to checking into the hospital.

Thank you to everyone who attended to me and my baby and made this a memorable experience for my family.

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noreply@blogger.com (Unknown) — Mon, 01 Oct 2018 03:53:00 +0000

Hello October!

Alhamdulillah our baby girl was safely delivered on Tuesday 11th September 2018, 12.07am, weighing 3.49kg and 53cm long.

I will try to find some time to write down my labor story, given the fact that I hardly have spare time these days with an infant constantly crying to be carried and asking for milk! Haha. But in all seriousness, I believe that my labor process was an easy one alhamdulillah. It was not as scary as I anticipated it to be.

Baby girl's name is Hilwa Farissa Mohd Hilmi.

Looks a lot like her father, I guess, but with my eyes! Pictures will follow soon.

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noreply@blogger.com (Unknown) — Fri, 24 Aug 2018 05:44:00 +0000

I am currently sitting in the office updating my journal while 80% of my colleagues are either on leave or on lunch break. I normally would look forward to going out, but in my current state of being 38 weeks pregnant, I am trying to reserve my energy as much as I can.

I am going to be a mom in more or less 2 more weeks! Our hospital bag has been in the car trunk for weeks now, just in case. Think I pretty much have everything ready for now. The only thing that needs preparation is my mental state. It is so nerve-wrecking yet exciting at the same time!! What I am looking forward to the most is to see if the baby looks more like me or Hilmi. Hehe

I have been binge-watching birth videos before I go to bed. I forced Hilmi to watch them with me too just to give him a glimpse of what he'll be witnessing soon. He quietly obliged... Not sure if the videos are helping or just scaring us even more.

Have you seen how huge I have become? Oh my, I am at my heaviest! I can't wait to get fit again after confinement ends.

Any tips that you would like to share with me in waiting for the arrival of your baby? Do share with me!

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noreply@blogger.com (Unknown) — Wed, 13 Jun 2018 06:21:00 +0000

This year is our turn to celebrate Raya with my family. Yay! We're heading back to PD tomorrow and will head to Perak on Saturday.

This will be our last pre-child or childless (?) Raya. There will be three of us for next Raya in shaa Allah. Can't wait to be matchy matchy with our little girl.

With that, 'Selamat Hari Raya Aidilfitri, Maaf Zahir dan Batin' from my family to yours.

Be moderate, be safe, be merry. Enjoy your Raya!

Photo credit: Google

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noreply@blogger.com (Unknown) — Wed, 16 May 2018 04:00:00 +0000

Tomorrow is the start of the fasting month. This year, it is going to be a new experience for me as I will be fasting as a pregnant lady. I've heard and read various stories about how fellow pregnant ladies survive Ramadhan and I've picked up tips here and there. In shaa Allah, may it be a breeze one for all of us.

Growing up, my family and I very rarely have our break fast outside. We would cook and get some bubur lambuk from the mosque daily and eat together - all five of us. My dad does not encourage us to eat out as he is concerned that if we do, we would be rushing to the mosque for maghrib, tarawih and isyak prayers. As he always put it, "it is only a month in a year".

When I got married to Hilmi, I first learned about breaking fast at suraus/mosques. I was shocked. How naive was I to not know about this after living for so long. Apparently, in suraus or mosques, the people living around them would bring dishes, desserts, and drinks for the people in the jemaah (congregation) to eat. In some places, the committee of the mosques will prepare buffet spread or packeted foods for the congregation. I think it's a very interesting, convenient and wonderful approach to have meals together at the mosques and you don't have to worry about rushing to the mosque as you're already in one.

Last year, as it was our first time fasting here together, we agreed to go to a different mosque every day or at least, every two days. Not only we want to experience the different breaking fast atmosphere but also the different tarawih and mosques environment. What's even better is that I told my family about it and they tried breaking fast at the mosque as well. My mom especially was so delighted when she first tried it as she no longer needs to rush and cook daily, and can concentrate on other better things to do.

I really enjoyed this newfound experience and I am so blessed to have met Hilmi who introduced such culture to me, or else I wouldn't have known. Looking forward to more mosques-hopping this year!

Happy fasting, dear readers!

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noreply@blogger.com (Unknown) — Mon, 09 Apr 2018 01:14:00 +0000

It's been over a month since I started my new job. My first full-time job.

Previously, I was more of a freelancer. I loved it that way, to be honest. My working hours were flexible. I was working 3 hours during the days, 2 hours during the nights and the whole weekends. I could do more than two jobs at a time thanks to the flexibility of my working hours and could easily rake in around RM5k a month.

Life was good until I realized that I need to secure a full-time job for black and white purposes. I normally get paid by cheque or bank transfer for my freelance job. I didn't receive any paychecks so it was difficult for me to prove my employability to some. Also, it didn't look good on my resume when recruiters saw that I was a freelancer, that I was working part-time. It didn't matter to them on how much I earned, but their concern was my experience. On why was I jumping between companies and didn't stay for a year for a certain job.

You see, after I came back from UK (February 2017), I had to wait for 7 months to get a job. It was horrible. And when I got the offer to work as a tuition teacher, a part-time lecturer, and freelance trainer, I jumped at the opportunity! For someone who has been jobless for more than half a year, you would just grab anything that was thrown at you. Alhamdulillah, I loved it. But the thing with part-time and freelance contracts is that they weren't given on a-year basis. Normally it is renewed on a 3-months basis.

Plus, I fall pregnant early this year just right after I was finishing my lecturing contract. I didn't renew it nor did I look forward to being renewed. I wasn't in the state where traveling to work for 30-40minutes in the morning was something that I could bear. My first trimester wasn't a really smooth sailing one, hence I decided to quit the lecturing job.

I then tried applying for a job nearer to my house. Just my luck, they took me in. Alhamdulillah. I am still getting used to the 8-4 working hours. I do miss my flexible working hours at times. But I needed this change and I needed the stability.

It did feel lonely at times before when I was only working for 3 hours during the day and nobody else was at home. Everybody else was working full-time except for me. Now, we all go out at the same time and come home about the same time. I kinda like that rather than having plenty of free time but being left alone at home.

Whatever sails our boats, I guess.

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noreply@blogger.com (Unknown) — Tue, 27 Mar 2018 07:19:00 +0000

I'll be turning 29 tomorrow.

Usually, I'll be pretty hyped about it. Hinting to my family members on what they should get me and where they should bring me for my birthday dinner. Tweeting the countdown to my birthday. But this year I did not say a word to any soul.

My birthday falls on a Wednesday which is the only weeknight that I don't work. Plus, last weekend was a working weekend for me (both Sat and Sun!). So you pretty much can guess how worn out I am. I am just too tired to even celebrate myself.

At this point, I can safely say that I can imagine me celebrating my birthday night on bed, tucked in with lights off at 9.30pm. I am getting old (I am not complaining about that). In fact, I am embracing it.

But of course, a slice of cake and some gifts being sent to my bed wouldn't hurt ey? ;)

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noreply@blogger.com (Unknown) — Wed, 14 Mar 2018 07:12:00 +0000

I have never felt this happy and comfortable in the longest time. Why? I have just discovered the wonders of maternity pants!! :D

For the last couple of weeks, I have been wearing my usual pair of slacks and pants to work. I tried going to Aeon and Parkson to find maternity pants but I could not even find the maternity sections in the stores! I am reluctant to buy pants online because I insist to try them out first.

Every morning I would complain to Hilmi, telling him how much pain I am in by forcing myself into the usual pants, knowing that I could never zip it up. I was in denial. I knew I could and should not force myself into it but I still did.

Yesterday, I dragged him to accompany me to get some maternity pants from Aeon. I know I've said that I did not find any there before but you know, desperation calls for things to be checked twice. So there we were in the maternity section. Lo and behold! We found a rail full of maternity pants!

I picked a black pants and rushed to the fitting room. Honestly, it felt soooo good, I almost cried. My tummy no longer feels like something is poking it hard and I no longer feel suffocated.

I called Hilmi in to see if he approves it (the length and cutting). To my surprise, he was smiling when he saw me in the pants! I'd like to think that he was relieved and happy that he no longer has to hear his wife complaining in agonizing pain.

Alhandulillah for my new two pairs of pants!

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noreply@blogger.com (Unknown) — Wed, 07 Mar 2018 00:43:00 +0000

My birth month is here. Yay! But do I consider it as my favorite month?

I see a lot on my Twitter and Facebook feeds where people like to call their birth month as their 'favorite month'. I wouldn't say March is my favorite. I mean, of course I look forward to celebrating my birthday and receiving birthday vouchers/gifts/wishes but other than that, March is a pretty regular month for me.

So what is my favorite month?

I don't have a specific favorite. But, I would say that my favorite month is when there are events I look forward to (trips, outings, reunions, potlucks) or when I get to see people that I have been looking forward to meeting.

It varies from Syawal, December (so many family potlucks and birthdays in December!) to other months.

March is still a special month to me, but there is only one reason for me to look forward to it. My favorite month could change to September now. Why? Because our baby will arrive in September in shaa Allah.

Entering the second trimester this week.

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noreply@blogger.com (Unknown) — Thu, 22 Feb 2018 00:11:00 +0000

I'm 12 weeks pregnant this week and I feel like I should make a note somewhere about my weekly progress and changes, which I hope that I will update from week to week, in shaa Allah.

Week 5 - My period was late and I took a test which turned out positive

Week 6 - Super tired and hungry all the time. I stopped cooking altogether

Week 7 - Same, but worse

Week 8 - Lost my appetite. Hungry, but nothing seemed appetizing

Week 9 - Felt less tired and hungry now. Vomiting and nauseousness kicked in

Week 10 - Vomiting got worse! I started throwing up at public places now

Week 11 - Appetite is restored

Week 12 - Less vomiting so far. Still not able to cook

Week 13 - Mood and appetite have improved. Headache comes often

Week 26 - Started getting (terrible) leg cramps at nights

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noreply@blogger.com (Unknown) — Tue, 12 Dec 2017 03:08:00 +0000

I am already seeing goodbye-2017-here-are-the-highlights-of-my-year posts online now so I feel like sharing mine here.

2017 has been wonderful alhamdulillah. The highlights of the year are definitely when I graduated last January, my sister's wedding in September and everything else in between. I honestly can't pick.

As mentioned in my previous post, we did struggle for a few months in finding a job. I recently found out that I have some health problems which I am attending to as we speak. There were ups and downs but nothing that I regretted about. I am content with what I have and have gone through.

I hope that in 2018, my family and I will be granted health, wealth, joy and more time to spend with each other. May all other prayers be answered this year too, ameen.

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noreply@blogger.com (Unknown) — Tue, 21 Nov 2017 08:05:00 +0000

We've been itching to go for an Asian gateway ever since we came back from the UK. I've been missing the sun, the beaches, and the glorious Asian foods. Unfortunately, we've been flooded with work and family commitments for my sister's wedding last September. One thing led to another and the next thing we know, it was already November.

After thorough consideration, we ended up choosing Krabi as our destination. Our first Asian honeymoon. I know. I know what you're thinking. "Honeymoon?! Didn't you just get back from an 18-month honeymoon in the UK?" - actual dialogue by my sister.

Yes, we did and those 18 months are the best months of our lives. But I want to discover new places with my husband. I have been to Thailand several times but Hilmi has never been there. Initially, I wanted to let him experience Bangkok (I love Bangkok!) especially the Chatuchak Market, but I don't think a crowded and noisy place under the hot weather can be considered as a romantic and relaxing gateway. Hence, Krabi came next on the list.

We went there last weekend and stayed there for 3D2N. We managed to do everything that we planned to cover while we were there such as island hopping, food hunting, riding on a tuk-tuk, strolling by the beach and most importantly, Thai body massage!

Alhamdulillah, it was a fantastic trip. Hilmi had a blast and seeing him happy is the most important thing for me. I'm positive that we will be back here again soon. Should I make this a yearly thing to do? Most probably I should.

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noreply@blogger.com (Unknown) — Mon, 02 Oct 2017 11:56:00 +0000

2 months to the end of 2017! How time flies! Alhamdulillah, both Hilmi and I have started working. I still remember how depressing it was to be unemployed for more than 6 months.

To wake up to nothingness. To not have a routine. To feel like the whole postgraduate thing was a waste of time and money. To feel ungrateful. To spend so much time indoor that made us sick just to think about it. To feel embarrassed to go out and meet anyone. To avoid being asked on when will we get a job. To be very careful with spending our last few ringgits. To feel guilty of getting money from our parents since we are old enough to supposedly be earning our own money. To feel sorry for ourselves. To start blaming things, people and the world. In short, to become close to depression.

I've been to so many interviews, and I'm glad that I went to every single one of them because of the different experiences I was exposed to. I don't blame them for not getting in touch with me post-interview. In fact, I don't know who is to be blamed - the companies, the economy, the timing, or myself? Everywhere you go, you'd hear people talk about how the economy and timing are bad in Malaysia now for companies to recruit new employees. It was terrible and I know we're not the only one in this boat.

People keep suggesting me to do something else other than teaching or non-language related fields. I'm sure they meant well, that timing is bad and it is best to keep our options open. But deep down, I wish they'd understand that I can't simply give up and put my passion to teach aside. I have my high hopes on how I should contribute to the society, but instead of changing it altogether, I downgrade.

For instance, I aimed to teach adults learners, be it in college/universities or learning centers. The goal is to teach adults. Since the job hunt was very challenging and it was almost impossible, instead of changing the field of work, I changed my target students. I sent applications to teach children as young as preschool learners up till secondary school students too, apart from the adults. As long as I can teach.

I'm glad that I stayed true to what I want because I am now teaching adult learners in a local institution. You deserve to dream big and it may just come true!

Onto better days, in shaa Allah.

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noreply@blogger.com (Unknown) — Wed, 24 May 2017 15:39:00 +0000

One of the things I am very grateful for Hilmi is how he is very appreciative towards what I do for him.

Even the littlest, simplest things like bringing him his favorite ais kosong without him asking, or accompanying him to the mamak stalls at 2am to watch football matches, or watching his favorite movie at the cinema (even though he knows I hate the genre). He will always, always let me know how thankful he is for what I did.

"Thank you awak tolong masakkan. Sedap!"

"Thank you tolong cuci jerseys saya by hand tadi"

"Thank you tolong ingatkan, kalau tak mesti saya lupa"

"Thank you teman saya walaupun saya tahu awak penat"

It feels nice to know how much someone appreciates your actions and thoughts. It feels good. Damn good.

I am not really used to this culture. In my household, we don't really say thank you to each other. I mean, of course we do. But it doesn't happen often. Why? I guess we are the kind of family who shows our gratitude rather than saying it. We return the favor by doing something nice to the person. For example, my mom picked me up from the train station after work. My way of thanking her is by helping her with the chores or volunteer to cook for the day and let her have some rest. Or when my sister paid for my meal during our outing, I would show my appreciation by buying her the blouse she's been eyeing on. Or when my dad gave me extra pocket money, I would thank him by driving him around on weekends and giving him a good foot massage.

For us, "action speaks louder than words" is the mantra.

So, having Hilmi thanking me in person is a breath of fresh air. It is a good change and a good start for me to express it more now, as well as showing it.

Thank you, Hilmi, For being you.

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noreply@blogger.com (Unknown) — Tue, 31 Jan 2017 21:04:00 +0000

After about 1 1/2 years here, we are finally heading home next week. So many good memories here! I am sad to leave, of course. But my heart yearns to go back. It has been too long since we left home. It is time for us to get a job, take care of our parents and siblings, and eventually, to start our very own family.

I have thousands of photos to post and so many things to blog about. I promise to force myself to blog again! I know I don't have many readers (probably because I've been hiding my blog URL from everyone he he) but it feels good to type them down, for memory's sake.

Life's good, alhamdulillah. I hope the same goes for you too!

KL, wait for us!

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noreply@blogger.com (Unknown) — Sat, 31 Dec 2016 23:57:00 +0000

52 weeks of 2016 concludes in 5 minutes.

2016 has been a wonderful year, one of the most memorable one. The highlight of the year was when I submitted my thesis and passed!

All praises to Allah.

Our 1.5 years of honeymoon is coming to an end. Time to face the actual world.

Onto better, bigger, greater things in 2017 in shaa Allah.

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noreply@blogger.com (Unknown) — Thu, 25 Aug 2016 11:59:00 +0000

A part of me badly wants a child. I am so ready to have a baby I can call my own.

A part of me is still not ready to divide my attention and time to Hilmi. He is all I want to focus on now. It's been close to a year and I can never have enough time with him.

Hilmi, on the other hand is keen with the whole idea of having a baby, although he's not realllyyy in a rush for one.

"Saya okay je, just tak puas honeymoon lagi lah"

Perhaps it is best to not over or under expect it. We will just wait and see.

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noreply@blogger.com (Unknown) — Mon, 15 Aug 2016 14:39:00 +0000

I have been staying at the library from 10 to 10 on weekdays, that I decided to take a break on weekends. So I set up my workspace downstairs at home and by downstairs, I mean on the couch. Zero productivity. (Who am I kidding? It's weekend and on the couch.)

It was Sunday and we usually go out on Sunday mornings. Hilmi suggested for us to go to a nearby car-boot sale. So I closed the lid of my laptop halfway, put it aside and off we went.

By afternoon, we reached home. I wanted to lie down for a while before preparing lunch. And then it happened. As I was lying down on the couch, the back of my head hit the corner of the laptop, hard. I felt a sharp pain.

Hilmi was just right next to me and asked if I was okay. It hurts really bad, you guys. I wanted to cry. But I always try not to in front of Hilmi.

He asked me again "does it hurt?" that I could not help it but to wail like a baby. I nodded and cried at the same time. I think he got panicked because he has never seen me crying because of physical injury. He rubbed the back of my head and checked if it was bleeding. Thankfully it was not.

I stopped sobbing after 3 mins and immediately said "well that was embarrassing. I was such a baby".

That's how I got the huge bump on the back of my head.

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noreply@blogger.com (Unknown) — Tue, 26 Jul 2016 07:29:00 +0000

37 days to submission date!!!

Blog on hiatus. Life on hiatus. Everything SHOULD BE on hiatus. #postgradlife

Layter.

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noreply@blogger.com (Unknown) — Thu, 09 Jun 2016 15:47:00 +0000

Guess who's back in Malaysia?

Yes, me. The lady who wished to spend few weeks fasting with her family but will be back just in time for Eid in the UK. (It'll be my only year to celebrate Eid abroad!). We managed to squeeze some time for a weekend gateway before entering Ramadan. Nothing beats some quality time with the support system.

Not even a year abroad and I'm home. Hehehe

Ramadan kareem!

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noreply@blogger.com (Unknown) — Thu, 19 May 2016 07:47:00 +0000

I wasn't really good with kids/babies/toddlers/anybody under the age of 20 before. Being a short-tempered person, they got on my nerves all the time and I couldn't scold them because they were much younger than I was. I didn't have many nephews or nieces for me to even play with. Things went pretty well until I was placed in a primary school for my very first internship.

Imagine being surrounded by 6 years-olds every day. First of all, face it. You can't simply scream or touch somebody else's kids. They can sue you even if you do it for a legit reason! Secondly, something had to be done in order to stop their constant naggings. Imagine being called "cikgu" 20 times in a minute. They won't stop until you respond to them. So, I gave in. Okay, kids! You win.

This went on for months and years, and now, I can proudly say that I'm getting better with kids. In fact, I prefer talking to them now rather than engaging in serious conversations with people my age. (How very mature, Fatin). I could see pure innocence in their eyes. Instead of thinking of them as annoying, I'd like to think that they are at the age where they are very curious and developing. I'd play along. The experience of handling kids actually helped me in nurturing my patience, to understand that every individual, young or old, have their own pace. So I'm learning to embrace the pace and enjoy the process, instead of rushing into it.

The Malaysian kids here in York are so well-behaved, masha Allah. They are so lucky to have the privilege to grow up in a foreign country. I feel so happy whenever I hear them calling me "Aunty Facin" in their thick British accent.

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noreply@blogger.com (Unknown) — Sun, 01 May 2016 19:36:00 +0000

Recently, I wake up every day with this odd feeling as if something is amiss in my life. I have a great husband, loving and supportive families, wonderful friends, excellent health, I have been blessed with an opportunity to continue my studies here... pretty much everything. Alhamdulillah. But why do I still get such feeling? That feeling of something is lacking.

This morning, while lazing around on the couch, I asked Hilmi,

"How do we know that we are really happy with our lives?"

"Are you not happy?"

"Of course, I am. I just want to know your thoughts on it."

"Well, to me, if you are really happy, you wouldn't be bothered to compare your life with others. Whether you have more or less, you are content with it. Everybody has their own set of challenges. Just because you see someone is physically happy, he/she might be internally sad at the same time. They could be facing other challenges and difficulties in life. They just refuse to let others know about it. Look at Kak X, she's so cheerful with those around her but we know that she has a serious medical condition. Look at Kak Y, she lost a lot of money when a robbery took place at her house yet she can still smile to others and laugh as if nothing happened. They celebrate lives by choosing to look at what they have instead of what they don't."

At this point, I could feel tears streaming down my cheeks. I refused to let him see me crying. But, his pieces of advice felt like a pang in my heart. Every single word he uttered couldn't be any truer. I felt terrible for not being more grateful towards everything I've been blessed with. I felt terrible for always wanting more and overlooking what I already have.

Thank you, Allah for everything, especially for granting me a wise husband.