What am I talking about?  I’m talking about:

Ugly Americans

This time around the Guest Stars include:

Ed Helms, Janeane Garofalo, Lisa Lampanelli, Jon Benjamin, Abby Elliot, Bobby Moynihan And Dan Fogler

Comedy Central has certainly hit this one out of the park with it’s previous season, and this season looks to hit it even farther.

From the official site (www.comedycentral.com) :

NEW YORK, February 21, 2012 — COMEDY CENTRAL’s “Ugly Americans” returns with all-new episodes featuring the affable human social worker Mark Lilly (voiced by Matt Oberg), along with his creature cohorts of zombies, wizards, batboys and other assorted weirdos. The COMEDY CENTRAL original, animated comedy returns with seven half-hour episodes beginning on Wednesday, March 14 at 10:30 p.m., following all-new episodes of the Emmy® and Peabody® Award-winning series, “South Park.”

It’s an “ugly” world out there, but Mark Lilly is ready to help solve any number of problems. Working alongside his peculiar colleagues, he helps integrate Monster-Americans into the madness of New York City. Whether he’s taking custody of a tiny arsonist or making new zombie friends, Mark meets every challenge with a positive attitude. But as everyone knows, a positive attitude doesn’t always go far in New York City.

Mark’s co-workers offer him little assistance: Twayne (Michael-Leon Wooley), is a clueless demonic bureaucrat; Mark’s succubus girlfriend Callie Maggotbone (Natasha Leggero) cares more about sex than she cares about work; his wizard office mate Leonard Powers (Randy Pearlstein) would rather be drinking; and Lt. Grimes (Larry Murphy) is just an idiot. At least Mark still has his zombie roommate, Randall Skeffington (Kurt Metzger), who is always there for him…as long as he covers the rent.

The season begins March 14 with “Journey to the Center of Twayne,” in which Mark takes a tiny arsonist named Jerry (Bobby Moynihan) into his custody and immediately regrets it. Jerry escapes up Twayne’s nostril, forcing Leonard, Grimes and Mark to shrink themselves down and conduct a manhunt inside Twayne’s bizarre body.

Chances are, if you are reading this, you probably think your chances are pretty good.

Yep, you have taken the “Can you survive the Zombie Apocalypse?” test on Facebook – multiple times, until you have obtained the perfect score.

Yeah, you are ex-military and can kill a zombie with a mere twist of your little finger.

Yes, yes, you have a good stockpile of weapons, knives, guns, swords, etc, so you are good to go.

You have your zombie preparedness kit fully stocked, you have your MRE’s all packed, you even have your pellets to purify water stored in a water tight container.

Yep, you may think you are prepared.  But for 45% of us, we are not.

Wait what?  45%?  That’s almost half the population!

Yeah.  That’s actually a pretty drastic number.

What the hell are you talking about?

I’m talking about your body betraying you.

My body betray me?  How’s that?

Okay, let me be blunt.

Do you snore?

Yeah, that’s a tough one.  Not many survival experts have stopped to think about that one.

Imagine you have survived the initial onslaught, and go to sleep one night only to fill the surrounding area with deep, loud, saw-log-cutting snores.  When that throng of Walking Dead comes roaming by, guess what…  You are gonna wake up to being a snack.

This really open up a new world of dilemmas.  Of course your fortification is going to be the biggest preventative step here.  I mean, if you decide to go nomad, going from place to place, you may find yourself having to camp out one night.  Do you really want just a thin mesh of tent screen between you and the chomps of death when you start to snore?

On the other hand, if you are deep within a bunker with solid concrete walls, chances are you’ll be okay.  Maybe.

So what can you do?

Making your fortification soundproof seems to be a good idea.. at first.  However, by soundproofing your living area, not only are you preventing the noise you make from getting out, you are also preventing any noise from the outside from getting in, thus preventing you from getting any possible warning that the undead are close by.

Setting up a living and sleeping area up a ladder or in a secure location out of reach (as seen in the original Dawn of the Dead) also seems like a good idea, again.. at first.  Your snore will still attract them, but they won’t be able to get to you, but then you are trapped and eventually will run out of ammo, food, and supplies (again as seen in the original Dawn of the Dead).  And chances are, you won’t have access to a helicopter.

I DO snore and you are not giving me much hope, so what can I do?

Of the 45% of people who snore, 90% of them are overweight.  They have fat buildup around their necks that more or less collapses, causing the snore to happen.  There are many other reasons that can cause a person to snore, but look at yourself in the mirror.  Are you overweight?  Could you stand to lose a few pounds?  There is a good chance that by doing so will reduce your body’s tendency to saw those logs when you sleep (not to mention it’s just good common sense to get in shape before the zombie outbreak happens).  What’s the Number One rule of ZombieLand ?  Yep!  Cardio.  It’s the fatties that got eaten first.

So there are multiple reasons to shed some weight.  Get yourself fir now, lose that extra Big Mac or Whopper, shed a few pounds, and you may find that the deep rumbling snore has diminished.

Don’t let your body betray you.  Instead hone it like a sharp tool and let it help you survive.

Excerpt from the book:

“K.C., I wanna go,” Steven turned towards K.C. to try to convince his brother to stop with the idea of being buried, when he saw something that made him stop talking mid-sentence and halt his footsteps. Where K.C. was lying on the ground, the leaves began to swirl in a large spiral. They lifted into the air, picking up in speed and quantity. The buzzing noise became louder, the high pitch was starting to hurt Steven’s ears. He watched spell bound as the vegetation lifted higher and higher, forming what looked like a tornado made of leaves to the five year old. The dead, autumn foliage that was covering K.C. seemed to come to life at the base of the leafy twister. The swirling mass was spinning so fast, just watching it was making him dizzy. Steven wanted to run but was frozen with fear, unable to move or scream for help.

Then he saw something that would give him nightmares for years to come. The leaves that had been covering K.C. were sucked up into the rapidly spinning leafy tornado, until the ground below was bare. Steven’s eyes were wide with terror. He opened his mouth and screamed but the buzzing was so loud, his voice seemed silent in the night. He stood there releasing scream after scream, watching the tornadic leaves spin faster and faster. His heart was racing, his head was spinning and he was starting to feel sick to his stomach. Yet Steven was oblivious to what his body was trying to tell him—to warn him. His focus was on one thing and one thing only, the ground below the twister was empty. K.C. was gone…vanished…disappeared.

Available now
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You can find Savannah Rayne at
http://savannahrayne.blogspot.com/

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Hellfire Publishing will be featuring four holiday stories for you to enjoy for free this holiday season. Over the next four weeks, a different story will be featured by some very talented writers on the Hellfire Herald.

http://hellfireherald.blogspot.com/ 
Here’s what’s in store for your reading pleasure 

November 28^th thru December 3^rd … Zombies for Christmas, the prequel to Summit the Zombie Hunter series, by Keira Kroft 

December 5^th thru 10^th …Silver Bells and Zombie Tales, by Robin Renee Ray 

December 12^th thru 17^th … Bloody Christmas, the prequel to Superstition Mountain, By Stacy Thompson- Geer 

December 19^th thru 24^th … Santa’s Claws, by Tim Heffernan

Among the more interesting items is the all hand made wooden Vampire Stakes.  You gotta check these out! (just click the photo below to check it out in our shop).

Those words were spoken back in 1990.  Simple math told us back then that we would get a visit from Laura Palmer again in the year 2015.

I’ll leave you with this that I came across…

Artist Bill Killen sent me some zombie prints (signed and numbered!) and I gotta say… These things have blown me away.

Don’t take my word for it, instead let his work speak for itself:

The collection is called The Zombie Hordes and much higher resolution images can be seen on Bill’s site here: The Zombie Hordes

The hardest decision I have to make next is which Jumbo Print I am going to order!