zhrent

Trying To Go Listless

noreply@blogger.com (zhrent) — Mon, 04 Apr 2016 11:18:00 +0000

At some point I'd forgotten I had this space to carefully sort through my thoughts like flashcards into piles for 'Happy', 'Sad' and everything else in between. But I'm back.

I should really stop complaining about how fast time passes because I need to do a better job keeping track of it. It's been four months since I last wrote something here and I think in this case the absence has helped the words fall of my tongue easier.

In the space of ten weeks or so, I've learned that it's perfectly normal to fall short of people's expectations. I picked myself up after extensively analysing the situation as if my life was played back in slow motion for commentary. The important thing learned is to never fail yourself.

I've missed a few important deadlines as well, both social and of the work sort. It's rough and I have to say at times I really wasn't at peak performance like I expected of myself. But we take the good with the bad and on measure life turns out to be pretty good after all.

In this time, I've probably designed more powerpoint slides than I ever thought I would and done more research than I thought was humanly possible. And getting used to liking it in the process made me realise that I'm quite the fast learner. I continue to surprise myself.

The deluge of group activity has also led me to confirm some fixed parts about my personality. In that I still very much rely on what is known and reliable by sticking close to them. It's a tried and tested method that's prevented letdowns on more occasions that I can remember.

Each week has moved from the last in the same manner of to-do lists and checking them off one by one. I'm fortunate to be learning and I remind myself that it is a blessing. But for now I think I'm ready for Summer. It's about time.

Which End Of The Pool Are You In?

noreply@blogger.com (zhrent) — Mon, 18 Jan 2016 09:06:00 +0000

At various stages of my life I've been asked many of the following questions:

"Have you thought about what you want to do in future?"
"What are you going to study/specialize in?"
"Where do you see yourself in the future?"

I've thought a lot about this lately and I think one reason why we're so ready to inquire about someone else's future is because we hope that their answer would in turn give us some clue about what to do with our own lives.

It's a scary thing to know what the future holds and I think this goes for most people not just myself. To be so sure and certain of what you'll be doing some months or years down the road is perhaps a luxury many don't really have the ability to fathom.

Yet it seems that this is an increasingly important criteria to pass off as someone confident of their career and potential today. I don't deny that this certainty is an advantage on the job front, but it begs the question: How sure are we that things won't change?

For that reason I think 'I don't know' has become a comforting reprieve from this deluge of questions. It's true because well, things can and will change. So instead of being a hundred percent sure, I choose to wade in the shallow waters of unease. It's safer that way.

The Year That Was

noreply@blogger.com (zhrent) — Wed, 30 Dec 2015 15:42:00 +0000

I've had quite the whirlwind of a year and just hours left till the end of it I wanted to share a smattering of thoughts I've accumulated over the past couple of months.

The most important thing I've learned all year is that time is the only thing we really have. It is a precious currency that should be well spent on everything from the people we hang out with to the things we do. I can't stress enough how crucial it is to use this resource wisely because you never know how much of it you have left. In my role as a student and son I know I have a certain set of responsibilities to fulfil but in the larger scheme of things I believe that I've become better at managing my time and better yet, making the best of it.

Another enlightening lesson for me has been the importance of being alone. On the night of the last day of the semester I packed my bags for Bangkok on a short weekend getaway which proved to be the best, seemingly brash decision I've ever made all year. In truth I was more afraid of not being able to have enough time to prepare for the imminent finals than the fact that I was venturing into a foreign country alone. How naive I was until I learned the aforementioned lesson on time. I'm comfortable doing a couple of things alone like shopping for clothes, eating out and even going to the movies. But travelling alone remains the top on my list and I've become better at enjoying my own company.

This past month I've been grappling with the notion of goals and purpose. The big question of my life's purpose and meaning seemed to weigh on my mind heavily during the free time during the holidays. Most days were spent re-evaluating life choices and cooking up improbable scenarios which did little to help. It was not before long I realised for myself that it's really fine to not have all the answers. It's great if you decide to take a break and not do anything. No one is keeping a tally of how effectively you are maximising every waking moment to "realize your potential". That shit's on you and you are only accountable to yourself. As for the need to rush through everything? It's high time for me to slow down and put in the hours towards good work. Rome wasn't built in a day.

What better way to start 2016 than leaving 2015 having loved, lost and learned?

Out Of The Ashes

noreply@blogger.com (zhrent) — Tue, 29 Dec 2015 08:32:00 +0000

Yet there is beauty to be found in rubble signifying a rebirth upon new foundations.

When I'm Afraid I Think In Pictures

noreply@blogger.com (zhrent) — Sat, 12 Dec 2015 12:47:00 +0000

I'm afraid of many things. Missing deadlines. Getting caught with my fly undone. Tripping on my way down an escalator. And other Final Destination stuff like that. But chief among them is the fear of death, dying early, the works.

I was right in the middle of a class when I got the call that a friend of mine had passed. I remember everything that unfolded in vivid detail. My phone had a couple missed calls and an urgent text. I brought myself out during the break to call back and that's when the news dropped. I stood near the window just staring blankly. I still remember my first thoughts being that this was all a cruel joke. The person on the other end asked if I was okay before hanging up and I replied I was as convincing as possible. The truth is I was already numb beyond words by then.

The rest of the semester was a blur of emotions and deadlines. It was truthfully a trying time because a part of me needed a little space and time away from everything to process all that had happened. But there was a timetable that wasn't going to give way. Not until much later. So I soldiered on for myself. I thought, 'This would be what he'd want for us to do. Move on.'. I tried.

I had initial ideas to occupy myself during the holidays with a small project like I did this Summer. But all that changed once I received the news. I desperately wanted to make something that would allow me to deal with all these emotions I felt. Writing them down still didn't feel like enough.

The idea to do a short film never escaped me. While I was fearful of my ineptitude the first time round, I was more preoccupied with making something that would make sense not for anyone but me. In some way, this was my form of therapy.

After many initial drafts and scrapped ideas, I came up with something I felt was worth making. Yet I still had my reservations on top of artistic anxieties. But with the help of two very loving friends, 'Goodbye' was eventually brought to life. This short deals with all the fears of losing a friend and someday I hope I can look back at this chapter of my life and see that it was a right decision for me to pursue this project to the very end.

River Wild

noreply@blogger.com (zhrent) — Tue, 24 Nov 2015 13:17:00 +0000

It was about a month ago when I was tipped off about a hotel stay giveaway along the Chao Phraya river in Bangkok. I gave it a try and didn't think much of it, until I was given the call that I had won. It didn't take me long to get my flight booked and itinerary planned because the trip was certainly a highlight of what has been a tough semester.

I spent a little over 3 days travelling by boat from pier to pier along Chao Phraya soaking in all the sights and sounds at 2x the speed of a normal tourist. Armed with camera in hand, I sought to give a go at street photography and the Land of Smiles did not disappoint.

I was met with mostly curious looks which made for very compelling subjects in some of my photos. But the Thais were generally happy to oblige for a photo when I asked nicely. I only knew how to say a couple of Thai words thanks to the help of a school mate. The rest was all a game of charades whenever I needed something I didn't have the words to describe.

Travelling solo took a while getting used to but once I got onto the boat on the first day there was no turning back. I enjoyed the freedom to roam around in a place where no one knew who you were. It was liberating as all I had was a list of places I wanted to see and that was it. Bearing in mind that I was also armed with Google Maps and a data plan to help me navigate. In the end it was the stuff that was not planned on my itinerary that was most fulfilling.

Along the way I met with a fellow backpacker from France. Paul and I met on a chance encounter while taking shelter from the rain in a Burger King. He was interested in my camera and soon we started talking about our travels and exchanged details about our lives. It was such a magical moment in the middle of such a bustling city, to be able to make friends with someone from halfway across the world.

Let's not forget about the food I had there. Everything from the street fare to the dishes in shophouses was pure heaven. You've never tasted real green curry until you've been to Bangkok. All the dishes I've ever had are lies - the Thais truly do it best. And you could easily find milk tea vendors at every corner of the street you turn without fail. This was something I was really impressed by.

I spent one early morning visiting a few major temples which really wasn't my thing because the swarms of tourists ruined the experience. While I wasn't on some 'Eat, Pray, Love' adventure, I have to say I was awestruck by the architecture all around. It helped that I arrived early and beat the crowds to the ticketing counter. I was able to walk around the Grand Palace right while it was still empty and admired the level of detail in all the structures inside.

Being able to travel and see the world on my own is in itself a great privilege I am so grateful for. Prior to this experience, I had read countless articles telling me how important it is to travel and I've had endless debates with myself about how that could never be possible because of time and money. But looking back I realised how I was only making excuses for myself. The world is out there waiting to be explored and it doesn't really care if you choose to or not.

I made the decision to go on this trip and it came at the time right after the end of my semester and before a paper. I could easily have tabled the entire plan citing having to study as a main concern but I'm glad I didn't. If anything this whole experience has taught me to enjoy my own company, to step out of my comfort zone and to keep an open mind. I really do hope I get more opportunities like this in the near future because there's just so much more I would like to explore.

There Are No Final Drafts In Life

noreply@blogger.com (zhrent) — Sun, 01 Nov 2015 12:19:00 +0000

I have a weakness for posts in listicle form, especially those motivational ones, but this is not one of them.

There are a whole lot of drafts that have piled up here and will never see the light of day. Most of them were from my many attempts to write something worth publishing. Somewhere along the way I was led to think that what I wrote had to interest readers and be of some use to them. But then I realised how wrong I was.

What became clear to me was that this was the exact space I needed to confront my fears, celebrate my victories and hope for the future. I wouldn't be honest with myself by denying this luxury of penning down exactly how I felt. Our lives are constantly being written as we live and breathe and we should be excited, not crippled into inaction as a result.

The ability to look towards infinite possibilities is something that I've learned to balance against the limited resource of time. It's safe to say that there isn't much meaning in trying to do everything all at once by living closely to the "Live each day like it's your last" mantra. But what I do is close enough.

That balance between putting your honest, truest self out there and holding back is a dilemna I've faced on more than one occasion. But what helped me most was to have a consistent set of values. I've come to realise over the course of the past few months that time is one of the significant things I prioritise and making the best use of it is something I highly value.

Of course the immediate associations with being result-oriented and brash would disguise the more truthful reasons why time matters so much to me. For one I do believe that the simple act of giving someone else your time ought to be respected. This goes for everything right down to all the precious friendships I have.

For this reason, there are obvious sacrifices to be made. Time spent on A can no longer be used for B and vice versa. Key to this is an immediate fear of losing out. That there could be something better for us out there. But trust me when I say that you are right where you need to be.

In every sadness there is a seed of strength within you that is waiting to be unearthed. In hopelessness there lies a compass needle ready to point you in the right direction. And in all pain there is a scar to remind you of all that you have triumphed over. You can only perceive this when you let yourself experience the full range of human emotions, including the unpleasant ones.

Don't worry about the full-stop at the end of your story. You know it will come. What matters are the sentences between that when weaved into beautiful stories give meaning to a life worthy of ending on a high note.

Dealing With Love And Loss Past Midnight

noreply@blogger.com (zhrent) — Wed, 21 Oct 2015 16:46:00 +0000

Where do you find the answers to questions you don't want to ask?

There are 5 stages of grief. I became acutely aware of this as we sat around the table identifying which stages we all were in. It was both self-aware and strangely comforting, to be able to share in a collective feeling. Perhaps this was what AA meetings felt like.

It's difficult to articulate a feeling you experience for the first time. You stumble upon words and familiar phrases but none can quite capture the full weight of the emotions that wash over you. That's how it's been like over the past few weeks. All at once cold, afraid, nervous and apathetic.

The trouble now is that I fear I'd forget. That I'll be caught up in the rushing current and be pulled so far downstream until I don't remember how the initial jolt of shock felt like. I don't want to forget. Neither do I want to remember. It's a terrible conundrum that I can't fully form my words to describe.

I've been staying up past 12 for 3 nights in a row now and I think at the back of my head I know why. In some ways it's a small consolation that I've made it to another day. That time is still on my side. This is just me playing tricks on myself and so I play along. But something's different this time.

I say how I feel just as I would do, but with more intention. I let small grievances slide. I think a lot more before I speak. I try.

Living on borrowed time has sharpened the senses. Yet the startling construct of our reality becomes the wet cement beneath our feet. So I take comfort in the small conversations, the thoughtful messages and a timetabled routine. That's all I can be sure of and I take it day by day.

Where Heroes And Villains Collide

noreply@blogger.com (zhrent) — Wed, 16 Sep 2015 12:00:00 +0000

Last Sunday I dipped my toes into the weird and wonderful world of comics, toys and games at the STGCC held at the Marina Bay Expo. It was truly an eye-opening experience to say the least.

All sorts of Japanese anime and superhero cosplayers were present in full regalia and it was quite a sight. There were parents game enough to bring their children dressed as Batman and Jedis as well which I felt was sweet as the 'geek culture' still lives on through them.

I was there to cover the event with a friend and I daresay I would definitely return for another dose of character spotting and soaking in the creativity all around. In between interviewing characters like Jigsaw and Homer Simpson, I shot a couple of clips and here they are to chronicle my first convention experience.

Every Vote Counts

noreply@blogger.com (zhrent) — Tue, 08 Sep 2015 13:00:00 +0000

Nothing says election fever like a good rally. I took the chance to attend one last weekend that was in the area but not in my constituency because I'm a rebel like that.

I didn't need any signs to help me find my way to the rally site. There was a steady stream of human traffic to the grounds that led me there. The opposition supporters are truly an exciting bunch to behold. The groundswell support was palpable as the field was packed when I arrived and tons of heads popped out from the overlooking HDB flats nearby.

I stayed for the early part of the rally and heard speeches in different languages, a lot of rhetorical questions and a whole lot more of jeering in response. It was quite a scene to hear Singaporeans collectively 'Boo' at something in public.

"This shouldn't be allowed right?

Won't we get arrested?"

These thoughts would naturally come to any government-fearing citizen. But we were at a rally and all codes of decent conduct were thrown out in the name of being one with the masses.

It's only right that in getting to vote for the first time I go check out what the other side is offering. Here's a short clip of the sights and sounds at the rally.

Crazy Little Thing Called Love

noreply@blogger.com (zhrent) — Sun, 30 Aug 2015 13:00:00 +0000

For the past few months I've been helping out with the wedding of a very dear friend of mine. It has been most tiring and rewarding all the same. We've folded flowers, created some crazy tall structures and cut ribbons, all the while trying to maintain our sanity. This is the first wedding I've ever been a part of and now I know how much tireless effort goes into making everything look beautiful.

I'm incredibly blessed to know the couple as my friends and that they had given me so much trust in things from designing their wedding invitations to helping out with their set. This truly was a 4 day production and it was made better with an all-star team of friends who were just as on the ball and ready to make it work.

Amidst all the wedding craziness I was able to take some shots and I thought it would be nice to share how intricate and meaningful Hindu wedding rites are. I was moved to tears during the bride's thank you speech at the reception. Seeing how everything had come together nicely made me feel so darn happy.

What We Have Will Always Be

noreply@blogger.com (zhrent) — Sun, 09 Aug 2015 09:42:00 +0000

I had the great fortune of being able to catch the Golden Jubilee last week at the preview show and it was such an unforgettable experience. Sure the parade was a patriotic fest with all things Singaporean thrown into the mix, but I thoroughly enjoyed being there to witness key events like the aerial display and contingent parade segment live.

During the show segment, I especially loved the little kids in LED stick figure costumes. It was hilarious spotting the kids that couldn't get their suits to light up in the right colour and witnessing them scramble to blend in with the others. The segment by the Soka association was visually captivating as they had all the ladies dress in quick-change costumes to mimic butterfly wings.

There was also a tribute to the late Mr Lee Kuan Yew which was especially touching. All this was rounded up with some dazzling fireworks that never fail to disappoint. Being there you just couldn't help but sing along with the medley of National Day theme song favourites as the parade came to a close. Happy birthday Singapore!

Welcome To Shangri-La

noreply@blogger.com (zhrent) — Thu, 06 Aug 2015 14:04:00 +0000

A year's worth of planning finally came to fruition over two weeks spent in the city of Shangri-La on an overseas volunteering expedition. I was part of a team that helped to build furnaces for the locals and interacted with the warm people of Bulun village.

The time spent gave me the chance to see a very different part of the world and at the same time challenged me to capture the experience faithfully. I was behind the lens most of the time and enjoyed being able to fade into the background to witness some beautiful moments of nature and people alike.

One highlight was being involved in the design of the furnace walls. I drew up motifs and patterns I saw were common on Tibetan tapestry, much to the delight of our local guide who quickly approved the design.

I was very particular about how the team painted seeing as how this would be a tangible footprint we would leave behind for years to come. Even as the memories we shared with the locals gradually faded over time, we could take heart knowing we built something on solid foundation that would stay around for a long time.

There was just enough time for me to enjoy the perks of being a tourist while visiting some scenic spots around Lijiang. I had a fun time rediscovering the wonders of Chinese cuisine and having a go at preparing them for our daily meals as well. The trip had undoubtedly helped me find a way to disconnect and reminded me that I already have all I need to enjoy life. It's really in the simple things.

May Your Biggest Dreams Scare You

noreply@blogger.com (zhrent) — Fri, 17 Jul 2015 13:00:00 +0000

I challenged myself to accomplish one big project over the holidays. It has been a while since I made any videos that were not for school related work and I thought what better way to make one than during this break.

And so it began.

Fuelled with the panic of turning a year older along with the onset of greater expectations and confusion, I sorted through various ideas to come up with a script. On that note, I nary to think how I'll take my next birthday, or even the subsequent ones for that matter.

With an initial draft, I started checking many items off the list. I rallied the help of my friends, scouted for locations and kept telling myself at the back of my mind that this was a terrible idea altogether.

The constant push and pull to accomplish this little

endeavour continued right through the very end.

In the end I realised that if I was this frightened and terrified of my creative work, I'm probably on the right track. At least I could learn something from all of this.

I recall running on adrenaline throughout the actual shoot, all the while dealing with requisite scares. Along the way I was given a timely reminder:

All the best laid plains go out the window

once the first shot is fired.

Now here we are and I've got a completed short film on my hands. It was quite the experience and in part a result of telling myself to work within the constraints and limitations I had. I learned so much more about myself than I thought I would and in the end, I think I succeeded in that respect.

Every Night Should End With Fireworks

noreply@blogger.com (zhrent) — Fri, 19 Jun 2015 11:00:00 +0000

It was quite a thrill getting to watch the closing ceremony of the SEA Games live. For me, scoring last minute tickets to the show was the closest to being at the National Day Parade. We each got a bag full of favours, were treated to fireworks and even got a chance to get down to the track area to mingle with the performers. Taxpayer money never looked this beautiful against the night sky.

In other news, the days and weeks are blending into each other and I'm losing track of how fast the holidays are going by. We're somewhere in the middle of the second act and I'm looking forward to the exciting conclusion in the coming weeks.

Also it just occurred to me that there is a recurring theme running through my photo set. Maybe it's all a commentary on how we live our lives from behind a screen? Who knows.

How The Theatre Is Food For The Soul

noreply@blogger.com (zhrent) — Thu, 21 May 2015 00:03:00 +0000

It's comforting to know that no matter where life takes us, the theatre will always be there ready to welcome with open arms.

Coming close to a decade of ties with the club I can safely say you never really leave the theatre. It was almost automatic on my visit last week to find something to do. There always is.

Having a few familiar faces greet you is a bonus. They are the friends who started out as mentors and are now partners.

For a brief moment the rush of everyday life receded from view as the four walls of the blackbox encloses you into a world devoid of time and space. It's really quite special. There's only you the audience and the performance on stage. No other distractions to take you out from the magic of theatre.

Quit Being All Over The Place

noreply@blogger.com (zhrent) — Mon, 04 May 2015 13:19:00 +0000

You can't have your cake and eat it too.

You got to know this. And you got to know this right. There's just way too many things out there vying for your limited attention. You don't have all the time in the world to worry about these things all at once. It's just not humanly possible.

Instead, you have to consider single-tasking and take things slow. Narrow your focus on a few things you're good at. Remember, this is not the same as giving up the gun. You're maximising your time by spending every moment doing the thing you're exceptionally good that. Leave it to the bodybuilders to worry about having ripped torsos, let influencers mind their filtered feeds and the same goes for everything else.

You might not want to admit it right now, but you already know a couple of things you're good at. You're just afraid to say it. You're afraid of the "What if that doesn't work out?" when instead you should worry about the "What if this is it?". No one in any strategic manoeuvre would venture putting all their eggs in the same basket. But when you vote for comfort over risk, you essentially close off another dimension of opportunity that awaits. Then comes the barrage of "What ifs" that will plague you incessantly.

There's no time to waste trying to be all over the place. Get away from all the noise and look deep within for the answer is there in plain sight. It always was.

To Catch A Birthday Boy

noreply@blogger.com (zhrent) — Sun, 03 May 2015 11:00:00 +0000

I spent the Labour Day holiday living out scenes from the movie Taken. It was the 21st birthday of a close friend and a couple of us guys came together to stage a surprise kidnap. After a ton of discussion and careful planning between different chat groups we managed to pull it off.

It was a whole lot of fun seeing familiar faces after a long absence and everybody was on the ball as the operation played out. Our actual plan had escalated far beyond our initial harmless ideas but it was all worth it. The amount of coordination while remaining as quiet as possible so as to not raise suspicion of our dear friend was intense. In the end, we pulled off one hell of a surprise and I couldn't be happier for that.

Earning Your Keep

noreply@blogger.com (zhrent) — Mon, 27 Apr 2015 11:00:00 +0000

This month has been filled with so much light and love. I'll never stop asking myself what have I done to deserve the company of such fine friends. Turning a year older has brought about an unexpected wave of emotions but with friends like these I know I'll do fine.

Standing At The Door Of Self-Discovery

noreply@blogger.com (zhrent) — Sat, 18 Apr 2015 02:14:00 +0000

Where the air is cold, the feelings are old.

With each passing birthday I find myself worrying again over things that have passed and are to come. A part of me wants to believe that this could all just be a passing moment of stress-induced panic but I realize it's more to do with the fear that I'm constantly about to fall over the edge of a precipice.

It's hard for me to come to terms with the amount of love and care I've been showered with this week. While I had my fair share of surprise party conspiracy theories, nothing prepared me for the real surprises that came from friends who were unnecessarily sweet.

I'm always reminded to treasure the times I get to be with the people I love because those moments are precious and few. But to that end it also presents downsides in that I obsess over the mere possibility of not ever fully maximizing every opprtunity for interaction that comes my way. This could also very well be just me beating myself up over nothing but one can only guess.

Adding to this inability to fanthom people's kindness is the nagging reminders I get from time to time that I'm not enough. I've mastered the art of dispensing advice but I have yet to truly get them down pat. It's an ever-present hazard when the culture we consume presents us with unattainable ideals. At some point I end up looking back at myself in the mirror, not liking what I see, then realize it's a fruitless endeavor and learn to accept that it really is as good as it gets. Life continues on the spin cycle.

The perpetual fear of having the rug pulled from right under my feet surely can't be a healthy thing. Be that as it may, it has served me well in terms of a consistent work ethic that keeps me on my game. Call it a white flag of defeat or a better sense of maturity that comes with age, but I've learned to be happy by focussing on what I have instead of what I don't. I'm still learning but it has proved immensely useful in putting my stray thoughts into perspective.

To tie a neat bow over this assemblage of thoughts on turning a year older, I would say this: We're always going to be in a state of learning, unlearning and relearning with each passing year. The trick is to hold on to the things that make you happy and keep striving to make your own path yours. There will always be someone or something that's stronger, faster or better than you. When we try to put out the best that we have to offer to the world, that should be enough to validate our success.

Fighting An Intermittent Fever

noreply@blogger.com (zhrent) — Wed, 08 Apr 2015 13:00:00 +0000

When you get sick and tired.

On Friday, I return to the comfort of my home after what has been a trying week. Something is off the whole time but I cannot put my finger on it. That night I put on Unbroken on my computer, a movie that I've been meaning to watch and turns out to be fairly entertaining for 'a true story'.

I wake up the next morning aching in all the wrong places. In my mind it clicks. I'm coming down with a fever. I berate myself saying: This is what you get for not exercising. Piling on excuses because of work does not cut it after all. I feel sick. The thermometer in the kitchen cabinet confirms this.

Two Panadols later and my eyelids are less heavy than they were earlier. I've clipped my nails twice in the past half hour. I have no idea what I am being nervous for. There's work to complete, a nagging reminder in the form of a neat stack of binders by the side of my table.

The sky is dark when I next look out the window. I rest the back of my hand on my forehead and feel a slight warmth that can only mean that it's not over. I push another tablet out from the foil packaging. I'm down to three.

I feel my bones ache and confuse it with the sensation of being cold. The sheets are pulled up to my neck and I curl up like an infant. I feel hot and sticky when I wake up. The telling sign that the fever has broken.

Treating my fever like the spoilt child it is I deliberately give it no attention. All I do is tell myself I am already better and eventually I am.

Being Comfortable In Your Own Company

noreply@blogger.com (zhrent) — Fri, 20 Mar 2015 12:00:00 +0000

A lone time.

I've learned over time that I'm the kind of person who prefers going on adventures on my own. When it comes to watching movies, I have no qualms getting a ticket for one because I get to watch on my own terms and perhaps avoid inconsiderate viewers by going during off-peak hours. That I believe is also one of the perks of being single. But that's another story.

When it comes to taking care of myself I think taking some time of for a mental health day is crucial. I usually go about this by planning a single, simple activity to do and see where that takes me. Most recently I finally made a trip down to Pulau Ubin to put my birthday present to use and snap some photos with my film camera.

The sense of quiet when you are alone with your own thoughts provides clarity that I can't find elsewhere. This goes along with being comfortable eating alone, as I never got my head around why there was stigma attached to eating by yourself in the first place.

These solo adventures can be very rewarding at times. On the boat off the island, I boarded with two ladies who at first glance believed I wasn't a local. With camera slung around my neck and a backpack to match, I looked every part the student working on a project. Halfway through the ride, one of the ladies reached into her handbag for a red packet and leaned over to present it to me. She uttered a Chinese idiom wishing me success in my studies over the roar of the engine and crashing waves. Needless to say I was surprised and filled with gratitude all the same.

So having adventures on my own does come with its perks from time to time. It is something I highly treasure because some of my best ideas come when I get some time with myself.

Remember To Smell The Roses

noreply@blogger.com (zhrent) — Mon, 23 Feb 2015 01:00:00 +0000

Hardly a day goes by without acknowledging how fast time flies.

One of the biggest realisations I've had this year is that the closest of friends need not be the ones you've known for the longest time. Some of the friends I've made somehow just get me and after striking up a few more conversations it feels as if we've known each other for years.

So conversations like this make me pause and reflect about how fortunate I am to have people who care as well as how quickly everything else continues to go forward:

"I feel like I'm on autopilot"
"At least you're not drowning"

As with each term we get thrown into a endless continuum of projects and deadlines before realising that we've reached the end of the next check point. Thankfully the routine of having to keep preparing for the week after has not gotten to me yet. Careful planning has tremendously helped me keep above the water.

Being consciously present yet aware that everything is pretty much transient is something I've yet to come to terms with. It seems that there isn't much time to be nostalgic before another event pops up on your calendar. So I relish the rare opportunities where I get to lay back with good company and go on about our lives without a care for time passing by. Those moments are always time well spent.

You Are Your Own Solution

noreply@blogger.com (zhrent) — Tue, 13 Jan 2015 01:00:00 +0000

There's really nothing to it.

I was at the local printer last weekend trying to get some mock ups produced when I had an unfortunate encounter with the grouchy, old man of a shop owner. The file that I had prepared was clearly not in the right format and instead of politely telling me so, the shop owner proceeded to take the draft printed copy and tear it in two right in front of me, not before unplugging my thumb drive telling me to not "waste [his] time".

I was floored beyond words.

As I turned around and shook my head on the way out, I felt seething rage build up inside of me. There were so many other ways this could have gone down nicely without such terse words. Don't even get me started on how the shop owner did not 'Safely Eject' my thumb drive. You could only imagine my anger after having experienced countless problems with external drives that were ejected by force. But that's another story.

On the ride home I was more dumbfounded than anything as the entire scene kept replaying in my mind. I refused to expend energy being all up in arms but I was clearly still bothered and my mind would not go to rest about it.

After a while I quickly concluded that it is so easy to let small problems make you feel like the whole world is conspiring against you. Truth is, each day is bound to pass and roll over into the next. Everything moves on. And I should not let my emotions be tied down to the past, especially for such a minute matter.

Scenes From An Empty Park

noreply@blogger.com (zhrent) — Wed, 07 Jan 2015 01:00:00 +0000

Browsing through the HortPark.