Well, it seems that it is almost time for a comeback here on YouthMinBlog.com!  So what do you think?  How can we encourage you?  How can we help you?  What types of issues do we need to be talking about here? Let’s hear it, there are nearly 200 subscribers out there, make your voices heard!

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Let’s take a little departure from small groups today so we can try to give a  fellow youth worker a little help.  So what do you think, do you have any suggestions or encouragement for this youth worker?

I am struggling in my youth ministry. I have been involved in youth ministry for over 10 years off and on but always as the assistant, not the “youth pastor.” Well, now I am the youth pastor but I also have a “real job” which is important because my son gets rather grumpy when I can’t feed him. My youth ministry is struggling due to my lack of time and I am frustrated beyond belief.

I think that someday God might lead me to a senior pastor position but right now I can’t see anything that fulfills my life more than my wife, my son and my youth ministry.

Do you have any suggestions for helping bi-vocational youth ministers to still have a thriving youth ministry?

As always, feel free to send in your own questions via the contact page!

[Photo by: KaroliK]

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Job #1–Care

You know the old saying, right? “They don’t care how much you know until they know how much you care.”

It really is that simple, but how do we let them know how much we care? I’d like to suggest that we can break this down into two basic areas:

Be There
Being there is…well, it’s just that. We need to show up in the lives of the students that we are committed to leading. Is a student of yours involved in drama? Be there when the show goes on. Do you know a teenager who is a gamer? Take him out to the arcade to hang out with him in his element. Is one of your students an athlete? Hang out and watch her at practice (because everyone goes to the games).

Simply proving to teenagers that you are willing to take time out of your day for them goes a long way in proving how much you care. This is so important, but we also need to take another step in this area.

Be there in the little conversations that you have around church. I mean, really be present to your students. So often, I see people in the halls of church engaged in one conversation and totally drop it in favor of a conversation that they think will be more stimulating. When you are engaged in a conversation with a teenager, be there.

Pray
Pray for your students. Find out what is weighing on their hearts, what is going on in their world, and pray for it; then let your students know that you are praying for them. Not only will your prayers have a huge impact on the lives of the students, but the fact that they know that you have spent time talking to God about what is important in their lives will have an immeasurable impact in the lives of the students in your group!

Job #2–Accountability

This is perhaps the toughest of all of the jobs of a small group leader to get a handle on and master. Having an attitude of accountability between a teenager and a small group leader isn’t something that can be manufactured within or imposed upon the relationship. Accountability needs to bubble up organically.

All of these small group leader jobs work together. How does care help in the accountability area? Put yourself in the place of a teenager for a moment: Why would you put yourself in a vulnerable situation, such as accountability, with a person who hasn’t proved that she cares about you?

Be sure that you are continually working at caring for the students in your group and looking for organic opportunities for accountability to bubble up.

Job #3–Relational Connection

This job is all about building relationships with the students in your small group. Relational connection is different from care in that relational connection goes 360 degrees in your group; it’s all about developing a real relationship not only between you and your students but among the students themselves. Relational connection is about creating a real group, not just a conglomeration of individuals.

All of these jobs are equally important, but they don’t all get equal time. The reason for this is that some just need more time than others to take effect. Relational connection is the one that will most likely need to take the majority of your actual small group meeting time (think 80%).

It is vital that a good deal of time be spent just getting to know each other, having fun, and seemingly “wasting time” together, because that time will create the foundational relationships that are necessary so that the group can begin to care for its own members—and accountability will be taken to heart.

If you are the point person for the small groups in your ministry, then it is your job to overly give relational connection permission to the individual small group leaders. Often, it may seem like group time is being wasted in catching up on the week or talking about sports, guys, girls, school, and parent drama, but that relationship time is vital to the group and can be a great jumping off point for the next job of a small group leader!

Job #4—Spiritual Application/Implication

Without a small group leader doing this fourth job, the small group would simply be another club.

For there to be success for small group leaders in this job, they have had to be deeply invested in jobs one and three. If a small group leader has not invested in building relationships and in the care of students, the odds of having created an environment where spiritual application/implication can be taken seriously are slim to none.

Spiritual Application—The small group leader’s job here is to help students learn what spiritual truths they can apply to their lives at this time. What part is there to learn from and live out? Application is about what we see on the outside, which is important but not as important as…

Spiritual Implication—The small group leader’s job here is to guide students in understanding how their lives are tied to, or implicated in, God’s story. How does the Scripture that was looked into today shed light on your part in the story of the Kingdom? Implication is about our hearts being tied to what God is doing in this world.

This post was condensed from a 4 part series on CoffeeWithChris.com & was originally posted on Youth Ministry Today.

[Photo by: Vermont Lenses]

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Chris Szulwach is a youth pastor in Liverpool, NY. Chris has 11 years experience as a volunteer, para-church staff, and as a pastor.

Blog - CoffeeWithChris.com
Twitter - http://twitter.com/CoffeeWithChris

Related posts:

1. Too Small For Groups?
2. Watching Fruit Grow
3. Psst… Pass It On!

Recently I’ve talked about the small groups component of our youth ministry with a couple of different groups of youth workers. Each time I’ve had someone say something like “well, if we had more students we’d do that” or “our ministry is too small for something like that.” I totally understand! That’s exactly what I used to think.

The truth is, I work for a small church in a small community and I always felt that our students would benefit from small groups. It just seemed impossible given the size of our ministry.

For me, the decision was driven by necessity. I stepped in to my position and was faced with the daunting task of ministering to students in grades 5-12. Eventually I realized that they needed to be split up somehow if we were going to meet all of their spiritual needs.

That’s when I knew we needed to find a way to make small groups work.

Small groups have been a vital part of our youth ministry for about two years now and I can’t imagine going back.

Reasons it’s great, things that may surprise you and ways to overcome the challenges…

Youth Ministry, at it’s best, is relational. We all know that. The more adults you have on your team, the deeper the relationships with students will be. The great thing about small groups is that you’re facilitating the development of those relationships. Instead of having a big group of students with several leaders and praying that relationships will happen, you’re creating an environment where they will begin naturally and thrive.

You won’t suddenly get to the point where you realize you have too many students to keep up with. I’ve been there. My first youth group grew quickly and all of a sudden I was the leader of way more students than I could effectively minister to. Build your small group structure now while your ministry is small and you’re in great shape for growth!

You’ll be surprised at who will say yes to leading a small group. It could very well be exactly the same people who have turned you down in the past when asked to be youth leaders. Asking someone to be a youth group leader is a completely different question than “hey, I have 3 or 4 high school girls that could really use a mentor.” People who are intimidated by the traditional ‘youth leader’ role may find that leading a small group is perfect for them!

We have a strict ‘2 leaders present at all times’ rule (I hope everyone does!) and that was a challenge when we first started talking about small groups. Recruiting enough leaders seemed like an impossible task for our small church. The way we’ve solved that problem is having our groups meet in the church at the same time. That way, when we’re short on leaders, we can just meet in different areas of the same space or combine groups for the night.

If you’re even shorter on leaders, think about having ‘table discussions’ instead of typical small groups. Meet around tables in one room with a leader at each table. You could discuss whatever the message was about that night or leaders and students could decide what topics to discuss. This gives you the relational benefits of the small group format without the need for a ton of leaders.

The bottom line is this: if you know your students would benefit from small groups but you’re feeling like you don’t have enough students and/or volunteers to make it happen, PRAY and then give it a shot! If you think outside the box and get creative with your format, it’s doable… and totally worth it!

***This post originally appeared on the YS Blog

[Photo by: cobalt123]

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Sara Eden Williams is the Director of Youth and Children’s Ministry at the First United Methodist Church of Williamson in Williamson, NY.

Blog: http://saredn.wordpress.com
Twitter: http://twitter.com/saraeden

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1. 4 Jobs of a Small Group Leader
2. What I Look For In Small Group Leaders

I am a passionate, firm, enthusiastic, devoted believer in small group ministry for youth. I was able to start a youth ministry fifteen years ago with small groups as a key component right at the beginning, and spent those following years learning about and sharpening this crucial aspect of youth ministry. I come away from that experience with a strong conviction: Other than the gospel itself, the most unique thing we can offer to a teenager is a committed small group.

What makes me say that? Through youth ministry we can offer great activities, camps, and mentors. And while I believe that most youth groups can provide these well, we also have to admit that most students can also find those things in other places if they want to. However, I have yet to find effective small groups anywhere else in the community — the closest I’ve seen are some support groups made available by counselors.

I have found young people consistently drawn to the chance to be in a small group. I believe they are attracted to the intimacy, depth, and safety that is possible. Teenagers desperately want to share in a safe place and feel a sense of belonging. Small groups can provide that.

However, there is an element that is absolutely CRUCIAL to making a successful small groups ministry happen that cannot be overlooked: QUALITY, TRAINED, COMMITTED ADULT LEADERS! Too often I see lots of pointers given on how to manage a small group. But little is written about what sort of people should be leading those small groups.

What did I look for and ask of my small group leaders? I learned from Paul’s counsel to Timothy in his second letter:

• Pray regularly for the kids you work with and will be teaching. As we pray for the kids we develop a godly affection for them, and our teaching is spirit-filled.

1:3 I thank God, whom I serve, as my forefathers did, with a clear conscience, as night and day I constantly remember you in my prayers.   4 Recalling your tears, I long to see you, so that I may be filled with joy.

• Be confident in your calling to teach. Kids can tell if you are intimidated by them.  Know that you have been asked to do this, so do not feel insecure about it.

1: 6 For this reason I remind you to fan into flame the gift of God, which is in you through the laying on of my hands.   7 For God did not give us a spirit of timidity, but a spirit of power, of love and of self-discipline.   8 So do not be ashamed to testify about our Lord, or ashamed of me his prisoner. But join with me in suffering for the gospel, by the power of God,   9 who has saved us and called us to a holy life –not because of anything we have done but because of his own purpose and grace. This grace was given us in Christ Jesus before the beginning of time.

• A crucial part of our job in the youth ministry to teach the kids solid doctrinal truths. We strongly desire that the kids become real students of the Word by the time they graduate from high school.

1:13 What you heard from me, keep as the pattern of sound teaching, with faith and love in Christ Jesus.   14 Guard the good deposit that was entrusted to you –guard it with the help of the Holy Spirit who lives in us.

• Have confidence in the power of the Word to convince, teach and change lives. Sometimes it might seem easier to just rely on handouts or curriculum prepared by some Christian publisher.  Fight that temptation, and do the hard work to get kids to study the Word and not just a verse here and there.  Kids will not be bored by a teacher that is excited about what he/she is teaching.

3:16-17  All Scripture is God-breathed and is useful for teaching, rebuking, correcting and training in righteousness,   17 so that the man of God may be thoroughly equipped for every good work.

• Live a life yourself that is steeped in scripture. The classic saying in ministry is:  “We can’t take people any further than we have gone ourselves.”  Be a student of the word yourself, and be ready to present the gospel.  Don’t be overwhelmed by this – no one is born this way.  It takes a lifetime of study and discipline.

4:2   Preach the Word; be prepared in season and out of season; correct, rebuke and encourage –with great patience and careful instruction.

There is so much more to say on small groups, but these are some important things to keep in mind as you get started.

[Photo by: koalie]

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Kelly Soifer is a veteran youth pastor with more than 25 years experience in Young Life and in the church.  She is a consultant with Youth Ministry Architects, a committed bicycle commuter and proud Italian scooter owner who lives in Santa Barbara, CA.

Kelly’s Consulting: Youth Ministry Architects

Kelly’s Blog: Listening To My Life

Kelly’s Twitter: Twitter.com/kellysoif

Related posts:

1. Step One
2. Not To Be Served, But To Serve – Part 2
3. Theory And Practice

For a long time I struggled with getting small groups started at a church that doesn’t really subscribe to the whole “home group” idea. That was my whole perception of what a small group had to be: meeting at home with a group of eight students or so and having “small group” discussions.  Now my mindset has changed and I’m realizing that a lot of what we already had in place for midweek classes and gatherings were providing the community and interaction that I thought our students might be missing out on. For instance…

What we call “Catalyst Discipleship”, a Sunday evening gathering of students after our worship service, has become one of my favorite times of student ministry during the week. It’s definitely a smaller group than our regular weekly program; it’s promoted as a place to “grow deeper with others”.

The format is fairly simple:

ACCOUNTABILITY: Maybe even a better phrase here would be “sharing life together.  We typically open up by asking students to break into groups with one or two other students and share something specific about their personal spiritual life.  Recent items of discussion we’ve used are: “What did God speak to your heart this week?”, “Do you feel like you are growing closer to God?”, and “What is one action point in your life where you heard God tell you to step out in faith?”

We encourage students that if their partner does not have an answer or is struggling with an issue that their role becomes that of an encourager.  We go from this time into…

PRAYER: We want students in our ministry to be comfortable praying with and for each other so we make it a regular part of what we do.

SHORT TRUTH: What I mean by “short truth” is that this isn’t the night for me to write up a twenty minute message to share with the students.  I want to present a pop culture idea, biblical truth, hot topic, etc. and then let the students disseminate it rather than me give a lecture or be the “talking head” up front.

There’s lots of great resources to make this easy, too.  I like to use short video clips to set up the night.  Examples of resources that we’ve used in the past include Nooma, the Skit Guys’ “You Teach” curriculum, and Trigger.

QUESTIONS: Ask questions and get out of the way.  It’s as simple as that.

Your role becomes that of just facilitating good questions and sometimes helping that one kid to stay on topic.  Don’t be afraid of silence after you ask a question.  Ask it again in a different way.  Give them some time to process and think it through before giving up or answering the question yourself.

And, honestly, to even list a format such as the one above seems too structured for what we do.  You can break a large group down into a small group with leaders any time and anywhere.  The idea is getting down to smaller numbers so that everyone gets a chance to share and be a part of the process.  It’s great for relation-building.

What I love about our Sunday night group is that we’ve grown a really close group of students.  We get together and have committed to loving and growing with each other.  It’s not uncommon for us to tear up while sharing an emotional, real-life story with each other or, on the other end of the spectrum, laugh it up so hard that we’re all in tears.  It just feels like a family.  As Doug Field’s tends to say, “We weren’t wired to do life alone.”  The community and relationships that are built in small group gatherings are a vital part of the health and impact of our student ministry.  That’s why is I think it is so important to make small groups “BIG” in your ministry.

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1. Claiming the Obvious

As I write this, I imagine you and I sitting across the table from each other. We are enjoying a nice lunch (you pick the restaurant) and talking youth ministry. As we are talking, you ask me about something you have been thinking a lot about lately, “How do I find the right youth ministry job?”

“Good question,” I say as I take one more bite.

Before I answer your question, I need to ask you a few questions of my own – for clarification. “What is motivating you to look for a position as a youth minister? Why not a teacher, factory worker, social worker, fast food employee, store manager, or even senior minister?” As you formulate your answer, you want to say something about it being a silly question, but instead answer by saying, “Because I went to college to be a youth minister.” Then quickly add, “And it’s what I have always done.” You then go on to tell me about your schooling and previous ministry experience, sharing the joys and the burdens.

“Those are two good reasons, but there has to be more.” My goal is to get you to think harder and determine whether or not being a youth minister is more than a means to a paycheck.

To help you understand what I mean, I tell you this story. “Recently I came across a statement which really bothered me. It was made by a minister who was searching for a new position. He said that he was waiting to hear back about two ministry positions. One was in youth ministry and the other was for a senior minister position. Now, in my opinion that kind of job hunting tells me this person either does not feel called into youth ministry or is so desperate to have a job that he would be willing to take another position.”

With a concerned look on your face, you say, “I do not see how that is a bad thing. He wants to serve the church and is willing to go where God is leading him.”

“I see it a little differently. I believe a person is either called to minister to students or he is not. I do not think God necessarily calls us to work at only a specific congregation, but rather the call is to youth ministry itself. It might be at the same congregation for 30 years or it might be at a few congregations over 30 years. For some, the call is to work with students within a parachurch organization or even as a volunteer. Does that make sense?”

Still not completely understanding my thoughts, you inquire, “I can understand that, but I still do not see why you think it is bad for someone to pursue a youth ministry position and another ministry position during a job search.”

“Maybe this will help clarify. I believe that if youth ministry is not what you are called to, then you should not take the position away from someone who only wants to be a youth minister. It is not good for you, the students, the congregation or other youth ministers. It is not wise to take a youth ministry position just because you are offered one.”

The discussion continues as each of us shares more examples and opinions. My goal is to stretch your thinking and help you wrestle with the foundational reasons for your desire to be a youth minister. Until you are sure about those reasons, you will have a hard time weathering the tough times that will come.

As we finish up the meal and prepare to leave, I leave you with a few questions to think about. “If you were financially secure for the rest of your life, what job would you want? If you could pick any job in the world, what would it be? If you made just enough to survive, would you still want to be a youth minister? Is there anything else that gets you more excited than knowing you are ministering to teenagers?”

“I’ll have to really think about those questions,” you say. “Thanks again for taking the time to talk and for letting me get the bill.”

“My pleasure. Let’s plan on doing it again.”

A few days later, after giving you some time to think about the reasons behind your desire to find the right youth ministry job, I will send you an email to follow-up. It might look something like this:

What about you, why do you want to be in the right youth ministry position? Even if you are not looking for a new position, why do you feel your current ministry is the right one?

[Photo by: kandyjaxx]

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Mike Kupferer has been involved with youth ministry since he graduated high school and he loves to see God work in the life of students. Currently he lives in southern IL with his wife and 3 children. You can read more of his thoughts by visiting his blog,www.reflectionministry.blogspot.com.

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Follow-up is very important. But just because it is important does not mean all youth ministries do it well. I have learned that good follow-up does not have to be complicated. Today, I’d like to share a few simple ways your youth ministry can follow-up with a student without needing to hire a PR person.

Methods of Follow-up
Phone call:
A simple phone call is a great way to follow-up with visitors. It does not take too long (10 minutes max, unless they have questions/concerns). It can be made from the office, the car (with hands-free headset, of course), your house, or even the coffee shop. Before I make the call, I like to have an idea of what I will say and a few questions to ask about their visit. Make sure you know names – it’ll make a difference.

E-Mail:
Sending an e-mail is even simpler than calling on the phone. For instance, you can just “copy and paste” the same message to everyone – obviously changing personal information. This is a good method of follow-up, but it cannot be the only method or it will damage the connection you are trying to make. I would recommend using e-mail when you do not have any other contact information or if you have tried to phone, but cannot get through. One benefit to using e-mail is that you can send links to the youth ministry’s website, Facebook page, or send informational documents to help the visitors know more about the ministry.

Home Visit:
Taking the time to visit a student and her family at their house is a great way to show you noticed they were there. In my experience, making a home visit is the most effective way touch base with the family and allow them to feel connected to you and the ministry. As you plan to visit homes, you will want to make sure you set up “appointments” with the families. I do not think “cold calls” are going to portray the message you want them to. Most families are extremely busy and will need advance notice to make sure they have enough time to sit and talk. One last note: if you feel uncomfortable making home visits alone, feel free to take your spouse or a student with you – it can make all the difference.

Snail Mail:
Postal mail might possibly be the most under-rated form of follow-up today. Continue reading my thoughts before you start giving me examples of what does not work. I am not talking about putting a brochure, a flyer and a business card into an envelope and sending it off. That is impersonal and screams marketing. What I have found that works better is a personal note from the youth minister, a student or a youth coach. The best person to send the note is someone who actually made a contact with the student at the event. And do not feel like the note has to completely original every time you write one, it is okay to have a basic template to follow. I would also recommend that you do not type out the letter, handwriting it will give it a more personal touch.

Besides a hand-written letter, you can also send a postcard. A postcard will keep you from feeling the pressure of “filling the page” with words. You can write four or five sentences and not have any more room, which keeps you from rambling. Besides “thanks for coming” postcards, I like to use pictures. Maybe you can print a bunch of old youth group pictures, this shows the visiting student a glimpse of what the youth ministry is like.

Sooner is Better
48 Hours Afterward:
No matter what method you use to follow-up on a visitor, you will want to do it within a timely fashion. I like to follow-up within 48 hours. So, if the student visits on Sunday morning, make contact with them before Tuesday evening. Timely follow-up will show a student that they are not an afterthought in your week.

Remember, you want to show the student that you care about them and want to see them back at a youth ministry event. You are not a salesman whose goal is to benefit from making a “sale.” You are a youth worker trying to connect a student with a Loving God who wants to have a relationship with them.

What methods have worked for you? Do you have any horror stories or negative experiences from trying to follow-up with a student? We’d love to hear your thoughts.

[Photo by: pouwerkerk]

____________________
Mike Kupferer has been involved with youth ministry since he graduated high school and he loves to see God work in the life of students. Currently he lives in southern IL with his wife and 3 children. You can read more of his thoughts by visiting his blog,www.reflectionministry.blogspot.com.

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1. Is it worth the effort?

The most important thing I’ve learned regarding rites of passage in our youth ministry is that it’s important to involve the entire church.

Whenever there’s a baptism or a confirmation we stress the importance of the entire church body being involved in the celebration. When students graduate, the whole church gathers to pray for them.

This became more important as we started moving students from our outreach program into the other programs of the church. Some (most) of these students come to church by themselves. They don’t have parents involved in their spiritual lives. The church really is their family. These students need to be rallied around and loved. Now we’ve started doing this for all the milestones students reach. Even if their parents are active members of the church, the entire church is involved in the celebration.

Not only does this make an impact on the students, I believe it makes an impact on the members of the congregation as well. They are all a part of these students’ lives and they all have a responsibility to support them as they grow in Christ. Having them directly involved in these rites of passages drives that point home really well.

Here’s a picture of one of our students being baptized in Lake Ontario a few weeks ago.

Over 30 people showed up at 8:00 on a chilly morning to celebrate with him.

It was a day he will never forget. The rest of us won’t forget it either.

Related posts:

1. Worth Celebrating?

This week, we’re talking about rites of passage here on the YouthMinBlog.  Instead of talking about specific ways to celebrate milestones, I thought I would take a step back and look at some milestones that are worth celebrating (and some that are not).

Milestones worth celebrating:

1. Becoming a Teenager.
Turning 13 is a big deal. It only happens once (unless your life becomes like one of those “adult becomes kid again” movies – Big or 13 Going on 30) and marks a huge transition for a student. I know that a student does not magically “change” when they turn 13, but it is the marker for which we acknowledge all of the physical, mental and social changes taking place within their life. How do we make this transition special? (Shawn shared some good thoughts earlier this week in Celebrating the Moments)

2. Graduating High School.
Exiting high school with a diploma is not as major as it was 30 years ago – now it is the college degree that people are looking for. But graduating high school is still a very important occasion and one worth celebrating. Especially when you consider this may be the last schooling for some of your students. What are you doing to challenge and honor the graduated seniors?

3. Baptism or Confirmation.
This occasion might be one of the most crucial. Making that final decision to follow Christ for the rest of your life is a major (understatement) event in any person’s life, especially a student. Yet, we have a tendency to spend all of our time and energy on the “before” that we neglect to celebrate the big event. Okay, we may clap and hug, but is that really enough? What is an appropriate celebration for this milestone? Or how do we utilize a “rite of passage” to help commemorate this occasion?

Milestones worth celebrating?

Some milestones are worth celebrating, but not in the same way. These are accomplishments and should be acknowledged/celebrated, but they are not worthy of a “rite of passage.”

1. Attaining a Driver’s License.
Big deal? Yes. When a student gets their license it means a lot of changes for that student and family. In fact, it can mean a lot of things for the student ministry, too. But sending a card is probably enough.

2. Perfect Attendance in Sunday School.
I don’t even think many of the teachers who teach Sunday School can say they have been there every week, but I don’t think it deserves a weekend retreat.

3. Maintaining a long-term relationship.
It is abnormal for a teenager to be in the same dating relationship for more than a few months. Due to this fact, it can be difficult for a youth worker to “keep up with” who is dating who. Maybe the best “rite of passage” for this accomplishment is a retreat on relationships and purity – guys and girls separate, or course.

Is there more?
The bottom three are obviously not serious, but I added them to bring up our need to think outside the normal parameters. Youth ministries tend to focus on the same rites of passage and celebrations year after year. What might we be missing? What other major events might need to be celebrated and how might those celebrations positively impact the students we work with?

I would like to hear what other milestones you celebrate (or think we should).

[Photo by: Richard Carter]

____________________
Mike Kupferer has been involved with youth ministry since he graduated high school and he loves to see God work in the life of students. Currently he lives in southern IL with his wife and 3 children. You can read more of his thoughts by visiting his blog,www.reflectionministry.blogspot.com.

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1. A Family Affair