My euphamism for leadership (movers & shakers) went viral this weekend. That was pretty freaking cool! A more detailed version of what happened (and my thank-you to the community at large) are posted on Modern Poly.

I am also starting a new project (I can hear my hubby and bf groan at the term “new project”…) – I want to build a resource site to help poly “movers and shakers” both in their local community, as well as on a larger scale.  In my teleclass I talked about people “moving to their groove” – finding what they’re good at, and building upon those strengths.  The idea is to provide a directory of different mad skillz that people have, and how to further develop them.  I am still hashing out the details – my initial idea is to have articles on different topics within leadership, with each article being a blend of “corporate-world” knowledge and personal experiences from those that are making things happen.  This is going to most likely be a group effort.

That’s all for now. I need to get back to work.

P.S.: I’m now the Chief Technical Officer of Modern Poly. That’s a fancy term for official web-geek :p

P.P.S.: There’s a semi-official rumor that there may be a polyamory conference (and PLN summit) in Seattle some time in October, and I may become involved in that. More details as this develops!

I was recently interviewed for an article with Details magazine regarding polyamory and Valentine’s day.  The interview was a blast.  I’m intrigued at the evolution of the article. When I was originally interviewed, it sounded like the story was going to be about the interesting challenges of being polyamorous and celebrating Valentine’s Day.  The final version (which you guys can read through the above link), places poly people in a rather interesting light…

You think you’ve got it rough on Valentine’s Day? What would you do if you had to find the perfect gift for two lovers? Or needed to plan a sex-romp weekend for six? Because they clearly have relationship superpowers, we asked a few polyamorous people how they manage to please multiple partners.

I have relationship superpowers? At times I wish I did. ;p

For those of you that are visiting this site for the first time because of the article – hi! If you have any questions about polyamory and the whole “how the heck do you do it?” aspect, please feel free to drop me a line.

P.S.: If you want to read about my relationship experiences – go here… I have a whole section of stories.

Also, I plan on writing about my adventures (and misadventures) of Dale’s 3-week long visit. Expect to see the story here some time next week.

In chronological order…

Move & Shake in the Poly Movement
Tele-class for Poly Organizers & Those Who Want To Get Organized

Monday, February 15th

Polyamory is starting to build a public presence (check out Polyamory in the News to see the latest press).  This means that poly organizers and activists need to take action soon if we want to have a greater influence on the image that is being presented.

I’m doing this teleclass one week before the PLN Summit in order to:

• Prepare those that are attending the upcoming summit so that they are both excited and engaged

• Provide mad skillz & tools to those that can’t attend, along with a means to get them networked with projects post-summit.

• Provide one more fund-raising push so that my friends on Team Modern Poly can attend both Poly Living & the PLN Summit.  The economy is still tough for a lot of people, and everyone that’s being sponsored on the team either does freelance work or are in careers that have been hit by the recession.

Click on the link below for more details about the tele-class

Attend This Event

Poly Living Conference & Poly Leadership Network Summit

Friday, February 19th – Monday, February 22nd

I will be facilitating a workshop – tentatively scheduled for Sunday, February 21st at 9am.  The workshop will require mild amounts of audience participation, and will include some nifty handouts

Young, Mainstream, and Polyamorous

What happens as polyamory becomes closer to mainstream? People start to explore alternatives to monogamy at a younger age, and without the influences of other open-thinking subcultures. This leads to greater diversity among those who self-identify as polyamorous. While this diversity can be tapped to help the polyamory movement become more publicly accepted, the differences in generational, political, theological, and socio-economic values could also tear us apart.  In this lecture/workshop, we will explore the roots of personal values and how they influence one’s beliefs and actions. We will discuss how the diversity of beliefs can both help and challenge the polyamory movement, and attempt to pin down the mythical beast known as “mainstream”.

You can still register for the conference here.

Bisexual Empowerment Conference: A Uniting, Supportive Experience

April 16-18, 2010

My involvement in this is currently TBD.   Word on the grapevine is that there will be a Poly 101 panel discussion at the very least.  A group of my friends (Team Modern Poly) and I may be asked to do additional workshops, but that isn’t set in stone yet.

CONvergence Paradise & Purgatory Party Room

July 1-4

For the past several years, MNPoly has hosted a party room at CONvergence, a sci-fi/fantasy convention that runs through the Fourth of July weekend.  Due to the evolution of both MNPoly and the party room, the party room planners have split off into our own organization/group that will focus purely on our presence at CONvergence.

Today I will guide you through how to prepare for your first networking event

2 weeks before the event

Get online – People are starting to talk about the event at this point.  Hopefully by this time someone has posted the event on Facebook and is using some variance of the event title as a hashtag (when you put a # before the word) on Twitter.  Start updating your status with comments about the event – just don’t over do it.  I’d keep it to 1-2x a day, and mix it up with updates on other aspects of your life.

Get business cards - A well designed business card can leave a lasting impression long after the event is over.  What makes a good business card? You want something that reflects the personal presence that you are trying to promote. Do you want people to see you as approachable? fancy? utilitarian? practical?  Choose (or create) a card design that practically screams that image.

There are many examples of good business card designs. When you take a look at the cards, don’t limit yourself to simply thinking “oh, that’s pretty!”.  What type of business is the card advertising?  What impressions do you have about that business based on simply viewing the card?As for a place to create and buy your business cards – I recommend VistaPrint. It’s an easy to use site that allows you to either go with a good-looking template that they created, or to create your own that better matches your style.  They also have free business cards (if you’re ok with the small bit of advertising on the back).

If you want to go green, there are many digital business card options out there.

Get your travel plans squared away - Doing this now means less stress later.  For those that are reading this – I’m posting this article 2 weeks before the Poly Living Conference & Poly Leadership Summit. This means that I’m reminding you to register, book your hotel room, and book your flight before it’s too late (and you start to stress out).  If you need to give your boss advanced notice on time-off, do this as well.

Begin drafting your “elevator speech” – People are going to ask you who you are and what you do or what you’re looking for. You need to be able to answer these questions in a way that grabs their attention. One way of doing this is to start with asking a rhetorical question around a common problem, and then describing what you do as a solution to said problem.

Example: You know how some poly organizers struggle to get stuff done?… (you will probably get a nod of affirmation)… What I do is I run a site that provides them with the resources and tools  that they need build and strengthen their community, as well as the option to hire me to receive personalized support.

Do you see what I did there? Do you think that the description that I gave is more memorable than saying “I’m a writer and a personal coach”?

Take steps to minimize stress - if you have any projects or tasks with deadlines prior to the event, get them done right away. Do not procrastinate.  Try to increase your sleep by a half hour (unless you’re already at 8+ hours of sleep).  Drink more water so that your body can flush out toxins. Take time for yourself. Starting these steps now can help to reduce the risk of stress-induced illnesses.

1 week before the event

Take care of your body – You are probably feeling both excited and stressed about the upcoming event.  Do what you can to boost your immune system before the event.  Sleep, nutrition, and hydration are very important during this time period.  The last thing you need is to get sick because you are pushing your body too hard.

Take care of your hair - Go to a barber and get rid of any split ends that you may have. You don’t need to pay $$$ to a professional stylist, but you do need to show attention to grooming detail!   If you dye your hair and have let your roots grow out (and it’s not part of an intentional expression of fashion), get that box of hair dye and do a touch-up!

3 days before the event

Choose what you will wear – When you meet someone, they form a first impression of you within a tenth of a second.  The only exposure that they have of you during that time is your appearance (and maybe your scent, but we’ll get to that later).  What you wear plays a role in how others perceive you.  This does not mean that you need to be a fashion guru or buy new clothes. However, you do need to be mindful of the message you are sending through your wardrobe.

If you want to dress to impress, the first step is to find out what the dress code is for the event, and either dress at that level or the one above.  Some conferences will explicitly say if you should dress casual, business casual, formal, etc.  If you’re not sure, go business casual (non-jean pants and a nice shirt).  You can also dress to impress in casual clothes (jeans + trendy shirt + clean, new’ish shoes).

Double check your travel arrangements - This includes the route to the train/bus/airport that you that you are taking to the event.  The purpose is to minimize surprises (and stress). Print out maps if you need to.

Do preliminary packing – Get the luggage out of your storage area and start packing the things that you will need for the trip, but don’t need during the next few days (like the business cards you just bought). Put together a checklist of what you still need to pack so that you can keep track of this as you go.

1 day before the event

Set up TwitPic – if you are using a phone with a camera and have a Twitter account. TwitPic uploads photos to your Twitter feed if they are sent through an email address (which they will provide for your account). Guess what – most camera phones allow you to picture-text to an email address. Set up your TwitPic address within your cell phone’s contact book. Do a dry run to make sure everything works correctly.

Verify travel arrangements one more time - If you are flying, you can check-in for your flight within 24 hours of departure. If you can, print out everything you need (boarding pass, directions to/from hotel, phone list, etc.) and store them in a folder in your carry-on.

Finish packing – remember the checklist you put together? Read through it one more time and add additional items that you may have missed. Now, start packing, and check off items as you pack them. This way, you aren’t rushing around the house looking for your swimsuit when it is already in your suitcase, under a pile of socks.

Pack healthy snacks in your luggage – In the event that there are going to be long breaks between meals (more than 4-5 hours), you need something to keep your blood sugar from dropping too low (which may make you unfocused, cranky, disengaged, etc.) . Look for convenient snacks that have a low glycemic index. They can help curb your hunger between meals without putting you through spikes and crashes in your blood sugar.

Get a good night’s sleep – Skip the caffiene if you can. Drink a lot of water (and herbal tea) to hydrate your body. A half hour before bed, stop being active (this includes heavy thinking). Take a warm shower. Drink some hot cocoa. Relax. Tomorrow is going to be crazy enough. You don’t need to go through it sleep-deprived.

During the event

Eat – Breakfast. Lunch. Dinner. Snacks. This will keep you awake and focused.

Drink – Water, lots of it. Stay hydrated. This will also keep you awake and focused.

Be in the moment - meet people. Be engaged. Turn off the cell phone if you need to. You can do Twitter updates during your downtimes.

Get contact information – Put the ball in your court on following-up with people. If you find someone that you want to stay in touch with after the event is over, get their info, and send them an email 1-3 days after the event to follow-up.

A Special Note on Business Cards

A business card serves two purposes. The primary purpose is to provide your contact information to someone so that they can contact you later at their leisure. It is a reminder of who you are, what you do, and how to get ahold of you. The secondary purpose of your business card is advertising.  A good business card not only enhances your first impression, but it creates a lasting impression.

Remember that last part – advertising is the secondary purpose of a business card. I’ve often seen people give away their business cards to as many people as possible and call that “networking”. The more appropriate term for what they are doing is spamming.  Most of those cards end up in the trash. I know – I’ve tossed out quite a few business cards from spammers.  You need to show that you are memorable and can provide value first, then people will find value in keeping your contact information handy.

Next time, we will discuss how to build your poly presence online.

Here are the million dollar questions:  Why should someone (listen to / work with / work for) you? What is going to draw them to you?

The answer depends on your public poly presence.

What is a “public presence”?

Another name for this is your personal brand.

Most of us live with (and are bombarded by) brands on a daily basis.  The things that we eat, drink, wear, and use typically carry the name of another (corporate) identity.  For instance – from the time I wake up to the time I leave for work, I am in contact with over a dozen branded items.

When we go to the store and have the opportunity to choose between a well-known brand and a generic item, we typically buy the well-known brand, even though it’s usually more expensive. Why does the brand name influence our decision to the point where we are willing to pay more?  First we feel an emotional connection to the brand, which is due to our own experiences with the products (and clever marketing). Then there’s the logical side which values quality, consistency, and trustworthiness.

This is why the store-brand Mac & Cheese will never taste as good as the real thing :p

How does this apply to you? Guess what – as you start promoting yourself, you are creating an image that others can connect with and identify with.  Over time, your audience will shift from periodically listening to you to becoming loyal fans and advocates (free advertising!).

The first step is to define your personal image – your public poly presence.

Before you promote yourself, you need to know yourself

Take a long, honest look at why you want to promote yourself

• Do you want others to see you as a role model?
• Does the potential attention and admiration excite you?
• Are you planning on selling goods or services to other poly people?

There are no wrong answers to these questions.  Most of us are driven by self-interest, so it is important to know what motivates you.  Not only will this help keep you focused during the tougher times, but being honest and open about your desires can help build credibility with your audience.

To give an example from my own career – I coach financial professionals on how to sell insurance to their clients, and part of my compensation is based on how much they sell. The reason that I help them sell insurance – in contrast to other financial products – is I also believe in the importance of people protecting their families from financial hardship caused by a catastrophic event.  Both reasons motivate me to work hard, and the professionals that I work with are aware of this.  They share a similar focus in what they do, and their clients are aware of it as well.  The client’s understand that their advisor earns money based on what they sell, but they also trust that person to act ethically. It was through the honesty on motivations, and an acceptance that self-gratification and serving others aren’t mutually exclusive, that allowed this partnership to happen.

It is okay to desire attention and money, as long as you are providing value in return.

Be Real

My early attempts to "build a presence"

Here’s another story from my own personal experiences – When I first started Young Metro Poly, I did not have pictures of myself on the site. Instead, I used a stock photo of an ethnically diverse group of young people.  After getting smacked hard in a review on another site, I redid my layout and threw on a couple of cute self-portraits for my header image.

At first, I was nervous about posting pictures of myself.  This wasn’t a normal issue of body image – I’m comfortable with my height, weight, skin complexion, hair, etc.  I was worried about how people would react seeing me for who I am – a young, white, intellectual woman who looks like a cross between the “girl next door” and a corporate professional.

This is me in my element

I like money and making money. I used to drive an SUV until it broke down after 190,000 miles of wear and tear.  Politically I’m a Libertarian with Republican leanings. While I’m “more spiritual than religious”, I also hold a lot of respect for Christianity, even if I think that the institutionalized church has messed things up.  I could go on, but the jist of it is that I don’t fit most of the common stereotypes about poly people.

I felt awkward about this at first, but have gotten used to it over time. Perhaps in the next few weeks, I’ll find time to re-skin this site to better reflect my personality (though if that gets done before mid-February, it means that I’m procrastinating on prepping for my workshop at Poly Living).

What I’m trying to get at is that it doesn’t matter if you fit certain labels or break the stereotypes completely. Be yourself. You bring your own unique perspective to The Poly Movement and people will respect you for it.

Today I shared with you the basics on building your personal image. Tomorrow I will discuss the practical side – how to promote it through personal networking.

In the upcoming series, I will share various ways to build a public poly presence-

• First, we’ll look at what type of “poly presence” you want to build.
• Since Poly Living is coming up in 2 1/2 weeks, we’ll continue with how to network at a convention.
• Next I’ll talk about building a web presence through building a blog and tapping into larger social media tools and services.
• Lastly, I’ll show how you can increase the number of fans that read – and return to – your site through permission-based contacts (newsletters)

Remember how I facilitated an online learning session for poly leaders in the beginning of August?  Through that session and the discussions that followed, the three attendees and I became friends. We also started brainstorming ideas on how to create greater public awareness about polyamory and how to help other poly folk feel like they’re able to contribute to “the movement” without necessarily being led (some pockets within the poly community frown upon the notion of community leaders).

The idea that formed from that discussion was a website/organization that put tools and systems in people’s hands.  We wanted a site that could be used as a “one stop shop” for poly resources. In addition, we also wanted a site that would allow for members to add and contribute as they wanted (rather than take on a long-term commitment).

Thus, Modern Poly was formed.

There’s a core group of 8 people that do the planning, development, coding, promoting, and monitoring.  We’re keeping the number of coordinators/organizers small for ease of decision making (less cooks in the kitchen).  A smaller number of organizers also means a higher amount of visibility on what each person is contributing, so everyone feels more motivated to participate.  The development of the site and the organization has been a pretty awesome experience in learning how to communicate with people cross-country and delegate based on people’s strengths and abilities.

Did I mention it only took 3 months to build the site, even with everyone having very busy personal lives?

Right now, we have a community site that has close to 200 members. We are starting to develop the personal and leadership training resource component. In addition, we learned that one of the larger poly leadership organizations is interested in someone taking on the project of doing a wiki for keeping track of polyamory groups.  The wiki software was easy to install (as in, the out of the box installation took 5 minutes), and we’re putting together a plan of how to go from concept to completion so that the average person can help out without having to learn massive amounts of coding. (Ease of use = more people use it, in theory).

That’s what I’ve been working on for the past 3 months.  I’ve also been hit with massive writer’s block. Hopefully when I get the next phase of Modern Poly completed I will feel inspired enough to write (and possibly redo the layout of this site again).

Beta testing for the social networking portion of the site is starting soon, with the full public launch in a little over a month.

There’s also a newsletter you can sign up for on the site.

That’s all for now. Doing a quick update before crashing after a long day of work.