BYU Women's Services and Resources

Body Shaming: The Results Are In and We Need to Get Out

noreply@blogger.com (Carly LeBaron) — Fri, 17 May 2013 17:11:00 +0000

Two weeks ago, we posted a poll asking whether you receive more body shaming or weight shaming comments from men or women. Well, the results are in:

63% receive more body shaming comments from OTHER WOMEN
22% receive body shaming comments from BOTH MEN AND WOMEN
6% receive more body shaming comments from MEN
9% reporting not receiving body shaming comments

Body shaming is defined as inappropriate negative comments and attitudes towards another person's weight or size. Our culture, in general, has a very negative attitude about women's bodies unless they fit a very specific stereotype. Because we are so immersed in our culture, we oftentimes internalize these negative messages about our bodies without realizing it and then we begin to self-discriminate and discriminate against other women based on their size, shape, or weight. It is such an embedded feature of feminine culture that we don't really notice it until someone points it out. When was the last time that you looked in the mirror and body shamed yourself? Or last time you were spending time with female friends and someone made a negative comment about their own body or someone else's body? Or the last time someone "gently" suggested to you that you should hit the gym more often or eat less? Not that long ago? You're not alone.

After 27.5 years of life, dozens of female relatives, 21 female roommates, hundreds of female clients, and countless female friends and acquaintances, I have yet to find a group of women that doesn't struggle, at some level, with a culture of body shaming. Our poll means that 85% of women received body shaming comments from other women. Why do we do it, ladies? When we know how hard it is to live in a culture where a woman's worth is defined by the size of her jeans, why do pass on the poison to other women, oftentimes to the women we love the most?

It's time to take a stand. It's time to stop the body shaming and embrace our bodies for what they are: precious, sacred gifts from our Father in Heaven. But we can't do it alone. I challenge you, right here, today, to commit to changing the female culture within your sphere of influence. Promise yourself that you will refrain from body shaming comments towards yourself and others. Develop the courage it takes to speak up when a woman you love body shames herself or someone else. Talk to the women in your life about how you can all work together to turn body shame into love and appreciation for your miraculous body.

Here are a few tips on how to do it:

Squash Gossip- Avoid gossiping about other women with your friends. When you are disparaging other women, it's easy to slip into disparaging the way they look; how they looked in that Facebook picture, or how much weight they gained/lost. If someone starts to gossip, speak up, change the subject, or simply choose to leave the conversation.

Be Aware of Your Social Circle- If you surround yourself with body shamers, you are more likely to get stuck in that vicious cycle, too. Find positive friends and reach out to friends that struggle. We all have that one friend that is obsessed with her appearance; the girl who always makes a negative comment when she looks in the mirror, who constantly talks about dieting, and who bemoans her back-fat, neck-fat, elbow-fat, whatever-fat. Heck, maybe we have lots of friends like that. Instead of brushing it off or joining in with her to moan about your ear-fat, encourage her to see herself in a different light. If she is really struggling, encourage her to go to a counselor. Severe body shaming can be a sign of an eating disorder, so be a support for her to find help.

Be a Builder, Not a Bully- I don't know if you've noticed, but body shaming is just a really specific form of bullying. Remember how you felt when you were bullied in middle school? It sucked, didn't it? Well, stop bullying yourself and others by body shaming. Instead, go about trying to build and lift other women up. Do you like that skirt your friend is wearing? Say so. Do you appreciate how your best friends eyes sparkle when she laughs? Tell her! Just do it. Start a culture of complements instead of criticism.

There is No "Right" Body- The same way that curvy girls hate hearing about how they should be super skinny to be acceptable, girls who are naturally thin hate hearing that "real women have curves" or "someone needs to go eat a hamburger." There is no such thing as the perfect body. All bodies are beautiful! It's our job to take care of our bodies, accept that everyone has genetic influences when it comes to body size and shape, and to celebrate our uniqueness.

Stop Being a Weight Loss Cheerleader- Notice that someone has lost weight? Keep your lips zipped. Don't gush on and on about how great they look after dropping a couple of pounds. In my work with women who have eating disorders, this was just the validation they were looking for to justify their incredibly unhealthy eating and dieting behaviors. You never know what lengths someone went to in order to drop the weight. Whenever someone does this, it implies that the person didn't look great before they lost weight. If they talk about healthy behaviors, celebrate them for taking care of their body in healthy ways, not just on the results.

Learn More About Eating Disorders- Take a good look around at the women you love. Odds are, at least one of them has an eating disorder or is in recovery from an eating disorder. A body shaming culture can be severely damaging to those who struggle with eating disorders. The more educated you are about EDs, the better support you can be to those in your life who face this demon.

There Is No Such Thing as Good Foods and Bad Foods- No, you are not "bad" if you had a couple pieces of pizza or delighted in that chocolate ice cream. And you are not "good" or "bad" for avoiding or indulging in a specific kind of food. Classifying foods as "good" or "bad" is a dangerous way to view food and it can lead to restricting and binging. If you maintain a balanced diet, there is nothing wrong with treating yourself to your favorite sweet or treat.

THROW AWAY YOUR "SKINNY" JEANS- Do you have a pair of jeans someone in the depths of your closet or drawers that are too small for the size you are now? Do you buy clothes in a size smaller to give yourself an "incentive" to lose the weight? Stop it. Donate them. Throw them away. Light them on fire. I don't care what you have to do, just get rid of them. Dress your body for the size that you are, don't put off buying cute clothes until you lose weight, encourage family members and friends that you shop with to embrace their body and buy what fits, not what number they want to fit into.

Stop Putting Off Your Life- Don't wait to go to the beach until you feel like you a VS model in a bathing suit. Don't avoid the dating scene until you think you are skinny enough. Don't wait to buy that adorable dress until you can fit into a different size. In other words, stop putting off your life because you feel ashamed of the way your body is now. Embrace who you are. Embrace how you look. Or just stop caring so much about it all (I know, I know, easier said than done). We waste so much energy chasing after the perfect body, convinced that it will make us happier and make our lives better that we deny ourselves the ability to CHOOSE happiness today.

Herstory: English Authoresses

noreply@blogger.com (Carly LeBaron) — Fri, 17 May 2013 15:27:00 +0000

Jane Austen

Perhaps one of the most famous authoresses in the history of English literature, Jane and her sister Cassandra were sent away to be educated. At one point, however, both girls were brought home because their parents couldn't afford to send them away any longer. Jane's education didn't end there though; she spent countless hours immersed in her father's large library. She also received tutelage from her father and brothers. She learned all the skills that young ladies of her standing often learned such as fortepiano, sewing, and dancing. The Austen family was very intellectually open and spent much time discussing political and social issues. Beginning in adolescence, Jane began to write poems and stories to amuse her family and then began writing novels. Seeing her talent, her father attempted to get one of her novels (First Impressions, later to be named Pride and Prejudice) published, but was unsuccessful. It is unknown whether or not Jane knew about her father's attempt. Later, her brother Henry sold the copyright to her novel Susan (later named Northanger Abbey) to a publisher, but the publisher never did anything with the novel, so they bought the copyright back from him many years later. In 1811, Jane finally became a published author when Thomas Egerton published Sense and Sensibility, followed by Pride and Prejudice in 1813, and Mansfield Park in 1814. John Murray published Emma for her in 1815. Jane died in July of 1817 at the age of 41. Her novels Persuasion and Northanger Abbey were published posthumously as a set by her brother Henry and sister Cassandra in December of 1817. Since it was "unladylike" to author novels in those days, Jane was never identified as the author of her novels until her brother Henry revealed her identity in a Biographical Note in the posthumous novels.

The Bronte Sisters

Charlotte, Emily, and Anne were born in Yorkshire, England in the early 1800's. After the tragic death of their mother and two older sisters, the remaining Bronte sisters, along with their brother Branwell, became enveloped in incredibly detailed make-believe worlds they would create. Charlotte and Emily were sent away to Cowan Bridge School along with their two older sisters, Maria and Elizabeth. After contracting tuberculosis, both Maria and Elizabeth were withdrawn from the school, but died weeks later. Charlotte and Emily were brought home to Haworth after their sisters' deaths. This loss hit all of the family members deeply, and the loss is reflected in Charlotte's writing in Jane Eyre. Their education continued at another facility and Charlotte later became a teacher there. Emily spent some time as a teacher and Charlotte and Anne both spent time as governesses. The three sisters published a book of poems in 1846 under the pseudonyms Currer (Charlotte), Ellis (Emily), and Action (Anne) Bell. The sisters had to publish under male names because writing, in those days, was very much considered a man's business.

In 1847, Charlotte's Jane Eyre, Emily's Wuthering Heights, and Anne's Agnes Grey were published under their male pseudonyms after their dogged persistence in searching for a publisher. When a rumor developed stating that all three novels had been published by one man, Charlotte and Anne traveled to their publisher in London to prove that each of them was, in fact, an independent author (Emily refused to come).

Charlotte

At the urging of her publisher, Charlotte battled her paralyzing social anxiety and traveled to meet her public. She was introduced to other famous authors of the time, two of which she became close friends with. She married but died a year later of tuberculosis at the age of 38, along with her unborn child.

Emily

Emily never wrote to achieve fame, she wrote solely to satisfy her own mind. She was the most reserved of the sisters and often preferred to roam the areas around her home by herself. In addition to Wuthering Heights, she also wrote many poems of incredible depth. It is thought that she was writing a second manuscript at the time of her death, which may have been burned by her sister Charlotte to avoid the scandal that was raised by Emily's first novel. She died at Haworth of tuberculosis at the age of 30.

Anne

Not achieving the same kind of fame that her two elder sisters achieved with their novels, Anne is often overshadowed. She wrote two novels, Agnes Grey, which is thought to be semi-autobiographical, and The Tenant of Wildfell Hall, which was written as she watched her beloved brother's decline due to alcoholism. Anne, like all of her siblings, died young from tuberculosis at the age of 29.

Intuitive Eating

noreply@blogger.com (Meg) — Thu, 16 May 2013 04:13:00 +0000

I got introduced to Intuitive Eating at The Center for Change when I went there to recover from my Eating Disorder. Boy, am I SOOOO thankful. It truly helped me recover from my ED and I'm not sure if anything else would have worked. If you struggle with food at all I would suggest giving Intuitive Eating a try. It's all about focusing on how your body feels and coming from a place of body appreciation and love instead of body hate.

10 Principles of Intuitive Eating

1. Reject the Diet Mentality Throw out the diet books and magazine articles that offer you false hope of losing weight quickly, easily, and permanently. Get angry at the lies that have led you to feel as if you were a failure every time a new diet stopped working and you gained back all of the weight. If you allow even one small hope to linger that a new and better diet might be lurking around the corner, it will prevent you from being free to rediscover Intuitive Eating.

2. Honor Your Hunger Keep your body biologically fed with adequate energy and carbohydrates. Otherwise you can trigger a primal drive to overeat. Once you reach the moment of excessive hunger, all intentions of moderate, conscious eating are fleeting and irrelevant. Learning to honor this first biological signal sets the stage for re-building trust with yourself and food.

3. Make Peace with Food Call a truce, stop the food fight! Give yourself unconditional permission to eat. If you tell yourself that you can't or shouldn't have a particular food, it can lead to intense feelings of deprivation that build into uncontrollable cravings and, often, bingeing When you finally “give-in” to your forbidden food, eating will be experienced with such intensity, it usually results in Last Supper overeating, and overwhelming guilt.

4. Challenge the Food Police .Scream a loud "NO" to thoughts in your head that declare you're "good" for eating minimal calories or "bad" because you ate a piece of chocolate cake. The Food Police monitor the unreasonable rules that dieting has created . The police station is housed deep in your psyche, and its loud speaker shouts negative barbs, hopeless phrases, and guilt-provoking indictments. Chasing the Food Police away is a critical step in returning to Intuitive Eating.

5. Respect Your Fullness Listen for the body signals that tell you that you are no longer hungry. Observe the signs that show that you're comfortably full. Pause in the middle of a meal or food and ask yourself how the food tastes, and what is your current fullness level?

6. Discover the Satisfaction Factor The Japanese have the wisdom to promote pleasure as one of their goals of healthy living In our fury to be thin and healthy, we often overlook one of the most basic gifts of existence--the pleasure and satisfaction that can be found in the eating experience. When you eat what you really want, in an environment that is inviting and conducive, the pleasure you derive will be a powerful force in helping you feel satisfied and content. By providing this experience for yourself, you will find that it takes much less food to decide you've had "enough".

7. Honor Your Feelings Without Using Food Find ways to comfort , nurture, distract, and resolve your issues without using food. Anxiety, loneliness, boredom, anger are emotions we all experience throughout life. Each has its own trigger, and each has its own appeasement. Food won't fix any of these feelings. It may comfort for the short term, distract from the pain, or even numb you into a food hangover. But food won't solve the problem. If anything, eating for an emotional hunger will only make you feel worse in the long run. You'll ultimately have to deal with the source of the emotion, as well as the discomfort of overeating.

8. Respect Your Body Accept your genetic blueprint. Just as a person with a shoe size of eight would not expect to realistically squeeze into a size six, it is equally as futile (and uncomfortable) to have the same expectation with body size. But mostly, respect your body, so you can feel better about who you are. It's hard to reject the diet mentality if you are unrealistic and overly critical about your body shape.

9. Exercise--Feel the Difference Forget militant exercise. Just get active and feel the difference. Shift your focus to how it feels to move your body, rather than the calorie burning effect of exercise. If you focus on how you feel from working out, such as energized, it can make the difference between rolling out of bed for a brisk morning walk or hitting the snooze alarm. If when you wake up, your only goal is to lose weight, it's usually not a motivating factor in that moment of time.

10 Honor Your Health--Gentle Nutrition Make food choices that honor your health and taste buds while making you feel well. Remember that you don't have to eat a perfect diet to be healthy. You will not suddenly get a nutrient deficiency or gain weight from one snack, one meal, or one day of eating. It's what you eat consistently over time that matters, progress not perfection is what counts.

Abercrombie & Fitch Says They Don't Want Plus-Sized Women Shopping at Their Store

noreply@blogger.com (administrator) — Thu, 09 May 2013 21:50:00 +0000

Yep, that's right.

I graduated from high school 5 years ago and some things have definitely changed. However, their are even MORE things that haven't. Though I wouldn't consider myself "uncool" per say, I do remember all the party girls/jocks and thus "cool" kids rocking the Abercrombie and Fitch brand. It was a social status symbol for sure. I owned one or two sweaters from there, but for some girls it was all they would wear. My cousin once told me she would ONLY buy Abercrombie and Fitch clothing because it was "the best".

By "the best" she didn't mean high quality or unique from other teen clothing. It is "the best" because only "the best" people wear it (AKA. cool, popular, beautiful, thin people). And she believes this because that's the message A&F is TRYING to portray.

In this article posted only a few days ago, the CEO of A&F is questioned as to why they refuse to stock ANY XL or XXL women clothing. Their answer? Plus sized women aren't "cool enough" to wear their clothes. The only good thing that can be said about this article is at least Abercrombie's CEO is candid about his opinion (however discriminatory and insensitive it may be). Here are some of the finer quotes from the article:

"He doesn't want larger people shopping in his store, he wants thin and beautiful people," Lewis told Business Insider. "He doesn't want his core customers to see people who aren't as hot as them wearing his clothing. People who wear his clothing should feel like they're one of the 'cool kids.'"

"We hire good-looking people in our stores. Because good-looking people attract other good-looking people, and we want to market to cool, good-looking people. We don’t market to anyone other than that."

"We go after the attractive all-American kid with a great attitude and a lot of friends. A lot of people don’t belong [in our clothes], and they can’t belong. Are we exclusionary? Absolutely."

Blatantly and unashamedly prejudice. Who is this guy??? Honestly, I'm not too shocked when you consider the obvious raciness of their ads which aren't really trying to sell clothes (seriously, this picture was an ad for hoodies and jeans!!!). This whole thing gets my blood boiling, but read the article for yourself and share your thoughts with us. I don't know about you, but in the world of fashion where beauty is already defined in such narrow and harsh way, this company's attitude stands out as particularly twisted. And that's saying something.

You are more beautiful than you think

noreply@blogger.com (Meg) — Wed, 08 May 2013 18:36:00 +0000

Us women are our own worst critics. Did you know only 4% of women in the world consider themselves beautiful. That means their are SO many women out there who are beautiful and don't even know it. If you haven't seen this Dove video I suggest watching it, it is pretty interesting.

Realize that you are more beautiful than you think.

What makes someone beautiful to you?

Their kind eyes. Their loving heart. Their cheerful smile.

Find your strengths and hold on to them. Find the good in everything.

Be optimistic. Be strong. Be loving. Be a beautiful person.

-Meg

Herstory: Women of the Civil War

noreply@blogger.com (Carly LeBaron) — Fri, 03 May 2013 17:07:00 +0000

Mary Bowser

As a freed slave, Mary Bowser was utilized by the Union as a spy during the Civil War. She was sent to work in the Confederate White House and as a servant there, she discovered and overheard many secret plans and military strategies that she passed on to Union spies. Jefferson Davis knew that there was a spy in the household, but could never discover who was leaking his military plans to the Union. Since Mary was merely a servant in the household, one whom the Confederates thought of as less than a person because of the color of her skin, they severely underestimated her skills and intelligence. Her devotion to the Union cause and bravery serving in the belly of the beast won the Union untold amounts of vital information. She was one of the highest-placed and most successful, productive spies of the Civil War.

Mary Edwards Walker

Mary earned a medical degree during the Victorian Era when it was positively scathing for a woman to have a career outside the home. When the Civil War broke out, she volunteered as a surgeon for the Union Army. At first, she was only allowed to practice as a nurse because she was a woman, but later acted as an unpaid surgeon on the front lines in battles such as Fredericksburg and Chattanooga. In 1863, she was finally employed as a surgeon, making her the first female surgeon to to be employed by the U.S. Army. She frequently crossed into enemy territory to treat soldiers and civilians alike. In 1864, she crossed into Confederate territory to assist a Confederate surgeon in performing an amputation and was captured and arrested as a spy. She was later released in a prisoner exchange and then continued her work until the end of the war. After the Civil War, she devoted her life to the women's rights movement. She is the only woman to ever receive the Medal of Honor.

SOLDIERS

Women were allowed to be nurses and spies, but were forbidden from enlisting as soldiers. However, many women fought for what they believed during the Civil War as well. Historians estimate that anywhere between 400-1,000 women disguised themselves as men and enlisted in the army for both the Union and the Confederacy. It's impossible to know the true number for sure because, out of necessity, these women had to fiercely guard their true identities. Here are the stories of several of those courageous women.

Frances Clalin Clayton (Jack Williams)

Frances enlisted in the Union Army alongside her husband, Elmer, in 1861 because she couldn't bear to be separated from him. In order not the be discovered, she perfected soldierly habits like drinking, swearing, smoking, and walking like a man. She was deadly with a sword and her superiors revered her as a model soldier. During the Battle of Stones River, she saw her husband shot and killed just a few feet in front of her. Even through her agony, she stepped over his body and continued the charge when she was given the order. By the end of her military career, she had fought in 18 battles, was wounded 3 times, and was even taken prisoner once.

Sarah Emma Edmonds (Franklin Thompson)

Sarah enlisted in the Second Michigan infantry and, disguised as a male, served as a nurse and dispatch carrier. She also spent some time serving as a spy, occasionally "disguising" herself as a woman. At one point, she contracted malaria and knew that she would be discovered if she went to a military hospital, so she checked into a private hospital to receive treatment. Once she was better, she went to return to the army under her male persona, but found out that Frank Thompson had been listed as a deserter. So, she served as a nurse in Washington D.C. under her true identity. She is one of the very few women who were given a government pension for her service in the war. She later wrote, "I could only thank God that I was free and could go forward and work, and I was not obliged to stay at home and weep."

Jennie Hodgers (Albert Cashier)

Jennie, an Irish-born immigrant, enlisted in the Union Army, specifically the 95th Illinois Infantry, when she was 19 years old. Her regiment fought in approximately 40 battles under the command of Ulysses S. Grant over a four year period. Her fellow soldiers just thought that "he" was a small soldier who liked to keep to himself. Regardless of her size, she was incredibly strong. She was once captured by the Confederates but was able to escape by overpowering a prison guard. After her military career was over, she returned to Illinois and spent the rest of her life living as her male persona. Because she lived as a man, she was allowed to vote, own land, and receive a veteran's pension. After her death, she was buried in her Union uniform and her tombstone lists her under both of her names.

The Unnamed New Jersey Soldier

A "young and good-looking" corporal from New Jersey fought fiercely and bravely during the battle of Fredericksburg and was promoted to the rank of sergeant for it. Honored by fellow soldiers as a "real soldierly, thoroughly military fellow," the soldier had fought in other battles like Antietam and the Seven Days Battle. The newly promoted sergeant shocked the entire regiment when, a month later, she gave birth to a baby boy in the middle of camp. This brave soldier's name has been lost to history, but what an inspiration to know that this incredible woman, great with child, fought for what she believed, against unthinkable odds, and survived.

White Tie Ball: Captured!

noreply@blogger.com (Erin McAdams) — Thu, 02 May 2013 21:56:00 +0000

White Tie Ball this year was such a wonderful and meaningful event! We are so happy to have photos to capture this special night. We took hundreds so please check our our Facebook to see more and don't forget to "Like Us" and tag yourself and your friends!

WSR Facebook

"Lord, I Believe" by Elder Holland

noreply@blogger.com (administrator) — Thu, 02 May 2013 19:44:00 +0000

"On one occasion Jesus came upon a group arguing vehemently with His disciples. When the Savior inquired as to the cause of this contention, the father of an afflicted child stepped forward, saying he had approached Jesus’s disciples for a blessing for his son, but they were not able to provide it. With the boy still gnashing his teeth, foaming from the mouth, and thrashing on the ground in front of them, the father appealed to Jesus with what must have been last-resort desperation in his voice:

“If thou canst do any thing,” he said, “have compassion on us, and help us.

“Jesus said unto him, If thou canst believe, all things are possible to him that believeth.

“And straightway the father of the child cried out, and said with tears, Lord, I believe; help thou mine unbelief.

How often are we like this father, fervently pleading in prayer because we know we need the Lord's help? Likewise, how often have you felt the nagging thought whispering into the back of your mind, "Perhaps my faith isn't strong enough to receive this blessing?"

Maybe I'm alone in this sentiment, but I always worry my testimony isn't enough. After all, Peter was able to walk on water because of his faith. I can't do that. The Lord said if we have even just a little bit of faith, we could move mountains. I can't do that. Granted, these are extreme examples but the principle is still the same. Each month during fast and testimony meeting, I hear the same phrase repeated over and over again: "I know...I know...I know". How does everybody KNOW everything?? What's wrong with me, a girl who tries hard but often questions and on occasion doubts parts of the gospel? Lately, my testimony has been challenged due to controversial political and cultural issues. I absolutely hate that, and so I would get on my knees almost every night asking to "know" the truth. It seems somewhere in life I learned this unspoken (and untrue) rule: good Mormons know; they do not doubt.

But the father in this story had only partial belief. He didn't KNOW the Savior could heal his son, but he believed he could. In fact, he believed strongly enough to seek out the Savior and beg for his help. The father's DESIRE to believe was obviously apparent in his reply "Lord, I believe; help though mine unbelief."

And guess what? That was enough. The Savior healed his son.

This story is beautiful and teaches a very important lesson. Belief is a precious thing. After all, "faith like unto a mustard seed" is a TEENY TINY amount of faith. But it's potential for growth in unlimited. As for now, this seed can easily be blown away in the wind. When storms of doubt and other trials rain down upon us, our first job is to hold on tight to that singular seed.

"In moments of fear or doubt or troubling times, hold the ground you have already won, even if that ground is limited. In the growth we all have to experience in mortality, the spiritual equivalent of this boy’s affliction or this parent’s desperation is going to come to all of us. When those moments come and issues surface,...hold fast to what you already know and stand strong until additional knowledge comes."

Next, we must act. A seed will stay a seed unless we plant it, care for it, tend to it. Then, however slowly or difficult it may seem, it will grow. As such, addressing doubts and bringing questions to the Lord is as normal as weeding a garden or figuring out how often to water your plants. It is expected and normal because NONE of us are expert gardeners. In fact, some things we will never fully understand.

"[P]lease don’t hyperventilate if from time to time issues arise that need to be examined, understood, and resolved. They do and they will...When doubt or difficulty come, do not be afraid to ask for help. If we want it as humbly and honestly as this father did, we can get it.

"[B]e kind regarding human frailty—your own as well as that of those who serve with you. ..Except in the case of His only perfect Begotten Son, imperfect people are all God has ever had to work with. That must be terribly frustrating to Him, but He deals with it. So should we. And when you see imperfection, remember that the limitation is not in the divinity of the work. As one gifted writer has suggested, when the infinite fullness is poured forth, it is not the oil’s fault if there is some loss because finite vessels can’t quite contain it all."

There is much I yet do not know. However, there are many things I believe and want to know. That's okay. It is human err to expect more from ourselves then even the Lord expects from us. He sees our desire to learn and understand. And just like the father of the afflicted child, our belief and desire is enough for him to work with. Lord, I believe; help thou mine unbelief. NEVER get down on yourself because you sometimes doubt or because you can only "believe." Instead, be patient because we are children and children, like plants, need time to grow. All towering mustard trees of knowledge must start out as a simple seed of belief.

"In this Church, what we know will always trump what we do not know...[and]...in this world, everyone is to walk by faith. Hope on. Journey on. Honestly acknowledge your questions and your concerns, but first and forever fan the flame of your faith, because all things are possible to them that BELIEVE.

Never do the 4 C's and you will be happy!....

noreply@blogger.com (Meg) — Wed, 01 May 2013 16:51:00 +0000

When my husband was on his mission his mission president told him to never do the 4 C's and you will always be happy. What are the 4 c's?

Compare

Compete

Complain

Contend

I love that! It's so true.

I think its so important for us not to compare because we are all here for a different purpose. Yea the overall goal to make it back to our heavenly home is the same but we all have a specific purpose on earth. My purpose is different than yours and yours is different than mine. We were all given different strengths and weaknesses and talents for a reason. No body can be better at being you than YOU.

I love Elder Hollands quote that reminds us the race is against sin not against each other! We are all in the same war against Satan, its hard on all of us. Instead of competing lets strive to help each other out! I also love Elder Holland's quote "You are not diminished when someone else is added upon"

Attitude is everything. It's amazing how the exact same life could look so different to someone who is optimistic vs pessimistic We really get to choose how we see the world around us. We can look for the good or the bad, we'll find what we look for!

Contention is of the Devil, it never solves anything. Arguing, yelling, & criticizing is never helpful. I don't remember who said this quote in conference but its so good "It takes two people to contend, and I will never be one of them" Christ needs us to be peacemakers.

-Meg

Body Shaming and Weight Shaming

noreply@blogger.com (Carly LeBaron) — Tue, 30 Apr 2013 17:11:00 +0000

I read an article today about how a female sports blogger wrote a post about how an Oklahoma City Thunder cheerleader was too "pudgy" around the waist to be an attractive cheerleader (see the article here). Just like the author of the article, I immediately thought What an awful thing to say, but how much more awful it is coming from another woman who has probably experienced body/weight shaming as well and knows how painful it can be. That got me thinking, do most women experience body shaming or weight shaming comments more from men or women? Men get most of the blame for women feeling the pressure to look a certain way or be a specific weight, but are women just as culpable as men? So, do me a favor and help me conduct a little unscientific research by taking the poll below! Let's see what our results are and I'll post a blog later that are based on those results.

Herstory: Russian Rulers

noreply@blogger.com (Carly LeBaron) — Fri, 26 Apr 2013 17:30:00 +0000

Russian Ruling Women

Catherine II (a.k.a Catherine the Great)

Catherine was the most renowned and longest ruling Russian female ruler (Empress Regnant). She came to power when her husband, Peter III was assassinated. During her reign, Russia was revitalized after the Seven Years' War, growing larger and stronger and eventually becoming of the world's most powerful nations. She created the role of peacekeeper for Russia as the international mediator of disputes that may eventually lead to war, a role that was later taken over by Great Britain. She developed a reputation as a patron of the arts, literature, and education. She wrote a manual on how to educate children as well as writing comedies, other fiction, and her own memoirs. She fervently believed that a good education could change the hearts and minds of the Russian people and foster in them a sense of civic responsibility. She inherited rule during serfdom, but created a system for serfs to file complaints against the nobles they worked for, giving them a legitimate bureaucratic status.

The Romanovs: Alexandra, Olga, Tatiana, Maria, & Anastasia

Alexandra Feodorovna

Alexandra was the wife of Tsar Nicholas II of Russia, making her the Tsarina. She was married relatively late for her position because she had refused an earlier proposal from a man she did not love, which was unheard of at the time. Her grandmother, Queen Victoria, often said how proud she was that Alexandra stood up for something when many others would not have the courage to do so. She struggled to attain the approval of the Russian people, partly because she was German-born and there was a strong anti-foreign sentiment during that time. Additionally, she came across as haughty and cold to her subjects, but those close to her reported that it was only because she was so shy and nervous in front of the Russian people. She gave birth to 4 daughters and then a son. When it was discovered that her son, Alexei, had hemophilia (a blood clotting disease that made even a simple fall potentially fatal), she devoted all her time and energy to his care. She became a nurse during World War I, treating sick and wounded soldiers.

Olga Nikolaevna Romanova

Olga was the eldest child of Alexandra and Nicholas. She was known for having a compassionate heart and a strong desire to help others. As a nurse during World War I, she helped treat wounded soldiers for the Red Cross. She loved to read and truly enjoyed her schoolwork. According to one of her tutors, she had a "quick brain," sound reasoning abilities, lots of initiative, independence, and a quick wit. In a letter she wrote during her captivity in Tobolsk she wrote, "...remember that the evil which is now in the world will become yet more powerful, and that it is not evil which conquers evil, but only love..." When she was twenty, she took a sizable portion of her enormous wealth and began to respond independently to requests for charity. While out driving one day, she came across a child on crutches. After learning that the child was sick and the parents couldn't afford his treatment, she set aside an allowance to pay for the child's medical bills.

Tatiana Nikolaevna Romanova

Tatiana was the second child born to Alexandra and Nicholas. During her lifetime, she was better known by the people than her sisters due to her service heading Red Cross Committees during World War I. Like her sister, she served as a nurse for 3 years during the War until her family were arrested during the Russian Revolution. Tatiana was known for her natural leadership ability and her practicality. Whenever the children wanted a favor from their parents, she was sent to seek it. She was more reserved and well-balanced than her older sister, Olga. Her tutors said that she was generally less talented than Olga, but worked hard and showed great dedication to finishing projects. She was a favorite of her mother because of the kind attentions Tatiana paid to the often sickly Tsarina.

Maria Nikolaevna Romanova

Maria was the third child of Alexandra and Nicholas. Since she was too young to become a nurse like her mother and two older sisters during World War I, she spent her time visiting with sick and wounded soldiers. She went out of her way to learn about the lives of the soldiers she visited with. She had an ardent desire to marry and have children one day, a wish that she would never have a chance to see fulfilled. Maria was the sweetest-natured of her sisters and was often teased for being the "stepsister" because she hardly ever got in trouble like the rest of them did. She was incredibly close to her "Papa" and would often try to escape her nurses to seek him out. Once, when she got into trouble and her mother wanted to punish her, Tsar Nicholas said of his angelic daughter, "I was always afraid of the wings growing. I am glad to see she is only a human child." Maria had a talent for drawing and was surprisingly strong, often demonstrating how she could lift her tutors off the floor. Even during the family's captivity, she befriended guards and talked to them about their families and wives.

Anastasia Nikolaevna Romanova

Anastasia was the fourth and final daughter of Alexandra and Nicholas. She is, by far, the most famous of the Romanovs due to her alleged escape from the execution of the rest of her family. She was to believed to have escaped because her remains and the remains of her little brother, Alexei, were not discovered with the remains of the rest of the family. Several women claimed to be the escaped princess and several movies have been made based on the mythology of Anastasia (including a Disney movie of the same name). However, in 2008, Russian scientists and archaeologists discovered the remains of Anastasia and Alexei and matched them with the rest of the family. During her life, she was known as a "shvibzik" which means "imp" in Russian "for in naughtiness she was a true genius." She was the most mischievous, vivacious, and energetic of the children. However, her nurses and tutors also reported that she was one of the most charming children they had ever met. She was also too young to be a nurse during the War, so she visited the soldiers with her sister, Maria, playing checkers with them and telling jokes. Even during their captivity, she found ways to have fun and lift the spirits of her family members by performing plays and comic mimes for them.

Is losing weight really the best you can do?

noreply@blogger.com (Meg) — Wed, 24 Apr 2013 18:27:00 +0000

My little sister and best friend is leaving on a mission to Roseville, California this Wednesday. Yesterday I was shopping with her for her mission stuff and she told me that she is struggling with her body image and that she's really worried about gaining weight on her mission. I guess a girl in her ward told her that she'd gained a lot on hers.

My heart goes out to my sister and all other girls for that matter. It is just hard to be a girl now days. Seriously world, give us a break.

Anyways I have had way too much experience with the whole hating your body thing and worrying obsessively about gaining weight. I have come leaps and bounds from where my relationship with my body use to be and dare I say I even love my body now!

Here was my advice to my sister and to any other girl out there who could benefit from it:

I don't necessarily love my body for the way it looks. Some days I really don't like the way my body looks. I still have bad body image days. But the way my body looks has become less important to me and is not connected with how I feel about myself as a person. I had to take the focus off of my body and put it on things that matter more. When you keep the focus on your body you're never going to feel good enough. There is always going to be something "imperfect" about your body. I told my sister she is going to be so consumed in the work of blessing lives and saving souls that her weight will become less important to her.

People now days act like losing weight is the #1 thing you could accomplish. Like it is the best thing you could be doing with your life. Is losing weight really the best you can do? Unless you are severely obese the answer is no. How important is it? Yes its important to be healthy, but are we really focused on health or weight? I can tell you all those fad diets, extreme exercise, and replacing meals with diet soda is not healthy.

In the eternal scheme of things there is so many things that are more important. The two things that have really helped me overcome my Eating Disorder are

1. Gaining a testimony of the sanctity and importance of the body &

2. Gaining a testimony of the importance of Womanhood and gods plan for Women

If you struggle with body image I challenge you to research these two topics; there are many talks given by general authorities you can find and a lot of books too. This will help you see yourself less through the world eyes and more through the Lord's eyes.

Infertility

noreply@blogger.com (administrator) — Tue, 23 Apr 2013 18:56:00 +0000

Infertility Facts

· Infertility is defined as not being able to get pregnant despite having frequent and unprotected sex for at least one year (or for at least six months if the woman is age 35 or older).

· If a woman is able to get pregnant but has suffered multiple miscarriages she also qualifies for a diagnosis of infertility.

· Infertility is a disease or condition of the reproductive system, which means it is a real medical problem although it sometimes has unexplained causes.

· 10-15% of American couples are infertile.

· Approximately 30% of infertility is due to female factor and 30% is due to male factor. Sometimes infertility results from problems in both partners.

· Secondary infertility refers to the inability to get pregnant or carry a pregnancy to term following the birth of one of more biological children.

Common Causes

· Endometriosis - A disorder where tissue that composes the inside of the uterus is also found outside of the uterus.

· Polycystic Ovarian Syndrome – A hormone disorder.

· Luteal Phase defect – A disorder where the lining of your uterus does not grow properly each month.

· Ovulatory Disorders – A disruption of normal ovulation patterns.

· Early Menopause – The cessation of menstrual periods before the age of 40.

· Uterine Factors – Abnormalities of the uterus.

· Fallopian tube damage or blockage

· Male factor – Includes structural abnormalities, sperm production disorders, and immunologic disorders

Seeking Medical Help

· Only a qualified medical professional can properly diagnose infertility by conducting a complete fertility work-up.

· Ob/Gyns and Urologists who are specialized in the treatment of infertility are board certified in reproductive endocrinology.

· Consult a physician if you have been trying to conceive for at least one year or for at least 6 months if you are over 35.

· The following also warrant a consult with a physician: if you are over 30 and have a history of pelvic inflammatory disease, painful periods, miscarriage, or irregular cycles.

· RESOLVE: The National Infertility Association provides a directory to help you find a specialist in your area (http://www.resolve.org/resources/directory-of-services.html)

Seeking Emotional Support

· The experience of infertility creates many challenges for the individual and also for the couple’s relationship.

· It is important to know how to find emotional support in order to cope with the emotional ups and downs relating to the frustration of not getting pregnant, medical treatment, uncertain outcomes, financial problems, and difficult decisions.

· Some of the difficult emotional responses one may face include: loss, anger, frief, denial, shock, shame, guilt, social isolation, and depression.

o Having difficulty getting pregnant can cause as much grief as losing a loved one, (Linda D. Applegarth, Ed.D.).

· Support groups have been found to be one of the most beneficial ways to help women cope with infertility. Here are a couple of options:

o West Jordan General Infertility Support Group. Meets on the second Thursday of each month from 7:00PM to 8:30PM. Contact: haleyhanzon@gmail.com.

Infertility Support Group for Women. Contact: Kerstin.daynes@ldsinfertility.org

Habitat for Humanity

noreply@blogger.com (administrator) — Mon, 22 Apr 2013 18:09:00 +0000

Herstory: The Greek Intellectuals

noreply@blogger.com (Carly LeBaron) — Fri, 19 Apr 2013 17:31:00 +0000

Aspasia

"Aspasia Surrounded by Greek Philosophers"

Aspasia was a highly educated woman in ancient Greece who was far more independent than most women of her time. She paid taxes and participated in symposium where her opinions were listened to and highly respected by men. At the time, most women were traditionally confined to their homes, but Aspasia participated in the public life in the city because of her status. Instead of being revered for her physical beauty alone, as most women were in those days, she was respected as a great conversationalist and adviser. The home of Aspasia and Pericles, her companion/husband, became a center for intellectual discourse, attracting some of the greatest minds of the time, including Socrates. Some scholars believe that she was the only woman in ancient Greece who was able to distinguish herself as a public figure, that she inspired and helped write many of Pericles' speeches, and that she may have even opened an academy for young women.

Hypatia

Hypatia was a Greek philosopher and mathematician, she headed the Platonist school at Alexandria, and she taught philosophy and astronomy. People traveled great differences to receive instruction from her. She often appeared in public before the magistrates and didn't hesitate to go into discourse with men. At the end of her life, a Christian sect claimed that she was a pagan Satan-worshiper that created strife between two political figures of the time and she was subsequently murdered for it, whether it was true or not. A scholar remarked that her murder "effectively marked the downfall of Alexandrian intellectual life."

Womens Divine Role and the Priesthood

noreply@blogger.com (Meg) — Wed, 17 Apr 2013 16:57:00 +0000

A little girl once asked her mom out of curiosity, "Mom why don't girls get to have the priesthood?" The wise mother quickly replied "Why don't men get to have babies?" To a little girls mind this made perfect sense. A man's role is not superior to a Woman's and a Woman's role is not superior to a Mans. They are just different but of equal importance and designed to work in harmony together.

"Neither is the man without the Woman, neither the woman without the man in the Lord" 1 Cor 11:11

In a 1965 General Conference Elder William J. Critchlow asked the sisters, given the choice would you choose womanhood over manhood? He says:

Did women by their own free choice choose to be the family heart rather than the family head?

"There is a center in every home
From which all joys must start.
Where is that center?
It is in the mother's heart."

God, choosing woman to be his partner in the creative process, tucked away somewhere in her bosom a spark of his divine love, which later, at the time of motherhood, glows to brilliancy in every mother's heart.

A poet sensed this seemingly divine gift of devotion when he wrote:

". . . I feel that, in the Heavens above,
The angels, whispering to one another,
Can find, among their burning terms of love,
None so devotional as that of 'Mother'."

(Edgar Allan Poe, "To My Mother.")

Now, Sister, faced with the alternative family head or family heart, did you turn down the head? Faced again with a choice between mother's love or priesthood authority, did you pass up authority?

Possibly some other considerations influenced you to be woman rather than man. I've listed a few suggestions. Now, which in this list of womanly virtues might possibly have influenced your choice—if and when, of course, you had a choice? At the head of the list I have placed:

Motherhood—co-creator with God. "Architects and builders of all humanity" our mothers are.

Mother's love—that very special kind for children—a spark of his divine love for his spirit children.

The family heart—with subtle powers to sway the head.

The teacher—if little children pray, give mother the credit. "Train up a child in the way he should go: and when he is old, he will not depart from it" ( Prov. 22:6).

The dietician—lovingly concerned with the family health.

The cook—employing her daughters in the art.

The nurse—whose loving, tender care a man can never match.

The expediter—lovingly supervising children's chores and study.

The provoker—kindly provoking the husband to good works. (By Joseph Smith, "Minutes of Organization and Proceedings of the Female Relief Society of Nauvoo," March 17, 1842.)

The psychiatrist—principally for her husband, for whom she is the receptacle of all his cares and most of his ill humor. Somewhere it is written that "the virtues of the mothers shall be visited on their children as well as the sins of the fathers."

The "helpmeet" ( Gen. 2:18)—"Men undertake the doing and women the being. Man does, woman is."

All of these virtues and functions label the mother the homemaker. God labeled the father the provider or breadwinner when he made him the family head.

Now seriously, Sister, were you given a choice—as of right now, or perhaps a choice sometime in the dim premortal past—between homemaker or breadwinner, would you, or did you at some time, choose to be the homemaker, choosing motherhood over fatherhood?

The husband is the family head for administrative purposes, solely.

He is first among equals for the sake of order in the family, only.

First among two personalities, husband and wife, is the man. Co partner and equal with him, in the sight of God, is the woman. ". . . neither is the man without the woman, neither the woman without the man, in the Lord" ( 1 Cor. 11:11).

Can man achieve exaltation without a woman at his side?

Men were given priesthood (God's power) to bless the lives of Women and their families and themselves. We don't have the priesthood but all the blessings of the priesthood are available to us. Women were given motherhood. We are co-creators with God. One is not more important than the other, they are just specific in their roles. Given the choice, I would choose Womanhood, maybe I did. Women are given divine qualities to nurture, support, encourage, comfort, inspire, teach & build confidence. When we play our part better we help the men play their part better. We are their help meets. Their part is to provide (I don't know about you but I'm glad that heavy burden is not my part, but it is my part to support and comfort) protect and take care of us. God obviously loves his daughters. We have planted in us seeds of godliness destined to become queens, inherit all the father has and share in all the glory.

"If God made man a little lower than the angels, he must then have made Women his very angels"

Women, you are priceless, you are irreplaceable, your role is of paramount importance.

President Brigham Young gave this advice to his own daughter:

"If you were to become the greatest writer and the most gifted and learned woman of your time, and had neglected your home and children in order to become so you will find your whole life had been a failure...if, in addition to your wifely and motherly duties, you can pursue one or more fields of public labor...all the good that you can accomplish...will be so much added glory to your eternal crown"

It is not a question of whether or not women are capable of being providers & having careers. Of course they are, Women are amazing & sometimes circumstances make it necessary that Women play that role. (and to you women, you are incredible!) Loving mothers and wives are needed in the home. Society needs more mothers and Women who know the impact of their humble role.

Family is at the very core of God's plan of happiness & Women are the heart of the family, that is no small part:

"God himself established the first family unit. It is not an institution developed by man which can be outgrown and cast aside in the course of human progress. All that is nearest and dearest in our lives is associated with our families. Love has its center here, and where love is, there we find happiness also. Truly, it is not good for man to be alone. The Lord in his wisdom has provided a way for man to be happy on this earth, and to carry that joy on through all eternity. The greatest joy and happiness comes through the family unit. It has been so through all mortality, so why will it not be so in the next life?" Elders G Smith, 1954 General Conference

Elder Boyd K Packer said:

"Some Women, long married, have no idea, it seems, about how a man is put together, what his needs are, how he can be lifted, inspired and encouraged...He needs to know that he is protecting you. He needs to feel and know that he is the leader in the family. He needs a wife and a sweetheart with whom he can share his love. He needs to have a family circle, a family circle with children. This makes all that he must face out in the world seem worthwhile. He needs to feel dominant. He needs to be the protector.

When he feels this he is a better man. He is a better husband. He is a better employee, a better employer. He is better adjusted and happier in life. He can do better work. He can even be more prosperous. But for the sake of all that is important, above all, he can be a better father, and a better holder of the priesthood.

Young Sisters, if you take that role from him, the one he needs, you reduce his manhood."

The Prophet Joseph Smith said:
"Treat your husbands with mildness and affection. When a man is borne down with trouble, when he is perplexed with care & difficulty, if he can meet a smile instead of an argument or a murmur- if he can meet with mildness, it will calm down his soul & soothe his feelings; when the mind is going to despair; it needs a solace of affection & kindness."

The husbands effectiveness in his role is greatly dependent upon the wives. He plays his part better of a protecting, affectionate husband when we do ours. Of course, all men have their agency and we are only expected to follow them when they follow the Lord. But maybe we can do better at helping them follow the Lord. Not with criticism but with kindness and confidence in their ability. They need us, that was evident when the Lord gave man a help meet in the first place.

President David O. Mckay said
"Before marriage we should keep our eyes wide open, but after the ceremony we should keep them half shut- shut to our spouses weaknesses." This is done by concentrating more fully on your spouses strengths.

"Pray for the love which allows you to see the good in your companion. Pray for the love which makes weaknesses and mistakes seem small. Pray for the love to make your companions joy your own. Pray for the love to want to lessen the load and soften the sorrows of your companion" -Henry B. Erying

Joseph Smith said:

"Not war, not jangle, not contradiction, or dispute, but meekness, love, purity- these are the things that should magnify you in the eyes of all good men." He said "Let the weight of your innocence, kindness and affection be felt, It is more mighty"

I look at being a Woman as a huge blessing. I am proud to be a woman. I believe Womanhood is next to godliness. I am happy to be the nurturer, the comforter, the help meet. I love doing that. I am happy to be protected and taken care of by my man. Women's role in this life is vital. We are a huge part of Heavenly Fathers plan. We are precious to him & he expects men to treat us like the precious daughters we are. But he also needs us to be their help meets.

-Meg

Real Beauty Sketches

noreply@blogger.com (Erin McAdams) — Tue, 16 Apr 2013 20:12:00 +0000

http://realbeautysketches.dove.us/

I'm not really a movie-watcher, book-reader crier, but this video was an exception. There are so many times when I look at myself in the mirror and pick out every thing that could possibly be a flaw. It's amazing to me how distorted my own vision of myself is at times. We are all our own worst critics. What would life be like if we could see ourselves as others see us, or even better in a small way as our Heavenly Father does? I think it would be much better.

Herstory: Queens of Egypt

noreply@blogger.com (Carly LeBaron) — Fri, 12 Apr 2013 16:27:00 +0000

Hatshepsut

Hatshepsut was the fifth Pharaoh of the eighteenth dynasty in Egypt and arguably the one of the most successful Pharaohs. In the history of ancient Egypt, it was incredibly rare for a woman to become Pharaoh; only 3 or 4 other women were thought to serve in the position. Hatshepsut served as Pharaoh for 22 years, longer than any other female ruler of Egypt. According to Egyptologist James Breasted, she is "the first great woman in history of whom we are informed." She re-established the trade networks that had been disrupted during the Hyksos occupation of Egypt, which brought great wealth to Egypt. She lead successful military campaigns in the early part of her reign, but also brought much peace and prosperity to her people during the majority of her reign.

The Temple of Hatshepsut

She also ordered the construction of hundreds of projects throughout Upper and Lower Egypt, including the Temple of Pakhet and structures at the Temple of Karnak. After her death, it is thought that her nephew Thutmose III destroyed many of her images, cartouches, and statues. Some historians believe this was done not because he disliked her, but simply because she was a woman. Joyce Tyldesley suggests Thutmose III feared that the example of a successful female Pharaoh could demonstrate that a woman was as capable of ruling Egypt as a traditional male Pharaoh, which could persuade "future generations of potentially strong female kings" to not "remain content with their traditional lot as wife, sister, and eventual mother of a king.".

Nefertari

Queen Nefertari was one of the Great Royal Wives of Ramesses the Great. She is depicted as participating in many important religious ceremonies next to her husband. She was a prominent figure in court and is documented as being in correspondence with other kings and queens of the time. She is also depicted in another scene leading the royal children. Nefertari herself had 6 children (possibly an additional 3 that have not been substantiated). She has a statue at the great temple and the small temple in Abu Simbel is dedicated entirely to her and the goddess Hathor, who is the goddess of joy, feminine love, and motherhood. Her deliberate linking to the goddess Hathor is possibly an indication that she was celebrated as a wife and a mother as well as a queen.

Nefertiti

Queen Nefertiti was the Great Royal Wife of Pharaoh Akhenaten. Nefertiti and her husband are credited for a religious revolution in Ancient Egypt where they began worshiping only one god, Aten, instead of the many gods previously worshiped. She is depicted in many scenes throughout Ancient Egypt as fulfilling the roles of both queen (standing behind her husband supporting him during worship) and king (smiting her enemies in battle). There is evidence that she may have served as co-regent with her husband, allowing them equal ruling status. Some historians believe that she ruled briefly between the death of her husband and the reign of Tutankhamun, although this is the subject of much debate.

Feminism and Me

noreply@blogger.com (Carly LeBaron) — Thu, 11 Apr 2013 17:05:00 +0000

"Hi, my name is Carly and I'm a feminist."

Like I mentioned in my previous post, LaNae and I spoke on a feminism panel this week and the students in the class submitted a bunch of questions. I was so excited as I read through them, that I started typing up my thoughts, but we didn't get anywhere near answering them all, so I thought I would choose a few of my favorites to share here. They came up with good questions that clarify what feminism is and some really thought-provoking questions that I hadn't considered before.

I think feminism gets a bad rap and I think it's because we have a stereotype of feminism in the popular culture that paints feminists as no-leg-shaving, bra-burning, man-haters. Perhaps there is an extreme subset of feminists that fit this caricature, but most of us are normal women just like you. Once I've used the following questions to clarify what I believe about feminism, maybe you'll discover that you're a feminist, too! My disclaimer, however, is that I certainly don't speak for all feminists; these are just my humble thoughts and opinions on the matter. Some feminists will agree with me and others may disagree. But, such is life!

What is feminism to you?

For me, feminism means that both men and women are allowed to do what they want/love without being held back by strict gender stereotypes. Additionally, because women have typically been in a lower power position in society, feminism is about empowering women instead of shaming them, creating support and connection between women instead of fostering judgment and jealousy, and offering encouragement and opportunities for women to reach their goals regardless of what those goals are.

In my experience, most feminists are not trying for equality between the sexes but are trying to put women in the position of power. How do you feel about this statement, and do you think it is correct or incorrect?

I think it’s a common misconception. Just like in any group, there are extremists and, unfortunately, those extremists often have the loudest voices, giving the appearance that they are the majority. In my experience working with WSR, working as a therapist, and simply just interacting with women in general, most of us are feminists in some way, but more demure feminists. Heck, I've even met some male feminists along the way as well! I don’t believe that you either are a feminist or you aren't a feminist; there is a spectrum with space in between and everyone falls somewhere on the spectrum, some further to the left than others.

Do you see any value at all in “gender roles” for men and women?

I do. I believe that having roles is an essential part of developing a sense of self and feeling like you have a place in the world. Your gender is a significant part of your identity, so having roles that allow you to act out that part of your identity are beneficial. It is when gender roles become too rigid or restrictive that problems arise. If we are forced to remain in one role and only one role, we feel stifled and stuck.

What is your opinion of the portrayal of women in the media? Who do you think is the best example of a well written strong female character in TV and movies you've seen in the last few years?

I think, for the most part, that it’s demoralizing and despicable. The sexualization and objectification of women in the contemporary media is incredibly harmful to men and women alike. Seldom do we see a positive portrayal of womanhood without at least some objectification. It took some thinking, but I came up with a well-written, strong female character in the media whom I adore: Hermione Granger from the Harry Potter series. I love that she uses her intelligence, her compassion, and her loyalty to make a difference in her world. At no point is she painted as using sexuality to get her way, the men around her see her as an equal (sometimes as their better), and she is in no way dependent on men in her life to "save her." In the social media, she is often compared to a notoriously anti-feminist character, Bella Swan from Twilight. While Bella literally falls apart when her love leaves her, Hermione stays strong and continues to do what she knows is right. Does she mourn him at times? Absolutely. But she forges on courageously.

From a feminist point of view, do you feel that women in the LDS church are oppressed or in any way marginalized?

Oppressed, no. Marginalized, yes, to an extent. I feel like the voices and influence of women in the church can get lost in the shuffle. I think the organization of the church can be utilized in ways that take advantage of the powerful influence of the women of the church. A good example that recently set people all atwitter was women offering prayers during this past General Conference. It is vital to differentiate here the difference between the doctrine and the culture. From a doctrinal standpoint, women are highly valued and revered, but the culture oftentimes undervalues and dis-empowers women. For the most part, it is a very traditionally patriarchal culture, so we have to be very deliberate in not letting sacred gender roles become unrighteous dominion.

How does feminism support or diminish the teachings of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints?

I believe that true feminism supports the teachings of the church because it encourages equality and empowers women. How better to create a strong generation of Latter Day Saints than to enrich the lives of the women who are raising, nurturing, and teaching that generation? Along the lines of equality, for those of you who are endowed, you’ll see that equality between man and woman, husband and wife, is perfectly in line with the sacred teachings of the temple.

In your opinion, what is the best way to implement your feminist ideas into the society?

I may not be able to change the world, but I can change things in my own realm of influence. I have the ability to reach people as a therapist, as a teacher, a friend, a sister, a daughter, as a wife, a mother, and a church member. I know that if I can reach those people that they will be able to reach those that they come in contact with. It creates a ripple effect.

As Latter-day Saints, we have some gender specific roles outlined in the “Family: A Proclamation to the World.” How do you think the Latter-day Saint culture shapes your beliefs on feminism?

I think my beliefs afford me a more well-rounded view of gender. Because we believe that our gender is an inherent part of who we are, that it is an essential characteristic of our eternal identity, I’m able to rejoice in my roles as a woman while still allowing myself opportunities to expand and enrich those roles with the addition of other roles. It sometimes keeps me from spinning off into space when I get passionate certain feminist issues. In other words, it grounds my perspective as a feminist.

As social scientists, we are interested in the inner workings of families. How has your identity as a feminist influenced your family life?

I've been a feminist my whole life, but it has definitely solidified during my graduate studies. I met my husband as a “full-blown” feminist, so it absolutely affected my choice in my spouse. I married a man who respects my opinion, seeks my advice, honors my womanhood, supports my educational goals, and believes in having an egalitarian marriage. We share roles in and out of the home and have found a way to have a true partnership without rigid gender expectations. I firmly, truly believe that my identity as a feminist makes me a better wife and a better mother. The confidence and strength that I get from feminism is absolutely beneficial to my husband and son.

With the major changes that have been made in our culture regarding the role of women, why do you think it is still important to advocate women’s rights when, in many ways, they have become equal to males? Do you think that without feminists, women’s rights would go back to what they once were?

I think every cause needs a champion, so I think feminism will always have a place in our culture. There have been some big shifts for women’s rights, but I heartily disagree that women have become equal to males in many ways. Women may be able to do the some of the same things that men are able to do, but our culture hasn't changed its attitude about women doing those things. For example, I have the opportunity to get an advanced degree, but I can’t count how many times people have disparaged me for “delaying marriage,” “delaying having children,” telling me that I’m wasting my time getting advanced degrees because I’ll just end up being a stay-at-home-mom anyway, or that I’m stealing a spot in my program from a man who will actually use the degree. Women still make less than men for the same jobs, are treated differently in the workplace, and are viewed as less than men in many ways. I think that is the role that feminism plays now, to help alter attitudes and the way our culture views women.

It seems to me that feminism is becoming more about equalizing the genders both in importance and characteristics instead of embracing the different traits that each gender has. How can I be a feminist without feeling like I have to abandon my feminine nature to adopt more masculine qualities, which feminists seem to regard as a necessity in order to succeed in life?

I believe that feminism is about equalizing genders in importance and opportunity, but not necessarily in characteristics. A woman does not have to abandon her inherent femininity to be a feminist. But, we have to keep in mind that femininity may feel different from one woman to the next. For example, I feel like my confidence and intelligence are a part of my feminine identity, but those two characteristics are usually classified as “masculine” characteristics. From another perspective, I believe that a man can be very tender-hearted and emotionally attuned without it taking away from his masculinity. Extremists tell women that they basically need to become men to be equal, but isn't that counter-intuitive to what feminism is truly trying to accomplish? Aren't we trying to say that women, including their inherent femininity, are just as important and equally valued as men and their inherent masculinity? Why do we devalue more inherently female characteristics in favor of more inherently masculine ones? Look at it this way, my left hand is different from my right hand, but it is equally important to me. Should I cut off my left hand and reattach a second right hand so they are both "equal?" Of course not, the inherent differences between my right and left hands allow them to complement one another and work together for the good of my whole self.

How do your feminist views influence your home life? (Ex. Roles within the home)

My husband probably wouldn't claim the title, but he’s a feminist in his own right. Essentially, we believe in equality and cooperation. We both do dishes, we both clean the bathroom, we both work, we both change diapers and feed the baby, we both play with our son, etc. There isn't one thing in our home that one person does that the other doesn't do as well. I may cook more often than he does, but it’s not because I’m the woman, it’s because I love to cook. He may take out the garbage more often, but it’s not because he’s the man, it’s because he parks closer to the dumpster than I do.

What is the ideal woman in terms of feminism?

I think, from a true feminist perspective, there is no such thing as the ideal woman because each woman would have the ability to make whatever choices were right for her. So, each “ideal” woman would look completely different from the next.

How does feminism affect your relationships with the males?

I had to ask my husband this question because I wasn't sure if my feminism does affect the way I interact with the men in my life. He laughed, said that he can't really tell a difference, then said that I'm probably more confident and speak my mind more to men than another woman might. I would tend to agree. I think being a feminist makes me more aware of the power imbalances that exist in my relationships with men, so I am deliberate about speaking my mind, even if that little anti-feminist cultural voice in my head says it's not my place or my opinion isn't important. I certainly don't hate men or feel like they are out to get me. I think most men are simply unaware of the inherent power differential between men and women, so they exercise their power without thinking about it.

What about you, dear readers? How would you answer these questions? You don't have to answer them all in our comments section, but feel free to pick a couple of your favorites and let us know what feminism means to you.

Herstory Blog Series

noreply@blogger.com (Carly LeBaron) — Thu, 11 Apr 2013 15:57:00 +0000

This week, LaNae and I were asked to be on a panel about feminism. Every student in the class we spoke in had submitted questions about feminism and one question struck me in particular, "In what ways has taking on a feminist identity shaped your view of how you view history, especially during an era before feminism became an ideology?" I've been thinking about this a lot lately and what I've come up with is that most history focuses on the triumphs and tragedies of men because men are the ones that typically write the history books we know. But women have stories to tell as well, so I want to help them tell it. For the next few months, I'll be writing a blog series about Herstory (Get it? Not History, Herstory).

Every Friday, you'll have a chance to read more about women whose names you might recognize and women you may have never heard of, contemporary women and women from centuries past, women old and young. Sometimes the quietest voices, once heard, can speak volumes.

Your part matters

noreply@blogger.com (Meg) — Wed, 10 Apr 2013 16:17:00 +0000

Conference was amazing wasn't it? One of my many many many favorite talks was Sister Dalton's. Seriously if every woman in the world listened to that talk and really took it to heart and could really KNOW they are daughters of God, this would be a very different world. I think one of the themes of conference was that the worlds standards are getting further and further away from our standards and were going to have to stand our ground.

"ACT WELL YOUR PART,

YOUR PART MATTERS"

"In a morally desensitizing world, young women need women and men to “stand as witnesses of God at all times and in all things, and in all places.” Never before has this been more important than now. Young women need mothers and mentors who exemplify virtuous womanhood. Mothers, your relationship with your daughter is of paramount importance, and so is your example. How you love and honor her father, his priesthood, and his divine role will be reflected and perhaps amplified in your daughter’s attitudes and behavior...

...Again I renew the call for a return to virtue. Virtue is the strength and power of daughters of God. What would the world be like if virtue—a pattern of thought and behavior based on high moral standards, including chastity—were reinstated in our society as a most highly prized value? If immorality, pornography, and abuse decreased, would there be fewer broken marriages, broken lives, and broken hearts? Would media ennoble and enable rather than objectify and degrade God’s precious daughters? If all humanity really understood the importance of the statement “We are daughters of our Heavenly Father,” how would women be regarded and treated?...

...In an extremely challenging world, that is what I see young women and women of this Church doing. They are an influence for good. They are virtuous and exemplary, intelligent and industrious. They are making a difference because they are different. They are acting well their part..."

Sis Dalton's talk really renewed my determination to be a virtuous woman and be in the world but not of the world. What the world needs is more examples of virtuous women. We are precious daughters of God with divine purpose.

-Meg

Am I Wearing Pants?

noreply@blogger.com (administrator) — Fri, 05 Apr 2013 18:16:00 +0000

Every day girls around the world unwittingly leave the house without pants on. Confused at the difference between jeggings and jeans, seduced by the comfort of stretchy leggings—we've all seen victims of GLHP (Girls Leaving the House Pantsless) Syndrome. Am I Wearing Pants? is a self-check guide for girls to help end the see through clothing, visible panty line, camel toe nightmare.

Fashion: Four Looks that Add 5 Pounds

noreply@blogger.com (administrator) — Tue, 02 Apr 2013 22:46:00 +0000

I'm a short curvacious woman and get so discouraged when it comes to clothes. My sisters are "normal" size (whatever normal means) and have yet to need things tailored to fit their bodies. I, on the other hand, always have to get things tailored for my short legs, J-Lo bootie, and well endowed chest. I've been told so many times that if I just lost a few pounds that I would have less need for a tailor. FACT: losing weight does not, and has not, changed my need for a tailor. My legs are still short, and contrary to popular opinion, my boobs will hang on to every ounce of fat they can get for the rest of my life (genetics, gotta love 'em). So in summary, my boobs don't shrink and neither does my height.

Instead of getting discouraged and hating the fashion industry I started to embrace my body and came to the conclusion that I wear my clothes, my clothes don't wear me. (I'm profound, what can I say?) I love fashion. I love how you can express yourself through what you wear. I love a great print headband mismatched with a print top. For some reason huge floral prints from the 80's make me happy. I don't wear them because I'm 5 feet tall and I would look like a flower, but I appreciate them. I've come to the conclusion that my self esteem can't be based on the number I see inside a pair of jeans. I have to forget about the size and ask myself, 'how do these clothes make me feel?' If the answer is gorgeous, fabulous, sexy, beautiful (you get the point) etc...then I know I'm on the right track.

Models aren't the only people who can rock an outfit. Knowing how to dress your body is so important. Over the years I've had my share of, 'did I really wear that?' moments, but you get over them. Promise! Find clothes that make you feel fabulous, that you feel express who you are as a person, but are also flattering to your body type. Again, I love huge floral prints but on me they are not rockin. Not because I'm too skinny, fat, blue, purple, green or orange...to wear them, but because they just aren't flattering on me. (small floral prints are a totally different ball game, and yes, I make any small floral print fabric look good)

So I guess the moral of this blog story is, know yourself and dress who you are. You wear your clothes, they don't wear you! Tim Gunn is brilliant and gives advice in this clip that I honestly believe every women should listen to.

Is it Rape if No One Says NO?

noreply@blogger.com (Kathleen Baxter) — Mon, 01 Apr 2013 19:54:00 +0000

Due to the recent Steubenville, Ohio rape case that has been in the news, we in our office have been having many in depth conversations about sexual violence. Throughout our exploration of the topic, we have found that there is a whole lot of grey area that is misunderstood and not talked about often . Sexual violence is a very complex topic, yet we in our office feel that sometimes issues of this nature become way too simplified. Just like all other types of violence, there is a spectrum, or a continuum of harm. I would like to have a discussion about the continuum of sexual harm. We all know that a strange man raping a woman in a dark ally is bad. We also know that a man and woman in a loving relationship consenting to sexual intimacy is good, but what exactly does consent look like? Take a look at this iconic American Photo.

This is a photo of a sailor who grabbed and kissed a dental assistant off the street on the day marking the end of WWII. They did not know each other, in fact the sailor's actual girlfriend (later wife) can vaguely be seen just over his right shoulder. This photo has been made famous as a playful light-hearted expression of enthusiasm due to the end of the war. Was this okay for the sailor to do? In an interview years later, the woman being kissed, Greta said, "That man was very strong. I wasn’t kissing him. He was kissing me.” Did she have time to say no? Would it have mattered? Yet, this photo has rarely if ever been seen as an act of sexual violence.

So how often is this shady stuff happening here in Utah? More than you may know or think. Here are some direct quotes we have received from anonymous students here at BYU:

"Is it rape when you’re romantically involved with a person who keeps pushing you to do more than you want to?

Is it rape when you give in to something seemingly less harmful to avoid something worse?"

"What about a girl who reluctantly gives in to her partner because she doesn’t want to cause problems? Who’s to blame, the girl who doesn’t speak up, or the guy who doesn’t pay enough attention to her body language?"

“After spending seven years in the Provo culture I was never raped, but I certainly went further than perhaps I would have if I had had more respect for myself, more understanding that men should not be putting pressure on me and that by saying no I am strong not weak. Rape and sexual violence are problems at BYU."

   These students bring up the important issue of power dynamics. Many people wonder about the consent piece. If someone does not say no out loud, does that mean it is okay to kiss them or do much more than that? Here is an example I heard the other day being discussed by two people. A man wanted to have sex with his wife, so he pursued that (I don't know what that looked like). He then reported that his wife was crying and she was visibly in pain, but he did not stop because she did not "tell" him to. I think it is important to add, that the man is very large physically, maybe around 300 lbs. In my mind, there is no question that this was rape, but the people discussing it weren't sure, and I am sure it seems fuzzy to many people. In the Steubenville rape case, the girl was unable to verbally consent to sexual activity and the court did favor the prosecution, indeed it was rape. But, what about girls who are able to speak up? Many of you may be thinking, If a woman doesn't want to be physical with a man, why doesn't she just say no? I thought of an example from a different context that may help illustrate why women don't always speak up in these situations.

       Current research has found that women may make less money than men in some cases because they do not ask for raises. Now why wouldn't women ask for a raise? Most likely, for the same reason they don't tell a man no when he is making a sexual advance. It all comes down to power. Men have learned that when they say something it is listened to and when they ask for something, they will most likely get it. Women on the other hand have received the message that when they speak they may be disregarded and in some situations asking for something may do no good. The simple fact of the matter is that a woman's "NO" does not mean as the same as a man's. My question for you is, why does she have to say no? As a woman, why isn't my silence considered a lack of consent? Why do I have to verbally object in order to "not consent"?

   So here is a real life example of why some women don't speak up or if they do, why it may not matter. A woman recently shared a personal account with me about an encounter she had with a man here on campus.

"I was asked to come to a guy's house to hang out with some people. When I got there, no one was there except him and I thought, hmm that's a little weird, maybe no one else could make it. So we played some games and had fun. After the last game we played, I noticed it was getting late so I told this guy that I should be going home (he gave her a ride). He went on with what he was doing as if he didn't hear me. After a few minutes, I again said that it was late and I should go home. He laughed at me and mimicked what I had said in a sarcastic voice, as if I was joking or something about wanting to leave. He then leaned in to kiss me. I put my hand between him and I and said "Stop! Take me home right now." After this he actually heard me. He drove me home and it was an awkward ride in the car."

   So why did it take this woman 3 times repeating herself to be heard?

   Are all men malicious power-hungry domineering men? NO!!! Power and privilege are tricky things. When you have it, you can be unaware of how it benefits you or how it influences the impact you have on others. When you don't have power or privilege, you are keenly aware of how this disadvantages you. I believe that most people are good intentioned and don't want to hurt or disadvantage others most of the time. I think that in these intimate or sexual situations that are fueled by hormonal and physiological responses, it is very hard to use your brain and think about the power dynamics. Many men would probably feel bad if they knew that a girl they were kissing (or doing other things with) didn't want to, but felt she couldn't object. This is where the culture could change among good men. If men can recognize their power and how it influences sexual intimacy, they can make it safer for women. A simple, "May I kiss you?" or "Do you feel comfortable with this?" can make a woman feel so safe and empowered. This translates across all relationships from a first date to 50 years of marriage. Relationship status does not negate the fact that women should be in control of their own bodies.

       Now, if any of you are getting defensive after reading this, I encourage you to do a self check and really examine your privilege. I talked to a gentleman about this last week who got defensive and said, "Women push themselves onto men too." He is absolutely right, women do these things too. BUT, the fact of the matter is men still have more power in a situation where a woman is making advances. Most often, a man has the physical size and strength to push a woman off of him if she isn't listening to his verbal cues. As a woman, I am small and not very strong. If someone larger than me wanted to take full advantage of me, there isn't much I could do to stop it.

       In conclusion, this post is meant to be a conversation starter. We would LOVE to hear all of your reactions and opinions! Some of you may agree or object. We want to hear it all! Please take a minute to comment! :)Thank you for following our blog!

Now Hiring!

noreply@blogger.com (Kelsi) — Fri, 29 Mar 2013 18:48:00 +0000