I’ve since moved this site to a new host and put in place some safeguards to prevent this from happening in the future.

Again I apologize and hope you continue to check me out in future posts.

So are you the dog or the kitten?

My goal is to be the kitten more and more each day. How about you?

Three years ago in February of 2007 I bought the domain BeALight.com. It wasn’t a random purchase and I didn’t buy it via the normal means. No I had to hunt down the seller of the domain and make an offer, go through escrow and then transfer it over to my domain provider of choice. I did all this because I felt God putting a mission on my heart and blessing me with a vision for something awesome.

Here we are April of 2011 and guess what. I still own the domain name but I’ve not moved forward with the vision at all. Sure I’ve had little sparks of motivation here and there. I’ve made progress in some areas and I’ve done some work only to discover that wasn’t the right path. I’ve spent some more money in order to get things incorporated, to buy some software, and other various things.

But it’s still not done.

This wasn’t my vision. This wasn’t something I thought I should do. It was something God gave me. He provided the money for the domain, the idea in my head, and so many other aspects. He led me through many meetings where I took criticism which seemed simple to extreme, all leading to one simple thought.

This is an awesome idea.

So why haven’t I finished it. Why is it just sitting out there not DOING anything. Well I could come up with a lot of excuses and point to a lot of reasons such as software, funding, business processes, and even blame legal, political and government institutions. But when I sort through all these reasons, and I begin to really look at the why not’s of the project, I’m left with one bold conclusion.

I’m the reason it hasn’t been completed.

Even to this day I get friends ask me how the project is going. I tell them it’s moving along slowly and give them some reasons things haven’t progressed or provide reasons (aka excuses) why it’s not completed. But again I am the reason it’s not done. I haven’t taken the time to really push through and make it happen. Things I would say I needed have been provided and I’m still not moving forward on it.

What stops us when we know we should, but don’t?

I can point to a lot of things. Fear, insecurities, lack of resources and more. But all these things really are just excuses. I mean seriously I’ve been given something which I know is not of my design and which was blessed from the start and I’ve not acted fully on it.

So what do I do?

Shut-up and do it. Seriously it’s that simple. I can continue to write about it. Continue to think about how to avoid all the problems which WILL arise, or  I can just do it.

Sometimes in life we need to not worry about what is coming down the road. We don’t need to worry about if something will succeed or fail because in the end if we tried then we succeeded. We might not have achieved the task or goal we set out for initially but we did learn something about that thing we tried and we can now shift our path and try again or come at it from a completely different angle.

I constantly tell people about the Thomas Edison quote where he says he found a thousand ways to NOT make a light bulb before he found the one way TO make a light bulb. I use this to inspire them to not give up, to press on, and to see their dreams to a reality.

I think it’s time I stop inspiring others and start inspiring myself.

** It’s funny how God can work if we pay attention. Before posting this blog today I’m reading my Google Reader feeds and come across this great post by Eric Dye. Hit me right where it counts and reaffirms everything written above! **

Philip found Nathanael and told him, “We have found the one Moses wrote about in the Law, and about whom the prophets also wrote-Jesus of Nazareth, the son of Joseph.” “Nazareth! Can anything good come from there?” Nathanael asked. “Come and see,” said Philip. – John 1:45-46 (NIV)

We’ve all said it before, just like Nathaneal did. We’ve all dismissed someone because of where they are from, how they were raised, what they do or did for a living and so many other aspects. We dismiss people and opportunities all day long sometimes without even thinking about it.

But how often we dismiss ourselves is even more embarrassing. Why are we so afraid of our hidden potential?

Our hidden potential for some reason is directly tied to our self-esteem, to our self-image, to our confidence. If these things are low, or shaky then we will constantly miss our hidden potential. Sure it will poke its head out every once in a while but just like a Whac-A-Mole machine, we’ll pound that sucker back into the ground, thereby creating our very own Whac-R-Potential game.

It’s a game we play daily and some of us actually hold high scores and world records in it. It’s a rather easy game to play as you simple wait for something which looks like potential to rise up and then WHACK you smack the crap out of it and force it back into its little hole. We do it at home, in the office, with our family, our friends and even with ourselves. We make up excuses like “I can’t do it” … WHACK, “no one will use that”… WHACK, “it’ll be so much work to get started”… WHACK, “i don’t have  the time, money, resources etc”… WHACK.

… WHACK … WHACK … WHACK … WHACK … WHACK

Before we know it we’ve got one half of our minds and bodies doing our daily activities and the other half is on autopilot whacking away at our potential. So how do we stop the madness and start to discover our hidden potential?

First we have to give ourselves permission to fail.

Funny huh? Giving yourself permission to fail? What the new age craziness am I dishing out now? Seriously our mind is more of an influence over us then anything else in our lives. If we begin by accepting the fact that we will probably fail and we tell ourselves it’s ok, then this free’s us to do whatever it takes to succeed. Think about Thomas Edison. What would have happened if after the first light bulb failure he just gave up and didn’t try again? He didn’t though, he pressed on and kept on trying, probably because he knew early on that it would take many, many failure to get it just right. Not convincing enough?

What if Mark Zuckerberg only created one website in his lifetime and it wasn’t FaceBook.
What if Bill Gates just stuck with DOS and never created Windows?
What if Steve Jobs gave up on Pixar and never created Toy Story?
What if Larry Page and Sergey Brin didn’t think search could be better and never created Google?
What if your parents never thought they had a chance with each other and skipped that first date?

Each of these scenarios played out in a positive nature, but what if they had gone left instead of going right? What if each of these individuals had at any point feared failure enough to let it control them instead of controlling failure.

Every day we all have a choice to face fear and go in one direction or let fear rule us and Whac-R-Potential and go the other direction. It’s time to put our mallets down and see what we are capable of.

“For we are God’s handiwork, created in Christ Jesus to do good works, which God prepared in advance for us to do.” – Ephesians 2:10 (NIV)

“I press on toward the goal to win the prize for which God has called me heavenward in Christ Jesus.”- Philippians 3:14 (NIV)

One thing I’m sure about in life is that we cannot do it alone. From the time we are born until the time we pass away we always need somebody.

We might need a friend to hang out with, or a contractor to fix a leaky roof, or a mentor to guide us through a season in life. We might need a woman (or a man) who can inspire us to either grow up, get over ourselves, or to just become whom we know we can become.

God gives us all kinds of examples of this need and design. We see Jesus having 12 disciples instead of just one or none. We see that each of these disciples paired up with another, when doing mission work. We even see this need for somebody in nature. You always hear about flocks, and pods, and herds and more. But what about other nature needs?

During a recent trip to the Sequoia National Forest & the Mariposa Grove near Yosemite National Forest, I started to notice something.

All the Sequoia’s were in groups.

Here we have the some of the largest trees in the world and they are grouping up like a little click in the forest. It was very rare that I saw just a solitary Sequoia standing all by its lonesome in the woods. Now granted, you could argue that pine trees and other tree’s are just like this and that they are called forests, but this is different. The Sequoia’s were in very close proximity to each other and in a lot of cases you had to look 20 – 30 feet up until you realized they were actually two or 3 trees.

Giant Sequoia’s need somebody, so why do you think you don’t?

Too many times I find myself thinking “I’ve got this”, “I can do it”, “Just give me another minute” and so many other self focused thoughts. This kind of thinking is painfully apparent in my work as I will spend hours on a problem only to have a co-worker look at it and say “You just forgot a semi-colon”. It’s also become more and more apparent in my marriage, and friendships.

Too many times I think I can do everything but end up doing nothing.

I’ve had mentors in the past, small groups in church and even weekly accountability meetings with close and dear friends. All of these activities are important and when I don’t have them I do notice a difference. The other important factor in realizing this is that it’s not just about me but it’s about them as well.

Just because you don’t think you need somebody, doesn’t mean somebody doesn’t need you.

The saddest part about this whole “I can do it  myself” mentality is that you’re not just hurting yourself, but you’re affecting others as well. Either because you’re taking too much time to resolve something, or because you’re just being selfish with your thoughts or actions. When we don’t let others in, we internalize too much and therefore make it too hard for others to feel like they are apart of our lives.

We need to step away from this “I can do it myself” attitude and take a lesson from our friends the Sequoia’s. Life is better with others around you.

But he’s already made it plain how to live, what to do,
what God is looking for in men and women.
It’s quite simple: Do what is fair and just to your neighbor,
be compassionate and loyal in your love,
And don’t take yourself too seriously—
take God seriously.

The verse above is a movement among people and churches around our nation. I recently found out about it from a friend who has attended a church which made this their central theme. I like theme’s and often find them in my life in a variety of ways. I firmly believe that these themes are no accident but are in fact my God talking to me and trying to help guide me along the path he’s designed for my life. If I pay attention to these themes then all is good, but when I start to ignore them, miss them, or anything else, well life gets “interesting”.

I’ve started to see themes appearing again in my life. It kind of makes me chuckle a bit as I realize just how far I’d gotten out of synch. The themes have always been there I was just so focused on myself, and my marriage, and my life, and my job that i missed them. I wasn’t paying attention to them at all, even when they were screaming at me, figuratively of course, but sometimes I wish they were more vocal.

The last line in the above verse “And don’t take yourself too seriously — take God seriously.” is pretty convicting and is a growing theme in my life right now. How many of us spend hours getting ready in the morning? Or stress over what others might be thinking about us, our car, our home or any number of other things. How many times have you worked long hours at work and burned the candle from both ends but not gained anything from it?

Why is life so hard? Because we make it that way.

Seriously we make life hard. We pile on burdens by taking ourselves so seriously. If you ask my wife she’d probably tell you that I’m the leader of the Island Nation of Seriously. The problem with being the leader of this vast and encompassing nation is that it’s a very lonely nation to be a part of. When you take yourself too seriously you are very inward focused. It’s harder to laugh at yourself and even others when they want it because you’re so fixated on finding perfect solutions, or over analyzing themes, and other serious stuff.

Serious people have a hard time letting loose.

When I look around at the people I know, who are doing things for God’s Kingdom, I wouldn’t classify them as primarily serious. They are unique, driven, artistic, talented, silly, passionate and about a million other adjectives but they aren’t primarily serious. Now this doesn’t mean they show up to meetings in cut off tee’s and jean shorts, at least not all the time. These people know there is a time to be serious but they never take themselves too seriously.

They take God seriously.

The other thing about these people who don’t take themselves seriously, they all embrace the DO portion of the verse “Do what is fair and just to your neighbor, be compassionate and loyal in your love”. I know a fresh college graduate who’s traveling around the southern US trying to get people to be unthinkable. I know a man who took years of experience loving the homeless and now runs a non-profit educating all of us how to live love. I know a guy who has a talent for photography and a way of bringing people’s souls and their struggles into your face. I know a buddy who throws parties where the cover charge is a blanket and easily “covers” 300 homeless people once to twice a year with them.

I get around these people and you know what happens, I forget to take myself seriously. I’m learning slowly how to not take myself seriously but it’s definitely one of those two steps forward one step back processes, with some days being three steps back. It’s hard to not take yourself seriously, to just laugh and have fun. To poke fun at others around you and to find the sunshine in your life. But we have too because if we spend all our time taking ourselves too seriously then we will never take God seriously.

Desert Leader By Hamed Saber

A thousand times I’ve failed
Still your mercy remains

It’s amazing how often we think we are going forward but in reality we are either standing still or worse moving backwards. This is never more obvious then when you’re a christian. It is so easy for us to become stale and complacent in our spiritual life. We start to focus on other issues in our lives and begin to work on those. We take Dave Ramsey classes to better our finances, join self help groups to overcome issue in our past, visit psychologist to understand our family and childhood and so many other things. We are constantly trying to fix ourselves, to better ourselves and to become something better.

We begin to really depend on these tools, some of which we should and need to but in reality it’s only ever half a solution. I’ve been working on leadership a lot in my life. Trying to fully understand and grasp what it means to be a leader in a household. What it means to combine a great man, a great father, and a great husband into one great package. I’ve read books, listened to podcasts, watched dvd’s, read blogs and about a dozen other things. Some I jumped in and soaked up, while others I just took bits and pieces and pushed the rest aside.

But one piece was still missing. One important piece which should never be missing in any capacity. Today during a trip to Bethel Church in Redding CA I was reminded of what’s been missing in this journey and why this journey has been such a struggle.

I’d forgotten to really involve my Heavenly Father.

Sure I’d turn to him in prayer and ask for guidance, wisdom, and a bunch of other things but then I’d turn to my other streams of information for that wisdom. I’d look for it in book, blogs, dvd’s etc., it’s no wonder why in a few months I’ve got a bunch of great ideas, thoughts and material but no application. It’s no wonder why in a few months I feel like I’ve not moved but a few inches forward when in reality I should have moved many miles.

I’d forgotten to really involve my Heavenly Father.

It took complete strangers who didn’t know my story, didn’t fully understand my struggle and were actually talking to me about something completely different to make me see this. As I look back on the past few months I can see how I’ve failed to pay attention to Him. How I’ve missed the “tension” which Andy Stanley told me to pay attention too. How my wonderful wife has been saying this all along but I was too busy thinking all those other things were working to see the truth.

I’d forgotten to really involve my Heavenly Father.

What’s sad is that during these months I’ve not really worked on anything but building up burdens and stresses which I carry around because of my “I’ve got this” mentality. Again it took 3 strangers to show me that I needed to release these burdens to God and let Him take and carry them. I needed to release myself of them so that I could focus on being with God. Look at the disciples, they were all in trouble till they met Jesus and once they were WITH HIM they became these great men, these great LEADERS! They didn’t sit around and think “Man I want to be like Jesus, maybe this new scroll I picked up at the scroll store will show me what I need to do.” No they got up and followed him. They went beyond the idea of salvation and moved into transformation and started to BE with Jesus.

I used to post on this blog weekly. I used to write and read this kind of stuff like it was going out of style. I’d have daily encounters with God and timeless conversations about God all the time. It’s been almost a year since I blogged and I’ve been lying to myself that I just wasn’t ready to blog. I kept thinking that I needed to fix things and make my life great again before I could blog again. HA! Talk about the opposite of surrender, I was bound captive by my own drive to be better.

So here I am full circle. I started this blog as a broken man looking to surrender everything to God and today, tonight, right now I find myself a broken man looking to surrender everything to God. Praise him!

My heart and my soul, I give You control
Consume me from the inside out Lord
Let justice and praise, become my embrace
To love You from the inside out

Psalm 143:8 – Let me hear of your unfailing love each morning, for I am trusting you. Show me where to walk, for I give myself to you.

Old Yellow Truck by eqqman

I’m a computer geek, and Internet geek, and a gadget geek. Yes I’m a super geek and proud of it. Being a geek and especially one who’s easily swayed by shiny gadgets, blinking lights, and the idea that there is “an app for that” I upgrade often. I don’t wait around for a new Internet browser I download beta and developer versions so I can play now. When a new version of software comes out I’m upgrading that same day. New hardware released and I’m plotting how much I can sell my old for to lower the cost of the new. I’ve always been one to upgrade as soon as something better came out. With computers this was an expensive hobby so I had to put boundaries in place to keep it under control. Same thing goes for video game systems, software, etc.

It’s not all geek stuff though, look around at your own life and you’ll find stuff you upgrade. VHS to DVD to Blu-Ray. Cassette tapes, to CD’s to MP3′s to streaming radio. 1st car junker, to sports car to family car back to sports car. bunk beds to futon to twin to a queen or king sized bed.

Upgrading is a part of our society. When something changes or goes bad we typically look around and say “is there something better to replace this?” If there is one available we upgrade, if not we either continue to deal with the “thing” as-is and talk about how when the new “version” comes out we’ll be getting that.

My grandparents owned two vehicles the entire time I was growing up, my grandfather only ever had one truck. They never talked about upgrading or getting the latest version. My grandfather was happy and content with his original yellow pick-up and when it wouldn’t run on the highways he still used it every day in the pasture and around the farm. It was never upgraded or replaced and I bet you he loved that rusted out bed, missing 2nd gear, finicky brakes and non-existent windshield wipers as much the day he passed as the day he bought it.

You might be thinking that’s sweet, or that he could have upgraded, or that my grandparents were just old-fashioned. You might be right and then again you could be wrong. I never asked him why he kept that yellow pick-up truck but I was thankful he did.

The problem I’m seeing with our “upgradeable society” is that we toss things away too quickly. As soon as something breaks we weight the cost of repair with the cost of the latest model. If we can justify it we toss the old and buy the new. It’s become a way of life and no one thinks anything of it.

But it’s not just “stuff” we are upgrading, we are also upgrading our relationships.

As an Oasis (Divorce Care) facilitator at my church I deal with divorce and people going through divorce for 13 weeks, at least 2 – 4 times a year. I hear their stories of heartache and disappointment. I see them struggle with the change and the uncertainty of their futures. It’s not easy, it’s not something for everyone but it’s my passion. It’s also a life lesson every time I start and end a group.

I hear at least once a cycle someone say they don’t know who their spouse is anymore. They’ve changed and aren’t the same person they married. They wonder where that person has gone and are finding it hard to love them. They don’t feel the spark, don’t have the same feelings they had etc. Sometimes these are the words and emotions coming from their mouth but more often it’s what their spouse said to them.

What hurts even more is then finding out that the spouse has “upgraded” their relationship. They found someone else to love, to share with, to relate to. They moved on and left this once love of their life to pick up the pieces.

This happens to couples who are married for a couple of years to 20 years and beyond. What upsets me is that I often wonder and want to ask these people “have you changed?” I know the answer, it’s always gong to be a yes I have changed, even if they don’t want to admit it. Why is it we assume that the people we know today are always going to stay the same? How is it that we can live with someone for years and not see this change or be interested in constantly learning the new them? At what point do we stop learning about our spouse and start looking for the upgrade?

My grandfather put a lot of time, effort, money, and love into that old yellow pick-up. He knew the pick-up would get old and change. It would sag, rust, get whiny, and not always work the way it used to. But he adapted, he loved on that pick-up and made sure to always learn the nuances of it as it aged. When he passed away that yellow pick-up was still running but without him to love it there was no option but to give it up.

I wish we would learn to treat our relationships with the same care, love, attention and patience that my grandfather showed that yellow pick-up truck.

convenience store kitty 3 by Kevin Steele

Here’s a question to ask yourself. How convenient is your life? Here’s a bigger question. How has convenience made your life more difficult?

Yes you read that correctly, I’m asking you to figure out how has convenience made your life more difficult. I know you’re thinking “Eric convenience makes my life easier, not more difficult”.

Really? Are you sure about that?

Let me share some thoughts I’ve had recently and you tell me if you still think those “conveniences in life” are really making your life convenient.

I turned off twitter updates to my phone. I found that constant pinging to my phone was a distraction at work and elsewhere. Shortly there after i started to notice just how disconnected i was from my friends, even with twitter coming to my phone.

I stopped logging into Facebook multiple times a day to read my news feed. Shortly there after i started to notice my friends and family would refer to “stuff” in their life by asking why I hadn’t read it on their Facebook wall.

I stopped playing and participating in FourSquare (a social network & location game / service). I found myself asking my friends and myself what they did this past weekend only to be asked if i had stopped paying attention to their FourSquare check-ins.

I also notice from the three examples above that I got “in trouble” for not twittering enough, updating Facebook with status updates or relationship changes & photo uploads, and that I had given up on Foursquare and was still checked into my home for the past month. Meaning that my choice to unplug not only affected my view but others view into my world. Which is sad because i know what i put out on these networks and while the information is good it’s only a small sliver of my life. What was even more saddening was that i realized how much value i put on those small slivers rather than hearing about the larger pies in their lives.

Lets broaden this a bit now. What other aspects of your life have you given over to convenience only to give up more in the process?

For example, we build zoos and aquariums and people flock to these places to see wild animals in their natural habitat’s. Ok so there was some sarcasm there because we all know those rocks in the fish tank are made of plaster and an elephant doesn’t really play with a soccer ball on the Serengeti. Granted there are some people who will never travel under the water, to the beach, or even across the globe to a foreign country and experience these things.

But ask those who have and you’ll see they tell a different story. No matter what age they are or how often they have been their eyes light up and they are filled with joy from the experience. Talk to a kid after his first visit to the aquarium and he’s all full of wonder and wants more. Talk to that same kid after his 3rd or 5th visit and he’s complaining about how this changed, or these animals where sleeping, or this whole section was gone. Yes i was recently that kid complaining.

Think about the food we eat. Did you know the bread in our stores are all about as equally nutritious when compared to a homemade loaf? Take it up a notch and make your own flour for your homemade bread and you’ve now put store-bought bread into the same category as pop-tarts. Think about the pre-prepared meals we buy in the frozen food section. About the food we grab from the drive-ins.

Now before you go hitting the comment link to give me a verbal chewing on how I’m knocking advancements in society take a second to breathe and listen a bit more.

I’m not against convenience. I love the aquarium, my natures best whole wheat bread, twitter, Facebook, and more. I’m a geek and depend on a lot of these conveniences in order to even succeed at my job. I understand we don’t have time to mill and bake our own bread or that we don’t have the time or money to visit the Serengeti.

I get this and am guilty of all of it.

What i am against though is complacency. The idea that this is the best there is for me. The idea that the loaf of bread i buy from my local supermarket is the most nutritious bread i can have. The idea that the best way to keep up with friends is to follow them on twitter, or Facebook or foursquare or some other network. For a long time in my mind these were the best ways, till I learned that i was sacrificing real relationships with convenient ones.

God never makes things easy for us, and whenever something IS easy, I can pretty much promise that later on you’ll have a struggle because you took the easy road. I can point to many instances in my life of this, but won’t bore you with them because I’m sure you’ve got at least a dozen of your own examples. If you don’t have a dozen examples then you have had either a very hard life with no shortcuts or you’re lying to yourself.

A prayer I’ve had recently is for God to make things difficult for me, to challenge me to have more faith in Him then in the conveniences in my life. To give up those things which I lean on to make life easy or easier and instead invest that into Him so that I can achieve the desires He has for me.

Convenience is great but at what cost?

Getting Ready For A Hot Summer Day by Kuzeytac

So here we are, almost two months of 2010 gone. I purposefully skipped out on the big “Year In Review” post everyone else did. Not because 2009 was boring, or because nothing major happened but more because so much happened I had to really let it marinate a bit.

2009 was a rebuilding year. A year I continued to rebuild my relationship with my Heavenly Father. A year I continued to rebuild my confidence in who I am and what I will become. It was a year to rebuild friendships lost, damaged or just strained. It was a time for me to fully embrace the ideas God has floating around in my head and put them into action.

2010 is going to be all about action. I will and am doing stuff in 2010, while 2009 was just a lot of talk. But I can’t do it alone. I can’t just wake up, walk out the door or drive to a meeting and expect my charm, whit, smarts or words to make things happen.

I need more.

I’m someone who’s recently (since 2008) put a lot on God and His will. I’ve surrendered a lot to him and I’m in the process every day of surrendering more and more. I’ve always said I do the things I do for His Kingdom but I never realized just how much He has done for me.

As I look back on 2009, and even 2008, the words of Jeff Henderson ring in my ears…… “Only God”. This was what Jeff asked of our church during a night of worship in January. My church had just completed 21 days of various forms of fasting, all in hopes to inspire our congregation to grow closer on their dependence of God. He prayed that at the end of 2010 we would look back at 2010 and think “Wow, only God could have done that”.

What’s crazy is that I looked back on 2009 and thought about where I was, where I had been and the journey I’m on now and thought only God.

Only God could truly heal me from my divorce.
Only God could have allowed me to be born into the loving and compassionate family I have.
Only God could have taken my plea for help and surrender seriously enough to act on it.
Only God could have given me the friends and relationships I have now.
Only God could have taken what i thought were challenges in life and turned them into blessings.
Only God could have given me the passion for divorced people, relationships and communication I’m experiencing today
Only God could have turned a guy once scared to death of church into a poster child for getting involved.
Only God could have shown me how patience and trust could have lead me to a point I never saw coming.

I’m not a month and a half into 2010 and I’ve already seen God working in amazing and wonderful ways. So what can you expect for 2010? I have no idea for sure but I do know that when it all happens I’ll look back with a shout and much praise singing ….. Only God……