As she edges into 11 months, Saffron is a wild mess. And I don’t know if that’s a good or bad thing.

She stands, trying to take more than a few ungraceful steps, before stumbling and falling on her butt or into the wall she was holding onto. Her face bears bruises from the failed attempts. She’s only about half as determined to walk as the boys were, but when you’ve got a big brother willing to carry you everywhere you go there isn’t as much need to make an effort.

Talking is limited, but excited. She rambles on, fast and screechy, in baby babbles and screams. Dada is still her #1 word, with mama, ni-ni (night-night), nah-nah (food), and ne-no (no-no) getting small spots here and there.

She has a bucket full of toys in the living room, open access to her brother’s room and their toys, and toys on the floor of the dining room. Yet the only things she wants to play with is A) the litter box, B) the plug ins, and C) the entertainment centers. My day is a big bag of redirect, redirect, redirect.

She’s stubborn, opinionated, loud, and in charge. Gods I hope she stays that way, shell need it when she’s older.

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Even though we’re not doing a formal curriculum, I’ve been following the Classical approach to history. Which is basically following history in the order that it happened.

Right now we’re in Ancient Crete, about to move into Greece. The library didn’t have much, but the librarian suggested I take Ancient Greece!: 40 Hands-On Activities to Experience This Wondrous Age home with me. I flipped through and it and it seemed cute enough, but I didn’t really look at what all it said.

After today, I want to buy a copy to have.

I opened it up to the chapter on Crete and looked for a cute craft idea. What I found was a short history of Crete, a discussion on sexism and fat acceptance with changing cultural standards, and a craft idea that tied into it all. We read about the Minoan Mother Goddess, discussed her many shapes (she’s shown as thin, large, and a bird), did an art project on her, and then segmented into sexism both then and now.

It’s not like we don’t already have those conversations, but I’ve never seen them given so much importance in a history book. In a children’s history book no less! And fat acceptance! Even in the books that discuss sexism, I’ve never read the “health at any size” argument pushed instead of the “be as skinny as you can” argument.

I love this book. I love the person/people who thought it was important to talk about these things, instead of pretending they don’t exist.

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photo credit: Mel B.

This is a guest post from Cherie Burbach – author of 21 Simple Things You Can Do To Help Someone With Diabetes. Since I’ve shared before about my family’s history of diabetes I wanted to share this post here.
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My latest book, 21 Simple Things You Can Do to Help Someone With Diabetes is all about understanding things from a diabetic perspective.  It’s like part guide, part etiquette book.  It is my hope that non-diabetic folks will learn how to help their diabetic friend or family member.  But the book is also great for diabetics in a number of ways.  Following are a few things diabetics can learn from my book.

Opening Up a Dialog About Diabetes

Perhaps first and foremost, diabetics may feel that they have a disease no one in their household truly understands.  One reason I wrote this book was to help with that.  The book is short by design, so it’s easy to read and non-technical.  It talks about the personal side of the disease, which is often overlooked.  Diabetics can use this book as a way to help talk to their loved ones about some of the things they have experienced.

Diabetics Should Continue Their Diabetes Education

When someone is first diagnosed with the disease, they often take a class with their family to find out more.  But as the years go on, their diabetes education may get stalled.  Life gets in the way, and people get busy.  Diabetics owe it to themselves to find out the latest research.  You might even be surprised at some of the changes in insulin routines and meal planning.

Having Diabetes is No Fun, But it Isn’t the End of the World Either

When you are a diabetic, sometimes all you hear is about the negative aspects of the disease:  the amputations, blindness, strokes.  But here’s the other thing – there has never been a better time in history to have the disease.  The knowledge that the medical and scientific worlds have today is so much greater than even twenty years ago.  Diabetes may not have a cure yet, but we’ve got the most advanced ways to treat the disease than we have ever had before.  Take it seriously, get information, and get as healthy as you can.

Reach Out to Your Loved Ones

Many diabetics go about their daily routine with hardly a word of complaint.  That doesn’t mean, however, that they aren’t frustrated at times.  Being frustrated doesn’t mean that you’re weak or not in control of the disease.  It means you’re human!  Ask your family to learn about the disease, so on a day when you’ve got a higher blood sugar, or your blood sugar dips quickly, you have their emotional support.  Let them be your cheerleaders rather than your “food police.”

Encourage Others to Get Healthy

Some people take good health for granted.  There are diabetics today who are actually healthier than many other people without the disease.  Encourage the people in your life to join you in your healthy attitude.  Quit smoking.  Exercise.  Eat right.  It isn’t just about “not eating sugar” but a whole lifestyle filled with healthy traits.  Getting everyone involved will help you with your diabetes and help your friends and family get healthier too.

Cheers, Cherie

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Cherie Burbach is an author, blogger, poet, crocheter, and geek.  She loves football and is obsessed with anything having to do with the Green Bay Packers or Tudor history.

A passionate diabetes advocate, Cherie has written the book, 21 Simple Things You Can Do To Help Someone With Diabetes.

Cherie used her experience with meeting her husband online to pen At the Coffee Shop, a humorous look at the world of Internet dating. Cherie went on over 60 coffee dates in just six months. She met lots of great people and one of those turned out to be the guy she would marry just one year later. Cherie’s new dating book, Internet Dating is Not Like Ordering a Pizza is available now.

She has penned her first novel, For Those Who Knew Zach, told in connected short stories about of a philandering charmer’s collision with fate.

She is a staff writer for b5media, and also the author of three poetry books, including A New Dish and The Difference Now.  Her latest, Father’s Eyes, has received the 2008 Editor’s Choice Award by Allbooks Review.

Readers have resonated with Cherie’s honest and inspirational ”This I Believe” essay, which is the second-most popular out of over 40,000 entries on the NPR website. For more information, please visit Cherie’s website, www.cherieburbach.com, her personal blogs, or follow her on Twitter: http://twitter.com/brrbach.

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photo credit: christyscherrer

Saffron is 10 months old, still breastfeeding most of the time, and killing me.

OK, not literally. But the pain makes me cry out, grind my teeth, and tears to swell. For the last two weeks, every time she latches on I want to crawl in a hole and scream.

The reason for the pain isn’t clear. There are not cuts or bruises, she isn’t biting, her latch looks the same. The sharp, grinding pain is only on my left nipple, no where else. Nothing feels or looks off, except for the blinding pain that can linger even after she has stopped. The feeling of broken glass sandpaper being rubbed across my skin is the best way I can describe it.

I need help. Lot’s of it. And some prescription painkillers. But mostly, help.

Update -

I checked her mouth and myself for thrush, but couldn’t find any signs. Still, I was going to go to the store and pick up some gentian violet. Then I saw it…

A big blister-like thing popped up right on my nipple. When it came up the pain got even worse on that side. After a day it popped open, and now it is healing. It still hurts like mad, but not as bad as it did.

Thanks everyone for offering advice!

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photo credit: functoruser

I’ve been hiding for the last week. Away from the computer, phone, and TV. And it ain’t as great as some people make it out to be.

The weather is getting better, in that I’m no longer wanting to live in an electric blanket all day long. So the kids and I have been making the most of it, getting out while we can.

Though, I’ve realized that I’m just not the type of girl who could survive unplugged. Drop me on a deserted island sure, but do not take away my WiFi.

This Sunday Evan turns 6. The number is nearly inconceivable to me. How the hell has six years passed since my first born was born? I am practically at a loss about it. We’re planning a party Friday night, then a family thing on Sunday. And I will weep, openly, with baby photos clutched to my chest. Then I’ll gorge myself on cake.

Hey, I birthed him, I get to eat cake too.

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Right now, and for the last few days, there has been a internet storm brewing over a woman who has been publicly sharing her abortion online. Oh the firestorm this has caused, with temper flaring on all sides of the debate.

Yesterday I tweeted about an article I read on her choice Tweeting an abortion: A blogger takes to Twitter and YouTube as she terminates her pregnancy, and women should thank her. Now, the article discusses how her decision to be public rather than shameful and secretive takes away some of the stigma around abortion. Which I agree is a good thing. Unfortunately, not everyone feels that way. Not even on my “side”. Which is why I received this reply:

I’m prochoice, not proabortion

OK. Pro-abortion. What does that mean? Well, it depends on which side you are coming from.

See, the anti-choice/pro-life people use pro-abortion as both an insult, and a reflection of their own goals. Many, many, many (despite the rhetoric) do not actually want women to “choose life”. I had an argument with one the other day who said my children will grow to hate me if they find I chose to have them, that they were choices. No, “choosing” life is not the goal. Having pregnancy forced upon a woman for her punishment of sex is the real goal. There is no choice involved.

So, when they say “choose life” and think “do it because you have to”, they assume the opposite is true. That when I say “choose” I must mean, as they would, “do it because you have to”. Where my “have to” must naturally be abortion. Therefore, to be pro-choice is to be pro-abortion in that I protest at maternity clinics and want to drag pregnant women kicking and screaming in abortion clinic all the time. You know, like them but the opposite.

photo credit: alexandralee

Then there is the other side. The “prochoice, not proabortion” side.

I’m going to assume that if you are pro-choice, then you are aware that I do not actually want to force every woman into an abortion whether she wants it or not. So we’ll strike that out as an option. What’s left. Well, I’ve noticed that a lot who are “not proabotion” tend to phrase their pro-choice stance with a clause. You know the “I’m pro-choice, but I would never have an abortion.” Hell, I used to say the same thing.

Until it was pointed out to me that there’s really no need to add the escape clause at the end. That adding it in does not stop the anti-choicers from wanting to hurl stones at my head, and often makes women who did have abortions feel othered and shamed. Shit. What exactly is the real purpose of adding in that “but”. Why not just say “I’m pro-choice” and be done with it. Does it really matter whether or not you personally would make that choice at all?

Look, I’m not saying that the people who say this do it intentionally. Most probably never even considered what that extra statement even means. But, when you are told you are saying something offensive there are 2 ways to deal. Either become hyper-defensive and scream that you were not saying what the person said, or thank them and spend some time honestly reflecting on their comment.

So, assuming that you do not believe pro-choice people desire to force abortions on every woman, what is wrong with being pro-abortion? Is it not a viable choice? Does it not have benefits? Are there not reasons to choose it? Even if you want to lower the rates that abortions are performed by better education and health care, and we all do, does that make abortions themselves something not to be in support of when it is what the woman chooses to do so?

If you are not pro-abortion, are you honestly pro-choice?

photo credit: SarahDeer

To me, it feels like another version of the “but I…” clause. It creates an othering, attempts to place yourself in neutral territory by throwing a bone to the anti-choice side while still supporting women’s choice (and throwing the women who do make it under the bus). Frankly, it reeks of slut shaming. “I totally support your choice, but I would never do it because I’m a good girl and always safe and perfect and love babies and you should totally be ashamed and quiet and hidden and only openly weep about the horrible choice you were forced to make if the topic ever comes up. But I totally support you!”

You do not need to add an escape clause. You do not need to draw a line between yourself and those women who do have abortions. It is OK to be pro-abortion (in the rational sense, not the anti-choice fictional world sense). Abortion is a safe, viable health option and it is a good thing to support this option for the women who use it.Women who have abortions should not be quiet, or ashamed, or hidden away. In fact, they should make YouTube videos and blogs about it and have conversations on Twitter about it the same way we talk about birth and breastfeeding and menstruation and budgeting advice and aggravating partners. And they should not feel like the people who claim to support them are doing so while drawing a line across the floor to separate them.

photo credit: gruntzooki

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Let me talk a little about Trey.

This June he’ll be 4. Four years since my one and only hospital birth, one of the worst birth experiences I’ve had. Four years of a cuddly, little blonde boy with bright blue eyes and an infectious giggle. Four years of chubby cheeks, extra hugs, and puppy dog feet (seriously, his feet are HUGE).

But since he was 18 months, it’s been almost 2.5 years of something else.

Trey is … extreme. He is incredibly sensitive to, well, everything. He roars, screams, hits, claws, bites, throws, and loses control at the drop of a dime. These are not typical toddler tantrums. He has freak outs that sometimes takes 2 adults to control, and they can last for hours at a time. When he hits this wall there is no reasoning with him, no talking to him, no breaking into his head.

He also cries. Sobs and wails , for lack of a better word, hysterically. He screams, cries, wails, and sobs as if he is experiencing deep physical pain. Strangers have been known to rush over, certain he was hit by a car or shot. He is intense and nothing short of letting him run down will comfort him.

I’ve seen tantrums. One child takes another’s toy, that other throws a fit about it. Trey, though, in that situation would rush immediately into the attack. He would stop at nothing until he caused physical harm, until he sees blood. The sweetest, cuddliest boy in the world because a pint sized ax murderer in seconds. Yet, that is not all that is needed to set him off.

I have seen Trey explode because Evan walked into or out of a room. Trey has exploded because a leaf fell from a tree and landed at his feet. Trey has exploded because the red book was next to the blue one on the bookshelf. Trey has exploded for reasons I still do not know, suddenly bursting into a rage out of nowhere when no one was near him at all.

One doctor has told me that Trey is on the autism spectrum. Another that he’s just an intense toddler. Another was certain there was some kind of abuse happening somewhere, though none could be found. Still another warned me that if he hasn’t outgrown this by 5, I need to be prepared to a lifetime of medication and therapy for him.

Trey’s become like our dirty little secret. Many days we have to walk on eggshells, as even a word can set him off. I avoid outings where I won’t have a way to escape with him quickly. I stay tense and nervous, paying more attention to his every move than my company for fear that he’ll suddenly explode. I apologize and make excuses and worry that other parents will see his outbursts as a sign of something horrible.

I consider putting him in school. Me. The one who rants about how bad public schools are thinks about getting him enrolled in Head Start and hoping they can do something I can’t.

Is it his personality? Is it a chemical dysfunction? Is it something else?

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