Wine and Heels

Working…on my resume that is

noreply@blogger.com (Carolyn) — Tue, 22 Sep 2009 20:37:00 +0000

One major perk about working at home is that I am free to job search ALL DAY if I want to. Do I feel guilty? Somewhat. But if my current employer could offer us any assurances that those of us remaining after the last few rounds of layoffs aren’t about to lose our jobs too, I probably wouldn’t be looking.

Single motherhood is hard on many fronts, but the financial aspect is the worst. Since I get close to nothing from their father (think enough to one week’s grocery bill) the stress of needing to stay financially sound is always there. Ideally, I’d like to stay in my current line of work, but with a little more money. Oh, and dental insurance. Have you ever had to get your kids’ teeth cleaned without having dental insurance? My god! My kids are due for a cleaning and x-rays, but I don’t just have an extra $600 floating around at the moment. I keep hounding them to brush and floss because “I can’t afford for you to get a cavity you know!”

Aside from needing more money and dental insurance, I am really craving the energy of an office. Working from home is lonely and boring. I miss people. I also miss being able to dress for work and wearing shoes like these…

or these…

Soon enough I hope!

What happened?

noreply@blogger.com (Carolyn) — Wed, 16 Sep 2009 02:00:00 +0000

Hmmm, has it been a month already?

Seriously, I had no intention of neglecting my blog for this long. What happened is this: the kids came back from their summer at dad’s. Any mothers reading this understand perfectly why I’ve suddenly found myself with little time to blog. Plus, my daughter has hijacked our computer pretty much every night since she returned.

My days of 2x workouts, dinners in San Francisco after work and date nights are over for the most part, replaced with school runs, homework and hosting and transporting to sleepovers.

Hold on…..

Okay, back. Had to help with homework and stir dinner.

I’m going to try to get back on a regular schedule of blogging. Right now though, dinner is about to burn.

Living in the land of milk and honey

noreply@blogger.com (Carolyn) — Fri, 14 Aug 2009 23:39:00 +0000

A year ago this week, my kids and I, along with our two cats, rolled into California after a 5 day drive across the country to start our new life here. Up until then my entire life was spent living in various place in New England, mostly small towns, so moving to California was a big, BIG deal.

I had visited California a couple of times as a kid to visit a family friend and fell in love with San Francisco. Growing up I always vowed I’d live here . Funny how life circumstances and chance made it all happen in the end.

I’ve talked to people here who are envious of my New England roots, wishing they could move there, and I can never understand why. The only thing New England has on California, in my opinion, is a lower cost of living. Sure, it’s a beautiful place, but so is California. In one year here I have seen more wildlife than I’d see in ten years in New England. Deer, raccoons, turkeys and fox are regular sights near my house here. In New England I saw a lot of turkeys, but everything else was a rare thing to see. Maybe the dismal weather kept them hidden in their dens, just like the people there huddle in their houses. New England is cold and snowy from October to April, rainy through April, May and sometimes June, a mixed bag in July and August. September and October are lovely with the leaves changing color, but it's difficult to enjoy knowing that snow and ice are right around the corner.

This past winter in California was the first in my life where I didn’t have to shovel, wear winter parkas or pay thousands in heating oil bills only to still feel cold.

The flowers here are in constant bloom.

California makes me want to lead a healthier lifestyle. I want to be outside, enjoying the sunshine instead of stuck in the house wondering if I’ll ever see the end of gray skies.

The shopping here is stellar. Aside from Boston, there is really no good shopping in most of New England. I lived an hour from a crappy mall there. Boston was a two hour drive.

There is no reason to be bored here. I’m 25 minutes from San Francisco, an hour from San Jose and 30 minutes to Napa. Beaches are a little more than an hour. I have mountain, city and ocean all close by. New England is the same, however here in California there are interesting towns in between. Little pockets of culture and uniqueness to discover. New England just isn’t like that. You have your ‘quaint’ little towns, but they are all pretty much the same. Drive through Vermont or New Hampshire sometime and you’ll know what I mean. It’s not without it’s gems, but much of New England is really pretty ordinary and blah.

What I’m trying to say is that I’m thrilled I made the decision to embark on such a bold, life-changing experience to live in California. What’s life without a little adventure, right? I love it here.

Someone’s looking out for me

noreply@blogger.com (Carolyn) — Fri, 07 Aug 2009 23:47:00 +0000

I am not a particularly spiritual person but there have been plenty of little moments as well as big events in my life when I’ve said to myself “Whoa, someone’s really looking out for me up there.” Let’s see, there was the first house that I bought. The moment I saw it I absolutely KNEW it was to be mine, and sure enough it all fell into place in a matter of days and it was ours soon after. There have been times when I’ve been scrambling for daycare solutions– all you working mommas know how harrowing an experience that can be – when all of a sudden a perfect situation has presented itself. Always at a time when I have almost convinced myself that it is perfectly acceptable for a four year old to stay home alone while I work. Then there was the head-on car crash that I walked away from virtually unscathed while the man who hit me unfortunately lost his life. Someone was really looking out for me that day.

This week I had another moment that made me believe that there may indeed be divine forces pulling for me. As I’ve previously written, my job situation is fragile at the moment. I’ve been able to escape the downsizing and significant pay cuts that my colleagues have endured so far, but the situation of the company is not getting any better. I’ve been struggling a lot with what I should do. I have to work – no question – but there are few jobs out there, especially ones that will allow me to get my kids to/from school. After school care is an option, but adds to my monthly costs. Can I afford to try out a new job? Can I afford NOT to?

It’s been really weighing on me the last few weeks and I’d finally resigned myself to sticking with my current job as long as I can. Then yesterday, my cell phone rang and it was the CEO of a company where I’d worked for seven years. The new company he’s heading up has an anticipated job opening, in California, a work from home position and, wait for it….the company is doing pretty well despite the economy. Am I interested in applying? FUCK YEAH!!!

It was just another moment in my life where I’ve wondered why me – why am I so fortunate to have these moments. Maybe it’s Karma, or maybe there really is someone up there looking out for me.

I have a long way to go with this one. Wish me luck in my interviews!

The summer of Carolyn comes to a close

noreply@blogger.com (Carolyn) — Tue, 04 Aug 2009 01:40:00 +0000

In June I flew my kids back east to spend a summer with their dad. Now, in two weeks I return to pick them up. Where the hell did this summer go exactly?

This stretch of seven or so weeks is the longest that I have ever been apart from them. I was really worried even months before the start of summer about how they would cope and how I would cope. To the point that I was losing sleep over the whole thing. Would they be okay? Would I have to fly back and get them early? At the same time I was worrying, I was also sort of excited for the break.

At it turns out, they’ve had a great summer and so have I. It’s amazing how quickly I was able to slip into a new, grown-up-centric routine. I’m excited to have them home. To see their faces, hear about their summer, see how much they’ve grown and spoil them a little. But I will miss my freedoms that come with ‘visits to dad’. Living on opposite side of the country has not been easy on any of us.

Once they’re home, I will miss, in no particular order:

Twice a day gym workouts, dates with my boyfriend, reduced grocery bill, less laundry each week, not having school runs, the sounds of silence vs. listening to them fight, going to the movies and seeing grown-up films, cooking one meal instead of an adult-friendly one and a kid-friendly one, road trips without whining from the back of the car, and I’m sure a lot more that I can’t think of right now.

Despite all of the above, I can’t wait to have them home so I can be a mom again :)

Across the pond

noreply@blogger.com (Carolyn) — Wed, 29 Jul 2009 02:13:00 +0000

My blog has been a bit neglected as of late. However, I do have a really, really, really good excuse: I took a vacation to the UK to finally meet my boyfriend’s family!

Dating a man from the UK has it’s good points and bad.

The Good:

He has a sexy accent.

There’s potential for travel to Europe.

He uses cute phrases and words that make me laugh.

He’s introduced me to good English food. Yes, it does exist.

Did I mention the accent???

The Bad:

His entire family is in the UK, including his kids. This means almost every holiday is spent apart.

It’s taken nearly five years for me to meet his family. His mum did visit once.

It’s a 10+ hour flight for us to get to/from there.

I always fear that he may need to move back there and I won’t be able to go with him.

All of that aside, we had a great albeit low-key vacation visiting his family and spending time with his kids. A day in London and a day in Brighton aside, we mostly just relaxed, ate a lot and drank lots of wine. His family is incredibly sweet and I loved them all.

So now it’s back to work, back to figuring out what I’ll do should my company decide to fold and back to blogging.

Cheers!

Why I love San Jose

noreply@blogger.com (Carolyn) — Thu, 16 Jul 2009 02:51:00 +0000

This past weekend my boyfriend and I went on a little getaway to Santana Row in San Jose…to rest up for our vacation this weekend. More on the upcoming vacation coming soon.

For this post, I wanted to share with you one of the most exciting events of my weekend. No, not the food (though it was good), not the wine (though I had a lot), and not the sex (though it was great). It was the shopping. Or specifically, a particular item I found while shopping:

THE PERFECT pair of jeans.

We all seek them and seldom find them. In high school, my perfect pair of jeans had zips on the ankles so that I could tuck them into my scrunchy socks. Hey – shut up - it was the 80’s. After school I worked at The GAP so the perfect pair was whichever of their cuts fit me well enough to justify using my employee discount. After that kids were born and the idea of anything fitting well again seemed impossible. Oh, there were some that came close, but they’d always shrink. Or I’d gain weight. Whatever. Then there were those that seemed perfect but I later realized were too short to get the perfect hem to high heel ratio.

The jeans I found in San Jose are PERFECT. Here’s how it went down. We walked into BCBG just to browse and right there in the front of the store was a rack that said 70% off. And right on the end of that rack were the jeans. My jeans. In my size. They were a dark blue wash, more dressy than casual, with a narrow but not skinny leg. I marched right back to the fitting rooms and voila – perfection. Snug in the hips and bum without being tight. High enough on the waist to cover my belly roll, but not high enough to be mom jeans. And the length was perfect even in my 4 1/2 inch platform boots. Heaven.

The icing on the cake is that the discount brought them to $38. Crazy huh?

Ladies, the perfect jean does exist. Keep shopping!

On the verge of collapse…or exciting new horizons?

noreply@blogger.com (Carolyn) — Thu, 16 Jul 2009 02:26:00 +0000

I like a little adventure in my life, but when it comes to my job I’m all about security. No upheavals unless I say so.

Unfortunately, our small office was rocked by some major changes by corporate last week – despite already weathering layoffs and paycuts in June. This time, we lost one person, two others were made part-timers, and there were further paycuts. Luckily, I was one of two who wasn’t affected but I’m not feeling entirely comfortable about the future of my job. This economy is kicking our ass, and the sheer ineptitude of some of my colleagues isn’t helping matters. The CEO really needs to lose the dead weight and kick everyone else’s ass into gear. Not including me of course…I ROCK.

I have never, ever, in my life been fired or laid off from a job. The thought of being unemployed is horrifying. Obviously I’m going to cling to this job with a death grip for as long as they want to keep me on board. With two kids to support I have no choice. But part of me is excited that I may finally have a kick in the butt to get out there and look for something that makes me happy. I bet there are hoards people out there feeling the same way and using this shitty economy as an excuse to finally pursue a dream, or start a small business.

So, times are changing for me. Wish me luck…

Couch potato

noreply@blogger.com (Carolyn) — Thu, 09 Jul 2009 02:21:00 +0000

Somehow, despite being housed in the same physical being, my brain and my body are not in synch. My brain thinks “Thirty-seven? That’s young. Nowhere NEAR old age. Let’s go see how much we can sweat at the gym.” In response and to point out to my brain that it is, indeed, getting old, my body has reacted with an incredibly painful neck spasm that has left me hunched over and whiny for a full day now.

I have had a stiff neck before but never quite this painful or lasting this long. By coincidence my doctor had ordered x-rays of my neck a few weeks ago to look at what we suspected was a pinched nerve causing my left arm to go tingly periodically. I had been putting it off for a while just due to my schedule, but I decided yesterday that I really needed to get it done. I called the outpatient x-ray office near my house yesterday to find out their hours.

Me: “I need to come in for an x-ray. What are your hours?”

Them: “Come in anytime between 8am and 12:30pm or between 1:30 and 4pm. No appointment necessary.”

Me: “Great, I’ll be in tomorrow.”

Them: “Okay, see you then!”

Fast forward to 1:30 this afternoon when I arrived at the office, stiff, in pain and having driven on the highway with no ability to look left.

Me: “Hi, I’m here for an x-ray.”

Them: “Oh, we’re moving offices today. We aren’t doing any x-rays until next week.”

Me: “Grrrrrrrrrrr…”

All I can assume is that this was a SURPRISE move and nobody even knew that there was a chance of moving offices and eliminating their x-ray services until that day. Highly improbable I know, but how else can you explain nobody telling me this information when I called to inquire about when I could have my x-ray done? At least she gave me a nice sing-songy “Sor-ry” as I walked out. Grrrrr.

I did end up getting the x-rays done elsewhere and learned that I have an extra cervical rib in my neck that could be causing my arm numbness. Unfortunately, an extra rib is not seen as a ‘bonus’. So, I’ll see what happens. For now I’m on the couch with a heating pad and some painkillers which I’ll take as soon as my boyfriend is home, just in case they make me loopy.

And the worst thing? Taking painkillers means no wine tonight. Another Grrrrr.

Two pounds!

noreply@blogger.com (Carolyn) — Tue, 07 Jul 2009 02:16:00 +0000

As I mentioned in a previous post, I’m on a summer mission to lose weight and improve my health while my kids are visiting their Dad. This is no easy feat considering that I’m in my late 30s and still have a bit of ‘baby belly’ compliments of my now nine-year-old. However, I am pleased to say that as of this morning I am two pounds lighter than when I started. Go ME!

It is so true that the older you get, the harder it is to shed pounds. I wish I’d taken better care of my body when I was younger but hey, can’t turn back the clock now, right? All I can do is focus on the future, and for me, it will be a healthy one. Here are the simple things I’m doing to get the body I want:

I’ve eliminated meat, other than fish, from my diet. Some days I eat no fish at all, focusing on vegetarian meals such as whole wheat pasta with vegetarian sauce loaded with peppers and mushrooms. On the days I do eat fish, I’m pairing it with 2-3 veggies including only occasional potatoes or sweet potatoes for a treat.
I’m eating far more fruits and veggies than I used to. I actually love all fruits and veggies, with the exception of tomatoes, but never reached for them because they needed to be washed/peeled/cut etc. etc. It was so much easier just to grab crackers or something for a snack. Now I’m buying pre-cut/washed veggies which makes it easier to throw together a salad for lunch. I also am buying small batches of fruit with a goal of eating it all up before it spoils.
I still let myself have treats now and again so I don’t obsess. Had a beautiful lemon/cranberry tart after dinner at a friends this weekend. There was no way I was going to pass on that!
I’m exercising A LOT more than normal. This includes 30-45 minutes of cardio in the morning and an hour long Pilates class after work. On weekends, I’m walking a few miles or doing a light workout with weights. For me, this is twelve workouts a week which is awesome!

I miss having my kids around this summer but it has been a great opportunity for me to put my health first for a while. I am well aware that when they come back there isn’t a hope in hell of keeping up with this diet and exercise schedule, but I will try. At 37, without action, my body and health will only deteriorate from here. My blood pressure is in pre-hypertension stage. I have bad knees. My posture sucks. I suffer from anxiety attacks and stress. How can all of this be going on inside me when I still feel like a hip-twenty-something-year-old? I’ve gotta get some control here!

As for any mothers reading this, I hope you feel inspired to take charge of your health and would love to hear what steps you’ve taken to balance your health with the needs of your families.

Crocs and other poor clothing choices

noreply@blogger.com (Carolyn) — Sat, 04 Jul 2009 19:37:00 +0000

Recently I encountered the “Croc Family” at the vet’s office. No, their last name wasn’t Croc – they were all wearing Crocs. I bet if dog Crocs were available, he’d have been wearing them too.

On kids I think they’re cute. But on mothers, especially when paired with a ratty t-shirt, they just scream “I’ve given up”. From what I see on a daily basis in stores, at school etc., a lot of mothers have, in fact, given up. I don’t mean this to sound snobbish or superficial, but I think it’s sad to see so many women not looking as fabulous as they could and probably want.

Women should dress for themselves and for nobody else, but I can’t honestly believe that so many women are satisfied with their appearance when they throw on a Disney t-shirt, sweats and horrible footwear. So why do they do it? Time is not an excuse. It doesn’t take any longer to throw on jeans and a cute top and nice shoes before you leave the house. Neither is money. Between Target, TJ Maxx and consignment shops there are lots of affordable and stylish choices out there.

For me, when I look good, I feel good. I feel powerful. I feel in charge. People react to me differently. Men sometimes do a double take. My boyfriend certainly does! I often wear a pair of killer heels just for the school run because it makes me feel more like a women with things to do than a mom just schlepping her kids to school.

The way you dress tells others a lot about how you feel about yourself. Think about what you want to project to others and how you want to feel about yourself. Still love the way wearing Crocs and sweats makes you feel? Go for it. But if you’ve been feeling less than sexy and need a boost, try dressing up for a mundane task like grocery shopping and see how empowering it can be.

I’ll just have to win the lottery…

noreply@blogger.com (Carolyn) — Wed, 01 Jul 2009 23:16:00 +0000

As a mother I am constantly trying to shape my children’s future, providing them with the knowledge they need to make good choices later in life. One thing that I consistently try to hammer into their brains is that they need to further their education after high school. I don’t care if it’s trade school or college, but they have to go to school.

My parents did not do the same for me, and I sincerely wish they’d pushed it on me since not going to college is, and probably forever will be, my biggest regret in life. I chose the work route after school and after struggling for those first few years actually ended up on a pretty good career path in software sales. The problem: I don’t love what I do. In fact, I’m bored to tears and incredibly frustrated, especially in this economy where I fight for every lead with few results. I could try to find a new job, however my lack of a degree is really standing in my way. I live in the San Francisco bay area where everyone seems to have at least a Bachelor’s degree. How am I going to stand out against the rest of those applicants?

I have been toying with the idea of entrepreneurship but the BIG IDEA has not come to me yet so that plan is on hold. In August I will have my official California residency making college tuition at a state college pretty affordable, so I decided to go back to school. Yay me, right? Well that’s what I thought as I spent hours researching local two year colleges. Since I’m a single mom with a full time job, online classes are really my only way to get through school. My boyfriend isn’t home until 8pm most nights and travels frequently, and I’m just not comfortable leaving the kids home alone at night.

After completing my research I called a nearby state community college yesterday and talked to one of the counselors. While they do have some online classes, there isn’t a way for me to complete my degree entirely online. Seems like there are some courses, like biology and, get this, two PE classes (!) that I have to complete for graduation. PE? Are you kidding me? That’s part of what will hold me back from a degree, career choices and my future??? The counselor suggested the University of Phoenix which offers all online courses, but the cost is just too prohibitive for me.

Anyway, I hung up the phone and immediately burst into tears from the letdown of seeing a dream crushed, if only temporarily. I will likely go to college when my kids are a bit older, but it doesn’t change the frustration I feel now, at this time in my life, when I am desperate to make positive changes and grow. Unfortunately I’m sure I’m not the only single mother out there that has put a dream on hold for the sake of her kids. I would love to hear any inspirational stories from other single mothers who’ve managed to parent, work and go to school at the same time and how you made it all work.

In the meantime I’m going to enjoy a large glass of vino and keep working on that BIG IDEA.

Exercise Inspiration

noreply@blogger.com (Carolyn) — Fri, 26 Jun 2009 21:21:00 +0000

As I’ve previously stated, I am not a lover of exercise. I do it because it needs to get done. When my kids are grown and out of the house, I plan to live my second youth, and I’m going to have a damn fine figure when I do!

Anyway, yesterday I decided to take a Pilates class at my gym. It had been years since I took part in any exercise class and this was the first I’d be taking at my current gym. I was feeling a bit unsure about it, picturing lots of slim twenty-somethings prancing around with their perfectly fit bodies and me with my belly rolls hanging all over the place, so I was pleasantly surprised by the group that did show up for the class. There were young women, old women, overweight women and one man in the class. They were a group that clearly knew each other from classes and didn’t hesitate to both encourage and poke fun at one another – the instructor included. I was not spared either – taunted for my “happy legs” which trembled from fatigue for pretty much the entire class. It was perfect – I fit right in!

The great part about taking a group fitness class, or working out with a partner, is the encouragement to “push harder” you get from those around you and from seeing that not everyone is in better shape than you are – that all those workouts you’ve struggled through actually had an impact. We’re all there for the same reason, to feel good and look good and sometimes when you work out on your own, at least for me, it becomes too much of a chore and not fun.

If you’re able, work out with someone, whether it be in a class at your gym, or a neighbor or friend that you walk with. It makes the effort so much more pleasant and inspiring.

Six weeks to squeeze it all in

noreply@blogger.com (Carolyn) — Wed, 24 Jun 2009 22:33:00 +0000

Last week I flew my kids across the country to their father’s house where they will spend the summer. I’ve never been away from my kids for more than a week, so the build up to the trip was a mix of anxiety and anticipation. Anxiety over how they (and I) will fare without one another, and anticipation at the thought of SIX WHOLE WEEKS OF ME TIME!!

So, now that they are settled and happy at Dad’s I’ve begun the Summer of Me, for which my plans are to have fun and get fit. The fun part is obvious - the freedom to go where I want, when I want, which will of course include lots of dates with my boyfriend. The fit part is to finally shift the ten-or-so-pounds that are preventing me from slipping back into my beautiful, caramel colored, size 4 leather pants, much to my boyfriend’s dismay.

I’ve started the fit plan by switching to a pescetarian diet. Essentially, I’ll be a vegetarian that eats eggs, dairy and fish. This will be a stretch for me because I love a good burger, but by eliminating meat I’ll be forced to focus my meals more around vegetables.

I’ve also begun twice a day workouts. This will be an even bigger stretch for me than the diet because I am not one of those people who becomes euphoric over a workout. I workout for one reason and one reason only – because I have to. Sad but true. Who knows, maybe the intense exercise I have planned this summer will flick a switch somewhere inside me and I’ll become one of those people you see running in a blinding snowstorm because they HAVE TO GET THEIR RUN IN. You never know.

Anyway, I plan to update you on my fun and my fitness efforts throughout the summer, and hopefully by the end I’ll be able to post a picture of me in the leather pants with, of course, a killer pair of heels.

Sane and sexy

noreply@blogger.com (Carolyn) — Wed, 10 Jun 2009 04:23:00 +0000

People say that motherhood is the hardest job in the world. If that's true, then single motherhood is the hardest job in the world with mandatory-overtime-without-extra-pay-and-yes-you're-working-the-holiday-weekend.

I can say that because I am a single mother.

All moms, but single moms especially, end up living much of their lives for their kids. I know I do. I work full time from home and my only weekday ventures from the house are school drop-offs (two of them), school pick-ups (two of them) and trips to shuttle my thirteen year old son to where he "needs" to be.

Work, school runs, shuttle. Add grocery shopping and meal prep and that sums up 98% of my life these days. Quite honestly, I'm bored and I'm craving more in my life. It may be taboo to say it, but I can't wait for my afterlife - that is, life after the kids move out. I LOVE my kids, but I love myself too and I refuse to give up on who I'm meant to be. This blog was created to share my efforts in staying young, sexy, smart and financially sound so that when it's time to live my life for ME - I'll be ready.

Wine and heels are two of my pleasures in life that I refuse to give up. They are keeping me sane and sexy during the mommy years.

About the author

noreply@blogger.com (Carolyn) — Wed, 07 Jun 2000 23:53:00 +0000

Who am I? That’s what I’m trying to figure out!

For the last 13 years I have been “Mom”. My son Matt was followed by his arch-nemesis Brianna a few years later. I’ve been breaking up the fights ever since.

I work full time from home as a Sales Executive. The work from home gig is hugely convenient, but also incredibly boring and lonely. Plus the WAH dress code doesn’t give me an excuse to shop for more lovely shoes to add to my collection.

I am divorced but have been fortunate enough to spend the last four years of my life with my incredible boyfriend, a cheeky Brit who loves me to pieces and is happy to indulge my “Wine and Heels” habits.

As I discover more about my self, I’ll let you know.