Wicked Chops Poker

Year of the Schneider(TM) Continues; Tom Wins Second H.O.R.S.E. Bracelet of Year

Wicked Chops Entity — Wed, 19 Jun 2013 18:55:51 +0000

The Year of the Schneider is in full effect.

Tom Schneider = a mystery wrapped up in an enigma.

He’s the most anonymous WSOP Player of the Year ever…yet has results any top pro would envy.

His name is Tom Schneider and he looks like a Tom Schneider. Yet he’s got a cool nickname (Donkey Bomber). He’s got an attractive MILFy wife who happens to be a solid player too. Doesn’t add up…unless he’s a potential Big Cock Poker sponsored pro, if you know what we mean.

He seems like the conservative guy next door. Yet he blogged for Pokerati and has a sponsorship deal with a clothing company. A clothing company that makes obnoxious clothing that even Jesper Parnevik wouldn’t touch.

TOM SCHNEIDER–WHO ARE YOU?

Putting out the bat signal to Ol’ G Smith. Seems like this needs to be our next podcast.

Anyway, Schneider continued on with the Year of the Schneider^TM by closing out 2013 WSOP Event #29 ($5,000 H.O.R.S.E.). With the win, Schneider wins his second H.O.R.S.E. bracelet of the year and fourth bracelet overall. The win earned him $318,955.

Get full recap and results of Schneider’s impressive win here.

Oh Canada! The Most Canadian Looking Guy Ever Wins Bracelet; Schneider Goes For #4

Wicked Chops Entity — Tue, 18 Jun 2013 16:54:17 +0000

Just a little…off.

It was bracelet-making time on Monday at the 2013 WSOP, as three weekend events wrapped and another almost came to conclusion.

On with the updates…

:: Event #26 ($1,000 Seniors) – Kenneth Lind outlasted a record-setting field to bank the bracelet and $634,809. He defeated Dana Ott, not a woman, heads-up ($390,601) for the title. Get a full recap here.

:: Event #27 ($3,000 Mixed-Max) – Isaac Hagerling of Chicago took this one down, banking $372,387 and his first bracelet. He defeated Max Steinberg heads-up ($231,501) for the title. Some big names just missed this bracelet, including Jeremy Ausmus (3rd – $132,748), Jason Koon (4th – $132,748), [..........] (5th – $51,561), and Brandon Cantu ($51,561). Get full results here.

:: Event #28 ($1,500 NLH) – (French) Canada does it again. In a big way. Ok ok ok. So we looked at the WSOP updates and saw the above picture. Knew nothing about the guy other than a salad wouldn’t hurt him. Anyway, saw the guy and said, “Holy shit that guy has to be from Canada.” Then clicked the prize pool tab and saw the Canadian flag next to his name. His name is ~~Robert Paulson~~ Jason Duval, he’s the most Canadian looking Canadian ever, and he just won his first bracelet and $521,202. Get a full recap here.

:: Event #29 ($5,000 H.O.R.S.E.) – Yesterday we tweeted that the 2013 WSOP might be the Year of the Schneider^TM. And that was before Tom Schneider ended final table play–with five remaining–as chip leader in the H.O.R.S.E. event. Schneider is stacked at 2.5M. He’s followed by Viatcheslav Ortynskiy (Gesundheit!) with 680,000. Get full chip counts here.

Miss Utah Is New Miss Teen South Carolina

Wicked Chops Entity — Mon, 17 Jun 2013 16:36:03 +0000

Regular readers of our site know that when we have a joke, we’ll beat that fucker into the ground.

For example, in TWO THOUSAND AND SEVEN (six years ago), Miss Teen South Carolina gave her infamous flubbed answer about kids not being able to locate the U.S. on a map. To this day, we still use “U.S. Americans” in posts, despite U.S. Americans ceasing to be funny a day after the aforementioned flubbed answer.

The Entities also still answer calls from one another saying, “Waaaaaaaaaazzzzzzzuuuuuuuuuuup.”

We’ve already planned to make a Harlem Shake video a year from now.

You get the point.

Anyway, it’s good to know that beauty pageant contestants have each other’s back. Miss Utah decided enough was enough, and it was time to take the attention off of Miss Teen South Carolina. Watch the above.

It’s good to know we need to know how to create education better.

To catch up with Miss Teen South Carolina, view her Tosh interview here.

Dee Dozier Takes Good Selfies and Chiubacca Strikes Back

Wicked Chops Entity — Sun, 16 Jun 2013 15:03:36 +0000

Dee Dozier is back, along with Chiubacca.

As noted, with a lack of Girls on the Rail (especially during the Seniors event), we’re turning to poker player chick selfies to fill the void.

First up was Lisa Hamilton. Next up is Dee Dozier.

You may remember Dee from many previous posts, especially this Friday Night Parting Shot.

Ladies, if you’ve got selfies, send them our way.

In 2013 WSOP news, a few major bracelets were awarded so far this weekend.

:: Event #23 ($2,500 7CS) – Chiubacca strikes back! David Chiu captured his fifth bracelet (and first since 2005), banking $145,520. He defeated Scott Seiver ($89,980) heads-up for the title. Michael “The Grinder” Mizrachi finished fourth ($43,188) and Frank Kassela was fifth ($31,978).

:: Event #24 ($1,500 NLH) – The latest donkament saw Corey Harrison of Birmingham, AL take down his first bracelet and $432,411. Get full recaps and results here.

:: Event #25 ($5,000 Omaha Hi/Lo 8oB) – Danny Fuhs of Scottsdale, AZ bested a field of 241 to bank his first bracelet and $277,519. Fuhs has been around the tournament block for awhile, and this win pushes his career earnings to over $1M. Robert Mizarchi finished third ($128,074) and Brian Hastings was fourth ($96,268). Get full results here.

:: Event #26 ($1,000 NLH Seniors) – The record field of 4,407 is down to 34. Notables remaining include Mark Kroon, Hoyt Corkins, and a few Gilfs. Get full chip counts here.

Big Cock Poker Might Have Problems Doing Mainstream Advertising

Wicked Chops Entity — Sat, 15 Jun 2013 00:30:11 +0000

Imagine if they named their site Epic Poker. Now THAT would be bad. Wait, someone already did that? How’d that turn out?

With the return of online poker in the U.S. [in Nevada only], and with the general uptick in mood and turnout at the 2013 WSOP, we’ve been ~~bi-~~curious: will there be a major return in the patching of players?

So during ~~the 105 total minutes~~ all the time we’ve spent at the Rio, we’ve had an eye out for patches. Are there more? What brands are popping up? Can Ultimate Poker try any harder to associate their brand with the WSOP‘s? So many questions to be answered.

In our mostly over-exaggerated search for patches, we stumbled upon the above guy. And Big Cock Poker.

We googled Big Cock Poker. If you’re at work, we HIGHLY advise that you do NOT, 1) google Big Cock Poker, and 2) click on any of the links produced by googling Big Cock Poker.

We then went to BigCockPoker.com. Nothing there.

So we’ve determined that Big Cock Poker has a few problems in trying to acquire customers and make the leap to real money gaming. We are marketing and PR experts, after all. We should know. Here they are:

They don’t have a website.
Their SEO mostly leads to redtube and pornhub, which don’t appear to be traditional poker sites.
That’s the guy they picked to endorse the site.
During poker broadcasts, or any broadcasts for that matter, ESPN and FOX (and anyone) traditionally shy away from the word “Cock,” even when accepting advertising dollars.
Times that problem by 10 when you string the words “Big Cock” together.
Aside from redtube and pornhub, as soon as we hit publish on this post, we’ll likely be a top result for Big Cock Poker. And we typically go with hot girls for our visuals on the site, not big cocks. So we can’t be an affiliate. Sorry Big Cock Poker guys.
As brick & mortar casinos will own all of the real money poker licenses, we’re pretty sure Steve Wynn, Sheldon Adelson, and Bobby Baldwin do not want their online brand to be called Big Cock Poker. Well, maybe Adelson would.
Big Cock Poker.

Sooooo…yeah.