tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-11482129202771351182019-01-30T01:07:37.217-06:00Who Put Me In Charge Of These People???My life and my opinions... like them or not.
Oh, who are we kidding? Please like me! Please! Please!Gretchennoreply@blogger.comBlogger822125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1148212920277135118.post-1791433175135251022014-06-03T19:33:00.001-05:002014-06-03T19:33:30.033-05:00Yowza.<br />I realize I haven't written here for almost a year.<br /><br />I just felt like I've said all I had to say. And what I still feel like saying, well honestly, I don't want to stir up a shitstorm of opinions. Yes, everyone is entitled to their opinion and yes, by saying something that might ruffle a few feathers I'm essentially opening myself up to criticism.<br /><br />The bottom line is ... I hate conflict. At one point in time, I think I thrived on it, feeling like I could always win a verbal argument and so I essentially challenged anyone to a battle of wits and I usually came out on top.<br /><br />Then I realized, sometimes winning isn't as important as saving a friendship, or keeping my employment, or not crushing someone's spirit.<br /><br />So nowadays the only things I have very strong opinions about are Long Johns. I feel very firmly that they should NOT be filled with custard. They are just perfect in their light, yeasty, frosting-laced body with absolutely NO gooey insides.<br /><br />RAGE AGAINST THE CUSTARD!!! (*shakes fist in the air*)<br /><br />Seriously though, Hi there. Hope you haven't totally written me off. <br /><br /><br /><img alt="Texan Mama" border="0" src="http://i281.photobucket.com/albums/kk210/greta72/Blog%20Layout%20Graphics/signature.png" />Gretchennoreply@blogger.com5tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1148212920277135118.post-36820327865109589842013-08-26T12:21:00.000-05:002013-08-26T12:21:12.771-05:00Being A TeenagerMy daughter, you know her as Peppermint Patty, is all about being 13. She loves to talk on the phone, hang out with her friends, and although she'd NEVER admit it to me I think she likes to talk about boys and giggle about who likes whom.<br /><br />Recently, I was contacted by Steve from <a href="http://www.snapstylz.com/" target="_blank">SnapStylz</a>. He had a product he wanted me to try and I was like, OH I know who's going to love this! My little girl - who is now officially 2 inches taller than me.<br /><br /><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-fxOJ3CuGUWY/UhuK67izgeI/AAAAAAAAC00/M2OI8xKg4kA/s1600/snapstylz-5852.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="425" src="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-fxOJ3CuGUWY/UhuK67izgeI/AAAAAAAAC00/M2OI8xKg4kA/s640/snapstylz-5852.jpg" width="640" /></a></div><br /><br />SnapStylz is a product developed by Steve and his 9 year old daughter. YOW! Girl power!!! It's basically a rubbery bracelet with snaps on it, and you can choose which snaps you want and snap them on, interchange them easily, and show your style.<br /><br /><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-z7N8Desn4Wg/UhuK7UQqEyI/AAAAAAAAC1I/aBRpkxIucno/s1600/snapstylz-5856.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-z7N8Desn4Wg/UhuK7UQqEyI/AAAAAAAAC1I/aBRpkxIucno/s320/snapstylz-5856.jpg" width="212" /></a></div><a href="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-YHD3nMR4SlI/UhuK7ICwrKI/AAAAAAAAC1M/iHgwryKK6Rc/s1600/snapstylz-5853.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-YHD3nMR4SlI/UhuK7ICwrKI/AAAAAAAAC1M/iHgwryKK6Rc/s320/snapstylz-5853.jpg" width="212" /></a><br /><br /><br /><br />I chose a size medium for her, they come in 3 sizes and TONS of different colors. Also the snaps come in lots of different styles. <br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br />She loves her bracelet and is super excited for school to start so she can show all her friends. It's really unique and she will be the first one at her school to have anything like it.<br /><br /><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-LeZNmD4G814/UhuK7sqUU2I/AAAAAAAAC1Q/Sv9Pc0l1FJI/s1600/snapstylz-5862.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="426" src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-LeZNmD4G814/UhuK7sqUU2I/AAAAAAAAC1Q/Sv9Pc0l1FJI/s640/snapstylz-5862.jpg" width="640" /></a></div><br />Check out SnapStylz at their website <a href="http://www.snapstylz.com/">www.snapstylz.com</a> or on facebook at <a href="http://www.facebook.com/snapstylz">facebook.com/snapstylz</a>.<br /><br /><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"></div><br /><br /><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-5gcLSwzVTKw/UhuOQ5njWtI/AAAAAAAAC1g/iLAS51EP80Q/s1600/snapstylz-5868.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="640" src="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-5gcLSwzVTKw/UhuOQ5njWtI/AAAAAAAAC1g/iLAS51EP80Q/s640/snapstylz-5868.jpg" width="426" /></a></div><br /><span style="font-size: x-small;"><i>Disclaimer: I was not paid for this review, but I was given the product to try for free. I was asked for an honest review - the opinions expressed here are wholly mine.</i></span><br /><br /><br /><img alt="Texan Mama" border="0" src="http://i281.photobucket.com/albums/kk210/greta72/Blog%20Layout%20Graphics/signature.png" />Gretchennoreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1148212920277135118.post-82801912289349251982013-08-14T09:19:00.001-05:002013-08-14T09:19:06.978-05:00staying afloatSometimes I wonder if I have adult ADD. Or maybe I just have the "after-40" brain. Or maybe I'm just normal but since I'm the only one inside my brain, I have no idea what "normal" is.<br /><br />My brain, it seems, NEVER SHUTS DOWN. I think about my kids - what they do, how they act, whether they might get cavities, if I'm too strict or not strict enough, and on and on. I think about our bills - will we ever get them paid off, what if an emergency comes up, what can I cut out so I can afford this or that or something else. I think about my marriage - does my husband really love me, how can I make my marriage better, sometimes I feel like saying WHO EXACTLY DID I MARRY?!?! (I don't worry about this - it's just that he still surprises me sometimes.) I think about our house - when is that project going to get done, what if the air conditioner breaks down, is it going to be a cold winter (how much propane will we need and how much will THAT cost?), etc. I think about photography probably most of all - why can't I just accept my talents and love my own work, will my business ever grow to be sustainable, why can't I get my photos to look like THAT or THAT or THAT.<br /><br />What is holding me back from being happy? Satisfied? Peaceful?<br /><br />Sometimes I try to keep myself otherwise occupied, and that helps a lot. Yesterday I built a big enclosure for our chickens so that they won't be wandering around the yard, pooping everywhere, laying eggs in hidden spots, and getting themselves lost or hurt. We had an existing chicken coop, with a semi-secure fence around part of it. I just built a larger enclosure and made the fence more secure.<br /><br /><table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody><tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-oZzlRHJstpA/UguPOW74wFI/AAAAAAAAC0U/1zMGMqiKF80/s1600/IMG_4746.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="480" src="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-oZzlRHJstpA/UguPOW74wFI/AAAAAAAAC0U/1zMGMqiKF80/s640/IMG_4746.JPG" width="640" /></a></td></tr><tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Chickens stay in, predators stay out</td></tr></tbody></table>Today I've been going through my emails and deleting everything I haven't read or no longer want. I had over 700 unread emails. Now I'm down to just over 500, but wanted to take a break to write.<br /><br />last week I cleaned out our barn. It took me most of the day but I did it. Felt SO awesome to have things organized. When my physical things are organized, I think my brain feels organized too. Wow, I'm just realizing that as I type this out. Makes so much sense. When I need to find something and it's missing or misplaced or I have to dig to find it, I get frustrated really quickly. Even THINKING about trying to find an item in a place that's a huge mess makes me feel anxious. So, now all our tools are together, all the spare lumber/scrap wood is together, all the boxes of clothes are together, etc.<br /><br />Today I think I need to pay some attention to the laundry pile. It's SUPER HUGE and I've neglected it for a few days and it always comes back to bite me in the butt when I do that. And I need a distraction. To be honest, at first, when I start these "clean-ups" I get that anxious feeling like always. But once I commit myself to getting it done, I become very focused on finishing.<br /><br />Finding projects that have a finish line are awesome. Laundry isn't that way so much... but at least I could clean up the laundry ROOM.<br /><br />And just a random photo I took last night of the night sky. :)<br /><br /><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-D8Ln6W-_nck/UguRx67GCGI/AAAAAAAAC0k/dBfr5Cu3_fo/s1600/night+sky.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="282" src="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-D8Ln6W-_nck/UguRx67GCGI/AAAAAAAAC0k/dBfr5Cu3_fo/s640/night+sky.png" width="640" /></a></div><br /><br /><br /><br /><img alt="Texan Mama" border="0" src="http://i281.photobucket.com/albums/kk210/greta72/Blog%20Layout%20Graphics/signature.png" />Gretchennoreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1148212920277135118.post-73010601940765022992013-08-05T13:39:00.000-05:002013-08-05T13:39:01.632-05:00feeling blessedI told my family about my application for Kwik Trip being rejected. Texan Papa said, "really?" he has a very quizzical look on his face, I'm sure it was pretty similar to mine when I got the email. Then of course, my amazing daughter Peppermint Patty chirped up with, "It's because God didn't want you to have that job. He has something better in store for you."<br /><br />Talk about making me smile! How could I ever ask for a child like that? she's pretty wonderful.<br /><br />Money, for us, is pretty tight. I lose sleep about it because I'm a worrier by nature. I wish I weren't, but I am. But today I am feeling very blessed.<br /><br />1) a client placed their order with me. No, it wasn't huge, but it's more than nothing.<br />2) a woman who works at the local art gallery bought one of my large canvas pieces. I had it printed on the HOPE and CHANCE that she would buy it, and she did! If she hadn't, I'd just have another beautiful picture for my own wall at home but luckily I can now deposit that money in the bank.<br />3) the weather has been really cool for about 3 weeks now. I think it is REALLY going to help us with our electricity bill this summer. My garden, however, is going along at snails pace. I should have a bumper crop of red tomatoes by now but instead, I'm lucky if I get one every other day. But that's the least of my complaints!<br /><br />I do recognize my blessings every day, but all too often I magnify my troubles and give them higher priority. I know I shouldn't but they just seem to be the squeaky wheels in my head.<br /><br />I'm going to keep trying to celebrate those blessings and put some oil on the squeaky wheels to quiet them. :)<br /><br /><img alt="Texan Mama" border="0" src="http://i281.photobucket.com/albums/kk210/greta72/Blog%20Layout%20Graphics/signature.png" />Gretchennoreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1148212920277135118.post-53814901967524445562013-08-03T09:55:00.003-05:002013-08-03T09:55:29.776-05:00job searchSo. Due to circumstances totally within my control and absolutely the fault of everyone in my family.... we need more income. So I applied for a job at a local gas station/convenience store.<br /><br />And they rejected my application. I can't even tell you how much that stings.<br /><br />I went on Craigslist and found a lot of job offerings. Some of them iffy, some of them sounded real but once I investigated they also seemed not so legit. I applied for medical clinical trials but my husband absolutely protested, and I thought about it some more, and decided it's not worth the risk. I also looked into a tutoring service but then found out, it's a place where I pay $20 and they list my name on a service. That's it. So I'm thinking, NOT worth it. I know, not a lot of money but I think I'd probably be better off just listing my own tutoring credentials on craigslist for free. I applied for some kind of work-from-home, pay-per-click internet thing. I have to find out more about it to see if it's worth it or a waste of time. I thought it might be something where I surf the web, and I click on stuff that their clients want me to click on so that their page rank goes up or something like that, but like I said, I need to find out more to be sure. That doesn't seem like it would be so bad - I could do it in my spare time at home, and I could get as much out of it as I decide to put into it. But, I know, there's no free lunch so I am hoping to get more info.<br /><br />Now I'm sure you're asking yourself, "wait, what about your <a href="http://www.gretchenwillisphotography.com/" target="_blank">photography business</a>?" Yep, I'm really trying to get that going. But after lots of soul searching, I have decided to price myself at a point where it makes financial sense for me to do it. That means my prices are higher than what many people can spend. It's not outrageous, but it's definitely a luxury-priced item. Many folks in our town don't want to, or can't, pay for luxury items like custom photography. And maybe they can afford it but think of it as a waste of money (that's how I feel about Coach purses, but that's just me.) I totally get that - different values for different people. It's just hard to get folks to understand why my business is so expensive. Big businesses, like Sears or JCPenneys, make money on other things and their photo studios are actually not designed to make money - they are designed to get customers in the door to shop in their store. The problem is getting the average consumer to understand the difference between JC Penneys and myself (like the difference between a Target purse and a Coach purse). So, anyway, the business is VERY slow-going. I've offered sales and special promotions but people just aren't exactly flocking to me. <br /><br />It's a very hard thing to navigate, to figure out: how to pay for everything that everyone "needs". I am realizing I'm very weak when it comes to saying no to my husband and my children. I hate disappointing anyone. Just yesterday, my husband wanted to go to get ice cream, then go to the drive-in movies. I had to tell him, "hon, let's do one or the other. We just can't afford to do both." I'm learning more cost-saving ways (like going to Dollar Tree for ice cream that's only a buck, instead of Dairy Queen where it's $3-$5 each) but it's slow-going.<br /><br />I'm hoping I find something. Ideally it would be something that I can work at through the night, so we don't have to find a babysitter for the littlest one. The choices for that are limited. So, I guess I'll just keep looking.<br /><br /><br /><img alt="Texan Mama" border="0" src="http://i281.photobucket.com/albums/kk210/greta72/Blog%20Layout%20Graphics/signature.png" />Gretchennoreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1148212920277135118.post-91395273857407747492013-08-02T08:18:00.003-05:002013-08-02T08:18:43.486-05:00againI'm getting that overwhelmed feeling again. It sucks, and I feel it happening and don't know how to stop it. I can't will those thoughts away no matter how much I want to.<br /><br />My kids are watching some cartoon movie in the other room and one character just said, "I realized my heart isn't as happy as it should be." Well doesn't that just hit the nail on the head?!?! I don't know how to make my heart happy. I wish I did but I don't.<br /><br />I am going to try to focus on other things today. I know I probably won't be able to do it 100% but I definitely want to try. We're going to a state park so hopefully we'll have lots to keep us busy.<br /><br /><br /><img alt="Texan Mama" border="0" src="http://i281.photobucket.com/albums/kk210/greta72/Blog%20Layout%20Graphics/signature.png" />Gretchennoreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1148212920277135118.post-72236402845913244592013-07-30T14:47:00.002-05:002013-07-30T14:47:13.175-05:00yummy cupcakes!A few weeks ago my family attended a church picnic. One of the desserts served was brownies with frosting. But the frosting was hard, like a candy shell. It was so yummy!<br /><br />I asked the woman who made them, what did she do? She laughed and said, "Actually, that's a box mix for brownie pops, and I just made them in a pan instead."<br /><br />GENIUS!<br /><br /><br /><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-ICqHtvrcFBU/UfgYKGe-TZI/AAAAAAAAC0E/AHxVZmC4CDM/s1600/IMG_4737.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="480" src="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-ICqHtvrcFBU/UfgYKGe-TZI/AAAAAAAAC0E/AHxVZmC4CDM/s640/IMG_4737.JPG" width="640" /></a></div><br /><br />Now I've gotten on a kick that when I make a cake or cupcakes, I will melt chocolate almond bark and drizzle it on top. It's SO EASY and the frosting is so yummy. (Well, it's not really frosting, but it's still a topping!) As an added bonus, when I'm taking the cupcakes or cake somewhere else to share, I don't need to worry about the frosting smearing on anything or if the cupcakes should turn over. The frosting hardens into its candy form within about 15 minutes and I'm good to go!<br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><img alt="Texan Mama" border="0" src="http://i281.photobucket.com/albums/kk210/greta72/Blog%20Layout%20Graphics/signature.png" />Gretchennoreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1148212920277135118.post-55195830822172515112013-07-29T09:37:00.002-05:002013-07-29T09:37:45.964-05:00normalI'm working on those elephant bites, but it's SO SLOW GOING.<br /><br />I'm also trying to clean up from our totally failed garage sale. I worked so hard getting it together and we made less than $100. But, I've been photographing and listing the items on a local 'for sale' facebook group and had pretty good success with that.<br /><br />Still, all the photographing, listing, checking, meeting, etc is sucking a lot of time out of me.<br /> <br />I'm realizing that my house is depressing to me. I look around and I see all the jobs that still need to be done, all the repairs that need fixing, all the unfinished EVERYTHING. Also, the computer is my escape, and it pulls me in more than I want it to. I TRY to avoid getting on the computer but I get sucked in. Partly because I have legitimate reasons - checking on the items I'm selling, finding a phone number, check on our bank balance, etc. But then I start doing other things (blogging, facebook, forums, etc.) and the day disappears...<br /><br />I took some meds a few years ago to help me normalize my emotions. And when I say "normalize" I don't mean there is a standard of normal. I mean, to make them less like a roller coaster and more like gently rolling hills. :) They worked for a time, then I went off them, then last year I went back on them and they didn't seem to work as well. I think I need to talk to my doctor about maybe getting an anti-anxiety medicine instead of anti-depressant? I don't even know if those are the same thing or not. I just know, I have a hard time falling asleep because my thoughts are racing and upon opening my eyes in the morning, my stomach is turning in knots while I think about all I have to do that day, and all that I didn't accomplish the day before.<br /><br />I want my kids to have a mom who's not a mess. I know I'm not perfect, my kids DEFINITELY know I'm not perfect. I'm a big believer in apologizing when I'm wrong - especially to my kids. But I don't want them to grow up thinking that it's normal for a parent to have crying jags on and off most days. When we become adults, we often think "normal" is whatever we experienced in our own childhoods. I want my kids to see healthy, authentic happiness. Not fake or forced.<br /><br />Maybe that's just not who I am? Maybe. But I really want to try, for my kids and for me.<br /><br /><br /><br /><img alt="Texan Mama" border="0" src="http://i281.photobucket.com/albums/kk210/greta72/Blog%20Layout%20Graphics/signature.png" />Gretchennoreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1148212920277135118.post-77028283974178905372013-07-25T21:19:00.000-05:002013-07-25T21:19:03.023-05:00elephant bitesWe just got home from a week's vacation. Our vacations are never fancy. 9 times out of 10, "vacation" is visiting family. This week was one of the 9 out of 10.<br /><br />We stopped in one town on our way to the other, then in that same town on the way back home. We left two kids with one set of grandparents, one kid with the other set, and returned home with our two little girls. The house is a lot quieter for a few days. We'll pick up the big kids on Monday.<br /><br />The whole ride home all I kept thinking about was all the activities I'd do once I got home...<br /><br />make flyers for my local MOPS group... color my hair... pick up the boys' room and give it a good cleaning... photograph all the stuff I didn't sell in the garage sale and post in on our local FB for sale group... gather the school supplies for the new year... get my checkbook in order... clean and tidy all the rooms one by one, and give them some attention they've been lacking... finish painting the bathroom...<br /><br />Then I got home to my house. And holy hell, my house is a giant elephant. What I mean by that is this: have you ever heard the expression "How do you eat an elephant?" the answer is "One bite at a time." Upon entering my house, I found it to be cleaned up enough, but there were random piles of crap everywhere. And actually, I never noticed all the random piles of crap until I spent a week at my parents' and in-laws' houses, where they have really nice clean tidy houses. No crap. No piles. Nicely decorated. I come home to my house with the vanilla walls, nothing interesting on the walls (except dirty handprints and holes where the drywall has crumbled), junk lying everywhere that could be classified as "I know I don't want to throw that away but I don't have a specific place for it either."<br /><br />I went down to the boys' room and I found.... mold. and ants. and it almost broke my heart. We finished this room about 4 months ago and we've been working on it for 18 months up until then. We moved into a 3-bedroom house with 5 kids. We knew we'd need more bedrooms and so we built them. But this bedroom is in the basement, and it's next to our well, and we don't have a dehumidifier down there. There was mold growing on a couch in their room, and the whole room just FEELS damp. The ants, I'm sure, came in because of the dampness also. It's just so disheartening because they boys waited for a long time to get that bedroom, and now we don't know what will happen next... hopefully getting a dehumidifier will do the trick but if not, will we have to tear the room apart? And in the mean time how are we going to get rid of the ants? Don't even make me tell you about the 2 mice we found in the mouse traps. ew. Mice are just a part of living in the country and they don't bother me so much... but I don't want to think about them running around near my boys' room where they sleep.<br /><br />So anyway, I've got this giant elephant. And I'm trying to eat it one bite at a time. But the thing is, I feel like I'm eating this giant elephant, and the whole time I have this other elephant to eat too which is called LAUNDRY and this other elephant called DISHES and another elephant called TAKING CARE OF MY CHILDREN. So I've got to eat 4 elephants all at the same time and ... I'm just having trouble stuffing it all in, know what I mean?<br /><br /><br /><br /><img alt="Texan Mama" border="0" src="http://i281.photobucket.com/albums/kk210/greta72/Blog%20Layout%20Graphics/signature.png" />Gretchennoreply@blogger.com6tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1148212920277135118.post-67069407778553489332013-07-22T22:08:00.001-05:002013-07-22T22:08:17.077-05:00sleepwhy do I forget these things?<br /><br />all last week, I have been working on getting a garage sale together. Our little town was having a town-wide garage sale and so I thought, this would be the perfect opportunity to get rid of a bunch of stuff. So I worked steady for about an entire week. I priced items, I sorted clothes by sizes and hung them on hangers, I washed items that needed cleaning and I fixed items that needed some hot glue. I got plenty of tables, I hung up my sale signs, and I put our address on the list for the sales in town.<br /><br />and we grossed less than $100.<br /><br />that. really. sucked.<br /><br />every night I stayed up late doing pricing and sorting and arranging, because the heat was so intense and the cool of the night was the only time to do it without melting. then, every morning bright and early, my little ones would wake me up and get me going for breakfast and playtime and mommy get me this, mommy tell her to do that, mommy can I please have this, mommy can you please fix that, etc. etc.<br /><br />Friday, after the disappointing sale, we headed out of town to visit family. Friday night I spent the night at my husband's grandmother's house. In the morning, when the little ones woke up, they played with her and I got to sleep in. UNTIL 9:45!!! HALLELUJAH!!!!<br /><br />I woke with a clearer head, a lighter heart, and a better outlook. I know I still have some challenges ahead of me but I don't feel quite so heavy about it anymore. I feel like I can handle it.<br /><br />Nothing is fixed yet. I don't want to be melodramatic but sometimes i feel like my life is one big swirl of chaos. The messes are never completely put away, no jobs are ever completely finished, the bills are never completely paid, the "to do" list always outpaces the "done" list. I feel like I'm never going to get caught up and it makes me feel defeated.<br /><br />My heart wants to cry when I think about it. But my head wants to stand up and say, "Hey! This is totally do-able! No problem. We can tackle this!" I feel tugged by MY OWN SELF in two different directions.<br /><br />I had a nice escape last night in my dreams. I had the strangest dream and it made no sense to me but I'll tell you about it: I dreamed that I was awoken in the middle of the night by someone I'd never met, but who I know as running a photography group on Facebook. He told me I was needed for a photography trip and to come with him. So I did. I got to a group of B&Bs in this small woodsy area, and I put my belongings away in my room and we were told to come downstairs. We all met outside the B&B, walked through the woods until we finally came upon a clearing. In front of us was a large circular area surrounded by a fence - the kind of rural wooden fence you see on ranches to keep cows penned in. Anyway, we all walked up to this fence and stood around it, and peered inside the circle and we saw ... the night sky and stars. And i know this sounds weird but he told us, this is the south pole. You are standing at the south pole.<br /><br />I know this is totally bizarre but it made me dizzy to think about it. It makes me dizzy just typing it out now! And in all normal thought, being on the south pole would be cold and icy, not mossy green and grassy. But still, it was cool to feel included on this really important photoshoot. The dream continued with us (a large group of photographers) going all around the globe to "important" photographic sites to shoot amazing images. We traveled to Africa, to Asia, to Europe, etc. I've never been to these places in real life but I went there in my dream. It felt so amazing, I felt like I was free.<br /><br />Waking up was one of those times when I kept fighting to stay asleep. I heard the sounds from the floor above me, the sounds that I knew meant that sleep was leaving me and waking was imminent. I tried to keep my eyes shut, tried to stay in the dream but I couldn't.<br /><br />Going to sleep at night is even a personal struggle - but I don't know why I do that to myself. I fight with myself, "I should stay up and fold one more load of laundry. I should stay up and pick up these toys or plan the week's meals or clip coupons" etc. then I end up lying in bed thinking about all the things I didn't do. Sometimes I end up getting up and DOING them. Usually I can only go to sleep once I've succumbed to exhaustion about 3:30am. Then the cycle just continues because too little sleep makes me crazy and irrational.<br /><br />I am hoping to make some changes - although my track record for sticking to my changes is disappointing at best - and those changes are going to have to include more sleep and more prayer time. I truly need both. <br /><br /><br /><br /><img alt="Texan Mama" border="0" src="http://i281.photobucket.com/albums/kk210/greta72/Blog%20Layout%20Graphics/signature.png" />Gretchennoreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1148212920277135118.post-18084728950692418192013-07-18T19:58:00.002-05:002013-07-18T19:58:45.382-05:00my brainI haven't been around here much lately.<br /><br />I know it. You know it. I don't know if anyone cares any more.<br /><br />For a long time I've felt like.... like I said all I have to say. And what I have left to say is better left unsaid. Because while I like baring my soul here on the interwebs, I still am highly aware that there are people out there... with feelings... people who I love... and their stories are not mine to tell. Not to mention, there needs to be a filter on the ends of my fingertips. Not every thought in my head needs to come out on this page.<br /><br />But today I felt like writing. Not on Facebook, where my mom and best friend and everyone else can see every syllable I type.<br /><br />So here's what's going on: my heart is heavy because of something personal going on, and I don't know how to stop thinking. I can NOT think about this every minute of every day because it is making me nauseous, it's keeping me up at night, and it's making me cry nonstop. On the one hand, this is an issue that I must pay close attention to and I know I must deal with. On the other hand, I know that if I let this issue consume my every single thought, I will cause myself physical harm.<br /><br />Yet I don't know how to turn off my thoughts. A friend of mine recently said, "Gretchen, You have SO MANY THOUGHTS." just that. So many thoughts. And it's true! I wonder if having these non-stop thoughts is adult ADD. It could be. Or maybe I need to chill out. Or maybe that's just me. Maybe that's just how I'm wired, maybe that's who I am and that's what God created me to be. Maybe God gave me this kind of a brain for a reason - and it's my job to figure out that reason.<br /><br />I hate uncertainty. I hate asking people for help. I hate conflict. I don't know how to escape my problems. I know, actually, that I should not escape but instead DEAL with my problems. That takes a mature person and, being 41, I thought I was mature. But every day I get older the more I feel like I'm a scared 14 year old, discovering her identity and needing support and reassurance, unsure about what the future holds.<br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><img alt="Texan Mama" border="0" src="http://i281.photobucket.com/albums/kk210/greta72/Blog%20Layout%20Graphics/signature.png" />Gretchennoreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1148212920277135118.post-46482965334911441872013-03-17T15:25:00.005-05:002013-03-17T15:26:29.897-05:00the Power of BOOKS*sigh* books. the great equalizer.<br /><br />Okay, I'll be honest. I don't know what that phrase "the Great equalizer" means. but it sounds good. The way I mean it, is this: books can make me a better mom, or a better wife, or a better friend. They can help me solve my child's sleep problems or have a new kid by Friday or help me understand the way they learn. They can give me power! The Power of a Praying Parent! The Power of a Positive Wife! Basically, books make me believe that if I just read them, I can do anything! The shiny covers are so filled with hope, so filled with promise.<br /><br />There are just a few problems:<br />1. I'm a really slow reader. Usually by the time I finish the book I'm reading, the problem has either solved itself, or replaced itself with something way more serious.<br />2. Once I read the book, I need to actively APPLY it to my life. It's not enough to just know what to do; I have to actually do it.<br />3. I hate reading.<br /><br />Just yesterday I got back from the <a href="http://www.hearts-at-home.org/index.php/about/who-is-hearts-at-home" target="_blank">Hearts at Home</a> national conference. I had a pretty good time! Lots of information about parenting, how I could be doing it better as well as how I'm not so bad already. There was a huge vendors area with lots and lots and LOTS of books for sale. I swore I wouldn't buy any books. I went home with two. So, two books aren't terrible. Maybe I can read them. Then I got home and looked at my bookshelf of all the OTHER BOOKS I've said the same thing about. Maybe one day.... Maybe when I get some free time.....<br /><br />For now they make great coasters. <br /><br /><img alt="Texan Mama" border="0" src="http://i281.photobucket.com/albums/kk210/greta72/Blog%20Layout%20Graphics/signature.png" />Gretchennoreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1148212920277135118.post-50609336509758950452013-03-11T22:21:00.003-05:002013-03-11T22:31:10.714-05:00My Mistressoh, hi! <br /><br />*me waving wildly in a mom-you're-embarrassing-me kind of way*<br /><br />It's been a while, eh? I'm like the boyfriend who said he'd call you, but then lost your number. You're left hanging like, "wait, I thought things were going well. what happened? What did I do?"<br /><br />Look, I have to say it: it's not you, it's me. Can we still be friends?<br /><br />I could claim my absence is a result of laziness or disinterest or busyness or other stuff... But I think it's been a subconscious choice that's manifested itself within my other daily thoughts. IT - the reason I haven't been blogging - is because I didn't want to admit that I'd fallen out of love with blogging. But really, I had. <b><i>Blogging and I were ready for a breakup</i></b>.<br /><br />In the beginning, Blogging and I were all hot-n-heavy. It was what I thought about day and night. I spent way too many nights up late with my new lover. I couldn't get enough.<br /><br />After a little while, like maybe a year, the honeymoon period was over and I started to see the not-so-pretty side of Blogging. Sometimes I didn't really want to be around the Blog at all. I needed a break! But I kept getting drawn back in... the comments. the memes. the chance to win a Starbucks giftcard if I only retweeted every day for a week and did a facebook post and left a comment and.... <br /><br />And finally, I saw the Blogging for what it really was: my mistress. It pulled my attention away from everything else I was before. I fought this.... was I evolving into someone new? Or was I taking on a new relationship that was unhealthy? If this new mistress was harmless, then was I growing from this relationship or was the relationship keeping me from personal growth in other ways? Bottom line: <i><b>was Blogging making me a better person, or a worse one?</b></i><br /><br />Then I started to consider the future: did I see myself as a lifetime committed Blogger? Did I see Blogging as something I would be doing in one year's time? Or two? Or five? While the years with Blogging slipped by quickly, I didn't know if the upcoming years would pass as such. I started to dread writing. When I once made spending time with my Blog a priority, instead I found myself doing things to avoid Blogging. And, I just don't know... was I really avoiding blogging? Or was I maybe re-centering myself back into place, understanding that... no, I can't avoid doing our taxes because I have to write a blog post; no, I can't wait until 6:45 to start dinner because I have to finish doing my Mr. Linky blog hop; no, checking my keyword analysis is not more important than playing Candyland with my child.<br /><br />I realized: this Blog is not my future. This Blog is not my family. This Blog is a commitment to NO ONE. I had inflated the importance of my Blog in my own mind, and had placed its importance ahead of my own health (don't make me tell you how much weight I gained sitting in front of the laptop or how many hours of sleep I lost returning comments). I placed its importance ahead of the attention my family deserved. I placed the Blog's importance ahead of relationships, all in the name of "I'VE GOT SOMETHING TO SAY AND I WANT SOMEONE TO LISTEN TO ME, BECAUSE THAT VALIDATES ME."<br /><br />Blog, you aren't evil. You're just exactly what I created you to be. You didn't have to be an intruder in my life. You didn't have to interrupt my thoughts or sidetrack my attention. I made that choice to follow you. And I know that not all Blogs are created equal - I have read Blogs that make me cry at my own inadequacy with the English language, they are so well written. I have read Blogs that nearly make me wet my pants from laughter and, at the very least, make me forget my troubles for a few minutes and put a smile on my face where there used to be a scowl. I have read Blogs that tear me apart, wrench out my heart, and make me fall to my knees in thankfulness for how blessed I am. I have read blogs that make me think new thoughts, consider a point of view I'd never even imagined, or strengthened my resolve on issues I believe in but I'm too afraid to talk about. <br /><br />But Blogging has the best kind of fall-out that I never anticipated: the relationships. In the 45 minutes I've spent typing this post, sitting in the bedroom hallway while my kids fall asleep, I have thought about all the women (and a few men) I've met through Blogging. All the people I'd never have known if I'd not started Blogging. All the opportunities I'd never known, all the places I'd never seen, all the experiences I'd never had.<br /><br />So was it a mistake to start Blogging? I don't know. I can't imagine what my life would have been like if I'd never started. If I had to guess, I'd say... I probably would not be a photographer. I would likely be downstairs right now, working on a scrapbook or sewing a set of curtains for our living room. Honestly? I miss those things. It sounds silly, but I miss how simple my life was before Blogging. I miss the days when I neither knew nor cared about what SEO was, or a media kit, or a widget. I didn't know if someone's website was Wordpress or Blogger or Typepad or whatever. I didn't spend money on Blogging conferences and web design. Life "pre-Blogging" just seemed.... simpler, somehow.<br /><br />I don't know where I'm going from here. But since I've gotten this far I will tell you what's happening now: my Peanuts are all growing up fast. Peppermint Patty is 13 and taller than me and gorgeous. Charlie Brown is almost 12 and almost as tall as me and an absolute gentleman. Linus is still a total firecracker and keeps life interesting every day. He's 10. Sally is 5 and she's in Pre-K this year and she loves having friends and a great teacher. And Violet. She's 3 and a half. She's gotten "home haircuts" twice now (once courtesy of Sally, once her own doing). She's so smart and funny and sweet and every bit the baby of the family.<br /><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-kLS7eJgbf2s/UT6bQQjAD2I/AAAAAAAACxE/r-83sxkIeYw/s1600/family-23030002.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="640" src="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-kLS7eJgbf2s/UT6bQQjAD2I/AAAAAAAACxE/r-83sxkIeYw/s640/family-23030002.jpg" width="465" /></a></div><div style="text-align: center;"><i><span style="font-size: x-small;">(I took this photo of the Peanuts last fall)</span></i></div><br />I don't even live in Texas anymore so I feel sorta disconnected from the name of the blog. Even though I think I say it every time I write a post, I feel like I need to say it again. I'm not really a Texan Mama anymore. I'm a Wisconsin Mama now. But that just doesn't roll off the tongue quite as well.<br /><br />I started, then stopped, and now have started again with a <a href="http://www.gretchenwillis.com/" target="_blank">photography business</a>. Photography is my new mistress. And every single doubt I have about what Blogging meant to me.... that's what I feel about Photography as well. Only, like, times a million because the equipment is unbelievably expensive. What I said, three years ago, "A camera lens costs WHAT??? Hell no, I'll never spend that kind of money on a LENS." I laugh at that now. The amount of money I've invested into photography makes me blush. It brings me great joy but it also makes me feel that I owe it to my family to be good at this. I can't sink thousands of dollars and just as many hours into a "hobby" and not make something of it. Yes, it makes me happy. But it also makes me sad. And frustrated, and joyful, and intelligent, and stupid, and tired. Like every new relationship, it has its ups and its downs. The question is: <b><i>will I be in this one for the long haul?</i></b><br /><br />And so, dear friends, where does this leave us? Will we part ways? Will we hang on to the last thread of hope for the relationship to continue? Well, I can't say what my part will be. I want to honor my commitment to Blogging. At the same time, I recognize that other priorities IRL - in. real. life. - do need to take precedence. Blogging is not my real life. If I closed my blog today, it would not change who I am, it would not change who anyone else is, it would not make me richer or poorer or hungrier or smarter. It would not save a life nor condemn it. However, it might cause me to get a little more sleep. Or, it might cause me to lose ties with some of the amazing people I've had the privilege to know, meet, and truly call "friend". It's the last part there - the possibility that I could cut ties with the VERY THING that got me started in Blogging in the first place... the RELATIONSHIPS - that will always keep a place in my heart for this blog. If there's a chance that I could lose that, then I will risk a few sleepless nights or a few late dinners to keep it in my life.<br /><br />Like you never forget your first love, I think this blog will always be a part of me.<br /><br />Until next time...<br /><br /><br /><img alt="Texan Mama" border="0" src="http://i281.photobucket.com/albums/kk210/greta72/Blog%20Layout%20Graphics/signature.png" />Gretchennoreply@blogger.com5tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1148212920277135118.post-72346103629879072232012-10-24T08:27:00.001-05:002013-03-11T22:36:31.427-05:00Little PeanutsHey Y'all<br /><br />I know, I know, I've been really absent.<br /><br />I've got a million excuses. You don't want to hear them. Same story, different day.<br /><br />So, I took some pictures last night of my littlest Peanut, Violet. She's growing up, yo. She'll be 3 years old next month. Can you believe it? Next month will mark 3 years since <a href="http://www.texanmama.com/2009/11/shes-here.html" target="_blank">I welcomed her arrival </a>after a hurried and chaotic 3 hour labor.<br /><br />Last night she was sleeping so beautifully and I wanted to capture her. I want to remember her like this forever. She's sweet, young, and still chubby in all the cute places. She is still working on getting her words out right, and says things like "eye-kee" for ice cream and she refuses to call a cow by it's name, instead insisting it's called a "moo-moo".<br /><br /><a href="http://www.flickr.com/photos/texanmama/8118595380/" title="bonus-9389.jpg by Texan Mama, on Flickr"><img src="http://farm9.staticflickr.com/8048/8118595380_4d04a12f6f_z.jpg" width="500" alt="bonus-9389.jpg"></a><br /><br /><a href="http://www.flickr.com/photos/texanmama/8118595142/" title="bonus-9380.jpg by Texan Mama, on Flickr"><img alt="bonus-9380.jpg" height="333" src="http://farm9.staticflickr.com/8049/8118595142_2c466e44e4.jpg" width="500" /></a><br /><br /><a href="http://www.flickr.com/photos/texanmama/8118582667/" title="bonus-9381.jpg by Texan Mama, on Flickr"><img alt="bonus-9381.jpg" height="333" src="http://farm9.staticflickr.com/8327/8118582667_8a17ae63ae.jpg" width="500" /></a><br /><br />She's also best friends with her big sister Sally. They do everything together, from giggling to fighting, playing with each other to stealing toys from each other. They are typical sisters, through and through.<br /><br /><a href="http://www.flickr.com/photos/texanmama/8106857612/" title="maura and amy-9210 by Texan Mama, on Flickr"><img alt="maura and amy-9210" height="333" src="http://farm9.staticflickr.com/8335/8106857612_4101f0e37f.jpg" width="500" /></a><br /><br />Here they are going down a dirt pile in our front yard together. On sleds. Because up here in Wisconsin, we're chomping at the bit for some snow. (ha ha)<br /><br /><a href="http://www.flickr.com/photos/texanmama/8119013327/" title="untitled-8918.jpg by Texan Mama, on Flickr"><img alt="untitled-8918.jpg" height="333" src="http://farm9.staticflickr.com/8474/8119013327_e5008975bd.jpg" width="500" /></a><br /><br />She's my little peanut. I want to keep her little forever. I know it's my job to help her grow up into a sweet and amazing young lady. But it's just so hard to let her quit needing me. And yet, at the same time, I'm ready to be needed less.<br /><br /><a href="http://www.flickr.com/photos/texanmama/8007029046/" title="Amy in the window-9325 by Texan Mama, on Flickr"><img alt="Amy in the window-9325" height="333" src="http://farm9.staticflickr.com/8318/8007029046_1abb478e43.jpg" width="500" /></a><br /><br />The world is hers for the discovering. I'm just lucky to get to watch it all unfold.<br /><br /><img alt="Texan Mama" border="0" src="http://i281.photobucket.com/albums/kk210/greta72/Blog%20Layout%20Graphics/signature.png" />Gretchennoreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1148212920277135118.post-64039350132193385582012-10-05T12:31:00.000-05:002012-10-05T12:31:24.045-05:00This Old HouseWe moved to Wisconsin almost exactly a year ago. We didn't move into our house, though, until December. We were living in a hotel for 2 long months while we looked for the right house for us... one that was 1) in our price range, 2) not too small for 2 adults + 5 kids (which, in reality, is more like 5 adults + 2 kids because my 3 older kids are about adult-sized by now), 3) not in a bad part of town, and 4) didn't need so much work that it was uninhabitable.<br /><br />That was quite a tall order.<br /><br />We were lucky enough to find a house about 10 miles out of town. It's still in the school district so my kids are able to ride the school bus. It's on 15+ acres of land and a barn and chicken coop, it is about 30 years old, it's got room for all of us even though it's only 3 bedrooms - because it's got a full basement and we've nearly finished construction on 2 more bedrooms down there. And, most importantly, because it was a foreclosure it was well within our price budget.<br /><br />The house had just gotten new flooring throughout the main floor and a fresh coat of construction-worker paint (aka slap one thin coat on and call it a day). We got new appliances in the kitchen (they needed replacing anyway) and I am thrilled.<br /><br />However, the more I go to other people's homes the more my stomach drops a little. Our house needs updating. BADLY. There's no way to hide it. Right now it's not in the budget - we're tackling the biggest jobs first, like getting enough bedrooms for all our kids to have some breathing room. We also need to repair the barn roof. We have a crack in our driveway that's causing a leak into the basement (the one good thing about the summer drought up here is that we didn't have too much of a problem in the last 6 months). We've got school tuition (our kids go to private school but ride the public school bus - a perk of living in Wisconsin). We've got birthday parties and band instruments and soccer uniforms to buy. It's a bit overwhelming.<br /><br />But anyway, speaking of birthday parties, Sally has hers this weekend. Tomorrow, actually. I convinced her that Chuck E. Cheese was dumb and that a backyard party was WAY better. Plus Chuck E. Cheese is about an hour's drive away. So tomorrow afternoon we'll have about a dozen 5-year-olds and their parents in our house. And I know they'll be looking at our 70's style bathroom and wondering, "Whoa am I in a time warp?" They'll see my outdated kitchen cabinets and say, "Oh yeah, we had those cabinets in our house when I was a little kid!" They'll see the light fixtures and think, "Wow, I didn't know those fixtures were still made!" (they aren't.)<br /><br />I'm not trying to keep up with the Joneses or pretend to be someone I'm not. I just ... feel a little ... embarrassed. And my house is definitely CLEAN and TIDY. But modern? no. Even just... current? no.<br /><br />I know it will happen in time. I think it's actually humbling and good for me to have to wait for these things. It reminds me that I can't have everything right away and I shouldn't - I should have to work for it, have patience for it, and I will appreciate it all the more when it does happen. But in the mean time, I hope my guests embrace the groovy funk.<br /><br /><br /><br /><img alt="Texan Mama" border="0" src="http://i281.photobucket.com/albums/kk210/greta72/Blog%20Layout%20Graphics/signature.png" />Gretchennoreply@blogger.com5tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1148212920277135118.post-71592610207475337372012-09-13T14:47:00.001-05:002012-09-13T14:49:03.503-05:00Things I Love (?) Thursday - Magic Jack Plus<a href="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-AkPeODEcPGg/UFI32kmcWaI/AAAAAAAACKo/Zmik7axlDLQ/s1600/MJP-2.jpg" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="240" src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-AkPeODEcPGg/UFI32kmcWaI/AAAAAAAACKo/Zmik7axlDLQ/s320/MJP-2.jpg" width="320" /></a>Normally I would be posting about things I love.<br /><br />Today is not one of those days.<br /><br /><br /><br />My mom and dad purchased a Magic Jack about 2 years ago and sang its praises. They had the kind that plugs into your computer, so the only problem they had was when the computer got shut down or the power went off, then they'd need to start the MJ back up. But other than that, they loved it. I took their advice and I purchased a Magic Jack Plus in January. The MJPlus doesn't require a computer - you just need high speed internet and a router and plug the device into that. For the most part, I've loved it. I paid $70 for the device from Walmart, which included my first year's subscription ($20). The instructions were easy to follow and I had a home phone set up via my internet router in a matter of minutes. Easy peasy lemon squeezy!<br /><br />I also decided to purchase the additional extended warranty. For just $1, my warranty was extended to a full year. I'm glad I did, because the AC adapter for the device crapped out and I had to get a new one. Thankfully they are sending me a new one at no charge.<br /><br />Since January, I've been calling numbers all around Wisconsin and the United States with no problems. I loved the voice mail, I loved that it was free. I thought this was an amazing money-saver. Then, suddenly, last week I could no longer make calls within the area of my local phone carrier. So, calls to my husband's work and to Sally's preschool would not go through. I was given the option of purchasing a prepaid calling card to make these calls. That didn't make sense to me, since I'd always been able to make the calls before. Never had a problem until last week.<br /><br />I googled it. That's my answer for everything.<br /><br />I found some very technical info about "carrier termination charges" and "IPEC carriers" etc. I called my internet provider and asked them about it. They were well-versed with Magic Jack and said they'd made no changes, made no restrictions to calls, made no termination agreement changes or restrictions or anything like that.<br /><br />So I got on with Magic Jack customer service. In case you care, here's the conversation:<br /><br />You are now chatting with 'Jenna' <br /><div class="operatorText"><i><span style="color: red;"><span class="operatorName">Jenna: </span>Hello, how may I help you?</span></i></div><div class="visitorText"><i><span class="visitorName">Gretchen: </span>Hi 'Jenna'</i></div><div class="visitorText"><i><span class="visitorName">Gretchen: </span>Hi. I'm having trouble placing calls to numbers within a certain carrier's territory.</i></div><div class="visitorText"><i><span class="visitorName">Gretchen: </span>My MJ is working fine. I can make calls to most places.</i></div><div class="visitorText"><i><span class="visitorName">Gretchen: </span>But to certain prefixes, it won't work.</i></div><div class="visitorText"><i><span class="visitorName">Gretchen: </span>And it has worked in the past 100% of the time.</i></div><div class="visitorText"><i><span class="visitorName">Gretchen: </span>I am wondering what the recent change has been so that I cannot make outgoing calls to these nubmers anymore.</i></div><div class="operatorText"><i><span style="color: red;"><span class="operatorName">Jenna: </span><span dir="ltr">May I have at least three sample numbers you can't make calls with their phone provider, please?</span></span></i></div><div class="visitorText"><i><span class="visitorName">Gretchen: </span>The carrier is XXXX Telephone Co-Op in XXX and XXX counties, in Wisconsin.</i></div><div class="visitorText"><i><span class="visitorName">Gretchen: </span>phone number #1</i></div><div class="visitorText"><i><span class="visitorName">Gretchen: Phone number #2</span></i></div><div class="visitorText"><i><span class="visitorName">Gretchen: Phone number #3</span></i></div><div class="operatorText"><i><span style="color: red;"><span class="operatorName">Jenna: </span><span dir="ltr"> Thank you for the information.</span></span></i></div><div class="operatorText"><i><span style="color: red;"><span class="operatorName">Jenna: </span><span dir="ltr">May I know if you can hear a recording message when calling those number?</span></span></i></div><div class="visitorText"><i><span class="visitorName">Gretchen: </span>If you want to make a conference call, please call magic jack dot com</i></div><div class="operatorText"><i><span style="color: red;"><span class="operatorName">Jenna: </span><span dir="ltr">I see. Thank you for the information.</span></span></i></div><div class="operatorText"><i><span style="color: red;"><span class="operatorName">Jenna: </span>We may require prepaid purchase and/or we may charge you for calls to conference lines, platforms and certain non-ILEC area calls, or any call wherein we incur a cost from another carrier. We may provide for a fee, premium prepaid services, which may be powered by YMAX Communications Corp. (YMAX), and may include some inbound, international, conference, platform and outbound calls that receive a recording and certain calls to non-ILEC areas, and the rates for those services will be governed by listed price lists or tariffs. Charges may apply to use the call forwarding feature.</span></i></div><div class="operatorText"><i><span style="color: red;"><span class="operatorName">Jenna: </span><span dir="ltr">Please refer to our "Terms of Service" section 4. What Is Free and What is Not:.</span></span></i></div><div class="operatorText"><i><span style="color: red;"><span class="operatorName">Jenna: </span><a href="http://www.magicjack.com/tos/" target="_blank">http://www.magicjack.com/tos/</a></span></i></div><div class="visitorText"><i><span class="visitorName">Gretchen: </span>okay, well, that doesn't make sense. (I've already read the TOS #4) I have been calling these numbers for 9 months, the inability to make calls only started last week.</i></div><div class="visitorText"><i><span class="visitorName">Gretchen: </span>I was just on my cell phone with my internet carrier, XXXX phone co-op, and they said they have NO restrictions on the termination agreement. </i></div><div class="operatorText"><i><span style="color: red;"><span class="operatorName">Jenna: </span><span dir="ltr">I understand. There are some changes that has been made by the provider, Gretchen that cause you to purchase prepaid minutes inorder to make a successful call to some inbound, international, conference, platform and outbound calls that receive a recording and certain calls to non-ILEC areas, and the rates for those services will be governed by listed price lists or tariffs. Charges may apply to use the call forwarding feature.</span></span></i></div><div class="visitorText"><i><span class="visitorName">Gretchen: </span>Jenna, are you saying that changes have been made by my internet provider? Or by Magic Jack?</i></div><div class="visitorText"><i><span class="visitorName">Gretchen: </span>My provider told me they have made NO changes. I specifically asked them this question and they verified they have not made any changes.</i></div><div class="operatorText"><i><span style="color: red;"><span class="operatorName">Jenna: </span><span dir="ltr">I understand you, Gretchen. There are changes made by the phone provider you are trying to call since all outbound calls that receive a recording and certain calls to non-ILEC areas, and the rates for those services will be governed by listed price lists or tariffs.</span></span></i></div><div class="operatorText"><i><span style="color: red;"><span class="operatorName">Jenna: </span>ILEC - refer to Independent Local Exchange Carrier</span></i></div><div class="visitorText"><i><span class="visitorName">Gretchen: </span>I understand you Jenna. I specifically asked XXXX Telephone Co-Op if they have made any changes to their services. They said no. I asked them if they have any restrictions on the termination agreement for Magic Jack. They said, no, we have no restrictions on our agreement with Magic Jack. </i></div><div class="visitorText"><i><span class="visitorName">Gretchen: </span>Further, my Magic Jack has ALWAYS worked to these numbers. If the change just happened within the last week, I believe the telephone co-op would know if they made changes.</i></div><div class="visitorText"><i><span class="visitorName">Gretchen: </span>They only manage a small number of customers. </i></div><div class="visitorText"><i><span class="visitorName">Gretchen: </span>Magic Jack manages thousands all across the united states.</i></div><div class="visitorText"><i><span class="visitorName">Gretchen: </span>Is there a list of carriers with whom you have agreements? Or a list of carriers with whom you do NOT have agreements?</i></div><div class="visitorText"><i><span class="visitorName">Gretchen: </span>Is there some way I can check the name of my local carrier against a list of carriers who your company works with?</i></div><div class="operatorText"><i><span style="color: red;"><span class="operatorName">Jenna: </span><span dir="ltr">I know what you feel, Gretchen however, it is a system generated that once there's any changes made you will automatically hear the recording message. magicJack give a workaround steps for this by giving your option to purchase prepaid minutes online in your account so that the calls will go through successfully.</span></span></i></div><div class="visitorText"><i><span class="visitorName">Gretchen: </span>Wow, this is really disappointing since I purposely chose to use Magic Jack when I knew I could call the numbers in my area.</i></div><div class="operatorText"><i><span style="color: red;"><span class="operatorName">Jenna: </span><span dir="ltr">I understand you, Gretchen.</span></span></i></div><div class="visitorText"><i><span class="visitorName">Gretchen: </span>Now that I know it is no longer an option (without purchasing an additional prepaid card) I am likely going to switch to Vonage or my local carrier.</i></div><div class="visitorText"><i><span class="visitorName">Gretchen: </span>And I am in the process of writing up a blog post about it.</i></div><div class="visitorText"><i><span class="visitorName">Gretchen: </span>Oh well. I guess Magic Jack was too good to be true.</i></div><i><span style="color: red;"><span class="operatorName">Jenna: </span><span dir="ltr">I understand your decision, Gretchen.</span></span></i><br /><br />So, I guess in the long run, it's no big deal. I can use my cell phone to call those numbers (except when I'm out and there's a babysitter at home. I guess I better hope SHE has a cell phone of her own). Or, I could buy a prepaid phone card for the few times I need to make a call to those numbers from my Magic Jack, just trying to remember to use my cell phone whenever possible for those particular numbers. After all, $20 per year is less than $2 per month. If I had phone service with anyone else, I'd pay tons more.<br /><br /><br />The lesson here: Sometimes you get what you pay for. Sometimes you get more. And sometimes you can't be greedy when you're already getting a pretty good deal.<br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><img alt="Texan Mama" border="0" src="http://i281.photobucket.com/albums/kk210/greta72/Blog%20Layout%20Graphics/signature.png" />Gretchennoreply@blogger.com5tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1148212920277135118.post-84370469516018764682012-09-05T23:23:00.000-05:002012-09-05T23:23:37.867-05:00Wings to SoarMy little princess started preschool yesterday.<br /><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-EhzrJbHnObs/UEgks4f18tI/AAAAAAAACJY/FKxN8wc9b2A/s1600/1stDayofPreschool-8515.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="400" src="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-EhzrJbHnObs/UEgks4f18tI/AAAAAAAACJY/FKxN8wc9b2A/s400/1stDayofPreschool-8515.jpg" width="266" /></a></div><br />Her dad took her for the first day, when they were only to stay for one hour and get to know the classroom, the teacher, where their cubby holes are, how to line up, et cetera. I stayed home with the littlest angel.<br /><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-FqJS-j6vfzg/UEgkyw1cRjI/AAAAAAAACJg/7k98RArVBZk/s1600/1stDayofPreschool-8522.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="400" src="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-FqJS-j6vfzg/UEgkyw1cRjI/AAAAAAAACJg/7k98RArVBZk/s400/1stDayofPreschool-8522.jpg" width="266" /></a></div><br />Today was her first FULL day of preschool (3 hours, 15 minutes). She also rode the bus today for the first time. I wish I could have gotten a picture of her climbing up onto the bus but I was too busy talking to the bus driver, explaining to my little girl how to be brave, and watching her nearly dislocate her shoulder from the voracious waving goodbye.<br /><br />The hours ticked by today. I don't remember time going so slow ever before. <i>It's 8:00. Now it's 8:17. Now it's 8:44. Now it's finally 9:00. I can't believe it's only been an hour and it's still TWO HOURS until I can go pick her up.</i><br /><br />Normally I would be relishing the time to myself. I would take Violet and we would snuggle up together or read a book or both. We'd make ourselves a snack or pick tomatoes from the garden. Maybe we'd do a puzzle. But today I was completely preoccupied by the clock, and I don't know why. The only guess I have, is that I'm so used to having Sally around that it's just so strange to be apart from her.<br /><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-G-Q2-P0qTVk/UEgk6oapspI/AAAAAAAACJo/kuiS0QF2jJo/s1600/1stDayofPreschool-8504.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="400" src="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-G-Q2-P0qTVk/UEgk6oapspI/AAAAAAAACJo/kuiS0QF2jJo/s400/1stDayofPreschool-8504.jpg" width="265" /></a></div><br />My heart hurts a little, not because she's away but because I realize that she's SUPPOSED to be away from me. My heart breaks because I have to admit to myself, this is what a parent does. I'm supposed to give my kids a good start and then throw them to the wolves and hope that they don't get eaten alive. Well, I know I'm supposed to still shelter them and guide them and I know, 4 years old in pre-k is not exactly "being thrown to the wolves" but it's the general idea.<br /><br />I had a little... ahem... discussion with Texan Papa the other day about our older 3 kids. They are growing and changing and sometimes we forget that the rules we used for them last year or two years ago might not be appropriate for them anymore. Well, I forget but then I'm reminded; Texan Papa refuses to admit that his growing children need a new set of age-appropriate rules. I finally told him, <i>"We have to give them the opportunity to make some decisions on their own! If we make all their decisions for them, they will never learn how to decide anything for themselves. They need this opportunity NOW while they can still safely make mistakes. The decisions they may mess up now aren't nearly as huge or important as the decisions they could mess up down the road, if they don't have any experience with making their best choices."</i> I don't know if my words fell on deaf ears or not, but I was able to say my peace so I hope a little bit sank in. <br /><br />It's hard to give up that control. I want to and at the same time, I don't want to. I want my children to soar, but at the same time I want to be running behind them just in case they falter.<br /><br />I guess that's normal. I guess that's healthy. I want my kids to know that when they mess up - and they certainly will, as we all do - that I am there to help them with a shoulder to cry on, a point of view to brainstorm solutions, or a buck to foot the bill until they can pay me back. My parents did at least that much and so much more for me. If I mess up everything else in my life, but my children know that home is a safe place where they are loved & accepted, then I will consider my parenting journey as a success.<br /><br /><br /><img alt="Texan Mama" border="0" src="http://i281.photobucket.com/albums/kk210/greta72/Blog%20Layout%20Graphics/signature.png" />Gretchennoreply@blogger.com5tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1148212920277135118.post-6247364903716448042012-08-30T23:00:00.000-05:002012-08-30T23:00:29.226-05:00Things I Love Thursday: Chicken SaladI am not the best cook. I can handle a few simple recipes but mostly I muddle my way through.<br /><br />One thing I think I can cook that's pretty yummy, though, is my Chicken Salad. It's become a regular treat for my husband and me. It's tangy, sweet, crunchy, and just yum-my!!!<br /><br />Chicken Salad<br />4 Chicken Breasts<br />Mayonnaise<br />Dried Cranberries (Craisins)<br />Sliced Almonds<br /><br />Boil the chicken. Cut it into cubes. Add it to the bowl along with enough mayonnaise to keep it moist and give it some volume in the bowl (about 1 cup). Add dried cranberries & sliced almonds to taste. Sprinkle with a little salt if you like.<br /><br />De-Lish!!!<br /><br /><img alt="Texan Mama" border="0" src="http://i281.photobucket.com/albums/kk210/greta72/Blog%20Layout%20Graphics/signature.png" />Gretchennoreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1148212920277135118.post-87598313639193920362012-08-22T15:14:00.003-05:002012-08-22T15:14:53.973-05:00What's More Important?Life is full of hard choices.<br /><br />Have kids or don't? Take a new job or stay in the same one? Follow what my friends are doing or break out on my own? Paper or plastic?<br /><br />heh.<br /><br />I think the choices aren't the hard part - it's the living with the consequences. Sometimes the fallout of our actions or decisions lasts much longer than the split second it takes to take the road less traveled (or more traveled as the case may be.)<br /><br />I watched a news story on Today about a high school valedictorian who used the word "hell" in her speech to her graduating class. She submitted the speech, in writing, to her school officials beforehand but changed the wording from "heck" to "hell" once she was behind the podium. Watch the video to see the full story.<br /><br /><object classid="clsid:D27CDB6E-AE6D-11cf-96B8-444553540000" codebase="http://download.macromedia.com/pub/shockwave/cabs/flash/swflash.cab#version=10,0,0,0" height="245" id="msnbc2f543a" width="420"><param name="movie" value="http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/32545640" /><param name="FlashVars" value="launch=48749903&width=420&height=245" /><param name="allowScriptAccess" value="always" /><param name="allowFullScreen" value="true" /><param name="wmode" value="transparent" /><embed name="msnbc2f543a" src="http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/32545640" width="420" height="245" FlashVars="launch=48749903&width=420&height=245" allowscriptaccess="always" allowFullScreen="true" wmode="transparent" type="application/x-shockwave-flash" pluginspage="http://www.adobe.com/shockwave/download/download.cgi?P1_Prod_Version=ShockwaveFlash"></embed></object><br /><div style="background: transparent; color: #999999; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 11px; margin-top: 5px; text-align: center; width: 420px;">Visit NBCNews.com for <a href="http://www.nbcnews.com/" style="border-bottom: 1px dotted #999 !important; color: #5799DB !important; font-weight: normal !important; height: 13px; text-decoration: none !important;">breaking news</a>, <a href="http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/3032507" style="border-bottom: 1px dotted #999 !important; color: #5799DB !important; font-weight: normal !important; height: 13px; text-decoration: none !important;">world news</a>, and <a href="http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/3032072" style="border-bottom: 1px dotted #999 !important; color: #5799DB !important; font-weight: normal !important; height: 13px; text-decoration: none !important;">news about the economy</a></div><br />My opinion about this story is this: I don't care if she wants to say "hell" or not. I'd love to tell you that my kids don't hear that kind of language from me but I'd be lying. My feelings are that, if she wanted to use the word "hell" in her speech, then she needed to be ready to deal with and accept the consequences. <br /><br />Now, the school wants her to apologize and won't release her diploma until she does. I think she's got another hard choice to consider: If the diploma is THAT important to her, then she should eat crow and apologize to the school. But if standing her ground, that she can say whatever the hell she wants to, then she should be ready to walk away from her diploma. And, from what I can tell, she *IS* ready to accept that consequence. But all the people getting up in arms about "The school should just give her the diploma anyway" is poor judgment.<br /><br />NO, they shouldn't just say they want an apology and then back down from public pressure. It's their perspective. They aren't saying she didn't earn all her credits, they aren't keeping her from DOING anything. They are just withholding the fancy piece of paper. And that tangible piece of paper is worth - exactly - one apology. Not a big price to pay.<br /><br />That's my 2 cents anyway.<br /><br /><br /><img alt="Texan Mama" border="0" src="http://i281.photobucket.com/albums/kk210/greta72/Blog%20Layout%20Graphics/signature.png" />Gretchennoreply@blogger.com7tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1148212920277135118.post-67897121412301562862012-08-21T10:42:00.000-05:002012-08-21T10:42:10.800-05:00The Nice PhotographerI was just thinking about my wedding photographer. Actually, I think about him all the time. Now that I am an aspiring photographer, I can more accurately appreciate all he did for me on my wedding day.<br /><br />I went into my wedding, like many young brides do, watching my budget and counting every penny. I had NO Idea what one photographer could do over another. I didn't understand how wedding photography worked, how much it cost, what kind of time or work was involved, etc. I only knew, this photographer had a good portfolio and he was affordable so... SOLD!<br /><br />The photographer was so kind, patient, and friendly. He was prompt and he helped us get into formation for group photos as well as individual photos. He gave us ideas about how to pose and some of the photos from that day I still stare at and smile.<br /><br />Recently, I took one of my photos and scanned it, just so I could look at it on my computer, and I zoomed in to 100% and that baby was TACK SHARP, SPOT ON. It was gorgeous. The bokeh was beautiful. The colors were perfect. Back then, I loved my photos because they were so special to me. They were a remembrance of my special day. Now, I truly understand what else the photos were - a labor of love on his part, an effort to produce a quality product.<br /><br />{Here's where I drag my skeletons out of the closet...} Know how I appreciated him? By taking all the proofs to Kinkos, and color-photocopying them. Yes, I did that. Yes, it was illegal back then and I knew it. But I did it anyway because I couldn't afford $20 for a 5x7 or whatever. I paid for his services, I paid for an album, and that was it. But I wanted more of those pictures... so I scanned them and printed them on regular old white photo paper and I didn't care. No, of course I never framed any of those pictures, but I think I used them in scrapbooks...<br /><br />I did contact him years later when my entire immediate family was looking for a family photographer. He was so kind and told me that he didn't really do family portraiture, that he just did weddings, and he referred me to another studio in the area. We also chatted about how his business was going, and how everything was changing over from film to digital (I got married in 1998, this was in 2003 that we were talking again).<br /><br />All of this is to say.... it's given me a lot of perspective when people don't value my work, or when they think it's okay to copy or scan photos, or when they don't understand why photography costs as much as it does. I don't think that it's that people are rude or unthinking. I don't ask myself, "Don't they have any morals or ethics?" I don't get my feelings hurt that they can't appreciate all my hard work. Because... I didn't either. And it's not that I didn't value his craft. I think it was more that I had NO IDEA how much anything cost. You could have told me that his camera cost $50,000 or $500 and I would have believed you. A person who's not in the industry doesn't get all the time, blood, sweat, tears, pennies, struggles, challenges, etc. that go into the images behind the wedding.<br /><br />Know what I remember most about my photographer? Not that he gave me a free 8x10. Not that he had a certain brand of camera. I don't even remember what we paid for him. What I DO remember about him... is that he was nice. He was kind and friendly and he made my wedding day so much better and so much easier. He was friendly with the other guests & made himself available to me when I needed him and made himself invisible when I didn't. He had great work ethic and he always had a smile for me.<br /><br />I think of this when I think about my customers. Well, I don't really have "customers" per se. I did for a while, now I don't so much but I'm working up to it. I'd like to one day. Anyway, I'm not saying that I need to bend over and kiss their butts, but that being nice goes a LONG way. A customer will come back (hopefully) not because of my prices or my location or how many props I brought to their session or how fast I got their sneak peeks on Facebook. But how I treat them, how I value them, and how I make them feel about themselves. Sometimes when I read about the bad experiences other photographers have with their clients, I wince a little, realizing what a doof I was when it came to being a good client for my photographer. But no matter if I was cheap or not, no matter how many dumb questions I asked, no matter if I squirmed in the chair when he told me his prices, it didn't change how he made me feel - like the most important client he had. <br /><br />Just my 2 cents from the consumer-turned-photographer point of view. <br /><br /><br /><img alt="Texan Mama" border="0" src="http://i281.photobucket.com/albums/kk210/greta72/Blog%20Layout%20Graphics/signature.png" />Gretchennoreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1148212920277135118.post-79435297612952381572012-08-19T23:52:00.000-05:002012-08-19T23:52:25.304-05:00A Promise<a href="http://www.flickr.com/photos/texanmama/7820852194/" title="rainbow-8015 by Texan Mama, on Flickr"><img src="http://farm9.staticflickr.com/8285/7820852194_0f8d07c7c8.jpg" width="500" height="333" alt="rainbow-8015"></a> <img alt="Texan Mama" border="0" src="http://i281.photobucket.com/albums/kk210/greta72/Blog%20Layout%20Graphics/signature.png" />Gretchennoreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1148212920277135118.post-22796531819363560932012-08-16T01:42:00.000-05:002012-08-16T01:45:31.790-05:00Things I Love ThursdayI love things. All kinds of things. Shiny things. Frugal things. Yummy things.<br /><br />Today, the thing I'm going to talk about is my moisturizer. <a href="http://www.texanmama.com/2012/05/im-40-now.html" target="_blank">I've told you that I moisturize</a>. It's like a religion, people. Ever since I saw the <a href="http://www.oprah.com/style/Turning-Back-the-Clock/7" target="_blank">70-year-old woman on Oprah</a> with better skin than me, I'm a believer in the powers of moisturizer.<br /><br />I'm not too big on makeup in general. I don't like it when I'm sweating and my makeup is running down my face and into my eyes. Because - let's face it - sweat is a part of my daily life. I have 5 kids, I am too cheap to run the A/C most days, and my laundry is in the basement. <br /><br />Which reminds me, next Thursday I'll have to talk about my deodorant.<br /><br />Anyway, my dislike of makeup combined with my desire to have skin like a baby's backside has led me to find tinted moisturizer.<br /><br />I love Clinique products and that's all I've worn since high school. The damn popular girls in junior high got me hooked on the idea that any makeup that comes in a pistachio-green case MUST be the products that make you beautiful. (Little did I know - or understand - how all that makeup was just covering up all their ugliness on the inside). But the moisturizer I wear every day isn't from Clinique. It's from Walgreens. Neutrogena, to be exact.<br /><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-Y09CybkJmRc/UCyVLfqRdpI/AAAAAAAACJA/mK0n2uTP-ok/s1600/neutrogena.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-Y09CybkJmRc/UCyVLfqRdpI/AAAAAAAACJA/mK0n2uTP-ok/s1600/neutrogena.jpg" /></a></div><a href="http://www.amazon.com/dp/B00140ZLXQ/?tag=hyprod-20&hvadid=15467841579&hvpos=1o2&hvexid=&hvnetw=g&hvrand=1599349788796888640&hvpone=&hvptwo=&hvqmt=&ref=asc_df_B00140ZLXQ" target="_blank">Neutrogena Healthy Defense Daily Moisturizer (light tint)</a> is the one product in my makeup bag that I couldn't live without. Besides being a moisturizer and a foundation-starter (it's not really thick enough or opaque enough to be a full-on foundation) it also has SPF 30. I love it when my skin gets a little tan and freckly, but I also know how unhealthy it is so I've decided to love my fair skin. <br /><br />I was surprised when I started to look for a tinted moisturizer how hard it was to find one. All the moisturizers I found were either insanely expensive, or untinted, or only available online. I found my Neutrogena moisturizer at Walgreens and CVS for about $12 a bottle, sometimes less if I can find it on sale.<br /><br />Oh, I forgot to mention the best part: I can (and do!) wear it to bed. No worries about sleeping in my makeup. :)<br /><br /><span style="font-size: x-small;"><i>I was not paid or compensated in any way for this post. I just decided to write it. All the opinions are my own.</i></span><br /><br /><br /><img alt="Texan Mama" border="0" src="http://i281.photobucket.com/albums/kk210/greta72/Blog%20Layout%20Graphics/signature.png" />Gretchennoreply@blogger.com5tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1148212920277135118.post-27504036763312298362012-08-15T06:00:00.000-05:002012-08-15T06:00:04.422-05:00The Family that Fights Together...Aah... last night Texan Papa and I <strike>dragged</strike> brought the kids to a local county park for a hike in the woods.<br /><br />It was 75 degrees outside. A little overcast. We went at 5pm. We brought fishing poles and water bottles. And yet, you'd think we were forcing them to walk on hot coals and eat grasshoppers.<br /><br />"MY FEET ARE TIRED!"<br />"I want to go hoooooommmmmmeeeeeee"<br />"Is this over yet?" "Is this over yet?" "Is this over yet?" "Is this over yet?" "Is this o...."<br />"give me my stick. This is MY stick. Yes it is. YES IT IS."<br />"Wait for me!"<br />"C'mon, hurry up!"<br />"Can I watch TV when we get home?"<br />"Mom, stop taking pictures!!"<br /><br /> When we got back to the minivan, Texan Papa said, "I just can't do this." I looked at his exhausted, exasperated expression. He looked physically tired, but also mentally beaten. I could relate. We'd been listening, for the last 90 minutes, to complaining, arguing, bickering, sibling rivalry, pessimism, and just generally pissy attitudes.<br /><br />It's moments like these that I think of the Duggars. I always think of the Duggars. How in the hell do they all like each other so damn much?<br /><br />I love my family. Really. More than I know what to do with. But like them? uh....<br /><br />Liking the members of my family isn't an instant thing. I think love comes naturally but like... it's a daily commitment. We have to treat each other as we want to be treated. We have to be patient with each other. We have to give each other the benefit of the doubt. We have to (oftentimes) put ourselves second. We have to remember that fair doesn't always mean equal. We have to try to get along with people who we're forced to be together with, rather than people we choose to be with.<br /><br />Summer is always a trying time, especially for families who are... how shall I say this... FRUGAL. We don't go out very often (due to the expense of taking 7 people anywhere). We spend our money on tuition and home improvement projects. We drive old cars so we can stay out of debt. All this is financially good but I do worry that we're not creating any special memories for our children.<br /><br />BUT! {Here's the part where I don't wallow in self-guilt} I realize it's not my job to entertain them. I am all about having fun with them, but I am not going to MAKE the fun for them. For example, my kids have bikes. Toys. A Wii. Close proximity to a public library and park and convenience store. We live on 15 acres. They have fishing poles and BB guns and a giant wagon with knobby wheels. They have hiking shoes and backpacks and - most of all - they have an imagination. They need to put it to use. They need to think about how to entertain themselves!<br /><br />My kids are normal kids. They fight with each other. Then other days, they get along famously and I wonder what has changed. Right about that time they start chasing each other around the house and someone eventually gets a beat-down.<br /><br />But I wish so much that my kids would look out for each other's feelings a little more. I wish they would try to look at their brothers & sisters as though they had something important to offer the family (which they do!) I wish they would honor each other.<br /><br />I'm probably being a little too idealistic. I think part of the problem is that I *WANT* my kids to treat each other respectfully and with honor, but I don't teach them how to do that. I've tried, and I will continue to try. But, I mean... damn. It's a huge job. breaking up the little bickering arguments, explaining EXACTLY how one person lost patience and reminding them to give their sibling the benefit of the doubt, listening to every word, every voice inflection, every sigh or tsk, trying to keep conversations headed on the right path. All too often, I am mentally and emotionally defeated before lunchtime.<br /><br />I have to keep believing that if I keep it up, it will pay off one day. That a time will come when my kids can all sit in a room together without farting on each other or pulling someone's hair or calling them stupid-head.<br /><br />I wonder if my mom ever thought these things.<br /><br /><br /><img alt="Texan Mama" border="0" src="http://i281.photobucket.com/albums/kk210/greta72/Blog%20Layout%20Graphics/signature.png" />Gretchennoreply@blogger.com7tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1148212920277135118.post-48468312016193422752012-08-14T06:00:00.000-05:002012-08-14T06:00:12.240-05:00Random Thoughts TuesdayHello interwebz. I haven't been writing too regularly, and I'm trying to remedy that.<br /><br />I think one of the reasons is that I feel like... I've said all that I have to say. I can't imagine anyone needs or wants to hear me prattle on about my issues, random things I find funny or frustrating, etc. etc. yada yada<br /><br />Yet here I am, writing again. I guess time will tell how it all shakes out.<br /><br /><i><b>School</b></i><br />School is starting for my kids in 2 weeks! YAY! My 3 older kids (Peppermint Patty, Charlie Brown, and Linus) will be in 7th, 6th, and 4th grades respectively. ho my golly they are getting so dang old.<br /><br />Little Sally will start preschool this year and she is READY!!! Of course I'm biased but I think she's ready for kindergarten. She knows her numbers, colors, letters, can count up to 50 already, she can write her name, she can add numbers up to 10. She's smart as a whip. She is so excited to meet some new friends (and so am I!!! - Finally someone else who might play My Little Ponies with her.)<br /><br />Violet and I will be at home alone. Finally, my baby will get some one-on-one time with me.<br /><br /><i><b>My Blog</b></i><br />I am torn, I don't know if I should change the name of my blog; if I should change the name of my online handle; if I should change my blog layout. Maybe something green-and-yellow? (Except I don't care a whit about the Packers). Maybe something with lots of cheese and cows? Maybe I should call myself Cheesehead Mama? What would my URL be? www.theblogformerlyknownastexanmama.com (it's available, btw.)<br /><br />I wish my blog were funnier. I think I used to be funny at one point. Now I just don't know if I have it in me. I haven't genuinely laughed in a long time. Except, a friend did pass along this <a href="http://www.amazon.co.uk/Veet-Men-Hair-Removal-Creme/dp/B000KKNQBK/ref=cm_cr_pr_product_top" target="_blank">unbelievably funny Amazon Product Review</a>. You MUST go check it out. Go ahead, I'll wait...<br /><br />When I read that I was literally gasping and had tears rolling down my face. I needed a good laugh, and it did not disappoint.<br /><br /><i><b>My Feelings</b></i><br />I have decided to go back on some anti-depressant meds. I did this 3 summers ago, when I was pregnant with Violet. At the time, I think I was suffering from some hormonal issues but ALSO I was depressed because I knew I was so far away from family, I had no support system, and my husband was working a lot. Plus, he had a new job and the stresses that go along with any new job, and I felt really helpless since I can't take that stress away (and I had my own stress at home to deal with.) Summers are always hard for me since having a lot of kids has always been a juggling act for me to figure out how to keep them amused. Anyway! This summer I started to feel a lot of those same pressures. I don't have any real friends here (yet... I'm not giving up! I know it will happen eventually.) I don't have any sitters who I can call. Yes, I have contacted everyone I can think of but no one (it seems) uses teenagers. EVERYONE has in-laws or parents they can call on. (except me. boo hoo.) Plus we moved up to Wisconsin for my husband's job - a promotion - so again he has a new job with new-job-stress.<br /><br />I noticed I've been unable to handle things calmly. Anything that shouldn't be a big deal suddenly is occupying my every thought. It's causing me to be unable to focus on the parts of my life that really SHOULD demand my attention. It's causing me to lose sleep. It's causing me to cry. So, I really felt that I needed to talk to my doctor. She is super nice and listened to me, and I really needed that. The intake nurse was very helpful too. Very willing to listen. That's a whole battle in itself - moving to a new town, finding a doctor that I LIKE, that doesn't keep me waiting in the waiting room forever, and who's near to my house. It's like the hat-trick of doctors and I don't find it too often.<br /><br />Again! Anyway! I am on meds again and I don't know if it's helping. I think I am better, but I'm not exactly where I want to be. Some days I feel myself getting really anxious and I'm checking my watch to see when I can take my meds. Yet, taking the meds don't actually make me FEEL anything differently - I think just knowing, like - in my head, that I'm taking the meds makes me feel better. Hell, it could be a placebo for all I know and I'd probably feel better just because I believe that taking the meds makes me feel better. I have no idea.<br /><br /><i><b>My Photography</b></i><br />I'm trying to enjoy my photography. It's a roller coaster. I know I've grown and I know I can take some decent stuff. Yet, I know I still have so much to learn and I wonder if I'm kidding myself when I take an image that I like. Is it REALLY any good? I've got a business setup in place, but I'm not really taking clients. Well, I guess I am. I mean, if someone contacted me I would take them but I'm not exactly advertising. Well, I am sending out a newsletter to a handful of people, hoping my name will get passed around. But it's almost like I would be relieved if no one called me. I know! I know! This is the stupidest business plan EVER!!! And I don't need a psychologist to explain it to me. If I don't have any clients then I also can't disappoint anyone. If I don't make a REAL effort to succeed, then I can't really say that I failed. I get it. But also, I do want to focus the last few years that I will have home with my kids on taking care of them. I don't mind a photo shoot here and there, but I don't want to have a full-on business. If anything I do starts requiring my time so much so that I need to get child care for my kids, then I need to back off that project. At least, until Violet goes to Kindergarten. Then, I do want to go back to work. But actually, it's never been my dream to own my own business or to be a full-time photographer. So even then (which will be in 2015), I don't plan to launch a full-time photography business. I'd like to go back to teaching, and maybe take on photo shoots on the side.<br /><br />It's a funny thing... I want to learn and grow and improve. I want to be as good as any pro. And yet, I don't really want to be in business. But somehow, saying that I am a PROFESSIONAL PHOTOGRAPHER would mean (in my mind) that I'm charging people for my services. It would somehow legitimize my hobby. Because if I'm not charging people, can I really say, "I am a photographer."? If I get to the point where I can shoot with the best of them, but I'm not earning an income from it, then do I just say, "Well, I like photography and I do some in my spare time"? Because for the amount of blood, sweat, and tears I put into it - it's no little side interest. No sir.<br /><br />*sigh* One day I will figure it all out. Not to mention, how many hobbies do people have, where once they get good at it someone inevitably chimes in with "YOU COULD MAKE MONEY AT THAT!!!" The almighty dollar is so sexy, so appealing, so tempting. Who WOULDN'T want to make money doing something they love? But the reality is that any kind of business - whether it's a service or a product - will only succeed if the focus is on the BUSINESS side of it. An artist can be an artist till she's blue in the face but if she doesn't market herself, get her name out there, have a facebook fanpage, have a business website with a Paypal account linked to it, etc, etc, then how will her art ever make her any money? See what I mean. It's exhausting.<br /><br />Now, because this post is already incredibly long and you might have checked out by now, I'll just close with a few pretty pictures.<br /><br /><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://www.flickr.com/photos/texanmama/7762884758/" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;" title="tomatoes-7534 by Texan Mama, on Flickr"><img alt="tomatoes-7534" height="333" src="http://farm9.staticflickr.com/8438/7762884758_8113e8dfa2.jpg" width="500" /></a></div><br /><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://www.flickr.com/photos/texanmama/7483108968/" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;" title="sisters-b+w- by Texan Mama, on Flickr"><img alt="sisters-b+w-" height="500" src="http://farm9.staticflickr.com/8027/7483108968_0a11921c5d.jpg" width="333" /></a></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://www.flickr.com/photos/texanmama/7706177420/" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;" title="Sarah on blanket-7399 by Texan Mama, on Flickr"><img alt="Sarah on blanket-7399" height="333" src="http://farm9.staticflickr.com/8020/7706177420_15a7cea56a.jpg" width="500" /></a></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://www.flickr.com/photos/texanmama/7372712450/" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;" title="ugly tractor 2-5114 by Texan Mama, on Flickr"><img alt="ugly tractor 2-5114" height="333" src="http://farm6.staticflickr.com/5466/7372712450_363d97d7cf.jpg" width="500" /></a></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://www.flickr.com/photos/texanmama/7686975444/" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;" title="DC-Tokina-7099 by Texan Mama, on Flickr"><img alt="DC-Tokina-7099" height="333" src="http://farm9.staticflickr.com/8282/7686975444_56278701af.jpg" width="500" /></a></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><br /></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://www.flickr.com/photos/texanmama/7619469488/" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;" title="silhouette - 5kids-7068 by Texan Mama, on Flickr"><img alt="silhouette - 5kids-7068" height="333" src="http://farm8.staticflickr.com/7118/7619469488_e2a2b698ef.jpg" width="500" /></a></div><img alt="Texan Mama" border="0" src="http://i281.photobucket.com/albums/kk210/greta72/Blog%20Layout%20Graphics/signature.png" />Gretchennoreply@blogger.com6tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1148212920277135118.post-64549163243801716172012-08-11T16:13:00.001-05:002012-08-22T15:15:18.020-05:00looking in from the outsideI snuck away to the only truly private room in our house, and I turned on the bathtub faucet. As the hot water filled the tub I lowered the lid on the toilet and opened my laptop. I'd been avoiding my google reader for a while because I felt guilty that I'd checked out of reading so many blogs. As life gets more complicated, I make choices about what demands my attention and, unfortunately, Google reader fell pretty low on the priority list. I hadn't even realized that a <a href="http://aboneill.blogspot.com/" target="_blank">good friend of mine</a> had begun blogging again after a hiatus.<br /><br />The water rose above the overflow drain and I realized I'd better turn off the faucet. Still, I sat - reading the blogs that I once lost myself in, enjoying catching up on <a href="http://www.mommamadeitlookeasy.com/" target="_blank">friends making positive life changes</a>, <a href="http://www.blogger.com/goog_315914874">friends</a><a href="http://anymommyoutthere.com/" target="_blank"> now pregnant</a>, <a href="http://aninchofgray.blogspot.com/" target="_blank">friends dealing with grief</a>, <a href="http://www.classychaos.com/" target="_blank">friends moved to a new home</a>...<br /><br />These people - these WOMEN - who I've never met, I am so bold to call them friends. What else can I call them? I've shared my most intimate thoughts and secrets with them. I've opened my wounds and they have healed them. I've given and received support, encouragement, laughter, and advice. Who cares that I've never spoken to them? Who cares that I've never hugged them? Who cares that I've never sent or received a Christmas card? Is friendship measured in these simple ways?<br /><br />As my bath water grew lukewarm, and I still sat on the toilet, I opened <u>Classy Chaos</u> by OHMommy, reading all about <a href="http://www.classychaos.com/links-topmenu-20/1017-czesz" target="_blank">her last Girls Night Out</a> with her girlfriends before her move to Chicago. I began to sob. The tears rolled down my cheeks and my chest heaved. I bawled for so many reasons - I was sad for her to be leaving her good friends. I was reminded of the times I have had to leave my OWN friends in our many cross-country moves. And mostly - selfishly, and maybe immaturely - I was upset about my present situation. Once again, I am in a town where I know no one. I have plenty of friendly folks around me, but I have no FRIENDS. No girls nights out. No one who I could depend on to help me in an emergency. No one to give me the inside scoop on town garage sales or when to sign up my kid for the soccer team. No one calls me to invite me out for coffee. No one calls me, period. The moms at my kids' school are very nice, very welcoming, very warm. But it's a warmth of convenience. I mean that like... when they see me, they are nice and friendly and sincere. But when I'm out of sight, I'm out of mind.<br /><br />The people in my town have friendships that are already established. People who live here have lived here forever. Their friendship groups are the same ones they've had for decades. I understand - women my age are already busy enough, they probably don't have time for the friends they DO have, let alone forming a new friendship. And I'm not going to say that I need someone who will fulfill some void in my life - I have some VERY close friends that will always be my best friends. But those friends live hundreds of miles away and I can only burn up their phone lines so often. At some point I need the physical presence of another female to feel NORMAL. My family is so important to me, but I also need friendly female companionship. Someone I can be honest with. Someone I can ask for help. Someone who can also depend on me if they needed help.<br /><br />Many women, I know, fulfill themselves with their husbands and children. I think that's fine for some women, but I'm not one of those. I probably don't have time to go out with friends, but I want to MAKE time for it. The same way someone makes time for physical exercise, I want to make time for emotional exercise. Mental rest and relaxation. I need it. Believe me - my family needs me to have it too.<br /><br />Friendships aren't like... just add water and POOF! I know that. But I need it. I know it will take time. I'm just getting tired of looking in on life from the outside.<br /><br /><br /><img alt="Texan Mama" border="0" src="http://i281.photobucket.com/albums/kk210/greta72/Blog%20Layout%20Graphics/signature.png" />Gretchennoreply@blogger.com8