While You Were Gone

Wales vs France

Fri, 24 Feb 2012 18:35:00 +0000

It’s the second installment of today’s special liveblog double header! This episode is surely the least live liveblog that has ever been published. That’s right, today we’ll be watching Wales take on France in the semi-final of the Rugby World Cup!

Suffice to say, whilst I did actually write these notes live, the EMOTIONS stirred by the match were too OVERWHELMING for me subsequently to run the text through the spell checker and forward it on to Tom. Just in case you are somehow enough of a rugby fan to want to read these write-ups, but simultaneously not enough of a fan to have seen the outcome of the World Cup within the four months since the final was played, I won’t SPOIL it for you, dear reader, by revealing whether said emotions were good, or GUT-WRENCHINGLY SICKENING. You will have to read on to find out what happened!

Luckily for you, as well as being [jauntily marked-up with italics and square brackets], contributor Tom is also possessing of an almost SAVANT-like memory, and managed to make his additions well after-the-fact. I literally have no idea how he is capable of remembering the plays that I commented on.

So without further ado, let me introduce you to our commentary team, Nick Mullins and Michael “Not that one” Owen, and our ref, Alain Rolland.

Wales kick off, Yachvili receives, and kicks for touch. I feel sick. Wales win the lineout and maul. Faletau knocks on. French scrum. Wales don’t drive straight, and Rolland awards France a penalty.

France win their lineout and dink a little chip over the top. Halfpenny fumbles the ball into touch.

Now France make an unforced error, and Wales clear.

[Full disclosure time: I am in a minibus. In Madeira. En route to Funchal airport. This is the biggest Wales match of my life. (Yes, I know I said that about the last game.) This minibus does not have a telly with ITV on it. This is not the apex of my forward planning successes in life.]

Wales win another lineout and Hook puts a chip over to the left wing. It’s just a little bit too far back, though, and George North! has to stop to catch it. Then France go offside and Wales have a penalty within kickable distance. Hook kicks it perfectly.

Wales 3 - 0 France

France fumble; Wales have a scrum near the halfway line. Adam Jones limps off, and Paul James comes on. That is bad news. [Oh that is real bad. Reading about it on a glitchy iPhone connection doesn’t make it any better.] Did anyone imagine 5 years ago that Adam Jones would turn into the player he is today? Arse.

ITV have a “spider” cam they use to show the scrums from directly above. My inner ear hates it. Wales awarded another penalty at scrum. ITV Player show Adam Jones on the sideline, looking like he’s struggling not to cry. [Completely understandable. Imagine having the biggest game of your life snatched away from you after 10 minutes. Poor boy.] Hook misses this one.

Nice offload from Faletau to S. Williams. George North! charges down the sideline. He’s tackled, but once he’s up Wales give it to him again. This time he’s bundled into touch.

Series of tactical kicks. Wales come out of it with a lineout.

Welsh lineout is looking good so far. [It is both fun and novel to say that.] I search desperately for some wood to touch.

Wales attack, but Roberts absolutely wangs the ball off Davies’s face instead of into his hands. Apparently that counts as a knock on?

Warburton hits Clerc hard in midfield, and a scuffle breaks out. Warburton gets a red card for the tackle. I’m in shock. [I receive this information via a text from my dad as I’m going through security at Funchal airport. My first thought is, “Why would my dad play this mean trick on me?]

I massively disagree with that decision. Mullins and Owen agree with me.

Oh well. It was a good World Cup while it lasted. Thanks for playing.

[Full disclosure: my comments here are the slightly more considered, time-the-great-healer version (and yes, this hindsight-dwelling is fairly disingenuous even by the tardy standards of this “live”blog), but suffice to say, on the day, and for some time after, I am strictly of the opinion that M. Rolland is a massive ****.]

Parra kicks a penalty.

Wales 3 - 3 France

The funny thing is, I was just thinking at the end of last match, that the refereeing had been unusually good, and therefore unobtrusive, this World Cup.

Yachvili breaks the Welsh line and dinks a ball through. Halfpenny gathers, but Hook’s clearance is charged down. France attack, but Wales defend well and France knock on. Welsh defensive scrum.

I’m struggling to remember the last time I’ve seen a player sent off in a rugby match. I cannot think of a time it’s happened. Certainly not for what looked like a relatively innocuous tackle.

Médard attempts a drop goal from virtually the halfway line. What?

If Wales can even keep this game close, it will be an absolutely heroic performance.

[Okay, holy moly, there’s a telly with the game on in the departure lounge! Commentary in Portuguese. Brilliant. There is a small group of Welsh people sitting in front of it. I take my place by a lovely old boy who has yet to realise Warburton’s been sent off. Ah, if that only were the case…]

Wales win a penalty near the centre of the pitch. Hook steps up again. He misses, again. [Can’t be leaving points on the ground like this.]

Wales attack. Jamie Roberts breaks the French line, and Hook puts a kick through. France ground it and have a drop out 22.

Parra makes Hook fall over with a sidestep. [A classic of its kind, damn his insouciant gallic shimmying.] Lydiate is penalised for diving over the top. Parra makes the kick.

Wales 3 - 6 France

France pinch a Welsh lineout, but knock on.

The French scrum, a man up, drives the Welsh back, but Faletau manages to pick it up. [Fantastic work from Faletau, who just keeps getting better IMHO.]

Médard drops a high ball. Friend-of-WYWG-Ben, points out via text message that Wales appear to actually have a 14-man game plan. “Tactics have changed completely, lots of high balls and ariel contests, not letting France take advantage of their overlap.” Good point. Wales attack. Hook attempts a drop goal but it’s not even close.

Wales attack again, but this time George North! can’t hold on to Hook’s pass. French scrum as time runs out in the half. They kick for touch to end the half. That’s… odd. You’re a man up! If Tom were French I’m sure he’d have some stern words to say about that. [Bien sur!]

Half time score: Wales 3 - 6 France

[Twenty minutes a man down, and only three points conceded. Not bad.]

Lets see what the studio team have to say! I have a feeling they may mention the sending-off. [I am explaining the situation to my new viewing compadre. He seems perplexed.]

Francois Pienaar is livid. Everyone agrees it was a terrible decision. Steve Ryder describes it as “one of the worst refereeing decisions the World Cup has seen.” [Depends what he means by “worst”. It’s not that the card was technically wrong that is so galling, but that it was unnecessary. Was red an option within Rolland’s discretion? Yes. Did he HAVE to give it? IRB directive says yes, but common sense says no. And to my mind, the way that you test that argument is to look at the alternative and the likely response. Had it been yellow, would the French be complaining and would it even be the biggest discussion point at half time? No and no.]

Second Half

Parra narrowly misses a drop goal. Mullins spends some time discussing Halfpenny’s vertical leap. (37.5”) But can he dunk?

Halfpenny’s made a couple of superb takes so far this half. S. Williams knocks one on. [My Portuguese commentators are both very good at pronouncing the words “Halfpenny” and “Charteris”, which I would thought would have been challengingly Anglo-Saxon. I am impressed. (WYWG: No no no. Those are Celtic names. Wales would never field a player with Anglo-Saxon origins. Or parents.) ]

Suddenly Yachvili runs unimpeded through the line. He passes to Clerc, but Faletau turns it over! [Bloody marvellous by Faletau. He’s 21. Playing against Dusautoir and Harinordoquy in a World Cup semi. In a two-man back row. And having a blinder. Chapeau!] Hook clears, and is taken off for the (hopefully) steady hand of Jones. [Oddly, the commentary team seem to find the word “Stephen” more difficult than either “Halfpenny” or “Charteris”.]

France steal a Welsh lineout, but knock-on in midfield.

France win a lineout, and set up a maul. They’re awarded a penalty on the 22.

France seem to have realised during half-time that they’re a man up, and are playing a bit more tactically.

Parra makes the kick.

Wales 3 - 9 France

Big kick from Yachvili. France pinch another Welsh lineout.

Médard kicks directly into touch, and Wales have an attacking lineout. A big hit on Bennett and a couple of handling errors later, and Wales have been driven back to their own 10 yard line. Jones puts up a high ball.

Mullins: “For a little chap, Halfpenny has performed some outrageous deeds in the tight.”

Welsh attacking lineout. They run through a couple of phases. [They don’t look like they’re a man down here, the match is so even.] French defence is swarming. PHILLIPS GOES THROUGH FOR A TRY. [A superb bit of sniping from Phillips. Over his shoulder, Alun Wyn Jones is gesticulating at Phillips to get closer to the posts before grounding the ball. This is solid advice.] I scream a bit. Delilah rings out throughout the stadium. Jones hits the post! Aargh! [That was kickable. It just HAD to go over. 10-9 with France posing a negligible threat of scoring. It HAD to go.]

Wales 8 - 9 France

Wales attack again. Mullins is going bonkers. [I may be displaying some bonkers here too, pacing the floor of the departure lounge, muttering dementedly Jim Telfer-style.] Jones misses a drop goal attempt.

AWJ has to come off, injured. [He has been immense.]

Mullins: “Everybody, for a minute, is Welsh. [pause] Unless of course you happen to be French.”

Welsh scrum just inside French 22. They win it, and spin it out, but Ryan Jones is shoved into touch. That’s good defence. Dammit.

Mullins is a little over-excited: “It is a match that will be spoken of for as long as… folk speak of rugby.” [All hyperbole is forgiven today. I am inexpressibly proud of this performance.]

French defence is driving Wales back almost every phase, now. [And this this THIS is where the red card is hurting. France’s defence is disciplined and Wales simply don’t have the numbers to stretch it. Nor, by the looks of it, do they have the legs, as these fourteen TITANS of rugby are out on their feet.] Wales just won’t give up, though, and they’re monopolising the rugby.

Jones puts a superb kick through, forcing a defensive French lineout. France clear. Welsh lineout on French 22. Wales attempt to set up a drop goal. Faletau drops it! Wales keep the ball, though. Wales continue to attack. Jones spills the ball in a tackle, and Rolland awards France a penalty.

Wales steal the lineout.

6 minutes left. I’m definitely going to vomit. [In an ATROCIOUS decision by Rolland, who is seemingly attempting to do penance for the Sam card,] France concede a penalty just inside the halfway line. That’s inside Halfpenny’s range!

France bring off Bonnaire.

I’m going to vomitvomitvomitvomit.

The kick is straight, but falls about a foot too low. [Absolute, utter agony. If ever a team deserved a breath of wind to carry the ball over the crossbar…]

Wales attack again from the restart, but Roberts is forced into touch.

French rolling maul. Wales awarded a scrum.

Wales attack again. 90s left.

Wales inch forwards. 17 phases. Time’s up, but play will continue until there’s some kind of stoppage. Shut up, Nick Mullins. 21 phases. 25 phases. SHUT UP, NICK MULLINS. Someone (Roberts?) drops the ball in midfield. France turn the ball over, and kick into touch to end the game.

Final Score: Wales 8 - 9 France

In the end, if Wales had hit just one of their four missed place kicks, they would have won. [A 20% conversion rate is shocking, true enough.] An absolutely heroic performance. I’m in awe. [Ditto.] Also, I hate Alain Rolland. [Roger that.]

Ryder’s summary of match: “A Halfpenny short. Wales: short-changed.” That’s actually quite good (although still very irritating). Well done. [This is no time for punning. I feel actually a bit tearful. One advantage to being in the airport watching the Portuguese coverage is no Steve Ryder.] Martyn Williams thinks it’s the best Welsh performance he’s ever seen, and points out that Wales, playing with 14 men, dominated the game. Gatland describes France as “a world-class opposition.” Uh, no. They are going to get destroyed in the final. [Ah, hindsight…]

[As the great Phil Bennett said: Rolland’s decision was “technically correct, but morally wrong, emotionally wrong, wrong to the bottom of my gut.” Seems to me that its very Welsh to call it “emotionally wrong.” Very right, too.]

[More pithily, when I call him from the airport café, my dad describes the result as “an awful, awful shame”. He’s very right, too.]

[For so many great players, this was either definitely or probably their last World Cup. And for that reason I’m incredibly sad for them. Shane, Adam, Gethin, Ryan, Wellies. Diolch boys, diolch yn fawr.]

Wales vs Scotland

Fri, 24 Feb 2012 18:04:26 +0000

It’s almost the weekend! Which means it’s almost time for the next round of Six Nations fixtures! Which means it’s also time for the latest WYWG liveblog! While You Were Gone: stretching the definition of “live” to a ridiculous degree!

Today we have a special treat for you. It’s a double header! That’s right, WYWG has carefully prepared reports on not one but TWO exciting Wales matches for you. Up first, Wales vs Scotland. As always, WYWG’s comments are typographically standard, whereas the interjections of contributor Tom are [bracketed and italicised.]

The BBC have dubbed George North! “Gorgeous George”. You can probably guess whether or not WYWG approves of this nickname. [Also inaccurate, I’d say, he’s no oil painting.]

Commentating today are Jonathan Davies and Andrew Cotter.

Romain Poite is reffing. I’ve not seen him before.

Laidlaw, making his first start for Scotland at fly half, brings “perpetual motion”, according to Cotter. [Scotland’s wingers today are called Jones and Evans. How confusing.]

Wales start by winning back a high kick, and then Halfpenny breaks the Scottish line. Wales knock on, though, and Scotland play out the advantage.

Wales give away a penalty for handling the ball in the ruck with 2:30 on the clock. It’s been a hectic pace so far. [The archetypical Six Nations blood and thunder. It’s not pretty, but it is compelling.]

Bennett completely overthrows his first lineout. Good stuff. [There were points in the world cup when the Welsh lineout functioned. The default horror show seems to be back in effect today though. Mystifying.] Scotland catch the ball, put up a high kick, Halfpenny fumbles it, and Scotland are awarded a penalty. Laidlaw’s attempt at goal drops about a foot short and wide.

Welsh back line is up very fast in defence. Scotland think they are offside, but the ref and touch judges don’t agree. After Scotland lose a good 20-30 yards over a series of phases, Wales look like they might turn the ball over, but then concede a penalty.

Jonathan Davies reads a Scottish back move perfectly and his tackle forces a turnover. Wales immediately lose it again, then win it back, and then Scotland concede a penalty to let the pressure off. Ten minutes in, there’s been no let up in pace. [Bags of commitment and endeavour from both sides. Zero points though.]

Nasty cut behind Bennett’s ear. Ken Owens comes on as a blood replacement. [Maybe the lineout will improve!]

Great tackle from Hamilton on George North!, stopping him in his tracks and turning the ball over. Admittedly George North! did have another Scottish player draped around his ankles at the time, but still.

Stuart Hogg comes on for Max Evans.

Welsh attacking lineout.

Another shambolic lineout from Wales. The jumper barely even leaves the ground. Jiffy considers blaming it on Scottish foul play, but thinks better of it. Bennett comes back on. [Maybe the lineout will improve?]

Again Scotland lose a lot of ground with a series of attacking phases, and then they’re very lucky to keep the ball after a pass in the back line goes nowhere. Then all of a sudden Rennie grabs a wild offload and breaks the Welsh line. Wales concede a penalty, which Laidlaw converts into three points.

Wales 0 - 3 Scotland

Scotland put up a high kick. Cuthbert runs it back. It takes four players to bring him down. Scotland give away a penalty, which Phillips takes quickly. Wales advance well into the Scottish 22, but then knock it on in a tackle.

Shane Williams on the sideline has been impressed by Cuthbert’s work rate: “Fair play to ‘im.”

Cotter on a Scottish clearance: “North is there. Danger!”

Phillips deliberately runs into an offside Scottish player to get a penalty, [whilst sporting a facial expression of profound offence, as if said Scot had just insulted his mum, rather than just been guilty of some shabbily obvious “lazy running”.] Poite is facing the wrong direction, but seems to figure out what happened when he turns around and awards the penalty, which Halfpenny kicks. [He cannot be flustered.]

Wales 3 - 3 Scotland

A player shouts out “Offside!” Jonathan Davies: “There’s a lot of referees on there, isn’t there?” [There’s a lot of offside on there too, to be fair.]

Scotland appear to be targeting George North! with their kicks. Not sure if that’s a deliberate tactic, but it’s not working out all that well for them so far. [In particular, one angled kick that shoots over GN!’s head, is veritably caressed out of the sky by the Anglesey Adonis, taken on the turn, with the ball coming in over his shoulder, in a lovely piece of skill that can only be described as “soft hands for a big man.” Marvellous.]

Scotland attack for many phases. Just as it looks as though they have numbers on the right, a handling error slows them down, although they keep possession.

George North is receiving treatment on the sideline. Rory Lamont takes advantage and charges down the line, but Halfpenny puts in a superb last ditch tackle. [Neither will he be flustered in open play.]

After 20 phases, Scotland are 5m away from the try line. Then they knock it on after a big hit in the ruck by Gethin Jenkins.

George North! is subbed off with an ankle injury. Hook comes on.

Time is up in the first half, but we’ll play out the scrum. Scotland put in a good scrum, but Wales manage to hold onto it.

Half time score: Wales 3 - 3 Scotland

Stats! Scotland have had 62% of the possession, they’ve won 75 rucks to Wales’s 28, and they’ve forced Wales to make 97 tackles, only having made 45 themselves.

Andy Nicol thinks both teams have “contributed”. Shane thinks fitness will be a factor in the second half.

During half time, Shane Williams says some sensible things. I think he’s going to be a good studio analyst. [Agreed. But he must urgently do something about his hair, beard and shiny suit.] I also quite like the way that when asked about the disarray in the Welsh lineouts, he admits “I don’t know much about lineouts” rather than attempting to sound clever. (Martyn Williams, on the sideline, I’m less sure about.)

John Inverdale is having a whale of a time in the stands. Not sure why he’s not in the studio today. [That’s not a complaint though, right? WYWG: Hell, no! ]

Second Half

Ken Owens is on again for Bennett, this time for good. [Maybe the lineout will get better…] Scotland don’t bother to catch the Welsh kick-off, letting the ball bounce into touch, and Cusiter taps it with his foot first to ensure they won’t get possession. Wales attacking lineout. They win it, and spin the ball across to the left. They recycle the ball, and a couple of phases later Cuthbert bounces through an attempted tackle from Laidlaw and scores the try. Halfpenny makes the kick. [The very concept of “fluster” is anathema to this young man.]

Wales 10 - 3 Scotland

Barclay comes on for Strokosch. I’m pleased there’s now no chance I’m going to have to attempt to spell his name in the heat of the moment. Scotland lose the ball, Jonathan Davies kicks the ball through, and then is clearly brought down without the ball. Poite appears to be watching, but doesn’t award anything. However, the touch judge has seen it, and Nick de Luca goes into the sin bin for ten minutes. Halfpenny slips, but kicks the penalty nonetheless. [For no act of man or God shall fluster him.]

Wales 13 - 3 Scotland

Wales give away a penalty in front of the posts. Poite gives Ryan Jones a talking to.

Mini montage of Andy Robinson’s reactions on the sideline. Amusing.

Wales 13 - 6 Scotland

Mike Blair comes on for Cusiter.

Scotland attack again, but run it into touch. Wales not really making the most of their man advantage at the moment.

Wales attack. They work away at pulling in the defenders and then once they’ve forced enough Scottish players to commit to the ruck, spin it out. Cuthbert draws the tackle, passes to Halfpenny who steps inside his defender and scores the try. [And to Shaun Edwards obvious chagrin, rather than immediately dot the ball down for the try, the Unflustered One scuttles round nearer the posts. Well, so would you, if you had to take the kicks.] And makes the conversion for good measure. [With aplomb, and sans fluster of course.]

Wales 20 - 6 Scotland

Wales attack again from deep. Hook makes a good offload to Jamie Roberts with Faletau in support. Rory Lamont is sin binned for spoiling. Priestland puts the ball into touch to give Wales an attacking lineout with a 2 man advantage.

They win it. Scotland make a couple of try-line tackles, and then concede a scrum. De Luca comes back on. Wales win it, Faletau picks up, offloads to Phillips, who pops it to Halfpenny for his second try. He makes the kick. [The rewards of being Zen are many. 22 points in an international fr’instance.]

Wales 27 - 6 Scotland

Cuthbert puts in a great chase from a very long Welsh clearance. Wales almost turn it over, but Scotland recover and clear. Wales attack again, but Jonathan Davies’s pass is just behind Cuthbert and they lose momentum. Wales give away a penalty. Phillips attempts to take it quickly, but Poite points out that because it was Wales who cheated, Scotland get the ball.

Scotland break-away! Surely they’ll score! Terrible pass to Hogg who falls over attempting to catch it. [AWFUL pass, is it De Luca’s worst moment of the day? Worse than the yellow card brain-fart? Hard to say.] Hogg gathers, and goes over the line, but is called back for knock-on. They replay shows that he didn’t actually knock the ball on: he did drop the ball, but caught it again before it (and he) hit the ground. Wales running from deep get tied up in a tackle and then give away another penalty. Scotland take it quickly. Hogg goes over the line again! But this time he’s held up. How galling for him. Nevertheless, Laidlaw spots an opening in the ruck and scores a try. He makes the kick.

Wales 27 - 13 Scotland

Rory Lamont comes back on, and Scotland are back up to 15 men, with 15 mins on the clock.

Hogg takes a high ball and then breaks the line and makes it halfway down the pitch before Priestland brings him down and into touch.

Scotland seem to have drawn some confidence from the try, but then Wales turn the ball over just inside the Scottish 10 yard line, and Scotland give away a penalty trying to win it back.

Cotter on Halfpenny’s place kicking: “Perfect record so far.” Jonathan Davies replies, “Commentator’s curse.” Halfpenny misses it. [HOLD ON A MINUTE! Can something as common-or-garden as the commentators curse really be the chink in the armour, the glitch in the matrix, the loose foundation stone in the impregnable mental fortress of Leigh Halfpenny? Say it ain’t so…]

Shane is impressed by Hogg, and thinks he’s earned a start next week. Jonathan Davies: “Well if you wear yellow boots you’ve got to be good, haven’t you?” [You’ve got to be “something”, I’d agree.]

Two Scots put in a great tackle on Ian Evans. Jonathan Davies is impressed: “Great tackle! Double hit!”

Blair puts up a kick which goes high but not long. No-one claims it, and Gray threatens to win it after the bounce. Faletau has quicker hands, though, and tidies it up. Adam Jones and Lydiate come off. Paul James and sodding Andy Powell come on. [AP seems to be really committed to this whole Aramis and Artemis vibe, his golden locks now reaching his shoulders, and slicked back today in the insouciant style of a man ready to thumb his nose at Cardinal Richelieu. He looks like a right plum.]

Wales are miles offside. Poite spots it. Laidlaw breaks the line (aided by a bit of crossing) and chips ahead. He gets an unlucky bounce, and Jonathan Davies gathers and tidies.

Lou Reed comes on for his first cap for Wales! I’m trying to think of a guitar-related joke, but I’m drawing blanks. Thank you thank you I’ll be here all week. [Really?? Makes it a perfect day? Ready for a walk on the wild side? C’mon!]

Scotland attack, and win a penalty in from of the posts. Lamont attempts to take it quickly after a knock on ends the advantage, and then throws a hissy fit when Poite calls him back.

The BBC score banner is telling me a Welsh player’s been sin binned, which somehow I missed. [It was Gethin. Probably glad of a rest.]

Priestland receives the ball on his own try-line, and then makes a great little break. Jonathan Davies offloads to Scott Williams, but he can’t find Halfpenny in support and Wales concede a penalty deep in the Scottish half. A couple of turnovers later, Priestland kicks the ball into touch. As time runs out, Jonathan Davies awards man of the match to Dan Lydiate. [Fair enough, but Ryan Jones for me. And honourable mention to Shingler, who put a real shift in, on début and out of position. Kudos to that young man]

Scotland take the lineout, now just playing for pride. They make it to the halfway line, but then play stops, and Poite whistles for full time.

Final Score: Wales 27 - 13 Scotland

I cannot believe that at no point in this match was Laidlaw hit with a big tackle so I could use my pre-prepared “Laidlaw is laid low” line. Rubbish.

Reviewing Halfpenny’s first try, Shane Williams admires his “balls” in taking the ball right under the posts. That choice of words also displays balls, considering he’s probably still in his probationary period with the Beeb. Jason Mohammed thinks Stuart Hogg added “a lot of zip” to the Scottish back line. It’s true! He was full of vim. He also praises Laidlaw’s “ferreting” for the Scottish try.

He then remarks that “fans of the oval ball” will be looking forward to Match of the Day 2, later on in the day. When we come back from the video package advertising said show, he corrects himself. He meant fans of the “round ball”, of course! Which is not really a phrase I’ve ever heard used to describe football. [Fairly non-specific innit, given the number of round ball sports. I can only think of three oval ball sports. Are there any others?]

He then looks past the England match in his final comment. And the Italy match. And the French match. Yes, two slightly shaky wins into the tournament, he’s already speculating that Wales might win the Grand Slam. Commentator’s curse, Jason! [Aye, I normally quite like J-Mo, but this is a very stupid thing to say. A good, solid win, and a 14 point margin in any 6N game is not to be sniffed at, but nerves are jangling for Twickenham already.]

Conclusion: Again, Wales didn’t play superlatively well, but they managed to get the win.

[Conclusion: Good to see Roberts, Jenkins and Priestland all playing, though all three were a little off their superlative best I thought. Here’s hoping the two week gap is long enough a). for Sam to get fit, and b). for us to work on our Lou Reed puns. To work!]

Ireland vs Wales

Thu, 09 Feb 2012 13:01:00 +0000

It’s the return of the Six Nations! And you know what that means! Liveblogs! As always, WYWG will be commentating mainly on the BBC’s coverage of the Welsh campaign, with occasional interjections on hairstyles and the actual rugby from friend-of-WYWG, Tom, whose comments will be [indicated via the dual mechanisms of italics and square brackets, thus.] Let’s go!

The show starts with a shot of John Inverdale cycling a woman’s bike¹ across a bridge. I’m not gonna lie—it’s pretty hilarious. Sam Warburton pops back to Rhiwbina for a quick interview at his boyhood rugby club. He seems like a very nice young man. Terrible taste in music, though. Wikipedia describes Rhiwbina as “a prosperous suburb of Cardiff.” [Hence the double-barrelled surname eh?]

Whilst running down the Irish team, Keith Wood mentions a “smell of revenge in the air.” What does revenge smell like? [Like Keith Wood’s scalp?]

Sonja McLaughlan, talking to Warren Gatland: “If you could bottle what Wales had at the Rugby World Cup I guess you’d be a very wealthy man.” Aaah I’ve missed the BBC’s coverage. Great stuff.

I am sad that I won’t get to see Shane Williams or Martyn Williams in a Wales shirt any more. Apparently “Cuthbert” is playing on the right wing for Wales today. He is 6′6″. Which I guess helped him get away with being called “Cuthbert” at school. [Although seeing as Cuthbert went to school in England (what with being English and all), it was probably okay to be called Cuthbert or Jasper or Ffordwyke-Smythe.]

Sonja’s talking to Colin Charvis now. She describes Faletau as “the Welsh-Tongan live wire”.

A graphic tells me that Conor Murray is playing in “hist first” [sic] Six Nations match today. The BBC, ladies and gentlemen!

Jeremy Guscott, Keith Wood, AND Jonathan Davies all pick Ireland to win. Boo!

I know this has been noted a thousand times before, but good God Leigh Halfpenny is fresh-faced. Are we sure he’s old enough to be playing international rugby? Has he got a permission slip from his Mum? [Yet in this team of thrusting youth, Leigh is an old hand—23 years old and 28 caps.]

Anthems over. Commentary team: Eddie Butler and Phillip Matthews. Let’s get cracking!

Eddie Butler says that Paul O’Connell is the reigning Lions coach. That seems pretty unlikely. He also thinks that Adam Jones is a “comforting presence”. [I couldn’t agree more.] My favourite thing he says before kick-off, though: “Rhys Priestland: fit, Jamie Roberts: fit.” But my gosh don’t they know it.

Ref is your friend and WYWG’s, Wayne Barnes.

Wales concede a couple of penalties early on. Sexton has a crack at the second one. While we wait for the kick, Eddie Butler reminisces fondly about a previous game Sexton played in: “kicking, running, and passing…” He almost sighs with bliss. [He normally saves these sorts of longeurs for descriptions of Sergio Parisse’s fabulous muscularity.]

Ireland 3 - 0 Wales

Wales have a lineout. The short throw doesn’t look all that straight to me, but Barnes thinks it’s fine, and Bradley Davies charges down the line, with the ball irritatingly palmed in one hand. Hold on to it properly! A few phases later, the Welsh backs run a fairly ineffectual move on the right wing. Phillips dives for the line after the ensuing ruck, but is stopped short in a crunching tackle. Wales spin the ball left, and George North! smashes through Kearney. Three Irish players manage to drag him down. Ryan Jones goes over the line, but the video ref can’t decide whether he manages to down the ball or is held up. Welsh 5m scrum. Barnes psyches out the scrum with an extra long “pause” command, and Wales are penalised for their resulting false start.

The BBC get Andy Nicol to “analyse” Wales’s successful lineout for 30 seconds or so, completely oblivious to the fact that play has restarted. Ugh.

Wales win a free kick at the scrum. They attack, and Priestland makes a superb wrap-around pass to Jonathan Davies who goes over for the try. [Slick from Priestland, and encouraging from Wales.] Priestland’s kick hits the post.

Ireland 3 - 5 Wales

Warburton finds himself isolated in midfield, but does a great job of not losing the ball in the tackle. Canny. [That he is. Not just a (slightly less than) pretty face, our Sam.]

Wales attack, and are looking confident now, trying some moves in the back line and attacking patiently with multiple phases. Ireland concede a penalty, which Priestland slaps into the post. That’s 2 from 2. [Unerring accuracy. Maybe they should make it extra points for hitting the posts?]

Halfpenny makes a poor decision under a high ball, attempting to take it by crouching down(?) as Kearney leaps over him. Ireland have a chance to attack, but immediately go offside. Wales kick for safety.

Eddie Butler on the lineout: “Huw Bennett, bang on halfway.” The lineout is shown to be a couple of metres away from the halfway line. Butler makes a quick recovery, “…almost.”

Another Welsh lineout. Phillip Matthews jinxes it by remarking that the Welsh lineout has been fairly successful so far. O’Connell steals Bennett’s throw-in.

Rhys Gill hugs an Irish forward from behind in a ruck, and slaps him repeatedly on the arse. I have no idea.

Wales seem to be kicking the ball in attack a lot now. Don’t really approve, especially as they don’t seem to be gaining much from the tactic.

Andy Nicol is analysing the Welsh try. He remarks that there were four Welsh attackers on the blindside. And then counts them off on the freeze-frame as little red numerals appear next to each. [Perhaps they can recycle this clip over on CBeebies?]

Ireland have an advantage in the Welsh half (I think, for befouling Bowe after he’s kicked the ball away). Sexton has a punt at a drop goal, which misses, so he has a go at the penalty. He misses that, too.

Kearney kung-fu kicks Halfpenny as he waits for a high kick. He’s adjudged to be attempting a play on the ball, though. [Yer man Kearney does have some “hops” as I believe the basketball parlance would have it.]

Butler channelling Nicholson: “Here’s Cuthbert!”

Ireland turn the ball over, but Bowe can’t hold onto McFadden’s pass and we have another Welsh lineout. Wales kick it away again, and Ireland attack. But Wales steal it back. Ireland just can’t seem to keep possession at the moment.

Wishing I hadn’t written that, as Ireland string together a series of phases and offloads and advance into the Welsh 22. Why would I jinx my own team like that! [In fits and starts, both teams have been playing some good stuff here. Wales just edging it I’d say, and worth more than there two point lead.]

Is someone talking dirty to Barnes over his headset? Whenever there’s a break in play, he’s got this odd little smirk on his face. [What a vile thought…]

Ireland have a penalty. They play the advantage, and then Best scores a fairly straightforward try. Sexton converts.

Ireland 10 - 5 Wales

[As I said, Wales definitely just edging it here…]

Wales attack, but Cuthbert knocks on Priestland’s pop pass, and we go into half time with Ireland up by 5.

Half time score: Ireland 10 - 5 Wales

Sonja thinks “you can feel the crowd here at the Aviva stadium really absorbed” by this “great game”. Charvis [the Welsh-English live-wire] on Ireland: “They’ll be confident and their juggernaut has just started rolling, so I’m sure they’ll be coming out with the confidence in the second half.” Ireland have a juggernaut? Is that allowed? Sonja asks how Wales should stop the “juggernaut you’ve just alluded to.” Charvis thinks the solution is to “go with your heart.” Everyone is obsessed about the “twists and turns” this match is displaying. THIS IS WHY I PAY MY LICENSE FEE.

Stats! Although at one point Wales had 75% of the territory and almost the same amount of possession, the counts currently stand at 60% and 54%, respectively. They’ve also won the ball in the opponent’s 22 fourteen times to Ireland’s 1. They’ve lost 3 lineouts, though. [And are 5 points down.]

Inverdale asks Jonathan Davies why Wales are down 10-5. Jiffy thinks it’s because Barnes asked the video ref whether to award the try rather than whether there was any reason not to award it. Guscott: “How cool are Ireland?” They’re like the goddamn Fonz up in here! [In all probability, a room full of rugby pundits is not the correct tribunal to rule on coolness.] Inverdale: “And there was that passage of play where Wales had so many… wblth… recycling of the ball… j’st t’dst th—the way that Ireland managed to hold out is extraordinary.” How much money does this man make? IT SHOULD BE MORE! As always, Wood mostly talks sense, and Jonathan Davies pronounces names phonetically.

Warburton has a dead leg, and won’t be playing in the second half. Frowny face.

The team actually do make a good point about the mistake Cuthbert made when Ireland scored their try. He should have immediately committed to tackle Bowe when Priestland went in for a tackle, and that he didn’t shows his inexperience. That’s the sort of thing I wouldn’t necessarily have picked up on myself (specifically the inexperience being the reason for his hesitation), and I’d love to hear more of it. As opposed to, say, Andy Nicol’s impression of The Count. Although if it took time away from Sonja’s repartee with Charvis I would not approve. [Point taken, it’s like Bogie and Bacall with those two sometimes. Someone give them a chat show. Or a sitcom. There’s a vacancy on Daybreak right?]

Inverdale: “James Hook is playing… for Cuthbert. So that’s interesting.” [Insight!]

Second Half

Kick-off! James Hook’s first act is to get turned over. Ireland scrum. It collapses, and Barnes awards Ireland a penalty. Sexton makes the kick. Matthews wonders if the turnover would have occurred had Warburton still been on the pitch. Answer: nope, and it wouldn’t have happened had Gethin been playing, either.

Ireland 13 - 5 Wales

[Urgh, two scores off the pace and 39 minutes to go. I do not like the way this is heading.]

Wales have the ball, but Priestland kicks it away, with no chasers. Ireland kick it into touch, but Wales win their own lineout.

Even Eddie Butler is getting exasperated by Phillips’s agonisingly slow service: “Phillips is taking his time again.” After a very quiet 10 phases, Wales are awarded a penalty. Can Priestland get his hitting-the-post hat-trick?! No, he slices the ball about 20 yards to the right of the goal. [Variety at least, I guess. Also, that’s eight points from missed kicks thus far. Will we lose by less than eight? Paddy Power in-game betting time people…]

Ireland win a very good drop 22, and then get away with forward pass. They advance to the halfway line, but Wales turn it over.

Barnes penalises McFadden for not rolling away. Halfpenny’s going to have a go, as Priestland doesn’t seem to have brought his kicking boots today. Matthews claims that Halfpenny’s “normally a long-range specialist,” which doesn’t sound right to me. Like, he can only kick long range? Eddie Butler points out that he takes all the kicks for Cardiff. And he makes this one.

Ireland 13 - 8 Wales

George North! smashes through a tackle (as is his wont to do) and then makes a lovely back-handed offload to Jonathan Davies, who goes over for the try. [That is some Sonny Bill style sleight of hand from GN! there, and a beautiful straight support line from JD2 as well. That one’s destined for the try-of-the-tournament short-list for sure.] Halfpenny makes the conversion, and all of a sudden, Wales are in the lead!

Ireland 13 - 15 Wales

James Hook is tackled to the ground and then George North! body slams him like Jimmy Superfly Stuka. With team-mates like these…

Ireland attack! Wales concede a penalty. Ireland play out their advantage. The penalty is on the right side of the pitch for Sexton.

Ireland 16 - 15 Wales

Twenty minutes left to play. I am strangely calm.

Priestland tries a high kick. Ireland return the favour. Faletau makes a good catch under pressure. Ireland turn it over, but then kick it straight into touch. Ireland sub off Donncha [sic] O’Callaghan for Donnacha [sic] (comin atcha) Ryan. [What’s the collective noun for Donnachas? A lobotomy?]

Not much is happening. Eddie Butler his given up commentating, and is now just sporadically shouting out names of Welsh players.

Andy Nicol makes a better effort of analysing a good bit of defence by George North! He can’t resist allocating him a number on the telestrator, though. “One George North! Ah! ah! ah! aaah!”

With 15 minutes left to play, Phillip Matthews is putting his money on Wales, even though they’re a point behind. [I suspect tactical underdogging for his boys from Matthews here.]

Lots of booing all of a sudden. Barnes keeps saying “Foul play against red number four,” as Donnacha Ryan writhes around on the floor in agony. The touch judge says B. Davies picked him up, rotated him and then dropped him (on his head). He [mystifyingly] recommends a yellow card. (Note that this was all completely off the ball). cf. Warburton’s tackle for which he received a red in the WC. [I suspect this card may dominate the post-match in the same way Sam’s did too.] If you ask me, Bradley should be sent off for not holding on to the ball correctly when he runs, if nothing else.

Butler points out that Wales are the worst Six Nations team at playing with 14 men. I presume this statistic doesn’t take into account their semi-final match in the WC where they played almost the entire match with only 14 men and damn near won it. [The best 14 man performance in the history of international rugby?]

Ireland prove Butler’s point though, as Kearney makes a great long pass to Bowe who scores in the corner. [A cracking move from Ireland, executed with something bordering on nonchalance I thought, and the fourth top quality try in this game.]

Eddie Butler: “Jonathan Sexton. You said boldness would win it, Phillip. He put himself into a deep position and led the orchestra.” I hope that’s a quotation from something, because if it’s not then what the hell is he talking about?² Sexton misses.

Ireland 21 - 15 Wales

Paul James comes on for Adam Jones. I have transitioned smoothly from calm to resigned.

Ten mins left. Ireland up by six. And then they’re awarded a penalty inside their own half. Sexton has a go at it to put some more minutes on the clock, if nothing else. [Bizarre decision this, as surely equal if not more time would be used (and pressure generated) if they kicked for the corner? It’s not as if we’ve laid a hand on their lineouts all day…]

Healy comes off for Court.

Paul O’Connell makes a great take of Wales’s drop-out 22, but then concedes a penalty. Priestland makes a loong kick to the far side of the pitch and the ball goes into touch via a TV camera. Wales win their lineout and attack.

They spin it out to the left wing and then George North! bundles his way through three Irish defenders for a try. Shoddy defending, epic George North! [Excellent adjustment of angle when he received the ball by GN! there, demonstrating some real footballing intelligence. And then demonstrating some brute force to blast through the swarm of Irishmen between him and the line.]

If Halfpenny can hit this conversion from the sideline, Wales will go up by a point. But he misses it. [10 missed points from kicks…]

Ireland 21 - 20 Wales

Bradley Davies comes back on, and Ireland make some substitutions. Three minutes on the clock. Okay, I’m not quite so calm any more.

Wales attack from deep. They’re not bothering trying to wrap up Irish defenders with lots of short ball in the forwards; just spinning it out wide. They advance into the Irish 10, and then Ireland are penalised for a dangerous tackle. Stephen Ferris is sent to the sin bin, and Halfpenny has a kick for the lead. Matthews doesn’t think the tackle was dangerous. [It was certainly more on the Warburton scale than the Davies scale.] Butler disagrees. [Stony silence from Matthews.] Halfpenny makes the kick!

Ireland 21 - 23 Wales

Wales gather the restart, and then time is up. Lots of booing. Irish crowd doesn’t agree with the penalty decision. Matthews is diplomatic, saying you can’t take the victory away from the Welsh.

Final Score: Ireland 21 - 23 Wales

Sonja: “Wales, Ireland: It’s never dull, is it? Not for one, single second. And you agree with me don’t you, Leigh Halfpenny?” Inane. [There must be a stronger word to apply here? Family show though…]

Leigh Halfpenny: great rugby player, not such a great interview. Take notes, Leigh.

Jonathan Davies thinks Wales played well, although he notes the lineout wasn’t great.

The studio team watches replays of the first Welsh try in the second half. They can’t find enough superlatives to describe George North!’s contribution. It was pretty immense. [Guscott describes it as “magical” and it’s hard to argue.]

They’re also fairly incensed that Bradley Davies didn’t get a red for his tackle. [Again, hard to argue.]

Apparently RTE awarded man of the match to Mike Phillips. No no no. Did they not see George North!? [He’s hard to miss (unless you’re Fergus McFadden—zing!)] He was a beast! No-one thinks the final yellow card should’ve been given, although Jonathan Davies thinks it should have been a penalty. I’m inclined to agree with Guscott, actually, that it was a fairly innocuous tackle, but I’ll take the win nonetheless.

[I am not inclined to enter the tip tackle debate after the last four months of painstaking mental rehabilitation following the World Cup. I cannae take it. Great game though, and Davies’s “red mist” aside, about as good an advert for Northern Hemisphere rugby as you could imagine.]

Conclusion: I think, in retrospect, my unexpected calmness when Wales were down in the second half was due to the fact that during the World Cup Wales managed to convince me that they actually are a good team. This is a very odd feeling for someone who grew up watching a series of terrible and/or underachieving Welsh teams in the late ’80s and ’90s. I think it might be… confidence? Although the Irish will surely be unhappy about some of the refereeing decisions towards the end of the match, the fact that Wales looked the better team for the entire game and managed to eke out a close win seems pertinent.

Having said that, it still won’t surprise me if Wales choke in several of their remaining five matches and end the tournament in fourth place. Old beliefs die hard.

As pointed out by friend-of-WYWG, Ed. ↩
I looked it up on Google. No hits. ↩

Pop quiz! Which button cancels editing the post?! The one...

Thu, 09 Feb 2012 13:00:00 +0000

Pop quiz! Which button cancels editing the post?! The one labelled “Cancel”? …Or the other one?

Hey, Sky, you’re aware that if it’s unmissable...

Thu, 26 Jan 2012 20:33:05 +0000

Hey, Sky, you’re aware that if it’s unmissable there’s not much point you telling us not to miss it, right?

Big Daves Gusset

Tue, 24 Jan 2012 20:31:06 +0000

So I was a little sad the other day when I caught the train into Olde London Towne and discovered that the old shed that wore my favourite bit of graffiti¹ had been demolished.

This loss inspired me to do a quick google to see if anyone had been as affected by this mysterious piece of graffiti as I had, not really expecting to find any results.

But not only did the results turn out to be numerous², they also contained a wonderful bit of investigative journalism by In the Aquarium, wherein the Dave in question had been interviewed as to the origin of the slogan.

I love the internet.

Previously visible on the left as you travelled from London Bridge to Waterloo East. ↩
Including, but not limited to: three separate Facebook pages, many photos, including this arty one, and a dance remix. ↩

Mike Tompkins - P.Y.T (Pretty Young Thing) (A cappella) You...

Fri, 20 Jan 2012 18:21:23 +0000

Mike Tompkins - P.Y.T (Pretty Young Thing) (A cappella)

You knows While You Were Gone loves a cappellas, so I was always going to post this great cover version of MJ’s P.Y.T. (Pretty Young Thing).

(hat-tip: @bobacks)

Marmite

Thu, 19 Jan 2012 20:31:05 +0000

The more I think about it, the more convinced I become that the long-running Marmite advertising campaign Love it or hate it is the best marketing concept EVER.

It’s been so successful that these days, whenever something polarising is discussed, people will describe it as being “like marmite”.

And the reason this is so bloody brilliant is that, actually, if I think about it, although a lot of people do hate Marmite, almost everyone that doesn’t hate it is indifferent about it. They have a jar knocking about somewhere, for sure¹, and maybe every now and again they’ll fancy putting some on a slice of toast.

I guess that doesn’t yield such a catchy slogan, though:

Marmite: Hate it, or kinda like it every now and again I guess?

Actually I think we can tighten that up a little:

Marmite: I can take it or leave it.

Marmite lasts literally forever. My parents recently polished off a jar they bought just after they got married. ↩

“Look at the awareness!” That’s a great...

Mon, 09 Jan 2012 13:01:51 +0000

“Look at the awareness!”

That’s a great catch.

On Latin Words

Thu, 15 Dec 2011 14:18:00 +0000

Brent Simmons recently published a critique of the words used in the tab labels of Twitter’s new iPhone app. It’s a fine piece, but one part of it doesn’t ring true.

In a section titled “What we know about people and words”, Simmons writes, “English speakers respond best to non-Latinate words.” He then goes on to criticise Twitter’s use of the words connect and discover for being Latin in origin, as well as for sounding like they were selected by “a murder of marketing executives perched around a big table.”

But he is wrong that connect and discover are bad words per se¹. And it’s certainly not true that the words “mean almost nothing.” When describing the action of attaching a cable to a socket, connect would be a perfectly good word. And when discussing Bjarni Herjólfsson, I’m pretty sure you’re going to want to use the word “discover”. The problem is the context. In the Twitter app, the words aren’t good choices because they don’t describe what they’re labelling. Simmons does understand this, and—previously mentioned quotes notwithstanding—he does a great job of explaining it in his article. But then he throws in the stuff about Latin words somehow inherently turning off readers, and my head starts to hurt.

So where does Simmon’s stated dislike for Latin words come from? I asked him directly, but he didn’t respond, and I couldn’t find a source for the rule. My best guess is that he is misremembering George Orwell’s famous essay, Politics and the English Language. But Orwell doesn’t actually claim that all Latin words are bad. Instead, he protests against people who deliberately use long Latin words in an attempt to sound more impressive:

“Bad writers, and especially scientific, political, and sociological writers, are nearly always haunted by the notion that Latin or Greek words are grander than Saxon ones, and unnecessary words like expedite, ameliorate, predict, extraneous, deracinated, clandestine, subaqueous, and hundreds of others constantly gain ground from their Anglo-Saxon numbers.”

Indeed, later on in the essay Orwell writes: “Nor does it even imply in every case preferring the Saxon word to the Latin one”. No, Orwell merely wanted people to use clear, straightforward language.² I don’t think, for example, Orwell would have had any problem with the use of the word car³.

In fact, I don’t believe Simmons would have any problem with that, either. I was tempted to go through his entire article marking all the words that had a Latin origin, but it would have taken aaages and would have been belabouring the point. Instead, let’s just look at his suggestions for better words for Twitter’s UI. He himself notes that his preference for the name of the Me tab, Profile, is Latin, but he doesn’t mention that his suggestion of Mentions instead of Connect is also Latin in origin. And although Tweets and Timeline are both fairly new words, line comes from Latin, too. So if two-and-a-bit of the four words Simmons prefers for the interface are Latin in origin, can he really believe that Latin words should generally be avoided?⁴

As I said, it’s a good piece⁵, but strike out all the parts about Latin and it would be even better.

Do you see what I have done there? ↩
Whether or not Orwell’s advice is something one should attempt to follow is a whole other kettle full of delicious, wriggling, fishies. Orwell was certainly a superb writer, but his status as an analyst of language is somewhat less clear. Take, for example, his stance on the passive voice. In the very same essay that Orwell writes: “Never use the passive where you can use the active,” over 20% of the verb forms that he uses are passive in construction. That’s considerably higher than the highest rate (13%) found in various periodicals in three statistical studies. See also this further analysis of Orwell’s essay, from the good people of Language Log. ↩
Tip of the hat to James Harbeck for the tip-off, who also has sensible things to say about Latin words on his Sesquiotica blog. ↩
Not enough evidence for you? Okay, try this. Simmons writes: “When asking your significant other to pick up some milk on the way home, you don’t ask, ‘Will you attend the purveyors and retrieve a dairy beverage?’ You ask, ‘Will you stop at the store and pick up some milk?’”. But stop, store, ~~and milk~~ all come from Latin. Correction: reagank points out in the comments below that milk didn’t actually come into English via Latin, although it is related to a Latin word. However, as it turns out that neither purveyor nor dairy come from Latin, I think the point stands. ↩
Special bonus footnote. Sean Sperte has written an interesting rebuttal to the rest of Simmons’s post, which is worth a read. ↩

Goodjob, Google translate. Gold star.

Mon, 24 Oct 2011 20:30:05 +0100

Goodjob, Google translate. Gold star.

That just sounds unhygienic.

Fri, 21 Oct 2011 20:30:06 +0100

That just sounds unhygienic.

FUNK Manufacturing. I wish I worked here.

Fri, 21 Oct 2011 15:32:00 +0100

FUNK Manufacturing.

I wish I worked here.

You cannot deny: that is one hell of a DJ line-up.

Fri, 14 Oct 2011 17:49:57 +0100

You cannot deny: that is one hell of a DJ line-up.

How to Write Better Female Characters

Fri, 14 Oct 2011 17:49:51 +0100

How to Write Better Female Characters:

You know you’re doing something wrong when you have to ask people who make porn¹ how you could improve your portrayal of women.

Note that all of the interviewees say exactly the same thing. It’s not rocket science, people!

(via Jess Fink)

Admittedly, the porn in question probably isn’t the sort of porn you’re thinking of. But still. ↩

Ireland vs Wales

Mon, 10 Oct 2011 22:57:21 +0100

The group stages are over! And Wales made it through! Splendid. And as long as Wales are still in the tournament, WYWG will keep watching the matches and then, several days later, posting commentary about them, [ably assisted by friend-of-WYWG, Tom.]

Today’s commentary team: Simon Ward, Michael Owen, and Alan Quinlan. Ref: Craig Joubert. [I feel sick to the pit of my stomach. I’ve been lucky enough to see Wales win two grand slams in the last six years, but this is I think the biggest Wales match of my life.]

Wales start the match by forcing a turnover. They kick an up-and-under, which Jamie Roberts wins from the Irish back line. Wales march up the pitch and Shane Williams scores in the corner! Priestland makes the difficult kick. That is a good start. If they can just keep scoring at that rate, Wales will win 186 - 0!

Ireland 0 - 7 Wales

After the restart, Priestland attempts to put up another high kick, but it’s charged down. Halfpenny cleans up the mess, though. Shane chips ahead, and then Wales go offside in a ruck and concede a penalty. Ireland kick for an attacking lineout.

Now it’s Ireland attacking. George North! is penalised for not rolling away in the tackle. Ireland elect for another attacking lineout. Ireland win it, but then knock on. Now Wales are penalised for joining maul incorrectly. I feel sick. Ireland again kick into the corner. [I can see the Irish logic here, its early in the game, it’s a hard kick, why not crank up the pressure and back themselves.]

Ireland win the lineout and attack the Welsh line again and again. Big tackle from Warburton on O’Gara. The Welsh defence drive them back 15 yards, and then a wayward pass goes to ground and the Welsh forwards dive on the ball for the turnover. [First rate D from Wales. Shaun Edwards will be “happy”. (Not sure he ever actually smiles…)]

Wales attack again, but this time the ball’s not coming out from the rucks as quickly. O’Driscoll intercepts.

Now it’s Ireland marching up the pitch. Wales give away a penalty. Again they kick into the corner. [Increasingly ballsy this tactic from BOD.] They win the lineout and then O’Brien peels off the maul, but he’s held up over the line. Irish scrum. [And special mention to lil Shane here, who inexplicably managed to hold up SOB over the line. Wily like a coyote from the old-stager…]

O’Gara drops the ball and Wales gather. Halfpenny looks to kick but Ireland are up quick and he runs instead. [You cannot fluster him—for he is unflusterable!] Then Priestland clears.

Ireland put up a high kick, but Halfpenny makes a superb mark under pressure. [See?]

O’Gara kicks for the corner, but the ball bounces just the wrong side of the corner flag, and Joubert calls the ball back for a scrum near the halfway line. Welsh scrum hits too early, and O’Gara successfully kicks into the corner.

Priestland’s high kick is much too short, and the ball bounces off some players and into O’Driscoll’s hands. He attacks and passes to Kearney. Wales turn it over, but then concede a penalty directly in front of the posts. This time O’Gara kicks it over.

Ireland 3 - 7 Wales

Wales are defending well, but they’re not creating turnovers; they could really do with a bit of possession.

Welsh penalty on the halfway line. Halfpenny steps up. Wow. That’s a long kick. [And made with room to spare.]

Ireland 3 - 10 Wales

What I was saying last week about Owen only ever talking about the Welsh is even more evident now Wales are playing a team I actually know vaguely. It’d be really irritating if I were Irish, I think. But I’m not!

With thirty minutes played, Alan Quinlan says something. I think thats the first time I’ve heard him.

Wales fumble the ball in a tackle, and Ireland attack again. O’Gara taps a little kick into the corner.

Now Alan Quinlan is talking more. Perhaps he was in the toilet for the start of the match? [Also there seems to have been a evenhandedness contest breaking out between Owen and Quinlan, each of them insisting on praising the opposition and underplaying the achievements of their own side. Both clearly want to be the underdog—but truth is that this is pretty even stevens out there, and is a mesmerising game of rugby.]

Wales fluff the lineout and Ward says something about the wind affecting the lineout throwers as well as the kickers. Funny how it’s not affecting the Irish lineout.

Wales lose another of their lineouts.

Wales awarded a free kick at a scrum. Mike Phillips takes it quickly. The Irish don’t retreat ten yards, but aren’t penalised for it.

Wales run though the phases. Charteris fails to release, and Ireland have a penalty.

Half time. God this is stressful.

Half time score: Ireland 3 - 10 Wales

Gareth Thomas on the sideline is bullish on Welsh prospects. [And look: I know he’s 5 million times better qualified to comment than me, but Alfie, ferchrissakes, don’t jinx it!] I’m concerned about the lack of possession they’ve had. Telling stat: Wales have made 85 tackles to Ireland’s 46. [Most of them splendid daisy-cutters that have scythed the Irish down at the ankles. Possession is a worry for sure, but Wales’s faithfulness to their gameplan, their bite and snap in defence has been a marvel. A bloody marvel.]

Second Half

Another great take of a high ball from Halfpenny. [He’s edging the battle with Kearney (who’s looked dangerous ball in hand)—and that typifies the match-ups all over—in the majority of positions (not all) the Welsh and Irish are pretty evenly matched (on form and reputation at least), but the Welsh boys are edging it thus far.]

Series of long kicks between the teams culminates in an Irish lineout.

Ireland attack. Wales give away a penalty, but Ireland play the advantage. A pass goes to ground, but Bowe picks it up and ships it to Earls, who runs for the line. He dives from about 5 yards away and slides in. [Well taken, but essentially it was the filthy bounce pass that created that try. Jammy gets.] Joubert asks the video ref and after some consideration of whether Earls’s foot is in touch before he grounds the ball, the try is awarded. O’Gara makes the kick. [A beauty, and as goes ROG, so goes Ireland. Has he put his indifferent first 40 behind him to turn the screw on Wales as so often in the past? 10-10. Game on. Dark fug of pessimism descends.]

Ireland 10 - 10 Wales

I thought I felt sick before. Wales attack, and run through some quick phases, but Bradley Davies is turned over and Ireland kick for safety.

Bennett makes a beautiful dive pass from the base of a ruck. Nice! Wales concede another penalty, and again Ireland kick for a lineout. [Who is this new Huw Bennett? And where is he hiding the old one?]

Wales pinch a lineout(!) and spin it out wide. [One thing usually guaranteed against the Irish is that their line-out is pretty much impervious. Getting some against really gives me some hope for this game…]

The ball comes back across the pitch, and then Phillips spots a gap in the defence and scores a superb, diving try in the corner. And I was about to criticise him for his slow service. [And I have been on his case all season. A fantastic piece of cunning and intelligence from Mikey P. Yes, intelligence!] Priestland can’t make the kick this time. [Ugh, five point gap—just like against SA. Nausea crescendo approaches…]

Ireland 10 - 15 Wales

Fantastic long kick from Priestland. Ireland again make a mistake at the lineout [like, OMG] and Wales have another attacking chance. Davies drops it.

Another pass to no-one from the Irish back line. [What a difference in response to the Ireland try. Wales just put it behind them and came back firing—and it’s Irish heads that might—just might—have dropped here.]

Murray and O’Gara come off, replaced by Reddan and Sexton. Michael Owen is getting way too confident for my liking. Shut up shut up shut up! Ireland are penalised for collapsing the scrum. Priestland’s kick hits the post. [Almost certainly directly due to Michael Owen’s premature utterances…]

Another good take of a high ball, this time by Shane Williams. [Not to get all Michael Owen here, but dammit if the bloody BELIEF in these boys isn’t almost palpable. They are doing so much so well.]

Owen utters the words: “Shane Williams, so strong.” Then Ward refers to him as, “the mighty mouse.” [Is that better or worse than the “little magician” or “welsh wizard” that he usually gets? Hard to say…]

Earls makes a mistake attempting to offload from the tackle, and Wales have a scrum well inside the Irish half. Welsh scrum looking strong. [My dad told me that the Welsh front row would establish their superiority in due course and to rest easy in my concerns about the form of Healy and Ross. He was dead right.]

Wales attack, Davies elects to run instead of shipping it out to Halfpenny. I’m about to curse at him [I have already wailed “bloody swiiiing it” at the telly,] and then he strolls through four Irish defenders and scores an easy try. [Bizarre; JD2 seemed to just coast through in 2nd gear whilst the cover defence basically just gawped at each other. Talk about playing what’s in front of you—class!] Priestland converts.

Ireland 10 - 22 Wales

George North! is not finding it quite as easy to run through the Irish as he did the Namibians and Fijians. He’s shepherded into touch.

Ireland again attacking the try-line. My previous nausea was nothing. Now I feel sick. Reddan makes a nifty pass to O’Brien, but then O’Driscoll concedes a scrum. Ireland are immediately penalised. Wales steal another lineout. [Michael Owen and Alfie may not have jinxed the whole thing—all the big moments are going Wales’s way here. Amazing.]

Ten minutes left. [Twelve point gap. Surely, surely that’s enough.]

Trimble comes on for Earls.

After Priestland puts up a high kick, Ward says that Halfpenny “really is a calming influence at 10 for Wales.” Even though he’s playing at 15.

Welsh penalty, and Priestland again hits the post. [The other one this time—overcompensating see?] Ireland put through a long kick, and Faletau does [very] well to clean it up. [Typically calm and composed bit of play from Toby there; he’s not been the most prominent of the back row today, but has acquitted himself very, very well. Much like Halfpenny, it seems nigh on impossible to faze him. He is 20 years old.]

Ireland bring on the rest of their subs. With five minutes left, Ireland have an attacking lineout.

I haven’t mentioned him today, but Warburton has been awesome at the breakdown (as usual) today. [Lydiate too, despite about 5kgs of strapping on his dodgy ankles.] Welsh penalty. With three minutes left, Priestland is subbed off for Hook. The commentary team are now satisfied that Wales have won the game. My stomach isn’t quite so sure. Wales grind out a couple of phases, and then Hook puts up a big high kick. Then Ireland concede a penalty, and the clock runs out as they take the lineout. And that’s it! [Huw Bennett gets all scrum-halfy again and belts the ball into touch and…] Wales are in the semi finals of the World Cup!

Final Score: Ireland 10 - 22 Wales

[Mother of god! We did it!]

That was a seriously good performance from Wales. They hardly made any errors, and they capitalised on the Irish errors. [Well described in Blood and Mud’s match review as “all-consuming competence.”] Their try-line defence was superb (as it has been all World Cup) and they looked good in attack. Best full-match performance I’ve seen from Wales in years, possibly ever.

Conclusion: Come OOOOONNNNNN!

[Apologies: Sorry, not many “jokes” or even “wry observations” this week—but this is a World Cup Quarter Final—and now a Semi Final. This is serious business. Men’s business. And Wales are the men.]

[Kudos: Both Alan Quinlan in the commentators’ pitch-side post mortem, putting up with a high-fiving Alfie, and Brian O’Driscoll doing the dutiful for NZ TV before the sponsors’ board (and looking about as crestfallen as is possible to imagine), conducted themselves with serious class in the aftermath of the game. That can’t have been easy, especially for the latter. Hope to see him on the Lions tour 2013.]

[Conclusion: France, with their tails up. Oh bugger. Knot of nausea returns to stomach…]

Wales vs Fiji

Mon, 10 Oct 2011 19:14:00 +0100

This is the fourth instalment in WYWG’s series of liveblogs of the Welsh campaign at the 2011 Rugby World Cup. WYWG is aware of the irony involved in calling something posted over a week after the match a “live” blog. As always, these words are written by WYWG, [and these words are written by WYWG-collaborator, Tom.]

The strangely muffled ITV announcer is talking as though this game is a mere formality. If I hadn’t already inadvertently seen the result that would worry me immensely.

Fiji’s national anthem is a pretty good tune! Not as good as Hen Wlad Fy Nhadau, of course. The Fijian war dance—the Cibi—isn’t very long.

Your friend and mine, Wayne Barnes, is reffing. Commentating are Simon Ward and Michael Owen. [Unless, that is, you have taken matters into your own hands and are listening to Talksport (John Taylor and Brian Moore) on the laptop via headphones, whilst watching on the (muted) telly. In the dark, at 6am, in your dressing gown. Like a boss. But also watch the ITV highlights later on to catch a flavour of the commentary for these here blogging purposes, of course.]

Wales start the game by giving away a penalty. Fiji win a lineout, but then make a bad handling error in the backs, and then throw the ball back to the Welsh. They win another lineout, but again a handling error gives Wales the ball. Wales’s attack comes to nothing, though.

Wales win a lineout and Warburton streaks [not naked] down the pitch, but he loses the ball forwards in the tackle.

Wales attacking lineout. They win it, and attack in the middle of the pitch and then on the left. A penalty takes the pressure off momentarily, but then Jamie Roberts strolls unimpeded through the Fijian line and scores under the posts. Priestland has no problems making the easy kick.

Wales 7 - 0 Fiji

Ward points out that Fiji need to beat Wales by 85 points (and score four tries) to progress to the quarter finals, and then says that’s unlikely to occur. Don’t tempt fate, Simon!

Fiji attack, but the left winger’s kick is too hard and crosses the dead ball line.

Priestland fails to make touch [A once a game habit at the moment—doesn’t he know Lee Byrne’s got that skill set covered?] from a penalty kick and Fiji attack.

North tackles Vulivuli and then Gethin “Twinkletoes” Jenkins annihilates someone in midfield. That was a big hit. Fiji keep the ball though, and a few phases later Wales concede a penalty. Nicky Little, playing in his 67th cap for Fiji, narrowly misses the kick. [A little deflating for Fiji that miss, as they are well in this match so far.]

Fifteen minutes in, Fiji have had over 70% of the territory and almost 70% of the possession. Wales don’t seem to have really got started yet.

Ward claims that Jamie Roberts is “6′3″, 6′4″, 6′5″.” Welsh scrum DOMINATES Fiji and wins a penalty. They fluff the lineout though. [Seems that unless Bennett hits his first lineout, he can quite quickly go to pot. Again, why play Charteris if you’re not gonna throw the first four lineouts to him?]

Nice try! Good interplay between the backs, making a series of passes within 5m of the touchline [George North! Soft hands for a big lad!] and then Scott “Don’t call me Shane” Williams beats the final defender comprehensively. Priestland converts.

Wales 14 - 0 Fiji

Ward, discussing the fact that half the Welsh team were still in school during the last world cup in which Fiji beat Wales, effectively knocking them out of the tournament: “There are no psychological scars for those guys because they know no fear!” That doesn’t make any sense, Simon. [Especially seeing as getting knocked out by Fiji in the parallel fixture 4 years ago was fairly effective at mentally scarring the entire nation…]

Wales attack, Fiji go offside, and Priestland nudges his kicking record for the match to 3 from 3.

Wales 17 - 0 Fiji

You cannot tackle George North! with just one man. He is just too epic.

Michael Owen is an entirely competent colour commentator. He’s not particularly entertaining with those long, long sentences of his, and he doesn’t offer any particularly sparkling insight, but he at least he speaks sense. [Over on Talksport Taylor and Moore are doing a fine job—although the approx 7 second delay is somewhat jarring. But given we’re clearly going to win, it’s no biggie. Might be too much to cope with for the QF, though.] Like WYWG, though, he appears not to know anything about any of the teams other than Wales in the tournament. [Speak for yourself, viz my impressive command of the Samoan names a couple of weeks back, etc.] He certainly never mentions any of the opposing team in his monologues.

Fiji attack from a scrum, but Halfpenny dumps the Fijian 7 on his ass, and Wales turn it over.

Bradley Davies is injured, and there’s a long break in play while the doctors check him out. He’s okay, though.

Another dominant Welsh scrum, they attack, and after a hilarious dummy from Bennett and a couple of blatantly forward passes, North goes over for a try, which Priestland converts. [You’d think Wayne would be a bit sensitive on the old forward passes whilst reffing in NZ, given his previous…]

Wales 24 - 0 Fiji

Barnes doesn’t seem to be policing the forward pass rule at all today, as Wales get away with a couple more fairly egregious examples. Ward makes an inane joke about them “playing American Football.”

Bennett limps off (twisted his ankle throwing the dummy), and Burns comes on. [Compulsory mention of his recent acquaintance with the world of bricklaying—check!]

Wales fluff another lineout slightly, but North gathers the tap-back and screams through the Fijian defence. Warburton’s in support, and Wales score again. Both the previous tries, Ward has stated that the scoring player “pins his ears back.”

Priestland continues his 100% kicking record, and Wales go into half time with a commanding lead.

Half time score: Wales 31 - 0 Fiji

Second Half

Byrne gets smashed by Lovobalavu. [This is shown repeatedly on the old super slo-mo—Mr Cash-for-Gold looks strangely serene as he is ploughed into the turf by the rampaging Gaby Lovobalavu. Yes, “Gaby”—like Logan.] Talei steals the ball from the back of a ruck and tears down the pitch. He boots ahead, but the Welsh defence have no problems gathering it.

Fiji attack down the blind side. The Fijian kicks ahead, and Byrne shoulder charges him to the ground, late. Looked pretty illegal to me (as it did when he did the exact same thing in the first half), but Barnes doesn’t think so.

Byrne fumbles a high ball, and now Fiji have numbers outside! Wales defend well, and win a turnover, but then knock it on.

Barnes awards Fiji a free kick at the scrum (Wales pushing too early). Fiji take it quickly and attack. Wales turn it over at a ruck. Priestland clears it, Fiji take a quick throw in, but lose the ball immediately.

All of a sudden, North slices through the Fijian defence. A nice sidestep and he beats the fullback. Then a couple of passes later (one of which, again, looked forward to me), Jamie Roberts scores, and Simon Ward says, “The doctor will see you now!” He’s clearly been saving that one up. [On Talksport, Brian Moore makes direct reference to those listeners watching the telly turned down “because our commentary is better”—calls ‘em like he sees ‘em. (And he’s not wrong either).]

Wales 38 - 0 Fiji

Nasty head clash between Halfpenny and a Fijian. [Bizarre on the replay, as it seems that somehow a seam or knot on Leigh’s scrum-cap has just opened up Lovobalavu’s face. The contact was glancing, but the claret spilled is substantial. Leigh is not normally an opener of wounds TBF.] The latter comes off, and so do Phillips and Faletau. This means that Andy Powell is now on the pitch. [Praise be.]

Fatiaki breaks the Welsh line but knocks on in the tackle. Lots of handling errors from Fiji today.

Priestland puts a probing kick through the Fijian defence, and Buatava is forced to take the ball into touch just outside his own try-line. Priestland is subbed off, as is Ryan Jones.

Wales win the lineout, and a mass of Welsh players go over the line, with Burns (and the ball) at the bottom of it. [That is the best try he’s scored since back when he was a brickie…] Jones continues as Priestland left off.

Wales 45 - 0 Fiji

Fijian lineout doesn’t look straight, but it might just be the stupid camera angle ITV are showing it from.

Fiji win a penalty at a scrum about ten yards out from the Welsh line. They tap and go. Wales defend doggedly. Turnover! Wales kick to take the pressure off. Roberts comes off.

Gethin Jenkins attempts to kick the ball with his right foot, misses, and tries to kick it with his left instead. Then he’s brought down, and, whilst he’s on his hands and knees, the Fijian that picks the ball up falls over him. He’s a comedy genius as well as the best rugby player in the world! [Him and the Fijian do in fact have a little laugh about how rubbish that was as they regain their feet…]

Wales are defending so well now that Fiji are losing about ten yards with every phase. Gethin Jenkins finds himself with the ball on the Welsh 22 and redeems his earlier slapstick with a successful kick for territory. [A sixty yard HOWITZER!] Halfpenny gets to it first and runs in the try.

Wales 52 - 0 Fiji

It is now completely pissing it down with rain.

Wales roll a maul to within a few yards of the Fijian line. Fiji go offside. Wales elect to take a scrum. It wheels, and Wales are awarded another penalty, and take another scrum. This one starts to wheel, too, the ball pops out, and Lloyd Williams scoops it up, and dashes for the line and a try. Jones, undeterred by the monsoon, converts. [Impervious to the elements, because he is half-vampire.]

Wales 59 - 0 Fiji

Gethin Jenkins comes off. Warburton comes off too, which means Wales will voluntarily play the last five minutes with only 14 men as they’re now out of subs. [Is this practice for getting someone carded against Ireland?]

Fiji attempt to capitalise, and attack for several phases. The Welsh defence holds, though, and eventually Fiji knock it on.

With time already up, Wales turn the ball over. Having already seen the score, I know how this is going to turn out. Jonathan Davies breaks the Fijian line and scores the try, “the icing on a very tasty cake.” Welsh kickers will be 100% for the match, as Jones slots it over.

Final Score: Wales 66 - 0 Fiji

Conclusion: Wales make it through to the quarter finals! Where they will face Ireland. Exciting!

[Conclusion: Exciting? My stomach is already in a knot with the FEAR at the thought of the Irish game. I may have to watch somewhere outside the house (ooh, like a pub!), as silence cannot be guaranteed for this one. Will it still be okay to watch in my PJs and dressing gown though?]

[Also, to paraphrase Phil Vickery, COME ON WALES! Insightful, aren’t I…]

Wales vs Namibia

Mon, 03 Oct 2011 17:31:49 +0100

Due to circumstances outside our control, our increasingly inaccurately named “liveblog” series on the Welsh campaign at the Rugby World Cup is now running over a game behind schedule. IT IS STILL, AWESOME, THOUGH. As always, these words are mine, and [these words are Tom’s].

Wales seem to be playing Shane Williams at inside centre. That’s… interesting. Oh, it’s some other S. Williams. Never mind then. [No two ways about it, Wales are expected to Haskell-DOMINATE Namibia today. Even with the B team. So, points, performance, poise, and no injuries—no pressure boys!]

Commentating are Martin Gillingham and a Welshman! (Michael Owen, no, not that one.) Ref is Steve Walsh, “formerly of New Zealand, now of Australia.”

From the kick-off, Wales are awarded a scrum. The Namibian facing The Best Rugby Player in the World™, Gethin Jenkins, collapses the scrum immediately, and Jones pops over the ensuing penalty:

Wales 3 - 0 Namibia

Good ’tache Namibia No 5. [With a ginger handlebar like that, you may well make it into the Hair XV my good man. Sterling effort.]

Tavis Knoyle appears to be able to pass without first running sideways five feet. His pass isn’t very quick though. Seems to have an actual wind-up.

Good simple Welsh move releases Leigh Halfpenny and then not-Shane tears down the line for a try in the corner. Jones’s conversion attempt hits the post.

Wales 8 - 0 Namibia

Warburton to the Namibian No. 7’s face, “Don’t argue!” It knocks him so far backwards he has to pretend that he was deliberately running out to join the backs’ defensive line.

After Wales give away a couple of penalties, Namibia have a lineout just outside the Welsh 22. Wales steal it, spin it out, and then not-Shane kicks the ball straight into touch from outside the 22. As the players line up for the set piece, Gillingham says, “Not often that Luke Charteris can look across the lineout and look a man straight in the eye.” He can’t do it today, for example, because he’s on the bench.

Namibia manage to lose about 50 yards through a string of handling errors.

Gillingham says, “Leigh Halfpenny finding himself on the opposite wing, so to speak.” Not sure what he means by the “so to speak”, as 1/2p was indeed on his opposite wing.

Brew goes over for a try. Jones converts.

Wales 15 - 0 Namibia

Ryan Jones charges down a kick, and after a chase, Wales are awarded a penalty about 5 metres out. Ryan Jones takes it quickly, and Faletau scores. [Not-Ryan] Jones converts.

Wales 22 - 0 Namibia

[We’re about a point a minute thus far. Haskell-y.]

Several Namibians are wearing yellow boots. They are really ugly. We get to listen to Steve Walsh telling off the front rows; regardless of his current nationality, he sounds pretty Kiwi to me.

Gillingham on Namibia: “They’ve got a real mountain to climb.” Then he gets gets a bit unsure whether or not the mountain is actually real, and adds, “Metaphorically, I would say.”

If Namibia could just stop dropping the ball, they’d look alright in attack. This time round they’re awarded a penalty 40-odd yards out. Then ITV Player decides I should start watching the game again from the start. Luckily I just happened to glance at the game clock a few moments ago, so after watching all the adverts for a second time I’m able to fairly quickly get back to roughly the same point in the footage. Then it does it again. I become fairly irritated at this point.

When I eventually get to stop watching adverts, Kotze misses the kick. Michael Owen has a strange and impressive ability to talk for an exceedingly long time without finishing a sentence. He’d be good on Just a Minute.

Wales seem to have gone off the boil a bit. They keep giving away penalties, scrums, the ball, etc. It’s been all Namibia for the past 5 mins (game time) or 20 mins (real time for me, thanks to all ITV Player’s bloody restarts.)

Owen on Faletau: “He’s grown and grown with every game and become a big player for Wales.” Nice turn of phrase; I like the pair of linked metaphors. Or does he mean literally? Was Faletau only 5ft 4in before the World Cup started? [I think he’s been sizeable for a while now. As Scott Quinnell would say “He’s a big boy, I could play on the see-saw with him.”]

As Jonathan Davies passes the ball way too far forwards and Ryan Jones bats it away with one hand, Gillingham exclaims joyfully: “Ooooh terrific hands!” Walsh calls it back for an earlier high tackle, and Jones kicks for touch and an attacking lineout. Wales win it, (almost by mistake; Burns completely missed his jumper,) but then give away a penalty for not releasing after a tackle.

Now ITV Player is doing a thing where the on-screen controls appear at the bottom of the display, obscuring some of the action, freeze, and refuse to go away.

Wales give away some more penalties.

With just under ten minutes left in the half, Wales come back to life and put together a series of phases. Eventually, Namibia come off-side and Walsh penalises them. Wales elect to take a scrum. Then they’re awarded a free kick, take another scrum, and are penalised themselves. [Walsh chooses this moment to deliver a lecture to the two captains about the consistently collapsing scrums. He uses these actual words: “I need someone to take ownership of what’s going on.” Take ownership? This is an unforgivable encroachment of management speak onto the rugby field and Walsh should be ashamed.]

Byrne makes a fine catch from a high ball under pressure, but then gets smashed in a tackle, and fails to release the ball. Kotze’s kick hits the post! Unlucky. Wales attack from deep. Brew gets hit so hard that both he and the tackler ping about a foot off the ground.

Wales advance as far as the half way line, but then a kick ahead gets away from Brew and bounces into touch to end the half.

Half time score: Wales 22 - 0 Namibia

[That points/time ratio has suffered over the last 20. Like me, it seems that Wales have gone to sleep a bit in the last few minutes, and, unlike me, they don’t have the excuse that it’s a 6am kick-off where they are. (WYWG: Wait, what? This game started at the civilised time of 7:30am in the UK. Where were you watching it? Somewhere off the west coast of Africa?) ]

Stats! Wales have have 58% of possession but only 32% of territory. 100% of the points though!

Second Half

The Namibian 15, Botha, starts the second half with a great kick for touch.

Wales win another cocked up lineout. They attack, but are pulled up for crossing.

Wales win a lineout that ITV didn’t show, (borrowing directors from the Beeb, perhaps?) and then attack. Great run from Jonathan Davies. They make it almost as far as the Namibian try line, but then Brew loses the ball in the tackle and Namibia turn it over.

Namibia win a defensive scrum, but the ball comes out earlier than their scrum half expects and Knoyle scoops it up. Wales attack for a couple of phases, and then three Namibians fail to tackle not-Shane, and he goes over for his second try of the match. S. Jones hits the conversion.

Wales 29 - 0 Namibia

WHAT THE HELL IS ANDY POWELL DOING ON THE PITCH? [One of life’s imponderables…]

Wales (Powell, in fact), take a quick throw-in, Jonathan Davies gives the ball to The Best Rugby Player in the World™, and Jenkins scores a scintillating solo try, as described by friend-of-WYWG-Rhys thus: “The fend, the dummy, the gas, the dragging of the two final defenders over the line. Awesome.” [Gethin upgraded to “Greatest Man Alive” instantaneously.]

Wales 36 - 0 Namibia

Wales looking a lot better this half. But then all of a sudden Esterhuyse intercepts the ball, offloads to Koll, who beats Burns to the try line and scores in the corner! Namibia are right back in this thing! While we watch the reply, Owen cynically points out that there may have been a [teensy] spot of [flagrant] crossing involved in the build up to that one. No one cares, though. [Perhaps not even Wales…]

Wales 36 - 7 Namibia

Nothing happens for a while. With 20 mins left, Larson is sin binned for… I’m not sure, actually. Scrummaging poorly? Think I nodded off for a minute there. [I think he was binned for being called Raoul, which is a very un-Namibian name, and for looking like an extra off the Munsters.]

Someone tackles Gethin Jenkins hard. That would never happen if he were fully fit. Jenkins stays down for a while, but after a spot of treatment he pops back up, [because he is INDOMITABLE!]

George North! (on for Brew) slides through the Namibian defence, and scores a try.

Wales 43 - 7 Namibia

Immediately after the restart, North breaks the line. His pass looks like it’s going to ground, but Alun Wyn Jones plucks it off his toes. Jonathan Davies is there is support, and runs in the try.

Wales 50 - 7 Namibia

Wales looking dominant now. ITV flash up a “tackles made” stat: Wales 28 - 116 Namibia. [That sounds very tiring…]

Jonathan Davies offloads the ball backhanded. Byrne cuts inside, beats several defenders [as he zig-zags in what seems to be a pretty random/aimless fashion,] and then slings the ball up into the air as he’s tackled. George North! charges on-screen to receive the pass and the Namibians can’t bring him down. [George North!, putting the “impact” into impact sub. Lovely try.]

Wales 57 - 7 Namibia

Immediately after the kick-off George North! again breaks the line. Then he does a little hop step, and then, as the Namibians can’t tackle him, he decides to show them mercy and just lies down for no reason. [Team Namib really need to kick it to someone else from re-starts. Whilst he may not (yet) be the North Walian messiah that some proclaim him to be, George North! is pretty damn effective against a tiring team who are already 40/50 odd points down…]

Wales attack again, and after a number of good attacking phases, not-Shane Williams goes over the line for his hat-trick. [Unnecessary brandishing of three fingers as he slides over. Whilst it’s not quite the “Ash-Splash” in terms of heinous over-celebrating, nevertheless I’m sure the decorously undemonstrative T. Faletau would not approve.]

Wales 64 - 7 Namibia

Du Plessis is awarded man-of-the-match. He’s made 20 tackles. That’s quite a few tackles. [Cut to to Du Plessis on the bench looking really genuinely chuffed. Obvs, Gethin is the real MOTM (for which read MOT-Century/Millenium/etc).]

The Welsh scrum suddenly comes together and they drive the Namibians back in two successive scrums. Powell picks up, and uncharacteristically passes it [effectively] to Lloyd Williams, who scores.

Wales 69 - 7 Namibia

…

Wales 74 - 7 Namibia

Namibia kick the restart straight into touch. Welsh scrum on the halfway line with a minute to play.

Wales attack as time runs out. Namibia defend desperately, but they’re just not good enough. AWJ pulls off a nice spin move and downs the ball. Priestland makes the conversion after having missed the last few.

Final Score: Wales 81 - 7 Namibia

[So, just about returned to a point-a-minute by the end. A well deserved happy finish for the Welsh, so to speak.]

Conclusion: I don’t have much to say about that. Wales looked really good for the first quarter and second half, and they scored lots of tries. But in this match, anything less would have been a disappointment. Namibia may be spirited, but sadly they’re just not very good. Tom?

[Uno: I am mildly perturbed that the serious scoring didn’t start until Spooky Raoul got sinbinned. We really shouldn’t need a man advantage to put away Namibia. On to Fiji—we never have any trouble with them right?]

[Due: Aforementioned ’tache plus Jacques Burger’s shaggy perm—solid contributions on the tonsorial front from Namibia. Marvellous.]

[Tre: GETHIN!!!]

Whilst we’re on the subject of dance, Ze Franks’s Star.me site has a “Mission of...

Fri, 30 Sep 2011 11:53:00 +0100

Whilst we’re on the subject of dance, Ze Franks’s Star.me site has a “Mission of the day”. Today’s challenge is to “Paste a link to the best dancing you’ve seen on YouTube!”

By far the most frequently posted clip is the Evolution of Dance routine by comedian Judson Laipply. As someone who spends way more time than is healthy watching dance on YouTube, I find that tremendously depressing. Really? There’s people that think that’s the best dancing on YouTube?

It’s better than Gene Kelly tap dancing on roller skates? Better than Machine and Ata’s exhibition at Over the Top 2? Better than the finalists at the World Tango Championships? Better than Carlos Acosta and Tamara Rojo dancing in Swan Lake? Better than this routine by former mixed martial artist Genki Sudo? Better than this showcase by Monster Woo? Better than the Twinz Criminalz?

Yes, Evolution of Dance is an interesting routine, but, to be honest, you are out of your freaking mind if you even try to argue that it’s better dancing than Turk busting out some new jack swing in Scrubs. Ugh.

Every couple of years or so, a hip-hop dance video suddenly...

Fri, 30 Sep 2011 11:05:00 +0100

Every couple of years or so, a hip-hop dance video suddenly explodes out of the hip-hop community and into the general public’s conciousness, and people who normally have no interest in dance start forwarding me links to it.

In the early 2000s it was this video of Elsewhere killing the show at Kollaboration 2001. A couple of years later it was this highlight reel of Junior’s performance at Red Bull BC One.

This week, it’s been the above video of Marquese Scott popping to Pumped Up Kicks - Foster The People. Amazing.

(via pretty much the whole internet)