[brought to you by a sudden, world-wide decrease in both size and capability of your sexual organs]

Okay, it’s difficult to know exactly where to begin on this one…

Your penis is too small.

A hypothetical couple returns home from an evening out.  The woman is sexually interested, but the man is too drunk to rise to the occasion.  Lame.

Some lame douche gets lucky at a bar and, inebriated, gets to escort some hottie home.  The deed is over within a couple of minutes and she lays there, unfulfilled and wondering what better selection she might have missed at that last water hole.  Sorry, sweetheart.

Read more…

This weekend at The Next HOPE conference Michael “theprez98” Schearer, a security researcher, gave a very interesting talk about SHODAN. SHODAN is a search engine which searches “banners” of systems. This means it’s basically a search engine of services on the internet. For example, with SHODAN you can find all servers running a specific version of Apache in a specific country. You also have the ability to export results in XML for a nominal fee. Check out the video of theprez98′s talk below. You can also find the slide-deck for theprez’s talk here. Please check your ethics before misusing SHODAN.

SHODAN for Penetration Testers (The Next Hope) from theprez98 on Vimeo.

This past weekend was The Next HOPE (Hackers on Planet Earth) conference presented by 2600 Magazine. I myself am an avid lock enthusiast and enjoy the challenge of manipulating locks. Below is a video of the Lockpick Wizard competition sponsored by Locksport International. The object of the competition was to pick as many locks as possible in 8 minutes, while unable to see the locks and tools. Contestants had to place their tools and locks inside the burlap sack and pick away. The second round was done blindfolded. In hindsight I wish I’d have joined in the fun, but alas I chose to be a spectator on this one and record the spectacle. (Please forgive the blue tint in the video… apparently Qik is broken on the iPhone 4 at this time. I hope they fix it soon.)

[Caution: inhaling this product will make you stupid.]

Let us begin with a short tale of a situation that undoubtedly occurs a countless number of times throughout this country on any given day or night…  All names used are fictional for two reasons: 1.) I don’t know the actual names of any of these people, and, even if I did, 2.) I’m not entirely without tact.

Sharon is in her early thirties, a middle class mother-to-be showing approximately six months of pregnancy. As she enters the grocery store where I am currently purchasing items, she has two teenage girls trailing her all the way to the beer cooler.

Read more…

I was searching all over for a decent dial-up modem ringtone for my iPhone for the longest time, but just couldn’t find one that I liked. So I decided to make my own. It was a major pain in the ass. Seeing as how I haven’t used a dialup modem since around the year 2000, and I only had one system that still has a dial-up modem. Then I had to find a dialup service to test with. Then record. Then edit. Then convert. But after much doing and a little geeking out, the result is 10 seconds of retro goodness that will make your friends jealous. I settled on this 10 second slice as my favorite in the modem handshake sequence. I think it makes the best ringtone and is the perfect length too.

So go ahead and download my freshly made 56k Dialup Modem Handshake Ringtone for your iPhone. Once you’ve downloaded the ringtone simply double click and it will be imported into iTunes as a ringtone. Enjoy!

UPDATE: as requested in the comments below, here is a 56k Modem Ringtone in .mp3 format for Android users as well. Go nuts.

Donald Trump branded bottled water. Something isn’t right. You’re fired…

the temp in our apartment… looks like about 98 or so. Great.

“The Next H.O.P.E.” is the next installment in the biennial H.O.P.E. (Hackers on Planet Earth) series of conferences. H.O.P.E. takes place every 2 years at the Hotel Pennsylvania in the heart of New York City. HOPE is sponsored by the magazine 2600: The Hacker Quarterly. There have been seven conferences to date: HOPE, Beyond HOPE, H2K, H2K2, The Fifth HOPE, HOPE Number Six, and The Last HOPE. This year’s event takes place from July 16th – 18th, 2010.

I tried to find a Google Calendar format of the schedule for this year’s talks. However I was unable to find such a format. I’ve painstakingly created the following calendar based on my interests and talks that I would like to attend. This is not a complete schedule of the conference. I’m too lazy to turn the whole schedule in to a Google Calendar, however I may do so before the actual conference… we shall see. Use as you will if you wish.

You can view the full schedule by visiting: The Next Hope schedule

Damn it’s hot out

Taken at 5ptz in Queens

wow.

Well as I write this I’m taking the plunge and installing iOS4 to my iPhone 3G and then Jailbreaking with redsn0w.  A few hours ago this morning iOS4 was released to the general public for download via iTunes.  A few hours later the iPhone Dev Team and Musclenerd updated ultrasn0w which will now unlock ALL basebands, and just about an hour or so ago, they released the final beta version of redsn0w.  You can grab the latest version of redsn0w here:  download redsn0w

The proper procedure for your iPhone 3G is basically this:  !!!ONLY DO THIS ON iPhone 3G!!!! I am not responsible if you fuck up your phone! Use at your own risk and don’t attempt if you are a clueless moron.

-Restore to the official iOS4 firmware that iTunes downloaded today, be sure to click SHIFT+Restore from within itunes

-This will take about 15-20 minutes as the firmware is installed to your iPhone 3G

-Once the 4.0 Firmware has been restored, before you restore your iPhone settings from backups, launch redsn0w

-From within redsn0w choose the CURRENT iOS4 FINAL release firmware you just installed the file name should be iPhone1,2_4.0_8A293_Restore.ipsw

-redsn0w will then churn away at the firmware and do some validation, once it’s been validated click next

-You’ll then be prompted to turn off your iPhone.  Make sure the iPhone is plugged into the computer before you power the device down.  Hold the power button down until the power slider gives you the option to shut the phone down.

-Get ready, after the next step you’ll have to follow the instructions on the redsn0w screen FAST. Once the device is plugged into the computer and powered off, click next

-Follow the on screen instructions in redsn0w.  You will have to hold the power button for 2 seconds, then both buttons for 10 seconds, then release the power button and hold only the home button for another 30 seconds or so.

-If you’ve followed the instructions correctly, redsn0w will show a progress bar.  At that point it is safe to release the home button.

-Allow the process to continue and complete without pressing anything or disconnecting anything

-After a few minutes you’ll see the PWNAPPLE logo and “Flashing NOR” on your device…this is a good thing!  Then installing Bundles…

-Then the device will reboot, and if you’ve chosen verbose startup in redsn0w you’ll see a linux-like boot sequence

-Congratz! You’ve now Jailbroken iOS4 on your iPhone 3G!  Pretty easy huh?

-Your Cydia app icon will be a white icon, but run it once and allow it to pull down sources/updates and it should go to the normal Cydia app icon.

-You can now sync with iTunes and restore from your previous backups

Jailbreak iOS 4 for iPhone 3G Screenshots

That’s about it!  I hope that this helps some folks who are looking at Jailbreaking their iPhone 3G with iOS4.  Tons of thanks to the iPhone Dev Team for all their great work and efforts, and a big “fuck you” to all the people who bitch and moan about the pace of their work. Got a problem? Do it better yourself then.

Feel free to discuss in the comments below!

Lets face it. There are a lot of incredibly worthless and crappy Apps in the Apple AppStore. Sorting through all the garbage to find the truly useful Apps can be a huge pain in the ass, not to mention expensive. I’ve decided to put together my list of the best iPhone Apps. At the time of this writing I have a Jailbroken iPhone 3G. I will be getting the iPhone 4 next week when it is released. These Apps will still remain my top picks for some time to come. If you currently have a Jailbroken iPhone 3G or 3GS on the 3.x firmware, many of these Apps will be available to you. This is a mix of official Apps and Apps that require a Jailbroken iPhone. Please feel free to add your favorite Apps to the comments section so that others can try some great Apps on their iPhones.

LogMeIn Ignition – $29.99

The LogMeIn Ignition App gives you access to your Mac and Windows computers via a remote desktop-like interface.  Even though this App is a bit pricey, it’s well worth it.  I’ve been using LogMeIn for years and it’s never failed to save my ass in an emergency.

Pocket Informant – $12.99

Pocket Informant for iPhone is an advanced business-class calendaring App.  It has the ability to sync with multiple Google Calendars and display free/busy time in an easy to view way.  Hands down the best mobile calendaring App.  I’ve been using Pocket Informant since the Windows Mobile days.

MyWi -$9.99 (for Jailbroken iPhone)

MyWi allows you to tether your iPhone to your laptop computer to use the 3G connection from your phone to access the internet.  Another awesome feature is that MyWi will also allow you to create your own mobile hotspot on your phone and share the 3G connection wirelessly to several computers.  If you were unfortunate enough to get on one of AT&T’s new limited 2GB/mo data plans, I suggest you stay away… far away.

Shozu – $5.99

Shozu allows you to upload photos and post status updates to dozens of social networks, blogs, and FTP sites.  You can post photos with geotags to Flickr, update your status and post photos to Facebook, read your Twitter stream and post updates to multiple accounts and much more.  I can simultaneously upload a photo to Flickr, Picasa, Facebook and my private FTP in one upload.

Meebo – Free

Meebo is the best IM web client around.  If you’ve never tried Meebo on the web, I highly suggest you do.   Meebo for the iPhone adds push IM notifications, so you can stay signed into all of your IM networks while on the move.  It functions much better than any of the other paid iPhone IM Apps.  It’s smart enough to push IMs to your phone when not logged in via the web, and then will switch to web delivery when you log into the web site.  Meebo supports multi-protocol IM’ing including all of the major players with the exception of Skype.

OrbLive – $9.99

Orb is truly a Slingbox killer and worth every penny of the $9.99 App price.  With Orb installed on your PC or Mac at home you can stream all of your videos, mp3s and photos to your iPhone.  If you have a TV Tuner in that PC you can stream live TV broadcasts to your iPhone as well.  It’s an amazing App, and even if you don’t want to use it on your iPhone the main Orb server is free and all of your media is accessible via your web browser.

Qik Live – Free

Using Qik you can record and stream live video from your iPhone to Qik.com.  Once you’ve shot the video you can share it with other social networks including one click uploading to Youtube.

Air Mouse Pro -$1.99

Air Mouse allows acts as a wireless keyboard and mouse for your computer.  I use Air Mouse Pro to control my Media Center PC / Home Theater PC.

aLight – $.99

I know there are a million flashlight Apps for the iPhone.  I happen to like this one, and for how much I use it, I find that it’s worth the $.99.

LockInfo – $4.99 after 14-day Free Trial (for Jailbroken iPhone)

LockInfo is a lockscreen heads-up-display.  It shows you all if your important information right on the lock screen including Emails, Calendar, Weather, Missed Calls, SMS, Notifications, Twitter stream and more.  I am really dreading the iPhone 4 not being jailbroken and not having this functionality.

Universal Search – $2.99 (For Jailbroken iPhone)

Universal Search is a plugin for the iPhone Spotlight search feature.  Instead of just being able to search the local data on your phone, with Universal Search you can search over 20 different websites from your home screen.

iNet – $4.99

Every IT guru with an iPhone needs this App.  This App give you the ability to perform a network discovery scan, ping hosts on your network, browse Bonjour hosts, portscan, get detailed device info, wake on lan, sleep on lan (macs only), the ability to email scan results and much more.

Other notable Apps:

I’ll list a few other Apps that I use on a regular basis.  Some of these will be more common favorites that everybody already may know about, others may not.

• Pandora
• Public Radio Player
• Official Twitter App
• iTransNYC
• GV Mobile
• At Bat 2010
• Lastpass
• If Found +
• IRChon
• SHOUTcast
• Kindle
• Yelp

That’s right, in a cosmic demonstration of Karma it appears that Goldman Sachs may be battling a bed bug problem in it’s Jersey City, NJ offices. Because of it’s close proximity to New York City, which has the highest concentration of bed bug problems in the US, it’s highly likely that Goldman Sachs offices are infested, proving that even the evil masters of the financial universe are not immune. Check out the developing story over at Google News by searching for Goldman Sachs Bed Bugs.

Like many people I was excited this week when I found out about all the new features of the upcoming iPhone 4 to be released by Apple on June 24th. And I wondered of course if I was eligible for “new every 2″ pricing from AT&T. See, like the sucker I am I purchased the iPhone 3G about 2.5 months before the iPhone 3GS was released. (Just like I got my first MacBook Pro less than 7 days before the new ones were released a couple weeks back…) I digress, I’m sure many folks are also wondering if you can get the new iPhone 4 at cheaper than full price through AT&T. As I was trying to find the answer to that question, I stumbled upon a trick to find the answer via your phone.

Simply dial: *639# on your iPhone handset. You will receive a message from AT&T about your ability to upgrade or not. This is the only place I got the answer I wanted… logging into my account at attwireless.com did not tell me if I could indeed upgrade or not. Hopefully once the iPhone 4 pre-release ordering begins on June 14th, I’ll still be able to order the 16GB iPhone 4 at $199. Damn, I hope so.

http://creativetime.org/keytocity

(I can’t wait for an iPhone with a better camera)

Cheddar, Brie, Provolone, 2 kinds of apples, grapes, strawberries, tomato spread, garlic, french bread and white wine

Street stencil art

The view from a client’s office

I recently started using Windows 7 (as a Parallels Virtual Machine on my new MacBook Pro) and wanted to move my iTunes database (including my Library and Settings) from my old XP laptop to Windows 7 so I can sync my iPhone and not lose any of my information. Regardless of my less than standard setup, this article will explain how to move your iTunes from Windows XP to Windows 7, while preserving all of your media and settings, including iPhone information.

Overall this process is relatively simple. I would highly suggest having an external USB Hard Drive to perform the transfer with. If you do not have an external USB Hard Drive, you can certainly transfer the files over the network if you are capable of doing such.

First you will need to backup/copy the following folders from your XP computer to your external hard drive:

a. C:\Documents and Settings\username\Application Data\Apple Computer\iTunes

b. C:\Documents and Settings\username\Local Settings\Application Data\Apple Computer\iTunes

c. C:\Documents and Settings\username\My Documents\My Music\iTunes

Once you have copied these folders from your XP machine to your external drive, connect the drive to your Windows 7 system. Be sure to have iTunes installed on your Windows 7 system.

Copy the folders from above, to the following directories on your Windows 7 computer:

a. Copy the folder in a. above and paste to C:\Users\username\AppData\Roaming\Apple Computer\iTunes

b. Copy the folder in b. above and paste to C:\Users\username\AppData\Local\Apple Computer\iTunes

c. Copy the folder in c. above and paste to C:\Users\username\Music\iTunes

Once you’ve completed the above steps, launch iTunes on your Windows 7 computer and make sure that your Library and other settings are intact. If everything looks good, you can then connect your iPod or iPhone to sync to your new Windows 7 system.

Good luck!

If you are ever in NYC check out the Metropolitan Museum of Art’s Roof Garden Café and Martini Bar. The views to the south are of the Central Park tree canopy and the buildings on the Upper East Side and South of the park. Even if you don’t want to have a drink, head up to the roof to check it out, it’s a pretty cool view. Don’t forget that admission to the M.E.T. is “pay what you wish” or “suggested donation” meaning that you can pay whatever you like as opposed to paying full price admission. I usually pay between $2-5 when I go depending on the length of time I will be spending in the Museum. This is one of those museums you can go to several times a year and never see everything. The M.E.T. is probably the best Art Museum I’ve ever been to.

In the background: NYC Public Research Library, Chrysler building and more of midtown Manhattan

After updating WordPress and redesigning thew0rd.com this weekend I started to get an error message similar to the one below on the WordPress Admin Dashboard:

Fatal error: Allowed memory size of 33554432 bytes exhausted (tried to allocate 1966080 bytes) in /home/user/public_html/wp-includes/class-simplepie.php on line 5353

I was able to solve this error by editing the wp-config.php file and adding the following line:

define('WP_MEMORY_LIMIT', '64M');

What this effectively does is increase the amount of memory that WordPress can use on your web server. You can alternately modify the php.ini file to increase the memory limit, but many web hosts do not allow users to change these parameters. I hope this tip helps people having the same or similar errors on their WordPress 2.9.2 sites.

Last month I was fortunate enough to attend the George Clinton and P-Funk All Stars concert at the B.B. King Blues Club in midtown Manhattan. It was an early birthday gift from my Fiancé, quite possibly the best birthday gift I’ve received in quite some time (if ever). Because of George Clinton’s policy of allowing fan recordings (much like the Grateful Dead’s policies), I was able to shoot some video at the concert. It isn’t the best video as it was shot on my iPhone 3G, but still not horrible. I figured I would share it for all those true funk fans out there. Already looking forward to my next George Clinton concert (this one was my 5th).

Testing some additional multi-site cross posting to include thew0rd.com

Spiceworks, my favorite tool for managing IT networks, has released a new version. Spiceworks scans your entire network and audits the devices in you infrastructure. Not only does Spiceworks create a comprehensive IT inventory, but it also monitors the health of vital systems. It can alert you when certain conditions are met, errors are found, systems run out of hard disk space, printer ink is low, and much more.

Another cool feature is to have Spiceworks scan multiple sites, and report back to a central collector. This is great for me, as the company I work for, is an outsourced IT Helpdesk for several medium sized businesses. We’ve deployed Spiceworks at all of our clients with more than 10 PCs. This allows our business to be proactive in our approach to IT instead of reactive.

Don’t even get me started on how good Spiceworks has been for License Management.

Spiceworks 4.6 brings a host of new features include:

• View and Kill Processes Remotely
• Ability to discover virtualized servers on VMware (vSphere & ESX/ESXi), showing all the virtual machine data and configuration details
• Better Helpdesk ticket management
• Network mapping improvements
• See network alerts and notifications in your Spiceworks Toolbar
• And more…

If you have never tried Spiceworks, you should. It is free, and after you use it, you will be converted. Oh yeah, did I mention it’s FREE (As in BEER)? I used to work for a software company that developed one of the premier Enterprise IT Discovery platforms, and believe me, Spiceworks can do a lot more than even some multimillion dollar Enterprise platforms. That was always the “dirty little secret”. Anyways, check it out, you’ll love it.

[brought to you with limited commercial interruption by We Just Want Your Money, Inc...]

I’m not going to deny the fact that many of my fellow human beings consider me to be negative, and so label me as such. Far be it for me to act in any way that belies my instinct or the way that I feel about the world around me. This being the case, allow me to share with you my feelings regarding “Hallmark Holidays,” which includes birthdays, Christmas, Sweetest Day, and, of course, our most famous, Valentine’s Day…

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