(a.k.a. the long road home)
Sigh…

So many times I’ve wanted to write you all & tell you that I had not forgotten about you or given up my dream of helping as many people as I can live happier & healthier lives. And many times the blinking cursor on my computer screen stared back at me almost daring me to type something, to type anything.

THIS is not the way to treat people my brain screamed at me.

But I let it scream & say it’s peace because I knew that at some point I would be back, attempting to apologize for all the many, many months (gulp, years…) I let go by without a peep from me.

I could go on & make excuse after excuse, trying almost in vain to make it seem right & okay that I didn’t hit the send button sooner.

But I’m not going to make a single excuse, I’m going to apologize (I’m sorry for being a lame health coach) & then I’m going to tell you about my journey of where I’ve been & then the exciting bit about where I’m headed!

I’ve been blessed to love the work that I do. I’ve been blessed to be able to bear witness to the people in my life who bravely & courageously choose to be healthier. Sometimes this choice has not been an option- get healthier or else. Stop eating whatever food because it could kill you. If you don’t exercise, you are asking for trouble. As extremist as this sounds, the sound of a doctor’s voice telling you what you need to do otherwise your time left on this planet will expire faster than you had planned is a huge motivator.

I call people like these “the lucky ones.” They don’t have a choice to make when it comes to living a healthy life. Scratch that, they DO have a choice. They can either choose to live. Or they can choose to die.

Ouch.

But it’s the truth. No matter how you spin it, when you are handed down a diagnosis that REQUIRES you to wake up & finally become the advocate for your life, you do it. You don’t make the excuse that you’re too busy, too tired, you don’t have enough money or that it’s just hard.

You. Just. Do. It.

If you are one of those “lucky ones”, congratulations for being able to look past the BS and step up for yourself.

If you are not one of those “lucky ones” then I have some news for you. No matter what you say you’re going to do & how you always have the best of intentions, unless you actually DO it then it doesn’t mean a thing. Talk is cheap.

How do I know? Because I’ve been running the same script for years hoping that no one would catch on to the game I was playing. It’s been a perpetual bait and switch. Look, see, I eat my vegetables. That must mean I’m healthy. Oh wait, let me Instagram that.

No matter that I would suck down pieces (bars) of chocolate before bedtime just to soothe my frazzled, overworked nerves- I ate my broccoli! I’m the best health coach ever…!

Correction, that would be chocolate bars, cookies, pieces of cake, bowl(s) of pasta, hunks of cheese, donuts, leftover pizza or Chinese food… You catch my drift, yes?

Errr… That’s not exactly how I wanted to be seen in the world. How could I explain to my clients what it meant to be healthy if I could NOT do it for myself? I felt like the world’s biggest fraud. So what’s easier? To make the decision to finally stop the games and be healthy? Or to just give up & drown myself in a tub of ice cream?

It turns out that neither one is really easy. And it turns out that for me eating a tub of ice cream is not, in fact, a brilliant decision before bed, let alone EVER.

Did you know that when you put off making a decision that you are in fact making a decision?

You’re choosing to let someone else make the decision for you. Let me just tell you, that is one of the most soul-sucking things that you can do. Any sense of personal power is just shot. Any sense of “I can so do this!” is gone because you keep proving over and over again to yourself that you can’t actually do anything, that someone else must know better so you just kind of float along in life hoping that the tides will somehow, someday turn in your favor.

This is not the way to live.

However so many of us, myself included, CHOSE to just go with the flow, to see where life took us rather than deciding that any and each of us are worth so much more and that we can, in fact, chart the course of our lives ourselves.

So yes, you have the choice. You’ve always had the choice.

I had the choice too but this is what i did with it.

I wasted it. I wasted all of the time, energy and money that I had invested in myself and in my health. I stopped. I just stopped. It’s as if throwing my hands up and saying “I give up, it’s just too hard.” was a better strategy for becoming healthier or for building a health coaching practice than it was to say “I need help.”

I needed help. I needed support. I needed to not feel so very much alone in my life. I could feel myself withdrawing, secluding myself and even getting angry and jealous at the people around me who had it so much better and, even more, just didn’t *get* me.

(Have you ever been there?)

Who was I kidding? I wasn’t giving myself any credit. Why should anyone else do the same? Why would anyone cut me any slack when I wasn’t even going to do it for myself?

So I stopped. I ended any and all momentum I had in my coaching practice. I stopped seeing my private coaching clients. I even backed away from calling myself a Health Coach & threw myself one of the most amazing pity parties. Problem is, I didn’t invite anyone to bear witness to the spectacular job I was doing feeling sorry for myself. No one was able to see how incredibly talented I was at making myself feel like the biggest fraud & that I had no right to coach anyone at all until I had “fixed” myself.

The funny thing about this self-induced pity party is that you truly don’t feel like you have any power to make anything better. You honestly believe that you must be a horrible person and that this life is the most that you deserve at that moment. Something bad happens and you re-convince yourself that you not only deserved it but you deserved worse. You convince yourself that you GOT OFF EASY. So the solution to all of that? You punish yourself. You make yourself wrong and bad and undeserving of anything good.

And so the spiral will continue down, down, down and even deeper until there’s that record scratch. That break in the usual that gets your attention.

Maybe someone offers a helping hand. A new job. A better position. More money. Maybe you move to a new place. Maybe there’s just a moment of clarity that seems to push away the rain clouds and gives you a glimpse of sunlight and possibility.

Maybe there’s a car accident.

A car accident?

Yup a car accident.

Hello wake-up call…

At the end of April 2013 on a beautiful Saturday afternoon, I was rear-ended on the George Washington Bridge- the bridge that spans from New York City/Manhattan to New Jersey. Correction, I wasn’t just rear-ended. I became part of the meat in a 5 car sandwich. Being Car #2 was interesting positioning that day, especially if you understand some of the basics of Physics. It didn’t matter that I was stopped. It didn’t matter that the car in front of me and the car behind me were also stopped. Someone behind them did not.

Do you remember this high school physics equation?

Force = Mass X Acceleration

(There won’t be a quiz, but this is easiest to illustrate my situation.)

You see, I had the supreme honor of having 2 impacts that day. First from behind, then from the front.

Let’s see how this equation works out:

Force of Impact #1 (only on Me) = (Mass of now connected Cars 3, 4, & 5) X Acceleration/Poor Braking Skills of Car #5

Force of Impact #2 (My Car hitting Car #1) = Mass of my Car X Acceleration of my Car (Force of Impact #1 had me ricochet off of Car 3, 4, & 5 blob)

Ouch. Now that sucked. Okay, let’s be real, it more than sucked.

My car. My poor car was wrecked. Just drive-able the final 18 miles home but then deemed not fixable by my insurance company. Totaled. Gone.

Me? I wasn’t totaled but I was wrecked.

No surprise but it turns out that having 2 impacts in a car accident is much worse than just one. When I got hit from behind with the collective momentum of the last 3 cars, I was hit with so much force that whatever room I had between myself and the car in front of me AND all my remaining strength pressing down on my brakes for dear life evaporated into thin air and I slammed into the car ahead of me.

I played pinball with my brains & skull not once but twice that day.

Verdict: Definite concussion. Definite whiplash. And to add insult to injury, nerve impingement on my left side from my neck down.

My Mom came with me to the Urgent Care Center because I didn’t know if I could remember everything the doctor was saying to me. I was so rattled yet I was thinking perfectly clearly as I ticked off the items on my To-Do List.

Get home.

Don’t cry.

Go to the doctor.

Don’t break down.

Bring a 2nd pair of ears to pick up anything I might miss.

Keep breathing, no tears allowed.

Get medicine. (My 1st experience with muscle relaxers, ugh…)

Resist urge to lose my mind.

Distract yourself.

(What just happened?)

Stay awake.

Don’t freak out. Don’t freak out. Don’t freak out. Don’t freak out.

Don’t. Freak. Out.

Oh crap.

It takes a little bit of time for the adrenaline to wear off & the full ramifications of what just happened to sink in. I don’t know how long it took or how many times the realization came to me but it changed my life.

I haven’t spoken about this aloud to too many people, but in that moment, in that instant of impact(s), I became a different person.

A voice in my head told me a few things:

1. You’ve just been in a car accident but all limbs are accounted for. You’re going to be hurting- there are injuries but you are going to be okay. You will survive this. I am 100% sure of that.

2. Your car is gone. Just taking a few looks around it, it is gone. Please be grateful because your car just saved you from far worse injuries. You can grieve later, for now- be grateful that you walked away from the accident.

3. Ask yourself this question: if this had been it, if this was your final moment on this planet, would you honestly be able to say that you’ve accomplished whatever it is that you set out to do with your time?

Wow. Reality check.

In the 24 hours that followed, all I could think of was #3. If this was it, could I be at peace leaving the planet? If the accident was really bad & I didn’t survive, did I accomplish my goals, my mission, my purpose?

Yeah, it’s a deep question but it shook me to my core.

No. NO, NO!

I wasn’t done yet. I haven’t even scratched the surface of living my dreams. I haven’t been married yet. I haven’t had my babies yet. I haven’t done even half of the things that I intend to do with my life.

In between muscle relaxers, attempting to work my gym job & telling everyone that I was fine, my brain kept going back to that dark place of what if?

I wasn’t fine. I was far from it.

Cars would get a little too close to me on the highway & I would end up hysterically crying. I would relive the accident over and over and over again.

Of course I did this all in private.

No one was to know that I wasn’t strong enough to handle one little car accident.

No one was to know that my body was hurting.

No one was to know that my brain wasn’t reacting like it normally did.

No one was to know that I was vulnerable in almost every sense of the word.

No one was to know that I felt broken.

No one was to know that I felt betrayed by my body, by my mind, by my soul. How could this happen? What did I do to deserve this?

The only thing they could know was that I was fine. I was fine. I kept saying it over & over & over again, no matter how obvious it was that I wasn’t. No matter how many times I insisted that I was fine & normal & okay.

I couldn’t count from 15 to 20 without skipping numbers unless I counted out loud. I kept blanking around 16. This went on for months. My clients were amazing about it, but it was freaking me out.

What if my brain was so beaten up that it might never function normally ever again?

What was I going to do then? What would that mean for my life, for my future, if I never really felt “normal” ever again?

It took me over a year to fully recover, both physically, emotionally & mentally. On a really hot or really cold day, my brain still has it’s moments where it pauses. I find myself cringing in the rare moment when I hear my mouth slurring my words as I talk. My body is different now too. I have nagging pains & injuries that stuck with me from my attempt to not rest after the accident.

15 months.

15 months until I finally felt back to “normal”.

All it took was a near miss from a car rear-ending me as I waited to turn onto my street just a few short months ago to snap me back to myself. He was speeding down the highway & didn’t realize I was stopped. Instead of going around me on the right onto the ample shoulder, he instead swerved to the left of me, just barely missing hitting me & then needed to swerve again to miss hitting oncoming traffic. I described the amount of space between his car & mine as an angel wing. That was it. That was the almost impossibly closeness of his car. I could have seen my home from the road. I was so close to being home & being safe. My heart was beating out of my chest and once I went to open the door to the house, my body started to shake & I just completely lost it.

In that moment, I lost whatever normal-ness I had created over the previous year. It was gone but in its place was a new sense of clarity. Amazing how that happens, isn’t it?

All I had now was this newly found realization that this life is the only one we get & that I needed to get over myself & all my false claims of fraudulence & crappiness as a coach.

In that moment & in all the moments after my car accident, I was given a new choice. I could choose to remain feeling like a victim, never really feeling safe, supported & capable OR I could choose something different.

I chose and continue to choose DIFFERENT.

In the time after my car accident last April, I decided to become a student again. Not a student in the traditional sense of enrolling in a school, but rather a student of life. I studied whatever I could get my hands on when it came to the human body- new training techniques, injury prevention, Eastern Medicine as it applies to human physiology. I studied whatever I could when it came to the brain & neuroscience- quantum physics & mechanics as it applies to human thought & action, Neuro-linguistic programming, hypnosis, meditation. I soaked it all up like a sponge. I figured that if my body was going to hold me captive, I might as well let my brain out for a little run in the extensive library of human knowledge.

This is when I returned to study with my mentors. For now, I’ll just call them Stacey & Carey but for me, they are part of the reason why I can now fully embody what it means to me to be a student of masterful coaching & transformative change work. The gift that I have been given is a huge part of the reason why I am reaching out now to each of you.

I could have just started completely from scratch. Wiped the slate clean of my previous newsletter subscription list & opened a new account but that didn’t feel right to me. What felt most authentic & correct was to show up as I am now- imperfect, a little bit broken but happily willing to step up as the coach that I am & as the coach that I have always been afraid to be.

You see it’s a humbling experience to witness another’s experience of life. It’s even more humbling & even sacred to be able to watch someone successfully make the changes in their lives & in their situations that they have been trying & failing at for years and sometimes even for their whole lifetime.

I have been privy to this transformation over the last year within my amazing coaching group. I have been a guide to my fellow coaches who have also chosen this path just as much as they have been my guides, my confidants, my amazing support group & have allowed me space to grow into my truth. They have challenged me, cried with me & supported me but they never let me hide or shrink away. They have been graced with the skill and tenacity to hold me up as I grew & transformed into who I really am.

It has not always been pretty. It has not always been easy. But each step of the way has been a necessary piece of my growth as a coach.

And this is now what I have the honor of presenting to you. I am so thrilled to be back as a Health Coach and I am thrilled to be able to gift everyone I meet, everyone I speak to, tweet, Facebook, share Instagram photos with or even with anyone who reads my posts with the Transformation Coaching Method.

It has changed my life and if you’re on a similar path, I believe that it could change yours as well.

In the most simplest of understandings of this work- What if you could change whatever it is that you’re looking to change- a belief, an old habit, a pattern that might repeat in your health, in your relationships, in your career- without having to think about it every second, every moment of every single day? What might that mean for your life? For your future?

I’m all about creating more options and more flexibility in your life. What if your belief about your body- too big, too small, too fat, too skinny, weak, broken, imperfect or <insert your body belief here> – could be different? What if you could change the way you feel about yourself, your health & your body without deprivation diets or punishing exercise but rather with real, honest body & soul nourishment? What if?

Really, what if?

What could this possibly mean for you?

If you weren’t so busy beating yourself up over the way you look or over the things you eat (or don’t eat), over the things you do (or don’t do) or even over the way you act around your mother, father, brother, sister, husband, wife, boyfriend, girl friend, best friend, boss or lover- WHAT IF?

This is where I’ve been, this is what I’ve been studying & absorbing over the last year +. It’s been a wild journey and some parts I’m hesitant to relive, but it’s me, it’s my truth and it’s what has brought me to this moment.

My goal is to be completely transparent with you as a coach. It doesn’t serve either of us to have me appear as the Guru on the Highest Mountain Top. It’s not the truth & it never has been. What is true?

The truth is that I have been part coach for my entire life. The truth is that I will be a coach for the rest of my life.

The truth is that I have needed to close myself off from large portions of my life- friendships included- in order to really get down to the core of who I am. In a way, I needed to fully suffer, feel alone & cut off from my life to really be able to appreciate it. And the truth is, I’ve lost a good amount of friends. What’s better than that? I wonder sometimes how many of them were true friends to begin with.

There is no value in my pretending to be someone that I am not and there is no value in putting on a brave face when any of us are suffering.

My promise to you is simple: I will keep showing up. I will show you the highs and the lows. I will show you that there is a different option. I will show you that the road isn’t always straight & it isn’t always smooth but that you will always learn more when you choose to travel upon it rather than sit in the rest stop waiting for the storm to pass.

So are you with me?

When you’re ready, let me know- what is your “What If?” statement? What if you could… What if you were… What if you chose…

What are the possibilities? What is the potential for you to live an even more amazing, loving, out-loud and on purpose life? What if that could happen? What if?

I believe it can happen for you.

I know that some of you might be cringing just reading the title of this post, but cut me some slack & get yourself down to the bottom before you start jumping off the X-Rated bridge of no return…

What would happen if I told you that there was no way you would ever be truly healthy or even happy unless you had some sort of daily pleasure ritual?

Okay, before you close your blinds & turn off the lights, let me clarify something here.

The concept of pleasure has been villainized and relegated to the X-rated side of things.  The pleasure that I’m referring to is something that can be done both in front of other people & that won’t really make you blush.

Let me take a step back.

I’ve been having tons of conversations with clients these days about the steps they can take to lose weight, feel better in their bodies & have more energy.  

They *always* think that in order to do any of the above that they’re going to have to give up the foods they love the most.  They’re going to have to do some sort of crazy hard and definitely not fun exercise & I’m going to give them some wacky, hard to pronounce foods to eat.

Well no, no & no.  That’s not what I do. 

How much would that suck?  I mean, really, who would ever really want to live like that?

So I take them a step back & I ask a really simple question:

What is it that you like to do?

This usually gets me a ton of blank stares.

“Well I really hate to…”

No, I say, what do you LIKE to do?

Huh?

When you come from a place of what you like to do, then the whole mood of things change.

When you have to give up the foods you like to eat the most, you’re already ticked off.  You’re already angry & at some level, your brain is going, “Oh yeah, well we’ll see about that.  How dare she tell me what I can & can’t do!”

So if we start from a place of what you like, of what you love, then we’ve already disarmed your brain from the usual confrontation about trying to get healthy.

What does this really mean?

Well this means that everything you do needs to come from a place of pleasure!

How cool is that?!?

You get to do, have & be whatever it is that you really love!

Well yeah of course there are some other things that go along with that but for today, we’re talking pleasure.

What is pleasure?

Pleasure is the place where your goofy happy smile lives.  Pleasure is the place where you can’t help but smile & laugh & enjoy yourself.  Pleasure is the place where relaxation occurs.  There are playgrounds & swing-sets in pleasure.  And if you choose, you don’t have to share the sandbox or any of your toys in pleasure.

Get where I’m going with this?

You need to start from a place of pleasure & love in order to be healthy, and most definitely to be happy.  It won’t come from anywhere else & remain.

So what makes you happy?  What gives you pleasure?

Go on & take out some paper or your computer or  your cell phone or whatever & I’m going to have you make 3 lists.

List 1:

On list 1, I want you to put all the things you love to do.  Write down all the foods you love to eat, all the drinks you love to drink & even all the different types of things you like to do that could be thought of as exercise.  (Yes, you can put *that* down…!)

If you love it, put it down.  If you want to go the extra step, put down the people & places you love as well..

List 2: 

On list 2, I want you to put down all the things you THINK you need to do in order to be healthy.  If you want to lose weight, what do you think you need to do in order for you to lose weight?  If you want to have more energy, what is it that you’ll need to do in order to do that?

What are the things that you believe you’ll have to give up in order to achieve your goals?  Especially write those down.  Put a star next to it if you’re dreading any of them- these are definitely some strong trigger points…

Got it?  Good.

List 3:

On list 3- & this is the tricky part- I want you to write down all the things you could do INSTEAD of the things you wrote down on List 2 & use List 1 as your own handy dandy cheat sheet.  The key to List 3 is that everything you put down must be given a heavy dose of “pleasure”.  

So let’s pretend you put down on List 2 that you’ll have to spend hours upon hours in the gym each week, sweating like a pig, wearing clothes you don’t feel comfortable in, surrounded by people you don’t really feel comfortable with & really not even knowing if all this sweat & grossness is even working.

Instead of sweat & grossness, what could you do instead?

How about call up some of your favorite people & see if anyone wants to go dancing that weekend?  If you love to dance, this could totally work for you.

How about instead of sweating inside a gym, you head up to a local park & go for a walk in the fresh air?

The point is, how can you make things fun & pleasurable for yourself?

Just because you want to be healthy, doesn’t mean you need to be tortured.  This is the whole point of List 3.  

List 1 is helpful but not really complete. 

List 2 is our judgements & not 100% truth.

List 3 can be our life.  List 3 can be our go-to when we’re out of ideas, motivation but full of frustration.  

How about this:

Healthy is a way of life & not a destination.  Go on, set your GPS for “Healthy”.  Let me know when you get there & then let me know when you’re satisfied at “Healthy”.  

Instead, get yourself up & moving in search of pleasure.  The journey will be a whole lot more fun, a whole lot more productive & you’ll never have to worry about reaching your final destination.

So what gives me pleasure?  

There are tons of things but I’ll give you just one!

Here’s a picture of me in my Vibrams last August while I was on vacation in Alaska.  There’s nothing like some funny looking shoes to make even the most stoic person smile!  :  )

Feeling brave?  Have questions?  Just don’t get it?

Comment below & let me know your thoughts!

Not so much admitting that you actually like vegetables or that elevator music gets your toes tapping but a real deal outing of  yourself?

Maybe?

Well it’s my turn today.

I’m showing you all my true colors no matter how hard it has been for me to write this post.

You see in my first career, I work in a gym.  I’m a personal trainer, I teach fitness classes like power sculpt, spinning and pilates.  I can find my way around any gym, any time, anywhere.  I can get people to train like they didn’t think they were capable of, exercise without pain and- get this- qualify for the Boston marathon! I know fitness.  I’m a good trainer- at least I’d like to believe so!

And I actually enjoy it!  Score!

I  know, I know, you’re thinking, yeah we KNOW this.  What’s the big deal?  What kind of deep dark secret are you hiding?

I’ll just come out with it.

I’ve spent the better part of a year feeling like an absolute & total fitness fraud.

YIKES!  I said it out loud!

With everything that I know & how much time I spend in a gym on a weekly basis, I forgot the basic principle of being healthy- taking care of yourself!

I didn’t sleep enough.  I didn’t train enough.  I didn’t eat right.  I did everything wrong getting ready for the NYC Marathon last November and I paid dearly for it.

Can you say Achilles Tendonitis?  On both sides?

Oh yeah, when I do things, I do them full out.  It wasn’t enough to just injure myself on one side of my body BUT on both.

This may seem like no biggie to you but for someone who makes their living teaching other people how to be healthy and avoid injury, this was the biggest blow to my ego there possibly could be.

So what did I do?

Well first I ignored it for about 3 months.  When I couldn’t ignore it, I iced and elevated my legs.  Then I taped myself up & ran 26.2 miles through it.  Okay, let me be really honest- ran is a bit of a stretch, I more like hobbled my way through it.

Once that race was through, I stopped.  Cried a whole bunch.  And didn’t run until April of this year.

Then I ate.  And ate.  And ate.

Then I sat on the couch.

I stopped coaching private nutrition clients & my personal training clientele went through a little bit of a downward spiral.

I threw myself the biggest, baddest pity party out there and ignored all the things that I loved so much.

And all the weight that I lost through healthy living came right back on.

Oh yes, totally craptacular.

Then it hit me.  I’m a fitness fraud.  Who am I to be giving other people advice and workouts to get themselves healthier?  Who am I to help anybody when I can’t help myself?

Well this is really no way for a fitness professional & health coach to be talking to herself?

But I couldn’t get out of this mindset.

Why am I telling you all of this?

I’ve made a new commitment to showing my true colors, my true self, my vulnerability.  It’s through these that I have the most to give to each of you.

My business mentors have a wonderful saying.  “Your challenges are your greatest gifts.”

My challenge around being healthy and breaking *bad* habits are exactly what I need to be sharing.

So here I am.

All healed up, running again.  I’m eating healthy & feeling stronger than I have in a year.  I have mentors who are guiding me down a path that I actually want to be going.  I am finding my strength in being vulnerable and sharing this story with you.

It may have taken me a whole lot of time, but I’m back.

I’m holding a space for you if you’re seeing that it’s time to out yourself & show off who you really are.

What are you challenges?  What can you learn about my vulnerability?

Are you ready to show yours?  If you’re brave enough, write something in the comments below.  

It’s through our challenges that we become more of who we’re meant to be.  If you’re meant to be someone more in love with your life & with your body, then you’re most definitely in the right place!  :  )

Do you always talk about what you’re up to? What you’re doing? What you’re eating?  How you’re feeling?  What’s troubling you? Your new goals?  The challenges you’re facing at work?

Or are you a person who likes to play things a bit quieter? Keep things to yourself? And more likely than not, you’ve got more than your fair share of secrets kept.

The reason I ask is very simple.  I want to know if you’re a Teller or Not a Teller.

There’s conflicting advice out there (surprise surprise!) about what is the best way to handle goal setting & then achieving said goals.

Some reports will say very emphatically that you should always tell people what your goals are.  This way, you’ll always have someone to hold you accountable.  There will always be someone out there who will ask you if you did what you said you were going to do.

And, of course, we have the flip side.  We have the reports who will also say very emphatically that you should not tell anyone.  At all.  Ever.  At least not until you’ve accomplished your goal.  Why have someone always peaking over your shoulder, giving pressure, giving their own advice when you already *know* what you should be doing?

Well here’s the rub.

If you tell people your goals, you’ll be accountable- which is awesome & works for a lot of people.  But it doesn’t work for everyone.  Some people will buckle under the pressure of always having someone ask them questions.  

“Did you do your cardio today?”

“You didn’t eat those cookies, did you?  You know you said you were just going to throw them out…”  

“How’s that whole weight loss thing going? Have you actually lost anything yet?”  

“What do  you mean you’re still craving sugar?  Shouldn’t you be over that already, it’s been, like a whole week”  

“I don’t really get why you say you’re an emotional eater, what do you really have to be emotional about anyway? Are you sure that’s even a *real* goal?”

On the other side, if you keep it to yourself, you get nothing.  You get silence.

Cue the crickets.

You might get suggestions.  You might get sideways glances.  But you don’t get support.

This method does work for some people.  They can do things in their own time.  They can do things their own way without having to deal with the criticism that some people are just way too willing to spread.  However, they are doing it A-L-O-N-E.

So what’s better?  Is it better to be a Teller & broadcast for all the world to see exactly what you’re planning on working on & then let the whole world (your part of it, anyway) chime in to hold you accountable?  Or is it better to be Not a Teller?  To keep things secret until the final reveal & you can say “Ta-da!”

Well the answer is…

Drum roll please…

It depends on you.

Ack! What a terrible answer!

But it’s true.  Knowing how you are is the first step towards figuring out what method will work for you.  It’s like looking at the foundation of a house.  You can’t build a skyscraper off the foundation of a cottage.  It just doesn’t work.

So what are you?

Are you a Teller?

Or are you Not a Teller?

That’s the first question.

Second question, do you have goals that you’re working on, have struggled with in the past & still want to achieve or are looking at a new set of goals for the future?

Yes?  Excellent.

Third & final question: How are you- or how are you planning on- going about that?

If you’re in the midst, how is that going for you?  Is your current path working for you?

Once you can answer all three questions, then you can figure out what the next step is.

Do you speak up & announce to the whole world- even Facebook & Twitter- what your next big goal is?

Or are you going to bide your time, keep things quiet & then one day just say BAM! Here I am!

I’d love to hear your thoughts.  Please feel free to comment below!  :  )

I learn a lot from my clients and I do mean A LOT.  I think sometimes I might learn more from them than they realize, which is totally good since I don’t want us *all* to be nutrition, fitness, wellness know-it-alls!  

One of my clients brought up a situation that he deals with on a semi-regular basis.

He calls it the “Oh f*ck it, whatever” moment.  I cleaned it up a little but you get the point.

What does he mean by it?

He means that we all hit a point where we’re really trying hard to be healthy but we hit a roadblock.  We stumble.  We might even trip & fall & bloody up our knees a bit.  It’s at that point where we can choose to dust ourselves off & keep at the healthy habits we’ve been working on OR where we just say, forget it & sink back into whatever self destructive habits we were trying to quit in the first place.

It’s the potato chip phenomenon.  You open up a bag intending to really only have a few chips.  You ignore it when your hand keeps traveling back to the bag, then to your mouth, then back to the bag & back to your mouth.  You look down & see that you’ve easily worked through more than half the bag.  

That is the moment.  This is when you get to choose if you put the bag down & slowly back away OR if you just say f*ck it, whatever & finish off the bag.

There’s some rationalization.  If the bag is there, I’m just going to finish it off eventually.  I’ll either eat it now or eat it later, does it really make a difference?  I’ve already fallen off the wagon so why not just go all out?  Once the chips are gone, they’re gone.  I will NOT be buying any more of those.  They’re evil.

Which path do you choose?  Which path is the right one?  Is there a right path?

What I’m getting at is that this moment- this “forget about it, whatever” moment- is not the test that it appears to be.  You aren’t choosing the good or evil path & sealing off your future.  You’re just simply hitting an obstacle on your road to better health.

Of course this is a difficult & emotional moment for a lot of people.  I know I struggle with it myself.  But what it comes down to is pretty simple- what do you need to choose today to satisfy whatever is going on inside of you?

Do you need to eat the bag of chips?  Do you need to eat only half of it?  Do you need to even open it up?

Whatever the chips symbolize to you, the decision rests in your hands.  But before you make the decision, you need to recognize the moment.

So today, tomorrow, or this week- watch & see if & when that moment hits you.

How do you react instinctively?  What do you do?  

If you able to, take out any judgment of right or wrong.  Just look & see how you react.

Once you know what makes you tick, then you can start addressing what’s really going on.

Or maybe you’ll just be saying “f*ck it, whatever” & go for the whole bag of chips…

I have a running problem.

And this running problem has gotten U-G-L-Y.

I know that many of you reading this may not be runners so I’ll try not to use too much running jargon but the point overall still remains the same.

See I’ve come down with a case of Achilles Tendonitis.  In plain English, this means that the Achilles tendon running down the back of my lower leg is massively inflamed resulting in swelling, tenderness and pain.  Oh yes, there is pain.

This pain is an excellent reminder of all of the running that I’ve done over the years and most especially of all the challenges that I’ve faced over the last 12 months.  But I’m going to use the lessons that I’ve learned to help all of you see a side of yourself that you may not see.

Oh yes, we’re going to be heading into some juicy territory here.

But before we get there, I’m going to teach you two running abbreviations.

When a runner begins a race but needs to drop out before the race is over due to injury, fatigue, stomach upsets or anything like that, that’s called a DNF.  DNF = Did Not Finish.

When a runner is scheduled to race but doesn’t actually go through with it, again due to injury, fatigue, illness or the like, that’s called a DNS. DNS = Did Not Start.

These six letters can mean a huge blow to any runner’s ego and I’ve experienced both over the last six months.

Ouch!

I DNFed a marathon at the end of May.  I overextended myself, attempting to run 26.2 miles in uncharacteristic hot and humid weather.  My feet were burning, my body was aching and I just couldn’t hold my own during the race.  So at mile 16, I called it.  I quit.  First time in my life that I’ve quit a race.

I’ll admit it, there were tears of frustration.

Then over the last 4 weeks, I DNSed for two different races because of my achilles tendonitis.  I just couldn’t do it.  I knew that if I pushed myself,  I would have ended up majorly injured.

So why do I tell you this?

I’m bringing this up because I’m wondering where in your life you have DNFed or DNSed.

What have you started but failed to finish?

What have you wanted to do, but never showed up for?

More specifically, when it comes to what you most want for yourself, for your health, for your future, where have these infamous letters popped up?

It’s hard to take a honest look back at what you’ve done to admit that you backed off when you should have pushed forward.  It’s hard to admit where you gave up before you even let yourself begin.

But hey, we’re all human.  This kind of stuff happens.  But the trick is to be human and not let this part of ourselves rule our day to day life.

Do you want to see yourself DNF on a regular basis?  Do you want to think of yourself as someone who consistently settles for a DNS?

What will it take for you to step up and see the potential that exists within you?

Okay, so maybe you’re thinking that you’re not the kind of person who settles.  Maybe you’re thinking that you *always* finish what you start.  That’s cool, but follow me on this one.

Have you ever made a New Year’s Resolution?  How did that work out for you?  How long did it stick?

Have you ever joined a gym to get into shape but weren’t able to keep up on your initial excitement & momentum?

Have you ever vowed to eat more fresh fruits and vegetables AND you’ve even went out and bought them only to find them rotting in the back of the fridge?

These are all victims of DNF and DNS syndrome.

I know that I’m guilty of it.  I’m probably more willing to admit how guilty I am of giving up too soon or not showing up for myself at all.

So what do we do about this?  What do we take away from this lesson?

The take-away message here is that we embrace our human-ness but at the time we step up and follow through where we can, finish up old projects if they’re still feasible and, most importantly, we show up for ourselves and are brave enough to begin what we think we cannot.

Because the truth of it all is this: it’s never too late.  It’s never over.  It’s never past the point where you can’t start or finish anything that you’ve set your heart and mind on.

As far as DNF and DNS  goes, they will never be the end of the story.  Neither one will prevent me from lacing up my sneakers again.  My story isn’t over with the challenges of the last 12 months.

And neither is yours.

How about this: what stories about yourself do you believe are true? And equally important, what truth about yourself have you actually given up on?

Hello reality check.

The universal truth is this: we are insanely cruel to ourselves. Maybe not 100% of the time but by and large, the majority of the time we never give ourselves enough credit, enough honesty, enough forgiveness or enough self-love.

This is prime territory for creating and growing negative beliefs about ourselves that seem to put us on lock-down.

Here is my truth.  When I first sat down to write, I had already eaten half a box of Mallomars.  If you’ve never had the opportunity to taste a Mallomar, it is a little cookie goodness under a mound of marshmallow yumminess and then covered with a delicious layer of chocolate.

Can you tell that I enjoy them?

The reality of the situation?  I wasn’t hungry at all.  I actually didn’t even want the Mallomars.  I would have  been happy with a glass of water.

So why did I eat them?

I ate them because I’m stuck in a make believe reality and that story that I’m telling myself had me believing that eating a half whole box of Mallomars would make me feel better.  That eating them would solve all my problems.

Did it work?

Nope.  This fake reality of mine still exists and exposing it struck such a fear in me that I returned to the box and finished it.

I spend time with my nutrition coaching clients explaining how you need to listen to your body’s cues.  I try to shed light on the body’s innate ability to know exactly what it needs at all times- if you should be willing to listen to it.

And my biggest problem lately is that I have ignored the subtle messages that my body has given me.

I have done such an incredibly complete job of ignoring these messages that I am now riding a fine line of bodily injury that could and very well may prevent me from doing one thing that gives me so much joy and satisfaction.  I may have to say no to a pleasure of mine that reminds me how strong- both physically, mentally and emotionally- I am just because I have chosen to live in an untrue story of my life.

But today I am choosing to reveal this weakness of mine in order for you to perhaps shed some light on your own.

Are you living out a false reality? Are you stuck in a story that you’ve spent years telling yourself just so you wouldn’t feel bad, wrong or different?

Are you ignoring your truth?

There’s a story that I heard years ago, something along the lines of an old wives tale or fable.

It goes something like this:

When God is trying to tell you something, when there’s an important message that is trying to be relayed to you- it starts off subtle, like a brush across the check.  Perhaps even a feather caressing the skin.  If you choose to ignore this sign or don’t see it’s existence, then you are given a slightly more overt message- a phone call from a friend, a sign or billboard on your way into work. And again, if you choose to ignore the message, it becomes more defined like a papercut or a stubbed toe.  If you still don’t see it, then the message becomes louder, like getting smacked across the face or hit by a 2 x 4.  And if still, you ignore it, then watch for the oncoming bus or train to run you over.

Please don’t wait for the bus or train.  Let this be the faintest of whispers or that brush across your cheek.

What story do you need to stop telling yourself right now?

What message has your body been telling you that you choose to ignore?

Stop believing what ever fiber of your being is telling you isn’t true.  Why do you torture yourself?  Why are you limiting the joy and pleasure that you deserve?

My thought is this, you can either live a safe, uneventful and perhaps joyless life or you can take a deep breath and suck the life out of life, making the most of each and every moment.

You have nothing to lose.  You have nothing to wait for.  You don’t need permission.  You don’t need a better time.  You don’t need more time.  You just need to believe in yourself.  You just need to take the chance.

Oh yeah, and put down the Mallomars.  You won’t need them where you’re going.

* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *

Okay brave souls. I’ve showed you mine, now you show me yours.

What stories are you telling yourself that you believe are true?  Not sure?  Well share them below and let’s try to make some sense of them.  Remember you have nothing and I do mean nothing to lose.

Go on, don’t be shy.

My mom, the consummate home chef, would answer, “It’s so good because I made it with love.”

Then it would be dropped because, of course, love is that special ingredient that makes everything taste better.

It became a common answer to a common question and still to this day, my mom will always answer the question “How come this tastes so good?” with “Because I made it with love.”

Now you may think this is silly.  How could love make food taste better?  How could something that you can taste, feel or touch make any kind of difference.

How come I always smile when people eat and then exclaim how delicious their food is?  How come I answer in my head “because it’s made with love”?

The answer is simple.  You can taste the difference when food is prepared with love. 

It won’t be sweeter.  It won’t be more pungent or aromatic.  There won’t be an obvious outward difference.

The difference will be internal.  The difference will be in how you assimilate your food.

I can’t promise that food made with love will have fewer calories or won’t let you gain weight.  I can’t say that food made with love has a higher nutritional value but I will say that the experience of eating will be different.

When my mom would say her food tastes so good because she made it with love, she didn’t actually mean that *Love* was an ingredient in the pantry.  She didn’t mean for us to take her literally.

What was meant was that the experience of her food was love- that the energy she put into preparing her meals was one of positive, loving energy.  Nourishing her family was a high priority.  Because she wanted to nourish her husband, her kids, her friends, she gave each spoonful of the meal a more potent nutritional value than any fruit or vegetable could ever give.

She gave it her love.

What does this mean for you?

This means that the next time you’re enjoying a meal, recognize that there was a deliberate intention around the experience of your meal.  Perhaps great care was taken when choosing ingredients.  Perhaps the chef carefully prepared your meal.  Perhaps even the company you keep while you eat is having a positive effect on your meal.

Take into account the overall experience of your meal.

Choose, prepare and enjoy your meals all with the intention of getting the most out of them.  Take time to be grateful for the love that surrounds the act of nourishing yourself and others.

Whether you cook or not, whether you eat alone or with others, take time to notice how imbuing a sense of love and pleasure to your food does make it taste better.

And then you’ll know the answer to the question, “Why does this food taste so good?”

Is it something that they’re born with?  A skill set that they learned from their parents or some special class they took?

Or is it just something innate within them that for some reason makes them immune to chocolate’s creamy allure?

(Maybe that’s just my own weakness…)

Have you ever sat by and wondered what gives these healthy eaters the willpower that you just can’t seem to hold on to?

Well, wonder no more.

These healthy eaters are not superheros hiding among us normal folk.  They don’t possess some special skill or talent that you can’t have yourself.

What is it that makes them different?

The easiest thing is to identify the top habits that make a healthy eater, a healthy eater.

1. They like and eat their veggies, especially the dark green, leafy kind.

2. They have field tested different types of protein sources and know the kinds that work for them.

3. They realized a long time ago that fat and carbs are not their enemy and that eating them are a necessity for their health.

4. They know that fiber is their friend and that regular bowel movements are not a pipe-dream but rather should be a daily or twice daily occurrence.

5. They enjoy drinking water and actually drink it.

6. Sleep is a nightly requirement and not something that is to be caught up on between meetings, during the daily commute or over the weekend.

7. They are not slaves to either the scale or the number of calories they consume during the day.

8. There is no such thing as eating with guilt especially while eating their most favorite foods.

9. Sneaking food, drinks or snacks just doesn’t happen. Why?  See #8.

10. Exercising and moving around is a pleasure.  Punishment is not ever associated with any healthy lifestyle habits, especially exercise.

11. The act of eating is slow, deliberate and enjoyable.  Food is thoroughly chewed, savored and digested.  The pressure is off, there is no emergency when it comes to eating.

12. There are no *evil* foods,  no forbidden or guilt-worthy snacks.  Food is just food.  No devil horns or angel halos have ever been seen in a supermarket.

What are your sticking points when it comes to being a healthy eater?  What do you struggle the most with?  On the other hand, what healthy eating habits are the easiest for you?  Which ones do you normally practice on a daily basis?  Which healthy habits are you most excited to try?  Which ones do you dread the most?

Share your thoughts and your fears around what eating healthy could mean for you below.  If you have your own healthy eating habit, please share that too!

I’m also looking ahead to see where you’ll be in this coming year.

Have you thought about it?

Have you wondered what life has in store for you in 2011?

The better question would be this: where do you want to be when the clock strikes midnight and ushers in 2012?

Do you want to be thinner?  Richer?  In a stable and happy relationship?  In a better career?  Just plain happier?

What are those things that you put on your yearly to-do list in hopes that they’ll actually get done within the span of 2011?

In full disclosure, I’ve got the to-do lists to end all to-do lists.  It’s become a monster of a list where the end and beginning have all but disappeared.  Of course, I want to finish off my list but will that ever actually happen?  Even I don’t know that answer.

I can guess though, knowing who I am, that my list will never actually be complete.  I’ve got this “thing” where I like to be busy.  I like to always have stuff to do, things to accomplish, items to cross off my list triumphantly.  With this said, I’ll probably just keeping adding items to my list day by day all throughout 2011.

But there is one list that I have that’s pretty short.

This list contains just one item but it is one thing that I wish for above everything else.

This list, this one small item is also the one thing that I wish to give to you as we move from one year into the next.

It is my gift to you as we welcome in 2011.

What is it?

It is love- pure and simple unconditional love.

I wish for you the gift of giving and receiving unconditional love.

Why this gift?  And why is this gift significant now?

Despite all the ups and downs that any one of us can experience during the course of a year, it seems to me that this year has been extremely difficult on a lot of people.

I have seen such unhappiness, such anger and persistent stress.  It breaks my heart to see so many people suffering.

It is in this vein that I offer you one very simple gift.

May the love that I send to you this very moment spread throughout your body and infest your spirit so deeply that you are able to give this same gift to others.

May your heart be open to receiving this love fully and without condition.  Just being who you are automatically makes you worthy of receiving love and likewise, all the people who you come into contact with on a daily basis do so as well.

May your heart be open enough to offer this love to others, also without condition and without worry of having this love returned wholly to you.

May you give this love to others who may not have done anything outwardly to deserve it.

It is a gift that has no price but at the same time is completely priceless.

This is what I wish for you for 2011.