It’s easy to get caught up in all of the stress these days. The world seems to be on the verge of “A Great Global Change”. This realignment is affecting everyone is different ways, but especially in the overall level of stress that some people are experiencing as a result of all of the change. Here are The Top Two Ways you can reduce the amount of stress in your life.

The #1 Top Way To Reduce Stress: Stop being responsible for other people

Here’s how this turns into stress in your everyday life. You’re driving in traffic and someone speeds by you going at what appears to be an extremely unsafe speed (or any other number of ways that other people drive that you notice). What happens? One of the first thoughts to cross your mind is probably something like “Wow, that person’s driving really fast. I hope they don’t get in an accident. But then again, maybe they deserve it for the way they’re driving…..” And so on. The conversation in your head has shifted to analyzing and determining the outcome (or any number of potential outcomes) of the situation. A situation that most definitely probably does not have anything to do with you. After all, you’re driving safely. You’re not rushing. You’re focused on the road. You’re not an out of control driver. So, why you should spend any time being responsible for the other driver?

The moment you stop thinking about your own life and start analyzing someone else’s life, you are accepting a certain level of responsibility for them. And you are ignoring the responsibility you have for your own life.

A good analogy is to think of your life as a book that you read when you focus on yourself. Sure, there are other characters that come in and go out of your life, but the book is about you. When another character enters your life, it is tempting to start reading their book. When you do that, you are no longer reading your own. You can only read one book at time.

The #2 Top Way To Reduce Stress: Start being responsible for yourself

In much the same way that you analyze what someone else should be doing when you start reading their story and stop focusing on your own, you should shift those skills to your own life. Examine your own story in that moment. Who are you? How is the main character of your book acting in that moment? You cannot focus your energy on another person and yourself at the same time.

Now is the time to crack open your own story again. Start reading from this moment forward. As you do, you’ll find intuitive answers to your questions rising up inside of you. Let those answers guide you.

It’s not always easy, but it does become easier. This is especially true when you start living your own life.

So, what should you do when someone goes speeding by you on the freeway of life?

Take a nice breath. Focus on the wonderful gift of life you have, breath in the positive love, and breath out any negativity. Flip the page of your own story, recognizing that the speeder on the freeway is not a character in your life and isn’t worth any of your thoughts or energy. Spend those thoughts on yourself.

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Day 1: The Red Box

Day 2: Surprise

Day 3: Do Unto Others

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You’ve seen me write about this before. It can be so upsetting to understand Christianity, to get what Jesus was talking about, and then to see the Social Conservative Nazis in the United States claim to be basing their words and actions on Christianity.

I received an email yesterday that got my entire day side tracked. I was visibly upset for several hours. A close friend of mine sent me an email explaining how President Obama was leading a communist takeover of America. Beyond simply being ludicrous, the email attempts to put this in a Christian perspective, as it was addressed to “people of faith”.

My friend tried to explain to me how Obama thinks he’s God, but instead he’s going to be subject to God’s judgment (apparently negative) because he’s destroying capitalism by pushing a progressive human rights agenda that includes government-run health insurance as an option for Americans to help control costs and create competition so more people can have health insurance.

I know it’s a mouth-full, and can almost make your head spin. I’m sure that someone reading this agrees completely with what I just wrote (in that they think Obama is a communist). My friend even went so far as to compare Obama to Hitler, claiming that Obama was going to start locking up Christians because they disagree with him.

SERIOUSLY? I, for one, am so tired of the extreme political right wing (and, quite honestly the extreme left wing as well). Social Conservatives don’t own Christianity. In fact, if they even stopped to read the gospels for a few minutes, they would realize that Jesus promoted a version of socialism as an economic way-of-life. This isn’t to say that Jesus thought we should all sell everything we own, turn our back on the pursuit of money, and instead turn our thoughts to spiritual renewal. Oh wait, he did say that.

Jesus goes further: he was the first person to promote the idea of a clear separation of church and state: “Give to Caesar what is Caesar’s and give to God what is God’s.” Jesus wasn’t concerned with bending the government to do His Will. Instead, he was concerned with changing individual people’s hearts so that all people would live in God’s grace, compassion, mercy, and love.

In other words, churches: stay out of politics and focus on living in God’s grace. If you want to call yourself a Christian, be aware that Jesus tells us that however we judge others, we will be judged the same. So, perhaps, if you have a few moments to spare, you could get off your cross and start living a life of compassion, mercy, and love.

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Sometimes, you have to get out into the world. It’s easy to find yourself set in the same motions and patterns of behavior day in and day out. In order to break some of those habits, you have to do things differently.

This may seem obvious, but how often do you actually practice it? How often do you feel yourself trapped, just a little bit, in a particular routine and think “I’d like to not be in this routine any more”?

There are some ways to “get out there”:

1. Go the other way.

Try taking a different route to work or school or on your errands. Turn down a side street. Take the back way. Drive on surface streets instead of the freeway. Give yourself more time to enjoy the ride. You’ll be amazed at what the change of scenery will do for you.

2. Go at a different time.

Try altering your routine to do things at a different time than you normally do. Don’t be afraid to shake things up a bit. Always do laundry on Saturday? Try doing it Friday night and see what your Saturday looks like when you have the extra time.

3. Go to a different place.

Always go to the same grocery store? Try going to the Farmer’s Market or a different grocery store. Always find yourself at the same restaurant when you go out to eat? Why not try the new place that just opened up or find an old place you haven’t visited before.

4. Change your routine.

Your morning and night routines are probably the same as they’ve been for years. Why not try changing the routine just a little bit? Always brush your teeth first when you get up? Try brushing them after you eat breakfast, or try brushing them after you get out of your morning shower.

Little changes like these can get you to see the world around differently. And that difference can be enough to shift your entire life in ways you’ve always dreamed of.

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Spiritual tools are great. I use them everyday. But the truth is that believing requires action, not thinking.

Sure, meditation is great. But service and action is better.

If you’re thinking about your life and how to change, here’s an idea. Don’t think about how to change your life, just start living the life you’re meant to have.

Are you meant to be someone who takes care of their body? Then start eating healthier. Don’t think about eating healthier. Do it.

Are you meant to be someone who is patient, kind, understanding, compassionate, honest…. ? Then start doing those things, every time an opportunity presents itself, don’t think about what you should do: just do it.

Are you meant to be someone who is positive and brings energy and life to other people (and yourself)? Than do that. Be positive. Notice when the opportunities arise to bring life to other people, and do it.

Do you want spiritual wealth and happiness in your life? Then be spiritually wealthy and happy. Do the things that come with spiritual wealth, propserity, and happiness. (For example, smile, laugh, enjoy yourself.) Be joyful.

When you do these things everyday, you will find that your thoughts will change to accompany your actions. And then your actions will support your thoughts. And you will be in harmony.

It’s really not as difficult as you think, unless of course you’re spending all of your time thinking about it.

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1. The Difference Between Positive Thinking and Positive Focus

OK, so you know that I normally don’t shamelessly promote my coaching business here on the blog, but I wanted to share a few success stories with you. Coaches really do make a difference in people’s lives.

One of my clients has really been struggling balancing work and play. Over the course of many months, she has achieved not only the balance she was seeking, but greater success in both areas. She reported to me recently that her business is growing tremendously, her friendships are better than they have been in years, and she is completely enjoying her life again.

Another client of mine has been facing the challenge of moving her life forward after a great loss. We’ve been working together for a few weeks now, and she’s reporting new movement in almost every area of her life. Her challenges don’t seem as daunting as they once were, and she’s learning to move beyond the past negativity that has kept her from achieving her dreams.

One of my entrepreneurial clients told me yesterday that he’s achieved more in the past year while we’ve been working together than he had over the previous ten years combined. And that’s during this “great recession”!

There are many other stories I could share. My clients come from all over the world and in every shape and size. But they all share one thing in common: the desire to move their life forward, to overcome roadblocks, and to achieve the life of their dreams. They all report success.

That’s the power of a coach. People like Deepak Chopra, Byron Katie, and Tony Robbins all know this. A coach motivates, holds you accountable, and gives you practical tools. A good coach doesn’t tell you the answer, but helps you find the answer and harness it. You’ve the adage about teaching someone to fish instead of simply giving them food. Coaching does just that. So, if you’re feeling  a little bit like you need a fishing lesson, let’s chat.

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It seems when I see other people, I categorize them into people I identify with and people who annoy me.

Deepak Chopra has a great exercise. He says to take a sheet of paper and make a list of all of the people you really like, admire, respect, and love in the world. Then write down all of the qualities about those people that put them on that list for you.

On a separate sheet of people, write a list of all of the people that you don’t like, who annoy you, or have hurt you. Then write down all of the qualities about those people that put them on that list for you.

Take time to examine the two lists. What do you see?

Of course, everyone on your first list embodies all of the qualities that you see present in yourself everyday. Right? They should. We all have those qualities.

But what about the people on the other list? They also represent you. Both lists together are really a mirror. You are everything on both lists. You embody it all.

And that’s a good thing. We’re all connected. Perhaps you can try Deepak’s little exercise. See what you learn about yourself. Hopefully, you can not only learn to embrace everything about yourself, but you also learn to love and respect some of the people on your second list as well. After all, you have a lot in common with them.

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I often stop at the same gas station each week to fill up on gas. The cost is generally about 10 cents more per gallon than another station further down the street. Why do I knowingly pay more for gas each week?

Yes. My gas buying habits result in me paying a whopping $52 more per year. And, yes, those pennies add up.

But, the station I buy from is larger, cleaner, hires more local people, has a nice store, and is closer to my home. The gas station with the lower prices has only two pumps, sits on a difficult corner to navigate, and has no store. In short, every time I go to that station, I get frustrated and annoyed. And I don’t like to feel that way.

So, what is the true cost? How much more am I paying?

I’m paying with more joy, more happiness, and more satisfaction in my life. And I don’t need to do anything in order to have all of that in my life.

It’s like that with a lot of things in our lives. Do we miss the point in our effort to “save” a few pennies? There are choices we face everyday that can result in “paying more” but add so much more to our lives. Driving on a scenic side road can add 15 minutes or more to a daily commute, but allow you to enjoy the beauty of the world around you. Shopping at a local farmer’s market can add extra time to your weekly shopping, but give you the opportunity to create new traditions with your family and friends.

How many other examples can you think of in your own life? How often do you make choices based purely on what you think you’re saving instead of looking at the bigger picture?

There’s more to life than the bottom line. And that’s the bottom line.

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We all have transitions in our lives. Moving into a new place, changing jobs, finding a new grocery store… these are all important transitions. I’m sure there are many others, and you may even be going through one or more yourself. Here are a few tips to get through them with style and grace.

1. Choose your battles.

It’s easy to get stressed out over everything that’s happening. But that isn’t helpful. Instead, ask yourself “Is this the hill I want to die on?” If it’s not really worth it in the grand scheme of things, then let it go. The only person who will suffer from your stress is you. So, choose your battles carefully.

2. People are more important than things.

Keep your focus on what’s important: you, your family, your friends… those valuable relationships are more important than any things in your life. This is particularly important to remember if your transition involves the loss of things or the potential loss of them. Focus on your well-being. Take a big breath.

3. Remember you’re moving forward.

Regardless of what it feels like in the moment, you are moving forward. Everything that happens–every transition in your life–is a good thing. We learn valuable lessons. We get rid of things, people, and places that no longer serve us. We are open to receiving whatever comes next. Let go of the past as quickly as it lets go of you. Live in the present moment fully and deeply. Appreciate everything that is happening. Embrace what is next.

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They say you can tell everything about a tree by it’s fruit. Good fruit equals a good tree. Bad fruit… well, you might as well burn the tree to the ground. Alright, maybe that’s an exaggeration, but you get the idea.

And so it is with people. You can tell what a person’s about by their fruit. What do they leave behind for others? What follows them?

One of my friends seems to be in a constant state of drama, and drags everyone into the drama spiral in almost every conversation. Another one of my friends always lifts my spirits and makes me laugh.

What is your fruit? Do you share goodness, truth, love and light everywhere you go? Do people feel better after they spend time with you? Do you bring a sense of calm into a room with you? Or, do others get uptight around you, start raising their voices… how often do you find yourself in fights with people?

That crazy guy Jesus once said “You know what is in someone’s heart because of what comes out of their mouth.” Poisoned words? There’s a poisoned heart in there somewhere.

How about you? What sort of heart are you hiding, and what does that mean to you?

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