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The story about me getting comfortable in my own skin is entwined with my experience of Evangelical Christianity.
[For any theologians out there J Pedersen Israel Its Life and Culture Bk.1 The Soul and Its Powers shows convincingly that the OT conception of the individual is unitary – and that the physical is a part of this unity. This book liberated me from the Evangelical prejudice against physicality: it doesn’t make much sense for a faith based on an incarnation to be hostile to the body!]
My image for this relationship is of the body as the shadow: lurking nearby, waiting to ‘make us do what we don’t want to do’.

A little bit of history
Christianity is one stream that pervades Western culture. The other is Classical culture (ancient Greece and Rome). Classical culture displayed certain kinds of bodies – those with good muscular development, athleticism in men and fertility in women. The statues that incarnated these ideals are still extraordinary works of art. It is from the classical tradition we have inherited asceticism – the stoic notion of triumphing over the body (disciplining it – a kind of “moral athleticism”). Ascetics and athletes both devote much time and effort to disciplining the body – using it to their (very different) ends.

This is a long story with big themes (the changing notions of beauty – from the classical ideal of faultless perfection to romantic delight in the individual; the effect that different media have on perception (flat screens lead to different ideas of beauty than 3D representations like sculpture as do various kinds of paint (water or oil-based)); the influence of class; and much else besides); more than can be covered in this post.

What I want to highlight in this post is that Western cultures have inherited a split attitude to the body – and it is still with us. Ads extol the delights of ice-cream, how good it tastes in our mouths; and we talk about the latest diet. We admire a life of leisure; and athletes. We crave relaxation; and take pain killers so we can persevere with unpleasant work. We want students who are lively and curious; and reward them for sitting still and doing as their told.

I don’t want to say that this attitude is only a philosophical error (which I think it is) but that it is a part of our experience. (Or, better put, a partial view of our experience.) A couple of examples that I hope will make the point. I am quite clumsy and slow to learn physical things. If I try to learn a dance step then “I” want to move in a certain way, but my body won’t co-operate. I need to exercise discipline to learn the new step. When I was learning to swim I needed to learn to shape my hands into scoops and not “slap the water” which is what I was doing (and getting nowhere slowly). In these situations I experience an “I” different to my “body”. “I” want to do something but “my body” won’t co-operate!

Our Attitude to Our Body
This experience is where I have an attitude to my body (and often enough others’ bodies too). Some kind of evaluation is applied.

Perhaps the most common social system for evaluating our body is beauty. In my experience this evaluation is applied most harshly by those of our own sex: men are most dismissive of ‘weakness’ or ‘weakling’s’ (women more often appreciate sensitivity); women often judge other women’s stylishness or appearance most harshly (men take more account of how women respond to them).

Those who apply these judgements to others usually apply them to themselves also (they are by no means hypocrites). In my experience they apply an even harsher standard of judgement to themselves.

Is this a problem?
I think this is a problem because:
• It deadens us to our experience. Following the rules of the latest diet keeps us from knowing our own body – its desires, satisfactions and rhythms.
And so robs us of vitality.
• It simply doesn’t work. The unbelievable variety of diet books shows this clearly. We keep judging and disciplining ourselves – and we still need to do it!
• It is based on a mistaken idea: that I am not my body. Damage to even a small part of our brain can have a large impact on our experience. (This is different to saying that I am only my body. Another mistake in my view.)
• It is based on a partial observation. We ‘forget’ that when “I” am disciplining “my body” that this too is a bodily experience – my breath, muscular tension and so on are involved.
• It leads to much misery. (This is the biggest problem in my view.) Many billions of dollars are spent by people because some part of them is less than ideal. There are massive industries dedicated to satisfying (and reinforcing) this attempt to become ideal.

Any attempt for most people to become exceptional is doomed to failure (unless the attempt is to be uniquely ourselves: not usually an option considered by cosmetics companies). The exceptionally beautiful/strong/intelligent/agile is exceptional compared to others. If everyone becomes more beautiful/strong/intelligent/agile this doesn’t that everyone becomes exceptional: the term is comparative.

What to do?
These are some ideas I have. They have worked for me and others, I hope they will work for you. If not, I hope they will at least stimulate some thinking for you.
1. Confronting our (inner) critics.
We often have voices in our heads judging and evaluating us. As we get to know them we often find that they care for us – but just express this in harmful ways. They may be happy to judge us less harshly if they know we will be OK/safe. [Sometimes the voices are not parts of ourselves or want to annihilate us: in this case much skilful support (from friends or therapists) is probably needed.]
Getting to know our critic and the criticised, can lead to compromises and integration. The energy that has gone into the fight – which can be an enormous amount – is then freed for other things. It is useful to have an idea of what you want these other things to be – otherwise with “nothing better to do” we may return to the fighting.

2. Getting to know our own rhythms
In my experience I am most productive when content. Forcing and disciplining myself are best kept for emergencies – if I have to force myself to complete a task then my attention is split between the task and my need to force myself (less attention goes to the task and so it will probably be done less well than it could be).

3. Enjoying ourselves
Slowly we can come to understand what we enjoy. We may not know – perhaps because we have been told that we shouldn’t, perhaps because we haven’t had the opportunity to try things out. (In my family we had a healthy but fairly limited range of foods. I was in my 20’s when I tasted my first olive: it can take a while to get used to something new and find out whether we like it or not.)

We can, in small and easy steps come to know and enjoy each part of our body.

We can gradually live our way into a life where we are comfortable in our own skins.

For me this has been a long journey – and I had a relatively easy upbringing. For those with a more traumatic upbringing it may be more difficult yet. Whatever the case I’d like to hear about how you relate to ‘your body’. Perhaps it has always been easy for you or perhaps a long and winding road on which you have learned much. I look forward to hearing from you in the comments.

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This is a blog about cooking that is sugar and gluten free. It is called Simply Sugar and Gluten Free. The recipes look very yummy too!

I have added the site as a link in my blogroll.

The answer is living authentically. Buy the book or sign up for the course now from my Living Authentically website.

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A blog that I’ve recently discovered and is rapidly becoming one of my favourites is Ian Peatey’s Quantum Learning. In this post he gives 3 simples steps to fully enjoy life. They are: observation, feeling, enrichment.

Albert the Urban Monk has a great post on distinguishing authentic and inauthentic emotions.

A blog I don’t think I’ve linked to before is Think Simple Now. This is a great post on learning without memorising (by using visualisation, metaphor, compare and contrast and many other techniques). Brief practical and to the point – a great post.

Finally, the physical side of things. One hour of aerobic activity improves the elasticity of the arteries in older people (ages 65-83) thus reducing the chances of stroke and heart attack.

The answer is living authentically. Buy the book or sign up for the course now from my Living Authentically website.

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Please make a donation to a very worthwhile cause and enjoy your free gift.

Go here to make your donation.

The answer is living authentically. Buy the book or sign up for the course now from my Living Authentically website.

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For me the cookbook felt like a liberation – a unique experience for me. I’d like to hear about your recipes for living – either here or on the post. Looking forward to hearing from you, Evan

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There is a stream of thinking too about playing to our strengths instead of working on our weaknesses that I find very attractive. My preference is for a life of quiet ease rather than noisy struggle – yes, I’m an introvert.

All this means that the division into ‘strengths and weaknesses’ can be useful and helpful. However, I also have some problems with it.

1. Says who? Is being poor a weakness? It may be for me – it certainly means I can’t do some things right now that I would like to, but would Gandhi, or Mother Teresa or Jean Vanier agree? What is seen as a strength or a weakness can be a value judgement of which we are unaware.
2. What if we don’t enjoy our strengths? A friend of my partner was a brilliant cello player, studied at music college, got a job in an orchestra, and then left to study art because that is what she really wanted to do. My best subject in high school was economics and I have gladly never looked at another economics book – to me it most assuredly was ‘the dismal science’.
3. What if we never will be any good at what we do enjoy? Many people pursue painting knowing they will never be one of the greats (or even as good as they want to be). Does this mean it is not a strength or that this makes the pursuit a waste of time?
4. What if success isn’t the criteria? Speaking of strengths and weaknesses often means criterion is joy? Or fun? Or sacrifice in a noble cause? Or preserving the tradition we are inducted into as a sacred trust?
I don’t think that success is always the criteria, but I think it frequently is.
5. What if we change the perspective? A personal example [skip to the next paragraph if you aren’t interested in blogging and my struggles with it]. Blogs are meant to be narrowly focused. Thinks make good sense: People usually go online looking for something very specific; type something general into google, like, “How can I be healthy?” and the billions of hits that result aren’t going to be much use. So focusing on all aspects of health is seen as a weakness for this blog. (So, why do I do it? I’d just feel bored and hemmed in if I had to stick to just one topic.) What if I change my perspective? Perhaps the general is a specialisation of its own! Perhaps if I’m interested in the general there are other people interested in it too (how to let them know I exist is another story). Perhaps the general could stand out among all those focused on something specific. Perhaps it is my approach that is different. Perhaps the generality can be a strength in some way – or some aspect I haven’t even thought of could be a strength.
6. Sometimes working on our weaknesses can pay off. I felt quite socially inept in my adolescence and early adulthood (and suspect I still am). As a way of dealing with this I worked hard on listening. I got lots better at listening and can now, usually, pretty easily understand where someone is coming from. It probably means that I am somewhat less socially inept but the depth that listening has added to my relationships is a far larger benefit.
7. Sometimes we need to work on our weaknesses to achieve what we care about. You may be a very shy person who wants to get publicity for the cause you believe in – and so you may need to find a way to do public speaking. Your shyness is a weakness as far as getting the word out goes – and you learn to cope with it; you may never become terribly comfortable with public speaking but you learn to do it (and perhaps to do it well) anyway. Sometimes our strengths, values and passion(s) don’t coincide.

My guess is that ‘playing to our strengths’ is good advice most of the time, and a good rule of thumb. Especially when most of us have suffered schooling – where the focus was on our weaknesses (as measured by someone else’s standard); an emphasis on our strengths can be a helpful corrective and positively liberating.
Sometimes though, we are playing to our strengths and being successful and we are still not satisfied. In this case I think it is worth asking a couple of questions: 1) Is success what will satisfy me? and, 2) Do I need to look again at how I see my ‘strengths’ and ‘weaknesses’?

Perhaps you’ve had times when you have had to develop a weakness or have found it much better to play to your strengths. Perhaps talking about strengths and weaknesses doesn’t make any sense to you. I’d like to hear from you about your experience of your ‘strengths’ and ‘weaknesses’. Please leave any comments that you wish.

If you liked this post you might also like:
Our Wellbeing and Our Violence
That Which Doesn’t Kill Us . . . Can Leave Us Maimed

The answer is living authentically. Buy the book or sign up for the course now from my Living Authentically website.

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This is a genuine question for me. I’m not sure we have the language to have the discussion yet. I do think we may be at the point where we can begin to listen to each other and have the conversation – which I think is a remarkable opportunity.

If, like me, you find this to be a very important topic, I’d love to hear your thoughts in the comments. Looking forward to hearing from you, Evan.

The answer is living authentically. Buy the book or sign up for the course now from my Living Authentically website.

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