photo credit: James Jordan

Failing to meet your goals is your viewpoint.

It is one way of looking at those goals. It is quite valid to choose a different viewpoint, there is no one right viewpoint.

Today I looked at the goals I set for the week, I failed to meet all 3 of them. They were challenging but I have met goals of that difficulty many times before.

So I did some retrospecting on why I failed to meet my goals and looking at my behavior this is what I discovered.

I deliberately choose not to meet those goals.

I have distinct memories of sitting in front of my computer and having a thought flash through my mind saying ‘you need to learn some kanji now in order to meet your goal’. Then I remember choosing to study some videos on life coaching instead.

Does this mean I failed to meet my goals? From a narrow and rigid viewpoint, yes it does.

But if I look deeper I have to ask, why did I choose to study life coaching instead?

The answer is in terms of my life right now, researching that area provides me much more value and happiness than learning japanese.

That is how my beliefs are currently set up.

Based on that I’m glad that I did not meet my goals, what a waste of time that would have been.

Now looking ahead to next week I have to carefully consider what goals I really want and which ones I want most.

Failing to meet your goals is never a bad thing, you are at least one step ahead as you actually set  goals.

But if you learned something important about yourself then failing to meet your goals is a good thing!

Meeting goals is always secondary to learning about yourself and the nature of happiness.

photo credit: NeoGaboX

Today I took off my jacket to show my brother the new backpack I bought and then when I went to get my jacket again I couldn’t see it.

I did a full 360 and couldn’t spot it. Then my brain clicked and I realised that I was looking for my black jacket when what I wanted was my white jacket.

I had put my jacket on my bed, when I was looking for it my eyes passed right over it and I didn’t ’see’ it. When I replay it in my mind I can see the white blur as my eyes passed over it, yet it didn’t register as what I wanted.

What had happened was my brain said ‘pick up jacket’, as I have only one white jacket which I rarely wear my brain said, ‘your jacket is black, look for something black that is a jacket’. Consequently I totally missed it.

Ask If It Is What You Really Want

My example is trivial but it is an identical situation that can occur on any scale in your life.

You want to marry a rich and successful person because they will be a positive partner in your life. But are you really looking for a rich and successful person? Or do you really desire a sense of security and confidence in your life?

Think that life coaching is the career you want? Or is it really that you think it is an easy career where you can just talk to people about goals and make an easy living?

Whenever you come across something you want, whether it be a goal or a physical item it will be worth your time to ask yourself some questions.

What benefit will this bring to my life?

What feeling will this give me or relieve me of when I get it?

What most excites me about my future with this thing?

Now you can dig a little deeper into your internal desires.

How else can I get these feelings?

What would I have to do or acquire in order to get the same feelings 10x stronger?

What belief do I hold true that says that getting what I want will make me feel this way? Is this a valid belief? Can I have a better belief?

Asking all these questions will help you not only discern what you really, really want and avoid spending time chasing imaginary solutions. But it will also help you to learn about yourself and learn how you can rapidly satisfy the deeper demands that we have as human beings.

photo credit: woodleywonderworks

It’s a sunny afternoon and I’m outside sawing wood to help my parents and other then enjoying the moment all I can think of is analogies to living life and achieving goals.

So here is how sawing wood can help you get the most out of life.

Know what you want and plan to achieve it

When approaching a new tree branch you need to know roughly how long you want to cut it, then you have to pick an exact spot to cut at.

Knowing where to cut is not good enough though, you have to be able to maneuver the branch into a stable position in order for you to saw effectively.

So pick something you want it life, something that excites you. Then narrow it down to what you really want, pick where you will cut into life.

But before you can effectively chase after your goals you have to set up a solid foundation. Learn how to handle your thoughts and emotions, look at your beliefs and know what effects your decisions.

Sometimes you get stuck, just adjust your angle

I’m only an amateur when it comes to sawing so I can’t cut perfectly straight. As such I sometimes get stuck half way through the branch. An effective method seems to be to cut in again from a slightly different angle to the same spot to give you more room to get to the end.

We don’t know the perfect path to take to reach a goal, so we just have to launch into it. Inevitably we will hit obstacles and get stuck. Rather than head-butting the wall continuously sometimes we just need to take a step back and re-think our approach.

Is this the only way to reach my goal? What constraints am I unconsciously imposing on myself? Whose assistance can I call upon who has been through this before?

Take massive persistent action

There is only one way to get through a piece of wood and that is by cutting it. In the beginning it is a big task, but all it requires is for you to stick with it and persist.

Our big goals in life require you to work on them each day. Sometimes its seems like you are so far away from the goal that you are not sure if you have even made a dint yet, but at times like these you just have to persist.

Over time the branch will splinter and break and nothing will be able to hold you back.

photo credit: conorwithonen

But how do you get there? How do regain our child like joy of the world?

Do we need to try and act like a child to get back to our child like state that we have lost?

Or should we be heading in the opposite direction and master the complexities of our adult lives?

Recently I was reading a very down to earth post on Being like a child by Martin Wildam of One-Two-Solved and I was very impressed in the way he put his answer.

“I think the key does not lie in the intention to return to childhood. I think the key lies in mastering the uncertainty and worries by surpassing a certain level of wisdom.”

This hits the nail on the head.

A child does not worry much because it has few worries.

Adults worry a lot because they have many concerns.

Adults can attain the desired qualities of a child by reducing what they worry about.

Worrying is a compulsion of the mind and consequently it can be attended to with some careful self observation.

When you see yourself and start to understand your worries you begin to break free.

Do this all the time and you start to run out of worries and you automatically attain that much more freedom.

So grow up and if you do it well you might find some very immature people jealous of your childlike happiness.

photo credit: h.koppdelaney

Everyday I see people get frustrated or afraid. The thoughts and emotions restrict them because they cannot distinguish between what they ‘are’ and what their thoughts and emotions are.

Let me tell you right now that there is something that exists beyond individual thoughts, beyond swirling emotions.

In between thoughts, there is a gap. In that gap is something silent, something ever-present and all encompassing.

It sits there constant and vigilant as thoughts and emotions go by in their daily whirlwind.

The moment you drive a knife between what is ‘you’ and your thoughts/emotions you discover the space to distinguish between them.

Then you realise that with every single one you always have a choice.

You don’t have to be afraid to show your true self.

You don’t have to be annoyed at the world.

You can smile uncontrollably if you really want.

A thought that appears is just lightning in the thunderstorm of emotions. When you have a umbrella grounded to the earth it doesn’t matter what the weather is like.

You are free to do and feel whatever you want.

So start realising your own freedom.

Feel the gap, grasp it in your fingers and embrace what springs forth from your heart when you give it space.

Now is the time to love rocking your life.

I agree that the best jobs are the ones that align with your values and passions.

But you should never leave a job just because you are not happy with it.

Sound contradictory?

A Job is a Job

A job is simply a set of physical or mental tasks that are undertaken in order to receive remuneration.

In other words, a job is what you do to get money or some other emotional benefit.

A job is neither good or bad, it is the same as walking down the street.

You choose if you are happy at your job or not.

Read that sentence again.

Understand that you Choose to Hate your Job

If you hate your current job then ask yourself the following questions:

• How would you describe the negative emotions/thoughts you have towards your job?
• What are the activities that bring up these negative emotions?
• Who makes me feel bad about working and what is it that they do or say that makes me feel this way?

When thinking about it you discover that what you truly hate is the emotions that you experience while you are at work.

So the solution to deal with a job you hate is to first understand why this job raises the emotions that it does.

A while back I wrote on How to Not Hate your Job in which I talked about how I went from being totally stressed out at work to actually having fun while doing the same job.

I hated my job because I couldn’t deal with the stress of highly strung bosses and upset customers. Once I realised that the stress was what I hated about my job I took steps to learn how to deal with it and consequently the same situations no longer hurt me.

I no longer hated my job, rather I used it as a tool to learn about myself and to create a better life.

This is why you must understand why you ‘hate your job’ before you try to change it.

Make Change Based on Understanding Yourself

No job will bring you never ending happiness.

Happiness comes from inside yourself, a job is just where you get to express it.

Once you have gotten through and released your hate towards a job you can start working on discovering more enjoyment in your work.

Look at the things that are most enjoyable both in your life and in your workplace. Try to spend more time doing those at your job.

If you find that you cannot bring those aspects you enjoy into your job then now is the time when you can start looking for a job that aligns more with your passions.

Now you choose a new job based on what you want, not on running away from what you think you hate.

We make better choices when we understand ourselves.

photo credit: batega

There are so many self development tools around that we can make use of to improve our lives.

The first mistake many of us make is to only read about tools and never try them.

The second mistake is to learn all about a tool by studying it in depth but postponing its use until we feel we have mastered it.

The third mistake is to gain information from using a tool but then not act upon the information we have gained to change our lives

I want to talk about the second mistake I caught myself making.

Learn tools through use

Over the last 9 months I have been steadily memorising kanji in my quest to learn Japanese. I am up to number 1828 out of 2042 ‘everyday use’ kanji.

Through how I was introduced to the topic I made the assumption that I should learn all of these kanji before I began trying to read.

Now I realise that not only could I accelerate my learning/memorisation process by trying to use what I’ve learned so far by reading, but I would also be getting closer and closer to my goal of understanding japanese by trying to use it.

By reading, I see the kanji more often, even if I have to use a dictionary on every single one. But I also start getting used to the sentence structures and which kanji often appear next to each other in words.

So when you start learning about a tool, start trying to apply it in your daily life. This way you start developing a personal experience and understanding about the tool and learn it faster. Not to mention benefiting from it.

I was watching a news report on people who have gone through psychotic episodes and died after going through self development courses, which reminds of a message I should give to everyone undertaking work on themselves.

Learn how to see and understand yourself first.

While I would be stupid to say I know what goes through peoples minds I do know how easy it is for one thought to lead to the next and snowball into obsession or worse.

If you cannot keep track of your thoughts and emotions then you should not be trying to manipulate them.

When you begin working away at yourself to resolve issues and improve yourself, you become a lot more open. With this freedom you have to also take on more responsibility to actively look after yourself.

If you tear down a bunch of resisting thoughts and emotions that stop you from expressing your opinions then you have have to replace them with an awareness that evaluates what you are going to say and do.

Tearing away your defenses should not be done if you have no plan as to how to manage the new found space.

Whenever psychological space is created it gets filled with something different, you must be able to watch and be aware of what it is, lest you be swept away by a whirlwind.

So watch yourself. Discover how the mind and the emotions work within you, how they come, go and interact with each other.

I would like to hear how other people prepare themselves to work on themselves.

From approaching potential partners and managing your friendships to conversing with clients.

Just before every action there is a flash in the major centers of the body, generally the heart and the mind.

These flashes can result in either a compulsion to act or create an inhibition to proceed.

While I say slay them both and act from clarity here I want to talk about tackling those flashes that inhibit us.

Because people that are often paralyzed by these often have trouble following through with important decisions in their lives and consequently become trapped in their same old prison.

Strategies for Freedom from Hesitation

Continual Awareness

In order to break free of what holds you back in that second when you think you have already committed yourself, you must be able to sense it in that precise instant.

These flashes cannot be seen by the eyes, you have to develop an internal sense.

Just as when someone attempts to grab your wrist and the hairs detect something allowing you to turn free, your internal sense enables you to break free of internal paralysis before it can seize you.

To develop this sense requires that you discover the difference between how your body and mind feels when it is being propelled by a train of thought or emotion compared to when it is clear and tranquil.

The quickest way to discover this is to sit quietly and close your eyes for about 10 minutes. Notice your thoughts bouncing around in your head and most importantly notice the silence in between them. Now ask yourself:

“What is present during the silence between thoughts?”

You are not looking to answer this in words, rather you want to ask this question to help you explore and feel this silence more.

Once you have sampled it you need to look for it in daily life in each moment. Just pause to feel what exists between thoughts.

The same applies to your heart. Watch how emotions feel in your chest and what it feels like when none are acting.

When you can tell the difference between when you are clear and when a thought/emotion has entered then you have a foundation that will enable you to take control of yourself and your life.

Weapon of Choice

Choose your own form of self confidence. Choose an activity in which you can practice dominating yourself. You want to develop a trust in your own abilities.

I practice martial arts, the esoteric nature of solo katas provides a good practice ground for burning through your enemies.

Meditation and prayer are other techniques that help develop the confidence required to know you can handle any thought or emotion that arises.

Once you know how your tool works you have to practice using it on a day to day basis as any little thought appears. Such that when it comes time to encounter a larger hesitation you can switch it on at will.

Decision Preparation

When it comes to actions that we have time to consider and make decisions about there are some fundamental understandings that can help you lessen the grip that any cause of hesitation can put on you.

1. You will never have perfect and/or complete information for making decisions

Don’t put off action just because you might be wrong in your assumptions about other people. You cannot know for sure how someone will respond to you. Take off the gloves and present yourself to the world.

2. There is no tragedy you cannot recover from

It may seem like there is the possibility of undesirable results from your planned action. But the mind will always make things seem catastrophic when there is nothing to stop you from moving on from whatever happens.

3. Doubt creates the D in Self-Destruction

Do not second guess your decisions. If you have come to a decision through a logical analysis and after weighing your options decided upon an action then you have no reason to doubt your decision to act.

The food that doubt thrives on is the fact that we are stuck with incomplete information. In the case of interacting with other people it is worse because not only do we have limited information but what information we have is actually just our interpretation of the words and actions of another person. Such things are easy for a thought to manipulate to make a case against our action.

If you allow doubt to exist in your thought process it will lead to the destruction of your action.

A method I have been using to nullify persistent doubts is to first realise that a doubt is just another possibility like your other conclusions. Then you consider both the doubt and your other conclusions and assign them each a percentage possibility of being true. Now doubt has no power as is it just another possibility. Next you choose the one with the greatest possibility of being true and act upon its basis.

Understanding these elements will leave you more confident to discard any thought that may doubt action in the critical moments.

Now go for it and burn with fire through the world.

photo credit: woodleywonderworks

Our lives are defined by the things we do, not what we think.

Our actions are only limited by what we believe to be possible.

Therefore it is critical that we are always expanding our horizons in order to discover all the things that we could possibly be and do if we knew they were possible.

Now you can go and read wondrous stories of all the incredible feats that humans have done, but in let me do some of that for you:

1. Bring Food and Aid to people in Need
2. Ensure an Entire Country is Educated
3. Land on the Moon
4. Learn a foreign language
5. Make a Homemade Helicopter
6. Invent the Refrigerator
7. Play the Mario Theme with a Remote Control car and Wine Bottles
8. Make someone Smile Wholeheartedly

What is more important than reading is to push your own boundaries

It is nice to know what others have been capable of but it is more valuable to know that you are capable of anything.

Call it self-confidence, call it inner strength, call it anything you want as long as it entails something you can build in yourself.

When I started martial arts I had no idea about my ability, but I felt internally I could learn any physical skill. But really I couldn’t care I just wanted to learn. My first few weeks showed me how incapable I was of the task. Yet a few years later I’m still training and am the current Australian Iaido champion for my grade (aka beginner).

Starting my study of Japanese was (and is) equally daunting. It is like sitting in a room as a baby understanding nothing, a shock to the system of anyone who thinks themselves an accomplished individual. Eight months later and when I go to do something that would involve saying ‘excuse me’ I have to discard a few japanese equivalents before I remember the english words.

Last week I decided to only drink water as an experiment to see what it was like not drinking soft drink. Now I know for sure that when my mind says that soft drink would go down really now that water can go down equally well.

Try something new.

No matter how small or large, experiment.

After you have be doing this for awhile you will start to develop an attitude of always being able to try.

Then one day you may come to realise that all human achievements and successes are simply due to time and effort, nothing else.