Toy With Me

Are you a voyeur?

Lola Berlin — Fri, 02 Mar 2012 16:11:43 +0000

I have a confession to make: I’ve been a little pervey lately. Not in a stalkery way. I’m not peeping through key holes or spying on my neighbors having sex through night-vision goggles or anything like that. So that’s why she asked for those 3D binoculars for Christmas.

You see, my boyfriend (P.S. I have a boyfriend now) made this sex tape eons ago and he mentioned it and immediately, I was like, “LET’S WATCH IT!”

Now I have respect for privacy, but it’s not like it was labeled CONFIDENTIAL or bound by a non disclosure agreement. I have absolutely no interest in watching people’s personal sex tapes (particularly celebrity sex tapes. Three words – Public Relations Jackpot), but this was different — watching someone I’m dating doing it with someone else. Purely concept driven.

SIDE NOTE: This is why you should never make a sex tape. They always leak. ALWAYS. Yeah, don’t worry, my naked ass is out there somewhere too. I was early twenties and conned into it. NEVER AGAIN. And don’t tell my parents…or my boyfriend. I think it would make him sad.

BACK TO: NOT my sex tape, I proposed, “Let’s watch it and then do it. It’ll be kind of like having a virtual threesome.” Like those virtual-reality movie rides at Universal Studios. And since I’m the Captain of this relationship (first time EVER and FINALLY!), boyfriend-guy said, “yeah okay.” I don’t think he was as excited as I was, but he didn’t mind coming along for the ride.

So he entered the DVD into its slot…and I started to get major-league paranoid. What if instead of turning me on, it’d turn me off? Or make me jealous? What if the girl was super hot and I’d have to live knowing I was one of the uglier ones of his girlfriends? What if she was AmaZING at sex? Would I suddenly become self conscious doing it with him? What if it ruined our relationship?

In the end, my yin outweighed my yang and I just had to see it.

Oh, BTW: He actually labelled the DVD, “Yeah, Buddy.”

Oh, men shall be boys.

So he hit PLAY and ten seconds into it, I yelled, STOP. Kidding. I was too intrigued and it was too late aNyWaY. Instead I watched and then… I laughed. Not because it was that funny — but because I was actually watching my boyfriend having sex with someone else — BY CHOICE.

Now the girl was pretty, but not Cindy Crawford “in the peak of her career” supermodel pretty, so I didn’t feel threatened or anything…and they were kind of amateurish together. Relief. You’re definitely not destined for porn, honey.

After the laughter subsided, I decided to get into it. The way I see it, once you cross the line you might as well have fun on the other side. So I watched it again solo the following morning whilst servicing myself, allowing the footage to turn me on…and then I watched it the next day and then on the third day, boyfriend-guy said, “It’s kind of interesting that you find this interesting.” And suddenly I snapped out of my pervert trance and thought: WTF is wrong with me?! I’ve turned into a VOYEUR.

bloop, bloop…thought bubble: Is voyeurism natural?

Don’t worry, I’m not going to hit the streets and investigate an obvious answer to a question, Carrie Bradshaw style. Besides this is L.A. not New York. Instead, I’m going to unleash my general knowledge here: Yeah, we’re all freaken perverts, that’s why facebook is so famous. Whether it’s one of the downfalls of human nature; a default of our creation or just purely how it is, it’s hard to be dignified all the time. Most of us have some sort of curiosity about what others are doing.

Watching others — in the act of sex. I know some people are anti-porn, but I’ve never been. It’s a means to enhance and supplement, stimulate the imagination, ignite the mood. Sometimes I just can’t get into it and I’m like, Get off me! I need to go hang out with some detectives and smoke cigars or something — maybe investigate a homicide -- like a truly independent badass task or endeavor that requires desensitization because this closeness factor is eeking me out. Pass me my trench coat, would ya? I’ll be back at 3 a.m. unless I’m pulling an all-nighter with the boys. Enter a porn clip as a mediator and problem solved.

Truth is, sometimes I wish I was dirtier than I am — like I want full on hardcore porn style sex. Someone’s been a bad girl — I’m gonna rip that little “kitty cat” – And it’s just not gonna happen without some external influence, particularly if I’ve just gotten off the phone to my mother. Instant libido killer — for eternity. Only porn can transport me at that point.

And how about porn for educational purposes. How are you supposed to get better at sex without a little guidance?

Also, there are certain sex maneuvers I’ll never be able to perform, but it’s fun living vicariously through the lives of porn stars. In this one porn clip the chick was doing it on a slippery looking granite kitchen counter top with sky-scraping pointy stilettos. In the most daring position she was crouched and leaning backwards whilst bouncing on top of the guy. The dangers involved and the various accidents that could’ve resulted, she may as well have been walking on a tight rope without a net beneath. I’m not willing nor qualified to take those risks, but I do find them interesting to observe.

Still, there’s a difference between watching porn and an accidental sex tape. I’m sticking with the marketed industry crap from now on. So there you have it, I’ve been a voyeur lately. Interpret it how you will. Kinda kinky. Naughty. Bad. Dirty. I understand if you can’t look at me the same way anymore…unless you’ve been doing it too. Confess. Have you?

Post from: Toy With Me

Are you a voyeur?

FixSation Couple’s Vibrator Review

The Queen Of Everything — Tue, 21 Feb 2012 18:12:48 +0000

This toy was nominated for the AVN Best Sex Toy for Couples award for 2012.

Aren’t we fancy.

Taking it out of the box, it looks like quite a contraption, to use a word from my grandpa’s vocabulary. I probably shouldn’t say the word “grandpa” should I? Not exactly the visual we’re going for when we’re talking about S-E-X toys, huh?

Ok, so forget I said that.
Let’s call it a…

Pulsating Pleasure Panty of Love.

That’s way sexier than calling it a contraption. But is it more than just a contraption? Is it really a Pulsating Pleasure Panty of Love, Toy With Mes?

Let’s see, shall we?

As you know my Man Candy is quite a fan of the Sexy Time. When one of these things comes to the house for review he starts drooling. In fact, he already had it out of the box and ready to go by the time I got home from work. But I was a bit more skeptical. His exuberance aside, I was a little intimidated by the My FixSation because really? It looks weird.

Everyone always starts these reviews with talk about the packaging, but who gives a fuck about that? I’m not measuring the box for you because we want to know what’s inside the box. I mean, the packaging is dark and sexy and whatnot and it says ““Fixate on the Sensation when Friction meets Vibration” on it.

Cute.

Inside the box is the Couples Vibe unit, charger, and a small satin drawstring storage bag. The panty companion was also included and it fits nicely into the storage bag along with the vibe unit. That’s pretty cool because you don’t want to be fussing about in your panty drawer to find the stupid panty to put the vibe on when the moment is approaching.

The couples vibe thing is a little flat oval shape and it’s made of smooth black plastic. It’s 2 inches wide and 2.5 inches long and it’s thickness is tapered from about 0.25 to 0.75 inches. The bottom side of the vibe goes against your Doris Clitoris and your vulva (sorry I don’t have a cute name for Vulva…Mulva?) and has three ridges on it. The top side faces out and that’s the part that will rub against your Man Candy whilst you’re doin’ it.

The power button is on top and is easily reachable. The sides of the vibe have a place to slip the attachments of the panty companion in them. The My Fixsation is supposed to be waterproof, and I bet it is. The charger port is covered pretty well with a rubber flap, but I’m confused. Who the hell wants to wear panties in the shower? I think it would be a little weird, but that’s just me. But since it’s waterproof it’s good news for cleaning.

I love that they call it a “panty companion.” I don’t know why. It’s made of polyester and nylon and all it really is is a soft and lacy waist band with two stretchy straps that hold the vibrator part against you. The straps unhook from the back and are then threaded through the sides of the vibe and re-hooked. It’s way easier to assemble the whole thing before you put it on. The panties are fairly comfortable. I ordered a size small and I usually take a US size 2. They’re really stretchy, but for maximum comfort make sure you order the right size. I can see them turning into a tourniquet if they’re too small for you. So. Not. Sexy.

We want bloodflow. Especially during Sexy Time.

As far as the vibration intensity goes, it’s okay. It’s not super strong but it certainly does the job nicely. It’s not the quietest thing in the world though, so this is maybe not the toy to bring with you when you visit your in-laws–unless they already know what a dirty whore you are. Then go right ahead. Make sure you’re really vocal too, they love that. Anyway, there are three levels of vibration. You cycle through them by pressing the power button. To turn it off, you hold down the power button until it stops. Like I said, the vibration isn’t super intense, but it’s fine because unless you’re numb from the waist down, you’re still going to enjoy it. This isn’t a solo flight, remember. Man Candy is also there with you, creating friction and working those ridges I mentioned earlier.

OMG.

I loved the ridges. When I looked at them I thought “meh,” but let me tell you something.

They’re divine.

I still think it’s kind of a contraption, but it’s a lovely and fun contraption and I liked the My Fixsation Couple’s Vibe and Panty.

I think you guys are gonna dig it too.

Post from: Toy With Me

FixSation Couple’s Vibrator Review

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Desperate For Love

Danae Matthews — Mon, 30 Jan 2012 15:58:19 +0000

It’s been said that during the height of Sex in the City mania you couldn’t go anywhere in New York without overhearing someone talking about the show. Even now, ten years after its final episode has aired my friends and I watch re-runs and debate over who is more of a Carrie or Miranda. The effects of the Sex in the City era are far from over. In my estimation the show did two things for the world of dating: proclaimed to people everywhere that women didn’t necessarily need a man to be happy, and that being single until your thirties was a very real possibility.

I think the latter has had a bigger effect on the female psyche than the former. Although we loved the characters of Sex in the City and revere them as probably the closest thing to feminist heroes as we are going to get, we don’t actually want to be them. Ask any one of your friends and I doubt they would say their dream is to be, or was to be, single into their late thirties.

This fact has sent us on the hunt for a suitable mate. At the risk of making the biggest blanket statement you’ll ever hear, we are a country obsessed with finding love. Turn on the television and our programming is centered around competing for love, documenting two people seemingly in love, finding love in mysterious places (i.e. the dark, the wild or “the real world”), and all the nitty gritty that comes before you find true love; enter the smush room.

Some would say, hey that’s not such a bad thing; there’s nothing wrong with wanting to find someone to share your life with. And, you’re right, there isn’t. But sometimes I wonder if perhaps we are a little too desperate for love? The fear that a year long dry spell brings can send a woman settling faster than you can say, “He’s kinda cute, right?”

Dr. Karen Anderson, associate professor of psychology, wrote a book called It Just Hasn’t Happened Yet, in which she suggests that if you haven’t found love you should just buckle down and wait for it. That isn’t the book in its entirety, but by and large it suggests that singles are not at fault for well, being single. It just hasn’t happened! While I have many concerns about this kind of thinking and would suggest everyone to take that advice with a grain of salt, I do agree with one point. Perhaps we all should just chill out a little bit.

I know personally I have acquaintances or people in my friend circle who seem overly eager to be in a relationship. I’m not going lie, most of the time these “people” are female. I see friends trying to make relationships with guys that I wonder if they would even find attractive had they not felt some sort of external/internal pressure. Heck, I’ve done this before too! I’m not so high up on my soapbox to say I haven’t pursued a man that I knew I didn’t have anything in common with just to have a date to social events.

The tricky thing with that kind of behavior is that you run the risk of getting attached or falling in love. Before you know it you could find yourself head over heels with someone who you weren’t even that crazy about in the beginning. Are we really so desperate for love that we are willing to participate in relationships with people that don’t suite us?

I know how hard it can be to see friends get boyfriends/girlfriends and stay single. But that is no reason to rush into a relationship or put pressure on someone you are casually dating. If it is meant to happen, it should happen organically. Imagine marrying someone you had to convince to propose to you? A lifetime of “she talked me into it” as the “how did it happen story”? Yuck!

Let’s stop being so afraid of our singleness and start embracing the time we have alone to figure out what it is that makes us happy. What are you looking for in a mate? What are your turn offs/turn ons. These are the things that the luxury of time will allow you to figure out so that “the one” comes along you will be the best version of yourself, or hey at least more toned.

Post from: Toy With Me

Desperate For Love

SeX sTyLeS

Lola Berlin — Wed, 25 Jan 2012 19:44:18 +0000

So this week, butterflies — I’m talkin SeX sTyLeS.

I’ve been HIGHLY sexual lately. More than EVER in my life. I don’t know if it’s because I’ve been going through a shitty stage and when everything sux — professionally and personally — at least you still have sex to look forward to — plus it’s a great way of releasing frustrations and distracting yourself from your failures.

SIDE NOTE: Sex is awesome and as far as I surmise, it’s kind of the purpose of life anyway, so who gives if I’m failing in every other aspect of my existence. I rather be poor and pathetic and “getting it,” than rich and successful and completely dry and bored out of my libido.

OR: maybe I’m just over-the-top-insane, “THE CLIT WILL REIGN” out of control HORNY because I’m in my sexual peak. I’m enjoying boinking more than alcohol, fast food, hot wings, German chocolate cake etc. I want it from behind, the side, on top — whatever way AS IN every way – ALL THE TIME.

That said, I’m not doing it with random strangers or anything. I stumbled across a sexual partner. We met by a graffiti wall. Very romantic (well it is if you’re a hipster; not that I am. I’m more of an accidental hipster — temporarily). He’s not really someone I would imagine for myself (in life), but let me say when it comes to sex and form, the man has style — and stamina. We managed to do it eleven times the other night. I didn’t know that was even possible.

During the course of my history, I’ve found that sex is different with different men. Like a quiet accountant type who doesn’t lift weights (even though he probably goes on morning jogs) will probably have a very different technique to someone who works in construction. I imagine. I’m not into builders — or accountants. It’s just an analogy. Example: The accountant may be subtle, the construction dude not so. Unless the reverse happens as is so typical in life thanks to its attraction to irony and the accountant becomes a tiger in bed, whilst the construction guy strips off his macho persona revealing a pussy cat underneath. Meow.

You can’t type-cast when it comes to a person’s style in bed. My only point is that everyone has their preferred method and stereotypes can be deceiving. Example: A year ago, I had a fling with this hot former-submarine military guy. He was a work-out freak with an amazing body. But he was very potato chips plain, “minimal participation” in bed. If sex were a musical form, he was like reggae, but bad amateur reggae. I prefer dance, pop, techno — something more upbeat.

Personally, I like to be man-handled. None of this smooth operator, shifting back and forth missionary-style at a consistent pace and rhythm whilst the sounds of soft unintended moans harmonize with the squeak of bed springs. Unless it’s naturally going that way and we’re genuinely falling in love, sex should not be choreographed. Sweeping my hair out of my eyes and playing Marvin Gaye in the background for the sake of illusion because I’m a girl and I just need to be loved – even if it’s a lie — is not cool dude. I’m a realist, motherfucker! I live in a city with a majority “asshole” population…aka. L.A. I don’t need to be shielded from the truth. Besides, I like it rough.

AND: I’m a post-feminist movement female who has been forced into the workplace since the age of fifteen. I’ve suffered through corporate meetings and powerpoint presentations; I’ve worked in the car industry, a forklift company, the military, a commercial real estate office etc. over the course of the 30 plus jobs that I’ve had because equal opportunity is AWESOME (I’m kidding. It has perks). But when it comes to sexual activities I don’t always want to be an equal. I like to be dominated. Not that I don’t have my power moments , but ya get my drift.

When I first moved to California, I briefly dated this very brilliant, but nerdy (as in trendy-nerdy) producer, who I had awful AWFUL sex with — it was gentle and slow. I think he was aiming for it to be spiritual or something, but it wasn’t. So it was silent and mechanical and even though we weren’t entirely sober, its like we were both hauntingly aware of the fact that we were doing it. I think he was nervous, which made me nervous, which just resulted in awkward robot sex. Three failed attempts and it was time to eject. Eww. Memory deletion – compute.

At least he didn’t give me instructions. That’s the worst. Move to the left, do this weird thing with your tongue, open your mouth. STOP. Sex should come naturally. We’re not learning how to play the violin. And it should be in the moment. It’s not a Word Document; there’s no template.

I like a man with endurance. I mean the quickie is what it represents – I’m about to explode and I need to get off now NOW. I’m not undermining. It serves its purpose, but if you’re constantly only getting quick and hurried bursts of sex, you’re not doing it correctly. That’s like a preview. It’s like watching a trailer instead of seeing the actual movie. Not to mention I’m a woman and I’m not capable of getting off in ten seconds. Let’s not forget the value of foreplay. There’s no need to launch straight into it. Even space shuttles get a countdown before they take-off. A good lead up adds to the anticipation, which makes the climax all the more explosive.

Ultimately, whatever your style, it’s important to do it with confidence and to be comfortable with the person you’re doing it with.
…

ADD TO THE DIALOGUE: What are your thoughts, methods, preferences in style?

Post from: Toy With Me

SeX sTyLeS

“Sex It Up” Valentine’s Day Contest!

Toy With Me — Fri, 20 Jan 2012 18:10:42 +0000

Thanks to everyone who entered our Valentines Day contest! A very creative group I must say. It was difficult to pick the winners but a girls got to do what a girls got to do. Soooo….

Drum roll please!

The Winner of the LAYAspot is … DEE – congratulations Dee! Please email me your address and phone # to receive your prize.

The Winner of the Tango is … Alisha – congrats!! Enjoy!!

_________________________________________________________________

It’s time to get your sexy on and spice up your evening with love & seduction! Make this Valentine’s Day one to remember!

This innovative vibrator is designed to stimulate through caressing and massaging by simply placing it on the body’s external erotic hot-spots. LAYAspot is perfect for both men and women, making it an excellent addition to any romantic escapade. As with all Fun Factory toys, LAYAspot is available in a sassy array of sumptuous colors.

They say it takes two to tango, hence the name of this multi-talented toy. Designed for dual stimulation Tango features two individual pleasure points. The silicone shaft with its subtle yet extremely effective bump caresses your G-spot, while the second part of the Tango is perfect for clitoral stimulation. An excellent toy to get buzzy with this Valentine’s Day!

Don’t forget to follow me on Twitter and Facebook for more exciting contests to come!

Subscribe to Fun Factory’s newsletter and be the first to know about all of their exciting, innovative sex toys!

Post from: Toy With Me

“Sex It Up” Valentine’s Day Contest!

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Jimmyjane Little Gold Contest Winner!

Dating After Divorce

Brianna Phillips — Fri, 18 Nov 2011 19:14:42 +0000

If you’ve been through a horrifying divorce, the thought of even looking at a man can be enough to send you in a whirlwind frenzy and you’re pretty sure that if there weren’t strict laws against murder, you could wind up behind bars and headlining the six o’clock news. Okay, maybe that’s a little dramatic but anyone who’s been through it knows that divorce is too.

Once you get to a stable place after you’ve gotten off the emotional rollercoaster, you might find that you’re surprisingly ready to date again. Dating is hard enough as it is. And when you factor in the divorce you’ve been through, it is only that much harder. So before you head out looking for a new man, here are some major “don’ts” to keep in mind:

Don’t do this: Date before you’re ready. Before you can enter another relationship, it is dire that you get over the one you just exited. If you are fresh off the wings of your divorce, it’s probably not in your best interest to put yourself into another relationship right away. You need to take the time for the wounds of your ex to heal before embarking upon a new journey with someone else. Bask in some “you” time, cry with your best girlfriends about what a sorry excuse for a man that bastard of an ex-husband is, eat a lot of ice cream and then get your life back on track. Once you are at peace with yourself and are truly happy, that is when the happiness and confidence will be radiating from within you, attracting all who cross your path—and a good relationship is bound to follow!
Remember, if you are standing at the new relationship station with bags upon bags of baggage, any takers will be heading straight for the next stop.

Don’t do this either: Let anxiety get the best of you. Dating is nerve racking no matter what your situation. So there is no surprise that you will be a little shaky going into it again after a divorce. But you can’t let a few butterflies get in the way of having a full recovery, meeting eligible bachelors and enjoying a well-rounded life. Think about it like this: would you rather spend a Friday night out on a romantic date with a gentleman caller or sit at home looking at an existence of growing old alone (well except for the 40 cats you will have to keep you company)? The answer is probably not the latter.

To get your feet wet in the dating pond and build some confidence, take things slowly at first. Mini-dates like lunch, cocktails after work, or even a trip to the coffee house with someone you’re interested in are great ways to ease into the whole dating scene—without the pressure of an elaborately planned date. And if things go well, you can always schedule another outing.

Don’t even think about doing this: Compare the new guy to the old one. If you find yourself getting misty-eyed because your new man doesn’t put his socks on the way your ex-husband used to—stop yourself and think about what you’re doing.

Most of the time, when you start to go into ex mode, it’s probably not your ex-spouse or the new person in your life, but instead it’s you getting into your own head and focusing on the past. Take a deep breath, clear your mind and let it go…remember—the past is the past and your ex is an ex for a good reason. You’ve changed and grown so now it’s now time to move on, live in the present and embrace the new people and experiences life is throwing your way.

Don’t EVER, under ANY circumstances do this: Date for the wrong reasons. It’s not right. And our therapists would most certainly frown upon it. But we’ve all been there—wide awake at 3 a.m. painting a picture in your head of your ex-husband crying, begging and pleading for you back as you are riding off into the sunset with a shirtless heart surgeon in the brand new BMW he bought you…sigh. Okay, maybe that fantasy went a little too far. But you get the point. It’s a good idea not to devise a twisted plan to make your ex jealous. In the end, no one wins—you are stooping to a level not of the mature, sensible, strong woman that you are.

Sometimes, post-divorce daters feel the need to show that they are desirable and the need to validate their attractiveness and self-worth (to themselves or their exes)—without fail, a string of disaster dates always ensue. To avoid a rebound situation where you end up worse off than when you started…just slow down! There is no need to feel the pressure to make up for lost time—consider new hobbies and activities that will open doors to meeting new people. This way you are getting out and being social without the pressure of one-on-one dating.

So now that you are armed and ready with the “don’ts” of dating after divorce, you will be prepared to tackle it like a pro!

Brianna Phillips is a guest post author who shares with us her ideas about dating after divorce. More of Brianna’s relationship advice and tips can be found on Free Adult Dating Sites.

Post from: Toy With Me

Dating After Divorce

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Boobie Wednesday Trading Cards

Toy With Me — Fri, 28 Oct 2011 15:02:55 +0000

October is officially breast cancer awareness month and in light of that, my awesome sauce friends at Boobie Wednesday have put together a boob-a-li-cious non-profit fundraiser!

Toy With Me fans, I present: Boobie Wednesday Trading Cards!

Thanks to the fantabulous Wookiesgirl who saw promise in a friends idea and ran with it. Along with the help of her incredible husband Wookie the project, which started months ago, has finally become a reality.

What are Boobie Wednesday Trading Cards you ask? Well, they are an easy, fun way for you to help donate to breast cancer charity.

Twenty-four women generously donated a picture of their cleavage to be used for their card. Sold in packs of six, you can purchase as many packs as you like. Cards will be selected at random for each pack. On the back of each card, there are two breast cancer facts. Education and awareness is our goal and having a bit of fun in the process is part of it.

And for the ladies – they do not disappoint!! Five of the Mr. Romance contestants from the 2011 RT BookLovers Convention, as well as Mr. Romance 2011 himself, are participating. Men get breast cancer, too, and we are so grateful these gentlemen have decided to lend their support to Boobie Wednesday.

The Boobie Wednesday Trading Cards are available now at: Boobiewednesday.org. An amazing site designed and run to help raise breast cancer awareness. Visit them to learn more!

You can also follow them on Twitter and Facebook.

Twitter: @boobiewed or @boobiewednesday

Facebook: Boobie Wednesday

All proceeds will be donated to breast cancer charity.

Special thanks to Toy With Me, for allowing us a little space on their site. It is appreciated!

Thank you for your support!

Please note: The pictures on the cards are not nude. They are selected avatars that the participants use on their Twitter accounts when they support #boobiewed/#boobiewednesday each week.

Post from: Toy With Me

Boobie Wednesday Trading Cards

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Breast Cancer Survivor Gives Back! With Pleasure ;)

Breast Cancer Survivor Gives Back! With Pleasure ;)

City Girl — Wed, 26 Oct 2011 12:53:14 +0000

Every 30 seconds, someone in the United States is diagnosed with cancer.

Last year, at age 37, I was one of those people.I needed a lumpectomy to remove the two cancerous areas in my right breast, six rounds of chemotherapy and 30 sessions of radiation. I knew that treatment would be tough, but I didn’t realize just how tough it would be. I lost my signature long red locks, required 20 extra days of IVs to combat the side effects from chemotherapy, was thrown into early menopause, and gained 23 pounds from all the steroids. For fifteen months, much of my life revolved around cancer.As much as treatment affected me, I vowed to maintain some small sense of normalcy in my life. Continuing to prioritize my sexual health was a key part of that! (I am a sex blogger, after all.)

We all have things in our lives that are non-negotiable, those things that make us truly happy. Whatever obstacles life throws at us, we should do everything in our power to make sure that we continue to enjoy those things. It’s fun to have orgasms and sex! And, not surprisingly, I’m not alone in that feeling!

A recent University of Chicago study reported that 42% of female cancer patients ranging in age from 21 to 88 wanted to talk to their doctors about sex. However, only 7% had done so. Doctors need to be better about communicating with their patients about sex, and patients need to find ways to better advocate for themselves. Medical facilities should have policies in place for talking to patients about sex, and sex should be regarded as normal as any other daily activity.

Patients also are responsible for bringing the issue of sex to the table. If you’re a patient, who do you feel comfortable talking to at your doctor’s office? Can you ask for your doctor’s email or write your doctor a note with your questions? Is there a support group that might be a good fit for you? Both doctors and patients will benefit from increased communication and talking openly about any sexual restrictions or concerns. A few minutes of conversation now before there’s a problem might prevent a complication later.

It’s also important for women going through an illness to communicate with their partners. Sex will be different during treatment, as it is during any major life event, but different doesn’t have to equate with bad. Finding creative ways to be intimate can be passionate in its own way.

During treatment, side effects such as nausea, fatigue or body pain might change the intensity at which a woman wishes to reach orgasm. If you’re in treatment, be kind to your body. If you don’t feel strong enough to break out the jackhammer of sex toys, try the Lelo Mia or Nea. Enjoy the process of sex or playing with sex toys and focus less on the end goal of reaching orgasm. (That will happen eventually, but give yourself permission to take longer to orgasm or explore softer vibrations.)

I’m elated to report that I finished treatment last month, and I’m cancer-free! Somewhere in the midst of fighting this battle, I became an advocate for the cause. To that end, I promised myself to do whatever I could to educate others about the benefits of early detection!

Speaking of which, have you felt your boobies this month? Are you up to date on your annual gynecologist, dermatologist and mammogram appointments? If not, do that self exam and schedule those appointments!

In honor of Breast Cancer Awareness Month, I recently launched a campaign with Fun Factory, the award-winning adult toy company.

From now through October 31st, enter the code, “Citygirl,” with a capital ‘C’ at checkout at FunFactoryUSA.com. You’ll save 20% off of your total purchases and an additional 20% donation will be made to Pink Jams!, an organization dedicated to promoting breast cancer awareness to people under the age of 40.

Toy With Me has written several posts about Fun Factory over the years. My favorite Fun Factory products are the Smart Balls Teneo Duo, a great pick for women for use alone or with their partner, and the Calla featured in the picture.

How does this work again?

Buy a treat from FunFactoryUSA.com by Halloween;
Enter “Citygirl” at checkout;
Save 20% on your purchase;
Take comfort in the fact that an additional 20% is going to breast cancer awareness; and
Stay on top of your health. (Okay, the last one isn’t mandatory, but it’s far more important than any discount.)

Post from: Toy With Me

Breast Cancer Survivor Gives Back! With Pleasure ;)

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Lelo Alia: Your New Bestie

The Queen Of Everything — Tue, 25 Oct 2011 19:03:28 +0000

When I first opened the sleek, black packaging, I was all “ooooo” because that in and of itself is a sexy experience. Call it a bit of foreplay if you will: Lelo knows how to lead you on.

The real treat is what’s nestled into that sexy package-the Lelo Alia.

I think Alia would make a super nice present for somebody. There’s a definite wow factor when you open the box and see this shiny, pretty toy inside. Alia also comes with a sexy black satin storage pouch, a charger, a booklet, a one year warranty, and a FREE BROOCH! I don’t know who would wear a brooch advertising their vibrator of choice, but I guess there are some people who do. I keep looking for someone with it on, but so far no dice. When that joyous day comes, I’m totally high fiving her for A) having the balls to wear a vibrator pin and B) for choosing quality stuff.

Once you take her out of the box, the first thing you notice is that Alia is small. Like, palm of your hand small. But don’t let that size fool you: Alia is a surprisingly powerful vibrator for its size. Alia’s outer shell is typical of all Lelo products–it’s smooth and soft and it glides right over your skin in the most delicious way. She’s made of body-safe silicone with an ABS core, and Alia is totally waterproof which makes her the perfect bathtime toy.

Obviously when looking at the shape it’s clear that Alia is not an “insertion” toy (at least for us mortals). It’s meant to be used externally, and its very simple shape means it is versatile. Like all of Lelo’s Insignia series, it has a hole through it that lets you hook a finger or two and retain secure control, even with slippery (and distracted) hands. Though sold as a “female” toy it is certainly possible to use it on men, and according to Mr. Crissy it has plenty of intensity in this role.

When I first turned Alia on, I was astonished at how quiet she was! Seriously, if she hadn’t been vibrating in my hand, I wouldn’t have known she was on at all! That’s super cool for when you’re traveling and visiting your in-laws or whoever. Not everyone needs to know what’s taking you so long in the bathroom. That’s between you and your new bff, Alia.

I found Alia’s 3-button interface, which is typical of Lelo pleasure objects, to be super easy to use. The three buttons control vibration intensity through 6 variable modes. That makes it pretty easy to find your sweet spot and work it the way you want to for up to FOUR HOURS on a single charge. I think if I masturbated for four hours, I would go numb from over-stimulation, but hey, some people are hardcore so they won’t be disappointed.

So that’s it Toy with Mes!

Alia is a cute little girl who gets the job done in a very quiet and civilized manner.

I rather like her.

Post from: Toy With Me

Lelo Alia: Your New Bestie

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Virgin Sexuality

Tatiana Christian — Thu, 15 Sep 2011 20:35:06 +0000

Via Twitter, I had encountered this interview (1) concerned Ey’Van. She’s an African-American female blogger being interviewed about her blog which intertwines her perspectives on sexuality, sensuality, and intimacy (among other things). And as per usual, I found myself wondering, “Wow. That sort of thing must be nice. Getting laid and having a sexy husband and all.” For some reason, I’m often pulled into this mentality that those who are having sex are somehow infinitely wiser, happier and just more than me.

Maybe this is because the conversation revolving around sex almost always focuses on the Other, versus the Self. Whenever I wander into B&N, looking at the sexuality section, it’s always about positions between two people, or how to create intimacy between two people. I haven’t found a book as of yet that discusses the intimacy with the Self that masturbating can (and does) create.

Masturbating is probably one of the few things I really enjoy about myself because I’ve been doing it since elementary school, and watching porn since I was fourteen. I enjoy looking up new techniques, new positions and creating better orgasms for myself. Whenever I meet girls who don’t enjoy sex or have a hard time achieving orgasms, I want to help them because sex with yourself should be fun and ranked as a top priority (assuming you’re not asexual).

The conversation of sexuality definitely needs to be inclusive, not just limited to the few who have regular access to sex. For a long time I used to feel that I didn’t need to learn anything about sex because I wasn’t having any and didn’t think it was a valuable use of my time. But even so, learning about protection, reproductive health and sexuality can easily empower a person (particularly a woman) and dispel a lot of stereotypes and false assumptions. This is even more true if you don’t prescribe to heterosexual sex, and prefer sex with people of your own gender. Same-sex sexuality is rarely discussed – if ever – and to steer the direction to the LGBT community would be excellent in clearing up a lot of the misconceptions.

So, what are some benefits to masturbation? (2)

Health Wise:

1. Helps prevent cervical infections and helps relieve urinary tract infections because the cervix opens up which increases friendly bacteria, and allows more fluid to move into the vagina. The fluid lubricates the vagina, while flushing out bacterial organisms.

2. Associated with improved cardiovascular health and lower risk of type-2 diabetes, because studies revealed that more orgasms and greater satisfaction with sex – without or with a partner – showed greater resistance to coronary heart disease and type-2 diabetes.

3. Helps work against insomnia naturally, through hormonal and tension release because the “feel good” hormone knows as Dopamine, is rises with a sexual climax. Afterward, oxytocin and endorphins are released helping you to sleep.

4. Increases pelvic floor strength (“The pelvic floor makes up a significant piece of your body’s core, the essence of your very being. The foundation for all movement, balance, stability and flexibility begins in the pelvis” – 3).

Psychological and Emotional Wise:

1. Improves our mood as it helps relieve out depressive emotions with mood booster hormones, Dopamine and Epinephrine.

2. Relieves stress because you’re taking the time to take care of your body, amidst the stresses of everyday life.

3. Strengthens our relationship to ourselves!

4. Strengths sexual relationship with partner.

So the benefits of masturbating can help keep us both sane and healthy! The discussion of sex definitely needs to start centering around the Self, versus sex with another person because not everyone is having sex, nor is everyone interested in doing it with another person. The discourse about sex also needs to include not just heterosexuals, but people from all walks of life who don’t have a lot of resources available to them to understand their own sexual desires.

Post from: Toy With Me

Virgin Sexuality