Toy With Me

Sexting in Public – More Dangerous Than You Think.

Buried With Kids — Thu, 18 Apr 2013 18:57:50 +0000

I don’t know about you but I don’t really enjoy attending baby showers. Let’s face it, a baby shower is all about the woman who is pregnant and ever since I stopped being the pregnant one, I don’t really care to be at a shower where there is no booze and we are forced to taste baby food and guess the flavor.

The flavor is barf. All of them… they taste like licking the bottom of a shoe after said shoe has stepped in dog poop. I remember tasting it when I fed it to my kids. It didn’t taste good back then and it doesn’t taste good now.

But I digress.

So baby showers are not the most fun thing in the world to attend. But I go because I am a good person and I want to share my birthing stories that will most likely make the woman pregnant, especially if this is her first baby, regret the night she told her man to not wear a condom.

The baby shower was moving along at a snail’s pace and each woman there was ‘oohing and aahing’ over every little baby outfit. I was bored.

Maybe it’s because those baby years are still fresh in my memory and not blocked in the ‘do not open’ part of my brain but I don’t want to see twenty pairs of baby socks. If you’ve see one, you’ve seen them all.

I decided that I would entertain myself.

I moved to the back of the room and pulled out my phone. I texted my husband.

Hi.What are you up to?

He was home with the kids who should have been long in bed. I hoped for a quick response but my phone remained silent.

I turned my attention back to the shower activities, “Oh that is so hard.” someone said referring to the quality of a crib mattress, I couldn’t help but giggle and say under my breath, “that’s what she said.”

My phone vibrated in my pocket.

Hey, there sexy pants. Having fun?

Not really. This shower is lame.

Most showers are.

What are you doing?

Thinking about you?

Oh yeah? What are you thinking about?

I’m thinking about sliding my hard cock into your wet pussy.

Wait! Hold the phone! Did my husband just sext me? I reread the text. Hot damn, I think he did. Now this was exciting.

Back when we were dating, before texting was even invented, my husband used to talk dirty to me on the phone. Like phone sex dirty.

We didn’t get to see each other except on the weekends and by Wednesday night our hormones were raging and we needed release. He would explain in great deal how he wanted to lick my pussy until I came and I would always find my hands down in my pants.

These little phone sex conversations were awesome, but after we got married, had kids and stuff they stopped.

The fact that he was sexting me now, excited me big time.

Because I was rusty, I answered in a lame way…

Oh yeah? That sounds good.

I can’t stop thinking about my cock in your pussy. Fucking you silly.

Now you are getting me all excited. Wish I could leave and come home to you.

So do I.

My phone fell silent but the shower was still in full swing and I didn’t want the sexting to stop. It was hot, getting my panties wet hot.

If you had me naked, what would you do to me?

Make you suck me…

And then my phone downloaded a picture of my husband’s hard cock at the same time one of the shower guests came up to chat with me.

I was so focused on that lovely cock that I didn’t see her and her saying hello startled me so much that I dropped my phone.

In horror I watched my phone fall to the ground and as it did, I chanted in my head, “Please land cock side down. Please land cock side done!”

“Oh, sorry. I didn’t mean to startle you,” the woman said as she bent over to pick up my phone for me.

“OH MY GOD! NOOOOOOOOOOO!” I screamed and dove after my phone pushing her into the wall.

My screaming had of course captured the attention of everyone in the room. You could hear a pin, or phone, drop.

“Ha. I’m just really possessive about my phone. It’s like my baby.” I said with a nervous giggle and then bent down to pick up my phone, quickly pushing the button to hide the picture.

I extended my hand to the woman who had fallen over and helped her up. Then I did the only thing that I could, I picked up a pair of baby socks and said,

“Aren’t these the cutest thing in the world?”

Baby shower back on. Thank goodness! Now with all the guest’s attention back on the baby stuff, I took out my phone and sent one last text…

“I’m leaving. Have that cock nice and hard for me when I get home. I can’t wait to suck it.”

So Toy With Mes, time to dish out your sexting stories. Have you ever had an awkward or embarrassing sexting moment? Do tell.

Post from: Toy With Me

Sexting in Public – More Dangerous Than You Think.

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Sexting: Not Just For Horny Teenagers

Kinky Invitations To Bring Out The Naughty In You.

Riley Hart — Tue, 09 Apr 2013 16:25:46 +0000

Sometimes I just wanna get finger fucked in the grocery store parking lot. Seriously, grocery shopping needs some kind of climax. Unfortunately I’m never really sure how to broach the subject with the Beast Master, but thanks to the Kinky Invitation Cards from Kinky Provocateur – problem solved. Grocery shopping was about to be changed forever!

Now, I’m never one for instructions, so the very first thing I did was pull the invitation cards out of the cute little box – black with a red bow, squeee! But what I didn’t realize is that there is so much more to these cards! After reading the papers included I had my Aha! moment. These cards are genius!

They’re invitations!

To do wonderful and naughty things to me!

Each card is a little literary aphrodisiac that you give to your honey to encourage them to be adventurous and play out your dirtiest fantasies!

I’m not a shy girl when it comes to the sexy time. I’m more of a walk into the room naked, hike my leg up on the nearest piece of furniture and yell “Git in mah pussy!” kind of girl. I’ve been known to say “You gonna throw it in me or what?” when Beast Master walks by (I’m a total romantic, I know).

If you’re more the quiet type, with an inner sex kitten just waiting to be released, these invitation cards are an exciting way to express your secret desires. Just slip an invitation into your partners wallet, briefcase or lunch. Leave an invitation on the bathroom mirror or set one on the kitchen counter. Hell, scatter these babies all over the place!

“Gentle caresses followed by hardcore fucking please” is my fave invitation! I left this card with his toothbrush. And then I left it with his lunch. I pretty much left this one everywhere. It was important.

And the sex was had!

While some of the cards may not apply to everyone, they are all still a pleasure to look at and may spark a new idea for you and your partner. Several of the cards are invitations to Role Play fantasies. One of which sparked this conversation;

Me: What do you want to be? My boss?

Him: Ugh, no. I don’t want to work with you.

Me: Ooookay. Kidnapper : hostage?

Him: I’ll be the handyman, you be the housewife.

Me: No! Nothing that involves ringing the doorbell! The dogs.

But really, the handyman fantasy? I’m hanging on to that baby. Tell me, what is sexier than a man fixing that thing you just broke. Whoopsy! Did I break the washer, again? Strip.

We also learned quite a bit about each other’s adventures in the sexual realm. Well, fine. Beast Master learned about me as I checked off the boxes on the ‘places of interest’ card.

The car – done it

Back seat at the cinema – done it

On the beach – done it

Secluded park at night – done it. Oh wait, it was in the middle of the day and we got busted by a Scout Master. That counts, right?

Corner of a crowded dance floor – Yup

Shop changing room, open meadow, in the rain, at a friend’s house – been there and done all of that.

I’m a real go-getter.

Thanks to these adorable little invitation cards I got spanked, licked, caressed, sexed up, sexed down, and I even got a pearl necklace out of the deal. So yeah, I think these cards are awesome!

There are a ton more invitations on the Kinky Provocateur website that I want to get! I love the one that says “I do love a giant prick”. I don’t call him Beast Master because he’s good with the dogs. Take a second to work that one out… Giggity!

So tell me Toy With Mes do you find it hard to share your fantasy’s with your partner?

Post from: Toy With Me

Kinky Invitations To Bring Out The Naughty In You.

“They Call Him Mr Fire Cock”

Buried With Kids — Tue, 19 Mar 2013 16:07:25 +0000

“Look what I got at the store!” I said to my husband who had his nose buried in his phone, reading.

“What?” he grumbled without even looking up.

“This!” I said, shaking a box at his face hoping it would make him look at me.

That did the trick. He looked up.

“What is it?” he asked.

I smiled, “It’s an orgasm enhancer. I found it in the store and thought it would be fun to try.”

“Oh,” he grunted, “You have fun with that.”

I threw my hands up. Here I was talking about orgasms and how to enhance them and he was more interested in his book than getting it on.

“Um, it says it’s for both of us. It’s a cream that I put on and makes me feel warm and tingly which should make things feel better for you too,” I explained.

“That sounds nice,” he said, totally engrossed in his book.

This was silly, I was done with indirect. Time to take matters or his cock in my hands and tell him what I wanted.

“Listen,” I said as I grabbed him through his jeans and started rubbing, “I am going to put this on and then after the 10 minutes it says to wait, we are going to have sex… so get ready.”

He looked up at me and I bit my lip because in all the erotic novels the girl is always biting her lip so it must be a turn on and then I walked out of the room.

I went to our bedroom and tried to make the room look less like a room of parents with four kids and more like a red hot love nest. I shoved laundry under the bed trying to hide it from view. I removed the booby trap of Legos one of our sons so nicely placed at the end of our bed. I straightened up the sheets a little bit and then I went into the bathroom to get myself ready.

I read the direction on the package, again to make sure I knew what I was doing, and applied the cream to myself rubbing it around my clit and labia just like it said.

Then I sat down and waited.

And waited.

It’s not like I was expecting four men to appear with vibrating tongues but I was expecting to feel something. I glanced at the clock… only 2 minutes had passed. I told myself to just wait, the package had said the effects would take some time but I was tired, I want to get this show on the road, get my orgasm and then sleep.

I decided it was time to go get my man.

I shed all my clothes, lit our ‘sex candle‘ to add some romance and walked into the living room.

“Hello there, lover” I said in my best sultry voice.

Thankfully, my husband looked up from his book, probably because I don’t have a sultry voice and I sounded like a mix between Barry White and one of those screaming goats that’s been all over YouTube, but none the less he looked up at me.

“Hi there naked, girl.” He said.

I really wanted to grab him and run to our bedroom because it was cold standing naked in the living room and we have no curtains on our windows so since it was dark and with the lights on in our house, the neighbors where getting a free show but I was going to let my inner sex kitten out to play.

As I walked over to the couch, he set his phone down. I smiled and bent over to kiss him, long and hard and with just a bit of tongue. I slid my hands down his chest and smiled when I got to his jeans.

“You’ve been thinking about me,” I said.

“Um, yeah. You did say sex,” he answered and with that he pulled me down on top of him. My naked body pressed up against his clothes.

“Oh!” I said as his jeans brushed against my clit.

“What?” he said as he kissed down my neck.

Oh… Umm… your jeans just feel really good,” I said, “I guess that cream must be working.”

He smiled and kissed me harder, pulling me into him more.

“Let’s go to bed,” he said taking my breast into his hand.

“OK, yeah!” I said breathlessly.

He walked across the house and I sprinted to our room. I threw back the covers of the bed and lay on it spread eagle.

“Come and get me, big boy!” I said half joking, half serious. My husband just shook his head at me but got up on the bed anyway.

Soon there were hands everywhere. I could now feel the heat of the cream between my legs and I was begging to be fucked.

He opened my legs and slid in. The feeling was amazing and I could tell my orgasm would not be far behind. This cream was the best $9 I had ever spent.

“Oh you feel so good,” I said, arching my hips to make him hit my favorite spot.

“Mmm…” he said.

“Yes, baby. Yes!” I said matching his movements, “You are so good.”

“Hot…” he said.

“Yes, hot!” I echoed. Oh this was hot, hot and tingly. This cream was awesome.

“Oh my…” he began.

“Yes, Oh my… Baby!” I interpreted.

“NO!” he shouted at me, pulling out, “My cock! My cock is on FIRE!”

“Yes, I know. You have the best cock. It’s on fire.” I said, trying to put him back inside me.

“No!” he screamed again and jumped off the bed running into the bathroom again saying, “Holy fuck, my cock is on fire… It feels like it’s gonna burn off.”

“Huh?” I said, so confused.

“I have to get this cream off of me. That cream in making my cock feel like fire,” he called from the bathroom.

“Oh,” I said, “b-b-but I wasn’t done.”

“Well, I am” he said. “I am washing this off and then starting a band called ‘The Flaming Roosters’. Then when we get big and some reporter asks where we got the name, I’ll have a story to tell.”

I laid my head down on the pillow and sighed. Since Mr Fire Cock was done, I’d just have to take matters into my own hands.

Post from: Toy With Me

“They Call Him Mr Fire Cock”

Lelo NOA Couple’s Vibrator Review

Riley Hart — Tue, 12 Mar 2013 18:26:18 +0000

Why do the best things always happen while I’m at work? Things like the much anticipated arrival of my first Lelo toy! The sexy Lelo Noa. And why do I do things like turn NOA on and stand around shaking the thing because I can’t figure out how to turn it off in the middle of a conference call? Don’t worry, I work from home. It’s not like I was running around an office building shaking a vibrator at people. Not on this particular day.

Lelo certainly knows how to make an entrance! NOA arrived snuggled into the velvet lining of a smart white gift box along with a satin storage pouch, an instruction booklet, a single serve helping of lube and a USB charging cable. The packaging alone is enough to make a girl feel special.

NOA is a couple’s sex toy worn by the woman during sexy time, providing stimulation to all parties involved. The thin side is inserted into the vagina while the thicker end is meant to rest on the clitoris. The thin end has a nub on one side for G spot stimulation and the other side has a silky soft groove just right for his dongle to move along. Perfect, right? Well, over the years I’ve discovered that one size does not fit all. I’m a small woman and the thicker end that should rest on my clit was far above it and ended up vibrating my pelvic bone. It didn’t get anywhere near my magic button and now I’m worried that you all might be giants if the NOA is supposed to fit a normal sized woman.

Alas, I didn’t get the G spot stimulation either. My man, I call him Beast Master, and I really tried. Cowgirl, missionary, doggy style, positions that don’t have names yet. We tried them all, the Kama Sutra’s got nothin’ on a woman searching for G spot stimulation! If I held NOA in place it was great, but who wants to get it on with their hand stuck on their vajayjay for the duration? Nobody, that’s who. My hands have other things they need to be doing during sex. Hold on to that thought, I found a solution.

NOA is very easy to operate with one button to turn it on, roll through six settings, and turn it off. The settings range from a constant, just right vibration to a slow wave to different levels of pulsing vibrations. She is compatible with the Sense Motion Remote and if you have one, use it. When the action got hot and heavy NOA was so slippery that it was difficult to press the button to switch settings without fear of jabbing a nail into my lady bits. My advice is to pick your favorite setting before you settle in for the ride. My fave setting is the slow wave. It’s like a wave rolling up onto a white sand beach, the frothy cap crashing onto the sand and then rolling away. Rolling in, rolling out, rolling in, rolling… Ahem, where was I?

How, you ask, did I solve the issue of having to hold myNOA in place with my hand? I turned it around.

What?

Yes, I turned it around and put it in my bum bum.

WOW! Don’t make that face. NOA is perfect for ass play. Think about it, it was hooked in my hooha, I couldn’t lose it on The Other Side! Trust me, I know what I’m doing. And it. Was. Awesome! I get hot in my Harris Tweeter just thinking about it. With NOA busy at the back door and my man busy at the front door I had one of the strongest, most amazing orgasms of my life. So amazing that I laughed like a lunatic afterwards. I don’t know why, it’s just what I do, let’s all move on. I am telling you that this is the way NOA was meant to be used.

Let’s recap.

Pros:

Silky soft, seamless, FDA approved silicone that won’t give you the cunt cancer as Crissy has pointed out.

Sleek ergonomic design includes a groove for his dongle to slide back and forth, back and forth.

Totally cool USB charger

One button operation (psst, hold the button down to cycle down the engine)

Six settings that are easy to move through thanks to the one button operation

Compact and quiet – perfect for taking on trips or keeping in your purse. Hey, you never know what sort of situation you might run into while you’re out shopping.

Powerful motor ensures that you send your guy good vibes

Waterproof for all your shower or hot tub escapades

Compatible with Lelo’s Sense Motion Remote

Good for traditional vaginal penetration but even better for anal penetration. Thank you, Lelo!

Cons:

One size does not fit all

Slippery when wet

Don’t bother with the limited instructions in the box, go directly to Lelo’s website for detailed instructions.

The Lelo NOA has kicked off a week long sextravaganza at my house and has definitely earned a spot in my regular sex toy lineup. NOA can easily adapt to your creativity in the bedroom. It’s worth its weight in cum gold.

Treat yourself to your very own LELO Noa by using our special discount offer of 10% off all your purchases! Plus – Free Shipping! Thanks to the amazing people at Lovehoney!

Post from: Toy With Me

Lelo NOA Couple’s Vibrator Review

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Contest Time! Win a Happy Rabbit Natural Vibrator!

Toy With Me — Fri, 01 Mar 2013 16:22:39 +0000

Thanks to everyone who participated in our contest! Your entries were a mix of humor, creativity and solid advice. Some of which I’ll be sure to follow up on myself.

WINNER TIME!!

Congratulations goes to LuckyLady!! Not only did she participate in many aspects of the contest, she also shared some exceptional advice: “You can only have a healthy relationship with another person if you have a healthy relationship with yourself.”

Thanks to everyone who participated!

________________________________________________________________

What better way to heat things up this Winter then with a contest to win a luxury sex toy?!

Thanks to the awesome people at Lovehoney, who have generously supplied us with a Happy Rabbit Natural , Winter is about to get a lot hotter for one lucky winner!

If you’ve never had the pleasure of experiencing a Rabbit vibrator, this is your chance to see what all the buzzzz is about. Have a peek at this velvety silicone vibe in action and then enter to win one of your very own. This prize is valued at $100!!

Extra Bonus! Lovehoney has also graciously offered a special discount of 10% to all Toy With Mes, plus they’ll include Free Shipping! So feel the love and go visit them – now!

Post from: Toy With Me

Contest Time! Win a Happy Rabbit Natural Vibrator!

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Exactly Like That Scene In Pretty Woman. Only Totally Different.

The Queen Of Everything — Thu, 14 Feb 2013 17:15:25 +0000

Remember that scene in Pretty Woman when Edward and Vivian are in the giant bathtub in Edward’s hotel room and there’s candles lit and it’s all like, romantic and stuff?

Of course you do. It’s a tale as old as time, really, where a hooker meets a rich dude and she is so virtuous and beautiful with excellent dental habits and so totally brilliant at blow jobs that he falls in love with her after they take a bath together and she laughs at his jokes and it’s exactly what I thought of when I walked into the room of a romantic inn in Vermont where my husband and I were celebrating our wedding anniversary.

The bathtub in the room was enormous, and the huge picture window behind it
overlooked a snowy field bordered by a snow covered forest.

Of course, this romanticness was all pre-children and pre-mortgage because
the chances of actually doing that sort of thing now? are like, forget it.

I think the trip cost us about eight million dollars.

Anyways, we had quite the evening planned for ourselves and did I mention I
was about four months pregnant with our first daughter at the time?

Well, I was and I was workin’ the glow and the little tummy and I was
feeling like the prettiest princess in all the land, or at least in Vermont
anyway.

I got myself dressed in a hot little black cocktail dress with all sorts of
beads and crap on it and I wore my fuck me shoes and put on a ton
of mascara and piled my hair high in a big mound of carefully constructed
party curls which I sprayed and sprayed and sprayed relentlessly because my
hair is a stupidbitchasshole and doesn’t hold a shape longer than a
millisecond and that really pisses me off.

Ahem.

Sorry.

I get all kerfuffled about my hair.

So, I’m all pretty for my husband and our romantic night and I’m feeling
awesome because my morning sickness had finally started going away. We had
the most wonderful gourmet dinner and just about everything was dripping in
butter and cheese and there’s pretty much nothing better than that,
especially to someone who has spent the past four months throwing up at the
thought of eating.

During dinner, I may or may not have ignored the whole pregnancy thing and
had my first glass of wine in months, so I had a little wine buzz (don’t
judge!The baby is fine now after the fourth round of surgery) and I was really looking forward to that bathtub and my plan to make pretend I was Vivian and my husband was Edward.

I was workin’ it, baby.

I was owning it.

As we left the restaurant it started to snow, and I totally suck at walking
sexy in the fuck me shoes never mind walking sexy in fuck me shoes in the
snow.

I sort of looked like a newborn giraffe trying to get to its feet, only the
giraffe is way more graceful and so my husband had to carry me back to our
room.

In the snow.

With twinkly white Christmas lights all around us.

Sigh.

You’re ready to barf right now, aren’t you?

Yeah. Me too. I hate the mushy shit.

JUST GET TO THE FUCKING PART, CRISSY!

So we get back to our room, and I got all nakey and put on the satiny little
bathrobe thing I brought with me. I started the bath, put some candles
around the tub, and lit them with the matches I found by the fireplace.

We got into the tub and I about flooded it my own self if you know what I
mean in anticipation of the Water Aerobics that were about to take
place. We were just starting with our hot and our heavy when I noticed that
the lights got a little brighter.

Then a lot brighter. I chalked it up to a power surge and kept on
touching him on his naughty parts, when suddenly my husband, out of nowhere, began swearing, hitting me in the head and pushing it under the water!

I fought him and I struggled and had someone been looking through that
picture window at us, it probably looked like a scene from Jaws or something
more than Pretty Woman with all the splashing and struggling going on, and I
thought “Holy shit! This is it! He doesn’t want the baby and now he’s going
to kill me! I’m too pretty to die! Help!”

“He wants a blow job and he wants it rough. Rrrrraaaawwwwrrrr!”

I clearly didn’t know what to make of this sudden turn of events
and when he finally stopped punching and pushing my head in the water, I was
all “WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING?”

And he was all “Your HEAD was on fire! I had to PUT IT OUT!”

Oh.

So that’s why the room got so bright only seconds before he tried to kill me!

I must have gotten a little too close to a candle and the shit went up like, well, heavily sprayed hair in a candle.

And the smell of burning hair was just, like, oh my god you guys. It totally overpowered the scented candles and the sweet, peachy Victoria’s Secret bath stuff.

When we got out, my face was covered in running mascara and there were bits of my burned hair floating around in the tub.

Sexy.

Needless to say that my head catching on fire pretty much derailed the Sexy Time.

For the rest of the trip.

And when we got home, I had to call Shannon the Hairdresser immediately
because after the fire, I looked a little bit like Helena Bonham Carter
and not in a fun, Bohemian crazy lady way, but in a Bride of Frankenstein on
crystal meth kind of way.

And she inspected the ends of my hair and looked up at me in the mirror and
said “I hate to ask this but, were you on fire at some point?’

So then I told her this story.

And now she tells it to everyone.

And so will you because it happened to someone else and that makes it fucking funny.

Post from: Toy With Me

Exactly Like That Scene In Pretty Woman. Only Totally Different.

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Exactly Like That Scene In Pretty Woman. Only Totally Different.

Luvmybox: Jelly of the month club—for your crotch!

The Queen Of Everything — Mon, 14 Jan 2013 14:48:57 +0000

Here’s an interesting idea: a jelly of the month club for sexy things.

Cute, right?

It’s called Luvmybox, and it’s an amazing gift to give a friend or lover who’s open to exploring a little something naughty in the boudoir.

First, you choose your subscription length. You can either send a friend (like a bride-to-be or a bff) a gift that will arrive in the mail for one to three months. Or, you can choose to send yourself the box from one to three months. The subscriptions are inexpensive: a one month subscription is $34.95, and the three month is $99.85. Shipping is free and discreet.

Each package has a theme and the contents are a total surprise. I received the November package which honors Movember (Men’s health month) and as such, is a bit more focused on boy parts than girl parts, but that’s ok. There’s certainly something in it for the girl parts as well.

My Luvmybox contained:

Swipes lovin’ wipes: Before you get on board the love train, you’d better make sure your naughty places are all nice and squeaky clean. Luckily, the folks at Luvmybox have thought of this and have included these very nice little flushable, all natural, chlorine free wipes. I liked the cucumber scented one. The unscented one didn’t smell like anything. Go figure. My husband’s balls didn’t smell like balls anymore, so that was a plus.

GoodHead Oral Dice: With a roll of the dice you can get the party started! One die is labeled with actions like lick, suck, blow and kiss and the other one tells you if it’s gonna be on the ear, privates, ass, or toes. I’ve encountered dice like this before and they can be lots of fun–especially if you’re in a “down for whatever” kind of mood. Except toes. I do not and will not suck toes, but whatever honks your hooter, I’m not judging.

GoodHead Sensual Cinnamon: Just to make it a little more interesting, this Luvmybox contained a tube of “Sensual Cinnamon” stuff so that your taste buds can join the sexy lick n’ suck fest too. The back of the container says: “for centuries, in brothels around the world, the secret to pure pleasure has been well kept. Now specifically formulated “GoodHead” gives you that extra boost for a blow job of historical proportions.” Centuries of hookers can’t be wrong, you guys! This really IS some good stuff. It’s not earth shattering, but it’s fun and tastes pretty good. If I dare say, it tastes better than penis–even after using the wipes.

Frisk micro mints: These little gems serve double duty! Not only do they freshen your breath, but pop one in your mouth as you go about your oral dice explorations. It gives a little extra tingle similar to the legendary “altoids experience” we’ve all heard of. Plus, they’re sugar free so if you’re prone to yeast infections, they won’t hurt you one little bit. I’m sure they weren’t thinking of this as a side benefit, but that’s me always being practical.

Ring O’s by The Screaming O: Once foreplay is over and you’re ready to get down to biz-nass, here’s a nice little soft silicone cock ring for ya! Longer, firmer, harder…yessss. But don’t wear it for longer than thirty minutes or your dick will turn purple and fall off. True. Story. (Not really.)

Wet Together lube for couples: She rubs the warming lube on his boyness, he rubs some of the tingly lube on her girlness, put them together and you’ve got a warm and tingly sexy-time symphony going on. Its fun to switch it up a little and experiment with different sensations, isn’t it?

In all, I thought this was a nice little box of adventure–perfect for the entry-level couple who’s just beginning to experiment with a little naughty fun. There’s nothing terribly scary in the Luvmybox that would intimidate or turn off the shy types, but it’s also entertaining enough for folks who have been experimenting for a while too. I also like the fact that everything has been chosen for you. I don’t know about you, but I get overwhelmed by choices, so it’s really nice that it’s all packed up and ready to go. Plus, if you’ve ever walked into an adult store and been like “I have no idea what to get!” This is perfect. Adult toy stores can be embarrassing and intimidating, so this is perfect. The products are all good quality and very safe, so you don’t have to worry that you’re getting a box full of cheap stuff that’ll give you crotch rot or some other kind of bullshit.

Perhaps the most fun thing about Luvmybox is that it comes in the mail and the contents are a total surprise! If you love getting surprises in the mail (and who doesn’t?) this is certainly something you’re going to enjoy and anticipate.

Happy experimenting, Toy with Mes!

Post from: Toy With Me

Luvmybox: Jelly of the month club—for your crotch!

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A Petition To Make June National Oral Sex Month

Where Do You Keep Your Libido?

Toy With Me — Wed, 27 Jun 2012 20:51:23 +0000

84 years young and born in France, Rosine believed every woman should keep their libido in their nightstand, something she would come to share with her niece and her friends. Rosine shamed them about their pathetic sex lives. She lectured them about the wonders of hormones generated by sex. According to Rosine, sex is vital to women and women who forsake it lose out on more than just an orgasm. I couldn’t agree more.

Rosine’s lectures resonated with Paula. With the birthdays of friends fast approaching and stuck for gift ideas she concluded that her Aunt was right when she once stated, “in my country, if a woman doesn’t have a lover she has a libido”. Plus, what could be more awesome then giving your best friends a vibrator as a gift? Clearly, nothing!!

Unfortunately she discovered that the beginner toys she wished to purchase were rather plain and non- descriptive. Not exactly what she had in mind. Being a creative mind, Paula was hoping for something fun, colorful and exciting! Thus an idea was born!

Requesting the artistic talent of Rosine, Paula soon had THE perfect present. Hand painted, personalized vibrators!

Excited to give this most unique gift, the only thing left to do was find a card that was equally inspired. The search was fruitless. Hallmark may be great for sentiments of most occasions, but regrettably they seemed to be lacking in the “Hey, I made you a personalized vibrator for your birthday!” area. Discouraged, Paula decided that the only way to do things right was to do it yourself. So she set forth to design a collection of cards filled with humorous and heartfelt sentiments with a sexual undercurrent.

The gifts and cards were such a success that friends started putting in requests for special designs. To them, Paula’s token of friendship was brilliant. They to wanted to share Rosine’s vision, that ‘women of ages should enjoy and embrace sexuality.’

Overwhelmed with demand, Paula, an entrepreneurial mind, realized what an enormous gap there was in the market and recognized a niche that needed filling. This became the birth of Naughtily Yours.

Delighted that her lectures had become, not only a business for her niece, but also, a way to get her message out, Rosine, brush in hand, personally hand painted each design. When the prototypes arrived she was impressed with their “ladylike” appearance.

Full of life and with an important message to share, it was then that Rosine decided she wanted to be the PR spokeswoman for Naughtily Yours. The media was her target. She wanted all women to know the importance of staying sexually active.

I am saddened to say Rosine passed away just a few short months ago. She did not die from old age or too much sex, but an allergic reaction to Novocaine. I cannot put into words my love for this woman whom I’ve never met. Her vision was much like my own. To get sex and sex toys out of the closet and inform woman of the importance of celebrating their sexuality without shame or excuses for embracing it.

In honor of Rosine and her passion to share with all woman the significance of a healthy, active sex life I invite you to see her creations at Naughtily Yours.

To keep up with this ever evolving story you can follow Naughtily Yours on twitter or friend them on Facebook.

So ladies, where do you keep your libido?

Post from: Toy With Me

Where Do You Keep Your Libido?

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Are you a voyeur?

Lola Berlin — Fri, 02 Mar 2012 16:11:43 +0000

I have a confession to make: I’ve been a little pervey lately. Not in a stalkery way. I’m not peeping through key holes or spying on my neighbors having sex through night-vision goggles or anything like that. So that’s why she asked for those 3D binoculars for Christmas.

You see, my boyfriend (P.S. I have a boyfriend now) made this sex tape eons ago and he mentioned it and immediately, I was like, “LET’S WATCH IT!”

Now I have respect for privacy, but it’s not like it was labeled CONFIDENTIAL or bound by a non disclosure agreement. I have absolutely no interest in watching people’s personal sex tapes (particularly celebrity sex tapes. Three words – Public Relations Jackpot), but this was different — watching someone I’m dating doing it with someone else. Purely concept driven.

SIDE NOTE: This is why you should never make a sex tape. They always leak. ALWAYS. Yeah, don’t worry, my naked ass is out there somewhere too. I was early twenties and conned into it. NEVER AGAIN. And don’t tell my parents…or my boyfriend. I think it would make him sad.

BACK TO: NOT my sex tape, I proposed, “Let’s watch it and then do it. It’ll be kind of like having a virtual threesome.” Like those virtual-reality movie rides at Universal Studios. And since I’m the Captain of this relationship (first time EVER and FINALLY!), boyfriend-guy said, “yeah okay.” I don’t think he was as excited as I was, but he didn’t mind coming along for the ride.

So he entered the DVD into its slot…and I started to get major-league paranoid. What if instead of turning me on, it’d turn me off? Or make me jealous? What if the girl was super hot and I’d have to live knowing I was one of the uglier ones of his girlfriends? What if she was AmaZING at sex? Would I suddenly become self conscious doing it with him? What if it ruined our relationship?

In the end, my yin outweighed my yang and I just had to see it.

Oh, BTW: He actually labelled the DVD, “Yeah, Buddy.”

Oh, men shall be boys.

So he hit PLAY and ten seconds into it, I yelled, STOP. Kidding. I was too intrigued and it was too late aNyWaY. Instead I watched and then… I laughed. Not because it was that funny — but because I was actually watching my boyfriend having sex with someone else — BY CHOICE.

Now the girl was pretty, but not Cindy Crawford “in the peak of her career” supermodel pretty, so I didn’t feel threatened or anything…and they were kind of amateurish together. Relief. You’re definitely not destined for porn, honey.

After the laughter subsided, I decided to get into it. The way I see it, once you cross the line you might as well have fun on the other side. So I watched it again solo the following morning whilst servicing myself, allowing the footage to turn me on…and then I watched it the next day and then on the third day, boyfriend-guy said, “It’s kind of interesting that you find this interesting.” And suddenly I snapped out of my pervert trance and thought: WTF is wrong with me?! I’ve turned into a VOYEUR.

bloop, bloop…thought bubble: Is voyeurism natural?

Don’t worry, I’m not going to hit the streets and investigate an obvious answer to a question, Carrie Bradshaw style. Besides this is L.A. not New York. Instead, I’m going to unleash my general knowledge here: Yeah, we’re all freaken perverts, that’s why facebook is so famous. Whether it’s one of the downfalls of human nature; a default of our creation or just purely how it is, it’s hard to be dignified all the time. Most of us have some sort of curiosity about what others are doing.

Watching others — in the act of sex. I know some people are anti-porn, but I’ve never been. It’s a means to enhance and supplement, stimulate the imagination, ignite the mood. Sometimes I just can’t get into it and I’m like, Get off me! I need to go hang out with some detectives and smoke cigars or something — maybe investigate a homicide -- like a truly independent badass task or endeavor that requires desensitization because this closeness factor is eeking me out. Pass me my trench coat, would ya? I’ll be back at 3 a.m. unless I’m pulling an all-nighter with the boys. Enter a porn clip as a mediator and problem solved.

Truth is, sometimes I wish I was dirtier than I am — like I want full on hardcore porn style sex. Someone’s been a bad girl — I’m gonna rip that little “kitty cat” – And it’s just not gonna happen without some external influence, particularly if I’ve just gotten off the phone to my mother. Instant libido killer — for eternity. Only porn can transport me at that point.

And how about porn for educational purposes. How are you supposed to get better at sex without a little guidance?

Also, there are certain sex maneuvers I’ll never be able to perform, but it’s fun living vicariously through the lives of porn stars. In this one porn clip the chick was doing it on a slippery looking granite kitchen counter top with sky-scraping pointy stilettos. In the most daring position she was crouched and leaning backwards whilst bouncing on top of the guy. The dangers involved and the various accidents that could’ve resulted, she may as well have been walking on a tight rope without a net beneath. I’m not willing nor qualified to take those risks, but I do find them interesting to observe.

Still, there’s a difference between watching porn and an accidental sex tape. I’m sticking with the marketed industry crap from now on. So there you have it, I’ve been a voyeur lately. Interpret it how you will. Kinda kinky. Naughty. Bad. Dirty. I understand if you can’t look at me the same way anymore…unless you’ve been doing it too. Confess. Have you?

Post from: Toy With Me

Are you a voyeur?

FixSation Couple’s Vibrator Review

The Queen Of Everything — Tue, 21 Feb 2012 18:12:48 +0000

This toy was nominated for the AVN Best Sex Toy for Couples award for 2012.

Aren’t we fancy.

Taking it out of the box, it looks like quite a contraption, to use a word from my grandpa’s vocabulary. I probably shouldn’t say the word “grandpa” should I? Not exactly the visual we’re going for when we’re talking about S-E-X toys, huh?

Ok, so forget I said that.
Let’s call it a…

Pulsating Pleasure Panty of Love.

That’s way sexier than calling it a contraption. But is it more than just a contraption? Is it really a Pulsating Pleasure Panty of Love, Toy With Mes?

Let’s see, shall we?

As you know my Man Candy is quite a fan of the Sexy Time. When one of these things comes to the house for review he starts drooling. In fact, he already had it out of the box and ready to go by the time I got home from work. But I was a bit more skeptical. His exuberance aside, I was a little intimidated by the My FixSation because really? It looks weird.

Everyone always starts these reviews with talk about the packaging, but who gives a fuck about that? I’m not measuring the box for you because we want to know what’s inside the box. I mean, the packaging is dark and sexy and whatnot and it says ““Fixate on the Sensation when Friction meets Vibration” on it.

Cute.

Inside the box is the Couples Vibe unit, charger, and a small satin drawstring storage bag. The panty companion was also included and it fits nicely into the storage bag along with the vibe unit. That’s pretty cool because you don’t want to be fussing about in your panty drawer to find the stupid panty to put the vibe on when the moment is approaching.

The couples vibe thing is a little flat oval shape and it’s made of smooth black plastic. It’s 2 inches wide and 2.5 inches long and it’s thickness is tapered from about 0.25 to 0.75 inches. The bottom side of the vibe goes against your Doris Clitoris and your vulva (sorry I don’t have a cute name for Vulva…Mulva?) and has three ridges on it. The top side faces out and that’s the part that will rub against your Man Candy whilst you’re doin’ it.

The power button is on top and is easily reachable. The sides of the vibe have a place to slip the attachments of the panty companion in them. The My Fixsation is supposed to be waterproof, and I bet it is. The charger port is covered pretty well with a rubber flap, but I’m confused. Who the hell wants to wear panties in the shower? I think it would be a little weird, but that’s just me. But since it’s waterproof it’s good news for cleaning.

I love that they call it a “panty companion.” I don’t know why. It’s made of polyester and nylon and all it really is is a soft and lacy waist band with two stretchy straps that hold the vibrator part against you. The straps unhook from the back and are then threaded through the sides of the vibe and re-hooked. It’s way easier to assemble the whole thing before you put it on. The panties are fairly comfortable. I ordered a size small and I usually take a US size 2. They’re really stretchy, but for maximum comfort make sure you order the right size. I can see them turning into a tourniquet if they’re too small for you. So. Not. Sexy.

We want bloodflow. Especially during Sexy Time.

As far as the vibration intensity goes, it’s okay. It’s not super strong but it certainly does the job nicely. It’s not the quietest thing in the world though, so this is maybe not the toy to bring with you when you visit your in-laws–unless they already know what a dirty whore you are. Then go right ahead. Make sure you’re really vocal too, they love that. Anyway, there are three levels of vibration. You cycle through them by pressing the power button. To turn it off, you hold down the power button until it stops. Like I said, the vibration isn’t super intense, but it’s fine because unless you’re numb from the waist down, you’re still going to enjoy it. This isn’t a solo flight, remember. Man Candy is also there with you, creating friction and working those ridges I mentioned earlier.

OMG.

I loved the ridges. When I looked at them I thought “meh,” but let me tell you something.

They’re divine.

I still think it’s kind of a contraption, but it’s a lovely and fun contraption and I liked the My Fixsation Couple’s Vibe and Panty.

I think you guys are gonna dig it too.

Post from: Toy With Me

FixSation Couple’s Vibrator Review

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