TORONTO SUN SUCKS

TTC: The Better Lay

2011-12-15T01:03:00.001-05:00

We have certainly seen our share of adolescent headlines on the front cover of the Toronto Sun over the years, including some of the worst puns imaginable, often resulting in a face palm to a passer-by with an IQ over 90.

That is after all why we started this site back in January 2009 – to mock the absurd covers that appear on those red boxes scattered around the city.

Having said the disclaimer above, I have to concede that the play on the TTC’s catch phrase on Tuesday’s cover is actually pretty good. Credit where credit is due.

Now it’s time to get back to my “Better Lay”. Goodnight folks.

Sun High School Intern

2010-09-16T20:28:00.001-04:00

The Toronto Sun high-school-surfer-intern is back on headline duty. Today he came up with the headline “KILLER DONATION”.

Last time we wrote about the intern he coined the phrase “KILLER FIRE” on March 25th, 2009.

Today’s runner-up headlines were:

KILLER WAVES
KILLER ALTRUISM
KILLER BUD
KILLER SELFLESSNESS
KILLER HUMANITY

But they settled on KILLER DONATION. Until next time, high-school-surfing-skating-narly-intern.

Sun Readers Illiterate?

2010-09-13T22:49:00.001-04:00

On this morning’s cover, the Toronto Sun asked its readers to turn to page 6 “If you can read this”. Apparently Opposition Leader Michael Ignatieff’s former chief of staff said Sun readers are illiterate.

Instead of brushing off this claim as ridiculous – as would be expected from a normal newspaper – the Toronto Sun actually questioned whether its readers were literate or not by testing them on the front cover to turn to page 6.

Strangely, nobody turned to page 6… Hmmm…

Endangered Species

2010-09-09T09:33:00.001-04:00

Today’s cover highlights Rob Ford’s transit plan and how he plans to replace hundreds of streetcars with diesel buses. Sounds like a great idea!

The Sun could have just as easily displayed a picture of a Toronto immigrant with the headline “endangered species” after Ford made the statement that he doesn’t want to let any more immigrants in to Toronto.

Mayoral Race Heating Up

2010-09-08T22:38:00.001-04:00

Toronto’s mayoral race is starting to get exciting. The gay candidate’s estranged brother - a truck driver who is running for council - is endorsing the candidate who doesn’t like gay people, while he himself sports a somewhat gay shirt on the cover of the Sun. Sound like the beginning of a bad (gay) porn movie.

Dead End Pun

2010-09-06T14:29:00.001-04:00

I always imagine the Sun editors gathering in a circle and giggling amongst themselves when they think they have come up with a clever pun. Perhaps that why today’s pun doesn’t leave a great taste in my mouth.

You be the judge…

You’re Not Fully Clean Unless You’re Zestfully Clean

2010-09-04T09:59:00.001-04:00

Every so often, the Toronto Sun hires a little old granny to come up with the headlines. Today is no exception. Little old granny went with the phrase “POTTY MOUTH” on this morning’s cover.

The Sun’s little old granny was also spotted at Mr. Smitherman’s residence with a bar of soap in her hand. And not just any old soap – Zest soap - quite possibly the nastiest tasting soap on the market – reserved for only the most foul remarks.

Catching Up on Toronto Sun Mocking

2010-09-02T00:18:00.001-04:00

I know, it’s been pretty quiet on here lately. Some people have better things to do than mock the most mockable newspaper in Toronto!

Let’s try to make up for lost time. Here are some recent Toronto Sun covers for your viewing pleasure:

Among the tiger terror suspects being held is the one and only Tony the Tiger:

I have to agree with the Sun here. They should have spent that $50Gs at the nudie bar rather than wasting it on a hospital. Sheesh.

In related news, the Credit Valley Hospital weekly magazine’s cover read “NEWSPAPER WASTE: TORONTO SUN”.

Isn’t every day a NIGHTMARE ON THE 401?

I like the line “No one helped after body run over on busy highway”. No shit, otherwise the cover would have read “Good Samaritans run over on busy highway after trying to help body who was also run over on busy highway”.

Subsidized housing for “starving artists”? Why wouldn’t they use that money to buy food for these starving artists? This cover stinks to high heaven.

Looks like Mr. Ford lost a few pounds for this Photoshop photo.

Lefties gone wild? Could you imagine watching TV at 4AM and seeing Joe Pants going topless in Daytona beach? Now that would be a hot seller.

Yes Toronto Sun, we get it. Mr. Smitherman wants to kiss Mr. McGuinty. Yes, we know, Mr. Smitherman is a gay man. And when a gay man kisses you, it’s the KISS OF DEATH.

It’s Still Just a Ford

2010-04-18T20:12:00.001-04:00

The Toronto Sun isn’t hiding who it supports for mayor in the upcoming municipal elections. Rob Ford has been a Sun favourite for many years – and now Ford has revealed his ambition to some day be the Prime Minister of Canada.

The “sputtering pitbull” has had a history of controversy as a Toronto City Councillor, but Michelle Mandel shows his softer side – Ford became teary-eyed during the interview for the Sun article.

But Mandel didn’t hold anything back – she discussed almost every controversial thing that Rob Ford has said or done (with one notable exception where Globe and Mail reporter John Barber called Ford a “fat fuck”).

Mayoral contender Sarah Thomson posted the fat fuck video on her Facebook page recently, but it appears she has now taken it down.

I suspect she removed the video after reading a comment that her posting this video opens the door for other mayoral candidates to dig up dirt on her past.

Anyway, back to Rob Ford. After Barber called him a fat fuck in 2005, a schoolyard-like scene ensued with Ford chasing Barber asking him why he called him a fat fuck.

Even if this is the all new “Souped-Up” Ford, at the end of the day, it’s still just a Ford.

Sun puts the “Ass” in “Class”

2010-04-10T10:14:00.001-04:00

The Toronto Sun didn’t hold anything back this morning on its cover, calling Helena Guergis a dog. At first I wasn’t sure if this was a late April Fool’s joke (and not even a funny one at that).

I can’t think of anything more inappropriate than a male newspaper editor calling a woman a dog on its cover.

The reinforces my belief that the struggling Toronto Sun will say almost anything to try to sell a newspaper…

Tim Hortons Promotes Waste

2010-03-02T08:58:00.001-05:00

Thank you Toronto Sun for bringing attention to the ridiculousness of the “Roll up the rim to win” contest at Tim Hortons.

Tim Hortons claims to be environmentally-friendly by selling re-usable coffee mugs and providing a discount to coffee drinkers who bring in their own mug.

But the roll-up-the-rim contest is not available to consumers who bring in their own mug – thus encouraging more waste.

Furthermore, the cups and their lids currently can’t be sorted in Toronto’s current recycling depot, so a lot of these cups end up in a landfill.

Shame on you Tim Hortons – it’s 2010, not 1970!

Read the full story here.

Peter Piper picked a peck of pickled peppers

2009-12-29T09:41:00.001-05:00

Today’s Toronto Sun cover was too bizarre to ignore - the headline reminded me of the nursery rhyme Peter Piper.

Except not quite as catchy, or thoughtful, or clever…

Peter Piper picked a peck of pickled peppers,

A peck of pickled peppers Peter Piper picked;

If Peter Piper picked a peck of pickled peppers,

Where's the peck of pickled peppers Peter Piper picked?

Props to the Toronto Sun (for once)

2009-11-24T18:38:00.001-05:00

Today is a day that I thought would never come - I was both shocked and delighted to learn that the Toronto Sun took the side of cyclists on this morning’s cover.

This website has long criticized the Toronto Sun for its lack of objective reporting towards cyclists’ concerns, so today is a day that all cyclists should rejoice.

Unfortunately most Toronto Sun readers were livid that this was printed in their newspaper let alone made the cover.

Here are a few quotes from the comments that generally captures the sentiment expressed by the majority of the commenters:

They should revert to car lanes in the winter, these sanctomonious assholes on their bikes think they can run red lights, smash cars and get away with it with no consequences.

Time to get bikes to pay for their private lanes with a bike tax and licensing and plating as well as registration of all riders above the age of 16

Since you need to pass a test, pay for a plate/sticker, and have insurance to drive a car, WHY NOT for a bike? If these self absorbed idiots on bikes [not labelling ALLof them!] want the same [or in some cases MORE] rights as motorists then WHY shouldn't they pay for them? Make is mandatory to pass a "bike test" to ride in the city, issue a bike "permit" and force them to follow the same laws as motorists do. You CANT have it BOTH ways! If you want the benefits you should also have the responsibility, maybe then you would EARN the respect you seem to feel your ENTITLED to now!

Give the guy a break. And everybody's so upset about this - where are all the supposed bikes that were "inconvenienced" because of it? Not one bike in the picture! This is laughable.

Cyclists are lane-splitting between cars all the time anyway, most have no regard for the drivers around them. Please everyone stop worrying about bike lanes.

Support the damn cop! I've been cycling for years in town and every time I see a vehicle in the cyclists lane, I go around them. I don't whine or cry or publicly embarrass a person who is sworn to protect. Here's an article; "Sun Photographer Gets Paid To Hurt The Reputation Of A Person Who Would Die For Him"

Yet again the SUN has it in for the emergency workers in this city,(Police, FIre, EMS) maybe the sun staff should try getting shot at, running into a buring (sic) building or saving a life.

Did the editor of the Sun get a ticket on the way to work?? How in the world is this front page news. I love the sun and you guys are normally on the ball in my eyes. But this is a strike against you. Tommorows (sic) front page news will be "police makes a rolling stop at stop sign". lol Again this is not news at all, let alone front page?? It was'nt (sic) even a slow news day either...Odd

Maybe we as motorists will start to care about bike lanes and respect their space, when MOST and yes MOST cyclists get off their bikes when crossing at crosswalks, stop at stop signs, stop at red lights, not cut in and out of traffic, stop for pedestrians PROPERLY using a crosswalk.....etc etc etc.

Hey cyclists fall under the same rules of the road as car does. When we are in a car and something is blocking our way we go around it.....CYCLISTS GO AROUND THE COP CAR !!!!!!! When it is safe to do so of course.

The Sun should be embarassed for making this a story, never mind the front page. I would like to know what other newspaper publishers think of this being the lead story. Disgusting.

Erratic Sun Cover Layouts

2009-11-10T00:24:00.001-05:00

I have been absent for a while, so I thought I would check back in on the Toronto Sun to see what my favourite newspaper has been up to lately.

It appears the Sun has been testing out some new layouts on their cover page.

This one features vertical banners across the right side of the cover. I don’t ever recall seeing this style of cover before.

Can’t

say

I’m

big

fan

This cover uses the primary photo as the background. I have seen this one before – it looks “PAN-TASTIC”.

Not…

This cover uses the typical Sun cover layout with a top banner.

Boring…

I enjoyed this cover – especially the part where they put “I AM” in quotes, and added “A KILLER” on the end.

When you quote someone saying “I AM”, you could almost add anything to the end.

“I AM” THE REAL CULPRIT
“I AM” EL CONQUISTADOR
“I AM” ELVIS
“I AM” A GENIE IN A BOTTLE
“I AM” CONSTIPATED
“I AM” CANADIAN

Say Cheeeeeese…

2009-10-25T18:45:00.001-04:00

On March 19th of this year, someone started an anonymous twitter account called “TOSunshineGirl”. The poster tweeted about the Sunshine Girl’s physical appearance - sometimes pointing out repulsive tattoos or observing bruises.

On September 2nd - after 311 tweets - the anonymous twitterer presumably decided to call it quits.

In honour of the TOSunshineGirl twitterer, I wanted to share an observation I made on a recent Sunshine Girl.

Friday’s Sunshine Girl Sarah was shafted by the Toronto Sun staff. The Sun is featuring an extremely unappealing photo of Sarah in the link to her Sunshine Girl video (See screenshot below).

It’s a shame too because she’s pretty cute in most of her other photos and in the video.

Here’s a more appropriate photo that the Sun editors should have chosen:

More Sun Ignorance on Congestion

2009-10-16T08:57:00.002-04:00

Photo by lynac

The Toronto Sun once again has proven its ignorance toward gridlock issues in Toronto. Mike Strobel’s column this morning argues that we should be timing our traffic lights to improve traffic flow but not for TTC vehicles or bicycles.

What Mr. Strobel fails to comprehend is that any modest improvement in traffic flow on Toronto’s streets will be met by an equal amount of new cars on the road. This is the same reason that adding more lanes to Toronto highways will only make gridlock worse.

It’s simple: the demand for roads will always exceed the capacity (in Toronto) - that is a reality.

Strobel refers to Hamilton’s timed lights working well to keep traffic flowing. Of course it works well in Hamilton because there are less cars. In Toronto there are millions of people who take the GO train, TTC or bike to work. At any given moment any of these people could easily jump in their car and take it to work – if traffic flow was improved.

This is simply not the case in Hamilton. Some day in the future Hamilton demand will exceed the capacity of road space, but until then timed lights will work well.

Furthermore, Strobel also fails to understand that timed traffic lights can only work on one-way streets. Toronto has very few one-way streets, so converting the two-way streets would be necessary to even make his suggestion possible. The last thing I’d want to see is King street or Queen street turn into a Richmond or Adelaide. It would remove all liveability from these streets.

This is the problem with simpleton media like the Toronto Sun. You can’t expect any kind of analysis from some of the writers – only emotional drivel. That’s why the Sun thinks there is a war on cars, but the truth is that investment in bicycle infrastructure and public transit is the only way to reduce gridlock.

You need to provide people an alternative to driving, otherwise our roads will always be over-capacity.

Newspaper Gone Wrong

2009-10-04T12:14:00.001-04:00

Today’s Toronto Sun cover reads like a promotional brochure from a prominent multinational oil corporation. Bikes are bad, and investing in “Green” technology is fruitless.

In the “BIKE BLITZ” by-line, it reads “Cops crack down on rogue cyclists”. Rogue cyclists? Are you kidding me? 49 of the tickets to “rogue” cyclists were written for not having a working bell. Another 40 of those tickets were given to people without proper reflecting lights – that hardly sounds “rogue” to me.

In the main headline “GREEN GONE WRONG”, the conclusion of the article is that it’s not worth it to invest in solar panels. Never mind the environmental benefits that you get from producing solar energy, if there is no economic benefit then people shouldn’t invest.

It’s comical that the Toronto Sun inserts disclaimers into articles just to make an outrageous story. In this particular article the disclaimer reads: “Some of that, they acknowledge, has been their responsibility. They realize they've had trouble filling out some of their forms -- not knowing whether they were an embedded generator or a load customer. And Mary notes that when Peter gets excited his voice does tend to rise a bit.”

For every step forward we take, newspapers like the Toronto Sun put us two steps back. Good thing the only people who take this tabloid newspaper seriously are a small batch of right-wing nuts who are already hopelessly ignorant on the environmental issues of today.

Slow News Day? Nope. Hot Chick.

2009-10-03T20:06:00.001-04:00

On September 17th we surmised that a raw photo of cleavage on the Toronto Sun cover page was the result of a slow news day.

Well it must be another slow news day. Or not. Perhaps a conversation took place in the newsroom this morning:

Newsroom Employee: “Slow News day?”

Newsroom Editor: “Nope. Hot chick”

Newsroom Employee: “Oh, good point”

And so another day goes by in the newsroom of the Toronto Sun. Free advertising for Facebook (again) and a little bit of cleavage. That’s how newspapers are sold in 2009.

Sandra’s Photo Op

2009-10-03T19:55:00.001-04:00

On Thursday’s Toronto Sun cover, the Sun tried to make a news story about Councillor Sandra Bussin’s phone call into John Tory’s radio show where she only identified herself as “Sandra from Toronto”.

Bussen defended outgoing Mayor David Miller but when asked repeatedly by John Tory if she works for the city, she responded “no”.

Is this seriously front page newsworthy? She called the radio station to defend the Mayor. Who cares if she wasn’t forthcoming that she’s a Councillor? Councillors are human and they are also citizens of the City of Toronto. She has every right to defend David Miller.

However, if I were her I’d be more pissed off about the photo they published on the cover than the article itself.

It seriously looks like the photo was taken while she was in the middle of a number two. Poor Sandra.

What about HIS GONER?

2009-10-01T19:57:00.001-04:00

Yesterday, an anonymous Toronto Sun Sucks commenter pointed out the bizarre headline on the September 26th Toronto Sun cover – printed the day after Mayor David Miller announced that he wouldn’t seek re-election next year.

The cover reads “HIS GONER”. The commenter mockingly ponders “What about his goner? Is there something wrong with his goner? Did you mean “HE’S A GONER”? Because that’s not what you wrote down on the FRONT PAGE OF YOUR NEWSPAPER.”

Toronto Sun Sucks shares this reader’s viewpoint on the September 26th cover. I spent a fair portion of my day on Saturday wondering why on earth they would choose such a poor headline that wouldn’t make sense to the average person.

Let me explain though why the Sun went with this headline. You see, the Toronto Sun has a kennel in their basement where they keep a rabid canine that goes by the alias “Sue-Ann Levy”. When the Sun doesn’t feed her properly, she becomes very hostile and mean.

Levy commonly refers to the Mayor as “HIS BLONDNESS” in her articles. The September 26th headline was a poorly-conceived reference to HIS BLONDNESS. Now that Miller won’t be seeking re-election, the Sun is referring to him as “HIS GONER” (updated: rhyming with “His Honour” as pointed out by our readers). I know, I know - even with the explanation it’s still a silly headline.

But would you expect anything different from the Toronto Sun?

Toronto Sun: Too Hot for Real News

2009-09-17T08:24:00.001-04:00

Today must be a slow day in the world of news. The Toronto Sun cover features a Playboy model whose Facebook account was de-activated for no apparent reason.

Facebook countered that her account violated its terms and conditions and “nudity and sexually explicit content is not allowed” on the site.

I agree with the model - I’d also be very upset if my Facebook profile was deleted without warning - but this is hardly worthy of being a cover story.

I guess showing cleavage on the front cover is just another way to sell newspaper in difficult times.

Updated: Here are the failed headlines that were turned down by the Sun:

TOO NAKED FOR FACEBOOK
TOO LUCIOUS FOR SOCIAL NETWORKING
TOO SEXUALLY EXPLICIT FOR MARK ZUCKERBERG
TOO BOOBILICIOUS FOR THE INTERNET
TOO SMOKING FOR FACEBOOK POKING

The Good, the Bad and the Ugly

2009-09-08T23:36:00.001-04:00

In an effort to make up for some lost time, here are some Toronto Sun covers over the last week or two that I’ve taken notice to:

When I saw this cover, I had a hard time believing that a guy slipping on the wave dock and breaking his leg is worthy of a front page news story. I mean, people probably break their legs in public places all the time: on sidewalks, on escalators, on playgrounds, on soccer fields.

Now he’s suing the city because he misjudged the incline and slipped and fell in a “use-at-your-own-risk” public space? Gimme a break.

This man’s motive might be revealed in this quote from the article: “Thomas said he was forced to live on credit cards and loans from friends while off work. Gluckstein said it hasn't been determined how much the claim will be but would likely seek damages for pain and suffering and lost wages.”

Here’s an attempt by the Toronto Sun to prove to the world that cyclists are a danger and a menace to society. The Sun’s Jenny Yuen counted the number of cyclists passing through Queen and Spadina heading eastbound during lunch hour last week.

She counted 85 cyclists, of which 21 rode through pedestrian crossings, 13 didn’t use hand signals when turning, 5 ran red lights, 4 rode on the sidewalk, 4 rode the wrong way, 3 swerved into different lanes or rode between cars and 2 passed the open doors of the streetcar.

Wow, great job Jenny. Maybe we should all confine ourselves to our homes because cyclists are so dangerous.

I mean, look at the scary University student carrying his backpack. That is a man who should be locked up and off the streets before he wreaks havoc on our city.

It’s a dangerous world we live in Jenny, a dangerous world.

Here are a couple positive covers I thought the Toronto Sun did a standup job on:

2 orders of the Garlic Husky Hot Paws Please

2009-08-28T09:57:00.001-04:00

Today’s Toronto Sun fell for the bait and did exactly what retired Etobicoke architect Mel Glickman wanted: it printed his controversial fictional “Authentic Asian Canine Cuisine” menu, featuring items such as “Garlic Husky Hot Paws” and “BBQ’d Beagle Tongue”.

This story deserves a write-up but to feature his tasteless poor attempt at humour on the front page gives him exactly the kind of attention he’s looking for.

Since the cover was printed early this morning, Glickman has retired back to his residence to start working on a special weekend feature for the Toronto Sun – his “feline fare” menu is slated for Saturday’s Sun cover and his “raccoon diner” menu has the main slot for Sunday’s Sun.

Sadly, the very fact that TorontoSunSucks.com is talking about this gives Glickman and the Toronto Sun more exposure. Needless to say, anyone with half a brain wouldn’t buy a newspaper just because it contains “1000 ways to cook a dead dog” on the cover.

I’ll save my 75 cents for something more intellectually stimulating – like bubble gum.

CREEPED THE HELL OUT OF ME

2009-08-25T10:41:00.001-04:00

Today’s cover is by far the most disturbing image I’ve ever seen on the front cover of the Toronto Sun. It honestly creeped the hell out of me – and that is not something that is easily done.

My god that is disturbing – look at that tongue.

GONE, BUT NOT FORGOTTEN??

2009-08-24T08:40:00.000-04:00

Today’s Toronto Sun cover seems normal at first glance. It reads “GONE, BUT NOT FORGOTTEN” which would sound appropriate if someone had died some time ago and is being remembered by their family.

Except nobody has died. The headline is referring to a 69-year-old blind Polish Grandmother who was deported, now get this – LAST NIGHT.

Of course she’s not forgotten, her flight left Pearson airport at 11PM last night headed for Poland.

What kind of family would see off their Mother/Grandmother only to forget about her a few hours later?

Thanks again Toronto Sun for stating something so ridiculously obvious just to try to sell more newspapers.