To Mark Time

Epilogue

clementsaylor@hotmail.com (Catherine) — Sun, 13 Sep 2009 20:54:00 +0000

On this one-year anniversary of Hurricane Ike, I have decided to stop marking time on the blogosphere. We are in the home stretch of our marathon journey home, and I'd like to give more time to my family.

My good friend Kris over at her very funny blog Enanoslivo is going to continue Poetry Wednesdays. If you haven't read her blog yet, do check it out. You'll love it! Thank you, Kris!

Since I occasionally receive requests for more information, I have posted lists of resources related to the various topics I've covered here on the sidebar. Please also feel free to email me at clementsaylor@hotmail.com or find me on Facebook. God bless!

And, I promise one more post when we are finally home.

Poetry Wednesday, Vol. 13

clementsaylor@hotmail.com (Catherine) — Wed, 09 Sep 2009 03:50:00 +0000

Deliverance

My scriptures came roaring

through my body 20 months apart

two elixirs of lightning and sweet water

swirling my days with visions and demands

small arms encircle my legs

voices fill every space

they are behind every door

they are in every mirror

these Holy Books I call daughters

I howled and tore to make room for their bodies

but I think it is they who delivered me.

--Ekere Tallie

Please link to your Poetry Wednesday blog post below, and include a link to this post in yours. I look forward to reading your poems.

Poetry Wednesday, Vol. 12

clementsaylor@hotmail.com (Catherine) — Wed, 02 Sep 2009 05:00:00 +0000

Be Lost in the Call

By Rumi

Lord, said David, since you do not need us,
why did you create these two worlds?

Reality replied: O prisoner of time,
I was a secret treasure of kindness and generosity,
and I wished this treasure to be known,
so I created a mirror: its shining face, the heart;
its darkened back, the world;
The back would please you if you've never seen the face.

Has anyone ever produced a mirror out of mud and straw?
Yet clean away the mud and straw,
and a mirror might be revealed.

Until the juice ferments a while in the cask,
it isn't wine. If you wish your heart to be bright,
you must do a little work.

My King addressed the soul of my flesh:
You return just as you left.
Where are the traces of my gifts?

We know that alchemy transforms copper into gold.
This Sun doesn't want a crown or robe from God's grace.
He is a hat to a hundred bald men,
a covering for ten who were naked.

Jesus sat humbly on the back of an ass, my child!
How could a zephyr ride an ass?
Spirit, find your way, in seeking lowness like a stream.
Reason, tread the path of selflessness into eternity.

Remember God so much that you are forgotten.
Let the caller and the called disappear;
be lost in the Call.

Please link to your own Poetry Wednesday posts below and include a link to this post in yours. Thanks!

Poetry Wednesday, Vol. 11

clementsaylor@hotmail.com (Catherine) — Wed, 26 Aug 2009 13:56:00 +0000

My Life Before I Knew It

I liked rainy days

when you didn't have to go outside and play.

At night I'd tell my sister

there were snakes under her bed.

When I mowed the lawn I imagined being famous.

Cautious and stubborn, unwilling to fail,

I knew for certain what I didn't want to know.

I hated to dance, I hated baseball,

and collected airplane cards instead.

I learned to laugh at jokes I didn't get.

The death of Christ moved me,

but only at the end of Ben-Hur.

I thought Henry Mancini was a great composer.

My secret desire was to own a collie

who would walk with me in the woods

when the leaves were falling

and I was thinking about writing the stories

that would make me famous.

Sullen, overweight, melancholy,

writers didn't have to be good at sports.

They stayed inside for long periods of time.

They often wore glasses. But strangers

were moved by what they accomplished

and wrote them letters. One day

one of those strangers would introduce

herself to me, and then

the life I'd never been able to foresee

would begin, and everything

before I became myself would appear

necessary to the rest of the story.

--Lawrence Raab

Please post your poems below!

First Day of School

clementsaylor@hotmail.com (Catherine) — Tue, 25 Aug 2009 03:41:00 +0000

Everyone had a pretty good day. Louis surprised us all by summoning his inner strength and calmly entering his preschool classroom without tears. Actually, when I picked him up after school, he was sobbing, but his teacher assured me he had just started crying because another child had walked off with his brand-new Thomas the Tank Engine backpack (it was quickly retrieved). He said preschool is "so much fun," and he loves his teacher. Yea!!

William was very excited to go to school, but fairly disappointed when he returned in the afternoon. He didn't do any science experiments today, and he had to leave the playground's arboretum before he wanted to. Plus there are those darn other people around all the time. Poor guy! It was his first taste of the real world, which isn't always fun for any of us, much less those on the autism spectrum.

The school requests that children with autism arrive at school a few minutes after classes begin so they miss the morning rush and so they can be personally escorted to their classrooms. So, as we were walking to the front door a few minutes after classes began, we passed by a parade of eye-dabbing, morose looking parents with cameras around their necks leaving the school. Those poor kindergarten parents, I thought, leaving their child for the first time. How sweet. At least I'm done with all my "mourning." And then moments later I burst into tears when William disappeared down a hallway with the assistant principal. But I did get over it. The twins and I hung out at our library's Toddler Storytime, and before we knew it, it was time to pick up Louis for lunch.

And, as our last hurrah of the summer, we had a nice visit with Nathaniel's brother and family on Friday. As you can tell from Jeannette's post, they are having a baby! Aren't we lucky? Two new cousins in less than a year!

7 Quick Takes Friday, Vol. 19

clementsaylor@hotmail.com (Catherine) — Sat, 22 Aug 2009 04:00:00 +0000

1. Our big news this week is that we have a new nephew!! Adisu Mathias (see his picture!) will be making the trip from Ethiopia to Texas in the next month or so (as soon as Mom, Dad, and Big Sister can get there) and we can't wait to meet him.

2. On Monday Louis is starting at a morning preschool, and the following week Ben and Marie will begin going to a Mother's Day Out program two days a week. The twins do great in our parish nursery every Sunday, and I have no doubt they'll love "school." Every adult twin I've ever met has told me that the best part about being a twin, hands down, is never being alone at school. Louis, however, is not so lucky, and is pretty anxious about preschool. I've readThe Kissing Hand to him and the twins so many times by now that I've memorized it, and if you haven't read it, do check it out. It's the sweetest story about going to school but would also be great for leaving a child with a sitter or extracurricular class. I think when the tearful time comes, having his own kissing hand is really going to help Louis. Already Marie walks around the house with her hand on her face like Chester the Racoon saying, "Mama loves me, Papa loves me, Will-will loves me, Wou (that's Louis) loves me, Ben-ben loves me, Grandma loves me, Tayta loves me," and so on...

3. Our home repairs are moving forward, thanks to a very generous anonymous benefactor who is paying for the electrical wiring. THANK YOU, whomever you are!! This morning I was purchasing a palletful of light fixtures at Lowe's, and the cashier asked me what was going on. When I told her we'd been displaced since the hurricane, she said, "Well, honey, you know it can only get better from here!"

4. Here are some pictures from our recent visit with Anna F. and her daughters Eva and Katja.

Eva and the twins are buddies.

Louis was very proud to be able to hold Katja.

Our last trip to the beach this year, probably. Summer ends too soon!

5. Last night I went to my local Moms of Multiples meeting and the discussion topic was the Love & Logic form of discipline. One of the emphases of Love & Logic is giving the child the feeling of control by offering options rather than giving commands whenever possible. Such as, "Would you like to find a trash can for that napkin, or do you want to carry it with you into the car?" instead of "Throw away your napkin!" OR "Would you like to erase that pencil on the table now or right before we go play outside?" instead of "STOP writing on the table!" OR "Would you like to carry your dishes to the sink in one trip or two trips?" instead of "Take your dishes to the sink!" These are all "options" I offered today, and we had a pretty smooth day.

6. We made fruit leather the other day, and it came out great. Fruit leather is a hot-item snack in our (almost) no junk food household, but it is expensive stuff. Turns out it's super easy to make yourself. Puree up any kind of fruit you like (we used cooked apples and frozen raspberries) and spread it on a cookie sheet covered with plastic wrap. Bake 8-10 hours overnight at 150-170. In the morning, peel it off the plastic wrap and enjoy.

7. Anna (see #4) also snapped a shot of us all!

Thank you, Jen, as always, for hosting.

What about Son-Rise?

clementsaylor@hotmail.com (Catherine) — Thu, 20 Aug 2009 17:00:00 +0000

Sending William to school doesn't mean that we have given up on the Son-Rise Program. A full-time Son-Rise Program often involves homeschooling, although some parents have successfully petitioned their public schools to partner with their programs, allowing the aide that would have accompanied their child in the classroom to instead come into the home and work in the Son-Rise room during school hours. However, most parents who implement the Son-Rise Program do so on a part-time basis, recruiting volunteers to help run a 15-30 hour/ week program after school and on weekends. That's still a lot of therapy time! While at the Option Institute last December, we met a father who had run an afterschool program for his very high-functioning son; within six months the child had lost his diagnosis.

I don't know how much time we will allot to William's program yet. The next few months will bring a lot of transition for our family, with school starting and, God willing, a return to our home sometime this fall. While the Son-Rise room is an oasis for William in the midst of stress, I don't imagine we'll have the time to recruit and train tons of volunteers. I'd love to, but the subtitle of my blog reflects my desire to start setting more realistic goals for myself these days.

In any case, we continue to work with Will in the evenings and on weekends, and the Son-Rise Program vision of autism continues to shape most of our interactions with William and is by far the most successful intervention we've ever tried. In fact, I know that homeschooling alone could never have prepared William to enter school for first grade. We saw the most improvements in William's eye contact, attention span, social maturity, listening skills, empathy, self-esteem, and, yes, academic skills during the second six months of kindergarten, when we really focused on social developmental goals. This is a testament to Nathaniel's dedication and participation in William's unique and wonderful kindergarten year, because he was the one who ate (and still eats) dinner almost every night with William in the Son-Rise room. I hope he'll forgive me for reposting this snapshot of his Son-Rise Dad persona!

Poetry Wednesday, Vol. 11

clementsaylor@hotmail.com (Catherine) — Wed, 19 Aug 2009 04:31:00 +0000

You can imagine why this poem touched me today.

September, the First Day of School

My child and I hold hands on the way to school,

And when I leave him at the first-grade door

He cries a little but is brave; he does

Let go. My selfish tears remind me how

I cried before that door a life ago.

I may have had a hard time letting go.

Each fall the children must endure together

What every child also endures alone:

Learning the alphabet, the integers,

Three dozen bits and pieces of a stuff

So arbitrary, so peremptory,

That worlds invisible and visible

Bow down before it, as in Joseph's dream

The sheaves bowed down and then the stars bowed down

Before the dreaming of a little boy.

That dream got him such hatred of his brothers

As cost the greater part of life to mend,

And yet great kindness came of it in the end.

A school is where they grind the grain of thought,

And grind the children who must mind the thought.

It may be those two grindings are but one,

As from the alphabet come Shakespeare's plays,

As from the integers comes Euler's Law,

As from the whole, inseparably, the lives,

The shrunken lives that have not been set free

By law or by poetic phantasy.

But may they be. My child has disappeared

Behind the schoolroom door. And should I live

To see his coming forth, a life away,

I know my hope, but do not know its form

Nor hope to know it. May the fathers he finds

Among his teachers have a care of him

More than his father could. How that will look

I do not know, I do not need to know.

Even our tears belong to ritual.

But may great kindness come of it in the end.

--Howard Nemerov, from Trying Conclusions: New and Selected Poems 1961-1991

Please share your poems below!

A New Path

clementsaylor@hotmail.com (Catherine) — Tue, 18 Aug 2009 04:00:00 +0000

It's been one year now since we started our homeschooling adventure. What a ride it was, homeschooling without a home! Despite all obstacles, we had many good days, and it truly was the best place for William last year. Now we feel ready, and he feels ready, for him to enroll in school this fall, and we were absolutely thrilled to find that an elementary school in our neighborhood has a rare self-contained classroom just for children with Asperger's and high-functioning autism. This is not the elementary school for which we are zoned and at which William spent a miserable few days in a special education preschool classroom a year and a half ago, but a close one, and actually one of the best in the district.

Here's a glimpse into the roundabout journey that led us to this education decision.

Just after William's third birthday, a wise and courageous friend said to me after I apologized for William pummelling her son for the zillionth time during a playdate, "I don't think William is being naughty. It's like he's lacking a social piece or something." It was the light bulb moment for me that crystallized the concerns I'd had about William since he'd started tantrumming and kicking us uncontrollably at age 18 months. When William was 2, I'd read about a boy with Asperger's Syndrome in a book about homeschooling and thought the child described sounded a lot like William. I wrote off my concerns, however, because William also sounded a lot like the child in the chapter "Homeschooling my child with ADHD" (hmmm.... (-:). But the moment my friend spoke up, I knew Will had Asperger's Syndrome.

Our first stop was our pediatrician who put us in contact with a psychologist from the local children's hospital. The psychologist said it sounds like William's on the autism spectrum, and your options are pay thousands for a private diagnosis or go to your local public school for a free diagnosis. So I walked up the street to our local elementary school and asked the secretary how I could enroll my child in special education because I thought he had Asperger's Syndrome. This was September 2006. Meeting after evaluation after meeting after evaluation and the school officials sat me down with a child psychiatrist who assured me that William definitely did not have Asperger's Syndrome. Dr. so-and-so had treated, ahem, many patients with Asperger's, and he knew one when he saw one. "William's just bright. All bright children are difficult. Put him in school. He'll do fine." This was February 2007.

It took us until May 2007 to get them all to sit down again so we could demand a reevaluation, which couldn't happen until the fall, of course. In the meantime, they suggested we enroll William in a typical preschool. If he failed to succeed there, we'd have a stronger case for special education. With twins on the way in October, Will in preschool sounded like a good option to us, so we signed him up for a Mother's Day Out program at a local church.

"Failed to succeed" would be putting it mildly. At one point the program director tactfully said to me, "We've just never had anything like this here before..." Neurotypical 4-year-olds are already pretty socially savvy, and the boys in William's classroom quickly realized how much they could get "the bad boy," as they dubbed William, to do. Utterly unaware of the concept of vice, William gleefully followed their instructions and dumped water and crayons, threw toys, hit children, and when he was stressed, simply bolted from the classroom. We feel the effects of the three months William spent in that school to this day, with the children's catch phrase, "YOU'RE BAD!" still serving as William's primary response to any frustrating situation.

However, William's teacher's reports greatly assisted us in finally obtaining the necessary evidence for a diagnosis of Asperger's Syndrome and ADHD from a developmental pediatrician in December 2007, at the school district's expense. We talked extensively with this doctor about school options for William. He suggested several extremely expensive private schools and said he hadn't seen a public school program in Houston that adequately served young children with high-functioning autism. He recommended we consider keeping William at home at least until first grade, especially considering his late summer birthday, or moving to the suburbs.

Still we persisted with the public school and by April 2008, they had placed William in the Preschool Program for Children with Disabilities at our local school. What a joke. The teacher, who apparently knew nothing about Asperger's Syndrome, seemed shocked that William could even speak and just sat him in front of an electronic alphabet toy most of the time. This was what we got after a year and a half of waiting and countless hours spent in meetings and phone calls. I was so angry. If only I had spent all those hours working one-on-one with William instead of on the phone with this or that special education official, he might have been cured by then! The school officials insisted that William be placed in a regular kindergarten classroom (22+ kids) the next year due to his high intelligence. Unwilling to enter into another round of appeals and meetings, we threw up our hands, withdrew William from school, and ordered a kindergarten homeschool curriculum (and started a blog in there too.)

One of many reasons we decided to homeschool William was because I really wanted to focus on his pencil grip. Many children with developmental delays have difficulty with the various sensory and coordination skills needed to put pencil to paper, and William was no exception. Writing being second only to reading as the necessary skill to succeed in school, I knew it was crucial he learn how to hold a pencil before he be required to write, and that it was unlikely a teacher with a large group of students would have the time or resources to give this difficulty the attention I thought it deserved. I had already researched the occupational "therapy" the public school gave children with handwriting difficulties, ie, putting a rubber gripper on the child's pencil. This seemed like a crutch to me. If the child has not sufficiently developed the necessary skills to write with a pencil, or interact with his peer group, trying to force him to perform as if he does have those skills can only be detrimental.

Either we could pay $2 a minute for private occupational therapy to address William's pencil grip, or I could figure out how to do it myself. I learned, from William's former OT and a babysitter who was an OT graduate student, that when children hold tiny pieces of crayon or chalk, they always hold them correctly. So I broke all our crayons and chalk in half and bought hand-held slates to write on. For most of kindergarten, William only wrote on a slate, with chalk, in the old-fashioned, developmentally appropriate way everyone used to learn to write. And about four months ago, he picked up a pencil, asked me how to hold it, and has been writing beautifully on paper ever since. Ooh, I am so proud of him!

But homeschooling is hard. My days were full to the brim with teaching and activities, followed by long evenings and nights of errands and housework (not much time for God, self, or spouse, those three things that are supposed to come before children and job). And we were even paying for a housecleaning service! The old homeschooling dictum to teach your oldest child to start taking over your household chores hasn't quite panned out for me, YET. :-) And while I would have loved to run a full-time Son-Rise Program for William, it was unrealistic for me to assume I could find volunteers during the daytime hours. Most homeschooled Son-Rise children get therapy from their mom during the day, with dad and volunteers taking over the evening and weekend hours. But William's mom had three other children to care for all day too!

So, this summer, I started looking into those expensive private schools I'd heard about in doctors' and speech therapists' offices. These schools offer self-contained classrooms for special children with a student:adult ratio averaging from 1:1 (tuition: $38,000) to 4:1 (tuition: $11,500). The advantages of these schools include on-site speech and occupational therapy, family support, and mainly, social safety for the children, who will not be bullied. Every special school aims to mainstream special children into a regular classroom eventually, of course, with the major disadvantage being there is no opportunity for a gradual introduction into a mainstream classroom. The children just have to transfer to a new school.

Any of those special schools was beyond a long-shot for us, but I toured them anyway and met the teachers and had William spend some time in a few of their summer programs. I was roundly unimpressed, particularly by the teachers. Having taught William myself, I know who will be able to connect with him, and who will only frustrate him. I didn't meet anyone with whom I'd feel comfortable leaving him. If he's going to go to school, I've got to completely trust his teacher. As hard as homeschooling can be, I know a poor fit between William and a classroom will be much worse.

A fellow special needs mom gave me the number of her friend, a mother of a son with autism and an education advocate who took the school board to court over their lack of offerings for children with autism (she won!). She gave me the numbers at the top to call, and within 48 hours I had found out that this nearby school had a new program for children just like William and that, contrary to what my local school had told me, we had the right to hand-pick the public school that William attends. When I shook hands with the teacher, I knew William would like her. And when she described her classroom, I knew from my private school tours what an incredible value we would be getting from this school (about $22,000, to be exact).

The irony of it all is that every hour spent following so many different paths (diagnosis, preschool, special ed, homeschooling, private schools) has paid off in what I think will be a terrific place for William to spend the day. Had we not gone through the meetings ordeal two years ago, we'd have a lot more work to do to get William in before school starts on Monday. Now he'll be at one of the best public schools in the city, with a teacher as passionate about children with autism as the Son-Rise Program facilitators I know, learning the gifted and talented curriculum without the social pressure of the regular G/T class (I love this--typical children go through rigorous testing and lotteries to get into the G/T program, but the Aspie kids automatically get bumped in by virtue of their particular special ed designation!), in a school where we have the say over when William moves into a regular classroom, and at what pace. And he won't be held behind by any weak pencil grip either!

Difference between my twins

clementsaylor@hotmail.com (Catherine) — Mon, 17 Aug 2009 16:21:00 +0000

I was pushing Ben and Marie on the swings yesterday, and Ben reminded me, "Not too high, Mama!"

Marie called out, "YES too high, Mama!" I gave her a big push, she threw her head back and squealed, "TOO HIGH!!!!!"

Thank you!

clementsaylor@hotmail.com (Catherine) — Thu, 13 Aug 2009 02:13:00 +0000

Many, many thanks to anonymous "Us" and others who have recently given us groceries, cash, and gift cards. I so did not mean to fish for assistance by writing about my adventures in food pantry shopping, but your gifts are most gratefully appreciated.

When I went to the food pantry, I wasn't expecting to receive organic raspberries (thank you, Mom (-:), but I was surprised by the abundance of junk. How wasteful to purchase Doritos, artificially flavored and dyed popsicles, and Saltines for the needy when so many fruits and vegetables are cheaper and just as easily stored on a shelf. Anyway, THANK YOU for your help!

Please continue Poetry Wednesday below!

Poetry Wednesday, Vol. 10

clementsaylor@hotmail.com (Catherine) — Wed, 12 Aug 2009 04:11:00 +0000

This one's for William (courtesy of Anna F.--thank you!):

The End

When I was One,
I had just begun.

When I was Two,
I was nearly new.

When I was Three,
I was hardly Me.

When I was Four,
I was not much more.

When I was Five,
I was just alive.

But now I am Six, I'm as clever as clever.
So I think I'll be six now for ever and ever.

-from Now We Are Six, by A. A. Milne

I look forward to reading your poems!

7 Quick Takes, Vol. 18

clementsaylor@hotmail.com (Catherine) — Mon, 10 Aug 2009 03:30:00 +0000

1. We had the most marvelous time this past week with our friend Anna visiting from Tennessee. Anna drove half-way across the country with her two daughters (ages 2 and 8 months) to spend a week with us. We were so honored! Pictures coming when Anna sends them to me, as we don't have a camera yet. :)

2. William has been 6 years old for about 6 weeks now, and he is still thrilled with his new age and new wardrobe (size 6 clothes). So thrilled that he has taken to repeatedly counting his new pieces of size 6 clothing and displaying his clothes on hangers around his room (such as on the window curtain rod). William pointed out the convenience to me of him now hanging all his clothes on hangers instead of keeping them folded in his dresser ("Less folding laundry for you, Mama!"). In a stroke of parenting genius I suggested that he now take charge of washing, drying, and putting away his clothes, and he accepted the task with great excitement. He now has his own laundry bag which no one else is allowed to touch. It's all yours, Will!

3. I started a fascinating book today by Barbara Kingsolver called Animal, Vegetable, Miracle: A Year of Food Life, about the year Kingsolver and her family moved from Tucson to a farm in Appalachia and decided to eat only locally grown foods. It's an inspiring project, though ironically, this is the time in my life I am least able to follow such inspiration, having a cupboard now full of mac & cheese and junk food from our local food pantry (I found a better one this week). My mom brought over a bucket full of locally grown vegetables from a friend this evening--we had lots of yummy fried okra for dinner!

4. Lean economic times are the perfect time to consider going vegetarian, and I am definitely trying to expand my repertoire of meatless (or less-meat) meals. Tomorrow I'll be cooking navy beans in the crock-pot all day and adding a little bit of sausage in just before dinner. I'd love to hear from you if you've got a delicious bean recipe to share.

5. I've also found a good book to help Louis sort through his separation anxiety--Into the Forest,

by Anthony Browne. A young boy whose father inexplicably goes missing takes a journey through a forest populated with some of the more disturbing characters from fairy tales. One of the parent reviews on Amazon suggests the book will sadden young children, but I think the point of the book is that fairy tales don't scare children but rather allow them space to work through the fears they already have. And, it has a very happy ending.

6. Another, less complicated picture book that deals with separation anxiety is Owl Babies, by Martin Waddell. Three little owl siblings huddle together on a branch waiting for Mama to return. And she does.

7. Tonight Marie refused to wear anything to bed except her diaper and, of course, her dress shoes.

Angel of God, My Guardian Dear

clementsaylor@hotmail.com (Catherine) — Sat, 08 Aug 2009 21:34:00 +0000

This afternoon I sent Louis to his room for pushing his brother and suggested that he ask his guardian angel for help in being more gentle. After his time was up, he came out and proudly declared,

"I told my guardian angel to stop helping me hit and push people!"

Poetry Wednesday, Vol 9

clementsaylor@hotmail.com (Catherine) — Wed, 05 Aug 2009 12:26:00 +0000

A Barred Owl

The warping night air having bought the boom

Of an owl's voice into her darkened room,

We tell the wakened child that all she heard

Was an odd question from a forest bird,

Asking of us, if rightly listened to,

"Who cooks for you?" and then "Who cooks for you?"

Words, which can make our terrors bravely clear,

Can also thus domesticate a fear,

And send a small child back to sleep at night

Not listening for the sound of stealthy flight

Or dreaming of some small thing in a claw

Borne up to some dark branch and eaten raw.

--Richard Wilbur, Mayflies

Please share a poem thought today either as a link below or in the comments. Thank you!

7 Quick Takes, Vol. 17

clementsaylor@hotmail.com (Catherine) — Sun, 02 Aug 2009 13:26:00 +0000

Here are my seven not-so-quick takes. Thank you, Jen, for hosting into Sunday!

1. William has been really excited about reading Little House in the Big Woods lately. As in, our hyperactive child who does not sit still even for the TV wanted us to read the entire book in a couple days. Reading this story has been a bright spot in what has otherwise been a pretty difficult time with him. He was especially interested in the story of Charley, Laura's 11 year old cousin who gets stung by hundreds of yellow jackets when he refuses to help his father and Pa in the fields. I was interested in Charley's parents who are harshly judged by the Ingalls for "spoiling" their disobedient son. My first thought was, yes indeed, Pa, and you have a lot of experience with defiant sons having three compliant little girls! I know all about judging the parents of defiant children because I was an expert at that before I had William. :)

2. Sometimes I feel like I am experiencing child development again for the first time with Louis. Of course I guess I am experiencing ordinary child development for the first time. Last night I took him and the twins to that store Danielle Bean describes as "beginning with Wal- and ending with a headache" and after pushing our cart past several $25 toy trucks that I said we were not going to purchase, Louis started crying, demanding that we buy the trucks, and holding on to the cart to try to prevent me from moving forward. I had to smile! After six years of parenting, I was finally experiencing my first "grocery store tantrum." Oh I have had more than my share of tantrums in grocery stores but never your standard child-crying-because-you-won't-buy-him-what-he-wants tantrum, as described in every parenting book. I've only experienced the sensory-overloaded child SCREAMING HITTING KICKING MAKING WILD THREATS AND THEN BOLTING sort of grocery store tantrum. And with William on display like that, Louis has never had the opportunity to throw a regular grocery store tantrum. So I just smiled for the two of us, having an ordinary experience, moved my cart on and inwardly thanked William for breaking me into parenting so well.

3. We have been, as you can imagine, struggling to make two house payments these days. So I thought I'd check out a local food pantry. When I showed up, the coordinator thought I was there to volunteer. We went back and forth a few times with,

"I'm here for the food pantry."

"To volunteer?"

"No, for the food pantry."

"To volunteer for the food pantry?"

until I finally said, "I need some food!!"

The bag of food I received for a family of six was pretty eye-opening: two single servings of mac & cheese, two single servings of cereal, 10 packets of airline peanuts, 16 saltine crackers, 8 single servings of juice, 4 Fig Newtons, 1 package of broken Pop-Tarts, and 4 onions. "You can come back in a month," the coordinator said.

We've had more success with Angel Food Ministries, through which you can order a large box of quality food at about half the price you'd pay at the grocery store. Unfortunately, more than half of the food was illegal on William's diet (corn, potatoes, breaded or seasoned meat). But for someone on a less stringent diet (they actually sell a box of gluten-free foods, but of course William's diet goes far beyond that), it's a good deal and open to all incomes.

4. I've been a little stressed lately. Can you tell? Don't even ask about our house. Right now we're waiting to see if the city inspector is going to require us to rewire the entire house. But, I have discovered a really wonderful form of stress relief for myself. It's called exercise! Okay, so everyone else already knew that, but I have been a serious bookworm library chair potato my entire life, and this is news to me. I have been working out at the Y as many times per week as I can. And it feels so good.

5. I've found that reading and talking about stories can be a helpful way to open up discussion with my children about their fears and anxieties. Louis is very interested in stories about children or animals getting lost from their mamas and finding them again. He often asks me where we will go if a tornado or hurricane or flood or pine tree hits this rental house. He has realized that four walls and a roof are not a given in this life and has extended that to our presence. Our house might go away, but will you go away? The stories are therapeutic, I think, because Mama always finds her babies.

William, on the other hand, got very upset in the Little House book when Pa was overcome with sympathy for a deer he was hunting and couldn't shoot it. He came home without meat that night. When Pa tells Laura and Mary why he didn't shoot the deer, of course they feel his empathy and declare they will be glad to eat bread and butter instead. William, who can't eat bread, got very upset that they wouldn't have any meat. He is also anxious about our situation, and because of his autism, worries more about losing the things in his life that give him stability than our presence. Foremost among those things he fears losing are his special foods. Loss is something I'd like to protect my children from, but instead it's staring us all in the face on a daily basis.

6. When I was traveling last month, I had an experience that helped me to understand a bit how Will and Louis may be feeling about our situation. As I was driving back from my reunion, I stopped and spent a day on the Gulf coast. I love the beach and as an extreme introvert in constant contact with many little people, I was really looking forward to a day relaxing by myself. But as I was driving closer to the beach and beginning to cross little bays and inlets, I felt myself starting to feel anxious. I started having flashbacks of the flood and seeing images of the water I was passing flooding the road I was driving on. I talked myself through my fears and the panic passed, but it sure made me stop and think about the fact that we all went through a very traumatic situation and none of us has really dealt with it yet. Of course at the time of the flood, I didn't panic, I went into major survival mode and didn't feel anything. We just picked up the kids and dog and diapers, trudged through the raging thunderstorm to our neighbors' house and then immediately switched into hypervigilant mode to keep the kids from breaking anything of our neighbor's. I had never felt afraid until that moment driving over the water. Gotta think more about that one.

7. On that note, here's a prayer I found recently and have been repeating daily,

Dear God, be good to me. The sea is so wide, and my boat is so small.

Poetry Wednesday, Vol. 9

clementsaylor@hotmail.com (Catherine) — Wed, 29 Jul 2009 12:23:00 +0000

Miracle

It all happened on the water

Jesus; walking

the fishermen watching

from their boats.

When they picked up their nets

they half expected

a miraculous catch

but it was as ordinary

as the rest of the day.

Only some of them understood.

This is how it always is

with a vision.

Jesus walked on the water

only once.

This wasn't science.

What was it the fishermen were

supposed to see.

A man moving over the surface

of the sea as if it were

some other substance like ground.

Was this all there was?

Picture yourself

you are out there on the water

you look at the horizon.

You are so used to seeing that part

of the sky it's become

part of your eyes.

Then you blink, staring

you turn to shake your companion.

This was not what you expected to see.

Not even what you wished for.

What difference does it make

a man walking on the water?

But even so the day

going on as it usually does

is cut with a certain clarity

and you, you feel an inexplicable

happiness, the water

beneath you, the

bright air above.

--Susan Griffin

I look forward to reading your poems!

Making It Happen

clementsaylor@hotmail.com (Catherine) — Tue, 28 Jul 2009 12:31:00 +0000

Whew, life has been crazy lately. So many things out of my control. Our home repairs stalled out due to major plumbing issues, not covered by insurance, of course. We'll need to extend our lease here. William and Louis are taking swimming lessons together this week, but I don't have any pictures because a.) I lost our camera, and b.) Louis cries through the entire lesson. You can imagine the calming effect that has on William too! The children are stressed. We are stressed.

Then this came to me from my devotional:

Stop trying so hard to make it happen.

Stop doing so much, if doing so much is wearing you out or not achieving the desired results. Stop thinking so much and so hard about it. Stop worrying so about it. Stop trying to force, to manipulate, to coerce, or to make it happen.

Making things happen is controlling. We can take positive action to help things happen. We can do our part. But many of us do more than our part. We overstep the boundaries from caring and doing our part into controlling, caretaking, and coercing.

Controlling is self-defeating. It doesn't work. By overextending ourselves to make something happen, we may actually be stopping it from happening.

Do your part in relaxed, peaceful harmony. Then let it go. Just let it go. Force yourself to let it go, if necessary...Put as much energy into letting go as you have into trying to control. You'll get much better results.

It may not happen. It may not happen the way we wanted it to and hoped it would. But our controlling wouldn't have made it happen either.

Learn to let things happen because that's what they'll do anyway. And while we're waiting to see what happens, we'll be happier and so will those around us.

Poetry Wednesday, Vol. 8

clementsaylor@hotmail.com (Catherine) — Wed, 22 Jul 2009 12:25:00 +0000

My mom sent me this poem and it was so beautiful I wanted to share it with everyone. My mom, a native of St. Louis and lifelong Cardinals fan, has a special affinity for the real birds too. A pair of cardinals make their nest in her yard every spring. I remember seeing the baby birds when I was in high school, and my children got to see them this year. This poem reminds me of the way my mom nursed my dad for many years.

"At the Winter Feeder"

His feather flame douse dull

by icy cold,

the cardinal hunches

into the rough, green feeder

but ate no seed.

Through binoculars I saw

festered and useless

his beak, broken

at the root.

Then two, one blazing, one gray,

rode the swirling weather

into my vision

and lighted at his side.

Unhurried, as if possessing

the patience of God,

they cracked sunflowers

and fed him

beak to wounded beak

choice meats.

Each morning and afternoon

the winter long,

that odd triumvirate,

that trinity of need,

returned and ate

their sacrament

of broken seed.

John Leax, professor of English and poet-in-resident at Houghton College

I look forward to reading your poems!

7 Quick Takes, Vol. 16

clementsaylor@hotmail.com (Catherine) — Mon, 20 Jul 2009 04:18:00 +0000

1. After an insane morning (we took William to Mass for the first time since Easter and it did NOT go well), we spent the afternoon at the beach.

We hoped the beach would help William calm down after a morning of meltdowns, and it did, until we left. After rinsing off and wiping down he could still feel sand on his skin, and it was driving him crazy. So he started screaming. The sun was setting and beaches were closing as we drove up Seawall Blvd looking for a place where he could shower. Would you believe we saw a friend of Nathaniel's brother's from Tucson who just moved to Houston and happened to be visiting his brother in Galveston that evening (who kindly let William hose off at his house and peek at the bees he keeps in his backyard)?

2. Would you also believe Nathaniel took the children to the beach by himself when I was gone last week? And brought gourmet meatballs for them to eat? (The twins now call meatballs "beach balls"). And forgot the twins' swimsuits? (minor details, SuperDad... )

3. Speaking of Nathaniel's brother...Joel and Jeannette have received their child assignment! If all goes well, they will be adopting a 2-year-old boy from Ethiopia this fall!

4. Nathaniel took these pictures of the kids when he took them to the Fine Arts Museum while I was gone. The museum is free on Thursdays and has an art station set up for children. (William skipped this trip to go swimming with Tayta).

5. My cousin Jenna is a sophomore at Ohio State University and is keeping a blog on the university website. You will enjoy her very well-written and amusing account of college life.

6. Joanne's blog about her son with autism is another I have really been enjoying lately. Start with her three favorite posts.

7. On our way to the beach, we passed a billboard advertising Ringley Brothers' Barnum & Bailey Circus coming to town for its annual summer show. Every year the children earn free tickets to the circus from our public library for reading 20+ books. The theme for this year's show is "Over the Top, " and as we passed the sign I thought, that's why we won't be going this year, or probably ever again. If you remember your childhood circus experience of peanuts, cotton candy, and elephants, think again. Think rock concert/ electric light show that terrifies your quiet children and sends your hyperactive child into a mania. Anyone want our tickets?

Poetry Wednesday, Vol. 7

clementsaylor@hotmail.com (Catherine) — Wed, 15 Jul 2009 11:38:00 +0000

I arrived home yesterday to much fanfare and a living room full of balloons! I had the best time away, but it's good to be home.

Today I'm reprinting a poem I posted last year (with some cute photos).

Egg
by C.G. Hanzlicek

I'm scrambling an egg for my daughter.
"Why are you always whistling?" she asks.
"Because I'm happy."
And it's true,
Though it stuns me to say it aloud;
There was a time when I wouldn't
Have seen it as my future.
It's partly a matter
Of who is there to eat the egg:
The self fallen out of love with itself
Through the tedium of familiarity,
Of this little self,
So curious, so hungry,
Who emerged from the woman I love,
A woman who loves me in a way
I've come to think I deserve,
Now that it arrives from outside me.
Everything changes, we're told,
And now the changes are everywhere:
The house with its morning light
That fills me like a revelation,
The yard with its trees
That cast a bit more shade each summer,
The love of a woman
That both is and isn't confounding,
And the love
Of this clamor of questions at my waist.
Clamor of questions,
You clamor of answers,
Here's your egg.

I look forward to reading your poems!

Poetry Wednesday, Vol. 6

clementsaylor@hotmail.com (Catherine) — Wed, 08 Jul 2009 02:08:00 +0000

I forgot to leave a poem for Nathaniel to post, so I stopped at a Kinko's in Mississippi to post this. Is that dedication or what? I'm on the road and spent much of the day listening to my good friend and musician Daniel Buchanan's excellent CD devotion (which I highly recommend). I was especially moved by this song...

The Fight

Say hello to the fight
It’s standing next to you
Fighting for what is right
Struggling for what is true

I know how you feel
Dying to get in the play
But listen to me still
You have to stay away

The victory is in sight
It’s there for your sake
But the more you try to fight
the longer it will take

Stop trying and sit
Stop trying and pray
Stop trying and love
Stop trying and trust
Just trust

Say goodbye to the scar
You don’t need that anymore
It’s time for a new start
You’re standing at the door

The battle rages on
You cry for peace and calm
If you want to help
Here is how you can

Stop trying and sit
Stop trying and pray
Stop trying and love
Stop trying and trust
Just trust

Words and Music: Daniel Buchanan
© 2008 Daniel Buchanan

Listen to a sample of this song here. Then, come back and post your own Poetry Wednesday post. Please type in the URL of your post (not your general URL) below and include a link to this post in your post. I look forward to reading your poems!

7 Quick Takes, Vol. 15

clementsaylor@hotmail.com (Catherine) — Mon, 06 Jul 2009 03:00:00 +0000

1. We got a van! With rear a/c! (that was my one requirement)

and a deep trunk for road trips, Costco groceries, and a mega twin stroller.

With the help of the AirCheck Texas program we were able to purchase a 2008 Kia Sedona, which has the safety ratings of a Honda for the price of an American van.

2. Our 1996 Plymouth Voyager ran for a long time but was no match for this 1964 Mustang still going strong after surpassing 540,000 miles.

3. Doesn't that pine tree look ominous in my picture of the van on #1? I've been having this nagging feeling we should get renters' insurance on this place even though we'll only be here eight more weeks. Yikes. On this home's Google maps picture, there are two pine trees in our yard, so I guess they lost one to Ike too.

4. William will be attending several therapeutic horseback riding sessions this summer and hopefully continuing in the fall. He used to be terrified of animals, until Grandma started telling him a bedtime story at her house about life on a farm, including calf birthing and horseback riding. When I snapped this shot, he turned around and called out, "This is for Grandma!!"

5. These two bookworms continue in their unbelievably adorable twin toddler state. Yesterday Louis and I were making cookies and Ben kept calling out, "Coo-coo, Mama!" Everytime he said that Marie would turn to him and correct him, "No, Ben. Coo-KIE."

6. The twins have been really resisting going to bed in their (separate) cribs lately, which until now has been no problem at all since they outgrew their hammocks about six months ago. I've tried singing, patting backs, music boxes, stuffed animals, and one night Louis even crawled into Ben's crib to try to comfort him. But it was all to no avail. Tonight on a whim I laid them down together in my bed after they had both been screaming since the moment I mentioned the word "bed." Instant silence, so I left the room, and in a few minutes they were cuddled up together asleep. I guess they are ready for big kid beds!

7. I am leaving on Tuesday for a weeklong trip and reunion with some of my college roommates. Mr. Auto Post (ie, Nathaniel, as I can never get Blogger to work for me) will continue Poetry Wednesday (as well as performing a marathon parenting week), but other than that, I'm signing off for a bit now.

As always, thank you, Jen, for hosting!

Birthday Boy

clementsaylor@hotmail.com (Catherine) — Fri, 03 Jul 2009 03:52:00 +0000

William turned 6 years old today!

We began the day with presents, which were mostly water toys

that we brought with us to Grandma's this evening

where Tayta joined us too!

William is thrilled with his barometer

but less so with his SCD-legal peach pie that Mama slaved over this afternoon,

which he started to feel sick after eating, which if you remember from last year, is typical for the poor child.

Poetry Wednesday, Vol. 5

clementsaylor@hotmail.com (Catherine) — Wed, 01 Jul 2009 15:00:00 +0000

The Bright Field

I have seen the sun break through

to illuminate a small field

for a while, and gone my way

and forgotten it. But that was the pearl

of great price, the one field that had

the treasure in it. I realize now

that I must give all that I have

to possess it. Life is not hurrying

on to a receding future, nor hankering after

an imagined past. It is the turning

aside like Moses to the miracle

of the lit bush, to a brightness

that seemed as transitory as your youth

once, but is the eternity that awaits you.

--R. S. Thomas

If you'd like to post a poem, please click on the link below and enter your name and the URL of your Poetry Wednesday blog post (not your regular URL). Please include a link back to this post in your post. If you don't have a blog, please consider posting a poem in the comments!