Tippy Toes and Tantrums

Kindness Around the Bay

Kimberly Kauer — Thu, 17 Dec 2009 21:24:38 -0800

Things are hectic as school comes to a pre-holiday close and my plans for kindness drops got a little tripped up - once I set out to leave a Starbucks card, only to realize I left my phone in the car and couldn't document the event, and another time the kids and I were heading to a planned drop location when I discovered I forgot the kindness items at home. Small setbacks in what feels like a successful effort.

Here's what the last two days included:

I left a Starbucks gift card for the office manager/scheduler for our swim school, which is the first item this week I've left for a specific person. She deals with a lot of people, some cranky, but she always manages to make necessary changes happen. Like some other families, we get a gift for our swim instructor, but I wanted to make sure the office manager knew she was appreciated too. I had hoped she's walk away from her station during Rocket's swim lesson, but she didn't, so I had to leave this while she was sitting a few feet away from me. As I took the photo, I could see she was giving me a look that said she thought I was crazy, so I explained what it was and why I was doing it, and while she was thankful, she still looked a little suspicious.

I left a Sudoku book and pen on a bench at the Redwood City train station. I don't know if it was noticed that I'd left something behind, but I'm sure I was watched as I waddled over to the spot in flip-flops, just having come from a pedicure appointment. Timing isn't always my thing. Hopefully the book helped pass the time on the train and brightened one passenger's day.

The kindness drops spread to the East Bay today as I head to Oakland for a meeting. I left a pack of notecards on a bench on Telegraph. The frozen lemonade from Bakesale Betty was all mine, sorry people of Oakland hoping for a free drink.

Finally, I left a little notebook and a pen in Berkeley. Maybe it will become a to-do list or a dream journal, I only hope it made someone smile.

You can follow the progress of - or participate in - Yahoo's You In program here and on Flickr. To help spread kindness, tomorrow I'll select two commenters to each receive a $5 Starbucks gift card. Just leave a comment on any post this week with a way to contact you.

Kindness in a Cup

Kimberly Kauer — Wed, 16 Dec 2009 09:29:00 -0800

Day two of kindness week was fun, especially because it included ice cream.

First I quickly dropped off a new coffee grinder and a pound of Starbucks Christmas blend at the teacher lounge at Clover's school. At the beginning of the month, the subject of coffee came up with a office staffer and she mentioned that the grinder in the lounge was practically dead. I started looking into grinders and while burr grinders appear to be superior, it would have blown my $100 Yahoo! money in one shot, so I decided to get them a regular blade grinder. It may not produce baby fine coffee grinds, but it's better than what they had. What the lounge really needs is an Oprah-sponsored visit from Nate Birkus.

Trying to be stealthy about getting into the lounge, dropping off the package and taking a picture was difficult, especially since I had my tiny sidekick with me. It's nearly impossible to convince a three year old boy to walk quickly and quietly. I told him we were on a top secret spy mission, but he kept putting his finger over his mouth and saying "shoosh!" to anyone we encountered. That doesn't exactly help one to go unnoticed.

We were stopped near one of the office exits by another mom who needed to talk to me. I'm certain she must have thought I was weird because the whole time I felt like I needed to get out of there, like a criminal on the lam, glancing around, acting fidgety. As I talked to her, I realized I hadn't dropped off a package of flavored Coffee-Mate packs that I received at the Silicon Valley Moms Blog holiday party. I thought about sending Rocket back into the lounge with the Coffee-Mate pack, but sending a three year old alone on the stealth mission is asking for failure, so we took off with the Coffee-Mate. I hope the teachers weren't dreaming about artificially flavored vanilla coffee.

After getting all of the carpool kids into the car, we made a totally unprecedented surprise stop at Baskin-Robbins. The other carpool mom is nicer and has been known to stop for milkshakes, but I never stop because I generally want to get carpool over as quickly as possible. The kids first thought I'd lost my mind, but they ripped out of their booster seats and out of the car in record time, trying to get into the store before I changed my mind. I explained the concept of Yahoo's kindness project, but I don't think it stuck. They had a million questions, like "Who is Yahoo?" or "Why are you taking a picture?" which was answered with "I know! She's going to open a shop and she wants to use this picture." I should note that the picture comments did come from my kids, who have grown immune to me photographing everything. With kids, work usually has to happen before the reward, so while they all promised to do something kind without prompting, but I haven't seen any follow through in my house.

Throughout the day I dropped pennies because I know how much excitement a found coin brings to my kids. Dropping coins, especially around Rocket's school felt so odd, like I was trying to lure kids away with a path of pennies. Not the Rocket even noticed the little "clink, clinks" around him as the money fell out of my hands.

The funniest kindness act I've done was mitt removal. My friend lives in a tony neighborhood on a sometimes busy street and one day a few months ago, a furry glove, the kind for washing cars, showed up in one of their trees. We guessed that it landed on the street, but someone put it on the tree in the hopes that the owner would return. My friend was creeped out by the mitt and hoped the situation would resolve itself. Weeks went by, then months. Finally on Monday I picked the mitt out of the tree, threw it away and watched their property value soar. It's all about curb appeal, yo.

You can follow the progress of - or participate in - Yahoo's You In program here and on Flickr. To help spread kindness, at the end of the week, I'll select two commenters to each receive a $5 Starbucks gift card. Just leave a comment on any post this week with a way to contact you.

Spreading Kind on a Rainy Day

Kimberly Kauer — Tue, 15 Dec 2009 06:14:00 -0800

The weather has altered some of my plans of leaving little surprises outside for people, forcing me to be a little more creative. Sunday afternoon, as it began to get dark, Clover and I set out on a stealthy mission. Our first stop was a public school where we wrote some inspirational messages and drawings in chalk on the sidewalk near where the school buses let out. The surprise for me was how excited Clover was to take part in this. She drew happy faces that looked like faces, unlike the face she drew on a birthday card that made my sister ask if "those" were boobs. The things in question were eyes that were particularly large with a tiny pupil, making them look kind of boob-ish. Okay, they looked very boob-ish, but thankfully her chalk drawings all looked like human faces.

As we drove away from the school, it started to sprinkle a little, causing us to worry, but I drove by the school today and the chalk drawings were still there.

Next we drove to a local library branch where I'd planned to leave a Starbucks card outside on top of the book return box. Our main library building is closed this month for renovations, forcing a large number of people into the branches. When I was at the branch last week, each of the computer stations were filled with adults who all appeared to be looking for work, making the branch busier than I'd ever seen it. Unfortunately the book return was not beneath an overhang, as I'd remembered, and I didn't want to leave the card in the rain, so I dropped it in the book return slot, and hopefully it made the day of a librarian this morning. Clover drew a happy face - again, without boobs - on the sidewalk in front of the library.

Our last stop was a community center. The center was closed, but there were a lot of families around back near the soccer fields. I placed a Starbucks card on a bench in front of the building, somewhat shielded from any rain, while Clover did her thing with the chalk.

Day one: success!

Can You Spare Some Kind?

Kimberly Kauer — Mon, 14 Dec 2009 06:29:00 -0800

A friend wrote something about kindness a few weeks ago, saying that once you set out to be kind to others, you become aware of the thousands of decisions you make each day and the number of opportunities you have to impact other people - in a positive or negative way. Her words came back to me the next day when I got cut off by a driver. In that split second before responding, I thought that this was a decision I get to make. A simple fact that I should have realized sooner, but in that instant, I could have honked or flipped them off, but I let it go. Sure, the driver did something negative, but that didn't mean I needed to go there too.

Around the same time of my friend's words, I started following the inspiring Secret Agent L and her "acts of kindness and day brightening." Reading her blog is day-brightening.

Both my friend's words and Secret Agent L were in my mind when I was invited to take part in You In? Or what I keep calling Yahoo! for Good! I was especially lucky when Yahoo! offered me $100 to do some good. People suggested I donate the money to different charitable organizations, but we already give to charity, we give to food banks and we participate in an Adopt-a-Family program. I didn't want the Yahoo! money to go to anything we already do anyway. Not to mention a friend let me off the hook by saying charity isn't kindness. They often intersect like two circles overlapping, but they don't always mean the same thing.

What appeals to me about Secret Agent L is that she's boosting the spirits of potentially anyone. There are many days when I'm exhausted and I've really had enough of my kids squabbling, making dinner, chauffeuring, laundry...the list goes on, and I feel completely unappreciated. I don't need charity, but something small, like a phone call from a friend, makes the difference in a day. A teacher-friend told me that I was a rock star mom recently. I didn't think about it until after, but it really made my day. I told Kevin about it and he shrugged it off for whatever reason, but it still made me feel appreciated. In the mom job, there aren't annual reviews with the chance for praise or god forbid a bonus. "Let's see Kim, you've moved one kid closer to getting out of diapers and the other kid doesn't always gag at the sight of a vegetable. Good work this quarter!" There's no clear finish line in parenting where success can be judged and gold watches handed out for merit.

With that, this week I will set out to do tiny acts of mostly anonymous kindness that I hope will brighten days for those unsuspecting. It started with a penny left near a wishing well in the hopes that another person's wish will come true. When I left the penny and explained to Clover what I was doing, she said "Ohhhkay," in a way that conveyed she'd rather flip that last penny into the little well (she'd tossed two already), but she went along with it. About an hour later, as we crossed a busy street, she gasped and picked up a penny that appeared to have been on that road for a long time. "We got it back!" she exclaimed. "We left that penny and now we got a new one," she explained when it was clear I didn't know what she meant. Yes, this is what happens, I told her. When you do something good, it comes back to you. Not always so quick, and rarely as precise as a penny for a penny, but it does come back. If only all lessons were as clearly demonstrative.

I want to share the kindness with you. At the end of the week, I'll pick two commenters and send them each a $5 Starbucks card. You can comment once a day and I'll pick the winners at 5 p.m. pst Friday. To enter, you only need to leave a comment with a way to reach you (as long as it is visible to me, such as in your sign in), but on your honor, I'd like to ask that you do something kind for someone else. Hold open a door, say thank you, tell someone you appreciate them. (For inspiration, you can visit You In? or the companion Flickr group.)

It doesn't have to be big. Sometimes the smallest gesture means the most.

What to Buy for Teacher Gifts

Kimberly Kauer — Sun, 13 Dec 2009 21:21:00 -0800

"What do teachers like to get?" one mom asked during the talk given by teacher Phil Done recently when the subject of holiday gifts came up. Every mom in the room leaned in closer to get the inside scoop. Some grabbed a pen to make sure this moment wasn't missed. Here's what he said:

*Gift certificates, especially to teacher supply stores or art stores because sadly, many teachers buy classroom supplies out of pocket and the gift certificates help.

*Movie passes.

*A card from the parent, even just one line saying the teacher's work is appreciated means a lot.

He said one of the most memorable and greatest gifts was the year his class mom organized a week's worth of lunches for him during the week prior to the holiday break. That last week before the holiday tends to be hectic, making it an especially great week to have someone else take care of lunch. Each day that week a different family brought him lunch and it wasn't boring PB&J, making Done the envy of his fellow teachers.

I am a big fan of the class gift when it comes to buying something for teachers. Going in as a group results in a bigger and better gift for the teacher, but I mostly love group gifts because they are easy. For Rocket's preschool, I wrote one check to the mom taking care of the gift for his three teachers, letting me cross off three gifts in well under a minute. For Clover's class, I'm the person collecting for the gift.

Done's list made me feel particularly good because we've always done gift cards and I write a note to the teachers at the end of each year. Last year our class gave Clover's teachers Amex gift cards, which seem to be a popular teacher gift around here. However, afterward I polled a few teachers and they unanimously agreed on the best gift: cash money.

Cash feels tacky and kind of weird. I should note that Clover's school does not issue grades, so there's no feeling of payola or preferential treatment when it comes to giving gifts. Amex or similar cards have fees and are frequently difficult to use in their entirety, making them more of a headache than cash, the teachers told me. So following their suggestion, we're giving cash. Plus a laundry basket because boy, that room really needs one.