Tiki Tiki Blog

Love Is Not a Telenovela

Contributor — Mon, 06 Feb 2012 12:45:56 +0000

Pan Dulce Says “I Love You”

By Cynthia Martinez

When I was younger, and still in the dating scene, I thought boyfriends never loved me. Not one of them ever expressed love towards me with confetti, pan dulce, and/or over the top novela-like scenes.

And I equated that lack of action as them not being interested. I just couldn’t understand why everyone wouldn’t just express their love for me by going into a rendition of Sandra Cisneros’ You Bring Out The Mexican In Me.

For those of you who have never read the poem, she basically says, love makes her violent and over-dramatic. And I totally feel she’s talking about me and 99 percent of my female cousins (like all families, we have that one token “normal” prima).

My family had taught me to love someone by yelling, crying, and throwing food at them — all while wearing something out of Walter Mercado’s closet. Not by saying… I love you…because, who says that?

So there I went from relationship to relationship, wondering why all men were clueless jerks. And the men perhaps wondering why I would offer them pan dulce every time they said I love you. But in my defense, who shows love with just words?

After several of my relationships ended due to lack of communication from speaking different emotional languages, I found myself passionately re-enacting a Delores del Rio scene where I cried and threw stuff, because that’s how I was taught to show heartbreak. Yes, I learned how to love off a soap opera.

I only knew how to love in one extreme or another.With several heartbreaks I found myself going on various man-hating voyages. You know the kind…the one where you swear off men, but secretly find yourself wondering what your future husband will look like as you eat your emotions away with some fancy ice cream, while telling 99 percent of your primas your plans for becoming the Asexual Woman of the New Millennium. Needless to say I was one very dramatic teenager/young 20–something.

But Then I Grew Up

But then something happened…I grew up. I started to analyze my life and how I communicated with those around me . I found that emotionally, I was a horrible communicator…and just maybe, that could have been why I chose people who could not communicate with me in return…just maybe. Because the truth was I acted out the emotions of love, but never truly allowed people to feel them.

Up until my mid-20s, I had always thought that to love was loud, in your face, and proud — much like those novelas I was addicted to as a child. Anything less than that… was not love in my book. Instead of simplifying my love life and stating how I felt, I hoped they would guess by how much confetti I threw at them. And instead of enjoying and feeling the moment someone told me they loved me, I found myself waiting for them to prove it with a Juan Gabriel song (which by the way is still the best way to make my heart melt).

I’m not saying those actions were not love, they just weren’t the most effective ways to express it, and most importantly, not the type of love I was truly looking for. There is something to be said in knowing that “I Love You” is all you need to feel loved.

With time I found I lessened my novela re-enactments and increased stating words that made people feel loved. I found that love was best enjoyed when expressed and felt in a manner that was conductive to growth, and not based on the heated display of an emotion.

Eventually, I even found a man who speaks the same emotional language as I do: he too suffers occasional caprichos and carries confetti in his car for my enjoyment.

Y Tu?

How do you express love, and how has it affected the relationships in your life?

Cynthia Martinez spends her days trying all the newest fad diets and nights shoving her face with pan dulce, because isn’t that what all good Latinas do? After leaving the world of labor relations to pursue her artistic passions, Cynthia can now be found writing over at Fat Girl Escapades.

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del alma: On Amigas

Carrie — Mon, 06 Feb 2012 07:00:27 +0000

dicho: “Amistades que son ciertas, mantienens la puertas abiertas.”

I got a text the other day from my best friend from grade school. We hung together tightly from the 4th grade to the 10th. Our day-to-day closeness ending only because I moved to another state.

As we connected back and forth last week via tiny keyboards, I thought about the fact it has been 36 years since we met.

That’s like a million years in these modern times, isn’t it?

We stayed friends though it would have been easy to let go. There were, and are, 900 miles between us. There was no Facebook, no email back then to make it easier.

I used to spend the night at her house a lot. I was a flaca and her parents fed me a lot of Cuban food. Her mother chaperoned our group outings, took us to a teen disco in Miami called “Forest” (anybody remember that place?) and sat in the lobby with all the other mamis who clutched purses in their prim laps. Her sister tutored me in math. A lot!

It was a lifetime ago, and yet, just yesterday.

I watch my 8-year-old daughter, and see her deep love of some friends, and I hope that though her heart will break sometime, though friendships will be lost to time and fall outs, she’ll have old friends forever. The kind who will know her before there were boys, babies and crows feet. And way before las canas.

It’s almost Valentine’s Day. I tell my husband I love him everyday. But, I’m feeling el deseo to tell my amigas, que las quiero mucho.

I believe it’s our amigas de la vida who most often get us, know us, love us in the most intimate way. Some of the moments that shine and pop the most in my heart were moments made with girlfriends.

And amen, we all need real friends who knew us “when” and “before.”

And still love us.

Y Tu?

Have you told an amiga lately how much you love her?

“Friendship is a strong and habitual inclination in two persons to promote the good and happiness of one another.” –Eustace Budgell

Disclosure: This del alma is sponsored by Hallmark and the Life is a Special Occasion campaign. To receive notices on Hallmark products and special offers sign up for the newsletter.

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Dicho del Dia: Silence is Gold

Carrie — Fri, 03 Feb 2012 12:34:37 +0000

Silencio. Taken Zozocolco de Hidalgo, Veracruz-Llave, MX.

“La Palabra es Plata, el Silencio Oro.”

Dicho Translation: “Words are silver, silence is gold.”

Remember that antes que metas la pata, remember that before you give your opinion otra vez. Remember that before you plug-in to something electronic again.

Silence. Still. Zen. No patas in mouths.

Nice, right?

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Remembering Your First Flan

Carrie — Sat, 28 Jan 2012 13:05:37 +0000

Vanessa's Flan Cubano

A Latina Never Forgets…her First Flan

It could be argued, I did not fully embrace my Cuban-American identity until I made my first flan.

I was around 28, un poco vieja for a Cuban kid from Miami to be making a first flan. Pero, I had been afraid of failing. It looked so hard to make…and so easy to just buy.

Pero, in Nashville, back then, I couldn’t just buy flan. Plus, it was a shame that my gringo husband made an awesome flan.

Que pena!

And so, I dove in.

The hardest part was making the caramel. I failed so often. For reasons still unknown to me, the sugar and water combo failed to caramelize. I stood at my stove stirring and stirring and stirring and all I usually got was a bubbling, clear liquid so hot I feared losing skin if I touched it.

Or, the caramel burned.

Que peste!

I don’t stir it much anymore and at last, I know just when to remove it from the stove.

But, for years, I faked caramel by layering brown sugar in the pan before pouring in the egg and milks mixture. A cheat taught to me by Oscar, my genius partner at Los Pollitos Dicen.

Those first flans were made with fear, but they were delicious, even if they were not truly authentic. Now, around here, I am famous for my traditional Cuban flan. Oh yes, I am.

Do You Remember Your First Flan?

I asked other Latina friends about their first flans, and got a fabulous variety of answers, plus some recipes to make awesome desserts.

So, grab a cafecito because, aqui vamos.

My First Flan

Flan y Cubanas. We go together like el gordo and cake. My childhood was no different, especially during the holidays. We’d feast, talk and when it was time for desert, an elderly women would retreat to the kitchen and emerge with the most glorious vision to be seen: flan! That golden custard, smooth as a baby’s bottom and without even a single crack, was the evening’s trophy. But how were these mysterious creations made? From what I can tell, you just opened the frig and there they were! There was no slaving over the stove top, chopping countless ingredients. So, this year, when it was time to host my very first Noche Buena, I decided to figure out the mystery. I finally made my first flan.

Even if I did cheat with a box of Goya, I was proud to be Cubana while watching my family devour the rookie flan. But the creme de la crepe came when that wiggly little thing successfully plopped itself, in one piece, onto the serving platter. What a glorious feeling!

As I whispered to all my Cuban ancestors, delicately tapping the bottom of my baking dish, I held my breathe as I revealed one solid piece of custard. I am officially a bonafide Cubana!

Flan y Cubanas and me. We just go together.

Vanessa of De Su Mama

I Only Eat My Own Flan

“I never liked Flan until I made it myself. OMG! It’s so good. But I only eat it when I make it because I find that many people make it to “eggy” or to “Jello-y.” Does that make sense? I posted my first & only Flan recipe back in 2009. It’s rich and creamy.

Lisa Perez of New York Chica

Once Fearful of Burning the Sugar

I was always afraid to make flan because I would burn the sugar or not get it right at all… till Daisy Martinez showed me. I was so afraid when I tried it at home by myself for Thanksgiving in 2011 but I got it right! I was SO proud of myself. My family nom nom’d it all up.

Rachel White of Digital Latina.

Caramel on the Floor

The first time I made Roxana´s MIL flan de queso it came out perfect. The second time I was a bit too confident and the caramel-making process became a disaster. I have no idea what I did, but all I remember is it all fell onto my kitchen floor and I spent the next hours scraping caramel off the floor!

Ana Flores of Spanglish Baby

Flan is Good for the Ego

I made my first flan at 10 or 11-years-old. I thought it was dead easy because all the ingredients went into the blender and then into the baking pan.
My mother helped with the caramel and the water bath, though, and the flan was a huge success. From that day on, I am convinced that everything I cook is a hit…lol… It was good for my young ego.

Morena Cuadra of Peru Delights

Gave Up On First Flan

My first flan was Christmas Eve 2001. I remember it clearly because the whole evening was a disaster. The water bath was too high and started boiling and spilling all over the oven. When I tried to pull it out of the oven I burned myself. I ended up leaving the flan on the stove – I gave up on it, because we were late for the late night Christmas Eve church service.

We arrived at church, only to have my younger son, (then not even 2-months-old), projectile vomit all over the row of nicely dressed people in front of us during the very beautiful candlelight service. We left early, obviously, but the baby continued to get sick all over the car and wouldn’t stop.

We spent the rest of Christmas Eve and Christmas Day at the hospital. (My parents picked up our older son and took him to their house. He cried, worried Santa wouldn’t know where to bring his gifts.) The baby was okay in the end – a healthy 10-year-old today, but because of everything that transpired that evening, I’ll never forget my first flan.

Tracy López of Latinaish

Cheater’s Flan

My First Flan was courtesy of my lying, cheating boyfriend at Yale. Called Cheater’s Flan. The relationship didn’t last but the flan did and over the years, I baked the cheater out of it, making it my signature dish!

Viviana of The Wise Latina Club

Sometimes, You Use Box Flan

I think I used the Goya box too – maybe? But there were eggs, something about whisking, and I burned the sugar… I don’t even remember. Then there was some upsidedown-ness I had to do… gosh it was like 100 years ago. It was during my dessert-phase.

Li of Her Deep Thoughts

Maybe It’s Photoshop?

I recently made my first flan (intento de quesillo) and though it came out looking good – caramel making was a disaster. When I told my 80-year-old grandmother about it she laughed. I showed her a picture and told her “But look how good it came out!” she said: “That’s probably photoshop!” PLOP!

Helena of Pink Guayoyo

First Flan: What’s the Worst that Can Happen?

Success!

To be honest I had never even made a flan before and always left the flan making to my sister. But being that I had some pumpkin puree leftover I figured why not. It’s only a few ingredients and what’s the worst that can happen?

Yvette Marquez-Sharpnack of Muy Bueno Cookbook on her Tres Leches Pumpkin Flan

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How to Make Perfect Flan Caramel (Recipe)

Contributor — Sat, 28 Jan 2012 12:36:56 +0000

Making Flan Caramelo

Making Flan Caramel

By Bren Herrera

Okay, chicas and fellas (those gutsy enough to explore beyond grilled cheese and eggs), making flan is not rocket science.

It is, however, an art and one that requires a certain level of technique.

I’ve been toying, for lack of a better word, with making flan for over 15 years and I’m still always learning something new. That’s really only because I love thinking outside the box and find a need to create mucho sabores. The classic vanilla flan is extraordinary and I’d say the most popular one, but why stop there!? It’s such a decadent, rich and creamy postre that deserves sitting on a pretty pedestal of colorful and aromatic flavors.

You can see more of all those luscious flan creations here. For now, the one trick to making a superb flan is the caramelo. I hear a lot of grunts and
frustrated home bakers when they’ve either burned their sugar or didn’t get the right color.

Tips for Making Flan Caramel

Know that the amount of sugar you are working with will depend on the size of flan you’re making. Start with 3/4 cup of granulated sugar for an 8-inch flan mold.
Use the mold that you’re baking the flan in. This will eliminate transferring the caramel and will minimize wasting some good, good, stuff.
When caramelizing sugar, make sure to constantly stir with a wooden spoon, so as to prevent clumping and burning!
If using a gas stove, keep your heat at medium temperature but continue to stir until sugar has melted down to a liquid. Gas stoves will liquify quicker. If using an electric stovetop, keep temperature at medium to high, continuing to stir until it has completely liquified and you’ve achieved a lovely cognac color.

Y ahi! You should have a perfect caramel to coat your flan mold.

Flanboyant Eats Flan Recipes

Earl Grey Flan by Bren Herrera

Try these recipes from my blog, Flanboyant Eats, and let me know how you do.

Cinnamon Creme Flan, a delicious combination of creme cheese, cinnamon and dark Jamaican rum.
Goat Cheese Flan with Brandy Reduction Sauce, the reduction is made with French Brandy and apple cranberry juice.
9 Spice Rum and Ginger Flan, a sexyt flan for two recipe to make for a sweetheart, or for just for you, of course.

Bren Herrera is a professional singer/songwriter, classically trained cellist, self-taught chef and published writer. The Cuban-born Herrera, who lives in Atlanta, writes the food blog, Flanboyant Eats, and the fashion site, B So Chic!

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Worthy of Love

Contributor — Wed, 25 Jan 2012 07:00:56 +0000

Wrong Men, Wrong Choices

by Sujeiry Gonzalez

Once upon a time there was a girl in her 20s who loved the wrong men.

The men she longed for were never available. Not emotionally or otherwise.

But they were fine.

Donning goatees and blessed with a nose with a long bridge, the squinty-eyed fellows caught Sujeiry’s attention instantly. She’s not half bad either. Her long and full hair can go from curly to straight. Her exuberant smile warms a room. And let’s not forget her tiny, yet round Dominican booty.

The story continues with a culprit – a bottle of Bacardi mixed with Coca Cola and bouts of insecurity. Drunk dialing was this 20-something’s poison. She’d stand on street corners and yell into her cell phone: “WHY WON’T YOU LOVE ME!”

She sobbed on shoulders and crumbled on bar stools. She emailed long accusatory letters only to later regret her pendeja*a. You see, Sujeiry was once unsure of her worth.

And so she chose the wrong men.

Men who cheated. Men who didn’t reciprocate her love. Men who left her for the ghosts of exes past.

Those were her Love Trips – the journey and relationship stumbles that have led to the present moment where she realizes she is amazing.

Making Better Choices

I know I am amazing.

At 33-years-old, I make better choices. My experiences haven’t brought me down or embittered me. On the contrary, they have served a purpose. I am more aware of my actions and myself. I know the motivation and intention behind my words and choices.

No longer a naïve and insecure 20-something, I refuse to chase men. I demand to be courted and respected. See that cutie by the bar? If he digs me, he must approach me. If he wants to get to know me, he must wander over, stand beside me and talk to me. Offer me a drink (Bacardi and Coca Cola is still my favorite) and, before the night ends, ask for my number.

This wasn’t always the case. I wasn’t always this strong and wise. We all have our weak moments, don’t we? We, as women, often put ourselves second and third and fourth. We don’t always give ourselves enough value.

I was once that girl. A girl in her 20s who loved the wrong men.

Until she realized she is worthy of love.

Sujeiry Gonzalez is the author of “Love Trips: A Collection of Relationship Stumbles,” from a collection of columns for Blogger, MiGente and SiTV. Her comedic personality, unique voice and talent have led her to pen relationship highs and lows for Latina magazine and online sites such as SoLatina and Mamiverse. Find her stories, videos and much more on LoveSujeiry.com.

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Are You Losing Your Spanish?

Carrie — Mon, 23 Jan 2012 12:50:38 +0000

Take Our Poll

Hablas el Spanish?

This poll is for the second- and third- and plus-generation Latinos who were born, or have grown up, in the United States.

Inspired by the story in February’s Latina magazine titled, Are We Losing Our Language?

It appears many of us are.

Only 38 percent of third-generation Latinos in the U.S. — those of us with abuelitos born elsewhere — can speak Spanish proficiently. However, 79 percent of the second generation — those of us with foreign-born parents — are proficient. Those stats are from the story, as found in a Pew Hispanic Center survey.

My mother and grandparents immigrated from Cuba to Miami 10 years before I was born. I find myself searching for words, and worrying I may totally mess up my Miami Spanish, when I speak to a native speaker from Central and South America. And, my daughter — third generation — is way less proficient at Spanish than I was at her age.

Though we spoke Spanish to our older relatives when they were living, I find I communicate mostly in English with my cousins and relatives. Not so much Spanish, anymore.

Here’s a column by Monique Frausto, a non-Spanish-speaking Mexican-American, that goes to the heart of the Latina magazine story.

So, how are you feeling about your Spanish?

Dimelo.

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Share Your Story

Carrie — Mon, 23 Jan 2012 07:00:11 +0000

Our Mother/Daughter "Gratitude and Goals" book

Keeping the Resolution to Connect

On most evenings before tuck-in now in 2012, my daughter and I sit on her bed, open a fat, blank book and list our “Gratitude and Goals.”

Simple gratitude for the day that has been, and goals for mañana.

We’re doing it to exercise a muscle I want her to develop into adulthood. The one that gives you faith and patience, hope and “Si se puede.”

And, I won’t lie, to lay the foundation for a tradition that will keep us talking, keep us connected and sharing stories at the end of the day.

We talk a lot now, this daughter of mine and I. Mostly, in the car is when the big questions and conversations happen — everything from her learning to say words-you-don’t-say and why, how families are created and what she’d do if she owned a zoo. Stuff like that.

I imagine that one day, she won’t want to talk to me as much. First, there is the adolescence que me da susto, and second, my daughter is a writer in bloom. No surprise there, with two writers for parents. But, writers can be solitary and moody. (Yes, even those of us who don’t mind putting their crazy on YouTube.)

At the end of the day, when we sit to write in our shared book, this 8-year-old shows me what she has written in her own journal. I keep wondering when her journal will become off-limits to me.

So, as she grows and creates the story of her own life, I want her one day to look at the pages we wrote together and remember not just the moments we wrote about, but the connection that created the words on those pages.

I can hope, anyway.

Y tu?

How do you share stories of your day to day, or of your childhood, with your child?
Do you keep a journal to record the story of your life?

Disclosure: This del alma is sponsored by Hallmark and the Life is a Special Occasion campaign. To receive notices on Hallmark products and special offers sign up for the newsletter.

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Stuff Guys Say to Cuban Girls (Video)

Carrie — Tue, 17 Jan 2012 03:14:52 +0000

click the headline link to see the videos.

OK, we are a little bit addicted to these Things People Say videos on YouTube, and watching them has brought up stuff people have said to me and others about being Latina, about being a cubanita.

So, here is Sh*t Guys Say to Cuban Girls and a playlist of videos we’ve put together of the best of these with Latin flavor. (And by the way, more than half of what’s in the video has been said to me directly.)

You must, must watch the MTV Tr3s video about Abuelas located in the playlist below. I nearly tinkled in my pantalones. That Abuela has to be a cubana!

De Madre!

Sh*t Guys Say to Cuban Girls

A Things People Say Playlist con Sabor

We have created a list of videos on this topic that have made us laugh…and check out the Abuelas!

and if you missed the previous video:

Caca that Cubans Say

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Caca that Cubans Say (Video) NSFW

Carrie — Mon, 16 Jan 2012 13:32:48 +0000

Click on the headline link to see the videos

Have you seen all those funny videos “Shit White Girls Say to Black Girls“; “Shit Spanish Girls Say?”; “Shit Gay Southern Guys Say?”

How about “Shit Salvadorans Say” by a favorite Tiki Tiki contributor and writer, Tracy Lopez?

They’ve all been a spinoff of the popular YouTube series starring actress Juliette Lewis.

Well, I got to thinking about it and my people, the Cubans, talk about caca a lot. So, in honor of viral videos about shit things people say, here is Shit Cubans Say.

*And I apologize for the S-word. We usually it muy clean here…and using mierda so much isn’t what I like to do online…pero mama, it’s just too fun right now. It’s all in good comedy. Or Act-ing!

Maybe the next one needs to be Sh*t Cuban Parents Say?

Below is a little collection of videos to the theme that are pretty funny.

Sh*t Salvadorans Say

Sh*t Spanish Girls Say

(listen for the Maaaaaa!)

Sh*t Latina Girls Say

(with abuelitas in appearance)

Sh*t White Girls Say to Black Girls: 2

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