The Muse of love, art, cash, strategy, worship, desire, wellness, beauty, business plans.

Don’t you adore her? Do you…adore her? Actively? Adore.

Muses simply must be adored. They’re as grandiose as they are generous. They like to be respected. If you meet them half way, they’ll give you the moon, the breakthrough concept, the stroke of…genius. Dis’ your muse and she’s likely to stop dropping by. She’s righteous. Genius is like that.

As Elizabeth Gilbert (Eat, Pray, Love) puts it in her freshly legendary TED Talk, we’ve made “a huge error in believing that creative genius comes from the Self,” rather than a greater source outside of us. Can you hear the Muses saying, “Yeah baby. Got that right. You say it sister.”

There are a zillion starry ideas floating in the milky way and they need you as much as you need them. Genius is looking for a vehicle. You gotta pimp your ride.

HOW TO DO RIGHT BY THE MUSE

1. Drop everything when she shows up.
In an interview with Neil Young, Charlie Rose asks Neil about following his muse. (You won’t hear this in the clip below.)

Charlie: “So if you get an idea at say, a dinner party, if you hear a tune or a lyric, do you excuse yourself form the party?”
Neil: “Of course. You never know when she’ll (The Muse) come again. I’m responsible to her.”

When you feel an idea comin’ on, excuse yourself. Pull over to the side of the road. Get lost in the creative flow. Be late. Barge in. (Eccentricity makes Muses especially horny.)

2. Have your tools ready.
Master-writer Anne Lamott, keeps 3×4 white note cards and pens in every purse and drawer and vehicle to capture thoughts that float out as quickly as they float in. If I leave home without my kraft Moleskine and blue medium point PaperMate pens, I feel discombobulated, like I might miss my train. Keep a notepad by your night stand. Leave yourself a voice mail. Don’t assume that the best ideas will come back to you.

3. Go looking for her.
You know where she likes to party: the art gallery, by the lake, on your morning run, when the stereo is cranked and the lights are low, in the stillness of a church or forest, when you first wake up. Set the stage and chances are she’ll take to it.

4. Engage her.
She’s busy, for sure, but The Muse LOVES it when you actually play with her. When she drops an idea in your bucket you can ask her what the hell she’s thinking. You can ask her what chapter should come next, or where to look for funding. She could yammer ’til dawn and before you know it, you’ve mapped out your magnum opus.

5. Do what she tells you to do.
Ignore your muse at your own peril. She doesn’t always have it right, or maybe we don’t always hear her clearly, but the more you heed her wisdom, the faster you get to drive on the Creative Awesomeness Highway. You and The Muse in the diamond lane. Godspeed.

“There’s no such thing as a mistake.” Ha!

This is one of my favourite New Age doozers. Puhleez. Like, getting hosed because you didn’t get it in writing wasn’t a major drag. And spilling your friend’s secret to the wrong person burnt that bridge to a crisp. Or not saying “yes!” to the one that got away – well, THAT sucked. There are such things as mistakes. Major screw-ups and human stupidity happen to the best of us. The rest of us are in denial.

And yes, yes, mistakes are positively divine, each one moves us forward – even the ones that flip your world upside down. I’ve never made a mistake that I didn’t learn to love. But before we spiritualize and varnish the error of our ways, it’s incredibly useful to put our faux pas under the microscope. It’s liberating. It’s grown up. It’s dignified. And best of all, once you see your mistakes for what they are – you are more certain to good and truly move on!

Give it a go: Admit to your mistakes. Just admit it. No one else is listening. Make a pathetic, grizzly list of all the “sooo should not have’s” in your life. Don’t resist it. Clean house! (I’ll go first: should not have done a 50/50 deal with X, should not have shared the news that G’s wife was having an affair with his…sister, should not have struck a “creative control” deal with last publisher, should not have gotten B’s name tattooed on my ass.)

I wager that rather than feeling grossed out, you might get kind of giddy – eventually. You could feel the rush of knowing better, the delight of being the wiser for your wear. A subtle sense of compassion may start wafting into your being. Okay, maybe you still feel like a total dork. But find solace in your maturity. Because it takes courage to look your life squarely in the eye and admit your humanity. Humility clears the path to higher knowing…or a good laugh.

Are public relations a big mystery to you? Have you avoided creating your PR plan because you just don’t know where to start? Well the good news is most PR is free and I’m going to show you how to begin. Here are 3 success tips that you can implement RIGHT now to get the exposure you need to be seen as an expert and to become a “go to” person in your field.

Success Tip #1. Know What You Want to Say and Who You Want to Say It To: What is the main point you want to get across? My example is “Self employment is the best road to happiness — you absolutely can be paid to do the things you enjoy doing.” Who are you talking to? Is your ideal customer/client within your local geographic area or are they national? Get clear on who you love to serve. Individuals or businesses. Consider demographics: gender, age, income level, educational level, etc.

Success Tip #2. Define which media you want to approach – what are your customers/clients reading and listening to? Which magazines, blogs, ezines are they reading? What radio stations or podcasts do they listen to? Which social networking (Facebook, Linked In) groups are they participating in? What has their interest right now? What problems do they have?

Success Tip #3. Create your own media list. Here are great resources to get you started:

The Internet Public Library (http://www.ipl.org/div/news) lists newspapers for each state and all over the world. You can also choose subject areas and find blogs and groups you may want to get active in.

Technorati’s Top 100 Blogs (http://technorati.com/pop/blogs).

TVA Productions provides a media directory on their site with listings of major networks and cable programs. Once you identify those you’re interested in, you’ll need to Google to get current contact information.

MediaOnTwitter bwiki (http://www.mediaontwitter.com). This tool can help you find specific media contacts. And don’t be afraid to pick up the phone to call and ask for the appropriate contact person’s email address.

Bacon’s Media Directories: You can find these directories in the library: one for newspapers, one for magazines, one for TV/Cable, one for Internet — they’re pricey at about $495 each so you probably don’t want to get your own unless you’re doing a lot of research and “pitching”.

Are you tired of trying again and again?

Are you are bored of doing what you don’t want to do?

If you no longer believe in ‘Never Give Up’….

If you believe your old pattern of life can’t work anymore….

If you are too stressed and unhappy…

Then why don’t you give up? Free yourself!

Just give up and release your worries, fears,resentments, failures and guilt. At work or in your personal life, if you think you are failing again and again and it is not working for you, even after putting in all your energies and best efforts….just give up.

If people are not happy with you or if you believe that you are not made for something, then there is no point in hanging on. Maybe you have reached the end of the cycle and need to move on to another chapter in your life. Life is nudging you to move ahead through your discontent and unhappiness.

Do what You (your larger, universal self) are inspiring you (your smaller, everyday self) to do.

Do what makes you laugh and what you want to do repeatedly. Go where you can excel and show your best. Be with people who love and appreciate you. When you are fulfilled, there is no place for stress, unhappiness and repeated failures in life.

It is never easy to change professions or leave old, lifeless relationships behind. You might have commitments or social and personal responsibilities. But remember, you have one chance at this life and half of it may already be gone. The big question is: if not now, then when? When will you find the courage to live an authentic life where you are true to yourself?

Wake up now and get going. Make some plans and shake off your lethargy. Find yourself before you lose your will. Start from scratch or with your plan — but just start! Give up your excuses and get ready to embrace a new beginning with new hope. You deserve to be fulfilled and at peace. Don’t you?

“So sorry, I’ve been busy.”
“I’m just so busy with…”
“I’ve been too busy too…”

Busy? Get in line.

If I ever tell you that, “I’m so sorry that I’ve been too busy to…” then I’ll pay $500 bucks to your favourite charity and get you a year’s supply of Haagen Dazs bars. Of course I’m busy. That’s life. That’s my life. That’s most people’s lives. Grown up humans tend to be…busy. Add kids, or business start ups, or illness into the mix and you have…much more of life to be busy about.

“I’m just so busy,” is the typically gasping, rushed, whiny refrain that’s become a contemporary anthem. It doesn’t make us look more important, it makes us look just-this-side-of-frazzled. It’s typically used as a lite apology, an excuse, a duck-out, as if your Life Master is making you do stuff that you don’t want to do. Even as a well-intended social pleasantry, “Sorry, I’ve been busy,” has a little victim ring to it.

Whatever is on your plate got there because you said yes to it – in the fullness of ambition and desire and wanting to eat life whole. Sometimes we take on to-do’s and commit to climb mountains because our soul demands it. Sometimes life throttles us with unforeseen and unrelenting demands. Sometimes busyness is the result of keeping up with the Joneses. Busy can be good. Busy can be bad. Busy is most often a choice.

The “busier than our predecessors…age of technology…workaholic culture,” argument. I don’t buy it. Yes, we appear to be more compulsive, less nuclear, and surviving on less sleep than the pioneers, but their lives were just as packed. They were extremely busy planting potatoes and raising barns, and surviving from sunup to sundown (they got more sleep than we do on average because they didn’t have the luxuries that light bulbs afford, and they did more physically exhausting work.) The fifties housewife was just as busy. Before eco-evil but ever-so-handy tools like disposable diapers, the Swifer and microwaves, June Cleaver had to work it.

“Sorry, I’ve been busy,” is often used to appease busy-bodies – the kind of people who email you to double check if you got their email from yesterday, or their thank you note.

So what do you tell ‘em when you’re late? When you can’t fit another moment into your daytimer, when you have to send regrets, or pass on a sweet opportunity? Tell them the truth. Report on life, rather than whining about it. Deliver it with ease or with pride if you’re inclined. “Been in five cities in four weeks. The kids all had the flu. It’s tax season, you know.” Let people meet you in your clear truth rather than your apologetic panic.

And sometimes, many times, you don’t need to excuse yourself at all. Just show up. Present and accountable, full of life and its demands. We all understand.

I often feel like the horses in Central Park. You know, those horses with blinkers on, pulling their carriages, trotting up and down the cobblestone path. I imagine that the blinkers help to keep me focused on my life’s purpose. The blinkers force me to set my sights dead straight ahead and as I toil on, I don’t hear the laughter of children, nor do I notice how the seasons dress and undress the mighty oak. All day, everyday, I trot up and down, offering giddy lovers a ride in my carriage, surrounded by joy, yet not imbuing any of it. Is this my destiny? Will life pass me by like this too?

Most of us spend our entire lives in the relentless pursuit of happiness. We pull our blinkers on, determined to find this elusive bliss, dismissing anyone or anything that comes in the way of us and our pursuit. Then one day, we suddenly arrive at the end of our lives, exhausted and disillusioned. Our tired eyes tell the story of one that tried but failed as we mutter, “Bliss kept eluding me.” And with that we lay down to the ultimate defeat as Bliss whispers….

But I beckoned to you, and you chose to bury your nose in your work instead of going to camp beneath the stars with your son.

I reached out to you in the form of the sun slowly sinking in the horizon over the Indian Ocean, but you wanted to rush home so you could catch the last 5 minutes of the football match.

I called out to you through the cries of your newborn but you lamented that you had lost your sleep.

I walked by your side, but like the horses that pull carriages in Central Park, you held on to blinkers, set your sights straight ahead and searched for me as if I were a destination to be reached.

And therein she revealed herself. Bliss is not a destination, for if you perceive her as such, she will surely elude you and remain forever a distant, unfulfilled dream.

Everyday Bliss reveals herself in all her splendor and glory. She is in the gurgling of a newborn, the smile of a child and the longing gaze of a lover. She walks this path with us every moment of every day to make our life’s journey meaningful. She is in the mundane pockets of happiness and in every moment she beckons to you.

So come, sit with me on this white sand, and as the sun slowly sinks over the horizon, listen to her twinkling laughter as she dances on the water’s edge.

I do not claim to have been born with a halo, chanting hymns or solutions to life. After a lot of trial and error I did manage to stumble into a formula that worked for me and keeps me going. Along the path, several well wishers and mentors have given me interesting directions and inputs. Some made sense, some had to be adapted and some obviously left by the way side.

One such input is the Three Bucket Theory and I think this is relevant to a lot of others out there in the world and so would like to share this with everyone. Here goes!

A typical career spans three decades plus starting from the 20’s and going on till the 50’s. These thirty odd years should be split up into three buckets or segments of ten years each.

In the First Bucket, one needs to focus on learning. This learning should be all encompassing and not self limiting in any manner. One should have an open mind and learn about the working styles, organization styles, people, communication, teams, practical tips, etc. In short anything new and unknown needs to be explored and learnt in depth. Herein lies an inherent trap. Most youngsters who start their career are educated and have spent a past decade and a half learning or rather studying. Often, they mistake this studying to be a substitute for learning and more dangerously act as if there is very little if at all anything left to learn.

I quote an old Tamil adage: “What one learns is usually a fistful, whereas what is left to be learnt is an entire universe”. Anyone operating with this thought during the first bucket would stand to benefit immensely in the other buckets. A word of caution though — remember learning never stops throughout life. However, during the First Bucket the focus should be consciously on learning and not on designations, compensations, matching up to peers, besting colleagues, etc.

During the Second Bucket one has the opportunity to become an expert. If there has been extensive learning in the First Bucket one would be clear about all strengths and weaknesses and also is in a position to judge which of the learning can be leveraged best for personal success.

Becoming an expert requires one to have extensive and intensive experience in the field of choice, spanning first hand front line experience to overall strategic exposure. This gives one a true perspective and makes one an expert and also nurtures a deep rooted maturity with regards to all expertise.

Again during the Second Bucket the focus should be on exploring opportunities which allow in-depth exposure to fine tune expertise and one should not necessarily be driven by monetary or other considerations.

If these two phases are managed well and one develops true deep rooted expertise, the Third Bucket is the easiest part of a successful career. In this Bucket, one needs to work towards personal branding by sharing acquired expertise in public forums and through professional networks. When this is done properly all kinds of success including material prosperity follows even if one does not wish for the same.

Given the increasing life expectancy nowadays, I have added a Fourth Bucket to this theory. During the fourth phase one should consciously work towards giving back to the society. It could be by sharing one’s expertise and experience for public good through NGOs or with promising youngsters to create a better future.

My personal view is that there is no success formula and as such this should not be taken as gospel truth. This is a direction. Take it, craft it, mould it to suit your personality and hopefully you would create your own version of the Three Bucket Theory as pass it on to others.

Work is worship, that’s fine, but not unless you enjoy what you do; and if you have to enjoy what you do, then, the equation is simple: you add value to work, and work adds value to you.

Here ‘value’ does not mean just the monetary pie; it means 360* value – to you as a person, as someone who aspires to grow in the chosen line, and in turn extended to your colleagues, your family, the society you live in – in a nutshell, your entire ecosystem….

The common refrain in most of us is “I am just not happy with what am I doing” and yet we continue the same motions for years and years. The other common refrain is “I don’t know what I should do to enjoy work…!

Does it sound familiar or is it strange…? Either way, if such statements emanate from us, then, there is just no point in blaming all those around – the boss,  present employer, colleagues, your HR, your….. well, you and only you are responsible….

Unless you have a personal choice and plan in what you should do in the world of work (any of us need to do that for anything like 2 – 3 decades, and that is life!) then, in all likelihood, we could end up authoring our own version of the statements mentioned in the previous paragraph.

Rather, the singular intent should be to create your ‘world of work’… just exactly as you would want it to pan out…

As the oft repeated Chinese proverb says “The best time to plant a tree was twenty years ago; the second best time is now..”.

It is this precious and golden now that all of us shy away in every now of life… building our own walls around with fear, lack of risk appetite, family commitments, a comfortable and cozy present and what not… the reasons can so go on as much as the human mind can imagine… rather than imagining good, most of the times, the ‘safe and comfortable’ psyche in us plays truant and forces us to imagine and image the bad and worst!

It is like a well built ship that is just in the harbor, refusing to explore the vast expanses, challenges, and eventual fruits of the sea….

If the ‘work’ thing is given much more planning and thought by us, with a honest appraisal of our personality traits, formal qualifications, strengths and weaknesses, and above all, doing  what comes to us naturally, then, it is certain that our ‘ship’ sails to victory, though the waters may be unchartered! By refusing to plan and think enough, we are just plain squandering the wonders life can show us, sans the slug and grin in just working for the sake of work….

Chose tremendous joy and happiness, and exposing your best to the world, just by a little mind-time… let that little time be a week, a month, 6 months or even a year…  It is such a great investment, and if it can lead you to greater heights in life and career, then why not spend that time? It is a worthy investment, one that will throw up a whole new perspective.

In the process, ‘work life’ is at your terms, something you will enjoy, and doing any amount of which will be sheer joy…  You go with the flow, and so there is no energy expended… every step ahead you propel with greater force and move ahead, sans any resistance!

So, are you ready for the long haul, a cheerful, successful and contended haul…. Yes, you are… get going now…  Vroom…..

An incident took place recently when the US President Barack Obama addressed Congress that needs to be discussed seriously in India for its many ramifications. It occurred when President Obama was addressing both the Houses — Representatives and Senators — the Indian equivalent of which is a joint session of Parliament. This is where the parallel ends. The points I wish to raise are as follows:

(1) I do not recall too many instances when a joint session of Parliament was called for listening to our Prime Minister make a policy statement and outline a strategy to tackle one of the many crises facing the nation. I am not content with the platitudinous speeches made by the Rashtrapathi or Pradhan mantri at the beginning of a Parliament session. These are lofty speeches that do not really address any crisis and in any case these are part of Parliamentary procedure and do not have the nation’s attention. When Obama spoke to the Houses, the entire nation was glued to the TV and I suspect many people elsewhere in the world also watched him tackling a much debated issue in the US, namely health reform.

(2) The very fact that the speech was devoted entirely to a single issue — health — is itself a telling point for us Indians. Let us take just health in India’s context. In the tenure of Anbumani Ramdas as Union Health Minister I do not recall any initiative to attend to the myriad problems in our health sector. Instead Ramdas was engaged in the single minded pursuit of Dr Venugopal. Eventually he managed to oust Dr Venugopal, a renowned surgeon, out of the AIIMS. Other than that, Ramdas tilted against windmills like asking Shah Rukh Khan not to smoke in movies. Surely there are far more critical issues to be attended to? The current Minister Ghulam Nabi Azad has been no different but this time there is a difference — the PM has pulled him up for non-performance.

(3) Considering the many areas where the situation is tragic:  education, power, infrastructure, Maoist violence, national security, etc, I would have thought that each minister at state and union levels would address the nation/state, and tell us what he or she intends to do and what results we can expect. Barring one or two, we have only silence as an answer. When did you hear our power minister for instance tell us what he is doing to solve our deepening crisis? How many can tell me who the power minister is?

(4) Now comes a crucial point. In the course of his speech Obama announced that illegal immigrants would not get medical cover. At this juncture Republican Joe Wilson shouted, ‘It is a lie!’  Many Americans were outraged but for a nation like ours this seems almost a term of endearment. I imagine that if Mayawati announces in the UP Assembly that the hundreds of crores she is spending for statues are for public welfare and the only response she gets from the opposition is a lone MLA shouting, ‘Ye sarasat jhoot hai,’ Mayawati will hug him in affection and assume that her idea has unanimous consent!

Over the years we have been seeing deterioration in the conduct of our law makers. Obscene acts like unfurling of dhotis happens more often than unfurling of our national flag. Chappals are hurled, microphones ripped apart, abuses exchanged, lawmakers rush menacingly to the Minister or Speaker…these are daily events that do not shock anyone any more.

If you think that these are the prerogative of rustic goondas who have made it to the legislatures, you may be wrong. To my knowledge all this was started by a scion of India’s royalty, the Gandhi family. It is Sanjay Gandhi and his band of rowdy MP’s who used to engage in shouting down those MP’s who had opposing views. The events of that era have been well discussed and need no elaboration here. Sanjay’s behaviour started a trend that has reached a new low these days.

But the fury of public anger at Wilson’s behaviour has now snowballed into a crisis for himself and his Republican Party. Mid-term elections are a year away and Wilson is in for a drubbing and his political career may well end. His party has asked him to apologize to the President on the floor of the House, which he has refused to do and is content to apologize to Obama directly. This incident — trivial by Indian standards, has made his party look like the BJP. The party looks adrift, leaderless, visionless, ungainly and lost in the woods. It has been said about South Carolina (where Rep Wilson hails from), is a state is that is too small to become a nation and too big to be a lunatic asylum. How would you describe some of our states? I invite readers to send me catchy lines for our states and our country.

All said and done, as we tread and trudge on, on the path of life, we need to follow too.

To Follow:
Training, Rituals, Rights, Maps, Diagrams, Advice, Instructions, Trends, Rules, Policies, Procedures, Instincts, Music, and now also, one of the very latest of them all… trends, Twitter, etc.

As we learn to follow, we need to learn to adhere to some of them as well,
To lead and and not to bleed.

To fulfill needs.
And not to fulfill greed.

To stand out as an outstanding Human Being.
And not to standout as a standout.

Since birth, through childhood, and until we grow up, we follow and learn basics, till we learn them well, and master them.
Till we “stand up on our own feet” so to speak.
Thereafter, we decide to be selective as such, on our ‘following instincts.’

To Follow:
Intelligently, instinctively, or blatantly! Is now left to us.
Our choices and not our chances pave our way.
It is either us, only me, them, or they.
As we make our life like hay,
To our delight or much to our dismay,
Day after day.
Till we find ourselves turning gray…
In our relentless pursuit.
To follow and be followed,
And to be …. somewhat hallowed.

It’s then that we look back and introspect,
We do mull and we also inspect,
And discover a rather hollow hallow,
In us, as a fellow, who did follow,
As we swim and as we wallow,
In life’s depths both deep and shallow.

As we prospered and prospected, all the while,
Were it the choices or the chances, that made or marred our days?

As a nerd, was it worth it to be a part of a herd?
A question we seldom asked then, to be heard.

As a geek, why did we not tweak….
To shine, outshine and stand out,
When we had both the wherewithal and the clout to flout?
While we were nerdy within the herd….unheard.

Did we squeak or shout to tweak….
As a bold soul and not a meek?
To stand apart, instead.
By following our own… heart?

Follow the heart!
We must….
Trust the heart.
We must….
Take care of the heart.
We must….
Stand apart!
We must!

Life begins with the first heart beat.
Life ends with the last heart beat.

Therefore:
Choose the right path…follow the heart, always.
You see, life is always lived out of choices and not chances,
Choices made after hearing the inner voices…made by the heart.

Firstly:
Do you have a heart to do so?
To stand apart?
To live long and to belong and longed for?
To be loved, kissed and missed?
To be bliss and blessed?

If you have one…Follow that heart please.
As it is given to you on lease.

Follow it always.
Listen to the inner voices it makes, and follow them blindly,
Make the right choices….
You will live life…so kindly,
As it was meant to be.

For generations great thinkers have been asking us to take the road less traveled. Any and every successful biography will tell us not to be afraid to take a stand, not to walk among the masses, to stick out our heads without the fear of being hit by rotten tomatoes. At the same time, this is exactly what we do not do, at least most of us, fearing to be singled out.

Working in the software field, I face this situation many times. While working on complex codes, I always have the choice of either following the well-designed set way of programming or to be creative and challenge the accepted standards and myself. Needless to say, like most of the corporate zombies, most of the times I preferred to chicken out and stay hidden among the masses, hoping to somehow win the rat race unnoticed by anyone, and without answering any questions.

Then one day someone mentioned the story of Aristarchus, the Greek guy who had the brains to prove that Sun and not Earth, was the centre of the Solar System but not the ‘guts’ to say it out loud because the Church and its followers might not have liked it. It was on his deathbed that his genius came forward and his work was published. Unfortunately the usual set of tomatoes didn’t spare the head of the dying genius, but the point is, here I am writing about him even after a gillion years of his death! Anyhow, coming back to contemporary times, when someone mentioned this story to me, immediately the same thought materialized in my head as in any loser’s head….”Aww what a waste”… but…..yes there is big hairy “but” here….. I did something about it, unlike the other losers.

A fortnight later, I was given the task to prepare a quote for a client and was asked to use a set template, which was the standard since the CEO’s grandpa used to wet his diapers. I went about my merry way to fill out some silly little boxes in the Excel sheet and came up with a figure at the bottom. Quite pleased with my work, I was about to submit the report, when I had a Buddha enlightenment moment sitting under the glare of my computer screen. I thought of a way that might have been more useful than the current way, and in the heat of the moment, went ahead and prepared it, my way.

Sorry, to have an anti climax — instead of being appreciated for my effort (as expected obviously), I was ridiculed and was forced to do it the ‘great grandpa’ way by my manager. The funny part is, this apparent failure gave me a greater sense of accomplishment than ever before, and even after being yelled at for wasting precious time, I went home that day grinning and with a weird sense of pride. I may have failed that day but no failure is final and permanent. I went home with the overwhelming Clint Eastwood feeling of “I will be back as the final victor!”

My point is, next time you think you can challenge someone, and have the conviction in your work, go ahead. So what, if it isn’t the way world wants you to be? So what if it upsets the greasy old procedures which have been unchallenged? Set a trend, challenge them, and see how it feels.

If you feel that Einstein’s E=MC2 is not good enough, go ahead challenge the old weirdo, after all he flunked school while you completed it. Who knows, some time in the future, I will be written about for discovering that new template for quote, which modern people think is trash, and you might join my league for discovering a better formula for the mass energy equivalence.

Unlike Archimedes it is unlikely that I will be remembered even minutes after I have my tryst with my Maker. That kind of destiny is reserved for the best among us and I cannot certify that I belong to that elite group. But I had my Eureka moment when I discovered answers to two questions that have been disturbing me for years. In that respect I am better than Archimedes who had to grapple with only one question. That electrifying moment when wisdom and insight dawned on me was also my most embarrassing moment. I ran out of my bathroom with only a towel round my waist. My friends luckily were too inebriated to notice anything amiss having had a few pegs too many but I felt embarrassed.

Here are the two questions that had tormented me for years.
(1) Why do Indian politicians usually live long, often well past their sell by date?
(2) Why is idol worship — a Hindu practice — wrong?

Let me take up the first question — why do Indian politicians live past their utility value? I recall the papers reporting the sad and tragic demise of the Andhra Chief Minister, Y.S.R Reddy. I had a lukewarm attitude to the man but I was aware that he was very popular among the masses and among his otherwise squabbling party men. I was pained at the manner in which he met his end. Even as I was struggling with my emotions on his sad demise, I saw reports that in the 24 hours after the fatal accident, more than a hundred people either committed suicide or died of shock on hearing of the death of their beloved leader.

Now I believe that one can admire and even love a person dearly but does one have to commit suicide on the beloved person’s death? Why can’t one accept that life is ephemeral and no matter how great or powerful a man might be, he will have to die anyway. Death after all is the great leveller. But there is a streak of insanity in some of us that surfaces in moments of great turmoil that leads to self destructive behavior. I am afraid this phenomenon that was hitherto a Tamil Nadu speciality has now reared its head in Andhra Pradesh.

What was my Eureka moment? The events after Reddy’s death gave me an answer to my burning question. Indian politicians have tremendous compassion for their supporters and are aware that their demise will trigger several suicides. Politicians obviously do not like others to take their own lives in such a manner. They prefer that this affection be transferred to their son or daughter who will be found standing next to the party chief at the funeral. But our clever leaders are certain that some die hard supporters will commit hara kiri. To postpone this inexorable event our netas live very long !

I had all along been cynical of such politicians but now that I saw them in a better light I can only say, ‘Ayushman bhava’ to people like Arjun Singh, Karunanidhi, Advani, Laloo Yadav, Shekawat, etc.

Now to that other matter about idol worship. I have addressed interfaith meetings in which Muslims and Christians have objected to idol worship. I have said that the Cross that adorns every Christian church, almost every Christian home and most Christian necks is an idol too. I have even talked of the human need to concretize the invisible, but in the Eureka moment I had received a fresh insight into this vexing question about idol worship.

What led to a new insight was a news item. Here’s an excerpt from the article:
LUCKNOW: Uttar Pradesh Chief Minister Mayawati has now been painted in shades of divinity. A 25-year-old painter has projected Mayawati as a goddess in several paintings on display at Lalit Kala Akademi here. Mahesh Tripathi, who is pursuing post-graduation in fine arts, said: “I feel that she (Mayawati) in the last few years has done a lot for the poor and downtrodden, who in turn would enable her to acquire the status of a ‘devi’ (goddess) in near future.”

In one such painting titled ‘Dalit Devi’, Mayawati has been depicted as a goddess with a halo in her background, her hand held out as if she is blessing the viewer. “Like Guru Nanak and Jesus Christ, she has been devoted to the cause of downtrodden. Considering this fact, I depicted her as a Dalit goddess,” Tripathi, a resident of Siddharthnagar district, said.

Now I am not assessing the UP Chief Minister’s achievements. All I am saying is that once Hinduisim allowed idol worship here was no stopping the idolisation of anyone whom we could elevate into a deity. In the absence of a Pope or other spiritual authority, who can object to my friends erecting my statue as a god of Creativity, considering my status as a trainer, consultant and author in that subject? No one! I can become a god too.

I now have my strongest reason to object to idol worship, an argument that no Christian of Muslim had thought of before! Now before you call me Archimedes ka avatar let me hurry to my bathroom. Who knows what fresh insights I may come out with. But hereafter I shall be more careful when I rush out.

“May those who have eyes, see; and those who have ears, hear.” Jesus may have forgotten to include, “May those who can reason, have the courage to accept their wrongs.” Being seen and heard as ‘different’ became the reason for Jesus of Nazareth’s execution. It is a travesty of justice that malevolent criminals stroll free or at the most, spend their life locked in the prisons but, compassionate, authentic and wise men are almost always killed brutally. From Jesus to Mahatma Gandhi to Martin Luther King, almost all good and influential people are executed by inferior men with herd-like instincts of preservation.

Man is born with an inherent capability to distinguish between good and bad. No law can match the reasoning of an evolved being. Each of us has a clear understanding of where we stand, what we do and what should be done. But we all differ in our capacity to accept it, so we keep ignoring it to a much or less extent. These few great men were the ones who had the total capacity and courage to accept and change themselves for the better. And then they dared to ask humanity to do the same!

Jesus, Gandhi and King, were authentic men, as Man was meant to be. They were a yardstick for human existence; a challenge to the baseness of mankind; an Everest to hills. But, they reminded fellow men of their pettiness and shadow energies that hide inside undetected and unprocessed. There is a very ancient saying that if you want to make one stick look small, place a bigger stick adjacent to it.

Executing those like Jesus, Gandhi and King was an effort to re-establish our self-granted “superiority” in some way. But when one brutally murders someone utterly innocent, the collective guilt remains and stains the landscape of humanity forever. It can never be washed away with platitudes and conscience-prompted deification. Calling them “god” or “godlike” is a subtle way to cover up the guilt of all wrongs that we did to them.

It is also an excuse for us to stay the way we are as “ordinary” human beings. Our excuse is that only gods can aspire to greatness. We want to remain at the lowest rung of existence because being base needs no effort. It is an easy path. All good men are made into “gods” and “mahatmas” and all the bad ones remain as mere humans. Adolf Hitler was a human, so was Joseph Stalin and Mao-Tse Tung and every other brutal dictator and murderer who ever walked this earth.

Disturbing little insight into the human psyche isn’t it?

I am sure the sentiment is shared by many who have a rather…er… chequered career. And questions abound. What gets one closer to the seat of power? And the fruits it has to offer?

To begin with the answer is darn simple. It’s only made complex by know-alls or know-nothings or know-half or know-half-but-don’t-know-which-halves. That means virtually all of us. Only a select few (one-in-a-million, according to some researchers) know what it is and benefit from it. Despair not, for now the secret will be revealed. Get ready to enjoy the alluring and elusive fruits of power, which till now, we only fantasized about. From the story of 5 brothers who lost everything in a bitter power struggle with their conniving cousins and had to spend 12 years in exile and 1 year in anonymity to learn the tricks of the trade to have a go at the throne. (You, oh lucky reader, need only the next 60 seconds to know what it takes).

For a good 11 years 11 months (to the 11th hour that is) the brothers kept shaking their heads in disbelief wondering what went wrong for such fate to befell them. Instead of enjoying the fruits of power they are on foot wandering in forests teeming with wild beasts, poisonous ivy, long days, dark nights and meandering thorny paths.

“What have we done wrong? We had everything going for us. We are the good ones. Lived by book almost and asked for what rightfully belonged to us. We are blessed by elders. Seen as a beacon of hope by our subjects. We were loved almost universally. Yet….”

Words failed them and they continued their journey part lamenting their fate and part taking in the beauty of nature, which the trappings of a life happily lived in palaces amongst seemingly well-wishers would have deprived them of. While musing thus and traveling further, one day they came across a tree with one fruit on it. It looked like a fruit for gods, and indeed it was, which they didn’t know at that time. Draupadi, their illustrious wife, feeling hungry by the long walk, said “I want it.”

Zip.

Her wish was their command and in a second the fruit made its way into her hand. She was on the verge of biting it.

Zwang.

Krishna, their mentor materialized there. “Stop” he said. “This fruit belongs to Durvasa, the angry saint. He alone decides whom he wants to give it to, and any ignoramus trying to savor it without his consent will get to know what living hell means. Put it back. Else you will have to face his wrath, for he is known to be short tempered.”

“How?” cried all in unison. “How on earth can we put the plucked thing back?”

Smiled Krishna. “Don’t worry. It needs to be offered the accumulated karma of your good deeds. Powered by that, this fruit here will go back and attach itself to the tree. All will be well.”

So first comes Draupadi, and offers her good karma, a result of her Chastity.

Zoom.

The fruit raises few feet in the air, well short of the branch it was plucked from. Shocked she looks at her husbands! “Oh, I thought the power of my karma alone would do the trick! Alas, such is not the case.”

The eldest brother Dharmaraja, epitome of Integrity, steps forward. Offers his bit and lo, the fruit still is far from being happily hanging in its original un-plucked state. One by one the remaining 4 brothers, each bringing to the table Strength, Valor, Humility and Trust do their bit, but the sum total of their contribution was still a few feet short. Steps forward Krishna, the wise mentor and offers part of his good karma and the fruit attaches itself to the tree, nothing amiss, everything as before.

“Wow! This is a miracle. How in heavens’ name did that happen?” The 6 voices rose in unison above the din of the forest sound FX.

Smiled Krishna. “Don’t worry; that there is Durvasa making his way to the tree now. We will talk after paying our respects to him.” Durvasa came. Durvasa saw. Durvasa conferred, the fruit unto the 5 brothers and their wife. “I know what happened. But you have collectively made the impossible, possible, so you have earned it. Eat it. The effects of it will last on you forever and you will enjoy the benefits of the throne shortly. Everything will work out smoothly henceforth.” Thus speaking the good and soothing words, the short-tempered but benevolent sage vanishes.

Content, with the vision of a good life ahead and the sweet taste of the fruit, the 5 brothers and their wife turn to Krishna their mentor, for enlightenment. Smiled Krishna. “Power”, he said, seating himself comfortably under the blessed tree, “is mistaken to be an easy prey to only one thing or the other from the following: Trust. Humility. Integrity. Strength. Chastity. Valor. (THIS CV).”

“You need a bit of guile to navigate through to the final course. In its absence everything else falls short of the ultimate goal. All the efforts come to naught. You are on the throes of Kaliyuga. The going will be tougher if you continue in the same naïve belief of THIS CV helping you. The dice will be loaded against you every time and you need to adopt new strategies. Add a dash of stealth and pepper it with practicality and the purpose will be served.

“I hope the path ahead is clear for you and that you have got your priorities right. Use this time to work on your weaknesses, add to your network, marshal troops and you will see what lies ahead. I as your mentor can see it. Glory be to thee!”

Oh wise reader, the era of Mahabharata has long ended. Kaliyuga has indeed entered. THIS CV is now some 3000+ years past its expiry date. It was once a necessary condition but not sufficient to get you what you desired. Now it’s an invalid anachronism.

Creative types get typecast as meandering goal setters for a reason. They tend to meander. We resist structure (even tho’ we crave it.) We relish spontaneity (even tho’ we’re intrigued by five year goal setting plans.) We tend to be driven by inspiration (when we’re not obsessed with looking good on paper, or to our parents – who still can’t figure out how we make a living.) We get there in our own way and when the ‘flow’ works, we’re so smokin’ productive that pert charts and to-do lists cringe in the wake of our creative productivity. Creatives have a thing or two to teach the Linears and The Planners.

CREATIVE PRODUCTIVITY THAT WORKS FOR BOTH ARTISTES & A-TYPE PERSONALITIES:

1. APPROACH EVERYTHING AS A CREATIVE OPPORTUNITY. There is no separation between life and work. The same opportunities to express yourself or get great ideas are at the dinner table, in the stock exchange, and on the subway. Put yourself out there.

2. OBSESSION IS ESSENTIAL. Know your art and your science. Immerse yourself in the cultures you love and work in: read industry news, the teachings of spiritual masters and successful entrepreneurs, listen to what the people you serve are longing for, asking for, and leaning toward.

To foster obsession:

3. Read a LOT of magazines. And then read some more – about things related and unrelated to your work, Scientific American and Vogue, Dwell and Rolling Stone. Magazines are intensified viewpoints that can expand your perspective in just a few pages.

4. Create a style file or inspiration box of stuff that you love. Photos, articles, fabric swatches, postcards. I have an antique sake box filled with strange and lovely stuff. Sometimes I close my eyes and reach in to see what comes up – an Elvis coaster, a Zen koan torn from a divinity school program, an old essay or concert ticket.

5. Watch dox. I’m a documentary-phile (always looking for versions of the truth,) which gives me all sorts of weird, tragic, breathtaking imagery, inspiration, and facts to work with.

6. Engage with people that you don’t hangout with. Ask them big questions. Ask the cab driver what crazy stuff he’s seen as a cab driver, ask your friend’s teenager what they think about the future, ask your bank teller what it’s like to work with money all day.

To keep moving forward:

7. GIVE UP QUICKLY. If something feels like a drag and is not generating the right response – drop it like a hot potato. As Seth Godin says in his book, The Dip, “Fail fast.”

In order to give up quickly, you have to…

8. COURAGEOUSLY EXPRESS YOUR FEELINGS. When something feels very wrong, totally uninspiring, say so – to yourself and your team. It doesn’t necessarily mean that you give up, it may spin you off into a better solution.

So that you can:

9. STICK WITH IT. If something feels fun, glimmering, exciting, and even one person has expressed wanting it from you – explore every angle about how to make it work.

And be assured that:

10. BACKWARDS IS FORWARDS. Know that there is no such thing as waste. A painted canvas that didn’t turn out, a pilot group that fizzled, it’s all useful. I trash stuff and start from scratch often. Sometimes, especially in terms of web development, you start knowing that you’ll have to scrap half of what you build down the road – starting over is never really starting over. It’s life.

Which allows you to:

11. CELEBRATE OTHER PEOPLE’S CREATIVITY AND PROSPERITY. Honoring other people’s creativity and success helps shake loose our own brilliance. Whether it’s a hot website, a terrific outfit on the street, or a well known author – go out of your way to say, “You’re great!” “Way to go!” “I love what you’ve created.”

And then keep on creating for yourself. Ever so productively.

This is in continuation of my earlier post ‘Stay happy’… I continue to think of how the beginning of the day is so important to set the pace and mood for all that follows; till the day ends… But, most of us are in an awful mood in the precious morning hours. Lets break that jinx, here and now.

Here are 10 simple and great ways to begin your day in a nice way..

1. Begin the day with some great music you love; let it be of any genre. just that it has to pep you up, and fill your mind. And wear a smile on hearing that. Most morning mood issues are just because we are blank in the mind, and the void attracts negativity. And by doing things listed here, we are just attempting to get positive energy flow into us.
2. Ensure in the first few minutes after you wake up and get done with your usual morning chores, you get going with some brisk activity… can be a jog, some cycling, laughing with your wife and children, reading little of  a good book.. Anything that does not keep you idle… Morning idleness is the biggest sinner.. Be extremely active…
3. When you get up from the bed, get up and move around with deliberate gratitude. Count your steps as you do your morning chores, and for each step, say thanks to anyone/everyone you chose – can be your spouse, some friend you touched you, your loving kids… could be just anyone whom you can express gratitude. And there are so many of them, who we come across by the hour, everyday. Just that in our purposeless activities, we fail to see them.
4. Visualize a great day in your mind…. with all details, color and candor of what your perfect day should look like.. that sale close, that great meeting, your best pitch, shopping with your spouse etc.. In most times, what is visualized becomes real later in the day.
5. Start the day with a to-do list creation as the 1^st task… Let it contain not only professional tasks, but even personal and social task.. Including something mundane and as light as watering the tree, or cleaning up the desk… and off-course having fun with your family and friends. End of day, tick off what you have done… it gives you a feeling of achievement, and when you make this list, you will do most of what is important.
6. Take a piece of paper, and quickly jot down 5 things you did right the previous day, and also 5 things that you messed.. include all trivia, like not smiling at the receptionist of your workplace, abusing someone in the traffic snarl… This is one of the best ways to introspect.. and get to being a better person.
7. Make one or two small resolutions for the day… not necessarily big and life changing, but simple ones that will make you a better person than the previous day… like ‘I will smile at every human encounter’ or ‘I will say thanks to all during the day’…..
8. Help in the household chores… Pick up some simple household chore and help your spouse quicken the morning chores.. again anything simple would do.. Most of all, it keeps you active, and also saves time in the family for more things to be done.
9. Close the doors and sing a song, dance a few steps, laugh at yourself looking at the mirror, admire you from head to toe, look at how confident and nice you are as a person…
10. As your kid wakes up, lie down next to him or her, and just catch up with what they think… could be about their friends, school, a fight in yesterday’s gully cricket, some conflict in them… Just start of and run a conversation for just 5 minutes… You will see a different world, and get a perspective of what things are…

By no means are these are not the only ways you can start of… There could be many and you can design a positive start to the day, with any of these as cues….

Have this as a daily mantra… the first hour after you wake up is the golden hour, that sets the ball rolling rest of the day… By making this active  and positive, your day can be worth its weight in gold… in joy, happiness, and fulfil ment.

( and you can also do all these at anytime during the day to make a great life!!)

Home is a place you grow up wanting to leave, and grow old wanting to get back to – John Ed Pierce

My grandfather was Leonard Alphonse Laporte. (Note the small ‘p’ in LaPorte – in high school I decided a capital P was more elegant.) Like most French Canadian grand-daughters, I called him Pepe (Pip-ay). Len sold the family farm and bought a small bike repair shop and built it into a popular sporting goods store in Windsor, Ontario, just ‘cross the Detroit border. So for Christmas I got soccer balls and ice skates. I wanted the hard cover edition of the Little House on The Prairie and some oil pastels. Every family has a black sheep.

Baaaaah. As a modern-minded, progressive chick, I’ve spent a vast amount of energy re-defining myself. And that has usually meant looking forward, getting far away from backwards and roots and origins. Far away from Hockey Night in Canada, and Chrysler, and trailer camping. I spent most of my adult life living in the US, working in communications, aspiring to relax in four-star hotels.

AFFINITY AND APPRECIATION ARE MUTUALLY EXCLUSIVE
I’m not embarrassed about where I came from, I just never felt like it was the right home for my spirit. I never felt deeply connected to it. And if there’s a lack of connection, there is often a lack of appreciation. And while connection isn’t something that can be forced, appreciation is something that can actually be fostered. By celebrating our origins – even if they have little resemblance to our ideals – we call forth our wholeness, a greater love.

Even if you intensely do not want to turn into your mother, there’s something beautiful about her that also lives in you. Whether it’s country clubs or country music that makes you want to hurl, there’s something about growing up in a radically different scene that’s added to your street smarts, your grace, your grit. Finding the charm factor where we’ve long felt sour is the stuff of wisdom…and relief.

By plucking out the strands of delight, those fibers of nourishment from even the most ill-fitting situations, we can weave ourselves a stronger fabric of identity. A heavy material that makes us durable, or something softened by surrendered love. Warmer. More colourful.

When I think about my pip, I feel thankful to have come from a family of hard workers who know how to party. I’m happy for the trailer park where I sneaked my first smoke, for Sunday masses that showed me the glory of faith, and for growing up in an industry town that taught me about big hair and bling. (You can take the girl out of the small town, but she’ll always wanna have big hair.)

What do you love about your origins?

A good friend of mine in Bangalore, Raghu, had this as a status message in his messenger: “Is stress killing all of us…!” – this was after the days headline that a leading name in the tech industry passed away suddenly, putting a dot to a great life!

Whether stress kills or not, the talk of stress is so dominant in our lives, at home and work… be it a professional, a homemaker, or a school going child, ‘stress’ seems to the most hated, but most spoken word…

The only way to change this is to use opposite thinking whenever the thought of stress occurs.. Try this: if someone says ‘stress’, what if a couple of people around chant ‘happy, happy, smiling, smiling…’

Society and the media, not necessarily in that order have made it a fancy of our times to highlight stress…. How many times have you come across a story of people who have lived life happily, contended with whatever they could make of this wonderful journey! There seem to be no takers, or it is that stress sells better in this world! And if that is so, then, are all of us collectively driving this habit…!!

Well, this is not to speak of semantics, but directed at pushing each of us to our limits and extremes of positivity, and consequent happiness….

If you can kill yourself silently, by latent and potent ‘stress’, isn’t it much better, worthy and life saving, if we do the Opposite –  live happily, stay joyful, and enjoy every moment of life….

Should not more and more of us should go around and say.. Hey, you know I am happy, and am happy for no reason… sounds silly? Nope…. As though, “Hey I am stressed for no reason” did not sound silly and outright stupid?!

Look around and we see anyone and everyone ask if there is a reason to be happy… Happiness is a natural form of existence and hence, it needs no reason to be in that state… If you can be upset, agitated and downright negative for no reason, then why don’t you apply the same rule and stay happy…

Be happy for no reason, Celebrate for no reason, and just enjoy life and every single moment of the journey!

So, when you are not feeling nice, and feel low for no reason and for any reason, think opposite… Force happiness on you, just by quickly and deliberately placing the opposite of what you feel, and with a little time and effort, you seem to be happy, joyful and in a productive state of mind!

Some research shows that most people who carried so much of stress when they went to bed after a long and hectic day at work, suffered palpitations, and even massive cardiac arrest only in the waking or early hours of the day… and just closely observe.. you would see that in a sedentary life, all of us, sorry, atleast most of us, feel grumpy and grouchy only in the beginning of the day….. left unattended, you nurture the same feeling and so, gone is another great day of life by worrying, not even knowing the reasons for it…

It is best to use the power of opposite thoughts in such a situation… kill the morning grumpy, grouchy face by going for a quick jog, listening to an inspirational audio tape, some indoor cycling, or just anything that rushes blood to your heart and mind…

Being negative and grumpy is indeed unnatural, and that is the reason they are life taking… Only happiness if life saving, and anything which is not happiness is against life itself… precious and potent life’s of you, me, and each one of us….

And not only in the morning, this can be done any time of the day… Just change the place where you are for a few minutes, take a stroll, listen to a few lines of great music on your iPod, just do something and get out that negative flow.

So, keep this a rule… when you are not happy, just push you to think opposite… Action is the antidote to worry and negativity.. and it can be any action, even silly…. Let things be silly, its ok, but its more important to Live than anything else….

Practice this for sometime, and see your moving to your natural state… being happy, staying positive, and consequently, produce more results…

and make the best our of Life…. and this journey….!

Several organizations have launched initiatives to promote Diversity. Why do we need to build diversity in the workforce? If the consumer group is diverse, having the same diversity represented in the employee groups makes it easy to develop the product which is aligned to the consumers. This makes sense for consumer goods but how does his pan out in case of industrial goods. Taking the argument further, if the buyer group is not diverse, does it still make business sense to drive diversity in the organization?

In my opinion, the single reason to drive diversity is about providing a non discriminatory employment experience. Equal opportunity is the strongest reason. To be denied employment based on any criteria other than merit is discriminatory and illegal in many countries. How do we implement this in the workplace?

Most employers start with hiring targets that encourage diversity. The usual measure is to define the representation of the “diverse” group within the organization to mirror the percentages in which they are represented in the society in which the organization is operating. For example: If African Americans represent x% of the population, the diversity programs aim to eventually have the same percentage of African Americans among the employees. The issue is based on the assumption that education levels and skill sets are represented in equal proportion in the population.
To make diversity work, there are two conditions to be met. Let us take an example. If you are looking to hire surgeons or doctors for a hospital, the assumption is that

a) The diverse group is represented adequately in the population of qualified surgeons who are keen to work for the hiring organization.

b) The diverse group is represented in that population in the same percentage (here is the catch) – to allow for normal selection/ rejection rates.

If either of the two conditions is not represented in the population then it defeats the purpose and spirit of the diversity program. The first criterion is the necessary condition. The second is the sufficient condition. A good measure to look for is to see if the selection and rejection rates are the same as that of the other groups.

The other challenge is to define what element of diversity should the employer pursue? There are visible and identifiable elements of diversity eg Gender, Age, Disability etc. There are those which are not visible and more difficult to identify. For instance: Educational background, Sexual orientation, Economics Status, Political Orientation etc. Gender diversity in the employee population is usually the first of the diversity initiatives to be launched.
All too often I have seen organizations focus only on launching the diversity initiatives without focusing on how to build an inclusive environment that supports diversity. Having just one process – the staffing process focus on diversity will limit success of the initiative. How do we address needs of the diverse group as far as their on-boarding is concerned? What about their mentors? And yes, please do not have them be mentored only by “diverse” leaders. Women employees do not only need to be mentored by women managers. Making them successful is not just the other women’s obligation, it s also for male managers to partner in the success of the diversity initiative. Performance management, succession planning, etc are all processes that need to be examined to see if they are being inclusive.

Inclusive does not mean having varying standards for individuals. It means focusing on development to give everyone a fair shot at the opportunity. As soon as you consciously drive a diversity initiative in the workplace, the policies, infrastructure, opportunities etc will need to be amended to address the needs of the “minority”. Every HR process needs to be examined to see what measures would reflect progress and fairness in the diversity program. So while it may be good to check for percentages of diverse employees at all levels of the organization, it is just as important to see that the performance standards are not varied to “accommodate” an increase in diverse candidates. It may be better to examine what is missing in the talent nurturing and mentoring process that makes it difficult for enough diverse employees to progress at the same rate as the rest of the employees.

Read more articles on management, music, fiction and movie reviews by Abhijit Bhaduri at http://abhijitbhaduri.com

The greater the artist, the greater the doubt.
Perfect confidence is granted to the less talented as a consolation prize.
- Robert Hughes

A well known painter friend of mine once said that having an art show is like “pulling down your pants in public.” My favourite mystery quote about acting is, “acting is like being naked on stage and turning around very very slowly.” People ask me if I get nervous before a big speaking gig. My answer, “If I’m not nervous, I’m in trouble.”

It’s not so much nervousness as it is delighted-but-anxious butterflies that are reminding me that: the stakes are high when you’re hanging your story out for all to hear; screwing up would suck severely; and that the universe is rooting for you…but don’t screw up. On the rare occasion when I have NOT felt some butterflies, when I’ve been smug {one of my least favourite human behaviors} and thought to myself, “slam dunk, I’ve got this in the bag,” then I was either less-than-amazing, or I didn’t really care and shouldn’t have been there in the first place.

HOW TO MAKE DOUBT WORK FOR YOU:

1. Smug is the enemy of excellence. If you’re not even slightly doubtful or anxious about your performance, talents, contributions, or big presentation, than you better generate yourself some positive doubt. Lance Armstrong doesn’t enter the race thinking it’s a done deal. He knows he could lose so he tries harder to win. No matter how many times you’ve performed the surgery, made the sale, or given the pitch, you’re not infallible. Play to your audience. Be present. Watch for cues. Refine your intentions.

2. Bring YOU forward, along with your doubts. “Naked” and “artist” are often used in the same context because true self expression is a form of vulnerability. And it’s that exposure, that authenticity that makes all the difference. Whether you’re writing a report or teaching yoga class, sincerity is the winning formula.

3. Anxiety is healthy. A little bit of anxiety opens the doors to possibilities and strength…adrenaline, clarity. It’s a rush telling you that you’re alive and that you can do it – even if you need to put the doubts firmly in their place – you can do it.

Before almost every Fire Starter session or stage gig I have a mini moment of doubt and think to myself, “I really hope I can be of some use here,” Or, “If this crowd doesn’t laugh in the first three minutes, I’m cooked.” And then I take a deep breath and smile. And my butterflies and I head out to take flight.

“Don’t worry son, you’ll figure it out once your career hits off, trust me now, and study what I want you to.”

“Oil your hair regularly son, else you’ll lose it before you hit thirty.”

“Its just a phase, you’ll figure it out don’t worry, you’re just a teenager.”

Seems like yesterday when I was eighteen and got these regular doses of wisdom from you dad. I just went with the flow, partly because I had no choice. Now I am about to hit the thirtieth winter of my life and I am wondering…what the hell just happened? My best years just whizzed by and I am….well, not really sure…about anything.

Dad, I have a career, yes you were right about it, but you know what, I don’t want it. I look at people at work who have been here for more than a decade….and I am scared to death to end up like them. They are nothing but a bunch of corporate zombies. No zeal, no enthusiasm, just a hefty pay check at the end of the month, and the only motivation to go home, if at all, is a loveless quickie with their wives, out of need and not want.

Why didn’t you trust me to make money if I had gone the way I wanted to? Yes, the success rate in the non-conventional fields is low, but I would have survived. I am surviving this aren’t’ I? No, I haven’t figured it out yet, why you pushed me here where the only thing to look forward to is the “end of day”.

Dad, to confess, I hardly oiled my scalp when you were not looking, and I still have a full head of hair. Why did you force me to have the whole oil refinery operating on my head? Why did you think that if I went around trying hair do’s and tattoos I would turn into a punk? Well, I never got to have those; all I have now is a head full of useless hair, which is frowned upon by my boss at the mildest hint of any style, that is anything other than boring. I wouldn’t have minded losing it, had I used it in time. I would gladly trade every strand of my hair now for a mo-hawk back then.

Dad, the phase is still persisting. I was reckless, I was confused, I was wild. First the teens and then the twenties whizzed by and I am still all those things. I am as reckless as I was as a teenager with money. I could never have saved my pocket money back then and I am not able to save my salary even now. I am as confused as a teenager. I never understood why I was studying the things on the curricula and now I never understand half the procedures I am made to follow in the office. I am confused as to why I am doing what I am doing. I never came around to the idea of the “career ” that you chose for me.

Dad, it’s not that I blame you, I blame myself. Maybe I was not reckless enough. I should have been more reckless and followed my heart in spite of you. Maybe that would have worked out…. maybe not…. but one thing is for sure, I wouldn’t be writing this letter to you sitting in my bleak office when I should be climbing the corporate ladder to a drab future.

You know what, it’s better late than never. The one thing that this big bad rat race has taught me is, even if I win it, I’ll still be a rat. So, I am going to keep trying to hack it in the world the way I want to. The reason for this defiance, well, there are many, but mainly because on my fortieth birthday when I come to visit you, I don’t want to write an application to someone asking for leave permission.

Maybe I am wrong, maybe I haven’t grown up, maybe your way is the way to go, but if I keep going this way, I’ll never get rid of the nagging ‘what if’. For once, Dad, I wanna tread the forbidden road and not the one ‘less traveled.’

My friend Asha works at the National Institute of Health in Washington, DC. Her boss had asked her to find out why India’s most powerful people had not been affected by swine flu, known here as H1N1. She asked me for my views on this interesting subject. I said that the reasons are obvious. She insisted that I address a departmental meeting. I agreed since I enjoy enlightening Americans on such subjects.

Here is the gist of my talk:
Indian politicians have a habit that is much discussed in the US but is rarely practiced. Several studies by your institute have shown that many ailments are caused during the patient’s stay in a hospital in the US. Paradoxically doctors in this country, far from healing a patient actually cause diseases. If the habit I am referring to is acquired by hospital staff, the savings to the healthcare bill in the US will be at least $100 million a year and I am not counting the loss in terms of leave of absence, fall in productivity loss of morale etc.

At this point the audience got impatient and asked me to please enlighten them about this simple habit! I said that I was alluding to the habit of frequently washing hands! Indian politicians are known to wash their hands almost hourly. For example Laloo Yadav has washed his hands off the fodder scam and the daily allegations of misrule and corruption during his 15 year rule in Bihar. Six months from now Mayawati will wash her hands off the allegation that she had used tax taxpayers’ money for self aggrandizement by building statues of herself on every street corner in Uttar Pradesh. This is why India’s ruling class has remained unaffected by swine flu.

“What else can India teach the west?” I was asked. At this point I drew the audience’s attention to an Indian tradition that the west should aspire to emulate. In the west it is common for people to greet each other by kissing, rubbing cheeks and embracing. I suggested that they abandon such unhealthy practices and adopt the Indian namaste or the Muslim Adab arz hai.

The audience nodded appreciatively and wanted to learn more from India. I told them about the results of some informal research I had been doing in India and the US. In the Tamil Brahmin community it is customary to invite a priest to conduct ceremonies and pay him in cash and kind. The latter usually includes dhotis and towels. I was curious to know what the priest did with the over hundred dhotis and towels he receives every year. He replied that he sold them to a textile shop and received cash! I realized that I may well have bought the same dhotis and towels repeatedly. Recycling indeed!

In Mumbai one sees youngsters selling flowers at street corners. Readers may not know that these flowers are taken from graves where people leave garlands in memory of loved ones. Recycling again!

In the US, Indians customarily offer bottles of wine to the host of a party. These are inexpensive and are easy to pack and carry. I performed a small experiment. I made a small mark at the bottom of a bottle indicating my ownership and date of purchase. Then I found something revealing about Indians. The same bottle kept coming back to me every six weekends — it is on the weekends that parties are held. The interesting thing is that I got back my wine bottle from a totally different person! Indians here recycle the same gift over and over again. Talk of 6 degrees of separation.

How about shaking hands ? I suggested that American bureaucrats can learn several lessons from their Indian counterparts, known as babus. These babus are not as obese as Americans. Why? American bureaucrats consume enormous quantities of high sugar coke. Indian babus are content with chai paani. At the most he will accept bachhon ke liye mithai.

The babu does not like to shake hands since his palms have been greased as a protection — against the scorching Indian sun. This accounts for the absence of swine flu among bureaucrats in India.

Indians are ambitious and will seize any opportunity to go ahead in life. Right now millions of Indians have lined up outside the American Consulates in many cities in India. They refuse to listen to the consular officials shouting, “PLEASE DO NOT APPLY FOR H1N1 BECAUSE IT IS NOT A VISA.”

Recently, I’ve begun to notice that most stories I read or see tend to possess elements of stories I’ve read or seen in the past. In fact, I sometimes worry (passive worry – not active worry) that at some point in my life I will cease to discover an original tale, or worse, ever be completely surprised by an ending. Further, I’ve also become conscious that stories I once believed to be completely original often have foundations in stories written or filmed decades before. I’ll bet people never ran into that when Shakespeare was discovered, or the Bronte sisters – or even Jane Austen. It may be a natural evolution. What we read and see becomes part of who we are and I suppose it’s only natural to draw on it (whether consciously or unconsciously) when putting pen to paper on a story. Note: I realize that the great majority of today’s stories are likely typed (another antiquated term) on a computer, but doesn’t the phrase ‘pen to paper’ seem just a little more poetic?

Alfred Hitchcock movies have become a recent obsession of mine. However, while watching Vertigo for the first time a couple of days ago, I found myself thinking of the great re-make possibilities (evidence of the influence of the non-original; important to note that I am not a snob in this regard, just aware). Having heard about this movie for years before I actually sat down to watch it, I must admit that I found it slightly melodramatic – I realize that this melodrama is a bit of a Hitchcock hallmark – but I thought this particular story could be improved. Jimmy Stewart – one of my favorite actors of all time, and apparently one of Mr. Hitchcock’s – was, of course, good; but, especially toward the end, I found Kim Novak and the acting in general, to be a little, well, cheesy? Not to say Hitchcock wasn’t a genius. I would truly hesitate to recommend a remake of North by Northwest, Notorious or even Rear Window, but I think Vertigo is a possibility. And maybe The Birds. I don’t know. That movie’s melodrama and pre-digital filming may be part of what makes it so frightening, part of the essence. Well, others would likely say the same for Vertigo — just my opinion here, really.

Anyway, obsessing over Hitchcock movies and observations on originality are recent by-products of my current life circumstances. I like to refer to this time in my life as its ‘intermission’. When, at 45, you have (and I’ll summarize here) worked your way through college and are the first in your family to graduate, met and married the (very complex and challenging) love of your life, carried and are raising three children, built a home, adopted too many animals, and are working so hard that it seems ridiculous to have to count calories and fight a pesky 20 pounds, it can come as quite a shock when your career comes to a screeching halt as the economy takes a ‘should have been foreseen’ tumble and jobs are lost, careers de-railed and industry devastated – especially if you happen to live in the infamous Detroit area.

In summation: My husband’s company went under two years ago and I lost my job 10 months ago. We are both unemployed for the first time, ever (remember, 45 here). We’ve both worked our way up in our careers, and in recent years we’d started to make a little headway on pursuing those dreams we all hear about. Being optimistic-minded people, we were not prepared for derailment. In a nutshell, we are screwed. Hence, a self-preserving obsession with escapism.

Movies and books are my anti-depressant alternative. Now, I am not leading a non anti-depressant rally, although I do sometimes feel a sense of concern at what the long term effects may be – not that I have any idea. They are just so prevalent, like antacids, sleep aids and Viagra. It seems reasonable to believe that there may be some ‘not good’ consequence in the long-term.

Then again, I have been known to fortify my own psyche with liberal servings of red wine or various tequila-based drinks that pair nicely with a Marlboro Light (yes, I am a ‘two-drink-in’ smoker, especially when at a bar or outside) from time to time . . . so I most certainly must digress. Mood or anti-stress enhancements take many forms, and we all have an activity that calls to our awareness. You know that behavior you would prefer not be brought to your attention by your spouse or grown child,“Please don’t light up a cigarette, mom – you know how bad that is for you?”

My answer, “Yes. FOUR. – and – Yes I do, leave me alone.” I believe I have earned the right to make my own bad decisions from time to time. (The age card is great. I plan to play it for the rest of my life.)

Please note the ‘time to time’ caveat. If I begin to fall over the edge from ‘independent-minded adult’ to ‘really out of control mess’, it’s nice to know that those I love may actually try to stand between me and falling off a cliff. Even with recent circumstances – I’m still an independent-minded adult here. Until you see me with dirty hair and pajamas, sputtering and lying on the floor – I got it.

A little child is being rewarded by her mother for good behavior. “Mom I want ice-cream!” She shouted excitedly. The momentarily indulgent mother immediately takes the course to the best ice-cream corner….not knowing what she’s getting into.

On the way, the little girl is busy describing her favorite ice-cream, “Mom, you know what I like most, the vanilla base with a cashews layer in the middle and then the pineapple ice-cream.” While describing her wish her mouth is watering at the very thought of the world’s best vanilla ice-cream topped with a piece of pineapple! But lo, the best ice-cream corner in town is out of the vanilla flavor. They have only chocolate.

Now this little girl is torn apart, she wants ice-cream from this corner only. The thought of walking another ten minutes to reach the not-so-nice corner did not excite her at all. And here there is only the chocolate flavor available. Well she takes it. At her first lick, she gets a pleasant sensation in her taste buds. She likes chocolates anyways… BUT how can she start to enjoy a chocolate ice-cream, when she’d spent half an hour imagining, expecting and picturing a vanilla! Now, starts the complaining, “Why didn’t he have vanilla? I don’t like chocolate, I don’t know why you brought me here. What a waste!” The mother is completely exasperated. “You’re spoiling your fun, at least enjoy what you have,” she tries to persuade but to no avail. Because while the little girl is enjoying the chocolate ice-cream, she’s also enjoying complaining!

Ever wondered what life would be like without the right to complain? The biggest luxury of life is the right to complain. If this right is taken away from us, for some life may become very boring and for some it may finally dawn that they need to own their own choices! Recently in a workshop, a participant declared, “But in life we do not always have choices.” My immediate answer was, “Okay, give me an example.” To no one’s surprise, he couldn’t come up with any. Not that he didn’t have a long list of frustrating incidents, but as he thought about them with this new perspective of choices, he didn’t think it worth mentioning those events. He already knew the answer.

It is a familiar misperception to think that we have no choices. Is it that we do not have choices in any given situation or is it that we do not want to give up the right to complain while enjoying the benefits of the choice exercised?

I have a close friend who is stuck in a job he doesn’t enjoy at all — you see the chocolate ice-cream phenomenon. On one of his more than normal grumpy days, I asked him, “So why are you sticking?” With slight irritation, he answered, “I’m not sticking, I’m stuck!” I suggested he just reverse his own statement and repeat it a few times for himself. Like, “I’m not stuck, I am sticking.” I think he tried it, I don’t hear him complaining anymore and he also got a promotion last month.

Take any area of your life that you are dissatisfied with and but you continue to remain in that situation. You will notice that it is not that you do not have another option available; you will notice that out of available options what you have chosen is the best one, the one that offers the most benefits, though this was not what you originally wished. It is in this situation that we say that we do not have any option. Essentially we are saying that we do not like the available options and would like to retain the right to complain and grumble.

Your ability to change your reality expands manifolds when you take responsibility of your own situation; when you give up all complaints and accept your choice. It is only after true acceptance of your choice that you get the energy to create new options — to make the best of the current situation being the first. This process of taking ownership and responsibility makes a deeper level change in you. You realize that you and only you are responsible for your situation and only you can bring about any change. While owning your choices can be a big burden, it actually liberates you.

One mile south of Georgia O’Keefe’s beloved Ghost Ranch in New Mexico, thirteen miles down a cliff-hugging dirt road in the heart of Chama Canyon, you will find Christ In The Desert. The Benedictine Monastery is cloister to about twenty monks. I’d fantasized about retreating to the remote monastery for about fifteen years. And when I finally made the white-knuckling drive to the end of the long road and saw that adobe-anchored cross kissing the sky, I felt … Home.

The peace. The humility. The sheer devotion. Getting to Christ In The Desert was a pilgrimage that my cells thirsted for. It’s worth mentioning here that I considered being a nun when I was about six years old. Then I learned what celibacy was and heard that there was a lot of cleaning involved in convent life, and I asked Jesus for his forgiveness because I just knew I wasn’t going to make the cut. I decided I wanted my own variety show, like Cher. Religion, cabaret…it’s all a kind of intense theater of passion.

I arrived just in time for prayer. The monks sing their prayers. Glorious Gregorian chants echoed against the baked clay walls. My heart swelled. Tho’ the heavy sin-trip of the Psalm wasn’t lost on me, I was swept away by the beauty of it all. And I so needed to be swept away. When the chants concluded and the monks filed out behind the tabernacle, I was able to be alone in the chapel for a long, sweet time. I thought about hope – which I have a very cantankerous relationship with. And I thought about priorities of the most divine kind. My priorities have been bumping against each other for a while now – clanking around and grinding down my heart. The focus of my trip was to put my so called priorities on the altar. Smash few. Polish some. Reorganize them to sync with my soul.

“Above all, prayer holds the first place in the monk’s day and nothing must be preferred to this activity. Prayer involves coming into contact with divine life, in openness to the mystery of love which is written in our hearts.” The monks are encouraged to stop their chores if they feel inspired to pray. The passion to pray comes before work and all other tasks. The Brothers pray seven times in day in collective chanting and in solitude. Seven times a day.

So many mornings I have chosen email over meditation. I let deadlines rank over a stretch or a cuddle or a glass of water swallowed slowly and appreciated. I override the call to feel myself – the call to pray, or meditate, or be fully awake. Prayer comes in all forms and each one spoken brings grace to the day.

Thank you. Yes. Have mercy. Keep them safe. How lovely. Courage, please. I love you.

Our hearts are the altars. Ours days, when lived awake, are another chance to know the joys of what matters most. Attend first to the divine and the work at hand becomes art.

Tune in tomorrow for Part II of my monastery adventures…

I hold this to be true: the best leaders are not famous.

When I asked a class to talk about someone they considered a great leader, all of them identified leaders in history, or famous business personalities. Names like Gandhi, Trudeau, and Trump were mentioned. Then they asked me whom I considered a leader.

I said my grandfather was a great leader. In North America, hardly anyone knows my grandfather. But he was a visionary, and he didn’t brag about it. Decades after his passing, we’re discovering how much he’s contributed to the town he grew up in.

Actually, I told them, anyone could be a leader. The organizer of a non-profit organization, a school principal, a small business owner, and even your own mother, can be a leader. You see, it does not matter how famous a person gets, or how high up an organization a person climbs. It is about how the person influences the people around him/her in a positive and uplifting way to expand their awareness about themselves and life as a whole.

So-called leaders like Donald Trump and Lee Iaccoca are always talking about themselves. “See what I’ve done. I’m a great leader.” If they make mistakes, they blame someone else or the environment.

The real leaders don’t even identify themselves as such. They just do what they think makes a difference. They apologize for mistakes they make – they are accountable. They don’t take credit; they pass it on to the people who helped. They don’t call themselves great leaders. Someone else will along the way. Perhaps most importantly, they always choose service over self-interest; they always put others first. My wish is to find and recognize the leaders in our midst.

Many a time we are swept by that overwhelming feeling to bare all. Not to be mistaken with confession which is done after ensuring that there is nothing further to lose on account of reputation. I am referring to pure tear jerker stuff. Born out of righteous indignation. Or plain stupidity. The former we can still condone, but it’s the later course that we are well advised to steer clear of. And here’s a sweet story that gives a reason why and urges us to hold back whenever we find ourselves in similar situations.

Not so long ago, when there were still prying but sympathetic peers abound (of which the later variety is a rare and endangered species these days) there lived an average Joe monk in a monastery. One day after his usual ablutions, meditations, chores done and frugal meals partaken, he set out to gather firewood in the nearby woods for the rituals at twilight. Then it happened. With both hands occupied, holding the bundle of firewood perched on his head, there was little he could do to defend himself when a wild dog dug its sharpest teeth into the fleshiest part of his rear end anatomy.

Smarting under the sharp pangs of his submitting so meekly before the lowliest of creatures and limping under the practicality of having to now shift weight to one leg that which didn’t have the honor of submitting itself to the cursed cur’s uncompromising and deep oral dalliance, the monk thought thus hurrying towards the tall and fortified walls of the comforting monastery beyond the reach of such wily whelps.

“Mm..let me see now….there are around 377 brother monks behind the blessed boundaries. This pronounced limping coupled with the not so nuanced painful contortions of my face are bound to draw both attention and sympathetic yet piercing questions about what transpired. There is no other way for me but to open up and give them a detailed account of the state of affairs. The more matronly of the fraternity will want to dwell on the shape, size, speed and stealth of that scourge on four legs. Not once, but many a tens of times will I have to go through this motion of explaining to each and every one. Reliving through those painful moment again and again with no prospect of the pain ever dulling. Or me finding time to tend to that tender part of self in the privacy of my chamber. I trust the better way out of this predicament would be to…”

Into the sight came the hallowed monastery, rising magnificently from the woods. Amid the chirping of the birds snuggling into their well feathered nests and the call of the wild, the monk could make out faint peals of the clear bell ringing in the dusk as it struck thunderbolt awareness into his hollowed head.

Like a hurricane in a hurry, shot the monk towards the monastery doors, throwing caution to the winds. Scurrying up the tower that housed the bell, lifting the otherwise half-a-ton weighing gong, he struck it against the bronze bell with all his might… all this was a moment’s work.

Surveying the surging shaven heads and their scrutinizing gazes, the monk turned around, bent over, lifted the ochre robe well above the mark that pumps blood into the sternest of cheeks and proceeded to recount the ordeal he hath passed through that unfortunate evening….

Now my dear friends; when did we not feel the strong urge to announce to the world what we have passed through in the wilderness of our respective corporates? Almost everyday I hear you all cry in unison. I know. I have been there. But thankfully I haven’t done that. For however much the temptation is to unburden myself of the travails I face day in and day out, I know there aren’t many kindly and brotherly souls around. So I shift weight, drag the feet and keep a smiling face. And I work hard at throwing a sympathetic glance in for good measure in hope that some numbskull will fall for it and entertain me with his tale of misery. And over and above that, I make sure to carry a sturdy staff and bide my time. For though there is a dearth of kindly hearts it’s more than made up by an overabundance of the blasted bowwows.

You gain strength, courage and confidence by every experience in which you really stop to look fear in the face. You must do the thing which you think you cannot do. – Eleanor Roosevelt

In recent weeks, I have been getting calls from clients who have lost or are about to lose their jobs. It doesn’t matter that they may not have even liked their job. Now that they are out of work without a job they thought they could count on for a livelihood, most are at a lost about what to do next. Some are in the denial stage while others may have moved on to anger and depression. Many are foreigners and for them, losing their jobs also means that they have to move back to their home country with their family. Some feel they have lost their corporate identity and self-worth.

Are you in the same situation of having been retrenched or are facing some crossroad in your career or professional life? Here are some suggestions on how to get yourself out of it:

1. Acknowledge the Crisis

Losing a job can create as much emotional turmoil as losing a loved one; one may go through the different stages of loss, starting with denial, followed by anger and depression, before acceptance comes.

I know one 45-year old man who went through these stages recently, after losing his high paying job of 15 years. Initially, he refused to accept that he was facing a professional crisis. He dismissed the whole situation as “just a bad patch” that he was going through, blaming it all on an “incompetent boss” and was confident that the ex-boss would soon be begging him to rejoin the company. “Right now,” he said, “all I want is to take a long holiday and worry about it later.”

Two months after this discussion, when it finally dawned on him that his ex-boss was not going to call him back, he then became consumed with anger and hurt. He started bad-mouthing his former employer and told everyone he had resigned because of unethical practices.

When he first came to me, he was already in the depression stage. He could not understand why he, of all the staff in the organization, was fired. Was it because he was too frank and not adept at politicking? Was it some inadequacy on his part?

I told him that the first step towards moving forward is to acknowledge that he is indeed facing a crisis in his life. He was now 45, and it is a fact that many potential employers would prefer younger candidates to fill up job vacancies. No doubt experience counts, but many would-be employers are willing to forego that for they perceive as creativity that is unfettered by past experiences.

Once he has acknowledged he is facing a professional crisis he can then choose how to respond to it.

2. Explore the Options

I have always loved the way the Chinese express the word “crisis”. The Chinese character for “crisis” actually comprises two characters – one means “danger” and the other “opportunity.”

Oxford Dictionary defines “crisis” as “a time of intense difficulty or danger; a turning point for better or worse.” The origin comes from the Greek word krisis which means “decision.”

Whichever way we choose to look at it, one unifying theme defines it: A crisis serves as a wake-up call to alert us to both danger (and turmoil) arising out of non-synchronicity in our lives, as well as to opportunities that can lead to greater things in life. The eventuality depends on the choices and decisions we make.

So take this as a wonderful opportunity to step back and detach yourself from the situation, take a new, fresh look at what you really want for your life and then make the move forward to the life you deserve!

3. Redefine Your Purpose and Passion

How many people really take the time to push the pause button on their lives in order to explore what is their true passion and purpose? Very few, I believe. People just tend to flow along in the path of least resistance – from school to college to job after job, with very little thought given to what they really want to achieve in their lives until it’s probably too late for them to do very much.

So count your blessings now that you have received this wake-up call and been given this opportunity to pause from the auto-drive mode you are in to explore and to discover your purpose and passion.

Reflect on the following questions:
a. Do you feel good about yourself, your life, and where you are going?
b. If time and money are not a problem, what would you be doing on a daily basis?
c. What do you really want for your life? What don’t you want? What have you settled for?
d. Do you feel fulfilled and satisfied with your life choices so far? If not, what would you change if you could?

Whether you are experiencing a professional crisis right now or not, let this article be a reminder for you to step back, re-assess where life is leading you and if you discover that you have been sacrificing meaning, fulfillment, balance and happiness in life for the outward trappings of “career success”, it’s time to regain control of your life and choose a more meaningful path to self-fulfillment.

There are days when you are the pigeon and there are days when you are the statue. The trick lies in getting an early warning especially on the “statue days”, so that you can take in a deep breath and last out when your head is being held underwater. In my case the pigeon days are few and far between. It happens ever so suddenly and if I do not immediately take advantage of that tiny sliver of an opportunity I have only myself to blame. Horoscopes are helpful to take a sneak peek into the future. I read them regularly. My newspaper carries two of them (written by two different blokes) on Sunday. If you miss one of them while being stunned by their editorial, you can always read the other one without having to flip back on the pages. Tip for you: If you do not like the prediction for your own zodiac, try reading the one which says what you are looking for. If being a Scorpio does not bring me money this week, I am OK taking the prediction for Pisces if they are the ones with cash in the wallet.

Like it happened last month when I was going to have an all important discussion on salary hikes with the Big One. I checked what the week’s prediction was for Scorpio (my zodiac sign). It was not pretty. It said, “You will have a difficult time convincing a colleague (ahem, someone is being cryptic) about your point of view. Avoid arguments. Money matters will keep you worried.” Whoa! I needed a sanity check on this one. So I read up what the prediction for the week was for Taurus – my boss is Taurean. It said, “Avoid getting into an altercation with your colleagues about money matters.” There was no reason for the prediction to come true, but it did. The Big One must be reading the same newspaper.

I have a simple solution to this problem. I am taking writing out predictions not by zodiac signs but by topic. This horoscope is about the twelve things that matter to everyone regardless of what zodiac sign you are – crab (Cancer) or twin (Gemini). It works even if you follow the Chinese calendar and you are a pig or rooster or monkey. Net net, no matter what beast you are, I have a prediction for you. What’s more, it s a prediction you will like. Read this on a bad day and it wll cheer you up.

1. Health: You are in the pink of health. If someone asks you start exercising, remember, this week is not a good time to start. After all the year has 52 weeks. Choose an auspicious time to start the regime, not now.
2. Money: Money is coming your way. If you are facing a temporary cash crunch, don’t worry, you will get bailed out – remember how everyone gets a bailout package just before they go bankrupt? So chill. Think big. You ARE rich.
3. Romance: The opposite sex is called so because they have been going in the opposite direction. This week, your magnetic charm will work. So be prepared to read advice on money (point 2 above). So stuff will happen even to you. Honest. It has to…
4. Office: This will be the best week you have had in a long time. Your projects will all finish in time. Your work will be praised – even by that nasty person who sits in the corner table playing Solitaire all day. You will be given a raise and made to be the big cheese so you get an unlimited expense account right away. (Read point 2 and 3, who do you think will be popular? wink …wink…)
5. Shopping: Plan your shopping. You are going to be busy buying stuff all of next week to spend what will come your way this week. Some of the brands have strange spellings. Learn them. Remember your shoe size and color choice as you leave home. Credit cards will work. So go splurge.
6. Travel: This week will see you doing a lot of travelling to exotic places. By that I do not mean your long commute to the office. The Pizza Shop is not my idea of an exotic destination. Think out of the box or suitcase if you must. It could involve air travel – relax. Read section on Food to feel reassured.
7. Traffic: There will be no jams this week. You can drive like a maniac and everyone on the road will indulgently wait for you to drive past. You are in a hurry. You have stuff to do. We all understand. Read section 8 below.
8. Parking: Parking will be plentiful. That is going to last for the next seven days from the time you read this prediction. So save this one for a rainy day. That is the time you really need to park someplace and run to the nearest washroom. If in doubt read section on Traffic.
9. Telephone: The phone company will waive off charges for you to use the phone. This is that wee of the year when telephone companies like to give customers a surprise. Nothing like having a 100 free minutes added to your account – evey minute. You can even call your microwave for an hour and you will still have minutes left to spare. Oh yeah, there will be no telemarketing calls to receive – unless you are making them. Remember this could lead to what section 3 predicted.
10. Food: This is your lucky week. Even airlines food will taste delicious. This is the count no calories week. No matter how man helpings of chocolate cake you have you won’t resemble any of the animals mentioned in the zodiac sign – leave alone the sixth one in the chart.
11. Television: TV will feature your favorite program (including those that you secretly tape and delete diligently). There will be no annoying ads at crucial moments of sporting events – unless you have made any of those ads. In that case only the ad will play all day on all channels. So no matter who watches what channel, your ad will get the highest TRP ratings.
12. Emails: The office email server will be taken down for maintenance this week. They are upgrading stuff. If you don’t answer mails for a week, the world will take you off their mailing list. You will no longer get annoying emails that assign work to you.

If you feel I have not given enough good news in a certain section, leave a comment behind. We need to build a horoscope around these twelve vital areas and not zodiac signs.

You can read more articles on Humor at http://abhijitbhaduri.com/category/humor/

If you want to read the usual stuff on sun signs, here is a link to Linda Goodman’s sun signs.

One tends to see people rushing around either being busy or trying to be busy. Nowhere is it more evident than in an aircraft which has just landed and everyone jumps up, pulls out their bags and switches on the mobiles. They impatiently wait for the ladder or aero bridge and rush out. I would often wonder that if given a chance, maybe some of these busy people might have opted to jump out of the door and jog to the terminal.

The funny part is that I have seen a few of these faces busily waiting for their baggage at the carousel and I use the words ‘busily waiting’ because of the impatience they telegraph through their actions and gestures. On one hand I am tempted to ask them which company they work for or own and invest in that organization. Because, all said and done, such intense effort would have rewards, right?

On the other hand I am also tempted to find out which organization they work for and try to decipher how much of this enforced urgency is actually productive and how it helps them, their team and the organization. Is this a function of our modern society where action is rewarded over inaction, even if the action might be counter productive? Or, is this a manifestation of insecurity and the projected ‘busyness’ is assumed to create an image of contribution, productivity and success to feel important and impress others?

My personal view is that this is more a reflection of a jumbled thought process and every new thought, memory jogged, stimuli received is enough to activate a fresh, new frenzy of action! Introspection and concentration are obvious casualties. Serenity is of course not to be considered at any point in time.

Lastly, such orientation is more reactive and feeds on itself to become repetitive, and deliberate, carefully measured responses no longer feature in the scheme of things. Every time, I am on a flight or elsewhere and I see these very busy people, I feel like holding up a huge sign in red saying “STOP, TAKE A DEEP BREATH!” Focus, concentrate and direct your thought, energy and action.

I am reminded of the advice Arjuna got in archery, when aiming at a bird’s eye. He was told that there is nothing else in the universe excepting the bird’s eye. Even the bird should cease to exist in the archer’s mind. Only then will the aim be true and the arrow hit the mark. A simple enough lesson followed more as an exception than as a rule. Most probably the modern day Arjuna might have a laptop with a telescope to aim at the target, while checking mail and also answering an important call through his blue tooth hands free. And most probably, he might be posting his status updates on Facebook and Twitter saying, “Aiming for the eye”. Most likely, the following status update would be, “Shucks, missed again”!

I was privy to many an enlightening conversation in my lifetime; not by invitation but by virtue of being a very ordinary and colourless individual who can blend in the background and can be easily ignored. I am like your ubiquitous taxi/auto driver, housekeeping staff, waiter in a bar or a fly-on-the-wall. It has its merits. And I am not complaining because it helps me act my part as an honest medium relaying things in turn to you reader, who hopefully, will learn a trick or two from these scribblings and profit from it.

The following powwow I heard not so long ago and I am sharing it with you in 7 parts; for I know you can only invest so much time at a stretch during working hours while not getting distracted from playing solitaire or forwarding the latest jokes.

“I don’t know. I am elated and at the same time feel empty. Have been doing everything right. Performed well. Went beyond the call of the duty. I am part of all key implementation projects. Boss smiles at me once in a while. Don’t extend my lunch breaks or take multiple caffeine/nicotine breaks. Yet right from being served coffee at the table to being invited for Boss’s regular outings; from figuring in the grapevine often to being called in for board meetings — everything seems to be eluding me,” groaned the newly promoted executive (NPE), stirring the contents of the glass placed in front of the accountant who asked how it felt to be kicked upstairs, after languishing for 2 years at the same position.

The accountant did his bit indulgently, to cheer up the kid for he liked the lad. This here was a young man with a sense of humor who after seeing him surreptitiously browsing an adult site chose to include him in his spicy e-mail forwarding list. Where others would have not batted an eyelid in appraising the top management of the same or worse giggle knowingly during lunch-time; this man here did what a kid with a golden heart and a funny bone does. The accountant filled the pauses occasioned by the limitation of NPE’s lungs with encouraging words. “I know you have it in you to move into the corner office some day. Carve out your niche. Don’t give a quarter. Guard your turf with zeal. The future is yours.”

“Thanks old man. I was working hard for it and have performed beyond anybody’s expectations. Still don’t know how long it will take to get fast-tracked onto the road ahead that is promising and paved with gold. Can see my own cabin, corporate credit card, car with chauffeur and conferences overseas. But are they mirages?” The NPE was slowly slipping.

“Listen. I know you are one of the best performers and the brightest chaps around in this organization, and god knows if all goes well, in little over a couple of years, instead of me passing your vouchers, you will be signing my salary cheques. But…” The accountant paused for the bearer to replenish his glass.

“But what? Do you think I will not make it?” ejaculated the NPE.

“NO!” Like numbers and revenues, the accountant, with equal dexterity, can mask the ugly underbelly and paint a beautiful picture. But there are occasions when he too can call a spade a spade. And this was one such occasion.

“And I will tell you why. Tell me, what do you think will get you promoted continuously and takes you to the high seat of power”?

“Multi-tasking. Ability to raise flag at the appropriate time. And provide solutions before others even identify the problems…” the NPE was like a man in possessed, banging his half-full glass (for he was an optimist albeit a naïve one) on the table. He could have gone on and on, for he was a man who never bunked a lecture at the business school or never failed to memorize key quotations from any self-help or career building guides.

The accountant knew that and moved in quickly.“That’s precisely what the donkey thought before he got a good hiding and was kicked out by his master whom he served loyally all his life,” said the accountant.

“What donkey? What rot is that all about, old man?” NPE was confused and slightly worked up.

“Okay, I know you dig management consultancies, self-help gurus, chicken soups with moving cheese, matrixes and clever acronyms more than anything else. So at the cost of the readers not following the 6 other stories beyond this one; for they will now know the formula for attaining power; I will proceed to lay it out.” He took a paper napkin and scribbled legibly (for accountants like doctors are not known for their calligraphic skills) to put down the following equation:
Power = Position + Positioning + Proximity + Personality + Perceptions + PR + Performance

“I don’t understand. I thought…” mumbled the NPE.

But he never got to complete the thought as the accountant interjected, “I know you won’t. So here munch on these peanuts and listen to the story.” Downing the contents of the half-empty (for the accountant sees things for what they are) glass and acknowledging the bearer who moved in quickly bringing in reinforcements, proceeded the accountant:

The Donkey who cared not for Position and put purchase on Performance
“In a small listless village, a fair representative of both listless and listed villages that dot our vast landscape lived a Dog and a Donkey working for a washerman running a profitable venture. The Donkey used to wake up early in the morning, nibble fast on little bits of grass leftover from the previous night to get ready to carry the dirty load. The Dog on the other hand, though wide awake used to rest its head on the crossed fore-legs, close its eyes and lie down till the washerman came in and patted on its back, played with its ears, left a freshly made roti and a bowl of milk in front of it, commending it for the long hours it has put in during the night and the successful outcome of its vigil (for his money and valuables were safe in the morning when checked).

At mid-day, the Donkey used to pass its time eating the grass that grew on the banks of the river, alone with no company, while the Dog relished its rice and soup with the washerman household. And then it would retire under the shady neem tree in the backyard, nibbling on a bone left to it by the doting daughter of the washerman. A completely sedentary and envious lifestyle. The most it used to do under the heading of ‘work’ was wag its tail to shoo the free-riding flies away.

During evening, when the washerman came home it used to lunge onto him, sniff and lick at his feet (for the Dog though shameless was never short on the shrewdness department). The Donkey used to amble in carrying in the washed load and its own fodder, never a murmur or a word of complaint. Subjugation personified.

Dinner was no different, the Dog was fed to the gills, for it had a long and arduous and most critical part to play while the Donkey ploughed through the forage before thinking of the day ahead. It thought the perseverance it showed and its performance would reward it in the long run. It was happy doing its bit for god, countrymen and its master. It reveled in the knowledge that its diligence is what kept the people close to each other and the world peace prevailing.

But for him, the whole world would have been one big bad chaotic place. Thus thought the good Donkey. The Dog along with its fellow dogs had formed a network, wherein only a few of them had to keep vigil across the village every night and raise a robust woof when anything unusual was spotted. This would alert the other dogs who would chip in joining the chorus; driving the unusual thing away and thereby meet their K-9 Performance Indicator. This usually helped the Dog catch more than its 40 winks during which it hated to be disturbed at all. On the day of its vigil, though, it condescended to spend time faffing around with Donkey. The faffing was mostly centered around how the master can do more to it for all the feet-licking it does day in and day out.

The Donkey though surprised, for it thought the Dog had it all, lent a patient ear mostly. On occasions, it used to berate the Dog for not doing its duty diligently, for instead of engaging in long conversations, it should be doing couple of rounds around the house. It (the Donkey) said it was thankful to the boss for letting it do its job without interfering and giving it timely fodder.

One day, on its vigil, while engaging in such a conversation, the Dog failed to notice an unusual movement near the boss’s house. The Donkey though caught it from the corner of its eye and alerted the dog to do the needful. The Dog said it was none of the Donkey’s business to tell him what he should be doing, and anyway it’s much better catching the thief with the loot, red-handed than scaring the thief off before he did any noticeable damage when the boss won’t be any wiser to the incursion. The logic didn’t go down well with the Donkey, as it believed that prevention is better than detention.

It rose to the occasion and let go in full throat that which its ilk is best known and derided for. It brayed aloud. The thief of course jumped a few inches higher in the air, for it was a new alert system that he came across, but nonetheless made good on foot, in the process upsetting the well lined flowerpots of the house. The whole household got up, the washerman was out with the stoutest of staffs in hand, bracing for for an intrusion if any, for the Dog hadn’t barked.

The Donkey, seeing the boss come from inside, ran towards him for a pat or hug or a piece of roti; for one doesn’t know what goodies a good and honest performance brings in. Drinking in one sweeping glance, the upset flowerpots, the nothing-wrong-with-the-world lackadaisical demeanor of the Dog, the boss deduced that the Donkey went out of its line. THADOOM… came down the staff on the hapless and unsuspecting lowly creature. “BRRRRRRRRAAAAAAAAAAAAAAYYYYY” a gut-wrenching cry reverberated through the air, making even the stoutest-at-heart Dog to wince a wee bit.

A wise owl perched on top of the neem tree, witness to the whole, clucked his tongue and thought aloud, “Multi-tasking blah. Raising flag blah blah. If only we all render what our respective positions demand from us rather than being slaves to conscience.”

“I get it, so you will suffer if you try doing good for the boss,” said the now sober NPE.

“You got it from the Donkey’s perspective, which is good but not great. Look at it from the Dog’s point of view if you want to be on the winning and powerful end of the bargain.”

“Mmm…there’s something in that,” admitted the NPE.

“Hang on, here comes our patron saint of spirits to serve another round of salvation. By the end of it all my boy, you will be a true man(ager),” promised the accountant while adjusting himself comfortably in the chair. He then proceeded to enlighten him with another story.

In recent weeks a couple of incidents told the true story of India in a manner that nothing else can. The Delhi metro bridge crashed killing some poor people one early morning a few weeks ago. When my quality control friend of Indian origin in the US saw the photographs of the accident scene he said that the position of pillars was so wrong that even a first year civil engineering student would not have erected them that way. He asked me what I had to say about this. I had no option but to look sheepish.

Now comes the news that there has been a derailment in the Delhi metro although the system is almost new. One can cite thousands of such examples at the end of which we are forced to ask the question — what is really happening here? Is there a fundamental issue here beyond what appears on the surface?

There can be several answers but I shall highlight a few here.

Incidents like collapsing bridges point to not just poor execution and maintenance but to total lack of respect for life. The company that built the metro bridge probably had to pay so much money under the table in getting the contract that in its effort to recoup this ‘investment’ the company compromised on quality even if it meant a human disaster in the future.

I make bold to say that such compromises occur in almost every project in India. For example, contractors are known to compromise on not only on the quality of road construction to ‘recover’ their under-the-table investment but also to get the contract to repair the road after the next monsoon. Such stories lead me to find the underlying cause…the greed to get money even if it means shoddy work costing human lives.

There is a total disrespect for life.

It is sometimes stated that Indians are poor at maintenance of assets. This is true but reduces the issue to a managerial failing. I suggest that this trivializes the issue and diverts attention from the larger more sinister issue of the pursuit of wealth at any cost including human lives.

To return to the more superficial issue — our poor maintenance record — I feel that this indicates the reversing of roles of the trinity of the Hindu pantheon. Thus Brahma the Creator seems to have a small role to play since we create few assets. Vishnu  The Preserver has a marginal role since we are poor at maintenance. It is Shiva the Destroyer who prevails as we destroy assets at will in a riot, or even in a morcha. Apart from this we have no compunction in destroying lives. India is a Shivaite country! The only intriguing issue here is that Shiva stands for creative destruction. We have imbibed ‘destruction’ and ignored the ‘creative’ aspect.

Here’s a joke I read in an Indian newspaper that shows how poor we are at maintenance and how we can be corrupted to ignore maintenance.

A man dies and goes to hell. There he finds that there is a different hell for each country. He goes to the German hell and asks, “What do they do there?” He is told, “First they put you in an electric chair for an hour. Then they lay you on a bed of nails for another hour. Then the German devil comes in and beats you for the rest of the day.”

The man doesn’t like it, so he moves on and checks out the American hell, the Russian hell and hells of other countries. He finds that they’re all more or less the same as the German hell.

Then he comes to the Indian hell and finds that there is a long queue of people waiting to get in. Amazed, he asks, “What do they do here?” He is told, “First they put you in an electric chair for an hour. Then they lay you on a bed of nails for another hour. Then the Indian devil comes in and beats you for the rest of the day.” “But that is exactly the same as all the other hells; so why are so many people waiting to get in here?” wonders the man. He is told, “Because the maintenance here is so bad that the electric chair does not work, someone has stolen all the nails from the bed and the Indian devil is a former government servant, so he just comes in, signs the attendance register and then goes to the canteen.”

I think that the better part of mortal coil is snarled in reckoning with how we desire to feel, and what we can’t bear to feel. Knowing how you want to feel is half the journey to liberation. But a funny thing often happens on the way to clarity. We get clear on how we want to feel, and then we muck it all up with self judgment. A story…

I was jamming with a client whom I adore. She’s kind-hearted, she’s willing to look at her crap and her gloriousness, and she’s excellent at what she does. And, as it tends to happen, I slid in one of my favourite backwards burning questions:

“So in terms of ’success’ how do you want to feel like?” I asked.

“I…I want to feel important,” she admitted. And then it came, the back-paddle, squashing of desire: “But is it wrong to want to feel that way? Shouldn’t I want to feel something else?”

Freeze frame. Is it wrong to want to feel a certain way? Why would it be wrong? Who says? What would happen if you let yourself feel a certain way? How about starting with being okay with wanting to feel a certain way and seeing where that leads you? Back to the convo:

“Is it wrong to want to feel important?” I echoed back to her. “Well maybe some therapists would think so. Could be your wounded inner child ‘n all that, but let’s work from here and now. In terms of your business, what would make you feel important?”

“Celebrity X would be photographed in my product. And the editor at that big magazine would decide to put me on the cover for the next issue. I’d be front and center at the gala. And my cheap clients would stop pestering me for cheaper product, and I would be working with the people who really value what I do.” She was on a roll. Her voice was clear. I imagined she was sitting up straight.

“Uh huh. Well, that sounds like a rocking business to me. So, what do you need to do to help ensure that you feel important?” And with that, a very concise to-do list rolled off her tongue and the future looked brrrilliant.

“You know, just talking about what I’m going to do to make myself feel important makes me feel…important,” she concluded. That’s what happens when we take control of our desires. Moving toward gratitude helps you feels grateful. Aiming for power gets your power circuits firing. Planning for love makes you feel warm and fuzzy. And so it goes.

I used to have intense guilt for craving creative freedom – and then life forced me to go solo and I learnt in one fell swoop that my guilty craving was a very divine calling – with all the rewards I was hankering for.

Enough with feeling guilty for wanting to feel the way you want to feel. Follow your desired emotion. Don’t analyze it too deeply. Just let it roll and rumble a bit. It may be there to humble you, expand you, heal, surprise or reinvent you. Anywhere it leads, it’s there for a divine reason.

New recruits or executives kicked upstairs are usually in a tearing hurry. They want to bring in sweeping changes: change SOPs, unveil new pyramids or Venn diagrams and what not. All even before the first circular about them is mailed. Let me admit, it’s a trait that should be encouraged, a spirit to be applauded and is good most of the time. It is a great way to show one means business. And to bring an indulgent smile to the immediate manager who recruited or kicked them up in the first place.

But there are exceptions. Ones which are better left untouched. At least till the time one finds one’s way around the system and its accompanying loopholes to enjoy happy, frequent and extended coffee-break moments 9 to 5. Of this hierarchy of horrors – the recasting of an old project that’s gathering dust is the most potent of plagues that has ever stunted the careers of many a bright and starry eyed broom-wielder. Don’t agree? Read on.

Long ago. One ashram. Four friends. Fast learners. Sharp brains. Guru’s pets. Complete education. Flying colors. Honor rolls. Campus placements – none then. Take blessings. Step out.

(A vast world! Make way. Roll carpet. Shower perks.)

Jungle ahead. Hack through. Path made. Deep inside. Bone seen. Intelligent all. Exchange glances. Opportunity beckons. Grab now. Showcase skills.

Bright Fellow (BF) – Number One: “Me topper. Redraw vision. This here. Is Lion.”
BF Two: “My specialty. Is Re-engineering. Skeleton built. Jungle King.”
BF Three: “Image builder. That’s me. Flesh, blood. Body, ready.
BF Four: “Turnaround specialist. Breathing life. Rise, Roar.”
Happy Lion!
Hungry Lion!
Learned men. Wise men. Bright men.
Know all – but one. How to climb trees to save ass.
They couldn’t.
End story.

Begin Moral.
Temptation is good; it spurs us to stoop to levels which we never knew existed; to soar to heights that any self-respecting executives can only dream of! But it should be gulped down with a pinch of caution. Especially when it comes to long dead projects that the previous management has dropped like a hot brick or potential fan-hitter in their occasional lapse into reasoning moments. For you know not why they were stowed aside or shoved under.

A viability report is the most you are allowed as a shining knight who is set for higher things. Not volunteering to execute the project, akin to breathing life into the beast.
Adamant still?
Reach now. Higher position.
Happy beginning.

Amongst the many experiences we have in life, our interpersonal relationships are the most involved and intricate interactions we ever have to endure. Relationships invoke and involve all the five senses along with the mind and heart. They relieve or result in pain. They grow and sometimes grow out. They demand as much as they command. They involve tears of joy and fears of loss and loathing. Let us look a little closer.

The ‘relationship web’ that we weave around ourselves is predicated on five “T” triggers: tribe, talk, time, trust and taste.

The first set of relationships that we inherit at birth is our immediate family and relatives. Let us name them TRIBE relationships. “Family comes first” is an old adage that is still followed by many Indians. However in this fast-paced digital era, it is becoming more and more difficult to keep this ‘tribal web’ intact. There are too many troubled father-son, brother-brother/sister, father-mother, uncle-nephew, cousin-cousin, father-son-in-law etc relationships that are either suffocating us or no longer useful or healthy.

Some relationships are maintained because they are necessary for us to hold on to other more important relationships, while others are maintained for mutually selfish and ulterior motives. And there are still others that exist because tolerating them is little less harmful than leaving them. In these times when phone rates are almost equal to zero, the rate at which we call up family and say “kya haal hai” is also alarmingly close to zero.

I can also give you many examples of people in relationships who have not spoken a civil or sincere word to each other in years, even as they continue sharing their bathrooms, bedrooms and drawing rooms.

This brings me to the other trigger called TALK. Ideally speaking, your relationship with someone should reach such a stage where the communication happens without a word being spoken or there’s no need to overtalk as you develop a tacitly mutual understanding about each other’s habits and needs. Just look at a new born baby and the mother. To me that’s the ultimate relationship because the only communication that they have is the baby’s cry and they are both comfortable only when there’s absolute silence. If ever you want to test your relationship, test it on this parameter, I promise you will never be disappointed. But let me re-emphasize, talking has a role to play in any relationship, but your eventual aim should be develop a comfortable silence.

TIME and TRUST are the two axes of relationship graph. You might need time to develop trust, but once the trust is there, the relationship becomes timeless. There are people with whom you spent just a few moments (on a journey or at a function) and you trust them for a lifetime. And then there are people you have spent a life with but don’t trust them even for a moment. Who understands the dynamics that drive relationships – are they karmic or are they simply based on basic needs, hormones or shallow impulses?

And lastly, relationships are also made out of your personal choices, like personal interests say — TASTE. Most relationship problems occur because because partners are concentrating on what’s missing in the other person according to their taste. They fail to realize that however good or bad you feel about your relationship, the person you are with at this moment is the “right” person, because he or she is the mirror of who you are on the inside and the person you really need to look at is….yourself.

The Red Wheelbarrow - William Carlos Williams

so much depends upon

a red wheel barrow

glazed with rain water

beside the white chickens.

So much is because of you. The letters you’ve written and sent, the touches, the kisses, the parties. Every grain of advice, set of directions, every breakfast for guests. That quarter you tossed into a panhandler’s hat could have facilitated the call that turned it all around. Little kindnesses, grand gestures. The doing of your being imprinting place and time. Inevitably.

Consider everything you’ve ever been thanked for.
Every photo you’ve been in.
Every corner you’ve turned.
Every time you’ve signed your name.

Consider that you radiate. At all times. Consider that what you’re feeling right now is rippling outward into a field of is-ness that anyone can dip their oar into. You are felt. You are heard. You are seen. If you were not here, the world would be different. Because of your presence, the universe is expanding.

How does that feel to consider?

In my commitment to live bolder, truer, Me’er, I’ve got to be clear that I am not “a brand.” (Yep, that’s rather strange for a “branding expert” to say.) I earn my living by teaching about what I live. And it never fails that the more transparent I am, the more useful I seem to be.

It’s tricky stuff because I’m also deeply private. I ask more questions than I answer. I struggle with privacy issues and interruptions make me mental. Most of the time, I prefer to be invisible. And yet I’m very upfront about the fact that, vocationally speaking, I’ll be thrilled to be a household name someday. I consider contradictions a hobby.

When your persona starts to wag your person, you’ve got trouble.

So with all that introvert-extrovert creative tension I have to keep my persona in check. And it occurred to me that ever so subtly, I might be setting myself up to hide behind my brand. That I might be creating products and images that hemmed me in in the future. And while good branding makes for good commerce, it can be a real drag for freeing your art.

When I changed my Twitter name last week from @whitehottruth to @daniellelaporte I got some questions. (If you tweet, twit, twitter, then you know that your twitter handle is a very big deal.) @stephendavis02 wanted to know if my name was taken before and just got freed up? @ealvarezgibson wondered if my account had been hijacked. When @chrisguillebeau asked what was up, I told him I just got out of the witness protection program.

Names are hugely important. And yeah baby, White Hot Truth is damn sexy. That’s why I named my site that. But I’m not my site. Or my books. Or the stuff I make.

As Paula Cole puts it:

I am not the person who is singing
I am the silent one inside
I am not the one who laughs at people’s jokes, I just pacify their egos.
I am not my house, my car, my songs
those are only stops along they way
I am like the winter
I’m a dark cold female
with a golden ring of wisdom in my cave.

Okay, that’s a bit dramatic. But so am I. Stay with me.

3 KEYS TO GENUINE BRANDING…or UN-BRANDING. YOUR CHOICE.

1. Keep it pointed to where you want it to go. What do you want to be known for next year, and for years after that? If Twyla Tharp were on Twitter I think she’d go by twylatharp, not “creativehabit.” @EckhartTolle tweets, and he’s not “PowerOfNow”. Think like a legend.

2. Live artfully. I couldn’t bare to lock myself into a “brand” that I felt restricted by. I’ve done that and it hurts. A lot. I want to live like as an artist and it’s the “designer” kind of business model that works best for me. Donna Karan is “Donna Karan”. That leaves her free to do cashmere, fragrances, and Urban Zen. Keep your essence at the helm and you can’t go wrong.

3. Walk proud. Take deep breaths when you need to – it’s not always easy being authentic. Within a day of changing my Twitter name I got all strange and unsettled about it. Zoinks. Was that a bad move? Are my re-tweets going to plummet? I emailed my (amazing) virtual assistant and asked her if I’d screw up anything by reversing it…then quickly emailed her back and told her to ignore me.

Learning to trust that you’re enough, without a gimmick or a sidekick or a discount offering takes some faith and practice.

If you’re selling widgets or scaling a company that you want to sell off someday, then packaging is paramount. If you’re selling your soul – in the best possible way, remember that a little theatre goes a long way, but you still need to show up on stage as the real you. And when you do, applause will follow.

This is Part One of a two part exercise. Repeat: this is not a philosophical declaration to carry around in your heart. Rather, it’s a soul-teaser to wind through your bean and shake up some thought forms.

The world will go on if
: you don’t show up at work.
: you don’t post to your blog tomorrow.
: you cancel the meeting.
: you stay in bed all day.
: you don’t sign the contract.
: you don’t answer the phone.
: you don’t check your email.
: you leave town.

CEO, #1, Captain, President, The Leader.
Who cares. It’s just business, moving parts, day to day. You can be replaced.

Mother. Father. Teacher.
Aside from single parents caring for little ones, you’re just not the only influence in your children’s lives. They may not even want to stick around when they grow up. You may never be thanked. They will find their way with or without you.

Lover. Partner. So-called Significant Other.
Replaceable. And God knows, as a partner, you can certainly be improved upon.

You’re one in a about six and half billion. A speck. A blink in the eye of God. A nano micro weeny zip in the eons of time and vastness of space. No one’s happiness really depends on you – no one’s. People can take care of themselves like they always have. It’s most likely that one hundred years from now, nobody will so much as mention your name.

You’re just passing through, and times flies.

Life will go on with or without you.

How does it feel to consider that?

Tune in tomorrow for Part Two.

When we think and talk about gardening, gardens and gardeners, we should begin with the very first one.
The Almighty!
As it was He who built that first garden, Eden.
On this, his Earth.
He made that for us, as well.
To dwell as in heaven, and not as in hell.
To emerge as successful entrepreneurs, too.
As the Almighty went ahead as an entrepreneur to begin with, to create that very Eden so as to spark within us and our intellects:

* Intelligence.
* Diligence
* Indulgence
* Negligence
* Indolence
* Tolerance

….and grow up as entrepreneurs as well, in times to come.

Eden was and is an example he set for us to enjoy and to emulate, as Life .
To: See, feel, sense, smell, jell, dwell, live, grow, pluck, share, care, cut, trim, hate, endure, propagate, replicate, and to fruition:
Love, Life, Death and Decay.
To live, eat, grow and to die for and out off, the fruition that happens in there, by default, as well.
Annually, bi-annually, perennially too!
As that is what Life is all about!
A not-so, vicious circle, if one emulates successfully, like successful entrepreneurs do, all the time, and have done so too, ever since!

How?

By seeing, observing, learning, and then finally duplicating and replicating the Almighty’s effort.
Thereby emerging as skillful entrepreneurs.
Through use of in-built inherent intelligence that loves soil, sweat, strife, toil, and competition.
Don’t we see nature’s efforts competing with one another all the time?
In various shapes and sizes and all kinds of hues of beautiful colors?
To attract, distract, to trap and be entrapped as well, to culminate in Fruition,
Splendidly to blend.
Thus emerging as observant gardeners first, and then as, successful entrepreneurs, next.

Life as such was built into that very garden.
Life happened out of that garden and other gardens too subsequently, that were later built, by people as such, as entrepreneurs morphed out of that example, well emulated down the ages.
Down the ages we have seen many a gardens happen and decay and die.
Like so, in these past few centuries, we have also seen many an entrepreneurs happen and then die, as well…
Very few have left a permanent mark on this earth.

Life happens in and out of gardens even today.
Unfortunately those types of splendid gardens are so few and far flung.
Both sung and unsung!
Like successful entrepreneurs are!
Gardens nurture, strive and are rife with life, which is invariably followed by death, time and again.
Within them.
As a wonderful meaningful learning experience.
As growth, sustenance and decay.
Life in there is: so dependent on seasons as such.
As the very reasons.
To live for.

Gardens are planned, sown, cloned and grown.
They are tilled and willed.
Roots, leaves, stems, limbs and flowers are groomed, treasured, measured and at times discarded and thrown, too.
So that fruition happens as it should…
Naturally.
In the bargain endure thorns and the pain they bring when pricked by them,
So that flowers convert to fruits and mellow sweetness in the end,
As they get consumed.
Post consumption discarding of stones/seeds happen naturally,
So that propagation endures itself,
Just like talent does too.

Through continuous propagation fruition continues to happen.
On time, in paucity or may be in plenty!
As nature is so mature that it can seldom be harnessed and nurtured as per human will,
Despite the best of toil and till and fill.
Fruition happens depending on the degree of nurture, it is subjected to by the caring/uncaring gardener!
Alas! if we only had those caring and devout types of gardeners by the dozens!
We would also have had plenty of entrepreneurs bearing the right fruition too.
As behind every successful businessman one that we get to see and live with, there are a hundred or more unsuccessful ones we don’t get to see and live with, too.

Fruition happens all the time, but it solidly depends on:

* The soil selected and tilled.
* The beds that are made and how they get to get made.
* The type of seeds selected and then sown.
* Seeds: When and how they get sown.
* Seeds: The zone they are selected to be sown in.
* Seeds: The season and the reason behind there sowing.

When one gets to observe and then compare these acts, one sees a remarkable similarity within a successful gardeners and talented entrepreneurs.

Here are a few of the commonalities…

* Both of them need to be acutely observant, committed for a life full of strife.
* Both of them need to be devoted with a love for labour and toil.
* Both of them need to be gentle and harsh (should know how to axe when called for).
* Both of them need to be good planners.
* Both of them need of be good selectors. (Business is all about location, location, location).
* Both of them need to be learners on the run.
* Both of them need of them to be depended on nature.
* Both of them need to master perseverance.
* Both of them need to learn from mistakes and not repeat it ever, if not often.
* Both of them need to learn to be dependent. (Business is all about people).
* Both of them need to know how save for a rainy day and also for dry spells.
* Both of them need to have an eye for details.
* Both of them need to know how to weed out and well in time.
* Both of them need to live, groom and bloom flowers and fruits among thorns.
* Both of them need to know how to package the produce to reduce decay.
* Both of them need to know how to learn, unlearn and re-learn.
* Both of them need to just-fully share the harvest and the produce.
* Both of them need to realize the importance of organic growth.
* Both of them need to know that money is like manure (In a mound it decays stenches and stinks, when spread and sown in fields it yields riches!).

Are you a potential entrepreneur?
Why don’t you let go of your gardening instincts at the same time?
So that you learn and mature early, as an entrepreneur par excellence!

Were you a successful entrepreneur?
I am sure you were one, and are now, a successful gardener once again, now that you have hung your gloves, as an entrepreneur, and are back on your knees, digging, sowing, weeding, growing life.

After all that strife as a successful entrepreneur.
As on date, our Earth needs more gardeners like you, and in large strengths and force too.

* Thanks to the man-made: global warming.
* Thanks to extreme axing over the years.

Come let us save our Eden, alias Earth, as entrepreneurs!
As we are not God,
We are observant emulators.
And we should emulate and replicate goodness, as we are very good emulators of both good and the evil.
Let’s emulate the good and be good gardeners to begin with,
Before it gets too late.
If we do not, we are bound to collectively decay and finally obliterate.
Sooner than later.
Entrepreneurship of the eternal kind will happen…naturally only then.

Have you come across anyone who is caught up in something very important and says so, which leaves you wondering what is so important about that task? Most probably you might have even faced such a situation where you are told to complete an important task and you drop everything else to do that while wondering what the importance attached to the project.

I am guilty of having been caught in the urgent versus important trap for many years, before I realized what an amazingly beguiling and addictive behavior this is and most importantly how completely useless and unproductive such an orientation can be.

Let me share this little secret and hope this helps you in your life and more importantly helps you in becoming more effective and successful.

Urgency is an emotion. The online MacMillan dictionary defines it as “the feeling of wanting something very much or wanting it immediately”. It can also be called as a pressure of necessity. But, is it usually a necessity? Urgency in most cases is externally driven and is a state of mind created by demands, pressures, timelines, etc. I am not saying that there is nothing called as urgent or that it is a mirage. When one is choking or someone is experiencing a heart attack, there can be no mistake, remedial measures are urgently required.

However, in most cases, the urgency one experiences or sees another person going through is externally induced and can definitely be handled more effectively if one weren’t responding blindly or in haste.

Importance on the other hand is an underlying fact. Usually it is long term and requires much thought and lot of effort to accomplish an important task or achievement. An obvious example is one’s health. We all know it is important and the bedrock of almost everything we do in life. Yet, the urgency of several external factors tends to make us neglect and ignore this important thing till it becomes a problem and turns into being urgent as well as important.

This brings me to the third dimension, urgent and important. Some things are such and usually require priority attention. Unfortunately most of us are never taught to understand this concept and apply appropriate responses. Therefore, our responses are usually prioritized based on external stimuli and therefore urgent things usually take front seat while some important things tend to get ignored till they either lose their relevance or become urgent and important.

I can go on and on about how this lack of clarity sabotages several facets of a persons life. Suffice to say that the sooner one learns to differentiate between urgent and important and prioritize accordingly, the better their lives would be.

A simple tool to do this is to plot urgency and importance on two sides of a table. One would get four quadrants –
Urgent but not Important
Urgent and Important
Important but not Urgent
Neither Urgent nor Important
Situations in quadrant 1 and 4 can easily distract a person, steal productive time, and end up creating larger problems over a period of time if given undue importance and focus. Unfortunately, this often happens because this is usually externally influenced and often by someone in a position of authority or power. Take a simple example. A student is writing an exam and the invigilator keeps shouting out that only so many minutes are left. This sense of urgency often leads the student to miss out on some important thing in the haste to complete. This happens quite often in most work situations. Over a period of time important things tends to get neglected as everyone keeps tackling urgent tasks and slips into being reactive instead of proactive.

So, next time someone comes up and tell you that something is urgent, pause and think before rushing off into action.

One tends to see a lot of stressed out people around nowadays, across gender and age group. Most seem to be running against time to complete a task or several of them. First, I am never able to understand the context of ‘running against’ time. Time is eternal and is a constant. Some people say time is even another dimension. So, I am trying hard to figure out how one successfully runs against time and here are my thoughts for you to follow and reflect on.

Anything that we do or embark upon is predicated on three elements: Time, Competency and Energy or Capability. For anyone to manage any task successfully these three elements should be aligned and balanced in such a way that there is no conflict and they seamlessly integrate to produce the desired results. In most cases one or more of these elements are either ignored or assumed to be adequate. Let me illustrate with a simple example. Supposing someone decided to travel between two cities in a car and agreed to complete the journey in an hour then he/she would require two other variables namely driving skills and a competency to navigate the journey as also the energy in terms of the driver’s energy and capability to drive as also the car’s capability to complete the journey within the said time.

Supposing the driver was not competent or did not know the road or perhaps the car was not in a good condition and would stop every so often, the objective of completing the journey in an hour becomes a burden. In this context, racing against the time limit of one hour becomes increasingly stressful till some of the existing capabilities or competency is also compromised. Under stress the driver takes a wrong turn or pushes the car too hard and it breaks down.

Regardless, one is always racing against a time limit and never against time. Time marches along in solitary splendor, gathering everyone’s efforts on the way and leaving behind the success or failures in its wake.

Is there a better way to manage this race?

Of course there is. The alternative is to be realistic in balancing the three variables mentioned above and ensuring that each of them is optimally poised to form perfect balance. But, first it starts with accepting realistic time limits. For that to happen, one needs to be aware of one’s capabilities, competencies, strengths and more importantly weaknesses. In other words, one needs to know his/her true self and not be carried away by the image one projects to the outside world.

When one balances these elements successfully and works towards maximizing each of these elements, then the whole thing works in perfect harmony. Time is utilized well. Competencies and capabilities are directed towards productive use. Energy is directed towards achieving success. One should not assume that I am advocating complacency. I am not. All I am saying is when one works with a well balanced mix towards an optimum time limit, success has a higher probability. Repeated success creates a success formula and then one tends to learn how to stretch themselves and grow.

Time management has more to do with managing one’s capabilities, competencies and expectations than managing time by itself. The best time management exercise is to be aware of time and respect its absoluteness and align other variables to better leverage this powerful factor.

The birth anniversary of Mahatma Gandhi that fell on 2nd October, was also a time when we recalled the 3 monkeys that we have always associated with him. But the symbolism has changed. They now stand for:
See No Criticism
Hear No Criticism
Speak No Criticism

Let me explain.

The character of a people can be gleaned in many ways. Thus when people from other countries visit India they form opinions on the basis of what they see and encounter from the moment they visit the Indian embassy in their countries for a visa. Then follows the tourist’s experience on our streets. The results are well known to you.

I can see another way in which we can be judged. I suspect that when educated people meet at a seminar for example they may unconsciously use this yard stick to assess the character of a people. When Indians plan to attend a seminar in a foreign country they are judged from the moment they land up at that country’s embassy in India for a visa. As tourists, Indians are not regarded highly in many countries if surveys are to be believed.

I shall attempt to drive home my point by a recent concrete example which I have experienced. I may add here that I too am guilty of such reactions and I see such reactions in the US as well.

I wrote an article titled: “Why I Am Ashamed To Be An Indian.” I wrote it after reading a moving piece in a renowned journal in the US. I was not aware till I read this article by a celebrated writer of the extent of slavery in the India of the 21 st century. I was shocked to read that:
[1] There are more slaves in the world today than at any other time in history.
[2] India has more slaves than the rest of the world.
[3] In India many young underage girl slaves are being exploited for sex.

I wrote this piece hoping that someone higher up — like Rahul Gandhi for example — might take notice and take action to save these unfortunate Indians even as we gloat about our rise to superpower status. I was somewhat taken aback by the reaction from some readers. There were no doubt positive responses. But the barrage of verbal lashings I got was informative of the psychological forces I had unleashed. I list some of the more shrill ones without suggesting that they represented the national ethos.
[1] ‘Rubbish!’
[2]‘There is no slavery in India.’
[3] ‘Slavery is justified.’
[4] ‘You refuse to see India’s development.’
[5] ‘Why are people so negative?’
[6] ‘Did not Dr Kalam tell us to see the positive side of India?’
[7] ‘Ravi should not be allowed to write such things — he is getting cheap publicity.’
[8] ‘The sources of Ravi’s article are dubious.’

I have this theory that applies to individuals and nations. Initially a nation is touchy about criticism. I call this the stage of insecurity or the 3 Monkey Stage. In this stage we feel that any criticism against us is ‘motivated’ and never well meaning and people ought to concentrate on what we think are our achievements. We shut our ears. On our part we refuse to see the many tragedies happening around us — we shut our eyes. We are so fixated on our achievements that we shut our mouths to any self criticism. .

In the second stage which I call the stage of confidence, people are so confident of themselves that they accept that when they see themselves in the mirror, they see many warts. They are prepared to face criticism square on. The US was till recently in this stage. In a lighter vein I feel the Sikh community is in this stage; most ’sardarji’ jokes show them in poor light and are originated by Sardars.

I can see the US slipping just that little bit as their country falters seriously on every front: economy, foreign policy, crime, corruption, educational standards etc. If things do not improve they may well regress to stage one and join India. Incidentally Indians settled in the US betray this mentality in that they often refuse to accept that their adopted country has serious flaws. The American may well accept these flaws but not our NRI!

In stage three which I call the stage of overconfidence, a nation cares not damn what others think about it and does whatever it deems fit even if it shocks the whole world. China fits the bill. Some may say that the US too is dangerously close to this stage even now.

To return to the reactions to my article on slavery my readers could well have googled for ‘Slavery In India.’ One of the first entries there is: http://www.hrw.org/legacy/reports/1996/India3.htm

There is a new found optimism in air. “Green shoots” are appearing all over the parched land and dead woods. Fewer hearts palpitate now when the swiping of access cards results in a loud beep accompanied by the door not opening. One waits patiently while the security politely presses the switch to let one in. Vendor dues not yet cleared, you correctly deduce whistling your way through.

Monitors left on in a non-power save mode, all lights switched on in-spite of the streaming sunlight, and A/C units blasting full-on and you know we are back in business. In the pantry, coffee shots from the vending machine are foamier and thicker. Teabags (ginger, lemon, mint and honey — the whole lot) came out of the locked cupboards for the benefit of the whole gentry. Rest rooms have the same cheerful telltale signs. The toilet paper thickness has increased and once more air fresheners are discreetly tucked in strategic locations. Result? Fewer people walking out like ducks treading gingerly on shredded glass.

HR folks have lost their pre-eminence at the lunch tables as purveyors of juicy tidbits. Pink is still the color of the season, but only with reference to tickling that subordinates are subjected to and the Boss’ lame jokes are back in circulation. Everybody is chirping away to glory, discussing aloud the projects they are on, and they those they wish to get to so that they don’t have to work hard like they pretended to, during the last 8 months or so of the economic turmoil.

I am as happy as any underpaid, overworked employee who has ever swiped his card for all the above. But being a person cursed with a bit of extra memory that crams in unwanted trivia, I am slightly worried too. Occupying the lower rungs of the corporate ladder, it is very important for all of us to remember lessons that the recession hard-knocks diploma (it will last 18 months elsewhere, and a little over 12 months here is my prediction) have taught us. And here’s one that I learnt not so long ago.

Once upon a time, there was a washerman who had few asses working for him, carrying a mountain of dirty laundry of the entire population of the village and dutifully taking them to the cleaners. It was a prosperous time and every member of the village was extravagant, using three changes of clothes every day and wearing each only once before they sent them for cleaning. Business was brisk, the W-man could and did look after his asses pretty well, treating them to best of the fodder, choicest nibbles and outings every weekends. The asses too were extremely happy and many a occasion used to raise their braying to an absolute crescendo during the once-too-often bacchanalian revelries that the W-man threw. Life was one long beautiful song!

But all good things have to come to an end. Recession hit that idyllic village and everyone fell on hard times. People migrated or were forced to leave due to the conditions of the day. From an indulgence, getting one’s clothes washed turned to a luxury. It was a good week, if they were able to give out one set of clothes for washing. People got used to wrapping themselves in sweaty, stain dotted threads. The stench was reaching high skies but hey who cares! A penny saved is a penny earned.

That spelt doom for the W-man. With business drying up and money running out to feed all the asses even for sustenance, he had but few tough and heart-wringing choices before him:
• Let some asses go or
• Keep all asses
From being a mentor the first choice effectively turns him into a heart-less tormentor in the eyes of the asses. The second will make him an easy target for the ruthless taxmen of the king (cost-controllers is the other title they go by); or worse get the villagers’ vitriolic tongues wagging about his supposed extravagance. Alas, it also pits his asses in direct competition with a handful horses and loads of bulls that populate the ranches of other working class folks of the village. And if there ever comes a time of rationing out the grass in the village he very well knows where the asses stand.

Prudently the W-man did away with a few of his asses thereby taking the moral high ground. Over the next few weeks, the asses talked amongst themselves on the future course of action. All but one ass thought it wise to find greener pastures to eke out a course on their own. ‘Entrepreneur-ass’ they were dubbed, by a lone ass which lacked both courage and wherewithal to take that step. So it came to stay back with the master, not much work to do, still getting enough grass and water to get through the tough times.

Some more time passed, and the recession seemed like a cold and inferior cheese dragging on and on without a break in sight. It was getting difficult for the W-man to maintain the ass; for the load now was such that he alone could carry it. Thinking about it and wandering hither and thither he walked well into the adjoining jungle and found a dead tiger. Aha, the W-man had a lightning thought and swung into quick action. The thought was simple. Use the tiger skin to cover his ass and send it into the fields of other villagers and let it feed to its heart’s content. That way he gets to offload the cost of employing (err..feeding) the ass but he still gets to keep it. To act is but the work of a moment. He skinned the tiger (dead and cold, it sure was) skillfully and threw the skin over the ass. Perfect. The ass turns into a tiger! While letting it lose in other’s fields, the W-man had just one advice for it – “SHHHHH!”

The plot worked well and the ass got more than its worth in grass! It could taste different things everyday without ever getting detected. Few who could see through the dark night, feared this new breed of tiger that fed on grass and were happy that at least they didn’t have to face a man-eater.

But alas, good times don’t last. Especially for that creature whose DNA is that of an ass. All the green and tasty grass, coming free and surreptitiously as it did, made the ass get above itself. Throwing caution and the W-man’s prudent advice to wind, one full moon night at the end of a perfectly fulfilling meal, it thought of celebrating the occasion with a full-on song and dance! And how! Within moments of the said lapse of reasoning (a rare commodity by itself in an ass) its cover got blown and all the villagers descended upon it with vengeance.

It’s not for me to get into the gory details and aftermath. Will spare you folks the same but for the lesson that small yet moving story taught me. When a good thing is going and you are sneaking in and snacking on it, you are well advised to curb your enthusiasm and make the most of it. Thanks, My Ass!

(Thanks to Subroto Bagchi, for bringing “The Professional” to the world, and to my loving son Janardhan for getting me lay hands on “The Professional” last evening)

Mahadeva came to cosmopolitan Bangalore, as his dear mother walked out of her native village and her own family in a huff. Mother and the child Mahadeva took to the streets of Bangalore for a living, and the mother does chores to grow child Mahadeva. Until a day she became unwell, and had to get herself with son to the Government Victoria Hospital in Bangalore. As she is treated for a terminal illness, Mahadeva makes the outside of the hospital his playground, gets a new world, full of acquaintances, and a sense of kinship in this world.

Then one day, someone came and told the little Mahadeva that his mother was dead (Dead, What? – little Mahadeva) and the mother was buried as the hospital could not wait for the little son to come back after his play.

The boy has nowhere to go, and also refuses to go back to his native village even as a few people in the hospital ward raise money for that purpose. He made the hospital his home, and as he grew, started running errands there, like the person who did the same when his mother was brought in to be treated at the Government Victoria hospital.

The hospital was Mahadeva’s Universe; and he had grown up; one day, the cops asked Mahadeva to bury an unclaimed body and gave him Rs.200/- for the job. That accident turned to be Mahadeva’s profession, and he eventually became ‘the’ guy to go to for Bangalore’s unclaimed bodies. He carried out the task religiously, and every time there was an unclaimed body, the man summoned was Mahadeva.  His rigor was like : Pull the stiff body from the morgue, hire a horse drawn carriage, take the body to the burial ground, dig the soil and bury the corpse – all by himself for just Rs.200/-. After every such burial Mahadeva would be back, hanging around the hospital waiting for the next assignment! As years passed, Mahadeva bettered his job – even paying due respect with flowers at the time of burial – a practice he got when he once buried someone close to his heart.

With the kind of passion, dedication and commitment to work, Mahadeva was much in demand – he had his own horse drawn carriage and later, thanks to some nice human beings, he got an auto-rickshaw.

His business has grown now, and the horse which was his carriage and died later is now his logo in his business card. Now his son has joined him too.

Till date, Mahadeva has buried more than 42000 corpses, and has won accolades and phenomenal recognition for his selfless service to the community! The Chief Minister of Karnataka has felicitated Mahadeva for his selfless service to the city of Bangalore. Even the petrol pumps he goes to fill in fuel for his hearse-auto do not charge him!

Mahadeva is proud and happy of his work, and contended.

Mahadeva, the high-performer; and a true professional.

Lessons for us : A professional is not someone who is just professionally qualified, or carries the designation on his business card. A professional has the ability to work unsupervised, and has the ability to certify the completion of his work.

Like Mahadeva, who needed no supervision; who attended to his call of duty, come day or night, hell or highwater! He certified the completion of his work! He has no employer – for the Victoria Hospital, he is just an outsourcing agency for disposal of unclaimed bodies. He does not have a boss who writes his appraisal, gives him feedback….!

In most work environments, people who produce anything of economic value need no supervision. A person who needs supervision is NO professional. He is an amateur, even an apprentice!

So, are all of us true professionals?!

(Inspired by “The Professional” by Subroto Bagchi, Penguin Books India 2009)

Life is all about making the best of what we could do, in this moment; the sum such a zillion moments make the journey of life, and we owe it to our very existence to make all these moments filled with joy, happiness and fulfillment. That MUST be the basic tenet of life, and for that to be the base, here are Ten Commandments (which are in any case not exhaustive!) which can be of good help.

Commandment One:   Live by the power of gratitude

Gratitude is one of the best ways to live a complete life. Gratitude is by far the most powerful positive emotion that is filled with energy to negate all ill & negative feelings in us. Just take a conscious effort to focus on filling our mind and heart with gratitude – there is no end to what we can be grateful for – you can be grateful to God, to nature, to our parents, our loving kids, our siblings, to our boss, our co-workers, to a handful of people who touched upon our life today, everyday, and possibly even in this very minute.

Think of what and who you can be grateful for, everyday when you wake up in the morning, and you will see the quality of the day improve. It is such a huge contrast to waking up grudgingly for some mean reason, or even no reason.

A thanksgiving state of mind gives you a rush of adrenalin for your mind and body! Make sure you practice conscious gratitude from now!, and you will have the most powerful fuel that will propel your life-rocket to happiness and success!

Commandment Two: Avidly visualize what you want from Life.

Imaging is the most powerful tool in creating a life of your choice. It has worked wonders to all those who have attained unparalleled success and happiness in any vocation they chose to be in! Imaging anything you chose to have and wish to be, and no sooner will you see your vision turning into reality! Sustained visualization gets etched in the subconscious after a certain period of time, and after that the power of the subconscious takes over the actual process of creation of reality as imaged.

Practice dynamic visualization – Imagine what you seek in all the color, shade, be in that situation which is the final outcome – be in the midst of your happy family, in that great getaway, in that CEO job – make the image as dynamic, interactive and colorful, and as real as it can get in your mind.  After time, you will see the same in absolute reality and even the colors and shades you created in mind will come to existence.

Combine imaging with gratitude well in advance – gratitude to the cosmic universe to giving all that your want – and you are in the pathway to a great, happy, and successful life – all of which as exactly as you wanted!

Commandment Three: Have you mission statement written.

It is a misplaced notion that only organizations and corporations of the world need to have mission statements written. Individuals – you and me – must write down mission statements for our life, and these statements must be the raison d etre of Life.

Writing down such a statement is not something that is done in a huff. A considerable amount of thought must go into the exercise, and the statement shall clearly articulate the prime intents of what we expect in the journey of life.

There is no age barrier for this – if you are twenty or fifty, such a mission statement brings in a huge sense of direction to what we do. It brings in a sense of purpose, and also makes us set goals towards achieving what is stated in the mission statement.

The mission statement is also dynamic, and can be worked on, after time frames – it can be modified with the times, as long as the core message is in tact – for example, if ‘providing everything for a happy family’ is the mission, the broader statement can encompass anything that serves this mission. The mission can be anything to do with various facets of life – personal, family, money, growing up children, running a business – anything that touches life, and living.

Commandment Four: Link your mission to Goals in Life

Goals are very important to keep life filled with positive action. Like the flowing water in the stream is fresh, the blood of life is fresh when you keep moving towards goals you set for yourself. And these goals are so potent when they are linked to the mission of our life.

Life is fun only when there are goals to it! Living without goals, is just vegetable existence, and it leads to boredom which takes the verve and fun out of life. Goals can be either qualitative or quantitative. And it is good to have a mix of qualitative and quantitative goals. Being happy and Staying positive is, for example qualitative, and reaching a professional position, earning x amount of money, is quantitative as well.

When there are written goals in place – be it personal, professional, monetary, family or whatever – we tend to work around those goals, which bring in so much of direction and power to our life.  It is important to have goals for all areas of life, and not just one part of life – that leads to imbalance, and creates pressure on only a few areas.

Life is all about being well-balanced, aimed at being happy, contended, and achieving a few things which we need to; goals facilitate that.

The happiest, contended and successful people are those who have written goals, and worked to make the goals come to reality.

A combination of having a purposeful mission, with goals, and avid imagination makes life so much purposeful and positive.

Commandment Five: Manage YOU well, and manage time well.

It is oft-stated: All of us have the same amount of time in disposal. Yet, we all keep blaming ‘not having enough time’ to do things that are most important. In reality, there is nothing like managing time – what we need to manage is ourselves, and the activity we do.

If we decide to do what is most important in getting to our goals and being happy, and staying positive all the time, the seemingly humongous task to managing the time-monster is so easy… Focus on accomplishment and not activity. Cut off all the time wasters from your schedule – needless talk, bickering, mindless TV watching, useless internet activity – just do a little analysis on how you spend time, and you will see so much time spent on ‘time-eaters’ in your life.

Packing the schedule full of work and no fun is no better self management.  To repeat, the goal of life is to be happy, joyful, and not to carry stress and sorrow to the grave. Sprinkle your schedule with a mix of work, fun, family time, social time- built around the broad goals of life.

Once this is done, managing YOU gets better, and managing time falls in place.

Commandment Six: Never spend a moment worrying.

It has been seen that the biggest time waster and the single most deterrent to a happy life is the worry habit – worrying about this thing or that thing, big or small, important or trivia, and sometimes even being worried about nothing at all..! So much time and energy is expended in this habit, knowing well that it is sheer waste of time and energy, and moreover, something that saps the positivity in each of us.

The easiest thing to kill this worry habit is action… when you start wasting even a minute worrying as a habit, just change the pattern and do something… Contrast the worry pattern by a loud laugh, a kick on the wall, a hit on the punch bag, or just something that sets you in motion.

Just resolve that you will never ever waste time by worrying. This is one of the most definitive things you can do to live a happy and successful life. And not just that – your family, friends, co-workers – anyone who is in your circle of influence and concern will feel joy and happiness radiating out of you.

Follow these 6 commandments, and you will see the difference in the quality of your life… now and always.

A beautiful thing, though simple in its immediate presence, always gives us a sense of depth below depth, almost an innocent wild vertigo as one falls through its levels. Frederick Turner

Writing and jamming all day, I need to to wrest my eyes from words and the screen. Even if I’m writing fluidly or fire starting with a fellow entrepreneur, I crave little bits of beauty like I crave milk chocolate at about 3:00 pm everyday. Visual beauty quenches and cools the part of my brain that is usually on warp drive. A luscious image makes my cells go “ahhhh.” We forget to brake for beauty. She’s rarely on our to-do list. But she makes all the difference in the day.

5 ON-LINE GORGEOUSNESS SNACKS. EAT SOME DAILY.

1. The flower mandalas by psychotherapist and photographer David J. Bookbinder make my heart still. Absolutely mesmerizing: flower mandala photos {be sure to click “color” on LEFT tool bar} Bookbinder’s blog on Beliefnet.
2. Coolhunter is so damn cool that I can hardly stand it.
3. My favourite new artist is Cheryl Sorg. I’m wild about text art, and butterflies, and neutral palettes. The preciousness and intensity of her work is staggering. I have two pieces of hers en route to me and I can’t wait to hang them above our mantle. She’s also allowing me to play with a fantastic line drawing of some flames for the cover of my book-in-progress (also called…yep…White Hot Truth.)
4. Impeccable Beyoncé, choreography by supreme Goddess attitude: Single Ladies (Put A Ring On It) Video. When you’re this frickin’ hot you don’t need any props.
5. One of my favourite Canadian abstract painters: Patricia Larsen.
ahhhhh.

I’m in the process of creating a new profit center for my business.  And I thought it might help you to read about the four steps I’m following to create a successful (and fun) profit center.

STEP ONE : Write out a vision for it.  I know…I know.  You don’t think this is important.  I’m telling you…if you’re not willing to do this step then you are not committed to creating this profit center and setting yourself up for failure.  Albert Einstein was no dummy when he said, “Your imagination is your preview of life’s coming attractions.”

You are able to relive a past experience vividly in your imagination, can’t you?  Well you can also get a preview of upcoming attractions with that same mind.  Denis Waitly, one of the great speakers on the topic of success says, “The more vivid the image, the more real the design for the future.”

You can use a beautiful journal notebook dedicated to your new profit center or you can create a Word document journal.  Take time to write out this vision.  Get a picture of where you are working in this vision, the time of day, who you are working with, activities you are engaged in, and how you feel at the end of the day.  What will having this extra income do for you?  Imagine how it will feel when you pay off debt, or have a dream trip, or buy some things you’ve been longing for.

STEP TWO: Decide how much money you want to bring in from this profit center in the first year, then second and third years.  Now double those figures.  I know from experience that most of you shot too low in your first projection.  I recently went to a conference where most of the audience were self employed men.  In a conversation with one guy, I shared that I was doing ok…I was making six figures…he didn’t miss a beat and said to me, “each month?”  Ok – money isn’t the only measure of success but I KNOW that you can bring in more than you think.

STEP THREE: What will you need to do to make this happen? Danielle Steele, the prolific fiction author, wrote many of her books during the night hours – she and her husband have eight children between them and she vowed to give the kids quality time during the day.  If she can do it, you can too.  If you are working full-time and want to grow a profit center on the side…you might just have to stop watching some television or playing computer games or checking email 20 times a day…you know what your time wasters are.  Find one you can live without or cut back on and use that time each day, five days a week to grow your profit center.

What will it take to bring in the level of income from your new profit center in the first year?  Get specific and concrete.  In my new profit center, if a certain type of writing project typically brings in $5,000 and I want to bring in $50,000 in the first year, I know that I’ll need approximately 10 projects in the first year.  Then break it down further – I’d need 1 project a month. Then what will it take to get the projects?  Do some research; find out how to reach the clients/customers you’re looking for.  Then create a plan to find them and get the projects/clients etc.

Ask yourself, what do I need to do this month toward my goal?  What do I need to do this week?  And what can I do TODAY to move this goal forward? Create YOUR plan!

STEP FOUR: Who will support you in this profit center?  Remember…dreams die in isolation.  So share your plan with at least one supportive person.  And, get help if you need it.  Don’t let the lack of a piece of information stop you – use the internet or pick up the phone and call someone to ask for help.

Research your idea on the internet; find professional associations dealing with it, read articles about it.  I found an information product through a trusted source that was created by someone who is already successful in the area – so I purchased it – it will save me incredible time in research and will save me from making some mistakes.  I am in coaching groups where I can get support, ideas and be held accountable.  I know I’ll succeed and have fun in creating this new profit center.  As Dolly Parton said, “When I’m inspired, I get excited because I can’t wait to see what I’ll come up with next.”  I’m excited for you and look forward to hearing about what you come up with next!

You can’t stay in your corner of the forest waiting for others to come to you.
You have to go to them sometimes.
- Winne the Pooh

She has a tendency to panic. Makes it hard to trust her.
He is chronically greedy. Grew up dirt poor. Money is everything.
She is a channel of pure wisdom, a naturally gifted seer.
He is a genius, able to connect vast intellectual concepts.
She is fragile, new, and green to the concept of cause and affect.
He is angry, wounded, perpetually antagonistic.

People are where they are – despite our desire for them to be further along, more evolved, more fun, closer to our level, less intimidating, more relatable, easier to access, or simply more like us.

If you take the desire for someone to be different out of the equation – you can meet them where they are. You can meet them in the real moment. You can meet them in their despair or their magnificence.

And when you truly meet them, with no wishing for something different to wedge you apart, you’ll know what to do. You will have the compassion to be calming, the humility to be reverent, or the wisdom to walk away. The question becomes, how would you treat “wounded,” or “rage,” or “brilliance”? Not how would you help (or coerce, or plead with) someone be more healed, or less angry, or more down to earth.

They are where they are. Consider the facts, spare yourself the desire for change. Remove the friction of wanting to improve them. And engage. It’s the only way change happens.

We are the sum total of our experience. And undeniably, it is our past – as well as our essential spirit – that informs our character, whether that past is recent or centuries gone by. The altered state aha’s I’ve had about possible past lives, the insights I’ve had on acid in my twenties (except for that one really paranoid trip where I couldn’t talk for three hours,) and the wit from gifted therapists and wise girlfriends have helped me to explain the fears and flaws that I’ve been dragging with me for years.

It is essential to whole living that you get to the source of your pain and screwed up choices. What happened in your childhood or another life informs patterns in your current reality. But sooner or later, you’ve simply got to get over using yesterday to explain today’s behavior.

Decide to just get over it. Let it be that simple.

For most of us who had normally dysfunctional upbringings (I’m not talking about suffering exceptional atrocities or repetitive abuses) our past is no excuse to continue being a flake, a tyrant, obnoxiously needy, or a rage-babe. Look, we’re all terrific for going to therapy, for having past life insights, and reading Wayne Dyer. Yeah for the New Age. Really. But knowing why you’re so screwed up is only half the journey.

“My father never told me I’m pretty, so now I’m fat.”
“I was a pilgrim burned at the stake in my past life so now I’m afraid to voice my opinions.”
“My mother was overly emotional so I suppress my feelings for fear of being like her.”

Choose to let it be done.

I once dated a guy who thought he was Jack Evolved because he’d done enough time in therapy to know that his parents’ affair-riddled marriage rendered him commitment-phobic. “Babe,” he’d start to explain, “I’m just repeating my father’s behavior, it’s like, deep stuff.” Uh-huh. Like I care why you’re a two timing narcissist. Maybe a few more hours of therapy would have unearthed the courage in him to be a good boyfriend. I’ll take faithful over self-helped any day.

Therapy, yes. Strategy, yes.

It is immensely, undeniably valuable to excavate the origin of your fear and your pain. It’s down right essential. But when you start using that awareness as an excuse to stay stuck, you become the worst kind of victim. This is one of the potential problems with talk therapy. The rehashing of who-done-you-wrong and how it screwed you up could be better spent on making a plan to take full responsibility for creating a future that does right by your tremendous potential. I think after some incredible therapy, most people could do with a kick-butt life coach that helps them strategize and be accountable to their dreams.

An acquaintance and I were talking about her relationship with her step dad. It was no secret that they’d had a rough ride and there had been plenty said and done to make them both bitter. She was now working for him. I saw them laughing together, being affectionate, respectful.

“So…what changed?” I asked her. “You two were barely speaking at one point.”
“We just decided to get over it,” she shrugged. “You know, just let it go. So we did.”

Maybe enlightenment is a decision that has little to do with the past.

The most basic of all human needs is the need to understand and to be understood.The best way to understand people is to listen to them. Listening is by far the simplest process a human body undergoes. But most of us have yet to learn the art of listening.

Good listeners are becoming extinct among us. What is even more disturbing is that very few of us are concerned about our inability to be attentive listeners.

The ear is a radar that picks up frequencies created by any kind of sound and sends them to the brain. This is hearing. Hearing is an effect (of some sound or noise), while listening is an effort. Hearing is a natural biological function while listening is a choice on our part. Many of us have only heard and never really listened in our lives. Listening is an effort to receive all that comes to the ear in the form of speech or sound and understand it as well as if you have spoken it. A good listener tries to understand what is being said. In the end he may disagree sharply, but because he disagrees, he must know what exactly he disagrees with and that can only happen if he listens attentively. Listening is quite an evolved process within human consciousness.

When a knowledgeable man speaks, only a wise man has the ears, heart and wisdom to listen. The wisdom he possesses is not because he is wise, but because he listens. Out of the 5 senses, listening uses the least amount of energy. Perhaps that’s why sound (alarm) is used to wake up from sleep. Listening is a very sensitive process with complex psychological inputs. Let us explore some of them.

You don’t just listen to sound outside you. You can listen to your own voice. Try speaking your name, and it sounds like the crescendo of a concert. Try listening to your thoughts, they sound even louder and clearer because they are even closer to the brain. Try listening to the feelings of pain, relief, desire, joy, surprise etc. Each of these has a distinct sound associated with it. I would even go to the extent of saying that everything in this world is sound or has sound or makes sound. All you need is a set of ears that can catch, convey and comprehend these sound waves.

The one factor that will make you a genius listener is patience. There is no barter for patience. The second equally important intention is to get the message right, as exact as possible. Therefore what you need is a positive body language to make the speaker feel confident that he is making sense to you. This will help him to convey his idea better, so the eventual beneficiary is you, the avid listener.

Here are the thumb rules to being a good listener:
1. Listen to the speaker, instead of planning what you will say in return.
2. Listen as if you are listening to the cancellation of your death sentence.
3. When you speak, make sure that you have finished speaking before the audience has finished listening.
4. Interrupt only when the speaker wants it.
5. Remember, your ears will never get you in trouble.

I will sign off now with one of my favourite quotes on listening: I know that you believe you understand what you think I said, but I’m not sure you realize that what you heard is not what I meant. Robert McCloskey.