The Wall Street Journal sent out a memo to its staffers some time back outlining rules around the use of social media like Facebook, Twitter etc. For instance the journalists now need to take approval of editors before “friending” a confidential source on Facebook or Twitter. These ground rules should guide all news employees’ actions online, whether on official sites or in social-networking, e-mail, personal blogs, or other sites outside. This has thrown up a debate among bloggers and social media enthusiasts who are divided on two sides of the argument. If the employee were to spread positive stories about the employer on their social network is that OK? What if the employee were to spread stories about a bad manager or blow the whistle about a wrongdoing in case of a publicly held company? Is it wrong if the employee does the social media thingy during office hours and using the company’s network and laptop to generally vent to the world at large? Should the employer monitor such tweets or blog posts? There are firms who spy on employee behavior on Facebook and other social networks for a living. What if the person blogs or tweets under an assumed name and then conveys an opinion on his or her network, is that morally wrong or legally? Should the investor have a heads up about issues that may impact the stock price? The social media has given the power to every employee, citizen or passerby a chance to have their opinion published at the touch of a button. Along with this opportunity comes responsibility and the debate about the evolving roles of the players. If you think I am talking only about Corporations think again. there are countries like China that worry about what their citizens are Tweeting about. Youtube service goes down if there is objectionable content. Recently when two employees of the Dominos Pizza posted a prank video on youtube, it put a massive dent in the goodwill of the company.

There is this eternal war between those who communicate using mass media and those ABOUT whom the communication is all about. BusinessWeek asks a relevant question “What’s the right corporate policy for Twitter, Facebook and blogs?”

There is stuff about most employers anyway. It is on blogs, Facebook, news articles, Twitter, Orkut, Groups, Communities anyway. Conversations and opinions that affect the way others look at your brand – as an employer and also as a service provider. Imagine the world full of paparazzi (some of who are your own employees) ready to show the seamy side of life. People have opinions and they will express it – so what should the employers do? Some employers choose to deal with it by blocking access to social media sites in office. Can they do it? Of course they can. After all the employer can decide whether they will have you spend your time in office in anything other than office work. So complaining about the office cafeteria on Facebook during office hours can lead to action by the employer. Can they restrict employee? Yes.

Should they? If they spent the same effort fixing the menu at the cafeteria it would delight the employees and take away the need to police conversations. So why not work on that? In the early days of the Net companies used to block access to job search sites from the office network. The policy assumed that the unhappy employees will be so tired after a day at the office that they will not have the energy to trawl the net for their next employer. It would have been a easier option to for the employer to do focus groups with employees to find what they were unhappy about. In the pre Web2.0 world employers could screen and proof read articles before they were dashed off to the media. These “Press Releases” were what the Public Relations department managed and hence the organization had a fair degree of control over the media image. Unless some investigative journalist tag teamed with a whistle blower, the Enron like exposes would be hushed up. Photos of the indiscretions of the senior geezers were all hushed away.

Then came blogs. Opinions were cheap and easily broadcast to a willing audience. The control changed hands from the employer to the blogger. Clearly there will be some jerks who will grab the ball and run all over the beach attracting attention and spoiling your game, but most follow socially acceptable norms voluntarily. Blogs gave employees and opinion shapers the power to influence a much larger audience. Anything was fair game. Hagiography was out and after a brief run with the ball on the beach, most bloggers settled down to responsible blogging. Then it was not just text. You could upload videos of the office party with your colleague wearing a lampshade and flirting with the office cat. Then there was the microblogging thing with Twitter where you could message opinions to all those who were followin you (maybe even your employer … eeks). The line between public and private was blurred. It changes the definition of who is representing the organization in public space. After all everyone is a publisher of opinions.

The organizations rarely mention these policies explicitly in the terms of appointment which they hand out to newly hired. There are generic all pervasive clauses that are coated with legalese and incomprehensible to most employees. That may in itself be the basis of breaches. Tell the employees what information they can and cannot share online and the consequences of violation. Employees sharing information that is proprietory and the basis of competitive advantage are taken to task. Employees sharing what they thought was a harmless photo could inadvertently give away priceless bits of information to the competitors. A photo of the workspace put on the Net could give away the new packaging or bottling option that is currently being tested within the organization’s labs.

The power of the social media is creating a new set of ethical dilemmas with no clear guidelines. Most employers want to know during an interview why the candidate is looking for a change. Anything that cannot be supported by data is an opinion. Hence if the employee shares opinions about their current employer, their policies and the culture or a potential product line being shut down, is that wrong? Or does it become more wrong if it is put up on the Net. Remember, there is no such thing as a delete button on the Net. So a photo of a wild college party will be available to your future employer when they do a reference check about you. Some innocuous “friend” who knows intimate secrets about your online adventures may turn out to be your team member/ colleague/ manager someday. So the word of caution to employers and employees alike: Don’t do anything that would make you squirm if it made the headlines of every newspaper and TV channel in the world and where the anchors or scribes are your sworn enemies. Till you know what is good for you stick to Tweet Nothings.

Saraswati, by Pieter Welteverde www.sanatansociety.com

Saraswati is my #1 Goddess. She rules what I dig most. I’m surprised she’s not up there with Kali and Aphrodite in mass popularity. Saraswati is regarded as the Goddess of knowledge and the arts. She represents consciousness and wisdom, is regarded as the goddess of sound and speech, and is revered as the dispeller of chaos and confusion. As she is the wife of Brahma, she is also seen as the co-creator of the universe. Her name means ‘the flowing’ or ‘the beautiful one’. Yeah baby.

My Saraswati story…
Years ago in Santa Fe, my friend Navjit and I went to a gathering for Guru Karunamayi. New Mexico is to gurus what New York is to rock stars – they all pass through eventually. So catching a Hindi lecture on a Friday night and then heading to the club was par for the course.

So there we were in our leather pants and Timberlands, gold eyeshadow and Betty Paige bangs…in lotus position. Karunamayi spoke of a love that carries all. The God Head Love that bears everything for its creation. “My children, my babies” she said in her high-happy Indian accent, “When you are angered, give your anger to Mama. Mama will carry it for you. When you do not know, give your confusion to Mama. Mama will carry it for you.”

When it came time to be blessed – the touch of her hand to my forehead – I went flush…turned to mush. It was confusing. I’m not wired for guru devotion or public displays of emotion. But I felt a sense of love emanating from Karunamayi that was expansive and warm. I felt forgiven, cradled, curious. When she touched me, tears fell from my eyes as if there was tap at the crown of my head that she gently twisted.

I left with one of her devotional chanting tapes – $8 bucks was the least I could do for having my head spun ’round. One chant burned itself into my memory and for years, even tho’ I never knew what it meant, I instinctively hummed it to myself. The chant would come into my mind before a speaking gig, or a big meeting; while on the acupuncture table or when I was sick. When my son was being born (at home) my mother accidentally flipped the stereo from “CD” to tape cassette (which hadn’t been played in years,) and there it was, the scratchy Karunamayi chant looping ’round for ten hours while I laboured:

Om Aim Srim Hrim Saraswati Devyai Namaha

I finally decided to look into the origins of the chant – for all I knew it could be a blessing for the fertility of camels. As it turns out, it is a devotion to Saraswati. My Sistah of speech. My Mama of the Arts. The Goddess of clear, calm strategy.

Goddesses always show up when you need them to.

Who’s your favourite goddess?

You are the rising star of the corporation. You are working at building a resume that will qualify you for the corner office in the next few years. You want to set the world record for being the youngest head of the corporation. In anticipation, you have started looking up models of corporate jets you could buy and the power suits you will need to order for the swearing in ceremony. In the midst of all this comes the email on the blackberry that your manager wants to know if you would be interested in a short term assignment to New Widgetovia, the country where your company has struck gold. You would need to be there for three months… maybe six… ummm … a little bit more perhaps but hopefully not. Why me? You look up at the sharp eyes of your manager hiding behind those designer specs and try to judge the emotion. You have been hitting all your sales numbers and now all that will change. Who knows what it takes to navigate corporate life in New Widgetovia?You ask her if this is punishment for having spilt coffee on her desk last week? She says no. “It is because you are a star. It is part of our plan to develop you. You will get to build and lead a team. Explore the market. You wanted to be the youngest CEO ever… well here is a chance at being one in our newest geography.” Your first thought surprisingly is now not about the assignment. It is about the mundane and the trivial. How long is this assignment going to last? You kick yourself politely under the table for having succumbed to pressure from Tina and given shelter to a homeless cat and her three kittens. Should you ask Tina to return the favor? Would your relationship survive the duration of the assignment since you are still at trading kitten pictures stage. Do they sell your brand of medicines? If you mess up with the locals, would they grill you or simply spear your posterior? How would Head Office look at failure in this assignment… would they still love you? You wonder what they were thinking when your name was offered. Were you the messiah or the sacrificial lamb? Why do the first three letters of ‘assignment’ spell an animal you sympathize with? You brush away the nasty thoughts. Short term assignments (also called STAs) are a great way to build talent and transfer skills. The corporations use these to quickly set up the templated processes, systems and reporting structures that will enable them to swoop in and get the business running in the shotest possible time. All assignments need not be for greenfield operations. It could well be to run an existing business, to expand a saturated market, to revive a dead product or factory or business. Usually it involves a skill transfer for the assignee as well as for the local population. The short term assignments (ranges upto two years in some companies) offer a rich opportunity to help build understanding of different business and people challenges. If chosen carefully, it can be a great testing ground to prepare oneself for a sharp rise in the career trajectory. World At Work did a survey in Canada that says a shocking 58% companies said that knowing exactly which employees were on a short term assignment was in itself a challenge for a large MNC.

Here are a few pointers that can help get the most out of the STAs for the organization and the employee:

1. Agree on the duration of the assignment: Many assignments tend to keep stretching beyond the initial term agreed upon. It is just as difficult for single employees as it is for those who are married or have children. (read some of the comments on the article posted here) The problems are different. Agree on the motivation of each player – the employer and the employee. What do they both expect to get out of the assignment – the outcomes, learnings and possible challenges.

2. Agree on the what if scenarios as best as you can: Knowing what role or assignment one could come back to is comforting and reduces anxiety of the assignee. If the business scenario demands a shoter term or extension of the time of the STA, agree on the what-if scenario upfront.

3. Agree on allowances, benefits upfront: The number of home visits, emergency trips back, allowances etc all need to thought through and agreed upon before proceeding on the assignment. It is important to stress how this may change if the duration of the assignment changes. It is also important to think of providing emotional support and anchors during the assignment to the employee and the significant other – especially if they are staying back.

4. Encourage the assignee to talk to others: Especially who have been on STAs – especially if they have worked in a similar or neighboring geography. Assigning a buddy or an employee who they reach out to can help quell some anxiety. Some organizations assign a coach even for the spouse or partner or significant other.

5. Insist on cross cultural training and preferably language training: This helps the assignee understand the sensitivities of working in a different environment and makes them aware of what might potentially be a deal breaker in the new land.

6. Design a re-entry plan: It is hard to hit the pause button in your life and go away on an assignment only to return after the assignment and resume seamlessly. Even if the person comes back to the old assignment and role, the equations would have changed. The colleagues would have changed and certainly the world view of the assignee would have changed. It is a time for adjustment for all – colleagues, employer, employee as well as the family. STAs when handled skillfully can offer a win-win for the employer and the employee. Yet there are plenty of examples of the best employees failing at these. There could be broken homes, messy relationships, disappointments if there is no partnership between the organization and the assignee. So build in the support anchors before you need them. If nothing else, before you go say yes to the assignment, read this research report and then decide.

Download a copy of the cartoon from here

Read more articles by Abhijit on Management by clicking here

While loads of care is taken by organizations in engaging employees when they are with an organization, the same care and attention is somehow given a go, when aan employee decides to part ways with the company for personal/professional reasons, what be it. Even worse, the process in mismanaged, for want of time and a want of an understanding of the criticality of the exit process.

Here are 2 real life situations which speak volumes on what could be the best way of exit management, and which serves to beef up the employer value proposition (EVP) in the eyes of all stakeholders.

Victor has served the midsized company from inception, built the brand assiduously by bringing in clients, relationships, revenues, through team-building, and a whole lot of relevant and related tangibles and intangibles. In his stint of over 2 years with the organization, never has he sought any goodies, upped the ante,  nor voiced his environmental constraints, nd has accepted decisions of the company, owing to the market conditions with grace and poise. This, despite even a lot of monetary setbacks, and going back on benefits that are promised & legally binding; and a lot of initial promise on how he will have a skyrocketing professional growth, and how his role and compensation will grow as he meets his expectations.  Even when Victor has many setbacks on his personal front, he continues his work, sans any attention by the organization.

Time comes for Victor to move on, to nurture his personal and professional life as he desires.  He communicates this to the person above in the hierarchy, and his resignation is accepted, taking facts into consideration. He serves his responsibilities; in the interregnum before he is released, a senior most person in the organization comes up and tells him that he cannot go; that he will struggle for survival (issues like food and shelter?!), if he sticks to his decision. Veiled threats are held at him for no reason. It is harassment in its diplomatic form of sorts; many in the corporate office of the organization and even some erstwhile colleagues are pushed to throw muck at Victor; this continues even as he leaves graciously.  He quietly moves to take care of his personal and professional priorities, blind to most of this ‘throwing muck’.

Now to John; John has worked with a large MNC, a leader in its space in the country for a little over 2 years; his stint has been fine, his contributions being above average. His presence is always acknowledged by leaders in the organization, and those leaders make it a point to call him for anything that was to do with the good of the long-term interests of the MNC.

John, wanting professional advancement decides to move on, and communicates the same to his functional head. The head refuses to accept his resignation come what may.  The next morning, to the huge surprise of John, his boss flies in to his place from the corporate office, and expresses gratitude for the work John has done, and pleads him to stay. The boss says any issues can be sorted out, unconditionally, within the framework of the organizational policies.

However, John sticks to his decision, which is finally accepted half heartedly by the boss. The boss also advises John to facilitate in getting an appropriate person for John’s replacement, and also to help in the client transitioning etc.

In the meanwhile most national leaders from the organization continuously communicate to John, checking out is they can help and make him stay. John’s boss even went to the extent to advising the HR to check if John would prefer to report to someone else, yet stay back in the company.  HR also is constantly in communication, and checks what all separation issues need to be addressed; by when moneys of settlement are needed etc.

On the last day of John’s service, his boss again travels down to his location, and bids farewell with lavish praises. Most regional leaders of the organization and most teams were in attendance; even an hour before the close of that day, a functional head tells John to join his team, and he would take care of professional and personal needs.

To cap it all, John’s boss writes a mail to every employee in the company, across the country, and marked to all regional and global leaders, that John’s work at the company was great, and it was a matter of pride to have had him working for the company; wishing him the best moving forward. HR also ensures that all what is due to John is taken care off, without any need for following from his side.

From these real-life stories, it is very clear that John will be a great brand ambassador carrying the brand flag forever. Needless to say, Victor will be a bitter man, carrying only bitter memories.

Managing employee exit, in commonsense parlance, is all about etching great memories of the organization, in the mind and heart of the exiting employee.

One step ahead, it is high time organizations had a formal SOP on managing exits well!

A fool is known by six things: anger without cause; speech without profit; change without progress; inquiry without object; putting trust in a stranger, and mistaking foes for friends. Arabian Proverb

I think a foolish person (fool) is the one who knows, does and views things differently from wise men, as well as other fools. And that’s why neither the wise men nor the other fools comprehend, contemplate or communicate with him. And for the sake of convenience and respect the name given to this living being is “fool.” We always tend to relate foolishness to absence of common sense and knowledge. Fools are unwanted everywhere, because we feel they are just not worth our time and effort to be courteous and tolerant. But if you keep an open mind you may well realise that foolishness is not stupidity. It is thinking way beyond the logical, rational and unimaginative minds of wise people. I say this primarily for the following reasons.

Foolishness is not about a person, but a phase of life or a reaction to a situation.

You will agree that we all have been foolish in some instance, phase or stage of our lives. And we have seen the wisest of the wise men being foolish at times. For instance, scientists and researchers at NASA, had spent years and millions of dollars trying to find the right tool to be able to write in the space, since pens don’t work because of the lack of gravity. They then discovered that their counterpart in the then USSR (Russia), used pencils to solve the same problem. Now would you dare call NASA, foolish?

Even in our daily lives we make a mess sometimes due to our silly logic. But we call them ‘mistakes’, because these slip ups are not frequent or important enough to push us into calling ourselves ‘fools’. So the only matter of difference between the so-called ‘wise’ and ‘fools’ is of the frequency and magnitude of mistakes. Once you have crossed that line between predictable thinking and unpredictable thinking you are likely to be called a ‘fool’ by your contemporaries. To me it only means that you have gone beyond the thinking and imagination of your time and it’s time to move on.

To think fools are useless is foolish. All the real creativity that the world has ever seen came from those perceived as ‘fools’ or men thought to be ‘mad.’ It took some real madness to prove gravity with a falling apple. It took a real fool to assert than the earth was spherical when everyone else claimed it was flat. If Orkut or Facebook were to form a group of fools or mad people, it will surely have the following names registered: Copernicus, Isaac Newton, Archimedes, Aristotle, Galileo, Saint Kabeer, Mirza Ghalib etc. All of them, for most of their lives had been called ‘fools’ or ‘mad’ by contemporary society. It happened because they arrived in the world before their contemporaries were ready for them. So before we judge the ‘fools’ of our times, we need to wait for at least a century to confirm that they didn’t evolve into the geniuses of our era while we were stuck in the status quo wearing blinders.

One tends to see a lot of stressed out people around nowadays, across gender and age group. Most seem to be running against time to complete a task or several of them. First, I am never able to understand the context of ‘running against’ time. Time is eternal and is a constant. Some people say time is even another dimension. So, I am trying hard to figure out how one successfully runs against time and here are my thoughts for you to follow and reflect on.

Anything that we do or embark upon is predicated on three elements: Time, Competency and Energy or Capability. For anyone to manage any task successfully these three elements should be aligned and balanced in such a way that there is no conflict and they seamlessly integrate to produce the desired results. In most cases one or more of these elements are either ignored or assumed to be adequate. Let me illustrate with a simple example. Supposing someone decided to travel between two cities in a car and agreed to complete the journey in an hour then he/she would require two other variables namely driving skills and a competency to navigate the journey as also the energy in terms of the driver’s energy and capability to drive as also the car’s capability to complete the journey within the said time.

Supposing the driver was not competent or did not know the road or perhaps the car was not in a good condition and would stop every so often, the objective of completing the journey in an hour becomes a burden. In this context, racing against the time limit of one hour becomes increasingly stressful till some of the existing capabilities or competency is also compromised. Under stress the driver takes a wrong turn or pushes the car too hard and it breaks down.

Regardless, one is always racing against a time limit and never against time. Time marches along in solitary splendor, gathering everyone’s efforts on the way and leaving behind the success or failures in its wake.

Is there a better way to manage this race?

Of course there is. The alternative is to be realistic in balancing the three variables mentioned above and ensuring that each of them is optimally poised to form perfect balance. But, first it starts with accepting realistic time limits. For that to happen, one needs to be aware of one’s capabilities, competencies, strengths and more importantly weaknesses. In other words, one needs to know his/her true self and not be carried away by the image one projects to the outside world.

When one balances these elements successfully and works towards maximizing each of these elements, then the whole thing works in perfect harmony. Time is utilized well. Competencies and capabilities are directed towards productive use. Energy is directed towards achieving success. One should not assume that I am advocating complacency. I am not. All I am saying is when one works with a well balanced mix towards an optimum time limit, success has a higher probability. Repeated success creates a success formula and then one tends to learn how to stretch themselves and grow.

Time management has more to do with managing one’s capabilities, competencies and expectations than managing time by itself. The best time management exercise is to be aware of time and respect its absoluteness and align other variables to better leverage this powerful factor.

In my commitment to live bolder, truer, Me’er, I’ve got to be clear that I am not “a brand.” (Yep, that’s rather strange for a “branding expert” to say.) I earn my living by teaching about what I live. And it never fails that the more transparent I am, the more useful I seem to be.

It’s tricky stuff because I’m also deeply private. I ask more questions than I answer. I struggle with privacy issues and interruptions make me mental. Most of the time, I prefer to be invisible. And yet I’m very upfront about the fact that, vocationally speaking, I’ll be thrilled to be a household name someday. I consider contradictions a hobby.

When your persona starts to wag your person, you’ve got trouble.

So with all that introvert-extrovert creative tension I have to keep my persona in check. And it occurred to me that ever so subtly, I might be setting myself up to hide behind my brand. That I might be creating products and images that hemmed me in in the future. And while good branding makes for good commerce, it can be a real drag for freeing your art.

When I changed my Twitter name last week from @whitehottruth to @daniellelaporte I got some questions. (If you tweet, twit, twitter, then you know that your twitter handle is a very big deal.) @stephendavis02 wanted to know if my name was taken before and just got freed up? @ealvarezgibson wondered if my account had been hijacked. When @chrisguillebeau asked what was up, I told him I just got out of the witness protection program.

Names are hugely important. And yeah baby, White Hot Truth is damn sexy. That’s why I named my site that. But I’m not my site. Or my books. Or the stuff I make.

As Paula Cole puts it:

I am not the person who is singing
I am the silent one inside
I am not the one who laughs at people’s jokes, I just pacify their egos.
I am not my house, my car, my songs
those are only stops along they way
I am like the winter
I’m a dark cold female
with a golden ring of wisdom in my cave.

Okay, that’s a bit dramatic. But so am I. Stay with me.

3 KEYS TO GENUINE BRANDING…or UN-BRANDING. YOUR CHOICE.

1. Keep it pointed to where you want it to go. What do you want to be known for next year, and for years after that? If Twyla Tharp were on Twitter I think she’d go by twylatharp, not “creativehabit.” @EckhartTolle tweets, and he’s not “PowerOfNow”. Think like a legend.

2. Live artfully. I couldn’t bare to lock myself into a “brand” that I felt restricted by. I’ve done that and it hurts. A lot. I want to live like as an artist and it’s the “designer” kind of business model that works best for me. Donna Karan is “Donna Karan”. That leaves her free to do cashmere, fragrances, and Urban Zen. Keep your essence at the helm and you can’t go wrong.

3. Walk proud. Take deep breaths when you need to – it’s not always easy being authentic. Within a day of changing my Twitter name I got all strange and unsettled about it. Zoinks. Was that a bad move? Are my re-tweets going to plummet? I emailed my (amazing) virtual assistant and asked her if I’d screw up anything by reversing it…then quickly emailed her back and told her to ignore me.

Learning to trust that you’re enough, without a gimmick or a sidekick or a discount offering takes some faith and practice.

If you’re selling widgets or scaling a company that you want to sell off someday, then packaging is paramount. If you’re selling your soul – in the best possible way, remember that a little theatre goes a long way, but you still need to show up on stage as the real you. And when you do, applause will follow.

One mile south of Georgia O’Keefe’s beloved Ghost Ranch in New Mexico, thirteen miles down a cliff-hugging dirt road in the heart of Chama Canyon, you will find Christ In The Desert. The Benedictine Monastery is cloister to about twenty monks. I’d fantasized about retreating to the remote monastery for about fifteen years. And when I finally made the white-knuckling drive to the end of the long road and saw that adobe-anchored cross kissing the sky, I felt … Home.

The peace. The humility. The sheer devotion. Getting to Christ In The Desert was a pilgrimage that my cells thirsted for. It’s worth mentioning here that I considered being a nun when I was about six years old. Then I learned what celibacy was and heard that there was a lot of cleaning involved in convent life, and I asked Jesus for his forgiveness because I just knew I wasn’t going to make the cut. I decided I wanted my own variety show, like Cher. Religion, cabaret…it’s all a kind of intense theater of passion.

I arrived just in time for prayer. The monks sing their prayers. Glorious Gregorian chants echoed against the baked clay walls. My heart swelled. Tho’ the heavy sin-trip of the Psalm wasn’t lost on me, I was swept away by the beauty of it all. And I so needed to be swept away. When the chants concluded and the monks filed out behind the tabernacle, I was able to be alone in the chapel for a long, sweet time. I thought about hope – which I have a very cantankerous relationship with. And I thought about priorities of the most divine kind. My priorities have been bumping against each other for a while now – clanking around and grinding down my heart. The focus of my trip was to put my so called priorities on the altar. Smash few. Polish some. Reorganize them to sync with my soul.

“Above all, prayer holds the first place in the monk’s day and nothing must be preferred to this activity. Prayer involves coming into contact with divine life, in openness to the mystery of love which is written in our hearts.” The monks are encouraged to stop their chores if they feel inspired to pray. The passion to pray comes before work and all other tasks. The Brothers pray seven times in day in collective chanting and in solitude. Seven times a day.

So many mornings I have chosen email over meditation. I let deadlines rank over a stretch or a cuddle or a glass of water swallowed slowly and appreciated. I override the call to feel myself – the call to pray, or meditate, or be fully awake. Prayer comes in all forms and each one spoken brings grace to the day.

Thank you. Yes. Have mercy. Keep them safe. How lovely. Courage, please. I love you.

Our hearts are the altars. Ours days, when lived awake, are another chance to know the joys of what matters most. Attend first to the divine and the work at hand becomes art.

Tune in tomorrow for Part II of my monastery adventures…

Many moons back when I started off my career as a HR person, I had a chance to attend a training program. All the HR folks used to have this once a year get together and just bond. I was briefed by my boss that, being the lowest in the food chain, I had to just take the opportunity to get to know the big fish in HR. Being a really obedient kind of person I took that advice to heart. I spent the next tea break running around that huge hall like a headless chicken collecting names and faces. I will tell you upfront that I have difficulty remembering zillions of names with matching faces. Within fifteen minutes of this maniacal pursuit of perfection, I discovered that the names and faces were all a big jumbled up noodle soup. I gave up.

The break was over. All newbies were asked why they had joined Human Resources. Most of us tried to look cute and said, “Because I loooooove talking to people” or that “I am a people’s person” or that all my friends love telling me their problems and so I thought I should be in HR”. Over the next few years reality struck us between the eyes and blew all those cute statements to smithreens. But even now there are HR people lurking around in organizations who say, they are in HR because they “like being with people”. Hmmm… but dude, do PEOPLE like being with you? If like me you get heebie jeebies when people give that as their reason to choose HR, do something about it. Nip this tendency in the bud. The next time you interview HR people, spend the first hour asking them these questions. If they answer them confidently without too many disclaimers, then that is your HR person for the next few years.

 About the current employer Caveat: Whatever is not in the public domain or cannot be shared for confidentiality reasons should not be asked for during the discussion. These are some questions that help you understand if the HR person has really been a business partner or was it just a lot of sweaty nothings

1. What is the competitive scenario of that industry. How has it changed over the past three years. What do you think are factors that will impact the industry over the next three years. What data do you have to support these assumptions?

2. How does your company’s go to market strategy differ from the competitors. Which one os better and why. What has been the greatest advantage or disadvantage of using that approach.

3. What are the major consumer trends that are impacting the business? What is driving the change? What are some of the white spaces in the market? What will it take for an organization to reach those consumers? What should be investments the company should make to bring down those costs? What is the latest technological innovation that will dramatically impact the way customers choose your company’s products? Are there new demographic segments that are emerging, or going away that will affect your consumer base strongly?

4. What percentage of your time do you spend with your organization’s customers and suppliers? What do you think the suppliers or vendors’ pain points are? What are the regulatory requirements of the company’s product? What are the recent legislative changes that have had a major impact on the way the company does bnusiness?

5. What are the innovations you have done in your assignment(s)? How did the innovations come about? What alternatives did you think of before choosing this option. What is the biggest drawback of the solution you have recommended? If you look at your approach of implementing your idea, what went well and what could be done better?

For the new assignment Problem Definition and Planning Approach: It is always useful to ask for the candidates ideas on how they would approach an actual problem that the business has. It gives the hiring manager great insight on how the candidate goes around redefining the problem? Breaking down the information, creating a project plan, talking to experts, research or benchmarking are all approaches that are possible.

Ability to Innovate: Once the applicant has outlined the problem definition and planning approach, you could now check how innovative the person is. Does the person try the beaten path? Does the person come up with alternatives? Does the person have out of the box ideas? Incremental innovation or transformational innovation – what is it? (Check out that video on the innovation process and how Google uses it. )

Deep functional skills and knowledge gained through application: Functional skills that have not been applied in the business scenarios are unproven. Of course if you are hiring someone for whom this will be the first job, then this it is OK to test depth of knowledge and perhaps a deeper grill on what the internship projects or term papers have been about. All that it does to check if the person goes deep or is happy skimming the surface. Stay warned, these habits may show up often in a work setting as well.

Career path and motivation: If there is a happy fit with the candidate and the current role, most employers jump in to close the deal. Find out what drives this person. What are the career aspirations the person has and what time frame does the person wish to achieve them. Do they want a career as a generalist or as a specialist? This will be an important way to check for a match between the options available within the organization and whether the time frame that the candidate has in mind will match what the company would offer.

Whoever said hiring good HR people was an easy task?

More articles by Abhijit Bhaduri at http://abhijitbhaduri.com

Get a hi resolution version of the cartoon from here

I once visited a friend of mine for an evening of music, drinks and food. As he poured me a mug of my favourite poison, beer, he requested his ten year old son to join in and asked him what he would like—beer,whisky or rum. I was taken aback—how could a fond father actually invite his minor son for a drink when almost all other friends of mine hid their alcohol habits from even their wives?

Looking at my perplexed expression, my friend paused a while to clarify the situation. “You see I am convinced that the more I hide my bottles of alcohol from my son, the more curious he will become and will surely imbibe the drink surreptitiously in my absence. I decided that the best way to avoid this is to offer him a drink whenever I drank. He tasted whisky once and found it disgusting. I am now sure he will not drink even when offered.”

The CEO of a large company asked me to meet with his HR manager to discuss the possibility of conducting workshops on Lateral Thinking for his colleagues. I sought an appointment with the HR manager only to find the man was not interested in meeting me. I suspected that he did not like the idea of being told whom to meet.

A short time later, I sat opposite the man who leaned against his large desk looking cynically at me.
“So you think you are a latter day Einstein?”
“Sir I am far…..” I began saying but was interrupted rudely.
“I have seen many trainers who think they can transform this company. But they are only after money,” he argued.
“But I never even….”
“I believe we are creative enough and do not need….” His voice trailed off as the intercom rang. He barked some instructions to his secretary and then turned to me.
“See we are a very innovative company and do not need anyone to tell us how to think innovatively,” he said in an authoritative tone.
“Sir please listen to me….” Again I was interrupted mid- sentence.
“I think you are wasting my time,” he stated with an air of finality.
I got up. Before shaking hands I told him, “I hope at least now, when I am about to leave you, I will be permitted to say at least one sentence.”
“Of course go ahead. Why do you stand? Please sit down.”
I obliged and continued the exchange, “I have no doubt that your company is innovative and has won some awards for innovation. I am convinced that you do not need my services AT ALL! On the contrary I would learn from your lateral thinking colleagues. I hope that will happen some day.”
So saying I again stood up and stretched my hands towards him.
“Oh come on. Nobody can claim to have learnt all there is to any subject. We can learn from you. You have a formidable reputation,” said the man looking amiable for the first time. His defences were finally down.

I would go on to conduct a dozen workshops for that company and the HR manager is now one of my close friends!

These are two examples of counterintuitive thinking in which we ask ourselves what is the last thing that one can think of or do in a tight situation? One goes against the grain as it were.

The State of Tamilnadu was rocked by a series of shocking incidents of people imbibing ‘hooch’ and either dying or being blinded. The concoction served by bootleggers, was contaminated by acids and ethyl alcohol that were almost always lethal. The obvious ’solution’ to this crisis that might come to most of us is to ban hooch, clamp down on bootleggers, swoop down on known sales outlets, and arrest the bootleggers. This not only did not solve the problem but made the trade even more secretive. The drink was now made under even more unhygienic conditions with even more cheap and lethal ingredients (including lizards and rats) which led to even more tragedies.

Surely this called for counterintuitive thinking. The government decided to open dozens of stores where good quality liquor would be available at a fair price. The underground market almost totally ceased to operate.

We all talk of corruption in India but few have offered concrete suggestions to reduce or eliminate it. The Right to Information Act is one step in the right direction. Here is a counterintuitive suggestion:

How about legalising corruption?

Let me give you an example based on a system that is in operation in a country even more corrupt than India. Let’s say that you need a fresh passport urgently since you have an opportunity to travel abroad. The Passport office has a reputation for corruption. Now a new scheme is introduced. Those who need a passport urgently—in a week for example—will have to pay 15% extra service charge; those who can wait till four weeks will pay only half that amount. No service charges will apply for delivery after four weeks.The collections will be distributed among the staff— as happens in a restaurant where the ‘tips’ are shared among all the staff.

In effect this scheme legitimizes what you would have been paying under the table, much like the tipping the waiter at a hotel. I believe most people may not mind paying additional amounts officially as against being extorted.

Witness that way in which people in Chennai do not mind paying a given amount of money to a ‘call taxi’ service where you pay as per the meter. The same people hate paying the same amount for the same journey to an auto rickshaw guy who actually is seen as an ‘extortionist’ since he ‘demands’ more than is considered legitimate. The call taxi amount is deemed legitimate .

The drug menace is one of the many evils of life in many countries including the US. Not many may be aware that terrorists obtain colossal sums of money by selling drugs based on crops that grow in Afghanistan. In effect any American who consumes drugs is financing the acquisition of armaments that are used in acts of terrorism. Drugs are banned but the ban is ineffective and has the unintended effect of making the trade even more secretive and lucrative. Some countries have attempted to implement a counterintuitive solution—Canada for example has made marijuana available legally!

My first encounter with this form of thinking was when I was a fourth standard student in a Mumbai school. I was an enfant terrible and my mischief was the despair of all my teachers, not to speak my classmates some of whom changed to another school just to avoid me. One day, a new teacher joined my class and looking back I could see how she used counterintuitive thinking. With much fanfare, she actually appointed me the class monitor!

I was reading a polemic if entrepreneurs should, or not, get an MBA and I would like to put forth my idea about the matter.

We are always learning and will continue until dead. There is always something that could be improved and, to figure out, knowledge will facilitate the process.

I agree that many entrepreneurs develop their business skills with blood, sweat and tears, as I did. I co-founded two high tech start-ups and, after 25 years of “bloody times” and two companies, I decided to get my MBA.

In theory, having a couple decades of experience in running a business, I should already know almost everything about business management and development. But, actually, getting the MBA, I learned, rooted and improved a lot of processes and knowledge that I was already using, and also, I learned a lot of new things (state-of-the-art techniques, theories, new writers, new strategies, new “gurus”, and so on). I learned all that, even being a compulsive reader of everything about management, strategy, globalization and entrepreneurship, and had read hundreds of books about the matter, before deciding to return to school.

I think, that if small entrepreneurs want to go to the “next stage” a little more smoothly, they really need to have more base, more knowledge, more tools to define strategies, controls, costs, sales and marketing plans, know how to manage people and even to get better terms in a negotiation.

The MBA will not solve all the problems, inclusively maybe none, but it will give the path to go deeper in subjects that are relevant, in some moments, to the entrepreneurs.

Also, teachers’ profile and methodologies will be fundamental to the learning process of entrepreneurs. I believe (a little utopian) that it should be different the process of teaching entrepreneurs from the process to teach recent under-graduates (profiles are different, as well personal objectives and knowledge).

So, maybe the choice of the MBA, school and content, will be fundamental, but that it will add knowledge can not be questionable.

I would advise, if possible, to get an MBA.

Many people think that Charisma is inborn, an innate quality that you naturally possess or you don’t. If you don’t, you lack a competitive edge to influence others as compared to those who do.

Have you ever walk into a business establishment where the host, salesperson or customer service provider makes you feel so special that you love going back, even though you could have gotten a better deal elsewhere? The difference is more than the product, services, quality, price, terms, availability or delivery dates. It is the charisma, personality, manner, charm & presentation of these people.

The chemistry & actions of people can either repel or attract you to do business with them. All of us have to do some form of selling in every area of our life, whether we are aware of it or not. The principle of charisma, charm & a positive personality is contagious, & it attracts people to you like a magnet at work & at home.

Self- confidence
When you feel self-confident, you naturally carry with you a level of charisma & charm to the forefront. To get self-confidence going for you every morning, start with dressing for the part you want. If you are leaving for work, dressing up professionally not only makes you look good & feel great, you are more apt to conduct & present yourself in a professional manner. Chances are when you feel good about yourself; you will do your best & hence be more confident.

Focus
Maintain your focus & refuse to allow yourself to be distracted by issues other than the task at hand. This is crucial especially when you want to actively listen to your partner, your prospects’ challenges, needs & objectives. For instance, when speaking to your clients over the telephone, do not read your emails at the same time. Active listening requires your full & uninterrupted attention. Remember you are not in a meeting to give a sales pitch, but to help your customers solve their problems or achieve their objective, & you cannot do so until you know what it is. So give them your undivided attention.

Interest & Attitude
So what makes people attracted to you? Psychologists have researched & explore many factors for years, including physical qualities, cooperativeness, intelligence & many others. One strong finding is that people are attracted to you when you share the same attitude about life, such as parenting, work ethics, values & philosophy, relationships, welfare, legislation, even movies, smoking & drinking. It affirms a person’s ability to be sensible, to interpret the world correctly, and to make good predictions about the future. Another reason is people naturally assume that those who share similar interest and attitude will like them, which in turn make them like you. So if you want to be favorably received, see if you can look deeper & find where you agree rather than disagree. Everyone prefers to hear that ‘you are right’ rather than ‘you are wrong’.

Sex appeal
Another interesting fundamental is sex appeal which adds flair to your personality. Even if you are a warm, interesting & approachable person, your interactions with others can be flat if you don’t show at least a little sex appeal. Sex appeal goes beyond sexuality. It’s different from the sheer physical attributes of showing skin or flaunting your body. It is a sign of openness to engage others by becoming interested in what they do & how they think & feel. It is a healthy & natural part of yourself that you display, in all settings; whether it’s business, social or romantic. The process is the way you show your appeal, through your appreciation & attraction to others with your sense of physical confidence.
Even supermodels can lack appeal if they lack interest in others & are unresponsive.

Responding to others
“People do not want to be sold a product or service. They want to deal with people who they think have their interest or who care about them.
- J. Oliver Crom, CEO, Dale Carnegie

Showing people, however subtly that you find them unique & interesting makes them feel good about themselves, and thus they feel good about you. Giving them your full attention is a good way of building rapport & creating a momentary exclusive world of ‘you & me’. Some easy ways to show attraction is through eye contact, a warm handshake and displaying special interest & appreciation in others.

Reaching out
Another way of showing attraction or interest is with touch. Subtle touches are good if you are careful & sensitive about the norms as to what is appropriate and comfortable to most people. People generally like to be touched likely even in nonromantic settings. A gentle, light & sincere touch somewhere between the shoulder and hand such as the elbow area can have a powerful positive impact on your feeling about that person even when he or she is a stranger. When meeting someone the first time, you can touch others casually as a gesture to get their attention, or to direct their attention somewhere else. The message usually is: I like you & I am a warm person. However, we need to exercise caution that going overboard may make others feel uncomfortable resulting in an adverse effect.

Be comfortable in your own skin
Your self-image & how you feel about yourself shows in how you carry yourself, your posture and your gait. The way you exhibit your body emotion is contagious much like a smile or a yawn. You can hear your own voice but you can’t see your own mannerisms and body the way others can. Hence you need to be conscious of your physical presence and the way you hold yourself. Even though you may not have control over your physical attributes, your physical presentation, your body movement & body language are noticed by other people which you may not be aware. Avoid displaced energy such as fidgeting and nervous movements. Being comfortable with who you are with confidence is how you want to be perceived. When you embrace your body & dress appropriately for the occasion, you will feel attractive and tend to present yourself positively. In turn others will feel good in your presence & thus find you more attractive.

Article contributed by Betty Kan, a Singapore based trainer and personal branding consultant.

How many of you learned to ride a bicycle as a child?

Okay, a show of hands, please!

Hey, that’s quite a lot of you.

Now, close your eyes and remember what it felt like to ride a bicycle for the first time. Maybe yours had training wheels that helped to balance the bike as you gained confidence riding on the sidewalk in front of your house. As your confidence expanded and also from observing the older children in the neighbourhood riding without any assistance, you then graduated to your first test without training wheels.

It was scary!

At the beginning came the wobbling of the tires and excited, hurried pedalling as you struggled to break free of your parent’s or older sibling’s guiding hand for balance. And, perhaps there were one or two falls with skinned knees and elbows along the way! However, through your determination, will power, desire and continued practice you soon sped forward on your own.

As you grew in size and age, you moved up to bigger and more complex bicycles and mastered them all. Some of you even learned to ride without holding on to the handlebars or perhaps did “daredevil” tricks jumping over ramps.

And, I’ll bet now that even if you haven’t ridden a bicycle in years, you could still do it.

Now, let’s take a look at success. For many people, success or being successful is just as scary as the first time they rode a bicycle. Naturally, many people want to be successful. However, there are few that truly have the motivation to put forward the needed effort and action, and make the necessary sacrifices to get what they want.

Here are four of my success strategies. Make them part of your “quest for success”.

1) Just as you did when you learned to ride a bicycle there is only one way to accomplish anything today — set your mind to concentrate on doing it and let nothing interfere with your progress. Obstacles, whether they be training wheels on a bike or lack of resources (money, time, lack of skill, etc.) are quickly overcome by the person that sets out to accomplish their heart’s desire. Those who have the desire, “the fire in the belly” so to speak will outdistance and outperform those who do not.

2) No matter what anyone says, size does matter. When you first learned to ride a bike, you were a child. As you grew to adulthood, of course you were faced with greater and more challenging situations. On your road to success, remember this quote from my book The Power Of Concentration – How To Take Control Of Your Life:

“The ‘bigger’ you are, the smaller the obstacle appears. The ‘smaller’ you are the greater the obstacle appears.”

Always look at the advantage you gain by overcoming obstacles, and it will give you the needed “size” and courage for the conquest – now and in the future.

3) Do not expect that you will always have a smooth road, free of potholes, speed bumps and detours. Parts of your journey are likely to be rough. The way you navigate the bad roads shows exactly what you are made of. Keep on with your journey and view with delight the smooth roads that are in front of you.

4) Do not let a setback stop you. Just like when you skinned your knees and elbows learning to ride, think of it as a mere incident that has to be overcome before you can reach your goal. Learn from it and use the lesson to move ahead.

Success is like riding a bicycle. Learn my strategies of success outlined above, and you will always be up to the challenge – regardless of the size.

I have had numerous near-death experiences sitting through presentations that I could not avoid. Haven’t you too?

I don’t know about you but I can’t take it anymore. So I have written this piece to reassure others that they won’t be subjected to the same misery when I am presenting. See if you can find something useful for yourselves here.

I must say that I am equally fed up of the numerous ‘rules for making presentations’ that we stumble across every few days either in a presentation or on the net. When you google ‘rules for making presentations’, you get more than 8 million results! Most of them are standard clichés that irk me no end.  So I have created my own set of presentation rules. I follow my rules to the last detail and I have rarely been disappointed. I implore you, urge you and beg you to follow my rules as well.

Are you ready to see my rules? Are you sure? Do you promise to follow them? Okay, okay, here goes. The following is my list of rules:

Rule No. 1 There are no rules for making presentations. If you have some already, flush them down the toilet. Now.

Rule No. 2 Have your own (personal) set of guidelines for making presentations. Keep them flexible and change them often.

That’s it. That’s my list of rules. If you follow this you will never be in a situation where you torture others with your presentation. Okay, that is the end of the article. Move on to the next one.

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Oh! Wait. You are probably thinking, ‘If there are no rules, what do I do the next time I need to present?’  Well, sorry. I cannot tell you that. That is for you to figure out. But I can and I will share some ideas and guidelines that I have created for myself to help me prepare a presentation or deliver it.

But remember that while these ideas work for me, they might not work for you.  Ultimately you will need to have your own rules for presenting. All good presenters have them. Look at the following examples.

• Lawrence Lessig: He is a monster slider! He can use up to 200 slides for a 10 minute presentation and he makes them really good.
• Seth Godin: He follows a style which has a lot of visuals, little text and likes to surprise the audience.
• Guy Kawasaki: 10 slides, 10 ideas, one idea per slide, not more than 20 minutes.
• Takahashi: Super size font sizes (more than 120) and obviously very little text.

It’s okay if you don’t have your own ideas ready now. Work on this and develop them over time. Here are the ideas that work for me.

1. Don’t use too many words. Better still, don’t use them at all! I don’t like to use words in my presentations. I use pictures instead. If I have to, I will restrict the number of words to 3-5 (in font size 100+). If your slides contain the full text of what you want to say, you’ll be tempted to just read from them, rather than communicating with the people in the room, and most of your audience will be reading them instead of listening to you. My personal challenge is to go through an entire presentation without using any words at all! I will update this post when I am able to do that.

2. Don’t be professional. Get personal. I try to ‘connect’ with audience. I have found through experience that projecting a professional image that is workmanlike and stiff does not work especially if the presentation is long, say, a half-a-day program.

3. Don’t use PowerPoint templates. Use the blank screen like a canvas. I hate using ready-made PowerPoint templates. I feel that built-in templates are ‘tacky’ and most of them are not suited to my no-rules style of making presentations. If you use these standard templates you will necessarily end up with presentations that are clichéd, riddled with bullets (pun intended) and those that will induce yawns.  Most of the times, I do not use any template. I don’t need to since I mostly use pictures and big font sizes.

4. Don’t dress up. Strip down. Stripping down means removing all the fluff and padding to get to the essence of the message. How to strip down?

• Be present 100%. Do not think of the consequences of your presentation, or the preparation or anything else. Not being present 100% in every moment of speaking is cheating the audience.
• Do not keep the focus on your performance. Instead focus on trying to sell, inspire, help, inform, teach, persuade, train, motivate, provoke…
• Do not present in a dark room where the focus is on the screen. The screen is just one component of the presentation. The audience came to see you as well as hear you.
• Be as near your audience as possible. Let them feel your energy and passion. Use a remote.
• Be yourself. Your core personality should come through in the presentations. Do not pretend to be someone you are not. Your quirkiest habits could turn out to be your strengths.
• Cut out the jargon. You fail the test if you have anything remotely close to the following phrases:

Proactively create enterprise-wide e-services without turnkey systems. Seamlessly enhance resource maximizing technologies for premier infrastructures. Objectively matrix revolutionary meta-services via optimal architectures. Credibly promote adaptive e-business without prospective innovation. Globally visualize worldwide e-markets vis-a-vis business solutions. Assertively disintermediate scalable materials with B2B platforms. Uniquely re-engineer progressive solutions for B2B synergy. Compellingly empower visionary metrics and equity invested portals. Appropriately incentivize professional strategic theme areas through user-centric infrastructures.

5. Don’t love the audience. Provoke them. Your objective is to make them think. That won’t happen if they are not stretched, or if there are no areas of disagreement. The greatest learning happens when people think. It is as simple as that. You need to make them think. To be able to do that, you need to pull them out of their comfort zones.

6. Don’t encourage participation. Encourage co-creation. Rather than just have the audience make meaningful comments, get them to contribute creatively to taking your agenda further. In a presentation about training programs, you could ask the participants to contribute one idea that is not covered by you. Suddenly, a dozen participants will come up with an idea each and you have a dozen more ideas.

7. Don’t hide the nervousness. Share the joy. Presenters spend too much effort and use up every trick in the bag to ‘avoid’ looking nervous! Well, thinking, planning and preparing for not being nervous is a surefire way to ensure that you will be nervous. Instead focus on the positive side. Focus on how happy and thrilled you are to be making the presentation and to have this opportunity to share! Focus on what you have to share rather than your ‘performance’.

8. Don’t can it! Flow with it. I have been victim of over preparation. In such situations, I usually end up making a stiff, workman-like presentation. However, in situations where I am well prepared but not overdone, I seem to flow into the presentation naturally.

9. PowerPoint is not the presentation. You are. PowerPoint is just a tool to present. You are at the core of the presentation. Without you, a PowerPoint deck is just a bunch of facts and figures. You may as well email it and then cancel the meeting. Next time, someone asks you to mail the ‘presentation’, tell them, you cannot travel by email.  You can only forward the PowerPoint deck through email, not the presentation!!

10. Communication is not WORDS+BODY LANGUAGE+TONE. Communication is the transfer of emotion. Facts, numbers, data, charts and logic can be emailed, emotions cannot. Your job as a presenter is to add emotion to the presentation. You can do so by being passionate and by believing in what you are presenting.

11. Never give out handouts before the presentation. Give notes later. Don’t give the slides as handouts in the beginning or everyone will get down to looking at the stuff while you’re talking and ignore you. Instead, your goal is to get them to sit back, trust you and take in the emotional and intellectual points of your presentation. Also remember, since your slides now have only pictures, it may be a better idea to prepare a separate document to give as a handout rather than the slides with pictures.

12. Do not stick to your story. Make the story sticky. Try to follow at least 4 out of the 6 essentials that Chip and Dan Heath talk about in their book Made to Stick. Here is a quick summary.

a. Keep it simple! Find the core of your idea and focus on the core. Only. You cannot find the core of your idea by ‘dumbing’ it down. You can do so by finding what is essential to your message. Strip your idea down to the bare essential. A successful defense lawyer says, “If you argue ten points, even if each is a good point, when they get back to the jury room they won’t remember any.” To strip an idea down to its core, we must be masters of exclusion. We must relentlessly prioritize.

b. Violate people’s expectations by doing something unexpected. The objective is to

• Surprise people and GAIN ATTENTION.

• Create interest to SUSTAIN ATTENTION.

Make your ideas concrete by adding vivid images and sensory information.

c. Make people believe your ideas by making them credible. Vivid details boost credibility. Present statistics in a human context. Find a source of credibility to draw upon.

d. Get people to care about your ideas by adding emotion. Associate ideas with emotions that already exist in others. Bridge the emotional gap between your idea (that they don’t care about – yet) with something they already are emotional or care about. Research shows that people are more likely to make a charitable gift to a single needy individual than to an entire impoverished region. We are wired to feel things for people, not for abstractions and extrapolations. Sometimes it can be tricky to find the right emotion to harness. For instance, it’s difficult to get teenagers to quit smoking by instilling in them a fear of the consequences, but it’s easier to get them to quit by tapping into their resentment of the duplicity of Big Tobacco.

e. Make people act on your ideas by telling them stories. Use stories as stimulation (tell people how to act) and as inspiration (give people energy to act).

Avoid clichéd presentations. Don’t bore your audience to death. Make your presentations worth their while.

Check out Shalu’s follow up article – PowerPoint is my slave!

Sometimes when I try to explain my dream to my family and friends, I get blank stares. My enthusiasm does not find an eager audience. Most of the times, I try and avoid this situation by just keeping quiet about my dreams, but there are times when I can’t contain my excitement. I do understand that everyone operates from their belief system, just as I do. But how come the belief systems are different in the very same family in which we grow up? What exactly determines our belief systems? Is it the cumulative experience and influence of one lifetime or infinite life times?

Since I am a past life regression therapist, I know that our past lives do affect our present belief systems, but for most people this fact is difficult to digest. Most of us believe that our beliefs come primarily from our childhood conditioning. If we are told as children that telepathy does not exist, we will grow up believing it to be our truth. However, it is only a belief and not a fact. Most of what we believe is not based on facts in any case. Now suppose that as a grown-up you come across someone who can demonstrate to you that telepathy does exist. What will you do now? Will you accept this new truth?

Generally even when a fact is offered with proof, skeptic minds would try and block it. They try and skip to another reality zone, just to avoid changing their beliefs. It is a sort of automatic defense mechanism of the ego. Sometimes, when you are trying your best to explain something new to someone, they get a glazed look in their eyes. Their attention drifts off. They stop paying attention to you. This is their mind’s way of blocking out information that does not tally with its belief system. Only an open mind can absorb new information and evaluate it on its own terms.

So, now I have decided to share my dreams only with those people who believe in me. I am not here to change anyone’s belief systems, I am here to have faith in my belief system and evaluate it from time to time. I am here to discard beliefs that do not work for me any more and form experiential beliefs that always work. I do not believe that successful people are just lucky. I know that one becomes successful by believing in one’s dreams.

My motivation comes from setting big goals. Big goals to me mean goals that seem fantastic, out of reach, slightly scary, and not commiserating with the current appearances of reality. Say, for example, I had set a goal of becoming a life skills coach, when I was just a homemaker. It took me two years and various small steps of being a communication skills teacher, verbal ability instructor for management entrance exams, a columnist, a healer, and finally a life skills coach. Wow! It seems like a dream run. Throughout this period I stayed motivated by writing my goal in great detail, letting go of it in care of the universe, and taking small inspired actions when needed.

Such miracles happen in my life all the time. Invariably I am led to the right people, right opportunities and right know-how to achieve my goals. After one goal is achieved, I set another big goal. Right now my big goal is to be conducting my empowering workshops throughout the world. It does seem impossible to some, but to me it is my reality, whether I can see it in my present environment or not.

I stay motivated by my complete faith in the universe and its infallible laws. My motivation also comes from imagining a bigger, brighter, and more colourful life than I currently lead. I put my emotions into this picture and live it in my mind. Eventually I am led to take decisive action. This action is always inspired, and I do it to the best of my ability with gay abundance.

I have written my new life story keeping all areas of my life, viz, career, money, health, friends, family, personal development, recreation, and personal environment in right perspective. I run this story through my mind at least twice a day. Each run builds up a new momentum, and I feel excited about taking actions to reach my goals. I know people who live the kind of life that I live, and I also know people whose lives are full of boredom, discontent, and mediocrity. I feel grateful to the universe because my eyes and mind are open. I have discovered my potential. I have chosen my life of purpose and passion. I feel ecstatic. Life sure is beautiful!

Chitra Jha conducts empowering workshops throughout the world.

Myths have a way of perpetuating themselves. There are quite a few related to training and learning too. Everyone seems to believe in them. So much so that they have become sacrosanct and no one even bothers to question them.

When I heard some for the first time, it was in the context of a training program that I was myself going through. My first reaction was: ‘Wow! That sounds incredible.’ In the enthusiasm of the collective wows that were generated, I accepted the myths as truth.

But I soon realized I was not comfortable believing in them. Intuitively, I knew they could not be true.

Now all these myths seemed to be backed up by solid research though. So I wondered if I was being my usual arrogant self by questioning these supposed universal ‘truths’.

But I started my probe anyway and what I found really warmed my heart! These were myths for sure, very similar to urban legends that get popularized without any sound basis. Read on and join me in smashing them.

You remember 10% of what you read, 20% of what you hear, 30% of what you see and 90% of what you do.

This is a widely repeated statement by trainers all over the world. Maybe you’ve been subjected to this statement at some time as well. I hope you have not made it though! The round figures are easily remembered but completely wrong.

The findings can be traced to one D.G. Treichler, an employee of Mobil Oil Company, who put forth these figures in 1967.

However, the NTL Institute for Applied Behavioral Science has laid claim to the figures, saying they are based on research in the early sixties and bizarrely adding that ‘we no longer have – nor can we find – the original research that supports the numbers’.

Though, there are many arguments against these figures, one that is most obvious is that all the percentages are perfectly round. What research into human behaviour ever resulted in four different round numbers?

In communication, only 7% of the meaning is conveyed through the speaker’s words, 55% through his facial expressions and the rest 38% through tone of voice.

I am sure you have come across this lulu too, especially if you have attended communication or NLP programs. In one sweeping statement, words are reduced to an insignificant role in the great game of communication.

Yet, when we think about this deeply, the fallacies start becoming obvious. Is it really possible that if I get lost in Shanghai and ask a passer-by for directions, I’ll have to work out the correct route mostly from their facial expressions and tone of voice, and not from the words they use?

The findings are attributed to research done by Mehrabian but, in reality, they are just a distorted version of what Mehrabian himself has to say on his website. He expresses the results of his research in the form of an equation:

Total liking = 7% verbal liking + 38% vocal liking + 55% facial liking

He explains that “this and other equations regarding relative importance of verbal and nonverbal messages were derived from experiments dealing with communications of feelings and attitudes (i.e. like-dislike). Unless a communicator is talking about their feelings or attitudes, these equations are not applicable.”

We use 10% of our brain (or anywhere from 1% to 15% depending upon where you have read it).

This one is so popular, even Albert Einstein is usually roped in as one of the endorsers! The media too has played a role in orchestrating this myth. Many of us therefore look at it as given.

Scientists have tried for years to change this misconception. They have clearly stated that there is no scientific evidence to suggest that we use only 10% of our brains. In fact it is very hard to say what using just 10% of your brain means.

It could mean that I could cut 90% of my brain and be just fine or that I just use only one out of every ten nerve cells at any one time. Let’s attack this one with common sense.

First of all, it is obvious that the brain, like all other organs, has been shaped by natural selection. Brain tissue is metabolically expensive both to grow and to run.

It strains credulity to think that evolution would have permitted squandering of resources on a scale necessary to build and maintain such a massively underutilized organ.

Secondly, losing far less than 90 percent of the brain to accident or disease has catastrophic consequences. Various medical tests reveal that there does not seem to be any area of the brain that can be destroyed without leaving the patient with some kind of functional deficit.

Likewise, electrical stimulation of points in the brain during neurosurgery has failed so far to uncover any dormant areas where no percept, emotion or movement is elicited by applying these tiny currents.

Having dug hard and deep, I find no evidence at all to support this myth.

The most powerful lure of the myth is probably the idea that we might develop psychic abilities, or at least gain a leg up on the competition by improving our memory or concentration.

All this is available for the asking, the ads say, if we just tapped into our most incredible of organs, the brain. It is past time to put this myth to rest, although if it has survived at least a century so far, it will surely live on into the new millennium.

The next time you are subjected to this one, just ask the speaker politely “Oh? What part don’t you use?”

Read these interesting articles to find out more about these myths and other myths related to training and learning.

Myths about adult learning

Myths about coaching

We use 10% of our brain

Myths about communication

Myths about NLP training

Myths about train the trainer

There once was a happy monkey wandering the jungle, eating delicious fruit when hungry, and resting when tired. One day he came upon a house, where he saw a bowl of the most beautiful apples. He took one in each hand and ran back into the forest. He sniffed the apples and smelled nothing. He tried to eat them, but hurt his teeth. They were made of wood, but they were beautiful, and when the other monkeys saw them, he held onto them even tighter.

He admired his new possessions proudly as he wandered the jungle. They glistened red in the sun, and seemed perfect to him. He became so attached to them, that he didn’t even notice his hunger at first. A fruit tree reminded him of his hunger, but he felt the apples in his hands. He couldn’t bear to set them down to reach for the fruit. In fact, he couldn’t relax, either, if he was to defend his apples. A proud, but less happy monkey continued to walk along the forest trails.

The apples felt heavy, and at one point the poor little monkey thought about leaving them behind. He was tired, hungry, and he couldn’t climb trees or collect fruit with his hands full. What if he just let go? Letting go of such valuable things seemed crazy, but what else could he do? He was so tired. Seeing the next fruit tree, and smelling its fruit was enough. He dropped the wooden apples and reached up for his meal. He was happy again.

Like that little monkey, we sometimes carry things that seem too valuable to let go. Shiny wooden apples leave us tired and hungry for a better life. Still, letting go seems crazy. Even our worries are sacred apples – they prove we are “doing everything we can.” We hold onto them compulsively.

I do not have any daughters; God chose to bless me with two sons, hence in all social gatherings the regular topic of conversation remains, “Oh, don’t tell me you don’t have any daughters. You don’t know what you are missing. Daughters are such sweethearts. Haven’t you heard ‘a son is a son, till he gets himself a wife, while a daughter remains a daughter for all your life’?” All my protestations about my sons being absolute jewels get lost in those ‘poor you’ looks. This used to be my usual plight, until the other day, when a friend of mine started relating her woes concerning her teenage daughter. I listened as one by one many of my friends came out with their own sob stories. Surprisingly most of these concerned their daughters!

I came back home with a great deal of food for thought. Until now I had not considered the possibility of a ’special’ relationship between daughters and mothers. I always gave credit to an individual’s ‘heart’ skills more than their ‘gender’, for maintaining good relationships. I considered this ’son or daughter’ fixation as more of a cultural phenomenon and the effect of our social conditioning. But now I gave some thought to my own role as a daughter, and the complexities of this beautiful relationship between a mother and a daughter.

When a baby girl is born, the mother feels an instant connection with her. As she grows into a toddler and a pre-schooler, her mother is her ‘hero’. As she enters school, some of the mother’s glory gets transferred to her class teacher. Of course, you, as mother, don’t resent that. You know that the bond between a mother and a daughter is indeed very unique, and nothing can ever break it. But once your daughter grows up and becomes her own person, this bond is often tested to its limits.

Yes, it remains the most complex of all relationships. Despite mothers and daughters sharing a special bond, there are some complex emotions that play a role in this sacred bond. These are emotions of resentment, competition (yes, sir, that too!), and of course, love. Mothers and daughters remain friends most of the times but they can be bitter enemies as well. What evokes such strong emotions in this simple relationship?

Most girls are labelled as ‘papa’s girls’ when they are growing up. I do not know why or how this belief got propagated. This label itself sows the seeds of dissent, and competition. Now the mother has to compete for her daughter’s father’s affection; not forgetting that ‘papa’s girl’ has the first claim on it. Why do you think this relationship gets so complicated?

Mothers and daughters definitely spend more time with each other than mothers do with their sons or for that matter, daughters with their fathers. They definitely talk more. They discuss personal topics. This presupposes that they must be close, but the fact remains that too much of interaction, that too of personal nature, breeds contempt. They also risk offending each other all the more.

Let us look at the flash points in a mother-daughter relationship.

Women are generally judged by how they look, and mothers are judged by how their daughters look; so appearance, clothes, weight, and hair-dos become an area of dissent between mothers and daughters.

Mothers always see their daughters as little girls and want to save them from all the bad wolves of this world. Daughters resent this protective behaviour. They consider their mothers as control freaks.

Whenever mothers offer any (motherly) advice, or suggest improvements in wardrobes, hairstyles, or looks, daughters smell a rat and see implied criticism in everything that is said (or left unsaid). Mothers think that they correct their daughters because they care for their daughters; daughters think that mothers just need an excuse to criticize. The resulting tension often spills over for days on end.

If daughters sense disapproval, they won’t hesitate in keeping secrets from their mother. They feel powerful by withholding information. This sows the seeds for further dissent, and the domino’s effect carries on.

Now, what is the magic formula to make a perfect mother-daughter bond? Seeing things from the other party’s point of view always works wonders. Using praise from time to time is another sure winner. Humour, of course, works each and every time, without fail. However, one important tool remains: role play. Teaching a daughter ‘how to mother’ is an important part of growing up. Dolls come handy here, but even younger siblings do as well. Because the mother-daughter relationship is a contextual background for how daughters learn to parent, this tool remains pretty important!
Telling your daughter (and vice versa) that you love her keeps you connected with her. Girls especially love to receive ‘I love you’ notes and cards from their parents. A written note is very special as it can be read again and again.

All mothers want their daughters to grow into loving, respectable, and independent adults and teach them good work ethics and family values. Mothering does not stop when your daughter becomes a young adult; it just changes form. You need to still love and guide your daughter but in an adult way. She needs encouragement and affirming to keep her self-confidence and self-esteem high. Let your daughter know that she is loved and respected.

Loving a daughter doesn’t mean that you have to give in to all her whims. To love her is to bring out the best in her. Your daughter will always remain inside of you, as she shares your genetics, but more important is the fact that you nurtured her heart (and vice versa), and provided the best model of what it is to be a woman in this world.

Only when your relationship with your daughter is friendly can you enjoy the precious treasure of being a mother. Parenting is a tough job. It is a continuous challenge. No parent is perfect and we all make mistakes. Mothers, fathers alike.

I love this quote by actress Bette Davies, ‘If you’ve never been hated by your daughter, you have never been a mother!’

Chitra Jha is a life skills coach and past life regresson therapist.

Life is simply a sum total of the choices we have made. As Zig Ziglar said, “You are free to choose, but the choices you make today will determine what you will have, be and do in the tomorrow of your life.”

That may seem a little daunting, when we do pause in our journey through life’s many twists and turns, to consider how we actually make choices. Choice of career, choice of spouse, choice of investment, the list goes on. Is it by instinct or “gut feeling” or do we actually analyse the important decisions we make in life? Or do we get so paralysed by fear of making the wrong decision, that we simply abdicate from any responsibility and just leave it to “fate”?

A case in point was a young man I was coaching recently. He has been working in a financial institution for several years now. Armed with a Bachelor of Science degree from NUS, he had several options when he first graduated. So how did he make his choice, I asked him. Was it what he really loved to do? I’m afraid not, as he did not have a clue what he would really like to do with the rest of his life! No, instead he looked at which job paid better, he also asked his parents and a few friends for their opinion, and of course, the answer came from their beliefs as to which job was more “stable”, had better prospect, and so on.

Certainly not a wise way to make decisions. Yet, who can take him to task for how he embarked on choosing what direction to take for his life then? Were any of us taught how to make choices in school?

Or are we taught to go the safe route, to live with compromise, as we would have plenty of that?

For those looking for a job or those at the crossroads as to what direction to take for the rest of your life, here are some thoughts on what not to do when making choices:

1.    Don’t attempt to weigh all options.

This is what I used to do – make a “pros and cons” list for each option and then set about analyzing what’s the best thing to do. All that happens at the end of the process is that we simply end up more confused than when we first started off!

2.    Don’t think of all the things you don’t want.

When thinking about what career to go into for example, don’t waste time thinking what you don’t want to be doing. Instead, focus on what you do want to do and what job is ideal for you. As the saying goes, what you focus on expands. Similarly, don’t focus on solving problems. If you keep focusing on your problems, and what you don’t want in life, that is exactly what would expand!

Instead use a creative approach – think about what you want in life and focus on how to create that for your self.

I remember an incident when I was still young and struggling with my business. One day I was sitting in my office, shuffling all the bills and cracking my head which one should I pay first with my limited resources. Then, a friend – much older and wiser than me came in, asked what I was doing, and when I shared my dilemma with him, he opened my desk drawer, pushed all the bills in and said to me, “Now go out and make the money you need!”

There are three types of choices that can help take you forward – primary, secondary and fundamental choices.

Primary choices are choices you make with regard to major results e.g. “I choose to be financially free in five years’ time.” Meanwhile, secondary choices that can help you take a step toward your primary results. In the above example, a secondary choice to support the choice to be financially free may be to build a second source of income, or perhaps to set aside money for investment.

What about fundamental choices? This is something not many people are aware of, but it is indeed crucial if you want to be really successful in life. Whereas a primary choice concerns itself with specific results and a secondary choice supports those results, a fundamental choice has to do with a state of being, or basic life orientation.

A fundamental choice is the foundation upon which primary and secondary choices rest. It is not subject to changes in internal or external circumstances. An example could be the choice to be true to oneself.

The schools do not teach us how to make choices in life, but it is a skill that can be learnt and once mastered, can help us live a life of our dreams.

Patrick Lim is a Certified Professional Trainer, and Certified Professional Coach (IPMA UK) and COO of Institute of Business Coaches, specializing in coaching for business and life coaches.

How’s life?

All of us have been posed this question some time or the other. And we usually shrug off the question with flippant dismissal. Very few of us are ecstatic or gush about how swell life is. Many of us reply with weary sighs while some of us grimace with ill-concealed pain. What we are talking about here of course is not life in the sense of being alive and breathing, but the quality of life we live.

I often wonder about the quality of life we seek, and can’t help comparing it to food to see whether we have the recipe to make life tick.

Childhood to maturity

For most of us, childhood is when life is most enjoyable. Bereft of responsibility, we are taken care of, sheltered, fed, clothed, educated and kept in good health. All we have to do is savour every wonderful moment to the fullest. Whenever we take ill, all we have to do is lie back and recover. Nothing clutters the brain beyond the events of the day. It is often said that a child is happiest because he or she lives in the present with both mind and body as one unit.

When we are young adults, life begins to bloom as the mind and body are nourished with knowledge and metabolism, peaking to produce perhaps the finest co-ordination between the mental and physical states. Life is one great colourful flourish on the canvass of time. But what happens thereafter?

Youth moves on to maturity and we begin to gain “focus” on our lives and what direction we wish our lives to take. Ambitions and achievements take over from the spirit of adventure. Dedication and devotion to purpose replace daredevilry. Deliberate thought process prevails over impulsive intuition. Career quests overshadow the carefree spirit.

Coping with stress, chaos, work-life imbalances, pressures of the daily grind, people relationships, demanding targets, conflicting goals, aspirations and professional paradigms of an ever-changing world are daunting tasks that sap us mentally and physically! Burnout, suicide and divorce are some of the outcomes of such a life.

Life on a platter

There is no solution unless life resembles a balanced meal. And how is that so? Well, sometimes we assume life to be only that part which takes up most of our time. For the career chasers it is their vertical growth rate in the organisation or in their own business and for the homemaker, it is housework. All this reflects quantity and not quality. But not so with food!

Almost anybody I know has dined out at a restaurant. When choosing where to eat, we invariably look for not just good cuisine, but also the location of the restaurant, the parking service, the air-conditioning, the music, the décor, the ambience, the nature of its current clientele and so on. While all we really do is eat there. But the packaging and the surrounding benefits are so necessary and all so important to us. Then why do we judge life by just the food, or sometimes by just the main course?

Why not package life in a way that even the most miserable meal or career glows in the ambience of hobbies or career offshoots? Whenever I’ve sat down to order a meal, I invariably look for the accompaniments, and often enough it is these that decide the success of the meal. I cannot get into my steak, no matter how delicious it looks, without my baked potatoes, spinach and boiled veggies and that pat of golden butter oozing goodness. I know of a fellow who went berserk when he did not receive his pickles with the food. It simply shows that not always is the quality of food or for that matter, life, defined by just the main serving, but often enough, it is the tiny add-ons that really decide the lip smacking goodness of life.

Packaging the zing!

What are these add-ons that put the zing into life? This is for each one of us to find out individually. It can often be an absorbing hobby or sport or music or any parallel line of activity that brings in tangible fulfilment. Sometimes physical evidence of effort ploughed in, does not reflect as much as we desire, in our basic square meal in life. So we choose to bring in activities of our own, which meet this need.

I often offset my reverses or lack of results at work by creating my own successes, unto myself, if not to anybody else, through penning my thoughts and experiences into tangible form, either in prose or poetry. Energizing yourself becomes necessary to sustain the quality of living in the main life zones, usually career and family life. Somehow, if we were as fussy about the add-ons to our lives as we are in choosing the toppings for our pizza, life could become one big delight.

Not all of us are fortunate enough to choose a line of work or career that dovetails comfortably with our skills or education or interest. But aren’t we often told at the restaurant that the very item we wish to savour is not on the menu of the day? Do we leave the restaurant and seek another one where we find what we want, even if it takes all night? The chances are, we don’t and instead settle for the next best or whatever else is available.

We can make the best of the situation by either being open to the new experience of what gets served in our plate, or disguising what we have with a whole lot of sauces and condiments, hoping to reconstruct something totally new. Isn’t life often frighteningly like that?

If we could only pause to listen to the winds of fresh thought whispering through our minds, we would certainly have cause for celebrating the true quality of life!

What is blame?

Blame is pinpointing to someone else, criticizing or holding someone or something other than self as responsible or indulge in a finger pointing exercise or harass with constant criticism.

I speak from a personal experience. I grew up as a child blaming and being blamed in equal measure. As a teenager, I was steeped in being blamed. As a young adult I decided in my subconscious that I was not going to take it any more and would retaliate strongly whenever I was blamed. So I played my part passing on blame whenever possible to whoever was willing to take it. I assumed it to be a logical way of living, blissfully ignorant of the pain I was causing to myself indirectly and to the others directly. I had absolved myself of any wrong doing and I thought that I had a right to be angry and aggressive.

At another level we had it reinforced in us in subtle ways that we had to be ashamed and repent or at least feel remorseful of all the wrong doings or we were most welcome to go on a guilt trip if you please.

So we excavated each little error, each little mistake and grew more and more self-righteous. Since we had confessed our sins now it was your turn. And if you did not, you were slotted as arrogant and headstrong. So the spiral escalated.

As I reach my middle age, I realize and look back with amusement and amazement at the sad designs we drew for ourselves and those we professed to love.

Why do we blame another?

It makes us feel good. It makes us feel that we are right and helps us place the responsibility on another person. It gives us licence to be aggressive on the one hand and feel like a victim on the other hand.

Our human mind works in myriad ways, seeking, coping, releasing or protecting this simple fragile self. As a result we behave in a manner in tune with this inner need.

What happens to the other person when we blame?

He probably gets a little disoriented if he is not in the wrong. He can withdraw, blame back or just cut off. Communication gets choked. To overcome this, one could have dialogue in a mature fashion. It calls for a humungous inner strength to speak the truth with candour and courage. One of the major fears of this action is the consequence that can happen.

Another perspective

As a non-violent communication (NVC) supporter, I see and experience that it is possible to communicate without negative feelings.

Imagine that all humans regardless of caste, colour or creed are here in this world for a purpose even if they are not aware of it. No life is complete when a person dies, merely a level is done and he has to move onto another level. He was here because he had to learn how to cope with issues that he created for himself, choosing lessons that he needed to learn. He could either sail through or make it worse or play it the way he chose at the beginning. That’s free will for you.

For instance let’s say that I need to learn lessons on how to cope with abandonment. I lost my dad when I was 8. Though I could not articulate the pain or loss, the fear and anxiety remain. Years later I subconsciously play it out with over-dependence on my close ones. This could irritate my daughter who needs to learn to cope with self-reliance. Surely there’s going to be blame, and fault-finding and the whole works.

If I could remember that she’s not here because of me or for me, she’s here to learn her lessons, and I can at best be there for her like the way I did when she was in her school, it would give me the distance and acceptance that there is nothing to blame anybody for. Everyone is who they are.

It has even given me an insight into the Gestalt Prayer.

I do my thing and you do your thing.
I am not in this world to live up to your expectations,
And you are not in this world to live up to mine.
You are you, and I am I, and if by chance we find each other, it’s beautiful.
If not, it can’t be helped.
(Fritz Perls, 1969)

More than anything else it gives me the perspective and freedom. It liberates me and makes me responsible for myself. And it gives new insights into detachment, opening myself, independent of reasoning ability, to meet others’ blame with skill, grace and ease.

So how can I live in harmony?

I need to let go of worn-out limited beliefs. I simply have to accept that everybody is in their rightful orbit. There are more possibilities than what I can comprehend. There is a guiding hand in everyone’s life.

And this too will pass.

Shyleswari Rao runs a training organization Ved Vyas Inner Space and conducts workshops on Personal Mastery which are highly interactive, experiential and insightful for organizations, NGOs and educational institutions. Please visit www.vedvyasinnerspace.com or contact her at shylahrd@gmail.com.

When something can be read without effort, great effort has gone into its writing. Anonymous

The concept of a book starts within someone who is restless with a concept. So restless that he cannot keep it to himself. He feels like sharing it with anyone who’s interested. He becomes like a live volcano wanting to erupt and express itself. It takes days, months, years and sometimes a lifetime for a writer to put down all his thoughts in a book. But when it does, he feels spent and fulfilled at the same time.

Most people read books either to be entertained or to seek information. Some also read to find what someone else thinks. But the real worth of reading is when one reads a book to read his own mind.

I am referring to those unexplored, untouched and hidden sparks of wisdom that can be excavated within us only when we resonate with a like minded writer through the medium of a book. I am talking about those “Ahh! I know exactly what you mean…” moments in reading when one comes across statements which you can claim as your own because they have been nestling in your head or at the tip of your tongue, waiting to come out. Sometimes you feel jealous of the writer for having written it before you.

Swami Vivekananda in one of his very intense speeches proclaimed that there’s no knowledge that comes from the outside the mind. My interpretation of this assertion is that all knowledge and wisdom are perennially seeded in the mind. Like with dry wood, the potential of fire is always present, it just needs the spark to light it. The fire in it is “sushupta”, subdued and subconscious. But it’s there. The author through his book tries to ignite the fire in the reader’s mind. But if the wood is wet, then nothing can fire it. This wet wood represents the state of a closed mind when it is heavy and dense with preconceived notions.

There are really only two types of books. One type feeds escapism and entertainment impulses and the other opens up your mind to allows you access to long-seeded ideas that need expression. I lust after the latter because it ignites the fire of self-exploration in me. I am passionate about this kind of book because it has a transformative effect on me as I connect to the writer on a deep level. It feeds my hunger for answers and self-expression. The book becomes an intimately shared bond with the writer and allows me to expand my mind and consciousness which is one of my primary purposes in life. Book lust is a fascinating addiction….don’t you think?

One of the really hard but powerfully effective skills of communications is to speak with good purpose.

Speaking with good purpose means conversing with others in a way that is honest, straightforward, and with the aim of building better relationships.

Take for example the following phrase: “You’re so sloppy. Your work area is such a mess.”

This is likely to antagonise the person to whom it is directed who will most likely respond in the same manner (since behaviour breeds behaviour) or go on the defensive. Either way, your point will be defended or denied and the conversation, to say nothing of the relationship, will pretty quickly be over.

If, on the other hand, you worked out in advance that you really needed the other person to know how you felt and what you wanted them to do, you could phrase the same message in the following way which leaks no anger or put-down: “I find it really hard to share an office with you because we have such different ideas about organisation.”

Now, you have the basis for a much better working arrangement.

Bobby DePorter, the president of Quantum Learning Network, says that there are many ways we can learn how to speak with good purpose. Here are 3…

1. a “No Tolerance to Gossip” policy, since gossip is exactly the opposite of speaking with good intent.
2. letting people know your intent when you speak. So, instead of the slightly sinister-sounding “Have you got a minute?”, use visible communication and let them know what’s on your mind, as in “Have you got a minute to talk about the Jones’ contract…?”
3. avoiding shut-downs by turning the conversation from them to you. So, if someone is telling you about a problem they’ve got, don’t “me-too” them (”Yeah, I know what you mean. The same thing happened to me…”) and don’t give them your solutions (”If I were you…”).

Marshall Thurber, the real estate mogul, has a rule in his office: “If it doesn’t serve, don’t say it.” When he finds anyone breaking this rule, with gossip, negativity, or not thinking before opening their mouth, the culprit has to put a $20 in the charity box.

The result is not only that people stop saying things that are hurtful, malicious, or just plain unnecessary. They stop thinking them too.

After a stressful day of daily chores, I finally made some time to do laundry. I rushed towards the laundry shop as the time to close was approaching. I put all my clothes in machine and I sat to wait till my clothes were washed. It was Independence day in Belgium and everything was closed. There were not many people in laundry except a young lady with her three kids.

The lady was busy in drying her clothes while she kept an eye on the children. Her son must have been about seven years of age and her daughter close to four years. Her youngest child was a girl, who seemed to be about a year old and she was sitting in the pram enjoying the game of her elder siblings.

The two kids were running to and fro, dancing, jumping on the chairs, rolling on the floor and laughing. Their game was not new and their gestures were ordinary. But I was captivated by their innocence, smiles and laughter which were as fresh as a morning breeze.

I wondered if I were like them when I was a child. Did I forget about the world and laugh to my heart’s content? Did I play similar games? Were my smiles as genuine as theirs coming directly from the heart? Was my laughter like tinkling bells?

As I stood there I wished I could be a carefree child again.

It is sad that as we grow older, we stop remembering the child in us. The busy lifestyle of today has taken everything from us that is carefree. We are paying the price for our complexities and technologies that we once created to make life simpler. We all need to make life simpler rather than more complex.

We should stop worrying about the things over which we have no control over and think of solutions rather than problems. The rat race for a big house, big job and more money will never end so why WORRY? We should enjoy and live each moment of our lives as if there is no tomorrow. So let the energy flow out of you! Smile at everybody you meet. Laugh out loud at silly things and let the child in you LIVE again…..

1. Work with people who are smarter or more accomplished than you.
In the last month or so I’ve advised a mega-website/magazine that has the #1 community forum on the world wide web, a super savvy duo who are #1 in their industry and have one of the finest business plans I’ve seen; and a kick-ass forum of some of the most savvy marketers, motivators, and communicators in action. In every case I had to leap further to meet my intuition, dig deeper into the industry, and listen more actively. They made me sweat. I learned some new kung fu.

2. Solicit opinions from a diverse audience. Nothing like asking a twenty year old and a seventy year old what they think about your stuff.

3. Solicit opinions from experts. Ask a gifted writer what they really think of your material. Take your CEO to lunch for a preemptive performance review and some tips on how to sail up the ladder. Hire a stylist to eyeball your fashion fabulousness. It may sting, it may be a major gust of wind beneath your wings, but either way, an expert opinion will motivate you to get on top of your game.

4. Stand naked in front of the mirror and don’t leave until you can say three deeply loving things about: your physique, the miracle of your health, and your qualities as good human being.

5. Fire your most annoying client, team member, or nasty friend. You’ll wished you’d done it a long time ago.

6. As the Dalai Lama says, “Love until it hurts.” For me that would mean volunteering at an old age home. I can hardly bear the wastage and scarcity of dignity that makes for most nursing homes. It slays me. I always leave a total wreck.

7. Choose silence. Turn off the TV. Commute without the car radio on or your i-Pod earphones in. The silence may unsettle you. With our addiction to noise and distraction held at bay, our anxiety, painful beauty and genius has room to surface.

8. Underachieve. This is especially for all the A Types and workaholics. Slack. Don’t finish the book. For one week, do not do a to-do list. (I know, your palms are sweating at the very thought.) Be late just because you wanted an extra five minutes in the hot shower.

9. Take an improv class. It could teach you more about innovation, relationships, success, and sexuality than any therapist or self help book.

10. Say no. Only offer the simple explanation that “it just doesn’t feel right.”

11. Say yes. Just for the hell of it. Whimsy is a direct route enlightenment…or peril. Either way, you’ll come out stronger.

As an immigrant to the United States, I am not what one would consider part of the fabric of mainstream culture.  Of Asian descent, I belong to a group that makes up just 4.4 percent of the population.  I have dark hair, big eyes, a Singapore smile and a unique accent influenced by my British English education, American immersion and Chinese upbringing.

I realized I was “different” through occasional reminders such as this:  when walking to school in New York many years ago, someone yelled, “Ni Hao Ma?” (i.e. How Are You?) from a block away.  I looked back and a fellow college student I didn’t recognize started waving frantically and flashing his electric smile and blazing white teeth at me.  I wondered what I’ve done to deserve such warmth and friendliness from someone I didn’t know.  Was it simply the color of my skin?

I learned in a flash that you could turn your “weaknesses” into your strengths.  In PR terms, you could brand yourself through your USP, your Unique Selling Proposition.  Instead of denying my background and experiences, I decided to embrace them.

I would carve a career and eventually launch my own PR firm leveraging my understanding of Asia and Asian companies to support them in penetrating the American mainstream.

I would pitch to reporters in my natural accent influenced by all the places I have lived.  And because it was slightly different from a pure American accent, the reporters seemed to remember my voice and my pitches, and soon became my friends and willing contemplators of story ideas.

Can you think of people you know who have turned their weaknesses into strengths?

Our current president Barack Obama did not have the pedigree of a Kennedy, but he leveraged his bi-racial background and his humble international upbringing to win hundreds of millions of supporters around the world.  Take a moment to contemplate your “weaknesses.”   Perhaps they are really your strengths and can be turned into your USP (Unique Selling Proposition) with a little creativity and panache?

This quote popped out to me like a shot. And it put into beautiful words something that I was trying to understand. Everything became clear in a flash. Edward R Murrow says: Our self-importance requires that we spend most of our lives offended by someone.

That doesn’t leave much doubt, does it? This is how I have been feeling and interpreting my experience; here is somebody who not only agrees with me but he has put the same into such lucid words. I can see my entire experiences reflected in this one sentence. The irony in this observation is that no one will agree that they are being difficult just to prove that they are also somebody. From an exterior angle most behaviours and utterances can easily be interpreted in many different hues.  Is there a deciding parameter to justify who is being difficult and who is being critical, diffident or nice? No and there is no point going into it.

The truth is always way above and out of the realm of arguments. If a state of argument exists then the first principle that it is not the truth is already at work. So instead of arguments many people use the vehicle of incrimination to keep the others offguard. There is not only an element of purposeful insincerity but also a malevolent intent. It is bullying in the most gentlemanly manner. They keep on throwing verbal stones of accusations and leave you only two options:  either you start a long diatribe of explanations which in turn get ripped and require more self-deprecating explanations thereby binding you in an unending jam or you show indignation and try to out shout/argue the other guy down. Either way you have lost because the oppressor has got you where he wanted you. If you try to hurt him back the bully then gets physically violent or threatens to and this sword is allowed to dangle over your head in practically a permanent state. Eventually as you are not made in the same insensitive mould your first instinct is to avoid all contacts and save yourself from irritating situations. But the sword is always dangling.

Talking theoretically may seem as if all is said and explained but my opinion is that until a point is illustrated, there is always a margin for impulsive and lax interpretations of a statement. As it is the words can convey only limited notions. The feeling and the 3D drama is fully lost in the telling. Still one thing can be said without much margin of error in interpretation that people do use a nose-up in the air style and keep others in perennial state of terror as to what barb is coming next. They are clever enough to translate every question or remark of yours into a perceived insult and then use it to pour invectives down on you; with a full bag of righteous justification for it.

This is a subject on which few can go one-up on me. I have a mother who is an expert at it. She has cultivated it to an art form. The regular show of this style can be seen on Indian TV Serials. My mother saw it in real life from her brothers as a lively young daughter of a rather important zamindar. She hasn’t forgotten it and lets no one else do so either. Her attitude has been steadily bolstered by the regular feed of this characterisation for the last 60 years in our movies. Then to add to my discomfort, now I have a first floor neighbour who along with his wife has made it into a duo act of some refinement.

I have an aunt who is a backbiter and congenital liar. Life forced me to go and live with her for a while. Even though it was a very long time ago I have still not gotten over it. In a few months my reputation as a rogue was making headlines in the family. Oh I admit I am a bit of a rascal and this is plainly shown by my irreverent attitude of arguing with my elders and questioning them at every command. Then I had this inspiration. In the midst of my whole family one day I used her own style of being offended and announced to the whole gathering that from that day onwards I was dead for her and there will be no further contact between us. That stumped her and since then I have known peace.

Falling back on my experience, I used the same trick on my neighbour. Now for two years I have refused to respond to him and I don’t say anything to him. I just do what I have to do. No discussions. He is now trapped in his own drama. If he cusses me, he will be seen as the attacker. And as far as possible I avoid him like the plague; even to the extent that I avoid “seeing” him so this does away for any need to even say good morning. Things are nice and cool for the time being.

For the whole of my life I have tried to come close to my mother but on my 60th birthday my patience snapped. I saw clearly that by showing her that I needed her, I have only allowed her to use my affections for her self-aggrandisement; I am a mere prop to her self-importance so I have let more than a little coolness & distance come between us. I never say anything to her so she cannot be offended and if what she is saying looks like fault-finding I don’t let her say it and stop her in mid-sentence. I have peace of mind and I am content. I do my thing; she does hers.

The trait of accusing and keeping a front of being offended is very common in the Indian character. But I can safely say even though it is generally the rule as all are in the same boat nobody has recognized it for the nagging negativity it brings into our way of thinking & behaviour. Without realizing it we are all unhappy, a little disturbed and irritated at any given times. How did this trait become so dominant in our ethos, I wonder?

In this beautiful part of the world where I live (Eastern Ladakh) the hills are alive with a pregnant vibrancy. Even though the mountain tops (and the passes) are still covered with snow; our beautiful emerald lake Pangong tso is still frozen; and we are still experiencing minus degree temperatures, there is a tangible expectation of beautiful times ahead. Hearts and souls are beginning to sing in expectation of spring, when the bleak (but oh so beautiful) landscape will sprout green along the waterways. There is wonderment in all eyes, and we look at dried willow trees with ‘knowing’. Something special is truly in the air. Yes, the spring has sprung! Yippeeee!!!!

This much awaited spring is a time of fulfillment. There is something sacred about this energy. Heavens are poised to inject their magnificence into our land. New sprouting leaves and grasses (which are yet to raise their heads) upraise every local heart. This magic touch of nature is literally poised to sweep out any dross and odd bits of morose energy from every heart. The vitality of spring has that power. It is indeed a time of great uplift! We are now emerging from a winter cycle of suspension of growth into evolution! Yes, we are almost there! It is time for movement, change, growth, and newness.

The energy of spring influences people in a very profound way. Though Ladakhis are always a very friendly people, I see that their smiles have broadened. Long dark winters, with short days, and hardly any sunlight do take their toll on people. As they say, sun not only gives us heat and light, it also affects our moods. But all that is past now.  Just as a seed pushes aside the dirt and stones to come into light, it is time for us to pick ourselves up, dust off all the lethargy and celebrate our growth. The beginning of spring is a great time for renewal of energies. It is time to clear away heavy energies built around us and become light at heart. The sun is definitely brighter and stronger now, urging us to shine in all our magnificence!!

We can use spring as a beautiful metaphor for human life. When life seems at its worst, with no visible hope, spring tells us to know beyond any doubt that just beneath the surface of our dark reality lies an abundance of vibrant shoots, just biding their time and raring to push their way up: to sprout, flourish, and blossom; provided we let them do so.

Unfortunately many amongst us block our growth through negative feelings and emotions. Toxic ingredients like fear, worry, and stress don’t let spring come into our lives. If only we can cultivate faith, optimism and joy; we will grow in all our glory. It is time to think about that!

As I go out for my walks, I observe profound changes. Life in all its Divine abundance and diversity is awakening from the slumber of winter. It reminds me of my own awakening from deep sleep. As the earth is getting charged by the energy of the sun, I feel a new energy sending a tingle down my spine. As nature readies itself to pursue a new cycle, I gain understanding of eternal cycle of life. Spring embodies new beginnings and new hope. For me it is a ‘new’ expression of Divine love which was present during the long, cold, dark and dreary nights of winter as well. Life existed even then, but it existed as a potential. The way it exists in all of us; a potential waiting to be realized. In some of us it is not apparent but it is there all the same. Nature is never partial to just some of its components. It gives us equal opportunity for greater aspirations and inner movements. The sun shines forth on all new beginnings!!

I feel so fortunate to be soaking in nature unspoilt by human hands. I feel my consciousness merging with the glorious energies around me, and I realize that spring is a part of me. The light is shining ever brighter inside me. When I sit down to meditate on the river bank (right outside my house), I get the feeling that spring is not just an outer event. It’s ‘we’ (yes, that includes all of us, including you), who are about to happen. It is ‘we’ we are waiting for. We are on the very cusp of discovering ourselves. We are too modest to admit it. For far too long we have covered our magnificence under a blanket of snow (so to speak). We are too used to looking outside of us in awe and wonderment. The spring is asking us to look at our own worthy selves. We are pregnant with promise. We are full of vitality. We wear auras of many colours, and we have the power which is one with ALL THAT IS, including the spring!

Yes, there’s spring in the air and hope in the heart! What more could one ask for?????

I began to meditate in 1990. About a year later, at my guru’s ashram, I was asked to teach meditation. Given the fact that I myself was relatively new to the practice, I was not sure of any success as a teacher. However, I had underestimated the power of grace.

The teaching sessions at the ashram went off quite smoothly. I grew in confidence. Within the next one year, I started introducing meditation to my office colleagues (at Mumbai, India). This brush with the energies of group meditations has been quite rewarding.

In 1991, my office had a group of 40 odd female staff members, pursuing spiritual practices. They had the same guru. Bound by this fellowship, they would get together in the office every day during lunch recess to study scriptures and to meditate. Once or twice, I joined their sessions and they did mine. Then the requirements of work took me away from Mumbai. The contact was severed.

I returned to Mumbai about a year back. One day, I happened to meet one of these ladies at the office. She filled me in on her group. The guru had passed away and was no longer there in the physical body to guide them. Several members of the group, including the one who led them, had retired from service. Some members had been transferred to work at offices in other locations within Mumbai. These developments had forced abandonment of the daily satsang. Yet, the group had largely remained cohesive. Those members, who could, met for four-five hours of practices one Saturday each month at some convenient place.

My contact with the group having been renewed, soon they invited me to lead them into meditation at a get-together they had organized within the office. It was nice to meet them. A few months later, once again they invited me in. This time, I encouraged them to speak about issues relevant to their sadhana. We dealt with several questions. How did they feel about their sadhana? Where did they think it was leading them? What issues they felt they had to work on? How to evaluate the inner work, carried on by the awakened energy? How to deal with the physical absence of the guru? And so on………

Very soon it became apparent what was a significant issue with many. They were being bogged down by unwarranted judgment about how little sadhana had done to them in helping them get rid of undesirable thoughts or habit patterns. Just because they were focused elsewhere in areas of want, they were overlooking the wonderful transformation that was all too evident in their lives and did indicate great progress through inner work.
In the course of discussion, I was the facilitator allowing them to change focus to look for and appreciate the positives. Gradually, the result was obvious. Their general demeanour began to change perceptibly. Faces began to lighten up more and more with hope and self-belief.  This discussion had consumed considerable time. So, I suggested that we had had a “discussion satsang” and we could call it a day.

However, the ladies weren’t ready to forego meditation. Looking for a swift way out, I thought I would give them a short visualization for healing and be done with it. I began giving instructions accordingly, beginning with a breath awareness induced limb by limb relaxation starting from toes upwards. I was half way through, when I began to feel a great build-up of energy within. It started taking hold of me. The instructions, I was giving thus far, had to stop.

A few seconds later, a suggestion for a different kind of concentration and meditation began to take shape within me. It was about meditation on the guru’s form (by identifying one’s body with that of the guru). Instructions began to form in my mind spontaneously. I went ahead with the flow and started articulating whatever came up.
It began with the awareness of the toes. There was silent repetition of the mantra “Om guru Om” with the suggestion that the toes were no longer ours but those of the guru. Limb by limb this visualization was carried forward with silent repetition of the mantra. Eventually, we reached the crown of the head.

Normally, I would have stopped at that and would have let the ladies meditate on the inner silence arising out of this identification with the guru’s form. But, this did not happen.

New instructions began to come forth. These were about visualization of a very private and intimate meeting with the guru, seated comfortably on a lovely chair in the cave of the heart. Everyone was taken through the steps of this process slowly – welcoming the guru, seating the guru in the chair, offering their most loving service to the guru, and sharing with the guru their innermost feelings and gratitude. Each one was asked to sit in silence and listen if the guru had any words of advice, instruction and benediction; and, let the words sink in.

Perhaps at this point the instructions stopped. We were in an office hall. There was some loud conversation outside. But, a pool of silence had engulfed all of us. We sat quietly, each one deeply absorbed in the company of the inner guru.

After a while, I began to guide every one into regaining consciousness of their bodies and the outside world. I looked at my watch. More than 45 minutes had passed since we started the meditation. Even after everyone had opened their eyes, a curtain of silence hung over us. No one was willing to speak. It took quite a while before we spoke out.

This experience was a strong reminder to me of how the inner guru guides from within. My ‘limited’ mind had conjured up a concept of the meditation I needed to give those ladies that day. Obviously, the inner guru thought otherwise. He acted decisively and with grace, compelling me to fall in line and change course. What eventually took place was hugely more enjoyable. The guru had used me as an instrument. What a splendid blow to any sense of doership that I might have had.

There was another teaching that came to me strongly from this experience. I had gone to these ladies as a ‘teacher’ – ‘somebody’ who would help them ‘receive’ ‘something’ but it their love for spiritual life, simplicity, purity and receptivity that largely engineered the experience that had befallen me.

And, lo and behold, the teacher became the taught.

Ladies! My heartfelt salutations to each one of you!!

This is the greatness of satsang. It allows one to discover his or her better part in the most inscrutable ways.

–

Brahmaprakash Gaur belongs to the Indian Revenue Service and is currently posted as Chief Commissioner of income-tax, Mumbai, India. He met his spiritual Master, Gurumayi Swami Chidvilasananda, in 1989 and has been meditating since then. Contact him at b_gaur@hotmail.com.

To find out how other Ticklers and readers responded to these questions click here. If you would like to take this interview as well, mail us your answers at interview@tickledbylife.com. (we will publish only the best responses)

What is God?
Abha: To me God is the epitome of ultimate truth, faith, light, knowledge, power and happiness. We refer to Him as the “Almighty” and that is what he is….All powerful and yet gentle and humble. Always there but invisible. Always leading and teaching but never with a book. Always showing but never felt. Always awake but never tired. Always giving but never demanding. God inspires but never expires. He is eternity.

God or the Big Bang (or both)?
Abha: God, for being the invisible force behind Big Bang and the Big Bang for being the evidence that God exists and need not be explained.

God or Darwin (or both)?
Abha: God, or the existence of life and the lack of it. Darwin because he explains evolution of species or living forms. Yet there are planets where life does not exist. Were those planets needed? Will they be used in the future?

God or Darfur ? (How can Darfur happen if there is God?)
Abha: Darfur, could be the will of GOD as sometimes tough lessons have to be taught…. the difference between right and wrong, good and bad, fair and unfair, is not simple for many mortals. Sometimes these learning experiences unfold as horrifying ordeals we must confront.

Who is God’s God?
Abha: This is not for us to answer. We need a “higher one” when we are not “complete”. Does perfection need super-perfection and does completion need a super-completed effort? God is almighty and in his wisdom, knowledge, love and goodness lies his GOD.

Will the real God please stand up? (Why do we have so many religions?)
Abha: God is not a captive of religious faiths and forces. The real God is for each one of us to seek within us. Some of us find our GOD in mortal humans or non living stones and yet others find Him/Her on the Himalayas or after fighting battles. GOD is the outcome of our own spiritual and emotional journey as we navigate the course of human existence. Sometimes we find others who like us, are in search of a near similar truth that they define as GOD. With this recognition comes the conviction that we are right and leads to the formation of religions. Religions are nothing but paths along the journey that help us in our search for GOD.

Is this just a big lab and are we just guinea pigs and God just a researcher?
Abha: Life could be a big lab for many of us but that is because we want to search and research. We are not guinea pigs unless we choose to be helpless victims of life and blame it on destiny or GOD. Life is a lab where experiments can be repeated and desired outcomes achieved only if learning and observations become a part of our practical existence. Things happen with a reason – sometimes difficult and not very easy to understand. During those vulnerable moments we can attribute the unexplainable to God’s playful research. But all that is happening is a phenomenon which we will all have the courage and the wisdom to reason in due course. So yes, life is a lab, where the only people who research are those who want to lead a satisfied and meaningful life and grow themselves and those around them in the process. The others live as if the world is one big party that would never end, they exist on the periphery of the “elixir of life”.

Unexplained phenomena = God?
Abha: Unexplained phenomenon is rare and when they do occur we call them “miracles”. Miracles are attributed to GOD because miracles come closest to that aspirational level of being which is called GOD. Many miracles of today become explanations of tomorrow so life goes on in search of that Ultimate Truth and point of self actualization that is called GOD. Many amongst us find this Nirvana in our 3D existence. Others transcend to the other world and never come back to answer if GOD exists on the other side of life as well.

A couple of months ago, I was embarrassed beyond words for being the chief villain in the story that follows.

Having had a particularly bad day, I reached home, dog-tired and drained, irritable and unhappy. You see, just that evening, an order I was expecting for my fledgling training business to get finalized fell through. And that too for reasons which had nothing to do with my company’s ability to deliver.

Just when I was getting into a mellow mood and trying to ride over the bitter taste of an order just lost, the front door bell rang. Unhappy at having visitors today, I went to take a look. At the gate was a youngish man, maybe nineteen or twenty years old, with a flipchart in his hand.

“Yes?” That was me, impolite, rude and generally angry at the world.

“Sir, you haven’t paid your last month’s datacard bill. I have come to collect a cheque as it is overdue.”

Fuelled by irritation at these service providers, their collection agents and the knowledge that I had written out the cheque myself well before the due date, I let him have it. He kept protesting meekly that his office records showed that I had not paid up. And I kept blasting him, telling him off in no uncertain terms. I stormed inside and then stormed back and thrust my cheque book at him asking him to see the cheque payment entry I had made in the name of his company 12 days before the due date. When he was left speechless, I shouted at him that I never wanted to see him again at my doorstep because I was, hold on, the most timely repayer of all dues and he could check his company records to verify my claim, thank you very much.

The hapless fellow hung his head, apologized endlessly for the trouble he had caused, mounted his bike and rode off into the evening.

I went to put my cheque book back into my folder and a loose cheque floated out. Yes, you guessed it. It was the very cheque for which I had moments ago made that man’s life miserable. Of course, I had written out the cheque but forgot to drop it in the drop box. Feeling stung at the shame of it all, I stood rooted to the spot, kicking myself mentally for the ass I had made of myself and for treating the man so shabbily.

Putting on my outside clothes and throwing on a jacket, I climbed into my car and dashed off to the service provider’s nearest cheque drop box. When I entered the office, cheque in hand, who do you think I saw standing there, discussing his collection tour for the day with his boss? Yes the very same, battered young man. When he saw the cheque in my hand, he smiled knowingly, but graciously. Till that moment, I never knew shame could burn one so badly. It consumed me completely. Sheepishly, I mumbled my sincerest apologies to him, no holds barred, shook his hand and shuffled out, my ears red and guilty. I vowed that day, never to fire away before checking my bearings first!

–

Jones Mathew offers marketing consultancy besides running a soft skills training company Keystone Training Solution. Visit his website at www.keystonetraining.net.

My Grand Master Sri Yukteswar ji would always say, “Learn to behave.” Three simple words are these, but a vast spectrum of meaning, as we can see. Let us understand.

The world is our extended Self. If I want to get along with others, I must first learn to get along with myself. Now, to get along with myself, I have to know myself – or shall we say, I must know my Self? Most of us are ’strangers’ unto ourselves – how can one get along
with a ’stranger’?

In the scriptures of my motherland, India, we compare human beings with a chariot with 5 horses. The 5 sense-faculties (seeing, tasting, hearing, smelling and touching) are the 5 steeds, wayward and unruly, running amuck towards the sense-objects. To control them, we have a rein, which is our sensory mind. It is called the lower mind (manas) because its domain is just two-fold, “I like it” and “I don’t like it.” It is pleasure-driven, being sense-enslaved.

The rein is necessary but not enough. There must be an able charioteer to hold fast the reins. He is our higher mind – the reason, the discerning or discriminating faculty. It is called buddhi in Sanskrit. Its domain extends to deciding whether what is pleasant is also good, and whether the unpleasant things the lower (sensory) mind is rejecting could actually be good for us.

The creamy cake may look temptingly pleasant to the diabetic, but reason tells him it is bad. Early morning walks look so unpleasant, so unthinkable, but if you make it, you are empowered by discriminating reason, that which eventually benefits you. When anger comes on, you want to slap the other person, but reason tells you to hold.

Let us see what right behavior means at various levels of our being – physical, mental, emotional, intellectual & spiritual, etc.

Right behaviour for your body

Your body is not you. You have it, but you are not the body. Treat it like a good employer would treat his employee, giving it its rightful dues, but not pampering it. For example, when you want to eat, find out whether it’s your body’s genuine need (appetite) or your mind’s endless greed (desire). When the body feels tired, find out if it is actually fatigued from overwork or just being lazy, and so on. A Christian saint called his body ‘brother donkey.’ Indeed, the body is the animal in us, our dear beast of burden. Since our aim is to love all, we cannot ignore the body – especially since it is the soul’s vehicle. But we have to remember to treat it wisely – without cruelty, without indulgence.

Right behaviour for the mind

The mind indeed is a drunken, drugged and devil-possessed monkey, unless we learn to control it. The body is much simpler in comparison. We can dominate the body through will. But managing the mind monkey is not a game of just willpower. We need wisdom – a wisdom-guided will. For example, if you order the mind not to think any more a particular thought that it has been chattering about, it is unlikely to obey unless you know the subtle rules.

Why is it so difficult to control the mind? If you know the reason, you will know the cure. The reason is, the sensory mind has excess prana or life-force; it is hyperactive and restless by nature. The mind’s restless habits of thought and action get programmed or hard-wired in the brain, which is the seat of energy or life-force. The brain then drives further habit-driven or reactive actions.

My master, Paramahansa Yogananda, author of ‘Autobiography of a Yogi’ (www.yogananda.org) explains that the energy in the brain is spent in various bodily functions like blood circulation, breathing (movements of diaphragm), digestion, chemicalization, excretion etc., but that most of its energy is wasted in processing our useless or misguided thoughts, feelings and emotions that our big brother mind indulges in.

If somehow the mind’s excessive energy (energy is where the consciousness is), routed through the brain, can be regulated and harnessed, not only will the monkey-mind get quieter, there will be energy available for so many worthy tasks. So we have an energy crisis at micro-level too!

This taming of energy or life-force (prana) is called pranayama in yoga, which is a marvellous super-science for body-mind-soul harmony, but many in the West think yoga is just about some postures for bodily cure. Yoga is about mind technology, which then permits tapping the soul-resources.

We must raise our self-awareness that gives us valuable feedback about our conduct. We can then learn to be, as my master taught me, “calmly active & actively calm.” We can then work smart, not just hard, which even donkeys can do.

Emotions are ego in motion. They are not our highest faculty; even animals have emotions, but they have no guiding reason, no self-awareness and hence no self-control. They have no wisdom, which is much higher than reason.

The world is God’s materialized thought and we are made in His image, so our thoughts also have tremendous creative power. Thoughts shape our destiny, it is they that eventually become things. They create our outer and inner conditions. By yogic mind management, we can choose right thoughts and thereby create right conditions. The presently-popular law of attraction is based on this spiritual truth. Of course, past karma will remain a factor.

Questions are welcome from readers. It is a vast and interesting subject, that has power to transform humans, and through their optimization, it can optimize workplaces. Stephen Covey rightly says that the way we look at the problems IS the problem. We need to have holistic perceptions. Life’s highest truths are the simplest. There is too much of intellectual jargon in modern management. We need wisdom, we need values and we need self-management. You don’t need to manage people, just empower them to manage themselves.

–

Hans is a chemical engineer  who  worked in sales/marketing for 28 years.  Thereafter, for the last 8 years, he has been a motivational speaker, yoga coach and corporate trainer. In his personal life, he has been practicing yoga-meditation for close to 25 years.

”Nothing great was ever achieved without enthusiasm.”
-Ralph Waldo Emerson

How often we have seen many an individual start with a bang and then slowly the energy levels drop, work now becomes more of a job and not a picnic, it is more of a duty towards one’s family and company but no longer an enjoyment. There could be many factors but primarily one factor is – lack of enthusiasm. This one lack, if dealt with and taken care of, can help one realize all their dreams.
Life can be an easy cakewalk if one is enthusiastic about almost everything in life – right from the time you wake up to the time you fall asleep. If one is enthusiastic about each moment in one’s life, one lands up welcoming every single moment with open arms and not dread another moment, another meeting, another…

Moreover, enthusiasm is highly contagious. So just imagine, if you are enthusiastic about your job, your life, you meet up with a large number of people from various walks of life and pass on your contagious enthusiasm to all, wouldn’t this world be a better place for all?

In fact, enthusiasm is not just about having a positive attitude, it’s about walking the talk. In your enthusiasm you convey a passion for whatever you do, your confidence  and belief in what you do and last but not the least  the people you come in contact with respond positively too and enjoy your company.

One wonders how to sustain enthusiasm? Since the degree of one’s motivation is directly in proportion to the amount of enthusiasm, one has to keep the fire burning all the time.

Follow these simple steps to keep your enthusiasm level high all the time:

1] Wake up each morning with the decision to choose happiness.
2] Go for a long walk alone, or work out in the gym or whatever suits you.
3] Out of the 24 hours, spend just ten minutes by yourself, close your eyes and visualize your dream and where you want to be in life.
4] Make just that one call a day to an aunt or uncle or any one in the family or to friends whom you have not spoken to for a long time. Their happiness on hearing your voice will make you happy and your enthusiasm will multiply.
5] While traveling, listen to your favorite music.
6] Yesterday is history, tomorrow is unknown, this moment is where one is and it is your present, give it your best shot.
7] Make a to-do list and tick each one as it gets done, you begin to feel more enthusiastic about the next job to be done.
8] Believe in your self and know that you can achieve what your mind has already achieved.
9] There must be at least one person whom you can hug every day. Touch can work wonders.
10] Remember that what you give out, comes back to you many fold, so give out your heartfelt enthusiasm and you stand to gain so much more.

So now that one knows how to sustain enthusiasm, go ahead prepare for a great day, make that call, and  realize your dream.

–

Arpita Ghosh conducts various  training modules on communication skills, goal-setting,  developing leadership skills, Life is A Blank Canvass – Create Your Own Picture, Follow Your Heart and many others at college and corporate level.

Many of the women who work with me are shy. And so was I when I first left my “job job” and began networking. When I worked in the university setting, the only networking I did was at conferences where we’d share our curriculum and research findings with others and it didn’t feel like “selling.”

When I left behind that “academic identity” 10 years ago, I knew it would be important for me to get out and meet people to share information about my career coaching services and to establish myself as an expert in this field that was new to me. I was quite nervous about this activity but recognized the value enough to talk myself into attending 3 different networking meetings each month. This week, I want to share what I learned with you about what works in networking.

Strategy #1: Know Your Intention.

Before you attend a meeting, get clear in your own mind, what you would like to have happen. Play the scenario out in your mind like a movie. My intention is usually to meet at least 2 people who can help me by referring clients to me and whom I can help in some way that will be important to them.

Try out a networking event before you join. Each has a different flavor – find the ones that are comfortable for you. I recommend joining three. I currently belong to my local Chamber of Commerce, my local chapter of National Association of Women Business Owners (NAWBO.com) and a mastermind group. I usually attend one breakfast meeting, one lunch meeting, one dinner meeting and one 5:00-7:00 pm “mixer” each month.

Strategy #2: Be Curious About Others

Be curious about people. Here’s a simple formula that works every time. Set a goal to have this conversation with at least 3 people each time you attend a networking event. Approach the person and say, “What is your business or what is your work?” Once they tell you, say “What kind of person is your ideal client? I’d like to know so I may be able to refer people to you.” Ask them for 2 or 3 cards that you can share with others. When they hand you their card, look at it for a moment, comment on it if you like something about it and jot down a note on it to remind you of how you might help them.

When you get back to your office, put them in your database. If you have an ezine or newsletter, send them your most recent issue with a note saying, “This may be of interest to you or may benefit someone you know. If you’d like to subscribe, click here (to your subscriber link) or if you don’t yet have an electronic database set up, say, “If you’d like to subscribe, shoot me a message back and I’ll add you to my list. If you know of someone who would benefit by this information, I’d appreciate it if you’d forward it along. If you have a newsletter or ezine, I’d also like to see yours.”

During the following weeks, if you see an article that contains information that pertains to that person, forward it to them with a note. If they are helpful to you in anyway, send a thank you card. The fact that you are thinking of them and wanting to help them will help establish a relationship.

Strategy #3: Practice answering the question – “What is your business?”

You need to have a quick, specific answer that you can say with ease and confidence. This takes practice and fine tuning and that’s ok. As I mentioned early in this ezine, I just attended a conference this past weekend. I was struck by how many people could not answer this question easily when I asked it of them. Many people said to me, “Wow, you are so clear.”

Here’s what I said when someone asked me what my work was: “I work with women over 40 who want to be self employed. They either can’t decide what business to start, or they have started a business and need help growing it so they can make plenty of money.”

Strategy #4: Use Both Sides of Your Business Card.

Don’t agonize over your first business cards and don’t spend a ton of money on them. No doubt, you will change your mind about the design/content over time. I recommend Vistaprint.com. Don’t forget to use the valuable space on the back of the card. You can use this space to list your key services or speaking topics or include a great testimonial here.

Ann Ronan, Ph.D. is an author, speaker, certified career coach and self employment expert, and vision generator.
Ann delivers smart, simple ways for people to acknowledge what they love to do and do more of it. Her articles, products, and books have motivated and inspired readers in numerous print and online publications. She regularly leads coaching programs, tele-seminars and live retreats, bringing the message to audiences internationally that living a passion-based life will bring prosperity and success.
She was recently selected from a nationwide search to be featured in Discover Your Inner Strength. The book features best-selling authors Stephen R. Covey (Seven Habits of Highly Effective People), Brian Tracy (Million Dollar Habits), and Ken Blanchard (One Minute Manager).

Have people been challenging you every time you express an opinion? Do you keep agreeing to do things that you really do not want to do? Have loved ones been demanding more of your time than you can possibly give? Have they been ignoring you or dismissing your importance in a relationship? Maybe you are simply feeling drained by trying too hard to accommodate too many people? Chances are high that your aura is a little too open and your personal boundaries are getting blurred. It is very probable that people are walking into your personal space leaving you emotional, tired, numbed out, confused or scattered.

Defining and maintaining personal boundaries is vital if we are to maintain our sanity and energy levels. And the purpose is simple – we need to protect and take care of ourselves. We need to be able to tell others when they are behaving unacceptably or simply demanding too much of us. All of us have a right to protect and defend our boundaries and it is never too late to start setting limits about how much you want to give of yourself in your relationships.

Even loved ones can sometimes unwittingly drain us with their demands. My four year old son is learning that when his mommy needs “me time” he has to leave me alone for a short time. Not only does he see me emerge happier after a 15 minute break from him, he too is learning that it is important to take time out for himself.

As adults, learning how to set boundaries is a vital part of learning to respect and love yourself. Remember we all deserve to be treated with respect and dignity . No one deserves to be lied to, abused, ignored or belittled. Boundaries help us communicate our needs clearly and put us on the path to self empowerment.

Setting boundaries is not about issuing threats, it is simply a clear communication where you express your demands and state clearly what is acceptable and unacceptable to you. For example, a young man whose father was pressuring him to join the family business found the courage to say, “No, I want to find my own wings.” There is a woman whose angry spouse was draining her with his tantrums. She too, eventually found a way to say, “Don’t vent your anger on me, I will not have it.”

If setting boundaries is new to you, expect a reaction and expect to be tested by your significant others. Your partner, parent, child and friend will find this side of you unfamiliar and may provoke you further or choose not take you seriously. Reassert yourself if necessary and stand your ground. Remember at the end of the day, it is your peace of mind that matters.

AURA PROTECTION

Your aura is your personal shield and it grows more defined as you become more and more aware of your self. Practice saying “No, let me be in peace” silently or aloud everyday.

Your Boundary Bill of Rights by Cat Burton
1. You have the Right to be treated with respect.
2. You have the Right to say NO without feeling guilty.
3. You have the Right to make a mistake.
4. You have a Right to ask for what you want and need.
5. You have the Right to express your feelings and opinions.
6. You have the Right to change your mind.
7. You have the Right to feel good about yourself no matter what others
say.
8. You have the Right to act in your own best interest as long as you don’t
violate others in the process.

Enough said, I do hope this information helps you. Here’s a quote that I hope inspires you the way it inspired me. “We need to find the courage to say ‘NO’ to situations and people that are not serving us if we want to rediscover ourselves and live our lives with authenticity.”
— Dr. Barbara DeAngelis
Peace:)

“The word ‘happiness’ would lose its meaning if it were not balanced by sadness.”

The last few days I was feeling exhausted but I carried on my household duties because I have a house to run and many commitments to honour. In India we teach our daughters that the home revolves around them; women are the sun and our family are the planets.

All good daughters imbibe this in their everyday life and we believe that small discomforts like a headache or cold should not be allowed to slow us down. We continue with our chores ignoring our aches and ailments. I was ignoring my exhaustion and then I happen to talk to my friend who by chance narrated this story to me. Well this anecdote changed me as a person. Here is how it goes….

Sushma was known as one of the pillars of society in her neighbourhood and everyone looked up to her. She was usually there for everyone whatever the problem, offering wisdom, encouragement, support and love. This selfless and sensitive woman was like a rock of gold among grains of sand and her daughter Sumi always wanted to be like her mother, a woman who gave more to others than she ever asked in return.

At times Sumi would wonder what inspired her mother along her path of compassion. All of her life, people had taken so much love from her that she thought of her mom as a bottomless well of support from which everyone received a bucket full of devotion.

And then one day, to everyone’s shock and dismay, Sushma suffered a paralytic attack and she was bedridden for life. This once-strong and independent woman had to depend on others for even the basic needs of her life. She was surrounded by people she loved and everyone took good care of her but it hurt Sumi to see her mother in such a condition.

One day Sumi went to her Guruji and asked, “Why does my mom have to go through this? You ask everyone to be good and kind and my mom is kindest of them all. Why did this happen to her?. She prays, she helps others so why her?”

Guruji replied gently, “It’s all about balance in life – everything in this world depends on balance. If you break it, you have to pay for it. This is the law of nature.”

He continued to explain, “Your mom has been so selfless in giving that she forgot how to take. All of her life she always gave to others and took nothing in return. Her karma had to be balanced. You see you cannot keep on giving love and kindness; at times one should stop and accept it from others too.

“If you don’t allow yourself to receive, you break this law of nature and then a balancing effect comes into play. Now, your mom has to accept kindness, devotion and love from others because she is empty within. It is her turn to accept. Do you understand child? If you do, then give all your support and love to her to help balance her karma.”

I was shocked by this story. Is it true? Does this really happen? I am not sure if such a law of nature actually exists but it made me think; all our lives, we give so much to our family and don’t expect anything in return. Then we pass this trait on to our daughters.

Maybe it is about time we taught them about the real law of nature: give and take. If you love someone then be ready to accept love in return.

If the universe is governed by the immutable law of balance then it it will affect us in one way or another in every facet of our existence.

Therefore if we took time to observe and understand the dynamics of this basic natural law, then it might be possible to write our own equation of giving and receiving, instead of waiting for the cold hands of karma to dispense balance. But that is another Tickle for another time.

If you would like to take this interview as well, mail us your answers at interview@tickledbylife.com. (we will publish only the best responses)

What is God?
Caroline: God is beyond our imagination and yet comprehensible in each of our situations.

God or the Big Bang (or both)?
Caroline: God. Every creation has a creator, take a washing machine for example – it couldn’t have existed on its own with its fuzzy logic – so there must be somebody to code it! We cannot be the result of an explosion that is hard to calculate as almost everything about us has a pattern in terms of how we are formed! Water is a medium for all organisms with our biochemistry and water was one of the first creations as far as the Bible is considered.

God or Darwin (or both)?
Caroline: God – mostly in terms of how man came about but then Darwin’s idea could have had some hand in terms of us having a link with apes.

God or Darfur? (How can Darfur happen if there is God?)
Caroline: Who is Darfur?

Who is God’s God?
Caroline: He wouldn’t be God if he had a God! But if we go by our understanding of demigods then I guess each one of us would ascribe to be God’s god…. say ascribe and not consider!

Will the real God please stand up? (Why do we have so many religions?)
Caroline: We have religions because society is dependent on a norm or way of behaving or
ascribing his or her potential. But that doesn’t mean that this norm becomes a religion. I see religion as a way out of man’s own usual web of complication. The only reason we complain is if religion weaves its own web around us. Each person has to understand what he or she is looking for to know who the real God is. I am confident that the God of my faith is the real God and that is only because He has made it a point to reach out to me in all my situations rather than be enthroned in a distant land by himself.

Is this just a big lab and are we just guinea pigs and God just a researcher?
Caroline: Well if you don’t think God has a plan for you then this could be it….a guinea pig’s life. But I believe God has a plan and does give us choices. It is up to you to choose how to work it out. Yes, God could be a researcher to an extent of wanting to know how much of Him lies in His creation.

Does unexplained phenomena = God?
Caroline: Unexplained to the one who thinks being real is all about here and now! Unexplained is about not wanting to know any more than you already know and therefore this can equal be to God. You know exactly what the world would be like if we were all gods! You would have a Taliban or an RSS in each household!

“The evil you do, remains with you! The good you do, comes back to you!”

A woman enjoyed the practice of baking bread for members of her family. She also made an extra one for a hungry passerby. She kept the extra bread on the window sill, for whosoever would take it away.

Everyday, a hunchback came and took away the bread. Instead of expressing gratitude, he muttered the following words as he went his way: “The evil you do, remains with you! The good you do, comes back to you!”

This went on, day after day. Everyday, the hunchback came, picked up the bread and uttered the words: “The evil you do, remains with you! The good you do, comes back to you!”

The woman felt irritated. “Not a word of gratitude,” she said to herself. “Everyday this hunchback utters this jingle! What does he mean?”

One day, exasperated, she decided to do away with him. “I shall get rid of this hunchback,” she said. And what did she do? She added poison to the bread she prepared for him! However, as she was about to place the loaf on the window sill, her hands trembled. “What is this I am doing?” she said to herself.

Immediately, she threw the bread into the fire, prepared another one and placed it on the window sill. As usual, the hunchback came, picked up the bread and muttered the words: “The evil you do, remains with you! The good you do, comes back to you!” The hunchback proceeded on his way, blissfully unaware of the war raging in the mind of the woman.

The woman had a son who had gone to a distant place to seek his fortune. For many months, she had no news of him and she prayed fervently for his safe return.

That evening, there was a knock on the door. As she opened it, she was surprised to find her son standing in the doorway. He had grown thin and lean. His garments were tattered and torn. He was hungry, starved and weak.

As he saw his mother, he said, “Mom, it’s a miracle I’m here. While I was but a mile away, I was so famished that I collapsed. I would have died, but just then an old hunchback passed by. I begged of him for a morsel of food, and he was kind enough to give me a whole bread. As he gave it to me, he said, “This is what I eat everyday. Today, I shall give it to you, for your need is greater than mine!”

As the mother heard those words, her face turned pale. She leaned against the door for support. She remembered the poisoned bread that she had made that morning. Had she not burnt it in the fire, it would have been eaten by her own son, and he would have lost his life!

It was then that she realized the significance of the words: “The evil you do, remains with you! The good you do, comes back to you!”

Our actions and words are born from our thoughts. Every thought is like a seed with potential to give rise to more such thoughts again. This why it is so important to be vigilant of our thoughts.

When we think thoughts of harming others, it is like tossing a dagger at the sky. Sooner or later it falls back on us. When we think thoughts of supporting others, it is like tossing fragrant flowers at the sky. Sooner or later they return to adorn us!

A simple way to treat negative thinking is by considering such thoughts like a shepherd treats his wandering sheep. Firmly, but lovingly he brings the sheep back into the flock.

We can use the word “Cancel” in our mind every time our thoughts wander to subjects we do not wish to dwell on. It is a simple but effective remedy!

Just like the carpenter shapes wood, the wise shape their lives. Let us keep the powerful moral of this story in mind and mindfully shape a wonderful life.

“The evil you do, remains with you! The good you do, comes back to you!”

Allowing Evolution : Esther Speaks

You will, eventually, in your human experiences, witness the fall of your intellect.

One who has witnessed the Source within becomes open to shifting/ascending… thus choosing to live in a paradigm of freedom, abundance and endless wonderment.

This however will not be achieved in one go. The journey involves many transitions, and each transition can be considered as an individual paradigm which forms part of our Final Destination (Ascended Reality).

How will you know whether you are moving forward? Well, it is not that difficult – sudden creative flow, universal signs, synchronicity, realisation of abundance, deeper connection with the universe, fulfilment followed by futility, a sense of multiple personalities and willingness to rest long hours – is the closest analytical comparison to graduating from one paradigm and stepping onto the other.

Eventually, the frequency of the Shift will increase and this will allow you to anchor for longer hours/days/ weeks in your final destination (the paradigm of your Ascended Reality).

Transitions are very necessary, though they may seem exhausting. They allow you understand the language of the soul and your coherence with universal symphony. Each transition will bring about immense transformation in the nature of your personal reality and further refine your connection with the Source. Your soul will learn to speak fluently.

This is where Alchemy transpires. Your presence begins to attract like hearted souls. Your presence begins to transform and transmute existential pain, dilemma and confusion into more creative empowering forms of energy.

Always remember, your identity too is existential. Your light, your connection with the Source, your merit is regardless of what seems to define you as a person or a personality. So even if you feel overpowered by past mistakes, dilemma or confusion yourself – know that immense transformation is in progress. Rest well. Keep your self well hydrated (drink pure water), grab hold of the one closest to your heart (be it your soulmate, master or a friend). Usually this happens when you are stepping onto another rung of the ascension ladder.

So what is the new paradigm? What is the new framework for intelligence?

The basic foundation of this framework, is allowance. Allow your thoughts to purify, your inner conflicts to resolve themselves. You will soon anchor out of your dilemmas and into a paradigm of endless empowerment.

You will then engineer intelligence. You will then code your own genome!

I’ve been meaning to share with you my thoughts about “Affirmations” for some time now. I have written this piece over several days and I am sure you will enjoy it.

“Affirmations” are positive statements, which you repeat to yourself. They describe your aims as if they have already been accomplished. For example “I am always truthful, positive and helping others”.

When repeated on a regular basis, such statements can transform the entire landscape of our conscious and subconscious mind (our thoughts, beliefs and images).

Affirmations were made famous by the French physician Emile Coue (early 20th century), who instructed patients to repeat positive healing affirmations to themselves while in a relaxed frame of mind. Thousands of remarkable documented healings occurred as he creatively combined western medicine with the power of affirmations.

Coue’s most famous affirmation was “Everyday, in every way, I am getting better and better.”

My friend Sunit gifted me the book “Heal Your Body” by Louise Hay, which uses affirmations to cure physical diseases. I experimented with it and the results were astonishing. People tried the affirmations I suggested to them (based on the book) and reported headaches, stomach aches, sprains, running nose, and even fever disappearing within minutes.

For a long time I was skeptical about affirmations. I believed that they merely added a new layer of conditioning over our confused minds and could not have a truly long-term transformational effect. Now, based on my own experience over many months and seeing their impact on others, I consider them powerful, beneficial and reliable tools for transformation.

True, affirmations are a form of conditioning, and cannot have permanent effects. However, even eating food does not have a permanent effect. Taking a bath does not have a permanent effect. Yet we do these things everyday because we realize that it keeps the physical body in optimal condition. Similarly affirmations are nourishing, revitalizing food for the intellect. And daily silent meditation is excellent food for the heart.

Can something as simple as positive self-talk help one live a happier, more fulfilling life? Consider this, research has shown that an average person talks to himself or herself about 50,000 times a day and 80% of this self-talk is negative! Well, if consistent negative self-talk can pull one down; certainly consistent positive self-talk can prove very empowering.

Everything we say or hear, we first experience before we understand. Positive or negative words and phrases actually trigger pleasant or unpleasant feelings within us. When repeated, such phrases can change our whole emotional tone.

We are already using affirmations – everything we say is a kind of affirmation because it reinforces our self created “reality.” This is especially powerful whenever we say “I am…” something…e.g. “I am forgetful/ angry/unhappy”. We are actually reinforcing these perceptions of ourselves each time we say it. Why not say instead “I am happy/peaceful/enthusiastic.”

We live in a conditioned realm and everything we experience here is interdependent. So perhaps the real question is not whether affirmations are conditioning or un-conditioning us, but rather whether we are conscious about what we are affirming anyway? Is it beneficial or not? The bottom line is, “How do I feel when I say or think like that?”

A careful look at any religion or spiritual tradition will reveal how they all use affirmations in one form or another to modify harmful beliefs and reinforce skillful ones. It may be in the form of a prayer, an oft repeated teaching, a catch phrase, reciting sacred scriptures and associated vocabulary, group chanting or even specific ways of greeting one another…these are all actually affirmations!

I wish to share an amazing story about the power of affirmations.

The following story describes one such incident – how one man discovered the power of his mind in creating coincidences. He went on to use this ability to become so successful that his work is almost a household name in America.

For the purpose of this story, let’s call this man Scott. His real name will not be revealed until the end to make this story more intriguing. This story was told in a book Scott wrote in 1998.

In the early 1980s, Scott had heard of a process called affirmations from a friend. The process he learnt was simple.

Visualize what you want and write it down fifteen times in a row, once a day, until you obtain it.

Scott was told that the process did not require any faith or positive thinking for it to work. Even more interesting was the suggestion that the technique would influence the environment directly and not just make you more focused on your goals. In other words, it would spawn amazing coincidences to move you towards your goals. The coincidences could be things that were seemingly unconnected to you and beyond your control.

Scott was very left-brained and logical in his thinking. He had his doubts about the process but figured that there was no harm in trying.

“Within a few weeks, coincidences started to happen to me.” wrote Scott.

“Amazing coincidences, strings of them. I won’t mention the specific goal I was working on, as it was a private matter, but within a few months the goal was accomplished exactly as I had written it.”

But Scott was not yet convinced that affirmations helped. Coincidences do happen on their own and Scott considered the test inconclusive.

So Scott picked another goal – to make some gains in the stockmarket. He wrote his affirmation down every day and waited for some inspiration. It came to him in a dream. He woke up one night with the words “Buy Chrysler” repeating in his head.

He bought shares in the inspired company during one of its most bleak periods, yet it began to rise soon after and he made some good returns on it. He repeated the experiment again and managed to pick another successful company, with stock-symbol “Ask”.

Armed with this confidence in the power of affirmations Scott decided to apply it to a more challenging goal – getting into the highly competitive Berkeley MBA program.

The problem was that he had already taken the entrance exam and only hit the seventy-seventh percentile score. He knew he needed to be above the ninetieth percentile to at least have a chance of being accepted.

Scott picked the outlandish target of ninety-four as his goal and again applied the affirmation technique.

Despite not being able to go much higher than the seventy-seventh percentile in the practice exams, Scott was surprised to learn that he did indeed hit the ninety-fourth percentile for the G.M.A.T – just as he had written in his affirmations. He graduated with his Berkeley MBA in 1986.

A few years later he tried pursuing a more serious goal: that of being a syndicated cartoonist. He knew the odds of his cartoon submission being accepted by a major newspaper were roughly 1 in 10,000.

He beat those odds and his cartoon was accepted. He was soon earning a decent living with his cartoon strip but he wanted to achieve something bigger.

He decided he wanted the most successful comic strip on the planet. Scott felt that the best measure of “most successful” would be number of books sold.

In June 1996 his book The Dilbert Principle hit the number-one spot on the hardcover nonfiction list of the New York Times. It stayed in the top three all summer. In November his second book, Dogbert’s Top Secret Management Handbook also made the bestseller list, giving Scott the number-one and number-two positions simultaneously for one week. For that brief period of time, Scott indeed had the “most successful” comic strip on the planet.

As you may have guessed, the person I’m talking about is Scott Adams, the creator of the highly successful Dilbert comic strip. Scott writes about these experiences with affirmations in his book The Dilbert Future. He does not profess to know why it works but leaves the conclusion to the reader. You can buy Scott Adams’ hilarious Dilbert books at any bookstore.

Scott Adams says, “Reporters often ask me if I am surprised at the success of the Dilbert comic strip. I definitely would be so, if not for my bizarre experience with affirmations. As it was, I expected it.”

(This story is from the website www.silvaultramindsystem.com).

Scott Adams’ experience with affirmations makes one wonder – is luck within our control? “

Reading this story that got me interested in affirmations about six months back. Since then I have had countless “coincidences” myself from using affirmations.

It’s really quite amazing how “what we think about and thank about, we bring about”! We are not merely a part of the universe, we are in fact leading edge participants in this unfolding universe.

So how can one use the power of affirmations for one’s benefit ?

Here are some guidelines based on my own experiments:

1) Affirmations should be stated in the present tense (”I am…”; “I can…”; “I choose…” etc.)

2) Affirmations should be stated in positive terms, which evoke the feelings of having already achieved the objective.

3) If possible, include at least one dynamic feeling word in your affirmations (e.g. joyfully) and one action word ending with “-ing” (e.g. deserving).

4) Keep affirmations specific, short and sweet.

5) Repeat affirmations often. Persistent repetition changes ones consistent thoughts, thereby changing one’s perception of reality.

6) Here are a few ways to repeat affirmations:

· Say aloud or silently 5 -10 times.

· Sing or hum affirmations while driving or any other idle time.

· Write down 10 – 20 times twice daily (like Scott Adams did so successfully).

7) Affirmations work best when:

· You can feel the emotional power of what you are saying in your body.

· You add visualization and can vividly see yourself living it and getting all the benefits.

· You release all desire and say them like they are already so.

· You say them soon after waking up and before sleeping; or when looking in your eyes in a mirror; or when gazing at sunrise or sunset set, after meditation, prayer, yoga, pranayama, yoga-nidra or deep relaxation etc. (These methods have a deeper effect on the subconscious mind).

Remember affirmations work without will-power. Add the words “easily” or “naturally” in your affirmations if you wish.

9) They work only when one wants the outcome 100%. If you feel hesitation about an affirmation, check for competing sub-conscious affirmations called “tail-enders.”

10) Some effective ways to deal with tail-enders are:

· Divide them into ‘aspects’ and apply EFT (visit http://www.emofree.com to learn more).

· Really feel the feelings (of resistance). Then simply release them. Allow them to flow out of your being.

11) Aim affirmations on yourself, not on changing others.

12) Occasionally say affirmations from a second and third person perspective for example “(Your name) you are…..” or “(Your name) is……” This makes it seem like someone else is telling us our good qualities and the subconscious mind has less resistance.

13) Add “….or something better” at the end of affirmations. This reduces fixation on specific outcomes. Allow the universe to surprise you with something better than you asked for!

14) Be patient! Try affirmations for at least three months before concluding that they do not work.

May you try and benefit from the power of Affirmations. May you live your highest life!

Don’t miss: Is Luck Within Our Control? Part Two (coming soon!)

“Racism is conditioned by economic imperatives, but negotiated through culture: religion, literature, art, science and the media… Once, they demonised the blacks to justify slavery. Then they demonised the “coloureds” to justify colonialism. Today, they demonise asylum seekers to justify the ways of globalism. And, in the age of the media… demonisation sets out the parameters of popular culture within which such exclusion finds its own rationale — usually under the guise of xenophobia, the fear of strangers.” A Sivanandan – Extracted from Race & Class (Vol. 43, no. 2, October–December 2001).

Recent trends in the US and Australia have brought home a fundamental aspect of human nature. In times of trouble the atavistic tendencies that are inherent in us come to the surface. The veneer of civilization vanishes once we see a threat that is perceived as existential.

Let me explain.

I need hardly remind readers of the many incidents of violence against Indians in the US. Now as if to remind us all of what human beings can be, we hear of reports of brutal attacks against Indian students—one such student is at this very moment fighting for his life in Australia. There have been reports of several such attacks in the last fortnight. Indians at home have reacted with understandable rage calling them “racist.”

The evidence of racism, a charge that the Australians predictably deny, is that at least on one occasion the assailants shouted at the victim, “Don’t touch me!” Racist people consider the ‘others’ to be unclean. It is interesting to note that the dalit leaders in India have also demanded that the United Nations declare our caste system as ‘racist’ since forward caste people often dislike being touched by dalits.

The point I seek to make here is this: in times of existential threat like the recession in the US, Australia and elsewhere, human nature regresses to its pre-civilized state and all norms of humanity and pretensions of tolerance are jettisoned in favour of the rule of the jungle.

Ordinarily calm people turn violent.

This may at least partly explain the assault on Indians in Australia where the ongoing recession has naturally led to the locals to perceive Indians as foreigners who are taking away their livelihood.

That brings me to the next point: If during times of distress, Americans and Australians can behave in a violent manner, is it any surprise that there is violence and the Shiv Sena type of chauvinism in India? I may even go as far as saying that considering the extent of deprivation, Indians are admirably non-violent.

Believe it or not, the number of Americans in prison for every thousand of population is more than the proportionate number in Indians in jail .

And India has been on permanent recession.

While chatting with a friend about keeping one’s self alive and well, he mentioned the term “Wallenda Factor”. I had to look it up in Google as it was a new term to me and what I found triggered some interesting thoughts in my mind.

Just in case there are others like me out there who have not heard of this, the Wallenda factor refers to the fear of falling or failing. Shortly after Karl Wallenda fell to his death in 1978 (traversing a 75-foot high wire in downtown San Juan, Puerto Rico), his wife, also an aerialist, discussed that fateful San Juan walk, “perhaps his most dangerous.” She recalled: “All Karl thought about for three straight months prior to it was falling. It was the first time he’d ever thought about that, and it seemed to me that he put all his energies into not falling rather than walking the tightrope.”

Mrs. Wallenda added that her husband even went so far as to personally supervise the installation of the tightrope, making certain that the guide wires were secure, something he had never thought of doing before. When Karl Wallenda poured his energies into not falling rather than walking the tightrope, he was virtually destined to fall.

I realized that most people and even organizations tend to develop this orientation over a period of time, especially when they become more successful. When one starts off life with little to lose, the focus is on trying new things, experimenting, taking risks. The focus is on learning, experiencing and growth. Usually this makes life richer, more interesting and lot of fun. One gets caught in a positive cycle which often is self sustaining.

For the average person, then comes marriage, children, monetary responsibilities, home loan EMI’s and a focus on savings. And along with it comes a shift in focus and orientation. Slowly the focus is on managing the unknown future, usually through a monetary cushion. This is the crux of the issue. We fear the unknown! I guess that’s the single largest reason why death inspires so much of discomfort and fear. One does not know for sure what lies on the other side.

So, with the change in focus the Wallenda Factor kicks in fully. One gets increasingly bogged down in avoiding failure.

The same can be said for many organizations. When they are in the start up stage, the focus is on success and usually they succeed. And then the focus shifts on sustaining the success or rather avoiding failure. This leads to less of innovation and experimentation and more of reviews and analysis. I remember a comment which aptly describes the latter behavior; “Driving while looking only in the rearview mirror”. Is it any wonder that accidents happen?

Over a period of time, one finds that the conversation centres increasingly around the good old days.
This has been discussed and debated in the leadership context in various publications and not succumbing to the Wallenda Factor is considered to be an important leadership trait.

I am more focused on how the average person can recognize and avoid this orientation to live a fuller and more meaningful life. If you are a victim of the Wallenda Factor, the following guidelines might be helpful:

Acceptance: Accept that the unknown will always be unknown.

Continued focus on learning: There is no greater fun than learning new things. A case in point is this article, which came about because I did not know something. Learning something keeps the mind agile and also diverted. It could be something to do with your line of work, art, craft or even just plain old whistling!

Constantly share and thereby enrich others: Sharing could be anything. Your knowledge, experiences, memories or money! The internet today has made sharing so much so easier. Don’t let the imagination die down.

In short, keep the child inside alive, well and kicking. Be curious, experiment and enjoy the journey.

I was at this ice cream parlor with some friends the other day and saw a young, indulgent mother with two little kids – who were going berserk choosing some very exotic looking scoops and toppings. Just the excitement on their faces was an image framed for my photo gallery.

Then something else caught my eye – there were three children outside the large glass window – probably from the construction site next door. It’s so hard to describe the look on their faces, as the kids inside finished cone after cone after cone. Mouths wide open, eyes transfixed and envy that only a child on the other side of the window would know.

I suddenly noticed that the young mother had also seen them; she invited them inside – much to the discomfort of the parlor owner. The young mother then let them take their pick from the magical glass-topped freezer. The look on their totally befuddled faces is another image I’d treasure for life.

The lady saw my amused look and came by our table to chat with us. “I’m not sure if I have done the right thing,” she said. “These kids will probably expect other mothers who come to this parlor to buy them ice cream. I felt so guilty, each time I ordered something for my kids.”

Later in the day, I began to wonder. That lady’s gesture could actually be stretched to a wider canvas. If the children could help clean the interiors of the parlor, there could be little rewards first and then maybe more responsible work – something that could give them an opportunity to earn a little money. Perhaps, go to evening school as well.

I know this will infuriate those who could view this as a perfect case for child labour. I can see them running a yellow highlighter on the paragraph above, with some pretty strong comments.

But I choose to think differently on this.

As long as children are not exploited – not given work that is physically taxing – not abused – not made to work for long hours … it is perfectly okay by me. Especially if you can give them an opportunity to earn a little money and know that there’s something to do in return. And not expect every mother who walks into the parlor to buy ice cream for them – just because they feel bad or guilty.

Just my thoughts on a reward system that can actually open doors – for kids on the street and probably nowhere to go.

To find out how other Ticklers and readers responded to these questions click here. If you would like to take this interview as well, mail us your answers at interview@tickledbylife.com. (we will publish only the best responses)

What is God?

Rajesh V: ME. Aham Bramhasmi. I believe and therefore I am! If everyone does that, the world would be a better place.

God or the Big Bang (or both)?

Rajesh V: God is reality. Big Bang happens when the trust goes away.

God or Darwin (or both)?

Rajesh V: God made Darwin and he has spread God’s word. We have misinterpreted Darwin. He only talks about evolution. Not creation!

God or Darfur? (How can Darfur happen if there is God?)

Rajesh V: Darfur can happen, because God is there. That’s the beauty of the karmic cycle. When we accept that, life becomes easy and simple.

Who is God’s God?

Rajesh V: Our children. God born again and not yet corrupted by conditioning. So, they are God’s God.

Will the real God please stand up? (Why do we have so many religions?)

Rajesh V: Everyone has to stand up. Religion is only a label. God is absolute and supreme. Even the so called religions describe each of their creators in a similar manner.

Is this just a big lab and are we just guinea pigs and God just a researcher?

Rajesh V: Lab and researcher is yet another label. It is all about experiences and learning. If we follow the karmic theory, we are responsible for our actions. So are we then the lab and the researcher? And until we understand the experiment, we keep taking birth again n again!!

Does unexplained phenomena = God?
Rajesh V: God and so many wise men have been explaining for so many years. Misunderstood is a better word!!

A hug requires two active participants, each individual taking part in the embrace experiences the pleasure of being embraced and the joy that comes from hugging someone.

As both individuals wrap their arms around one another, their energy blends together, and they experience a tangible feeling of togetherness that lingers long after physical contact has been broken.

A “heart to heart hug” is when you put your left arm over someone’s shoulder and your right arm around their waist.

As they do the same to you, your hearts become aligned with one another and loving, comforting energy flows between the two of you to flood your being with feelings of love, caring, and compassion.

A hug is a pleasurable way to share your feelings with someone who is important to you.

Depending on your relationship with the other person and the kind of message you wish to send to them, a hug can communicate love, friendship, romance, congratulations, support, greeting, and any other sentiment you wish to convey.

A hug communicates to others that you are there for them in a positive way.

In an instant, a hug can reestablish a bond between long lost friends and comfort those in pain.

The next time you hug someone, focus all of your energy into the embrace.

You will create a profound connection that infuses your feelings and sentiments into a single beautiful gesture of pure love.

Peace and hugs to you.

I am amazed at the various self help and self development books that are currently on the best sellers’ lists. This clearly indicates that many people are looking for a road map to develop and succeed in their life quests. Most seem to be newer edits or versions of age old truths which are just written differently using new jargon and acronyms.

Yet, they sell and many become best sellers. I wonder who buys these books and what do they do with them? If the books do work, there should be a gradual decline in demand for them as people would be succeeding in achieving their goals.

One reason could be that people read these books, but few bother to practice what is recommended. But I think there is a majority who do implement the suggestions but yet they continue to seek out the next self help book that comes along. Why is that?

My theory is that successful people have a formula, but there is nothing that should be considered a universal success formula.

Each one of us is unique and we have varying strengths and weaknesses in our abilities and personalities. Some of us are excellent in planning and leading a structured life, while some cannot function without a chaotic environment.

I am reminded of the Tamil silent film Pesum Padam which starred Kamal Hassan. In one scene when he is trying to sleep, he is unable to do so because he misses the cacophony of his old neighborhood. So, he makes a recording of the ambient sounds and plays it to fall asleep. Had he picked up a book instead, titled How to fall asleep! — can you imagine what would have happened? The book might have suggested all the usual things like avoid coffee or have a cup of warm milk closer to bedtime and so on. I am positive, that the book would not have had a chapter that deals with recording your neighborhood sounds and playing it back to fall asleep!

We are individuals made up of millions of components like looks, voice, height, education, etc and our personality is a sum total of all these elements. Therefore to leverage our personality to pursue success requires a very deep understanding of our constituents and the role each plays.

No doubt the self help books help by indicating possible action points to aid in a person’s development and success. However, for these to work, one needs to first understand oneself completely. Otherwise it would be like giving a map marked in Greek to someone who knows only English. One would feel that one knows where he is heading, but in reality would be completely lost.

For any self help book to be really useful one first needs to understand one’s own personal success formula.

A few things one can do towards developing the personal success formula are:

1. List all instances of achievements and success. It could be something small like wrangling a freebie at a store or a major achievement like earning a degree.
2. List all the elements that went into it in terms of effort, timing, your interaction, the reactions, how the reactions were managed, etc.
3. Look for common threads in all these instances and identify if you repeat the same knowingly or unknowingly.
4. Finally validate this by repeating the first 2 steps for all those times when things did not go well or you were unsuccessful.

This exercise would help identify and make you aware of the uniqueness that you bring to the table. It could something as simple as a smile or a sincere look. Maybe when you smile, your face transforms and communicates something powerful. Once a person has this insight and knowledge about himself then, applying self help action points becomes easier. And more importantly you will start to repeat some action points that enhance your uniqueness and eliminate the others that are counter productive. From this state of awareness, your personal success formula will emerge and take form.

People who know this and are scripting their success formulas also read self help books. It is just that they don’t blindly try to follow instructions. They pick and choose from each and craft their own success formula.
Lastly, one should never try passing on a personal success formula to anyone because most probably it might not work. Like I said, every successful person has a formula, but there are no success formulas.

What is life? What is the purpose of life? Can we ever solve the mystery of life? The Fine Print of Life neither tries to evolve any theory about it nor does it go into whether these issues are sortable or unsortable. What it does is much more valuable and appreciable: it helps you to find your own way to get the best out of it.

A child is an ignorant yogi and a yogi is a knowledgeable child. All of us have come somewhat away from our ignorant childhood. Now the only way to find it back is to sort out all our mental itches and find the same zest again. The Fine Print of Life is an effort to treat those mental itches by giving you the fine print of your inner and outer existence. It suggests that those BIG questions of life are human creations. The moment you realize this, they disappear. But in order to realize this, you should be able to see everything in totality. Our problem is that we try to conduct piecemeal investigation. Life reveals itself in full circle only. There is no shortcut.

The book is a roundabout journey. It brings you back where you started from. It does not give you a feel of reading some arduous, dull, intellectual lessons but rather it leaves you vivacious and more resilient. The author believes in realization rather than suggestion when it comes to life. The book provides the gauge for judgment so that we can realize ourselves the origin and outcome of most of our discomforts in life and the moment we do so, they disappear.

The book is divided in 5½ chapters which are headed as ‘wheels’ connoting life as a process rather than an event. It reminds us the Buddha’s approach towards life and his Dharma Chakras. The chapters conduct a subtle enquiry and investigation into different aspects of our mind or states of mind. The classification of chapters appears as a gradual approach towards the highest goal which is revealed in parts in five wheels and finally in the last chapter ‘Playing It’ which is about the mastery of the whole game of life. The last wheel is termed wheel 5½ to suggest that it is not separate from the already given five but only a concise form of them.

Each wheel is further divided into 5½ inner wheels which are actually designed to perceive the same reality from different angles. In this second classification the chapters have no gradual order but the same reality is being perceived from different angles.

Before beginning the first wheel, the author puts his aim explicitly under the heading ‘Ushering It’ and then gives a sketch of his schema under ‘Configuring It’. According to the writer, man is born with open, receptive, intuitive, playful and joyous mind but with growth in years one constructs blocks and barriers in his personality. The book is aimed at ‘triggering our self actualization, enhancing our creativity, releasing our passion and setting our life on roll.’

Wheel 1:  Minding It

The first chapter enquires into the optimal state of mind. It gives us 5½ facets which constitute the optimal state of mind. ‘The Easy Mind’ is comfortable not only with its inner/outer environment but also with its own existence. ‘The 360° Mind’ is able to see everything in totality and thus not wavered by the inevitable turmoil of life. ‘The Meditative Mind’ experiences oneness with its activity which makes it joyous, effortless and free-flowing in whatever it does. ‘The Empathic Mind’ is the magic wand which can bring breakthroughs in relationships resulting in joy, personal growth and a sense of fulfillment. Passion is something which removes all doubts; rather it does not let any doubt stand in the way. If one is passionate about something he automatically finds his own way to achieve it. ‘The Passionate Mind’ is considered the fifth facet of the optimal state of mind. Wholeheartedness and absence of doubt bring about intuition which is spontaneous and instantaneous, in complete harmony with the nature of life; that is what constitutes facet 5½ ‘The Intuitive Mind’. The writer also provides the key to the question of life that the meaning of life is wrapped inside the living of life.

Wheel 2: Finding It

With the optimal state of mind, one experiences suchness, nowness, earnestness, sensuousness, emptiness which are discovered in spontaneity and that is the heart of life. Thus, in the second wheel, the author explores the findings of optimal state of mind. In other words, ‘being in the optimal state of mind how one finds life’ is discussed in this chapter. During a stimulating discussion under ‘emptiness’ the author considers the rigid sense of self as a hindrance to growth. This emptiness does not make our existence hollow rather it makes our personality even more dynamic. Being ‘spontaneous’ is considered as taking full charge of life and trusting oneself.

Wheel 3: Seeing It

The author tries to demystify the concept of enlightenment and puts it down in terms understood by the modern man who is overwhelmed by achievements of scientific knowledge. The advancement of psychology and life sciences leaves very little space for blind faith in traditional concepts of enlightenment and spirituality; though no amount of knowledge could ever do away with the attraction for such bliss. In the third wheel the writer offers a practical, demystified approach for the concept and projects it as more natural and accessible.

Wheel 4: Being It

This chapter targets the approach of the modern man who can’t differentiate between an intense and a tensed way of doing things. In order to perform best in life we contract ourselves so much that it distorts our existence and consequently disturbs us. The author suggests that contraction is forced and hampers our development while decontraction is our natural state which brings growth and relaxation. ‘Being it’ reminds us that our natural state is a relaxed soul which is nothing but a conscious being.

The writer also puts up an interesting analysis of the truth of a lie and the lie of the truth.

Wheel 5: Walking It

The chapter has one call ‘Do not stop to curse or to moan even in the worst situation. If one keeps walking, one will be out of it sooner or later. To keep walking is to keep living.’ The possibilities of the ways one can walk are cleverly illustrated by the author in the stories of the king, the convict, the bride, the robber, the meditator and the spider which symbolize different ways of managing the journey of life.

Wheel 5½: Playing it

The final chapter reveals the mystic, uncertain, interesting, exciting and ever unfolding nature of life. The unpredictability, uncertainty and the terminable nature of life which cause fear and anxiety in humans, are presented as sources of joy and excitement. It reminds me of a poem which reads ‘We need not to be afraid of life as we can always die.’ Thus, not only life but even death can be celebrated.

The last chapter’s sub sections – tossed by life, teased by life, healed by life, buoyed by life, freed by life and amazed by life depict gradual growth in respect of coming into terms with life. After being tossed into life by some unknown force we all are teased by life for its unpredictability and mysterious nature. The greatest tool of humanity, the mind or reason, finds itself lost in the labyrinth of life. It not only demoralizes us, we also tend to lose our faith, confidence, joy and peace. The third sub section suggests that when we come out of our self-created boundaries of true and false, right and wrong, new doors open up and we experience a new life. At the same time by coming out of a guilty conscience of breaking rules, we are ‘healed by life’. This healing results in buoyancy in life as one learns to rise above reason and float with the unpredictability and uncertainty of life. By accepting it in its true nature one is freed by life. And then, with this wisdom, comes the true joy of life as everything unfolded by life at every step only amazes us leaving us with an ‘aha experience’ as the writer calls it.

In the last chapter the author perfectly coins his ideas about life with the existential tint but even if we absorb them for a most possible joyous and fruitful life, the quest for human life’s purpose, objective, ideal and ‘The Truth’ can not be eradicated from human life and, interestingly, it will always remain till human is human. I think, being in the spirit of the book, it can also be entertained and enjoyed rather than condemned.

At many places the author asserts such deep, simple, profound and beautiful thoughts that you need to consciously resist highlighting them with pen or pencil if you are reading a borrowed copy of the book.

There might be debates about the writer’s assertions and ideas individually but, indubitably, a reading through The Fine Print of Life alleviates the heavy heart and mind of modern man who has lost the simple sense of life.

To read the introductory chapter of The Fine Print of Life, please go to this link: http://tickledbylife.com/index.php/the-fine-print-of-life/ and for more information about the book, visit http://www.pswasu.com

Amidst conflicting news of the downturn having bottomed out, while yet another company is sacking employees and the more optimistic of the lot talking about leveraging the turnaround – one point seems to be falling between the tables.

What about the fallout from this downturn and how will it affect employers, employees and the overall economy in the coming years?

This recession has been a huge shock; emotionally, financially, in fact in every sense of the word. Painful enough for the young and old alike to resort to suicide as an extreme step.

From an individual’s perspective, this has been the time to accept uncertainty as a fact of life. But, this has been particularly difficult for those who have long-term goals and prefer the stability of lifetime commitments to one employer or institution. Within such a context, having to accept uncertainty and potential threats to their economic and social well-being is making them uncomfortable and anxious, particularly when the risks are not understood or are imposed by others. When faced with these variables, the ability to carefully analyse risks or develop creative coping strategies in a formal way can be undermined.

Taken positively, this downturn is an excellent life lesson which again reinforces that human relationships and spirituality are far stronger foundations on which to build our lives than materialism and money. However, how many practice positive thinking is a matter of conjecture.

My concern is that the main casualties of this downturn would be the loyalty and trust that people have traditionally placed in organizations where they are employed. Casual job changing or hopping is a fairly recent phenomenon, at least in India and that too is limited to a few industries. Even today there are many people who have spent their entire lives in an organization. How would this affect employee loyalty in organizations that have restructured with right sizing exercises?

This makes me wonder, who is priority in a downturn? The loyal, long serving employees or the stock market players who buy the share when it goes up and sells the same when the company faces any issue? In many cases the frantic cost cutting exercises within organizations is not an act of survival but a strategy to protect the financial forecasts made, with an eye on the price of the shares. In that context, is it prudent to please the stock market or ensure that employee loyalty and trust are rewarded?

Are we creating more stock market players instead of loyal, productive employees in the society?

I have been mulling over religion, religious zealotry and associated crimes as witnessed globally in these past 20 plus years. I was wondering why God chose not create religion to begin with?

Why did God leave it to us? To create? To hate? Is there a grand plan of His, that is yet to unfold? For us to learn and grow beyond religion?

These thoughts have made me arrive at one conclusion: God created feelings but He never created religion. Yes, He created feelings and allowed them to instill love, joy, hate, anger, passion and compassion within us. With time however, feeling-driven humans clung together and formed what we love and cherish today – religion. Feelings gave birth to religions.

But why?

There I was, pondering again why would God plan it out like this? Back to square one. That thought lead me to my own feelings. I am, what my feelings make me, and what others close to me and around me, make me as well. So much is thrown at us, that feelings are birthed as responses. They seep, sap, and once in a while, zap too. As a result, we get to experience love, hate and hurt.

Hence, feelings led to religion, is my quick-shot, conclusion.

Our feelings not only affect us, they they affect people around us, too. Our feelings make us active, reactive, pro-active, inactive, selective, protective and destructive, too. Feelings make or mar us. We are affected as individuals and as groups every day. Afflicted and inflicted, feelings get compounded very quickly. They are shared very quickly, ensnaring us before we realise what is happening. None is spared here when feelings are shared and begin to spread like a wild fire, fanned primarily by greed and ignorance.

On the other hand what about positive feelings, of love and joy? Once they happen they ‘get to happen’ they are short lived. They are shared too, but very sparingly.

They are not as popular as the negative ones. Not as vehemently as the negative ones. Not as attractive as the destructive ones that invariably break into the open with a mighty blast called ‘hate.’
These man-created negative feelings grow exponentially to amass under a shelter called – religion – in the name of God.

Was this is how religion emerged? From negative, exponentially-compounded feelings, seeking shelter from hunger, natural calamities and lurking dangers in the ‘dark ages’, when man was illiterate and ignorant?
If so, then why does it still bind the minds of modern mankind? Why are we still blind today when the world is supposed to have matured and come of age as a global village?

We can probably lay the blame for this situation at the feet of the learned mullahs, priests, pastors and spiritual con men who continue to imprison us in religious cages.

Why can’t they get together and spread love and joy in the name of God?

Isn’t it ironic that we are now in the darkest age ever experienced by mankind thanks to the religious mindsets that bind unfortunate and illiterate minds without the buffer of feelings or a conscience?

But again, where did religion emerge from? God never created it because He always knew, the outcome would not be love and joy. God however, seems to have created everything from love. It is the act of love that gave birth to mankind. But through religion humans have learned to hate their brothers and sisters and shed blood in the name of God.

How sad God must be! The Creator who set us free on this lovely earth, with only one feeling – Love!

That feeling of love however, has mutated into dividing and deriding religions that also created physical borders and named them countries. Today, those very borders are like cages, locking religious zealots within by insularity and narrow beliefs.

Today men believe they are gods, passing judgment on all across villages, towns, cities and nations. Armed with guns they arrogantly claim to know the “only true God” while they kill in the name of religion.

Maybe we should re-spell the word Religions as Reli-guns, meaning the new found religion.
A sum total of Relish+Legions+Guns = “Religuns”

Man was never made to make feelings. God made feelings. Man was made to use them wisely. When humans got to creating they unfortunately made Religion alias Religun.

Now what we see is blood on their hands, on the ground, on the earth, and on the ceilings. Isn’t it time for all of this to end? Time for us to destroy all arms in arms? Enough is enough.

Under man-made religion we bled and will continue to bleed until we get rid of that seed that was never sown by God in the garden of Eden…. Religun alias Religion.

Well, I am not referring to the one that is being commonly used to express surprise, shock, anger, awe or all of it at the same time. I am talking about the other 4-letter F-word, which is about the emotion that we all experience at some time or the other:

Fear!

Why do we fear, one wonders? You may recall that as a very young child, you were usually free from fear. You may be perched at the edge of a high wall, or about to touch the hot tea kettle – you aren’t scared! But could we call it bravery? Certainly not! Being unaware of the dangers, one is free from the fears. So at this very early stage in life, that parents and well-wishers rush in to make the child aware of the impending dangers and to protect the tender young one.

Again as a child, does one fear other people? Certainly not! A child normally trusts that the world is full of angels they want to meet – except when someone is aggressive. Soon enough, the child begins to think, he/she can do anything on impulse and then it is time to tell the child what is acceptable behaviour and what is not!

“Don’t pick that crystal! It cost us a fortune,” you yell at the child. Not that you want him to know how many day’s wages it cost you to buy it, just that you don’t want him to drop it and break such a lovely possession. It wouldn’t be long before the little imp learns to cope with high decibel levels and continues to do just what he wanted to – pick up that crystal – and throw it! So your effort to control the child’s behavior has just failed and the child has just learnt how to overcome the “fear” of a yelling adult.

Time to look for a better and more effective method, you tell yourself. How about spanking? Or punishing the child, maybe? You are at your wits’ end, nevertheless. When it is time for the child to go to play-school, you are alarmed because you have yet to discover the really effective means to discipline your child. But now you have other folks, who would share the responsibility of conditioning your child to the ways of the world, such as the teachers or the school administrators.

Now that you’ve got the hang of it all, you may be wondering why am I, knowing nothing of psychology should be writing about learned behaviour and fear?

Well, I am motivated by some recent incidents of extreme and ruthless punishments which were meted out to kids as “discipline’. I refer here to instances where children were beaten up or made to stand out in the sun with bricks on their shoulders. Is it not time that parents, teachers, education experts and child psychologists got together and identified punishments that are acceptable to a civilized society and those that are not? Do schools have any guidelines on this subject?

Once out of school, it is time to join college! One is not so sure whether your “conditioning” was complete or incomplete, but you sure did pass the tests and stuff. So off you go to college – to have fun! But one wonders what is your idea of fun? If it is cracking jokes in the canteen in your spare time or slipping away to a multiplex near your college once in a while, then there is nothing to worry about except the occasional irate lecturer who might have noted your absence one day when you played truant. But not everyone is satisfied with such innocent pastimes and you may have to worry about what “fun” means to others – especially your seniors!

Their idea of fun could be ragging newcomers – and that could be you! Fortunately, the practice of extreme ragging is not as rampant as it appears from the extreme cases that are reported by the mainstream media. Some college students do participate in mild forms of ragging – usually for fun – and certainly not the kind which turns “real fun” into its ugly anagram – “funeral.” Some instances of extremely dangerous cases of ragging have taken place notably in the case of young Aman Kachhroo. But, after reading the reports about these incidents, one begins to believe that these cases are not really about ragging but something beyond that –bullying.

It is then that one realizes that the child had not been taught about how to deal with bullies! But weren’t we busy teaching the child to fear all along? Did we spare a thought about how the child would cope with fearsome bullies?

Isn’t it time to introduce courses and discussion forums to embolden the child, so that he or she will have the courage to speak up against the scourge of bullying and deal with this menace more effectively?

Especially, when the world is yet to learn to cope with terrorists, extremists, tyrants, scamsters, criminals and what-have-you – all bullies of a kind!