Would we even want to read this poker face?

“Kesha Rose Sebert (born March 1, 1987),[3] better known by her first name Kesha ( /ˈkɛʃə/ KESH-ə, stylized Ke$ha), is an American pop singer, rapper and songwriter.” – Wikipedia

I’m sorry did someone say rapper? really, rapper? Would you also like to puke on Biggy’s Grave. Maybe jack off on Tupac’s coffin. Perhaps dig up Big L’s body and take a massive shit on his face, because that’s basically what’s happening when people refer to Ke$ha as a rapper. There are many words I would use to describe her: untalented/whore/cunt/bogan/slut/bag/disgusting/tramp/abortion/fuck-hole/herpes/gorgonzola/vagina face, but not rapper. I would barely use singer or songwriter to describe her, unfortunately she does “sing”, albeit with auto-tune.

She's got the look, she's got the look, the look of barf.

As I see it, she is one of the millions of cock-sucking, talentless ass clowns who come to LA and jack off producers until they get pregnant, feels bad, pays for the abortion and signs them to a record label, producing the usual million selling, over produced slut fests that make more money then you, me or half of Bulgaria would ever stand to make. What do we end up with? Another untalented superficially rich ignorant slut who wrote one successful song and now can live in a nice house. Give her 10 years and she can be on the “Real Housewife’s of North Hollywood” with the rest of the over privileged disgusting wench’s who blew their millions on face lifts, abortions and paying off the pool boy to not tell her husband.

Her big single Tik Tok, apart from celebrating bad spelling and being a slut also contains the lyric, “wash my teeth with a bottle of jack.” I would love more then anything to smash her teeth with a bottle of jack, or drown her with a glass of methylated spirits and set fire to her head, but hey that’s just me. I’m just being immature and mean but seriously, she looks like your older sister’s slutty friend who lets you touch her vagina when she’s drunk and when you get old you feel nothing but shame, a deep sinking sense of shame. Especially after you use her as your first anal experience and she doesn’t even notice.

“Her debut single, “Tik Tok”, released in late 2009, reached number one in eleven countries and set the weekly records for digital downloads of a female artist and total Top 40 Mainstream airplay in the US. By reaching the top in 2010, the song also became the first Billboard Hot 100 number one of the decade and the longest running number one debut single by a female artist since 1977.”

Since 1977, really, women, you should be ashamed, there are so many of you out there with talent yet this loose vagina who can’t sing and sounds like a quief gets the longest running no.1 single. Number one in 11 countries. FOR SHAME! For once it’s not just America that is horribly stupid, its everyone…. FOR SHAME!!!!

Fap worthy? Maybe. Album worthy? Fuck you for even pondering.

Post from: This Music Sucks - Music Reviews and More Suckiness

Ke$ha Puts the “Who?” in Whore

No related posts.

Guess who made the list? Hint: Not the guy who could body slam me to China.

If its one thing I love more than completely destroying musician’s credibility, its reading other people destroy artists credibility. It’s like watching a car crash where I didn’t cause the baby to get its leg severed. So I could not help but get a jump for gory joy when I read what Spike today.

Dubbed The 20 Worst Artists of the Decade, it details the absolute fucking embarrassments that try and pass themselves off as artists. There were some very close friends of This Music Sucks represented, such as our favorites Black Eyed Peas, Britney Spears and U2, as well as a few faces who will undoubtedly show up here in the near future. We’ve got the list below, complete with Youtube’s of some of our worst picks, but for the full article, head over to Spike.

Personally, I think the Jonas Brothers should have ranked much higher on the douche scale, but who am I to judge?

So who do you think are the worst artists of the last decade? Let us know in the comments!

The 20 Worst Artists of the Decade:

20. Kid Rock

19. Brooke Hogan

18. Britney Spears

17. Jonas Brothers

16. Madonna

15. Baha Men

14. U2

13. The Pussycat Dolls

12. Good Charlotte

11. Tokio Hotel

10. T-Pain

9. James Blunt

8. Paris Hilton

7. Nickelback

6. Black Eyed Peas

5. Limp Bizkit

4. Creed

3. Akon

2. Ashlee Simpson

1. Soulja Boy Tell Em

So who do you think ranks as some of the worst artists of the last decade? Let us know your thoughts in the comments.

Post from: This Music Sucks - Music Reviews and More Suckiness

20 Worst Artists of the Last Decade

No related posts.

Look at this fucking hipster.

I don’t want to sound gay or nothing but Jae Raetard I think I love you, not only is you music awesome fun garage rock, but you’ve summed up a sentiment that I’ve been trying to put into words for some time.

In a part of New York that is represented in hip hop as being the school of hard knocks, most of the worlds most foppish, vaguely boring art pop is being created and gently irritating my ears.

Chairlift, Grizzly Bear, Matt and Kim, the Pains of Being Pure at Heart, Vivian Girls, Crystal Stilts and a pile of other groups are sitting in there McKibbon lofts and apparently feeling generally good about things. Everyone’s having a great time….. and subsequently there’s no danger. Its all twee and flowers and sunshine (and boring).

I realize this article will probably just piss everybody off. But seriously, I don’t want to see this live, ever, but probably will have to at some stupid festival. Crap.

Post from: This Music Sucks - Music Reviews and More Suckiness

Brooklyn Shut Up! Most of Your Bands Suck and You are Total Wannabes! The Pains of Being Boring at Heart.

No related posts.

As much soul as the thing on the cover.

Once upon a time, there was a band called the Black Eyed Peas. They were a couple of dancers from LA who could spit some decent rhymes, entertaining audiences with a combination of their feelgood hip hop and their smooth dance moves. All was well in the land of BEP; they released two albums, both fairly successful, with a couple of decent hits on them.They were fairly rspected musicians.

Then one night, an evil witch visited them in the middle of the night, offering stardom never seen by the crew before, in exchange for any shred of music credibility they might have built up over the last few years. A discussion ensued:

Will.i.am: Guys we need this bitch. Let’s make bank yo!

Rest of the crew: I don’t know, she has man hands and I think she’s on meth.

Will.i.am: Fuck you guys I want to be rich! We’re doing it.

And thus succubus joined their crew and turned their entire life upside down.

The succubus lured them in with her sweet crotch scents.

Thus the album Elephunk was born, asking us such tough questions like “Where is the Love”, while simultaneously telling us to “Shut Up”. These mixed messages confused the music buying public into buying a shitload of records, pushing them into the upper echelon of shitty pop acts. Then came Monkey Business, which featured one of the modern marvels of the 21st century, “My Lumps”, featuring a super-charge whore Fergie, showing us her amazing gold digging skills.

Lovely lady lumps.

And now, I am pleased to announce their latest offering, The E.N.D. This album has broken down so many barriers; no longer do rappers need to use coherent, or even english words, in their raps. 16 bars? More like 1 bar repeated over and over and over and over and over and over and, well, you get the idea.

There is some really amazing song titles, such as “Boom Boom Pow”, which opens the album, setting the stage for the repetitive, Autotune drenched disater. Another classic, “Ring a Ling”, is apparently about calling someone or some shit. Unfortunately when it was playing it was drowned out by the sound of my own screaming as I tried to climb the walls, away from my stereo speakers.

And then we move to the piece-de-resistance, “I Got a Feeling”. I can’t even explain how bad this song is, so I will leave it up to the guys at Cracked explain it.

Post from: This Music Sucks - Music Reviews and More Suckiness

Black Eyed Peas: The E.N.D of artistic credibility?

No related posts.

Michael Jackson: child star, multi-platinum recording artist, alleged child molester, dead pop legend. His music touched billions of people over the last 40 or so years. His dance moves were stuff of legend; his music more infectious than Swine Flu.

In spite of all this, he’s now passed on, gone to a better place, for you, and for me, and the entire human race. Autotune is still around, living and breathing and getting number 1 hits. So the question is raised, could Autotune have saved Michael Jackson’s life? The answer is no, it couldn’t. In fact, Autotune is slowly killing music, one chart position at a time.

For anyone who isn’t sure what I’m talking about, here’s an illustration:

The Autotune machine

Michael Jackson

I think I may have made a mistake there, but I’m not too sure. Either way, Autotune is an old technology used to correct any bad notes sung by an artist in recording. It’s great for touching up little blemishes in music to give it a more perfect sound. However some people have come to rely on it.

In one of our earlier posts, we posted an audio of Britney Spears singing live, without her blessed Autotune to help her out. The results were gut-twistingly terrible. It brings up a interesting point; can anything sound good with Autotune? Exhibit A:

I never knew Katie Couric was such a banging pop starlet! And all those Republicans have really lost their calling in life. Pushing through legislation? Hell no, they should be pushing number 1 hits on the 12 year olds of the world.

Browsing through this weeks Billboard Top 100, you quickly see its reach. There are at least 10-15 artists on the charts who are heavily over-using this musical “technique”, such as Flo Rida, Lady Gaga, and a host of others. Its become so popular that Jay-Z‘s hating on it, with his latest track, Death of Autotune.

This song really gets to the heart of the matter, Death To Autotune! Nevermind the fact one of the co-producers is none other than Kanye West, one of the biggest worshippers of Autotune in the modern pop world. Nonetheless, props go to Jay-Z for so selflessly defending real music, or as Jay-Z puts it, music that “don’t have melodies”. Right on Jay-Z.

Leave Chris alone! Oh yeah and death to Autotune.

So what does this mean for the music industry? My guess is in 10 years, instead of T-Pain, Lil Wayne, and Cher, we’ll all be downloading buying the latest album of AutoTuneBot, cranking out generic pop hits, Kanye and Timbaland at the helm of production, using recording equipment made of solid platinum (those platinum records melt down nicely).

You spin my head right round, right round, when you go down, when you go down down. KILL ALL HUMANS.

So beware, humans. Next time you go to buy an album, think to yourself: am I buying a music artist, or an expensive Fruity Loops demo song? You be the judge. And now, a word from our sponsors: Lil Wayne, Rick Ross, T-Pain, and “death of autotune” himself, Kanye West:

Post from: This Music Sucks - Music Reviews and More Suckiness

Could Autotune Have Saved Michael Jackson’s Life?

No related posts.

We'll miss you man. You weird, crazy, strange man.

By now we’ve all heard. Every radio in the street is blasting his songs. Every newspaper has an article. There’s even been a stabbing on a bus over it. Michael Jackson is dead. It sucks. No matter what you thought about this crazy guy, his mark on modern pop music is undeniable. He truly was the King of Pop. He was our Elvis. He made Thriller.

Below is just a collection of random YouTubes of his work. Enjoy listening, watching the moonwalk, all the stuff we technically haven’t seen for a while, and will never see again.

What’s you’re favorite Michael Jackson moment? Let us know in the comments.

Post from: This Music Sucks - Music Reviews and More Suckiness

Michael Jackson 1958 – 2009. RIP

No related posts.

Last night was epic. I really didn’t know what to expect seeing Rodriguez. Maybe brilliant, maybe a victim of the acid era. And I think I saw both (more of the first). The support act, The War on Drugs, were pretty average. Not entirely their fault, as the sound for their performance completely sucked. I’m glad the sound guys got their act together for for Rodriguez. Such a humble and happy performer, his solo accoustic version of “At Last” at the end of the gig brought tears to a lot of girls eyes in the room.

Here are some kind of crappy pics from my own camera of the gig:

All the band kicking it.

See the rest of the pics here: Rodriguez @ The Bowery Ballroom

Here’s the man singing one of this most famous songs, Sugar Man:

Post from: This Music Sucks - Music Reviews and More Suckiness

Rodriguez w/ The War on Drugs @ Bowery Ballroom

No related posts.

You go girl!

What the hell is happening here? Some ugly woman who can sing is suddenly the darling of the internet? mashable says her various videos are approaching 100 million views. Does it show we’re really interested in stuff that isn’t news, or does it say we never thought that ugly women could sing? Or have talent in general? I guess you guys can be the judge.

Watch the video here.

Post from: This Music Sucks - Music Reviews and More Suckiness

Susan Boyle: What the Fuck?

No related posts.

Check out my finger!

This time its serious, Hip-Hop really doesn’t give a fuck! Its been reported that Rapper Flo Rida and his crew have been engaged in a gang war that’s spilt into the animal kingdom, no one is safe man or beast.  Recently on tour the musician and his lieutenants were seen stumbling out of a tour bus and killing a bunny rabbit.

The rabbit was overheard pleading for its life, exclaiming, “I didn’t snitch man, you know me better than that, we’re dogg’s dogg you’re my G”, to which the rapper responded, “you’re a rabbit, not a dog and now you goin’ be dead.”  Snap, the rabbit was dead.

I didnt snitch flo, please dont kill me!

Florida Police have been investigating and wiretapping the Flo Rida organization for some time discovering a connection between Flo and Baltimore raper/rapper DMX.

DMX is long remembered for his harsh street war with dogs which has claimed the lives of 101 dalmatians and lassies alike.  It seems the drug trade is being run at street level by rabbits taking the role of hoppers off of young black street youth.  Perhaps more finance needs to be put into witness protection as the rabbit was a well known informant.

Authorities have discovered undercover rabbit prisons in Flo Rida‘s New York apartment.  Three rabbits per cage, forced to run in wheels all day to possibly power drug pressing equipment.  Animal rights activist Desmond P. Lightly had this to say:

“The illigal criminal punishment perpetrated by these rappers is unjust and a disgusting misuse of pet ownership.  Rabbits are people too and the imprisonment of these individuals has been going on across this country for far too long.  Children as young as six have been reported keeping rabbit prisons in there bedrooms with communities too afraid to speak to the authorities.  Flo Rida is a icon to these children and his actions have caused unrepairable damage and he must be held accountable.”

Animal rights activists are outraged.

I have to admit i wasn’t surprised by the shocking news about the Rida of Flo’s.  After hearing Flo’s hit song and cover of classic 80′s transvestite band Dead or Alive‘s song “You Spin Me Round (Like a Record)”  I ascertained that Flo Rida is a pussy.  His version, Right Round,  is a homage to the blow job.

But like so many mens attempts to cover there sexuality with male bravado it comes across as a the desperate cry of a closet homosexual.  Unleash the shackles of hetero-gang-culture and show your flamboyant self.  Even though the bunnies death was gang related if perhaps Flo could free his inner fabulous and not have so much aggression to release on his street hoppers the street could be a safer place for man and bunny alike.

Flo Rida, Queen of the Desert

Post from: This Music Sucks - Music Reviews and More Suckiness

Hop Hop Beefs Reach New Low: Flo Rida is a Pussy

No related posts.

Don't we all?

This Music Sucks is the first site that has been kind enough to offer up the soapbox and megaphone for me to begin unloading some of this baggage. Please, if you could shut out all other distractions, Let me begin…

The Art of the Suck

Let me start with a tangent, porno star of “Behind the Green Door,” Marilyn Chambers, has passed away. I mention this here, because this woman obviously made a career out of sucking, and I simply want to pay my respects, and thank the SEO “gods” for allowing me the opportunity to put a beautifully positive spin on “sucking.”

This Music Sucks, to me, is really a positive message for young and old alike. Quit being a brain washed machine who’s behavior is so predictable you get told not only what “ART” is but what is “GOOD ART,” & what is “BAD ART”.

Here’s a thought, why not actually “Listen?” Look at things like, ahhh, well, talent for instance. Along with talent, another idea might actually be: An Original Thought.

Here’s 5 requests I am submitting to the world of, “HIP HOP.” They are not in any particular order, because they are all things that are driving me equally insane.

1) Stop Telling me who you are.

For the love of God, please stop telling me who you are. I already know who you are, and if I don’t I know how to find out. I find it annoying, and it shows signs of a serious inferiority complex that you feel the need to keep telling me who are.

2) Take Your Cookie Cutter Back to the Kitchen, before someone gets a hold of it and cuts off something else.

Here’s just one example: “Fruity Loops” is a loop program from the 80′s. It’s a bad set of loops that was bad when it was released 30 years ago, which, dumb asses, means it’s still bad today. Find something else to pass around in the file share world. For Christ sake, what is it, all of 64 beats? Here’s 1 test for one of you demented motherfuckers who wants to see how serious I am about being driven insane by shit like this… I dare you, yep you, pussy, bitch, to take a fruity loop, and, fucking tune it. Not TUNA, like the smell of…Tune it, as in, pitch, scale, Julie Andrews, you know, (medley begins-from the sound of music…doe ray me…blah blah blah…if I got to give u more than that, then I’m already dead.)

hoe, t-pain, a female t-pain,
ray, a look at beyonce’s mum,
me a name I call myself,

(Sometimes, you just can’t improve on the original…you see my point?) I find this shit fucking hilarious. If only I had the tools to explain the action as fast as it happens inside this cavernous space called, what?

3) Actions Always Speak Louder than Words.

Especially if I kick the next mother fucker who uses a fruity loop right in the balls. Here’s what I’m getting at; you are all rappin about paper, pussy, and being a pimp. Oh, almost forgot, having big rims and a system that causes you to shit your pants while you ride. Please, I’m sick of hearing about it. What amazes me most is the concept that “paper” is power. I got news kids, that paper is only going to be for the bathroom. You’d better start buying gold…and I don’t mean fronts.

Bling Bling Motherfuckers.

I doubt anyone other than the guy who’s ass is on the line for letting a completely creative person try to explain what goes on in his or her mind, to be nothing more than some kind of weird science experiment pulling “big paper” out of their respective “hidden spot”, probably not too far from the ‘G’ spot, or was it ‘G’ man?

If you want to pretend that you actually lived/live the story you are standing in a “suit” portraying, that’s pretty much supposed to be an innocent until proved guilty type of agenda, so knock yourself out, let’s pretend there were enough hours in a day to be out every night moving weight, strapped with your glock, shortie harem in toe, on 24′s, I don’t care. It’s called having CLASS. Act like you’ve been there. You can do all those tings, hell, you can do all those things wearing nothing but peanut butter for all I care, but give me something else before I simply give up on hip-hop.

I be painting walls 24/7

4) Short and simple.

Hey, stupid motherfuckers…If you got so much paper, why can’t I get a live performance with something a little better than your “Latest Hit Single” w/ lyrics and all, and you still screaming over the top. This is bush league. You look silly, and you will never get any respect…doesn’t matter whether you deserve it or not. You are not prepared, professional, much less a player or a pimp.
(Sinatra – a puppet a pauper a pawn and a king.)

5) Sitting Bull said, “It is not necessary for eagles to be crows.”

Here’s my version as it pertains to Hip Hop: “It is not necessary for rhythmless unattractive, perhaps even obese men to be a Hip Hop Artist/Player.” (if the 6 X shirt fits, mr. Rick Ross, please, wear it.) I know from experience, when you call what is easily a 375 pound man out for acting foul, it’s best to hit and run…so, on that note, a perfect C note, hope I was at least a spectacle for you and yours to mock. Just so long as I get a laugh.

Peace, and may all your thoughts be harmonious. (sickening, I know.)

When Bruce is not tearing down the music industry, he’s off tweeting. Follow Bruce on Twitter and keep up with the noise.

Post from: This Music Sucks - Music Reviews and More Suckiness

5 Points the World of Hip Hop Needs to Read

No related posts.