I fucking hate you.

Listen you fucking weird alien-zombie-noise machine, I sat back and let you do your thing while you went and released the worst piece of shit the world has ever had the displeasure of listening to. I downloaded the soundboard of your atrocity to my phone so I could annoy my friends and loved ones as they slept/ate/stayed conscious/became unconscious. I thought we all agreed this should go away and never be seen again.

But you just couldn’t let it go.

I was chilling on the tweeter stalking my favorite artists, when One of them passes this link before my unprepared eyes and ears. (For whatever reason they wont let embed it so check the damn link below. Be warned, you may die.)

Rebecca Black – Friday (Accoustic)

Fuck you. Fuck everything about this video. Fuck the kids watching you. Fuck the few hundred tat clicked “like” on this festering pile of asshole trimmings. Fuck the “band”. Really, really fuck the band. And even more, fuck this guy:

Yeah man, get down, and don't get back up.

Fuck you man, fuck you. And fuck you, Rebecca Black.

Who’s with me?

Post from: This Music Sucks - Music Reviews and More Suckiness

Rebecca Black, This Shit Has Got to Stop

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It’s been shown time and time again, i don’t even know why I complain, but fuck it. Every year the biggest selling artists, according to Nielsen SoundScan(who ever that cunt is), are a huge steaming pile of mucus infested dog cum, with worms in it, on fire, with aids… As dated as this is being almost halfway through 2011 (we are not about being current, or spelling, or grammar, fuck you) here is a list of the TOP TEN ALBUMS OF 2010… Once again, fuck you Nielsen SoundScan, fuck you in the face with a rusty metal dinosaur cock.

• 1. EMINEM Recovery 2010 Sales: 3,415,000 (Oh how the mighty have fallen, not financially though, cunt)
• 2. LADY ANTEBELLUM Need You Now 2010 Sales: 3,089,000 (Honestly, who the fuck are these people and why are you giving them money?)
• 3. TAYLOR SWIFT Speak Now 2010 Sales: 2,960,000 (I wish Kanye would just interrupt her on a daily basis.  ”Sure this is a good sandwich, but Beyonce made one of the best sandwiches of all time.” “Sure your fucking an A-List actor pretty good, but Beyonce gave them one of the best fucks of all time.”  etc)
• 4. JUSTIN BIEBER My World 2.0 2010 Sales: 2,319,000 (Anyone remember Jesse McCartney? no? good!)
• 5. SUSAN BOYLE The Gift 2010 Sales: 1,852,000 (Musicians with down syndrome, click the donate button, in your ass)
• 6. LADY GAGA The Fame 2010 Sales: 1,591,000 (The Pain. The Lame. The Inane. The Drain, The Cunt.)
• 7. SADE Soldier Of Love 2010 Sales: 1,300,000 (Keep chasing that dream, people from the eighties)
• 8. DRAKE Thank Me Later 2010 Sales: 1,269,000 (Oh for fucks sake.  Not this asshole.)
• 9. USHER Raymond V. Raymond 2010 Sales: 1,183,000 (Raymond Vs FUCK OFF) – I know, not very intelligent.. FUCK YOU
• 10. KE$HA Animal 2010 Sales: 1,143,000 (She’s fat, she’s fat, she’s fat, she’s fat, she’s fat, she’s fat, she’s fat, now!)

And there you have it, now go shed the tears of a million better, more creative, less shitty musicians.

Post from: This Music Sucks - Music Reviews and More Suckiness

The Music Industry Sucks

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Everyone is all about Drake at the moment.  Nas loves him, Lil’ Wayne signed him, Degrassi high made him.  His singles are constantly on the radio.  The weaselly sound of his voice spill’s out of cars, malls, adverts, anything.  But is he any good?  It seems people are way to busy to question if something is actually good as long as someone tells them it is.  If some tattooed guy(who used to be) in jail & a soft drink company say he’s the next best thing, then dammit, HE IS!!!!

Call me crazy, but i listened to his new album expecting the rebirth of Jesus all i ended up getting was a massive stinking pile of rebirth.  Drake spends the entire album whining and moaning about how he’s popular, how girls use him & how he’s going to be the best forever.  Let me say that again, WHINING… Oh poor poor Drake, it must be really hard deciding which car to buy today, which model to bang after playing tennis on a court made of diamonds at Birdman’s house or where he should go on holiday for 6 months after he finishes a short but financially flattering blow job tour of North America.  Especially since he has one of the kindest deals in record history:

• Drake got a $2 million advance (I’ll give you a moment to read that again)
• Drake retains the publishing rights to his songs and only pays 25% of his music sales revenues to the label as a “distribution fee”

I watched one of his live concerts on MTV (meaningless television).  And seriously, the music was like Kenny G.  Seriously…  It was a live band doing jazzed out, 80′s inspired versions of his album, with his wannabe lil’ wayne whiney voice shitting on top of the steaming pile of purile 80′s Jazz shit.

forever in love

I had heard rumor of Drake having a falling out with Lil’ Weezy over a girl of Weezy’s that Drake FUCKED while Weezy was in prison.  I mean, i’m only hating as a non-fan of his music and a general dislike of the remake of Degrassi High, where as the original was an awesome fucking show who can forget when that guy got aids, or Spike got pregnant, or when that kid jumped off a bridge on acid. but fucking Weezy’s girl come on.   Even if he fucks a different girl every-night, that guy made you a millionaire.

So fuck you Drake, you suck you canadian pile of cheese.  I cannot believe Rihanna fucked you…. Neither can she probably.  Let’s hope your new album CRASHES & BURNS……

Now witness this horrible performance video of smooth 80′s cheese and bravado by clicking the link below.

Drake Sucking

Post from: This Music Sucks - Music Reviews and More Suckiness

Drake Sucks

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Robot whores from outer space.

In case you haven’t been rendered deaf and/or blind from the horror that transpired on the weekend, international embarrassment and TMS favorite, the Black Eyed Peas, stunned an already unexcited world by performing what has (un)officially become the worlds worst concert. I’m not lying. Worst, fucking, concert ever.

Eh, what he said. Asshole.

If you haven’t seen it, the Youtube is located below. If you have, then you’ve seen more than my words can say. It was like witnessing a clown car wreck, where all the clowns are all fucked from the small amount of space, and the excessive amounts of said clowns. And they’re stabbing each other in the ass. Something like that. With way too much Autotune, in the wrong places. And space suits. Fuck those space suits.

The one redeeming factor, is it really backs up our previous opinions on the “group”. And we were treated to another beautiful rendition of Sweet Child of Mine by Fergie and Slash. Don’t freak out, we’re just psychic.

If in my life, I never see anything as disturbing and downright abusive, wanna-make-you-stab-out-your-ear-drums type of horny, I will probably still be fairly miserable. I’d prefer not too tough.

The wondrous performance is below:

www.youtube.com/watch?v=JqHYYVDIL3k

Let us know what you guys thought in the comments. Great, or greatest fuckup?

Post from: This Music Sucks - Music Reviews and More Suckiness

Black Eyed Peas Suck At Football

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Would we even want to read this poker face?

“Kesha Rose Sebert (born March 1, 1987),[3] better known by her first name Kesha ( /ˈkɛʃə/ KESH-ə, stylized Ke$ha), is an American pop singer, rapper and songwriter.” – Wikipedia

I’m sorry did someone say rapper? really, rapper? Would you also like to puke on Biggy’s Grave. Maybe jack off on Tupac’s coffin. Perhaps dig up Big L’s body and take a massive shit on his face, because that’s basically what’s happening when people refer to Ke$ha as a rapper. There are many words I would use to describe her: untalented/whore/cunt/bogan/slut/bag/disgusting/tramp/abortion/fuck-hole/herpes/gorgonzola/vagina face, but not rapper. I would barely use singer or songwriter to describe her, unfortunately she does “sing”, albeit with auto-tune.

She's got the look, she's got the look, the look of barf.

As I see it, she is one of the millions of cock-sucking, talentless ass clowns who come to LA and jack off producers until they get pregnant, feels bad, pays for the abortion and signs them to a record label, producing the usual million selling, over produced slut fests that make more money then you, me or half of Bulgaria would ever stand to make. What do we end up with? Another untalented superficially rich ignorant slut who wrote one successful song and now can live in a nice house. Give her 10 years and she can be on the “Real Housewife’s of North Hollywood” with the rest of the over privileged disgusting wench’s who blew their millions on face lifts, abortions and paying off the pool boy to not tell her husband.

Her big single Tik Tok, apart from celebrating bad spelling and being a slut also contains the lyric, “wash my teeth with a bottle of jack.” I would love more then anything to smash her teeth with a bottle of jack, or drown her with a glass of methylated spirits and set fire to her head, but hey that’s just me. I’m just being immature and mean but seriously, she looks like your older sister’s slutty friend who lets you touch her vagina when she’s drunk and when you get old you feel nothing but shame, a deep sinking sense of shame. Especially after you use her as your first anal experience and she doesn’t even notice.

“Her debut single, “Tik Tok”, released in late 2009, reached number one in eleven countries and set the weekly records for digital downloads of a female artist and total Top 40 Mainstream airplay in the US. By reaching the top in 2010, the song also became the first Billboard Hot 100 number one of the decade and the longest running number one debut single by a female artist since 1977.”

Since 1977, really, women, you should be ashamed, there are so many of you out there with talent yet this loose vagina who can’t sing and sounds like a quief gets the longest running no.1 single. Number one in 11 countries. FOR SHAME! For once it’s not just America that is horribly stupid, its everyone…. FOR SHAME!!!!

Fap worthy? Maybe. Album worthy? Fuck you for even pondering.

Post from: This Music Sucks - Music Reviews and More Suckiness

Ke$ha Puts the “Who?” in Whore

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Guess who made the list? Hint: Not the guy who could body slam me to China.

If its one thing I love more than completely destroying musician’s credibility, its reading other people destroy artists credibility. It’s like watching a car crash where I didn’t cause the baby to get its leg severed. So I could not help but get a jump for gory joy when I read what Spike today.

Dubbed The 20 Worst Artists of the Decade, it details the absolute fucking embarrassments that try and pass themselves off as artists. There were some very close friends of This Music Sucks represented, such as our favorites Black Eyed Peas, Britney Spears and U2, as well as a few faces who will undoubtedly show up here in the near future. We’ve got the list below, complete with Youtube’s of some of our worst picks, but for the full article, head over to Spike.

Personally, I think the Jonas Brothers should have ranked much higher on the douche scale, but who am I to judge?

So who do you think are the worst artists of the last decade? Let us know in the comments!

The 20 Worst Artists of the Decade:

20. Kid Rock

19. Brooke Hogan

18. Britney Spears

17. Jonas Brothers

16. Madonna

15. Baha Men

14. U2

13. The Pussycat Dolls

12. Good Charlotte

11. Tokio Hotel

10. T-Pain

9. James Blunt

8. Paris Hilton

7. Nickelback

6. Black Eyed Peas

5. Limp Bizkit

4. Creed

3. Akon

2. Ashlee Simpson

1. Soulja Boy Tell Em

So who do you think ranks as some of the worst artists of the last decade? Let us know your thoughts in the comments.

Post from: This Music Sucks - Music Reviews and More Suckiness

20 Worst Artists of the Last Decade

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Look at this fucking hipster.

I don’t want to sound gay or nothing but Jae Raetard I think I love you, not only is you music awesome fun garage rock, but you’ve summed up a sentiment that I’ve been trying to put into words for some time.

In a part of New York that is represented in hip hop as being the school of hard knocks, most of the worlds most foppish, vaguely boring art pop is being created and gently irritating my ears.

Chairlift, Grizzly Bear, Matt and Kim, the Pains of Being Pure at Heart, Vivian Girls, Crystal Stilts and a pile of other groups are sitting in there McKibbon lofts and apparently feeling generally good about things. Everyone’s having a great time….. and subsequently there’s no danger. Its all twee and flowers and sunshine (and boring).

I realize this article will probably just piss everybody off. But seriously, I don’t want to see this live, ever, but probably will have to at some stupid festival. Crap.

Post from: This Music Sucks - Music Reviews and More Suckiness

Brooklyn Shut Up! Most of Your Bands Suck and You are Total Wannabes! The Pains of Being Boring at Heart.

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As much soul as the thing on the cover.

Once upon a time, there was a band called the Black Eyed Peas. They were a couple of dancers from LA who could spit some decent rhymes, entertaining audiences with a combination of their feelgood hip hop and their smooth dance moves. All was well in the land of BEP; they released two albums, both fairly successful, with a couple of decent hits on them.They were fairly rspected musicians.

Then one night, an evil witch visited them in the middle of the night, offering stardom never seen by the crew before, in exchange for any shred of music credibility they might have built up over the last few years. A discussion ensued:

Will.i.am: Guys we need this bitch. Let’s make bank yo!

Rest of the crew: I don’t know, she has man hands and I think she’s on meth.

Will.i.am: Fuck you guys I want to be rich! We’re doing it.

And thus succubus joined their crew and turned their entire life upside down.

The succubus lured them in with her sweet crotch scents.

Thus the album Elephunk was born, asking us such tough questions like “Where is the Love”, while simultaneously telling us to “Shut Up”. These mixed messages confused the music buying public into buying a shitload of records, pushing them into the upper echelon of shitty pop acts. Then came Monkey Business, which featured one of the modern marvels of the 21st century, “My Lumps”, featuring a super-charge whore Fergie, showing us her amazing gold digging skills.

Lovely lady lumps.

And now, I am pleased to announce their latest offering, The E.N.D. This album has broken down so many barriers; no longer do rappers need to use coherent, or even english words, in their raps. 16 bars? More like 1 bar repeated over and over and over and over and over and over and, well, you get the idea.

There is some really amazing song titles, such as “Boom Boom Pow”, which opens the album, setting the stage for the repetitive, Autotune drenched disater. Another classic, “Ring a Ling”, is apparently about calling someone or some shit. Unfortunately when it was playing it was drowned out by the sound of my own screaming as I tried to climb the walls, away from my stereo speakers.

And then we move to the piece-de-resistance, “I Got a Feeling”. I can’t even explain how bad this song is, so I will leave it up to the guys at Cracked explain it.

Post from: This Music Sucks - Music Reviews and More Suckiness

Black Eyed Peas: The E.N.D of artistic credibility?

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Michael Jackson: child star, multi-platinum recording artist, alleged child molester, dead pop legend. His music touched billions of people over the last 40 or so years. His dance moves were stuff of legend; his music more infectious than Swine Flu.

In spite of all this, he’s now passed on, gone to a better place, for you, and for me, and the entire human race. Autotune is still around, living and breathing and getting number 1 hits. So the question is raised, could Autotune have saved Michael Jackson’s life? The answer is no, it couldn’t. In fact, Autotune is slowly killing music, one chart position at a time.

For anyone who isn’t sure what I’m talking about, here’s an illustration:

The Autotune machine

Michael Jackson

I think I may have made a mistake there, but I’m not too sure. Either way, Autotune is an old technology used to correct any bad notes sung by an artist in recording. It’s great for touching up little blemishes in music to give it a more perfect sound. However some people have come to rely on it.

In one of our earlier posts, we posted an audio of Britney Spears singing live, without her blessed Autotune to help her out. The results were gut-twistingly terrible. It brings up a interesting point; can anything sound good with Autotune? Exhibit A:

I never knew Katie Couric was such a banging pop starlet! And all those Republicans have really lost their calling in life. Pushing through legislation? Hell no, they should be pushing number 1 hits on the 12 year olds of the world.

Browsing through this weeks Billboard Top 100, you quickly see its reach. There are at least 10-15 artists on the charts who are heavily over-using this musical “technique”, such as Flo Rida, Lady Gaga, and a host of others. Its become so popular that Jay-Z‘s hating on it, with his latest track, Death of Autotune.

This song really gets to the heart of the matter, Death To Autotune! Nevermind the fact one of the co-producers is none other than Kanye West, one of the biggest worshippers of Autotune in the modern pop world. Nonetheless, props go to Jay-Z for so selflessly defending real music, or as Jay-Z puts it, music that “don’t have melodies”. Right on Jay-Z.

Leave Chris alone! Oh yeah and death to Autotune.

So what does this mean for the music industry? My guess is in 10 years, instead of T-Pain, Lil Wayne, and Cher, we’ll all be downloading buying the latest album of AutoTuneBot, cranking out generic pop hits, Kanye and Timbaland at the helm of production, using recording equipment made of solid platinum (those platinum records melt down nicely).

You spin my head right round, right round, when you go down, when you go down down. KILL ALL HUMANS.

So beware, humans. Next time you go to buy an album, think to yourself: am I buying a music artist, or an expensive Fruity Loops demo song? You be the judge. And now, a word from our sponsors: Lil Wayne, Rick Ross, T-Pain, and “death of autotune” himself, Kanye West:

Post from: This Music Sucks - Music Reviews and More Suckiness

Could Autotune Have Saved Michael Jackson’s Life?

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We'll miss you man. You weird, crazy, strange man.

By now we’ve all heard. Every radio in the street is blasting his songs. Every newspaper has an article. There’s even been a stabbing on a bus over it. Michael Jackson is dead. It sucks. No matter what you thought about this crazy guy, his mark on modern pop music is undeniable. He truly was the King of Pop. He was our Elvis. He made Thriller.

Below is just a collection of random YouTubes of his work. Enjoy listening, watching the moonwalk, all the stuff we technically haven’t seen for a while, and will never see again.

What’s you’re favorite Michael Jackson moment? Let us know in the comments.

Post from: This Music Sucks - Music Reviews and More Suckiness

Michael Jackson 1958 – 2009. RIP

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