After spending 4 weeks on hospital bed rest, at week 32 of my pregnancy, I was sent home - after the doctors were confident that I wouldn’t deliver within the next few weeks. One day later, while resting peacefully at home, I went into labor. A few short hours later, I gave birth to baby Ryan (photos here).

On Dec 20^th, at 7:07am, Ryan Ananda Sawatzky - weighing 4 lbs, 4 oz and measuring 18 inches long - popped out of me like a football, after 6 short hours of contractions, 22 minutes of pushing and about 12 pushes in total.

The whole thing happened so quickly, and relatively painlessly. I was focused on being relaxed, and put all my awareness on my breath. I remained calm through out, and while Jeremy shouted “Holy S*&#!” as Ryan came out, I remarked calmly, and with a monotone voice, “That was easy”; we captured it all on video.

You know when you see mothers give birth on TV, you always see the mother crying as she holds her baby for the first time. I wasn’t sure whether I would cry or not. I didn’t want to fall into the cliché, yet, I wasn’t sure if that was a pre-requisite for good mothers.

When they wrapped him up tightly like a burrito in a soft blanket and placed his little body into my arms, I looked down, and saw just his tiny round face exposed, already fast asleep.

I marveled at how complete he was, how serene he looked, how cute his cheeks were, and how much his button nose resembled my own. It was like looking at my own face. I started marveling at the miracle that my body could produce something so perfect and complete. Then I started laughing, and then without any conscious effort, I burst into tears.

Here’s a video of baby Ryan at one day old with his expressive little face
(more videos here):

Motherhood

Since baby Ryan was born two months earlier than his expected due date, he was taken to the NICU (Neonatal Intensive Care Unit) right after the delivery. Those four weeks of bed rest paid off, when we learned that Ryan didn’t need a respirator or any medication. He was just early, and needed to learn all the basic skills that full term babies have, such as maintaining his own temperature, breathing without holding his breath, and take all his feedings through the mouth without a feeding tube.

Napping time with mommy. Ryan, 11 days old.

He has since been moved out of NICU and into the hospital nursery, and recently graduated out of his incubator (used to maintain his body temperature) into a newborn crib - which looks like a clear plastic box.

We visit him everyday, and while Jeremy is at work, I spend 10 hours each day beside his little clear box. I get to change his poo-poo diapers, take his temperature, and hold his tiny body closely to mine - skin to skin.

In between feedings and diaper care, we take naps together, as I lay on a large recliner sofa, with his body morphed onto my chest. Sometimes, his little fingers will wrap tightly around my forefinger. Sometimes he will be holding his little toes. And sometimes, he will rest his fingers softly over his own cheeks.

I love his smell. I love his sweet little face. I love his tiny feet. I love his breathing sound. I love the softness of his skin. I love feeling the small bumps of his spine as I run my fingers gently along his delicate back.

This is the happiest I have ever been.

Looking into his expressive and innocent face, the enormity of how I feel surmounts anything I could ever fully express in words. Time stops, and I can feel my own heart gravitate towards his, as if he is an extension of me. For him, I would give up anything. For his life, I would give up my own. “Ah, is this what unconditional love feels like?“

I had not anticipated feeling this way. It is the most incredible feeling and I could not have prepared for it.

My friend Helaina summed it up perfectly, “There are no words to adequately describe a mothers [or fathers] love and no way to understand it until you experience it. It is simply a miracle“

Finally, I can begin to understand how my own mother feels towards me, and what it means to her when she says I love you. It is, no ordinary love, after all. I get it now - she loves me unconditionally.

Fatherhood

Seeing Jeremy become a father is one of the most precious and beautiful experiences I’ve ever witnessed.

Cuddling with daddy. Ryan, 5 days old.

I love watching his large body hovered over Ryan’s little box, as he meticulously changes his little diapers with utmost care. His big fingers gently maneuvering around tiny moving legs that try to get in the way. Sometimes, Ryan will pee as Jeremy is in the middle of changing his diaper, and daddy will patiently clean him off with a smile and some teasing words.

Some nights, when daddy can’t sleep, he will drive to the hospital at midnight, so he can get another chance to change his little diaper, to hold his little boy as he sleeps on daddy’s warm chest, and to wrap him up like a burrito before putting him back into his crib.

And during the first few days when I first started to express small amounts of milk. Daddy would excitedly drive to the hospital late at night, so his little boy could have more fresh milk to replace his formula.

Daddy loves his little boy. And that love too is unconditional.

Adjusting to Adulthood (Parenthood)

Ever since I moved out of my mother’s house, part of me has always felt that I was a little kid playing the role of an adult. And I think the day Jeremy and I both became adults was the day when Ryan was born.

We used to think that once we had children, our (social) life would be over; we wouldn’t be able to travel, or be able to sleep through a whole night, or simply pack up and move. But now that we have baby Ryan, our whole perspective has changed. The benefits of the parenting experience far out weigh the tradeoffs. There isn’t anything else we’d rather be doing.

We love the experience so much that we just want to make more babies. Our old dream of traveling to exotic destinations, has been - unexpectedly and willingly - replaced with the desire to get a house with a big yard where our children can run around with the puppies on a sunny day.

Light therapy to treat Jaundice. Ryan, 3 days old.

Aside from the parts we love, the need to breast-pump every 2 to 3 hours for 20 minutes was a new responsibility we did not anticipate. My day and night now revolves around pumping, and the washing of the pumping parts. Not only is it painful, it kind of takes over your life. As a result, I’m tired all the time, and have learned to sleep everywhere I go. Jeremy got a box of earplugs, so he could try to sleep throughout the night, despite the alarm going off every 3 hours.

I really don’t know how working mothers do it.

For the most part, if I’m not at the hospital holding Ryan, I’m either breast pumping, eating or sleeping. Everything else, including housework and ‘work’ has taken a back seat.

Adjusting to the new responsibilities has been challenging, but I’m learning - slowly - to inject breathing room into the equation as time passes. For the first time in six weeks, this past weekend, I changed out of pajama bottoms and went out for dinner (I wore black leggings, because other than my one pair of maternity jeans, it’s the only thing that fits.). Now my idea of leisure is a quick trip to Target [store] to shop for nursing bras, with Jeremy timing me, so I don’t miss a pump and end up hurting myself.

Parting Words

2009 has been a crazy eventful year for me, and hopefully, after Ryan comes home and I get better at balancing my time, I will get to write about what I’ve learned. Until then, I will be on semi “maternity leave” from Think Simple Now.

If you have sent me an email over the past few weeks and wondered where I am, I hope this post answers that question.

If you’re curious, photos of baby Ryan can be seen on facebook, future photos will also be posted there. Feel free to add me for photo updates. Videos can be seen on youtube.

Daily cuddles with mommy. Ryan, 13 days old.

Thank you for being a part of this journey with us. Thank you for your prayers and positive intentions. Thank you for those who sent us baby things - they will be put to good use. Thank you for your understanding and continuous support for this site - despite the lack of new posts - as I transition into a fulltime mommy.

* Got baby tips? We could use them. Share your thoughts with us in the comment section. See you there.

If you enjoyed the article, please join TSN on facebook (add Tina on facebook) or follow us on Twitter.

Other Articles You May Enjoy:

• The Ups and Downs of Life
• Embracing the Unexpected
• Feeling Lonely + Baby Updates
• Living Enlightenment – A Personal Report
• Yup, I Got Hitched!
• How to Find True Love

Photo by Vadim Pacev

By Tina Su

Two weeks ago, I wrote about optimism when things don’t go our way. Well, this week, I could have used some of that optimism. I think the honeymoon period of living in a hospital is over.

So, I’ve been at the hospital for a little over 3 weeks, on bed rest. It’s been two weeks since Jeremy returned to work, so I spend most days alone on my fancy multi-adjustable hospital bed, with 7 pillows, a laptop and the TV remote.

In the beginning, I thought I was at the Ritz hotel. Nurses remind me of when I should take my pills, I get to hear my baby’s heart beat twice a day, my contractions are being monitored regularly, there’s daily house-keeping and an array of food choices at the push of a button - just like room service, except, it’s free and no tipping.

Then, I found out a week ago that I had Gestational Diabetes (GD) - a common but temporary symptom for 16% of pregnant women during the third trimester (28 weeks until delivery). Which means I’m on food restrictions.

The nurse of the day happily walked in and handed me a new menu - it says “Diabetes Diet Menu“. Because I don’t eat meat or eggs, my choices became further limited.

I was frustrated. I felt sad.

On top of wanting to eat all the time, I was also getting lots of cravings for sweets. But gone are the days when I could gulp down a tub of ice cream. I checked, and chocolate cake is not on the diabetes menu. I now have to count my carbohydrate intake, and have my finger pricked two hours after every meal to monitor my blood sugar level.

Pre-GD, my breakfast added up to 110 grams of carbohydrate, which consisted of: oatmeal, two orders of fresh fruit, one slice of wheat toast, and a glass of steamed soy milk.

My new diet restriction allows me no more than 30 grams of carbohydrates. When I saw that the small bowl of oatmeal alone is 30 grams, I wanted to cry. I didn’t want to be hungry.

If you’ve never been pregnant or been around someone who was, the frequent hunger pangs feel as if you haven’t eaten for days. Usually, food at the hospital takes around 45 minutes between ordering and delivery. By the time the food shows up, I’m so hungry that it feels as if I could swallow the whole tray without chewing.

On top of being hungry all the time, I was also eating more. In Mexico, I was consuming more food than the 210 pound Jeremy, who watched in amazement and curiosity as my once 105 pound body (now 129 pounds at 31 weeks) took in more food than himself.

I know myself, and feeling hungry makes me cranky and unreasonably irritable. So now, my day revolves around carefully timing the ordering and consuming of my meals and mandatory in-between-meal snack.

I eat every two hours, and every meal-snack has to include a protein source. After the baby’s born, I don’t think I will be able to even look at Tofu or cottage cheese ever again.

Wednesday, December 9, 2009 at 7pm

After being curled up in a ball from contraction cramps, I was drifting in and out of sleep. Then I looked up at the clock, it said 7pm. I realized that my medicine (to stop contractions) was an hour late, so I called the nurse to remind her. I eventually got my dose of Nifedipine. This made me feel agitated. I felt the urge to blame the pain on her.

I felt really hungry and ordered dinner. Half an hour later, my food came - covered to keep warm.

Eager to eat, I adjusted my bed to a near sitting position - propped up by three pillows on my back - tucked a napkin under my chin, and was about to gorge myself. I uncovered the plates and saw that they had screwed my order up, again. But, I was so hungry that I started eating anyway.

As I was chewing my first bite, I felt sad, then thoughts of all the unfair things that happened this year came rushing at me all at once, I felt that everything was going wrong, I wanted to re-order the food, but I didn’t want to wait another 45 minutes. With my abdominals still hurting, I felt like a victim, and before I knew it, large tears started rolling down my cheeks. The tears quickly became sobs, and I couldn’t stop. It felt good to let it out.

But right then and there, sitting in front of a hospital tray, holding a fork and crying, I realized that I was lonely.

Continues …

Just then, Jeremy came in, did his usual joke behind the hospital curtains imitating a particular softly spoken nurse, and peaked his face out from behind the curtains. His beautifully happy face quickly changed to that of sadness when he saw me - hair in a messy bun, sitting there crying like a toddler, in front of a tray of food.

His eyes turned pink, he quickly moved the hospital table away from me, shifted me over on the hospital bed, climbed in and held me. I felt like a baby being calmed by her mother. At the touch of someone who loved me, I felt safe, I felt understood, and I calmed down.

Jeremy said, “This Friday, we’re still gonna have our [pre-bed rest] date night, I’ll get take out from our favorite Indian restaurant, I’ll take you on a wheel chair ride, and I’ll get you a flower from Trader Joes [grocery store], and you can hold the flower on your wheel chair ride.” I began to cry again, but this time, happy tears, tears from feeling an enormous wave of love for this man, and grateful for all that I have.

My OB doctor once said that being pregnant is like going through puberty again. The hormonal changes can make you emotional, and crying is common. So that’s what I used as an excuse.

A Loner’s View

In college, people used to call me a hermit, because I didn’t go to parties, or spent a lot of time chit chatting with people. I actually preferred being at the library focusing my energy on school and getting good grades.

As an adult, I focused on being efficient with my time, and enjoyed being on my own. I liked having a door in my office, and it was always closed. I wasn’t exactly a “team player”, but I played the part when I needed to be.

If you met me in person, you wouldn’t think I was an introvert. I can be very interactive and animated when I speak, and can carry on conversations without awkwardness. But if I could choose, I would prefer not to speak, period. If I had to categorize, I wouldn’t say I’m an introvert either. I just don’t like to mingle, it feels like a waste of time, and sometimes very artificial. I realized that most things people talk about in social settings aren’t very interesting or relative, and are really spoken to fill the awkward spaces that we associate with silence.

Before I landed in the hospital, I spent most of my days alone, without much interaction with people. I worked from home, I rarely talked on the phone, and I avoided face-to-face meetings - sometimes even with close friends.

Since I’m a natural loner, I didn’t think being at the hospital on my own would be a problem… until that day, sitting in front of a tray of food, holding a fork, crying my eyes out. For the first time, in a long time, I suddenly felt alone.

The feeling didn’t last very long, but enough to make me want to understand what was causing me to feel that way.

At the hospital, most things I did were done lying down. As such, regardless of what I’m doing, it makes me very sleepy; I haven’t read much, simply because that’s the fastest way to put myself to sleep. So, I’ve been napping a lot, and distracting my mind with playing minesweeper on the computer, and checking craig’s list for baby stuff.

The other day, while I was on my tenth consecutive game of minesweeper, I suddenly felt embarrassed. The thought of “What would people think of me, if they found out this is how I spent my time?” kept flashing in my mind.

Aside from the hospital routines of medication six times a day and being put on the baby monitor twice a day, my day pretty much consists of eating, planning the next meal - every two hours, playing minesweeper, napping, watching educational pregnancy videos, and periodically flipping on CNN to see if there are any more development on the white house party crashers, or the number of Tiger Woods mistresses.

I felt pathetic. I felt guilty for not getting any work done. I felt uncomfortably unproductive. I felt regret for not having better spent my time on something more meaningful.

The thing with our mind is that once we start on a self-defeating thought, a string of similar thoughts follows, until you - the master of your mind - consciously decide to snip it off.

In the end, I realized that just because I am alone, it does not mean that I needed to feel lonely. And the idea of loneliness was the cumulative result of what I was thinking, and how I perceived my surroundings.

It’s amazing what a simple shift in perspective can do.

What I Learned About Loneliness?

Photo by Anna Kieblesz

I believe that loneliness is like many other emotional experiences, it is a product of what we choose to focus on and how we craft our perspective based on our external circumstances.

Beyond the initial emotion that comes with a change - such as hurt, or sadness - I believe that any prolonged emotion that lingers on continuously after the event is something that we have unconsciously chosen, without realizing it.

Here’s what I’ve observed and learned:

1. Repeated Suggestion

Every few days, someone would come in and ask if I felt depressed, bored or lonely. I would then be passed a telephone hot-line number if I needed help, and web URLs to find pen-pals - so we could complain about our sad situations together - no thanks!

Even today, the doctor shouted, “Have a boring day!” as he left my room. I think he meant to say, “Have an uneventful and relaxing day without going into labor.” But none-the-less, the word boring, after repeated repetition, has been subtly ingrained in my head.

Apparently, many people on bed rest have a hard time. There’s even a support group at the hospital for pregnant women on bed rest, and someone will pop in my room to ask if I need to go.

I was feeling great during my first week, but after repeated suggestions by nurses, social workers and doctors, I started to subtly and unconsciousness question myself, “should I feel bored?“, “Am I lonely?” When I was feeling down, my brain took the opportunity to insert, “I’m lonely” into my focus, even though, that wasn’t the real cause.

2. Aloneness is Not Loneliness

Feeling lonely is a state of mind that is independent from whether or not we are actually physically alone. One could feel lonely even when surrounded by people.

Often, we think that by finding a romantic partner or having lots of friends, we will no longer feel alone. So, we go on this goose chase for relationships or friends, in the hopes of feeling complete.

Once we find love or friendship, we may feel great temporarily, but in time, we would discover that something is still missing. This is why people still fall into depression even though they are in loving relationships.

You see, the problem isn’t outside of us. It is within us. Only when we can feel whole and complete on our own, can we bring that into our relationships.

3. What We Focus On Expands

Just like repeated suggestions by other people, repeating the same phrases or types of thoughts to our selves can convince us that we are in fact having that experience.

If we repeatedly tell ourselves that “I’m lonely”, soon we’ll start looking for and collecting ‘evidence’ that we are lonely. The evidence becomes ‘proof’ that further reinforces our belief. Before we know it, we’ll be convinced that we are in fact lonely.

The same is true for any phrase we repeat, if you believe and continuously tell yourself that you’re the luckiest person alive, you’ll start looking for evidence of auspicious events that occur to you. It is for this reason that I cringe whenever I see TV commercials for depression medicine - they actually encourage people to go into depression.

4. Choices

Whenever I feel lonely, I know that there are people who I could talk to, or techniques to shift out of this state, but I refuse to turn to them. In that moment, I feel the pain, but I also allow it to linger on, by choice. I do this, to reinforce my victim mentality, and this gets me the attention that I feel I need. This whole mental process, of course, happens quickly and unconscious when we are not in present moment awareness.

Next time you are starting to feel lonely or depressed or sad, try your best to observe your thought process. You know you have choices to get out of this state, but because you want the pain to linger just a bit longer, you choose not to use these routes to get you out.

How to Snap Out of Loneliness?

The following are techniques that I’ve found helpful:

• Realize Your Power - In the moments of despair, recognize that that you have choices, and you hold the power to choose what you focus on. You can choose to focus on thoughts that bring you down, keeps you in a low mood, or you can choose to focus on away from self-destructive thoughts. Take responsibility for yourself.
• Find Help - Talk to someone even if you don’t feel like it. Be open and authentic with your feelings and thoughts. If you have the choice, find someone who’s a good listener. It really is helpful to let it out and verbalize your frustrations to another person.
• Change your Physical Position - When ever you’re having an emotional experience that isn’t pleasant, remember to quickly change your physical position. If you’re sitting down and slouching, jump up from your seat and do some stretching, then walk to the kitchen to get something to drink. When you feel the feelings of loneliness emerging, stop what you’re doing and shift into doing something else that puts you in a physically different position. For example, while on bed rest, I would get up and take a quick shower.
• Meaningful Activities - I’ve discovered that certain activities cause me to be less conscious, and more prune to low mood. For example, if I watch more than 1-2 hours of TV, my mind will start to wander into the zone of self-destruction more easily. As such, other activities that raises my consciousness, helps me not only get out of the low mood, but also, results in me feeling more peaceful, relaxed and fulfilled. Try doing something more meaningful, something that feeds your soul, instead of distracting your attention - Reading something inspirational, meditation, go to a yoga class, writing down your thoughts and what you’ve learned, or painting. These are just ideas, but anything creative or spiritually fulfilling will lift you out of the negative spiral you were in.
• Physical Touch - If you are in a relationship, ask your partner to touch you (not in a sexual way), and hold you. Gentle caressing on the hands, arms, back, and face can do wonders. Even if you’re not in a romantic partnership, you could ask a friend to touch the back of your hands, stroke your spine, and give you a big hug. Sometimes, it’s the physical connection we need.
• Deep Breathing - a relaxation technique I use is this simple breathing technique. Start putting your awareness on your breath, inhaling and exhaling as slowly as possible, while keeping your eyes closed. Do this 10-20 times. Then imagine that you are inhaling and exhaling, also through the tips of your fingers, toes, and from the top of your head. Do this for at least 20 times or more. This technique will not only relax you, but also, bring you to a higher state of awareness. When you are more aware of this moment, you can make more conscious decisions, and can more clearly rationalize the situation you were in.

Parting Words

Photo by Kevin Russ

Based on past articles, people may think that I’m an extreme optimist. While, I do tend to lean towards being optimistic, I am just like everyone else. I go through ups and downs, I have bad days, and sometimes react in ways that I am not proud of.

The point of this article is to let you know that you are not alone. Our stories may be different, but at the emotional core, we are very much alike, and that there is always hope for healing regardless of what we are going through.

Regardless of where you are in the world or what you are experiencing, always remember that you are being loved deeply, and that the universal dance is choreographed such that whatever is happening to you is the best thing for you, even if you don’t recognize it, yet.

Treat every moment as a gift, even the ones that make you cry. Because in those moments, life happens, and growth happens - which will lead you into becoming a stronger version of yourself.

Now, close your eyes, and tell yourself silently, “I am whole, I am complete. I am deeply loved.” And feel the wholeness from the core of who you are, and feel the love pouring out of your big soft heart. Life is beautiful, huh?

* What are your experiences with loneliness? Share your stories and thoughts with us in the comment section below. See you there!

Personal Update

Tina at 26 weeks, compared over 6 weeks. Photo by Jeremy Sawatzky

At 31 weeks and 3 days, Ryan is measured at 4.5 pounds, and 16 inches long. He’s a very active little boy who interacts with us with his movement, when he feels pressure on my belly.

Since two weeks ago, Ryan also frequently has the hiccups. I can feel it physically, as my belly vibrates rhythmically. And if he’s hooked on the baby monitor, you can hear the tiny sounds of hiccups intertwined with the racing sound of his heart beat. Poor little thing, it must be uncomfortable… but it’s so darned cute!

Whenever I shift my lying position from one side to another, he too would shift his position. Upon feeling the turning of a little body inside me, I would touch my belly, and feel an unexplainable sense of love for this tiny person I can’t wait to meet, and gratitude for the experience of carrying a human life.

In a few days, we will be at 32 weeks (Dec 18, 2009), and we are expecting to be discharged from the hospital. After spending almost a month here - while I loved the room service - I am really looking forward to going home, and spending Christmas with Jeremy and our puppies under one roof.

If you enjoyed the article, please join TSN on facebook (add Tina on facebook) or follow us on Twitter. And we’d love it if you can share this article on twitter, thumb it on StumbleUpon or bookmark it on del.icio.us. Thank you for your support. :)

Other Articles You May Enjoy:

• Embracing the Unexpected
• The Ups and Downs of Life
• How to End Suffering
• 6 Steps to Eliminate Limited Beliefs
• How to Get Over Breakups
• The Secret to Self Loving

By Tina Su

What do you do when things do not go your way? While being upset seems like the most natural reaction, sometimes, you just have to let it go, accept it for what it is, do the best you can and find the gift within.

A week ago today, Jeremy and I were traveling back from a trip to Mexico - a little tropical getaway as a couple before baby Ryan is born.

During the first flight back, I experienced sharp lower abdominal cramps. After 16 hours of traveling, 4 hours of bad sleep upon returning home, and stubbornly resisting Jeremy’s persistence to go to the hospital, that is exactly where I ended up.

Turns out, I had been in preterm labor for the past 17 hours. Being a first time mother, I didn’t know what a contraction actually felt like. What I thought was simply cramps from gas and baby movement turned out to be contractions.

When the doctor checked me at 5am that eventful Monday morning, I was dilated to 2cm, contracting every 4 minutes and my cervix had thinned to 50%. My body was getting ready to deliver a baby. At the time, I was 28 weeks pregnant.

Having only found out about my pregnancy 8 weeks earlier, the thought of possibly delivering a premature baby that day was surprising and terrifying. Thus began a frightful and confusing journey over the next 48 hours.

The following is a tale of what happened in my corner of the world during those few days, and what I’ve learned.

November 23, 2009 at 6am

Suddenly, I went from having a very uneventful pregnancy (not even morning sickness) to what they medically label a high risk pregnancy.

Immediately, I was brought into a birthing suite, hooked up to a catheter and - after 5 needle pokes by 3 nurses - hooked onto an IV with Magnesium Sulfate - a muscle relaxing drug that slows down contractions, but has very pronounced side-effects, including blurred and double vision, nausea, feeling very hot and thirsty, and a weakening of all muscles. So basically, I could only see with one eye, else I’d see two of everything, and I couldn’t walk or chew properly.

About a dozen different people came in-and-out of the room, introduced themselves and asked an array of similar questions. With a spinning headache, one eye open - barely able to focus on their faces - and sweating like a monkey, I did my best to remain polite and pretended the question was asked for the first time. It was all very confusing.

For the next 48 hours, Jeremy sat next to me and watched nervously as people came in and out of the room every 2 hours for various procedures. I experienced it all in blurry and drowsy discomfort.

The worst thing about the drug was being placed on a fluid restriction while feeling extra dehydrated and dry in the mouth. I was only allowed 40ml of water per hour - they did this to avoid the serious side of effect of fluid buildup in the lungs. I would keep my eyes on the clock, making sure I didn’t miss getting water refills from the nurse. I would take small sips of water when my mouth felt extra dry, salvage as much water as possible, and in the last few minutes of the hour gulp the remaining water like a dying man lost in the desert.

The other uncomfortable thing was the catheter - a device that drains urine directly from the bladder. My body felt like it always wanted to pee, except, I couldn’t. After being on the thing for a few hours, I would have killed for the sensation of peeing the natural way, and was envious of Jeremy whenever he went in the bathroom to do “number one”.

Near the end, they reduced my dose of magnesium and I was allowed slightly more liquid in the form of a red popsicle. Oh man, the popsicle felt like heaven on my dry tongue. I could have eaten a box of those.

After 48 hours of magnesium-induced confusion, 17 needle pokes, and seeing dozens of blurry new faces with one-eye closed, my contractions were reduced and Ryan had decided to stay inside his mommy.

And then the news came that I will need to be on bed rest for the remainder of my pregnancy. Everyday, I am allowed to get up to use the bathroom (thank god!), take a sitting shower, 30 minutes at a time max of sitting up to eat, and a 20 minute wheel chair ride for a breath of fresh air. The rest of the time, I needed to be lying down … flat on my side.

My thought process went something like this: Okay, I’m currently at 28 weeks, and our goal is to stay pregnant until full term, meaning 37 to 40 weeks. Dude, that’s like 10 weeks of lying flat! That’s a lot of lying down!

When the Unexpected Occurs

All in all, the biggest lesson I’ve learned is that you may think you know what the future will hold and you can plan down to the most minute detail, but really, when it comes down to it, nothing is for certain, and nothing is completely predictable. We, as humans like to think that we’re in control, but, we’re not. Sometimes, things just happen the way they happen, and there isn’t anything you can do to stop it. And if you resist it, that’s when pain and suffering is created.

After I sobered up from the magnesium, the first thought was “What did I do wrong?” and of course, my mind was exceptional at coming up with a list. Was I in the sun for too long? Did I not drink enough water? Was it the bath I took? Why didn’t I study the signs of preterm labor more carefully? Maybe we shouldn’t have gone to Mexico?

Ultrasound photo of Ryan at 24 weeks, 5 days.

I witnessed as little bubbles of guilt and regret started to form and rise out of my thoughts. Before they took hold of me, I saw a space between my thoughts, of choices. Yes, I had a choice! I could choose pain and guilt and regret, or I could choose to drop them and do what I can from this point forward.

Despite the strong pull towards choosing something that is painful, I gave the first choice a shove and decided to focus on what I can do from this point forward. After all, there isn’t anything we can do to change the past, to undo something, so why torture ourselves with thoughts of the unchangeable?

While lying down for 10 weeks straight isn’t what I had envisioned for the rest of my pregnancy, and being at the high risk of a premature baby isn’t the most ideal circumstance; I can only shrug, smile and say, “It is what it is.“

Realistically, and practically, I only had one choice - not only to accept, but to embrace the flow of life. Everything happens the way they happen, once and only once, and there isn’t anything anyone can do to change that. The only way we can adjust psychologically is to embrace the unexpected, and look for the good.

If you’re having a hard time embracing an unexpected or unpleasant event, try the simple exercise of writing down all the good, positive, favorable things from the circumstance. And of course, being aware of your thoughts and consciously choosing to direct the course of your thoughts towards “What can I do now?” If there isn’t anything you can do now, just sit back, relax, and allow what must happen to happen, naturally.

Here’s a list of good that came out from my own unexpected circumstance:

• Upgraded doctors - The hospital automatically switched my regular family OB doctor to a Perinatologist - a specialist for pregnancy complications. My new doctor delivers babies everyday, compared to my previous doctor who delivers 2-4 babies a month.
• A more relaxed pregnancy - When I was on my feet, I wasn’t doing my best to rest, I was running around for errands, doing housework, and being distracted by random things. Now, I have the opportunity to truly relax, slowdown, rest and do more of the things I wasn’t doing, which will actually be better for my pregnancy. I now only focus on rest, eating and relaxing (since I’m no longer mobile).
• I’m still pregnant - If Jeremy had not dragged me out of bed in the middle of the night to take me to the hospital that day, it would have been too late and I would have delivered a premature baby at 28 weeks. So, I’m thankful that Ryan is still camping out inside me.
• Outstanding hospital - turns out this hospital is the best place for pregnancy complications in the North-West region of the country, where women with special cases are sent from neighboring areas. And we just happen to live 8 blocks away from it.
• Outstanding care - I’m loving it here at the hospital. Not only are my baby and my contractions being monitored regularly, there’s always a nurse taking care of my needs, and food shows up at the push of a button. Not needing to cook, and having my dietary cravings and needs fulfilled has definitely been a pleasant perk.
• More chances to see Ryan - Because of the situation, we’re getting a lot more ultrasounds done for various checkups. For regular pregnancies, from this point, there would be no more ultrasounds done, and we get to have one done every week. This gives us more opportunities to see Ryan in action, and seeing him getting bigger and moving around is such a miraculous sight.

Other Lessons

I learned several unexpected lessons through this experience that somehow ties back to gratitude. They may seem trivial to some, but once we no longer have them, you start to realize how important they actually are. Here’s a list, in no particular order:

• Appreciate my Legs - When we were coming back from Mexico, the pain felt so severe that I wasn’t able to stand-up on my own, so Jeremy got a wheelchair at the airport layover, and also helped me when I needed to use the bathroom. I never actually realized or appreciated my freedom to move around without help until that day. We had to go an extra distance to find a working elevator to get on the terminal transport, and at some terminals, family-bathrooms didn’t exist, and we had to jump through extra loops to find one so I could pee. If you have freedom of mobility right now, take a moment to give gratitude to your legs, or tools for walking.
• Appreciate the Ability to Drink and the Availability of Clean Water - I know this may sound odd, but during those 48 hours of dying thirst and limited water intake, I learned to appreciate the simple but vital act of drinking a glass of water. Take a moment, get a cool glass of water, and drink it with all your attention and awareness. Feel the coolness of the water entering your tongue, rolling down your throat, and quenching your thirst. Appreciate it, appreciate that you have access to clean water, and are allowed to drink as much as you like.
• Appreciate the Ability to Urinate - I hope this doesn’t offend you, and I know it sounds funny, but it’s an important one. During the first 36 hours on Magnesium, I didn’t have the freedom to pee on my own. I was hooked up to a device that drained urine from my bladder, and the foreign device in my bladder was causing my body to feel as if I wanted to pee constantly, but couldn’t. All I wanted to do was to go to the bathroom and feel the sensation of being able to pee on my own. Next time you’re in the “loo“, fully enjoy it, and give a whisper of thanks that you have this ability, because not everyone in the world does.
• Appreciate the Ability to Chew - During the 48 hours, I didn’t realize my ability to chew properly would be inhibited until Jeremy put a slice of cucumber in my mouth. I bit down using the normal pressure that I’d used for a cucumber, and when I lifted my teeth expecting a bite, the thing remained solid. It made us laugh, but it was also a little sad that I couldn’t eat raw vegetables (including lettuce), or anything that isn’t very soft. Once the medication wore off, the first meal I had was so satisfying that I couldn’t stop thanking my mouth for its ability to chew.
• Appreciate my Mobility - I’m now in a position where I depend on other people, and cannot freely move around like before. It’s brought a whole new perspective to my life. If you have the freedom of mobility and function independently, take a moment to give thanks for your freedom. Give thanks that you can freely walk around outside right now.

The above are just five particular bodily functions that I experienced during this time, but aside from that, every part of our body plays such a vital role for our survival and comforts. And once they’re gone, that’s when we typically recognize them and appreciate them.

Take a moment before you go to bed tonight, close your eyes and take a few deep breathes, then go through every part of your body, starting from your toes and move up to the hair on your head, imagine each part and give thanks to it with a loving and friendly attitude. I bet you’ll not only sleep better, but your body will respond to your gratitude in miraculous ways.

Parting Words

Life is filled with the constant flow of ups and downs, and what separates you from the next person is your chosen response to the external. You can allow it to bother you and chisel away at your wellbeing, or you can accept the “bad”, look for the “good” and embrace it for what it is. After all, it has already happened, and no amount of self-torture will change the past.

The only true choice we have on our journey through life is to face what’s immediately in front of us, handle it to the best of our present abilities, and move on to our future from the anchoring point of “what can I do now?”

And if you do get frustrated with yourself for failing to do the above, remember that it’s o-kay, you’re only human after all. It’s never too late to redirect the sail of your focus, and start from whatever emotional state you’re in.

Things, circumstances, and people come and go, and the only thing that remains constant is YOU, witnessing it all from the present moment.

** What personal challenges are you faced with right now? What are some things that you’ve learned thus far through it? Share your thoughts and stories with us in the comment section, below.

Personal Update

Tina & Jeremy renewing wedding vows, Mexico, November, 2009. (Week 27)

I’m still having contractions, though they are in the safe range of 1-4 an hour. The doctors will keep me in the hospital on bed rest until 32 weeks, at which point I will likely be sent home to continue the bed rest.

We’re really thankful they are keeping me here longer. We feel that it’s the best place for bed rest patients, especially with all the extra help and monitoring equipment.

Our ultimate goal is to make it to full term. Our immediate goal is to get to 30 weeks (Friday Dec 4th), then week 32, then week 35, and finally past week 37.

If you can, we would really appreciate it if you can take a minute right now to send a positive intention for us, for Ryan to make it till full term. Thank you!!

According to the hospital tests, Ryan is healthy and happy baby. He is also very active, sometimes, I feel like he’s doing karate in my tummy. When you tap my belly lightly above the area of where he’s parked, he will tap back, and it’s visible. It’s really adorable.

So, the hospital will be our home for the next few weeks. Jeremy sleeps on a foldaway cot next to my fancy hospital-multi-adjustable-bed, where I spend my days tucked away between seven pillows. The room itself is large for hospital standards, with two comfy recliners, an attached bathroom, and a view of Elliott Bay and downtown Seattle. I’m a happy gal.

If you enjoyed the article, please join TSN on facebook (add Tina here) or follow us on Twitter. And we’d love it if you can share this article on twitter, thumb it on StumbleUpon or bookmark it on del.icio.us. Thank you for your support. :)

Other Articles You May Enjoy:

• The Ups and Downs of Life
• Yup, I Got Hitched!
• The Cry of My Soul
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By Scott Young

Want to read faster?

In this article, I’m going to share the lessons I learned that doubled my reading rate, allowed me to consume over 70 books in a year and made me a smarter reader. I’m also going to destroy some speed-reading myths, to show you it isn’t magic but a skill anyone can learn.

How I Started Speed Reading

My first introduction to the concept of speed reading was from a book, Breakthrough Rapid Reading. I’ve since moved away from a few of the concepts taught in the book, but the core ideas were transformative. In only a few weeks, my average reading speed went from roughly 450 words per minute, to over 900.

More than just words per minute, speed reading helped instill a new passion for reading. Because I gained more control over my reading abilities, my desire to read went up. That new motivation made me a voracious reader, in one two year period, I had read over 150 books.

Here are a few of the lessons I’ve learned from several years of speed reading:

1. Use a Pointer

Your eyes don’t actually stay fixed in one spot. They are frequently making brief twitches away from your center of focus to gather more information. These movements are called saccades and they represent the first tool novice readers can use to read faster.

Normally, when your eye twitches away, it must relocate in its previous position. Unfortunately, when you read, this position is constantly moving. Saccades (and just general distractions) cause you to slow down as you must search for your current reading position. The solution is to use a pointer.

The easiest pointer is just the tip of your finger. Simply place your index finger below a line of text and move it as you read. Initially, using a pointer will be slower than regular reading. But after you’re used to the motion, you can read more effectively.

Note for Advanced Speed-Readers: You can further increase your speed-reading rates by keeping your pointer 1-2cm away from the margins of the text. Your eye can catch the words in about a 1″ radius, so this can shave off a bit of reading time.

2. Speed Reading Is About Control, Not Speed

I dislike the way speed reading is often presented because it makes the skill seem to be only about increasing your top speed. As a result, many people are quick to judge that people can’t physically process more information or point out that comprehension goes down while speed reading.

To me, these arguments miss the point. Speed reading is about controlling your reading rate, not just going faster. If you’re in a racecar, top speed is important, but even more important is the driver’s skill at adjusting speeds to make careful turns. The ability to control your speed will make you a much more efficient reader than just blazing through text.

A pointer helps with control because instead of just using your eyes, you can physically move your hand to adjust your reading speed. If you move your hand faster, you will be forced to read faster. Also, if you slow your pointer down, your reading will slow. This kind of control allows you to carefully read confusing or important sections of text and go faster through obvious text or pieces of fluff.

For example, in a book I’m reading right now, the author frequently resorts to the same 3-4 paragraphs of description to explain a recurring idea. The paragraphs aren’t identical, but similar enough that I can use my pointer to skim through the content and still get the message.

3. Read Without Subvocalizing

When most people first learned to read, they spoke the words aloud. “Jill goes up the hill,” each word being pronounced earnestly by the young student. Eventually, you graduate from speaking aloud because it slows your reading speed. However, most people still vocalize the words inside their head, “Jill goes up the hill,” silently repeated in our minds.

Subvocalization isn’t always a bad thing. It helps us understand and follow a narrative. Just realize it isn’t strictly necessary for comprehension. Jsut as msot poelpe cna urndesnatd tihs secntene, most people don’t need to grasp every single word to get the meaning of a sentence.

Being able to read without subvocalizing is like adding an extra gear to your engine. It can open up the top speed of your reading rate, which is particularly useful for easy to understand or text with a lot of fluff. It isn’t the same as skimming, you’re still moving your pointer across every word. It’s a method speed readers can use that most normal readers don’t.

Practice moving your pointer faster than you can read words inside your head. This will break you of the habit of automatically subvocalizing.

4. Active Reading

Most people read passively, that is, reading a book hoping the information will strike them across the forehead and declare, “Learn Me!” This is a fine practice when you’re just reading for sheer entertainment, but what if your reading serves a specific purpose?

Speed reading requires active reading. That means, instead of just assuming the information will jump out at you, you become an inquisitive, seeking animal. Before you start reading, prime your mind by asking what you’re hoping to get out of your reading session. Even if you aren’t 100% sure of what you’ll learn, this priming exercise allows your brain to notice relevant details more quickly.

Active reading also means stopping to think about what your reading, as you read it. Stopping to think may not sound like much of a speed reading tactic. It’s not, but it is a smart-reading tactic that everyone should employ. If you find something interesting, pause either to reflect or even note the information in your book.

Would you rather read something today and forget it tomorrow, or read it deeply and make it a part of you?

5. Know When to Slow Down

As I mentioned in key #2, speed reading is about control, not just speed. Many people I’ve talked to after introducing them to speed reading brag about how quickly they dashed through a book. But, these same people later confess that they remember little about what they read.

Just as it is sometimes useful to speed up to move quickly through writing with a low information density, you often need to slow down to catch the important or confusing bits. Let’s view reading as if you are driving a car: If you’re on a straight, well-maintained divided highway, feel free to speed up. But if you’re doing hairpin turns on a dirt road in the mountains, slow down.

More than anything else, speed reading should give you an awareness of your speed. Most people read information with only 2 speeds: skimming and reading. Speed reading is about opening up all the intermediate layers. Now you should be able to skim, read without subvocalizing, read rapidly, read, read slowly and even crawl when faced with confusing or difficult ideas.

6. Make the Material More Interesting

I know, it sounds impossible. How can you possibly make statistics/accounting/Jane Eyre interesting?

But you can make material more interesting if you put some effort in before you pick up the book. No, you can’t make boring topics come alive as if they were the latest thriller fiction. But you can make them interesting enough that you can stay focused while reading.

I know it sounds like something out of a Tony Robbins‘ seminar, but attitude matters. When you’re approaching a book, imagine if you changed your perspective from, “Oh no, here’s some junk I have to read,” to “What could I gain from reading this, if I was really creative about it.” It’s not about confessing a secret love of accounting, it’s about keeping an open mind as to what accounting could teach you.

If you find the material more interesting, you’ll be able to read with complete focus. Complete focus can cut the amount of reading time in a third, without any loss in comprehension. That should be incentive enough to tweak your attitude.

7. Reading Rate Comes With Practice

Although less glamorous than subvocalization or pointer-enabled reading techniques, the best speed reading technique is this: read more to read faster. When you regularly read a book per week, your reading rate will improve.

First, if you aren’t reading in your first language, language proficiency will be your biggest obstacle to high reading rates. I’m an intermediate with French, and my French reading is a crawl compared to my English reading. That’s because every paragraph contains a new word or unfamiliar grammatical construction.

Once again, the way to overcome low proficiency is through practice. Even if you are reading in your first language, some authors will throw big words down you may not understand. My suggestion is that if you encounter such words frequently, look them up. I used Google’s define feature (example, “define simple“) religiously when reading through all of David Foster Wallace’s verbose tome, Infinite Jest.

Second, if you read more frequently, you get a better sense of what speed to go for the type of content and your purposes. NASCAR racers weren’t made that way. They became great at adjusting speeds through practice. Similarly, if you aren’t sure how fast to read a textbook or a novel, those intuitions can be strengthened with practice.

I also suggest for new speed readers to practice reading rather than just read. Practice reading involves taking a fresh book and using the techniques of a pointer and eliminating subvocalization to scroll faster than you can comprehend. This can help train your upper speed-limit reading speeds.

Try It Out!

Want to know your current reading speed? Pick up any book and do the following:

• Setup a timer for one minute
• Mark the line you started reading
• Start reading and stop when the minute is up
• Mark the line where you stopped
• Number of lines - Count the number of lines you’ve read
• Number of words per line - Take the second line and count the number of words in this line (including short words like I, and, etc)
• Number of lines X Number of words per line = WPM, your words per minute reading speed.

Try the above steps with your regular reading pace, and after practicing several tips from above, try the measuring steps again to see how much you’ve improved. Let us know how you did!

* Got speed reading tips of your own? How did you do after trying some of these tips? Share your thoughts with us in the comment section. See you there!

If you enjoyed the article, please join TSN on facebook (add Tina here) or follow us on Twitter. And we’d love it if you can share this article on twitter, thumb it on StumbleUpon or bookmark it on del.icio.us. Thank you for your support. :)

Other Articles You May Enjoy:

• 7 Hacks to Remember Any Name
• The 4 Hour Workday
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• How to Organize Mental Clutter
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External Resources:

• Book: Breakthrough Rapid Reading
• Video: Memory (Swamiji’s Discourse)
• Book: Your Memory : How It Works and How to Improve It

By Tina Su

Coming back from India, I was floating on a cloud of utter joy, blissfully unaware of the personal challenges and surprises that were about to hit me in the coming month.

While I had fantasized over the telling of what has happened over the past month, it quickly became obvious that the toughest part of my job is the potential of disclosing too much about my personal life, thus invading the privacy of those closes to me. Despite the juiciness of the story, I’ve decided to leave most of the details private.

I contemplated on why I wanted to write about it, and it became clear to me that the essence of the story is that we are forever riding the ups and downs of life, and that sometimes when the downs get really down, we lose touch with reality. In those moments, all we need is hope and a gentle nudge to remind us that it is only temporary, and that the highs are not far away.

My Personal Low

For the first few weeks after coming home from India, Jeremy and I were having some relationship problems caused by miscommunication and misunderstanding, amplified by the length of time that I was away.

Suddenly, my future became uncertain, and everything I had conjured up in my head of rainbows and sunshine had come crashing down. I felt like I was falling into a hole of darkness that I couldn’t crawl out of. I was confronted with loneliness, resentment and my own victim identity. It was a painful period for both of us.

We separated for two weeks and the uncertainty was killing me. I was bouncing up and down emotionally between feeling unconditional love, and seeing the dangerous shadows of depression peeking out from around the corner.

During this time, I observed as my mind wandered: images of self-pity, focusing on past negative events, clinging on to fantasies of an unhappy future, and seeking out more pain. It was cycle of self-destruction, unless I consciously intercepted it with the light of awareness. It was both disturbing and fascinating to witness.

Bringing In the Light

“…With forgiveness, your victim identity dissolves,
and your true power emerges - the power of presence.
Instead of blaming the darkness you bring in the light.“
~ Ekhart Tolle, from A New Earth

In guiding me with a torch of bright shining light, my parents spent hours on the phone with me. One thing that made a lasting impression on me was what my dad kept repeating, “Ta-tha-ta” - something Buddha used to say, meaning “It is what it is.”, “If it isn’t this, it’ll be something else.”

He was right. I was reminded of the drama I went through a year ago, and it was clear that if not this problem, then there would have been some other problem in its place.

That’s what part of living is about - we are forever and consistently being presented with situations that challenge us, make us grow, teach us divine lessons about life, and make us into more conscious beings. Without challenges, life would be pretty dull, and we would never grow to become better people.

I was also reminded that there isn’t a challenge that we cannot surmount; otherwise it would not have presented itself to us. Even though challenges may appear impossible to conquer at times, trust that it is possible and that it wouldn’t be called a challenge if wasn’t challenging to us.

My friend Elizabeth Carman reminded me in an email that “everything is auspicious”, and indeed, it’s hard to realize this when we are going through the ups and downs, but after some time, in retrospect, “we can see how even the downs were times of positivity and spiritual transformation.”

And so, everyday, whenever I found my mind wondering, I would remind myself of two phrases, “Ta-tha-ta, it is what it is.”, and “Everything is auspicious. This too is auspicious, because it happened.”

Everyday, I focused on the good, I wrote in my journal often of what I learned, I focused on the blessings, I focused on the heart space of unconditional love, I focused on the now instead of an unknown future or past memories that no longer exist. I focused on forgiveness, understanding and healing. Eventually, I surrendered to that which I cannot control.

Here’s a blurb from my journal:

“… As for the future, I surrender to the higher intelligence of Life and trust with absolute clarity that only the best things are provided for me, that I am always cared for regardless of how things may appear now. I accept the now, by accepting the outer world for what it is, and taking responsibilities of my inner world.” (September 12, 2009)

When I finally surrendered, I stopped torturing myself.

A few days later, we peacefully got back together, and focused on nurturing the love and connection we had. It was beautiful.

My Personal High

As if reconnecting with the mate-to-my-soul wasn’t auspicious enough, shortly after we got back together as a closer union, we got the news that I was pregnant, very pregnant, specifically 5 months pregnant with a baby boy!

Within a span of 12 hours, we went from a space void of any thoughts of babies, to finding out that I was 5 months pregnant, to hearing his little heart beat in the morning, to seeing his heart beating in the afternoon at the ultrasound.

At the ultrasound, we witnessed with great amazement the miracle of another life blissfully resting inside me, quietly reminding us that life is beautiful, and while the down times may be inevitable, the ups are just around the corner.

The ultrasound technician patiently explained each body part to us as she gently maneuvered down the baby’s tiny body. I watched the monitor with mouth open, and eyes sparkling at the sight of any movement. Like seeing his complete set of fingers and toes, or seeing the little oval space that is his stomach. Jeremy held my left hand tightly and couldn’t stop shaking, I looked over at him, and his face was covered in tears.

How in the world did we not know for so long is still the subject of jokes to close friends. Turns out, I was pregnant prior to India, and there was a baby growing in me through out my 3-months of spiritual transformation at the ashram. I did not have any pregnancy sickness, and even had what I thought was a menstrual period while in India (I later learned that this happens to 22% of pregnant women - called spotting).

September 23, 2009 - Week 20 ultrasound

I thought I had put on a little weight because the food at the ashram was so good. While everyone else lost weight, I had gained a few pounds… ah! It all makes sense now! It wasn’t until after I’ve returned to my pre-India diet for a few weeks, that we noticed that only my stomach and boobs had gotten larger while the rest of me remained the same size. That was when we started suspecting.

On the bright side of things, at least we bypassed 5 months of pregnancy-related stress, and only have 4 months to go. We’re so under prepared that we don’t have time to stress, it’s just excitement and doing the necessary to best prepare. We’ve gotten over the initial shock of it all, Jeremy is no longer adamant about getting a large SUV to keep us safe, and after two weeks of reckless house shopping we decided to put house buying on hold until after the baby is born.

Ryan Ananda Sawatzky is expected to be born Feb 12, 2010; exactly one year to the date of our wedding in Kauai. Ananda means blissful in Sanskrit, and that describes him perfectly - a blissful baby.

(Side note: If you have any baby stuff that your child has outgrown, we’d love it if you would send it our way. Any used baby clothing, equipment or other necessities will be much appreciated by Ryan, Jeremy and I.)

What Did I Learn?

Photo by Edwin Stemp

An article isn’t complete without the lessons learned. The following is a selected set of lessons I’ve learned through my experience in the past six weeks:

• Fluidity of Life - Life is always fluid. The unexpected and even unimaginable can and does happen at anytime. And all things, scenarios, events can shift their course at any time: from bad to good, from good to bad. There is no good or bad, there just is. Surrendering to whatever that happens, without placing unnecessary importance or investing excessive emotions holds the key to lasting happiness. At any moment, we have the choice to choose bliss, to see the light. Surrender to rigid thinking and choose to live a conflict free life.
• Our Need to Blame - Blaming leads to nowhere, except temporary fulfillment for the ego. Yet, the ego does not stay fulfilled and will seek out more and more pain. Any kind of blaming thoughts, words, or accusations are ego-filling, unproductive and lead to our own suffering, even if they are “reasonably” justified.
• Unconscious Actions - When we are in an unconscious state of mind (high TPS - thoughts per second), the survival instinct in our brain tells us to take unconscious actions with great urgency and conviction. These actions when taken, always lead to more unconsciousness and are rarely helpful.
• The Mind’s Reality - Our mind always makes unknown situations worse than they actually are. Its goal is to dwell on pain and problems. Often when we find out the truth, we feel instantly relieved that the “reality” of events wasn’t as bad as what we had imagined.
• Building Intensity - All my frustration and inner suffering really has a purpose and benefit: they build the intensity in me that further encourages me to break free from the inner conflicts, and to rise out a more conscious being established in Joy.
• The Pain Body - When a person is established and reacts out of their pain body, they are no longer themselves, and we should not measure or judge their character based on when they are in this state. Recognize when they are in their pain body and detach from any painful feelings it may trigger in you. The pain body feeds on pain - its own pain and on other people’s pain. Whenever hurtful words are uttered and actions are taken, identify where they are coming from; likely, they will be coming from the pain body.
• Seek to Understand, Drop Self Pity - When others behave in ways that you are not happy with, drop the self-pity story, bring in compassion, and try to understand why they are behaving in certain ways toward you. There is always a reason. Often times, we’re so wrapped up in defending ourselves and making our own side be understood that we fail to truly see things from other people’s perspective, and we miss the chance to heal others and ourselves.
• Everything is Auspicious - No matter how bad things seem there is always a reason that contributes positively towards us. There always exists an incredible gift in any “bad” situation, trust that you are always being taken care of by the protective arms of Existence.

Parting Words

When things get low, do all that you can to come back to your center, and remember that you are a luminous and empowered being. You have the power and choice to bring the light into any situation that may appear dark.

No matter how unfair a situation may present itself, remaining in self-pity, blame and resentment will only hurt ourselves, and draws us deeper into that darkness. In fact, we only have two choices - to remain in darkness or to bring in the light. You have the choice to prolong the suffering, or to end it and move on.

Regardless of what is happening, the ups and downs of life will continue to prevail. And resisting to the down times will only delay the coming of the up times. Next time you hit a down time, remember that it is only temporary, focus on what can be learned, trust that it is the best thing that could happen to you right now, and know with certainty that the up time is just around the corner.

* Share your thoughts with us in the comment section below. See you there!

Editor’s Note: For those curious, the following is what I look like now (Jeremy’s been diligently documenting my weekly progress every sunday). Future progress photos will likely be posted on Simply Tina - Subscribe here for updates. Again, if you have any used baby things you no longer need, it’ll help us if you can donate, sell or lend to us. Mailing address is: Attn: Sawatzky, 2646 Rainier Ave. South, Seattle, WA 98144.

Photo by Jeremy Sawatzky

If you enjoyed the article, please join TSN on facebook (add Tina here) or follow us on Twitter. And we’d love it if you can share this article on twitter, thumb it on StumbleUpon or bookmark it on del.icio.us. Thank you for your support. :)

Other Articles You May Like:

• How to End Suffering
• 6 Steps to Eliminate Limited Beliefs
• Train Your Eyes to See Color, Again
• A Guide to Happiness via Self Forgiveness
• How to Free Yourself from Guilt

External Resources:

• Video: What I watch when I am down
• Book: Living Enlightenment (Condensed version here)
• Book: The Power of Now

By Scott Young

Rote memorization is an inefficient way to learn. Just retaining a single formula can mean pounding the same information into your skull dozens of times. If your computer hard drive had this accuracy, you’d probably throw it out.

Unfortunately, you’re stuck with your brain. The good news is that you don’t need to learn by memorization. The vast majority of information is better stored in your head using a completely different system - learning through connecting ideas together.

A few years ago, I noticed that smart people seemed to learn differently than most other people. While most people would review the same information dozens of times, smart people only needed to review once or twice. While most people would apply ideas to problems in the ways that they had been taught, smart people used the ideas in many different contexts.

While there are undoubtedly some genetic advantages that allow some people to learn effortlessly, I think part of this difference in success comes down to strategy. While most people were trying to memorize, smart people were coming up with creative connections between ideas. These connections made the ideas easier to remember, so less memorizing was required. Additionally, the new connections made the ideas easier to understand, so learning itself was faster.

Is Your Brain a File Drawer or a Web of Ideas?

A computer stores information as thousands of electrical 1s and 0s in a linear fashion. Your brain doesn’t. Your brain is made up of billions of neurons connected together. Many people try to learn as if there brain were a computer: by memorizing the information in a sequence.

However, your brain isn’t a sequence of bits and bytes, so this approach doesn’t make sense. It makes more sense to learn the same way your brain is designed, by connecting ideas together into a web, rather than trying to store them with rote memorization.

Creative Learning

What I’d like to advocate in this article is a more creative, spontaneous form of learning than the style you were probably coached for in school. Instead of repeatedly scanning the same information for minimal benefit, invest your time learning in creating connections with the information you are learning. Not only is it a more natural way to learn, it isn’t painfully boring like most memorization tasks are.

There are lots of ways you can learn creatively:

1. Through Metaphor

Connect ideas together by relating them to something you already understand. Relate complex physical equations to their real life counterparts. Imagine a derivative as the speedometer on a car. See a binomial equation as a game of Plink-O.

You can do the same thing with less technical subjects. When I read the book The Prince, I related Niccolo Machiavelli’s thoughts on politics to my own social life. If you relate an abstract example to something more commonplace it is easier to understand. You are effectively creating a bridge between what you understand intuitively and the things you struggle with.

2. Through Diagram

Create diagrams showing the relationships between ideas. This is a manual way you can create connections. The importance is that you explore as many different ways to connect ideas as possible, not just repeating the same diagrams. If you have varied connections, then if you happen to forget one, you’ll remember the ideas through another.

Diagram ideas based on time and place, author or other similarities they have. If you’re learning a comprehensive subject, like chemistry or physics, why not diagram out how all the ideas relate. Many equations are counterparts or derivations of each other, so you can learn complicated formulas more easily by connecting them to simpler forms.

3. Through “Like, But…”

Another way to link ideas is to relate one piece of information to another, noting their difference. “It’s like this, but it has that instead.” Using this method of understanding can link ideas together, even if you don’t have a perfect metaphor or relationship to diagram.

Examples:

• Confucius was born around the same time as Socrates, but lived in ancient China.
• Amortization is like an asset version of a loan payment, except there’s no interest.
• Acceleration is like gravity, but in any direction.

The relationships don’t need to be perfect. You aren’t trying to build a perfectly accurate map of the surrounding, just a sketch. Creative connections, even if they are only 80-90% accurate are more memorable than dry connections that have 100% accuracy. If you understood the subject when you were learning it, then the specific accuracy of a metaphor won’t be as important as the connection itself.

4. Through Visualization

Another way to make ideas more concrete is simply to imagine them in a visual format. When I was learning computer programming, I often tried to connect the abstract concepts of variables, functions or polymorphism into more vivid, visual descriptions. If a variable becomes a jar or a function becomes a crazy pencil sharpener, you’re more likely to remember the relationship later.

If you are a non-visual learner, you can apply the same strategy to your other senses. It may be more meaningful for you if you mentally attach sounds or sensations to the ideas you’re trying to store.

5. Can You Explain it To a Five-Year Old?

Another trick to connect ideas together is to connect a very difficult idea, to something you understand easily. If you had to teach whatever subject you’re learning right now to a five-year old, what would you do?

This exercise forces you to simplify. Instead of dealing in abstracts you now have to deal in concretes. I’m not suggesting you can teach senior level chemistry courses to a first-grader. However, if you get in the habit of simplifying things for yourself, it will be easier for you to understand it yourself. Teaching something is often the best way to learn it.

I once heard a story about a prominent university professor who was writing a paper in his field. Instead of using the normal academic speak, he decided to simplify the findings and terms of the article as much as possible. His goal was that, by doing this, the article might be accessible to journalists who don’t have academic training.

To his surprise, however, his article became one of the most cited works within his field, from other academics. It appears that the extra simplification of concepts was helpful not only to journalists, but other researchers with doctorates in his field. The lesson: we often underestimate the simplification required.

When you juggle ideas only at an abstract level, you make fewer connections. It’s like trying to weave a basket using two ten-foot pole rods, while the basket is suspended off your roof. Make connections and bring the basket down to earth so you can grab it with your hands and make more tangible connections.

6. Childhood Creativity Meets University Courses

I’m suggesting you bring back the same crayon-box imagination you had when you were five. Back then, nobody told you it was incorrect to link weird and bizarre combinations of ideas together, you did in naturally. However, at some point the system encouraged you to conform, so you started asking what the correct answer was, rather than the most interesting answer.

Don’t give up your critical thinking, just enhance it by allowing yourself to explore ideas more thoroughly before you decide what they look like. What would happen if you inserted a minus sign in the middle of your physics equation? If you had to explain the formula in terms of real world objects, how would you do it?

These aren’t time-wasting exercises, they are keys to better understanding. The smartest people I’ve encountered are often the people with the easiest time generating creative descriptions of whatever they need to learn. If you didn’t have to review every idea 5-10 times before learning it, then a creative approach would probably save you time, rather than waste it.

7. With a Group

Most memorization is a solo pursuit. But connecting ideas doesn’t have to be. If you get several people together and work to try to explain a subject to each other, you get the benefit of several brains forming connections to the same topic. This is applying the wisdom of brainstorming to help you learn faster.

As with brainstorming, accuracy isn’t as important as volume. You aren’t trying to remember every specific connection you make, so it doesn’t matter if they aren’t perfect. You are, however, trying to better understand and remember the subject itself, so group exercises where you share ideas are great for this purpose.

The 70% Rule for Self-Education

Whenever I try to learn anything on my own, I strive to maintain a 70% rule. This means I try to achieve 70% understanding and memory of a set of ideas before moving forward. Even though I’m missing 30% of the information, I can cover ground more quickly. Besides, I can always come back to reacquaint myself with something that was missed in the first pass.

The reason this approach works is that it takes as much effort to learn the last 20% of information as it does to learn the first 80%. By moving forward, you can ensure you’re focusing your learning efforts on what really matters, and not the minute details of a subject.

This approach isn’t practiced in school because, for most purposes 70% is a C+ or a B. In some programs, 70% memory could qualify as an F. So following this rule to the letter probably wouldn’t result in an exceptional GPA.

However, you can modify this rule when creating connections between ideas. Understand something to 70% proficiency, then dive deeper and understand the ideas around it. Here are some examples:

• Understand a formula 70%, and then dive into its proof.
• Learn a philosophical argument to 70%, and then examine the counterarguments.
• Read to understand a management theory 70%, then view it’s applications.
• Remember 70% of the words of a new language, then practice using them in dialog.

If you use this approach to study, you can start building those connections earlier. Instead of waiting until you have something memorized before you start connecting ideas, you start exploring immediately. This reduces the burden of memorization and helps you learn faster.

When is Memorization Necessary?

Like all rules, the practice of connecting ideas has places where it doesn’t work terribly well in. When you need to remember bulk information, with no particular meaning, sometimes rote memorization is the best way to go. Human brains are meaning-makers, and learning through connections is an approach built off that function. So when you have to understand copious amounts of information that have no logical relationship, you may struggle to form connections.

I hesitate to say this, however, because 95% of information isn’t meaningless, otherwise you wouldn’t bother learning it. There is a pattern, and if you invest some time in finding it, you greatly increase the chances it will stick to the inside of your skull.

* Got any tips for retaining information that’s worked well for you? Share your thoughts and ideas in the comment section below. See you there!

Editor’s Note: Speaking of slipping the rules, while Jeremy was editing this article, he stopped at one point, to colorfully curse out the upstairs neighbor for making loud bizarre noises. Then we both looked at each other and laughed at the irony. Another lesson learned.

If you enjoyed the article, please join TSN on facebook (add Tina here) or follow us on Twitter. And we’d love it if you can share this article on twitter, thumb it on StumbleUpon or bookmark it on del.icio.us. Thank you for your support. :)

Other Articles You May Like:

• The 4 Hour Workday
• 7 Hacks to Remember Any Name
• How to Organize Mental Clutter
• How to Find Passion in Your Job
• Dream to Reality: How I Quit My Day Job

External Resources:

• Video: Memory
• Video: Memory - Part 2

By: Tina Su

After 76 days of living in an ashram in a tiny village town East of Bangalore in India, I am home at last.

I still have not found a proper one-liner that concisely answers the common question, “How was it?” A cliché “Good!” seemed appropriate to satisfy the questioner, but it is not the right answer. I’ve tried several answers and nothing seems to accurately conjure what I experienced. “I’ll write about it soon” quickly became my reply… and soon, I started to avoid people all together.

In this article - which is a personal update for those interested - I will attempt to share some slices of experience from my spiritual journey for the past 3 months.

There is so much I want to say, yet there is nothing I feel like saying. I wish to convey my feelings without words, but that isn’t possible over the Internet, so I will do my best with words.

Whenever reminded of my experience, my first instinctual response is to feel an utter space of peace, and sometimes, I feel like crying, tears of Joy and pain which I experienced and overcome, tears of gratitude … grateful for my transformation, grateful for the space of unattached clarity and undisturbed bliss. During this time, I had witnessed many miracles, which are truly beyond words and logic.

Inner Awakening

Roughly 3 months ago today, I left for a 21-day spiritual retreat program called Inner Awakening. The program can be more accurately described as an intense process of inner journey for self-discovery and lasting inner transformation under the guidance of a living enlightened guru.

The program attracted seekers from around the world, from countries like Brazil, France, Italy, Germany, Holland, China, Korea, Mexico, New Zealand, UK, Singapore, Malaysia, USA, Canada and (of course) India. One guy came from a small African country, he didn’t speak a word of English, but always wore a big smile.

A total of 300 people attended, with the youngest being 9 years old, and oldest participant being 71. People came from all walks of life, of various religious and social backgrounds. All sessions were conducted in English, with translations available in French and several Indian dialects.

The 21 days were tightly packed with 6 back-to-back meditation programs that explore various dimensions of truth, and gives us practical life solutions to transform specific areas of our life. Each program was designed to logically build on the foundation of the previous program and contributes towards the following program, leading towards the goal of the 21-day retreat: to quiet the inner chatter in our minds by over 50%, permanently.

Here’s one video clip on “Fulfillment” from day 2. Here’s is a list of clips from the entire 21-day program (I also recommend the video on “Memory“).

For those curious, the 6 back-to-back programs are described below according to my own interpretation:

• ASP (2 days) - Understanding and overcoming emotions that lead to some form of suffering: fear, worry, jealousy, discontentment, depression, greed.
• NSP (4 days) - In depth focus on the topic of fear and the subject of death. Because all fears are rooted in our fear of death, if we can face our own death consciously, and understand its various components, then fear of it naturally goes away, and thus disolves the fear of everything else. This program clears pain, guilt, and all forms of fear which we experience. This program was one of the most profound and liberating things I’ve ever done.
• ATSP (2 days) - I don’t remember the details of these 2 days, but I remember being lost in joy and silence.
• BSP (3 days) - Awakens the divine qualities of love, surrender to Existence, compassion and devotion. A beautiful flowering of the self happened during this program.
• Healer’s Initiation (2 days) - meditation to heal the mind and body of physical illnesses.
• Nithyanandam (4-5 days) - An intensive and blissful multi-days process focused on overcoming the noise created by our mind. This program was challenging at first, but soon became my favorite program and I longed for more days.

My Inner Awakening Experience

I felt as though I was transported to another space and time, lost in a sea of utter happiness and seeing the world with such intense and undisturbed clarity. Never in my life, through all the different personal and spiritual growth programs I have participated in, have I witnessed and remained in such a space of mental silence and bliss.

On most days, the feelings were so expansive and profound that I felt as if I had just won the lottery, again and again and again. Imagine winning the 10 million dollar lottery everyday, consecutively for 21 days. Imagine the sheer excitement and surprise you will feel. That’s the best way I could convey what I’ve experienced during Inner Awakening.

The experiences were so profound in its truthful origin that I wanted to stay beyond the 21-day program. Seriously, if you just won the lottery for 21 days straight, wouldn’t you want to stay a little bit longer?

Simultaneously, the ashram was hosting a 3 months program called Life Bliss Engineering (LBE), which takes the essence from Inner Awakening teachings to another level. Knowing the growth speed of the number of participants in these programs, and seeing this as a rare opportunity, I wanted to stay… I didn’t want to wait.

After talking it over with my husband Jeremy and getting his hesitant blessings, we extended my trip, paid the tuition, and booked a new flight home for September. Thus starting my journey and the many inner struggles of in-depth transformation that happened in the following two months.

Life Bliss Engineering

Thirty four other people like myself stayed for the remaining of the 90-day LBE program after attending Inner Awakening. There were roughly 160 participants in the LBE program.

Many people had stories of personal sacrifice in order to attend the program: some had left their jobs, some had no homes to return to, some had relationship jeopardizes, and many had to put their family life on hold to be there.

Each time I was reminded of what some participants had to put everything on the line to be here, I would whisper a prayer of gratitude for the warm support and freedom I was fortunate to have.

The 90-day program took us deeper into the practical understandings of the original lineage of Yoga from Patanjali - the father of Yoga. To integrate what we learned in Inner Awakening into our being through many, many opportunities of personal and emotional challenges. The purpose of this 90-day process is to develop a yogic body and a strong Vedic mind - a mind free of conflicts and inner chatter. To top it off, we also did several travel study programs to important spiritual sites within South India.

The Remaining 2 Months - My LBE Experience

Photo by Katsuaki Shoda

I would love to say that LBE was fantastic… and it was. But it wasn’t what people expected. The obvious experience people expect is bliss, like you are floating in bliss for 90 days and then you leave. This was not actually the case.

In reality, it was a serious, intense and extremely challenging period in my life. In addition to learning many new intellectual knowledge about spirituality, my emotional and mental limits were tested, stretched and I got to practice many of the techniques I learned in Inner Awakening.

I have never experienced so many conflicts in such a short period of time. The 2.5 months felt as if I had live 3-5 years in the outside world. Miraculously, everyday, I would be faced with several new or reoccurring conflicts. The reoccurring conflict only subsides, once I am able to handle it with peace and ease.

On many mornings, I would want to leave, the pain I was working on seemed unbearable, but typically by the afternoon, I would sit under the 600-year old Banyon tree (which is the size of a city block) and wished that I could stay there holding it forever. The ups and downs I experienced were a typical story with every participant, and despite the painful moments of us facing our own issues, we would all agree that it was worth it in the end.

Sometimes, I would get so frustrated with myself that I would cry, but always, I could feel that there is a compassionate energy within the core of my soul that provided me with the cushion of safety, hope, inspiration and encouragement to keep trying. And one by one, challenge after challenge, I would cross it, and a space of silence, of possibilities, of life would gradually replace these various experiences of pain.

During this time, I witnessed many miracles, “unusual” things, most of which are too personal or mystical to share publicly. For one, why there isn’t a single drop of bird or animal poop under or on the Banyon tree, despite many birds and animals (like that family of monkeys) living on the tree.

Other Highlights

With the quieting of my mind, the first noticeable change was my sleep naturally and gradually reducing to a quick 4 hours a night. I wake up feeling more refreshed than ever, ready for our 2 hours of daily morning yoga, before a ridiculously delicious breakfast with an unfathomable selection of food choices.

Speaking of food, the ashram and its working volunteers really went out of their ways to accommodate for our “Western” needs. They actually hired a chief from a 5-star hotel, and in addition to the vast array of Indian foods, we were provided with continental options like salads, pastas and plenty of tropical fruits.

At one point they even brought in an authentic Italian cappuccino machine for us. Here we were - in the middle of nowhere - surrounded by farms and tiny traditional villages, hours away from anything modern or noisy, and we had our choices of cappuccino, latte or mocha. It was a weird sight and overtly exciting at the same time. It’s too bad the life of this poor little machine didn’t last very long, after overworking continuously for the 150 coffee craving westerners who came back for seconds and thirds.

In other notes, I was informed on the last day that I am now a certified Nithya Yoga teacher, so that’s new. I’m not sure what I will do with it yet, but should I decide to teach, I will be giving intro Nithya Yoga classes in the Seattle area, drop me an email (classes@thinksimplenow.com with subject yoga) to be notified of such events when they happen.

“What Did I learn?”

I’ve learned many life lessons and truths through personal experience during this time, here are a few of the ones on the tip of my tongue in this moment. Though many of the lessons below are seemingly obvious and are ones we may already know, they remain the kinds of things to be truly learned, and integrated into daily practice only through experience.

• Attracting Miracles - Gifts are constantly showered upon us, everyday, but we choose not to see them. All we have to do is walk outside, and we will find someone less fortunate than us. Everything that happened to us on our path to this moment was a blessing, truly. Count those blessings, everyday, be grateful for all that we have… from the sunlight, to our food, for our shelter, to our relationships, to our body. As we do so, we will witness more gifts and miracles occurring in our life, moment to moment, every moment.
• Overcoming Suffering - Suffering is a choice, even though during moments of intense suffering and emotional pain, the suffering seems unavoidable and that we are choice-less and hopeless. During moments of suffering, bring intense awareness into it, and tell it, repeatedly, “I will not mother these thoughts anymore! I will not create unnecessary suffering on myself! I will overcome this.”
• “The Running Mind” - On any given day, there is always something that presents itself as a problem that will bother us. When thinking about it, it seems like the most urgent and important thing, and indeed, it boggles our mind throughout the day. But the moment we replace that thought with another, the problem no longer seems so real. And when you overcome it, or stop seeing it as a problem, another problem will sure surface. That is the workings of our mind. It’s not real. Be aware of it.
• “It’s Okay to be Flawed” - It’s easy to judge people and point out their flaws. But when we judge, that quality which we are judging is a reflection of a flaw within ourselves. Truth is, we are all flawed, and pointing them out is the easy way out. Find the compassion and understanding to accept other people for who they are, allow them to be, for you too are flawed and surely, you would like others to allow you to be as you are. Overflow love towards that person, and see how you can shift your state of mind about that person. Look for the good.
• Bad Days - No matter how bad a day can get, it has the potential to instantly change and turn around to be a breath-taking phenomenal day. It’s happened before, so why not now? Never view a “bad” mood as a permanent thing, it is what you’re feeling now, who knows what will happen in the next 5 minutes, or one hour. Accepting the present for what it is, and welcoming the next moment with freshness can only bring wonder and joy to you.
• Choosing a Response - When another person is giving us attitude or saying things we don’t like, with awareness, we can choose our responses, including silence. Other people’s reaction to things has to do with them, and their state of mind. What others think, feel and chooses to respond is beyond our control. So surrender. It’s not worth spending energy on it. Let it go! It’s not about who is being the “bigger person”, it’s about recognizing an action that is fruitless and saving the energy to do something else conducive to your wellbeing.
• Blessings from a Rude Encounter - When another person is rude to us, perhaps the best lesson we can learn is how it feels on the receiving end when we are rude to others in moments of unconscious behavior. It’s a blessing. Secretly thank that person and whisper a silent prayer for them. It’s not worth getting all worked up and defensive. Find the lesson and move on.
• Nature of Discontentment and Complaints - The moment we complain, we are taking this moment for granted and we are missing out on life. When we complain, we are not appreciating or trusting the wisdom of cosmic intelligence, we become disconnected with the whole, with source, with our inner selves, with nature, with bliss. And we suffer.
• Expectations in Life - Expectations of exactly how things should be, how things should play out only leads to inner conflict and resulting emotional suffering. I keep re-learning this lesson, even till today. Because we cannot predict the future, and things never go as we expect in its entirety. Once we have our hearts and heads locked on a definite course of events, even a slight shift in change can shatter our hopes. Even the most secure relationships can have its unexpected turbulences. Even the most trusted friendships can take its turns from the promised future. Let whatever happens happen. Trust with great conviction that, “Whatever happens is the best thing happening to me. So let it be.”

“Can You Float On a Cloud?”

Photo by Lauren

When Jeremy returned to work the next day after I arrived home, his co-workers asked with a mysterious curiosity, “So, what was she like?”

His reply was, “Well, there was this cloud, and she was floating on it.” And for a few seconds, they believed him with wide-eyes before he burst into laughter.

No, I can’t levitate yet, nor do I intend on seeking such things. However, additionally to the countless life lessons I received, the priceless experiences, the significantly reduced mental chatter, and an in-depth practical knowledge of yoga, I noticed some of the following:

• Reduced sleep. No more than 5 hours a night is needed (usually between 4-5 hours will suffice). I wake up naturally at around 5am everyday without an alarm clock.
• Understanding what someone needs before they speak to ask for it, even in a different language.
• Fast, solid and clear decision making with no regrets.
• Sharp focus on whatever I am doing. As a result, things get done very quickly.
• Ability to shift my emotional state into a relaxed one almost instantly (within a few seconds).
• Heightened awareness of myself, and my inner state. I could feel the birth of a new thought being formed (before it becomes a thought) and clearly seeing it rising out of me.
• Lack of fear, worry or stress. I am pretty much relaxed most of the time, and when I am not for a brief moment, I could shift out of it almost instantly.
• Increase in memory. I remember and recall things without my explicitly trying to memorize them.

Parting Words

Being in this spiritual incubator for nearly 3 months was the most exhilarating, profound, insightful, yet challenging (and at times uncomfortable) situation I’ve ever experienced.

I had come to the program with a deep desire to raise my own level of consciousness, to experience living enlightenment first hand, to transform myself such that I could integrate it into my life and to radiate it through my actions. With that as the measuring scale, the program was a success for me, and I am happy.

But sometimes, doing the right thing for ourselves come with sacrifices, even if we do not realize them at the time. In this case, the toughest bag was shouldered by Jeremy - who became my husband only 4 months prior to India. It was an unexpected, and unfair trade for him. For that, “I am grateful for you for putting my happiness above yours and hope that you could forgive me for being gone for so long.”

The challenges doesn’t end with the conclusion of the program, but merely just began as I stepped into the outside world. As I continue to work on myself, new and unexpected challenges are already being formed in front of me, once again my mental and emotional limits are being tested by the turbulence of life. But this time, I am no longer afraid. I surrender to life with open arms and an open heart.

For all the readers out there who have been waiting for articles in the last few weeks, I thank you for your understanding in my sporadic disappearance, and for continuously supporting me with your encouragement and readership.

If you enjoyed the article, please join TSN on facebook (add Tina here) or follow us on Twitter. And we’d love it if you can share this article on twitter, thumb it on StumbleUpon or bookmark it on del.icio.us. Thank you for your support. :)

* Share your thoughts and story with us in the comment section.
See you there!

Further Note:

For those curious to learn more about the living enlightened guru we affectionately call “Swamiji”, find out more on the foundation’s main website here. Or watch clips from his live talks on YouTube here (the playlists are very good).

Swamiji rarely comes to North America and will be in selected Canadian and US cities offering meditation intensives and free talks, between September 18 - November 8, 2009. I highly recommend them if you can make it. The schedule can be found here. Programs in India and Singapore can be found here.

I will be at the events in Toronto, Canada (09/20), Seattle (11/03 new date) and New York Area (10/30-11/01) and tentatively LA (11/07-11/08) for the NSP program I described above (Under “Inner Awakening”). If you do make it to any of the above, look for me and be sure to say hello; I’ll be likely be decked out in a sari, which when worn by a Chinese woman is a hard sight to miss, so you should find me easily.

Other Articles You May Enjoy:

• Living Enlightenment
• Time for a Retreat – Personal Update
• Find Clarity in One Day
• How to End Suffering
• 6 Steps to Eliminate Limited Beliefs
• 15 Simple Ways to Overcome Anger

External Resources:

• Book: Living Enlightenment (Condensed version here)
• Videos: Swamiji on YouTube

By: Tina Su

(Update 07/08/2009: I’ve decided to extend my stay for two more months, and will be in India until September.)

For the next four weeks, I will be living in an ashram near Bangalore India. I will be attending a meditation and spiritual retreat called Inner Awakening that I have been anticipating for many months now.

It’s an opportunity to learn directly from an enlightened guru in a serene environment, along with several hundred other spiritual seekers from around the world.

I’ve decided not to bring my laptop or cell phone, and to fully emerse myself in the experience. Besides, a month without technology sounds like a really nice cleanse of its own.

During this time, no new articles will be published. However, there are a ton of articles published in the past that you may like, so check them out. I’ve also listed out my favorite articles at the end of this post.

Other TSN News

• Think Simple Now articles are now available to be subscribed to on the Kindle for $0.99 a month. Support us and subscribe here (free 14 day trial)
• I was mentioned in last month’s issue of Glamour magazine, US edition.
• We were also mentioned as a case study for the book “Tell Me About Yourself“
• Welcome Lisa, Scott and Ralph onto the TSN team.

For Your Curiosity

I get asked some common questions. And to satisfy some of your curiosity, here are some insights into my life.

Q: What is your religion? Are you Buddhist or something?

I do not belong to an organized religion. I am not a Buddhist or a Christian. However, I am also not an Atheist or an Agnostic.

My mother is a baptized Christian who connects with Buddhist teachings and my dad is a trans-denominational Catholic. Such was the environment during my formative years.

As a teenager, I was taught to experience the divine instead of trying to name it. I was taught to follow my heart. I was taught to live consciously and to always speak truthfully.

I am spiritual and am a seeker of Truth. I do not trust based on what I hear, or align to specific rules. My views are purely based on the experiences I’ve encountered and witnessed with my conscious awareness.

My view on the topic of religion is that there are many paths that lead to the same place. You may disagree, and that’s okay. Different teachings speak to different souls. Follow your heart.

Q: Tell me something about this retreat

The ashram is located by a small town called Bidadi, near Bangalore. We were recommended to bring seven changes of white colored, loose fitting, modest clothes. Realizing at the last minute that I did not have seven such garments, I rushed out this week and collected them (hard to find, by the way, in North America).

Each day starts at 6am and ends at 11:30pm. The morning starts with group yoga and meditation until 8am, followed with a concoction of meals, lessons, breaks, and various meditations.

The retreat I enrolled in is called Inner Awakening, and it lasts for 21 days. There is another program happening simultaneously at the ashram that lasts for 90 days, and I’m kicking myself a little for not having the foresight to plan for the latter instead. Oh well, perhaps next year. [update: after arriving, I’ve decided to enroll in the 90 day program]

Q: Why do you want to attend such a retreat?

There are many reasons, but the more direct answer is: It felt like the right thing to do. I also strongly feel that the retreat will teach me things, and give me the clarity and insight that will help me better serve this site, and future projects related to my personal purpose.

Q: Are you going with a friend or with your husband?

I will be going on my own. Jeremy will making sure TSN is up and running, and in charge of site administration while I’m gone.

Create Your Own Personal Retreat

While I am away, I want to make sure that you guys are taking care of yourselves, by creating time out of your week (or day) to connect with yourself, to love yourself, and to give thanks for the things you are grateful for.

If you want to experience a piece of what I am doing, consider doing one or more of the following ideas:

• Cleansing Day - Take one day (a month or a week) off to spend with yourself. Spend the day on your own without the computer, phone, music players and tv (shut everything off). Spend the day communing with nature, going for walks, contemplating in your journal, and maybe reading inspirational things. Optionally, consider spending the day without speaking, unless you are addressed by another person.
• Take a Meditation or Yoga Class - at the local gym or meet up. Many temples of various religions offer meditation classes for free. It doesn’t hurt to be open to it and experiment with them. When I first moved to Seattle, I would go to a local Tibetan Buddhist temple for this.
• Moments of Stillness, Everyday - spend 10 minutes everyday with your eyes closed in silence. Start with some deep breaths and focus on your breath. Whenever thoughts come, just bring your focus back on your breathing. Extend it to longer than 10 minutes if you can. 21 minutes or more gives best results.
• Write a Love Letter - to yourself, to another person, or to the Universe. The point of this, is practicing of gratitude, and realizing the abundance of goodness you have in your life.
• Selfless Service - Do something for someone, or for some group of people without expecting anything in return, and don’t tell people that you did it (bragging that you did something counts as expecting something, and it no longer becomes selfless service).
• Inspirational Reading - Read something that inspires you, and gives your inner space a sense of peaceful clarity. I highly recommend “The Power of Now” and “Living Enlightenment” (Here’s the shortened version of the book). I also really liked “The Monk Who Sold His Ferrari“. I have not read the following yet, but they are on my reading list for similar purposes:
  • The Untethered Soul
  • Emptiness Dancing
  • Awakening to the Natural State
  • Autobiography of a Yogi

My Favorite Articles

Okay, so selecting favorite articles for me, is like choosing a favorite child. Since I couldn’t pick just one, or even ten, I’ve just gone through the archives and selected ones that pulled at my heartstrings.

I’ve broken them up into categories best fitted for each article:

Motivation

• Dream to Reality: How I Quit My Day Job
• How to Be Outstanding
• How to Achieve Anything
• How to Design Your Ideal Life

Happiness - Part 1

• I’m Sorry, I Don’t Know, I Can’t …
• 6 Steps to Eliminate Limited Beliefs
• The Secret to Self Loving
• 20 Ways to Attack Shyness
• Surrender to Pain
• The Cry of My Soul

Clarity

• Train Your Eyes to See Color, Again
• 15 Simple Ways to Overcome Anger
• Dealing with Difficult People
• Stuff-onomics: Hidden Side of What You Own
• 6 Steps to Deflate Self-Defeating Fears
• The Simple Life
• How to Quiet Your Mind

Happiness - Part 2

• How to End Suffering
• How to Fight Your Fears
• Life on Purpose: 15 Questions to Discover Your Personal Mission
• How to Free Yourself from Guilt
• The Art of Smiling
• The 7 Spiritual Laws of Success

Productivity & Creativity

• 7 Habits of Highly Innovative People
• 15 Tips for Writing Effective Email
• Power of Focused Attention
• 7 Hacks to Remember Any Name
• The Panacea for Putting Things Off
• The 4 Hour Workday
• Connect with Your Creative Writer

Relationships

• 8 Keys to Instant Charisma
• How to Overcome Resentment
• How to Get Over Breakups
• How to Find True Love

Health

• Eating Our Way to Death, Literally

By the time this post is published, I will be on my glorious 20-hour flight. I will not have Internet access until I return home in mid July. If you have questions or comments, I would appreciate it if you could leave them in the comment section of this post instead of emailing me. I will respond when I am back, in the meanwhile, others may comment on it as well.

Happy reading. Make sure to soak up the summer sun.
See you in four weeks!

By: Tina Su

Do you regularly feel at ease and at peace? Are you continuously overflowing with Joy and Bliss on a daily basis, such that you seem free of problems and emotional pain? If so, go directly to the comment section and share with us your secrets.

If you’re still reading, you are amongst the vast majority of us striving for a better life, yearning for a more peaceful and joyful existence. Yet, it seems like an impossible challenge, where we end up mentally punishing ourselves for failing, concluding that “I’m just not made to live in peace.”

You see, it’s not us, it’s just that we’ve become so easily distracted by the hurrying demands of modern life, that we’ve temporarily lost touch with our natural state of being. But there is a way, if we seek it.

The purpose of this article is to share a simple technique to bring more peace, joy and clarity into your life. Would you like that?

Why It’s Hard to Find Peace and Joy?

If you observe our problems, you will notice that most problems are rooted in the mind. The basic premise is the same: some external event happens, we choose to see only one side of the story, and then interpret the situation such that it causes some form of mental conflict, resulting in some form of emotional suffering.

While it is easy to simply say, “drop your problems”, you and I both know that it is not that simple. We all have had years and years of conditioning in attracting problems and conflicts. So much so, that the simple concept of ’stop thinking about problems’ will not be so effective on us. We need tools that strike at the problem’s root.

Let’s now try something. Close your eyes for about a minute (or 5 minutes), and during this minute, send out the intention that you want silence and stillness, and you do not want to be pulled away from this silence by thoughts. (Pause your reading and go do this.)

Okay, so what happened? You probably noticed that the moment you become silent, thoughts started popping up - random and unrelated thoughts. These thoughts become a form of distraction, pulling us away from our inner silence.

This was only an experiment where we consciously observed our mind and tried to become still, but could not. Imagine the state of our inner space, while we are going about our day, unaware of the polluting in-coming thoughts.

As a result, our inner space becomes cluttered with useless information, with thoughts that are not conducive to our wellbeing, with garbage. Because our inner space is cluttered, our inner clarity and in-born wisdom becomes distant and foggy. And essentially, we loose touch with that part of our inner selves that is sacred, and wise, and peaceful, and eternal.

The distractions that we’ve declared as urgent and important, such as watching TV, updating our facebook and myspace and twitter pages, checking email, gossiping on the phone, loading mp3s on our music players, etc. all pull at us. They all pull at our attention, distracting us away from the things that are truly important to us - things that will bring lasting happiness and fulfillment to our lives and the lives of others we have yet to come to know.

Whether we recognize it or not, the information that we expose ourselves to, fills our inner space on some level, and affects our emotions and desires.

And if we are not careful, we can easily rush through life, while spending our precious time on this planet focused on that which does not matter - and then wonder where did my life go? Why do I feel unsettled and easily irritated? Why do I feel unfulfilled and incomplete? And then we die wondering.

If you are here, breathing and reading this right now, then you have been blessed with this day, to wake up! Wake up and take control of your destiny, starting with what you focus on and allow into your life (regardless of your age).

Simple Guide to a Deep Inner Cleanse

One way to clean out the clutter in our inner space is by guarding the garden of our mind. Being conscious of what we allow inside, starting with our own words, thoughts and attention.

We may not be aware of this, but we spend so much energy on gossiping, bad mouthing other people, judging other people, finding faults in others, and consumed in negative thoughts like jealousy, guilt or fear, and making excuses to cover up how we actually feel. I know all this sounds really bad and exaggerated when it’s all laid out like this. But if we truly observe ourselves, our thoughts and our words, we will notice that at some point of everyday, however subtly or unconsciously, we are doing several of these things.

I’m not pointing fingers, I can only speak from my own experience and confirm that this is true. Sometimes, the “violation” is subtle, like passing a negative judgment on a waiter at a restaurant, or becoming frustrated with a telephone customer service rep and wanting to call him a bad name, or making a little lie of an excuse instead of saying no.

It’s not that by having these thoughts or saying these words we become bad people. It’s just that these things become useless junk that clutters our inner space and does not contribute to our inner wellbeing.

Photo by Carlos Yepez (see him on flickr).

I had learned the following simple but incredibly effective technique from Swami Nithya Bhaktananda, spiritual counselor and direct disciple of Paramahamsa Nithyananda (Swamiji).

Follow these four rules to inner cleanse:

1. Say what you mean. Mean what you say.
2. Don’t say to anyone unless you can say to everyone.
3. Don’t say inside, what you cannot say outside.
4. Don’t say unless it is true, useful or kind.

I will expand on each rule in detail. If you want, you can print a wallet size of the 4 rules here: PDF | Word Doc

1. Say what you mean. Mean what you say.

Part A: Say what you mean.

Have you found yourself making up excuses to avoid fully dealing with a potentially uncomfortable situation?

For example, your friend asks you to some social event. You don’t really want to go, but make up an excuse that “I can’t make it” or “I’m busy“, probably so you can quietly avoid something or someone or some activity.

Another example, someone asks you for a favor that you do not wish to comply to, but you feel guilty for rejecting him, so you either avoid that person (ie. Ignoring emails or phone calls), or create an excuse that isn’t really true (ie. I am out of town.)

It is not that you cannot do something, as your excuse suggests. The truth is that you have chosen not to do something, but the act of creating an excuse or avoiding it initiates a stir in your inner space, and it takes energy to maintain. Instead of stillness and peace, you are now holding onto and thinking about this little lingering “lie”.

When you are about to say anything, make a conscious decision to say the absolute truth, or what you actually mean. The absolute truth doesn’t have to be harsh or hurtful, you can do so compassionately and authentically, but firmly. When you own what you say, no one can reject it, even if they don’t like what they hear; because you are telling the truth and you mean it.

Part B: Mean what you say.

Sometimes we say things in passing out of obligation or habit that we don’t mean or intend on following through with. For example, we say, “I love you” to our parents or significant other when we hang up the phone, not because we mean it, but out of habit. The words comes so automatically now, that they start to lose their true meaning.

In another example, we will say, “I’ll call you soon“, “let’s chat soon“, or “I’ll call you tomorrow“. Or we offer to help, as parting words to a friend, and don’t intend on keeping that statement, but say it because it was easy and made the other person feel good.

We may think that these casual comments are harmless, but we know deep down that they are not true. They become little lies that we internalize, and over time they will develop into a guilty conscience that distracts you away from this moment.

Make a conscious commitment to yourself to mean everything that you say, and not to make empty promises that you cannot, will not, do not intend to fulfill.

2. Don’t say to anyone unless you can say to everyone.

Whether we admit to this or not, most of us love some form of gossiping (myself included). We are also quick to notice fault in others, and then talk about them with our trusted allies. Or we find out about someone’s misfortune and immediately we want to tell somebody.

I’m sure you can interject and include many examples from your life. But for sake of conversation, one example is: Jenny, at work, had an emotional fit and yelled at a co-worker today, and when we got home, we immediately told our spouse about the drama.

Another example, Pat was fired from his job, once we heard about it, we called or text-messaged our best friend Jane to tell her about it, or even exchange jokes about Pat, because we don’t like him.

In both examples, we cannot repeat the same things to everyone, especially Jenny or Pat. And if we really observed our inner space during and after we said these things, we wouldn’t feel very good in our stomach.

When we consciously observe such a conversation, we learn that we have accomplished nothing that feeds our soul. All we did was spread drama and created negative energy and inner conflict that polluted our inner space.

Make a commitment to yourself, that you will not say something to one person, unless you can announce it to the world, to everybody. Make a commitment to stop the spreading of drama and bad energy.

3. Don’t say inside, what you cannot say outside.

Most of us are extremely critical of ourselves. Because we would never tell the world what we say to ourselves, in the privacy of our mind, we believe that we are the only ones affected by negative self-talk, low self-esteem, and anxiety.

When something doesn’t go perfectly, we are first to blame ourselves, criticizing what we did wrong, what we didn’t do perfect enough, what we missed.

We all have inner chattering, but problems arise when we start to believe in our inner chattering, such that false beliefs about ourselves are formed. These false beliefs become detrimental to our spirits and future wellbeing, unless we do something to unlearn these beliefs.

Next time, you hear the voice in your head say “I’m stupid” or “I’m not good enough” or “I am a failure” or other related self-defeating thoughts, recognize that it is not you. You could verbally say, “That’s not me! That’s not true!” and even declare the following to this thought,

“From today forward, I choose to let you go, for you are no longer serving me. I am exposing you, for you are not real! From today onward, I am free from you.“

The basic premise of the third rule to inner cleanse is that, whatever thought you are not able to say out aloud to people (anyone), don’t even bother entertaining inside your head. Keep your inner space clean.

4. Don’t say unless it is true, useful or kind.

Some people have so much inner chatter that it spills out of them in the form of useless speech.

Observe the people who talk on buses, or love to chitchat at work by the water fountain. If you observe and count the number of things they say that are actually useful or truly interesting, it would be a low number.

Not only is this distracting for those around this person, it takes an enormous amount of energy for this person to keep talking. Recall the last time you talked for a long time about something random, and how drained you felt afterwards. Plus, the more useless things we say, the more useless things we feed back into our head.

If you feel that I’ve described you, don’t feel discouraged. I’ve been there too, and can contest that it is possible to quiet down.

Some people practice sabbatical days where they don’t speak at all, or read, or use the computer. And at the end of such a day, they feel a tremendous sense of peace, space and energy bubbling inside them.

Be conscious of what you say and only say it if any of the following is true:

Is what I’m saying …

• True to me? An authentic statement from my heart?
• Useful or helpful to someone or some situation?
• Kind or compassionate? Such as a compliment, or an offer of help?

Parting Words

This post was born out of 4 simple sentences someone gave me a few months ago. After practicing it in my own life, I’ve come to the conclusion that if you give this simple 4-line guidance a try for 21 days, you will notice a beautiful inner transformation - from noise to stillness, from chaos to clarity.

It may seem difficult at first, but do it consistently and consciously for 3 days and it becomes much easier after that. Extend it to 7 days, and then to 21 days. Please do not kick yourself for slipping on the rules, it happens, let it go.

After some time, observe how your outer world changes, as your inner world is transformed. Please come back and share with us.

One more thing: Let your heart guide you. Trust it, and listen to it.

(Again, you can print a wallet size of the 4 rules here: PDF | Doc)

Editor’s Note: Speaking of slipping the rules, while Jeremy was editing this article, he stopped at one point, to colorfully curse out the upstairs neighbor for making loud bizarre noises. Then we both looked at each other and laughed at the irony. Another lesson learned.

If you enjoyed the article, please join TSN on facebook (add Tina here) or follow us on Twitter. And we’d love it if you can share this article on twitter, thumb it on StumbleUpon or bookmark it on del.icio.us. Thank you for your support. :)

* Share your thoughts and story with us in the comment section.
See you there!

Other Articles You May Enjoy:

• 6 Steps to Eliminate Limited Beliefs
• How to Organize Mental Clutter
• Find Clarity in One Day
• I’m Sorry, I Don’t Know, I Can’t …
• How to Achieve Anything
• Surrender to Pain

External Resources:

• Book: Living Enlightenment (Condensed version)
• Book: The Monk Who Sold His Ferrari
• Book: The Power of Now

By Ralph Jean-Paul

We all have bad days, but have you ever had one of those weeks when it seems everything is going wrong?

Monday, your alarm didn’t ring and you were late for work. Tuesday, your car broke down. Wednesday you lost your credit card. Thursday was your annual review and your employer informed you that, due to the economy, the company is not issuing raises this year. By the time Friday arrives and you can see the light at the end of the tunnel, you get a ticket for speeding. How do we handle a series of setbacks and bad news?

I recently had one of those weeks where it seemed that anything that could go wrong - did go wrong. The natural reaction most people have when the walls begin crumbling is to crumble right along with them.

I have developed a habit of not letting outside circumstances consume me. I have learned in the past that the events in your life do not determine the course of your life. Rather, it is your reaction to those events that will determine the quality of your life, and your life direction. In other words, it’s not what happens to you, it’s how you react to what happens to you.

Most of us can experience certain negative events and dismiss them. But when negative events seem to happen simultaneously - as they often do - they feel suffocating and impossible to overcome. This is when thoughts of giving in to that feeling of helplessness seem to evade the mind.

With the state of the economy and many people losing their jobs and homes, many of us feel powerless. But the truth is that there are many things we can do to help us cope with, and even change a bad situation.

My Story: “Did I Break a Mirror?”

I rolled out of bed Monday morning expecting my first week back at work to be a continuation of my everyday life. I had enjoyed my vacation week, but now, it was back to work. I spent the vacation reconnecting with friends, relaxing, and celebrating my 30th Birthday. I was refreshed and ready for a productive and fulfilling week.

I had a feeling that my week was going to be challenging when I opened my email on Monday and read that one of my employees will be out for a week; meaning that time sensitive assignments would not be completed until she got back. Also, because technical issues prevented me from updating my blog, my web traffic took a nose dive. Things began to get worse from there.

At the monthly staff meeting, we were asked to be patient during our merger with another company. We were also told to be prepared for some changes. We knew that “be patient” meant they didn’t know what was going on, and “changes” meant people were going to lose their jobs.

On top of that, a potential business partner suddenly stopped returning my emails. More bad news followed. A good friend and one of the nicest people I know, was moving out of the country.

To add insult to injury, someone dented the passenger side door on my car, my Blackberry started malfunctioning, and NBC cancelled My Name is Earl. All of this happened in one week!

“Did I break a mirror or offend a leprechaun last week?”, I thought.

After a brief pity party, I came to my senses and decided not to let those events determine my quality of life. I developed a plan to bounce back and regain control over my life.

Why We Must Bounce Back

There’s power in the overcoming of obstacles. Knowing that you have the ability to recover and survive the trials and tribulations of life, is a redemptive feeling. We must realize that we do not have to be victims of things that are happening around us. We are more likely to take more risk and act with courage tomorrow, if we are able to conquer the conditions of today.

Letting our circumstances consume us can lead to a false view of our life experience. Some who are unable to recover from the trying times of their lives begin to develop negative beliefs. I’ve heard people say “God just has it in for me” or “I’m just unlucky“. This mindset renders us helpless and unable to act in a way that changes our circumstances.

Being unable to cope with life’s obstacles can also affect our health. Depression and alcoholism can many times be rooted in a person’s inability to deal with the outside world. Since the outside world seems to deal multiple crushing blows, one after another, they look for an escape or close themselves off from the outside world.

Our relationships suffer also if we are unable to bounce back. We tend to isolate ourselves from the people around us. Some people carry anger and resentment inside and it reflects in their everyday dealings with people. I’m sure you’ve run it to a person who seems to be mad at the world all of the time. For these reasons and many more, it is important that we begin to face and conquer life’s tough conditions.

Bouncing Back

1. Find your foundation

The life we live should stand on a solid foundation. The mistake that many people make is to value their life based upon their possessions or social status. You are more than what you own, you are more than your worldly titles. For some people, it is their spiritual faith, or creative passion, or a strong relationship with family and friends that serves as the foundation for their life.

Finding your foundation means rediscovering the things that are truly important to you; the things that make your life worth living. You may have a passion for music or art. Use your current hardship to rediscover what drives you. Use those expressions of yourself to remind you that life can be enjoyable.

2. The Ant Philosophy

In some of his speeches, author Jim Rohn often talks about the ant philosophy. Ants are remarkably persistent. If an ant is on its way somewhere, and you place your thumb in its path, the ant instinctively tries to find another way. The ant will try to go over, around, and sometimes through any obstacle. Giving up is never an option.

Have you ever seen an ant come across an obstacle, stop and quit as to say, “Why are things always getting in my way”? Instead, the ant believes that there is a way to continue on the path and it works until it finds it.

When things get tough in our lives, we have to adopt the ant philosophy. Instead of feeling sorry for ourselves, and letting the obstacle win, we must attempt to find another way to get on the right path. We must be persistent until we reach our destination.

3. Verbalize It

Humans were not designed to be isolated. We need each other in so many ways. One of the major mistakes that I made when everything seemed to be going wrong was I began to isolate myself and suppressed my problems. I thought that if I threw myself into my work, eventually I would feel better. That may help to improve some circumstances, but I still felt a bit weighed down by everything that has happening.

During the week, a friend called me and asked, “How’s everything?“

“Everything is stupid!” I responded, unable to fully articulate my frustration.

He laughed knowing that I had been having a tough week. After talking for a few minutes, I realized how good it felt to verbalize how frustrated I was with how my week was going. I’m not one to dump my problems on other people, but I learned that sometimes it is better to express it in words than hold on to it.

4. Wake Up Call

“Every adversity, every failure, every heartache
carries with it the seed on an equal or greater benefit“
~Napoleon Hill

Sometimes, it is the painful or frustrating circumstances that trigger us to learn and make positive changes in our lives. With one of my employees suddenly being out, I found major flaws in the way I managed my team. Even the way I distributed assignments left room for disastrous results in the event that one person was unable to work. During this week, I recognized and fixed several problems with my management system, which I would not have done otherwise.

During this week, I was reminded that that my day job may be in danger, this triggered me to review how I could recover from potential economic setbacks. It had been about 7 months since I reviewed my recovery plan. I realized that many things had changed with my monthly income and expenses, and it was time to revise the plan.

5. Dwell on the Good

For some strange reason, our minds tend to dwell on the negative things. That is one reason the news media usually broadcasts bad news; they know that negative happenings draw more ratings and attention.

Last year, at a gathering, I met two women who worked for the local news station as reporters. When we were being introduced, I confessed that I didn’t recognize them because I don’t watch the news. To my surprise, one of them responded, “Good, it’s all bad news“.

Even though it seemed as though my life was filled with the negative, there were many good things that happened. For example, I attended a banquet where I got to see some old friends who I miss. Also, someone gave me a certificate for a free massage at a local spa. But instead of being thankful for the good things, I made the mistake of choosing to see and dwelling on the bad.

We should take the time to be thankful and dwell on the good things that come into our lives, however small or intangible they may seem. I sat down and created a list of all the things I appreciated from the week, all the happenings that I enjoyed and all the non-tangible gifts I’d received. The list helped me put things in perspective. It also reminded me that the good times will return; in fact, they’re already here, if we choose to look for them.

Learn from the Seasons

Yes, the good times will return. Most failures and obstacles are temporary but feel as though they are going to last forever. We must be subscribers to the fact that, just like seasons, bad times come and go.

Good things will eventually happen again and good things may come from your bad experience, if you choose to see them. A possible benefit to your hardship may be the potential opportunity to help someone else through their trials. It is hard to see the possible good when you are in the thick of it, but all storms must come to an end.

Spring is often called the season of opportunity and it conveniently comes after winter which is known for being harsh and desolate. The tough times will pass and in their place will be growth, and potential for great things to happen.

So, how was your week?

* Tell us about what you’ve learned through your week? Share your thoughts and stories with us in the comment section. See you there.

If you enjoyed the article, please join Think Simple Now on facebook or follow us on Twitter. And we’d love it if you can share this article on twitter, thumb it on StumbleUpon or bookmark it on del.icio.us. Thank you for your support. :)

Other Articles You May Enjoy:

• How to Design Your Ideal Life
• A Guide for the Overwhelmed
• How to Achieve Anything
• Train Your Eyes to See Color, Again
• How to Be Outstanding

External Resources:

• Book: Unlimited Power
• Book: The Power of Now
• Book: Live Your Dreams